#gonna get a shower now probably
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I need to get a shower and NOT have a panic attack!
#I don’t know why I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack earlier#that almost never happens#the feeling seems to have passed… hm#gonna get a shower now probably#my post#gosh my mental health has been all over the place man
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I’ve been thinking about Miles as Serizawa quite a bit 😁
#doctorsiren#ace attorney#mob psycho 100#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright#narumitsu#wrightworth#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#ace attorney fanart#ace attorney au#psychic lawyers au#digital art#my art#procreate#LET’S GO GAMBLING!!#aw dang it-#squib and I were trying to figure out how the claw thing worked if Gregory took Sakurai’s place#we decided that part of the reason why Miles locked himself away for 15 years was because 1) his powers and 2) his father went missing#Gregory (instead of being killed by MVK) was instead made to join Claw (which now means Claw is an older organization)#without his father there to help teach him how to control his powers. miles got scared and locked himself away#much to the sadness of his mother Eleanor (who is alive in this AU)#I think im gonna have it so neither Gregory nor Miles know that the other is part of Claw#at least not until the World Domination Arc (probably post-WDA)#it’s easier this way HAUHUISu#yeah gamer miles…needs to touch grass…and take a shower…and get a haircut…#also hooray! he gets glasses 😁😁😁 AND HIS DAD IS ALIVE AND SO IS HIS MOM#THIS MILES EDGEWORTH TRULY IS WINNING
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You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.
Starring Role (Patreon)
#My art#ISaT#ISaT Spoilers#Siffrin#Loop#Technically - you know how it goes#Me when I relate to Siffrin: Oh no haha that's probably not great whoops haha#Me when I relate to Loop: Oh. Oh No.#Lenti has such a deathgrip on my ISaT opinions wtf how is she so powerful I thought my fave was Sif?? But I mean well-#Lol#Does this count as vent idk lol#It was fun to write tho :) Very easy! Done all at once!#As was drawing this! Also done all at once! And black and white is still really fun to work with hehe#I got to use some pretty cool outline/lineart tricks for this one yay :D#The original draft of the fic had a different title but ''Starring Role'' is kinda?? too perfect???#To the point where I looked around and I was like#Kinda shocked that there doesn't Seem? to be another fic with the same title?#Which is.........oddly relevantly thematic to this fic actually hahaha#Not to get too exacting about it but the whole thing of Loop feeling replaceable well#It would imply that other someones could do what they do better than them#What an odd refutation. Huh. Weird#Anyway - behind the scenes fun fact!#I actually really love the song Starring Role but I didn't think of it until after writing this#And now that I sing it to myself it's actually kinda perfect what the heck#So that's something to think about as well#Anyway if you're going to listen to it pls listen to the Axiom remix it is The version in my heart <3#The glitches and stutters are perfect.....#And the clock ticking?? Why is this song so ISaT I'm gonna think about this for a while now heck#Animatic in my head shower thought -core lol
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you know the contrast between how Vergil is presented vs thinking too hard about Vergil’s story is pretty funny. Man’s reputation is this iconic badass, the pinnacle of what video game rivalries can be, the coolest guy to play as, the guy who breaks every game he’s added to,
and then you go to the story and like. man’s lost his free will and autonomy at 19 and then came back a fractured man half of which was a lovecraftian eye beast the other half of which was a chronically ill goth man. and then he reunites and hes in like his 40s now I believe but legit the last time he was actually in a game where he wasn’t being mind controlled when he was 19 which is both sad but also thinking about how this guy who’s considered one of the top badasses of gaming has never really lived life outside of being a teenager.
Anyways this is the secret comedic potential of post DMC5 for Vergil because not only has the human world probably changed a fair bit in terms of technology, if he’s sticking around Dante he’s gonna actually have to learn in depth how taxes and grocery shopping work. Amazing.
