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justagalwhowrites · 13 days ago

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Halcyon - Ch. 18: I Fucking Heard You

You and Joel adjust to life apart. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 17, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 8.3k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter

January, 2008

He was going to actually do it this time.

Joel was sitting outside your apartment building, drumming against the steering wheel of his truck, desperate to work out some of the anxious energy that kept building and building inside of him.

But he just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, he was done trying to pretend like he didn’t love you. He was going to say it.

Actually say it.

For real this time.

He’d ignored it as long as he could manage, shoved it down and tried to kill it by going out with practically every girl in school for even longer. He didn’t want to ruin things between the two of you, he was terrified of that more than he was of just about anything else. You mattered more to him than anyone, he couldn’t lose you, especially not to his own stupidity. But he couldn’t keep how he felt separate from your friendship, either. He loved you so much he felt like he was choking on it, like it had to go somewhere outside of himself or he was going to lose his damn mind with it.

So he’d finally worked up the courage to tell you. Rip the bandaid off. Maybe it wouldn’t blow up in his face, maybe… maybe you’d tell him you felt the same way. Maybe you’d grab him and kiss him the way he pretended you would when he thought about you when he was alone. Maybe you’d tell him you changed your mind about going across the country, maybe you’d go to college here in Austin and you’d move in together and he’d get to be next to you all the time.

This, he decided, was the perfect night for it. There was a meteor shower he’d heard about on the news and he talked you into going to the park to watch it. It seemed right, telling you this with the whole galaxy stretched out in front of you. Things were changing tonight. He could feel it.

He watched as you more fell than climbed out of your window, landing in the bushes and clumsily pulling yourself free of them before dashing to his truck.

“What are you wearin’ Goldie Girl?” He teased as you got in, the collar of a second sweatshirt visible below your hoodie, the sleeves unusually bulky.

“What!” You asked, brows raised. “It’s January! It’s cold! And… I couldn’t risk waking up my mom by going to the coat closet for my jacket.”

Joel snorted.

“I’m counting on you to keep me warm out there, Miller,” you said, buckling up as Joel started driving, his heart beating out a frantic rhythm against his ribs. “This whole thing was your idea.”

“I got blankets,” he said. “Not gonna let you freeze.”

As he drove, the two of you caught up on everything that had happened in the few hours it had been since you’d last seen him - no time at all, really, but it always dragged for Joel. It seemed like he was always just marking time until he got to see you again. He was almost always with you until curfew. Then, awake for an hour, sleep for eight, wake up and then just an hour before he was at your door again, picking you up to take you to school. Then it was three and a half hours until lunch - which you always had with him - then just an hour until your single shared class - newspaper, which he’d joined to make you happy - and then two hours until school was done and he was with you again.

You told Joel about Anna’s issues in school and Joel told you about his mom’s frustrations with his own grades. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled a little as you scolded him and told him you’d help him study, he just had to actually do it and he smiled and nodded along because he knew that. You were always trying to bring out the best in him. You were the only one who could.

“Oh, and, there’s the one really big thing,” you said as Joel parked his truck.

“I got a big thing, too,” he said. Your eyes lit up at that, always ready to be excited for him. “Yours first.”

“OK. So, you know Steve?” You asked, brows raised.

“Steve,” Joel frowned, trying to picture someone the both of you knew named Steve.

“Yeah, Steve,” you said. “You know, Steve…”

“You can keep saying his name all you want, I still don’t know who you mean,” he laughed.

“Steve,” you said again, incredulous. “The yearbook editor, Steve.”

“Oh!” He said, picturing the guy now. “Yeah, OK, Steve. Right. What about him?”

“Well,” you said sitting up a little straighter. “He asked me out.”

Joel just stared at you for a moment, blinking in shock. His stomach sank. He had the strange feeling that he was falling from some great height, not unlike what he felt when riding a roller coaster with you except there was no safety harness to keep him from tumbling to the earth.

“What?” He said eventually.

“Steve asked me out,” you said, chin up like you were proud. “I actually have a date, I’m not just hanging out with you for a change!”

“You said yes?” He asked, his mouth dry.

“Yeah, of course I did! We’re going to go to the movies,” you said, beaming, before you realized that Joel apparently wasn’t reacting the way you expected. You cocked your head, frowning. “Why, should I not have? Is there something wrong with him?”

“No,” he said quickly. “No, sure he’s fine, I just… didn’t know you liked ‘im is all.”

“I mean,” you shrugged. “He’s not bad looking and he’s funny and he’s smart and he writes… We have a lot in common. What’s not to like?”

Of course. Of course you’d go for someone more like you, someone who was smart like you and didn’t fucking struggle in school like he did, someone who wrote like you instead of just fucked around with their entire life like he did. Why on Earth would you be interested in him? Why on Earth would you waste your fucking time on someone like him when you were so clearly meant for so much better? Not that Steve was fucking good enough for you. No one was, Joel included.

“Right,” he said. He thought he might throw up.

“What?” You said, laughing awkwardly. “Are you OK? You look weird…”

“Fine,” he said quickly. “Just… You know. Be careful, guys can be assholes.”

“Yeah, you’d know,” you teased.

“No, I mean it,” Joel said. “Sure he seems like a decent guy but…”

“But?” You asked, brows raised.

“He don’t deserve you,” he said.

You smiled then, gently, reaching out and putting your hand on his thigh and giving his leg a squeeze.

“You’re sweet,” you said. “And you’re worried about nothing. It’s high school. It’s a date. It’s not like we’re getting married. Oh, maybe we could all go out together sometime! Once you pick the new flavor of the week, I mean. I’ll actually have someone to go with now.”

“Yeah,” Joel said, forcing himself to smile. “Yeah, that’d be fun.”

He gathered up the blankets and set them out in the bed of his truck and he helped pull you into it, settling in just as the meteor shower started overhead. You pressed yourself close to him and he could feel the heat of your breath on his skin and fuck he wished it could have been him you said yes to.

“Oh, what was your thing?” You asked, looking up at him from where your head was nestled against his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to derail the conversation…”

“Oh, uh,” Joel said, scrambling for something - anything - to say. “Tommy… decided to take after his big brother and go out for football next year.”

“Nice!” You said, looking back at the sky again. “You’re going to put him through his paces before, right? Teach him how to take a hit?”

Joel scoffed.

“Course,” he said. “What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t.”

The two of you watched stars streak across the sky for hours. Joel set an alarm on his phone because he knew you’d sleep through one on yours and you snuggled close to him under the blankets.

“You were right,” you said, voice sleepy. “This is really cool. Thanks for talking me into it.”

“Course,” he said, resisting the urge to kiss you. “I’d do anything for you… Love you, Goldie.”

You smiled against him.

“Love you, too,” you said.

He held you close and wondered what it would be like if you meant it the same way he did.

***

September, 2023

“Aunt Goldie?”

You looked up from painting Sarah’s toenails to see her watching you, her head cocked and a serious expression on her face, one that was partially obscured by the facial mask you’d applied before you’d started in on her nails during your at home spa day.

“Niece Sarah?”

“Why are you and my dad still in a fight?” She asked.

You just blinked for a moment, taking a moment to process her question. It caught you off guard - not that it should have. Things had been very different since her birthday party months earlier and Sarah was a smart kid. It made sense that she would notice. You just hadn’t prepared an answer - something that felt like a massive oversight now that it was in front of you.

“What makes you think that we’re in a fight?” You said eventually, putting the brush back in the jar of polish before you dripped on the floor.

“You never come over anymore,” she said.

“Well, I live back at my own house now,” you said, starting in on her toes again.

“Duh,” Sarah said and you could practically hear her eyes roll. “But even before you and Ellie lived with us you came over all the time and you don’t anymore. And my dad never comes here with me, he always just drops me off.”

“We both have a lot going on,” you said, happy you had an excuse to not be looking her in the eye. “It’s not…”

“I’m not stupid, you know,” she said and you looked up then, her gaze serious as she watched you closely. “I know something happened.”

You finished her pinky toe and closed the nail polish with a sigh.

“Sarah…”

“My dad’s been acting different,” she cut you off, a little heated, and you frowned.

“Different?” You asked. “Different how?”

“He’s just…” she sighed. “I think he’s sad. He tries to pretend like he’s not and that everything’s normal but I know him and I can tell. I don’t know what happened but I think it’s stupid that you guys just aren’t talking or whatever right now. I wish you’d just figure it out.”

You looked at Sarah, at her wide and hopeful eyes, and tried to figure out how to explain this to her.

How did you tell her that you weren’t sure how to move past how her father - the person you loved most in the world - apparently saw you? That you needed space from him because you couldn’t let yourself revolve around him anymore? That it wasn’t good for you to have your life so intertwined with someone who would, inevitably, go on to have a life outside of you?

It had been a strange two months, not seeing and even really speaking to Joel.

The first day was strange. It was just you and Ellie and your cat in your house that had done nothing beyond collect dust in the months since your niece was born.

Being there, alone, with Ellie made you nervous and you were sure she could sense it in you somehow, like she knew you were unworthy and letting her down by taking her away from the one fully competent person in her life because you were too selfish and couldn’t move past your own shit.

To make matters worse, your mind kept going back to Joel and the strange life the two of you had made together in the months you’d lived with him. He’d become built into everything, the rhythm of your life out of sync without him and Sarah there, too. You missed both of them so much it hurt but it was especially painful with Joel. You missed the way the two of you would navigate around each other in the kitchen in the morning, his hand so often finding your hip or the small of your back when he needed to reach around you or move past you. The way you could hold your toothbrush out and he would put the right amount of toothpaste on it before going to bed at the end of the day. The way he would just open your beer for you when he got you one, because - while you didn’t need him to - he knew you didn’t like getting your nails under the pull tab of the can or twisting the cap on the bottles.

Joel knew you. You’d been married a decade and you weren’t sure your husband had ever known you the way Joel did. He’d certainly never done things like that for you. Joel did. That was part of why that moment after Sarah’s party had caught you so off guard. You’d thought you meant more to him than that, that you were more than one of the women he’d pick up, have fun with for a night or a week or a month and then cast aside.

But then he shoved you against the wall in his kitchen and fucked you with his fingers like all you were to him was something physical, telling you how no one could fuck you like he did, as though that was the only thing that would matter.

You tried to shove that keen loneliness that came with missing him down by focusing on Ellie and pouring your every thought onto the page. You just kept your niece as close as possible all the time, keeping her strapped to your chest as you sat at your desk to write until it felt like your brain was going numb or got your house cleaned up or made dinner or went for a walk just to get out of your own head for a bit. You hoped that all but smothering her with closeness would keep her from realizing the coldly obvious thing that was your desperation and it was a relief when you took her to the rehab facility to pick up Anna.

This time, things with Anna and Ellie were smooth. Or as close to smooth as you could get with someone coming out of months of inpatient therapy and an infant. Anna seemed nervous with Ellie at first, hesitating and double checking everything, her eyes going from her daughter’s face to yours like she wanted your approval for how she was doing.

“This is right?” She asked as she held the bottle while cradling Ellie in the way that Joel had shown you.

“Yeah,” you smiled gently. “You’ve got it.”

“Yeah,” Anna said, looking back down at Ellie and smiling a little, too. “I think I do.”

You pulled back slowly then.

The first two weeks, you were more hands on, doing at least 50% of the work of caring for Ellie, going with Anna daily to meetings and therapy, writing as much as you could and keeping Joel far from your mind.

But, after a little while, Anna started to naturally take on more and more. The two of you went from splitting the overnight Ellie care to Anna handling everything. Slowly but surely, she took over everything and, by week five, all you were doing was watching as she cared for her daughter.

“If you wanted to move back home, I think I’m ready,” she said one afternoon as she fed Ellie while you made some tweaks to the plot of your novel in your story notebook.

