#golly gee batman

[clockquark]

new name, new.... same? i cant say new game bc i dont have a new game coming cuz game hard anyways wooooo got my old name back now its my new name c:

[mylifeingotham]

Imagine Bruce interrogating a dangerous criminal and you just hear 12 year old Dick in the background saying 'GoLly GeE WiLiKeRs BaTmAn'

[robintherobiner]

The Birthday Test happened on Tim's 16th birthday.

Tim was around 17 (i think) when he went searching for Bruce in the timestream.

Do we think that the reason Tim was so adamant about Bruce being alive despite having almost no evidence (omg, one of his relatives looks similar to him? that's so wild, its almost as if they're RELATED) was because of the lingering trauma The Birthday Test had on him?

[roguestorm]

Batman #366

[miakwat]

I’m so glad we’re all acknowledging how much of a handful Dick was as Robin and how cheerful Jason actually was

[gonkdoll]

"We witnessed someone trying to steal food (a common substance needed for survival in a country where more and more struggle to get bare essentials) and all took joy in them being targeted by a corporation that would never have suffered. And then we all clapped".

[fiapple]

god... looking for helena bertinelli content is like, "i really might have to be the conductor of the 'pay attention to her' train, huh?"

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Robin! Dick: Golly gee whiz Batman!

Batman: I think I'd prefer it if you said "fuck"

Robin! Jason: Well fuck Batman!

Batman: No I still don't like it

[fox-guardian]

it will never not fuck me up that what happened to Danny stoker is never. NEVER. referred to as a death.

[ID: A section of the MAG 104 transcript reading: "[Bitterly] Statement of Timothy Stoker, on the disappearance of… of my brother, Danny, four years ago. June 14th, 2017." end id]

Tim's statement was about his disappearance, not his death.

[ID: Two sections of TMA transcripts. The first is from MAG 104 reading: "let me tell you what. If you want me to ignore everything that’s going on, forget my brother and everything that’s happened over" and the second is from MAG 119 reading: "NIKOLA: Once. A long time ago, before Orsinov made me. And sometimes, even now, for special occasions. Like your brother. [distorted] SHALL I?" end ID]

Tim asks Elias if he wants him to forget "his brother". Nikola says she still goes as Grimaldi for special occasions, "like your brother". Never once during his statement does Tim mention Danny dying. No one ever calls it a death. For Tim, you could say it was denial, or at least say that he couldn't bear to speak it out loud. For Nikola, you could just say that's just how she talks.

But then there's the fact that Nikola had said this to Jon in ep 101

[ID: A section of the MAG 101 transcript reading: "ORSINOV: Oh, don’t worry, it’s not for you. You won’t even need a coffin – we’re going to use every piece of you." end ID]

she was going to skin him, but would still find a use for the rest of him. presumably, she treats most, if not all of her other victims this way. but what, praytell, could that use possibly be?

perhaps mr archive man has an answer for us

[ID: A section of the MAG 118 transcript reading: "fill with waxworks. And I guess you don’t need skin to sing. (shaky breath) To join the choir." end ID]

HMMMM GOLLY GEE BATMAN I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO DANNY

ANYWAY with all this together it is going to Drive Me To The Brink Of Madness that it's implied that Danny, in some form or another, was still Alive at the unknowing. he didn't die that wednesday night in august when Tim had last seen him, oh no. he was still alive.

likely all the way up until the unknowing.

until Tim.... i shan't say

[ghost-bxrd]

Jason didn’t think it could get any worse, but the universe just loves proving him wrong on that front.

Beaten within an inch of his life with a crowbar? Don’t worry buddy, I gotcha. How about we make it worse with some explosives?

Your alternate self got kidnapped and tortured by the Joker? Golly gee, really gotta step up my game now! How about we make him so fucking traumatized he will tell you which knife is best to torture him with?

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Jason wants a fucking refund on this whole dimension travel bullshit. Because this? This is some A-grade clusterfuck. He’d rather deal with goddamn Sionis on crack than— whatever this is. Jesus.

[superherosightings]

Red hood just fell off my roof and said, “Eff you, B!” Batman was nowhere nearby.

I think he said “eff” for the same reason my buddy in Blüdhaven says Nightwing has been running around saying things like “Well golly gee wilikers” and “holy giant killer rose, Batman!” (Bats was helping out with an attack Ivy did over there involving giant sentient flowers) #superherosightings #batmanwillregretthisdecision

.

