#good king jaskier

[thelostgirl21]

That moment you realize that, technically, Radovid is more of "elven blood" than Ciri herself is...

I've also noticed that Radovid would never have been Prince, much less King, if it wasn't for Falka's rebellion.

Since I didn't put all the children's names in the family tree (only those that inherited the throne), basically, what happened is that Radovid III and Vizimir I were brothers, and Radovid III inherited the throne after their father, Radovid II, was lost at sea.

When Radovid III died of meningitis at age 49, his son, Vridank, became King.

King Vridank had a daughter, named Falka, with Beatrix of Kovir, but divorced her when he fell in love with Cerro, and sent her and their daughter back to Kovir.

King Vridank and Cerro then had two sons together:

- Prince Heltmult, and

- Prince Denhard.

They also adopted Riannon, the daughter of Lara Dorren and Cregennan of Lod (Ciri's ancestors).

So, normally, after King Vridank's death, Prince Heltmult or Prince Denhard should have inherited the throne (depending on which one was the eldest).

But Falka murdered her father, Queen Cerro, and the two princes during her rebellion, and caused Riannon to go mad (plus, she was already married to the King of Temeria at the time).

So, the still living uncle of King Vridank, Vizimir I, inherited the throne from his nephew at age 52, and went on to rule until he was 96!

And King Vizimir I is the ruler that Vizimir II and Radovid V both descend from.

Then, there's also the whole story with their father, King Heribert, having chosen to marry a noblewoman against his father's wishes, with the clerk having documented the union as a morganatic marriage.

So technically, had that note on the marriage documents been respected, Prince Vizimir II and Prince Radovid V should never have been allowed to inherit the throne...

But their mother apparently did something to that note to make it look like it was just some scribble on an old dusty document or something...

I don't know if either princes were ever told of it, though.

Could you imagine Radovid finding out, and showing up with the documents proving that his father and mother's morganatic marriage was meant to prevent any child of hers from inheriting anything from their father and going "Sorry! According to this I can't be king! Bye everyone! I'm out!"

[kaedix]

I was tagged by @roseofcards90 to share 9 songs that have been on repeat lately! Thank you!!

I'm tagging @ruleofexception @sabraeal @bubblesthemonsterartist @meibemeibelline @ccprovolomies and anyone else who wishes to join! ❤️

[artistsfuneral]

Of course Geralt doesn't take Jaskier seriously.

Silly little bard. Colorful clothes, makes his lute go plink plonk while he sings.

Meanwhile in Oxenfurt he is renowned Professor Doctor Pankratz who regularly goes on stage in front of hundreds of people (kings and queens always present of course) and then he pulls some Vivaldi Summer shit while everyone else loses their head over just how good he is.

[sammaggs]

1x02 Diefenbaker’s Day Off // 2x08 One Good Man // 2x13 White Men Can’t Jump to Conclusions // 3x01 Burning Down the House | Normalized

due South does a main character re-casting better than any other show on TV, and they do it by playing with television's own accepted meta-narrative.

Recasting a character has a long tradition in television, creating a viewership that knows and understands the storytelling short form at play. As viewers, we realize that sometimes actors aren't available to reprise a role (or simply aren't interested in it anymore); but, for the sake of the story, sometimes the show needs that character to come back. So we lean hard into suspended disbelief and just go with it. After all, the characters in the show accept the parareality of it—why shouldn't we?

Of course, the most famous example of a character recast would be the Dick/Darren disaster on 1960s sitcom Bewitched, when Dick York was unceremoniously replaced by Dick Sargent in the role of Darrin Stephens. ("The Dick Wars" would have gone absolutely insane).

it was... not successful

But they weren't the only ones to do it. Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince, Becky from Roseanne, Daario Naharis from Game of Thrones, Greg Serrano from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (pain, agony)—recasting characters but maintaining the fiction is a storied tradition in TV. New actor, same character; totally normalized.

And shows continue to do it, even today, with a—uh—similar dedication to fucking it up doing it poorly.

why must we be punished like this

due South even engages in this trope itself in season 2, when hard-hitting investigative journalist Mackenzie King is recast and they don't even try to find an actress who looks similar. In 1x02 Diefenbaker's Day Off, she's played by brunette Madolyn Smith-Osborne; in 2x08 One Good Man, she's been replaced by blonde Maria Bello, and nobody talks about it.

yeah i'm absolutely the same person, obviously

Everyone diegetically (within the world of the show) is just like, oh yeah, that's hard-hitting investigative journalist Mackenzie King. Totally. Only non-diegetically (outside of the world of the show) does the viewer go "No, that's not the same person." Internally, the fiction proceeds as usual.

So what would happen if, say, Samantha Stephens turned to Dick Sargent and said "You're not Darrin," when everyone else in the show continued to treat him as though he was? Or if Jaskier told Geralt that he knows he's not actually Geralt, and everyone treated him like he was delusional?

Or if Fraser, even, had recognized Mackenzie King as someone entirely different, and everyone treated him like he had a hole in his bag of marbles because of it? Of course that's Mackenzie King; even her boss knows it. No, she's never been a brunette. What are you talking about?

And that's exactly what happens in Burning Down the House.

the rays vecchio

Diagetically, everyone else treats Callum Keith Rennie's character as though he is Ray Vecchio. "Oh, good, you found him," says Det. Huey. Elaine, Franchesca, literally everyone else both at the station and outside of it treat Callum Keith Rennie Ray Vecchio as though he is David Marciano Ray Vecchio. They're acting exactly as any other TV character would in the face of a recasting: as though absolutely nothing had happened.

Except for Fraser.

Fraser's specific brand of parareal Canadian plot magic means that he's immune to the recasting blindness; he's acting as an agent of the viewer, voicing our non-diegetic concerns. Fraser is (as he so often is) a character with one foot outside of the narrative. He's just always been like this and he doesn't know why.

oh this man is infuriating and hot, fuck. shit.

And for a character who already thinks he is likely insane (he sees the ghost of his dead father! He communicates with his deaf half-wolf! He is instantly committed to a mental institution upon voicing the actual true story of his life!), this is very extremely distressing. Fraser thinks he's actually lost it this time, because everyone else in due South is acting like a TV character, and Benton Fraser is acting like a viewer.

This is so brilliant on so many levels. They just fully lampshade the damn thing. It allows our protagonist to speak for disgruntled or confused viewers. It engages at a postmodern level with television as a medium with a storied history (and due South is incredibly postmodern; nearly every episode is or contains a reference to another piece of media). It's written from the perspective of someone who loves and is knowledgeable about TV tropes.

And it gives us an entirely new Ray while still maintaining respect and loyalty to the original, something no other straight (lol) recast could ever do.

Genuinely one of the most clever, witty, well-crafted hours of television ever made. I could write essays about so many different parts of it. And I guess I will!!!!!!

It’s Burning Down the House week in our dS Stacked Rewatch!

[caffieneaddictt18]

Of Hearts and Swords

Premise: Reader drives Geralt crazy. Good crazy. He is drunk on the love they share and is completely and utterly infatuated with her. He would do anything for her. The moment she asks him for anything, to getting bread from the market to killing a man, he will do it for her. Anything for his she-wolf.

Playlist is by harleycao here on Tumblr

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4F3ldBxx0Da1SPlcmgu61H?si=9zbz8tnlQYaLXZWb8IWbLg

As you, Geralt, Jaskier and Ciri make your way to the next town, you start to notice Ciri growing tired and falling behind.

"Ciri!" You stop and beckon the girl over. Ciri stops and looks at you before running to you and your stallion, Orpheus, a gift from Geralt.

