#warlord geralt

[lilolilyr]

Mostly a generic Witcher series moodboard but I did make it while reading the Accidental Warlord series by @inexplicifics and I can only recommend everyone read it as well it's really good <3

~~~ continue reading ~~~

The problem with reading extremely amazing more than book length with spin offs canon-divergence fic big on the divergence part? There's no way I'll go back to normal fic after this because this is way better than anything canon related! Oh well, it's nice while it lasts, and there are always other fandoms to go to for a long while until I've forgotten this series enough that I can read more canon compliant shit again xD

On the topic of forgetting things tho - I do that quite quickly and frequently, so I write summaries of longfics and series I read especially wips, and this one turned too long for the Ao3 bookmark - even though I'm only summarizing the main fics where the plot happens - so here we go instead! reading feb25, am at 21/1 making this post, but I'll keep updating the summary. Which, yeah, the rest of the post is my excuse to keep the summary on tumblr xD

Oh also, i had read the star wars version of this by BairnSidhe first before i even realized it's based on this! The fic is also very very good.

more like it: https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Inspired%20by%20The%20Accidental%20Warlord%20and%20His%20Pack%20Series%20-%20inexplicifics/works

~

spoilers p1 - with a conquering air

Jaskier is sent as a tribute, given up as a sacrifice by his family and the other royalty, who think he'll be raped and killed by the Witchers.

When Eskel meets him in Kaer Mohen, he frees Jaskier from his bindings and brings him to Gerald and Yennefer. When she finds out he's a bard she decides Geralt needs a court bard, and Jaskier stays with them. He also tutors Ciri.

Jaskier finds that Geralt is kind, nice to Ciri, lets his friends tease him... and Geralt is hot. Jaskier starts falling in lust and love with him, and a year after he arrives they get together

spoilers p4 - only love proudly and gladly and well

Jaskier's home country negotiates a treaty with the Witchers. Jaskier rewrites the whole thing in their favor and accompanies the witchers and Yennefer there.

Jaskier helps clear up misconceptions about the Witchers to some younger court people, among them Milena of Roggeven, telling to them all about how nice the witchers treated him despite him being sent as a sacrifice, and how he fell in love with Geralt.

The witchers learn that way about him being a sacrifice in the first place. They have his father sent away, threatening to kill him should they ever see him again, and have the king sign the treaty without any changes.

Back home, several eligible women come to court Geralt. Yennefer and Jaskier make plans to make their stay miserable, as well as creating a set of rules for potential wives, including needing to accept Ciri as heir, and getting her approval for the position.

Jaskier also thinks about whether he wants his relationship with Geralt to be made official and decides that if Geralt wants that, he wants it too.

Milena is one of the ladies in waiting sent with the women, befriends Jaskier and falls in love with Lambert.

A princess attacks Jaskier, he survives, she is sent home via portal accompanied by angry witchers. The other women are kicked out, except Milena who swears loyalty.

spoilers p9 - your faults had made me love you more

Milena finds her place in Kaer Moen, teaching Ciri, helping Yennefer with Geralt's correspondence, sending letters home, helping Triss in the still, doing embroidery, learning dagger fighting from Lambert and teaching him to braid her hair.

Milena gets together with Lambert

Zofia, a human fighter woman and another witcher's lover, has some advice for her: to wait until she's ready to sleep with him, where a more private place to bathe is during her monthlies, and that witchers' lovers end up almost as immortal as the witchers themselves.

spoilers p11 - Twirl Three Notes and Make a Star

The witcher is invited to an even festival. Jaskier, Ciri and 13 witchers incl Eskel journey there also so Jaskier and Ciri won't be home for the Witcher Trials. They save a family of elves from a monster and Ciri befriends the kid.

Eskel and Jaskier grow closer. Jaskier knows Geralt would take Eskel to bed if he asked and suspects Eskel thinks the same of Geralt. Once they meet at the festival all three get together.

Jaskier meets a historian elf and invites him to Kaer Morhen to write the Witcher histories.

spoilers p14 - I Have Heart-Fire and Singing to Give

At some point I think before this part

Jaskier goes to Oxenfurt with Milena and 20 witchers to guard them incl Eskel and Lambert. During his performance, Milena is kidnapped through a portal and before they can do anything Jaskier is kidnapped through another one, Eskel stabbed as he follows them.