“Are you sure?” You asked, setting your pen down, eyebrows drawn together.

“Yeah,” she said. “Why, do you think I’m not?”

“No!” You said quickly. “No, I think you’re doing great. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m abandoning you.”

“It won’t be like it was before,” she smiled, a twinge of sadness in her expression as she did. “I know her now. I know me now. I’ve got this, I don’t need to hold you back anymore.”

“You’re not…” you began, but she cut you off.

“I am,” she said. “You have a life outside of me and her and you put it on hold because I couldn’t get my shit together…”

“You just needed help…” you interjected, but she ignored you.

“…And I’m so sorry I put that on you,” she continued. “I’ll owe you forever for taking care of my daughter when I couldn’t. But we don’t need your help now, you can go back to your life. It’s OK. I promise.”

You didn’t have the heart to tell her that, really, you didn’t have a life. Outside of your work, your book and your cat, you had nothing. You needed her more than she needed you.

You’d tried to start getting a life of your own, getting out of the house and doing things on your own, well before this conversation. The first time you’d left Anna alone with Ellie for a few hours, you’d gone out with Tim, the man you’d met at Sarah’s party.

It was a fine date. It would have been a great one had it been someone else but all you could think about when you looked at him was Joel forcing you to come on his fingers in his kitchen as he said over and over that no one else could make you feel like he did.

Things fizzled out quickly when you realized it wasn’t something you could really get over. Since then, you hadn’t bothered with Tinder or trying to reach out to Alyssa or anyone else in town. The only person you’d really texted outside of Sarah and Anna was Gale.

You hadn’t responded to anything your estranged husband had sent since you’d moved in with Joel but then, one day, he texted you something that made you respond.

I didn’t want you to find this out on Facebook, that seemed wrong, but I wanted you to know that I became a father.

You stared at the message, just a few days after Anna had said you could move back home, reading it as you held your sister’s infant daughter in your arms. You thought about ignoring it, shoving the strange, hollow feeling that was taking over the core of you down deep, but then he sent one more message, one you couldn’t just pretend he never sent at all.

I’m sorry it wasn’t you.

You held it together until Anna was done in the shower, giving Ellie to her and making up some excuse that you were sure she could tell was bullshit - something about a headache and feeling nauseated - so you could hide in the room that had become yours in the time you’d been at Anna’s. You buried your face in the pillow and screamed until your throat was raw and you were choking on your tears, barely able to breathe.

It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you, not for anybody. He had been everything to you once but you hadn’t been anything to him, not really. It had never been you.

This, you thought, you should have been used to by now. You’d always felt like you were on the fringes of your own life, the people at the center of your world putting you on the edges of theirs. Gale, when you’d first gotten together with him, was the first person since Joel who made you feel like you were a priority, like you actually mattered. That feeling had faded with time but that, you’d thought, was just a byproduct of what a whole life with someone meant. Of course he didn’t send you good morning texts with poetry anymore or get you flowers just because or go out of his way to get your favorite tea. You saw each other all the time, why would he?

But you’d been sure that, at least with your husband, you were the priority. Until he’d given you divorce papers, even through the months of distance and cold behavior, you’d thought that you were the priority.

Then you realized, you’d kept thinking that, even after he left, even now. The way the divorce had dragged on, the way he kept texting and calling and trying, some sad, sick part of yourself had latched onto that. That you were the important thing, that you were what mattered. Your marriage may have failed but you took some cold comfort in the fact that you’d at least left your mark on him.

But you hadn’t. You’d stopped sleeping together hardly more than a year ago and your husband already had a baby with another woman. Even in your marriage, you’d been on the fringes.

When you stopped crying enough that you could see clearly, you emailed your attorney.

Give him whatever he wants. I just need this to be done.

You knew what that meant. The last divorce agreement his lawyer had sent yours included shared rights to your own fucking book, him keeping the house without buying you out, him keeping the entirety of the 401k. He was asking for a lot but all you wanted then was to cut the tie as thoroughly as possible. As terrifying as it was to live in a world that made it seem like your marriage had never happened, it was better than this.

Your lawyer called you to be sure, to try to talk you out of it, but you didn’t care. He could have whatever percentage of book rights he wanted, it's not like you could have created it without him. He could have the house, it’s not like you could ever live in it without him. He could have the entire state of Rhode Island for all you cared as long as you’d never be faced with the sharp reality of your marriage.

You wrote furiously when it was done, the words pouring out of you in a way they hadn’t since you’d written Halcyon. You barely slept or ate for days, canceling classes and writing until there wasn’t anything left inside you to say. You finished the manuscript, 33 chapters of your love and pain sitting in front of you. You stared at it for a moment, the cursor pulsing at the end of the final sentence.

It was over. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do now, but it was done.

You were numb when you were on your couch a few days later, staring at the ceiling with nothing but your cat to keep you company, when your phone rang. You answered it without bothering to look at the screen, content to even talk to a telemarketer for a few minutes if it served as enough of a distraction.

“Hello?”

“What the hell is this, baby doll?”

You sat up fast enough that your head spun, pulling your phone away from your face to see Gale’s name on your screen. You put your ear to the phone again.

“What the hell is what?”

“This,” he said and you could hear the shuffle of papers on the other end.

“You realize we’re not on facetime, right?”

“You know what I mean,” he said. “This, the new divorce agreement your lawyer sent mine, what is this?”

You frowned, putting the call on speaker before going to your most recent email with your attorney and skimming the agreement. Your frown deepened.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” You asked. “I thought you’d be happy, I…”

“You think this is what I want?” He cut you off, sounding heated.

“Isn’t it what you asked for?” you asked. “I don’t think I missed anything, you should have everything you wanted, and…”

“What I asked for is outrageous,” he said. You heard him put something down with a little too much force on the other end – probably a mug, knowing him – the sound of the ceramic on wood sharp. “I knew that when I asked for it."

"OK," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose, taking the phone off speaker and holding it against your ear again. “What else do you want? Do you want me to say you won or something? Because…”

“I want you to reconsider,” he said.

You just sat there for a moment, blinking in shock.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “What is this. Why are you giving in to me like this.”

It still took you a moment to process what he said before you could manage to answer.

“I’m just trying to give you what you want,” you said, voice thick.

“You’ve never done that before,” he said. “Hell, even when we were together you never did that, you never just gave into me unless you wanted it, too. Why now.”

“You…” you sighed. “You’re a father now, you have… there’s someone else in your life now, you have another life now, Gale, and you should live it. I’m holding you back, I don’t want to hold you back, I…”

“You’ve never held me back,” he said. “I’ve told you that.”

“Well, clearly I wasn’t right for you in some way or we wouldn’t be where we’re at right now,” you snapped without meaning to. “I’m not the one who wanted to separate, that was you.”

“Yeah, well, I fucked up,” he said and you had to bite your tongue. “I was… I’ve never been with anyone as long as I was with you…”

“Yeah, me ether,” you said voice still sharp. “I was with you for more than a third of my life Gale.”

“I know that,” he said, speaking more gently than you. “I should have known better, I should have understood how things would change and I should have embraced your success instead of letting it hurt me…”

“My success hurt you?” You asked quietly.

He sighed heavily.

“It did,” he said. “You thrived commercially in ways I never could. I envied that, so much that I couldn’t stand being around you.”

“That’s it?” You asked. “That’s what made you leave me, the fact that I sold more books than you did?”

“No, of course not,” he said. “But it’s… it’s what started it.”

You almost laughed to keep yourself from crying because of course it was the one success you’d found that broke your marriage. Why would it be anything else?

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” you said.

“I know,” he said. “I was wondering if…”

“Does Carla know you’re talking to me?” You asked, cutting him off.

“Does she need to?” He asked. “You’re my wife.”

“And she’s the mother of your child,” you said. “I’m not going to be the other woman in my own marriage. You need to figure out what you want.”

“And if I want you?” He asked.

You sighed.

“You have a family now,” you said. “Think before you blow it up.”

But ever since, Gale had been a bigger presence in your life than Joel. He’d started acting like he had in the early days of your relationship, sending you romantic texts and having flowers delivered to your house.

Part of you knew you should resist it, that this wouldn’t lead anywhere good. There was a reason things had fallen apart once before, you knew they would again. But going back to him would be so easy. He was comfortable, familiar. There was a life the two of you had together that you knew you could fit back into now, if you wanted. It might be complicated - he had a child now - but it was there, right in front of you.

You just weren’t sure if you wanted it.

So you started talking with him. Not a lot, not like it had been before, but you were texting daily. He wanted to know about your book, how your classes were going, about your life in Texas. Part of you was waiting for the other foot to drop, for him to decide that he didn’t want you again, but he was consistent and that, at least, was something.

Meanwhile, your only contact with Joel was in a group chat with Sarah.

You might have needed space from Joel but you couldn’t just cut things off with Sarah. It wasn’t fair to her, you knew she was attached to you. Plus, she had become like a niece or daughter to you in the year you’d known her. You knew the names of her friends and her favorite songs and the books she liked. You loved her. You’d had to keep in touch. She regularly came over to watch a movie or have dinner and she called you at least three times a week to ask for help with homework and tell you about her life.

While you kept up with Sarah, you never really directly spoke to Joel. You only texted in the group chat to confirm that it was OK for you to pick up Sarah and what time she needed to be back, or when Joel would drop her off and pick her up at your place.

But you’d opened up your texts to send him a message directly at least once a day and every time you just stared at the last thing he’d sent you: I’m sorry. It was sent just hours after you’d left his house with Ellie weeks before.

You weren’t sure what the hell you were supposed to say to him, what you were supposed to do with that apology. Were you supposed to accept it and pretend it had never happened? Were you supposed to actually have him explain to you, on no uncertain terms, how he saw you and what he wanted from your relationship? Could you handle actually hearing him say it if you did?

You didn’t know. So you left it alone, the message glaring at you, the date stamp going further and further into the past with every passing day.

And that’s where your relationship with Joel sat, frozen in time, as his daughter watched you closely.

“You should come over tonight,” Sarah said. You raised your eyebrows and she stared you down. “When you drop me off. Just come inside, say hi, have dinner. It’s think he said he was going to grill.”

“I’m sure he already has everything planned out for tonight,” you said, returning to the work of painting her last nail and closing the polish. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Please?” She said, her eyes wide. She had to know what she was doing, looking at you that way. She was too smart for her own good. “I miss you.”

You sighed.

“Alright…”

“Yes!” She punched the air in victory.

“But just to say hi,” you said and her face fell a little. “I don’t want to impose.”

“Psh, family doesn’t impose,” she waved you off. You looked at her, incredulous. “What? That’s what Uncle Tommy says when he wants to stay for dinner.”

You snorted.

“Yeah, I bet he does,” you said. “Alright, once your toes dry, we’ll go to the bookstore and get you home.”

“And you’ll come inside?”

“And I’ll come inside,” you said, even though the thought made your stomach knot. “Promise.”

You took her to the bookstore, just wandering through with her and picking out a few new things for her - because you weren’t above buying a kid’s love - and got in line, where you passed a table of best sellers.

Halcyon was sitting there, out in paperback now, one copy sitting face down so your portrait was visible on the back. Sarah frowned and picked it up, examining it for a moment before her face lit up.

“Aunt Goldie!” She said, thrusting the book at you. “That’s you! I didn’t know you were famous!”

You shushed her, someone in line in front of you turning to look at you.

“OK, well, I’m not famous,” you said, taking the book from her and setting it back where it belonged. “I just wrote a book that people liked, that’s all.”

“My dad said you wrote a book, I didn’t know it was a famous book,” she said. “Can I read it?”

“Absolutely not,” you said, nudging her forward as the line moved.

“Why not?” She pouted.

