#and everything else that comes with going to school i did

[bodyswapmischief]

Fractured Wishes: Bonded Minds

Every day that passes, I feel myself slipping away. I am more than myself now—I have to be. I need to be them and me, to somehow make us whole. But where do I end, and where do they begin? It was all so clear at the start of this, but now the line blurs a little more every day. Was I ever really me? Or am I one of them, trying to lead myself toward a better life? I regret not realizing what I had... because now, it’s all I have. I messed up. I owe them everything. I owe them this life.

My name was—and sometimes still is—Henry. And, honestly, I hated my friends. We were those friends from childhood, the kind you feel obligated to keep around. By high school, we mostly hung out outside of school. Maybe it was because we all lived on the same block our whole lives. But high school tested the limits of our friendship.

We were close, especially in elementary and middle school. But by high school, we’d all changed. Puberty blessed Michael; he grew tall and strong. It was no surprise he became a jock, balancing parties, sports, and schoolwork with ease. He wasn’t a typical meathead either. He’d always try to get Nathan and me to come to those parties with him.

I understood Nathan. But me... Nathan didn’t have Michael’s build, but he was ridiculously attractive. His family life was tough, so he had that bad-boy edge—the leather jacket, the mystery, the kind of “I could fix him” vibe every girl seemed drawn to. While Michael hung out with the golden kids, Nathan fell in with the party crowd. He drank and hooked up before any of us. He had this charisma.

So yeah, I get why Nathan and Michael were friends. But me? I was the weak, scrawny nerd. I tried a few parties but always ended up getting bullied. Then Nathan would get mad at Michael, and Michael would say he’d take care of it. The next day, I’d see some jock with a black eye. But really, it was obvious I didn’t belong with them. No matter how much they tried, it just never ended well for me.

And it wasn’t just the parties. They tried to associate with me at school, too. Why couldn’t they see it was only going to cause problems? Being nice to me just put a spotlight on me. Couldn’t they see it would’ve been better if we kept clear boundaries? At school, we were all different people. But back home, on our street, we could be friends—just like the old days, playing video games together. Though, with schoolwork and activities, even those hangouts became less and less frequent.

People always say college is different, that once you leave high school, everything changes, that it gets better. But when the time came to apply to college, to finally be free, they still had their claws in me. Sitting at the lunch table, they suggested we all choose the same school. I felt my heart sink. Why would they do this to me? Why couldn’t they see I didn’t belong with them? I couldn’t say no, but I threw out my safety school. I was counting on getting accepted somewhere else, somewhere I knew they wouldn’t apply. But fate is cruel—the only acceptance letter I got was from my safety school. And just like that, I was trapped with them, even in college.

That’s when I knew. They didn’t like me. Their kindness was just a cover for their true cruelty. They hated me—they knew they were better than me and enjoyed keeping me around as the weak friend, someone to make them look good. But I was too weak to confront them, so I played my role. They’d invite me out, and it made me sick. How could two people be so cruel, to keep someone around just to make them feel inferior? I couldn’t face their malice head-on. But I could say no. And that’s exactly what I did—I started turning down their invitations. I spent more time in my dorm. Making new friends felt pointless; it would just end up the same way.

And then it happened. Mr. Cool Guy and Mr. Popular were supposed to leave me alone. It was the big party weekend to celebrate the end of mid-term. I’d already said no; I wasn’t going with them. I was ready to relax, spend the night by myself, and enjoy some movies and TV. But then there was a knock on my door. Nathan and Michael were standing there with pizza, movies, and games. I was furious. How could they do this? They told me they’d been worried about me, that I’d been distant. Parties could wait, they said. They realized they’d been trying to make me join in on their kind of fun and thought maybe they should try mine instead. Those idiots, I thought. Couldn’t they see—I didn’t even like them! But I let them in, and we started hanging out.

Their attempts at having a good time ... I snapped. I saw the truth and exploded on them. I confronted them, and they acted confused, mad, and sad that I felt the way I did. They tried to explain, insisting they truly saw me as a friend. Nathan wished I could understand that they had always considered me one. Michael said he’d always hoped we’d stay in each other’s lives. I couldn’t take their lies anymore. In that moment, I wished they’d both just drop dead.

A wave of energy ripped through the air, and the power went out. I heard two bodies hit the floor. With a flicker, the lights came back on—and there lay Nathan and Michael.

I rushed to Michael and placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath my palm. I quickly moved to Nathan, doing the same, and I could sense his heartbeat as well. I had no idea what had happened to them, but I cursed the fact that it had to occur in my dorm. They were alive, at least, but I needed them awake and out of my life. Grabbing Michael’s hand, the world around me spun. When it finally stopped, I felt heavy yet powerful, as if the world had shrunk around me. Looking down, I saw my unconscious body on the floor, and in shock, I jumped back.

I kneeled down and felt my heart. It was still beating. And, then I grabbed my hand. The words spun, and I was back in my body. I did the same with Nathan. Touching his exposed flesh, I was wisked into his body. I ran to the mirror and checked myself out. I couldn't believe it. I could have some fun while they were passed out. I could finally see what it would be like to be them. I could see why they felt the need to keep me around and torment me.

I slipped back into Michael's form and grabbed a blanket. Carefully wrapping the other two bodies, I placed one on the bed and the other on the couch, amazed at how easily I could carry them. My muscles flexed with each effortless movement, and I marveled at the strength I now possessed. As I took in this new body, I couldn’t ignore the raw sensations it brought with it. Curious to explore every part of it, I undressed and allowed myself a moment of self-discovery. I rubbed my hands down my current muscular frame. I felt the strength of this body with every involuntary flex caused my desperate desire. Each touch and movement felt both familiar and entirely new, heightening my awareness of this powerful, muscular form in a way that was deeply exhilarating. And, finally I wrapped my hands around my new raging cock.

As I finished palying with Michael's body, I couldn’t help but smile. I'd always been a bit jealous of him, and now, here I was, being him. I walked back into the room and looked at the other two bodies, wondering how long they'd remain unconscious. If they woke up, would we all be stuck in our new bodies? Based on who I was when I touched each of them, Nathan would likely be in my body, and Michael would now be Nathan. I could already imagine how mad Nathan would be with this arrangement.

I didn’t care because they both deserved to experience what it was like to be me after the way they'd treated me. The night was young, and there was a party to go to, a party where, for once, I’d finally fit in, not be the odd one out. I wouldn’t be the outsider that Michael and Nathan invited just for everyone to laugh at.

As those thoughts filled my mind, a memory surfaced: "Damn, man, that sounds good. I’ll bring some pizza and a few of my games. I’m worried about the guy, too. I think he misses home... maybe we can make it feel a bit more like home with one of our classic game nights. You’re right. There’ll always be other parties, but we’ve gotta help our bro out." This was Michael’s memory. Why did he say this to Nathan when I wasn’t around? Why did he sound like he actually cared?

Another memory played, "Hey Chad! What the hell? Why were you picking on Henry? Yeah, I’d rather sit with the “nerd” than with you guys at lunch… because he’s my friend. And who cares about high school reputation? I’ve got enough to go around because I’m a decent person. But if you mess with him again, you’ll see how “bad” I can get."

The first time Michael stood up for me... followed by a montage of others he’d defended me against, without me ever knowing. My heart sank. All this time… could it be? Maybe Michael really felt that way, but Nathan? I needed to know. I rushed back to my own body, touching my hand. Michael’s body slumped onto the bed as I shot up in my own form and hurried over to Nathan. I sat on the couch and touched his hand. Now, I was Nathan, and I had to know the truth.

I wasn't sure how easy it would be to summon these memories. With Michael, it just happened. But, I used every ounce of concentration i could muster, and the memories came. "Hey, I don't think we should go to the party tonight. Henry hasn't been doing well. You know how he is. He isn't gonna ask for help. We just gotta be there for him. Like we always have been." This memory was followed by a montage of all the times he would invite me to hang with him. A feeling that even if my ... his family life was falling apart he could hold on to his friends. The inspiration he got from me to still try in school. How he owed his passion to getting into college to me.

I felt a wave of nausea. All the terrible things I'd assumed about them were wrong. I returned to touch my original body, and Nathan's fell unconscious. Standing in the room, I looked down at my two friends, both still warm and  breathing. I called out to them, but there was no response, no hint of waking. I threw a pillow and shook the bed and the couch, but nothing. I knew if I touched them, I’d risk swapping bodies again. Seconds stretched into minutes, then hours. They never woke up. Morning came, but they remained motionless.

I paced  around the room. They were alive, but if they didn’t wake up, they’d eventually die. They needed to eat and drink, at the very least. And they each had lives, school, family, and other responsibilities. With a wave of guilt, I grabbed Michael’s hand and swapped into his body. Focusing, I saw his usual morning routine, his plans for the day. I prepared breakfast and ate for him. Then, I went to Nathan, swapping into his body to do the same. Thankfully, his breakfast was simple; he wasn’t as much of a health nut as Michael. I ate and thought through his tasks. There had to be a way to wake them. Until I could find it, or they managed to fight back into consciousness, I’d have to live for all three of us.

