#god when will january END
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The real message of Lucy vs Buddy is that worshipping a divinity is about following the values that the god puts forth, not about preaching or praying or evangelizing.
When Buddy was offered to die a Helio worshipper or live with a different god, he chose to abandon the faith he claimed such devotion to. When Lucy was offered the same thing, she looked to her values as they related to her religion and decided that she would not add to the coldness of the world. Lucy, even in death, remains a light in the dark, the warm memory in the coldness of the ratgrinders. That’s true devotion. That’s the point of religion.
#thinking about. when I went to the leadership conference in January#and we each were given a list of like 100 values. and we each had to choose 5 to claim as Our Values#and at the end I looked around the room to find that 90% of other people had picked self serving values#family. friends. inner peace. self esteem. faith. etc#and I had things that helped the world. empathy. justice. knowledge. etc#and like… there is nothing wrong with valuing family or self esteem. those things when positive can make life worth living. I get it#but would those people who chose to value inner peace and family have chosen the god of rage?#if u value inner peace over world peace what decisions will you make that fuck over the world to save urself?#this is certainly too deep for a d20 post ignore me#cienna talks#fhjy#fantasy high
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❄️📸 Smile for the picture! 📸❄️
#AND I'M BACK!#glad I was at least able to post something before january ended#although I almost wasnt bc my god the details#you only ever truly understand the amount of details in a design when you try to render them#really like how this one turned out! Will try to post more frequently!#genshin impact#digital art#artists on tumblr#fanart#freminet#genshin freminet#charlotte#genshin charlotte#fremilotte#ig? didnt intend it as ship art but I can see why someone would see it like that#they're cute so i dont mind interpret it however you want
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I was gonna post something about dreading how shit this week is going to be. But then I realized it's probably going to be shit until late January, so. Please pray for my blood pressure and health 😭
#im really scared icl 😭#also if i had to go through months of non stop political ads and texts and emails and anxiety and and and-#only for it to not end well. my fucking god.#aaaghhh it just fucking sucks election day really isnt a 'day'#its actually just. election year.#ive been consumed by it for probably at least half this year#but not only all that thats been going on#its gonna take days for them to count the ballots probably#and in that time theres gonna be like. 5 billion lawsuits. cause thats a thing apparently#and then all that shit is going to continue until what. January 20th?#no matter the result things are going to be chaotic i feel like#but truly i am desperately manifesting gaaaahhhh fuck im so done with all this#FREE ME PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING FREE#also fuck whichever guy put election day so close before thanksgiving and christmas#idk it all just really fucking sucks. this year hasn't been good for me#so i love that in addition to my already terrible baseline level of anxiety-#ive had another level piled on top of me#which can only possibly get worse 😭#id almost prefer the political ads in perpetuity rather than actually face tuesday and beyond#god. fuck this.#i feel like im gonna have to knock myself out and not go online on monday and tuesday at this rate#how am i even going to get myself to sleep when theres constantly eternal doom hanging over me#catie.rambling.txt
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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why am I already stressing about the time I'll have to move out. girl you only just bought a wardrobe. chill
#let me explain my thought process:#I had to repaint a tiny section of a wall. because mould.#> it was a pain because i suck at this sort of things#> started thinking: oh god will I have to repaint everything when I move out. I need to check my contract#> my fixed term contract ends in january. now I'm worried about how much they'll raise my rent#> I go “what if I can't afford it. can I even move anywhere else in town”#> I go check rightmove. there's no single flat within my budget in town anymore lol#> now I'm stressed. thinking if I should buy a flat instead. would it be cheaper than renting#> not really lol. property prices have also gone up!#> and even if I found something I'm in a fixed term contract until 2025#> what if I find a flat I could afford to buy but I'm stuck in a fixed term contract?#> I go on reddit to find some answers#> I do not like the answers I find. I am now more stressed than before#normal 20 minutes in my brain.#also I haven't actually checked my contract#oh god will I have to repaint everything when I move out...
