#godDAMN this one got away from me
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eva-cybele · 2 years ago
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wolmeric week day 4: date
Kaede sat on the edge of a small half-wall in the Jeweled Crozier, dangling her feet over the abyss as she stared morosely at the broken half of her dark knight soul crystal. The mystery that was Myste hung heavy in the back of her mind, floating amongst the ache of grief and guilt that his appearance had dredged up to the surface. She had left him in Falcon’s Nest under Sid’s care, but could not seem to banish him from her mind, even upon her return to Ishgard.
If she went home like this, Aymeric would worry. Better to get herself reassembled into something approaching sanity before she did.
Home… The thought tugged a small smile to the corner of her mouth despite the malaise that lingered in her heart. Not long ago, home might have been the Rising Stones, or her mother’s home on the south shore of Bronze Lake. Never would she have guessed it would mean the grey stone streets of Ishgard, or a modest manor house on the edge of the Pillars.
Sighing, Kaede tucked the broken black crystal into the pouch that still held two other stones, one a brilliant red and the other a pale blue.
“There you are. I was beginning to think that you had left the city.”
Startled out of her reverie, Kaede whipped her head around to find herself face-to-face with the exact man she had been – well. Not avoiding, but… delaying seeing.
Aymeric lowered himself to sit on the wall next to her, though he – perhaps wisely – kept his boots on the side that had solid stone ground, rather than churning open air. The contrast was not lost on her. Always he was the steady one, unshaken even by great upheaval, and she was always flitting hither and yon, blown about by the winds of fate.
Shaking her head to clear it of such spiralling thoughts, she leaned back to catch his eye, covering his hand where it lay on the wall with her own. With effort, she summoned a smile to her face that she hoped did not look as wan as it felt. “Hi. I did, actually, for a little while. Just to Falcon’s Nest, to help a friend with something.”
Black brows knit themselves together as Aymeric studied her face, and she couldn’t help but turn away from his scrutiny. Foolish, to think she could hide anything from him, honestly.
The expected inquiry about her state of mind did not come, however. Perhaps he trusted her to come to him with it in her own time. Instead, he reached over and tucked a loose lock of hair back into her braid, his hand lingering a moment longer than was strictly proper. “Full glad am I that you returned in time, then. I would hate for my plans for the evening to go unfulfilled.”
Glancing back over at him, Kaede chewed on her lower lip in thought, trying to remember if he had mentioned anything that morning as they’d gotten out of bed. Aside from perhaps being a bit more affectionate and loathe to leave for his meetings than usual, she could think of nothing that was out of the ordinary.
At a loss, she tilted her head at him in curiosity. “Plans?”
Aymeric’s eyes crinkled a bit on the edges in suppressed amusement. “So you have forgotten the date, then. I thought that perhaps you might. Pray allow me to refresh your memory – exactly one year ago today, you, my dearest, accepted an invitation to dinner.”
Seven hells.
She was not overly accustomed to the tracking of time – with the busy nature of her life, timekeeping seemed a trifling matter, but there were a few dates that she should probably attempt to remember. This one neared the top of that list.
Sensing her mounting alarm, Aymeric ran a gloved palm over her scaled cheek, drawing her attention back to him. “You needn’t panic. I know full well how rigorous are the demands on your time, and how insignificant the tracking of the days compared to those demands. I merely wished to spend a quiet night in good company.”
His echo of her own words back to her, even a year on, made a small smile flicker across her face. “Still. I should have remembered, I’m sorry. It’s an important day to me, too.”
One year, much of which she had spent in Ala Mhigo or Doma, fighting the Empire, with only the occasional letter to grant her the company of his words, if not the rest of him. These two weeks in Ishgard were the longest that she’d ever spent in his presence, uninterrupted by anything more pressing than interminably-long meetings.
Or one of our soul crystals snapping in half and the arrival of a boy who looked like nothing less than the lovechild of Haurchefant and Ysayle –
She violently wrenched her attention back to Aymeric, refusing to allow that thought to take hold. This was not the time. Forcing herself into a smile, she leaned her cheek more fully into his hand. “What did you have in mind? I am completely at your disposal, my lord.”
