#god kaz brekker come back home to me

[nextstopparis]

just watched the kaz and pekka scene again and OH MY FUCKING GOD. i forgot how Genuinely Insane kaz is sksnsksmsksn

[barbarianbookhoe]

I swear I'm never gonna find the love I know I right-fucking-fully deserve

I just rewatched Bridgerton season 3 for the 3rd time already, and MY GOD, if a man does not yearn for me like a Bridgerton man😩

Request: Kaz Brekker x drunk (fem) reader (this is a long fcking one)

Too Sweet

TW: fluff, mention of assault

"And then, THEN he said I am just as useful as a rock. A damn rock!," she scoffed as she swayed in her seat. "Rocks can bee useful," she mumbled, "you can throw 'em at people. Like me! I can be thron at people," she hiccuped once before pointing at her glass for the bartender to re-fill.

The guy just shook his head at her and told her to stop shouting at costumers, or find someplace else. Apparently, she's been a lot friendlier than she thought.

She dropped some kruge on the counter, not having enough common sense left to count if it was even enough.

"But his eeeyes while he looked at me, oh Saints, his eyes are so beautifuuul, and sooo blue, they make me swoooon," Y/N told a waitress, who just laughed at the lovesick girl, who's been talking about a boy for the past 10 minutes.

"Oh honey, you have such a soft spot for that boy!" She laughed, and Y/N just nodded. "Yeah, and-and you should see his cheeks and ears, that when he gets flustred, no, flusterred, uh, flus-tered, yes, they turn red but he hides it, and no one sees, but I see it, because he has such a preeeetty face," she tells her on a high pitched voice, and even rests her head on her arms and lets out a sigh.

Y/N talking about her love life being the only thing actually happening in the small bar, the waitress sats down in front of her after getting out a round of drinks. The two women began their discussion about the boy, and the way Y/N cannot stop smiling while talking about him makes the waitress smile herself.

The sound of a cane tapping on the floor makes the lady turn around, only to find the Bastard of the Barrel himself staring right at her. No, not at her, but the girl on the other side of the table. She gets up and with a quick goodbye slips out of her seat, to make her way to the other side of the place.

Kaz Brekker, as if he had all the time in the world, slowly walked over to his Crow, who was supposed to be in the Club with their group hours ago.

He'd only been trailing her for an hour or two, but in that time she already went through 3 bars. Not counting the one, or ones, where he wasn't present. And without paying. Kaz made sure she wouldn't be in debt by the next morning. As he looked at her drunken state, he began questioning his own plan to get her home as soon as possible.

"Jeeesss!" Y/N looked up at him giddily, practically dragging her words out. "Come 'ere you silly," she signaled for him to sit down, to which Kaz just rolled his eyes. She must've drank quite a lot if she thought him to be the sharpshooter. "Why you in black?" She shook her head as if getting rid of her question and looked at him giddily yet again.

Kaz couldn't shake the bittersweet feeling that slowly made its way into his well-guarded heart. The feeling that she looked the happiest in that moment, drowned in alcohol, probably on the edge of alcohol poisoning, and staring at him with such joy Kaz rarely saw anymore on her, even less in his life. It was clear to him that she was going through something, he just didn't know what it was.

If he had any talent for it he would've drawn her right in that moment, to capture her smile, the shine of her eyes, to keep her this happy at least on paper, to keep her smiling.

"Alright, get up. You're going home," Kaz sternly told her to which she just scoffed. "Ah, but Jesper we have so much to talk aboouuuut," she whined as he took a step closer. "This wasn't a question. You. Are. Going. Home."

"Alrigh', alrigh'," Y/N mumbled to herself as she tried to steady herself enough before attempting to walk on her own. After a few seconds of failing to do so, she quickly straightened her back and began her uncoordinated, swaying march for the door. Kaz was just two steps behind her, and when they got out on the street, he took half a step closer as he stepped next to her.

"Am I late for that meeting? Nahh," She mumbled loud enough for Kaz to hear. "It don' matter. What do I do?" She turned her head to Kaz for a split second before loudly continuing. "I'm talking Jespeeerr!" Kaz quickly shushed her, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention to them.

"Don't ssssshhh me, Kaz sssssh-ushes me, not you!" She said and had it not been for Kaz, she would've tripped in her own foot. "I feel like he doesn't like me anymore," she said then, but Kaz just kept quiet, waiting for her to continue. "I want to tell him to shut up for once, to give 'im my opinion," she began gesturing before herself, as if she wasn't even talking to him anymore, more to herself.

"I feel like... punching him, givin' 'im a piece of mind. Yah, let'ss do that!" She quickly turned around, probably to find Kaz who was standing next to her, but Kaz caught her elbow and stood her in front of him. "You won't do that, alright? You're going home to sleep, and if you still feel like it, you'll give him a punch tomorrow."