I started to plan how I’d manage everything the three of us needed to do. And it worked, I bounced between our bodies, keeping up with all the homework and classwork, making sure we ate and stayed clean. Being in their bodies was strange; I’d always found them both attractive. But guilt weighed on me, knowing I’d put them in this situation. It kept me from fully enjoying the experience. Still, I was in the bodies of three young men, full of energy and hormones, so, naturally, I had to take care of that too.

But I could only handle the basics for so long. Each of them had social lives to keep up with. Michael had practices; I managed to call him out sick for a week, but he needed that scholarship money. And then there was Nathan, with his friends constantly hitting him up, suspicious that I kept turning down plans. The only thing working in my favor was that I, my real self, didn’t have much of a life. Even so, I could see how my own  few overlapping events  would soon complicate everything.

I couldn’t do this alone. But I was. I needed to be more than just one of us at a time. The next morning, I woke up in my own body, grabbed both of Michael’s hands, and didn’t let go. I felt my soul bouncing between both bodies, the world spinning around me, but I held on until I couldn’t handle it any longer. I collapsed to the floor.

When I opened my eyes, I saw two views at once. The disorientation was overwhelming, an intense vertigo like I’d never felt. I began to gag as I sat up, seeing Michael’s body do the same through my eyes—and my own body doing it through Michael’s. I was in both bodies simultaneously, and each movement mirrored in both. Stumbling to the bathroom, I managed to get both bodies leaning over the bathtub as the nausea hit hard.

It took hours to leave the restroom, as every slight head turn made both bodies feel nauseous. Eventually, in both bodies, I stumbled as I guided us onto the bed. The world was still spinning, and all I could do was try to sleep, hoping it would get better.

More time passed, and I woke up again. Both bodies looked up, still feeling the vertigo—though it was now slightly more manageable. I sat up, glancing at both my bodies, each face reflecting a mix of confusion and astonishment. I reached out to touch Michael's face with one hand, and from Michael’s perspective, he was doing the same to my face. It was surreal, feeling the sensation of both our hands touching both our faces.

I began to move both bodies' hands, exploring further, curiosity getting the better of me, I grabbed both cocks. I felt this strange urge as both bodies reacted, becoming aroused. Suddenly, guilt washed over me, and I released my grip, quickly getting out of bed. This situation wasn’t as useful as I had hoped. Moving two bodies in perfect mirror of each other felt more like a hindrance than a help.

I thought it might be better if we were at least facing the same direction instead of each other. Standing face to face, I focused on Michael's body, trying to will it to turn around while keeping my own body facing forward. With some concentration, it worked. Now, instead of mirroring each other, both bodies were moving in unison.

I moved both bodies to the kitchen, but thinking about maneuvering two bodies was a bit complicated. I bumped into things and felt the pain of both bodies, though it was becoming easier. Another issue arose while I was cooking breakfast; one body was doing all the work while the other simply mimicked, holding imaginary objects. It felt like a waste of energy.

I began to wonder if there was a way to be in just one body again. I tried to touch Michael's body as his hand reached out to the other side of him, but it didn’t work. Then I concentrated on being in my own body, and I could feel a pericng sensation in my brain. I was seeing through one set of eyes and looked at Michael's body. He was still conscious, moving around and cooking. My heart jumped, I had done it; I had brought him back. But when I called out to him and tried to talk, he didn’t respond. I saw a blank look on his face as he moved on autopilot, focused on the last task I had been doing in his body.

I concentrated again, focusing on being Michael, and I felt my soul jump. I stopped mid-action while cracking eggs and looked at my original body just staring back at me. I began to think of a complicated list of tasks and then jumped out of Michael's body and into my own. From my own body, I watched Michael work. He cooked breakfast, cleaned up the mess, and served it. He started eating, and when he was done, he sat still. He had completed everything I had planned in his mind before I jumped out.

Finally, I thought to myself, this could work. I swapped back into Michael's body with just  pure thought and began testing the distance. I moved farther away and left the dorm, and it seemed I could swap from any distance. Not only that, but the swaps were becoming easier, almost second nature. I started leaving a thought of acting naturally, and I could swap back while both bodies were in mid action, as if they were operating on their own without me.

I returned to the dorm in Michael's body and saw my original body moving around, getting ready for one of my late classes. I jumped as it began talking to me like myself. It seemed the thoughts I was leaving behind after each jump were becoming more polished, allowing both bodies to act completely normal whether I was in one of them or not.

As my body left the dorm on its own, I concentrated again, focusing on being in both bodies. My vision split once more, allowing me to see the dorm through Michael's eyes as my original body walked to class. I could seamlessly jump between the two, maintaining concentration on both, with each body providing me with information about both surroundings.

I concentrated again and closed the channel, finding myself back in Michael's body. But I continued to test my abilities. Opening the channel again, I saw through both perspectives. Then, I jumped into my own body. I would spend the day practicing this skill set. I swapped between both bodies: my original body attended class while Michael enjoyed some downtime playing video games. I practiced seeing through both sets of eyes simultaneously, and it was becoming easier.

As my original body walked back to the dorm from class, I felt incredible. I was two people at once. But then panic set in as I remembered Nathan. Both bodies turned to each other and said his name. Michael got up from the couch, and my original body dropped his backpack. We both rushed to Nathan, who was passed out on the bed. I had ignored him all day.

I made both bodies grab his hand, forming a chain between us. I could feel my soul jumping again. Nathan hadn’t been connected to us yet, so I held on until I couldn’t. Finally, he shot awake. I saw through his eyes as well as my own and Michael's. The vertigo didn’t bother me; I had become accustomed to seeing from multiple perspectives. Adjusting Nathan was easier thanks to all the practice I had.

Now, all three bodies moved independently. I could jump between them at will and focus on controlling all three simultaneously. I had essentially created a hive mind. I was myself, I was them, I was us. Every movement and action was coordinated through my connection to their memories, each of our experiences influencing the others. We were all learning from one another, our identities blending together. I made sure to preserve the essence of who they were at the core of their personalities, but it was challenging to distinguish where I began, and they ended—and vice versa. It was no longer useful to think of us as individuals; we were one. One personality split into three.

As Nathan, I learned to cut the toxic people out of his life and heal the pain of his broken family. I guided him away from a troubled path. As Michael, I became more than just brawn. He was always intelligent, but now I allowed that aspect of him to shine. I focused on sports while ensuring he had a backup plan in case that didn't work out. My original body, along with Nathan's, has benefited from gym tips, while my body and Michael's have embraced confidence and relationship advice. However, when you control three bodies, sometimes love can wait, as I've been enjoying what these three bodies experience together when I'm feeling the urge. I don't know if there’s a way to undo what I’ve done, but until an answer comes, I'm going to live for all of us.

[mind-intheclouds342]

Do it for them - Co-captain reader x Curly

Previous - Part 10 - Next

Daisuke: "Do you need anything else? I can give you my cookies if you like."

You were sitting in the bathroom, hugging your legs, your body trembling, you had a bucket of hot water and a cup to wet your body with it.

Daisuke was keeping you company outside, sitting and making small talk, trying to cheer you up.

Your body was covered in red marks from the number of times you had rubbed the sponge against your skin.

"It's not necessary"

Daisuke: "It wasn't your fault"

"I should have launched him into space when I had the chance."

Daisuke: "Like among us?"

His comment was so strange that you couldn't help but laugh for a second; it had caught you completely off guard.

"Exactly"

Daisuke: "Would you feel better if we do it now? Let's say he went out to fix the ship and got lost in space by accident!"

You kept laughing at his words, it made you happy to have him with you.

"Thank you for making me company"

You couldn't see him, but you were sure he was smiling with pride.

Daisuke: "Hey... he... you are not... You know...?"

That question brought you back to reality, looking at your body and sighing.

"No, I can't get pregnant Daisuke, don't worry about it."

Daisuke: "Anya told me everything and... I felt horrible... Useless... Maybe I could have done something and-"

"No one could do anything, it's not our fault for trusting people, the only one to blame here is Jimmy."

You finished rinsing off with water so you could go out and get dressed.

When he saw you leave, he got up from the ground to walk by your side.

Daisuke: "Are you going to launch him into space?"

"If you keep bringing up that idea, I'm going to give in to temptation."

You smiled at him to go check how the ship's trajectory was going; according to the calculations, there were only two weeks left to reach the station.

Daisuke: "What are you going to do when we get back home?"

"Well... I think I'm officially going to retire from space jobs... Maybe I'll dedicate myself to being a housewife during the day as a cover and a mobster at night to make money."

Daisuke: "Come on, tell me the truuuth" he said, laughing and pulling your arm.