"Is something wrong?" Ciri looks concerned. Her hand rests on the hilt of her sword and a stony look starts to set into her eyes.

"Nope. Just figured you would want to ride Orpheus," You say and slide down for Ciri to mount him, "so hop on." You try to help Ciri get onto the saddle but fail, as she is now a strong young lady.

You turn to Geralt, who you see is also stopped and staring at you, making sure you are okay. "Geralt, dear, will you please help Ciri into the saddle?" You politely ask your husband.

Geralt, as though he had already heard your question before you said it, got off of Roach and quickly got to you, gently laying his hand on your hip. "Of course, darling."

Geralt, as a Witcher, does not take much effort to do anything except kill monsters, so lifting Ciri is like holding a couple of grapes.

However, he knows you... He knows you watch him. He knows you like to admire your husband... And he will gladly appease. So, even if Ciri feels as light as a feather, he flexes his arms while lifting her and making it look effortless.

As he situates Ciri on the saddle, he glances at you to see you watching him in rapture with a flush on your cheeks. He smirks while finishing strapping her into saddle.

Once he is done, he gives you a look of burning passion and struts toward you before scooping you up in a tight hold before sitting you on Roach. "Are you stable?"

You reach out and place a gentle hand on his cheek, "I am very stable, my darling. Thank you."

Geralt takes your hand and gently kisses it, before taking Roach's reins and leading the way to the nearest town. ______________________________________________________________

As Geralt leads the group into the market, with you perched on his horse, he can't help but think of a time where you two met. It seemed to happen not so long ago...

Geralt was hired as a king's escort for a war. Another stupid war... but it's good money.

Not nearly good enough for some of the shit he does for these bastards but good enough..

"Geralt!" A king beckons the man with white hair over. Geralt trudges over. "Our war advisor will be coming today to assist. If you have any questions or need anything, she is the one to ask." The old king claps Geralt on his shoulder.

She? Who could this 'she' be? He has never heard of a woman war advisor.

Then the clopping of hooves fell upon his ears. Geralt turns around, prepared for a fight, just to let his hand fall from his sword.

A woman was riding this horse. A horse of pure-blooded war and terror, but a soul of harmony and immenseness sits upon it.

A woman... bearing a symbol of a star encircled in a ring of metal, carrying two swords on her back and in a suit of armor seemingly not from this sphere. Her armor was a cloth, but it seemed to be threaded with a strong fiber-like metal.

As she approached, Geralt could see where else the encircled star was branded upon her, as if she owned the symbol. On her swords, the symbol was on the hilts. All her jewelry carried the symbol. It seemed to hang around her as much as she seemed to own it.

"Lord Lokinafir, I apologize for my tardiness. I was scoping out the lay of the land to get a better understanding of our situation." The woman dismounted from her horse and strode confidently towards the king. She bowed with a slight curtsy, resting her balance on the tips of her toes behind her.

"Of course, War Advisor. Would you like a map to draw out the lay of the land?" The king seemed to be eating out of her hand, even kissing her hand politely. He didn't even bother with the inappropriate flirting.

"No need, sire. I have something better." The woman smirked and waved her hand. A map of the land, complete with actual ridges and hills, spread out upon all of them. On each side of the map were the two armies, colored in red and white while the map was colored green.

"Soldiers!" Her voice seemed to boom and call attention to the mass of men, all with pent up testosterone and a thirst for blood, "Come!"

Her voice beckoned them to come surround the map and pay attention, even through the red haze of blood thirst. "This is the land we are fighting on. While we are at a slight disadvantage because of their size of army, we have the advantage of the land. That is all we need for a great offense. And the best offense comes with a greater defense." The map spun right in front of Geralt eyes and he faintly saw the symbol again on her palm and under the map before it faded to almost nothing. When he looked at it again, the land had changed. Their side was filled with rocks and had fallen at the opposing army's feet.

"While they stumble over themselves trying to climb out of the rocky terrain they will face, we come over our side of the hill and lie in wait with our swords pointed towards them..." The map changed again. The red soldiers had climbed over each other and finally over the rocks, while the white army laid in wait just at the middle to the bottom of the hill holding their spears towards the slope, "they run and with their momentum, impale themselves!" Suddenly, some of the reds started charging down the hill while the whites ran through the red soldiers with their spears, backed by other white soldiers to prevent themselves from falling and hurting anyone else.

"While they stall at the top of the hill, unsure of where to go, we volley them with catapults and mortars. Archers, this is where you are needed." People from the top of the hill the white soldiers have to climb over are catapults and mortars being fired off, killing most of the red soldiers. Archers back the mortar and catapults up, at least injuring the rest, causing a pitiful retreat from the red soldiers.

As she dissolves the map, Geralt knew...

He had to get to know you. ______________________________________________________________

You look back upon Jaskier, who mounted your horse once you also noticed him limping from blisters on the backs of his heels, and Ciri, hoping nothing has gone wrong. As far as you can tell, everything seems to be fine.

This immensely pleased you.

You looked upon your husband, dutifully scanning for any threat to your little family and leading the way.

"Geralt." You get the Witcher's attention as he still guides Roach and in turn guides Ciri, who is riding Orpheus. "Would you like to join me on Roach?"

"Do you want me there?" A deep, soft and gruff voice permeates the air and settles deep in your chest.

You take in a deep breath and nod, seeing a flash of yellow; knowing he is watching you. Your reaction. Your responses.

Geralt swiftly made his way to the saddle and mounted gracefully, with you still in the front, but now he has taken the reins.

On the ride to the town, Ciri asks Jaskier, "So... how did they meet?"

"Why are you asking me?" Jaskier questions Ciri. The girl is like a daughter to Geralt and Y/N. They'll tell her, anyways.

"You know everything about Geralt, don't you? You're the bard." Ciri accentuates, desperate for answers, tries to fluff Jaskier's feathers and get him to tell her.

Jaskier, feeling his ego grow, smirks and says, "You want to know how it goes? Fine." Her acts all perturbed at her poking but really is excited to tell a story.

"During a battle that no one has heard of, she showed up like a goddess riding on the wind. Geralt was immediately enraptured by her...

______________________________________________________________

"You're a mage." Geralt bluntly remarks, walking up the woman preparing her steed for battle.

She pauses. "Yes. And what of it?" The woman resumes brushing her horse.

"Well why not be safely in a castle? Tending to a king and being an advisor?" Geralt, not understanding the complexity of mages, asks.

"It wasn't for me. Besides, this is better money." The woman smiles and moves towards the head of her horse.

"You wouldn't need money if you were a mage for a king. What do you mean 'better money'?" Geralt is so confused. Why would she get paid? Are mages paid? Are some unpaid?

"I mean 'better money'. Mages do get paid, but it is typically a little amount because it is expected of them to live in the castle with the king and for the king to care for their mage, like a pet." The woman spat out the word 'pet' like it was sour.

"Ok... So if you didn't want to become a mage, why didn't you become a town healer? It's safer than this will ever be." Geralt rolls his eyes, not understanding this womans logic.

"Town's still get trampled over, plus as a mage, I could be chased out of town despite being there with all good intentions and purpose;" The woman looks longingly out at the soon-to-be battlefield, "War never goes out of style. After all..." Y/N looks dead into Geralt's yellow eyes, causing him to shiver, "everybody wants to rule the world."

______________________________________________________________

...and that day, she won the battle. Her horse died as a result, but Geralt offered for her to travel with him. He used the excuse of strategy, but he really just had developing feelings for her and didn't know how to express them. A few months later, Geralt had saved enough money from constantly killing monsters and bought her Orpheus. They kind of became a couple over time, and without notice. She has Geralt wrapped around her finger, and he would do anything for her." Jaskier finished his story, just glad he remembered the important bits.