A small amount of worry still lurked in the back of Aymeric’s gaze, but he seemed content to let it lie for now. Instead, he stood, and held out a hand. “All you need do is accompany me, my lady, and I will show you.”
Curiosity drew her along as surely as her hand in his, and she did not miss the stares of various passersby as they walked hand-in-hand down to the aetheryte plaza. Their relationship was – not exactly a secret, there was very little in Ishgard that was truly secret – but not something either of them flaunted, either. The gesture felt like a small, public declaration, in a way, and the idea made Kaede’s heart squeeze uncomfortably tight.
She had no further time to ponder the ramifications of such a thing, however, as they arrive at the aetheryte and Aymeric lifted his hand to it.
Teleportation magic gathered around them both, and Kaede surrendered to the feeling, allowing herself to be whisked away on the same current that bore Aymeric towards whatever destination he had in mind.
When the magic faded, the first feeling to register was that of a cold wind against her face – far colder, even, than the icy summer breeze that had been blowing in the city they had left. Taking a deep breath, she noted the thinness of the air, and opened her eyes to see they had arrived in none other than Moghome, on the edge of the Churning Mists.
A large blue blanket was spread on the edge of the floating island that anchored the aetheryte, looking out over the western skies as the sun sank into the sea of clouds below them. A picnic basket, with a bottle of wine next to it, sat at the edge, next to a few more blankets and – travel supplies?
A quiet kweh accompanied a familiar beak bump against her shoulder, and Kaede looked up and behind to see Narcissus, her chocobo, shifting his weight back and forth as he looked at them expectantly, some of her typical traveling gear hanging from his saddlebags.
Kaede shot a confused look over at Aymeric as she reached up to scratch Narci’s neck. “What is all this?”
Aymeric tugged her by the hand over to the blanket, pulling her down with him as he sat. “Well, I was quite taken with the view here, the first time I saw it. I remembered how much I wished that we had more time to spend here, without impending doom hanging over our heads. So I thought it might be a welcome change to leave the city for a day or two.”
Curling her body closer to his for warmth, Kaede smiled up at Aymeric and shoved the memories of that particular impending doom – the dread and uncertainty that they would be able to save Estinien, made all the worse by her previous repeated failures – to the back of her mind.
“Sounds lovely, honestly. And you brought food? When did you have the time to set all this up, anyway?” While she had been moping and wandering around with Sid and Rielle, he’d been planning something sweet, and the thought only made her feel all the more guilty.
A look of surprise bloomed across Aymeric’s features, and then settled into an expression she could only describe as sheepish. “Ah. Well… Perhaps I had rather fewer meetings today than I might have led you to believe. Pray forgive my deception.”
As Aymeric handed her a meat pasty, still warm to the touch from the softly glowing fire crystals in the bottom of the basket, she wrinkled her nose at him in amusement. “I suppose I’ll let you get away with it this time, considering it was for a good cause.” She took a bite of the meat pie, and hummed in appreciation. Okeanis, one of her favorites. “You know, if you were going for the real adventurer experience, you wouldn’t have packed food nearly this good.”
Aymeric chuckled and reached back for a blanket, wrapping it around both of them. With the heated basket nearby, and hot food, it was almost cozy, even though the air still fair burned in her lungs. “I saw no need for either of us to deprive ourselves of comfort, tonight least of all.”
Quiet fell as they both tucked into their dinner, staring out in companionable silence at the brilliantly colorful sunset, until shadows fell across the island. A glass of wine found its way into her hand, and Kaede leaned her head against Aymeric’s arm as slowly, the stars began to emerge from beyond the curtain of dusk.
The perfect moment of peace began to crystallize as Aymeric cupped her cheek and leaned down, his breath warm against her lips, and then –
Narci, who had been happily munching on a basket of fruits, let out a loud KWEH and stamped the ground, and suddenly a chorus of frantic kupos echoed all around them as from every rock and crevice, moogles came tumbling out, only to fly like drunken bumblebees back towards Moghome, while Narci puffed up his snowy white feathers in indignation.
