#good things happened too!
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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Danny was a half-a.
Until tragedy struck. He could tell, the moment he died. He didn't even pass out, it was just like a string cutting and all of a sudden he knew it was over.
But the battle wasn't over, and Danny could keep fighting, so he did.
With the bad guy defeated he regrouped with his friends and family. They cheered and celebrated, retelling that moment he seemed to suddenly gain a second wind to defeat the baddie, all while Danny didn't have the heart to tell the truth.
Being dead wasn't all that bad.
He just couldn't tell anyone.
Everyone knew he was the protector of the earth. The human boy turned superhero thanks to his ghost abilities that everyone secretly envied.
He just had to convince Spectra to teach him how to imitate his human form, which worked---so long as he didn't pass out or lose focus.
He had to be careful no one got close enough to see his real eye color shining through his contacts or notice that he no longer breathed unless done so manually.
His obsessions constantly buzzed in the back of his mind. If he wasn't indulging in one, he was thinking and planning the next time he could. He lost time staring at the stars and couldn't help but constantly check for unseen threats around his friends.
Sometimes, he forgot his name was Danny. Keeping two feet on the ground was hard. He no longer could digest human food and using his powers became second nature.
#This is gonna sounds crazy but:#Phantom planet DID happen#danny phantom#could be dpxdc#dp x dc prompt#fic prompt#this could all just be going on in the background#it doesn't have to be the whole thing#yaknow?#would be good post disection fic too
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Had this in my pocket for a while so here u gooooo
SCARY MONTH
#welcome home#partycoffin#wally darling#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#i havent posted in AGES here i just dont have any ideassssss waaaaaaaaah#my motivations been messy too WHYYYYYYYYY#also yeah i didnt color the stripes on his pants it was to hard😭#i hope my brain gets ideas soon AND i hope my motivation will be friendly and go up so i can do things#i kept this drawing for a bit because i was gonna plan to add more drawings to this post butttttt i guess that didnt happen😭#its all good though#yay yippy#maybe next time ill have more to share#i cant wait for Christmas I WANT TO BE JOLLY#my family already decorated for Christmas#what if i dressed as santa claus for Halloween#it would be a jollyween wouldn't it
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Aftermath.
It was an unfortunate truth of reality that heroes were oftentimes a reactive force. They could only respond to what they knew about.
So whenever the heroes uncovered an illegal lab, it typically had a history. Experiments that had been performed there already. Horrors no one in their right mind would want to bear witness to.
But someone had to go through all those records left behind. To risk the worst of humanity’s crimes in search of any potential clues. Often, they found little that was useful. Maybe some closure for the families of the missing, at most. But sometimes, sometimes they did find things. Their work could save lives.
That didn’t change the fact that few in their departments lasted long, and even fewer could ever sleep soundly.
The man took a deep breath and attempted to steel himself. He knew it wouldn’t help.
He clicked on the file anyway.
GIW Research Logs, Project HLFA, subject DP-01, Experiment #0001.