"That's it?!" Ciri almost shouted. Jaskier was quick to shush her.

"Ciri, dear, are you okay?" Ciri could hear Y/N call from Roach. Geralt was glancing over his shoulder at the two, like he knew something was going on.

Jaskier gave Ciri a look before taking his hand away from her mouth, but not before she licked his hand, causing the bard to cringe at the ickiness. Geralt smirked at the scene.

"Just fine, Y/N! Jaskier is just telling me stories about you and Geralt." Ciri elbows the bard. 'Well played, kid.' Jaskier gives Ciri's under-the-bus throw a thought before smiling and agreeing.

"Which stories? We have lots~" Y/N's smirk can be heard from her voice.

"Just on how you two met. But I'm pretty sure he butchered it a bit, so can we trade, and you can tell me stories about you and Geralt?" Ciri smirks, looking at Jaskier. She knows Geralt would never let Jaskier even touch Roach.

"Are you okay with that, Darling?" Y/n leans into Geralt's firm chest, a feeling he secretly loves and will never tell anyone.

It is, however, apparent, as there was one time Jaskier tried to do a dance thing and fell into Geralt as to which the Witcher promptly stood the man on his feet.

A woman on the street once shoved Y/N out of the way to get to Geralt, and 'tripped', subsequently leading to her falling onto Geralt's chest. He swiftly moved to catch Y/N while pushing the woman away. Geralt didn't let Y/N walk anymore that day. Said that 'the hazard of tripping was too high'. Really, he just wanted to feel her against him.

Geralt looks at her and nods, knowing full well that he won't let Jaskier get on Roach. "Do it quick. We are losing daylight." Geralt said as he slows and pulls Roach to a stop.

Geralt hops off first and assists Y/N, helping her get off Roach and on Orpheus. Jaskier was quick to jump off Orpheus to avoid accidentally getting pushed off by Y/N.

As Y/N settled into Orpheus, Geralt strapped her in to make sure she fall off. Once he was content with it, he looked at her. "Thank you, my Darling." Y/N puts a soft hand to his face and gently thumbs his cheek.

Geralt smiles softly before heading back to Roach and giving Jaskier a glare when the bard tries to mount Roach. Jaskier purses his lips and backs off, submitting to his fate of walking.

"Can you tell me the story of how you and Geralt met?" Ciri, eyes shining in anticipation of heroic stories and funny tales of her father figure.

"Well, honey-girl, once upon a time..." Y/N's voice fades into the distance, away from the ears of squirrels and birds. Where the trees part and give way to civilization. "Seems we were closer than we thought." Y/N shrugs and gets off Orpheus, leading the stallion to the closest inn. "Maybe another time, dear." Y/N helps Ciri down and kisses her head softly before following Geralt into the inn for three rooms.

______________________________________________________________

Author's Cup of Tea:

So... tell me what y'all think. Even if you think it's bad, tell me what you did or didn't like. But for every bad there must be a good. please.my fragile heart cant handle it.

Have a great night/day!

[inexplicifics]

More snippet requests: Cats Among Wolves Cedric/Axel, Weird omegaverse war prize thing, Pirate Aiden & Prince Lambert

Cats Among Wolves Cedric & Axel:

Fuck, this is good, Cedric opines, sipping greedily at the soup Gaetan is holding for him. “The old Wolf knows his way around a kitchen,” Gaetan agrees, nodding. “I think I gained most of a stone the first winter I spent here.” “You needed it,” Eskel puts in. “All you Cats are too damn scrawny.” “Wolves are just absurdly big,” Gaetan sniffs. “And what are Vipers, then?” Eskel - teases. And Gaetan is grinning.

Weird omegaverse war prize thing:

The barbarian king sits on an unadorned stone throne on a low dais, glowering down at his court. He is almost as handsome as he is terrifying, with bone-white hair and glowing golden eyes and really remarkable chiseled features. He wears no mark of his rank, not even a circlet to bind back his hair, but Jaskier doesn’t think anyone could take him for anything but a king. His face is utterly impassive as he watches his warriors inspect their prizes.

Pirate!Aiden and Prince!Lambert

“Lovely, isn’t she?” Kett says after a minute. “She?” Lambert asks, wondering which of the sailors Kett means. “My Stripy Kitty,” Kett explains. “All ships are female.” “Why?” Lambert asks, frowning. It’s a boat. Kett chuckles. “Who the hell knows? Tradition, I guess. But she’s a beautiful bitch, my lovely Kitty.” “I know fuck-all about ships,” Lambert admits. “Want to learn?” Kett looks over to grin at him. “I bet we could make a sailor of you in a week.”

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I need Lambert/Milena in a Shrek AU.

Just imagine with me:

Duke de Roggeven insults a powerful wizard (we all know he would - he'd be lucky if it was only ONE) who then curses his daughters. All three of them.

(ETA: he pissed off Yennefer. Probably insulted her mixed elven heritage and/or her inability to have kids, so she went "alright. Let's see how you feel when YOUR daughters are inhuman and infertile monsters.")

By night, each of them transforms into a different non-human humanoid: Marta is a succubus (all her lust for power and a crown turned into a different kind of lust - and we'll pretend that succubi *can* live without sex, but they feel sick and hungry the whole time), Marika is an elf (still elegant and pretty, but inhuman enough to shock everyone - Marika didn't piss off Yennefer), and Milena is a witcher (Yennefer saw her strength and kindness and went "this suits you.")

Marta, of course, spends the entire time being FURIOUS at being some "sex obsessed half goat! I am the daughter of a DUKE! The ELDEST DAUGHTER! How dare she!" Marika isn't happy, per se, but she privately goes "it could be a LOT worse. I'll take it." Milena actually enjoys her new abilities - she's so strong! Her senses are much sharper! - and the eyes are rather pretty.

After being COMPLETELY HORRIFIED that his daughters (well, mostly Marta) are cursed to become non-humans by night, Duke de Roggeven locks them in a castle guarded by a dragon and then pretends that he's sent them abroad to stay with distant relatives.

Meanwhile, Marta is getting on EVERYONE'S last nerve with her constant bitching, Marika is trying to keep their lifestyle as pleasant as possible, and Milena...

Milena befriends the dragon. She thinks Villentretenmerth is fascinating, and when she learns that the three ladies who showed up to help the sisters are also dragons, she wants to learn as much as they can teach her.

(Marta refuses to acknowledge any of them. "I will not consort with beasts," she sniffs hautily, and locks herself in a private bedroom every night before sunset.)

So! Back in Redania, Duke de Roggeven has convinced everyone that Yennefer's line about "whoever breaks the curse will gain a treasure greater than gold or gems" means that they can gain literal treasure (and/or magical treasure) by rescuing and marrying his daughters, and not - to take an example COMPLETELY at random - their true love as a bride.

(Yes, true love is the cure. Of course it is.)

So the asshole king of Kaedwen hears about the supposed princess and holds a huge tournament - and Lambert shows up because "that fucker dumped a bunch of refugees in our mountains, the fucking bastard. Who does that?!"

Jaskier, being one of the refugees - and also a bard who can sense the potential for a good story - insists on coming with him. They 100% do the "Donkey won't stop singing until Shrek snaps at him to shut up - and then he hums" scene.

About five times.

(Geralt and Eskel either stayed home to help Vesemir manage the refugees or hang around the Kaedweni court to remind the king of his promise - and make sure he doesn't get any even WORSE ideas.)