The plot was made by Milena's sister Marta, the princess Agatha who stabbed Jaskier before, and a sorceress. Marta wants the shame of her sister living with witchers removed from her family, Agatha just wants revenge.

Jaskier bandages Eskel, Milena has hairpins to unlock their shackles and hidden daggers from Lambert. When they confront them, Agatha tries to stab Milena and Milena kills her. Jaskier knocks out the sorceress, and the spell hiding them is lifted so Yennefer can find them.

Marta begs them not to have her actions affect her family and their little sister Marika. Jaskier offers for Marta to go into exile in a part of the wolf's country where they stopped on their way to an elf festival, in return for the baron's daughter becoming another lady in waiting for Ciri, so Marta won't have to be killed

spoilers p20 - The Debt Is Terrible That Must Be Paid In Song

Jaskier is temporarily turned into 6y/o Julian, scared of his own father and any adult men in power.

Smelling his dear and being angry of his father's treatment of him, Aubrey, who looks out for him like an older brother, realizes the treatment of the witchers-to-be is wrong. Once Jaskier is turned back, it is put to a vote, and decided that the training will change - from now on they will be trained like Ciri is, and she will train with them.

Spoilers p24 - the Shadow of the Mountains Will Not Fall

Geralt is dangerously injured in a plot by the king of temeria. He lives but requires many potions. Ciri organizes the trainees to help brew more while Jaskier organizes the rest of the castle.

Eskel kills the king and anyone else in the plot, then puts Griffin, a minor baron from the countryside who had no idea what's going on, on the throne.

In p25 we learn Emhyr var Emreis actually had something to do with the plot. He then learns who Ciri is and decides they need to try diplomacy instead.

Spoilers p28 - Found At Last In Meeting Eyes

Griffin, the new King of Temeria, needs a wife to establish his lineage and to help him rule the basically completely new court because everyone from the old one was killed... he asks the Warlord for aid in finding him a wife.

He has help from his older sister Tara in running the household, but they're worried about their youngest sister, 14 y/o Nix, who is a wildling and wouldn't do well at court, and while that's alright for a baron's youngest, it's not for a princess, and she'd be in danger if left home for much longer but miserable at court or married off... He and Tara decide that it will be a good question to pose to any potential wives(queens), will they try to break Nix's spirit or understand the true difficulties or even have valuable advice?

Marika, middle sister of Roggeven, decides that Milena is the only person in her family worth anything, and also her only chance at a good life, and begs her sister to find her a husband. She takes her dowry and her loyal maid Kasia and two guards and leaves for Kaer Morhen.

Jaskier introduces Marika and Griffin without telling them their true identities, so Marika only learns he's a king once she's already interested in him. Milena reassures her that she's a proper match for a king - not just a duke's daughter, but basically a sister by marriage to the Warlord through Milena and Lambert.

Marika suggests Nix could be a lady in waiting for Ciri.

P30 - Oh, Be For Me The Sky

Cat witcher Dragonfly comes across Livi, young noble Redanian noblewoman Oliwia, while on patrol, and Livi begs sanctuary from the White Wolf. She's fleeing from an arranged marriage to an older noble known for killing his wives and other young girls.

Livi stays in Kaer Morhen as Eskel's secretary and falls in love with Dragonfly.

Because the king clearly isn't keeping his nobles under control, Geralt wants to declare war on Redania.

P35 - Into the Light Out of Darkness

They plan to go Redania and observe to find more obvious breeches of the treaty because Cintra etc would be mad about conquering for just some 'minor' infractions. The plan is to go on 'progress' touring the established territory + visiting Redania to talk to the king about what's going on there and hopefully find a good reason to get rid of him

Meanwhile, Milena's friend Aleksander 'Sasha' is made Duke after the old Duke Oliwia was supposed to marry dies. Aleksander learns from the King and a mage that they have taken a witcher prisoner in Aleksander's new home and are using his blood on girls turning them into almost-witchers but killing most of them in the process. The Mage makes it so he can't talk about it to anyone, and stays with him to watch his correspondence. He has a magic box for writing Milena though and secretly sends her a letter.

Now, the Witchers have a reason to go to war. King Eist of Cintra and young Prince(?) Xenon of (?)(can't keep the damn names straight) bear witness to make sure Calanthe etc won't think the Warlord is conquering for no reason. They go to free the Witcher and young Zia, an outspoken former peasant girl, and Maja, Ada and Elena, burn down the house, then go kill the king. Aleksander comes to Kaer Morhen, his brother is the new Duke.