"Well... I haven't thought it through yet, I've worked my whole life here, and now that they're going to fire us, I..."

Daisuke: "What would you like to do?"

You looked at him somewhat confused, as if you hadn't quite understood his question.

Daisuke: "You know! What did you dream you would be when you were little?"

"You're going to think it's stupid."

Daisuke: "Nooo! Of course not! I wanted to be a firefighter when I was little, but then I wanted to go to art school, although my parents didn't like that idea much at first - and when I couldn't get in, they got me this."

"....I wanted... to be a pastry chef"

Daisuke: "Seriously?? That's awesome! You should start trying when we get back!"

"Maybe I'll give it a chance..."

You stopped in front of the nursery and gave Daisuke a look to say goodbye to him before going inside of that room.

You went straight to sit next to Curly.

"I already know"

Those were your only words, and immediately he started to gasp, trying to speak to you but nothing came out of his mouth.

"I told you, for years, that man was a jerk, that he would only bring you trouble. You had to see his atrocities to believe it, didn't you? It had to hurt you for you to realize... You didn't listen to me, or to Anya... Now you'll have that on your conscience for the rest of your life." 

You closed your eyes for a moment to avoid seeing him, but you could hear their sobs.

"I hope you have learned because... if something like this happens again... You can forget about me forever."

You lowered your head until you gently rested it on his chest.

"I forgive you... Because you have forgiven me when I have done horrible things... I forgive you... Because it's not your fault wanting to see the good in everyone but..." 

You raised your gaze to look directly at his face.

"You can't make everyone happy, you'll always have to choose someone... Now you... Who do you choose?"

You were surprised when you felt his arm on your back, as if he were trying to hug you tightly, assuring you that he would always choose you.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Just how much power did Marcy have over her friends pre-Amphibia? When they throw the kpop puppy party at school, the principal assumes "those two" pushed Anne into it, and Anne kind of admits it. When Anne is about to sacrifice herself, she says "all my life I've followed you two". During her one and only S1 appearance, she's seen maliciously nodding alongside Sasha when Anne steals the box, and with Marcy asking to meet up on Anne's birthday, while Sasha is the one to carry out the order, the implication is that they're almost like... working together. I know she was supposed to be "meaner" when they were working on S1, and I think they changed her personality because Haley Tju made her too adorable(? and maybe also because Matt thought the whole show would fall apart if people didn't like Marcy (considering what a huge impact she has on everything that happens, I'd say he was right). But Anne's line in THT and the flashback in All In implies she wasn't nearly as much as a doormat as it may seem sometimes, at least not as much as Anne.

Or maybe she was? Because you also see her in this place of submission when it comes to Sasha (and also Anne?), especially in BOTB, when she's happy to switch from Anne's song to Sasha's without even hearing the first, only stopping to consider Anne's approval. That scene struck me as her always happy to go along with her friends' wishes and never having much of an opinion of her own. That's why she was so desperate for them to get along during The Dinner, and why she never took a side when Anne told her she and Sasha had a fight. She closest thing to defying Sasha that we ever see her do is when she's working alongside like 10 other people to protect Newtopia from the Toad Army, and she says they had to "defeat Sasha and Grime" specifically, which I think makes sense considering they're attacking the city she's supposed to protect (she's IS a high-ranking member of its military forces AND a close advisor to its king), and not wanting to "defeat Sasha" would rock the boat with everyone else involved, Anne included. Yet we never really see her angry at Sasha for what she's doing, she just wants her and Anne to "work things out". I think it's clear that Marcy struggles with empathy, because if she put herself in Anne's shoes, she wouldn't expect her to "just work things out" with Sasha. In fact, she would have taken Anne's side agessssss ago, but she's way too focused on herself (her goal is for everyone to be happy forever and get along, while Anne and Sasha may want something else). Marcy being self-centered isn't a hot take, and I don't think she's any more self-centered than Anne was during most of S1. In fact, I'd argue Anne was even worse lol. The difference is that Anne made a million relatively small mistakes while Marcy made like two or three very big, very bad mistakes (bringing them to Amphibia, striking a deal with Andrias behind their backs, and not taking a side in Anne and Sasha's fight, which is something I never see people bring up as one of Marcy's most flawed moments).

So... going back to the question I made in the beginning... did Marcy just go along with Sasha's plans so enthusiastically when compared to Anne, who had more doubts and had to be pressured into them, that it made it look like she and Sasha were more in cahoots than they actually were? I think this is very likely. I also think it's likely that she and Sasha genuinely shared a liking for rule breaking back in LA, and her own self-centered-ness prevented her from realizing Anne wasn't comfortable with it. Maybe she never even considered if she liked to go along with Sasha's plans, like, Marcy strikes me as someone who doesn't look inwards much. I think we can rule out both Sasha and Marcy being equally controlling and possesive of Anne, because her relationship with Sasha was very much not one of equals, with Anne as a third wheel. Was she more of a third wheel? We know Anne and Sasha don't share most of her interests and will often ignore her and her needs, and we know she feels like losing them is becoming dangerously easy. We also know Sasha has no qualms taking Anne on some kind of birthday date without Marcy which I'm 75% convinced it's because she had a huge crush on Anne but I digress which, from a doylian perspective, is explained by the fact that they seemingly didn't want to show Marcy too early, but from a watsonian perspective, it just comes across as Sasha not priorizing Anne spending her birthday with both her best friends. Like, you can do with or without Marcy. She doesn't seem to remember Marcy until she texted her, actually.

But then you have lines from Anne about how "if you friend wants to you steal something, you do it, because if you don't, they may not want to be your friend anymore", which, oh boy, if she at least perceived Marcy as pressuring her into stealing the box (rather than it being 100% Sasha's idea) that would shed a whole new light on her relationship with Marcy, because it would seem like she, too, feels like their friendship could fall apart if she didn't go along with the other two's plans. And I do think Marcy at least somewhat participated in pushing Anne into it. It wouldn't be the first time she made Anne do something bad - she told her to lie to Valeriana about stealing the box, something Anne later appeared to be ashamed of, and she insisted of going along with the puppy party when Anne was having doubts. I imagine Sasha (who also pressured Anne into doing very much not so "lawful good" things, in more extreme ways than Marcy) might have come up with the idea of stealing it, and Marcy just supported it. Marcy taking Sasha's side. Possibly over and over again. We know Sasha didn't exactly manipulate her because she didn't have to: Marcy just always did everything she said. Anne was the one who needed a bit more convincing.

Marcy's relationship with Anne and Sasha is fascinating. She's definitely the most morally gray of the trio, and possibly the most complex one too, in the sense that she's full of realistic contradictions - an adorkable manipulator, an amoral softie, a self-centered sweetheart who loves her friends more than life itself, a possesive kidnapper with a heart of gold, a very selfish and self-sacrificial person... and it's never just a mask or anything, she's not just pretending to be nice, she really is that way, she really is all of that together. I think that's why people struggle to read her a lot of the times, because so much about her characterization seems conflicting with itself... but I think that's the key to making characters deep and realistic. In real life, we're all walking contradictions and we don't really make sense. Marcy's character doesn't seem clumsily put together to me, like they frankeinsteined all the different character traits she needed to make the plot work without any cohesion between them. I think she's a complex tapestry that sometimes requires a closer inspection to decypher it, and I think the glue holding everything together is her lack of intrapersonal intelligence, her inability to look inwards and notice her own contradictions.

We know she felt unloved by her friends yet desperately clung to them with everything she had, going to extreme measures to ensure they all stayed together, even when it hurt them. We know she's capable of manipulation, scheming and lying to the people that love her most in order to guarantee that goal. We know she's possesive with them, but she also loves them enough to let them go in the rare cases when she realizes she's hurting them (as seen in A Day in the Aquarium). From her journal, we also know she feels very ashamed of these possesive impulses. We know she'll neglect to form her own opinions and ideas to agree always with her friends' wishes, which means she feels completely lost when they want different things. But this also shows that she would never think of an idea of hers as being explicitly opposed to what her friends want. She wouldn't consciously do something that they wouldn't like. Which is insane, because, who would want to be separated from their family and thrown into a different world without any sort of notice? Which leads us to understand that Marcy has zero emotional intelligence and has never looked inwards in her LIFE, AND that her empathy skills are in negative digits because it would have taken her a nanosecond of thought to realize Anne and Sasha probably wouldn't like to be kidnapped. And since we know she never wants to do something they dislike, she must have just... not thought about it at all. No thoughts head empty. It really was just BLANK up there when she made that decision. I think Marcy is a very "true neutral" character who struggles with empathy and humility, who loves her friends but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to really understand them, and who is happy and enthusiastic to be Sasha 2 Electric Boogaloo because... that's what she knows. That's how her friend group works and her goal was never to have a deeper and more genuine connection to them, but to keep it close to her.