(Lambert REFUSED to stay in Kaer Morhen when Vesemir was being bossy - "I get enough of him riding my damn ass during fucking winter, NO GODSDAMNED WAY." And his brothers very sensibly refused to let him stay in court longer than absolutely necessary because, uh, they've MET Lambert and they know exactly how badly it would go. So he gets rescue duty by default. At least the princess will be happy to get to Ard Carraigh and away from him. They send Jaskier with him to try to temper some of his, uh, Lambert-ness.)

Anyway! Lambert and Jaskier arrive at the tumbledown castle guarded by a dragon, and Jaskier is immediately like "oh how wonderful! How majestic! Look at that wingspan!" And Lambert is like "...remember how we're here to fight the bastard? We have to GET PAST HIM to rescue whatever noble bint got stuck out here."

Jaskier pouts.

Villentretenmerth finds all this terribly amusing, especially since he recognizes a witcher when he sees one. So he sticks his nose in their camp and asks (rumbles) "what makes you think that even a witcher can defeat the greatest and oldest of dragonkind?"

So Jaskier introduces them - as dramatically and fancily as possible - and states that they are here to rescue the princess.

Milena creeps out from Villentretenmerth's wing. "We are the daughters of the Duke de Roggeven, and there are three of us. I hope you will still take us home?"

Villentretenmerth sighs. This girl. Always getting underfoot. "I will let you take the ladies with you - but you must convince them to leave freely. If they refuse - now or later - I will take them back."

"He sent THREE girls to some remote fucking castle? Fucker. Yeah, I'll take you all. Jask, let's find 'em and get out of here."

So Milena leads them up to the tallest tower where her sisters spend their day. I can't decide if I want Marta to do the whole "sleeping beauty waiting for a kiss" thing (assuming that JASKIER is her princely rescuer and Lambert is just there as a guard.) If she does, she'll get a rude surprise when Lambert shakes her awake and tells her to pack anything she's taking with her, they're LEAVING.

So the guys get the ladies and lead them out - pretending to ignore the hissing and squabbling that said ladies are doing behind the men's backs - and are unhappily surprised AGAIN because not only are their rescuer(s) NOT a prince and his retinue, they don't even have HORSES.

The dragons, of course, are watching this with amusement...and no little relief at getting rid of Miss Complainer the Eldest.

I'm gonna say it takes less than two days for Marta and Lambert to have a truly nasty fight. She wants a horse. A private carriage, really, but she'll SETTLE for a horse. Purebred, obviously. And fashionable new dresses, and BATHS, and food cooked in an actual KITCHEN, and a private bedroom from sundown to sunrise, and...

Lambert is just like "look lady, I don't get any reward until I deliver you, I don't have the coin for any of that, and I wouldn't waste on stupid fucking luxuries if I did."

This does not go over well. At all. There are very angry words shouted about his lack of preparation, decorum, breeding, proper dress...the list is endless.

Lambert gives exactly zero shits.

Milena is watching the fight with interest - she finds him FASCINATING - and Marika is mostly trying to stay out of it. She agrees with Marta on most of the points - their tower-castle was reasonably comfortable, certainly more so than this long hike back to civilization - but also, freedom.

If only they were returning home instead of to a strange country...

Which is about when Villentretenmerth - as the human Borsch - walks into their camp, accompanied by the three dragon woman who have been tending to the sisters. "Marchionesses. Wolf. Bard. I warned you I would take the ladies back if they wished to leave your company."

"The TOWER is better than staying with this BARBARIAN," Marta sniffs. "And Father arranged for marriages for Marika and I already!"

(She knows she gets the crown prince - and she knows that Kaedwen's king is a murderous asshole. Being queen doesn't count if she's not alive to enjoy it...and she won't have allies there to help her plot regicide. She's ambitious, not stupid.)

Somehow, it works out that Borsch and his friends take Marta and Marika back while Lambert and Jaskier continue to Kaedwen with Milena. There is ABSOLUTELY a scene where Lambert is out hunting when bandits try to attack the supposedly unguarded noblewoman and bard, and Milena thoroughly kicks their ass.

Lambert runs back just in time to be HELLA aroused impressed at Milena. Jaskier is already composing an ode to her.

They arrive at Ard Carraigh. Stuck up knights send for the king, who pretends he's a decent person long enough to carry Milena off on a fancy horse. Half an hour later, just as Lambert is moping about losing his new friend, his brothers arrive and go "quick, where's the lady? We have to get out her out of here!"

A very confusing but short explanation-argument later, Eskel and Geralt are chasing after Lambert as he storms the royal palace BY HIMSELF, because like hell will he leave Milena to that monster!

The confrontation is absolutely the most dramatic thing Ard Carraigh has seen in decades, with the witchers storming in just after Milena is crowned but before she can kiss her new husband...

...whom Lambert immediately punches in the face. "HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU KILLED?!? HOW MANY, ASSHOLE? Did you even bother to COUNT THEM?"

Everyone gasps. Eskel and Geralt keep the guards back with drawn swords.

"NO MORE! I *WILL NOT* let you murder Milena for your sick fucking games!"

The king tries to splutter something, but Lambert takes his head off before he can get it out.

And then the sun sets.

And Milena...changes.

Scars from her training with the dragons, greater muscles than any noblewoman should have, and her eyes...

She shrieks - not at the king's death or the witchers' violence, but at her own secret coming out. She's hidden it for so long, and so carefully...she'll never survive this. The Kaedweni court will turn her out, if they don't execute her with her (very briefly) husband -

And then Lambert takes her hand.

"Milena? Are you...okay? Did they hurt you? What happened?"

"I'm CURSED! My sisters and I are cursed - for years now!"

He looks at her. "Y'look fine to me. It suits you."

"Really?"

"I wouldn't lie to you. Never have, never will. And I think you look - good. Really good. The dress is kinda silly - "

Milena giggles. She thought the same thing, when her maids were lacing and buttoning her into the massive thing.

"But YOU are gorgeous. Always have been."

"You still like me? Even..."

"As mutated and scarred up as I am? I'd have to be a fool not to. You're the bravest, strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met."

And she kisses him. She has to, can't hold it back.

(Cue the curse breaking - and leaving her as a witcher.)

Obviously there's cleanup, but Milena IS the queen, and is suddenly betrothed to the man who killed the murderous previous king - so it works out.

And then Villentretenmerth comes back.

[spoonietimelordy]

This article is a bit spoilery but god it's a good read!

Screenshots of the interview under the cut

1. We got labels, jaskier is Pan.

2. Joey going all Tolkien here, laying out all of the universe's queer history. Was not expecting less 😎

This was cute as hell, I need an audio recording 😊

If Joey "allergic to social media" batey come fight you on twitter it means you've done some bad fucking things. But like, king move.

On a final note I cannot wait to see their story, I am so hyped you have no idea, I'm certain it's gonna be brilliant.

[vanmarkus]

The thing about the whole radskier plotline and the expected betrayal and the whole stern king thing is... that I trust Joey.

Whatever will happen will not be any version of 'bury your gays' or 'my gay romance turned me evil'.

They both clearly have feelings for each other and whatever will happen will not be simple, but I highly doubt that Joey "7k words dissertation on authentic queer rep" Batey would let them do something that shitty to the characters and their romance.

He called them 'star-crossed lovers' which to me implies that circumstances will separate them, probably their loyalties lying elsewhere will make it hard on them and sure Radovid was probably there to distract Jaskier, but he wouldn't do that without a good reason.

Anyway all I'm saying is - it's gonna hurt, but I trust that it'll be handled delicately and also having my fingers crossed that they'll leave enough doors open for an on-and-off relationship for these two and for Hugh to come back in the upcoming seasons.

[lucigoo]

Weekly roundup: 1st August - 31st August

(I know its technically a month, but like the last one, its just until I catch up lol)

I wrote 13 fics in August, totalling 88,453 words so im pretty proud of that.