P38 - That Is Born Out Of Agony

(skipped C1 bc rape warning) Renfri, after killing a man who meant to hurt her, and on the run from mage Stragomir, decides to go to the Witchers for justice, even if they will slay her because she is cursed. If anyone kills her, it should be the White Wolf.

She stumbles into a dwarf tunnel, and journeyman Gilmeth takes her to his family home. Renfri uses the name Shrike and doesn't say she's royal. Gilmeth's grandfather has business with the Wolf (Renfri's stepmother allows mistreatment of nonhumans) and takes her and Gilmeth through dwarven routes to the mountain. Once they get back above ground, Stregomir finds them, but so do two witchers, they put an anti magic chain on him and Renfri and they all swear not to do harm, she swears not to do them harm of her free will, and they're taken to Kaer Morhen.

Geralt slays Strgomir for his lies and allows Renfri to stay as long as she likes. Ciri introduces her to Zofia. The dwarves also stay and design a better gatehouse as Gilmeth's mastery. Renfri's stepmother is killed by Witcher Coën who Renfri befriends, Renfri's father didn't know but also doesn't seem to care about her much except trying to avoid looking at her because she looks like his late wife. Renfri stays in Kaer Morhen.

P44 - Flung to Catch a Star

Emrys of Nilfgard sends prince Morvran Voorhis to negotiate a treaty with the White Wolf.

When Letho and other witchers meet the Nilfgardians and have them swear not to harm anyone in Kaer Morhen, three groomers and Morvran's personal manservant lie. The manservant had orders from a Nilfgardian royal (Evertsen not Emrys) to kidnap Ciri, the groomsmen had orders to hurt the horses, two for their own gain, one, Ilimar Laret, because his Lord threatened Laret's wife. He's taken with them and the wife rescued, the rest is killed.

Morvran has orders to both get the treaty and win Ciri's hand in marriage, and didn't expect that she's not open for political marriage, or any marriage until she's 18. When Geralt asks him why he even wants to be emperor, and explains that he and Ciri will be leaders only to protect people, Morvran reconsiders and vows to be a man the Witchers can respect.

Morvran's knight bodyguard(?) Cahir spends time with the oldest Witcher trainees, a mixed school group incl. Eryk, who has a puppy love crush on Eskel. Cahir is in Emrys service as a political hostage, and comes to trust and believe in Movran properly during their time in Kaer Morhan when Movran invites him to speak freely, listens to him, takes him into his personal service, and offers him use of his first name in private. Sergeant Hanif is also part of some of their meetings.

Geralt says no treaty as long as Evertsen has any power, Emrys sends them Evertson as a prisoner and he's killed. Yennefer can make portals to and from Nilfgard much easier than should be possible, Jaskier suspects it's because she's getting so much practice.

While treaty proceedings are underway, Princess Rhiannon of Poviss comes to ask for Poviss to join the Warlord's lands because it's the sensible thing to do. Geralt accepts and it will be official when they'll visit Poviss during Progress. When Cahir hears of this, he's at first angry because Poviss gives up the kind of independence his own country (Vicovaro) wishes it had from Nilfgard, but he understands Wolfland isn't Nilfgard.

~

The treaty is finally made with three conditions: from the Wolf, a) that Movran tells Emrys Ciri won't come to Nilfgard except to conquer it as long as there are slaves, and b) (secret to anyone else), Movran swears to work towards a Nilfgard that no longer has slaves. And from Emrys, that Ciri and Geralt will come and meet him on neutral ground.

P45 Wrapped in the Wind and the Sun

Yennefer meets Fringilla to renew their friendship and ally against the Brotherhood.

& Here's a couple

Other

Versions

Of

The moodboard :D

Main image sources here, more sources: Yennefer Eskel Ciri2 Geralt2 potions ruins Witcher

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3478006

[dragonsandwolvesohmy]

Various Warlord!Geralt stories with what I remember them by, which, generally, isn't a good summary of the fic.

Starting with the one that started it all, and the one with Jaskier's lovely song cycle: With a Conquering Air by inexplicifics.

The one where Jaskier is cursed not to speak/the one with cannibalism by nobles: The Fettered Lark by hoomhum.

The one I keep thinking is A/B/O but isn't, and has the Witcher's tending a herd of wisen: as long as the sun and the moon are above by pallidus.

The actual A/B/O fic with Courting: A Wedding to a Warlord by MessengerGabriel.