“Because, as much as I love you and know how good of a reader you are, I wrote the book for adults,” you said. “You can read it in 10 years. Maybe.”

“Well, will you tell me what it’s about?” She asked.

You sighed, not entirely sure how to answer that question. At least, not to Sarah.

“It’s…” you paused. “It’s about love and figuring out who you are with it and without it.”

“Oh,” she crinkled her nose a little.

“What?” You asked, laughing a little.

“Sounds kinda boring,” she said. “Sorry.”

You snorted.

“No, you’re right,” you said. “It probably is boring.”

You paid for the books, the person in line behind you stopping you on your way out the door to sign a copy of your book they’d just bought, Sarah beaming as she watched, and drove to Joel’s.

You took a moment to steel yourself as you sat in his driveway. You hadn’t been in Joel’s house since you’d left. Any time you picked up or dropped off Sarah, you just sat in the car and waited for her to come to you or watched her until she was safely inside. You didn’t dare actually go in the house. That, you knew, was a bridge too far.

But you’d overcome bigger obstacles. You could do this, too.

You pulled yourself together and followed Sarah inside.

Nothing had changed. The blanket that was made by Joel’s mother was still draped on the end of the couch, his work boots were in a heap near the door, a beach towel from the pool was drying on a chair outside that you could just see through the sliding glass door. In spite of the knot in your stomach, this place felt like home. There was comfort here because the people you loved were here.

“That you baby girl?” Joel called from down the hall.

Your heart stuttered.

“It’s just me,” she called back.

You heard the telltale sounds of his footsteps as he made his way to the stairs.

“For dinner, did you…” he said before he froze, looking up from his phone to find you standing there, in his living room.

You smiled tightly.

“Hi Joel.”

***

You were here.

In his living room, you were here. You were here and you weren’t ignoring him and maybe he hadn’t fucking ruined everything. You were here and holy fuck you looked good, just in shorts and a tank top and fuck, he wanted to touch you again.

Instead, he just swallowed that driving want and cleared his throat, standing up a little straighter as he did.

“Hey, Goldie.”

You smiled. Not in that usual way you had, one that was quieter and stiller but still there.

“I told Aunt Goldie that she should come over and stay for dinner,” Sarah said.

“Oh,” Joel said, looking between you and Sarah. “Well, baby girl, Aunt Goldie’s been real busy lately and…”

“She already said she could stay for dinner,” Sarah said, almost smirking. “And I know you guys aren’t in a fight because you’ve both said you’re not in a fight and you’d never lie to me about that, right?”

Joel looked at you, a little desperate, and you just gave him a small shrug.

“Right,” she finished for him. “So that means she can stay for dinner because there’s no reason she can’t and oh, look! Vanessa is calling me so I’m just going to go into my room until dinner is ready and talk with her and not listen to whatever you two are going to talk about. Bye!”

She ran upstairs, taking them two steps at a time, leaving you and Joel standing there awkwardly in his living room.

“Sorry,” he said at the same time you did and you both laughed awkwardly.

“She’s conniving, that one,” you said.

“Little trickster,” Joel agreed.

He just watched you for a moment, happy that he could see you - actually see you, not just picture you like he usually did now.

“I should have called,” you said after you were both quiet for a moment. “I shouldn’t have just… It doesn’t matter that she wanted me to come over like this, I should have called and…”

“No, it’s fine,” Joel said quickly. “You’re always welcome here, Goldie, you don’t need to call.”

You smiled, small again, but it was there.

“Thanks,” you said. “I should have at least brought something, though, I know you weren’t planning on me being here… I can just go, I don’t…”

“Think we can find enough food in this house to feed three people,” he said, stepping closer, smiling a little. “Stay, if you want. I’d… I’d really like it if you stayed.”

“OK,” you said and you smiled like you then, small at first but then wide and bright and welcoming. “Then yeah, I’ll stay.”

Falling into you again was so fast and so easy. You followed him to the kitchen and the two of you made awkward, stilted conversation for a minute or two but, before long, you were perched on the counter while he made burger patties from the ground beef in the fridge as you told him how Ellie was doing and he told you what he’d been up to since you’d left.

Which, he had to admit, he was embellishing a little because, without you and Ellie, his life had been pretty gray.

After you left, it took a few days before it felt like he could do anything but take care of Sarah and stare at his phone. He’d texted you an apology, something he immediately regretted. He should have figured out a better way to say it instead of just “I’m sorry” and kept his mouth shut until he did. He kept hoping that you’d reply, that you’d give him a chance to say something better than “I’m sorry.”

Eventually, he gave up and tried to figure out how to live without you again. It was harder than he’d expected it to be. He’d done it before when you’d gone more than just a few miles down the road and he’d lived through that, this shouldn’t have been any worse. But it was.

Your lives had become so entangled, so in step, you were missing in everything he did. There were reminders of you everywhere and in everything, so much so that he needed an outlet.

So, he started playing guitar more.

It hurt at first because, for some masochistic fucking reason, he kept being drawn to songs about heartbreak and loss. But eventually, he got to the point that he wanted to do something besides wallow. It took him some time to figure out what the fuck that meant but, eventually, he settled on the perfect thing: his business plan.

Part of him wanted to believe that he was doing it only for himself. That this was what he wanted, it was the next step he needed to take to make his life - and the life he was building for his daughter - what he wanted it to be.

But that wasn’t true, you were in this, too. This was what he needed to do to be worthy of you. Maybe, if he could actually fucking make something of himself, you’d want him the way he wanted you.

So he’d put together the damn business plan. He put together the business plan and thought up a name and made an appointment at the bank to apply for the loan he’d need to start the company to begin with. He did everything he had to to make something of himself. He did it because he’d been wanting to be something since he’d first held his daughter. He did it because you gave him the courage and the drive to do it.

He didn’t tell you that part of it but he did tell you about the business stuff and he couldn’t help but be a little proud as he did.

But it was strange being close to you again like this, in ways that weren’t as intimate as they’d been just a few months before. He couldn’t just touch you as he cooked, trailing his hand up your thigh or his fingers over the delicate skin on the inside of your wrist where he could feel the pulse of you. Even with that odd distance, it felt like you should be close to him all the time, like he shouldn’t need to catch up with you like this because he should just know. He should just be living all of this with you.

“I’m so glad you guys aren’t fighting anymore,” Sarah said cheerfully when she finally emerged from her room for dinner, the three of you gathered around Joel’s table with cheeseburgers standing tall on your plates.

You looked at Joel, brows raised and nose scrunched and he sighed before looking back at Sarah.

“We weren’t fighting, baby girl,” he said.

“Oh, sure,” Sarah nodded sarcastically.

“He’s right. As much as I would love to just hang out with you and your dad all day, I’m afraid I do have a job,” you said. “And that means I have to be somewhere else at least some of the time.”

“I’ve just decided that I’m not going to let you guys not talk to each other for my whole life again,” she said. “So say whatever you want, I’m just glad Aunt Goldie is back.”

She got up and gave you both a squeeze.

“I’m going to go do homework,” she said.

“Believe that when I see it,” Joel scoffed.

“And you guys have fun,” she said, ignoring you both before heading to her room.

You watched her go, an amused smile on your face until you heard her bedroom door closed.

“She is too smart for her own good, for the record,” you said.

“Tell me about it,” Joel laughed. “Fuck if I know where she gets it from, too. Sure as hell ain’t me.”

“You always underestimate yourself,” you smiled a little, watching him now. Joel shrugged. “Is it weird to say I’m proud of you? For the business stuff I mean?”

“Nah,” Joel waved you off. “Not weird. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Yes you could,” you said. “But I’m glad I got to be a part of it.”

“Want to be more of a part of it?” He asked. “Because no one but me has read this business plan and, I’m not gonna lie to you Goldie girl, that’s making me pretty damn nervous.”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah,” you said. “I’d be happy to.”

Joel just watched as you went through the documents, a serious look on your face, and you made some notes on scratch paper as you went, weirdly anxious about what you would say. Because what you thought mattered even more than the damn bank.

“This is good,” you said when you finished, nodding slowly. “I have some questions but I think this is really good, Joel.”

“Yeah?” He asked, brows raised.

You smiled, one of your smiles, the ones he loved so much.

“Yeah,” you said. “You’re getting that loan, Miller. You’re about to be Joel Miller, proud founder of Miller Brothers Construction and Contracting, how’s it feel?”

He laughed.

“Pretty damn good,” he said. “But I do want your notes, I really want to do something right for once in my damn life.”

“Sure,” you laughed. “But I have had a beer and four glasses of iced tea since I’ve been here so I have to pee first. Think you can manage to wait for like… two minutes?”

“I guess,” Joel groaned. “Cave to your basic human frailties, God you’re so lame.”

You rolled your eyes at him but ran off to the bathroom and Joel watched you go, his eyes lingering on your ass and he tried to not picture you naked in his bed, remembering the way you looked when you slept naked and kicked the covers off in the night and he could see every inch of your skin beside him.

Your phone vibrating on the table pulled him out of his own head and he was about to call your name when he frowned, seeing the name on screen.

Gale was calling you.

Fucking Gale.

He watched it ring out, staring it down like it was a threat.

What the fuck were you doing talking to fucking Gale? You weren’t speaking to the guy when you’d been staying at Joel’s. What was he doing calling you now?

“Alright,” you said, clapping your hands together once before punching the air as you made your way back to the kitchen. “Let’s do this thing, Miller!”

“Why is Gale calling you?” He asked.

Your face fell.

“What?” You asked quietly.

“Gale,” he said, feeling himself get madder than he should. “The fucking asshole you’re supposed to be getting away from, Gale. Your ex-husband, Gale.”

“He’s not my ex-husband,” you said, shoving your hands in your back pockets and squaring your jaw. “We’re still married. And it’s not your business who I talk to…”

“Not your ex-husband?” He asked. “And not my business? It’s not my business, right, great…”

“Are we doing this again?” You asked, brows raised. “Really? You’re going to be pissed that I’m seeing someone…”

“You’re fucking seeing him?” He asked, getting to his feet. “You’re getting back together with your ex-husband, the same one who treated you like shit? Jesus Christ, Goldie!”

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” You snapped. “But I do know that he’s coming here tomorrow so we can talk and he’s going to help me with my book and…”

“Why!” He cut you off. “Why the fuck are you going back to that… that… fucking asshole? Goldie, you’re so much BETTER than him! You don’t…”

“He’s my husband, Joel!” You all but yelled. “He’s someone that I promised to be with for the rest of my life and that means something, I can’t just pretend it didn't happen! We’ve been talking and…”

“And what?” Joel snapped. “What, he start manipulating you again?”

“Again?” You asked, incredulous. “What do you mean again, you don’t know anything about our relationship, you don’t know what he was like then, what I was like then! You don’t know that part of my life, stop pretending like you do!”

“And why don’t I know it, hm?” He asked, just pissed off now. “Tell me, why don’t I know that part of your life when I know all the others, why don’t I know that part?”

“Don’t,” you said, sharp and cold.

He didn’t listen.

“Because you left! I don’t know because you left, you left me here like I was nothing, like I didn’t fucking matter to you and yeah, maybe I didn’t but…”

“No, fuck you,” you spat. “You don’t get to pretend like you’re just some innocent in all this…”

“Then what am I?” He demanded. “Tell me, I’m fucking dying to know how it’s my fuckin’ fault that you took off across the damn country, changed your damn number, blocked me on goddamn Facebook when I LOVED you…”

“Don’t,” you said, tears at the edges of your eyes. “Don’t do that, don’t say that kind of shit to me…”

“Say what?” He asked. “Tell you the truth? Because…”

“Because I’m not just some girl you fuck and cast aside, Joel!” You got in his face, tears falling now. “So don’t feed me the same lines you feed them because it won’t work and it’s not fair to me or to our friendship and…”

“What lines!” He asked. “I’m not feeding you any fucking lines, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“I heard you!” You yelled, breathless, forceful enough that Joel stepped back from you.