As always, recs first and then my fics under the cuts <3

Ringbearers - CQueen - The Hobbit (2012) (Bilbo/Thorin, aftelrife shennigans!!!!)

Summary: Having crossed over to the afterlife together Frodo decides to play matchmaker and insists that he and his uncle must go on an adventure together. What do they seek? Why his uncle's long dead friends, particularly Thorin Oakenshield.

Washing Day - StupidFatPenguin - The Hobbit - All Media Types (Bilbo/Thorin, Viking au!)

Summary: “What do you mean you bathe more than once per season?”

After only a short while of travelling with his heathen captors, Bilbo discovers that the tales of the fearsome, filthy and savage Northmen from his childhood might be much closer to great inaccuracy than the actual truth.

Dwalin Guards Thorin's Heart - SunnyRose - The Hobbit - All Media Types (Bilbo/Thorin, Dwalin & Bilbo, as always, @sunnyrosewritesstuff's fics are amaing!)

Summary: After the Carrock, Thorin pulls Dwalin aside asking him to protect his One from harm. Dwalin had no idea how difficult a task this was going to be, but the Burglar is an accident magnet!

The Tweed Fairy - lisellelascelles - The Hobbit (Jackson Movies) (Bilbo/Thorin, I rarely read smut, but when i do, its usually @lisellelascelles as it i smut with feelings, the only kind I like, and I adore this one!)

Summary: After working in the States for more than a decade, Thorin goes back to England to help his recently widowed older sister, and reconnect with his extended family. It’s early summer, the UEFA championship is firing up, and everyone meets in the local pub to watch the historic England vs. Scotland match. There he sees a small fellow all dolled up with tweed trousers and braces and a ridiculous retro football T-shirt underneath. He mocks him, coming across as a massive twat and a bigot to boot, without knowing the man is his cousin’s boyfriend’s best friend. When he later has an opportunity to redeem himself, what can he do but grab it and squeeze it…?

Take me as I am - phiaura - The Witcher (TV) (Geralt/Jaksier, please mind the tags, but it is SO good!)

Summary: Thus, a deal was struck, a treaty agreed upon. Rivia would not take military action against any allied kingdom and in turn, the kingdoms would provide the king of Rivia with a consort. So far, that last bit was the part of the treaty that had gone to shit. As far as Jaskier had understood, up to now the White Wolf had turned down all the proffered brides. If a consort was not approved, the treaty would be null and void.

Where Jaskier is the last chance of fulfilling the requirements of a treaty between the warlord of Rivia, and the allied kingdoms. Will it prove to be his rescue or his doom?

Pieces Tossed Aside - Anagrrl - Firefly (Malcom/Simon, aplocalypse au,)

Summary: Paquin goes silent. Everything else follows. AU set after the TV series.

I hope theres at least on foc for you all to enjoy, have a good week <3

Now for my fics, bare with me, when we get back to actual weekly roundups these lists will be much smaller lol.

The gold of your eyes is worth more then all of my medals (Sirius/Remus, olympics Au)

Summary: After a disastorous drunk driving crash caused by Siirus he ran from Remus, the love of his life.

10 years later and Remus is watching as the only man he has ever loved gains his fourth Olympic gold medal, now if only he owuld smile at Remus the way he is at the camera.

The Babes of War (Gen fic, pleae mind the tags, it tooks of child soldiers, im still not over the fact that 16 year old Gloin was at war!!!, also thank you so much to @mrkida-art for all the Tolkein canon information they provided which helped me write this fic)

Summary: Thror has taken to many dwarves to fight at Azanulbizar. This includes a 16 year old Gloin and his cousins, none of whom are of age.

A story of child soldiers whose whole world changes after one disatorous battle caused by a gold mad king.

Not Dorcas the Orca, two of three Marauders and a jail cell (Sirius/Remus, James Potter. Another self indulgant fic for my Wolfstar fandom family, they know who they are <3)

Summary: Sirius and James once again find themselfs in a jail cell with Dorcas (who was once an orce in this very same cell) only this isn't really Dorcas, even though they look exactly like them, huh?

Gollum's song (Bilbo & Gollum, mind the tags, MCDs)

Summary: Bilbo's heart is broken as he tries to recover as much as possible at Beorn's after BOFTA. He needs all the strenght he can regain because he has a new Quest to go on.

One where he may save another lost to the darkness the Ring causes.

That house was not a home:I never meant to leave you there alone (Sirius/Remus, Sirius & Regulus, Minor character death, grief)

Summary: Sirius wakes up in morning, reads the Daily Prophet and his whole life was suddenly changed.

The world is cruel and dark and he needs his brother who is forever gone.

There's no way out: the door is barred by the demon in my lovers skin (Bilbo/Thorin, please mind the tags, MCD, DD:DE!)

Summary: Thorin has never recovered from the Dragon sickness and ow it is Bilbo who is suffering because of it.

He is trapped and alone under Thorin's thumb and fists.

Bilbo just wants his dwarf back, instead he has a monster wearing Thorin's face hurting him.

It Was Never What It Seemed (Bilbo/Thorin, please mind the tags, it has some upsetting themes, but this, THIS is a fic i sent moe than a year on. If i never wrote anythig again, it would be ok because I managed to write and finish this particular fic A huge thank you to @sunnyrosewritesstuff for all their help writing it and for the title itself, and to @brandileigh2003 for all the emotional support i needed when writing the heavier hitting chaps. Thank you both, i appreciate it so much <3)

Summary: It has been 8 years since Bilbo has lest stepped foot in Erebor. He needs to talk to his husband, especially as he is now about to marry another. Another who is not Bilbo.

Bilbo left and when he did he left Thorin broken hearted. Now he is to marry a Blacklock Princess, consequences be damned.

Follow along with our favourite dwarf and hobbit as they find their way back to one another, No matter how painful the journey is.

Violets for the one I adore (Percy/Viktor, written for @flashfictionfridayofficial's prompt - Gifted violets)

Summary: Viktor has been a retired house husband and stay-at-home dad for 4 months now. Percy has never been happier.

There's a monster under my bed (Gen fic, Percy & Fred & George Weasley, written for the @change-is-perceivable fest)

Summary: There's a monster in Percy's room and no one will help him deal with it. Instead he is facing his bedroom door, wondering if anyone will care if the monster eats him.

It's hard being the good boy in such a large, chaotic family sometimes.

Don't try and drink your grief away (Gen fic, Percy & Geroge & Harry, grief, alcoholism, also written for the @change-is-perceivable fest)

Summary: Percy is blaming himself for Fred's death, after all he is the one who spoke to him, joked with him last.

He isn't coping well and has resorted to drinking.

Drunk Percy does something unthinkingly. Something he can't remember doing.

Destined Embrace: The Love That Healed the Noldor (Fingon/Maedhros (Tolkien), written for the @tolkienrsb, wih amaing art form the talented @wisteria53)

Summary: Fingon is going to rescue his best friend, his possibly something more, Maedhros, no matter what it takes.

Fingon is going to rescue his best friend, his possibly something more, Maedhros, no matter what it takes.

He is going to take him home to Gondolin and keep him safe. Maybe their friendship will grow along with their feelings of safety.

In the Darkness, You are My Shining Star (Gimli/Legolas, also written for @tolkienrsb, but this one has amazing art from @babybat98. I was paired with another amazing artist <3)

Summary: The Trope of Thorin Oakeshield are excavation miners in the depths of space working hard to feed and support their fledgling colony.

The neweest recruits have been allowed into space. Gimli Gloinson is one of those recruits. he is oging to learn how scary space can be, but also how very rewarding it can be too.

