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#gonna take today and maybe tomorrow to just. work on that
rumeysawrites · 1 day
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INTERDIMENSIONAL BOOK 1: SEARCH FOR THE LEGENDARIES (CHAPTER 1 PREVIEW)
Chapter 1: Rosena #1
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It was silent.
No noise of any cars passing by. No more of the sleep-talking of my siblings across the room. Not even the sound of the crows that lived on the single tree across the street.
It was all silent. Peaceful and nerve-wracking.
Except, the noisy thoughts, filling my head again. Thoughts I didn't want to deal with at that moment.
They made it impossible to close my eyes.
I had my final tests these two weeks. I had to rest up and prepare for them. Had to get high enough scores to leave this one. Possibly this place as a whole even.
But did I really have to leave?
Everyone left after all. Ella, Sky, even Tom...sort of. Why couldn't I?
Because it hurt? Or was it just my stubbornness?
I didn't know. Honestly, didn't want to think about it either.
I instead peeked my head through the covers, hugging Lily and Poppy close to my chest.
It was still kind of dark outside, but some of the early morning light came through, strong enough for me to notice.
I took my medallion out of my shirt, feeling its slight coldness. Then I held it out. The blue gem on it lightly shone, the same color as outside. It was beautiful, and felt cool, refreshing even.
I sighed.
Anytime now-
"Rose! Mira! Mather! Wake up kids! You're gonna be late for school!"
-She could cone...
It was my mom, Susane Freze.
Her impatient voice came from nearby. Too nearby actually.
I immeditially buried my head under the covers, as the door creaked open.
I shifted slightly, trying to hide my face.
I was already awake. Had been for awhile.
I was going to try and conince her that I couldn't to go to school today. I didn't want to. Exam days were one thing, I didn't have the energy or the patience for two more weeks besides them.
After all... What was the point? 
What was the point in trying and thinking things can be different, better even, when they didn't?
Everything was going to be the same. Those people, my classmates, "friends" even, were going to act the same way.
"I know you're awake, Rose."
I didn't respond. Maybe pretending to be sick would help convince her?
"Rose, I know it. You moved!" She repeated, and pulled my covers off my head.
"Noo! Please-"
My protests didn't work, as I had to try hiding my face with my stuffed animals, and stay still. Sadly, Poppy and Lily were too small, and she found me out.
"Good morning, Rose." Mom said in a quieter voice. "You get up and prepare. And I'll wake up the twins."
I weakly smiled and raised my head. Could a fake sneeze help?
How do you fake sneeze?
"Good morning too." I said with a yawn. "Can I....um...?"
Before I could speak another word, mom had moved over to my siblings' bunk beds.
"Mira! Mather! Mira!!! Mather!!!"
"Uhh...you gotta leave him, Ivy. Hmmnm! Do it for yourself!...."
"Ollie! Defend the tower!"
They won't wake up that easily. They're lost in TVland and Gameland. I can take sometime when she's busy with them, and...
I let my head fall back to the pillow.
The effects of sleeplessness always settled in when I least wanted. Why did it wait to weigh in until I made the slightest attempt of getting up but not when I was trying to sleep?
"Coming..." Mira's drowsy response came. "After sis..." 
No you did not!
"But Rose already-" My mom stopped. Her voice came from closer again. "Rose! You've to get up!"
"I'm not feeling well." I weakly said and tried to add realistic coughs.
"I see that." She said in a mix of tiredness and understanding in her voice. "You can rest and take your test tomorrow maybe?"
Test? What test? It was on Monday! Wasn't that- Today was supposed to be free! It's... It's Monday? Stupid me!
"I'll handle it." I said as weakly, as I threw myself out of the bed and got to preparing.
When I returned, I grabbed the clothes for my uniform from the top of the chair I left them on, and waited.
Mather wasn't up yet!
At least it sounded like Mira was going to shake him awake.
"Brooo! Wake up! Wake! Up! Bro! Wake!!! Up!!!"
"Ahhh! Alright alright sis." My brother yawned. "It's still early."
"Yeah. We've got the math test today!"
"...Can't we have it tomorrow?"
