#gonna cook some chicken to eat sooner or later

[tranquil-slaughterhouse]

So is a litre of water supposed to keep me awake or nah?

[eddiediazismyhusband]

🩺🏠🏳️‍🌈

🩺 - The Nurse!Eddie fic:

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It’s late, I should probably go,” Buck said, and Eddie felt his heart sink at that. 

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie replied. “You have a shift tomorrow?”

“Nah, but I’m taking Maddie to her checkup in the morning,” he rolled his eyes. “She still hasn’t told Chim about it. She claims it’s because she doesn’t want him telling people, but it’s really because she’s too chicken to admit that she wants to raise this kid with him.”

“She’ll have to tell him sooner or later,” Eddie chuckled. “He’s gonna notice when the baby looks like him.”

“I just don’t know what she’s scared of,” Buck sighed. “I mean he’s totally into her, she just has this whole fixation on the fact that he’s the first friend she really made since moving to LA and she doesn’t want to jeopardize that.”

“She does realize they’re going to have a literal kid together, right?” Eddie asks with an amused smirk.

Buck lets out an incredulous laugh as he rubs his face in his hands. “Hey, do you still need me to pick up Chris from school tomorrow?”

“If you don’t mind,” Eddie grimaced at having to ask Buck to do that. “I work a 12 tomorrow, and I won’t get off until 7.”

“Do you need me to sit with him for the afternoon?” Buck asked. “Just so Isabel can get some rest.”

“I don’t want to take your evening away from you,” Eddie turns from the sink to look at him.

“It’s no big deal,” Buck assured him. “I enjoy spending time with the little man.”

Buck was smiling brightly at Eddie, and Eddie couldn’t help but return the smile as he crossed his arms.

“I’ll repay you with pizza?” Eddie suggested.

“Deal,” Buck smiled. “Just don’t get two separate ones because Chris likes peppers on his and I don’t. I can pick them off.”

“Buck, you’re babysitting my son on your day off work,” Eddie laughed. “I’m not forcing you to eat pizza you don’t like.”

“It’s fine, Eds, honest,” Buck smiled. “Oh- I almost forgot… If it’s okay with you I thought about taking him to the zoo on Saturday? Since you have a shift.”

“Buck you don’t have to let him drag you around everywhere,” Eddie said.

“I’m not!” Buck argued. “I told you, Eddie, I like spending time with him… he reminds me of a mini you.”

Eddie’s smile drops for a moment at the idea of Buck enjoying spending time with Chris because he reminds him of Eddie. He honestly doesn’t want to think about Chris ending up like him.

“I hope he’s not like me,” Eddie said with a self-deprecating laugh as he turned to face the sink again.

----------

💒 - The Fake Husband fic:

----------

Thankfully, before Eddie could make himself sick at even thinking about that prospect, Buck’s voice snapped him out of his trance. “Oh, shit.”

Eddie blinked a few times before looking up at Buck’s face, scrunched up in aggravation as he stared into the basket while placing the items on the conveyor belt.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, furrowing his brows.

“I forgot to pick up that non-dairy parmesan for Julie,” Buck sighed. “Could you stand here while I run back and grab it? I know exactly what I’m looking for.”

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie immediately accepted, taking the basket from Buck.

“You’re the best,” Buck gave Eddie a quick squeeze on his shoulder before he was bounding back into the store, leaving Eddie alone at the checkout with an older woman who smiled at him sweetly as he continued placing items on the belt.

“Looks like you’re cooking for quite the crowd,” she observed the copious amount of ingredients Buck had bought.

“We’re firefighters so we usually do a pretty big team lunch when we’re on shift,” Eddie smiled at her.

“Oh, a couple of LA’s finest, eh?” she chuckled as she continued scanning their items. “It’s quite a dangerous job.”

“It can be,” Eddie agreed. “But I’ve got a pretty good partner out there who has my back.”

“Well, I think it’s lovely they let you and your husband work together,” she beamed, finishing up scanning the items. “I know sometimes it must be tricky, but it must be nice to know you have someone out there you can trust.”

Eddie opened his mouth to correct her- he knew it would be the right thing to do. Both for Buck’s sake and for his own. It wasn’t fair to either of them for Eddie to keep living in this fantasy world he kept creating for himself where Buck actually wanted him in the same way. 

“Yeah,” he smiled, “It really is.”

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🏳️‍🌈 - The Pride fic;

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“Did you bring any cash with you, by any chance?” Buck asked, leaning in close so Eddie could hear him.

“I got a 20 in my wallet,” Eddie replied. 

“Give it to me, I’m gonna go exchange it for some ones,” Buck held his hand out, as Eddie frowned.

“Why?” he asked.

“It’s common courtesy to tip drag queens during a show,” Buck told him. “I meant to bring some for both of us, but I forgot and only had time to get cash for myself.”

Eddie nodded, pulling out his wallet and retrieving the $20 bill, passing it to Buck who quickly escaped back into the crowd of people. He sipped his beer as he waited for Buck to return, looking around at the tiny interior of the club, decorated in an industrial loft vibe- very similar to Buck’s apartment.

The lights suddenly dimmed and a voice came over the speakers on the walls and ceiling, pulling Eddie from his fixation on the room’s design. His eyes were drawn to the small stage on the far end of the room, where a spotlight had slowly appeared on the curtains center stage.

“Attention Ladies, Gentlemen, and all those in between,” the voice announced over the speaker. “Welcome to Los Angeles Pride, 20241”

The room erupted into cheers around them as Buck returned with a wad of cash, handing the stack of $1 bills to Eddie. Eddie brought the hand holding the cash down, resting it on his leg as the announcer continued. 

“The Q room is proud to present our very own, Ophelia Morningwood!” The announcer’s voice boomed through the room as the crowds around them broke into more cheering.

Buck and Eddie joined in the applause as the speakers began to blast the opening chords of Patti LaBelle’s Stir it Up. The curtains on the small stage opened to reveal Ophelia Morningwood- her back to the audience- in a floor length gown made almost entirely of sequined fringe in an ombre of dark blue, white, and teal. Around her arms lay a white feather boa with tassels in the same color dangling down from both ends; atop her head a sculpted beehive updo right out of one of Abuela’s old photo albums.

Eddie watched as she moved in time with the music, spinning around on one of her silver stiletto heels as she began lip-syncing. Eddie furrowed his brows as he tried to place where he knew that face from. He looked over at Buck who seemed to have the same puzzled expression. 

They watched as she moved around the room, collecting tips from different patrons as she performed the song with ease and sass in every move she made. It wasn’t until she stood about 5 feet away from them that Eddie realized why that face was so familiar- and apparently so did Buck as they both turned to look at each other, wide-eyed.

“Josh?” They both said, moments before the dispatcher- in full drag- approached their table, lip syncing directly to both of them as they sat, Eddie’s jaw on the floor, and Buck with a stupefied smile on his face.

----------

[goldenempyrean]

sick elizabeth and reader on christmas using the prompts “I told you to wear a coat.” and “I dont think chicken noodle soup counts as Christmas dinner.”

Does It Count As Christmas Dinner?

Hi! Yep this is another drabble one. I actually really loved writing this one :) hopefully you enjoy it too

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“Hhh..hhitshhiew!” You heard a couple of thick sniffles followed by a quiet, “Excuse me.”

You looked over to your right to see Lizzie swiping her fingers against the underside of her nose. There was a mumble of blessings from the surrounding people.

This Christmas, it was yours and Lizzies turn to host Christmas Dinner for your family, and so, they’d travelled down and everyone was making convosation as they sat round the large table. But it wasn’t the first time that Lizzie had sneezed that afternoon, infact had seemed rather sniffly all day.

The timer on your phone buzzed, indicating the main part of the meal was cooked, “Well, I better go and bring out the turkey. I’ll just be a moment.”

You stood up to leave, when Lizzies voice piped up, “Need a hand sweetheart?”

“That would be great, thanks,” You smiled, holding opening the diningroom door for her. Lizzie stepped out and you closed the door behind her, it wasn’t even a second later when you heard her breath hitch.

“Hhih’ttteeshoo! H’iishhiew! Hh..hep’tshhh!” Lizzie tried to muffle her loud sneezes against her elbow but it did nothing to hide the fatigue behind them.

“Goodness bless you.” You hummed as you both walked into the kitchen, “You’ve been awfully sneezy today Liz.”

“Its fine, I’m fine.” She said, pouring herself a small glass of water.

“Its not like yo-“

Your sentence was interrupted by Lizzie spluttering and coughing. Her drink seemed to irritate her throat as she coughed desperately into her arm, holding out her other to keep you at a safe distance away. A minute or so later she recollected herself and looked up to see your concerned eyes scanning over her.

“It just went down the wrong way.” Lizzie said frantically, before you even had to chance to speak.

“Its okay, you’re okay.” You pulled her into a hug, only to be slightly alarmed by just how warm she felt, “Jeez Lizzie. You’re on fire.”

Lizzie mumbled something incoherent as you pressed the back of your palm to her head, brows furrowing as warmth met your hand.

“I told you to wear a coat.” You sighed and looked at her with sympathy, “I should’ve realised sooner.“

“I- Hh’heptshieew! I didn’t want to ruin our dinner, especially since your family is here and we’re meant to be the hosts, but I didn’t feel good this morning and-“ You cut Lizzie off from her panicked ramblings.

“Hey. Lizzie, look at me. Its okay, everything will be okay. Now I need you to go and lay down, sofa or bed, its up to you. I’m gonna take this food out to my family and then I’ll come and make you some soup, unless you’d prefer a plate of food?” You instructed, leaving her to think about what she’d rather eat.

In all honesty, she didn’t really have much of an appetite but still couldn’t help look up at you with her glassy eyes and say, “I don’t think chicken noodle soup counts as Christmas dinner.”

“Christmas dinner is whatever you make it, now go and lay down. I’ll come out as soon as I’ve served this.” You picked up the turkey, which was slightly less warm then you would’ve preferred but it didn’t matter. All you had to do now was wait for them to finish before spending the rest of your Christmas cuddled up with your wife.

[doc-pickles]

that was our place, I found it first

in which alex and jo both struggle with their new realities and that overwhelming sense of deja vu....

hey hi hello this isn’t new (it’s been on AO3 for a hot minute) but I hadn’t shared it here so enjoy. and everyone say thank you to olivia rodrigo.

It’s three weeks into his stay in Kansas when the weight of his new reality hits him square in the chest. He’d wrangled both kids inside and sent them to wash up, quickly changing out of his scrubs before meeting Eli, Alexis, and Izzie at the dinner table. He’s about to ask how the day has been for everyone but he’s stopped dead in his tracks, the words slipping from his mind.

“Hey, you're invited to Mer's for Thanksgiving.”

“Really?”

“I'm invited and, uh, I'm bringing you.”

“The attendings are gonna be weird if I'm there.”

“No, they're not.”

“Just go without me. We'll meet up after.”

“You think I wanna be there if you're not.”

“You're sweet.”

“Okay, screw it. How about we get takeout chicken and eat it in the car like we were raised to do?”

“I think I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, settle down.”

The sound of his daughter’s voice brings Alex back to the present, eyes moving from the platter of fried chicken in the center of the table to Alexis who’s staring at him in confusion. He quickly plasters a smile on his face, making a joke at his daughter’s expense that makes both children giggle loudly. Dinner passes by quickly and soon both kids are off to bed, visions of a bright eyed brunette intern closing Alex’s mind as he cleans the kitchen.

+

“Auntie Jo!”

The exclamation from Zola sends all three Grey Shepherd kids hurtling across the room to wrap their arms around Jo’s legs. Struggling to keep her balance, Jo let out a laugh as she listened to each child bombard her with questions. She hadn’t seen them for almost two months so the attack was unavoidable but not unwanted as she let the kids contagious joy bring a wide smile to her face.

“Hey, glad you could make it,” Link appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, Scout wriggling in his arms. “I’m not much of a cook but there’s fresh coffee and donuts. I got them from that place that’s on...”

Link’s voice faded out as Jo’s eyes settled on the pink bakery box behind him, the children clinging to her forgotten as her mind drifted.

“Cheers to an incredible day. You deserve it. Actually, I helped, too. So cheers to us.”

“Hey, powdered sugar's your favorite.”“Yeah, no. This is great. Thanks.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“So it’s been a long morning around here,” Link, oblivious to the far off look in Jo’s eyes, finished his thought off before turning back to his friend. “Can I get you some coffee? You look tired, no offense.”

Jo nodded her head, shaking off the last foggy visions of the supply closet from her mind as she hoisted Ellis onto her hip, “Coffee sounds perfect, thanks Link.”

+

“You know, maybe we should just head down to the courthouse, make things official.”

Alex’s head snapped up from the bowl of cereal in front of him, eyes wide as he stared at Izzie who was packing lunches for Eli and Alexis. Her comment was nonchalant, eyes not even leaving the lunch bags in front of her as she continued the thought.

“It might make things easier than going through a big fuss, plus it’s close to the hospital so it wouldn’t be super out of the way,” Izzie finally looked at Alex who was staring at her in shock still. “What do you think?”

“I don’t even know if my divorce has gone through yet, I think getting married is jumping the gun a bit Iz,” Alex forced the words out of his mouth, heart pounding loudly as Izzie began to laugh. “What? What’s so funny?”

“I meant go down to the courthouse to get you on the kids paperwork,” Izzie stifled another laugh as Alex let out a breath of relief, his heart rate coming down significantly. “Geez, what kind of backwoods tacky idea is a courthouse wedding anyways?”

Alex’s mind began to drift as visions of vampire teeth and fake blood on a day not too long ago filled his mind.

“For better or worse...”

“For better or worse.”

"...for richer or poorer...”

“For richer or... pregnant.”

“What?”

“I'm pregnant.... Ha! Scared you! I got you so good.”

“Wait. You're not pregnant?”

“No. Oh, my God, you should've seen your face.”

“... so I told Jenny we’d swing by around 8,” Izzie looks expectantly to Alex, who’s coming out of his mental dog and still staring into his cereal bowl. “Alex? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” his eyes flit to the living room where Eli and Alexis are playing a game, loud peels of laughter coming from them. His heart twisted for a moment, picturing Jo between the two children playing along with them as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Yeah I’m good.”

+

“You’re just the cutest baby in the whole wide world aren’t you,” Jo’s voice was a soft coo as she rocked a drowsy Scout in her arms, the loud voices of his cousins outside drowned out as they stood in the living room. “You’re gonna be handsome just like your daddy and so smart like your mama. I don’t know what those two are gonna do with you.”

“You’re a natural you know,” Jo’s head popped up, meeting Amelia’s gaze as she leaned against the doorframe of the living room. “He won’t even fall asleep for Maggie.”

“Well Auntie Jo just has the magic touch,” Jo pressed a finger against Scout’s cheek, the infant curling closer to the new source of warmth. “Maybe that’s why OB sounds so appealing, all the babies I get to hold and love on since I’m clearly not having any of my own anytime soon.”

A low chuckle left Amelia as she crossed the room and grabbed Scout from Jo, the little boy nuzzling into his mother’s chest contentedly, “Don’t count yourself out. I wouldn’t put it past you to become a mom sooner rather than later.”

Jo watched Amelia walk towards Scout’s room, her mind thinking back to a time when having her own kids wasn’t just a far off dream.

“I'm ready. I mean, let's do it. Let's make a baby, right now.”

“Are you out of your mind? We’re not having a baby!”

“I want to have kids with you. I love how much you care for Kimmie, and it really makes me want to have kids with you. And if it's okay with you, I would really like to take your last name. Because I've never had the last name of anyone who's loved me.”

“I'm sorry I talked about kids on our honeymoon. It was stupid. It was just... you were talking about the future and snow stuff, and it just popped into my head. Like, I could see our kids playing in the snow, having fun, which is... You know, kids, snow. It makes sense.”

“Alex, shut up, please. I-I have an idea, a big idea, and I love you, and I will love all of our children, or at least one child eventually.”

“We're in the baby hat place? Are you pregnant and you didn't tell me?”

“She asked me if we wanted kids, and I said yes because we do. And she's making the hats extra big because I had an extra big head.”

The thoughts in her head overwhelm Jo, heart beating erratically as she collapses onto the couch in a fit of tears she hadn’t realized were falling. Eventually Amelia comes back, silently bringing Jo into her embrace as her tears fall. She doesn’t know how long she sits there crying, begging any higher being that would listen for Alex to come back so they could have the family they so desperately wanted.

+

“There’s a storm brewing! Expect two to three days of nonstop rain and wind in the North Eastern Kansas area, this storm is not letting up.”

Alex’s eyes floated to the window of his office, the news report blaring from his laptop fading as he focused on the rain hitting the glass. He’d lived in Seattle for a large majority of his life, he should be more than used to the sight of rain. Instead though the water dripping down reminded him of another storm years earlier, a storm that changed his life.

“Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“No, you don't.”

“You don't even know what I'm gonna say.”

“I think I do, and you shouldn't.”

“Jo…”

“I'll mess it up, Alex. I mess everything good in my life up, and... we work as friends really well, and... and I don't wanna mess that up.”

“You won't mess anything up.”

The memory fades from his mind as a knock sounds on the door of his office, one of his attendings hurtling questions at him a mile a minute. Jo’s bruised face and beaming smile haunt his thoughts for the rest of the day though, the feeling of her lips on his haunting him as he attempted to keep his head screwed on straight.

+

“Watch out Seattle! Another super soaker is in the area. Local officials are advising everyone to stay off the roads until this storm passes. If you have an emergency or need to leave…”

“Great, we’re going to get the whole of Seattle’s dumbasses in the ER tonight,” Bailey’s voice broke Jo out of her trance as she stared at the TV in the attendings lounge, fingers absentmindedly twisting the necklace around her neck. “Wilson, keep an eye on the NICU for me. If the power goes out we’ll need to keep an eye on those babies.”

Jo nodded, leaving the lounge in a daze as her mind brought up her first Seattle superstorm and a night not unlike tonight that changed everything.

“Last night, before the tree, you asked me a question. You wanted to hear me say the words. So I'm... Saying them right now.”

“I don't hear anything.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, but…”

“I'm... I'm serious.”

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

The words still echoed around her, the storm drowned out by the look on Alex’s face as they finally shared a kiss that felt like it was years in the making. That night changed everything for them, it started them off on a crazy eight year rollercoaster that despite its tragic ending Jo wouldn’t change for the world. As she walked the halls of Grey Sloan she was reminded of countless memories between them, their whole relationship playing out in the hallways of this hospital. A light feeling settled in Jo’s chest, the memories for once bringing a smile to her face instead of sending her into a crying fit. Maybe that dreaded sense of deja vu wasn’t always a bad thing…

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Continues

Part 2: 5 Weeks Pregnant

Summary: Y/n comes down with an unexplainable bug and tries to chalk it up to stress at work. But after a conversation with her sister-in-law, realization hits her that it’s not in fact a bug at all. 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 3.8K+

Warnings: Language, nausea and vomiting, discussion of surprise pregnancy

Author’s Note: Welcome back to the party everyone. Let’s get started! Special thanks to my always hype woman @waywardbeanie​ and my amazingly patient beta @emoryhemsworth​ Please enjoy some reviews from friends who have the luxury of a few sneak peeks. xoxo Alex

“I never thought I would have to engage in fisticuffs with Jensen, but here we go lol”  @jensengirl83​

“Y’all are gonna love it.” @emoryhemsworth​

Catch up with the series masterlist and then check out Alexandra’s Library for more by yours truly!

The whole church was bustling as the pastor released the congregation for the day. It had been a nice sermon that Y/n hadn’t exactly paid attention to. All morning her body had been feeling iffy. It was something that she couldn’t exactly place, she just felt...off. Y/n assumed she was just coming down with a bug. By the time they had made it to the church, she was ready for a nap. In all honesty, she had to fight to keep her eyes open as their pastor droned on, which she did feel bad about. 

Y/n was rolling her tongue about as Jensen drove them off to Jared and Gen’s for their usual Sunday brunch. Gen had woken up late with the kids and therefore the Padalecki’s had skipped church that day. That meant Y/n didn’t have to help cook, a fact which she was grateful for considering the spinning going on in her head. 

“You’re quiet over there,” Jensen noted as they walked to the front door, their fingers entwined between them. 