Fuzzy little shites. Aymeric sighed, rubbing his forehead in irritation. "Perhaps you might know of a place to make camp where we are less likely to be disturbed?"
Kaede dropped her forehead to his collarbone and laughed. “I’m sure I can think of something.” The temptation to suggest that they head home to the comfort of their bed was strong, but the allure of there being no one else around to make demands on their time was even sweeter.
Together, they packed up the blankets and wine, and Kaede swung herself up onto Narci’s back, pleased to feel Aymeric’s warmth press firmly against her back as he mounted behind her. The last time they’d done this, she’d been a touch disappointed at how proper and polite he’d been, his hands not wandering even a little.
This time, though, there was no such disappointment, and more than once she almost forgot what she was meant to be doing, as they flew over the Churning Mists. The northern half of the island cluster was still too densely populated by the mad remnants of Nidhogg’s brood, but the southern half was nigh-to-infested with bloody moogles, and Kaede didn’t want to disturb Hraesvelgr at Zenith or Shiva’s shrine. In the end, only one good option presented itself, and Kaede turned Narci towards the small clearing where she’d made camp with Ysayle and the others, so long ago now.
No sooner had they dismounted than Aymeric caught her by the shoulders and pulled her into a heated kiss, one made all the more fervent by the delay.
By the time he released her, she felt dizzy, though whether it was the kiss, the wine, or the thin air, she wasn’t sure. Regardless of the reason, she was loathe to let him go, even though one of them really should scout the area, and someone needed to build a fire, and pitch the tent, and…
A thumb brushed over her cheek scales. “Shall we make camp, then?”
She sighed in disappointment, and nodded, reluctantly loosening her grip on his coat. “We should. Fortunately, as we flew over, I didn’t see any dragons or meliae nearby. And Narci makes for a pretty good watch-bird, as you saw.”
Aymeric smiled as he stepped back and busied himself with unpacking the tent and bedroll. “Why did he react like that to a bunch of harmless moogles?”
After setting a few alarm mammets around the perimeter and seeing to Narci’s greens and water, a quick survey of the area yielded enough tinder for a small fire. “Oh, a few of them tried to dye his tailfeathers purple. I don’t think he would have minded that overmuch, except then they pulled a few out. Ever since then, he’s had a vendetta. Hells hath no fury like a chocobo scorned. Especially a vain one with a brand new bald spot.” As she talked, Kaede focused her aether into a much weaker version of a verfire spell. The small flame was the best she could do without a focus, but it was enough to catch the dry leaves and small branches, with rather less effort than flint and steel.
“Well, in that case, I don’t believe I can blame him in the slightest.” Tent pitched – and as neatly and quickly as if she’d done it herself – Aymeric came to join her at the fire. “Have you camped here before? It seemed as if you had this place in mind from the first.”
Kaede hesitated as she looked around the clearing, seeing Ysayle, Estinien, Alphinaud, and Marz almost as clearly as if the Echo had shown them to her again. “I… Yes. The last night, before we met with Hraesvelgr, we made camp here. ‘Twas the last time we were all together. After that, Ysayle had her crisis of conscience, then Marz tried to leave after we slew Nidhogg, and then…” She sighed, drawing her knees up to her chin and resting her arms on them. “It was nice. There was bickering, of course, but it was comfortable, by then. Even between Estinien and Ysayle.” The ache in her heart from earlier rose up again, and this time would not be forced back down. “She deserved better than to die alone at the hands of the damned Imperials. All so we could get to Azys Lla.”
She felt, rather than saw, Aymeric’s wince. “She did. I regret every day my part in sending you to that place. It cost you one dear friend, and nearly cost both of us another.”
Leaning her weight against his side, she shook her head. “I would have gone anyway. You asking was just a formality.” She sighed, and stared at the fire. “It had to be done, but Estinien was right, when he said that vengeance takes more than it gives.”
In avenging Haurchefant, she lost Ysayle. In ending the cruelty of the Heaven’s Ward, she caused the suffering of those who loved them. Never had that been more apparent than today, when she was faced with Ser Ignasse’s cousin. Even twisted into primals, without hope of redemption, still they had families. Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, daughters and sons.