"I wish!!!"
No. Let's just get this over with. Please...
"But we can't." I sat back to my bed. "So can you let us dress up?"
"Fine!" Mather climbed down his bed, grabbed his clothes and left, as I also got to prepare in peace.
But I forgot a small detail. By "small detail" I mean my little sister's presence.
"You don't seem okay sis?" She asked, too close to my face for comfort. "What's up?"
"O-oh nothing! Nothing!" I backed away, hiding ny medallion under the cream white shirt of my uniform.
"It's not just tests, right?"
"They're not." I said with a deep sigh, hoping she'd stop prying. "I'm just...tired."
But of course, like most younger siblings I knew, she didn't. 
"Oh! what's tiring you so much?" She pressed. "Your friends? Mom and dad? Your power-"
"Miracate Freze!" I had no other chance but to raise my voice. "Don't bring that up."
"Okay okay! Sorry!" She agreed witb an small, awkward giggle. "So what did you think about yestrrday's episode? I'm so angry at Ivy! But also at Travis! Like what're they doing?"
"What...were they doing?" I obviliously asked as I packed my bag.
"You don't remember??"
"No?" I didn't really watch it though.
Mira and most of the girls at my class loved the romantic comedy series: Ivy And The Carnation. I watched a few episodes of it so I could have more to talk about with them. It was a lighthearted fun, but not much else. I wasn't supposed to be distracted by a silly show like that in the exams' week.
"Travis got mad! That Ivy went to a fashion show without telling him and Ivy left her passion! So he'd accept her again!" She passionately explained, while brushing her messy black hair. "Like! Like he'll accept you if you don't do it yourself! Get it togather girl!"
I half-heartedly listened her rant, feeling too tired to pay attention to her "too deep for her age" opinions about the show.
"Right!" I smiled at her while tying my brown hair. The ongoing sound of the turned on bathroom tap had stopped. "Now that Mather's out, we can talk more on breakfast."
"Oh he's out?" My sister stood up. "Alright. Should I just wash my face or hair too?"
"I mean you already tied your hair so.."
"Oh right! Right!" She giggled and left. I grabbed both of our bags and moved to the kitchen table, after leaving them by the enterance door.
The breakfast went mostly fine. I already expected that dad wouldn't show up. Why would he wake up so early when he taught his classes in the afternoon?
Did Mather have to make an unnecessary comment about my science test though?
"Not ready for science? Don't let Tom hear that, sis!"
"Not the time Mather."
I shushed him and pretended to stay calm. Pretended to not care.
But he was right, wasn't he? Tom would have probably been disappointed.
I tried to not let Mather's words or the thought of them being true into my head. But it was hard!
After eating, I brushed my teeth, brushing before breakfast makes no sense; and left with my siblings.
The sun had already risen. Thank the long summer days.
Out of habit, I kept my hand on Mira's arm for the entire way through. Even though I had gotten a sense of the direction after the eight years I've traced school road for, I couldn't be sure.
The weather was so warm and sunny. Where did the chill running up and down my body come from then? The coldness in my chest?
Before we arrived, I took out my medallion's gem again, and held it up with Mira next to me.
It was glistening in the sunlight. But also, but was cold? It was kind of where I expected the chills came from. But I didn't think it'd feel like holding an ice cube with bare hands.
How could this gem even make me feel things!
"What's up with it?" Mather asked, covering the school's view for us.
"It's cold!" Mira said and pulled back her hand. "Like sis' power-"
"Miracate!" I warned her again, more quietly than back home, as I put my medallion back under my shirt. "We don't talk about it!"
"Okay okay! Sorry again!" She finally agreed, but Mather...
"But why? Isn't having a super power cool?"
"No it's not!" I yelled and stormed off towards the school building.
Did they really think having a power was cool? Maybe something simple, like super strength or super speed could be. But not my power. Not when people thought I could freeze, melt or burn their items, or god forbid, them! At least the latter didn't come in outbursts.
They... They'd already made up their mind about me before I had a power, and it made things worse.
"Sis! That's the elementary school side!"
I flinched at Mather's voice and moved away when he tapped  on my shoulder. My breathing turned into quick gasls as I did.