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my pixy girls :((((((
#i knew it was over for them but dajeong's letter still hit me :')))))#there haven't been any news from them since like?? january#fuck you allart ent👍🏻 i hope they have no trainees under them#god i wish i could have seen the girls in November:((((#i wonder when/if the others are going to post anything. is this truly the end of pixy. i highly doubt anyone's staying there why would they?#shut up vivien no one cares
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so many things happening in my life in the next couple months and it feels like my life is turning around compared to how I felt this time last year which was complete and utter dread and burn out in every sense of the word
#ME WHEN I GIVE MYSELF MORE SPACE AND TIME TO HEAL AND BE OKAY AFTER A SCHOOL YEAR#there are several factors as to why i don't feel like the human-ish equivalent of the swamp monster#mostly though it's because I'm going into homeschooling so the overwhelming fear of the next school year and all the expectations and#running around and will i get a good teacher and do i have to change my schedule and oh god am i gonna be able to get my 504 in check and#are my teachers even going to follow it and all of that isn't present#I'm gonna meet my teacher here soon and i she's a special ed teacher and i won't have to run between classes#or worry about my principal suddenly making a rule that we can't go to the bathrooms during class hours#and everything else that comes with going to school i did#and also the reason i don't feel like shit is i haven't done much this summer!!! literally everything was fighting for my time and attention#last summer and i felt like i barely had a moment to breathe#one moment I'm in Tennessee with my aunt and the next I'm back in Oklahoma running a convention#and then less than a week later I'm at counselor in training camp for two weeks (would've been three but i got sick due to overworking#myself while at the camp)#and then as soon as all of that was done i had only about a week before school started again#this year i only went to one convention instead of working at one and I'm going to two camps#one was at the start which was a day camp that i work at#and the second one is like next weekend (not this one but the next) and it's an overnight but again only a weekend instead of two weeks#and I'm a camper at that second camp since it's meant for lgbtq+ teens :3#and that's it!!!!#then i have school and in October i have the dan and phil terrible influence tour in Colorado#which means i get to visit my aunt and uncle and my cousin#and i have my nurse gerard costume for halloween#and then at the end of January i have my first furry convention which I'm making a fursuit for currently!!!!!
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#god. the thing abt traditional media is that u end up with so much stuff#like i have 90 billion papers to throw out. so many drawings over the past 4 years#they gotta go. im not taking them with me. ill keep only the ones that spark joy haha#ill probably dump all the old clay dolls i made like i think when i 1st got here#back when i actually did things lol. maybe ill keep my tenz0 mask bc its cool haha#im gonna b sore from all the scrubbing i did today and theres only more scrubbing tomorrow 😭#this is basically my moveout deepclean but i still have a month to b here. theyre just inspecting Tuesday#bleh. i wanna draw 😫#also... fingers crossed. knock on wood. but i have verbal confirmation on an apartment. hopefully ill b able to sign this week 🤞🤞🤞#that would be so fucking amazing. the lady texted me this morning and for a sec i thought i might puke lol#unrelated#also i opened one of those dentist bags that i had for some reason and found it full of all thr hair i cut off in January#why did i put it in there???? y not just throw it away????