“I just feel off this morning,” Y/n explained. “I’m not sure what it is.” 

“You think you’re coming down with something?” Jensen pushed open the door, letting themselves into the house. 

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you have been stressed lately. First, there was everything that happened at work and then the move. It’s a lot for anybody. Your body is probably worn down.” His words trailed off as Shep came running to greet them at the door. Jensen ruffled the kid’s hair as he came to hug them both. 

“Hmm, remind me to chug some orange juice then,” she commented before turning her attention to her nephew. Shep went into a deep explanation about how his mother had let him help cook their brunch, telling them both how he only dropped a few eggshells into the bowl. 

Y/n was laughing along with him as they went deeper into the house. It wasn’t until she rounded the front staircase that the smell of cooking bacon and pancakes hit her nose, causing a wave of nausea to roll through her. Planting her feet, she dropped Jensen’s hand and ran to the nearest powder room, the door slamming behind her. 

Y/n had to spit the saliva pooling in her mouth into the sink, taking deep breaths through her nose to will away the rolling inside her. Puking was the worst thing in her mind, and she would do anything to avoid an episode. This time she was successful, rinsing her mouth with water from the faucet helping to calm inside her. 

“Y/n/n,” Jensen turned the knob, waiting for a protest from her that didn’t come before pushing the door open, “Are you okay?”

Y/n shook her head, afraid if she spoke it would open the faucet inside her. “Do we need to go home?”

“No,” she swallowed down the bile and took another deep breath. “You eat, I’m just gonna lie down.” 

“Okay,” Jensen relented, running his hand down the back of her head and pulling her in so he could place a kiss to her forehead. “You’re sure?” 

“I just—” a hiccup tore through her, threatening to destroy all she was fighting down. “I just need a minute.” She managed to get the words out before leaving her husband standing in the doorway to the bathroom. As she headed off for the couch in Jared’s office, Jensen made his way back to where Jared and Gen were waiting, both of them staring at him in anticipation upon his return. 

“Is she alright?” Gen asked as she flipped a pancake on the griddle. 

“She says she is, but she’s gonna just lie this one out I think. Earlier she mentioned that she felt off.” Jensen took a coffee mug from the counter and filled it before sitting at the table. “I think she’s running herself into the ground. She’s trying to do more than one person should take on.” 

“Just make sure she gets a lot of fluids and some rest, and she’ll be good as new,” Jared noted as he tapped Tom’s hand when he reached out to grab something from Shep’s plate. 

“I hope so…”

Y/n had no sooner lain her head on the throw pillow than passed out. Jensen had to shake her a little harder than usual to wake her when the family had finished brunch. Y/n had felt far better after her nap, the events of the morning all but forgotten once she got home, though she didn’t push her luck with eating anything that evening. Mosty she drank a lot of juice, her cure-all. 

****

Soft pop music played on from the lobby of her office. Mondays in her office were usually casual, filled with standard meetings and the answering of emails. Today was no different, well, besides the fact that she couldn’t keep her eyes open. The long paragraphs on her screen began to run together and she kept having to reread them over. It was when her eyelids eventually started to droop that she sighed in defeat. 

Y/n pushed her chair away from her desk and went to close her door. She leaned out the doorway quickly to speak to her assistant. “I’m taking an early lunch, field my calls for a few hours, please?” Abby nodded her head and Y/n closed the door behind her. She sauntered over to the stiff couch that sat along the far wall of her office. Plopping down on the decorative piece, she kicked off her heels and laid out across it. 

She was out as soon as her eyes closed.

The sharp trill of her cell phone jolted her awake. The sudden change in her position had her stomach flipping. Gingerly, she brought her hand up to her mouth and she paused to allow the bout of nausea to pass her. By the time she got her bearings, her phone had ceased ringing. Y/n slipped her heels back on her feet and made her way to her desk to retrieve her cell. The time across the screen indicated she had been out for two hours. She let out a huff, assuming she would get a thirty-minute cat nap before finishing her day. Now she felt bad about leaving Abby out there to answer all her calls during that time. 

The missed call indicated that it was from her husband. As she sat down behind her desk, she redialed his number. He answered on the second ring. 

“Hey honey,” she could practically see his smile through the phone. 

“Hey,” her voice was hoarse as she answered him.

“Babe, you okay?” The change in his tone had Y/n picturing him sitting up straight wherever he was. 

“Uh, I don’t really know. I just took a two-hour nap in my office, though,” Y/n’s eyes drifted shut again as she rubbed a hand over her face. 

“Are you still feeling sick?” Y/n grunted out a response. “Well, I was calling to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m thinking maybe you should come home, you don’t sound too well. Take the day off.” 

“I think maybe you’re right.” There was nothing big happening today. They had survived the last two hours without her, they could make it through the rest of the day. “I’ll be home in ten, love you.” 

“Love you too, see you soon.” The line clicked as Jensen hung up the phone. Y/n collected her things and headed out of the office. She let Abby know she was taking a sick day on her way out, the woman wishing her well as she exited. 

She barely remembered the drive home, only registering that she was even in the car once she parked it in the garage. The smell of cooking chicken hit her nose as soon as she entered the house, sending waves through her stomach. Y/n dropped her purse in the hallway, booking it past Jensen, who stood in front of a large pot on the stove, and straight to the nearest bathroom, her hand over her mouth to keep from making a mess. 

Her knees hit the tile hard as she leaned over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into the bowl. Jensen was right behind her, pulling her hair back and holding it out of harm's way. Gently he rubbed small circles on her back until she was dry heaving, nothing left to come up. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and fell against the wall near the toilet. Her eyes were watering and her nose was running. Jensen stood and ran a washcloth under the tap before kneeling back in front of her to wipe her face. 

“I was going to make you some soup, but apparently that’s now out of the question.” He tried to smile for her, but it was tight and unconvincing. 

“Maybe just some crackers for now,” she rasped, smiling back at him so he knew that she appreciated the sentiment. Jensen snorted with a shake of his head. It was just like his wife, making jokes as she sat on the bathroom floor where she had just vomited her guts out. 

“Alright, what do you say we get you into bed?” He cocked his head at her as he continued to wipe away what makeup he could from her face. She nodded enthusiastically, allowing him to help her to her feet. She followed him through the house and to their bedroom. Jensen went to her dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas as she began to disrobe. He tossed the cotton garments her way before going to turn down the bed. 

“I’m going to finish the soup anyway, in case you’re up for it later,” he said, tossing their throw pillows across the room and pulling back the thick comforter. “Holler if you need me, yeah?” Y/n crawled into the open bed, the cool sheets feeling amazing against her heated skin. 

“Thank you.” The smile on her face was weak. 

“That’s what I’m here for. Get some rest.” Jensen leaned down and tucked her into the bed, placing a soft kiss against the clammy skin of her forehead. She watched as he sauntered out of the room, shutting off the light as he went. For the second time that day, she was asleep before she knew it. 

****

That week, Monday’s events had all but become her routine. Y/n had stopped eating breakfast before work, which tended to help her get through the day, though she was still opting for a quick nap during her lunch break seeing as she wasn’t eating anyway, a fact which she was skillfully keeping from her husband. He worried about her far too much, and if he knew she still wasn’t feeling well, he’d insist on her calling her doctor, which was the last thing she wanted to do. Y/n hated the doctor almost as much as she hated airports. 

It was harder to hide from him at night, even though she found once she was home from work she could keep food down for longer. As long as it was something light, her stomach handled it well. As far as she knew, he was not suspicious. 

She was wrong. 

Gen had called her asking if she wanted to go with her to the park with the kids, which Y/n would never turn down as it was an opportunity to be with her niece and nephews. What she didn’t know is Jensen had asked Gen to pump Y/n for information. He knew she wasn’t eating and sleeping a lot more than usual, and he was just being the concerned husband. 

“So, how have you been this week?” Gen asked as they sat down on the bench to watch the kids run amok. 

“Not, bad I guess.” 

“So you think you’re over whatever happened on Sunday?” Gen pushed, watching her kids on the playground. 

“Eh, whatever it is, I have it under control,” Y/n played off her concerns, not exactly worried about it herself. If she was being frank, she didn’t have time to be worried about it. Her skincare line was launching in a few weeks and there was still so much to get done. She had press releases to approve, and a pop-up event downtown that she was to attend when the brand premiered at Ulta. No, it wasn’t her concern right now. Everything was under control.

“That doesn’t sound convincing.” 

“It’s just some sort of bug. I’ll be fine. I’ve only gotten sick a couple of times.” Gen snapped her head to her sister-in-law, a frown etched on her features. 

“You’ve been getting sick all week?” 

“That’s not what I said,” Y/n groaned, knowing full well Gen was spiraling into mom-mode. 

“But you’ve been nauseous, yeah?” 

“I mean off and on, but I’ve been able to eat and keep it down most meals. It’s the ‘not being able to keep my eyes open’ that’s pissing me off. I know I’m probably overdoing it but I don’t have the luxury of thinking about that now. I can sleep when this line has launched.” 

“Sounds like when I was pregnant with Shep. All I did during the first trimester was sleep and puke. It was exhausting. Try sucking on lollipops, it helps.” Y/n nodded as Gen jumped up to reprimand Odette for going up the slide instead of down it. Her words rang around in Y/n’s head as she watched the small brunette grab her godchild and pull her off the slide. 

There was no way…

Y/n whipped her phone out of her pocket, quickly thumbing through her calendar, looking for an appointment. The further she went back in weeks the more nervous she became. She found it in the middle of May, the red indicating that it had been canceled after it already read that it was a makeup appointment. She hadn’t been back since the beginning of the year. Panic set in, which was not doing anything for the state of her stomach at the moment. She sat there, counting back the days since her last period, the hammering of her heart increasing as the number of days increased. Y/n had missed her period and not even noticed. She really was an idiot, she thought to herself 

For the rest of her visit, she tried to remain level headed. In reality, she wanted nothing more than to run to the nearest drug store, which was exactly what she did the second that Gen rounded up three tired kids to take home and put to bed. There was a store just two blocks out of her way home which she went straight for the second she turned over the ignition in her Jeep. Slipping inside the small store, she grabbed one of every brand of pregnancy test they sold there, and quietly slipped back out. 

Y/n rolled the brown paper bag up tightly in her fist as she raced inside the house. Every sense was heightened as she made her way through the house, keeping an eye out for her husband, but she found him nowhere as she entered, assuming that he was already in the bedroom. She stopped outside the bedroom door, shimmying off her jacket and rolling her secret up inside before entering. 

Jensen sat up as she entered, but she just muttered something about having to pee as she passed, which wasn’t exactly a lie. There wasn’t even enough time for him to say hello before she was catching the lock on the door behind her. 

The first thing she did was dump the contents of the paper bag onto the counter, organizing the tests on the counter as she skimmed over the instructions. The bottle of water she chugged on the drive over was starting to do its job, making her antsy as she read over what to do. Most of the tests had the same instructions inside, making things easier for her overall. Her shaky fingers ripped into the boxes, tossing the torn cardboard into the trash as she went. 

It took all of five minutes to find out whether or not she was, in fact, pregnant, but it was the longest five minutes of her life. She was sure Jensen was probably wondering if she was having more stomach issues with the amount of time she had spent behind the locked door. 

When the appropriate time had passed, Y/n flipped the tests over, her hands passing through each one quicker than the last, and all of them telling her the same thing. 

Y/n’s fingers gripped into the marble countertop, the five pregnancy tests sitting inside the sink. Their answer to her question was definite. There were no ‘maybes’ about it, no one and a half lines or ‘possibles’ etched into the screen. Each test was flashing back up at her like neon signs.

She was pregnant. 

Outside the bathroom door, her husband was unknowingly lounging in their bed. He was without a care and probably mindlessly scrolling through his Twitter feed like every other night before bed, and she was about to destroy that façade with two simple words. 

The nervous woman ran her hands through her hair before shaking out her limbs. She took a few deep breaths before steeling herself to go out and tell him. Dragging it out wouldn’t do anyone any good. Even though this wasn’t planned, both of them had made known their wishes for a family, and it was in this that fact that she was even able to muster up the courage to tell him she had fucked up. Because it was the truth, she had fucked up, major.

Plastering a smile on her face, she pulled open the door, making sure to shut it behind her to hide the tests until she could break the news. Y/n stalked over to where Jensen was lounging, his legs crossed at the ankle with one hand behind his head, the other scrolling through his phone. His brow was scrunched as he concentrated on whatever he was reading on the tiny screen. She climbed onto the bed and over to his side before stopping to sit back on her knees.

“Hey, babe,” his voice was soft and his eyes heavy. Jensen put the phone down and put his hand on her bare knee, rubbing soft circles there. 

“Jensen, I’ve got to tell you something.” It took everything in her to quell the shake in her voice as her heart rate picked up. But of course, him and his damn perceptiveness had to pick up on it in a millisecond.  

Jensen’s brows knit together and he sat up a little in the bed. “What’s wrong, babe?”

“I’m…” Her breath caught in her throat as the reality of their situation kept washing over her in droves. Jesus, Y/n, spit it out, she thought. “I’m pregnant.”

Silence fell over the room once she finally managed to get the words out. Y/n watched her husband as his tongue poked out between his teeth and his jaw clenched as he tried to figure out the words he wanted to say. The lack of reaction had her stomach flipping on itself, which, giving her current situation, was not helping anything. Y/n swallowed down nausea to push her husband into talking. 

“Jay, please say something.” 

“How did this happen?”

“With the insanity at work and the move I just... I missed a couple of appointments with my gynecologist. I missed my shot,” she explained, hoping he didn’t hate her. 

“Fuck, Y/n!” He fell back into the bed, the inflection in his words the worst possible thing she could hear. The sheer rumble of it in the quiet room was enough to make her flinch back from the man she loved. Jensen ran both of his large hands down his face before continuing. “This wasn’t supposed to happen now, I was supposed to have more time.”

“What?” His words made no sense to her. As far as she knew, Jensen wanted kids. It was something they had talked about before they were ever an item. Had she been wrong? Were the two of them somehow not on the same page about this? Y/n tried to rack her brain for a moment in time where that could have changed but she was coming up empty. 

“I was supposed to have more time with you. Just the two of us before we did this, before late-night feedings and diapers, before everything changes forever,” He explained further. His words calmed down her racing heart and mind, but only a little. Now she felt more guilty than she already was. All he wanted was to be with her and she had ruined his plans.

“I’m sorry,” Y/n whispered, casting her eyes down to where her fingers were fiddling with the hem of her shirt. The tears that had been threatening to fall this whole time had finally made a break for it, leaving shining tracks down her cheeks. 

“Oh, Y/n,” he sighed, taking her hand in his and pulling her to lay in his side. Y/n shoved her face into his chest, trying her hardest not to break into a full sob as he rubbed his hand into her back. After everything she did, she couldn’t believe that Jensen was the one that had to console her. It should be the other way around, right? It was her who had fucked up and ruined their plans for their future together, not him, after all. 

“I’m sorry,” she couldn’t stop the words that came out of her mouth this time. Y/n would tell him she was sorry until she was blue in the face. 

“I know, honey,” Jensen murmured into her hair before placing a kiss to the crown of her head. He continued to rub his hand along her back, waiting for her breathing to even before breaking the silence. 

“You’re really pregnant?” He asked, his voice much softer this time.

“If the five pregnancy tests in the sink have any say, then yes.” His chuckle shook his body and Y/n relished in the vibration of it against her cheek. 

“This isn’t how or when I picture this happening, I won’t lie about that, but honey, we’re having a baby, this is a good thing.” The way his voice rose at the end of his sentence had Y/n pulling out of her hiding space in his side, looking up to see him smiling down at her. 

“You’re not mad? You don’t hate me?” Her hope was threatening to spill out of her mouth like vomit as she rubbed the wetness from her cheeks.

“No,” Jensen shook his head. “I love you, more today than yesterday, and more tomorrow than today, and I will love this baby just as much.”

Y/n shook her head before diving into her husband, nuzzling her face into his neck. “I love you too.” 

“Y/n,” Jensen laughed, the sound breathy as it escaped his chest. “We’re having a baby!”

Part 3: 8 Weeks Pregnant 

Forevers: @22sarah08​ @akshi8278​ @anathewierdo​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @callmekda​ @dawnie1988​ @deanwanddamons​ @ellewritesfix05​ @emoryhemsworth​ @flamencodiva​​ @foxyjwls007​ @hobby27​ @janicho88​ @jensengirl83​ @katehuntington​ @lyarr24​ @malfoysqueen14​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @polina-93​​ ​ ​ ​  @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @superfanficnatural​ @supraveng​ @talesmaniac89​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @waywardbeanie​ @winchest09​

Continues: @ashleyrose0117 @austin-winchester67​ @colbyskoalas​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @deans-baby-momma​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @dvnmbabe​ @harryhook-lover​ @let-me-luve-you​ @lunarmoon8​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @parinarain​ @rebelemilu​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @stoneyggirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @traceyaudette​ @zpandaqueen​

[justbecausewhynot]

Between Stars Part 2 {Arvin Russell x reader}

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

The next day, you woke up bright and early to make your strawberry pie for the new reverend. The entire time you were baking, your mind was on Arvin. Something about him stuck to you and you were excited at the thought of seeing him today at church. Finally, your pie was out of the oven and looked delicious. Before your mom passed away, she taught you how to bake and cook, saying “Every woman should know how to bake, not for men but for themselves. A good roast can fix any problem.” 

“Honey, go change, we have to go soon.” Your father said, bringing you out of your daydreaming of Arvin. 

You quickly ran upstairs and examined your closet with the boy in mind. You chose a blue floral skirt that reminded you of his cap, and paired it with a white blouse that showed off your cinched waist and a little bit of cleavage. 

As you ran down the stairs, your father looked at you with a suspicious look “Who are you dressin’ up for y/n? Cause it sure ain’t the lord.”

“Oh shush daddy, this is what I always wear to church.”

“Whatever you say.” He smirked. “Now let’s hit the road before we’re late.”

The two of us piled into the blue truck, pie in my hand and headed to the town church. 

Once we parked, I set my eyes on Arvin. “Dad, let’s go say hi to the Russells.”

“I’m afraid Mrs. Russell’s gonna tell me to cut my hair.” He said, suddenly looking very scared and fixing his appearance to a point. 

“Don’t worry about it, now let’s go.” I said, stepping out of the truck with the pie and making my way over. “Hello Mrs. Russell.” I said smiling, trying not to stare at Arvin for too long. 

“Hello y/n, where is your father?”

“Don’t tell him I told you this, but he’s scared you’re gonna criticize his appearance.”

“Let me see him, I won’t be too harsh.” She said, spotting your father and making her way towards him, leaving you, Arvin and another girl alone. 

“Hello, I don’t believe I’ve met you.” The girl said. You were worried she was Arvin’s girlfriend or something, but nonetheless was as pleasant as always, if not more. 

“I’m y/n, I just moved into town.”

“I’m Lenora, Arvin’s sister.” She said, making your heart settle. “That pie looks awfully good, did you make it yourself?”

“Yea, I did, my mom taught me when I was little.”

“I wish I knew how to bake, the most I can do is a cake, and they aren’t even that good.”

“Don’t say that I’m sure they're great.” You said smiling, completely forgetting about the boy next to you. 

He most certainly did not forget about you. Zoned out in the way your eyes lit up, how your hair was pinned perfectly, but there were two stray strands framing your face, how your shirt granted him the perfect view of-no he shouldn’t be thinking about this. Arvin quickly snapped out of his trance to see Lenora and you staring at him. 

“I said you look a little red there Arvin, you okay?”

“Y-Yea, I’m just hot out here, that’s all.” He said avoiding eye contact with you in case you saw he was watching you.

Mrs. Russell came by with your dad and said “Alright, let’s head in now that Henry looks half decent.” Your father grumbled and kept his head down, following you into the church. 

There was a line of people presenting their home goods to the new preacher. The Russells went ahead of you while you were not-so secretly staring at Arvin. Once he turned back, you quickly turned your head as slyly as you could. When you looked back at him, his eyes were still on you and your cheeks were starting to heat up under his gaze. The sound of the preacher speaking brought both of you out of the gaze to turn to two fingers stuck into Mrs. Russell’s chicken liver. He lifted his fingers and put them into his mouth, sucking on them. You cringed at the sight and had to turn away once he caught your eye and stared right at you. Feeling incredibly uncomfortable, you fidgeted and looked to Arvin who was close to glaring at the preacher. Arvin followed his gaze to see that he was staring at, and once he saw you staring at him looking uneasy, he was about ready to start a fight. 