I shouldn't have been acting like this! I should've known the direction! I should've stayed calm and not get carried away!
I swallowed a lump in my throat, as the chilling coldness left. In its place, there was a heavy, burning feeling inside me, tightening around my neck and chest. Choking.
"I know!" I said, more so breathlessly shouted.
I needed to lower my voice! Anyone could be seeing me panic! Any of my classmates! I didn't want to deal with them. Not now! Possobly never!
"I was just...walking around." I tried to say more calmly, taking quick breaths. If my clearly freaked-out voice could be called any "calm" that is.
Get it togather Rose! What are you doing? You're panicking about the smallest things!
I scolded myself, trying to steady my breathing as well, before Mira or Mather noticed.
"You okay sis?" But of course, Mira did. She asked, leaning over to come uncomfortably close to my face again.
"Yeah. Sorry." Mather said in an unsure voice, putting a hand on my shoulder, more gently.
They were probably trying to show concern and support, but it only came off as awkward and like something actually concerning had happened to me.
It was just a little freak-out, about an actually small mistake that shouldn't have made me even react, probably.
'It's...nothing." I softly said, and gave them a smile, or I hoped I did, to reassure them. "A...anyways, let's go..."
"Well, alright."
Mira grabbed my wrist and walked towards the other building in the schoolyard. Mather was right behind us.
I let my sister drag me inside, even if it was emberassing. Being hand-guided to the building I was supposed to know without needing to see after so many years. But I couldn't risk getting lost again or causing another scene.
Mira and Mather left soon after I entered my classroom. Though Mather stayed a moment longer, asking about Bill and Kevin. They probably weren't around yet, like I expected from the empty desk next to mine where Kevin was usually seated.
So Mather left quickly too.
How early were we though? There wasn't much of a noise in the class. Far less than thirty-five people would cause.
And even Miranda and her group, and the impossible-to-miss noise they brought along weren't around. They wouldn't miss a single test day, right? I kind of wished they did, but it was more than unlikely.
No sound of Olivia either, but I kind of expected that. It didn't really matter if she was giving up on the studies or coming to complete them. The result was going to be the same.
I wouldn't have minded if any of them didn't show up.
And as expected of my luck, they all came in one by one.
"You'll do amazing Miranda!"
"Yeah! You're so smart!"
"Can you give us some hints before the test?"
"I know that guys. And sure! Come in close."
Miranda's group walked in, chatting.
They weren't the "popular pretty cheerleaders" or the "rich girls". No, they were the "overly involved, overly competetive" types. The types who didn't accept any opposition in competitions, academic rivalries, and their perfected images. The ones who'd try to mentally wear you down if they saw you as an actual, serious obstacle.
Miranda and Rebecca sat their shared desk right behind me. I assuned the two Sarahs were behind her, and someome else, probably their friends Carrie and Beth, stood next to the desks. They were all whispering among themselves.
They were trying to be as quiet as possible once they settled. And I tried to avoid eavesdropping, but it was impossible not to!
"I worked so hard for this! I'll become the class number one this time and get accepted to the magnet highschool in the city. The best one."
"You got this Miranda."
"Yup! You're the smartest girl in class!"
"Yup! And the smartest in school with Nancy."
"Yeah. Nancy's great too!"
"Yeah. Did you see how she got back to Rose last week?"
"It was her mom though. Nancy's too nice to deal with someone like her."
"Right! Right!"
"Oh yeah! Like Mr. Martinez only gave her project an A because she can't see!'"
"Right? Olivia's computer model was the same amd she barely got a B-!"
"Yeah! And she listens to our answers before taking the tests!"
"Shhh! Don't let her hear that. She'll do that freaky ice thing again."
"What will she do? Freeze our pencils this tine?"
Too bad I heard it all! First of all! Olivia put too many unnecessary decorations on her project! And glitter! Who puts glitter on a computer model when Mr. Martinez said it was supposed to resemble a real computer?! Secondly! You know better than anyone Miranda, how my ears hurt from covering them because of you people in test weeks! And thirdly! Do you think I have any idea of what I'm doing with that power either?