The one with lots of tributes present in the keep/Witcher Renfri!: raised by wolf and voices by CountessKlair.

The one where Geralt didn't mean to become a warlord but the person he left in charge thinks him warlord/sends tribute: Also Fettered Lark.

That one where Jaskier is the first tribute, but wagons full had come before him, mostly ending up stuffed in storage, including a lute: Do I have to be who I am? by persephonesprince

[ladyannemarie5]

Ok, so, have you read the Warlord Geralt trope created by inexplicifics?

Well, imagine this Radskier/Geraskier version

After the mountain and finding Ciri, Geralt becomes the Warlord to keep the princess safe and unite all witchers to protect non-humans.

Geralt gains status and power which forces him to maintain alliances with the other neighboring kingdoms, including of course Redania.

Redania has a new king after Vizimir died without leaving heirs, leaving his younger brother, Prince Radovid, on the throne along with Prince Consort Julian.

Geralt and his entourage (Eskel, Lambert, Yennefer, Aiden, Vesemir, etc) arrive at the Redanian court to discover that Julian, the prince consort, is none other than Jaskier, the bard Geralt had desperately sought after becoming the Warlord.

And then... DRAAAAAAAAMAAAAA

[geekwarriorgoddess]

I'm looking for a witcher fic, Help!

I'm looking for this fic That I know I've read somewhat recently, and I'll break it down below, but I wanted to share some screenshots as well.

First, when I search what I'm looking for I get a snippet of the synopsis right there. I'm nearly 100% certain that that is the fic I'm looking for.

Which then leads me to these, and the fic is not there. There are nine fics under the monarch Jaskier tag, and none of them are what I'm looking for.

Synopsis, as I remember it:

This is after the mountain fight, so Geralt and Jaskier are separate. I think Eskel finds him and invites him/asks him to come help. Over the past few years, Geralt accidentally conquered a town/ lordship area because the Lord was doing some bad stuff. Anyway, they had conquered this area and then left, and then Bandits came into the town and were violent, so the witchers are now trying to basically be the Lords of this area - it's not going great. So they invite Jaskier just to help de-stress Geralt, to be a friend, and then Jaskir ends up taking over. Eventually, he becomes lordship and then it turns out that he's out of the elf and they're doing a lot of work to help non-humans, and they're fighting with the human Lordships and kings, and eventually they crown Jaskier. Throuout this there's talk about how Geralt wants to be a knight, and then he becomes Jaskiers 1st knight.

I'm at a point where someone can find this, I will pay actual cash money for it. I don't even remember if it's that fabulous a fic, it's just driving me insane that I can't find it but I know I've read it a couple times.

[crownofstardustandbone]

Ahhh I almost didn’t see the tags on the kiss ask meme; if you’re willing to I’d love mormor but geraskier is good too; 19 and/or 20 <3

I don’t know mormor as a ship, so I’ll go with geraskier! And thank you so much for the ask!!

19 “for luck” 20 “on a scar”

Jaskier hates this—he hates seeing Geralt prepare for war, but it’s inevitable now that he’s the Warlord of the Blue Mountains and must ride off to stop the wholesale slaughter of innocents.

His fingers tremble as they secure Geralt’s armor to his chest and when he fumbles with it for a third time he curses, exhaling sharply when Geralt’s hand closes around his and holds him steady.

“Jask.”

Geralt’s voice is soft and steady and when Jaskier opens his eyes he’s nearly undone by the soft understanding in that golden gaze.

“You come back, you understand?” he whispers fiercely, reaching up to cup his jaw, thumb sweeping over the scar left there by an assassin determined to end the Warlord’s life.

Geralt nods and leans into his hand, expression unspeakably tender—when he goes before the others and leads them through the portal to war, he will be stoic and steady, but here, with Jaskier, he can be as soft as he likes.

Leaning up a little, Jaskier kisses him, hard and firm, a demand and a promise all in one. Geralt hums softly and squeezes his hip, pulling him closer for another kiss, this one soft and gentle—an answer to Jaskier’s demand.

“For luck,” Jaskier whispers against his mouth, before sliding his lips over to that scar and kissing it too. “For inspiration.”

“A reason to come home?” Geralt teases softly and Jaskier bites his lip and then soothes it with a soft kiss that Geralt smiles into.