“What?” He whispered.

“I heard you,” you said. “When you were talking with Ricky, under the bleachers after prom, I heard you. I heard how much you regretted that night, I heard what you thought of me, I fucking heard you, Joel. So don’t act like you didn’t do anything, don’t act like I meant something to you because I know I didn’t. I know what I was, I know I was just some stupid girl you regretted fucking, I heard you. I know what I am to you, deep down, so forgive me if I’m not exactly desperate to talk through this shit with you. I’m sorry the fact that someone out there wants me, actually wants me, is so inconvenient for you!”

You snatched your phone from the table and stalked toward the door.

“No,” he said, going after you. “No, Goldie, listen, I…”

“I’m really not interested in hearing more of your bullshit, Joel,” you snapped. “I can’t, I just don’t have it in me to hear you talk about how much you regret me anymore.”

You paused in the doorway, looking back at him as he scrambled to find a way to say something - anything - that would make you stay.

“Good luck at the bank,” you said. “I’m sure you’ll get what you’re asking for.”

You were gone before he had a chance to respond.

A/N: I'm so sorry this took a million years. Thank you for being patient as my job put me through the wringer and grad school just beat me over the head repeatedly.

This was a BIG moment for Goldie in particular! She FINALLY said it, the reason why she left and why she thinks he doesn't want her. She reopened the wound and now the ball is in Joel's court. We'll see what he does with it :)

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

#joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #halcyon #joel miller x oc

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thisapplepielife · 4 months ago

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Written for @corrodedcoffinfest.

Tonight Isn't The Night

Eddie wants it all to be perfect. This has been a long fucking time coming, and if he fucks it up at the last second, he'll never forgive himself. Jeff and Goodie are playing chauffeur, picking Steve up at the airport under an elaborate ruse.

They're supposed to keep him busy, and then drop him off at the arena to meet up with Eddie, pre-show. Eddie rented an event space, and Gareth is helping him try to get it ready.

Eddie planned all of this.

But Eddie's nervous.

Gareth is crawling around the room, stringing lights so it'll be romantic, and Eddie's gonna owe that kid. That kid is forty, and a dad to two, but still. Crawling on the floor sounded like hell on Eddie's worn-out body, so Gareth had gotten down and was doing it without complaint.

They don't have time to complain. Not when Steve will be at the arena in t-minus two hours. And Eddie will need to be there, if he doesn't want Steve to realize something is up.

Eddie watches Gareth crawl out from under a table, and Eddie wishes he was still that goddamn spry. He used to be. He used to be made of elastic, Uncle Wayne always said so. But those days, and those muscles, are long gone, eaten away by bats over two decades ago.

Eddie's hip is killing him today. As if the Upside Down has decided to rear its ugly head again, just because he's so fucking happy. It's bullshit.

He doesn't want to take anything that might dim his memory, not today, so he takes three ibuprofen and calls it good. That will have to do.

The ring is burning a hole in his pocket. He keeps palming it, checking, double-checking, just to make sure it's still there.

It is.

The small box, hard against his thigh.

He's gonna ask tonight. After the show, when they're alone. He's gonna take him back to this venue, take him up on the roof and while meteors fall from the sky, he's gonna ask Steve to marry him.

When Jeff opens the door, he's making a face that Eddie doesn't understand, not until he sees Steve.

Steve's in a bad mood, a terrible one, actually, and Eddie cups his hand over the ring box. Tonight isn't the night. Goddammit. When Steve stomps off to the bathroom, Eddie fishes the box out of his jeans pocket, and tucks it into his jacket.

"What are you gonna do now?" Gareth asks, in an alarmed whisper.

Nothing. He'll do nothing.

He'll listen to Steve rant and rave. He'll be here, and present, not at all thinking about the thousands of twinkling lights or meteors up above.

It's not the night.

After the show, Steve's still pissy. The ride back to the hotel is filled with Steve bitching and moaning, and Eddie knows better than to try and offer any suggestions, not while Steve's like this. This is just venting, and if anyone knows about venting, it's Eddie. He's made it an art form over the years.

But right now, it's Steve's turn.

And Eddie listens.

Steve's mid-rant, when he looks out the window, "Hey. Shooting star."

Then, "Oh. Another."

"There's a meteor shower tonight," Eddie explains.

"And you didn't make plans to view it?" Steve asks, because he knows Eddie, and this is a thing they've done dozens, maybe hundreds, of times over the past two and half decades.

"Well, a little, but you're not in the mood for that tonight," Eddie says, trying not to sound disappointed.

He isn't.

No, he is. He really is. But he understands. Life doesn't always go your way. Some days, you're nearly eaten by bats. Others, your marriage proposal gets scrapped. Eddie's used to be fucked by life, well and good and raw, by now.

Steve looks over at him, "I'm not in that bad of a mood. We can still look at the sky," Steve offers, and Eddie would like that. He really, really would. But he can't take Steve there. It's too much, too over the top, and he'll immediately suss out what was really on the agenda for the night. Then he'll beat himself up for ruining it.

So, no. They can't go there.

They end up out in the parking lot of the hotel, sitting in a patch of grass that Eddie's pretty sure other people probably let their dogs piss in. But Steve's leaning against him, and that's always gonna make for a nice night.

It's quiet, and peaceful, neither of them saying a word, until Steve suddenly says, "We should get married."

And Eddie nearly chokes.

"What, you don't want to?" Steve questions.

"Steve Harrington, I'm gonna kill you, and then I'm gonna marry you. No, I'm gonna marry you, and then I'm gonna kill you. I had a whole night planned. And then, well," Eddie says, waving his arms around Steve's head. "Pissy. So. Postponed."

Steve is just looking at him.

Eddie keeps ranting, mocking, "We should get married."

Steve smiles, and Eddie digs in his jacket pocket, handing over the velvet box, "Here. We're engaged."

Steve throws back his head and laughs, absolutely delighted and it's contagious. Eddie has to laugh, too. He's not mad. He's frustrated.

He's in love, and not even a little surprised. Nothing ever goes his way. He has the opposite of the Midas touch.

Except. He gets to love Steve Harrington.

And that's a pretty big win.

After a beat, Eddie says, "Please don't tell Gareth that this happened in the hotel parking lot. He crawled all over, stringing lights, and I'll never hear the end of it."

Steve laughs, and then kisses him, "I'll never tell."

And he doesn't. There's an elaborate romantic story that's fed to Gareth and the public, but it's not the truth. Not a word.

But that's okay. That just means the real deal is only theirs.

A secret between them, the stars, and the dog piss-soaked grass.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

#corrodedcoffinfest #prompt seven: celebrate #eddie munson #steve harrington #gareth stranger things #steddie fic #goodie (unnamed freak) stranger things #freak stranger things #jeff stranger things #corroded coffin fic #ccf day seven: celebrate #thisapplepielife: corrodedcoffinfest #thisapplepielife: short fic

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ornii · 10 months ago

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She Likes to Flirt (A Lot)

Natasha Romanoff X Male Reader (Short & Sweet) (Yup, Like Nat)

You obviously have a thing for Nat, and Almost everyone sees it.

Being the Spirit of Vengeance you held within yourself the devils bounty hunter, making you one of the most powerful begins on earth and a potential Level 10 Threat. Obviously you were scouted by S.H.I.E.L.D and joined their marry band of heroes, the Avengers. And after the little stunt in New York, the rest was history. Mission after mission you slowly grew closer to Natasha. Seasoned Assassin and Spy, she was the first you met due to her doing recon for Nick Fury. Naturally you two grew to be good friends, perhaps, even more.

It was nearing Night, after another mission at Sokovia you headed back to Stark Tower to celebrate, the massive parking garage opens up and you park your chopper there. Following behind was Natasha as usuals, somehow the Jeep didn’t get demolished in the fight. You chucked as you walked to the elevator. Natasha follows, looking at the bike.

“Aren’t gonna take your keys?” She asked, “Trust me, that bike isn’t going anywhere without me.” You reassured her, tapping the upper floors you both stood there as it began to rise. She dusts herself off as you try to put the flames off on your coat.

“Good mission overall.” She said, “Yup, Bruce and Tony are in their nerd lab brooding or something. With them together I’m a bit worried.”

“Don’t be. We can handle them, well I can.” She said, “What’s that supposed to mean?” You respond and she keeps her eyes forward, smiling. She ignores your question.

“You stink.” She said.

“I Tore through hydra guards like butter with a hot knife, I’m gonna stink. I’m pretty proud of that.” You said, “You do have a lot of. Good assets.” Nat said.

“Well damn that’s a first. A compliment.” You said.

“Now you know Steve doesn’t like that kind of language.” She said jokingly, you bite your lip and look forward trying not to laugh.

“He’s never gonna live that down.” You said

“Ever.” Natasha comments.

“You know you stink too right? Gonna need to shower.”

“Obviously, we have a party tonight, plus I have to put my face on, or whatever normal women say.” Natasha looks at her reflection.

“You’re Normal Nat.” You said to cheer her up. She turns to you, smiling. “I’m an assassin and you’re a bounty hunter for the devil, we’re not normal.”

“Well obviously but, looks wise, you don’t need to put on your face, looks good as is.” You point out, poking her forehead. Before she can open her mouth for some cheeky response, the Elevator opens and you step out.

“See you tonight Red.” You give her a send off before heading to the one room you somewhat own in the Tower.

The Party Finally arrives and you’re mingling with Thor and Rhody, who’s giving an, interesting story.

“Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General's palace, drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" He explains, (Y/n) and Thor exchange glances and then back to Rhody. "Boom! Are you looking..." Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.

“That's the whole story?” Thor asks.

“Yeah, it's a War Machine story.”

“Well, it's very good then. It's impressive.”

“Yeah the Tank Part was really cool.” You said, Rhody sighs. “Okay fine, what did you do that was cool?”

“Uh, recently? By myself? A meteor was gonna hit Sweden so, I flew into the air and used my chain to pull the meteor back and hurl it into the atmosphere.” You casually explain, Rhody looks flabbergasted. “It was a Tuesday, I think.” You said, Rhody walks off as Thor Pats you on the shoulder. “That’s, very impressive.” And walks off, maybe you were going a little too high, you finished your beer and looked to the bar for more, what caught your eye was the redhead in a perfectly fitting white dress, you mosey over and casually slide down on a seat. Your eyes and Nat’s lock, and she smiles.

“Come here often, handsome?” She was the first to lay the foundation for the chat and you went right along with it.

“No, first time, but I saw this beautiful bombshell working the Bar and I had to see her.” You reply, Nat couldn’t hide her smile.

“Now what kind of man would leave a woman like you all by your lonesome, must have a bad taste in them.” You added on.

“He's not so bad. Well, he has a temper. Deep down he's all fluff. Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, trying to actually do the right thing. Even if he screws if up sometimes.”

“He…Sounds amazing.”

“He's also a huge dork.” She adds in, (Y/n) looks blindsided, Nat shrugs, “Chicks dig that. So what do you think should I fight this, or run with it?”

“Well, the guy really likes you.. I say give a chance, see where it goes? Is that, wrong to ask?” He asks, so hopeful. Nat smiles and sits up from the bar.

“Not at all, but, I think she likes you too, it may not look like it now... But never say never.” Natasha walks away, and Steve approaches (Y/n,) who sat there really considering her words.

“It's nice.” Steve said.

“What?” You reply confused.

“You and Romanoff.”

“No, me and her aren’t uh.. you know.” You mutter, Steven shakes your resolve.

“It's okay. Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most... open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed.”