There were far too many thoughts I wanted to yell at them, but I tried to keep it all quiet. I was planning to avoid them all day, unless they directly talked to me. There was no point in causing more drama.
But did Olivia and her "bestie" Mary have to show up and join in?
"So? What're you girlies talking about?" Olivia asked in almost a shout, followed by a fake laughter.
"Oh, hey!" Sarah Warren said, the Sarah with a higher-pitched voice. "We were just talking about the test."
"Yeah!" Miranda cheered. "We were saying how hard we studied for these the entire year!"
I know you did because you constantly talk about it, Miranda. But I don't know about the others.
Her voice was louder than usual, like she wanted for someone to hear. Not me this time probably, since I was right here. There'd be no need for such a noise.
"I mean we did." Mary agreed. "Right, Liv?"
"Yeah! We didn't even watch Ivy And Carnation at all past few weeks!" Olivia said again in sn overly loud and dramatic voice, like that was a huge sacrifice of some sort. "We don't get it easy, like someone!"
You know I'm the same there. Except I don't study on cheating tactics and still fail, Liv.
I quietly sighed and tried to not even utter a word, but they were making it harder.
Before anything could happen though, Bill, Kevin, and even, somehow, Jason and Carl finally showed up; closely followed by our teacher Mrs. Willis.
The early classes passed in a blur, as the teachers let us study as long as we stayed quiet.
I tried to whisper to my deskmate Kevin, to study togather. But it felt strange, to ask him to read what he was studying a bit louder in every class, especially when Miranda and Rebecca were behind me and the teachers specifically asked the class to be quiet. Kevin himself also sounded a bit unwilling at first. He probably wanted to study on his own, but was fine with helping out after.
Despite all that, the classes up to the science test went pretty well. Even the test itself went alright. Although I wished I was able to take the tests in an easier way. Even using the Braille alphabet would be fine instead of with a reader, having to take it after everyone. But then again, the teachers didn't know Braille, I couldn't expect them to know. And I couldn't read or write in regular text. They looked like tiny dots, if that even.
So having someone read the questions for me was the only way out. Except the teachers were so paranoid about the students cheating, something they already did, that they wouldn't read them to me while the others were taking  the tests, but instead have another student...possibly Miranda or Bill, read it to me in front of them when they either start teaching a new topic, or have the students quietly do their own thing.
It was the same in almost every single test. Except P.E and music of course, but the rest.
They were all the same! The same people, the same problems, the same way they were handled and following drama all of them kept causing, and the people who were acting in...ways because of unnecessary competition.
Still, I tried to power through the science test. I couldn't prove Mather right.
After helping me that many times, I couldn't make a mistake that'd disappoint Tom, especially not in his favorite topic: science.
Ah, I wished he hadn't left. Life would've been much essier with him around. He'd listen, give the most sensible advice, and try his best to help me without being in my face about it.
I knew he didn't want to leave, but Tania was right. It was for their own good.
The thought of them though, helped me focus on the test. Friday next week was the twins' birthday. We were going to meet for the first time since the Easter break. Third time ever since they moved last summer. And the only news I wanted to give Tom were good ones.
And I felt good about it when I finished the test.
The teacher, Mr. Wells left after I was done. The others were still chatting about it when I got back to my desk. They were discussing answers. And all of them besides Miranda and Bill, showed clear excitment at the hint of any right answer.
"Rose! Rose!" As soon as I sat down, Daniel came in, with more of slap than a tap on my shoulder. "What was the answer for question twenty-one?"
"Huh...?"
I blankly stared at him, and tilted my head to the side, with no eye contact as usual. Even if I could normally keep, I would've still broken it there.
Bold of you to think I know the questions' number order.
"Um, which one was it?"
I tried to stay polite and calm, so Daniel would leave soon, as usual. Him, and the small crowd forming behind him, were the people who only appeared in my life and talked to me during exam weeks. And only either to ask questions, or to give a snarky comment.
"The one about plant cell!"
"Oh, it was C." I casually said.
"What?"