An act alike to patricide, he called it once. As if we were merely the weapon, and his the hand that wielded it.
She had always been too afraid to broach that topic. It was too large, her hatred for the man too deep, her regard for Aymeric too important to her.
It was just another sin, piled upon many.
Quietly, above her head, Aymeric’s voice caught her attention. “There was nothing you could have done. She made her choice. We all did.”
Somehow, she did not think he was speaking solely of Ysayle.
Swallowing back a lump of grief, the words slipped out before she could bite them back: “I’m sorry. About your father.”
A deep sigh huffed out into the cold night air, and from the corner of her eye, she saw Aymeric cast a look up into the heavens, as if searching for answers he had yet to find on solid ground. “As am I, believe me. I do not pretend to understand the choices he made, and I wish that things could have gone differently, but – he was lost long ago. It was… mercy. And I thank you for it. I regret that it is you who has had to bear so much of the weight of his choices, most of all.” Aymeric pressed a kiss against the crown of her head, and the tender gesture almost broke the dam of sorrow that she had been building for the last two years, but it held for now. “We should go to bed, I think. ‘Tis always easier to dispel such thoughts in the light of day, in my experience.”
Kaede nodded, and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil all your hard work in putting together such a lovely night.”
She was trying for light-hearted, but even she could tell how flat that attempt had fallen.
Aymeric shook his head, emphatically. “You have done no such thing. In fact, full glad am I to have spoken of this – you have seemed… out of sorts, of late. I did not wish to pry, but…” His hand squeezed hers. “You know you can always speak to me, if you are troubled.”
As she looked up into earnest, worried blue eyes, the guilt of not mentioning Myste and the business with her soul crystal ate at her, but how would she even begin to explain? When she did not yet understand it herself?
Later. I promise.
Instead, she linked her other hand in his, and rising up on her toes, brushed a kiss against his lips. “I know. Thank you.”
With a squeeze, she stepped back and shed her armor, piling it neatly inside the flap of the tent, dimly aware by the rustle of chain and cloth that Aymeric was doing the same. Stripped to her underarmor in the cold air, she all but dove under the blanket in the tent. Fortunately, she was not alone long.
It had been a long damned time since she had shared blankets with anyone while traveling for reasons beyond simple sleeping, and as Aymeric drew her close, it felt as if the world had shrunk down to naught but fabric and warmth and mingled breath, more close and intimate than even their bedroom. The worries and the sorrows could stay outside in cold under the stars for tonight.
For now, she would choose to spend her evening as she had told him she wished to, a year ago – quiet, and in good company.
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mars-ipan · 6 months ago
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some postgame doodles for pride month
#martzipan#komahina#hajime hinata#nagito komaeda#domestic kmhn likers pspspsps cmere#i never draw just fluff/domestic things bc i get too in my feelings lmao. this one was no exception#i had to take a break midway through bc i got sappy. IT'S OK THO we got it done :3#neways these tie into some headcanons of mine so i'm gonna share 'em here#mainly i hc them having little ways where they just look out for each other#komaeda is usually the only one who can convince hinata to take a goddamn break without having to forcefully drag him away from his work#bc hinata does NOT take enough breaks. and he does not listen to reason#until there is a komaeda who is tired and can't go to sleep without his human teddy bear :((( can't let him go to bed aloneeee#n i think hinata just. casually feeds komaeda ALL the time#bc he won't eat enough on his own. and if you offer him food he'll be inclined to see it as a nicety and try to reject it#but if you just. Put Food In Front Of His Mouth. he'll eat it#it's kind of a reflex like komaeda doesn't realize he's being fed most of the time#they take care of each other bc they won't take care of themselves otherwise lmao. it's a little dysfunctional but they're trying#i think once they've recovered enough to be able to just enjoy each other's company they get REALLY really giggly#they have a lot of teenage/young adult love stuff to catch up on and since they didn't really have a puppy love phase. they laugh a lot#they'll try to do something tender or sweet but then one of them will start to laugh. and then it's not long before the other breaks#komaeda usually breaks first. bc he's always in awe of just how happy he is. bc he never thought he COULD be this happy#not without hell looming just over the horizon anyways#when hinata breaks first it's bc he's thinking of how much they've both been through and put each other through#and he's just sort of like 'how the fuck did we end up here'#(btw komaeda snorts when he's trying not to laugh. this is just fact trust me)#OH AND I HAVE MANY HEADCANONS ABT THEIR SLEEP STUFFS#as stated hinata runs hot and komaeda runs cold. but ALSO#hinata's a sprawler. komaeda gets Clingy. it works out for them tho#if komaeda doesn't have hinata to hold like a body pillow he'll curl into the tightest little ball. it gives him back pain lmao#oh and yes. they absolutely wake up with their legs incredibly tangled together
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rapidhighway · 5 months ago
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stressed
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I have to fight family again
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goldnhourwrites · 24 days ago
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ok. the jayvikers have convinced me
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dialdrunk · 8 months ago
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taylor’s worst sin MUSICALLY is putting the best songs on the deluxe edition because from the bottom of my heart what the FUCK was that???????
