#gonna fucking pass out when I get home
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Live blogging my tech rehearsal bc I’m bored-
Oh never mind they aren’t letting me do lights I just have to sit here until 5 listening to mostly bad actors :(
Yippee using my call sign with the tech director lmao
Oh no someone just asked me how I was and I have too many pretzels in my mouth to respond they have to die now
I miss my bfs :((( (<- reoccurring thought all the time <33)
!!!!!!!!! 💚💕💚💕💚💕💚💕💕 (got a text from one of said partners)
Starting ‘show’ !! Finally !!! After 30 mins of nothing !!
I’m so bored and I don’t want my stale pretzels anymore :((
Dear lord who leaked my phone number bc I’m getting so many spam calls
Man I’m really tired
Oops I forgot to use the call signs my bad </3
NEW TECH MEMBER !!!!! (Very good, very exciting :)) hope they’re normal about gay people (im so very blatantly gay in the booth sorry not sorry)
30 more minutes I can do this hopefully
No school tomorrow I might actually sleep in hmmm maybe
Awwwwwh :(( I don’t get to see people for 4 days :(((
Going grocery shopping after this !!! (not fun cuz I’m tired, fun cuz I like grocery shopping :))
The point of doing tech early this year was so that I could get some lights done early but I’ve only been allowed to do 3 cues ://
Actually having new tech members stresses me out never mind lmao can me and my gf work in peace :( (we need people </33)
Excited for show despite how everything is going currently bc I get to see peopleeee <333
15 mins !!!! Lets go almost done fuckkkk yes please let me out of here
Ough weird lights problems boooo
LEAVING YAYYYY
#camera talks#anyways.#this is my thoughts sorta#I’m so so tired guys#gonna fucking pass out when I get home#my teeth and brain and everything hurts sm#raugh :(
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My interpretation of laskos listener!!
Also with a hc name ehehehe
Their name is Caspian/Cas (they/them)
Close ups and hcs under the cut ‼️
-silver jewelry>>>>
- I feel like they have more aquatic themed tattoos that they’re a little embarrassed of because of how spot on they are as a water elemental
-they know way too many ocean facts. They typically prefer to listen instead of talk, but they can go on and on about ocean facts. Lasko loves hearing them talk about things they are passionate about💕💕
-they have the comfiest office known to man with the COMFIEST chairs
-lasko and them take their lunches together
-they like to make little lunches for them and lasko in case he forgets his lunch (which happens quite often)
-they got to pet a manta ray at an aquarium and they cried real tears
-they love at-home dates
-they tend to feel a little guilty whenever they eat seafood. But not enough to stop.
#ok that’s it I’ve had this done for a HOT MINUTE but I’m glad to finally post it#I have a job interview today and I’ve been cleaning my 3 year long depression room#today is very draining and I#m gonna pass the fuck out when I get back home#very stressed very tired#I wanna draw lasko and his listener cuddling#I also think their nickname is gonna be dear#I’ll be humiliated if I’m wrong#redacted asmr#redacted audio#asmr boyfriend#boyfriend asmr#redactedverse#redacted fanart#redacted lasko listener#redacted lasko#redacted lasko listener design#redacted dear#redacted listener#redacted listener design#rayrayart
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there must be more than blood by car seat headrest is a touya song btw. nervous like a wild dog waiting for the attack. you go back to the old house but you've been locked out and it wasn't for love that you went back home. they had all of your life to get it right they had all of that time just to change their minds. how could they treat you like a forgotten card? dear dad, I'm sorry thank you very much. what difference does it make when they throw you away?