[kittykatninja321]

Righteous anger and vengeance are to expected from a father in response to the death of a son? Well golly gee Batman I guess we learned an important lesson today. Sure hope this topic never comes up again

[finifugue]

The Great DILF Standoff of 2024

Pairing: Jenson Button/Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc/Sebastian Vettel, Oscar Piastri/Mark Webber, minor Nico/Lewis. Everyone lowkey be dating each other tho Rating: M Warnings: age gap relationships, but nothing power dynamic-y. A lot of talk about fuckin, no actual fuckin. Short Summary: Someone's Got To Fuck Those Old Men! Oscar, Charles and Lando take the challenge. Nico and Lewis are also there.

You thought you were getting an event horizon update?????? lmfao????? no. you will wait. instead, take polyamorous slutty f1 drivers yelling at each other for being slutty, and then finding out they're just as slutty as each other.

I think you can probably understand my current mental state with one quick look at my feed rn (i.e. In Love with Sebastian Vettel and Jenson Button in equal measure) and this fic is a symptom of that.

I also finally wrote an in-universe fic!!! Golly gee batman. Of course it's crack and silly and features no actual racing at all, but. It's in universe!!

[girluimfailing]

Damian's angst would be so much cooler if Damian faced more pressure related hardships from the al ghuls (phd at 9 💀💀) instead of the dumb, racist, "locked him in a box for a week cuz he couldnt tie his shoelaces and abused him".

For me personally the angst is probs like this:

Damian growing up w his mom, trained heavily, yeah he gets hurt at times but is taken care of (they're not dumb, the LOA knows that you are required to heal to give your best). He constantly overworks himself to be as good as his parents but at a much younger age. He has basically a whole country looking up to him.

Yes ofc he was trained, he needed to defend himself, he sparred with adults twice his size and won, he kept his shoulders straight and head held high. He never lost a mark on his tests.

Theyre a close family, and Damian idolized batman and wants to be like him.. Till he goes to gotham after "defeating" his mother in combat and finds out talia's view of batman was either very distorted, or he thinks batman plain hates Damian. A son he never wanted (or so he thought) as a sharp contrast to the others he adopted. So he tried to remind everyone that he belonged there and would call himself the blood son.

While Damian received a lot of attention and love from his old family, he doesn't get it in this new place, especially from his father, and he misses his old family over all. His father is at best stand- offish even tho Damian tries to talk to him, and he starts thinking if his mother lied to him about Batman loving him unconditionally, something he often would not find in the al ghul household of all over- achievers.

He prefers that environment because its still better than the place where he is treated as an outsider and a threat where he isn't sure if he is loved.

He starts denying his abusive upbringing, starts doubting going back even tho he wanted to meet his father soo bad.

And then his father "dies" before he gets to make a bond with this man whom he idolized his whole life. This man from whom he wanted nothing more but his pride and love.

He is left with nothing but a choice between a new sense of purpose to honor his father, or going back home (a stab to his pride, because of how he would tell others about his wish of meeting his father and how sparing with his mother all these years were to be of waste)

Is the amount of pressure Damian fell under not a bad thing? Ofc it is. But you don't reduce the family to abusers so that the whites can save them.

This is just my take, but LITERALLY ANYTHING is better than the laziest writing of "Damian escaping his abusers."

Golly gee thank god damian is cleansed of those evil evil people (he is now pale as limestone)

The absolute worst trope of chronic white savior.😭

[rubydubydoo122]

In every universe Jason Peter Todd dies young. It’s a fate sealed across the multiverse. Maybe he could hope that there’s one universe where he doesn’t. aka, Jason, Dick, and Bruce go multiverse hopping, and are not having a fun time. (Ps, when I started writing this fic I hced Jason as Latino, but I don't really believe in that hc anymore, so just a heads up if you don't like that hc)

TRIGGER WARNING -> the joker

They appeared on a bench in a mall that looked like it came straight out of Stranger Things. It wasn’t abandoned or anything, it just looked very 80’s. There were way too many mullets, Shoulder-pads, and he was blinded by the bright colors. 

Dick and Jason immediately looked at each other, and said, “You’ll fit in perfectly– what? Me? Stop!” 

“Dick, you literally did the deep V and the Neon button ups–”

“You went from 80’s prep- with high waisted jeans and the sweaters over collared shirts– to Grease–”

“That’s from the late 70’s you dolt, and you did the black leather Jacket look first, and–”

“You’ve never had an original outfit in both of your lives.”

Jason went quiet as he waited for Dick to realize he just proved his point, but Dick’s face contorted like he said something wrong.

Both of your lives . Jason snickered, of course Dick would feel like he struck a nerve saying that. “Yeah, I haven’t. I usually copied you and Bruce.”