“Yeah, Nat she... she likes to flirt. So do I.” You admit, now daydreaming of her slowly taking that dress off. But Steve ruins your daydreaming.

“I've seen her flirt, up close. This ain't that. Look, as maybe the world's leading authority on "waiting too long;" don't. You both deserve a win.” Steve gives you some damn good advice, and went off to his lonesome. You really thought about what he said.

“You know Steve, you got a point.. we do deserve a happy ending and— Wait, what the hell do you mean, "up close"?!

#male reader #reader x marvel #natasha romanoff x male reader #natasha romanoff x male!reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow #black widow x reader

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legoiscrying · 1 year ago

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K2 appreciation post. I'm so emotional about them 💔

For me, their relationship is "Kyle supports Kenny, and Kenny supports Kyle".

Out of main four, Kyle is acknowledging and overall appreciating Kenny the most. He's also almost always the first one to consider Kenny's problems and help him with them, like it was in Major Boobage (S12E3), where Kenny was struggling with addiction. Other even more significant example is S14E3, where Mysterion tells others about his

immortality. Even tho it didn't really work after all, Kyles does something that no one did before: He sees Mysterion's reaction, how upset he is, and decides to consider Mysterion's words as true. We can't really tell if he actually did or he pretended to just so he can make Mysterion feel better (still sus), but the truth is: No one has ever tried before. Except for Kyle.

And it's not only Kyle supporting Kenny. Kenny does too. I'd say he doesn't directly participate it Kyle's problems, but I freak out every time when Kenny's trying to comfort Kyle with his words or touches.

I'm gonna leave this next one without commentary, because they are just so 💔💔

The most honorable mention: Jewbilee (S3E9). I'm just. I'm not even gonna talk about how at the start of the episode Kenny was inviting Kyle to watch a meteor shower with him, how Kyle was determined to take Kenny with him to Jewbilee ("Maybe you can go with me! Then it won't suck so hard!" KYLE BROFLOVSKI??). But THIS LINE is my absolute favorite. Yes Kyle, he is special. Please, if you love these two as much as I do, rewatch this episode. It's just them, spending time together and some shit happening

Lastly, if I talk about the ship specifically, I would like to add how I see their romantic relationships: They probably wouldn't have the "childhood crush" thingy. What I more prefer is, them growing up a bit afar from each other (not literally afar. just. emotionally yk yk), keeping their happy memories, but eventually coming back to each other, as they realize how similar they are to each other and how much comfort and healing they can give each other (I can make a post about this)

#south park #sp #kenny mccormick #kenny #kenneth mccormick #sp kenny mccormick #sp kenny #mysterion #sp mysterion #kyle brovlofski #sp kyle broflovski #sp kyle #k2 #sp k2 #kyle x kenny #sp kyle x kenny #kenny x kyle #sp kenny x kyle

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papermint-airplane · 7 months ago

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WARNING: HUGE RANT AHEAD

As per the request from @nectar-cellar:

Oh boy prepare yourself for a foul-mouthed rant because I am MAD!!!! 😠😠😠😠 Not at you, NC. I love you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. 😘

No I am mad at this STUPID FUCKING SIM holy shit

OK FIRST OF ALL

He started life like THIS

What I can only describe as "Disney's Aladdin visits a dude ranch". Yes, I know I have used that exact outfit (minus the boots) for Roman before, shut up, you're not here to expose my hypocrisy, you're here to suffer with me because OH BOY DID I SUFFER.

Ok so he turned out like this. Not bad, you say? No. Bad. Very bad.

I SPENT TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS ON THIS STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AND THERE'S STILL SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HIS FACE AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT AND I PUT CONTOURING MAKEUP ON HIS FACE AND YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, THIS SKINTONE IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COLOR MATCH TONIGHT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE I'M USUALLY GREAT AT COLOR MATCHING FUCK THIS GUY

Yeah so I got him in Live Mode and there is just something about him that is pissing me right the fuck off and I don't know what it is. Is it the eyes? Are the eyes too big? Jaw too square? I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like the eyes are too big but I kept shrinking his eyes until he literally looked like this .👄. and it still didn't help.

I went in and out of CAS at least 7 times and I can't figure out what's off and I can't fix it and I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMM

"Who's made of pixels and sucks ass? This guy!"

"Don't you just love me?"

NO I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH A BUS

I know that making masc men is a challenge for me. This is not new information. It's been a problem for 20 years, it'll be a problem for 20 more. I know what I find attractive in a man, I just don't know what looks good on a Sim. Know what I mean? No? Stop being difficult, you know exactly what I mean.

I also tried using NC's new torso and oh boy that was an adventure because the torso is fire and his face is A FUCKING DISASTER. There is something about his head and his torso that are incongruous with each other and I don't. know. what. it. is. It's driving me crazy. No correction, it has DRIVEN me crazy, past tense. I am crazy now and this fucker is why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT WHY DOESN'T HIS HEAD FIT WHAT DID I DO WRONG

I even expanded my slider multiples so I could fine tune things thinking that would help but no I think it made everything worse ESPECIALLY MY MENTAL HEALTH

I hate him. I HAAAAAAAAATEEE HIIIIIIIIIM

So by now you're like "Laura there's nothing wrong with him, Laura you're taking this too seriously, Laura he's fine" and I know. I KNOW! I STILL HATE HIM

And you're god dang right I put that fucker on a pole. If I get community labeled because of this shit heap, I'm gonna lose my shitting mind.

Literally fuck you, I hate you so much. I didn't even give you a name. Do you know what your name is? "Stupid asshole who won't behave" that's what your name is.

I even threw Monica the Devil Girl in there hoping that would help. It didn't.

Know what the worst part is?

I enjoyed this. I mean yeah sure I hated the whole process and I hate the result and I hate this Sim and in a minute, I'm going to have an alien Sim land a meteor on top of his head, but there's something really cathartic about just unloading all of your vitriol on a Sim, you know? And it was definitely a challenge and definitely out of my comfort zone. I'll have to keep trying until I make a male Sim (other than Roman and Aiden) that I'm happy with.

This was a learning experience for sure.

Piece of shit.

#sims 3 #ts3 #sims 3 gameplay #mine #adventures in cas #sims 3 cas #*breathes into a paper bag*#i'm fine everything's fine #gif warning

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whywasthissohardtomake · 18 days ago

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I need a no sburb au where bro still thinks its happening. And he keeps thinking that, keep preparing dave even as the meteors dont come when hes 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, even when his little bro walks out their apartment door for college. And he doesnt worry about him at that point. Thinks, ive done all i can and that dave’s got it taken care of and that the meteors arent coming. But he still yknow wants to know how dave is doing. So he texts him one day a couple months in and nothing. And again a few weeks later & he gets a “wrong number, sorry.” He thinks oh, daves gotten a new phone. He keeps trying to get in contact with him until a year or so later (maybe two) he shows up on campus to track him down (not conspicuously, just to make sure hes keeping up his skills & shit) & he sees dave. And daves gotten taller than him. Got a growth spurt he wasnt expecting. Hes not broader, but hes got a little chub now. Some meat on his bones. No longer the emaciated little kid bro raised with wiry muscle and ribs sticking out. And bro notices that hes clearly been shirking his sword training. And then as dave’s laughing at smth a friend’s saying, he spots bro. And his whole face closes. Smooths into the impassivity that bro taught him (beat into him that showing emotion is a weakness) and bro wonders where the kid he raised is. And then it hits him that dave his happy. Is healthy. And he wonders what the fuck he did to the kid he raised. And then he fucking flash steps away.

& i guess id need to give em like a zombie apocalypse or smth to deal with cause otherwise these mfs are just gonna ignore each other for the rest of their lives

#homestuck #bro strider #dave strider #my art

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alohajun · 1 year ago

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♡ TREASURE’S REACTION WHEN YOU GIVE THEM THE SILENT TREATMENT

treasure x gn!reader | wc : 1.9k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, established relationship, slight fluff, angst, mentions of wounds, mentions of arguments, use of petnames | request — hii can i request treasure reaction when you give them a silent treatment after an argument

CHOI HYUNSUK

🐷 as soon as he realizes you are giving him the silent treatment, he just walks away, letting you have some time to yourself while he does the same

🐷 broken between tryna speak to you and holding a vow of silence himself

🐷 he’s just pacing around the room, not knowing what to say or do because he’s practically fighting his own conscious

🐷 because if there’s two things our luis daniel gonsalves choi loves, it’s talking to you and hearing your voice

🐷 so after a lot of mental conflict, he’d stand in front of you, just blabbering whatever comes to his mind because he doesn’t know what else to do

🐷 and ofc, seeing how frustrated he is, you’d give in too, because you too can’t bear not talking to hyunsuk

🐷 "would you please forgive me so i can show you this song i wrote about you?"

PARK JIHOON

🐼 it literally is as impossible as it sounds bc there's no way jihoon would let you stay silent with him like that

🐼 "babe? what's up? are you not gonna talk to me? hm? okay, i see how it is."

🐼 couple minutes later, manz is in front of you, phone in ear as he speaks to you

🐼 "kyu is asking if you are down to hang out?" he'd ask, catching you off guard

🐼 there was no junkyu on the other line but ofc you didn't know that

🐼 you fell for his tactic as you replied, "yeah, sure."

🐼 jihoon would have a shit-eating grin on his face, blabbering smth to ensure you still believed he was talking to junkyu

🐼 "he's asking if you can make your brownies when you are coming?" "oh, okay, i can do that."

🐼 "kyu is also asking if you are still mad at me?" he'd try his luck, waiting for an answer

🐼 "no, not re—wait a minute!" you'd frown at jihoon, not amused by his little trick to get you to speak to him

🐼 "nuh–uh, you can't go back to your silence now. you already spoke to me, so keep it going."

KANEMOTO YOSHINORI

🐯 fights with yoshi don’t escalate too far because he knows how to take a step back and let the rage blow over so you two can address the issue calmly

🐯 so until your anger blew over, you went on a vow of silence, not realizing how much it affected yoshi when you didn’t respond to him

🐯 he only approached you twice before walking away, and you thought he knew your silence was just your way of letting the rage blow over

🐯 because after all, that was his method too, right?

🐯 poor baby tiger was crying in his room, wondering if it was the end of your relationship

🐯 you’d walk into his room to see him crying, instantly feeling guilty when he explained why he was crying

🐯 you’d assure him with lots of love, letting him know you two weren’t breaking up any time soon

🐯 tldr; he's a soft baby, don't hurt him part one

🐯 "don't do that to me, love. i really thought you wouldn't speak to me again."

KIM JUNKYU

🐨 after the end of an argument, bro thinks everything is magically resolved and back to normal

🐨 he’d just assume things like “oh, maybe y/n didn’t hear me” or “maybe y/n is focused on smth else” when you don’t respond

🐨 “dude, you do know y/n is mad at you, right?” jihoon would ask when he sees his best friend constantly try to speak to you and just wave it off when you didn’t respond

🐨 and that’s when the meteor of realization would hit junkyu, and he’d instantly be there by your side, apologizing for being an idiot

🐨 as he blabbers, you can’t help but laugh at his explanation, and you’d let him know that it was all in the past, just advising him to be more attentive the next time

🐨 “i am gonna be super attentive from now on, i promise. nothing is gonna get past me!”

TAKATA MASHIHO

🐹 if you wanted to be petty and give him the silent treatment, he’d do the same

🐹 the house is absolutely silent as you two just don’t make any effort to talk to the other

🐹 you will still do your work around the house, just without sharing a single word between the two of you

🐹 that is until mashiho hurts himself while cooking because even tho he doesn’t admit it, he’s a bit worried if he went too far with the argument you two had

🐹 immediately, you are at his side, taking care of his wound as you checked on him, repeatedly making sure he was alright as you made him sit

🐹 the two of you would start talking after that, forgetting about your vows of silence until mashiho would bring it up later at night because he wanted to resolve the issue for good

🐹 “next time we fight, we are not pulling any of those silent treatments. we are gonna talk it out like adults, okay?”