Back to where we belong (Ron/Hermione, as part of the Love of Fest Discord server, for the flash comp - Back to roots fest)

Summary: It's time to pick this years family holiday.

Ron knows where he wants to go. He wants to go back, he wants to go home.

[thelostgirl21]

Dijkstra: You want to help? Go back to sucking on the royal teat until you're just drunk enough to forget this terrible tragedy. And keep your mouth shut. Because, next time, it could be your head in a box.

Radovid: Okay but, when you're saying 'royal teat', does that include other ranking nobles?

Dijsktra: What?!

Radovid: Well, the Queen just died, obviously; and technically, the only other royal left besides myself is my brother, and that'd be just weird... And I really can't suck on my own teat! So, would, say, a Viscount - especially one that has tits so spectacular they'd deserve their own Kingdom, and would make any Crown Prince blush - be considered 'royal enough', hypothetically speaking, in that scenario?

Dijkstra: *Pinching the bridge of his nose, mumbling.* Just... get out of here.

Radovid: *Sets out to go maliciously comply with the assignment.*

[greisekinderschar]

Alright, guys, it’s been more than six months but it is time for a Radskier meta essay on why their storyline isn’t as badly written as many people say. (Includes spoilers)

Is it rushed? Yes. It’s a side-story of a side character and actually Jaskier’s first side-story on the show. Is it cliché? Yes. When I first watched the season I was terrified about where their story would be going, knowing what happened in the book and knowing how mainstream media treats queer storylines. (I did not know about Joey’s deep involvement in the writing until later.) But once I knew how it all ended, I was entirely sold. Of course, that’s a question of taste, Radovid just turned out to incorporate so many tropes I am obsessed with, but I am trying to say that compared to the overall writing of the show, their story is not particularly badly written, which blew me away considering it’s a queer storyline in a mainstream medieval fantasy show.

Yes, they gave Jaskier a queer story for the sake of having a queer story. That was another reason I was very anxious about it. But what they (read: Joey, and let’s be honest, Hugh too) made of it is so exciting to me.

Here’s the thing about them ageing up Radovid and making him Vizimir’s brother. I have seen people complaining that they could’ve introduced an OC instead of changing source material like that. But to me, the fact they chose Radovid makes it so much more than a queer storyline for the sake of having a queer storyline. He’s the prince and later the king of Redania. He is entangled in the greater scheme of things. He is /on/ the same chessboard as the main characters. Turning him into Vizimir’s brother rather than son is way less forced than introducing an OC to be Jaskier’s love interest. Because he is more than Jaskier’s love interest. He is the King of Redania, played by Dijkstra and Philippa. Also, he cannot be killed off.

As I already said because it’s obvious, their story is rushed. That’s just the fate of side stories in TV shows (that are not masterfully written, lbr). But to me at least it is amazing how much they managed to convey in these few scenes.

You have Jaskier’s role as a spy for the Redanian Intelligence. That begins his own side story where he has a role of his own, that has nothing to do with Geralt. He meets this guy who actually appreciates his music and openly flirts with him, showing that he is desirable, something new to the character of the comic relief (although he is the romancer but you know, we never saw it on screen, also this time he is being romanced). He is suspicious, because he knows the Intelligence is not to be trusted, and the Prince of Redania is kind of the enemy. But he is also Jaskier, and his interest is caught. Besides this interest, Radovid’s suggestion to bring Ciri to supposed safety is right up Jaskier’s alley, because he is one to rather avoid battles if possible. He ponders on whether it is a possibility.

Later, he uses this vague connection to Radovid to have some agency of his own. He negotiates with him about Rience without discussing it with Geralt. He’s following his own plan, checking out the possibilities. He’s like alright, this guy at least pretends to be into me, let’s see if I can put that to good use to help Geralt. He sweeps Radovid off his feet with his ballad, and then Radovid says things that blow Jaskier away. He speaks of his talents, of determination to get to know more about him, of how Geralt should be grateful for his loyalty and friendship. Jaskier, the comic relief, has never heard this before. He’s Weak and he’s Wanting™️. But he still knows that he is Jaskier, easily fooled by romance, and that there are great things at stake. At the same time, Geralt is also treating him with more respect to make the decisions harder on him. But Radovid stays on his mind, he doesn’t know what to make of it and discusses it with Vespula, and she knows. She sees what’s going on.

Then, Radovid shows up while he is looking after Ciri. He is still suspicious. But Radovid is different from the last time he saw him. He is scared and he is vulnerable, and Jaskier can see that the mask is gone, and that what lies beneath it is not a villain. He is still cautious, until Radovid sings him his own song and he cannot take it any longer. He is giving in, and he struggles still as he does, but he is Jaskier. He’s Weak and he’s Wanting™️.

The next morning, he is not surprised. Of course, stupid Jaskier got himself fooled by some pretty eyes once again. Of course such blatant desire and affection for him could have only been a lie. He never knew romance like this and he does not hesitate to believe it was simply not real.

But then, he finds Radovid surrounded by his dead guards, alone. The people he was supposedly scheming with left him behind, so he was not all that involved, maybe he really was their puppet. He’s scared and he’s full of regret, he’s a helpless prince in the middle of the outbreak of a war, but he’s telling Jaskier to not waste more time on him because he knows he fucked up beyond redemption. But he’s Jaskier. He has endless capacity for forgiveness. And now that their plans had failed and Radovid has no more reason to lure him in, he’s still begging for a second chance. He still wants to be with him. He wants to prove himself to him, even if that means leaving the court behind. Jaskier has other priorities right now and he’s still hurt, but if there is a chance that this affection he never knew before was real, he is taking it.

And Radovid? He’s the spoiled prince brat, underestimated by everyone (just like Jaskier), and he’s riding that wave, because he does not really care about state affairs. He likes Jaskier’s music, and when he sees him he thinks he’s hella fine. He has his fun and at the same time tries to show Philippa he’s capable of more than she thinks, but he was not expecting that Jaskier would blow him away like that. That he would challenge him (the Prince), that he would be honest with him, that he would see through his act and by doing that NOT underestimate him. Radovid is Vibing and he decides to enter Dijkstra’s and Philippa’s game until he realizes he Fucked Up with his arrogance and being a prince is actually worth shit. He knew everything going on in the castle is pretense, but he was not prepared for this level of violence. He is terrified when he meets Jaskier, and Jaskier is good to him. And, again, honest. Unlike anything he had known up to now, the courtly schemes that had only recently culminated to him being scared for his life. He is still a spoiled brat prince and wants to be with Jaskier very badly, so he Fucks Up again. It is that last mistake that makes him understand his faults. But when he sees that Jaskier still does not hate him, he is determined to fix it, and he will do anything. Fuck being a prince, I will leave everything I know behind to show this man that my feelings were true.

Jaskier changes this man’s entire life and Radovid is willing to do everything for him. Yes, the idea to just go off and find him WHEREVER was kind of idiotic, but that’s the beauty of these two. They are both smart and idiotic at the same time, and they let their actions be led mainly by emotions, which sometimes adds up to the idiocy of it all. But Jaskier has more experience, and Radovid learns from him how to be less selfish, he grows as a person through knowing him.

So yes, the love-betrayal-redemption story is hollywood cliché, but it fits the characters and leads to interesting character growth. And honestly, as a queer woman I enjoy seeing some queers having a cliché storyline in a mainstream media piece. Geralt and Yennefer had a similar story. It raises the queer love story to the level of the hetero story. They struggle and they suffer just as much as anyone else, and they have something that connects them, a story that has potential to be continued in an interesting way. They don’t just exist as the obligatory queers, and their storyline isn’t inherently queer either, to a point where it feels like they’re only queer so Jaskier’s love interest can be the gods forsaken King. (At the same time, the story has queer coded themes, like having to pretend to be someone else, but the way it is portrayed, it can be relatable to non-queers as well.) The cliché of it all does not feel more cliché than other storylines on the show (to me). Its not queered cliché, it’s just a story, and I love that.