They get his armor settled eventually and Jaskier follows as Geralt leads the gathered Witchers to their staging grounds. There are no sweeping speeches, no rousing words, just a long hard look at the gathered troops before Geralt’s eyes fall back on Jaskier where he stands, holding Ciri’s hand in his.

Golden eyes warm, and then he’s gone, through the portal that Yennifer has created, leading the Witcher army to war.

[lachicavoltron333]

"They say she was beautiful...

Strong, determined...

A protective, and caring mother to her children..

Tell me Geralt, how many times has she cried for you?

How many times did she pray for your safe return?

How many times did she show you loyalty and trust?

Did you even know how much she loved you, Geralt ?"

[thinksleep]

Obsessed with ‘With Tenderness and Nobleness’ by inexplicifics

and now I’m just imagining Jaskier writing a song about Aiden and Sasha called like The Cat and The Brave Bird and I’m LOSING MY MIND

[w-ebstarr]

Damn I was anticipating this fic to be only 10,000 words but here we are, only 3,000 words smaller than my 5 chapter long fic. 

ANYWAYS! Whoreson Prison Blues has been completed! Read it here.

[angelynmoon]

Fic thought:

Jaskier gets tired of how Witchers are treated, he's spent decades with Geralt, watching him be spit on and payment shorted, despite his best effort his songs have done little to change public opinion, and other Witchers have it much worse.

It's after the Mountain, when he and Geralt part ways, not for long, it's never for long, no matter how mean Geralt can be in a moment, the Witcher always finds him again, a gift as a peace offering and apology both, that Jaskier stumbles upon an execution, a Witcher accused of leaving a monster unhunted, but Jaskier knows that no Witcher would do such, he knows that.

That moment changes everything, changes the very course of Destiny, because there is no way that Jaskier can stand idle and watch a Witcher be killed for no reason.

And so Jaskier saves the Witcher, a Letho of the Viper school, who in turns swears his life to Jaskier's protection despite, or perhaps because of, the Bard's protests.

Jaskier returns home for the season, trying to figure out what to do with the Witcher he now has in his service, and he hears of a Cat Witcher that's been enslaved by a King and it's then that Jaskier makes a choice and a plan.

It's easy enough, Letho has toppled kingdoms before, he's a Kingslayer after all, only it's not Letho's sword that takes the King's life, it's Jaskier's.

Jaskier takes over the Kingdom and Court quickly, roots out treason and lies thanks to the Cat he frees, who also pledges his service, he has no where else to go, his past removed before the King bought him, he remembers only what he is, a Witcher, and Letho who can hear lies.

Eventually the rest of the Cats and Vipers find their way to Jaskier's growing Kingdom, as do Elves and like creatures when they hear that Jaskier's Kingdom is a refuge for the odd and mistreated.

Jaskier's not entirely sure just how it happened but by the time Geralt comes to apologize, Jaskier has been a King and been running a Kingdom for at least a year and has an Army that is at least half Witcher, he's been getting marriage offers from people that turned his family down when he decided to go to Oxenfurt to learn music.

Yennifer offered to be his Court Sorcerer, for Melittle's sake.

Jaskier just wanted his Witcher and his people safe, he didn't intend for this to happen.

-

Because accidental Warlord!Jaskier would be hillarious.

No one lets Geralt live down the fact that his Bard conqured a Kingdom so he'd be safe and treated better, also they definately call him Queen Geralt, or at least Lambert does.

[shetheyshenanigans]

I'm so deep in the fan fiction trenches that I had a dream about a crossover between @inexplicifics Accidental Warlord AU and @astolat 's The Pack Survives AU

in my defence, I think Robb Stark and Geralt would get along quite well

[that-chaos-kid]

I felt inspired by the coin asks so I drew some of the designs that people mentioned. As someone who is studying to be a historian I really liked designing them, because coins were a wonderful way to spread propaganda, and it’s very telling what people put on them. Just putting the lute as a symbol for Jaskier on one side would have been a very telling message about how important Jaskier is to Geralt.

Also maybe the coins with the Witcher school designs could be dispersed in the areas that the schools were before they all came to Kear Morhen.

@inexplicifics

[antebunny]

as promised, here is the second drabble

Witchers v administration

NOW

It’s a series of coincidences which finally tips Eskel off to the silent administrative war being waged on Kaer Morhen. 