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life is falling through my fingers more that usually
#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january#and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof)#2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression#like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else#and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore#like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying#and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either#ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved#oh thank god#i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself#esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel#like such a pathetic idiot my god#also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure#from silly things to more serious ones#like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one#the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid#so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or#thanked them etc#and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that#was it and idk where we stand#and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but#unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me#i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange#also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever#📓#niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć
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AWWOOOGAAAAA I DID ALL MY EXAMS NOW ITS JUST THESIS WRITING, FIELD PRACTICE AND PREPARING FOR STATE EXAMMMM
DOBBY IS FREE ELFFFFF DOBBYYYYY IIISSS FREEEEEE
#watch me drop all the fics i was brewing throught december and january WATCH ME#My mental state is wrecked but i live! i feel like a new woman! ready to take a nap tho#how did i come so far????? like. how did a manage this up until now?????#what am i gonma do when i graduate????? ((masters))#no but seriously are they truly letting me out to work a few month later?????? ARE THEY SURE THEY WANNA RELEASE ME INTO THE WILDERNESS????#🧍♀️this feels surreal🧍♀️#anyway slaay the house roof down i gonna write my silly fics now because flight or figth era ended#OH MY GOD! THIS MEANS IT WAS MY LAST XMAS STUDYING!!!!!! OH. MY. GA-- oh wait no. if i apply for masters its not lmfaooooo
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eghh
i didn't think jp's new years would start today....
#i think it goes unsaid but#im not a huge fan of the new years servant#i jsut want goetia........and maybe romani at some point......#or just anyone interesting#idk. just feels 'meh' that they brought in a character from a different game instead of a pre-existing npc or a new character#esp when said game hasn't even been around that long#i just wish they would stop releasing non-main story servants on anni and new years.............these are the only times i can even hope fo#a character i like#also jsut realized but with the collab event coming out mid january we're (probably) not gonna get another ordeal call chapter til february#at the earliest#eghhhhhhhh#its just the fact that i gotta wait for goetia on jp#then wait another 2 years to get him on na#i mean theres other reasons i play but god#waiting like this (for something that might not happen) really sucks#once again wish my brain didn't latch onto ded characters#eghh#at least some of the silhouettes look interesting#hope i end up liking some of them#bc honestly#i dont think i liked any of the new servants last year#maybe summer baobhan ?? but even then shes a (worse) version of a character that i already liked......#just hope i like someone#and that they can be enough to keep me playing aside from waiting for goetia n romani....#rareprism txt#edit: just read a comment that said they announced ordeal call 2 for spring. if tru im gonna keel
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#dear diary#vent#I SWEAR TO GOD#I fucking hate my friend’s parents and work#I hate how they’re so fucked over when they don’t deserve it#I wanna kill their parents my fucking self#and I’m gonna be a selfish bitch for a moment#bc it also fucks ME over#I haven’t played my game in a month#and I probably won’t end up playing it for over a month#I probably won’t be able to play until the second week of January#it’s not that long but FUCK#I WANNA PLAY SO BAC#BAD#I’m angry and sad and I feel like my whole day is ruined bc I really thought we were gonna have a chance to play#I wanna snap at my friend but he doesn’t deserve it#it’s not his fault and he’s done nothing wrong#I just wanna be bitchy bc I’m so damn pissed and upset
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FINISIHHEDDDDDDDDD ALL MY REPORTS AND ASSIGNMENTS
#WE DID ITTTT WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I PASSED THE YEARRRRR I DIDNT FAIL MY COURSES#FUCK YEAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDD#IVE NEVER BEEN EATEN AWAY AT WITH SO MANY DEADLINES SO OFTEN SO BADLY#BUT I MANAGED.............#skdjnk god#diary#im gonna go out and pass out when i come home mskdfs#i still have my exams to deal with but i can retake them in january if i absolutely suck ass#so its not the end of the world there#at least we made it this far..... finally mskdfs
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i hate the passage of time genuinely i feel sick thinking about my exams this week
#auri rambles#im generally fine when im swinging at deadlines and labs but as soon as exam season hits and the time is unstructured#i become an academic slug. im caught up w the coursework and im almost done making my everything cheat sheet to take into the room#but i still need to do a bunch of practise questions oh god oh fuck#and i still dont know how to pull myself out of bed :(#and i hate knowing that im going to have to pretend to be okay in front of my relatives when i visit them at the end of the year#unfortunately flying 'home' fills me with dread and i havent fully recovered from what happened in january#yeah hiii school's going JUST GREAT i love it so much and i am a functioning adult woman (twists smile) and am doing well#because i am just as smart as you think i am and just as happy as i ought to be. no i dont plan on becoming a doctor.#if i have put on weight please do not make me your conversation
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ALSO sry im so talkative today idk whats gotten IN to me but anyways. its sooo crazy 2 me that ppl have other birthdays that arent the sake day as my birthday like obviously i know ppl do but its crazy to me. bc january 13th is like My birthday ykwim. like its such a good day to have a birthday on so beautiful 1/13/2005 gods specialest girl was born ykwim.