#thinking about dmc seriously for the first time in a while...I never stopped the occasional canary reblog but hmmmmmmm#like I imagine post 3 Vergil was probably similarly doing mercenary/demon killing work to get money like Dante was and thats sorta shown in#the novels. but like before that when he was a young young kid just post attack he was probably just living feral in an alleyway or smth#with just the yamato prolly similar to how v at the start of visions of v was. that child mugged and dumpster dived ok#point is while obviously he got to a place where he wasnt like. broke and homeless by the gilver era hes probably not had to think much#about money besides it buys me food and clothes mans was confused by one goaland power and yada yada while guess what buddy now you're#gonna be consumed by adulting. I dont even think he'd be that bothered by Dante not paying the bills at first but once he settles into human#living and gets a firsthand experience of what a cold shower when the heating is off feels like he is ON his ass about it#he pretends hes sooooo above human concerns until he has to live them lol and nowhes in charge of devil may crys finances prolly#nero taught him how to do taxes I bet#devil may cry#vergil sparda#vergil
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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)
#salmon jibberish#god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a#d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop ��🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy#i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down#the hill#i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it#it'd melt off every time i took a shower too#<- that was probably kinda gross sorry#scabs on both my knees#one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend#and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb#we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol#afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny#me when i yap in the tags#sorry gang#and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day#my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace#just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day#idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a#dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs#idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk#ANYWAY#good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO#IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥
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i hate having executive dysfunction and decision paralysis cus i have shit i need to get done today but im staring at the list of things to do and going "idk where to start :( guess ill just Sit Here until i magically decide" and internally in like "NO YOU HAVE TO PICK SOMETHING. YOU WILL WASTE THE WHOLE DAY" but externally im just chilling.
#send help#im trying to do things Efficiently but that's gonna result in me not doing things#so really i just need to suck it up and START somewhere#one of the problems being that i need to go to my sisters house for one of them and ik ill probably get Stuck there#which would make me want to go LAST but then it's also line i can't go TOO late bc i need to come home at a reasonable time#since i have work in the morning#but THEN it's like ok but i need to message them and ask#and i have to go to my OTHER sisters house too but im gonna want a SHOWER after that which means coming straight home and i just. hhhhhhhhh#and i also gave to come straight home after the store bc im getting cold shit so it has to go straight to the fridge/freezer#and just AAAAA in general.#i think..... i may message sister 2 and say 'ik i said i would this weekend but im gonna do it tomorrow after wprl instead'#cus that will at least get rid pf One Task#PLUS i can just go straight there after work and then simply do my work shower and my after shower at the same time#yeah... okay that helps.........#then i can start by going to the cafe to get coffee/see if they have wifi back yet.......... do those tasks if they do#and if not then come back up here to use the Parking Lot Wifi for a bit............#store and then home......#and THEN i can go to sister 1s house to get my Thing#and maybe play games idk ill ask before i leave#OKAY. OKAY WE'VE GOT A PLAN NOW.#SOMETIMES TUMBLR DOES HELP.#shh ac
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the bright reds aren't very practical when it comes to stealth but it looks cool!!!
#sgt frog#keroro gunso#giroro#FAN-WORKS#probably the fastest I've done a drawing since I've seen that KF design#slightly inspired by meryl of mgs fame (I've never played an mgs game...)#i occasionally get fanart of that shrimpy guy and snake kissing#on my for you section lmao#I'm gonna shower and go to bed nows
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ANOTHER UPDATE i forgot to post about it lmao but as of around 4pm on the 18th i finally have POWER!!!!!!!!! if it hadn't come back that would've been day 22 and officially gone past 3 full weeks. i'm still Tired because turns out when you finally get out of a highly stressful situation your body and brain sorta decide to shut down for a while but once i get some more energy in me I'm gonna try to make an updated info post with more resources that have popped up over the last month. my pinned post is technically outdated now and a lot of those links aren't quite as needed anymore, but it's still important to me that people don't forget about all this and fully understand just how devastating this storm was, so until I can make that updated version I'm gonna leave it up.
If any of y'all have donated anything to help out any effected areas, especially WNC in particular, genuinely thank you so, so much. Going through 3 weeks without power or running water and by far The Worst Birthday Of My Fucking Life, nothing has helped me feel more hopeful than seeing everyone helping each other with just about everything. Locals putting signs outside their homes offering their non-potable water, piles on piles of bottled water sitting outside tiny community centers, people cooking up free burgers and hotdogs in a grocery store parking lot while giving out free go-bags with toothbrushes, diapers, and just about anything else you can think of that can return just a little sense of normalcy to the people who need it. I even know of a movement from way up in Ogdensburg NY that donated a huge amount of stuff including several heaters, expensive generators, and a bunch of cards from a couple elementary school classes wishing us luck in getting through it :'> the heaters were especially nice to have for my family personally, since it started to get progressively chillier after/around day 16-17. i love PEOPLE !!!!!
ahem . but other than all that i'm hoping to be able to finally start moving on soon. things are never going to be the same as they were before the storm, but at the very least i can feel like we're actually moving forward instead of constantly waiting for something to happen. idk when i'll start posting normal stuff again, but hopefully it won't be too long!