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bsotted · 4 days ago
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ok well. unfortunate news: sometimes ur niche is so niche u've already niched the niche. this is exactly the same as the feeling of hitting the end of ur ship tag in ao3 🥲
#*slowly morosely untucks the bib and folds it up again#smh#idk if that post breached containment in the wrong direction or what but there were like 3ppl apiece talking about good actual examples#and those were like 99% media i already reaaaadddd im tearjngn my hair out#but far and away most ppl flat out missed the brief#like ​i think out of almost four thousand tags about four tagged ghost. four tagged geralt. three andrew minyard. etc#sobbung im sad for me AND for yall like this is ur jam and the best u can put up for example is dean winchester????#listen i know im on the supernatural site. voluntarily. but ur really gonna tell me thats the best u can do 😭😭#like a solid handful said bucky barnes. good solid classic example i'll give it to u but its 2024 😭😭😭😭😭😭#all respect to the ppl tagging ocs tho y'all are real 🫡 bc its looking like if we want it we do gotta get in the trenches and write it 😔✊#anywya i came away with approximately one and a half recs and then 3-4 repeated vouchers for media i know i am just never gonna consume rip#and the rest of yall.. have some kinda different media literacy situation going on we went thru v different english programs i fear#😔😔#angie.txt#like i believe the boba fett girlies are right and on to something but i am simply not going down the mouse route on my own dime#so those recs are. moot#not a single trigun mention i dont think.. not vash or nick or i wouldve even given a pass to a shoutout for knives#some of u said kaz and i havent read the books but even just based on the tv series p sure i can respect that.#one i have to look into asap is whoever evan kelmp(?) is- whatever hes from im not familiar and seems promising.#izzy hands im so sorry. im fundamentally incapable of watching ofmd unfortunately i watched black sails first#wasnt aware it was going to ruin other pirate related media for me when i made that decision 😭😭#i respect the arcane shoutouts but i do think it's hilarious that no two of u called out the same character.#murderbot obviously#i just think some of yall are so close yet so far and i want better for us all so goddamn badlyyy#update: i checked and op seems to have been generalizing off of boba fett/wolverine/magneto etc and yeah that tracks#smbdy said john wick - more than one actually- and while i hear u i also invite u to consider:#that man's singular desire is literally to go back into retirement in peace all he wanted was a quiet night in a rocking chair w that dog..#i dont think id go so far as to say he wouldnt know what to do with a warm bed if he got it. or attach himself to sbdy attack dog style atp#ykwim#somebody said patrick bateman.. yall are just listing names atp. darth vader? kylo? all right pack it up folks
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wizard-mp4 · 4 months ago
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Mad max 2015 the video game™ is actually fun
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ladyimaginarium · 9 months ago
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i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))
#arcana.vents#& its like. kinda irrational bc we're just friends & just vibing & we're not even together but like. i cant help it so fuck me ig lmao#like obvi he can have friends & shit & w/e so im not gonna like. tell him anything bc i dont wanna like push him away or push anything yk??#& he said he missed me & everything but like. damn. why arent you talking to me like that. i wish you would talk to me like that.#i miss you too & i wish you would tell me you loved me more :<#im just like bitch chill he aint even your man. but he's sweet & good to me & he's deadass one of the funniest ppl ever.#& we have literally so much in common & he said i was a miracle & resilient since birth & that sb should make a documentary about me ehehe.