#thinking about how some poor souls will have to go through all the evil lab things to look for clues#and how that could relate to the heroes finding out about the GIW *after* they’d captured Danny#what’s worse than finding a kid being experimented on? *not* finding the kid but knowing in visceral detail that the experiments happened#is he still alive? did he get out? they don’t know. they can’t know for sure unless they find him or see the outcome on one of the logs#but what if they don’t see him die? is he still out there? they can’t stop looking#and if he didn’t survive? they can’t change a damn thing. all they can do is mourn and try to stop the ones that did it.#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom x dc#danny phantom x dc crossover#vivisected danny fenton#past vivisected danny fenton#ghost investigation ward#giw (danny phantom)#guys in white#i took way too long trying to word this properly and i’m still not 100% satisfied but whatever good enough
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adding to my collection, need more
#talkys#sorry if you end up seeing me posting these images 500 billion times its not enough to jst post em and reblog em.#i need them to cope. LOL#everything is so sucks...#theres something about that last one thats so endearing to me it repeats in my head whenever i see#good things happening to my buddys...will happen to me eventually too‚ i hope...#i hope i hope i hope#im doing so bad these are all i have#big one
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I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#he’s so wonderful frfr#my poor boy is traumatized but still so proud of what they accomplished because they’re HEROES#what started as something fun - Saturday morning cartoon-like heroes vs villains esque - soon becomes his calling#and he loses himself a little along the way#because the world is TERRIFYING now#if they don’t do something about the bad things in the world then worse things will come#and Raph CARES too much to let it happen#even at the expense of his own happiness and youth#and he luckily reigns back that fear - knowing his family is there to keep an eye out with him#and he finally lets himself be a kid again#he’s very well rounded and his flaws are so good because (like the others) they are ALSO his strengths#I like how it’s softly implied that bears are his fav animal too bc that’s cute af#headcanon that he likes them so much because a stuffed bear was the first toy splinter managed to get Raph#but yeah one of my favorite things about tmnt is that the characters are well rounded and rottmnt exemplifies that immensely#with raph being no exception!!#amazing big brother and character#there’s a REASON in my tmnt main character tierlist he’s S tier!!!!#hot take but in terms of who should be leader I think it should be less who’s the better leader-#-and more who’s the better leader FOR THIS SPECIFIC MISSION#bc all four can be great leaders fight me on that#APRIL can as well 100%#doesn’t need a designated leader for them to succeed#they just need ~communication~#one of my favorite things tying Raph and Leo together is that they both *hide*#I’ve talked about Leo’s many masks a lot but Raph has one too#and it’s the mask of a hero - the mask of the protector
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.🖤🔄🤍.
#the cat witchs guild#the misc adventures of mochi and lime#tcwg#tmaomal#limochi#art#mochi#lime#ocs#original#PALETTE SWAP PALETTE SWAP PALETTE SWAP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ive been wanting to do this for so long....the m-34th purposely makes their uniforms white to be the anti-witch black color#and they both look DAMN FINE#limes def thinking abt how she looks like a bride#it took me a while to decide if i should also swap the gold#but the gold looks too good with the uniform...#i cant stop looking at this#ignore my sad excuse for crossed legs at this angle i gave up#hehe it reminds of an idea i have in beta about the m-34th letting witches off the hook post-ending#and changing their uniforms to black#idk if thats actually what happens but it would be wholesome for lime to come home in a black uniform#and mochi gets all emotional he looks so handsome#i just realized i messed up some of his uniform details#this is what i get for not looking at references for my own characters#also what i get for rushing a piece in 2 hours instead of taking my time#cat bow hat really fucks man#edit: i fixed the things that were bothering me hehe
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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If you're still taking those polyam sketch prompts...D2 for Cody/Obi-Wan/Rex?
Obi-Wan deserves a pair of handsome space heaters for the cold Tatooine nights :3 nap piles for everyone! Thanks for asking (and for adjusting the requested pose so that I can keep drawing different poses)❤️
Polyamorous/platonic poses for sketching
#can I just point out that this is the same size as all the other sketches for these poses?#I was forced to face the limit of how far my lining brush could be scaled down lol#wanderingjedihistorian#answers#my art#poly sketches#partial nudity#codexwan#that’s the ship name right?#or at least I assume that was the intent behind the ask?#clone shipping#if you squint at the ask at least#cuddle piles for everyone!#also what’s the point of being the same-ish size if you cannot steal each other’s clothes to sleep in?#these were wayyy too many limbs I needed to navigate#but my favourite thing will forever be to add freckles and beauty marks and body hair drawing out stubble one line at a time is good for me#I’m still working on these so#some style adjustments will need to happen though I’m afraid… or I forgot again how sketching works which would be very tragic
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Poolverine out of context…either they have a pain kink or they just like getting tied up…or both? Let’s do both.
#poolverine#also can I rant on something more like about someone…#Hugh jackman sir youre killing us here#why is a 55 year old is ummmm I cant say what I want to say but omg why#op is having an existential crisis like??? do I like older men or its just a HUGE ACKMAN thing#pls let it be the latter bc im 23 and I having a mid mid life crisis ohhhh#thirsting on main again I deserve jail time#I'm going in an apology tour#anyways Ryan Reynolds looks good too ig/s#youre doing amazing sweetie#deadpool 3#deadpool and wolverine#Logan x wade#deadclaws#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#Logan def had one…sir I know what happened with jean l
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exam 5 for me... tomorrow!
honestly have been feeling really nervous for this exam since my classmates have either failed it or just barely passed. and i had less time to study this time around because i rushed to book the exam.
so i drew this little encouragement early cuz i need the reminder that no matter what happens tomorrow, i did what i could and i didn't compromise on my boundaries—and that is its own victory.
and i hope that you'll be reminded to celebrate your own big and small victories too!
