#gonna make myself sick 😭😭
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Just had a devastating Alan Shore realization xx
The first time we ever see Alan at his house is his first episode of The Practice when he returns home to find a client and the client's daughter swimming in his pool. He gets out of the car and nearly jumps in shock at the sound of children's laughter coming from his own backyard
Coming home and unexpectedly finding a family enjoying the house he shared with his now-dead wife. The house he potentially thought they'd raise children in together someday. He's obviously troubled by the client's situation and trying to help them but the look on his face seeing a little girl who could easily be his daughter in another life so happy in his pool..... he looks like he's seen a ghost
The episode ends with him sitting outside, drinking alone, looking at the empty pool. Less than a year later he sells it and doesn’t own a home for at least the next decade. What the fuck
#sad boy from the start I didn’t stand a chance. the TP/blegal writers have me fucked UPPP#me watching this the first time not knowing the alan lore: ha these people are in his pool that’s kinda weird#me watching this now: he is the saddest man in the world. haunted by the past and the future he was robbed of#gonna make myself sick 😭😭#alan shore#the practice#don’t ask why these stills are so squished the aspect ratio of the DVDs is fucked up and I’m too lazy to fix it rn#listening to adrianne lenker and going crazy. I could be a good mother and I wanna be your wife.mp3 alan please.#alanalysis
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good lort
#please the new short made me kill myself#charlie dst#can anyone hear me#tried drawing more but DIED after drawing charlie for the forst time . sorry character interaction ill see you another day#dst#don't stave together#scriboozles#i got lightjeaded from the short winona Please i needYOU#thyed sister parallelsss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#im gonna start sobbing again they make me SICK
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SICK AND TWISTEDDD
#TWICE these mfs time traveled to make sure the other doesnt die alone#sick to my stomach...#also ted leaving booster all his money 😭#not even gonna lie I skimmed injustice 2 for them cuz idrc about evil superman universe#but i DO care about boostle. so.#“in the end” “he was mine” “goodbye teddy” UGHHHH IM KILLING MYSELF#blue beetle#ted kord#booster gold#dc comics#boostle
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Ok. Five days without antihistamines before my immunology appointment (FINALLY). I can do it. I won’t even look at a potato. 😤
#hyping myself up#because hoo boy#It’s gonna suck#MCAS#allergies#I genuinly don’t know what to eat for the next five days#so many things are risky but ok when I take the antihistamines#like breads might kick my ass now??#maybe??#meats seem to bother me if I miss a dose so#can’t stomach pretty much any fruit at all even with antihistamines#canned green beans are currently the only veg that doesn’t make me sick#living large lmao#anyway yeah#pray for me or like send me good vibes for the next five days#if you have any to spare#thank you 😭#personal#medications#Batwynn talks#please blacklist the prev tag to avoid seeing any personal posts
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"this fandom is what got me into reading fanfics" submitted by @cyancatart
#SORRY I DISAPPEARED AGAIN I GOT RLLY SICK😭😭#but I'm BACK#again#I wrote that fic in the back on a whim I was just making things up as I go IDEK IF THE SUBMITTER LIKES STICKVIN PLEASEE#this isn't me making fun of fandic writers btw I'm one myself RHEAJSEHJ#FANFIC* NOT FANDIC#I just didn't know what picture to use so I decided to be silly#mod dave#thsc#thsc confession#thsc confessions#@/cyancatart#not gonna tag stickvin
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i have so many thoughts about arcane but I'm so tired because it's 5 in the morning and I'm starving because i didn't eat and my brain is functioning at about 2% and all of my insides feel like mush.
