#god I am so cursed

[ghosted-jazz]

Species Swap AU! Retired couple gets a fairy godchild to help repair their relationship

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

probably will be FORCED by Pomp And Circumstance to go to the CLOWN HOSPITAL, for a CLOWN INJURY (may or may not be An ALLEGEDLY Fractured Foot...a MOURNFUL MALADY incurred in the most PATHETIC and LAPSIDAISICAL Fashion of TRAGICALLY UNFASHIONABLY Events......

Anyway. Forgot what I was saying. Buy me 1/25th of an x-ray or whatnot I guess

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Year of the Snake!

[ash-and-starlight]

one day, in a thousand years

[licorishh]

no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh

[aherosoup]

and I can tell you about the little things,

so you don’t think about the big things for a while

[hinamie]

Your face in profile, with a look I'd never seen

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[rui-drawsbox]

ruri,,, but in keyframes by @blank-house (again) ((help im obsessed this is not a joke))

[bacchuschucklefuck]

I know a normal amount abt waistcoats

[honnojis]

ever caught a spirit on camera or a picture?

twitter / bluesky

[vanhelsingapologist]

sing the song of sixpence that goes

“burn the witch.”

—

Um um um this is my new pc for a little game I may be in next year, run by my partner. She is a blood cleric. In other words: I will be back in the fucking building.

I will expand on her later but here’s some alt.

[writingfreezer]

the day after a very big argument, right as the sun started to set, you arrived home. it was eerily quiet as no one was there to greet you, no open arms expecting you, and no lips to kiss fondly.

it had been like that ever since the morning. you were just getting ready when neuvillette finally glanced at you, giving you the the first and only type of contact he had ever given you since your heated dissagreement last night. it wasn’t a loving glance, or anything of the sorts, really. his eyes met yours, and for a moment, you saw him like everyone else saw him; cold and emotionless. except, that wasn’t a good thing. no, for you, it had became such a habit of seeing his eyes light up at just the sight of you that this felt… bad. really fucking bad.

you sighed as you plopped your bag down and started taking off your shoes to put them on the rack. did he really mean the things he said last night? you thought. that you were clingy and sometimes too unbearable to talk to?

a soft, almost too subtle to notice platter was heard from a window nearby. you looked out and saw that the sky had suddenly darkened. weird, you pondered, before continuing to remove your jacket. the forecast didn’t say anything abo-

wait. pause. let’s put on our thinking caps here. another, and another platter was heard. the soft platter turned into a heavy rain sooner than you could think, and you lit up like you just had an epiphany.

obviously, that light quickly dissappeared from your eyes as soon as you realized what this meant.

”shit. fuck,” you mumbled to youself as you stumbled next to the sofa and ran up the stairs faster than any track team could ever dream of. soon enough, you reached your shared bedroom and immediately slammed it open.

the sight greeting you was exactly what you were expecting, but still, it made your heart ache. your stomach twisted, threatening to break if you didn’t do anything about it.

there, on the neatly-folded bedsheets, lay neuvillette. his face was hidden from view as it was buried into his big, soft hands. hands that you have had the fortune of holding many times. hands that now haven’t even graced you for the last 24 hours.

hurriedly, you rushed to sit on the bedside. the bed dipped heavily as you effectively slammed yourself down, making neuvillette’s graceful body jump a little.

he quickly turned around, facing the other wall so that you couldn’t see anything but his back, clothed in nothing but a t-shirt. (probably some trousers too but.. you never know.)

”oh, dear..” was all you could mutter, the sight of it all making your words stuck in your throat. multiple sentences formed in your head, suggestions of what you could say. you ignored all of them and moved closer to him.

”dearest? could you look at me, at least?” you asked, concern lacing your tone. it probably showed up on your face too, because when he did finally turn around to greet you, he immediately turned back around.

”do not… archons.” neuvillette whimpered. whimpered. if you were in any other state of mind, you’d tease him about his tone, but the sight before you dismissed the thought entirely.

a soft sigh escaped your lips and you moved closer just to run your hand on his side. it wasn’t much, but it was just what he liked. soothing touches, relaxing shapes being drawn into his skin. it was what grounded him the most. thank gods for your years of marriage.