#also the cafe is plsying so much lana del rey im rly scared guys. ive never listened to ldr outside of nightcore when i was 11#but ya i loooove having a january birthday bc it makes it so easy to figure out how old i was during an event. bc its like. ok unless the#event happened in the first 12 days of the year i can just subtract 5 from the year it happened and thats how old i was. ykwim. like 2007 i#was 2 rhe entire year basicslly 2012 i was 7 the entire year its awesome#whereas if i had a september birthday. Like some people (my sibling). itd be a wholee production like ok was it before or after the end of#september. which is isnt rly that difficult but i have trouble remembering what specific month a thing happened in#but i can remember seasons. which again like ig isnt the difficult bc if it happened in wjnter etc. spring etc. summer etc. but if it#happened in fall id probably be confused..#basically january is the best month of the year and the most beautiful girls are born then#a fun fact is i wasnt born on friday the 13th. i was born on a thursday#BUT my 1st birthday was friday and so was myyy 16th i think. idr. but yeah sometimes its on a friday which is cool :]#and another fun fact is it was a sunny day but (according to my dad) there was a random lightning strike like. right when i was born. so#basically i think im rly rly quite special. joke. i think that lightning strike was god saying Lord well hold on. why would god he saying#lord. thats kinda funny. thats like if i went Connor i am going to put this guy in situations. which tbf i do refer to myself in 3rd person#mentally On occasion. but anyways. sry i distracted mysekf and forgot what i was gonna say. its tly funny to imagine god just being like#Lord almighty.#speaking of idk if you guys know this abt me but i say lord almighty and jesus christ and good lord etc so much. and i didnt always i like#started saying them a year or so ago and now i cant stop. i wasnt even raised religious im not religious in the slightest . but my first#reaction to things now is Lord almighty... like girl you do not even know him.#anyways thats all. sry
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Okay I think I'm mature enough to admit. That I am getting withdrawal from the owl show. And that I miss her so bad it's not even funny anymore
#ramblings of a lunatic#GOD. GETTING THE SYNOPSIS FOR FTF REALLY SENT ME OVER THE EDGE AND NOW I'M REWATCHING SEASON 2 AGAIN#I JUST. IT'S SO GOOD AND I MISS IT AND I LOVE WHEN A NEW EP COMES OUT AND THE TAGS AND WHATNOT EXPLODE#AND IT'S SO CLOSE TO ENDING AND I'M EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#I DON'T QUITE KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE SHOW RN AND THAT MAKES ME SO SCARED BUT SO EAGER TO SEE THE NEXT EP#the episode is airing 21st of January and if i remember correctly we got the poster for TTT almost exactly a month before it aired#hence if we're following the same/similar schedule and promo style then it'll be just a couple days til something like that happens#and the fact that i KNOW it might happen so soon is what's fucking getting me. i know it's here soon and i need it now#I know I could just make my own stuff in the meantime! that's how being in fandom works#but i have Not been feeling good abt my art lately (well. less the art than the fact that I'm getting more self conscious of the response?-#-and i don't like that. i had a really good run of not caring what ppl thought about the things i post but that has been a struggle lately)#and also I'm trying to get help w/ the eepy disease (being eepy all the time)#so in other words things are hard rn in terms of fandom engagement for me#hence im sitting here like a rabid cannibal on an overpass waiting for travelers. but the travelers are disney promos#that's a very disturbing metaphor but you get my point
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