#i need to rant so don't look in the tags if you don't want spoilers#it's funny because#I actually really liked a lot of stuff in the episodes#the one thing i didn't really like#is whatever they're doing with viktor lol#uuhgffffnnn you know I'm still holding out hope that everything will circle back#and his lore won't be like. really weird hextech jesus guy LMFAO#I'm attached to machine herald vik. okay. i must say it#and it's only the first three episodes so a lot could happen#but when I think about them completely changing him#and his character won't be anything like what i got attached to anymore#it makes me feel sick with anxiety lol#duuuuude sometimes having fixations is really difficult#i can't focus on the episode because I'm just worried about what they're gonna do with him 😭#i wouldn't really care if I didn't like arcane that much#but the thought that they could completely change him in the game#and all this old lore that I've invested time and love into#uuuuuuuggggg....... gonna throw up#I just need them to rip the bandaid off and release all the episodes and show me his vgu#before I make myself crazy waiting#I want to enjoy the episodes but!!!! he worries me!!!!!!!!!!!!#my intricately crafted self insert oc lore!!!!!!!! please don't touch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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youtube
hai guys :3
#my video lol#my audio lol#vocaloid cover#synthv cover#synthesizer v cover#genbu#genbu synthv#evil food eater conchita#i am forcing everyone to look at this. look at my guy ehehehhkjnjkhgmlb AFTER TWO WHOLE ASS YEARS FINALLY#i couldve probably put more effort into this but ITS BEEN IN HERE FOR 2 YEARS i wanna be done w/ it already 😭#so regardless if it kinda sucks a little bit; its wayyy better than the covers i made like ~4? years ago when i was first starting out#was the iku drawing i posted before this foreshadowing?? not necessarily but its rly funny to think abt in hindsight#also rip genbu in a dress that i was gonna draw for this originally 😔✌️ i'd really love to draw more stuff for these covers i make#but it usually never comes out the way i want it to and i figure editing some sorta visualizer like this is better#than keeping some things trapped in my files for so long purely bc my extra ass wants a cool pv. some day maybe but not now#some sick fuck unsubscribed from me after i posted this BYE BITCH i dont miss you at all. live laugh love genbu in this house /j#im not the most obnoxious genbu stan i'd say but you WILL respect him in my house i do not tolerate genbu slander i love that man your hono#yes im extremely based bc he (and eleanor) were THE very first vsynths i ever actually fucked around w/ programwise#but WHATEVER!! idc he is so dear to me i do not regret buying his full version at all (it was impulsive)#the only synth i'd actually consider myself kinda good at tuning LMAO ik people hate how he sounds and have issues w/ him but not me...#these tags are too long girl stfu. anyways tldr; look at silly thang i made w/ my silly man#i love genbu and i love songs about cannibalism <3#Youtube
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Yayyyy ramen with egg!!!! Yayyy autism meal!!!!!
#once again ramen with egg posting#we are out of furikake tho :(#Ik it’s weird but I like to put it on my ramen xD along with the shichimi ofc#also probably gonna get tea and onigiri because I can afford it finally 😭😭😭😭😭#u see this is how I was eating when I had financial stability#not this cereal for two meals a day BULLSHIT RAAAAAAAA#maybe I will gain weight now 🤔 now that I’m not a) sick with covid b) working myself to death and c) starving#oh and also recovering from a tooth issue + surgery that restricted my diet#I also need to start working out again I saw a hot muscle lesbian and was like ok that’s it thays ENOUGh#happy pride your girl needs to make gains#*Raymond voice* MY gains??? MY GAINS??!??!#still the best ending lmao
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just one more hour and this graveyard bullshit is finally over 🙏🏻
#THE EVIL IS DEFEATED#I FUCKED MYSELF UP SO BAD DOING THESE SHIFTS#I DESERVE A $5000 RAISE PER HOUR AND HEAD#I DESERVE TO HAVE A STATUE OF ME IN THE LOBBY. AND WAITER? MAKE THE DICK FUCKING ENORMOUS#bro i cannot fucking wait to get back to normal 😭#its probably gonna take a few weeks to properly right my schedule but fuck it i’ll adapt#I WONT HAVE TO RANDOMLY STAY UP LITERALLY ALL NIGHT AND SLEEP ALL DAY FOR ONLY TWO DAYS#YIPPEEEEEEEE#who knows maybe now i’ll stop getting super sick once a week#AND I’LL BE GETTING MY FULL 80 HOURSSSSSS GOD BLESS#no more short paychecks for DIS guyyyy 👍🏻
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911 tonight. fear
#op#the reason i rarely watch television that is currently airing is because i genuinely make myself sick over it 😭#i think it has something to do with being autistic#like i’m not in control of when i watch each episode and i have no idea what’s gonna happen </3#and theres an entire fanbase watching it at the same time which overwhelms me for reasons i won’t explain#i won’t be able to watch the mid season finale live and i’m extra scared about that…
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Wait I think I missed something in this incredible saga. Are you going on a date with the coworker??? I swear the last thing I saw was “no I would never” lmaoooo. If so, I (like the rest of snzblr) are anxious for updates about your love life. You’re one of the top snzblr couples now, enjoy 🤙
I did say I would never and I was a fucking liar apparently 😔 it's not technically a date tho bc I never told him it was bc I need to be so casual and mysterious ahdkaksk but it's a date To Me lmao. It's tomorrow tho bc we're still at work rn and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon so at least I have that to look forward to I guess lmao