"But whyyy? He's always up at night, and that'ss when we taaalk. I can't tell 'im during the dayy!" Her words began to slur again and she was swaying, so Kaz took it as a sign, that she was still in fact really drunk. He didn't let go of her elbow as he guided themselves towards her little flat near Fifth Harbor. It was more like one big room rather than a flat, but she didn't spend that much time there to care about it.

"And why can't you? Is there an unkown force keeping you from it?" He told her while he fought the nausea slowly coming up his throat. They'll be there in a few minutes, he reminded himself. "Jess, why are you the one asking? You're always telling me to lissen to my heart, to not overthink, to just say it. You're not Jesper, that's why!" She said more to herself than Kaz.

"Say what?" Kaz turned to Y/N for a few seconds, trying to see her face to determine what she was feeling. He found himself as curious when he was just a small boy, watching the magicians on the streets of Ketterdam. He watched every little detail of her face, from the flatter of her eyelashes to the unnoticeable tremble of her lips, trying to guess what she was going to say.

"Again with the questionss," she mumbled and right after spoke up on a sad tone, her vice slightly trembling, almost as if she was holding back from crying. "You sound like my landlord. Saints, I hate 'im. He's always angry a-and yelling, and soooo tall, taller than Matthias," she said and Kaz noticed the barely noticeable crack in her voice, making him worry about what more she had to say.

"I mean, I fought 'im twice yesterday, you know, 'cause he was demanding the rent I already payed, givin' me a great punch to my ribs, but like, you know, I'm a fighter, I can take 'im any day, but I mean, he's sooo tall and, and I was tired, so you know I didn't have too much "fight" in me." Y/N rambled, probably unaware of admitting that she was assaulted and making it seem less serious than it was, but still, it made Kaz's vision fog up with red.

How did he not know? How could he let this happen under his watch? Why didn't he felt the need to investigate her place, like he first intended to?

She was still rambling about her landlord and their multiple fights, yes, multiple Kaz realized, getting angrier by the second, when she stumbled and Kaz had to yank her up before she fell on the hard ground.

Without a second thought, or any thought at all, Kaz put her arm around his shoulder and carefully slipped his other arm around her waist to keep her somewhat standing. They were just a block away from her place, but Y/N seemed to cling to Kaz, her legs barely functioning at this point, and Kaz had to lean themselves against an old brick building before they both collapsed.

He also had to take a breather from all the touching, not being used to touching her for this long. Yes, they've stitched up each other countless times, sometimes even caring enough to change each other's bandages. But that never lasted longer than half a minute, or one, which was the limit for Kaz.

As soon as he calmed down, he felt warm fingers touching his face.

He froze in his spot and he had to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing if he didn't want to start panicking. A minute passed by, and the hands still didn't leave his face, but they began to explore his every feature. It started at his cheeks then to his jaw, his forehead, the hand smoothed over his eyes so carefully as if he was made from glass, then the fingers stopped at his lips. He didn't even know he was forcefully keeping them in a thin line until the warm touch made them slightly part.

When Kaz opened his eyes he felt his heart stop and melt all at once, he felt it cease to beat only to then began pumping his blood with so much force he felt as if his heart was trying to fire up his veins.

Y/N was looking at him with a longing gaze, as if this was her last, yet the first time seeing him. As if he was something worth looking at.

She kept looking at him even though Kaz swore his heart was about to burst into a mess of blood and flames. Her fingers lingered on his lips as her other hand came up to softly caress the side of his face, touching a strand of hair. As if she wasn't able to stop touching him. Kaz felt his lips part even more than before, and his breath got stuck in his throat at her touch. He kept his eyes on her as he felt the need to close them for just one second. He felt his heart throb too fast for his liking, feeling his head getting dizzier by the second.

He was sure he was about to faint.

When her thumb caressed his lips for one second, just one second, she moved both of her hands to the side of his face ever so gently, and Kaz felt his knees tremble under her gaze. They never once broke the eye contact, which made the moment feel even more intimate. The way she was looking at Kaz, the way her eyes reflected the dim light next to them on the street made her eyes sparkle in the moonlight, and Kaz felt himself quietly gasp for air.

Kaz Brekker gasped for air, mesmerized by the sight of her.

He was trying to figure out the emotion behind the look she was giving him all night, when she mentioned him or his name, when she realized he wasn't Jesper, when she took his face in her hands, as she caressed him with such tenderness, as if one wrong touch could shatter him like the finest porcelain.

But when she moved her thumb back to his lips again, slightly caressing it without even noticing, Kaz finally dared to speak up.

