#going through this now of course
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Developing story ideas involves going through this process.
"Let's put all these interesting pieces together like a nice jigsaw puzzle and create a sensible story structure."
"Oh, don't forget, stories get their power from emotion, make sure to put the emotions in there."
[several daydreams later]
"That is TOO MANY EMOTIONS! PUT SOME BACK!"
(My brain has two modes: Analysis and Melodrama. There is no in-between).
#adventures in writing#going through this now of course#glanced through some old ideas and found an intriguing scene#that could make a good short story#if i switch the pov to someone with more emotional investment#and i noticed that the original scene only gets really interesting when the emotions get unleashed#so i'm making sure to dig into those emotions#but now i'm dealing with the opposite problem of making sure i don't dive off the cliff edge of melodrama#and that line's more dangerous cuz i'm reading victorians#whose literature is one long exploration of dealing with exactly this problem
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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thinking about a whumpee on a forced march through rough terrain
hands tied in front of them, on foot while their captors are mounted, sleeping out in the open, forced to beg for adequate food and water
maybe they're barefoot, a captured royal in silken robes
maybe they're in a torn suit or soldier's uniform
maybe they were stripped at the start, increasing the exposure to the elements, the humiliation
are they a terrified mess from the beginning, or do they try to endure with dignity? how long before they're stumbling, barely putting one foot in front of the other? how long before they fall?
#im particularly thinking about a notorious captain or other commanding officer tbh#his enemies have faced defeat after defeat at his hands and now that they have him they want to make him suffer#they need to travel through the mountains to reach their capitol and -of course- they make him walk the whole way#but then someone suggests taking his boots and someone else suggests stripping him naked#they can't let him -die- before he can be paraded through the streets but they'll get him as close as they can#whump#whump prompt#captive#taken prisoner#forced nudity#nonsexual nudity#military whump#fantasy whump#this also randomly made me think of one of my ye olde whump scenarios#where a small regiment ends up surrounded by the enemy and thwir captain is doing his damndest to keep his men alive#and work out a strategy to retreat#but then the enemy soldiers offer to let the rest go if they turn over their leader and they do without a second thought#so not only is he captured he's also been betrayed and is just trying to keep it together emotionally#to do list#this would also be fun with sahota or any of the crew
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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hey im curious
feel free to rb & explain your answer in the tags!
#i will go first <3#i reread my own fics all the time!!!#it's so fun!!#i am the target audience for every fic i have ever written#like even if it's a gift/for an event i write it bc i am genuinely interested in it#so of COURSE im going to enjoy looking back on those fics#i have uh 24 fics on ao3 now?#so i dont reread All of them#i mainly reread my longer fics bc i just have the most fun writing them#i encourage ppl to reread their own work bc#1 its fun to see how your writing has changed#(my writing has gone through So Much since i started in 2019 lol)#2 if you write for yourself then youll always love what youve written!#n e way thats my 2 cents#pls share w/ me i am very curious#thanks love ya#fanfiction#fanfic#<- promo tags ig
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Cupcakes!
#percy jackson#pjo tv show#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#I just finished reading the series for the first time#and the way I laugh-cried my way through the whole thing…#pjo spoilers#to celebrate have percy x2 making blue cupcakes!#(annabeth and tyson’s recipe of course!)#…now to go read the heroes of olympus haha!
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Gift (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Second go around! Maybe he can talk about it with the one who actually got the scarf!#Or not haha - better to just let some things lie#Though ♪ Of course Papyrus would recognize Gaster's efforts ♥ His emotional intelligence hhhh <3#He knows everything there was Gaster's initially and so reading between the lines of Gaster telling him he can have it#It's a gift! Properly! That deserves praise!! Good job you did something nice!#I also deeply love when Gaster is first pulled back out how one of his first little smiles is at Papyrus being silly#Gaster is also very prideful! It's cute to see his son being self-aggrandizing in that kid way! Seeing him enjoy it is so nice ;;#Also I know that Papyrus is still shorter than Gaster I just really like the idea of him being almost his dad's height ;;#He's so grown up now! He's grown into such a beautiful adult <3#It does make sense that he's still shorter considering the whole ''torn in half'' thing ahh#Maybe Gaster is leaning down just let me have this lol#I also ended up doing a lot of digital reconstruction on this one!#Especially panels 2 through 4 - I actually pulled out my tablet to draw in the bits that got cut off by the surrounding doodles#I wasn't as careful with my spacing with these oops :P But I think they turned out pretty style-matched :)#Cute lads happy <3
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Here's another thing that can only be seen frame-by-frame: this entire fight sequence
Again, I question whether this can even be called a fight sequence when it's just one guy completely pounding the other guy in a matter of seconds.