Neither of you heard what Preacher Teagardin said next, only watching the other, waiting for who knows what. Mrs. Russell and Lenora stepped away, out of the line, making Arvin follow them while still looking back between you and Teagardin. 

You stepped up with your father and stretched your hands out, holding out your pie towards the man. “Now, what do we have here?” He asked slowly.

“Strawberry pie, sir.” You answered, unsure if he was talking about you or the pie.

“It looks absolutely delicious.” he answered, still keeping his eyes fixed on you, making you very uncomfortable.   

“My y/n can bake like no other.” Your father boasted, clearly unaware of your discomfort. Someone who did notice, was Arvin. He was standing on the opposite side of the room, watching your interaction with the creepy reverend. Before he could think about what he was doing, Arvin was making his way towards you while Teagardin was holding your shoulder rubbing it in circles. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” Arvin said as he neared you and the preacher. “But can I steal y/n away for a second?” 

“I’m not surprised you have a boyfriend y/n, a pretty little girl like you must have all the boys chasin’ for your hand.” Teagardin said, smiling at Arvin.

“I didn’t know you were datin’ anyone.” Your dad said sternly “I guess that’s why you wanted to dress up so pretty.”

“I-well…” You were unsure what to say, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.

“Yea, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sir, I wanted to keep it a secret so nobody would pick on y/n.” Arvin said, grabbing your hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “Well, my grandma really wanted to talk to y/n about something, she said it was important.” 

You didn’t need anymore convincing to quickly place your pie in the reverend’s hands and walk off with your “boyfriend”

“Thank you for that.” You said quietly into Arvin’s ear, waiting to explain until you were alone. Leading you outside the church’s doors, your hand was still in Arvin’s.

“How did you know I needed help?” You asked, amazed that Arvin came when he did.

Arvin didn’t want to admit that he had been watching you and so he just said “I noticed something was off with the man and didn’t want you to be left alone with him.” Which wasn’t a lie at all, but still, not the whole truth.

Suddenly feeling very sick, you thought about how the man had a wife and how he was much older than you. Next you thought about yourself. You thought about how you unbuttoned your blouse an extra button, hoping for the attention of Arvin. This was your fault, and you felt disgusted with yourself. 

Noticing that you looked less than happy, Arvin, still cradling your hand, pulled you up to a standing position and smiled. “Seeing as I’m your boyfriend now, it’s my job to make you happy again.”

“And how do you think you’re gonna do that?” You asked with a smile.

“By walking back in there, head held high, eating some of your delicious strawberry pie and then, going for a drive with me up to the creek.” He said

“Arvin Russell, are you askin’ me on a date?” 

“Seeing as I’m your boyfriend, I figured we should go on one sooner than later. 

“Sounds good to me.” You smiled, and made your way back into the church, hand in hand with Arvin. 

[magicianapprenticelyra]

Counting the Days

[Finding Space and Time] | [Counting the Days]

Timeline: Muriel's Route; The Moon/The Sun

[Featuring @vesuvianoak‘s fan apprentice Ąžuolas]

Asra staggering back to the camp was not what Bảo and his family had wanted to see.

“Asra!” Bảo drops everything, rushing on toward the young one.

His face becomes etched with worry: the original party of three is down to one . . . plus Doctor Devorak. The latter follows closely behind the young magician, trying to get Asra to go steady on his feet.

“Asra?” Bảo repeats, placing his hands over Asra’s shoulders. “Asra, where—?”

“Ah, Mr. Nguyen,” the doctor murmurs, placing a firm hand on Bảo’s shoulder, “I would recommend that you, uh, give him some space at the mo—”

“Where are they?!” Bảo pleads. He shakes Asra a bit, trying to get the magician to talk to him, to look at him—

Unfortunately, the young magician’s purple-pink eyes are wide and blank: the poster child of shell shock.

“Bảo—” James’s voice cuts into his inquisition from a distance. He’s quickly moving to get to them, but Walt gets to the trio first.

“Hon, c’mon,” Walt gently pries his hands off of Asra. She nods at Julian as he leads Asra away, a protective arm around the latter’s shoulders.

By then, James has caught up with his partners, quickly ushering them away. Already, there was talk, talk of concern, worry, and dread of what this meant to the resistance against Lucio.

As Walt, James, and Bảo make their way back to their tent, the shortest of them keeps looking up at the sky, a sky that looks too bright, too nice of a blue . . .

How fucking cruel.

Whispered over and over, Bảo mourns, “Ở đâu? Ở đâu, con?”

Where? Where are you?

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

The war council that night is joined by what currently remains of the Aster-Nguyen family. Walt and Bảo are understandably quiet; James is pacing back and forth along the length of their side of the table; Neha, on the other hand, is livid.

“Why the hell am I the last one to know?!” Neha demands vehemently. “She’s my sister! We just got her back—!”

“Nene—” Bảo gets cut off with an aggravated snarl from her.

“Why did you have Ly and Muriel be the ones to go?! There are a lot of other people that could’ve gone in their place!” Neha snarls, her gaze hard and pointed at the Countess. “There are more experienced soldiers in the camp—I know this because—”

“Neha, stop—!” James shakes his head, but it’s no use.

“Who the hell do you think you are!?” Neha demands, slamming her hands onto the table. Tears flood her eyes; as they drip down her cheeks, she yells through gritted teeth, “They’ve already done so much for you! Are their lives that expenda—”

“Neha!” Walt snaps, “Stop it! Don’t talk to the Countess that way!”

“But Mom—”

“No! Enough is enough,” Walt sighs, shaking her head. She looks to James, who nods in return.

Wordlessly, James pulls his daughter away from the war council. Neha fights him the whole way, but James ultimately bundles her under his arms and walks off into the night. Before long, all that could be heard of Neha are her distraught, furious sobs.

The silence around the table is incredibly awkward. The Consul breaks it with: “ . . . well, that was dramatic.” He sips the last remnants of his wine, shaking his head.

For a moment, Nadia is at a loss for words. Her gaze is turned to Walterine and Bảo in sincere apology.

“There are not enough words for me to say how deeply sorry I am that you and your family are going through this,” she says.

“They, ahem . . . they wouldn’t want you to feel bad, Countess,” Walt reassures, though her voice warbles a bit.

“They’re not dead,” Bảo retorts, sighing. He rubs his eyes, tears having already made tracks on his face. “We just need to wait . . .”

“If there is absolutely anything you need,” Nadia replies, “please do not hesitate to seek me out. You know where to find me.”

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

After the first three days of Lyra and Muriel being missing, the Aster-Nguyen family are a wreck. The people around are kind enough to cover their shifts with cooking rotations, patrols, and even tidying around their campsite.

One of them, Ąžuolas, is a dear family friend. A frequent customer, the young man has seen Lyra around the Shop before and after the Red Plague. As of right now, Ąžuolas is among the camp that believes that Ly and Muriel will return. However, his firm belief in them didn’t belay his worries. From what he heard the pair were facing the Pontifex . . . defeating them would not have been easy. Still, he visits the Aster-Nguyen family daily, checking in with them and helping them out wherever needed,

It’s also during this time that Neha became rather sedentary. She did not go and see any of her friends; they came to her instead. With permission from her parents, they had sleepovers around their tent.

For hours at a time, Bảo wandered around the forest. He would come back in an hour or two, but he has this vacant stare in his eyes that sent chills down everyone’s spines. James had to nudge him more often than not to eat.

Asra wasn’t any better: he was usually travelling the realms of the Arcana with Walt to search for their loved ones. They did not have any luck, and it got to the point where Walt actually invited him and Julian to stay a while around her family’s campsite.

“We’ll find them sooner or later,” is her hopeful remark during one dinner.

Asra and Julian look at her with matching expressions of inscrutableness. She falls silent there, quietly returning to her food.

“The point still stands.”

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

The fifth day is when Walt, James and Bảo return to low levels of returning to their assigned duties. Neha was exempt, and she makes a habit of traipsing off into the woods.

It’s Asra who finds Neha out there this time.

It’s not too far away from the edges of Tent-Vesuvia; the magician had been intending to nap at the base of a certain tree, but Neha was already there.

Upon seeing him, Neha says flatly, “You can lie down or sit down or whatever . . .”

Accepting her invitation, Asra spreads out the blanket he has in hand, lying down on it. Settling on it with Faust coiling up on his chest, he places his hat over his eyes, hoping to sleep.

“. . . do you think they ran away?”

Lifting his hat off, propped on his elbows—and hat in hand—Asra raises an eyebrow at her. “How do you mean?”

“That they ran away from all this . . . crazy,” Neha gestures vaguely to the surrounding area.

“I don’t believe so,” Asra replies.

“How can you be sure?”

“For one: I know Lyra wouldn’t intentionally leave the family she was getting to know again,” he explains, sitting up fully now. “Muriel too.”

Neha’s expression screams I doubt it, but she only shrugs. Asra follows her line of sight, seeing the camp getting prepared for what seemed inevitable: lines were drawn into the dirt and a clash between their side to Lucio’s growing army of mercenaries would happen in weeks, if not days from now.

Children, those unable to fight, and the elderly were to stay in a cave until the fighting was over. Nadia wasn’t going to let anyone be stolen away to be a war prize for any of the enemy.

“I want to fight,” Neha exhales, drawing her knees to settle under her chin. “I’ll sneak away if I have to.”

“You’ll get into more trouble.”

“Do you think I care at this point?”

Asra frowns. “Even if you don’t, your parents will. Lyra will.”

Neha scoffs, but she concedes to that point. “She’s got enough trouble in her head with all this . . . if I add to it again she’s gonna get sick with worry.”

“Mhm,” he nods, then goes right back to sleep.

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

“For the love of the gods, Bảo!” James exclaims. He had just witnessed his husband leap over the six foot wide, six foot long, nine foot deep hole of a trap he and several other people had just finished digging. “You could hurt yourself!”

“Well, it still easy to cross!” Bảo retorts, leaning over the edge of it to stare into the abyss.

James swears under his breath, pulling him back to safety. “You break a bone it won’t heal as well! You’re not that young anymore!”

Bảo gasps, absolutely offended. "Hey! I'm not that old!"

"Says the man with gray hair!"

Bảo sticks his tongue out at his husband, but then breaks into laughter with him. James has a point: he was no spring chicken.

Double checking their map, the group’s cartographer makes note of where this trap is. Upon finishing, they all head back to Tent-Vesuvia.

Everyone was ready for the battle ahead: Bảo was going to be stationed in the trees with some other fellows, pelting things at the enemy; Walt would be with the group where the children and elderly would be hidden away, maintaining the shields and protection spells around her charges; James was going to be among the foot soldiers, which to no end worried everyone in his family.

“Are you sure you want to be on the ground when it happen?” Bảo murmurs softly. “You could stay with me or something . . . fight them from there.”

“The only reason you’re in th’ trees is because of your height and th’ fact yer lungs are givin’ ye trouble again,” James reminds him.

“Mm,” his husband nods, shaking his head. “You don’t need to be given a boost from the top of the ladder!”

“No I do not,” James replies, laughing softly. He dips down, placing a kiss on Bảo’s cheek.

“I’ll make sure you’re up there before I get to my post.”

In turn, Bảo gains a pink tint to his cheeks. He pulls James’s arm to wrap around his waist, keeping him closer as they walk together.

O*O*O

When they’re back in Tent-Vesuvia, there’s a loud racket occurring toward the center of it. James pauses, going on his tip-toes to see that a large crowd has gathered around Muriel’s hut.

“What in the world . . .?” James murmurs, startling a bit when he can hear his wife and daughter shouting in pure elation.

“Someone get the Countess!” one of their neighbors shouts.

Bảo and James look at each other, eyes wide before scrambling onward. People got out of the pair’s way. As the pair pass people by, they hear snatches of voices, relieved and awed.

“They’re back!”

“CANDANCE, DID YOU HEAR—!?”

“Oh thank the stars, they’re okay—!”

“LYRA!!!” Bảo cries out, bursting through the circle of people to pull his niece into a great big hug.

As James catches up with Bảo, the latter is hugging the stuffing out of Ly. The shorter man is soon twirling his niece in circles, sobbing and laughing with her. Before long, Bảo sets her back down. James joins in on the group hug with Neha and Walt, a great big weight drawn off his shoulders.

She was back! She was back and safe—

“C’mere you two!” Walt beckons, waving for Asra and Muriel to come over.

“But we’re not—” Muriel’s cut off by Walt grabbing his sleeve and pulling him into the hug. Asra joins in, with Faust encircling all of them in the seven people-strong hug.

“Can you please stop fucking disappearing!?” Neha pleads with Lyra once everyone lets each other go. The younger one holds onto her elder sister tightly, with Lyra returning the hug in kind.

Before Lyra can answer, Nadia enters the scene. The sight of Muriel and Lyra safe and sound brings a smile to her face.

Everyone parts ways as she approaches, and Lyra respectfully dips her head in greeting.

“You’re here,” Nadia exhales in relief.

Cheers, hurrahs, and delighted laughter light the crowd as Nadia pulls both Muriel and Lyra into a hug.

“Perhaps it is cruel of me, to keep sending you into danger . . . yet you always come back . . .” As Nadia steps back, she wipes away a tear, which makes Lyra fret a little.

“Oh Nadi—” Lyra soothes, pulling a handkerchief out of a pocket to give to her.

“Thank you,” Nadia sniffles, wiping away the rest of her tears. “Next time, I will be right beside you. I promise.”

Neha has a doubtful expression at that. She gets nudged by her mother, and gets a look from her father.

Reluctantly, they move away as Lyra and Muriel are whisked back into the hut with Asra and Nadia. Doubtless it’s to catch them up for the battle ahead.

“C’mon,” Walt urges her family, arms around the shoulders of her husbands as Neha leads the way. “Let’s do one final check of our stations and off to bed!”

[NEXT]; Updated July 26th, 2021

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner One Shot: Growing Pains

Intro: No matter how much you want them to, your kids don’t stay kids forever…

Warnings: None, just a bit of bad language and Katie embarrassing Steve to shit!

Takes place in the SSB universe, November 2022.

“Mom.” Emmy’s voice was soft and Katie instantly looked up from her laptop. “Where’s Dad?” “He’s gone for a run, well as much of a run as he can with Jamie hanging off his back.”  Katie said, frowning slightly as she saw her fifteen year old daughter wasn’t dressed for school “Is everything ok? I can call him.” “No, it’s fine. It’s you I wanted to talk to.” she said, hovering from one foot to the other. “I err…”

She looked down at her feet, a huge flush on her face. Katie closed her laptop and stood up. “Em?” “I think I, well, no I know I err… I started my period and…” “Oh sweetie.” Katie chuckled slightly as she wrapped the girl into a hug “I’m not gonna lie, being a woman sucks at times but other times it’s kinda cool.”

“Cool?” Emmy frowned.

“Yeah, boobs.” Katie said, gesturing to her chest “They tend to fascinate most men.”

Emmy gave a low chuckle before she bit her lip. “I err, I got some on the sheets.”

Katie smoothed back Emmy’s hair and shrugged “It’s no big deal. Look, why don’t you go have a bath, I’ll sort your bed and then we’ll sit and watch shit on TV all day. I can stay home.”

Emmy nodded eagerly “Snacks?”

“Dur.” Katie said, following her up the stairs. Emmy retreated into the bathroom, whilst Katie found her some pads before she stripped the sheets down and headed to the utility room at the side of the kitchen that held their washing machines and dryer. She was just turning the machine on when the door opened and Steve stepped in, Jamie on his back, giggling away. Steve’s face was red from the brisk November air and the part of Jamie’s cheeks which were visible from beneath his hat and above his scarf were also tinged pink a little.

“Laugh it up, pal.”  Steve shook his head, as he bent down so Jamie could slide off his back “That’s the last time I’m taking you.” “You said that yesterday, and the day before.” Katie smirked, taking the kiss he offered, ignoring Jamie’s noise of disgust “You love it.”

“Hmmm.” Steve made a non-committal noise in his throat “Any breakfast going or shall I start some?” “Go get a shower and I’ll make it. We can eat together when Emmy’s sorted.”

Steve frowned “Shouldn’t she be on the bus?”

“She’s not feeling too good.” Katie said, “I told her I’d stay home with her.”

Steve’s frown deepened as he shrugged off his running jacket. “She ok?” “Yeah, nothing a day in front of the TV and a blanket can’t fix.” Katie said, giving him a significant look. As ever it took him a while to cotton on, but when he realised what she was saying, Katie really had to bite back the laugh as his face rearranged itself into a look of surprise, which flickered to pure dumbfoundedness as he struggled for a reply.

“Don’t worry, I got it.” Katie grinned, patting his chest.

“Momma?” a voice came from the kitchen and Katie turned to face Jamie who was stood by the fridge “I hungry.” “Yeah, I’m gonna start breakfast now baby.” she smiled, “Eggs and toast ok?” “Nomm!” he said, grinning as he padded over to the table and pulled himself up into a seat. Steve had to give a snort, without his seat he could barely see over the top of the table. He made his way over, lifted Jamie easily with one hand causing the boy to cackle before he replaced him back on the booster and scooted him closer.

“That better?” he asked, dropping a kiss to his son’s head.

“Fankoo daddy.” he grinned.

“You’re welcome kiddo.” he said straightening up. He turned to Katie “I’m gonna go shower then I’ll come help.”

Katie waved him away with a smile. He took the stairs two at a time and headed into their bedroom. If he was honest he’d been shitting himself about this day for ages. He’d watched Emmy grow up way too fast for his liking over the past few years and now…well he didn’t even want to think about the whole bringing a boy home thing that was going to pop up sooner rather than later he suspected. All he knew was he was thankful for Katie’s level head. He showered quickly, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a red plaid button down ready for his meetings that day and headed onto the landing, just as Emmy was emerging from the larger bathroom wrapped in a robe.

“Hey sweetie.” he said “Your Ma said you’re not feeling too good.”

She shrugged, “Not really.” “Will a hug help?” he asked and she smiled, nodding. He opened his arms and she stepped into them as he gave her a soft but firm snuggle.

“Thanks dad.” she said softly.

“Any time baby.” he said, dropping a kiss to her head “Now I’d go get dressed if I were you, before your brother eats all the breakfast.”

*****

When Steve came back that evening, his girls were pretty much in the same spot they had been in all day. When he asked if they’d moved Katie grinned and pointed out that they were both in clean sets of Pyjamas and Jamie was in bed, so of course they had moved. Although they were getting take-out for Dinner because she couldn’t be bothered to cook and it was Friday after all. With a good natured roll of his eyes he cast one final look at them over his shoulder before he headed upstairs to change, leaving them to watch Love Actually. It was early in the season, not being December until the week after but he knew what they were like when it came to Christmas so he left them to it.

When he came back downstairs they were deep in conversation, so he paused for a moment at the door. He didn’t mean to listen in, but he didn’t want to interrupt. And if he was honest, there was something so pure and innocent about their chat that he simply couldn’t help it.

“You know, I still never forgave Adam Rickman for breaking Emma Thompson’s heart.” Katie sighed as Emmy scoffed.

“Has dad ever bought you a really crappy gift?” she asked.

“No.” Katie said honestly. “He’s very thoughtful. Although the best gift he gave me wasn’t one he bought anyway.” “Your emerald?” Emmy asked, and Katie made a noise of affirmation. They fell silent for a moment before Emmy spoke again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Course.”

“If anything happened to Dad…do you think you’d ever like date again?”

Steve frowned slightly as he heard Katie exhale “That’s deep Em…I dunno. I don’t think I’d ever be able to love another man the way I love Steve. In fact I know I wouldn’t. What on Earth made you ask that?” “Oh, Brooke is trying to get Jen dating.” Em said “but she keeps saying she loves Brooke’s dad too much and I kinda think it’s sad as he’s been dead for years. ” “Yeah, well, the thing is Em when you’re in love, and I mean truly in love, it consumes you. That person becomes as much a part of your life as you are and to lose them like that…well I can’t imagine what a hole that would leave in their place.” Katie said gently.