"What are you-," He couldn't finish the words he was whispering, because Y/N put his handkerchief between their faces, holding it onto Kaz's lips, as if she was about to...was she? Was she about to...kiss him? Kaz felt like fainting again.

When she spoke up, the drunk look was somewhat gone from her eyes, and bittersweetness took over. "My imagination is wicked, but this might be the cruelest thing it ever did to me, making me see you as if you were real, as if you were here." She whispered it so gently that Kaz had to take a second to grasp what she was saying. "I'm here Y/N, I've been here all night." He said, but she just sadly shook her head.

"You're another hallucination, dream-Kaz, because I can never kiss you in the real world. And even in my dreams, I can't do it without respecting you first," she whispered, smoothing the handkerchief over his lips.

Kaz couldn't pin-point when did his heart pumping began too loud for him to hear, or when did he forget to breathe, but what he knew exactly, was the fact that these all made his thoughts cease to exist. Except one.

"You...dream about me? Above all people you could have choosen, you chose me to dream about?" He asked breathlessly, not believing how small his own voice sounded. Still, tears began welling up in Y/N's eyes, which she tried to keep at bay, but a single drop escaped and she let it stream down her face as she spoke up.

"You're... everywhere, all the time, and I can't escape you from my imagination, sometimes even preferring to hallucinate because that's where I know I'll find you, where I'm brave enough to-to say 'I love you' to your face, without having to deal with your rejection, because I-" As she glanced away from him trying to blink away her tears, Kaz gently took the handkerchief away from his lips and instead held her hand which put the handkerchief on him.

Kaz finally realized how she looked at him. If their racing hearts, her shallow breath, the tremble of her voice wasn't enough clue, than her touch certainly was. Throughout her speech her hands were still on his face, unmoving, not daring to move, instead keeping them there in a tender touch. She was in-

"I'm irrevocably, unconditionally, and fatally in love with you Kaz Brekker."

Sharp breaths and worried looks.

Unnoticeable steps and reassuring nods.

A trembling exhale.

One quick step, and Kaz was kissing her.

Their lips colliding against one another like the sun sets on the dark sea, like the moon takes the sun's place, like fireworks lighting up the sky. Her lips a mix of cheap alcohol and something sweet, his the scent of coffee and something salty. Her shyness, afraid of hurting him, clashing with his yearning movements, all of a sudden forgetting everything that wasn't her. His hand found its way onto the back of her neck, while the other gently touched the side of her face, just as she did mere seconds ago.

Kaz couldn't begin to think about his aversion, nor his nausea, because he was surrounded by her. Her scent, her lips, her hands on his face, her gasp in the kiss. He kissed her as if she was the air he was breathing, and he had been drowning, therefore he took the breath that belonged to him. Kaz never kissed anyone before, nor did he imagine himself doing so, but he did it with a strange hunger, as if he was a starving animal in captivity.

In a way both of them were animals, walking the cruel roads of the city, taking down anyone that crossed their paths in the need of survival. In a way, Kaz was no better than a starving animal, looking for crumbs to feed his hunger, finding any way for revenge to ease his anger. And in a way, Y/N was the first healthy taste that could keep Kaz from starving again.

She was addicting. The kiss couldn't have lasted more than 5 seconds, but Kaz already felt himself in need of another. He only tasted her once but he wanted more. So much more.

His knees didn't stop weakening, and he still couldn't quite catch his breath, and maybe it was from the lack of air in his lungs, or his heart beating too loudly in his ears to hear anything, but despite his past with touch, despite his head trying to tell him to stop, almost as soon as they broke apart Kaz captivated her once again.

This kiss was more tender than the first. Kaz still kissed her with wild hunger, but now he took his time getting familiar with her lips. Although, Y/N didn't let herself fall under his spell this time, she daringly smoothed her fingers through his raven hair, stopping at the nape of his neck and gently caressing some strands. She stood still, letting Kaz do what he wanted with his hands on her.

It all felt like a dream, a dream that she was bound to keep like a memory, not just another one of her hallucinations. She knew this wasn't real, it couldn't have been, because she knew her Kaz could never touch her like this. Not in this lifetime. So she let herself get lost in this dream more than she should've let herself to, because she knew her drunkenness would be a reasonable excuse.

Therefore she couldn't bring herself to step away from him. She wanted to kiss him, needed to kiss him, desperately, and if this was the only way she would do so, in her drunk imagination, then she would have to settle for it. She had to accept that this lifetime wasn't meant for them.

Kaz knew his anger. It was hot and messy, uncalculated, selfish and greedy, which brought out the monster in him. It made him destroy everything in his path, without a single care about who's coming down with him. Kaz knew his anger.

Except this time. As he stepped inside Y/N's flat, looking at the broken chair in the corner, the different marks on the walls, and the small droplets of dried blood at the entrance, he felt a deep rage take over him, and out of instinct he tightened his arm around Y/N just a bit more.