Dick blinked as he connected the dots, “Go fuck yourself.”

Jason turned to Bruce, “Bruce, Dick said a bad word.”

Bruce moved to sit in between Jason and Dick, and searched the crowd, “We are in the 80s. Not some sort of recreational area.”

Dick rolled his eyes, “Holy brand new vintage mall, Batman”

Bruce gave Dick a look, “I was just implying that there is no way Jason could’ve been born yet.”

Jason sat on his hands pitched his voice up, trying to emulate his younger self the best he could, “Golly gee, Old Man, you mean I’m not ancient like you? Tell me more.”

Dick snorted, but then cleared his throat, “I mean, we all could’ve just been born earlier in this Universe.”

Jason hummed, “I don’t think this world is similar to ours. The energy feels off.”

Dick groaned, “What is it this time? Are there vampires? Or everyone can turn into some type of monster or–”

“The energy feels off because there isn’t any magic. Like at all…” Jason squinted across the mall. “That might be something.” He pointed to the store with a cardboard cutout of Superman, Batman, and some Red Masked dude with black netting.

The three of them made their way to the… comic book store. Which was almost completely covered in comics– Batman plastered across the cover, along with a kid in Robin colors looking like someone had said something out of pocket. 

“Isn’t Tim’s cape supposed to be black on the outside?” 

Bruce picked the comic up, frowning as he handed the comic to Jason, “I think it’s supposed to be you.”

Jason looked at the back of his hand and then back to the kid on the cover, “Ain’t no way. That child is reflective . It has to be Tim.”

Dick looked over Bruce’s shoulder, “I dunno, he does have your hair loopies. Also, it says, Robin finds his mother, and waiting is the Joker, planning a revenge that is swift, violent, terrible. Can Robin survive? You–” Dick grabbed the comic and flipped to the last page where there was a black and white image of Batman holding Robin, “...What the actual– They voted.”

But Jason wasn’t really paying attention to that page, his eyes were focused on the page before– Batman in a truck, with the word JASON big, red, and bold.

Jason took the comic from Dick and started flipping through, realizing that it was panel for panel what happened. “This is disgusting.”

Dick nodded, “Who votes for a child to–”

“They made me white!”

Dick gave Jason an incredulous look, “ Die . Who votes for a child to die. ”

Jason shrugged, and showed Dick a panel that featured poser Jason with a pair of binoculars in his hands, “Eh… That does not look like a 15 year old. Those premature wrinkles… not a good look.” 

Bruce let out an exasperated sigh, “Jason, don’t talk about yourself that way.”

“Myself? That child is not me. That child is not a child, and is clearly white. In fact–” Jason pointed at the white man on the page, and snickered, “That looks like the face of a future mass murderer. Besides,” Jason picked up another comic with White Jason bleeding from his nose, seemingly going out in an explosion, “He obviously got voted off the island.”

The twin unimpressed looks on Bruce and Dick’s face was absolutely worth it.

 Jason looked around for the first book in the four parter, and started walking to the cashier, when Bruce stopped him. “What are you doing?”

“Grabbing mementoes.”

“Oh yeah?” Bruce raised an eyebrow, “With what money?”

“I do have cash on me. It’s just fun mooching off of ya.” Jason frowned, to help him feign ignorance, “Did you forget your wallet?”

Bruce grunted his, you caught me but I’m not going to admit I am wrong grunt.

“It’s ok, if we really need to, we can disassemble Dick’s phone and pawn it for parts.” Dick started patting his pockets, and Jason had to hold back his smirk, “You forgot your phone too?”

Dick groaned, “Why must the Multiverse hate us? I even took some really cute videos of baby Damian and… Jay.”

It’s not fair that Dick went all melancholy. Now Jason has to give his phone back. “You really should stop taking pictures of the younger versions of us.” He pulled out Dick’s phone and handed it to him, “Don’t you already have pictures of us?”

“Not of Damian and Tim at the age we saw them. And not with you.”

“Hm…”Jason pulled out Bruce’s wallet, and handed it to him, “Maybe when we get back, I should ask Talia if she has any.” Jason then pulled out a five dollar bill from his pocket and went to pay. 

Now, usually, Jason isn’t much of a comic book reader, but he had to buy this comic of the white man who was supposedly 15 and had the same name as him. It was just too funny. He turned back to Dick and Bruce, “I’m gonna frame this– Actually, no, I’m gonna photocopy each page and cover up the glass case with it. Maybe I’ll ask Damian to give ‘Jason’ some melanin.”