“Yeah, suppose.” “You’ll figure that out soon enough.” Katie chuckled.

“Was dad your first love?”

“He’s been the only man I’ve ever truly been in love with yes.” Katie replied “For most people a first love and a true love are very different things.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, ok, for instance my first love was a guy called Mikey. My first boyfriend. I wasn’t much older than you, dated him for about twelve months.” Katie mused “I loved him, he was the first guy I ever slept with. Then there was Grant and we don’t talk about him, ever as he was an asshole.”

Emmy gave a snort

“But your dad, well, he was different. We cared so much about each other before we even started dating. I mean, if I’m honest, I loved him way before he even asked me out.” “Who made the first move?” “He did.” Katie smirked and at that point Steve gave a scoff and walked into the room.

“Liar.” “Oh you so did!” Katie looked at him, unabashed he’d been listening “You kissed me after Rumlow’s party. You’d have kissed me before that as well if you hadn’t been such a chicken shit.” Steve rolled his eyes and flopped onto the seat at the opposite side of the coffee table. “You didn’t exactly push me away.” “Dur.” it was Katie’s time to roll her eyes as Emmy snorted “I’d been waiting for you to make a move for months.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at her as the teenager quipped “You were still a bit slow on the uptake back then I see.” “Err, less of your cheek young lady.” he said and she giggled.

“You know the first time we had sex he literally ripped my pants off.” Katie grinned at Steve and he pulled a face as Emmy cackled.

“Jesus, Doll.” he flushed bright red.

“Wasn’t the only time either.” his wife shot back and Emmy’s laughter became louder. “Okay,” Steve stood up with a sigh, shaking his head, not particularly wanting to discuss his sex life with his fifteen year old kid. “I’m gonna get the Thai Menu…”

Katie watched him go before she winked at Emmy and stood up, following him into the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his shoulder.

“I love how after all this time I can still make you blush.” “You’re a damned nightmare.” he chuckled as his hands rest on top of hers, using them to pull her closer as he turned to face her.

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.” he said, dropping a kiss to her lips.

****

He didn’t quite rip her pants off that night, but it was still passionate enough to send them both into an orgasm induced sleep almost straight away. But Steve was a light sleeper, not as light as he had been once-upon-a-time as sleeping besides his wife gave him a sense of peace. That said, his super-soldier hearing always woke him should something be out of place, so when he was pulled from his slumber it took him a while to realise that the soft voices he could hear downstairs was the TV. Knowing it could only be one person he swung his legs out of bed and pulled on a sweater before he padded down the stairs.

“Emmy? ”he asked gently as he opened the door to the living room. The teenager looked up from where she was sat, knees tucked up besides her.

“Couldn’t sleep.” she shrugged and his sharp eyes didn’t miss the movement her hand made over her tummy.

“Did you take anything?” he asked and she looked at him. “For the pain?”

“Oh, ”she flushed slightly, “yeah, but it hasn’t worked yet.”

He nodded and headed into the kitchen, putting on the kettle. He made the pair of them a hot drink, stuck the heat-pack in the microwave and then paused as he passed his cupboard. The cupboard where he kept his secret stash.

Well, if this wasn’t an occasion it was called for then what was?

Emmy looked up as he placed the peppermint tea down besides her, passed her the heat pack and then wordlessly produced the Dairy Milk bar from his sweatpants pocket.

“You’re giving me your chocolate?” Emmy looked at him.

“Don’t tell your brother.” Steve said as he sat next to her, flopping his feet up on the coffee table.

She grinned and unwrapped the bar, offering him a piece which he took and shoved in his mouth.

“You’re pretty clued up on all this given you’re like a hundred and five.” she grinned cheekily

“Yeah well, I’ve been with your ma for over ten years so I picked up a few tips.” he shrugged. She took a sip of her drink, rearranged her blanket and then picked up his arm so she could snuggle into him. He gently ran his hand over the back of her head as she got comfortable.

“What we watching?” he asked.

“Bad Boys.” she said.

Steve chuckled “I like this one. That is if I’m not too old to keep you company for a while?” “Nah.” she said, grinning as she dropped a kiss to his cheek. “You’re good.” Katie found the pair of them flat out on the sofa the next morning, Emmy’s head propped up on a pillow resting in Steve’s lap as the solider was stretched out down the long side of the L shaped sofa, fast asleep, arm round his daughter and a huge shit-eating-grin on his face.

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[heroloverangel]

Something You Like

aka how the HELL does Hawks wear shirts?

You’re only slightly tipsy as you stumble home, giving an annoyed glance at the darkened sky and the rain that’s coming down harder by the minute. You hadn’t planned on being out this late, but there was a fun crowd at the bar and you lost track of time. You even got another chance to flirt with that cute hero you met last time. It’s been a good night; not even the increasingly heavy rain is going to ruin your mood. You lift your purse over your head in an attempt to keep dry, then without warning you feel a hand tighten firmly around your wrist from behind.

“Isn’t it a little dangerous to be waving that around? Looks like you’re just asking for trouble, cutie.” You whirl around and find yourself gawking at the smirking face of Hawks, the same hero from the bar. Before you can ask anything, he leans in close to whisper in your ear. “That creep over there’s been following you since you left. I don’t wanna start a fight, I’m just gonna walk you home.” You glance over his shoulder and can just make out a shadow hiding in the alley you passed a moment ago. You feel a chill shoot down your spine and sober up instantly. You nod and resume your walk, Hawks falling into step beside you down the street.

Gradually you relax, not quite returning to your earlier spirits but it’s hard to feel too upset with your current companion. “...He was so pissed, I swear you could have roasted a turkey on his face!” He finishes his story just as you reach your apartment building, both of you soaked from the worsening storm but laughing too hard to care.

“Thanks for everything, back there.” Reluctantly you take a step forward, seeing his wide grin fade into something more neutral as another flash of lightning illuminates the clouds. A thought strikes you, and the words are out of your mouth before you can second-guess yourself. “Do you wanna come up and wait out the rain for awhile?”

If he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. “That’d be great.” His grin is infectious as he follows you up the stairs and into your home.

“Can I ask you a question?” Hawks looks up from your doorway, shoes halfway off and wings dripping buckets of water onto the floor. “Why didn’t you fly here? It would have been faster.”

He holds up one finger almost teasingly. “You ever seen a bird fly in a storm?” You cock your head, open and shut your mouth in confusion. You honestly have no idea if birds can fly in the rain. “Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to stick around longer.” Okay yeah, he’s definitely teasing you now. He laughs at your reaction, wings twitching and alerting you to the fact that your carpet is being soaked worse with every move. You excuse yourself to grab some dry towels, praying you have something large enough to dry his feathers.

You return a few minutes later and find him digging through your fridge like he owns the place. “There’s a microwave right there, you animal,” you scold as you take sight of the leftover teriyaki chicken enroute to his mouth and he shows you that smirk again, completely unphased at being caught sneaking food like a stray raccoon. You dump it onto a plate to heat up before tossing a towel over his damp hair, drying him off yourself to keep his teriyaki-covered fingers from staining it. His head is a fluffy mess when you pull away and two thoughts cross your mind. 

One, he’s a lot smaller than most of the pro heros you’re familiar with. His cohorts like All Might and Endeavor are massive, almost larger than life figures, intimidating just from their size alone. Hawks in comparison isn’t much taller than you, he feels more like a regular person than a living legend. It’s comforting, how normal he seems in your home.

Two, you realize you were mistaken to think of him as cute earlier. Here in your kitchen with his messy hair and that taunting grin, he’s actually wickedly, stupidly handsome. On impulse you reach up and ruffle his hair; it’s surprisingly soft and feathery between your fingers and the man in front of you practically chirps at the contact. 

Without warning his wings flap, spraying water across the room and knocking half your cooking supplies off the counter. “Hey, at least they’re mostly dry now,” he points out, giving his feathers a tiny shake as proof. He’s nice enough to help clean up before swiping the hot chicken from the microwave and sauntering over to claim your couch. You can’t help but take interest in the way he automatically unfolds his wings behind him, spreading them over the back of the furniture in a movement that’s fluid from years of practice. Something occurs to you as you watch him settle in and devour your food.

“Hey, Hawks? How do you even wear shirts? Y’know, with your wings and all?”

The hero perks up at the opportunity to show off, wipes his fingers clean of sauce and sits up to face away from you. “Watch this, it’s fun.” You keep your eyes trained on him as he pulls his arms free from his jacket and does some kind of....weird little shimmying motion with his feathers. It’s almost like he’s compressing them as he flexes his shoulders to shrug the coat off, slipping the appendages through the slits in the fabric so it can fall off behind him. He looks back at you with a wink. “Cool, huh?”

“I have no idea what you just did,” you admit, trying to figure out how he managed that maneuver. 

He shakes his head, not even bothering to hide his snort of laughter. “Okay, watch again.” Before you can protest he’s yanking at his shirt, doing that shimmying thing again that your brain point-blank refuses to understand and relaxes back against your couch, arms folded and expression smug. It’s an unfair move, it’s hard to focus on what you were seeing when there’s a half-naked demigod sitting in your living room like a king on this throne. You don’t hide your curiosity as you look him over; toned muscle showing that he puts plenty of effort into his body even though it’s unnecessary with his quirk. You tear your eyes away from his chest and meet his gaze, enjoyment clear on his face as he relishes your attention. “See somethin’ you like, huh?”

You’re not going to be out-seduced by a guest in your own home. “Yeah, I do.” You sit down, matching his grin as you curl up beside him and reach for the remote.

The two of you carry on like this for awhile, flipping through commercials and listening to the rain slam against your windows as you share the plate of chicken and crack bad jokes at each other. It feels surprisingly natural when he splays his arm across your shoulders, pulling you tighter to himself and the warmth of his body seeps into your clothes. “See something you like, hero?” you ask playfully, tilting your face up to his.

“Yeah, I do.” He can’t quite hide his smile as he leans down to kiss you. His fingers twist into your hair, holding you in place to coax your mouth open for his tongue. He tastes like teriyaki, and the beer he’d had earlier, and something indescribably Hawks that your distracted brain identifies as sexy bird, and somehow it all works for him. He bites at your lip and you groan, pressing closer against his bare chest. You break for air and he takes the opportunity to tug your shirt over your head, no weird shimmy required, and throws it over his shoulder. His fingers wrap around your waist to yank you up into his lap, wings fluttering up to cage you in. “I’m seeing a lot that I like.”

You feel yourself blushing, kissing him again to hide your reaction. He trails his hands up your bare skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. He takes notice of your nipples hardening under your bra and wags his eyebrows. You can’t help but roll your eyes but don’t complain when he reaches up your back to pop open the hooks and slip it off you. Hawks licks his lips almost unconsciously and grabs for you, giving your breasts a firm squeeze. His lips trace along your pulse, thumbs circling over your nipples and you begin to melt into his attention. Your own hands drag down his firm abs to the front of his pants where you can feel his dick hard for you and you let out breathy sigh before fumbling with his zipper.

“Babe, chill. I’m not going anywhere,” he teases, giving you a whistle of appreciation. “Were you gonna hide these from me all night? That’s downright cruel.” He pinches your sensitive flesh in his fingers and your whimper only spurs him on to grope you more.

“Maybe we’d have got...gotten to this sooner if you hadn’t spent all night s-shoveling chicken into your mouth like--oh shit, Hawks...” your sentence trails off as his mouth leaves a trail from your collarbone down your chest to capture a nipple between his teeth. He’s got you squirming on his lap in seconds, sucking on your tender skin until you’re whining out his name with every breath. He releases you with an indecent slurp only to kiss a path across to its twin, already stiff and ready for the same treatment. You grip onto his sleek hair, raking your nails across his scalp as his tongue lathes over you, stubble on his chin teasing you to an almost embarrassing arousal. He finally separates from you after several more minutes of admiration, once you’re reduced to a panting mess on top of him and nearly pleading to be fucked.

“Sooo,” he drawls, leaning back to get a good look at you and allowing those giant wings to support your balance. “What do you wanna do now?” 

You’re already slipping out of your jeans before you answer. “Fuck me, hero.” You try to sound confident, you really do, but the request comes out sounding far too needy to be convincing. You’re not sure whether you want to slap that shit-eating grin right off his smug face or kiss it away.

He sits up a little straighter with interest, thumbs rubbing patterns into your hips and then catching the edge of your panties. That cocky smile only grows wider as he pulls your underwear down without a moment’s hesitation to see just how wet you’ve gotten for him. His hand presses between your thighs, ghosting over your clit and dragging a sigh out of you. “Wow, it doesn’t take much for you, does it?” His fingers slip into you before you can reply, scissoring your pussy open and all you can do is moan and hold on to him. You let out a little sound of disappointment when he pulls them out to lick your juices off but don’t have long to complain before he gets to the point. You can’t tear your gaze away from the movement of his hands; you watch intently as Hawks reaches for his pants and somehow manages to yank them down past his knees, taking his boxers with them and finally revealing his cock to you.

There’s no trace of self-consciousness on his face, only total satisfaction while you look him over. He’s not huge, proportioned nicely along with the rest of his body, and you have to admit it’s the best looking dick you’ve ever seen. He’s flushed such a pretty rosy color all down his length, light veins decorating him perfectly. The wide head of his cock stands eager for attention, you can’t wait to feel it buried inside you and your inner muscles clench at the idea. 

“C’mere babe,” he grabs at your hips again, voice husky as you straddle his thighs and he lines himself up to enter you. Without a second thought he’s pulling you down onto his shaft, low groan in his throat as you sink down to take him. Your cunt is so wet you offer no resistance and he bottoms out inside you in one firm thrust. A choked little gasp escapes you and he pauses, fingertips tracing a random pattern along your thighs. “You okay there?” You nod, offering a little smile of your own as you adjust to the fit and the soothing touch of his hand stops to grip firmly at your hips. “That’s good. Hold on to me.”

You know how fast Hawks can move; you’ve seen plenty of videos from his fights. You’re expecting to get fucked at some near-inhuman speed, your brain scrambled inside your skull like a plate of eggs. He surprises you instead, holding you close and rutting up inside you slowly enough to make you intimately familiar with every inch of his cock sliding in and out of you. It’s unexpectedly intimate and you find yourself focusing on his face, where he’s still giving you that same pleased smirk. “I take my time when it matters,” he explains simply, pulling you down to meet his grinning lips. Another roll of his hips has you breaking away to let out a shaky whimper as his dick presses against your g-spot.

“F-faster, Hawks,” you pant, struggling to speed up against the steady hold on your hips keeping you in place. There’s a spark of mischief in his eyes that makes something in your stomach fip.

“Ask me nicely,” he teases, squeezing your hips down just a bit more to thrust deeper in your pussy. Well, you’re not going to beg; you have too much pride for that. You clamp your mouth shut and he laughs, wings flexing around you and grazing your back. “Bet I can make you ask for it,” he challenges, gaze never leaving yours and you can feel sweat trickle down your back.

Your partner keeps one hand firmly in place to control your movements but lets the other one roam over your body. You’re hyper aware of the path of his fingers while he circles your navel, tickling over your stomach and ribs and up to your breasts. He pinches at your nipple without warning and you cry out despite yourself and instinctively tighten around his dick in response to the simulation. “You’ve got a real nice voice,” he huffs out, voice rough and you think to yourself that you really shouldn’t enjoy the sound of it quite so much.

You’re not going to beg; you shut your eyes so you don’t have to look at that absolutely sinful expression on his face as he continues to fuck you at a brutally slow pace. Hawks shows no sign of giving up, he’s only spurred on by the squeezing of your cunt that you can’t control. He pulls you closer, nips at your ear and his tongue follows a bead of sweat running down your throat. His lips find your nipple again and suddenly it’s hard to breathe, your eyes snap open and the bastard winks at you, sucking it into the heat of his mouth and you can’t stop the way you clench tight around his dick.

You’re not going to beg, you remind yourself as a sound coming out of you that’s shamefully close to a whine slips out. You’re not going to beg, even when he lets go of your nipple with a wet pop and targets the other one. You’re not going to beg-

You’re so distracted by his attack on your breasts you don’t even notice him finally releasing your other hip to rub his calloused thumb over your clit, and your resolve snaps like a rubber band.

“Fuck, Hawks. Please, go h-harder! I need more, please. I-” your words devolve into a needy moan and his attention to your clit speeds up.

“See, all you had to do was ask.” His unoccupied hand reaches over to squeeze hard at your ass and he picks up speed, your body following along with his movements. “Was that so hard, honey?” His smile is taunting but you love it, your greedy cunt milking him for anything he’ll give you. You cry out for him and his grip tightens to pull you up and down faster on him; you wonder if he’s getting as close as you are. You relish every second he’s got you bouncing on his cock, his hand continuing to make quick work on your throbbing clit and you can feel yourself starting to come undone.

“H...god, Hawks, I’m gonna come, you feel-mmm, feel so good...” you manage to pant out in his ear, unsure if you feel lightheaded from the sex or the heat of your bodies trapped within his wings. He redoubles his efforts, thrusting up inside you with even harder, faster strokes and his touch against your clit becomes almost painfully intense. Your climax comes with his lips sucking a red mark into your neck, your own hands buried in his messy hair and your ragged voice squealing his name over and over.

He doesn’t last much longer once your own needs are taken care of. He fucks you at that same frantic speed for a few more minutes, enjoying the sight of your breasts jiggling with every rapid motion of his body as you do your best to keep up with it. Lucky for you both, he’s got enough sense to slam on the breaks and pull out at the last moment, painting your shaky thighs and stomach with his cum only seconds after retreating.

“Shit.” Hawks falls back against the couch and spreads his wings out to allow you to slip from his lap and sprawl uselessly beside him on the cushions. The two of you sit together for a minute, slowly catching your breaths and shooting each other satisfied glances. “Now that’s how you spend a rainy day,” he jokes and it’s so stupid you can’t help but laugh.

You’re a good host and remember to toss the dirty plate from earlier into the sink and offer him some water after that workout, and then excuse yourself to the bathroom to clean up the mess he’s made of your body. You come back out wearing an old t-shirt and fresh underwear and find yourself a little disappointed to see him slipping his own clothes back on. You watch him pull his jacket on, doing that same weird little shimmy from earlier to get his wings through the slits and have to admit that you still don’t understand how that works.

“Oh, are you leaving? You don’t have to, you can stay over if you want.” You try not to sound too hopeful.

He shrugs his shoulders and gives you a sad little smile. “Sorry, I gotta get back to work soon. A hero’s job is never done, and all that.” He puts his shoes back on then stops for a moment and steps over to you. You’re pulled in for a quick kiss before he opens the door. “I’ll see you around,” he calls before walking out. You’re not surprised to see a red blur flying past your window after another minute, soaring higher up into the clearing sky.

You sigh quietly and settle back down on your couch, reaching for your phone to distract yourself. You never bother to lock it simply for convenience’s sake, and you pause at the fact that there’s an open text to an unfamiliar number on your screen. You read it and grin when you realize who was using your phone.

🐔 the food’s my treat next time 🍴

[alounuitte]

cactus blossoms

(or, some can only bloom with water from the desert sky)

Adam needs some support while he recovers from a surgery, and Shiro volunteers to be his best friend's roommate for the summer after their first year in the Garrison. Somehow, it turns out he's not the only one Adam gets a chance to get closer to, and an operation isn't the only thing he's recovering from. (pre-relationship, but no romance will be in this.) [Updates Wednesdays!]

chapter 9.

(chapter warnings: medical drugs throughout and brief emeto warning towards the end.)

--

Shiro frowns and checks his phone again, kicking his foot anxiously against the edge of his chair, and sighs when he sees no new messages. He’d expected a text sooner than this, but he’s determined not to worry too much until it’s been at least an hour. Probably nothing’s actually wrong, just a minor delay.

As he goes to put his phone away, the intercom clicks on, and a woman’s voice on the speaker says politely, “Commander Montgomery to infirmary, please, Commander Montgomery please report to the infirmary.”

His heart jumps into his throat, and in a second he’s on his feet, running down the hall towards the medical wing. Since Montgomery’s name is on Adam’s medical assistance form, technically she’s the one responsible for him right now, and that means the call is probably about him. He knows he’s not going to be allowed to see Adam if something’s actually wrong, but he wants to be there to find out what’s going on as soon as Montgomery knows.