#& we're both autistic poc4poc & have a lotta solidarity between our communities & he makes me blush & giggle & i love his curls & his smile#& the color of his skin's so pretty & he said that it'd be neat if we just. played videogames in a pillowfort#& he makes spongebob refs & he likes anime & horror & buffy & ethel cain nicole dollanganger & lana del rey & he got a nasty ass vocabulary#& he said it'd be cool if we explored abandoned places together & go to concerts together & he has the cutest name ive deadass ever heard#when nicole said ''when i see you i cant find the words to speak my cheeks go as red as two big cherries'' & ''you're so cool''... YEAH.#im gonna start fuckin chewing on the fuckin walls dude. im GNAWING at the bars of my cage. i need him to firmly grasp it.#i wanna feed him the world's sweetest strawberry!!!!#we have lost the entire fucking plot besties lmfaoooo#& i rarely if ever feel like this for cis dudes & my mind is blaring sirens like he gonna leave me im just. getting war flashbacks to. yeah#the red sirens be blaring like HE'S GONNA ABANDON ME!!!!! its so irritating#ill be goddamned if i EVER feel replaced to that degree ever again. id actually rather get hit by a car & throw myself into the sea lmao#UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BPD SPLITTING I HATE YOU#this was from a few hours ago but i forgot to post it so lmao
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gibbearish · 8 months ago
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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
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radiumrat · 2 years ago
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Nobody asked but white supremacy is the reason why white women are obsessed with true crime.
So when chattel slavery was becoming cemented in the United States and other European areas, the idea of biological race and racial hierarchy emerged to justify the generational enslavement of Africans and the genocide of indigenous people. Africans and other non-whites were labeled as less developed, more susceptible to their "primal urges" and committing sex crimes and therefore needed to be controlled by white men. Specifically to protect white women.
White supremacy is typically framed as necessary to 'protect' (read: control) white women, the mothers of the next generation of whites. They must be protected from "sexually voracious black men" (read: miscegenation and mixed race children). So white supremacy operates on the myth that white women are constantly under threat of sexual violence and must be protected by white men.
That myth becomes baked into the public consciousness, many unaware of the origin or even that the idea is there. It even becomes less racially based, but there is still a common belief that white women are inherently vulnerable to violent crime. Especially among white women. To be fair, it's difficult to not internalize an idea that you are not exactly aware of but is still seeped in every interaction and bit of advice. Don't wander off, don't talk to strangers, don't go out alone or late at night, cover your body, hold your keys between your fingers, take self defense, watch your drink, don't be under the influence. Your body is soft and valuable and delicate and you must protect it.
This idea of vulnerability is reinforced in the news media, which chooses to focus on stories which fit this particular narrative of white women's vulnerability. Missing white women syndrome. This subconscious belief has saturated society. White women develop an outsized fear of death by violent crime. So what do they do? They embrace it. They eat up stories of families like theirs and the deaths of women like them.
It's been suggested that experiencing that fear of violence in the controlled environment true crime provides can be cathartic, somewhat like watching a horror film. There is also a sense of justice and closure felt when the perpetrator of that crime is punished.
In conclusion; White women love true crime because it's a coping mechanism for their deeply embedded fear of violence which was established and is upheld by white supremacy.
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only-one-brain-cell · 8 months ago
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Zahra catching Henry in Alex’s room is a cinematic masterpiece.