YOON JAEHYUK

🦁 bro very much worships you 🥹🫶

🦁 nah but like he'd malfunction if you don't talk to him after an argument

🦁 usually, y'all sort out of your issues just fine and get it out of the way so this silent treatment was totally new

🦁 "babe? baby? my love? y/n?"

🦁 his voice was getting more desperate with every word, brows furrowed as he panicked a little at the lack of your response

🦁 jaehyuk wouldn't leave your side, stuck to you as he tried to get you to speak to him again

🦁 the breaking point was when he'd tear up as he spoke to you, instantly making you throw your arms as you consoled him

🦁 tldr; he's a soft baby, don't hurt him part two

🦁 "i'm really sorry, y/n. please just talk to me again. i'm sorry."

HAMADA ASAHI

🤖 asahi is pretty silent himself, so he instantly catches on when you don’t talk to him

🤖 he’ll run every possible scenario through his head regarding your lack of speech, and it’d land on the fact you two very recently had a disagreement

🤖 at first, he’d give you the space you need, thinking you’d come around after a couple of hours, but when it doesn’t work, he’s overwhelmed

🤖 will give his friends a call, because he’s unsure if he should give you more time or just fall at your feet and beg for mercy

🤖 thankfully, yoshi and mashiho had good advice for him, which asahi immediately carried out, approaching you and asking if you two could talk

🤖 once you nodded, he’d sit down and discuss the situation, wondering if it was because of the argument you two had

🤖 he’d apologize for driving you to the point where you had to give him a silent treatment for him to understand

🤖 “i'm sorry, my love. let’s promise to talk out our issues next time, okay?”

BANG YEDAM

🦊 like mashiho, yedam would give you the silent treatment as well

🦊 he thinks he’s winning, thinking he’s proving a point by joining you out of pettiness

🦊 but you weren’t backing down and he was getting slightly annoyed, so he’d resort to phase two of the plan

🦊 kissing the silence out of you

🦊 it’s just as simple as it sounds; yedam would kiss you all over your face until you had to talk to him

🦊 you two would be giggly messes as he pulled away, all the arguments forgotten as you two stared at each other, just happy to be together

🦊 “you can’t try that on me, babes. my kisses are a master of conflict resolution.”

KIM DOYOUNG

🐰 instantly picks up that you are giving him the silent treatment because he notices your lack of words

🐰 doyoung would recount whatever happened and will think about the argument you two had earlier, wondering if anything he said struck a chord with you

🐰 because fights with you two don’t end badly, since you two always to resolve things

🐰 he’d sit you down and talk it out, apologizing if he said anything out of line to hurt your feelings and you’d do the same, appreciating the fact he apologized

🐰 doyoung would defo crack a joke or two as soon as you resolve things, earning a playful punch from you at his words

🐰 “now explicitly describe exactly how painful it was for you to not talk to me.”

WATANABE HARUTO

🦙 can’t believe your audacity to give him the silent treatment part one

🦙 he’d play along with your antics, shrugging and walking away when you wouldn’t respond to him

🦙 ruto would just behave as he usually does, just not talking as much because there wasn’t a point in doing so if you weren’t gonna respond

🦙 you’d soon catch onto his behavior, realizing your silent treatment was backfiring since he wasn’t reacting to any of it

🦙 but just as you are about to give in and talk to him, ruto will approach you, a worried look on his face because it’s been literal hours since you last spoke to him

🦙 “you aren’t going to break up with me, are you?”

🦙 and that’s when you realize it’s gone too far, quickly pulling him into your embrace as you apologized for letting things escalate this far

🦙 “i seriously hate you for this. but thank goodness, you aren’t that mad at me. i love you too much, it hurts.”

PARK JEONGWOO

🐺 can’t believe your audacity to give him the silent treatment part two

🐺 literally scoffs in your face when you don’t respond to him

🐺 “oh, is this what we’re doing, huh?” 🙄😑🤔😤

🐺 will wait around a bit to see if you change up, but after a couple of hours if you still don’t talk, he’s gonna turn to his last resort

🐺 whining; manz is gonna annoy you into speaking to him again

🐺 but ofc after being with him for so long, you were unfazed which would then just deflate his mood

🐺 “are you really going to do this?” 🥺😭☹️🥹

🐺 you’d defo cave in after seeing his pouty face, giving him a kiss before talking to him again

🐺 “talk to me again, y/n, hm? please?”

SO JUNGHWAN

🐮 super king cow baby will be so pouty when you give him the silent treatment

🐮 even after he apologized, you wouldn’t utter a single word and just blankly stare at him, making him even sadder

🐮 after lots of pleads, hwan would defo get on his knees as he stood in front of you, absolutely no hesitation in begging you to speak to him

🐮 “i'm gonna stay like until you forgive me, so please talk to me, y/n.”

🐮 you though he was joking, you really did

🐮 but when he followed you on his knees when you walked around, you felt super bad, realizing he was super serious about his words

🐮 immediately kneeling next to him, you’d apologize for your childish behavior, checking on junghwan to see if he was hurt

🐮 if he was hurt, you’d feel super guilty, tears pricking your eyes, but junghwan would only smile, just happy to hear talking to him

🐮 “i'm fine. seriously, i am. i just wanted to hear you talk to me again.”

taglist — @kflixnet @gyutendo @twntycm @heejojo @jaesvelvet @fightmegirl @koishua @lovethyfandoms2 @kpoprhia @woooooooosh8 @milkybonya @enhacolor @yunho-leeknow @candililac @willdieforbeidou @luvbrie @mui890mew @one16core @soobin-chois @odetoyeonjun @wonluvrbot @acciomylove @idkwatodoanymore @kyufilms @ily-cuz-i @acaiasahi @bobariki @kyuchanie @changmin-wrlds @teuranghae (to be added, please send an ask or dm!)

MASTERLISTS | TAGLIST FORM

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evil-youth-messrs · 22 days ago

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In honor of Vengeance Saga cover reveal, welcome back to Moments in Epic That Make Me Go Insane ™️. In today's episode, we have The Thunder Saga and The Wisdom Saga. (I decided to split Act II in half, so the last part will be up after all sagas are released!)

Previous parts include: Troy, Cyclops, Ocean | Circe | Underworld. Without further ado, let's goo 👉

The Thunder Saga⚡️

~ee ee aaa ee ee aa aa pe-ne-lo-peee pe-ne-lo-pee~

oh, I would, but IIII've been suffering, trying to float the whole time-I would take the suffering from youuu

but only if you answer a question or two... of course!

okay, soo let'ssayIwasontherun or hiding from.... I dunno 🙄 POSEIDON! 😜

he will chase you high and low so find a place he'd never go, the one way you'll get home is sailing where he's scared to roam oh, it's through the lair of Scylla *DUN* (also the way this mimics the "He will burn your house and throne..." from The Horse and The Infant)

now jump in the water! Penelope whyy? you know I'm too shyyy 🥺👉👈🎀

aah, the things I'd do for you *shoots her*

*the electronic sounds at the beginning of Different Beast*

I know underwater there are packs of you hiding

you didn't notice that your friends got snatched! WHAT 😦

we are the ones who con-quer

while on the run from Poseidon we found a ship with no crew, I realized nearby there were sirens!

spare us, oooh, spare us, pleeaase 🙏

CUT OFF THEIR TAILS! we're ending this now, throw their bodies back in the water, let them drown NOOOO

KILL EM ALLL

*pum pum pum pum* The Lair of Scyllaaa 🤲

you hide a reason for shaaame~

leaving them feeling betraayyed~

Eurylochus, light up six torches 💀

ROW FOR YOUR LIVES! DROWN IN YOUR SORROW AND FEARSSSS *the entire verse that Scylla sings* DIE IN THE BLOOD WHERE YOU BATHE

*the instrumentals in this saga are all so good omg*

look me in the eyes and tell me, Captain, that you did not just sacrifice six men 😥

then you have forced my hand *epic guitar riff*

EURYLOCHUS! EURYLOCHUS! EURYLOCHUS! ODYSSEUS! ODYSSEUS! ODYSSEUS!

*the luck runs out reprise basically omg*

aaaaah aaah 👼🙏

this statue, the god of the sun~

please don't tell me you're about to do what I think you'll do 🥺

Ody

I'm just a maaan EURYLOCHUS NOOOO

you've doomed us😦

these cows were immortal, they were the sun god's friends and now that we pissed him off who do you think he'll send?!

fullspeedahead FASTER fullspeedahe-*THUNDER*

*the entire Thunder Bringer, but especially:*

*the intro electronic brass melody*

PRIDE IS A DAMSEL IN DISTRESSSSS

in the end it's all the same once I apply all the pre-ssure

THUNDERRR⚡️ BRING HERR THROUGH THE WRINGERRRR SHOW HER I'M THE JUDGEMENT CALL THE ONE ☝️ WHO MAKES HER KINGDOM FALL

✨️enlighten me✨️, king of Ithaca

and suffer a gruesome fateOF THE THUNDERR BRINGERR...

SUBLIIIME YOU FOR YOUR ACT OF CRIMEE

CHOOSE choose? 🥺

please don't make me do this - when? does a comet become a meteor? - I can take the suffering from youu

captain? I have to see her 🥺 but we'll die 🥺 I know 😔

*can you tell this is my favourite saga*

The Wisdom Saga ⏳️

it's just me, myself and I 😊 stuck in my bedroom 😖

cause I'm stuck with your storiess~

if so, then give me sirens and a cyclops! give me giants and a hydra! I know life and fate are SCAry but I wanna be LEgenDAry

the minotaaauuur even cerberus

L-L-L-L-LEGENDARY

where is he??? where is the man who'll have you to wife???? ooOoOh???

give me a chance, a single opportunity and I'll overcome these obstacles and scrutiny and-BOY

WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT CHAMP

you'll have run of of b~o~nes to break

*tick tick* need some help? 😏

uppercut him, NOW woah HOW DID I DO THAT?? 😲😲

I just made your *thoughts* *quick* (get it)

I've seen plenty enough! to truly understand this kind of field

take advantage now and stRRRRike, little wolf, STRIKE

Athena 🥺

I've never felt strong before, you're my friend, I couldn't ask for more 🫂

I don't think he'll miiiiind

you're a good kid 🥹

keep your friends close and your enemies closer RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OURSELVES one wrong move and you're done for anything I SONG OF PAST ROMANCE I SEE THE we won't take more suffering from you DROWN IN YOUR SORROW AND FEARS (yes this was necessary)

🪘🏝🪘🏝🪘🏝

tell me though, who's Penelope? ☺️ she's my wife 💀 ..........anyways!

from here on out you're mine, all mine-HELL NAH

last I checked, godesses can't die hihihi

bow down now to the immortal ~Calypso~

my island stays unkNOwnNO I don't belong here, there's something wrong here

*the bg music especially when he sings "I won't be drawn to love in paradise"*

it will be fine dear, come back inside dear

oooooooooh oooooooh ATHENA 😭

father, god king, rarely do I ask for favors, now I'm knocking~ on your door

divine intervention, is that what you seek? 😝😤

great - very well - eh - alright - groovy - bring it

Apollo! you all know I'm a fan of catchy songs 🕺🕺

why should I give him my support? he sacrificed his own cohort (rip uncle hort 😔)

Aphrodite~ your little high and mighty~ Odysseus

really Athena? these old tricks?