#not snz#we're not a couple tho nooooo 😭😭 lmaooo#it's just me being delusional#like he's literally not into me i stg i think y'all are gonna be more disappointed about the outcome than me#OH but he did hug me tho so I'm riding that high rn actually ahskamsk#lowkey have just been leaning against him half the shift but we've been watching videos and stuff together bc it's been slow so#that means nothing probably#also he looks at me like 😒 every time i ask one if my stupid little debate questions ahsakslsl#today was if ceral is a soup and if ketchup is a smoothie#please know that i ask these randomly literally out of nowhere like it's a normal thing to bring up lmaoooo#i have negative flirting skills ahdkaksk#this is the opposite of pulling a bad bitch by being autistic this is making the coworker question why he puts up with me lmaoooo#but he's the one who said yes to dinner so 😌#you know what he's never seen me in a cute little outfit before actually 👀#it's always been either the work uniform or hiking clothes#which to be fair my hiking clothes are kinda cute but they're hiking clothes nonetheless#like he saw me in normal clothes a bit ago but i was actively dying so they were just the most comfortable clothes i could find#so like maybe i can wear a skirt i have cute skirts i like wearing out with my bestie#and they're like. very specific kinds of skirts so maybe that'll tell him something ahskasmks#help why am i thinking so hard about this ahdkalslal#like it's literally actually not even a date it's just me flipping out for no reason while this guy is clueless 😭#like I'm telling y'all he's not into me and i don't understand why I'm being like this about it lmaoo#I'm always like 'fuck i wish my coworkers wouldn't crush on me to the point of asking me out that's awkward i don't date coworkers'#AND THEN I TURNED AROUND AND DID IT MYSELF#why am i like this#why am i so 👀 when he's one of the few people i shouldn't be 👀 at#i swear i should give it a couple months bc maybe I'm just feeling some type of way about him bc i was sick#but noooo i just HAVE to be insane about it now 😭#i should really have a tag for me being a pathetic wreck but idk what it would even be lmao#no matter he'll probably figure out that I'm being a freak sooner or later and shut that shit down so it won't matter 😔
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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#bruh this t*eil news is fucking me UP!!!!!#for so many reasons#mostly bc its making me paranoid. i already was 👀 bc of all this news lately popping off about korean men#i was like 'wait...exo are korean 👀🤨😬' and this coming out of NOWHERE!!!! oooooooh my goooood bruh#i had to listen to please please please by sabrina carpenter and that shit hit TOOOOO hard#this is so crazy like a big fear of mine and why im so hesitant to trust men theyre so scary man#AND literally while watching yeols live last night i was fangirling but when i found myself giggling too hard my mind was like#'girl you dont know this nigga fr...what if hes...?' and then id get scared lol 😩#yet in the same breath....#chanyeol cant catch a damn break broooo like this news dropping on the day of his album release is killllling meeeeee#this debut is such a mess and i hope that he doesnt get effected by it the same way the other nct members are#lord help us all#i feel i have more to say but this is the main shit. like my brain is whirling and im getting really freaked out idk its just chilling#the world is a sick place frfr. and ig always just be prepared for the worst when it comes to your faves cause you really never know#anyways gonna listen to yeols album. the mv was cute but damn the song is so short 😭#justice for yeol 😔✊🏾#.#inner mono
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i finished the book i was listening to and i was crying and gaby isn't answering my texts even though i sent her
my heart is in SHAMBLESSSS
#i can't take actual Plot i just want my soft lil scenarios 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#why do i get so attached to characters#so easily#i'm SICK#i'm gonna write something sooooooo soft and self indulgent to make myself feel better#dest speaks
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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🐮
#ok ok im gonna try to go to the gym today#i havent been able to make myself leave the house at all this week#and im feeling so bad about myself :((#im up earlier today and im gonna have breakfast calmly and then walk 45min to the gym#work out (which is the part i love lol) and then go to the store#bc that store has a special price for salmon today which makes me wanna go today skksksks#i havent had salmon in 10 months at least and even before that i havent had it in like a year#it is super fkn expensive lately so i cant at all afford it#but now it costs way less so i can actually afford it....#i just hope the store actually has it and that it isnt just 'sold out' :((((#if that's the case then thats how it is but oh it'd make me so sad#i havent had salmon for years 😭#it's one of my fav things to have for dinner :((((#ok anyway im gonna try to go to the gym today#it is a bit annoying that it will probably rain#im so sick of it raining constantly#i love the rain but when i cant afford taking the buss and have to walk everywhere it becomes a nuisance#having to walk for 45min and get fkn drenched and then have to go to an appt or exercise or smth it's so gross#but yeah... i just have to go anyway :<#can it stop raining now#also it is in the middle of june and we just stopped having warm weather???#global warming is scary bro#anyway i hope it gets warmer soon
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