this is like 9/11 to me
#GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING INBOX. THIS SONG????? i know i reblogged the art but THIS SONG AIAIA. REALLY#you cant say the words car seat headrest around me. and then touya as well why would you actually even start#I SAW YOU ON THE MAGAZINE COVER WITH YOUR BLUE WIDE EYES READ IT FROM COVER TO COVER LOOKING FOR YOU BUT THESE ARE NOT MY PEOPLE HERE#I THINK YOU KNOW THAT NERVOUS LIKE A WILD DOG WAITING FOR THE ATTACK#I WAS LIVING IN THE DELTA WASTING MOST OF MY TIME YOU KNOW IF I COULD CLOSE THE BLINDS RIGHT I COULD SLEEP ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT#BUT IVE SEEN THE TIDES RISING WHERE ONCE THERE WAS A SHORE#I CAN STILL REMEMBER HOUSES STRIPPED TO THE FLOOR THERE MUST BE MORE THAN BLOOD THAT HOLDS US TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THERE MUST BE MORE THAN WIND THAT TAKES US AWAY THERE MUST BE MORE THAN TEARS WHEN THEY PULL BACK THE CURTAIN#OF THIS MUCH I AM CERTAIN!!!!!!!!!! WHEN YOU'RE DOWN FOR A WHILE TRYING TO GET DRIED OUT YOU FEEL TIME PASS BY BUT YOU DONT LOOK AROUND#YOU WERE PLAYING YOUR MUSIC BUT YOU GOT DROWNED OUT YOU GO BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE BUT YOUVE BEEN LOCKED OUT!!!#AND IT WASNT FOR LOVE THAT YOU WENT BACK HOME!!!! IT WAS THE GUILT IN YOUR THROAT LIKE YOU SWALLOWED A BONE!!!#THEY HAD ALL OF YOUR LIFE TO GET IT RIGHT!!! THEY HAD ALL OF THAT TIME JUST TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS!!!#AND YOURE GRATEFUL FOR THE BUS ITS A PLACE TO SIT DOWN LIKE A SPIDER IN THE WINTER TRYING NOT TO BE FOUND#NO USE TRYING TO HEAL WHEN YOURE GETTING STEPPED ON NO USE SELLING YOUR SOUL WHEN YOURE GETTING PASSED ON#HOW COULD THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A FORGOTTEN CARD?? DEAR DAD IM SORRY! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!#WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHEN THEY THROW YOU AWAY IS ANYBODY EVER GONNA HEAR WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY I WAS FLYING ON A REDEYE#MY HAND DROPPED TO THE AISLE I COULD SEE MYSELF CLEARLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE THERE WAS NOTHING BUT LINES#NOTHING BUT OUTLINES MY GUT SANK LIKE A STONE BUT I HEARD ANOTHER VOICE SAY WE ALL WALK ALONE! THERE MUST BE MORE THAN BLOOD!!!!!#ask#touya todoroki
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horror bragging about he's immortal and allat to killer and dust (because he genuinely thinks he is. like he literally came back from the DEAD that is a proud accomplishment!!!! bro probably brags all the time about it like "heh even if you hit me hard i'll just get back up. bitch")
and then killer's like alright bet! let's test that out! and then he starts going on an all out chase for horror's head. and dust just follows along because hey why the fuck not it sounds fun and it would be nice to knock horror down a peg or two :3 frantic running from horror ensues because as much as he'd like to stick by his claim he REALLY cannot be going around risking to see if him being immortal is actually true 💀
#horror it's all your fault you played with fire and now you are not about to get burned you are about to DIE#oh its probably so nervewracking....... he legit could die horror doesnt know if the other two would take mercy on him#he's been an ass all this time ‼️ he has been manipulative and lied ‼️ he has shittalked them at their lowest ‼️ he is FUCKED#or WORSE they just end up dragging this out and driving him crazy with paranoia (this is in fact what would happen)#not that he particularly regrets not being nice to killer and dust because why should he and why do they deserve it but like. GODAAMN IT#couldnt it HURT just to be a LITTLE nicer past horror???? now youre gonna DIE because you were too much of an asshole!!!!!!! fuck#but maybe he doesn't die? maybe he actually lives when the two find him and eventually#would that be worse actually yes in fact it would. if he wants anyone to find out he's actually immortal it would NOT be dust and killer#death seems much more inviting than being hunted down by those two. oh SHIT REAPER WAIT DONT TOUCH HIN#if killer and dust worked together they could probably create a torture situation that not even a tank personified