Areeees, Areeeees

what kind of sick coward! holds back his power while his friends get devoured? he didn't even fight Scylla, DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO KILL HER (his theme mathing Athena's, omg it's details like this that make this musical a masterpiece)

hey baby 💃🕺🪩

he's got the mind of a genius try harder he's pretty skilled with words you can do better than that hE's kINdA fUnNy? 🥴 ehhh never once has he cheated on his wife 💀 ...release him

no one beats me, no one wins my game! THUNDERRR BRING HERR THROUGH THE WRINGERRRR

As always, thank you for reading (this was really long, give yourself a pat on the back if you made it this far!)

We'll be back one more time! 💛

#epic: the musical #epic the musical #epic: the thunder saga #epic the thunder saga #odysseus #jay rivera herrans #jorge rivera herrans

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chaifootsteps · 6 months ago

Note

Rewrite of the Seeing Stars episode :

Instead of the Episode kicking off on Stolas' side of the story, have it start on Blitz and Loona's argument. Have Blitz wait a few hours before looking for her after she stormed off only to find out Loona had packed her stuff and left their home. Have him worry and look for clues before realising the Grimoire was also gone. He doesn't hesitate, he knows he'd be in big trouble and the whole situation would be more awkward after what went down at Asmodeus but he doesn't care, and calls Stolas to ask for his help. Stolas doesn't answer his phone right away which was strange but Blitz chalked it up to what went down a few days prior. Stolas picks up after a few rings

"Blitz, I don't know what you're calling me for but you have no idea how much this came at the right time. There's a dozen of things I want to tell you, I know I have to tell you, but right now I need your help. Octavia, my daughter... I think she ran away from our home. I need you and your team to cover more ground than I could in Hell to find her. I think she went to an event, something big happening today. I don't know where but it's at nighttime and... She's gonna stay out all alone that late. Who knows the number of people who'd try harming her for being my daughter... Loo Loo Land was a close call on more than one time and she doesn't have half of my magic powers-..."

Blitz relates to Stolas' predicament and reassures him that he'll send M & M's to check on the biggest teen hot spots in Hell for him. They got a big contact list from all the places Loona often started brawls at... He then drops a bomb on Stolas about the Grimoire and how he thinks Loonie used it to head to Earth and how he needs to find his daughter before anything bad happens to her too. Stolas agrees to help Blitz because, the sooner his hellhound daughter is found, the more people could help find his daughter. Loona's sense of smell could help retrace Via's steps ! (He'll bring a few of her belongings with them on their trip to Earth so she'll start right away once they find her!)

They make their trip to Earth and land in Los Angeles where they get mistaken for some human super stars. Blitz is about to explain that this is a big misunderstanding to these folks when Stolas gets a genius idea : If they perform together well enough, they could use the TV broadcast to send a message to Loona, convince her to return back home and get her to meet somewhere so they'll all be able to go back to Hell. Blitz has left his acting career way behind him but for the sake of Loona, he'd have another go at it, no questions asked. It was a bit hard at the start but he found his footing again and gives some pieces of advice to Stolas while at it. They perform well enough but Stolas suddenly gets very distracted during break time and nearly blows their cover... It's because during break time an announcement was made for tonight's big event : Meteor shower. While he rummaged through the few things he brought with him from Via's room, he took out the calendar and finally understood that the date circled was tied to an event not in Hell but on Earth. (Cue to the Stolas and Via flashback from the start of the canon episode here)

Their daughters were actually together on Earth.

So how did things go on Octavia and Loona's side of the plot this whole time in this rewrite ? Octavia couldn't really go around Hell as a Goatia so she was disguising herself as a normal hellborn all the way to I M P to get the Grimoire from there and was basically using that fake identity when she crossed paths with Loona. She knew how to use the Grimoire better than her and decided to make a deal with her : They go to Earth together and in exchange, she'll show her a cool place there... Loona isn't convinced. Octavia pulls out a wad of cash from her shadow hammer space and says the expenses will be all on her. Loona is convinced.

They genuinely have a good time together in their girls' day out, discovering Los Angeles, going on restaurants but eventually Blitz and Stolas' broadcast reaches them and while Loona's surprised, Octavia runs off to the Observatory before Loona notices her being gone... Loona finds her and Via starts off by apologising for lying to her this whole time. She then explains her situation with her family and why she ran away. Loona does the same. Octavia adds that she left before Stolas could finish his apology because she learnt his routine. He pretends to care about her, messes up big time or doesn't notice her discomfort, goes after her when she runs away and apologises... Only to do this all over again. At this point she knows he just apologises to feel better about himself without realizing what he needs to apologize for or knowing what wrong he did to her. "It's the same thing here : He really doesn't know what he did wrong. He just apologised for show... Heh. Literally on live TV." ... But Loona tells her it's not the case this time. She knew she'd find her at the Observatory because Stolas said he'd join her there himself. "High ground, no trees, little to no city lights, ... All for the most perfect view."

Blitz and Stolas reach the Observatory on time and while Stolas and Octavia are enjoying the meteor shower on the dome in silence, Blitz and Loona have a chat. Blitz tries to apologize but Loona quickly changes the subject to his performance in the sitcom they used for the broadcast. She is... Complimenting him. He is flustered and deeply touched to hear these words and especially from his daughter. She then reveals something to him : She always wanted to be an actress. Sure it's not a job for hellhounds but it has always been something she wanted to do herself.

This is Loona's way of opening up to Blitz after their fight earlier and her rather standoffish, closed off attitude and why she hates working a desk job (even if IMP is Blitz's dream business come true), really seeming to enjoy herself the most when she is pretending to be someone else, like for the contract kills at Verosika's concert.

The episode ends with Via and Stolas fulling their promise for a dream they share together and on Blitz and Loonie's side, they are making their own promises for the future and are each building their own dreams. The meteor shower seals the new promises and the wishes that go with it

Thank you for the beautiful rewrite. Helluva Boss if it had character bonding and empathy in it.

#Anonymous #helluva boss critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

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vitaminseetarot · 1 year ago

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Perseid PAC Pick a Fruit: What Blessings Are About to Shower Upon Your Life? 🌠

Hey, hey, listen! [/navi]

Did you know we're gonna have an insanely wonderful Perseid meteor shower on August 13th?! It'll be somewhere in the ballpark of, I dunno, 200 meteors passing an hour?! And the moon will be dark so they will be perfectly visible! So time to grab your favorite lantern, unroll the sleeping bag, and pray for some clear skies cause the night will be sparkling like champagne ~

In the event that you don't see the showers (city light pollution go brrr), their blessings will still be felt by all as they pass over us like benevolent winged unicorns. So I'm gonna do for you a quick PAC to find out what kind of blessing you will receive around this time. The blessings may be small and sweet, but it might just make you smile and look up.

Some of these piles were heavier than anticipated, so please note that blessings come in all shapes and sizes like these fruits below.

🍌🍊🍎🍌🍊🍎🍌🍊🍎🍌🍊🍎🍌🍊🍎🍌🍊🍎

Pile 1: Banana 🍌

[XIII Death, XI Justice, 5 of Cups; Markab, Debilitated - Discomfort, 1. Vision- Contemplating the Future]

This pile reminded me of old crime shows I watched ages ago like "Cold Case Files" as well as "Medium". The shows were all about resolving difficult cases to the very end. Even when the solution was found, the perp was eventually taken in, and the ghost wandered off to the afterlife, there always was a lingering sadness around each episode. Because the entire show premise and episode would not exist if it weren't for these characters experiencing injustice well before the script's running and the camera's rolling.

Your blessing is that you will have the chance to close out something that was left unresolved for a very long time. It's not going to bother you anymore. Without that sense of revenge, you're getting even. Maybe there were fights, or maybe it was just lost information, but you will ultimately feel a sense of closure from this. I read that there's really nothing you need to do at this time to facilitate this blessing. It will come on its own time. Once it does, you may feel it in the form of healthy grieving, of having a good cry. This release may be uncomfortable but it's necessary for allowing the chapter to finally end for good, so let it flow. (Try listening to "Before the Dawn" by Magnetude & Julia Marks, I always play it during rough times.)

I'm getting that you already understand this to be the next step, but I can give you assurance that it's okay to feel bittersweet about it. This isn't a typical blessing, but there is a newfound freedom to be found here. Your Justice card features the Statue of Liberty, and your ethereal orb card Markab talks about liberty as well: "You have outgrown your old skin, now it's time to utilize your wings." It seems rocky right now but trust that you are on the right path. This closure will give you the chance to transform your life and move ahead.

You're being asked to spend more energy looking to what you want to do after this is over than worrying about the closure. There are new doors opening for you, and you have the choice to go down many different paths. You're being asked to specifically consider about where you want to be one year from now, and work from there. The banana you picked is shaped like the waning crescent moon in your card, but it's also a symbol of fertility. Banana reminds you that endings imply beginnings.

If you also feel drawn to pile 3, you can check it out for further guidance as it has a similar message.

Pile 2: Mandarin 🍊

[Queen of Wands, 10 of Cups, 3 of Wands; Sirius, Jupiter - Abundance, II Resources]

What a tasty pile we got here pile 2, cause it looks like with mandarin, you're getting a taste of the sweet life. Your blessing is gonna be a huge boost to your personal confidence. It could be that someone is coming to you with a work offer, one who is bright and charismatic. Or perhaps the fire is being lit from within you. This person could have what it takes to fund your project, for example, or may be enthusiastic to work with you. Your creative potential is being highlighted here. You're onto something good!

It's great seeing the 10 of cups smack in the middle of your reading, but look closely. 10 of cups is not behaving like its usual contented self. The real rainbow is at the end of the road and right now, you're being given some green light signals to move ahead towards your destination. Even though this surge of self-esteem is going to feel really really great in the beginning, ultimately it's to serve the higher purpose of guiding you to your next assignment. This energy is the start towards setting down the foundations for something amazing.

Your ethereal orb card Sirius reads: "Offer me direction and exhibit my intention, my head is full of dreams and my existence is a fantasy." Perhaps your mind is swimming in all the wonderful possibilities that could arise from this encounter or event. But you're not meant to stay in this energy forever. Savor it, praise it in gratitude, then pack your bags and be ready to march out at dawn. If you're able to keep up the momentum, it will likely result in further blessings. But you will need to stay on track and not let it all get to your head.

You will need to keep yourself from getting too emotionally overwhelmed from this blessing. Jupiter can mean "a lot" of anything, which can cause us to feel dizzy from the sudden luck. As if you're struggling to believe if it's true. And it's good to be wary of "too good to be true" scenarios, but once you look closely at the finer details, you can proceed. The key is to stick with what's true for you and to not compromise for somebody else's vision, as it's just too soon for anyone but yourself to get involved with what you're working on, but be open to support from the outside. You can move forward with both optimism and grounded judgment.

Pile 3: Apple 🍎

[8 of Cups, Queen of Coins, X Wheel of Fortune; Athaya, Capricorn - Achieve, 2. Dominance - Believe in Yourself]

Pile 3, when I was shuffling your tarot deck I got very tense before drawing 8 of cups. Like a wound rubber band waiting to snap. Please make sure to go out on walks or you're exercising to let off some steam. You seem currently stressed out about something that has long overstayed its welcome. It's something you may deeply cherish about in some way but is draining you rather than helping you grow. It may be the very apple of your eye, but it's really poisoning you at this point. There's a sore spot that keeps getting pushed. An event may have happened recently which caused you to say, "that's it!" and storm off only to feel bad about doing so.

Don't be! The blessing here is that as soon as you drop whatever is bugging you and weighing you down, you're going to feel so much lighter. Like being lifted from the gravity of the earth for a moment. You will be propelled into an eventful and fun new chapter in your life, and you're being given the inner drive to do this. The initial blessing is gonna be a feeling of a massive weight being lifted from your shoulders and a chance to breathe. Once this happens, and you've taken care of a few loose ends, you'll be in a better position to receive greater blessings down the road. I see 1010 in your cards so look for this number as a confirmation that you're on the way towards success.