He imagined every scenario as Y/N talked about the fights, from the bad to the worst, but seeing the remnaints of those fights in the organized and neat place felt almost ridiculous to him.

Y/N didn't bother with covering about the damage. She kept her place clean and comfortable as always, and now her place looked like as if the two sides of her life clashed against one another.

Kaz walked over to the bed with her and sat her down, before he grabbed a glass and poured her some water. He signaled for her to drink it and she agreed, probably unaware of what she was drinking. Meanwhile Kaz looked around and lit up a few candles around the room. Then Y/N moved to take off her boots, failing to do so. After multiple attempts and swearing under her breath, Kaz spoke up.

"Stop that and lie down. I'll help," he told her and set his cane down on the bed next to her. She began giggling as he knelt down on one knee to take her boots off. "If you wanted to get me into bed, you could've just asked," she chuckled and Kaz felt his face heat up. He was grateful that she couldn't see his face right now.

"And what would be the fun in that?" Kaz asked and Y/N could hear the cockyness in his voice. "The easiness. I would let you without thinking, you know." Kaz sat her boots next to her bedside table and looked up at her as she slowly sat up.

"You're not an easy woman Y/N, therefore I wouldn't want easy with you." Kaz told her and watched her smile faltered and her eyes got bigger, like when she was concentrating on something. He took it as a sign to continue.

But before he did, he took a moment to really look at her like this. Face red from drinking, eyes shining in the candelight, her gaze full of emotion, hair messy from touching it too much, a few strands sticking to the side of her face, probably from sweat. Kaz moved to tuck those strands of hair behind her ear, and Y/N watched his tender movements with a sleepy smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Kaz, still on his knees, told her to go to sleep and she happily obliged. She fell back on the bed, quickly moving around for a comfortable position then closed her eyes and fell asleep in just a few minutes.

"I'll be right here," Kaz whispered as he got up from his kneeling position, and got to work.

Y/N woke up to the sound of keys jingling. Against her tired muscles she quickly sat up and grabbed her knife from under her pillow. When her front door opened she threw the knife without hesitation.

Knowing that she probably didn't aim right she grabbed another knife from her bedside table and rushed to the intruder. She grabbed the back of their coat and held the knife to their throat, or she would've, if the person didn't block them with their cane. With the beak of the crow.

"This is how you greet your friends?" Kaz asked mockingly to which Y/N just rolled her eyes and took her knife away from Kaz's face. "Why are you here?" She asked back.

"Good morning, yes I'm quite fine, how are you?" He said and the small grin on his face made Y/N want to kick his cane from under him. "Been better. Could do without the slight headache though, but I'm sure it comes and goes with you," Y/N told him and turned her back to get the knife back in its place.

"You were much better company last night." She turned around abruptly. "What did I do?" Kaz didn't answer at first, which made her worried she did something stupid again. "Kaz, what the hell did I do last night?"

"For starters, you hit up probably half a dozen bars to drown yourself in whatever was cheapest. Then you poured your heart out, probably would've fallen into the canal if it wasn't for me," He said the last words with a mix of mocking and smugness. "Better question: what did you do?"

"A thank you would suffice for saving your ass," He told her and she just scoffed. "Thank you, for being a-" Y/N started but as she hopped down on her bed she felt her ribs ache and she had to breathe loudly to ease the pain. Kaz was in front of her in seconds and had an almost worried look on his face. "What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just-nothing. Probably slept in a bad position," she winced as she put a hand on her left side, but she didn't miss the fact that Kaz reached his hand out. It was only a second, or half a second before he took it back, but she saw it.

Imaged of him touching her flashes through her, his hands in her hair, on her face and neck. She could still feel the touch on her lips, and for a second she just stared back at him in surprise. Was it...was it real? Kaz looked at her questioningly, not knowing what just went through her mind.

Then Kaz sat his cane on her bedside table before he got rid of his coat and put it next to her on the bed. Another image came up: the same position, but he was kneeling in front of her. Y/N shook her head a little, trying to get rid of the images.

"Kaz, what are you do-AH," Y/N shouted as Kaz lifted up her shirt and put his hand on her ribs. He kept poking her left side all the while she was cursing him into oblivion. When Kaz finally stopped and reached for the hem of her shirt she grabbed her clothing and clutched it.

"Hey! No more of this! What do you think you're doing?"

"Measuring up your bruises. I need to know how many punches you took," Kaz told her as a matter-of-factly, and Y/N stared back in confusion. "From who?!"

"Your landlord. Mr. Kozar."

Silence fell over the room. Kaz could see the confusion turn into embarassment, then into fear. Y/N was still clutching her shirt, but this time with a tight grip to ground herself in reality.