"H-hey!" I raised my hands defensively at his more aggressive voice, and tried to explain. "Uh, the other organels are found in both animal and plant cells. But Chloroplast is only in plant cells."
"Ah okay." Daniel said and gave another slap-like pat on my shoulder which I hated. "What about question fourteen? Mike and I've been arguing about it for an hour now."
I still don't know which one that is... Also then why didn't you ask it first?!
"Um, again...? Which one?" I tried to ask, too tired of the process to care.
"The lightbulb one right?" Miranda chimed in from behind me with an aggressively loud tone, like she was talking through gritted teeth. "It was A: copper!"
"Oh? That one!" I blinked and turned my attention to her. I couldn't tell if she genuinely believed in her answer and it might be true, or if she was trying to confuse me like before. "Copper is good. But would't silver be a better option?"
"You mean silver's a better conductive than copper?" She asked with a bitter chuckle. "Glad I'd never give you a hint in the exams. Because I can't believe you're really like...this when you don't get support from the teachers hm?!"
It's just a question. Chill please?
"What...?" I stood up, still trying to be quiet. I turned my face away from her, to the blue painted window next to my desk.
She's trying to anger me. It's why she's overreacting. Like why do you care? She's the one who read the questions to me! What are you doing  Miranda? I need to keep calm and not get into trouble because of her! Especially fresh off a test. I need to stay lowkey! At least for these two weeks!
I kept staring at the window and smiled. The bright daylights barely came through the paint coating, but it still gave off a cool, dim blue light in this hot day.
"What are you smiling at?" Miranda tried to press on. I would've been fine ignoring her words, but of course she wouldn't be the only one.
"Y'know, I've had to hang out with her a few times, and you're right Miri." Olivia chimed in, probably from the other side of the class, because nothing else would explain or excuse her volume.
And knowing her, I braced myself for more personalized insults than Miranda's.
"For real! She never studies or does anything, and gets everything from others. And when we tell, she cries!" She then turned to me. "You know it too! That the teachers make tests easier for you just because you can't "see"!"
"If by "make it easier" you mean change the map based or geometric shape based questions, then yes..."  swallowed a lump in my throat as I looked in her general direction. I should've started counting to ten, but my head was getting too full to think about that. "If you mean anything else, no. I get less time than you. I have the noise of the class and teachers while I'm taking a test with someone reading out loud, I mean whispering. And did you know it's unhealthy to cover your ears so much like I have to?"
"Those are not our problems." Miranda said matter-of-factly, even I could see her dramatic hand waving. Weren't you talking about fairness though? "Our problem is that you're acting like this..."
"Acting like... What?" I asked, still keeping myself contained even though it was getting harder.
"Like you're some hero doing some impossible task when you're having it easier just because you can't "see"!" Olivia shouted and came closer. I knew from her long, curly mess of a hair. "And even that's a lie! You say you can't see just to have it easier, because I know you do. You can see!"
"I know you'll say "I didn't say I was blind, I said I can't see". But what's the difference?" Miranda added, with an annoying confidence.
"What?"
"Can she?"
"Was she tricking us all along?"
"Impossible!"
"Not only us but she tricked the teachers and everyone else too!"
What...? How dare you!
I couldn't say a word. I tried to speak, shout, scream at them even, but no sound came out.
My body felt like a stone. Still, unmoving, heavy, cold. And I couldn't do anything besides feel the tears welling up in my eyes and a ringing in my ears that blurred the scandalous chatter around me.
How dare they! What do they think they are? Experts in eye related disabilities? How dare they think they have the "right" to say I was lying about a condition that I went through myself! Not them!
Did they think people only either have to have perfectly healthy eyes, use glasses, or be blind they had had any vision problems? Didn't anything inbetween exist for them?
Besides, how dare they claim they knew my health better than I, myself! Can claim I was lying about it!
They had no idea what they were talking about! And wanted to break someone just because of petty competition!
Or else they wouldn't talk so carelessly!
Who cared about grades, the school play, sports, creativity contests, any rewards, or whatnot! Did it all really worth this?!
Did they know how it felt to hear their parents and other loved ones openly say their "news" upset them? Or have they ever heard their family say they expected much less from them?