So... my conclussion is that, pre-amphibia, Marcy was Sasha's very enthusiastic (but emotionally neglected) right hand man, with Anne as their oblivious victim. It really IS complex because you have to then add Anne always looking out for her, losing sleep over her, yet also ignoring her needs, and Sasha not even bothering to hide how much she doesn't care about Marcy's feelings (which reflects on Marcy not consciously caring about her own feelings). There's also Marcy always assuming the best from them too, despite repeated evidence of their disinterest, and her fear of displeasing them looming over her constantly. Ik I said Anne was Sasha and Marcy's victim, but I meant that like... symbolically, because Anne is not innocent here either. She wasn't a great friend to Marcy before Amphibia. Here's why I always say Anne couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Marcy because of Sasha's oppressive presence and her own lack of emotional maturity. And Marcy couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Anne because of her own lack of empathy and reluctance to face any kind of conflict. So Marcy is Sasha's enthusiastic but emotionall neglected right hand man, who also feels subordinate to Anne despite Anne feeling subordinate to her. That's why they both feel like third wheels at different times. There's an illusion of Marcy with more agency and power than she actually has. In reality, only Sasha is on top, and the other two are two very flawed individuals, one slowly cracking under the weight and the other, less sensitive to the same pressure, trying to uphold the status quo.

[buckysgrace]

10. I miss you, I’m sorry

Broken Hearts Club

Steve Harrington x reader

An early post since I accidentally deleted the last chapter smh.

Steve comes to see you.

Steve

The last few weeks had been dull as a gloomy cloud had settled over him, storming and thundering as the lonely feeling caught hold of him. He hated this feeling, but there was no way to get rid of it. He was too bitter to talk to you, still betrayed over how you had lied to him.

“You look awful.” Robin spoke up, shaking the tip jar around again. He had a feeling she was trying to get a rise out of him, but it wasn’t going to work. Not today.

“Thanks.” He replied dryly as he continued to scrub the counter clean, irritated that today had to be such a slow day. Where were all the kids? Probably enjoying the pool like the traitors they were.

“Why don’t you just talk to her?” She asked in frustration, holding her hands out like she didn’t understand. He shook his head, not in the mood to see you at the moment.

“I’ve already spoken to her,” He grumbled, “There’s nothing more to say.” He said, seriously debating about scooping himself out some ice cream. He hadn’t seen you since your last talk, had refused to drive past your house or look at the stall where you worked. Ignoring you was easier, even if he still caught wind of some things.

“I don’t think that’s true.” She told him softer this time around. He snorted, figuring she had to be tired of talking about you too. He couldn’t escape you in his dreams either. It was frustrating, like karma had finally caught up with him.

“Good thing you don’t know everything.” He smarted back, dropping his rag in frustration. No matter how hard he scrubbed at the counters they remained sticky.

“What she did was shitty,” She agreed with him, “But I don’t think she’s a terrible person. You said she was going to tell you, right?” She questioned again, crossed her arms as she leaned against the counter. He sighed.

“Only because her friend was going to tell me.” He repeated the bitter truth, still wondering why you couldn’t just tell him. He didn’t think he was that scary, or shitty. But maybe he still was the asshole from school.

“She’s nice,” She said a second later, “I don’t think that’s completely true.” She nodded her head softly, making him irritated at the way she was siding with you. She was his friend, not yours.

“So I should just forgive her?” He asked with a little laugh, already knowing that he couldn’t do that. At least he thought he couldn’t.

“You should talk to her,” She reasoned with him, giving her head a little shake, “Why are you being so stubborn?” She rested her hands on her hips, mirroring his actions.

“I don’t want to go through another breakup,” He grumbled, “She’s going off to college soon anyways.” He dropped his hands in annoyance again, figuring that would be the end of it. You’d be somewhere else. Much happier. You’d probably find someone else too, but that thought didn’t linger well with him.

“So that’s it?” She questioned him, “You never want to see her again?” She asked as she reached out, giving his shoulder a little push. He grumbled as he pushed her away.

“I never said that,” He sighed, “It’s just complicated.” He stated at last, not wanting to bring up the fresh wounds again. Daybed he would talk to you later, but he didn’t want to think about you right now.

“You don’t have much time left,” She reminded him, “You should talk to her before it’s too late.” She added a second later, making him nod his head as he thought about it. You would be leaving for college soon. Far away, all the way to Chicago. You were leaving this small town for some big city.

“I guess.”

“And get us some more of that banana bread,” She added a second later, “That was really good.” He mumbled along as he thought about how they had devoured it between a shared joint.

He thought about you the rest of his shift and not in his usual mopey way. He took a lot of time considering how the past few weeks had been and if he wanted to keep up like this. He was sure he could eventually pick up the pieces, just as he had with Nancy. But something about you was different. You had always been mingled through his life in some manner and it felt wrong to just lose you completely.

But he was hurt. He couldn’t deny that, even if it was over some dumb bet. Or prank. Whatever it had been. It was immature of you, but that wasn’t the part that hurt him the post. It was the lies. He didn’t understand how you could be with him for so long and keep such a big secret and then be afraid to tell him the truth. None of that made sense to him.

Despite being so hurt, he took pity on you and the way you were pumping your legs furiously to work your bike up over the hill. The summer sun was high in the sky, the air wet and dry. It was a miserable day to be outside. Something about it made him feel soft inside, bitter as he recalled the memories.

He slowed down as he approached you, watching the way you were trying to make your way towards the top of the hill. Part of him wished that he could say that you deserved to be out in the hot heat, but he only felt bad instead.

“Do you need a ride?” He asked as he came to a halt, rolling his window down as your eyes snapped towards him in surprise.

“Oh,” You stalled, “My house is right there.” You pointed out, as if he didn’t know where you lived. His eyes drifted over your shorts for a second too long, heart aching at the worry that you had moved on just fine without him.

“Maybe you can come over and we can talk.” He replied at last, feeling like there was a weight being lifted off of his chest. Your eyes scanned his features for a moment, like you were trying to determine if this was a joke or not.

“Okay,” You breathed out deeply, blinking at him, “Are you sure?” You paused as you glanced down the road, checking for traffic before you pulled yourself off of your bike seat.

“Positive,” He said as he put the car in park, then hopped out to grab your bike, “Why aren’t you driving?” He asked you, recalling how he had seen your car not too long ago.

“Oil change,” You replied sheepishly, “My grandpa is doing it today.” You rubbed your palms over your arm, watching closely as he squeezed your bike into the trunk. Just enough room.

The short ride to his house was quiet, tense as you continually moved your hands across your knees and arms. You were nervous, that much was obvious.

“You can come in,” He chuckled softly, even though he felt just as awkward, “I won’t bite.” He replied as he held the door open, watching as you shimmied your way inside. He hated how the two of you had taken several steps back.

He walked to the fridge, reminded that he desperately needed to head to the grocery store again. He ignored that though, instead reaching for two cans of Coke. He passed one to you, watching the delicate way you opened it.

“Did you read my letter?” You asked at last, bringing the can up to your lips as your eyes fleeting met his. He chewed on his bottom lip, knowing that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.

“I did,” He told you softly, “You have a way with words. You should be a poet.” He said seriously. Your words were stunning, beautiful. He wanted to read more of your thoughtful sentences. Even if they sort of rambled at times.

“Right,” You snorted, “But did I explain myself well?” You asked as you furrowed your eyebrows together. He knew what you were really asking. He just didn’t know the full answer to that yet. But he had missed you. Even with all the hurt, he still wanted you. He’d always wanted you.

“I just don’t know why you couldn’t trust me.” He replied at last, not liking the bitter taste that filled his mouth as the words rolled off of his tongue. But it was the truth. He needed to know why.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” You promised, “That part was killing me. I figured you’d probably understand. But I didn’t want to be the one that caused the issues.” You shook your head, laughing a little bit.

“It blew up in your face.” He replied, trying to bite back his own smile. Even if he was supposed to be mad at you, something about this felt so natural. He could argue with you for a lifetime.

“Majorly.” You agreed as you sighed deeply, shoulders slumping. He watched you, momentarily memorizing the expression on your face. You look defeated.

“When do you leave for school?” He asked gently, wondering how much time he’d have left. Maybe the two of you could make up before then. Maybe.

“A week,” You told him softly, “I’m excited.” You told him as a smile formed on your lips. He felt his heart crack a little bit, thinking about how far away you would be. He could still change his mind, though. He could still go with the original plan.

“You quit your job?” He asked you softly, trying to recall the last time he had seen you. He had been avoiding you, but maybe that’s why it had been so easy.

“I did,” You nodded your head along, “I figured I owed myself one last week to myself.” Your eyes were gentle as he met your gaze again, feeling the need to cup your face and hold you.

“Just by yourself?” He asked softly, wondering if you were even interested in him still. Maybe he had waited for too long.