"How do you-" She started, but then stopped as she looked up at him. "I told you last night, didn't I?"

"Yes, everything," Kaz had to slightly bite down on his lip, so as not to tell her what did he plan for her landlord tonight. The sight of her, slowly curling in on herself, looking as if she wanted to disappear, when Kaz knew better than anyone that she always made her presence known everywhere she went.

Kaz gently touched the hem of her shirt, next to the piece of fabric she was currently holding in an iron grip, when she looked at him again, this time with uncertainity. Kaz just waited.

"If you want to take off my clothes, at least ask my permission first. Be a gentleman," Y/N told him quietly and loosened her grip on her shirt. Kaz scoffed quietly as he kneeled down in front of her. "I'm anything but gentle," he said, his touch on her shirt never tightening.

"Can I?" Kaz asked on a voice so soft it could've melted gold. Y/N never heard him talk that way, therefore she had to take a moment to grasp her head around how sweet his voice sounded. "Can I take off your shirt?" Kaz asked her again, his soft, sweet voice not faltering. Y/N gently nodded. "Yes."

The minutes while Kaz looked at her bruises, sometimes poking them again, she felt like crying the entire time. Not from the pain, that she was used to living in the Barrel for this long, but from how tender his touches were. He may believe he's not a gentleman, but Y/N knew the truth. She knew the heart behind the iron bars.

After Kaz finished, he handed her shirt back and even helped when she had to stretch out her side. He told her one of her ribs might be fractured, but it shouldn't cause her any trouble tonight.

"Is there a job tonight? Wait, was the meeting I missed last night about this?" Y/N asked Kaz quickly after she reached for her boots to put them on. She was stopped by Kaz's cane snatching them away. "This isn't a job, only if you want to look at it that way," he said carefully and it made Y/N suspicious.

"What did you do?"

"I? I did nothing. Your landlord, on the other hand, did more than what's understandable, even more so, hurting someone close to me, which I believe you don't tolerate either, therefore I set up a meeting with him," Kaz said and rested his hands on the top of his cane, looking at everywhere except her eyes. Y/N didn't miss the way he described their relationship. Someone close to me. Was she still dreaming? Or was this real life? Before she could ask him about that little detail, another thought formed in her mind.

"What meeting?" She asked but the way Kaz glanced at her for just a few seconds before putting his coat on to go on his way, told her more than his words could've. "Oh, a meeting, as in, torture,"

"Only if you want it to get to that point," Kaz said and Y/N was up on her feet right in front of him, and her subconscious got giddy at the fact that he didn't move away from her. "Why Kaz? You didn't have to bother with any of-"

"I did." He said suddenly, and his tone made Y/N go silent. "I do, because I wasn't careful enough to investigate this place like I did with the one before, because I trusted you enough to handle things, because I knew ypu would fight your way out of it. Then you told me you were assaulted, multiple times, multiple fucking times Y/N andyou never once told any of us. You never onced mentioned it, not to anyone, not to me." Kaz told her getting angry at himself for not making sure you were alright, because he was too absorved in his own thoughts, in his feelings for you, trying to punish himself for feeling the way he did. Meanwhile it got to a point where he forgot to protect you. He forgot. He never forgot to look after you. "You didn't ask my help."

"You had enough on your plate now that Pekka's out of the picture. You had business to run, I couldn't have just walk through your door saying my landlord is a greedy asshole who's attacking me at any inconvenience. You wouldn't have cared."

"I would!" Kaz said louder and Y/N looked at him in shock. She was about to speak when Kaz interrupted her. "I do. I do care. I care about your well-being enough, that I wouldn't care at which time of day or night you came for my help." He practically whispered the last few words and he could almost feel her lips against his, the memory suddenly blinding him. "Never be too stubborn to ask for my help. Just come to me."

Y/N could hardly breathe in that moment. All of the flashes from her dream, they weren't dreams at all. She really touched his face, and Kaz really kissed her. Now she remembered how his lips moved against hers as if he had been hungry all his life. And as Kaz looked at her with his pale blue eyes, she was reminded of the fact that he initiated the second kiss. Y/N wanted to know how he kissed, now that she was sober. If it felt addicting while she was drunk, she couldn't begin to imagine what it would feel like now that she's sober.

"I need your help Kaz," she whispered and Kaz's face turned serious at the mention of his name. "I'm afraid I don't remember much from last night." Y/N whispered as she slowly held her hand up next to his face, not wanting to be too quich with her movements, but Kaz gently grabbed her hand and put on the side of his face.

"And now?" Kaz asked raspily. Y/N felt like fainting, as she took a quick inhale. "Not familiar," she said and Kaz moved her other hand to the nape of his neck while he put a hand under her jaw, on her neck. "How about this?" He asked, the words a whisper against her lips. "Still not remembering," she moved her head just a little closer to him and heard Kaz quietly gasp for air, to which she let out a small smile.