#i should probably make a helene tag at this point shouldn't i#i Would just use the tag “hurricane helene” but i don't want my personal update posts to possibly cover any resources idk#fuckass storm#<- thats it thats the tag. i think it encapsulates my feelings about it pretty well at this point#anyway. the reason i didn't post about it until now is honestly bc i spent ~5 hours settings things back up all around my house#cleaning & rearranging everything since there were extension cords Fucking Everywhere (for the generator)#and then i set up my computer and played the sims for 12 hours instead of doing much of the other things i planned to do#after 3 weeks in the dark i think i deserve a little unhealthy hyperfocus ok its Fine#today i'm gonna finally take a shower in my own damn house and do my LAUNDRY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#most areas in WNC are iffy with water rn still but i have a well that didn't get flooded so the worst i have is hard water#and that's not even related to helene our water softener just gave out like a week before it hit#its my reward for sticking it out so long. i get normalpilled clean showers & laundry before all my suburbanite city slicker friends lmao#(they have water too but it's either well-hydrated piss yellow or just brown)
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If y'all ever see me IRL- it'd make so much more sense why my Sona looks how it looks
#also I like cats#and stripes but I never really wear stripes IRL so that wouldn't really transfer over :P#the only opposite things between me and my sona tho are that I gots me some small hands and feet and I'm kinda insecure about that???#idk- I just always really imagine my sona (and all my other oc's that are really similar to how I look IRL) with larger hands and feet#it's a weird thing with me- sometimes I'm fine with having smaller hands and feet and other times It just doesn't seem.. nice????? idk#..wait why'd I even start this post- ajfuzkgkldgkdkjdkdj wasn't to vent about my disproportionate hands and feet I'll tell you that#think I just got some idea to talk about my sona then this happened#sOoOoo uhh- yeah I'm gonna go get ready to shower now#and water my plants#cuz I forgot to yesterday and I usually water em either every Saturday or Sunday#<< wait do I unconsciously draw hands big because of this???????#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... nah that's probably cuz my general understanding on anatomy is a bit finicky- especially on how long arms are supposed#be and how big hands are supposed to be ajhfsjfjfkgjxkgkdkhj
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like. don’t get me wrong… i’m STILL showering regularly, but like… was anybody going to TELL me that my hair becoming unbearably greasy after one day of not showering wasn’t normal?? because i lived my entire life up to this point assuming that it was, and now suddenly i could probably not shower for a week (staying otherwise clean) and it would be just fine???? WHAT??????????
#source: i am on accutane now#seriously like. the fact that my face is no longer in constant pain from cystic acne is GREAT#but my hair not being constantly greasy might be even better!!!!#i was SERIOUSLY dreading my top surgery recovery having no idea what i was gonna do with my hair while i couldn’t shower#and now i’m just like. Oh. it’s literally fine#WILD…#and like. probably what my hair feels like rn WOULD be considered greasy to some people#but it’s like. No. you don’t UNDERSTAND…#you don’t GET it…#anyways… hi! i’ve been on this shit less than a month and the results have been insane#so if anyone out there is struggling with excessively oily skin - PLEASE go try it#life changing
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#cw vent#maybe i stayed up too late but suddenly i feel like crying#like really badly#i tried very hard today#but im still so scared#of everything#im being watched. i am absolutely sure im being watched#i can feel somebodys presence over my shoulder now and they can probably read what im typing#its been like this for so long#and#as im typing this it has been the sixteenth of juky for about two hours#twenty two hours left until my birthday#i will be sixteen#that is scaring me so much#i haven't progressed since i was maybe eleven#i still can't take care of mysekf. i shouldn't ve admitting to this but i genuinely can't do basic actions#i constantly forget to keep my body in a safe state. my hair is so messy. i get tok focused on other stuff and most of the time i just#forget to shower#i am genuinely so disgusting and unhygienic. i know this and want to fix it#but also.. i just wish i was like just an internet person#if i didn't have to eat or maintain my body i think id be a much happier person#im scared#how can i possibly be turning 16. i haven't even learnt how to eat food yet#most meals i can't eat without gagging or feeling like vomiting#i don't know why im typing all this out#for a while i was okay with it being my birthday soon. because i thought i would finally get attention and love from others#but im starting to realise that probably will not be happening#:[#why am i typing this out. my head hurts#and im gonna die
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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Is it still Wednesday? No, you say? Well, time is an illusion so you're probably wrong about that. Thanks for the tag, @piratefalls! I had this idea because of a tumblr post I stumbled across again in my likes... I dunno an hour or two ago? And now here we are, lol.