Also, Joey and Hugh have actual chemistry. And - and no one really argues with that - immense talent that filled these few scenes with so many layers in the first place. We owe it to Hugh that Radovid is not just a romantic interest, but a layered, flawed character (although Hugh attributes it to the writing but he’s too modest).

The last thing I want to say is that I feel we are generally overly critical of queer storylines, which is not a bad thing per se, because we know how many harmful storylines there are, but I struggle to see how this one is harmful in any way. You have to relate them to the straight romances. The straights will just randomly smile at each other and then they will date, but no one complains about it being rushed.

I am obviously not saying everyone has to ship them, I genuinely do not care. I just think it’s unfair to drag their storyline when it is nothing but normal that they didn’t have enough time for an elaborate story, but they (meaning Joey and Hugh) put a lot of work into making it a good one regardless, an effort no one would have put into a straight love story, because they would not have had to.

[dumbass---tm]

Lettenhove has been independent from Kerack for several years at this point, long enough that when the kingdom itself fizzled out Lettenhove kept its independency.

The King and the Queen were genuinely loved by their people, and they made sure that their domain was a safe haven for anybody who needed it. As the years passed, and the lineage continued, the kingdom grew a bit, but not by much.

The city's traditions are simple. Children tie their hair back with embroidered ribbons, and match them to their trousers or skirts. Teenagers trade their ribbons as signs of friendship or infatuation. Courting gifts are commonly personalised ribbons and bouquets or flowers.

The reason the small kingdom is so bright, so colourful, is something quite weird for this certain world. While most of the world frowns upon anything, ehm, queer, Lettenhove celebrates it.

It celebrates everything that people have to offer. It celebrates all the kinds of love that creatures experience. It celebrates the joys that people find after hard times, and celebrates the hard times people go through.

They welcome all and any creatures who won't harm others into their kingdom, and celebrate the diversity of their kingdom throughout festivals.

So, all in all, Lettenhove is a good place to call home, and Jaskier is more than happy that he grew up here.

okay so as anybody who looks at my page has noticed, ive fallen back into my witcher fixation.

now, if youre @nachtwaechterin or @atwerrundo you know about the au ive been brewing up.

so heres the formal introduction to (what is hopefully going to become a full fanfic) the extended pankartz family!

(i know that kerack stopped existing as a kingdom a few centuries post canon please ignore this thank you)

(as much as i like being lore accurate this is an au)

(were also ignoring season 3)

[angelellipsis-devilofdots]

a long list of songs that remind me of the witcher

okay i started this way too late at night when i was in a witcher mood so here we go, here's a deadass masterlist of some of the songs that remind me of the witcher (some might be a stretch but WHO CARES, not me)

[ SPOILERS AHEAD !! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED ]

ciri

nobody by the crane wives because of her and mistle

little astronaut by aku p

rose by the oh hellos mainly because of the lines "wars are raising for her" but also some other parts, this one is a stretch

take me to war by the crane wives reminds me vaguely of her during the voleth meir possession, but just her in general

run baby run by the rigs

welly boots by the amazing devil can't fully explain why, it just feels right

soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos she's the king, of course

hard times by ethel cain

eat you alive by the oh hellos

jaskier / dandelion

blossoms by the amazing devil season 2 character arc

the old witch sleep and the good man grace by the amazing devil season 2 character arc again

soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos the poet, for obvious reasons

dandelion by gabbie hanna

dear fellow traveler by sea wolf don't know why. it just seems like the kind of situation he'd get into

rule #35 - microphone by fish in a birdcage kind of reminds me of his plot in blood origin? i didn't like that show either i just love him

little lion man by mumford & sons reminds me of season 3 when he has to tell geralt that "ciri" was taken by nilfgaard

rule #2 - moonlight by fish in a birdcage just him being a golden retriever when he hyperfixates on a person

geralt

blood upon the snow by hozier and bear mccreary

soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos as the soldier

the wolf by the crane wives

yennefer

as good a reason by paris paloma

tongues & teeth by the crane wives i don't know it's just? her?? can't articulate it but it's her

burn your village by kiki rockwell well well, if it isn't the embodiment of yennefer of vengerberg

pray by the amazing devil

pretty little things by the crane wives

the horror and the wild by the amazing devil

yenralt

the angel of small death and the codeine scene by hozier

i want to live by borislav slavov

wild blue yonder by the amazing devil

danse macabre by the oh hellos i know it's instrumental but. hear me out. it reminds me of the melange

like real people do by hozier

radskier

rule #7 - angel tango by fish in a birdcage

caesar by the oh hellos (i have zero reasoning other than i've always imagined the song to an animatic of literally any kind of gay betrayal i DONT KNOW WHY its not at all relevant to the song)

no light, no light by florence + the machine

i want to live by borislav slavov

the garden by the crane wives

yennefer and ciri

arsonist's lullabye by hozier

burn your village by kiki rockwell but under different reasoning this time, so hear me out - "i am the vengeful daughter of the witch." In this essay I will

geralt and ciri

everybody wants to rule the world by lorde - or tears for fears since it's the original of course, i just feel like the lorde version is more fitting for the dark & dramatic tone of the witcher

rule #9 - child of the stars by fish in a birdcage

space song by beach house i think just because of the lines "it will take a while to make you smile" and "were you ever lost? was she ever found?" once again, a stretch

jaskier and ciri

inkpot gods by the amazing devil in the sense of their adorable uncle/niece dynamic (i interpret this song in a familial way in most contexts). it could also very well be a geralt and ciri song

that's all i can think of at the moment. i tried to look for geraskier but i couldn't find anything yet. reblog with songs that remind you of the witcher and i'll add them, this list will be updated as i think of more

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 11

"Hey, Geralt, isn't that your f***ing bard?" Lambert asked, pointing towards the sidewalk. He and Geralt were on their way back from the hobby store, and were waiting for the light to change.

Geralt scanned the moderately crowed sidewalk. Yep, that was Jaskier! The bard was doing a little window shopping at the jewelery store.

"Yeah, that's him,"

"It's close to lunch time, let's see if he wants to get someting to eat!"

"He'll probably say no," Geralt said.

"Well, then we'll just have to pursuade him!" Lambert replied.

Geralt glanced at the red-haired Witcher.

He grinned at Geralt mischeviously.

Geralt grinned back.

Jaskier looked over the jewlery in the window. There was a really nice ring that had caught his eye, and he also spied a necklace that he knew Yennefer would like. Maybe he would stop on the way home this afternoon and get them.

Jaskier continued on his way, heading to the studio. He paused to check his phone...

The light changed, and Geralt floored it...

As bystanders watched, the rusty old van swerved to the sidewalk. The sliding door whipped open, and a large, red-haired Witcher leapt out and grabbed the poor man who had stopped to check his phone.

The poor man is screaming and flailing as the scary Witcher drags him into the van. Or tries to. The man is certainly putting up a struggle. He is proving to be a bit difficult to hold on to...

Jaskier is putting his phone back in his pocket when hands grab him and start dragging him away. "Motherf***er!" he snarls when he recognizes Lambert, "Let me go!"

"You're coming with us!"

Jaskier, either genuinely unaware of how he sounded or just out of pure pettiness, started screaming, "Nooooo!" and desperately trying to break Lambert's grip.

Lambert finds himself trying to hold on to Jaskier, who is twisting, wiggling, flopping, randomly going dead weight, and making all kinds of noises.