"This, you remember," Kaz didn't waste time hugging her even closer to him, so he could finally kiss her again. Saints know he's been itching to do so.

Y/N let out a small gasp in the kiss and Kaz poured all of his years of yearning into their kiss.

Since that night the Barrel had something worse to fear from Dirtyhands: his love and devotion.

[criesinliess]

━FEBRUARY 2024; susan's recs

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS

━━LUKE CASTELLAN

look at me @indecisivemuch

apples @↑

love me anyway @okaytapes

a rose and her thorns @atlabeth

always an angel, never a god @cobrakaisb

when you get me alone, it’s so simple @emiliehornby

what’s a girl gonna do when she’s in love with you? @↑

kiss of life; part2 @sunsburns

you free 2night? @ilycosy

the killerverse @tangledinlove — still ongoing but one of my favorite things rn, luke and killer my beloved

STRANGER THINGS

━━STEVE HARRINGTON

dark honey; part2 @caxde

closeness @↑

picking drunk reader up @weird-is-life

go for it @nervoushottee 

pretty girl @stevie-petey

oh, you didn’t know? @↑

(it’s not like) he’s my boyfriend @luveline

small hands, big heart @sexybabystevie

adventures in babysitting @worth-the-chaos — also still ongoing but you absolutely have to read it!! masterpiece

season two of „come home” @stevie-petey — i recommend season one last month and if u didn’t read it yet you should go and change that! i am living just so i can read new chapters

you and i (back at it again) @lighteyed

━━EDDIE MUNSON

candygram @hellfirenacht

ONE PIECE

━━ZORO

lips on every cross @revasserium

LOCKWOOD & CO

━━ANTHONY LOCKWOOD

buy me presents! @lewkwoodnco

i got options, babe @↑

unacceptable @atlabeth

far too young to die @↑

happiness @tangledinlove

OUTER BANKS

━━JJ MAYBANK

opposites attract @maybankswhore

━━RAFE CAMERON

be my once in a lifetime @erwinsvow

DIVERGENT

━━PETER HAYES

bad liars @heliads

THE BEAR

━━CARMY BERZATTO

february fluff @cloveroctobers

confectionary clash @newtkive

practice @↑

GRISHAVERSE

━━KAZ BREKKER

cause it’s you @bubbles-for-all-of-us

MARVEL

━━MIGUEL O’HARA

the grump & the drunk @t-lostinworlds

━━BUCKY BARNES

5 times there was only one bed (and the one time there were two beds) @mrs-illyrian-baby

CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

━━EDMUND PEVENSIE

ye of little faith @pariahsparadise

PROM PACT

━━BEN PLUNKETT

third times a charm @manheimsmuse

[ephemeralgalaxies]

SHADOW AND BONE S2 SPOILERS BELOW (specifically Wylan)

back on my procrastination obsessing-over-comfort-characters flavored shit again here we go

Jack Wolfe did a great job getting me invested in Wylan all over again dear god idk where to even start for this. there's so much to discuss about his character portrayal in the show.

what I wanna talk about in this meta, though, is Wylan as neurodivergent (from a neurodivergent perspective), and I'll start it out by saying I absolutely loved it.

Having Wylan so obviously ND without actually saying it or making him "weird/outcast/gross" is so refreshing in media. Like, from the books (and mid-season of the show) we know that Wylan probably has dyslexia, making it harder for him to read. He shows his discomfort with this fact about himself, how his natural conclusion is that others will treat him less because of it. But something I've always admired about Wylan (and I think a lot of fans forget *squints at trends of infantilizing ND-coded characters*) is how he knows this isn't something to be ashamed of. He knows this doesn't make him any less incredible. But he just can't get it in his head that others would feel the same way. When he first lets Jesper in on how he can't read the passport, he's trusting Jesper with this. He looks around to make sure no one else will hear, anyone he doesn't have this bond with, faith in, yet. And he asks Jesper what the passport says. The look in his eyes is so pleading, so cautious, like this is a test. He's testing Jesper to see how he'll react to this, if he'll just be another name on the list of people Wylan has to learn to let go to keep himself safe.