Even passing by random kids on the street, have they heard things like "Look at her!" or "What happened to her eyes?"?
Have they had to wait hours on end in hospitals, knowing the doctors would say the exact same thing?
Have they had to read the same three short stories for their entire life, and ask someone to read out loud or help you find an audio of it?
Feeling like you have to memorize everywhere to not get lost on their own?
Feeling like they ask for help too much and wanting to stop? Or wanting to show what they can do themselves?
No
No they have not.
They didn't know how any of it felt. They didn't live through them like I did! They didn't know, but talked like they did! Like they lived the same life and had the same experiences as me!
Like they knew!
They always thought they knew everything! Even the lives of people different from them!
Who did they think they were?!
I felt a fire within me. Burning in my whole heart and overflowing out of it. My teeth gritted, and hands clemched into fists, as I felt a blaze of rage flowing through my body. My chest, face, arms, legs, even fingertips.
Then that fire vanished.
Instead, the icy wave of coldness from earlier came back, stronger. And rushed through my veins fast like a winter storm. Every hint of the burning rage in me, every ember; was replaced by the cold.
The distant, disillisioned, the cruel but gentle cold. Fearsome, but with a comforting familiarity.
It filled me, up to my fingertips again; and shot, no, flowed, out of me.
It felt a bit relieving, like I was letting go of the sudden flare-up of my anger. Relaxing.
Until my sense of hearing came back.
"Not to mention she- Wait! What are you doing?!! What?! Stop!!!" Miranda's scream brought me back to the real world, and Olivia's comment made me realize.
"Ice Princess, I tell ya."
"W-what?!" The coldness changed. It wasn't a relieving flow of a refreshing cold air anymore. It became a stoney chill running up and down my spine, echoing through my body. "W-what did I do?!"
"What did you do?!" Miranda yelled and raised her hand. Her, Olivia, and the others were inching away from me. "See?!"
I didn't see much of a difference from afar, but when I got to touch, I felt it.
Solid, hard, and freezing cold. Miranda's hand, was encased in ice?
"Did... Did I do that...?"
"Yes you did!!" Miranda yelled and raised her hand higher. "What do I do now? This was my writing hand too!!"
The air was heavy. Everyone else had fallen silent. Not even the sound of blowing wind from outside, or the noise of students or teachers' steps on the corridor.
The only things I felt; were the still air, the chill in my spine, and the gazes of my classmates I wish were still invisible to me.
"S-sorry..." I lowered my head, unable to say another word. What else could I even say?
This had never happened before! I thought freezing others was possible but I never thought it would happen! Especially now!
What did I even do?
Could Miranda's hand return to normal?
What if her hand stayed permanently frozen because of me? What if...she'd lose her habd because of me?
Could I help melt it? I didn't know but I could try! She probably won't let me.
How did I even do that?
What happened?
What did I do?
Could this day get any worse?
And it probably could, as the gem in my medallion got freezing cold again, shining so bright it was noticed even under my shirt.
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(I know there might be some typos I've missed. I only read through it once more after finishing the writing. Anyways! Tagging for reviews (please): @dearunreliablenarrator @daishitheprofessionalfool @avalordream @author-a-holmes @heycerulean @the-ellia-west @seastarblue @literally-just-zay @the-letterbox-archives @sliceoflifeshepard @thecomfywriter @xyoonx @ominous-feychild @writeblrfantasy @yomikunp @illarian-rambling @distantflickering @the-golden-comet @leahnardo-da-veggie @charbroiledchicken and I can't think of anyone else for now. Feel free to tag anyone else as well guys. I'm still hoping (desparate) for reviews. Thank you!💙
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dreamlogic · 1 month
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...