Someone walked up to them, “Are you guys talking about Jason Todd? Man, I hate him. I’m glad he died.”

If Jason had been drinking water, he would’ve done a spit take. That was blunt. 

Dick and Bruce on the other hand were glowering. He could practically see Dick repeating, Don’t punch him, Don’t punch him, Don’t punch him over and over again.

The dude was lanky, with angular features and greasy brown hair that was unkempt. 

“Excuse me?” The incredulity on Bruce’s face wouldn’t be visible to the dude, but it was loud and clear to Jason.

“For starters, he isn’t Dick Grayson. There’s only one Robin and it’s him. Jason Todd is just a knockoff.” 

Usually he would think this was hilarious– this dude didn’t even know he was talking to the ‘characters’ he was ranting about, but something about the dude made his gut twist in a way that screams danger.

“Jason Todd is not a knockoff . He took Robin, and made it into his own thing. He made it a legacy.” Dicks’ smile was tight as he said it. The way it was during Galas and someone had said something particularly racist. “Plus, Dick Grayson couldn’t be Robin forever. He had to grow into his own person and out of Batman’s shadow.”

“Sure, yeah, I like how they made Nightwing the leader of the Titans. Still doesn’t mean that Jason Todd’s a good Robin. How can you make a criminal a hero? I don’t know what Batman was thinking by giving that kid a chance. He found the kid boosting tires. He should’ve gone to juvie.” 

Now this was just getting kinda awkward. Actually, Kinda offensive. Very offensive.

“Batman believes in reform.” Bruce grunted, “Though, you are forgetting he was homeless at the time and that was his only source of income. ”

“Being Robin didn’t reform the kid.” The confusion on Jason and Dick’s face must’ve been obvious because the man continued, “Issue 424. They turned Robin into a murderer. I mean, I know it was supposed to be up for interpretation, but he obviously pushed Garzonas. Dick Grayson would never .”

This… really wasn’t funny.

Dick narrowed his eyes, “That’s because he watched his parents fall to their death. Also, did Robin really push him?” Dick directed that last part at Jason.

Crazy how things from the past that seemed miniscule are suddenly being brought up on this life altering trip around the multiverse. “I personally think that he didn’t. Garzonas was close to the edge and he was drunk. Robin was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m sure if Batman had landed first, Garzonas still would’ve toppled over.”

The dude huffed a laugh that felt eerily familiar, but in a bad way. “Still, Batman, or Nightwing would’ve tried to save him. Robin did not. And I still think he pushed her.”

“Your argument doesn’t make sense.” Bruce tilted his head, “You want Jason Todd dead for stealing tires and potentially killing someone, yet, you think Garzonas should’ve been saved? He kidnapped and sexually assaulted a woman, then continued to harass her, to the point where she felt the need to commit suicide.”

“I didn’t say that . I just don’t like the kid. I kinda wish Starlin went through with giving him AIDS, but oh well, this works too.” The dude shrugged and put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Jason Todd’s just a piece of shit from a street corner. He was gonna die either way.”

There was the slightest shift in Dick’s body weight. In one swift move, Jason shrugged off the dude and grabbed Dick’s wrist before he could punch the dude.

They didn’t need to get arrested on account of assault.

What Jason didn’t expect was for the sound of skin meeting skin. Or Bruce looming over the dude, whose nose was now bleeding.

The dude barked out a laugh, as he wiped his nose, “The name’s Jack.” He grinned. He grinned in a way that was too…deranged to just be friendly. “ Jack White. ”

Then everything brightened to white.

[tanoraqui]

☔ for the ask game? (idea you're not sure you'll write, if the emoji doesn't come through)

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I kind of dropped out of the MDZS fandom like a rock after finishing my novel-length longfic, and the fic I most regret leaving unwritten is a bullet-point au in which Jiang Fengmian just cannot find his friends' lost son, he gives up, so Wei Wuxian grows up entirely on the streets, scrounging his way to enough cultivation education to invent demonic cultivation (because that's still the kind of person he is), and JFM assuages his conscience a little by inviting a different random clever basically-an-urchin - Meng Yao - into Jiang Sect.

Highlights include:

Meng Yao: wow the obvious fault lines in this family make everyone so easy to manipulate- wait, am I being offered real affection and trust? That's...fine.

Meng Yao trying desperately to hide his background, but he goes to visit his mother when she's ill. Jiang Cheng follows him, because Meng Yao is his best (only) friend, and Jiang Yanli follows Jiang Cheng to make sure he doesn't get in trouble, and then (JYL steps on JC's foot to stop him from saying the first thing that comes to mind) they both react with compassion and sympathy rather than scorn to Meng Shi and her profession. Meng Yao experiences several more Real Emotions.