would mentally survive#this seems like another one of my ideas in my head that seems bright and comedic but in reality would just be terrifying#i like it piccasso. now just set it in horrortale and then you have horror in the place of all the people he killed#all the people he hunted down all the innocents and now he gets to feel what they felt when he chased them down#the fear and nervousness of being watched of being toyed with of knowing that youre already stuck in a maze with no exit and no way back#yeah i'd kill myself the psychological horror i'd feel would just be too much dust and killer can just kill me for all i care I GIVE UP#wouldnt it be funny if dust and killer never even touch horror they just chase him until he passes out#that would be sooooo silly LMAO. bitchass we didnt even touch you and you passed out from panic and exhaustion??? COWARD 🤣🤣🤣🤣#dust and killer would never let that memory be forgotten trust. trust. i love it when they taunt and torture eachother#GOD can we get some self not so self inflicted pain onto these 3 😒😒😒 more than they already have but whatever#dont worry guys they took horror home after he passed out and when he woke up fed him a bit of soup to replenish his energy#and then they played a roblox obby to calm down and also relax and then they fell asleep all zzzrkkk mimimimi shoooo like 3 little kitties#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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i'm at my fucking limit
#HELP ME WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF#rode a bike to school#and my potato ass is not used to this at all#im abt to pass out#im trying so hard to stay strong but like please HBJERFEBFHJJBERF#dean rambles#anyways when i get home im fucking !!!#RESTING#and im gonna be drawing those requests#i CANT KEEP PUTTING IT OFF NOW!
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OHBMY GOD I FORGOT SHE HAD BEEN SHIPPED!!!
#IM GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT#I wasn’t meant to get her til Feb🥹#that’s my daughter#she’s in there!#nov 2023#little nightmares#🕯️ in the palm of my hand#gonna free her when I get off of work#had to do half the day from home because I forgot to take my new meds and I was passing out at my desk ���
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NOBODY MOVE I'M HAVING POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MORDRED AND ATLAS.
#they finally talk. mordred tells his big brother that 'once upon a time i was supposed to stop breathing before i hit my teens.'#he tells him everything about knowing when his death day passed about the nightmares and the confusion and the agoraphobia#he tells him about his insecurities and his self-hatred -- how terribly must he have fucked up to not even be worthy of dying?#he tells him he's scared and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with all this....life.#and atlas is THERE and he hugs him and he's so fucking relieved that - whatever his brother was meant for - he survived.#he hugs his little brother and tells him its okay to be scared because no one really knows what theyre doing with their lives#he holds his face between his hands and god when did mordred get so big?#''all you have to do is KEEP living okay? that's what you do with life: you live it.''#its not exactly poetry but it IS what mordred needs to hear#ive been thinking A Lot about mordred making an appearance in the searching but idk for sure yet#i just need to figure out WHEN this conversation happens so i can wrap up mordreds arc the way he deserves#i think im gonna try patching his and atlas's relationship across the second and third book#like atlas is HOME and then he's not and mordred is bitter but then- a letter. atlas has written to him.#and he keeps writing. bc he knows now what it is to lose someone and he doesnt want to lose his brother#so they're pen pals!! and it's stiff and formal and awkward and slow going but eventually they're exchanging gossip and venting and.#aaaa#happy lavore content wow look at me go#lavore brothers#mordred lavore#atlas lavore
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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I feel like such a captive to my mental health.