“The friends I had were shitty,” You replied with a crinkled nose, “And the guy I’m crazy about isn’t talking to me right now.” You had a longing gaze on your features, making his heart thump roughly inside of his chest.

“We’re talking.” He replied as he felt his lips curl into a soft smile. Baby steps. That was good. Maybe this had been a little too rushed anyways.

“I hurt him,” You continued on, “And I was a big ass about it. He didn’t deserve to be treated in that way. I totally blew it.” You rambled on for a moment, making him consider your words. He agreed with them, but he knew he hadn’t been perfect either.

“I don’t know about totally,” He said a second later, “I think I’ve been a dick before too.” He told you truthfully, regretting the way he had ditched you in school. Things would’ve been better if he had just stuck with you.

“Steve,” You exhaled roughly, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want it to get this far.” You looked apologetic again, eyes brewing over with fresh tears. He watched, but didn’t want you to cry.

“You’re being honest right now?” He questioned you softly, wondering if that trust could be bridged between the two of you again.

“Of course I am,” You said in surprise, “I swear to you.” You told him quickly, nodding your head. He breathed in deeply, feeling a lot better suddenly.

“I’m sorry I ditched you in high school.” He apologized, knowing he hadn’t ever fully said it outloud. Maybe he didn’t mean it then either, but he did now.

“That’s not important,” You mumbled as you looked towards the ceiling, “I shouldn’t listen to what people tell me so easily.” You chewed on your bottom lip, making him smile wistfully.

“You’re going to make much better friends than Patty.” He said honestly, feeling bad that you had been stuck with someone like her for so long.

“You think so?” You questioned, eyes glimmering hopefully. He paused for a moment, reaching across the counter to take your hand.

“I think you’re going to do great things.” He promised, observing the way your hand fit against his. Perfectly.

“I think you will too,” You replied gently, “Maybe you’ll forgive me one day and I can be there to witness that.” You breathed out hopefully, but he already knew what his answer was.

“I don’t get it,” He said suddenly, “How could you just lie to me like that?” He asked again, almost withdrawing his hand. But he stayed still, wanting to hear your answer. He wanted to believe you too. Badly.

“I didn’t realize it was real until it was too late,” You admitted, “And then I was afraid of hurting you. I know it sounds stupid, but I never wanted to hurt you. I promise you.” You nodded your head, looking earnest.

“You’ll never lie to me again?” He asked softly, linking his fingers with yours gently.

“Ever.” You nodded your head sternly, a small smile forming on your lips. His chest felt even lighter, his heart not as sore. He believed you, he really did.

“Maybe I could come with you,” He started to suggest, thinking about where this was going, “I mean, you’re going to need someone to carry all of those boxes.” He replied as a small laugh came from you.

“Oh, absolutely,” You nodded your head in agreement, “I need a strong man to help me out.” You teased, smile blinding as he watched the way your lips parted. He had a feeling that everything was going to be alright.

Thanks for reading!!

Tags: @ravenclawkatherine @losingmygrasponreality

[sparklingcid3r]

do u have any hc of soda and darrel relationship? like ik soda is the one darrel pony r close to but wb when they were younger like in high school how did soda see darry/how was he as a brother?

honestly u can look up the sodapop curtis hashtag on my page and stalk me bc ik i’ve yapped abt it before, but OFCCCC i can keep yapping abt them they are literally everything to me🙏🙏

- the first few weeks, soda was stoked to be seen as darry’s little brother because people liked him for it. it helped that he was charismatic asl, so he was able to differentiate himself at least a little bit

- then teachers realized he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box in regards to school, and their disappoint was tenfold what it would have been otherwise because they were hoping for a darrel 2.0 and got sodapop curtis instead :/

- darry didn’t really acknowledge soda except for when they passed each other in the halls, he’d shove into him playfully and soda would shove back. didn’t matter if darry was alone or not, they’re taking swings the moment they’ve clocked each other from across the hall

- soda still ate outside the caf tho, being darry’s brother didn’t give him the same soc-y privileges that darry had. soda didn’t want them either, and he lowk hated that darry was crossing lines, but he never actually hated his brother, yk?

- he understood it in a way. even he could see that darry was meant for more than tulsa, and he could see the way darry craved it like nothing else. soda could see how the means justified darry’s ends, but it didn’t mean he had to like it

- darry was a pretty present brother surprisingly. even tho he def prioritized his social life more often than not, he didn’t completely ignore his brothers. family has always been a pillar in his life and when push comes to shove, he’ll suck it up and babysit when his friends go out to the rodeo or the bar

- unfortunately, soda and darry only got as close as they did because of their parents’ passing. and it wasn’t without strain. soda was failing school and darry was pulling hair out watching it happen. him dropping out honestly saved their relationship because it put them on more equal footing that allowed darry to share at least a sliver of the burden

yall i love them sm it’s not even funny, plug fics NOW🙏

[lvmoure]

Jump Then Fall CS55 Part 2

Pairings: Carlos Sainz x childhoodbff!reader

Summary: In which he realized that it has always been you.

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Part 1 here

Carlos Sainz was just 7 when he met you for the first time, his new next-door neighbor. He remembered the way you’d stood there, small and uncertain, a hand clutching the hem of your dress as your parents introduced you. He’d given you a big, toothy grin, thinking you looked a little lost. From that day on, the two of you were inseparable, spending every moment you could together. Whether it was riding bikes, playing soccer in the park, or inventing silly games only the two of you understood, Carlos knew you’d always be by his side.

One golden afternoon, the two of you were at the playground, taking turns pushing each other on the swings. Carlos could see the joy on your face as you laughed, your head tilted back, eyes shining in the sunlight. Something about that moment made him pause, a weird, fluttery feeling stirring in his chest. He didn’t understand it, but he liked it.

“Bet I can swing higher than you!” he shouted, hopping onto the swing next to yours.

You laughed, challenging him back. “No way, Carlos! I’m going to win!”

The two of you raced to see who could go higher, each laughing louder and louder as you tried to outdo each other. Carlos didn’t care if he won or lost; he was just happy to see you smile like that.

But then, in the midst of all the fun, he noticed you staring at him with this faraway look. He waved a hand in front of your face, grinning. “Hey, are you even listening to me?”

Your cheeks turned pink as you stammered something, and he couldn’t help but laugh, wondering why you seemed so flustered. You weren’t usually like this; you were usually the one to tease him! But he liked this side of you, too, even if he didn’t understand why it made him feel… strange.

“Come on,” he said, reaching out his hand, “Let’s go get ice cream. Loser has to buy!” He grinned, watching you roll your eyes and accept his challenge. As you both ran off to the ice cream shop, Carlos felt that same warm feeling again, lingering, making him realize how much he loved moments like this. He didn’t know it yet, but these simple memories would be some of his most cherished, ones he’d look back on years from now, as the start of something he couldn’t quite name.

By the time high school rolled around, Carlos had grown accustomed to that fluttery feeling in his chest whenever he was around you. He told himself it was just because you were his best friend; after all, you’d been there with him through everything—good and bad. But there was something else, a longing he didn’t fully understand, a wish he kept tucked away in the back of his mind. He was afraid that if he acknowledged it, it would change everything between you.

He didn’t want to lose you. So he stayed quiet, kept his feelings hidden, and tried to be content with just being your friend. It wasn’t always easy, especially when he caught himself watching you from across the classroom or noticing the way you laughed at his jokes. Sometimes, he wondered if you might feel the same, but he was too scared to ask.

One afternoon, the two of you were walking home from school together, chatting about nothing in particular. Carlos noticed the way you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and his heart did that strange flutter again.

“Do you ever think about the future?” he asked suddenly, not even sure why he was asking.

You looked at him, surprised. “Sometimes. Why?”

Carlos shrugged, kicking a pebble on the sidewalk. “I don’t know… I guess I wonder if things will change. Like, if we’ll still be friends.”

“Of course we will!” you said, sounding so sure it made his heart ache. “We’ve been friends forever, right?”

He forced a smile, trying to shake off the feelings bubbling up inside him. “Yeah, you’re right. We’re like… inseparable.”

For the rest of the walk, he stayed quiet, lost in his thoughts. He knew he wanted to be more than just friends, but he couldn’t risk losing you. So he buried his feelings, hoping that somehow, being close to you would be enough.

Carlos didn’t think it would hurt this much, but the day he introduced his girlfriend to you, he felt an odd pang in his chest. He’d met Isabela a few months ago, and she was everything he thought he wanted—confident, funny, beautiful. But the moment he saw the look on your face as he introduced her, something inside him twisted painfully.

“This is Isabella,” he said, trying to ignore the way his voice sounded too bright, too forced. “She’s… well, she’s amazing, isn’t she?”

You smiled, but he could see it didn’t reach your eyes. “Yeah, she seems great,” you replied, but something about your tone didn’t match the words. For a split second, he wondered if you felt the same way he did. But he brushed the thought away; it was probably just wishful thinking.