“What’s going on?” he asks as soon as he gets to the waiting room and sees Montgomery standing by the counter. “Is he okay?”

To his relief, she laughs, and gestures with her head to the back row of seats. “See for yourself,” she says.

He looks over and sees, on second glance, that Adam is there already, sprawled awkwardly on his back across three seats and apparently asleep. Shiro bites his tongue to keep from laughing too. “What, they give him too much anaesthetic?” he asks.

“Apparently he got fighty when he woke up,” she says. “They had to give him another shot of anxiolytic to calm him down, so he might be pretty out of it for a bit.”

Shiro crosses the room to crouch down in front of him, grinning as he pulls his phone out to film. “Hey, man,” he says. “You up?”

“Why’re you yelling…?” Adam asks, cracking one eye open. “‘m right here.”

“Sorry,” Shiro says, more quietly, though he hadn’t really been speaking all that loudly. “You comfortable there?”

“Mm…” Adam muses, frowning. “No, this is terrible.”

“Yeah, these chairs aren’t really meant for laying down,” Shiro agrees, fighting not to laugh as he turns his phone camera to show the row of hard seats. “You wanna get up and go back upstairs?”

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Adam complains. “Mm…’na...just...sleep on the couch.”

Shiro can’t help snorting at that, as much as he’s trying not to lose his composure. “What couch, buddy?” he asks. “You gotta get back to our quarters for that.”

“No,” Adam says, looking sullen.

“Sorry,” he says, shrugging. “What do you think about some lunch?”

That makes Adam sit up, though he sways as soon as he does, his eyes unfocusing for a second. “I haven’t eaten in…” he says, and trails off, thinking hard. “Four… days.”

“Don’t think that’s right,” Shiro tells him, standing and offering a hand to help him up. “But it’s been a bit. Let’s get some food in you to offset the drugs, huh?”

“Oh, they gave me a lot of drugs,” Adam says, stumbling as he gets to his feet. “So… so many drugs. I think… seven...teen.” Shiro shakes his head, flipping to the front camera to film them both as Adam leans on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna let you handle him,” Montgomery says dryly, straightening her glasses. “Seems like you’ve got the situation under control.”

“Situation normal, Commander,” Adam assures her, and clumsily tries to salute, which makes him overbalance and fall into Shiro’s side. “Whoa, shit, not normal, we’re en...countering some, uh, some… weather.”

Shiro quickly switches to film her as she covers her mouth with one hand and closes her eyes in an excellent attempt to hide her amusement. “Very good, Cadet,” she says. “Shirogane, get him something to eat and get him to bed. I’ll send you the post-surgical notes to look over while he sleeps.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, grinning, and turns the camera back on himself and Adam. “Come on, let’s go,” he adds as he guides Adam out of the waiting room. “Any idea what you want for lunch?”

“Hm,” Adam hums, frowning, but doesn’t offer any actual answer.

“There’s leftover pizza still,” he offers. “Or cafeteria has, uh, chicken today, I think, or soup.”

“Too early for soup,” Adam says, shaking his head. It’s nearly noon, but Shiro decides he’s not likely to get anywhere by pointing that out. “I want...um…” Adam continues, staring hard at his hand as he slowly runs his thumb across his fingertips. “Pan...cakes. Eggs and pancakes.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t make either of those,” Shiro tells him, “and the cafeteria stopped serving breakfast three hours ago.”

“I can make them,” Adam says. “I’m a good cook, gonna make pancakes and… eggs. Toast. Eggs and toast. And pancakes.”

“Mm, no, you’re not gonna make anything right now,” Shiro says, trying to hide his smile. “You’re still doped up, remember?”

“But,” Adam protests, a whine creeping into his voice.

“I can get you frozen waffles?” Shiro suggests. “That’s sort of like pancakes.”

“Waffles are nothing like pancakes,” he argues. “They… they’re…” He falters, stops walking as he tries to figure out the difference. Shiro turns towards him to film his expression as he finally manages to explain,  “They’ve got...squares.”

Shiro has to take a few seconds to compose himself before he can speak without laughing. “Uh, yeah, that’s pretty much the thing that makes them different,” he agrees. “But they’re made of the same stuff, and they taste just as good.”

“I guess,” Adam says.

“Tell you what,” Shiro says. “I’ll get you frozen waffles and a smoothie from the smoothie machine.”

“Fuck, yes, I want orange juice,” Adam says, his eyes lighting up, and despite his best intentions, Shiro really can’t help laughing out loud at that.

They stop at the commissary snack shop on the way back to their quarters to get Adam breakfast, and Shiro shakes his head, grinning, as he watches Adam wander around the shop in a daze while they wait for the smoothie machine. His hands hover in front of him, fidgeting aimlessly, his fingers curling and uncurling as he examines the cooler with a kind of bewildered intensity.

“Whatcha looking at?” Shiro asks, zooming the camera in on his pensive expression.

“There’s so many fruits in here,” Adam replies, looking over at him with a frown.

Shiro laughs. “What are you doing, counting them?”

“No, they’re all… all different… in different…” Adam tries to explain, gesturing vaguely with one hand while the other tugs at the zipper of his hoodie. “There’s not the same, pineapples and grapes and… and… what are they called? They’ve got all different numbers of all the fruits.”

The smoothie machine whirs to a stop and Shiro grabs the cup when the door opens, still filming with one hand. “You want your smoothie?” he asks, snapping the lid on.

“For me?” Adam asks as he comes over with it. “What kind?”

“You said you wanted orange,” he says. “Did you forget because you were trying to count the fruit in the fruit cups?”

“Yeah, I want…” Adam says. “Uh, I want a fruit… this one, it’s got...milk in it.”

It’s a parfait cup and has yogurt in it, which Shiro makes sure to get a close-up of on his phone. “You want that instead of waffles?” he asks.

“I want… I don’t like waffles,” Adam says. “I wanna… put it on them.”

Shiro raises an eyebrow. “You’re gonna put the parfait on your waffles?”

“Yeah,” Adam says, nodding.

“Alright, whatever you say,” Shiro agrees, shaking his head. “Here, I’ll take that, you drink some of this smoothie, okay?”

“You’re giving it to me?” Adam asks again, and grins. “Oh, that’s… that’s really nice of you, thanks. Thank you.”

“No problem?” Shiro offers, putting a hand on Adam’s shoulder and guiding him to the counter so he can pay.

They take the elevator up to the officers’ quarters, Adam clutching his cup in both hands as he quietly sips his smoothie. “Hey, Shiro,” he says as they reach the door. “You’re a really great friend, you know that?”

“Don’t get all sappy on me,” Shiro teases, grinning. “You know I have you on camera.”

He laughs, covering his eyes with one hand as he takes another sip of his smoothie.

“You sit down,” Shiro tells him. “I’ll throw some of your waffles in the toaster.”

“Okay,” Adam agrees, and sits down. “It’s fucking cold in here, though.”

It’s really not, Shiro is pretty sure, since he’s perfectly comfortable in a t-shirt compared to Adam’s hoodie, but then, he’s not the one drinking a smoothie. “You want a blanket or something?” he offers.

“Mmmmmmmmmmmyeah,” Adam decides after a moment, and wraps one arm around himself while he sips his smoothie.

Shiro nods and goes to get one from his bed, bringing it over along with the parfait cup and a spoon. “Waffles will still be a minute, but if you wanna eat that while you wait go ahead,” he says, leaning against the counter to wait.

The idea of eating the parfait with a spoon seems like it’s a hard one to grasp, because Adam picks up both and sets them down again a moment later, looking confused. Shiro tries not to laugh again as he pulls up his camera to take some more video, watching him examine the parfait cup carefully. By the time the waffles are ready, he’s only managed a few bites and still doesn’t seem to have quite figured it out, so Shiro decides he better not complicate things further with more silverware, and brings them out with just a plate and a napkin.

“You need a hand with that?” he asks after a moment as Adam fumbles to scoop yogurt and strawberries onto his waffles.

“I got it,” Adam says. “I think the smoothie’s helping, my head’s not so… not so… like the drugs aren’t...in there. The smoothie’s, um… absorbing them, so now they’re in… the smoothie, in my… stomach…”

He puts his spoon down, frowning, one hand pulling absently at his sweatshirt. Shiro raises an eyebrow and sets his phone down on the counter. “Are you gonna puke?” he asks, already moving to help him up.

“Mmm,” Adam hums, thinking. “Maybe.”

“Alright, come on,” Shiro tells him, pulling him to his feet and leading him over to the sink. He sways on his feet, leaning heavily against the counter. Barely a moment later, he hiccups and slumps forward to vomit smoothie and chunks of strawberries into the bottom of the sink. Shiro winces.

“Sorry,” he says thickly, lifting his head.

“You’re fine,” Shiro says, turning on the tap and offering him a napkin to wipe his mouth. “You want some water?”

“Wanna go to bed,” Adam mumbles, his eyes fluttering closed.

“Okay,” Shiro agrees, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and filling it halfway. “Rinse your mouth first, you don’t have to drink any if you don’t want.”

Adam nods and takes the glass, spitting out his first mouthful into the sink before drinking the rest. “Tired,” he manages. “‘M gonna sleep.”

“Yeah, let’s get you to bed,” Shiro says, putting an arm around his shoulders to guide him to his part of their partitioned quarters. “I’ll put your food away for later, alright?”

He nods. “Too much drugs,” he mumbles, collapsing into bed and struggling briefly to get under the comforter. “Night, Shiro.”

“Night, Adam,” Shiro tells him, amused, and waits a few moments by the edge of the partition until he’s asleep, before retreating to the living room to read up on the paperwork Montgomery sent. 

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty, “Close Calls”

All chapters can be found here! 

Inspiration tag for the story! 

I recently completed a character survey from Becky’s POV that you should check out! 

Warning! This story contains mentions of: cancer, vomiting, chemotherapy process, and brief mentions of blood.

                                       Sneaky peeeeeeeek!

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. The paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back.

Snowflakes flutter in front of my eyes, painting the world white. Cars zoom past on the streets down below, the size of my fingernail. Yeah, it sure looks like the first of February out there, the thought sounds inside of me. The festivities of Christmas are long over as a new year has begun. Thinking of what comes next leads to a disorganized mess behind my eyes. I try to rid my thoughts of it with a hard blink, but instead it brings something else forth. 

February 1st. 

It’s Harry’s birthday today. 

He’s 29. Shit. 

Flipping my phone over in my lap, my thumbs get working fast. But once that empty conversation is in front of my eyes, I stall. Before I chicken out, words appear on the screen quickly. 

I read them over and wonder how they sound. Or, more like, how they would sound to him. Do they sound too personal? Do they not sound personal enough? Or am I worrying too much and it’ll just blend into all of the other birthday texts he’s sure to receive? 

“I think if you stare at that thing any harder your eyes are gonna pop out of your skull, Ree.”

I raise my head to find the voice who said that. My dad. He smiles tiredly at me a few steps away. I laugh, realizing he’s right. 

“What’s got your attention so peaked anyways?” he asks. His eyes framed with exhaustion stay for only a second. They return to the Arsenal football match playing on the telly. 

“Um, just trying to write a text to somebody. But I don’t know if it’s good enough.”

“Don’t think about it so much, sweetie. I mean it, you’re probably thinking too hard about it,” he comments, scratching at the blue wool hat covering his head.

Sometimes I still expect to see the IV tubing dangling from his skinny arm. Like all of the other times at the beginning. Patches of faded red cover the insides of his arms from them now. You wouldn’t notice their small marks, but I know they’re there. The seconds of relief from their absence is whisked away when he tugs at his shirt. The moving of the material reveals the tubing leading to the port in his chest. The one I forget has been there for months when his shirt covers it. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him, and go ahead and hit Send. 

Hi. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright. Just remembered it was your birthday. Wow 29, huh? Damn you really are getting old, you geezer. You better hurry and claim your senior discount now. No, but really I hope you’re having a good day, Harry. Enjoy your day. Have some drinks and do something for yourself, something you enjoy. I hope 29 is a fantastic year for you. Hopefully you’re not as run down yet as Chandler is. 

I tap Send again, watching the clip from F.R.I.E.N.D.S go with the text marked by a heart. A smile pulls up my cheeks, thinking of the scene. 

The three guys are sitting on the sofa in Central Perk and Chandler talks about not being 21 anymore. He’s 29 now and just wants to relax and go to bed at his bedtime, according to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” my dad comments, bringing my eyes back to him. A small smile pinches his sallow cheeks. I nod, thinking of those words, but in a different way. If only that could be said about everything.

Setting my phone down, I try to watch the match with him. I’m glad it’s taking his mind off of the poison coursing through his veins. But I’m distracted by the anxious excitement of waiting to hear a ding from my phone. 

Point after point is scored and it doesn’t come. And I try not to be disappointed, but I think I’m getting rather good at being disappointed lately.

+

The last words of a Katy Perry song trickle from the speakers as I put the car in park. A soft glow pours out the living room window, waiting for me. 

6:13 pm, the digital clock reads. 

I let my head fall back to the head rest. The events of today and their emotions flood my thoughts. As well as the things I still need to do tonight. Bring in the groceries. Put them away. Make dinner, even though he’ll eat 5 bites that he’ll throw up. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Disinfect surfaces. Find time to vacuum when he isn’t sleeping. Change his bedsheets. Do la-

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

The incessant words forming inside of my head cease. Looking over to the passenger seat, my phone buzzes face down. I pick up and answer it without looking. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Becks,” a refreshing voice answers. It almost removes the heavy words inside of me, but not quite. 

“Hi, Harry. How was your birthday?” I answer, peering down at my lap. 

“It was pretty fantastic, thank you. ‘m sorry I didn’ get t’ yer text yestaday. Tha’s why ‘m callin’, an’ ‘cause I got yer gift. I love it, it was so nice o’ you! I don’ have this Fleetwood record yet, so thank ya very much. ‘s in incredible condition, too! Hope ya didn’ have t’ pay too much. I know how pricey original records can be,” his syrupy voice utters with extra sugar today. It fills me with comfort, but he also picked the worst time to call. Although, maybe it would help to get out of my head for a few minutes. If I can.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. I uh, wasn’t sure if you had it or not,” I reply slowly, unsure of what to say. I find it hard trying to pick out words from my head as so many others are whirring around. Playing with the zipper on my coat, I wait for his reply. 

“I can’ wait t’ listen t’ it. There’s not a scratch on it, ‘s unbelievable. I got sum drinks with sum mates last night afta work, so tha’s why I forgot t’ text back. Had lots o’ fun tho’, an’ ate sum good food,” he narrates for me in an animated voice.

I nod at his words, wishing that would suffice. But I have to talk, even though yesterday I would’ve jumped at the chance to hear his voice. Well, I still would today. Just minus the jumping part. 

“Good,” is all I say, amidst the lump building in my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe. But it doesn’t help, it never does. “I’m glad you had a good time,” I somehow manage. Cursing myself, I know he heard my voice crack at the end. Because so did I.

“Becks-.”

“I’m glad you had a good birthday with friends. It did sound fun. Um I’m sorry, but can I call you back? I was just going to run into a shop quick,” I cut him off, the lie knitting together fast. 

“Ya sure, an’ thanks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later, Becks. Drive safe,” he replies, something amiss in his voice. But I can’t listen any further than that, or else the guilt will make the tears come sooner. 

“Thanks, Harry. I will, and happy birthday,” I finish, not giving him a chance to reply before I hang up. 

Because the tears already arrived at my last word. And he sounded so happy, and I couldn’t ruin it. Over the course of the few texts we’ve sent back and forth in the last month, it was the happiest he’s sounded. And I didn’t want to share my dark cloud, and reveal that I’m in the lowest of my lows. Another side of me selfishly wanted him to notice, almost begged him to. And that part is disappointed that he didn’t, but the other part knows that I can’t expect that. Or at least it tries to. 

It’s going to take everything inside of me. To lift my head from the steering wheel and walk back into that house. And to do yesterday and the day before, all over again. Dole out the meds and write them down. Clean up the vomit. Cook the meals. Clean and clean. Endure watching the pain and suffering I can’t do a damned thing about. And on top of it all, try to deal with my own pain and suffering. Not to forget, the schoolwork. 

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. Or the paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit. 

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back. 

+

“Hey, Becky. Could you do me a favor, love?” 

The pictures of puppies I was looking at suddenly feels illegal. Closing my laptop, I look up and find Sophie standing in front of me. I still think for a split second that she’s the mom from The Princess Diaries when I look at her, even after a year of working here. 

“Y-yeah yeah. What do you need, Sophie?” I ask, trying to sit up straight, for once.

“Could you run this down to the post room for me, please? I need it sent out today, and I have a video conference in a minute. I’d wait on it, but I know they pickup the post in about 20. I won’t make it since my video conference is an hour long,” she says, her lips lined in scarlet grimacing. She tugs at the end of her corkscrew brown curls, a nervous habit of hers. “I hate to be one of those bosses that makes you do stupid stuff, but-.”

“Don’t mention it, Soph. A little walk would be nice, anyways,” I insist, taking the large white envelope from her. She thanks me with a smile and a handful of ‘thank yous’ before leaving. 

Standing up, I feel my joints wake back up with a few cracks. I smooth down my maroon blouse over my black dress pants. A shiver tickles my spine, and I decide to slide on my zip up black Columbia. The last thing I do before leaving is to grab my steel water bottle to fill up. 

“Be right back,” I let the girls know at the front desk. They nod with a smile before resuming their hushed conversation. 

My pointed flats hardly make a noise on the tiled floor. It’s hard to look for a noise with the wind whipping around the snow outside. Just looking out the windows lining the hallway makes me feel cold, colder than it should be in March. And regret choosing these shoes this morning. I reach a corner and take a left, thinking back to when I first started and always got lost. I pass a handful of people on my way, familiar and not, and we exchange smiles or nods. I pass the doors for Human Resources, and wave at a friend. A gruff bailiff passes without either, but he was a little too scary looking to make eye contact with anyways. 

I reach another corner, knowing the post room is only two turns away now. I take a right, but a few steps in, I hear voices. And laughing. My feet stop at the sound, and I turn around. The large doors to Courtroom 5 are down the hallway behind me. A clump of people stand across them talking, leaning against the wall under a clock. One of the laughs stands out to me from the others, like a musician can recognize a note. I can only see the backs of heads of those facing away from me. They shield the others from my view. My head goes from side to side with dismissal as I turn back around. But I don’t get very far, because I hear something they say. 

A name. 

It’s like it takes control of my limbs, and again I’m spinning around. I make it just in time to watch a figure break away from the group. Smiling and shaking hands, a laugh tickling their lips. And walk over to the drinking fountain. It’s Rose, one of the lawyers from Harry’s firm. Hmm, I think silently before walking away for real this time. 

I soon find another water fountain and I decide to fill up. Luckily almost all of the ones I come across here have the nifty water bottle attachment. It was always a pain any place I’d go trying to fill it up directly from the spout. With the thick envelope under my arm, I screw the cap back on. Slipping my finger through the little handle at the top, I take off. But once again, I don’t get very far. Because this time I almost run into somebody. 

“Sorry,” I automatically say before even taking a look at the person. But I don’t need to look when their voice tells me what I’m looking for. 

“‘s alr- Wait, ‘s that you, Becks? Well hi, love,” Harry coos, his words catching. 

“What, I don’t get an ‘it’s alright’ just because I’m not a stranger?” I joke, looking into his brilliant green eyes. 

The skin around his eyes crinkles as amusement paints his face. Nodding, his growing curls dance a little on his head. “Yeah, I guess ‘s alright ya almost plowed me ova,” he jokes, his straight white teeth showing behind his happy lips. 

Scratching at the back of his neck, his navy blazer pulls to the side. I see more of the cream button down underneath decorated with small navy polka dots. 

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you,” I argue, trying to calm the happiness budding on my lips. But my control doesn’t last very long. 

Harry replies with a breathy laugh, dropping his hand. “Oh hush, you. Now, what’re ya doin’ here, love? I hope yer not here fer a hearing,” he asks, swinging the leather messenger bag to his side. Probably heavy from his files and laptop, from the look of its bulging seams. 

“I uh, work here,” I tell him slowly, my words escaping me. My fingers wrap around and lift the sleek card resting on my chest. 