#went to the science museum with some friends for one of their birthdays and we wanted to see the space film in the dome#which the dome is a massive theater where the screen wraps around the ceiling and such#and we took some edibles beforehand to have fun and I didn’t even take like half#and it wasn’t even that but my motion sickness made the first ten minutes so unbearable that I had to leave#and I had an anxiety attack on the way home like the first real one in like months#it’s a great reassuring thing to have happen when I’ve been trying to work on my anxiety with actually doing shit and interacting w people#I feel like I failed but like the first part was good at least???#my mom gave me money to get lunch on the way back and I couldn’t even stop I was shaking and felt like passing out#godDAMMIT dude I was doing so good#anyway I’m gonna relax because I’m exhausted now and I ordered jimmy john’s so I didn’t have to go out#fucking anxiety#hmh
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my partner took me out to an aquarium and then a theme park as an early birthday present :-] going to the arcades next I'm p sure !! having such a good day today.
#currently waiting for food in a DINOSAUR THEMED RESTAURANT??#sick as fuck!!!!#bots tomorrow because im gonna pass the fuck out the second i get home but oh my god im so happy and motivated rn#virgil yaps#that moment when virgil realises his loved ones DON'T actually hate him!!
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literally what the FUCK
#pk;m Mind💙#EXPLAIN WHY WE GOT LIGHTHEADED JUST SITTING DOWN#I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH WE WERE JUST LITERALLY LAYING THERE IN THE RECLINER!!!#WHAT FUCK!#I'm laying in bed and can barely breaathe i have the ac on and the body's head propped up#i feel like we're gonna pass out! what the fuck!!#like we AREN'T but it FEELS LIKE IT#it'll pass. but it's ANNOYING#idk when mom gets home butni dont think we can sit up and watch tv tonight we feel like shit suddenly!!!
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I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?
#ughhhhh#you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost#if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up#so last week and the week before were spring break for me#and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons#cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying#but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family#and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK#so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to#and even there i couldnt enjoy my time#why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects#so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be#and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated#i got shouted at which was not very fun#whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying#the only free time i have is when she sleeps#and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have#its either this or fail the exams#it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT#and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT#idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point#then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying#what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she#STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up#i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP#i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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i feel actually sick rn like i can’t keep my eyes open, i feel like im boutta pass out and i almost vomited but hey all in a days work.
#skipper speaks#tw sickness#tbh i’ve learned to stop giving a shit when i’m sick#i don’t even know if i am sick so idk what im complaining about#i dunno i kinda just power through it#fr tho the minute i get home today im gonna pass the fuck out#after hw because unfortunately i needa do that#but i just wanna go to sleep and like…snuggle smth#im so tired mate
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#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
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because I am literally incapable of keeping gossip to myself
#i made out with my ex at the strokes concert#i gave myself permission prior to the event dw dw#it was to be expected#like? it was the strokes! it was a night time outdoor set it was raining we were drunk sharing ciggies new silver eyeshadow etc etc#they played call it fate call it karma you know the rest#kinda iconic in my humble opinion#AND THEN#i went to my friend's house party after and then i went home with a guy from there#again sorta premeditated cause I've been overthinking sleeping w my first new person post the breakup#and I've been passing up opportunities cause i've just been building it up in my head to be this big massive deal#but it had rly gotten to the point where it just needed to happen like rip the bandaid off kinda thing#so i pretty much knew that if i met someone nice there i was gonna just say fuck it#coz like drunk house party guy you'll never meet again is such a chill low stakes thing for an official return 2 the streets#and when i tell you it was bang average like so so soooo bang average which I'm glad abt to be honest#left my red scrunchy at his house tho cause u always gotta give them something to remember you by. the whimsical stranger!!!#and i stole some weed from him#(take something leave something rule - i am a devout follower of this)#and then had to literally travel the entire length of the northern line 2 get home like no joke i literally rode that shit end 2 end#scantily clad unbrushed hair sunglasses on in the tube violently hungover walk of shame vibe#altho by some divine miracle my phone didn't die until i was literally outside my front door so i got to listen to good tunes the whole way#honestly you probably shouldn't romanticise these things but who's gonna fuckin stop me huh!!#feels like julian casablancas would've wanted this for me#anyways what a silly goofy post!!!!!!#dear diary
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