"You are nervous and that's okay! You did your best! You set boundaries! You took breaks! We're so proud of you, Starlight! Whatever happens, we'll always be here, cheering you on!"
#fnaf sun#fnaf eclipse#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#bright colours#traditional art#self-insert#my OC Esther#on a funnier note (gonna ramble)#i realized today that i could technically bring a sprite to drink in my exam#we're only allowed water in a clear drink container without any labels#so like... sprite is clear enough to work right?#and if they ask about the bubbles i'll just say it's sparking water#(i hate sparkling water but they don't need to know that)#but yeah might do that cuz i think the sugars will do me some good#3 hour exams are inhumane#anyways going to sleep now because i need sleep more than sugar#the worst thing that could happen is i fail and i have to pay another $115 to retake the exam and i receive the disappointment of my mom#i could buy a sun and moon plushie with that money#maybe even an eclipse plushie too#so the stakes are pretty high i think#if i pass i'll buy those plushies hehe#maybe just one for now because i still have more payments to make for my program#okay okay no more rambling going to sleep now
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I actually think Dorian and Orym should fight more.
Remember when their slowly building tension over and entire episode (full of passive aggressive remarks and blame throwing) led to threats? And how after, Orym thanked Dorian for handing over the crown sadly because he knew Dorian would be mad at him? And Dorian couldn't even look at him because he was legitimately hurt, thinking Orym was disappointed in him for doing what he thought was right? That was peak.
The fact they went from that to their current closeness and trust is the best part of their entire dynamic. Their relationship was hard fought and still will be. They will fight for it because they respect and care for one another deeply, and their disagreements don't change that, only improve it.
#critical role#cr3#orym#dorian#dorym#text post#cr discourse#'dorian deserved that actually and is being stupid by agreeing with ludinus'#'orym was too mean and needs to be quiet about his trauma'#just say you don't understand their characters#or that they are characters#you don't have to agree with them. they can make decisions you wouldn't make and disagree with#its good tv regardless#dorian didnt deserve that and orym was too harsh#dorian needed to be reminded of the consequences of indulging those ideas and viewpoints and orym is tired of this discussion happening#these things can coexist#neither of them have the whole picture here. we can't judge them based off of what we as viewers know#dorian didn't see first hand what the ruby vanguard has done. only what the spider queen did so thats on his mind more than anything#orym didnt see first hand (nor hear many details) about opal and cyrus. only what the vanguard has been doing to them for months#let them bicker and argue#its the best part#only going near the discourse because i have been waiting years for more of this and bitches on twitter are complaining about it#and often from people who don't even like orym (or sometimes dorian). go back to ignoring them and let me enjoy this moment in peace#i know i am adding to the discourse but i needed to find other people who want more dorym relationship drama before we get more fluff
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sin eater
#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however#when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane#uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will#which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity#if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good#finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously#and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person#thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones uzi#uzi murder drones#uzi doorman#uzi md#md uzi#uzi fanart
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gukgak specifically from my typing (man w/ three jobs & a creeping sense of dread)
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#I think u guys will learn very soon that if I see a child character Im imagining them Making It To Adulthood#I looooove doin future designs. simply what I do#(this is specifically for the fic Im writing yes but if the fic werent a thing I'd still do it lol)#(its enrichment. for Me)#truly I cherish the part of riz that is both deeply un-self-aware and A Bit Much#Im still figuring thea out as I write this but I think the star thing abt her is that shes cool with a suspicious amount of weird shit#shes kind of a pollyanna rn but also whenever anyone says something insane shes like haha me too#riz's jobs in this one are 1/city council treasurer (intentionally depowering this position by occupying it while goblin)#2/private investigator 3/[REDACTED]#yeah so uh. thats happening. slowly. Im prioritizing this gotdamg comic rn I want it Done but well. always good to have things to#fiddle with while on break
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