”i am-” he hiccuped, uncharacistically loudly. ”apologies… it’s hard to-”

”do not apologize for the state you’re in, please. we both know that there was no preventing this…” lightning struck a few hundres meters outside your house, and that was your cue to gently drag him to face you, making him unable to hide anymore. from you, and from his problems.

he blinked a couple times as soon as you lifted your hands from his face, probably blinded by the unromantic big light right above him. you quickly jumped off the bed and turned it off, practically sprinting back and landing right next to him on the bed after.

”hi.” you smiled as his eyes finally met yours, and although his face was flushed, wet, and expressing nothing but sadness, you still found your chest swell up in delight.

his bloodshot eyes fluttered down for a second before looking up again. a laugh escaped his lips, too quiet and contained to be something he actually wanted to express.

”i am- uh.. apologies. i am sure this is not the best way to be greeted after a long day..” he averted his gaze away to somewhere behind you. you looked around to see if anything of note was there, but there was nothing, so you looked back. right! he’s probably just zoning out. you gave yourself a mental slap to the cheek.

you climbed forward, moving your hands to softly hold his arms. ”hey, look at me. i’m here, and you’re here, and we’re safe. just you and me.”

his eyes quickly shaked and returned to look at you, having to tilt his head up a little now that you were practically sitting on him.

”hi.” you said, smiling.

”hello.” he reliped, also smiling now.

a chuckle erupted from the both of you, almost making you forget about the harsh words that were said yesterday. almost.

”so,” you started, moving closer to him to rub soothing circles on his biceps. ”do you have anything to say in particular, orrr…”

the man below you sighed and cleared his throat. he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. his expression turned sour, and then he tried wiping his face as well before trying again.

”i am… deeply sorry about last night. i expressed some things that were not true, and for that i feel bad.” he pointed out the window with his nose. ”very bad.”

”the things i said were only crossing my mind because i have been quite stressed recently, and… i haven’t been able to tend to your needs, or mine, for that matter. quite frankly, i was so engrossed in my own mind and work that you didn’t even cross my mind, which is a very rare occasion.” he huffed out a smile at his own words.

”i will not let this happen again, but for now, i am sorry.”

you blinked a couple of times and smiled.

”wow. that was very.. elaborate. even for you.” a hand reached out to hold your own, and it was as soft and gentle as you remembered them. to think, that you had been missing the simple touch of a hand after being separated for only a day.

neuvillette wheezed softly, looking away politely. ”it was hardly anything. i’d be able to think clearer if i hadn’t been bestowed this awful curse of letting everyone in fontaine know when i am feeling down… not that anyone knows that it’s me.”

”i know it’s you.” you smiled, softly shifting to lay down next to him.

”of course you do,” he replied, turning around and wrapping his arms around your body protectively.

╱|、

(˚ˎ 。7

|、˜〵

じしˍ,)ノ

[icewindandboringhorror]

Still always looking for ways to use this cardigan in things because I really like all the silly little pictures on it, but it doesn't match with much since it's such a bright pinky kind of color. but is similar to these very fluffy shoes lol

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[palidoozy-art]

So since we're going back to Curse of Strahd, I figured I'd go back to Kasimir's character design, since honestly he was... woefully under-designed. I don't think I ever even knew what was under that big blanket of his.

In our campaign, his backstory got fleshed out a bit more. When the first genocide occured (Barov's conquering of the dusk elf lands), he was still a child. His parents were killed in the genocide and Patrina was an absolute dogshit parent, leaving him essentially orphaned.

So he wound up being raised mostly by Velikov, a vistana in the camp the group settled by. I realized because of this, he'd probably wind up more culturally vistani than dusk elvish. His reason for being the leader of the Barovian dusk elves in our game was due to the fact that he was the only one fluent in Patterna and was knowledgable of vistani customs, making him great at serving as a mediator between the two groups.

Sadly, the death of Velikov strained his connection to the vistani. It more or less left him culturally without a home -- pushed out by the culture he was raised in and not feeling like he fully fit in with the dusk elves. His current design is to better reflect that change.

Also there's some bonus Patrina and Rahadin because I do love me my dusk elves.

[mantisshrimpfrommars]

I am halfway through The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold, and this is such an amazing book! I am absolutely spellbound! I absolutely love the characters and the World of the Five Gods as well! Cazaril is such an interesting and unusual protagonist.

And then I go to the Internet, as I so often do when I find something I love, and am very surprised to find that there is very little fanfare to find there. I'm honestly kind of disappointed. Is the book just not that well known? What is happening?

Anyway, if someone wants to talk about this amazing book, I'm here:)