#talked to my credit union about pre-approval for an auto loan. im gonna frow up#tldr; i just started a new job after completely depleting my savings over the last couple months#and my fucking car has decided that NOW is the time it wants to begin its death throws after 17 years & 190k miles#so rather than wait for the engine to explode on the highway or something i'm spending money i don't have#(many thousands of dollars that i will need to borrow. specifically. 🤢)#to shell out for a newer & hopefully more reliable car before winter hits. and then i'm just gonna pray my new income can cover it!!!!!#on one hand i'm excited cuz it'll be the first car i've ever owned that wasn't a shitty hand-me-down with over 150k on it already#and i am absolutely drooooooling over the one i'm gonna test drive tomorrow#but on the other hand. it feels very precarious to take on this amount of debt right now and i'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.#i was worrying this morning tha ri was rushing into things and maybe it would be better to try to hold off for a couple months#but then i had to use my own car for work today instead of a fleet vehicle and the engine started displaying Silly Behaviors*#(*RPMs doing whatever they feel like randomly & a noticeable Clunk whenever i'd shift gears)#and since this thing has already cost like 1k in two emergency mechanic trips in the last two months#i feel justified in my decision to just take the L and hope nobody will look at it too closely when assessing its trade-in value 😔#ctxt#money talk cw
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ambersky0319 · 2 months
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New Employee aquired today
My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her
Me:
Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???
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raksh-writes · 3 months
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I should be writing my thesis but Im feeling so lazy
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 5 months
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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kitteneddiediaz · 4 months
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#I am having such a bad day#like the fucking worst#and the stars aligned for me to have no one to really talk to about it#my parents are at a concert (jealous)#I don’t want to talk to my brother bc he’s the main reason I’m upset#my bff is in south central working and doesn’t have cell service#my other bff is across the us and is already asleep#two of my close friends here are over seas or on a cruise without cell service#my other friend here is out with his guy friends having fun and I’m not gonna stop him#get ready for a self-pity moment here#I know my blog is pretty new#that I’ve been here for… maybe a year?#tbh I can’t remember when I stopped lurking and started engaging#but I always feel like I’m outside looking in at all my mutuals#who dm each other and talk and are friends#and I often feel just like a mutual and not a tumblr friend#and I know that shit takes time#but I just want someone to talk to about my fics and stuff but I feel bad reaching out#bc why would anyone want to talk to me when they have other people in this fandom they like more#man the demons are really getting me today#even my cat bit me#she’s snuggling me now but she bit me earlier#ugh#I don’t think the never ending overcast 40 degree weather is helping either I wish it were warm and sunny#just one day for the love of god#anyway#if you’ve read this far thanks for listening#I’ll probably feel better tomorrow or maybe later in the week#honestly thank god I rebound so fast and generally have a happy disposition
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w-for-wumbo · 2 months
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I have decided that this upcoming week and a half are going to be extremely not "banana bread at work dude hell yeah"
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coloursofaparadox · 2 months
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i finally got my adhd med dosage worked out and also for like the first time since upping the dosage actually managed to take it consistently long enough for it to actually kick in over the last few weeks and god damn. that shit is magic.
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elegyofthemoon · 4 months
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🫠
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princesscallyie · 4 months
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It’s seem like I can’t escape the “people don’t want to come to work so now I gotta do their mess” shenanigans…
#literally the most two irksome work pet peeves happen today and I was pissed#1st is waiting until the last second to do or change something#2nd is people who call out for a bs reason and how I gotta do your work unprepared#I work with adult learning and online webinars stuff like that#I’m like a producer I set the webinars up and I’m supposed to moderate them intro the speakers etc#and they are live events with people attending online#why two days before the event the ceo was like I don’t like the platform let’s change it…#plus some others problems they had…#why are we discussing two days before????? we had all month to discuss changes or concerns#okay there’s major problems with the event so I gotta fix some stuff and now it’s on me#to research a new platform they want this done asap#I’m annoyed cause why is this urgency my issue?#this should have proper discussed way before we rolled out the product#THEN during that this girl in my team was basically like I’m taking off so now you have to take over my event#outta nowhere…#I gotta do the rehearsal tomorrow and I know nothing about the event…#like you have been planning this event for months and all the sudden you gotta be off…#you have been complaining that’s low attendance and it’s probably gonna fail I hate#YOU just don’t wanna do it!!!#it’s like a random classmate coming up to you and saying#you gotta do my presentation now I’m gonna be out#and not send any notes or details or nothing…#don’t know why you wouldn’t show up to your own presentation besides an emergency#which apparently they knew about it last week but tells me at the last second being vague about it#maybe it’s kiosk trauma but I can just sense the bs#like not even gonna send some sub plans or anything???#that’s nutty!!!#anyway got hit with a double whammy I was so mad#but I will calm down and deal lol#callyie chat
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toastsnaffler · 5 months
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played 8 consecutive hours of elden ring this afternoon/evening and forgot to eat dinner.... 🫠
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crybaby-bkg · 1 year
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tomorrow is my last day of having to do work for my classes and I’m just soooo ready for this upcoming break. I wanna write for an entire day at a time again and learn how to crotchet without putting so many expectations to be perfect the first time again!!!! I wanna paint and play my switch and just lay down without feeling guilty!!!!! I need it!!!!!!!