#mononoke#karakasa#screencaps#I don't think this is a spoiler 'cause we've all seen this by now right?#of course this isn't even close to frame-by-frame#the whole sequence is nearly 200 frames#and I realized about halfway through this process that I didn't crop out the playhead#but no way was I going to go back and do that on this many screenshots#at least not right now 'cause I got stuff I should be doing 😅#also until I did this I didn't even realize kusu is grabbing that sword between the teeth of his geta#WHY DID THEY DRAW ALL THESE FRAMES SO CAREFULLY KNOWING NO ONE WOULD EVER SEE THEM WHILE WATCHING THE MOVIE
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"And it just happened to be empty?" "Something like that."
Suits 4x8 "Exposure" Mike returns to Pearson Specter and gets Harvey's old office.
#marvey#mike ross#harvey specter#suits#suits usa#suits tv#just! going a bit mad about this specific point in time. because. there's a window here where they actually could have become something.#the investment banking era (my beloved) put them as equals. and had such open flirtatiousness. and love and respect.#and then rachel completely fucked up and mike! was done with the relationship! and rightly so!#and then here mike is. playful flirty starry heart eyes to harvey. and harvey's besotted /of course/. can't help but say something genuine.#and mike's basking in it! not a word to say. just smiling up at him. eyes flick over him.#they feel the same!!! boys you have butterflies for each other.#god what could have developed from this perfect moment in time if mike hadn't taken rachel back#(no donna that was not ''FoR MiKe'')#... gonna make these tags messier now bc I kept watching with this sat in drafts lmao BUT#especially feeling this now since on 4x10. thee Iconic ''he's twice the man that I am'' AND it's not even JUST that in this ep. like.#harvey is full-on No.1 mike ross cheerleader. defender. lover. he's chest-burstingly in love with this man. and mike is seeing it!#and he doesn't even see the half of it! but he's already taken back rachel and they're missing their perfect window in time </3#still going on DATES though. where they flirt and play and disguise their compliments and admiration of each other through teasing. ok!#mike baby the love between you will only get stronger. till you can't ignore it. and run from it. and run back to it.#coulda had him!!!! coulda had him in season 4!
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hotel manager
#zeno's art#i'm not sure if i should tag the show itself as i'm not a fan but i guess its “fan”art so i will#hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#vivziepop#i was bored and wanted to draw something#my main goal here was to create a design that looked distinct and could (potentially) be moderately easy to animate#of course based on charlie's character i added as many angel images as possible through the hair and bowtie#(i know white on white is a character design sin but i wanted to show the angel wing detail ;w;)#also to express the personality and juxtaposition of a sweet devil her horns are supposed to curve into a heart shape#of course the garterbelts are upside-down/st peters crosses because of her satanic themes#i also tried to go harder into the goat theme but its still subtle i think#i actually think the goat theme is really interesting because of the story of the sheep and the goats in the bible#but i cant remember if it was actually something intended in her original design#i'm not going to draw anyone else so dont even anticipate that#this was basically a cooldown? ok i think i'm rambling now#goodbye#ok edit to say it clearly: i am not a fan of vivziepop or her work. i just wanted to redesign charlie as a cooldown/exercise for fun#because i used to be a fan of the character before i wised up about what vivzie had and has done#and before i matured and noticed the cracks and fundamental flaws in her works#so yea i dont support her at all and this redesign is critical i guess#also the reason why the tag “vivziepop” is there in the first place is so that anyone who has that tag silenced can scroll past#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up#its the same reason why i tag “long post” and “food” and the like
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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one of my fav post game togami headcanons is the idea that in the early days of their time with the future foundation, he's the one doing the Bulk of the work -- not only in the Job sense of like, interpreting all the legalese and filing forms, and being mr ceo guy -- but in a caretaking sense as well.