He finally gets an arm around Jaskier's waist and a hand over his mouth just as he starts screaming, "Help!", and half frog-marches, half drags him towards the van.

He's almost there when Jaskier goes dead weight, slips out of Lambert's grasp, and tries to run. Lambert's grabbing the back of his shirt and trying to swing him towards the open van door.

Jaskier grabs a lamp post and is screeching and cussing as Lambert pries him off and drags him backwards towards the van.

Geralt is getting nervous in the van. This is taking way to long, and people are staring, and...sh*t here come the police. F**k.

Jaskier was clinging to the door frame of the van as Lambert tried to yank him inside when the authorities arrived.

Lambert abruptly let Jaskier go to put his hands up as the police surrounded them.

Jaskier fell to the ground with a surpirsed little yelp and was 'rescued' by an officer and put safely in the back of a police cruiser.

They hadn't even given him time to explain before they rushed back to assist in apprehending his kidnappers.

Things were not looking good. He dialed Yennefer's number and then hesitated. Pushing 'call' was practically a death sentence. Yennefer was going to f***ing kill them all in front of the police. They would probably be safer in jail...

Geralt and Lambert were cuffed and laying face down on the sidewalk, frantically trying to explain. The police seemed disinclined to listen due to all the eye-witness testimony.

F**k.

Jaskier swallowed hard and hit 'call'.

"We know him! He's our friend!" Lambert was saying as Yennefer arrived via portal. She was immediately confronted, and not happy about having guns pointed at her

"Don't f***ing point that thing at me! I'll turn the lot of you into toads, the King be d*mned!"

"I'll turn him into a toad as well!"

"Why is my husband on the ground in handcuffs?"

"Of course I know him, you nimrod, I just told you he is my f***ing husband! The other guy? Never seen him before in my life."

Lambert: *gasp of offended betrayal*

Geralt: *hmmm!* (translation: Yen, stop f***ing around!)

"Fine, yes, I know him. He's my brother-in-law, and he's a bigger dumba** than my husband! Now someone with an IQ of more than two digits tell me what's going on!"

"Kidnapping!?"

Yennefer looked at Geralt, Lambert, and Jaskier in turn.

Geralt was suddenly very busy studying an incredibly interesting crack in the sidewalk.

Lambert was pressing his face into the sidewalk so there would be absolutely no chance they could make eye contact.

Jaskier was sitting in the back of the police cruiser. When Yennefer looked at him, he had the audacity or wave.

"You a**clowns! I should just let them take all your a**es to jail!"

"We were just trying to take him to lunch!" Geralt tried to explain.

"By pulling up in a pedo van and snatching him off the street? Really, Geralt?"

"We didn't think he would put up a fight!" Lambert added.

"Shut up, Lambert, the adults are talking!"

"I'm sorry, officers. This is all just a big misunderstanding. The man they were trying to 'kidnap' is my brother-!"

"I thought I was your Darling Husband!" Jaskier interjected from the backseat of the police car.

Yennefer turned and gave him A Look, and a very graphic mental image of what she was going to do to certain parts of his anatomy if he didn't immediately shut the h*ll up.

Jaskier quickly shut his mouth and the car door. For his own safety.

Geralt and Lambert were given a chance to explain themselves, identities and relationships were confirmed, and the detainees were handed over to Yennefer.

The witch glared at them and pointed mutely at the van. They scrambled for it like horror movie victims making a last ditch effort to survive.

They probably weren't going to survive for long, judging by the sounds that began emanating from the van after the witch closed the sliding door behind her.

The police prudently packed up and left.

[dragonnarrative-writes]

Okay I know a lot about your cod fics but please please please tell me more about the Witcher one

From the WIP Ask Game

Ah, The Witcher! The fandom I was in before Call of Duty. If you've never read any of @inexplicifics writings, I highly recommend... all of it! But especially the Accidental Warlord and His Pack. This is a fanfiction of that fanfiction, a love letter to the best version of Eskel (in my opinion).

This scene takes place in the fanon hot springs beneath Kear Morhen. Sidah is a succubus who has come as an envoy to open negotiations between non-human, sentient monsters (Incubi, Vampires, Weres, etc) and the Warlord of the North. She and Eskel... knew... each other once.

CW: Public bathing, public sex (not described), my inability to skip to the smut without chapters of context

“Long day, Right Hand?”

The man gives a low chuckle. “You’ve thrown a bit of a loop into everything. Didn’t think we’d have to deal with non-human leadership outside of the elves and the dwarves.”

“We would hardly be doing ourselves any favors by drawing the attention of a warlord, let alone one leading every school of witchers,” Sidah laughs back. “After this, we will keep ourselves quiet again.”

“Oh, no, the Wolf is definitely interested in keeping ties,” Eskel says. “Our spymaster is actually insisting on it.”

Sidah hums to herself and kicks her legs a bit. “I suppose that’s reasonable. The mages are would like to engage in exchange of materials and skills.”

“Materials?”

“Blood, and other things,” Sidah says easily. “For help with potential healing salves and potions. Maybe even something to help manage a frenzied vampire or shifter.”

Eskel grunts, but says nothing. Sidah leaves him be, tips her own head back against the lip of the pool. For a time, they float there, in the relative silence of the springs. Somewhere, someone splashes quietly in on of the human safe pools. There is a couple in another pool having sex - Sidah feels their coupling caress against her awareness and shoos it away.

Eventually, Eskel says, “It is good to see you again.”

Sidah tips her head down to find the witcher’s amber eyes on her. She lets the thrill of it flow down her spine. Eskel’s eyes do not hold the same intense scrutiny, the weight of kings and gods, the way the Warlord’s do. But they know her, and look at her, into her eyes, like she has his whole attention.

“I confess,” Sidah answers quietly, “The climb up the mountain was made easier by knowing that you would be at the end.”

Eskel laughs a bit at that, and crosses the pool to sit closer. “Did I leave such an impression?”

Sidah smiles and closes her eyes. “Not many have sated me and been eager to continue.”

“How many?” Eskel taunts.

“Only you,” Sidah says easily, tipping her head to look into his eyes. “Only you, Eskel.”

“I did miss how you say my name,” he whispers as he leans in.

Sidah sighs into his mouth when their lips meet. The memory of the last time they kissed, over fifty years ago, had been something she held close to herself. It pales in comparison to the actual experience. His kiss hasn’t changed much. His lips are soft, bigger than those of many nords. His scars add just the little bit of texture that keeps his mouth from being too soft. He kisses her so maddeningly slow. His tongue flicks over the seam of her lips and she opens to him easily. He hums his satisfaction.

He also pulls away, too soon.

Sidah blinks her eyes open, lets herself drift backwards. Eskel’s eyes are considering, now, hot but guarded. His lust is warmer than the pool around them.

“Last we saw each other, I was on the path, alone.”

“And I was on the verge of death,” Sidah chuckles. “We’ve changed a lot, you and I and the world.”

“Yes.” He hesitates. “I’m not alone now.”

“You have the Warlord, and the consort,” Sidah agrees. “Jaskier wrote Sunlit Lover for you.”

“It was always Geralt,” Eskel says. “Last we spoke, you asked me who has my heart. It was him, it still is. And now there’s Jaskier.”

They’re both quiet for long moments. Sidah traces her eyes over his face and waits.

He breaks the silence again with a soft laugh. “I’m really not sure what to do now. I’ve spoken to both of them. They’re both pleased that I’ve… that we’ve…”

It’s easy to cup his cheek in her hand and sit up in the water to press her forehead to his. “You don’t turn your heart easily, nor your mind. I’m in no rush.”