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summerlycoris · 7 months
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Guess whos potentially working a triple tomorrow?????????
Im going to transform into my final form if this shit keeps up i swear to god.
#summerly talks#im just. gonna have to tell my boss that. effective immediately. i cant work the weekend anymore#sad because its good money#but this is becoming a fucking pattern and if it does i may actually dive into a fission reactor while singing meltdown ;_;#like. i was okay with the double? my coworker called in because her baby was sick#and she promised me if i couldnt get anyone to cover for my am shift tomorrow she would take it#then at like 9pm i get a text saying. she cant. her baby wont let her leave#and i feel selfish because. she has a baby. but i have cats and luckily i was able to drop by today to pick up my sleepover kit#and also make sure minty had food. (fieldie has an auto feeder so hes okay)#and i just. want to go home#the reality is i cant. i cant go. not unless one of the people i texted gets back to me saying theyll come in#and no one has yet. its 11pm. no one will at this point.#im tired im tired im tired#i dont want to end up like i did at my ladt job. giving away entirely too much of me and destroying myself#ive already lost most if not all of my passion for this job#and when i was younger i dreamt of working with disabled people. i burnt too quick and now im a shell of what i was#but this is the only thing im trained for that would allow me to like. keep my home#maybe if or when i move to brisbane i can look into a different job. do an it course idk. something where there's less people skills needed#i better try to get some sleep orz tonights gonna be a bitch of a thing
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tvrningout · 9 months
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yes i’ve been playing b.g3 all day and yes i still haven’t entered the city. i like to take my time asdgj
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peachcitt · 2 years
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oh my god college life
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tsukihigui · 9 months
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deleted my twitter app (not account) bc i really can’t handle the intense no-nuance high-stakes takes right now. not that here is all that much better but it’s definitely less of a time sink
#i just.#ok.#i just think if ur gonna go scorched earth on prioritizing high minded ideals over outcomes ur not actually as morally pure as u think u r#and I also think if ur gonna do that u gotta say with ur CHEST the collateral damage you’ll sign onto#both by abstaining from concrete action now and by destroying infrastructure in the name of a brighter future#im not even gonna tell you ur wrong. but i want you to say who u think is worth sacrificing#i have awful news for you the folks who don’t make it thru the revolution are very rarely the rich and healthy and connected#it’s gonna be folks who are desperate enough to fight and folks who can’t handle more instability.#poor folks. sick folks. disabled folks. disenfranchised folks. unhoused folks.#you think you can build a functioning mutual aid network from scratch during a revolution serving tens of millions?#i know it’s a nice thought that the failures of US welfare programs are Just Capitalism. and that’s a huge chunk#but it’s also because IT IS DIFFICULT. and that’s WITH billions of dollars and a chokehold on the global supply chain#im not saying any of the options are good. but when u call for revolution u gotta acknowledge ur stealing from today for tomorrow#and look hard at the folks who stand to lose the most. say you’re fine with martyring them - whether or not they agree#I’ve got myself all worked up now and i wanna post about it. to maybe share some god damn perspective.#things are bad! things are not good. unsustainable trends abound. but wow for all ur whining online#about how everyone needs to know EVERYTHING about ALL ISSUES in EVERY CONFLICT or else you are EVIL#ur missing the forest for the trees my dude. takes are easy - policy is hard#get fucked. don’t get people killed.
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