Teen rogue cultivator Wei Wuxian just kinda. invites himself. to Lan Summer School, on the strength of Cangse Sanren's name. JFM is delighted when he hears, encourages JC to befriend him (Meng Yao: [jealous cat hisses]) and would have invited him home at the end of the summer...if WWX didn't get himself expelled halfway through for punching Jin Zixuan's smug face.

He also crashes Terrible Wen Summer Camp. Gets stuck in a cave with Lan Wangji, etc.

Wei Wuxian has kinda been a Batman-esque vigilante in Yiling (moody, dramatic, clad in black, fights ghosts and also bad guys). When the Wens move in, he shifts to being a more actively anti-authoritarian Batman-esque vigilante. Wen Qing is annoyed. Wen Ning is enamored.

The Wens attack Lotus Pier, because they were always going to attack Lotus Pier next. Jiang Cheng does get his golden core torn out. Wen Ning rescues him, because Wen Ning is always a hero even if Wei Wuxian isn't immediately present. Meng Yao decides it's time to do what he does best...so he promised Jiang Cheng that he'll be back, then goes to the Nightless City and says, "oh golly gee, I, second disciple of Jiang Sect, am so defeated and humbled by the mighty Wen! Can I please join, oh magnificent masters?"

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian has rescued Lan Xichen (this is gonna get him so many bonus points with his sexy law-abiding nemesis LWJ) , and then gotten himself thrown into the Burial Mounds for snarking at Wen Chao...which is a lot like throwing Brer Rabbit into the briar patch

Sunshot Campaign! With no golden core, JC can't really rebuild Jiang Sect, but he gets reliable intel from a man on the inside and he humbles himself enough to ask Wei Wuxian for tutelage in talismans, and of course you'd literally need to tie him up to keep him from going out and kicking ass.

Wei Wuxian is peak Yiling Patriarch because it's the right thing to do. (LWJ: Come back to Gusu with me (so I can aggressive cleanse your spirit, then maybe dick you down so hard that neither of us can movie for a week))

AFTER THE WAR: Jin Guangshan dramatically recognizes war hero/Wen Ruohan-slayer Meng Yao as Jin Guangyao, his son and new sect member... and Meng Yao, having grown up with the absolute Ride Or Die nature of Jiang Sect, and with more intimate knowledge (via JYL's engagement and YZY's friendship with Madame Jin) of how much JGS sucks, says, "Thanks but no thanks, I will be staying with my sworn brother and sect leader Jiang Wanyin to rebuild Jiang Sect."

It's just about his ambitions, okay! He'll FUNCTIONALLY be Sect Leader; Jiang Cheng literally doesn't have a golden core! (Though he's still absolutely first-rate in swordwork and his talismans are fucking superb. The thing about Jiang Cheng is that he will rise to the occasion, always.) Also, that 'sworn brother' thing was not agreed upon in advance; Meng Yao totally publicly backed him into that corner - in which he didn't mind being. Jiang Cheng is pretty damn sure he's getting the better of this deal, and he's kinda right.

Between JC's prestigious name and insane levels of personal dedication, MY's people skills and equally insane (but slightly more calculated) levels of personal dedication, and JYL securing a very favorable loan from Madame Jin, they hella get Jiang Sect back on its feet.

Meanwhile, WWX has again refused to go with LWJ to learn "proper" cultivation or anything else...and JGS is seeking power, and abusing Wen prisoners of war...

Wen Qing comes to Lotus Pier, finds Meng Yao, and says, "Please help save my brother. We helped save yours. You owe us this much." Meng Yao, being Meng Yao, thinks, I do rather owe here, but this is politically delicate... Who can I foist this off on whom I don't mind seeing torn apart by every righteous sect... and forwards her to Wei Wuxian.

Who does his righteous Wei Wuxian thing

There's a big dramatic meeting of sect leaders & etc about this, in which JGS beats his war drums, etc. etc. Meng Yao feels slightly bad but not, like, that bad. Wei Wuxian tried to steal his brother when they were teenagers, and again while MY was away during the Sunshot Campaign, so he probably deserves to die.

Afterwards, JYL with her unerring Older Sister senses pulls MY (and JC) aside and hisses, "A-Yao, what did you do?"

Do they end up saving the day? Is Wei Wuxian just destined to doom himself with his particular combination of pride, self-neglect, and blithe refusal to play by everyone else's rules? I never actually decided!