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oscargender · 8 months ago
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to knowis to be loved and to be known is to b eloved. I want transgender friends who will know me and love me in a way that cis people usually do not
#getting floored by transgendered feelings tonight. I went full femme last night in a way that I haven’t in a long time and it really made#it clear that what I enjoy about looking feminine is the ATTENTION. PEOPLE PAY SO MUCH GODDAMN ATTENTION TO PRETTY WOMEN#I will fully admit that I love getting positive attention for my looks irl. Like I’m not really pretty unless I#put a lot of effort into makeup and clothes so getting compliments on my clothes/appearance is like crack cocaine#which is not healthy. I don’t WANT to care about what I look like#but tbh one of the reasons I enjoyed cosplaying so much is that I got all that attentiob without the requisite feminity. Hahaha hhhhhhh#Last night as I was putting myself together for the charity dinner I felt like I was dressing up a doll. FULL out-of-body barbie vibes#I’m so disconnected from feminine feelings right now. But at the same time I had so much fun being pretty and getting compliments#idk. I don’t even know how to feel. I’m so goddamned tired of all this#if I could beam a perfect understanding of gender fluidity into the brains of everyone I meet I would have come out YEARS ago#I just don’t want to be alienated any more than I already am from the people around me#living in the us south means suffering alone in transness I guess.#I don’t want to be the first genderfluid/nonbinary person EVERYONE has ever met. I don’r want to have to justify my existence#but this cannot go on. but I’m afraid of T. I don’t want to go bald 😭#and I still want to wear dresses from time to time#maybe the solution is becoming a lolita lifestyler. dress myself up as a doll every day for the fucking compliments#leave no room for dissatisfaction with feminity. FUCK#I NEED A GENDER THERAPIST WORSE THAN ANYTHING#BUT IT’S THE SOUTH AND THE NEAREST ONE TO ME IS OVER AN HOUR AWAY#AND she’s out of network. FUCK#anyway I watched an episode of the new f*llout show and it was pretty good 😊#AND I’m playing st*rdew valley again on the new update and the update IS SO FUN#<-lil media update to lighten up this post.#this post was typed up not from a place of despair but from a place filled with the same emotions that a dog chasingits owntail experiences#I’m doing well enough mentally that I can deal with my transgender feelings again yknow. maslows heirarchy of needs with m#with transgender feelings at the top#weekend whining
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gangsteri-aine · 2 years ago
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Is it you, my love?
“Will has a secret admirer!” Dustin announces slamming his tray to the table next to Mike who hadn’t heard them approaching.
Mike jumps and chokes on his food. Max slaps him on his back in a way that seems more annoying to Mike than helpful.
“Dude, don’t do that!” Mike glares at Dustin when he can breathe again.
Or Will has a secret admirer and it's making him lose his mind.
(Side note: school is killing me so I might just post rest of the byler week fics randomly when I have time to write them but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Hope you enjoy this one :D) 
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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I just wanna say that I stalk ur blog a lot like I was already obsessed with Daigo and ur artwork tripled my obsession and I love every single one of ur posts <3
omg bestie !!!!!! tysm for lovin my posts im glad i can make stuff you enjoy (❁´◡`❁)
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elemental-daddy-neos · 1 year ago
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Ya boy has Finally recovered from the Vector meal and I am Going to the spring and there is Nothing that's going to stand in my fucking way
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observethewalrus · 2 years ago
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#got a message on fetlife from someone I haven’t seen in like 4 years#they’re trying to give away some really nice looking rope and it was nice of them to offer it to me even tho I don’t need any rn#they said theyre not involved in community stuff anymore cuz they’re focused on exploring kink with their partner#and goddamn if she ain’t living my dream#I haven’t been active in the community in YEARS#I’ve been to one or two munches since covid but that’s it#I spent years going to every dungeon party and class and munch I could think of#and they were all anxiety nightmares#if it wasn’t the anxiety of trying to make friends among people who already had their own very well defined friend groups#(literally no different than when I was in school)#then it was people who went after every single sub they met#who wanted a quick scene and then disappeared and moved onto the next one#when people did actually try and engage with me I never felt like we were on the same footing#it felt like I was being interviewed for a job and I got all the answers wrong#literally my dream is to have a partner to explore kink with#and still know they think about me as an actual person outside of kink too#I know it’s possible#I’ve known plenty of people in relationships like this over the years#but it feels like the kind of thing that always happens to other people#and I’m not meant for that#and I’m not saying kinky people aren’t nice#some of the nicest most talented most amazing people#I’ve ever met are kinky#it’s entirely me being a nervous wreck that made it so difficult for me to find my place in the community#personal
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