The weeks that followed were strange. He saw less of you, but every time he was with Isabella, he found himself thinking about you—wondering what you were doing, if you missed him, or if you even cared that things felt different. There were nights he stayed up, wondering if he’d made a mistake, if he was hurting you. But he was too scared to ask.

One day, as the two of you were walking home from school, Carlos finally worked up the courage to say something.

“Hey… are you okay?” he asked, keeping his tone casual.

You smiled, but there was a sadness in your eyes he couldn’t ignore. “Of course, I’m just tired.”

He didn’t believe you, but he didn’t push. Maybe it was better this way, he told himself. Maybe it was better if he never knew how you really felt.

The breakup with Isabela hit him harder than he’d expected. One evening, he showed up at your door, feeling lost and alone. He didn’t even need to explain; the moment you saw his face, you pulled him into a hug, holding him tight.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, your voice gentle and soothing. “I’m here for you, Carlos. I’ll always be here.”

Carlos clung to you, feeling a mix of relief and regret. He’d been so focused on someone who didn’t truly understand him, while the one person who knew him better than anyone else had been right in front of him all along.

As you comforted him, he felt something shift between you. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew he was grateful for it. In that moment, he realized how lucky he was to have you by his side, even if he wasn’t ready to admit the feelings bubbling up in his heart.

After the breakup, Carlos found himself looking at you differently. He started noticing the way you laughed at his jokes, the way you knew exactly how to cheer him up, and the way you always seemed to understand him in a way no one else could. A thought began to creep into his mind, one he couldn’t shake—maybe, all this time, you’d been the one he was looking for.

But he was still afraid. Afraid of ruining what the two of you had, afraid of losing the friendship that meant everything to him. So he decided to keep his feelings hidden, admiring you from afar and hoping that one day, he’d have the courage to tell you.

Because deep down, he knew that love, the kind he felt for you, was worth waiting for.

[xiouahh]

☆ numb ─ 04.　midnight snack

NOTES.　If you don't like noodles, u can replace them with ur fav food ! <3

" I'm so hungry... " you mumble, slipping into your jacket as you head out the door. " It’s so late. I can’t believe I’ve been studying for almost eight hours, " you sigh. The cold night air brushes against your skin, causing you to shiver. Your mind buzzes with the endless list of responsibilities—student council, exams, and assignments. It’s been a constant whirlwind of pressure lately, and there's barely been time to catch your breath. As you walk, the thought of upcoming midterms lingers in the back of your mind. Afterward, the dreaded grade slips will come out. You can't shake the anxiety. What if you score too low? Getting kicked out again would be a disaster, and that fear clings to you. You finally enter the 24/7 convenience store, the fluorescent lights flooding your vision. The click of your shoes echo softly against the tiled floor as you make your way to the noodle aisle. Reaching for your favorite noodles, you're suddenly interrupted by a voice calling your name. " [name]? What are you doing here? " You freeze for a moment, your hand still on the noodles. Scaramouche? You blink in disbelief. What’s he doing here, of all places, at this hour? His presence is unexpected, almost surreal, as he stands there, looking at you with a curious expression.

" I could say the same, " you reply, your eyes drifting to the ice cream in his hand—vanilla, of all things. You didn’t peg him as the type to enjoy something so plain. He notices where you're looking and shifts the ice cream slightly. " Oh... I was just grabbing a snack for the ginger, " he mutters, glancing at the noodles you're holding. " Were you studying all night aga— " He abruptly stops, realizing he can’t finish the sentence without making it obvious. He doesn’t want it to seem like he was asking Kazuha to get Heizou to spy on you. That wouldn’t be weird, right? Just... casual curiosity. Plus, you were roommates. " Yeah, " you laugh softly, " I completely lost track of time. "

There’s an awkward pause, the kind that hangs heavy but neither of you knows how to break. His eyes shift between your face and the noodles, as if he's considering what to say next but holds back. You wonder if he’s thinking the same thing you are—if this is as weird for him as it is for you. His eyes flicker with something—maybe concern, or maybe it’s just the fluorescent lighting playing tricks. Either way, you choose not to dwell on it. “ So... how’s Kazuha? ” you ask, trying to keep your tone casual. But as the words leave your mouth, you instantly regret it. Why did you even bring him up? You literally just saw him yesterday. “ Kazuha’s good. Always keeping busy, you know? ” He rubs the back of his neck, his gaze drifting away. Maybe he’s feeling a bit awkward too—or is it something else? He's not sure if you’re just trying to keep the conversation going or if you’re looking for a reaction. Do you like Kazuha, or... is it something else entirely? ..He should go. Scaramouche clears his throat. " Maybe I could... walk you to your dorm? " His voice is hesitant, as if he’s still working out whether it’s a good idea. It’s nothing weird, right? He just wants to make sure you get home safe. And maybe... have a little more time to talk to you.

masterlist　|　previous　|　next

SYPNOSIS.　You had always been the independent, strong-willed person who didn't need anyone's help. Despite your best efforts, your trauma continues to plague you, making it difficult for you to trust and connect with others. That is, until you meet a young man who is everything you've wanted in a partner. Despite his aloof demeanor, he manages to break your emotional barriers and become a source of healing and support for you. As you learn to trust and open up to him, he becomes the healer of your heart, helping you heal from your trauma. AUTHOR.　HELLOOO !! I'm back from a short unannounced hiatus ! School's been pressuring me a lot lately but last week I got a break so I was finally able to make the eps! As promised, Ep 5–6 will be posted shortly :3 TAGLIST.　 @arlecchino-soon-main @skyoverkill1 @yo0ngleswag @scaraenthusiast1 @skyvella @lloovvv @ciellez @asukahiriko2 @trulyylee @lalalaloveallmydays @hearts4lizzzz @animeobsessed56 @exhaustedcommunist @meigalaxy @dragontammerz @heusalettle @iloveapplepie7 @vitanye @shyentsmissingink

[cinnamonest]

Don’t worry about replying to this in any capacity. Just wanted to say that I read your most recent post and it was extremely helpful and informative for me. I was just talking to my dad earlier about really struggling to understand how anyone could support Trump when he is just a complete bumbling fool of a man at best and a piece of shit bigot and sexist at worst. (Not to say that Harris is some beacon in the darkness, not a fan of her either.) But the perspective you offered was really enlightening so thank you for it. and I hope you are doing well enough, all things considered, and that regardless of what happens in the coming days that things get better for you and your community.

Thank you, that's very kind. I'm very glad it was helpful, I was worried I was coming across the wrong way or didn't word it very well or could be misinterpreted.

If it helps, I had some more thoughts I think would expand upon that, specifically for women — since I see a lot of posts essentially asking how women can possibly vote for the guy, and I think I can explain that too, as I've been thinking and talking a lot about that with women who I know intend to do so.

1) I think for the upper class, they tend to focus more on social issues, because economic issues don't affect them as strongly.

But for some of these people, especially moms, the increased cost of living is literally a matter of "how am I going to feed my children, how am I going to pay electric AND water," etc. So it becomes a priority, especially as many families have lots of kids, and some are single moms. They don't really think as much about social issues, whereas when I went to college, most of the kids cared only about social issues. The more financially secure someone is, the less preoccupied they are with economy.

But for a mom, the safety of and provision for their kids is paramount above all else, so economy and crime will take priority.

But since we only have 2 major parties, people often assume that whichever you vote for, you must agree with ALL of the party's official stances, which is often not the case. That's part of why our bipartisan system is so divisive and breeds hostility, because it creates an "us vs them" mentality.

2) women in the area I talked about don't really even think about abortion/reproductive rights. They're not militantly anti-choice (like some of the more suburban moms of kids I went to school with), it's more that no one ever really thinks about it at all. Many of them have kids very young and lots of them, it's just normal. They also don't have careers to focus on in the way higher-class women do, and many have no chance of ever going to college, so there's less reason to hold off on it.

People do what's normal per their class/local culture — so here, if a girl gets unexpectedly pregnant (which is... not uncommon), they don't freak out or think about how it will affect their future, how they'll afford it etc, they usually just... shrug, drop out of high school, marry the guy, have the kid.

When we were 16, one of my good friends got pregnant, and she too did exactly that. She was unironically overjoyed to find out too, rather than panicked or dismayed. Like, when she took the pregnancy test, I was there with her, sitting on the tile floor of the church bathroom at 9 pm with the test we scraped cash together to buy from the gas station-pharmacy hybrid shop down the road, and she, as a 16 year old high school junior, was actively hoping, fingers crossed and smiling and everything, that it would be positive. She's now 24 and is about to have baby #5.

And part of the reason she was fine with it was... because her mom had her at 15. It's a very cyclic thing. The possibility of abortion would not occur to them unless someone else brought it up.