His moss green eyes fall to the lanyard hanging around my neck holding the access card bearing my face and name. I receive my answer when his expressive eyebrows shoot to the sky in surprise. “Here? Really, doin’ wha’?” he questions.

“Um, I do some clerk stuff back in admin,” I reply, watching his expression relax into a content smile. 

“Tha’s great, Becks. That’ll look really good on yer resume when ya graduate. Good fer you, ‘m proud o’ you, darlin’,” he comments, patting my arm. I hardly know what to say with everything jumping around in my head all of a sudden. The arm pat. The beaming pride coating his features. The part where he said he’s proud of me, for the second time now. Okay, chill out, Becky. You can’t lose it, not yet. “An’ ya like it here? Are ya learnin’ more ‘bout law?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I work with a small group of people, and we get along really well. I mean there’s always that one coworker you don’t like, but what can you do?” I try to laugh, but I’m afraid it sounds fake. It’s okay though, because his laugh covers the doubt I hear in mine. And the nerves. “And I am learning, too. My boss is really great and I think she uses me being in law school to her advantage. It’s a match made in heaven, I guess.”

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that. ‘m happy t’ hear well, that yer happy,” Harry tells me with a smile framing his words. But when I look at it a second too long, I see the sadness in it. Suddenly, I regret my words, and how they sounded like he wasn’t a good boss. Or that I didn’t like it at his firm. But he doesn’t let me get too far into my thoughts, luckily. “How’s yer dad doin’? I haven’t heard from ya lately, but I undastand yer prolly real busy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I apologize, looking away with warming cheeks. But his automatic ‘’s okay’ and squeeze to my arm makes me look back at him. “Things have been pretty crazy with classes and being there for my dad. He started chemo again the beginning of last month, since they didn’t get all of the tumor, like they hoped they would. But I guess most people still do it to ensure it’s gone, or something like that. I can’t remember.”

“Stop, ‘s okay,” he says firmly, his eyebrows raising a tick. “How’s he handlin’ tha chemo? ‘ve heard that stuff’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, it is. It makes him really sick. It’s hard because sometimes he has to wait to do an infusion of it, because some levels of his are too low. Or they want him to be at a certain weight, even though the chemo makes him lose weight,” I explain, the words coming out effortlessly. “It’s hard to see him like this, and to still be a student and an employee during all of it. But my professors and boss have been really understanding and lenient.”

I bite back the tears, hoping they won’t fall without my permission. But one breaks loose from the gate as I stare at the floor. My flats are separated from his brown leather chelsea boots. Then after a blink they no longer are. I don’t make the decision to look up, but it’s made for me when I feel his thumb wiping the tear away. Peering into his gleaming green eyes always seems to make time stop. A warm smile places dimples in his cheeks, and does something to me. Like it always does. 

“‘s okay. I can’t imagine how hard ‘s been fer ya, Becks. Why didn’ ya ring me? I woulda listened,” Harry asks me, his hand regretfully belonging to himself again. But there isn’t annoyance or anger in his voice. There’s emotions from the other side of the spectrum heard there. Like regret and sadness, and others I can’t fathom right this second. 

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Plus, I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” I confess, admiring the length of his dark eyelashes when they tickle his skin. 

“Yer notta Debbie Downa, Becks, whateva tha bloody hell that ‘s,” he insists. A hint of his giggle meets my ears when I look at him weird due to that revelation. “Ya can call me anytime, ‘kay? Whether ‘s happy or sad, ‘d wanna hear ‘bout it.”

I nod at his words, savoring the sound of his voice. And what it said. His minty breath strokes my cheek as he’s close enough to touch. The words get lost in my throat as his familiar smell wafts over me, catching me off guard. “Thank you,” I mumble thoughtfully, seeing his head move in answer. 

“What’re ya takin’ this semesta fer yer LLB tha’s so tough? I mean, I know all tha courses can be, but ‘m curious. Ya must be onto tha heavier courses by now, ‘s that right?” 

“Well, I’m still catching up to where I should be as a kind of sophomore. Because they changed the degree around since I’ve been gone, so that’s kinda why I took Crim later than usual. But right now I’m taking Banking Law, Family Law, and Environmental Law,” I answer, watching my words register with him. He nods at certain parts, his brow knitted together as he pays attention to me, like there’s nobody else in the entire room. 

“Ugh, those don’ sound any fun. I rememba takin’ those, or what were tha equivalent t’ ‘em when I was in uni. They’re tha ratha borin’ ones, an’ Family’s sad, too,” he comments, a look of disgust playing with his features. It’s amusing, but I get away with not letting it show on my face. Reaching to scratch his chin, I notice the stubble there. And the pops of color on his fingernails. Both fitting, I must say.

“Yeah they’re super boring. I’m surprised you even remember them, seeing as you’re 29 and everything,” I joke, earning a well deserved eye roll from him. But he can’t get rid of the grin showing on his raspberry lips. “Hey, I like your nails. It looks like you did a pretty good job, better than I could even,” I laugh and it grows harder when he holds them out for me to see. A wine red and turquoise blue decorate his fingers. But what gets me is that he puckers his lips, modeling like Zoolander. 

“Thanks,” Harry titters, looking down at them. “Me little niece picked out tha colors an’ helped me paint ‘em tha otha night. But I think they’re growin’ on me. Already chippin’ tho they are, whatta shame.”

You let your niece paint your nails? 

Wait, you’re an uncle? 

Okay, the thought of you with tiny children is not helping things. 

“You sound like a fun uncle.”

“Ya, I hope so. Harper says I am anyways, which ‘s quite tha compliment. Also, stop callin’ me old. 29 isn’t old,” Harry whines, sticking his bottom lip out at me. 

“Oh stop it, you baby,” I giggle, and soon his joins mine. For a couple of seconds, we’re just looking at each other laughing and things couldn’t be better. But I’ve learned that good things can never last, and soon enough we’re interrupted by a voice. 

“Harry, are you coming?” Rose says from across the hallway, a ‘hello’ to me following. The sweet sound coming from his lips soon fades as he looks over to her and nods. Pushing his sleeve back to look at his watch, he clucks his tongue. 

“‘m afraid I can’ talk any longa, Becks. ‘m sorry. Rose an’ I are workin’ togetha onna case. It starts in half an hour, an’ we gotta go ova sum things befo’ it all starts,” he explains regretfully. I nod, acknowledging his words. And try as I might, I can’t get rid of the disappointment growing heavy in my gut. 

“Yeah o-of course, don’t let me keep you. Good luck, Harry, knock ‘em dead,” I wish him with a small, but sad, smile. 

A hint of one inches up his cheeks before he says, “Yer not keepin’ me, I dunno why ya always say that. I enjoy talkin’ t’ ya. ‘s nice t’ catch up again,” Harry tells me. As if in slow motion, I watch him take another step closer to me with outstretched arms. I follow suit and soon find myself in one of his hugs. “Ya ring me if ya need anythin’, ya hear me? Even just t’ talk. Maybe we could get coffee or tacos sumtime.”

The moment in his arms doesn’t last long enough, although I’m sure any amount of time wouldn’t be enough for me. Soon, I’m leaving the safety of his arms and again, I’m alone. “Of course. Thanks, Harry.”

“Welcome. Tell yer dad an’ Robbie ‘m thinkin’ of ‘em,” Harry rasps, and I just nod. “An’ take care, Becks. Good luck in yer courses, I know ya’ll do well.”

Happiness seeps through the sudden sadness with his kindness, and I muster a smile. And another thank you. 

“Have a good day, love,” is the last thing he says, before he turns to walk towards Rose who waits for him. 

“You too,” I mumble, watching him walk away. 

Bittersweetness lines my thoughts, wondering if the sadness is worth getting to see him. And that hug. God, that fucking hug. They do fix everything that’s wrong, if only for a couple of seconds. It makes me wonder how much happier I’d be if I could have one of those every day, as a respite from the chaos of life. But that would only be in the case of if I was his-. 

Yeah, I’m not going there again, I tell myself. And with that, I finally continue my journey to the post room, unsure of how I’ll be able to top that. 

For the rest of day. 

Week. 

Maybe even, month. 

+

The butter melts on my tongue and next the pillowy bread does too. I close my eyes and smile at the taste. Like home. Opening them again, my eyes flit over the half dozen crock pots and several other plates. Frowning, I can’t stop thinking about the meatballs, the macaroni and cheese, the sugar cookie fruit pizza, and the homemade bread. 

But with a longing sigh, I walk away and leave the break room. Excited coworkers of mine pass me on the way to the food. My desk eyes me from across the room, but I ignore it. Soon, I find myself in the hallway. Twenty minutes left of my break after scarfing down the monthly potluck meal. It only gets better each month, and makes me wish it was weekly. The last bite of airy bread passes my lips. I wipe my hands on the napkin and toss it in a bin. The new storm delivers snow outside of the hallway-long windows. Although they’re frosted from the chill, I can still just make out the falling flakes. 

My thoughts of snow are whisked away by the shuffling of feet. And hurried voices. It takes me a moment to figure out where I’ve gone off too. Soon, I realize I’m back by Courtroom 5. And that the people are bustling inside the doors to sit in the gallery. And watch. The sleeve of my zip up glides over my watch, revealing the time to be one o’clock. Quickly, thoughts come together like puzzle pieces in my head. 

My break is over at 1:30. 

It’s Friday, so it’s not like I really have anything important to do when I get back. 

Sophie has been bothering me for ages to go and learn from the teachers I have just down the hall. 

So she won’t mind. 

And the only teacher that I can think I want to learn from is in there right now. 

About to argue a case that appears to be available to the public. 

I don’t remember telling my feet to move, but suddenly I’m behind an older man. And the scene in front of me changes drastically. It fills me with nervous excitement at the sight of the judicial panel, the jury box, and the witness stand. But I don’t have time to gawk, because the chatter around me is quieting down. I quickly find a seat towards the back of the seating in the gallery. 

Silence follows the clanging of the doors shutting. Within a few seconds, everybody rises when the judge enters. But the rest of the room - the jury made up of all kinds of faces, the bailiff, court reporter etc. - melt away when I see that head of curly hair. I’d know it was him if we were in a crowd of people, but any doubt I had from afar is washed away when he speaks. 

Harry and Rose take turns delivering their opening statement. They’re defending their client, the plaintiff, who from the sounds of it, was harassed by the defendant. It kills me to watch the opening statements unfold, even if all I can see is the back of the girl’s head. The hush over the courtroom is chilling, and goosebumps grow on my arms at the sound of Harry’s tone. His professional voice that I’ve yet to really hear before. Because although I worked for him, I was only his assistant. I never got to tag along to trials, or hear much about them. Yes, I did some of the dirty work for them, but I only saw the outside. I heard about how good or bad it was going, and then was dealt with the good news or bad news of the verdict. No more than that. 

It’s awe inspiring to witness him arguing the case firsthand. The way he uses his hands to speak, or the times when his voice does all the speaking he needs to. His eloquent choice of words drills the emotion home, and is accented by the expression on his face. It’s often neutral, but at times, I watch him struggle to hide the effects of the words playing on his face. I find myself having a hard time doing the same when he returns to sit next to the plaintiff, patting her on the back during difficult moments. Unbeknownst to me, the defending lawyer may have been practicing for two years or twenty. But their skill wanes next to Harry’s, even though he’s been practicing for less than ten years. I can’t stand to watch the discrepancies and weaknesses in his arguments. Luckily, my break is over and I don’t care to waste my time watching Mr. Bow Tie over here. 

I quietly leave a few minutes into his opening statement, hoping one day I can evoke as much emotion as Harry with my words. And hide from my face all of the ones that I’m feeling inside. Walking back to my department, a smile curls the edges of my lips. But then it falls, because I realize the mistake I made. 

I just fell a little bit harder. Again. 

+

“I’m gonna bring the dishes down,” I mumble, watching him nod at me. 

The wooden steps creak with my weight as I juggle the tray of barely touched food. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. A piece of toast. And apple slices with peanut butter. 

Options, options, options. 

The plastic tray hits the counter with a hard slap, and an accentuated huff. I bend down and grab tupperware from the drawers. As I pour the soup into a container, the slam of a door upstairs makes me jump. My thoughts fly to the soup spilled all over the counter, but they stop when I hear another noise. Besides the tv in the living room, it’s the only other one I hear. It pulls my feet out of the kitchen and through the living room until I’m at the stairs. I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the top. The terrible sound carries down the hallway, leading me to the bathroom door. 

I nervously rap my knuckles against the door. 

“I’m fine,” my dad says from the other side, coughing. 

“Dad, they said if it gets bad-.”

“It’s not bad yet,” he interrupts. There’s a pause when he blows his nose. “Please, Ree, I just want to be home. I hate having to go there.”

“I know, dad,” I reply, sighing when I hear him start to vomit again. 

Walking away, I give him privacy. And my ears a break from one of my newest least favorite sounds. My fingers drift to my back pocket, sure of their actions before I am. Exhaling, I take a seat on one of the stairs.  

It rings and it rings. 

“Come on, pick up,” I mutter, bouncing my leg. 

Kneading my temple, I listen to it continue to ring. And ring. Finally, it stops. But I’m not greeted by the sound I want to hear. Instead I hear their voicemail, making me groan. I listen to the old recording I’ve heard time and time again, but this time I just want it to go away. So I can hear the instructions, and that final beep.

“Hey, it’s me. J-just call me back when you get this, please,” I say quickly, the words running from my lips. Alongside the tears. 

Dropping my phone onto my lap face down, my head falls in my hands. Noises surround me. Those of everyday life bustling around me. The sound of the laundry machine whirring downstairs. The hum of the tv. And the ones I try to ignore coming from the door behind me. The sound of the crying. And the vomiting. 

I can’t keep my hands still. They go to rake through my hair. To cover my face. To play with my fingers. To make fists. I even try to sit on them, and it doesn’t help. And I can’t stop bouncing my legs, as my nerves jitter from the thoughts.

 The worries.

The uncertainty. 

It feels like an hour before I hear my twinkling ringtone. But when I see the time on my phone, it’s only been eleven minutes. I barely take the time to look at who’s calling before I answer it. 

Clearing my throat, I say a shaky ‘hello.’

“Hey, I got yer message. ‘m sorry I didn’ answer, I was inna late meetin’, but I can talk now. ‘s everythin’ okay, Becks? Ya don’ sound so good, love,” he inquires. His caramely voice is the first comfort I’ve felt all day. My respite from this mayhem. 

“No, I’’ll um, let you go. I don’t want to interrupt your meeting. I can call later,” I insist, guilt weaving its way into my words. 

“No, yer okay, Becks. I stepped out. It wasn’t anythin’ important, anyways. I can have Myles tell me later. Now, wha’s goin’ on?” he tells me, but it doesn’t revoke all of the guilt consuming me. I grimace at the pain from my chapped lips when they smash together, salty tears flowing over their cracks. “Becks, talk t’ me, please. Yer not a botha, not ever. Please tell me wha’s wrong.”

“Harry,” I begin, not capable of any other words. Because that one has been constant in my head for the last twenty minutes. Ever since it started. It’s the one I’ve been holding in, and not been able to say, until now. 

“‘m here, Becks,” he says. Never did I think three words could be so comforting. And at the same time, hurt so much. Because they’re true, and then they’re not. I want them to be true so badly I feel it in my veins. 

“M-my dad . . . he won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. He had chemo yesterday, b-but it went fine. And then we had dinner tonight, and he hardly had three bites, before he got sick. It’s been like that all day,” I confess, leaning against the staircase railing. Letting it hold me there, because nobody else can. Because I can’t do it for myself anymore. “This happens sometimes with the chemo, b-but . . . . . it was getting better recently. I think I should bring him in like they said, but that means staying the night in the hospital. Again. I’m just so tired, Harry, I want all of this to be over already. I want him to be okay, and I want to feel what it’s like to be okay again.” I can’t get out another word, because the tears consume them. And the anxiety. And the exhaustion. My head falls to my knees and the hand cupping my mouth slides away. 

“I think ya should bring ‘im in, Becks. ‘Specially if they said so. Don’ want ‘im t’ get dehydrated, that certainly won’ help things,” Harry murmurs, his voice quiet and controlled. “I know ya don’ wanna be there ‘gain, ‘specially twice in tha last two days. But he needs their help . . ‘s there anybody who can come an’ be with you? Maybe that aunt o’ yers who was at tha hospital that night? Robbie, or Skye? But I s’pose they’re 3 hours away in London . . . ,” Harry sighs, his words trailing off into the air. For some reason I nod, glad to hear that my reasoning for not wanting to ask them to come is valid. 

“Yeah, it’s just me here. That’s how it’s been. Robbie and I switch off . . . But my dad doesn’t want me to bring him in, he hates going there. Being poked by them and everything. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day,” I cry, the tears soaking the knees of my ripped jeans. 

“Ya hafta bring ‘im in, Becks. What if ‘s sumthin’ else, like tha stomach flu or sumthin’ worse? He needs t’ be able t’ eat an’ drink in order t’ get betta,” he urges, and finally I decide to listen. 

Nodding at his words and the truth they hold, my lips part, “I know, you’re right. I-I’ll bring him in. T-thanks, Harry, for answering your phone.”

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sit up slowly. “Course, Becks. ‘m sorry I was a li’l busy when ya first rang . . . Um drive safe, ‘kay? Maybe bring yer laptop t’ do schoolwork or even jus’ t’ watch Netflix. Sumthin’ t’ distract yerself - a book, or headphones fer music.” His suggestions meet my ears, but they go through one and out the other. They’re not the kind of distraction I want, I think selfishly, but the kind I want, I can’t have. Because it’s you. 

“Yeah, I’ll bring something. Thanks, Harry. Have a good night,” I say in almost a whisper, exhaustion stealing my words. 

“Yer welcome, Becks. Lemme know what happens, ‘kay?”

I mutter an ‘mmmmhmm’ before hanging up, and trudging up the stairs. Listening for the sound again is hard, because I don’t know what I want to hear. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the vomiting, but the other part oddly does. Because if it stopped then he’ll try to convince me that we don’t have to go in. But I hope it hasn’t, because there’s something at the back of my head telling me we have to. Making me think we need to, because something’s wrong. And I know that if he’s stopped, he’ll tell me that there’s no reason to go in. 

My gray striped socks stop on the hardwood floor in front of the door. I knock before I can convince myself to wait. “Dad?” 

No answer. 

“Dad, I’m bringing you to the hospital. Something’s not right, I just know it. You need to be looked at, and they can help,” I plead from the other side of the slab of wood. A sigh meets my ears and the shuffling of a body. 

“Okay,” he relents. I push the door open and am met with his tear-stained face. 

Trying to ignore the smell I’m by now used to, I wet a washcloth at the sink. Returning to his side, I bend down and wipe his face with it. And then his mouth. Tossing it in the laundry bin, I wash my hands. Watching him as I do so, his frail figure is slumped against the closed toilet. Embarrassment blanketing him like a sheet. 

“It’ll be okay,” I try to tell him. But as I watch his barely there nod, I’m not sure if I believe it either. “Let’s get you downstairs to the car,” I say, drying my hands. 

It takes us awhile, to stand up together. To get down the stairs, one step at a time. To slip on his coat. To grab my things. And to drive to the hospital as he threw up into a bucket beside me. But we got there, and the worst part still awaits us. 

It pains me to leave his side, but I can’t handle watching them stick him with needles. Or the blood. Not after everything that’s happened in the last 7 months. Combing my hair out of my eyes, I begin my walk down the hallway. Yet another one. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey,” I respond to the voice I could pick out of a crowd. I try to prepare my words, but I’m not sure what to say. I’m so tired. “I’m at the hospital with dad. Everything is okay. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day, he’s been throwing up off and on. And after dinner, it got worse. They’re taking some blood now to run it for labs. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

“Shitttt,” Robbie replies, holding out the last syllable. Just like our dad. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ree. I’m surprised he let you take him in, but thanks for doing that. Yeah, I guess all you can do is wait until they have the tests back. Hopefully you two can go home soon,” he says quietly in a tone the polar opposite of the one he answered with. 

I echo his words with a ‘me too’ before there’s nothing else to be said. And I let him go. I call Skye too to tell her, and because I can’t go back yet. I just need some time. She talks my ear off, but I’m grateful for it. She tells me about work, her newest boyfriend, the weather, and a show we’re watching together. 