And yeah, Jesper fucks it up. And he just keeps fucking it up, saying how he didn't know bc "you're just so smart!" (like that "oh, you don't look autistic!" "oh, you're too smart to be disabled" etc) (like ofc, that wasn't Jesper's intentions. But when your father sends you letters like "if you're reading this, then you know how much I want you to come back home," well what are you more likely to believe Jesper is thinking?) And finally, Jesper hits it right: "you have nothing to be ashamed of!" Except... it's pretty hypocritical of him here. So Wylan panics again, he's furious because he really does like this guy but how dare you. And then he sees how hurt Jesper is and oh shit. There's more to this. It's more complicated than "don't be ashamed," there's a commonality here. This isn't pity, it's empathy.

so yeah I absolutely adore how they addressed this in the show given the situations they were placed in (like, if in the books, Wylan had already formed a strong bond with someone in the group, he probably would've done this. But he really hadn't yet, no one had told him that they want to be around him, to understand him. Wylan didn't feel safe enough to test the waters. The situation from the show, however, opened up new possibilities that stay true to his character (imo)).

Though even more than that, just the sheer obvious ND traits that Jack shows with Wylan made me so happy. Like, especially all his tics and stuttering and it didn't feel ingenuine. He doesn't stutter through everything, just super stressful situations (which... is most of his situations in s2 lmao). Like, he's not stuttering when he's just driving in the cart with Jesper or when he's scolding him for seriously, you remember that now??? (like ofc Jesper would remember him in that position I swear-- "you brought me stroopwaffles!" jesper PLS). He holds it together when confronting Kaz about Alby (his voice breaks at first, he pauses, but he works up the mask to look sturdy and immovable. which,,, with kaz brekker he definitely needs). When telling Jesper why he left, he keeps steady. It's not all the time like the stuttering-representation I've seen before (specifically in fanfics).

AND THE HEAD SHAKE TICS!!!!!!! As someone that does that a lot, I was so happy to see him doing these (the excessive blinking as well), especially when he's more shy than stressed because yeah tics can happen any time, but especially any situation with a heightened emotion (and the guy u like telling u that he really wants to try things seriously with u with that soft voice/eyes/smile (this is just becoming me simping for Kit Young), like yeah I'd definitely be feeling a lot. AND IT DOESN'T TURN JESPER AWAY. The only thing that bothered him was that Wylan hadn't responded; he was worried the sentiment wouldn't be returned. But Wylan's actual tics have nothing to do with it.

And having him so sensitive to loud sounds (ironically) makes me so happy because YES!!! YES YES YES OFC. He loves music and chemistry because Wylan controls them. He can control the sound, the amount of it all, he can predict it. And it makes it easier to deal with. He doesn't flinch away from his own explosions (when he knows they're coming, unlike the one that destroyed the Crow Club) -- usually he covers his ears or hides his face ahead of time. He likes the higher piano keys, the flute puffs (forgive me, I am a cellist and a pianist, Idk what the harsher sounds from his flute when we first see him are called technically) when he can control them and their effects. And whenever he does react to other sounds/situations, he leans towards his one comfort-person in the group (Jesper), leaving him lost once he tries to sever that tie after telling Jesper that he can't read. Wylan leans on Tolya more instead (I love that so much for so many reasons) bc while Tolya is less known, he's just,,,,,,, okay I'm sorry but Tolya gives off such comforting vibes, alright? Like he's so amazing. I haven't read the SaB books yet, just SoC, so I saw everyone talking about him like "oh yeah ok. some cool character ppl love. aight we'll see how it goes." aND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH???

Like if I was in Wylan's position, given all the other characters around, I would definitely lean to Tolya for comfort. Also Tolya is a great fighter, like. alsdkfj no focus, Wylan first, Tolya meta later.

ALL THE INFO DUMPS TOO!!!! That urge to inform Jesper despite also wanting to be pissed at him bc pls be interested in this, I wanna tell someone so much. This is so important to me. AND THEN wanting to correct Jesper later when Jesper apologizes, even messing it up himself after hearing how Jesper pronounces it when Wylan knows how it should be bc god the echolalia, the subconscious ND urge to repeat what others said/how they said it/tongue just getting screwed up when u hear something wrong despite knowing how it should be. And then Wylan deciding that it's not important, that he has so much time now to correct Jesper, that he can explain it all and more later under the safety of roof and the morning sun.

I'm not crying you are.

okok I need to eat supper now but pls I love how Jack Wolfe depicts Wylan as ND so bad, it's so validating. Especially with an entire cast full of ND characters (u cannot change my mind that the Crows isn't ND Found Family. I love them so much) and how different everyone is still, showing so many side to neurodiversity. And that it's all valid. That Wylan is incredible and beautiful and brilliant, neurodivergence and all. That someone like him, someone maybe like me, could find a love (romantic, familial, platonic) like Wylan does with the Crows (and now more! since the show allows them to interact with the other series).

Representation matters, people.