3) Moreover, when women vote, they focus on what affects them specifically as a woman — and prioritize what's most "real" to us as an individual woman, the hypotheticals one can most realistically see happening to them. But what that most realistic thing is, varies a lot from woman to woman.

For a woman living in, say, Maine or northeast California or even a safer rural place like Idaho, I can see how abortion is probably the most "real" thing to them, that they can see themselves being in a position to affect them.

Whereas for me, having experienced harassment and aggression, reading about these statistics and headlines, violence is something I am much more afraid of happening to me. I'm very careful to avoid an area where I was harassed before.

But for someone in a low-crime place, that isn't something that's going to be a priority.

I personally now realize that a lot of the misunderstanding and clashing is a matter of the fact that women in many blue areas simply don't think about this, because they've never had a reason to, and that's perfectly understandable.

But a lot of women in areas like my home do not realize that. Many women at home strongly believe that "them uppity rich white women out in California or wherever the hell" (quoth my 90-something year old neighbor), are aware of, but simply don't care about, the consequences women here/poor women face. I used to think so too, when I was younger, because that's what I was told.

As a result, they view their blue vote as a very "let them eat cake" heartless-rich-person sort of thing, as selfish and/or classism, in the same way that women in blue areas likely view their red votes as female-class betrayal, religious brainwashing, believe their husbands must be controlling them, etc.

Now, with greater life experience, I not only understand that it isn't like that at all on either side, but I can also see why many blue-area women dismiss our experiences as "not really happening" or "right-wing propaganda," simply due to the fact that it's very difficult for them to fathom it, because it's so different from the reality they live in, it feels like it can't be real.

3) it *is* true that these women are often demonized and gaslit for talking about the rapes, job loss etc, so that has shifted even more moderate women very rightwards over the last few years, because they feel silenced/censored.

Donald is a sort of savior figure — he acknowledges the issue they otherwise feel censored on, and moreover, has essentially promised to take away the men that hurt them, their daughters, sisters etc. They want to feel safe again, they want their husbands to get their jobs back, feel like they have a secure future, etc, and his platform is literally "make America safe again, make America rich again, make America great again."

That line you may have seen all over the internet a few days ago, where Donald said something along the lines of "I'm going to protect the women if they like it or not"? And you know how it earned disgust from the mainstream population of women?

That line was received extremely positively by women at home. I've already seen them sharing it around with my mom/aunts/grandma on facebook, in a positive light, ecstatic. It makes them feel seen and heard in a culture that otherwise puts a hand over their mouth, and they cling to those words in hope of a better future.

Tldr: it's women who are vulnerable and afraid and desperate, going for the only option that has promised to address their needs. Much conflict comes from the limited human ability to grasp things outside of ourselves, our tendency for solipsism — an unfortunate part of the human condition that has plagued our species from the dawn of time.

[two-bees-poetry]

stages of a king waging war on his daughters

i. intelligence

i. goneril is born in the summertime, grows slender and sweet and wide-eyed into the most beautiful, desperate creature, who will do anything to be the favorite. he drops his coins on purpose and watches as she scrambles to collect them.

ii. regan is born in the winter, grows soft and quiet and tender-voiced into something with a hidden cruelty, an animal he knows is there. he gives her a magnifying glass and watches as she sets fires, saying daddy, daddy look! while a spider burns.

iii. cordelia is born in the autumn, grows tall and loud and head-strong into him, into a girl who is a mirror, and he knows what his mother went through when he was young. her first and favorite word is NO, and they fight more than anything, but he knows she will be his favorite.

ii. war

i. goneril needs him to be proud of her. as a child, she is pretty and accomplished and does everything right, and nothing is enough for him. she doesn’t understand, and it makes her bloodthirsty. her friends are only friends until she has to outdo them. you don’t understand, she screams at them, blood vessels bursting in her eyes, i have to be the best.

ii. regan hates it when he yells. as a child, she is essentially invisible, just a pair of glasses and mop of curly hair. when he yells more often, she starts picking on other kids at school. one day she stabs another girl in the eye with a sharpened pencil, no provocation. she won’t talk about it- just stares. he pays off the other family. he keeps yelling.

iii. cordelia’s new favorite word is WHY. as a child, she is a natural leader, a dark-eyed storm in the shape of a girl. she questions his every decision, and he couldn’t be more proud. her teachers send her home with notes about her behavior, about how she approaches every conversation like a fight, how they’re worried about her home life. he puts her in a new class and tells her to keep her claws out.

iii. occupation

i. goneril has collected love notes from half the students in her high school by the time she’s seventeen, keeps them taped to her mirror to read while she does her makeup. i think you’re beautiful while she dusts pink and gold over her eyelids, do you want to go out? while she bites the inside of her cheek so it bleeds. she’s not planning to kiss any of them, so it’s not like anyone else will taste it.

ii. regan meets cornwall when they’re fourteen and it’s like a snake eating its own tail when they talk, his sentences picking up where hers finish. he has an easy laugh and a smile like a serrated knife. nobody likes who the two of them are becoming, but nobody can stop it, like a hurricane ripping through the south. she brings him to the woods and they come back with blood on their shoes.

iii. cordelia’s new favorite word is FUCK and she uses it like a swiss army knife. she becomes a poet and an angry, hard-eyed teen at the same time. the school counselor convinces her to come to school by letting her skip class in his office, and he gradually learns about her father, about her sisters. he learns that she likes antigone and rock music and the color blue. he learns that she has nowhere to put her anger.

iv. pacification

i. goneril marries albany, her first college boyfriend, when she’s twenty-three, because he’s kind and mild and looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky. they really did love each other at first, but she will always need to be the best at everything, and she will always need to be the prettiest person in every room, and he will never understand why. she is beautiful and successful and it will never be enough.

ii. regan and cornwall spiral into strangeness like everyone knew they would, crashing through colleges and careers, upsetting everyone they meet. they both end up in jail several times, and no one is surprised- the quiet girl with a hairpin trigger and the boy with the fire-dark eyes. in her court-ordered therapy, she says she’s always been like this, ever since she was a child burning spiders on the sidewalk.

iii. cordelia’s new favorite word is JUSTICE. she demands it from the world, screaming herself hoarse at rallies, slowly realizing that she is a young woman marching in the rain, turning fury into change. she puts herself through community college. her father threatens to stop talking to her (she used to be his favorite, a girl who was a mirror) and she calls his bluff. you aren’t a father, she says. i don’t need you.

two.bees.poetry

[fcdcdmcmories]

"I... I'M SORRY, WHAT? ADOPTED? HE.. WHAT? HOW DID HE TAKE THAT? and above all, how.. how did you take that? that after everything he said and did, it.. was all for nothing?" when he thought that she couldn't surprise him more, this happened. the thought that finn pederson was adopted, out of all the people in the world? it was.. well, for a man that had always despised anyone did not share that last name? it was SOMETHING else. food for thought later, of course. "when is it not complicated? I HOPE I GET TO MEET HIM ONE DAY, THEN. SOUNDS LIKE QUITE THE REMARKABLE MAN." if anyone could change the cold-hearted monster that he had once known into someone different? someone that even cecilia seemed alright to speak about? that was ODD. "i do. i like it very much," her. was it obvious he was talking about her?

"YOU.. THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'D BE SIGNING UP FOR? COMPLICATED WITH US HAS ALWAYS BEEN.. DIFFERENT THAN COMPLICATED FOR EVERYONE ELSE." his hand was locked in her own and he doubted that he would ever be able to let go of it now. it was bad of him. it was horrible of him and yet, how could he right now? she was... everything. grinning. "we're very dog friendly, thank you very much," making it clear that he too was joking. and looking relieved? of the fact that she wasn't seeing someone? maybe. "but.. you know what i meant. if you had someone that you'd want to bring.. that'd be.. okay. I MEAN.. IT WOULD BE.. OKAY?." did his expression show that he very much felt as if it was not okay? something like that, yes. he could be selfish and right now? he didn't want to see her with anyone else. not at all, no. "please. you'll never pay for anything here. as the very first person to believe in me back then? IT'S ON THE HOUSE." because she had been and as much as he had tried to forget that? to put it behind him? to let it go? it was always the truth.