After I finally get away from her jabber mouth, almost half an hour has passed. I find my way back to his room in the Emergency wing. As I walk in, he shoots a tired smile at me. One I can barely make out amongst the dark room. 

“Early bedtime?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He nods, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

“Yeah. They did all their tests, and said it would take a little while, so fluids, anti-nausea meds, and naptime it is.”

“Good,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around his. Squeezing them, his dusty lips offer a laugh. Or the closest thing to one. He tries to squeeze back, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to when he’d nearly break my fingers giving my hand a squeeze. Somehow his hands look older than the rest of him as I look. His skin wrinkles among his bulging veins, liver spots, and freckles. 

“You should too, baby girl,” he replies, surprising me. My eyes return to his face where he’s opened his eyes to look at me. “You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, I know it’s been a lot taking care of me for this long.”

“Dad,” I begin, an argument forming in my voice. But I don’t get any further than that.

“You know it’s true, and you’ve been doing a fantastic job. Don’t let yourself think any different,” he insists, the area above his eyes raising. But it doesn’t have the same effect with his dark eyebrows absent from his expression. A whimper escapes my lips as tears obscure my vision. Lifting our joined hands, he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Come here, my baby.”

It confuses me when his clean scent doesn’t surround me. But it’s there in a hint when I bury my face into his neck. His right arm pulls me against him, and I cry into him. It’s one of the only times I can remember doing this since this all started. I want to stay strong in front of him, but sometimes it’s too hard. I feel a warmth on my forehead, and my lips break into a smile at his trademark forehead kiss. “Get some sleep, sweetie. They’ll wake us with the results if they need to,” he tells me. I nod into him, feeling him scooch over for me to lay more comfortably beside him. 

+

My words are taken away with a whooshing sound just as a ding meets my ears. A bubble appears at the top of my phone screen. With widening eyes, I hold down the bottom button for volume on the side of my phone. Peeking across the room, I exhale watching his chest lift and fall with every breath, his snoring greeting the air. My attention returns to the dings coming from my phone. I read the first one. 

Me - a few minutes ago

Tests came back positive for some type of bacterial infection in his digestive tract. Starting antibiotics now. Keeping him overnight and until further notice for observation because infections can be scary with weak immune systems like his.  

Harry

thx for the update. glad 2 hear it isnt anything 2 serious. its a good thing u brought him in when u did becks. thinking of u and him. 

Me

Thanks so much, Harry. I’m glad I did too. Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch again, yay!

Harry

get some zzzz’s love. might be a long nite. dont forget 2 eat. 

Me

Goodnight 

+

My eyes don’t want to believe the clock when the growling of my stomach wakes me. Shuffling into the hallway rubbing my eyes, I swear under my breath. 

“No fucking way it’s only 11 o’clock. Why can’t it be 8 am or something?” I groan, trudging down the quiet halls of the oncology wing. But I’m glad for the quiet compared to the craziness of the E.R. earlier. 

Dropping my hand, I’m welcomed once again by the stinging fluorescent lights. And the packaged foods waiting for me behind the glass. Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I scan the many choices. Hmmm, salted nut roll for once, hostess cakes, sour patch kids, hard pretzels, jelly beans, or Cheez-Its? I wonder to myself, blinking the sleep from my eyes. 

Another ding meets my ears. But when I lift my phone to my face, there isn’t a new text popping up on my screen. There are some, but they’re from an hour ago or longer. Weird, I think, staring at the screen and reading the words. 

There’s a cough as somebody clears their throat. “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like dis,” they almost laugh, making me turn my head without a choice. 

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 11: Darren*

Disclaimer: a multitude of events/details have been left out of this chapter, both for increased anonymity of myself and the gentleman in question, as well as I started writing this two months after this all happened, so apologies.

Darren* is actually someone that I work with at one of my jobs, of which I have three. Upon starting my position there and meeting him, I was immediately attracted. He is from a Scandinavian country originally and just comes with that natural Scandinavian good looks. He acted a little immature, in a way that is just everything is sexual, a natural flirt. For a few months, I had an innocent little crush on him, purely infatuation. 

Often we would say hi in passing and he was always really helpful when it came to patients. He got along with everyone and despite his lewdness, I really enjoyed working with him. There were multiple times that we would walk and talk in the hall, he would express embarrassment to me over him having acne, and would openly announce that he was switching what side he was on because he didn’t want me to see it. I, in my thinking he was out of my league and I was secured in the friend/coworker zone, would be super transparent, and as well complain about my acne, and described in detail the acne patches I would use.

All seemed platonic until one day out of the blue he just leaned in close to me and asked me if he could have my Snapchat. I immediately was like oh yeah of course! From there, we talked throughout the days daily for about a week. 

I let him and my coworker in MRI know that I’m gonna bring in food on the weekend since I got a huge crockpot meal from my Home Chef meal kit boxes and wanted to share the love. When really, although I did do that, I was on purpose making sure I did it on a day Darren* was working. I made sure to wear an outfit that would get his attention without trying too hard: well-fitting yoga pants and a tank top. I arrive and I call their department to let them know I’m here with food. Darren* answers the phone and there’s video chat so I also see him. I say “hey I’m here! Chicken tacos in the break room.” He says “Are they hard or soft?” in the innuendo way he does. What he doesn’t know, is he’s met his match since I’m also kind of a perv. I respond “what do you think?” seductively and with a wink. He laughs and just goes “oh alright.” I say “Nah but seriously they’re soft tacos.” He says “my favorite! We’ll be over soon.” The cavalry arrives and everyone eats their food and thanks me. I’m not really getting the quality time I was hoping for but I’m still happy. Finally, everyone starts to kinda make their way out until it’s just Darren* and I. We just chat. This is when somehow or another I find out he has a tattoo in a more rated R area. I laugh. He asks me about my outfit and if I am going to the gym. I say no that I was just trying to be comfortable but still look good enough to be outside of my house. He says he should probably get back to work and will snap me later.

Late that night, I ask him more about his tattoos, and I tell him about mine. I send him photos of a couple of my PG tattoos, he sends me his PG tattoos (yes this does imply we both have rated R tattoos). I think this is a moment that is kind of exposing but could also just be innocent as well. 

The next week, we again worked together, and he would come by, a little more than usual, saying hi to me and chatting before returning to work. The last time he stops by before he leaves for the day, he gives me a hug. Now, this hug wasn’t like a normal hug, it was super awkward, incredibly on my part.

You see, I did not expect this to happen and I was sitting down so he approached me for the hug while I was sitting. In attempts to make this less horrible, which backfired, I decided to begin standing up during the hug. Not only did I do this, no that would be still not horrible, but I then put my arms around him diagonally. Yes, that cringy one arm on the shoulder/neck and the other around the waist. At this moment I am well aware of what terrible state I am in, but am surprised and pleased that regardless of how awkward I have positioned myself that he is still holding onto me. He is in fact at this moment squeezing me tightly, comfortably. 

Somehow this embrace lasts for probably a good twenty seconds. I’m sure I am red in the face but he says bye talk to you later and leaves. Immediately, I Snapchat him and say “I’m so sorry that was such an awkward hug. I need a do-over please.” His response is something along the lines of, “It’s all good I live for the cringe” with a laughing face emoji. Otherwise, we continue to talk as we were.

I offer him my number, thinking like we are getting along well and are maybe at that point. He says that he actually prefers Snapchat, as his cell service isn’t very good with his provider (which I shall not name), so he communicates a lot more with Snapchat anyway. We somewhere too in this time say we’re going to hang out on Saturday, and I’ll cook him some food.

Oh and now is your first preview of me being sneaky and retrieving Snapchat screenshots via taking pics of my phone screen. Step One, send a thirst trap. 

Step Two: He responds to the thirst trap. I remember also saying something after that, despite not having it in the screenshot, where I say, “Is that why you don’t wear a dress to work?” Which is what he is responding to in the third photo.

I’m also still wondering, is he just being a flirt, or is this man interested? Soon I would get my answer. 

Now, it is the weekend, Friday night. I mention to him that I’m walking to my friend’s house and I’m going over to drink some wine and eat pasta. I send him Snapchats of my friend on Hinge swiping, and us playing “Tinder March Madness,” a game I saw on Tik Tok and thought was funny. Essentially, you right-swipe on all of the men, no matter what. Give it some time and wait for the matches to roll in. Then there are certain point values that go along with certain dating profile tropes. The person with the most points “wins” each round until the “Ultimate Tinder Guy” is found. Anyway, I send these to him half to be like LOL look at this stupid stuff, half to see if I get a rise out of him/he gets a little bit jealous. He is also with friends, so I don’t necessarily get in-depth answers or quick responses. I do mention to him that I’m leaving my friend’s apartment soon, and will be walking by myself. At this point it is nighttime. We do live in a relatively nice area, but it’s still a little scary to walk by yourself in the dark. I give him a call via Snapchat, he doesn’t answer but I know he’s with his friends, so it’s all good.

I arrive home and almost immediately after I walk through the door, I get a Snapchat call back from him. He asks me if I’m okay and if I got home safely. I am honestly surprised he called me back. I tell him I’m fine. He continues to talk to me on the phone and even puts me on speakerphone. The one part that hurts my soul is he does say that I’m his “friend, Mandy,” but hey, a friend is better than a co-worker. I talk with his friends about gaming, drinking, say I’ll drink some Everclear with them, go really hard. Darren* then says he’s gonna find somewhere more private to talk to me, takes me off speakerphone. We shoot the shit a little more, then he says he had just gone running and is gonna take a shower and will talk to me later. I end the call.

Literally one minute after ending the call, I receive a Snapchat from him. This is a picture Snapchat. It is a photo of him completely naked. Where his package would be is conveniently blocked by the level of the counter in his bathroom. Highly suggestive, though not a complete nude. What is my response? Something along the lines of “oh my!!!!” Any confusion I had was gone. Like alright, this man just sent this photo to you because he is into you. It’s late and I’m going to sleep anyway, so I figure I’ll just message him in the morning to clear things up before we hang out.  

Before I can even confront him in the morning, he messages me. I, unfortunately, don’t have a screenshot for this. But he says whereas he isn’t exactly looking for a relationship at this moment, that he wants to see where things go with me and see what happens. I tell him that how I feel is I don’t like to put expectations on anything anyway and that I’m happy to do that and just follow where the vibes go between us. We’ve come to an agreement! With that, he says he is super hungover and is going to take a nap, and will let me know about coming over later. By the early evening, he says he wants to reschedule since he still feels like shit. I’m on call a lot, so we just schedule it tentatively for next Saturday and I see if I can get my call covered another day sooner so we can see each other before then. 

I’m able to contact my manager the next day and I let him know I now have Wednesday free for him. I’m on call at our workplace the day I let him know that, and I jokingly tell him he is in charge of calling me in. Of course, I actually do get called in, though it isn’t him that lets me know. I arrive and hang out in the area he works in while I wait for the patient to be ready. He is not there and is off doing other stuff. He comes in and is surprised to see me, which checks out since I did tell him I was coming in, but he hadn’t opened that Snapchat yet. We hug hello, not awkwardly now, and he talks about his hands being cold. Essentially then we are holding hands. While the other coworkers are off tending to patients, we stand close together and chat. My patient arrives, and I ask him to help me move them. I observe him with a patient and he really is a great caregiver, it’s attractive. He helps me then says he’s gonna run back to his department and will be back. When he returns he says he is actually leaving for the night. My patient’s scan is more or less on autopilot, so I position ourselves away from the window that looks into the room. I embrace him and say I’m looking forward to seeing him next time we work together and on Wednesday. I think back and know I probably should have kissed him, but I didn’t, probably the thought of being at work and although no one was there and watching, still felt inappropriate.

I finished my work and returned home. Monday we spoke throughout the day, flirtatious and excited. We worked together Tuesday and when I walked in for the day, I immediately happened upon him in the break room. I sat down next to him and discussed timeframes for our hangout the next day. He is happy and upon another coworker walking in, I briefly say hey and disperse. Darren* comes into my department, as he does often, and is talking with everyone. One of our coworkers mentions to him that they want to talk to him about something. I’m not sure what it is about, but I do get a hit of anxiety wondering if he had told them about me, and it was regarding our relationship. Work goes by and they do go off and talk. Afterward, he is kinda brief in saying goodbye, which makes my anxiety increase. 

I send him a message just again mentioning a timeframe for our next day’s plans. An hour or so after he left he responds saying that he is actually starting to talk to someone and didn’t want to do the next day because he didn’t want to jeopardize that, as he thought if he came over the next day he didn’t know what would happen. His phrasing was “is it okay” if we don’t see each other. So I say something like, “well I wouldn’t want to complicate things, I’m not happy about it but I understand.” He also expressed he was worried about work, though, at this point, I was about to start my new job and had told him about this. He mentions not having a “crystal ball” and that he doesn’t know what will happen in the future, blah blah blah. That we could still be with each other someday.

I am beyond confused. Literally three days before this, he had been the one to initiate things and asked for us to see where things go, wasn’t interested in a relationship, when suddenly now he is, albeit with someone else, and is interested enough to be afraid something romantic would happen if we were alone together, but not enough see where it goes.

In response, I give into a TikTok trend where you ask people what your type is. I did this that night. He did not take kindly to it. His response was kind of like, what is this? I was angry and thought this was a good way to have some self-deprecating humor. Essentially “douchebag,” “extroverted gamer,” “emotionally unavailable,” “guys with girlfriends,” and “Trump supporters,” were mentioned in this. Many of those descriptions which could describe Darren* at that moment. 

I was still very hurt days afterward and didn’t know what would happen once we saw each other again at work. Come next workday together, he was starting to be on temperature check duty at the hospital. I did not know he was though, and stumbled upon him as I was going out to say hi to another co-worker I knew was out there. It was very awkward at first but we became more on friendly terms. Toward the end of the night, we were alone back inside for a moment. I asked him some questions about his life and such. As the night went on we did embrace a few times and were very close. It was more confusing but he did still seem into me. We left at the same time and he walked me to my car where we lingered and talked and held each other. I did feel pretty bad, as I would sometimes see his phone, see him talking to this other girl, and sometimes I would just happen to see his messages with her and could tell that he did care for her. And in character, it was on Snapchat, so he may have been completely honest regarding using Snapchat as his primary communication method.

Basically a similar scenario continued on for the next four weeks, each time it becomes more and more difficult/intimate. One week we took a walk around the campus and cuddled in the grass, watching the stars. The bugs made us move, but we had a closeness. We just barely kissed one time. He would grab my hips and touch my body when we were alone. Constantly he would resist, I was just as confused as he wasn’t dating this person. Another night, we are walking together doing rounds through the hospital, when one of his close coworkers casually mentions he’s uncircumcised. Which was just some bizarre information. It was funny to see him embarrassed.

Finally, after four weeks of this “what is going on” scenario, I have him call me. I tell him essentially that if he and this woman are still not exclusive, that we should still give this a shot or at least hang outside of work and see what is truly going on. I reiterate his crystal ball thing. I am truly speaking in our both interests, as we have been playing a dangerous game. He says he will talk to her that night and figure out what is going on, as she has been kind of putting off/delaying that conversation. He says he will let me know what she says and will think about it if they don’t become exclusive, as he admits that he doesn’t see the point of staying with her if she doesn’t want to become official. I follow up the next day, asking how it went. He says it didn’t come up and apologizes, though saying he will soon. A few days after that, I find out that they must have had the conversation, because “Darren* is now in a relationship” appears on my Facebook news feed. I message him in Snapchat and congratulate him. I do truly wish them the best, and take the situation as a lesson learned.

A couple of months later, present-day as I write this, I notice a name that looks familiar on a patient’s chart. Casually I bring it up to my coworker, saying “isn’t that Darren*’s girlfriend?” and it is confirmed. I become infuriated and text my friend immediately, explaining the situation I have just uncovered. This new information does add to my displeasure, as I realize that this guy’s now girlfriend also works here and that it is quite possible that he could have been seeing her on any of those days that we had become so close. This disgusted me. I did see him a couple of days later and casually mentioned to him, “I didn’t know your girlfriend worked here.” He hit me with a “yeah she does.” I felt it important to let him know, I know. I try and remain cordial, but it is extremely difficult when I learn more and more about how scummy he is. Later that day that I let him know, he told me it was “good seeing me” and I literally responded with a vomit noise. Even if things don’t work out with his lady, and I’m still single, that “crystal ball” will not do him any favors.

[simplykpopaus]

Boyfriend!Sejun

Requested: Yes (Could you please do a boyfriend!sejun headcanon?)

A/n: OOOF IM SO SORRY THIS IS UP SUPER LATE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT THANKY YOU FOR REQUESTING IT!

Sejun

Where do I start 

Damn this is gonna be a bit hard

You met him through 

let's say Byungchan 

You know that boy is friendly as hell

so outgoing 

you guys were friends

why?

Uh your ex best friend dated him 

You two seemed to click once you met

and his ex

didn't like that 

tried to keep you two away 

but he wanted to set you up with his friend 

so you two were caught talking one day outside a café

by said ex

and they went off

long story short 

they tried to fight with you 

you were confused as to why 

they grabbed the iced coffee of the person at the table near yours

and poured the drink all over you

and instantly broke up with byungchan 

no questions asked 

just left like that 

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to break you two up”

“It’s okay, it was going to happen sooner or later”

“what do you mean”

“They're always trying to fight with me over the smallest thing”

“they're my best friend i’ll talk to them”

“I think that drink all over means your not friends anymore”

“oh, yeah you're probably right”

“See I feel bad now, You got a drinker spilled all over you because I want to set you up with my friend”

“It’s okay! I’ll just go home and change!”

“No, my dorm is closer, I can let you borrow something” 

you walked to his dorm

which he wasn't lying 

it was close

as he opened the door he started apologizing again 

“Im sorry Lina, was out of line”

“Woah what happened”

you heard someone say 

as soon as you walked through the door

and thats how you ended up meeting Sejun for the first time

and the rest of the members 

covered in coffee 

“did he do something crazy that ended with you being drenched in coffee” said the baby looking one 

“Oh no, Lina did this” 

they all looked at you for a second 

“You know Lina?” they all asked in unison 

“Yeah she was y/n’s best friend” 

said Byungchan as he came back with a shirt and some shorts to change into

Handing them to you 

“the bathroom is over there, oh wait let me get you some towels so you can at least wash the coffee off”

once you were done 

you were introduced properly to all of them 

you all stayed in the rest of the day 

ordered some pizza

 and chicken 

and just watched movies 

on your way home 

Seungwoo being a protective dad he is said 

“I don't feel comfortable you walking home alone at this hour”

“It’s okay ill be fine” you replied

“No, no I can walk you home”

said byungchan 

nodding your head you said bye to them and walked out the door

“Sejun go with them”

Sejun surprised to hear his name looked plate 

mouth full eyes wide 

he looked at Seungwoo for a second 

swallowed his food and nodded his head

standing up he ran to catch up with you two

“Hey wait!”

Stopping you both turned back to look at him

“Oh you're coming too?”

“Yeah Seungwoo said to come with you, doesn't want you walking back by yourself”

“I bet that wasn't what he said”

“It was, his exact words were ‘I don’t want byungchan getting hurt on his way back go with them’ and so here I am to protect you both now”

“I don't believe you”

“believe it or not, I’m here now”

you just stayed quiet as they bickered over this 

and it didnt stop

all they way to your place

the would go back and forth 

you started laughing at the insults they would say to each other 

once you got to your building you said bye to both of them

they each gave you a hug and waited for you to go inside

later that night you got a call from Byungchan

‘I think he likes you’

‘who?’

‘well, Sejun duh’

‘is that the one you wanted to set me up with?’

‘oh no! i forgot i wanted to set you up with Seungsik! Oh well because Sejun was trying to find out things about you on the way back to the dorms’

‘aaah okay, well I mean he is cute’ 

‘SEE Y/N THINKS YOUR CUTE’

‘BYUNGCHAN DO YOU HAVE ME ON SPEAKER’

‘YES HE DOES’

‘OH WAS THAT SUBIN, HIIII’

‘HI Y/N! DONT WORRY SEJUN ISNT IN THE ROOM HE COULDNT HEAR THAT’

‘but i did hear it when byungchan yelled it out’

‘oh well thats my cue to hang up now, BYE’

‘wait don-’

you immediately recovered a message from byungchan 

‘i gave him your number, except a call, or text! NIGHT!’