Jaskier bursts into his office one long afternoon when Eskel is slumped over his desk, wishing that every other Witcher didn’t run away gleefully whenever he approached them about taking his job or even sharing his duties. To date they have not recruited a human with the necessary skills or trust to take a shot at stewardship for all of Kaer Morhen. Eskel supposes it would be immoral to ask about kidnapping someone else’s steward, but they’ve done worse for less.

“Hello Eskel! Do you know where Letho is?”

Eskel jerks off the desk and makes eye contact with Jaskier, who brings a bright splotch of baby blue to his drab brown and gray office. The bard beams with that typical vaguely affable air of his, expecting a response.

“Egremont,” Eskel recalls, after a moment of hard thinking. “I think. Or maybe Flotsam. With…Aubrey. Maybe.” He drops his head into his hands. “Fuck. I don’t remember. Ask Dragonfly.”

“Already tried, she’s out,” Jaskier chirps. He waves a hand around the stacks of scrolls and documents piled around Eskel’s office. “Don’t you have it written down somewhere?”

The whole idea of having joint patrols was to protect Witchers. No one can simply ambush a lone Witcher anymore. No Witcher can simply disappear for months with no one the wiser. It turns out this good idea is a bit more difficult in practice. Witchers don’t coordinate very well, you see. There’s no written record of who is on a patrol to where with whom. 

“No,” Eskel summarizes.

“Oh. Rats.” Jaskier frowns and lingers in the doorway, puzzling through other potential people to ask for whatever it is he wants to bother Letho about.

Eskel makes a mental note to see about putting together actual patrol schedules, even as he mentally cries tears of blood over the idea of coordinating hundreds of Witchers and getting all of them to follow the damn schedule. He really needs an assistant. Or a new job.

Then the patrol schedule promptly gets forgotten as Eskel gains several new crises all at once.

“Eskel! They found out about the black dye!” Cenna, their head laundress (seamstress? It’s unclear what her official job title is, everything about Kaer Morhen’s organization is unorthodox) sneaks under Jaskier’s arm and plants her hands on Eskel’s desk.

“Who found out about what?” Jaskier calls from behind them.

Cenna sweeps her honey brown hair behind her neck, picks a path to pace around the office, and explains: “The black cloth dye. There was some sort of monster that had, erm, black innards and we could never get the stains out of the clothing. Then we started dyeing cloth with it deliberately, and Vasilisa sells it in Novigrad. Ever since she quit one of your Witchers has been dropping it off with her. She sells it all in about a week. Makes a killing in the market. No one else has black dye that strong. I suppose no one else ever thought of using monster guts.”

Jaskier processes this infodump, and the implications of Cenna’s original statement, only slightly faster than Eskel. “So someone found out that it comes from Kaer Morhen?”

Instinctively, Eskel’s mind comes up with best and worst case scenarios, and whether they threaten the safety of Kaer Morhen. Best case is that someone caught a glimpse of the Witcher leaving Vasilisa with bolts of black cloth, and spreads the news. Worst case scenario is that someone’s traced the line of production all the way back to Kaer Morhen, in which case they don’t know where the leak occurred. 

“Yes! We don’t know how,” Cenna reports, confirming Eskel’s worst fears. “Vasilisa says that all of a sudden there were whispers that the black cloth came from Kaer Morhen, and it was made with the blood of virgins or other some such nonsense. Vasilisa gave everything she earned from it to us, so she is not losing a source of income, and she says that in Novigrad it is easy to stay anonymous. So she is fine. Only I worry, how did someone find out?”

That’s Eskel’s worry as well. It seems too much of a coincidence to believe that out of all the new, exotic products popping up in a huge costal city like Novigrad, the only one subject to Witcher rumors is the only product that’s actually being made in Kaer Morhen. 

“That’s not good,” Jaskier notes, a damper on his usual cheer. “Can’t you sell it somewhere else? Cidaris or Vengerberg?”

“Yes,” Eskel answers slowly, but their original problem remains unsolved. 

Somehow, somewhere, someone discovered that the black cloth sold in Novigrad’s markets is made in the home of the Witchers. Eskel can’t even begin to fathom how that can be used against them. Jaskier is a perfect example of how the humans’ blind fear and desperation to get one of their own inside Kaer Morhen makes them stupid. 

Quietly, Eskel sets aside the matter of the patrol schedules. He’ll have to focus on this black cloth dye issue until–

“Eskel, a problem!” 

For the third time that afternoon, someone barges into Eskel’s office with a problem. It’s Triss, her curly red locks framing a lovely face and a concerned frown. She knocks twice on the doorframe, even though she can clearly see that Jaskier and Cenna have already come in and left the door wide open.