"we could. it's just.." clearing his throat, as he looked down at his hands. "her name's tiffany. laney set us up a couple of weeks ago and she's pretty great, but i.. that's why i think something's wrong with me. she and i should make sense, but.. it doesn't feel like.. we do. i don't know. maybe it's my own messed up head. she's not.." she's not you. wasn't that the problem? what he had been about to say? not to mention that it felt as if laney liked that match more than he could ever and he had gone with it at first to make her happy and he had tried, he had, but.. it had been nothing, compared to this. "i could swing by, yeah. if.. you'd like that? bring dinner and all that? meet those famous ten dogs of yours?" god, what was he doing? saying yes to this? saying yes to all of this? but it felt right. it felt more right than anything that had happened in the past four months. for him. "you are loveable. the most loveable person i've ever met. IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE YOURSELF AS.. I'VE ALWAYS SEEN YOU." placing that lock of hair behind her ear felt so damn familiar and it felt like.. above all and first and foremost? it felt like coming home. so much it made his heart ache. "but you keep going. that's part of life? you.. yes, maybe some people let us down when all is said and done, but.. you also find the good ones. trust me. i know." shaking his head a little bit, with.. a whole damn world of sadness showing itself in his expression. right? "it's not that simple, cee. i wish it was. she pays for everything. evie works with her. she pays for gabi's school, for the restaurant, for everything they need - SHE TAKES CARES OF THEM. I COULDN'T.. I COULDN'T POSSIBLY DO ALL THAT." but it meant the world that she believed in him. that she believed that he could do this, when he himself did not and never had before. right? "i try, but.. truth is, she can do more for them than i can. it's just.." shaking his head immediately, parker found himself glancing up at her. "no, i couldn't.. i couldn't take your money, cee. not a chance. i'm already way over my head in debt with her and i'm slowly managing to pay her back, but if this happened? SHE WOULD.. SHE WOULD KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED. she knows the money that i have and don't. she wouldn't rest until she got to the bottom of it and.. it'd get back to you. i don't want that. i don't want to cause you any trouble." and he appreciated what she was doing but that was the case. he didn't want to cause her any trouble and he didn't want to drag her into what was his MESS. right? "frodo hasn't been himself as of late either. he.. hm.. he doesn't really like it when laney cames around. usually, i have to keep him in my room. HE BARKS.. A LOT," strange that something like that happened? maybe, but still.. "but yes, maybe it will be good for them to.. see each other. winston and my boy. spend time together? IT'S A DATE." he realised what he had just said, clearing his throat a little bit. had he said it's a date instead of we'll see a date? for a second, his cheeks turned bright red, as he realised what had just HAPPENED. damn it.

"i wouldn't follow that asshole anywhere, unless it's to put him through a wall after what he did. but what.. you're acting like you've seen him again after that night. what did he do to you?" not realising that.. he was sitting up straighter at that? protectively? yes, he was. for some reason, the thoughts about that man left a bad taste in his mouth. that motherfucker. "no. no more of that. we'll never be in a room like that again, okay? i promise you. i'll keep you safe." he wrapped his arms tighter around her, pressing his chin against the top of her head. hoping that made her feel secure? hoping that made her see what he couldn't say out loud? maybe. "i'm not going anywhere. i'm right here." i love you. i've never stopped loving you. what he thought but what he couldn't say out loud? yes, that was precisely what that meant. he wrapped his arms around her waist again, pulling her closer to his chest. the kiss was frantic and desperate and loving and right now, it felt as if his heart was finally in the right place. he felt warm, he felt.. complete and that only made him kiss her more desperately. i want that, i do, but.. one step at a time? my heart is yours. it always has been. it always will be. everything was messy and he wasn't sure he trusted her completely, but.. that was the truth. he loved her. she was.. everything. he shrugged his jacket off his shoulders, moving to unbutton her shirt with his free hand, not even thinking of pulling away or breaking the kiss. who cared about breathing? about anything? RIGHT NOW? ALL THAT MATTERED WAS HER. it seemed as if time had frozen and the world had disappeared and.. all that existed was this. them, in this tiny elevator, with him feeling more at home than he had in a long time. / @xtinyslip

"… it was a lie. a lie that not even he was aware of. my father? he was adopted, he was never actually born a pederson." he had a right to know because in a way it had shaped a lot of his years as much as it had shaped hers. hadn't it? he'd been right there with her, when her father had been making her life hell ; he had a right to know that basically… it had all been bollocks. "he was, is. it's rather complicated. not much of a surprise there, hm?" she smiled but it was evident her smile was full of sadness. no, she had never wanted to lose parker but her father having to lose will? all because he had been the one to constantly defend her? none of this should ever have happened.

"you like it?" but she clearly already knew the answer with how she was grinning back. the fact she was grinning, for whatever reason made her blush. perhaps, because it felt like she hadn't grinned genuinely like this since the last time she saw him alive. "that's a strong possibility but i'm not sure that there's a chance of ever changing that now, hm? i'm not sure we're a viable match for normal, those days are long behind us. normal is… boring. i could care less for it. i would rather have complicated with you than normal with anyone else." she didn't care for normal, it was a word she'd never practically known the meaning too. not really. she'd never experienced it. "bring someone? i'm not sure how appropriate it would be for me to show up with my ten dogs? is this place even dog friendly?" she did smile at him, she was being… playful. it was her way of telling him that there was no one like THAT. she had people, she wasn't completely alone but how could she ever love anyone else? "there would be eleven of us. i can pay." she chuckled, letting her thumb stroke over the top of his hand. in all seriousness, she wasn't about to show up there with all her dogs. no, hardly practical. "we could… we could do dinner? i'd like that? unless --" was there someone? not that she cared if there was. that might have been terrible but again, she didn't care. "i could tell you or you could come by sometime and see it for yourself? i could give you the not so grand tour?" the house she picked was nice, no doubts about it but it wasn't… it wasn't the level of fancy that anyone was expecting. "that's alright. you didn't know. i wasn't even aware you were here. this is --" well, IT WAS MEANT TO BE. was there any other way to describe it? "lovable? i'm sure you are the only one to describe me as that." when he placed that lock of hair behind her ear, she knew she was blushing again. it wasn't even the act, it was just because it was him, and so a simple act meant so much more just because it was him doing it.

"i'm not so sure about that. it's been rather… tough for me in that department but i would like to believe that it is." tough was an understatement. how many people had let her down? she didn't want to think about it. "i can, and i will. it's not what you think." she saw him glance to his hands, bringing her hand to gently hold his wrist and give it a reassuring squeeze. "lets them? are they not old enough to make that decision for themselves?" she was defensive but over him, and the fact that this was clearly some kind of fucked up power play ; one she used to know too well and she didn't want that hanging over him… or gabi. "take it from me, and i'd know. money isn't everything. i have seen how you are with gabi, i've seen it parker. i'm sure you're a fantastic father." cecilia instantly felt her body tense when he said that this had all been paid for by elaine, it meant that she could take it away with a snap of her fingers. she'd been in the restaurant once, she held no real attachment for it yet but clearly he did. "no," and it was a sharp no. "you don't owe that woman anything. i have the money, however much it is? tell me, you can have it and use it to pay her back. tell her you won big, i don't care as long as she knows it didn't come from me. i'm asking you to trust me, will you?" she was doing this to protect him, and the money was just sitting there. she didn't want it, she would rather have them both be alive and none of that happened, than have a penny of that money. "yes, i would like that and so would winston. he's been… struggling recently. i'm sure a new friend could be exactly what he needs. we'll set a date, hm?" no hesitation. was she using winston as an excuse to see parker? perhaps, but she was sure he wouldn't mind. well, maybe he would but she was sure he would have a nice time regardless. "if he ever approaches you? don't believe a word he says. call me, and do not go anywhere with him. parker, this is important." because she couldn't… she couldn't do that again. she let him embrace her, sinking into his embrace was the safest she had felt in months. she knew it was by how her breathing was beginning to calm, become less erratic than it had been. "this time it's you that lives." her voice was quiet, even with his hands on the side of her face but regardless of how quiet it was. she meant every word.

cecilia wasn't sure whether they could deepen this kiss any further, however, he proved her wrong and she was glad of that as the kiss deepened. "i love you." she wasn't even aware that she'd managed to say it through the kiss, she didn't even know she'd said it out loud but it didn't matter ; she meant it all the same. she'd pressed the emergency stop button, it would freeze until she pressed it again or until maintenance wizened on and brought the elevator manually to his floor. be mine? i'll do whatever it takes to be yours. the tears were because… this was overwhelming her senses but for once it was in a good way. for the first time since this had happened, she wasn't secretly drowning in grief and guilt. now she was drowning in him and she welcomed it, she welcomed this feeling. this time, this moment, this space was there's and she had every intention of making the most of this time as she could. her lips hadn't broken from his, she had no intention of them doing so either, only in the brief moments where they came up for air before it started again. bringing her free hand she started to undo the buttons on his shirt, squeezing his hand with the one that was still tangled in his. @fcdcdmcmories

[kerosene-saint]

so many things happening in my life in the next couple months and it feels like my life is turning around compared to how I felt this time last year which was complete and utter dread and burn out in every sense of the word

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[thelastspeecher]

apparently one of my cousins was just accepted into a master's writing program at an Ivy League school

and that's why I almost never go on Facebook 🙃

[weezerlvr228]

flippin boobahs!

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[bibleofficial]

leaving the hospital in the morning & i finally get to go back to wales & i can’t wait i rly can’t - the belgians i’ve met have been wonderful [for the most part] but the rape has me panicking even seeing the roads and the buildings