Derek hadn’t expected he would hear from Stiles again, possibly ever, but certainly not until he was back within the borders of Beacon Hills when he pulled out the rock. Derek blinked it. The rock’s eyes rolled back at him. Ignoring the hand with the rock in it for the moment, he diverted his attention back to the box. It was a perfectly ordinary and small, square box. Derek’s address and Stiles’ return one at his dorm room the only things scrawled on the outside. And it appeared to contain nothing but bubble wrap and a rock. A rock with googly eyes on it. It wasn’t quite smooth, peaked but rounded almost precisely in the center of its top, and squat. Perfectly gray, perfectly bland, with a flat bottom to it. The eyes were placed with care more towards the hilly top and right under where the sides started their downslopes. Meaning they almost looked like brows depending on the angle Derek held the rock at. He glanced at his phone but flatly refused to ask. That had to be what Stiles wanted with this and Derek was hardly going to give him that. He thought about crushing the box and throwing the rock away. Instead he carefully pulled the tape apart, breaking the box down for his recycling. Which is when he found the little piece of notebook paper that had slid under the flap. In that same scrawl were the words: It needs a home and a name. - Derek, despite all his better judgment, didn’t throw the rock away but he did leave it on top of his microwave and forget about it (after letting it bother him for far too long). That should be the end of that particular saga - he’d managed to dismiss it as a prank that went over his head, probably some social media, not-quite-his-generation fad that he would never get no matter how hard he tried - except. Except that not-quite a month later he got another similarly-sized box. And if Stiles had sent him another rock, he was throwing them both away after crushing them into powder. He opened the top, parted the bubble wrap with a sigh, only to find very much not a rock. It was a miniature armchair. The detail was exquisite and the upholstery on it felt real, that scratchy but nostalgic quality that reminded him of going to his grandparents’ house. The wood of the legs and arms was finely honed and the arms even had upholstered tops. The color was a deep maroon and embroidered in the back of it in gold were a few stalks of wheat contained in an oval shape. The strangest thing about it, aside from everything, was how wide the seat was. The proportions really didn’t seem to— “Oh you have got to be fucking…” Derek trailed off, practically stomping over to the other side of the kitchen. He snatched up the rock and plonked it down in the chair, eyes rattling about but facing forward. It was a perfect fit.
Tagging..... I dunno, other people who spit in the face of 'Wednesday' and all its cohorts? I don't really know who fits that description but, if that's you, you've been summoned.
#now i have to at least dialogue skeleton this to the end because i figured out all of it during my shower#and i WILL forget what i thought of#also don't ask wtf is up with the past tense because i have NO IDEA#and i kept slipping out of it too so who knows if that's gonna make it past the draft stage#(probably not - i'm already getting annoyed with how much fixing i have to do when i lose it for a sentence)#stiles has a MOTHERFUCKING PLAN here - like i thought haha how random googly-eyed rock silliness#and stiles was like: nuh uh sis i've been planning this shit for a year - do not screw it up for me#i'm doing my best sir!!#sterek#teen wolf#wip wednesday#eternalsterek#1000+ words in like an hour and a half is that good shit though you guys
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kinda crazy but…
im gay for you
:o no way i’m also gay for u <3
#also i’m fucking exhausted it was a long ass day of robot#i broke down crying for no reason in the middle of my last tech interview for drama#because i was so fucking stressed abt hosting the robotics comp this weekend and waiting on college decisions#and also two of my friends were like in the hospital at the time#one bc they hadn’t eaten in like a week because of an ed and we’re doing really badly#and the other because they had to get stitches bc of sh#but i couldn’t really explain alllll of that to my drama teacher#anyway#i did hear back from one of the schools tho!!!!! and i got in!!!!!!#but they didn’t give me as much money as i would have needed to commit there#so like i probably won’t end up going even tho i really loved the school and it’s kinda my top choice#and also the accepted students days all conflict and i ended up signing up for one that would mean id miss the end of district champs#for robotics if we qualify#which my hopes are vaguely high this year#but now i’m gonna have to miss part of it if we do ://///#and the other more competitive one i’m waiting on hearing from some time this weekend i’ve been checking the portal like every twenty minute#it’s really bad#anyway i’m gonna go take a shower and then go to sleep before i drive myself to another breakdown#idk why the tags of this ask was my place to say all of this but it sure was