and its still in his Weird Distant way but like. he picks up extra work so the others dont have to. he brings coffee and tells them when its time to turn in for the night. dont worry. he'll finish the work they have left. it's nothing to him. and sure all of it is couched in backhanded comments a la "if you're too weak to do it i will. i GUESS" because he's still too early in his Journey to Empathy to admit to himself that he's doing these things because he cares. like it's all rationalized as "im the better than everyone and my weak-willed so-called 'peers' are too consumed by grief to actually be useful so i'll do it because im naturally immune to burnout" (he isnt)
and also bc like. he feels BAD about everything that went down in hopes peak. again, not that he'd recognize it as such for years but. here are all these people that he doesn't (does) care about struggling against their own grief for the people they lost that he doesnt care about (or at least doesnt remember caring about) and he treated them SO poorly in some of the harder moments so now's when he needs to make up for it. sure his entire family is dead but he's alive and he's the best one, so he'll do the work. it's fine. this is what he was made for. extra paperwork? handled. too swamped to find time to grab food and water? tch, he's so on top of his work that he already got it for you, stupid. the most dangerous missions? whatever, you'd probably just mess it up anyways, so i'll do it.
#byakuya togami#and then there's the naegami of it all wherein naegi's powers of Observation and Compassion allow him to see through this big facade#so he's the one to be like 'hey. you dont have to do everything. you know that right.' <- hypocrite#which of course togami pinpoints immediately like 'heh youre one to talk. youre on the verge of collapsing. give me half ur work NOW‼️'#so 90% of their courtship is them trying to get the other to sit down for .5 seconds and the other refusing#because the core truth of naegami is that if either of them sit still the bad thoughts win#so they dont sit still EVER#kirigiri knows all of this as well but she's 1) more fucked up about it all than she's willing to admit#2) overwhelmed by the weight of her own responsibilities#(+ naegi's because she expresses affection in the same guilt ridden way that togami does)#and 3) doesnt like togami enough yet to care that he's killing himself with work#and knows it wouldnt matter even if she did say something because he's certainly not going to listen to HER
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Nothing is as spooky as feeling one of them shrimp emotions. Y'know the type. The ones where you can't quite categorize them and feel like it's on another plane of Feeling
#What a curious sensation#For one it's quiet#It's like the usual feeling of hollow emptiness but it's coloured pink and yellow#Like being lightly buzzed despite taking. nothing#I cannot stress this enough I haven't done anything to warrant this#But yeah it's..quiet#My thoughts I mean. Only one track of thinking#And even now as I'm typing it's just repeating back what I'm saying here as opposed to like 7 different conflicting things at once#How strange#Don't think I like it#It's not chaotic enough#sp-rambles#Just lemme do my thing it'll go through its course
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I thought maybe there was something we needed to know. But it doesn't matter. I told you not to come on the boat! You were crying, I thought something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Either way, the sun's set and it's crazy cold out there.
#rayllum#rayllumedit#s6#6x03#my edits#graphics#arc 2#tag ramble#i love this lil moment for a lot of reasons. one being that we sit with it for a beat#bc things are wrong. their relationship is wrong. but neither is willing to rock the boat (pun intended)#in that way to start hashing more stuff out. the fact the last time they were on a Ship it was a disaster (5x08)#rayla crying bc of her own feelings and regret but of course she's. not going to unload that on him#trying to keep him away from the boat (from her / her pain / them) still for his own wellbeing in some ways#moving so he's in the light and warmth and she's in the dark and cold. which he'll do for her with the blanket#rayla not denying that was crying but that it's a concern#and callum's not willing to totally take that ('either way [if something Was wrong or not]')#even if he doesn't push the way he might've in the past (1x06 3x04) bc now 5x04 happened#and he has faith she'll tell him when she's ready#the fact by the end of this episode he's expressed the heaviness weighing on his heart (dark magic use) and#she has to a degree (wanting him back through the face touch) but. not to the same degree#makes me wonder if we'll get more call backs to the diary during the possession fight#'i don't know if you can hear me and if you're there. but if you are here - callum please'
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Armand’s whole Fascinating monologue to Daniel is very telling.
Why should you live? What makes you fascinating (or not)?
Your past, your present?
(My past, my present?)
And suddenly to latch onto that very person he questioned all those years ago who’d gone onto unravel his life. Maybe Daniel has the answers to help him continue.
#Armand’s willingness to live is very much a part of him#I feel like this drastic turning of Daniel is part of it#I don’t have it within myself so I’ll go to you#you WON and I’ve been wrong this whole time#so clearly YOU have the answers#be my teacher#‘teach me to be fascinating’ as he once said#but now show me a reason to keep on living#I want to be more like you#through it all you’ve still come out on top#but of course that’s not what he’ll find#he’ll find true love#iwtv#interview with the vampire#armand#the vampire armand#daniel molloy#devil’s minion#armandaniel#idk if this is anything#might delete later
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