You did get a text that night 

you talked for a bit before saying goodnight 

now for the actual good stuff

he's the sweetest 

also a jokester

you plan to meet somewhere

and he will get there ahead of time 

hide somewhere and wait for you to show up

he’d let you wait a couple minutes

coming up behind you 

and scaring the living hell out of you 

laughing for a bit before just holding you 

“I’ll buy you ice scream come on i’m sorry”

you’re get so used to it 

knowing what he has planned 

so you start pretending to get scared 

just to get some ice scream

lots of movie dates

loves to cuddle 

like a lot 

A LOT 

everywhere

floor 

couch 

chair 

bed

just likes having you in his arms 

loving the way you smell

also loving the fact that you start smelling like him 

after being in his arms for so long 

loves to buy you chocolate 

and then eat more than half of it himself 

would stare at you 

for long periods of time 

you could just be watching tv

he would be watching you

you’re cooking 

he’s watching you 

sometimes tries to help

but you just make him sit again 

likes to come up behind you and hug you 

“Im trying to cook go back”

“but i want to hold you”

“we cuddled for like four hours already go sit”

he’d let go and back away 

or so you thought 

he waited until you had stepped away from the stove

nothing in your hands 

would turn you around 

and plant a sweet kiss on your lips

pulling away he would smile at you 

“i’ll let you finish cooking now”

would go back to his seat 

and just watch your shocked expression 

“you don't want the food to burn, right?”

you would agree and go back to cooking

loves to take pictures of you 

without you knowing 

from all the watching he did 

he knew how to tell when you were sad or mad

when you were sad 

he would grab some ice scream 

some blankets

put on your favorite movie 

and hold you in his arms

when you were mad

if he knew you weren't mad at him

he'd sit next to you and ask what got you mad

but if you were mad at him 

he would let you have your space

and go sit somewhere else 

before he returned to you with an apology 

or you went to him first 

none the less 

you were loved by him and the members

they loved having you around 

“you make him happy, y/n he's always talking about you”

[harvestheart]

HOME, SWEET HOME - now more than ever

I have not been out of my house since March 17.  In that time, while viewing the daily news updates, I notice both Arizona Governor Doug Ducey and Dr. Fauci, the  immunologist, have had haircuts. With Trump, I can never tell when Melania has cut his hair.

But  today was the day I had to go to a store.  After 10 days of seclusion, it felt strange to be driving again. It came back quickly enough, so no worries. There was more traffic on the road than I had thought there would be. Certainly more than there should be. It was still lighter than "Friday light" but it was 2:30 p.m. My goal was to be done before rush hour and back home.

I also noticed several houses had "for sale signs" on my street that were not there two weeks ago. I am thinking they may be on  the market a while since so many people have lost their jobs. It is going to be a rough market until the economy evens out.  I only wish I had money to buy a car, because there should be some good deals on the 2020s.  However, my reality is less grandiose.  I dream of a new washing machine or refrigerator.

So I was forced to go into the world today because the pet food supply was getting dire and to prevent the pets from even thinking of eating each other or me, it had to be done.  I made a list to do everything in one shot and get back to seclusion.

The 99 Center store was the first stop. I got some decent produce (potatoes, onions, garlic, cabbage, cauliflower, tomato, sweet potatoes) all cheaper than at the regular grocery stores. I found  the cans of dog and cat food, enough to last another 10-12 days. Yet there was absolutely no paper products to be found.  

On to Fry's/Krogers. I did pretty good there, except, again, no napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, paper plates. NONE. There were also no gallons of drinking water, so I got a case of bottled water. Also, there was barely any pasta or rice. Even the Hamburger Helper section was nearly empty, which is okay, cause you can make your own in a covered skillet better than that. I thought the supplies would be evened out by now, but ... nope.  What are people doing with all that paper? Fry's is letting seniors shop Monday through Thursday 6-7 a.m., so I can try that next time I absolutely must shop.  

I did find bread, but not the kind I would normally buy. Stlil and all, am glad to have bread again. It is not the time to be picky.  (I can always try that recipe for beer bread when this runs out.)

On the next isle I saw a guy sneezing like crazy. I promptly did a 180 to a different isle. He might have allergies, as do I, but it is also not the time to tempt the fates.

I snagged a large package of chicken breasts (only one package per customer allowed). One is plenty for preparing several different dishes. Gonna do a creamed chicken & rice dish with snap peas and spring green onions. I will supplement my meat proteins with tuna, SPAM, quesadillas and also make some pasta carbonara with bacon instead of ham and hard cheese.

As a weekend treat, I purchased two big cans of Sol Chelada.  This should also help me sleep soundly, 'cause I have been having nightmares. Anxiety has a way to find you even in your dreams.  Self-talk doesn't help you there.  Only lots of exercise or whiskey or long hours of work helps me there.  With the gym being closed, and admittedly not being self-disciplined about my at-home exercise, I can feel the waist expanding.  But one crisis and problem at a time.

Another treat, a box of Almond Honey cookies.  Plus, I still have my brownie mix and may make an easy peanut butter fudge soon.

Overall, I feel fortunate to have gotten most things on the list, though the sizes and brands were not my normal selections. I just really do not want to go back to the store until I must. I keep hoping we turn the tide sooner than later, but looks like Arizona's numbers are still climbing. We are headed toward 80+ degrees next week and I wonder if the warmer weather will actually work in our favor soon. If this turns out to be a seasonal virus, it might give the scientists time to find answers.

While I fill my days with weed-eating a badly overgrown backyard and being creative in my cooking, watching old DVDs, sketching, reading, watching television, the days are passing.  

Meanwhile, my long time friend in Ohio is facing real challenges.  She is currently a patient at the Ohio State Hospital in Columbus. She has been ill for a long time and waiting for a kidney, but because of a persistent infection that just won't go away, her doctor had her go to ER because that is the only way to get a hospital bed right now.  She was put into isolation until they could test her for "the virus". Today she got the news she is negative and they moved her out of isolation to a regular room.  Now we are hoping they can get her better enough with intravenous antibiotics to let her get out of there and away from possible contagion.  

Home is where you want to be right now.  Home, be it ever so humble, there really is no place like home -- never more true as now.

[latitudesunknown]

Tiny Haven Gazette #3

In which I drop the gazette format because it takes an ungodly amount of time and nobody cares. ��

My house gets a first floor, and coincidentally, my storage doubles, which is a relief. That should free me from spending 30mn every day desperately trying to figure out what to part with for at least a month.

So much space!

And now that it’s been upgraded, I get more customization options and can change the outside of my house!

¨🦄¨

By sheer dumb luck, I finally figure out how to get money trees!!!! I can’t believe it took me so long (although I’m very happy I never looked the answer up online). I should have known there was something up with the glowing golden hole that appeared whenever you dug up some money, that thing was clearly magic!

My pockets were full, so I had no choice but to bury back the money bag I’d just dug out, and this happened. Honestly considering how often I walk around with full pockets I’m astounded this didn’t happen sooner.

So now I have a little money tree orchard. Next experience: does the money tree give you MORE money if you plant a bigger money bag? Tried it this morning, will get an answer in a few days.

¨🦄¨

Raiiiiinbow!

That’s it. There’s no story to go with it, but it’s the first rainbow I’ve seen in the game!

¨🦄¨

I can’t stop thinking about that sweet little cow I saw on @astorytotellyourfriends​​ ‘s island last week, so I decide to build the last house in the hopes of finding her on an island and inviting her over. 

In the process, I realize I could have built myself a beach house all along.

Damnit!

To my horror, however, the very next morning, the house has been sold to a stranger!

Thankfully, my new neighbour, while not being Norma, is just as sweet.

I covet her living room SO BADLY. And also I kinda wanna eat her. Why would you design a rhinoceros to look like a cake?! She must get nightmares where people run after her, trying to bite off her strawberry horn.

¨🦄¨

Shortly after, and as a result of me ignoring him completely for a few days, Phebus FINALLY decides to leave the island.

I actually took a chance when I decided to talk to him, considering that’s the way he always looks.

“Good luck with the neighbours, their stories and their problems... you’re going to need a good dose of patience!”

That shouldn’t be a problem because, unlike you, I actually like people!

And because I like people, of course, joke’s on me, because I feel super sad to see him leave. 🙄

¨🦄¨

Following his departure, I start buying mystery island tickets like a crazy person, hoping to bump into Norma, but so far, no luck.

Why did I meet so many chickens?!

It’s the second day Phebus’s old house is on sale and I’m sure it’ll get sold to a random NPC any second now. The stress is intense!

¨🦄¨ 

I don’t know what’s up with them but everyone on the island keeps asking me if they should change their catchphrases! After the tenth time, I finally give in with Lili, assuming she’ll just come up with a new one on her own, but then am faced with a horrible screen that is asking ME to come up with something on the spot!

Have I mentioned how much I love it when she makes that face?

It took me ten minutes and some internet research to come up with this. This is too big of a responsibility!!

At least she was happy about it.

I’ve gone back to refusing to help the others, though. At least not until I can come up with proper catchphrases for them!

¨🦄¨

For the very first time, I get asked to play postman for my villagers. See, Nacer’s been bonding with Kali (no wonder, since they’re both jocks), but he was too shy to give him a present himself.

“Kali has helped me so much, I picked up a present for him. But I’m too shy to give it to him myself...”

Feeling like cupid, I hurry to Kali’s house. 👼🏹💘

“A frog costume! Oh la la!”

I have to admit that wasn’t the kind of gift I’d been expecting considering how much they both love sports, but ok!

“Did Kali say something about the gift?”

That was super cute, I hope I’ll get more requests like it!

¨🦄¨

In the span of one week I must have learnt about 20 new mimics, which, honestly, I find baffling. Most of them are just sliiiiight variations, it’s ridiculous. In the game I used to work on we ended up with about 50 expressions per character, but that was because they needed to express a wide range of emotions in very subtle ways. You don’t need that for cute island critters, especially when emoting is such a slow process in the first place!

¨🦄¨

Justine visits again one night, which gets everyone on the island talking.

“Since we have a visitor, I’ve baked some cakes. I hope she’ll like them...”

“I absolutely MUST tell her ‘hi’ before she leaves!”

“No, don’t mind me, you’ve got a visitor! Focus on being a good hostess!”

I like their reactions so much I spend more time speaking with my islanders than my visitors whenever I have one, haha.

Also, I love the smoke trails in the sky whenever a plane leaves. That small connection to a bigger world is very comforting.

¨🦄¨ 

Abraham, true to himself, is adorable.

“Good evening, sweets! Grum grom grom... My tummy also says good evening!”

🥰

Later we play to a little game with freakishly accurate results.

“Let’s play! Tell me your favourite color, and I will tell you what food you are.”

“You chose orange, which means you’re easy to live with, but you can also sometimes feel lonely.”

In the end, he said I was an onion. Layers, y’see.

¨🦄¨

I also finally figure out how to eavesdrop on people’s conversations, and get treated to many a story.

Lili : I just read my horoscope... You’re not gonna believe it! It’s sick!

Phebus : What am I supposed to not believe, exactly? The horoscope, or the fact that you managed to read it through? You know what, just tell me what it said, let’s get this over with.

Lili : Listen to this... “Your travels will bring good surprises.” Isn’t that sick?! Especially for me, because I love good surprises!

Phebus : Um... I guess? I mean, I don’t know. How did that make you sick? I’m confused.

Lili : Nah, just wait! After that, I went shopping, and it was the spring sales! Get that, I got a sweet little dress on sale! I was so happy I thought I was going to pass out!

Phebus : What?! Don’t kid with that! D’you need me to call for help?

Lili (totally ignoring him) : So anyway I put on my new dress and went for a walk. And that’s when it started raining big time, and I got drenched... Why didn’t my horoscope warn me about that?!

Phebus : I don’t know... have you tried reading the weather column instead?

¨🦄¨ 

I catch Vanessa and Maëlle talking about a movie they both watched... except they both remember it very differently...

Maëlle : Oh, Vanessa, thanks for lending me that movie, I loved it! The costumes were gorgeous... I want the leading lady’s straw hat!

Vanessa : And that chase in hydro planes! Pfiiiiiiiouuu, ppfffz, ka-BOUM! That was awesome sauce!

Maëlle : And that dress with golden trimmings that she wears at the picnic... that was fine art!

Vanessa : And what about the fight against the giant robot? When he punches a hole in the planet? Whazaam!

Maëlle : Yes! He really stole the scene with his diamond plates... It must have cost a fortune! ... ... Wait, did you say he punched a hole in a planet? Was that before or after the ball?

😂

¨🦄¨

Later, I find the same two talking about Maëlle’s insect infestation problem (probably caused by all the sweets she keeps in her house, just saying). When she asks me what I would do, I tell her I’d just move out, which gets me a VERY judgmental look from Vanessa.

“How do you manage to get rid of them?”

Vanessa’s solution, in the end, is for Maëlle to sell her house to “an insect-loving weirdo”. I wish I knew if that was a dig at Abraham or if it’s just a coincidence.

“Bah, that can’t be impossible. You just need a real weirdo who thinks insects aren’t so bad!”

¨🦄¨

Lili and Raymond get into a big argument about Lili’s cooking skills...

Raymond : By the way, Lili, I haven’t thanked you for lunch the other day! It was very good!

Lili : “Very good”? Seriously, don’t you have something even more corny? Nobody says that anymore! Don’t you mean it was delicious? Or maybe extremely refined? Or maybe super exquisite?

Raymond : Oh! You’re right, I’m sorry. Um, it was... delectable... succulent... A concentrate of sheer deliciousness!

Lili : And?

Raymond : And... every bite sent my taste buds into a transcendental ecstasy?

Lili : Oh! Is that a question or a statement, Raymond?

Raymond : A statement, of course! Pff... All that to describe a stupid sole meunière...

Lili : Don’t tell me you’ve just called my sole meunière, my mother’s own recipe!, “stupid”?!

I’m still amazed that they parted in good terms, I thought for sure Lili would keep on fuming

¨🦄¨

After trying to get my first residents to spruce up their apartments, with mitigating results...

I mean, the ball, jars and punching sack are all gifts of mine, so that’s cool he’s got them all out at the same time, but that’s still a sad little barren house.

I finally look it up online and discover their houses are actually not supposed to be like this at all! Turns out poor Nacer, Vanessa, Abraham, Renée and Lili are all stuck with generic houses because they got to my island too soon!

This is what Renée’s house should look like! 

So I’ve decided to try and gift them all their true houses’ furniture, little by little. I know they can’t change their wallpapers or floors, but hopefully if I get them the right couches, beds, etc, they’ll display them all. 🤞

[steadypet101]

It's time for the moment you've been waiting for...

Here we are! Now it's time to get to know me!😊💖 After carefully of what to write, I'm finally gonna post about what I like, what I dislike, my favorite things and whatnot. I'll try not to take long for this is my longest post yet. So, here we go and let's get started.❤

Hello! My name is Ariel, but feel free to call me Steady. I'm a 21 and a half year old Hispanic American girl who was born on July 3rd, 1998 and I'm the oldest and the only girl of my three younger brothers. I grew up in a loving family who loves us and be there for us. I have anxiety, asthma, and depression. And I think I have OCD because I love everything just so all in order. I've got autism spectrum when I was, like, maybe three years old? Sounds about right. Anyway, here's a lot of things about me.

Likes: Animals, food, music, video games, movies, books, art, cute things, good things, LBGT+ community, people of different colors, special needs people, animal lovers, Christians, the Holidays, plush toys, dolls, gemstones, trying new foods, hot and cold drinks, TV, my cellphone, my drawing books, music videos, Asian culture, my friends and my family, my pets, DC and Marvel comics.

Dislikes: Animal abusers, child abusers, physical and emotional abusers, violence, family fights, sinful things, liars, sinners, criminals, murderers, rapists, racists, racism, Satanists, evil things, child labor and slavery, people who wanted to hurt or kill themselves, child molesters, pedophiles, people who hates the LGBT+, poisonous plants, bugs and animals, being betrayed, ignored, forgotten, or abandoned, losing the most important people and animals of my life, people and animals who are treated poorly, manipulators, scammers, and slavery.

Favorite Colors: Pink, purple, blue, gray, black, and red.

Favorite Foods: Pizza, plain cheeseburger and fries, Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, hot dogs, pastas, soups, doughnuts, candy, chocolate, French toast, pancakes, bacon, eggs, tacos, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, ice cream, and fried foods.

Favorite Movies: Igor, Trolls, The Angry Birds Movie 1 and 2, Sonic the Hedgehog movie, all the Avenger movies, Captain Marvel, Thor Ragnarok, Guardians of the Galaxy movies, Spider-Man movies, all the TMNT movies, Wonder Woman, The Little Mermaid, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Lady and the Tramp, Steven Universe the movie, most of the horror movies, comedy movies, suspense movies, Disney live action movies, action movies, cartoon family movies, holiday movies, and zombie movies.

Favorite Hobbies: Drawing, watch TV and YouTube videos, sleep, eat, be with my family and friends, go to the movies with my best friend, rent movies and watching them, play video games, going to my Youth group, listen to my music, reading, learning of how to cook and how to cook the recipes, going shopping and outings, be with my cat and dog, and doing my chores around the house.

Favorite Type of Music: Pop, rock, alternative rock, songs from movie soundtracks, J-pop, K-pop, Chinese music, electronic, and dance party music.

Favorite Animes: My Hero Academia, Parasyte-the-Maxim, Hamtaro, and Pokemon.

Favorite Music Artists: Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Justin Timberlake, Linkin Park, Lady Antebellum, Jordan Feliz, Adele, Madonna, and Pink.

Favorite Games to Play: Lollipop Chainsaw, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Injustice 2, Mortal Kombat games, Nickelodeon Kart Racers, and Sonic All Star Racers Transform.

Here's a few things that you don't know about me:

I'm sort of both girly girl and tomboy type of girl. Though I never joined sports, I like fighting and zombie games.

I like having short hair cuts with bangs even though it's pretty curly since I was born.

My favorite fictional characters are Leonardo and Donatello from any TMNT incarnations, Igor, Deku, Star Butterfly, Charlie from the Hazbin Hotel, Ariel the little mermaid, Quasimodo, Captain Marvel, Nebula, Mantis, April in Rise of the TMNT, Hello Kitty, Harley Quinn, The My Little Pony characters, Sonic the hedgehog, the Angry Birds characters, Branch from Trolls, Goose the cat/flerken from Captain Marvel, Detective Pikachu, and Blue from Jurassic World.

My favorite animals are cats, dogs, hedgehogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, all kinds of turtles, wolves, bears, rabbits, foxes, penguins, fish, and mice.

I'm not allergic to foods of any kind. Except for a medication that helps me with my asthma but it gave me hives. Like real bad.

I'm asexual, which means I'm not into any relationship. Yet.

I got a scar on my right ankle when I have a small tumor growing and got surgically removed and I tore my ligament on my left ankle back in 2017.

I like kid shows like Spongebob and Mao Mao. I'm into comedy, murder mystery, and documentary shows.

I'm into FNAF, Bendy, My Hero Academia, and Night in the Woods.

Typing fanfics to my laptop is my personal favorite. Please don't ask me to publish them. Let's just say I copied some of the examples of my favorite fanfictions and just mashed them into one.

I like mpregs and their bellies. I think they're adorable. Maybe it's because I watched Junior years ago and that's my main interest.

Vampires, werewolves, Frankenstein monsters, hunchbacks and zombies are my favorite type of monsters.

Sometimes I believe that good aliens and spirits do exist.

I believe that there are good people in the world and anyone can have second chances and can be redeemed.

Whew! Finally I'm finished! So what do you all think? I hope it wasn't too long. Anyway, I'm so very sorry that I didn't post this sooner. It's just that I'm dealing with real life problems with my family. My uncle, baby cousin, grandma and grandpa are sick with the corona and I know that they'll get better soon with lots of treatment and all that. They'll pull this through.

So yeah, real life stuff like this happens. I really hope that you'll find this interesting. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rest my fingers and watch a movie.

Later my peeps and stay safe!💗🌺😇💖