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Huge vent
Yesterday was the welcome thing for the beginning of the school year, only from 15h to 16h30. Still managed to end up late. Nothing to do either, just sit there and listen to the explanation of how the year is gonna go. Still came back home EXHAUSTED
First day of school and I'm already an hour late
They also said that if we come late, the teachers aren't gonna let us in
So now I'm just frozen, sitting on my chair after finally managing to prepare, with no idea on if i waste the little energy i have going to school in the heat only to not be let in
But they also said they'd do that last year, and they never did. So maybe they're not doing it again and I'm just wasting time when they would let me in
I don't know and that's the problem
And even if i can, the mental image of everyone in class turning to stare at me and judge while i enter in the middle of the class, because i spent more than half of last year being hours late if not straight up missing "for no reason" is too much (because this country has dog shit psychology knowledge that has been studied to be around 50 years late, and they know nothing about invisible disabilities. Not like I'd ever even tell them. This class sucks in all minorities fronts)
But also I'm literally already thousands of euros in debt for this damn school and every class i miss is money wasted
I don't know what to do
#sent a message to admins to ask about the disability help i can get#think I'm gonna wait until afternoon class to go#and use that time to do all the other medical calls i need to do#hope we can talk about my help soon and i can explain the causes for why I'm late in the morning and why I'm struggling so much#and they'll actually listen#negative#HB rambles#i did brush my teeth! that's a huge win. and took a shower yesterday despite already taking one sunday#which thinking about it now might be the reason I'm already struggling so hard this morning.....#having to suddenly live with low spoons sucks. especially when you have huge memory issues#i keep acting like how i used to. just normal. and then being baffled when something as small as a shower wipes out all my energy for the#next day#i hate this. i hate this so much. i want to go back to being able to do multiple things a day and not ending up drained#i had 3 months of summer break. and only played animal crossing new leaf for like- 3 afternoons#never touched any other game. or my dsi. or my wii. or any of my books#played buckshot roulette for a few hours once#couldn't keep going. it's fun. but because it's a strategy game. it DRAINED my mental energy#i planned to fucking start sports and learn how to sew and crochet and maybe even skateboard#and instead i couldn't even draw a simple BASIC art piece without taking multiple days of only 3 hours sessions#an entire year of doctor appointments. and i still have NOTHING. no answer or help#my last hope is a mental exam in December....#if we don't find the answer then.....I'm probably gonna have to survive like this for the rest of my life#and i definitely can't get or keep a job in this state#vent#chronic fatigue#autistic burnout#probably#but it's not like i can get help for that. when the cure is YEARS of COMPLETE rest#no job or responsabilities whatsoever. yeah right. only way to get that would be to get sent to a retirement home or something#hate this
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I am so nervous about packing tomorrow. I bought so much shit and now I have to somehow fit all of it in my suitcases and bagpacks. In compliance with airline rules which is scary when you dont have a scale :)
#stuff all the heavy stuff in the small suitcase cause no way that thing can ever reach 23kg#my big one was 21kg on the way here so uhm#Fear#then again i have lost probably at least 1 kg of that just from using shower/bathroom products#my carry-on suitcase is gonna be chacked now and the bagpack i stuffed into my carry-on is now my carry-on#and neither suitcase was like filled to the absolute max#and with determination you can stuff a lot of shit in that bagpack as well#i also have my small bag i will keep under the seat but i would really like to just have what i need during the flight#like i can stuff it if need be but that is Annoying#also pray for my pottery project#we get the final product tomorrow#and i hope they provide a good box for it#but also that it isnt too big#it's a tea cup so it should be fine but aaaaaaaaghj#then again#anything can be solved with money#aka buying another bag or suitcase#and taking a taxi to the airport because i could barely handle 2 suitcases and 1 bagpack on my own#but nope#it's gonna fit#it has to#please
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