“Not a very troublesome problem,” Triss elaborates as she steps into the office, catching the worried faces of her friends. “But you know how I had to find a suitable soap scent from Kovir?”

Jaskier had complained long and loud about the lack of soaps in Kaer Morhen’s hot springs. What’s the point, he’d said to anyone who would listen, of having these lovely hot springs, if one isn’t even allowed to clean oneself? Finally, Geralt explained that the enhanced senses of Witchers also led them to dislike most soaps, as they all were meant to smell of something to humans, be it rose, bergamot, or jasmine. 

Only, Witchers weren’t supposed to have preferences when it came to something as silly as soaps, or weaknesses, and certainly not sensitivities. So it was a very long time before Jaskier was told, and a fair bit of time afterwards before Triss discovered a way to capture what she calls “blue smells” in a soap. Eskel doesn’t know the details, other than she found something suitable in Lan Exeter and has been bringing it back to Kaer Morhen ever since. 

“They must’ve taken it elsewhere,” Triss continues, miffed. “I thought we brought plenty of customers, but apparently they can find more elsewhere? I’m sure I’ll find something new, but I thought I should warn you that until then, we’ll be bathing without soaps.”

On a regular afternoon, Eskel would accept this unquestioningly. So some vendor decided to move from Lan Exeter to another location. There’s nothing noteworthy about that, especially considering that the subject matter is soap scents. 

But today, missing soap scents after losing the black cloth dye trade seems a bit too perfectly aligned. Geralt, self-hating pessimist that he is (he’s getting better about it though), would probably still think it’s just the natural bad luck of the Witchers. Eskel, on the other hand, is more inclined to think–

“ESKEL!” 

The last person to muscle into Eskel’s tiny office is a Witcher, Bojmir of the Crane School. The sheer size of him forces everyone else out of the doorway and properly into the office. Eskel observes their little group with an outsider’s eye and privately finds amusement in their arrangement. 

Cenna, an ordinary, almost middle-aged woman from Aedd Gynvael, with an eye for fine fabrics and a talent for bending them to her will. Triss, a sorceress who despite her trade is the only one trusted to heal Witchers. Jaskier, a Redanian nobleman by birth and bard by passion, who somewhat recently gained the unique and unconventional title of White Wolf’s Consort (also by passion). Finally, Bojmir the Serin, looming over the rest at almost seven feet tall, scratches three fingers through his braided beard. He started growing it out after moving to Kaer Morhen, and someone, probably one of the seamstresses, taught him the value of braiding hair. 

Bojmir eyes the rest of the people in the room. It’s an unusually suspicious move, and Eskel makes a mental note to bring it up later. For now, he just gestures for Bojmir to spit it out.

“Elante’s been found out,” Bojmir says.

Elante, the White Ibis, also of the Crane School, is one of the few Witchers to quit the Path entirely after the schools joined together. He always had a penchant for playing around with potions and elixirs and a love of liquor. Moving to Kaer Morhen facilitated his interest like nothing else, but Elante still joined his brothers on the Path. It was duty, and it was the only life he knew.

Then one of the cooks introduced Elante to brewing, and someone in Jaskier’s extended family was looking to get rid of an unwanted vineyard, and before Eskel knew it, Yennefer enchanted a ring for Elante to hide his mutations from humans, and he was out of Kaer Morhen. Elante set up shop in Jamurlak, on the White Wolf’s side of the Buina river, and opened the White Ibis Brewery & Pub, because all Witchers have a terrible sense of humor.

Last Eskel heard, Elante had invented some kind of fermented lemonade which nearly everyone in Kaer Morhen was going crazy for. All of Elante’s first customers were Witchers, before he gained popularity with the people of Jamurlak. They still stop by and visit him from time to time, mostly in disguise. Just because Elante walked away from the Path doesn’t mean he walked away from his brothers.

“How so?” Jaskier prods.

Bojmir shrugs his massive shoulders. “He said there were rumors of a monster near Jamurlak and he went to take care of it in secret, ‘n ever since then people’ve been eyeing him sideways. Then some woman started asking questions and she hasn’t done anything but she smells like she’s hiding something.”

And they all have a good (or bad) idea of how badly people would like to get their hands on a Witcher. 

“Fuck,” Eskel summarizes. 