You're being asked to take personal responsibility and control for your life, but the keyword is your life. Do not take responsibility for this weird old baggage unless you actually need to talk it out with a person or make amends, but that's not what I'm reading here. This is more like if a person joined a fitness group and made good new memories and connections only to be forced to leave it behind. Maybe the fitness group was a cult all along, maybe the teacher was spreading damned lies and statistics about nutritional health, maybe there were a lot of disagreements, and it got to where you had to leave it behind just to feel any relief.

Your ethereal orb card Athaya reads: "Duality teaches us that in order to love we must bind together what differentiates us." When I read this I heard the lyrics "if you love me let me go". Sometimes holding on to what we cherish too tightly can cause it to slip quickly from our grasp when we least expect it. They were great memories, but you have so many amazing new memories waiting for you. Once you're in a position to prioritize your life first, to get your needs met, and focus on practical matters, then opportunities will be flooding in for you. Moving on won't be as hard as you think when life moves you to a better place.

If you feel drawn to pile 1, you can check it out for further guidance as there are similar messages.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

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submalevolentgrace · 2 years ago

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(yesterday i received an ask, which prompted me to write the following response. the asker has apologised for sending it and i took it down to prevent anyone from laying into them, but present is anonymously below because i like my response and want you to see it)

"Based on the fun new revelation that the world is ending before I graduate, is it even worth it to try prepping or should we all just get ready to jump into traffic come 2025?"

okay, there is, A LOT to unpack here. i'm gonna do my best to respond to this helpfully, the way i am facing it: confronting it, emotionally processing it, pragmatically preparing, and holding on to a sort of grim, dark hope.

we're talking about climate collapse and the latest IPCC report here right? first off, it's not a new revelation. maybe it is for you personally, but for humanity as a whole, we've known about the inevitable outcomes of emissions damaging the climate since like the 70's. i found out about it myself in primary school in the mid 90's, when it was still called the greenhouse effect, and i then spent 20 years on and off in various roles of support for climate activism, when i had the spoons. if you're young and just finding out about it now i know it's probably overwhelming, and especially sucks the later you've been born into this mess… but i'm pointing out that it's not new, to underline the point that it's also not sudden. yeah it's getting worse, but it's been getting worse for generations, and will keep getting worse for generations.

it's not a meteor, or a volcano. it's a creeping steady decline of habitability with sputters and bursts of natural disaster; there is no timeline or event or threshold at which the world ends here.

that 2025 "deadline" from this year's IPCC synthesis report, for instance; it's not a date that the world ends. honestly, in some ways, it's kinda meaningless. what it is, as i understand it, is that all the data says that if we want to limit global average temperature rises to 1.5C by end of century - which we do, because even 2C would be catastrophic - we need emissions to peak by 2025 and then rapidly decline. it's a vastly oversimplified agregate of incredibly complex data reduced down to the point of absurdity in a desperate attempt by scientists to get corporations to allow governments to take action to limit corporations. it's a deadline for government action to limit effects by 2100. the year will come, and pass, and the world will go on. probably with emissions still going up, probably with targets shifted again and 2C accepted as the next half hearted goal that will also be missed, but life will go on.

no end of the world. life will go on. into the 2030's, into the 2040's, into the 2100's, life will go on. it'll be hotter and colder, wetter and drier, more storms and bushfires, less food and fertile land, but life will go on. populations will starve, land will become uninhabitable, life will go on. when you hear about "the end of the world" from climate collapse, it's not a hard apocalypse that kills us all off or whatever. it's the slow creep of nature getting more harsh, and the way we do things much harder.

if you look at the serious reports from scientists and militaries, the language you see isn't "end of the world", it's "end of modern societies". that's what's really at risk: the fragile infrastructure that holds up the ruling classes of rich nations and has us all scurrying around to make it work. mass scale power grids, international supply chains and just in time logistics, silicon wafer production, year-round plastic wrapped preserved passionfruit chunks grown in thailand, packed in argentina, sold in france, profits to america, money stored on a computer in the cayman islands. i can't sugarcoat it and say that's all that's at stake; people are definitely going to starve and drown and die of exposure; but that already happens every day in most of the world, right now. there are a million rohingya at the border of bangladesh, locals fleeing khartoum as the west airlifts out is nationals, people whose civilisations were crushed under the boots of empires and land destroyed to create the farmland and factories that are killing the planet. life for them goes on.

i mean, i get it. seeing the impending collapse of your society, everything you've known for your whole life being willfully destroyed, it's fucking devastating. we want to keep sitting here on comfortable couches with our gold and cobalt plated supercomputers sharing cat gifs on the hellsite. we don't want to have our civilisation taken away from us and be forced into brutal struggle to survive. it's going to fucking suck, it will be awful, and it will be (and already is) most destructive to the people who are already the worst off, which just sucks even more… and maybe your life is already bad enough that you don't think you can handle it getting worse. i mean, i've been suicidal since i was 14 and i've been through trauma and medical torture you wouldn't believe since then. i get it. you're scared, terrified even. existentially threatened. you don't know what you can handle and maybe you donn't wanna find out.

but here's the thing: the ONLY sensible thing you can do, now and going forwards, is prepare for it.

you wanna kill yourself when it gets hard? let's say sure, i agree with that. what's the threshold then, what's the limit? when will you kill yourself? the power grid going down? sewerage backing up? supply chains failing and being unable to buy food? from the comfort of the developed world, those all feel like exit points i can imagine many people taking as their out… but how long does it have to last before you know it's carbon-monoxide-party time? a month of no power, no flush, no food? a week, a few months, or a year? because it won't start that way.

it's not a meteor or volcano, it's a slow slide. some powerlines sagged so there's rolling blackouts every now and then, a few hours or a day at a time. pipes backed up a bit so pressure is reduced for a week until repairs are done. fires and plague have closed roads so shelves are bare and stores are limiting purchases on essentials this month. there will be bumps along the road before there will be any sort of definitive cliff where you can say "this is it, now is the time to kill myself". these bumps are already happening.

i really hope you can agree, it'd be absurd to be such a fatalistic doomer that you kill yourself instantly at the first blackout, dry tap, or closed grocery store; when you can't know if it'll be back up in a few hours or tomorrow or next week. these small disruptions are already happening right now, directly as a result of climate collapse, but we're still here, still living. if we're going to talk about suicide as a pragmatic option, you need a threshold, and wherever you set it, you'll have to get through what comes before. "i'll kill myself after a month with no grid" still means you gotta be ready for a week without it. you gotta prepare, even if you plan to not survive.

and i know it's overwhelming, i know. to look around and think about what is essential to keep you going, what you can sacrifice, how you can make it through. but you're not going to be doing it alone, everyone around you is going to be doing it with you. we're all going to be struggling through it, and based on how communities have responded in the last few years to a string of once-in-a-lifetime disasters here in my home of climate-fucked australia, i am certain that when the climate collapses around a group of people, they will form a community and help each other, no matter how selfish and mean of a country bogan (translation: redneck) they are. people will help each other; people already are helping each other.

because yeah, climate collapse will probably destroy modern civilisation… but so what? it's a neoliberal capitalist hellscape quickly plunging us into technologically enforced eternal authoritarianism… and like, not to be an accelerationist or anything, but here's that dark hope i mentioned: i'm kinda relieved by the thought that the infrastructure that enables it won't last this century. that climate collapse will force us out of these horrors, and back into real, interdependent community.

so do what you can to prepare, how you can, to make the little disruptions more bearable and comfortable. there's plenty of resources still available for off grid life, camping, home agriculture, and general self sufficiency out there on the still-existant internet, and more people are getting into it all the time - not just what you imagine when you hear "prepper". any skill you can develop, anything you can do to prepare, even if it's as simple as keeping extra shelf stable food and a jug of clean water around, anything you can do will help you materially and more importantly, mentally.

having some jerry cans of water and a small solar setup has been amazing for my mental health and anxiety! and as much as i'm putting material and energy into preperations, i'm also putting them into comfort, maybe even hedonism. collecting some cool lego, got some fancy synths i didn't need, making fucked up noise music with them. enjoying the sound of the neighbours' chickens, looking forward to the day "the world ends" and i can free-range my own on the council's nature strip and share the eggs with the pottery lady down the street. once you're prepared to survive a week of grid down, maybe you'll realise a month, a year, isn't so unbearable. maybe it starts to feel nice?

because i've been there, the suicidal grief. 2018 was absolutely the worst year of my life and i was sure i'd die being tortured in hospital, and coming out of that, in 2019, both the IPCC and ADF released incredibly bleak reports on climate collapse outcomes, and it all sank in. all the spare spoons i'd sunk into helping when i could, all the decades of scientists desperately warning, it all failed. the final warnings have been coming for years, with no change in course, it's happening. and i faced the realisation that my decades were limited, my time of comfort short, and i started despairing and grieving. i turned to what support systems i had, and they failed me. when my psych asked what i was so anxious about and i started explaining the climate reports, he tensed up and started asking diagnostic questions for dilusional psychosis. i went home and cried, i was sleeping on the couch in the junk storage room of my sharehouse because i'd let my own room fill up with so much trash that there was a distinctly organic smell of growth choking the whole place out. i was fucking done, my heart and body broken, there didn't seem to be any point in anything, not without a future. it's the closest i've been to killing myself since leaving home…

so i said, fuck it. i've got a tiny pool of cash from welfare backpay, and i bought a synth i wanted. it fucking rocked, and brought me so much joy, so i bought another, and another. no future to save for, anyway. i made some cool music, i never saw that psych again, i gave up on my drive for revenge on doctors and finding answers about my fucked up nervous system, why bother when the world is ending? and i made music. i can kill myself later maybe. i started loving myself more, because what's the point starving to death hating myself? i made music and got confident and cleaned my fucking room, bought a new mattress. i met a girl and took a chance and we fucked real good and i fell in love again. i moved out somewhere new and quieter and left a home of over a decade behind me, left parts of my identity behind me, moving forward and growing for the better. i have a family now, the first family that has ever loved me without expecting anything in return, and i love them with all my heart. i listen to the chickens, and watch leaves float down the storm water drain, and make cool music. yesterday i listened to a 14 minute track i made 6 months ago and almost cried, because nobody can make music that is so perfect for my tastes except me, and i brought it into existence. on the weekend i'm gonna set up the solar panel to keep the backup battery topped up, i use it to charge my phone and laptop, which the kids would call solarpunk and i'd call cool as fuck to have a solar powered laptop.

in 2019 i stared into the void and realised there is no real future for me, for human civilisation as we know it, and i grieved and processed… i almost killed myself, but i didn't, and the years since have been the best of my life, no question.

so, no. don't kill yourself, now or in 2025 or at any point until you can't handle the torture anymore. "graduation" sounds young, real young, even if it's tertiary. i'm creeping towards 40, and the age that "graduation" conjures makes me think that you've got a hell of a lot of potential left in you, for fun and stupidity, and growing up, and finding love and heartbreak, and your version of wierd-arse synth music.

so go out there, prepare, and enjoy.

…

…..and for the love of all the false goddesses of the void, never, NEVER EVER again contact a random fucking blog on tumblr and ask if you should kill yourself. holy fuck buddy. the amount of pressure you put me under to deliver an emmaculately worded response that somehow talks you down from the ledge without lying, is way, way too much fucking pressure. i really hope you were being stupidly hyperbolic, but even then, Eris Fucking Kallisti Herself In Absurdist Pagan Blasphemy, so incredibly unacceptable to say to a stranger. i think you need a therapist, even if they do think you're catastrophising, because like. shit dude. this is abso-fucking-lutely not okay!

now go. prepare and enjoy.

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