First the mysterious discoverer of their black cloth dye trade, then their supplier for soap scents disappearing, then this debacle with Elante. Speaking of schedules–though Eskel has totally forgotten about making patrol schedules–they don’t know how long Elante has been on someone’s radar for, only when he decided to tell the next Witchet that stopped by.

So much for a lazy afternoon. 

“Someone’s waging war on us,” Jaskier concludes, concerned in that devil-may-care way of his. “Politely. But still.”

A polite war. Waged with the one form of warfare that the Witchers are completely novices at: administration.

THEN

SIX MONTHS AGO

No one has ever managed to spy on the Witchers. Ever since it became known that the White Wolf and his army of mutant monsters had taken up residence in Kaer Morhen, that old stone castle hidden high up in the mountains, in between their conquests, countless kings, sorcerors, spymasters and the like have tried to get a person on the inside. Not one of them has succeeded. Every disguised “washerwoman” seeking refuse, every trained courtesan, every “traitor” hoping to join the Witchers, every single mage-spy has been turned away at the door.

Their survival is perhaps more embarrassing, to the warlords and spymasters to whom these spies tell their stories. The Witchers do not kill these attempted spies any more than they let them in the doors. Somehow, every single one of them is simply turned away at the door, while others are allowed in, never to return. 

Because it is not secret that some people are allowed in. An old stonemason, who harbored Witcher sympathies long before the White Wolf started his bloody campaign, disappears with the pair of Witchers who came through his town. A local laundress, seeking out the trio of Witchers who came trudging through the town’s tavern, leaves with them all too happily. Somehow the impenetrable walls of Kaer Morhen open for these ordinary people, and not for the spies of Redania, Poviss, or Kovir. 

It is Malia’s job to somehow do the impossible and get a spy into Kaer Morhen. 

Which is not to say that she will be venturing up the mountain, or attempting to get a spy of her own into Kaer Morhen. That demonstrably doesn’t work. Instead, Malia will be attempting to get to one of the ordinary people who leave. 

May project(s)

So I plan to do a lot of writing this May and while I have some already planned, I have two ideas running around my head:

A retelling of Superman from the perspective of Lois Lane. One thing I've never understood is why it's so generally accepted that Lois is attracted to Superman but not Clark Kent. Like POV I am Lois Lane: star reporter, attracted to men but facing constant workplace sexism. Do I have a crush on 1) the guy who flies around calling himself Superman and is more powerful than a god or 2) the kinda awkward new guy at work who's kind, respects women (and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread) and yeah maybe he's kinda a coward and disappears at weird times, but he's also quietly funny and did I mention respects women? [end POV lol] Makes no sense to me. So I have a rom-com idea based on the premise that Lois likes Clark (yay!) but starts to suspect that Superman (ew) likes her.

Witchers v administration. Okay this one is pretty niche. It's based on The Accidental Warlord and His Pack by inexplicifics aka the series that started the Warlord Geralt subgenre. Basically as I said in the title: the witchers face the new, horrific, undefeatable challenge of administrative warfare. This is quite serious. There's only so many income logs you can trawl through before you start to yearn for the mines. I love outsider POVs of found families and the warlord!Geralt subgenre is a family so found they're basically a cult. So: soap-making, breweries, administration, more found family, and witchers getting to enjoy nice things.

[pjxckson]

“Geralt came back to Kaer Morhen that winter and asked a question. ‘We kill monsters. What about the ones that are shaped like men?’”

from With a Conquering Air by @inexplicifics

[thedemonofcat]

Growing up, Jaskier and his sister were nearly identical, often swapping places for fun. The only reliable way to tell them apart was that Jaskier's sister was mute. Eventually, their parents figured out how to prevent their tricks.

When Jaskier and his sister overheard their parents planning to marry her off to the warlord of the North, they were alarmed. Rumors painted the White Wolf as a cruel figure, and Jaskier couldn’t bear the thought of his sister facing such a fate.

So, he decided to take her place. He left a note behind to convince their parents that he was the one who had fled Lettenhove, giving his sister a chance to escape.

Disguised in his sister’s clothes, Jaskier journeyed to Kaer Morhen in her stead. But as he got to know the warlord Geralt, Jaskier found himself struggling to maintain the deception—especially as he began to fall in love with Geralt.

[headcanonthings]

Vesemir: I can't believe you assassinated the King! Geralt: Well, 'assassinated' implies it was politically motivated. I killed him because he was a dick, so technically I murdered him Vesemir: That's not better!

[lachicavoltron333]