[lonslibrary]

best characterization lines from the crows—matthias helvar

“This was something different. If the demon Brekker spoke the truth, Matthias would get to go home. The longing for it twisted in his chest—to hear his language spoken, to see his friends again, taste semla filled with sweet almond paste, feel the bite of the northern wind as it came roaring over the ice. To return home and be welcomed there without the burden of dishonour.” 

when you consider him as the teenager that he is, matthias has also been to hell and back and his homesickness always reminds me of it :(( the fact that he chooses nina over everything he knew and loved is the reason why i believe in love

“Even so, the words were bitter in Matthias’ mouth when he said, ‘I’ll do it.’ 

Brekker winked at Nina, and Matthias wanted to knock his teeth in.”

OK this is just my personal bonus bc i love this trio’s dynamic so much and i’ll never get over how they could have made kaz more like he is in the book in the netflix show bc i feel like kaz is not as outwardly dark and brooding as ppl think !!! he’s moody as shit but he’s seventeen and playful sometimes and he snorts and winks and is sarcastic and sometimes "played along with one of [jesper’s] jokes” and says things like “i’ll just hire matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass” LIKE PLS. but this is not abt kaz and we will now return to the regularly scheduled program...

“Matthias returned his mentor’s embrace. 

‘I don’t know if you’re wrong about the Grisha,” he said gently. ‘I just know you’re wrong about her.’ 

He held Brum tight, in a hold Matthias had learned in the echoing training rooms of the drüskelle stronghold, rooms he would never see again. He held Brum as he struggled briefly and as his body went slack. When Matthias pulled away, Brum had slipped into unconsciousness, but Matthias did not think he imagined the rage that lingered on his mentor’s features. He made himself memorise it. It was right that he should remember that look. He was a true traitor at last, and he should carry the burden of it” 

matthias’s honor comes from his loyalty and honesty and i love that he admits he still isn’t sure about the other grisha yet, just nina. a turning point for him for sure, and i’ll forever be in awe of his character development. 

“Matthias was running through the streets of a foreign city, into dangers he did not know, but for the first time since he’d looked into Nina’s eyes and seen his own humanity reflected back at him, the war inside him quieted. 

We’ll find a way to change their minds, she’d said. All of them. He would locate Nina. They would survive this night. They would free themselves of this damp, misbegotten city, and then...Well, then they’d change the world.”

this entire chapter !!!! matthias has never been my personal favorite but he is such. a. well. written. character and i will never get over him d-wording. he realizes that his duty to his god and nina can be one and the same and that it was Djel who caused the shipwreck and his fateful meeting with nina and finally, is able to accept himself as not a traitor, but instead a revolutionary !! when i think about him sleeping and eating with nina just days before he died, my heart breaks for the future he could have had. 

“Matthias wanted to scream as the wolf’s teeth sank into his forearm. He toppled to the ground, the wolf on top of him, the pain beyond anything he’d ever known. But he did not make a sound. He held the wolf’s gaze as its teeth sank more deeply into the muscle of his arm, a growl rumbling through the animal’s chest. 

Matthias suspected that the wolf’s jaws were strong enough to break bone, but he did not struggle, did not cry out, did not drop his gaze. I won’t hurt you, he swore, even if you hurt me.”

is matthias’s promise to trassel not his promise to his country? despite his realization about grisha, his loyalties lay with his home. the one that brainwashed him, forced him into a way of life, taught him everything he knew. the boy matthias faces at his death is also just another version of trassel: matthias holds up his hands, tells the boy he is unarmed, tells the young soldier he can take him to the law if he wishes. matthias’s only fault is his faith—faith that resides in his people until even the last moments of his life.

kaz’s version | wylan’s version | jesper’s version | nina’s version | matthias’s version | inej’s version

and that is it, people! the series that took more than a year to finish comes to an end with our favorite blonde soldier. i’m personally waiting to watch until friday, but happy shadow and bone season 2 day!! 

[swanimagines]

FANDOMS

I’m that weirdo who’s willing to write for fandoms no one else writes for so don’t judge me. :D I like to challenge myself, so if I like the movie/tv show/game, I'll often write for it! Even if it's a "weird" fandom. Please note: this does not mean I write for every fandom there is. If the fandom isn't listed here, it's unlikely I even know it or then I'm just not interested. You can ask if I know it/if I could write for it, but please do not send in requests assuming I write for a fandom even when it's not listed.

READ MY RULES BEFORE REQUESTING!

The list for my fave characters to write for is below the fandom list in case you're interested!

(My random and unpopular fandoms are below the main list to make this easier to read)

I WRITE FOR ALL CHARACTERS UNLESS I STATE OTHERWISE IN THIS LIST

FANDOMS I WILL WRITE FOR:

MOVIES

10 Things I Hate About You

(James Cameron's) Avatar franchise

Batman: The Dark Knight Trilogy

Disney & Pixar movies (animated + live action)

Full list here!

Edward Scissorhands

Enola Holmes

Hunger Games

Jumanji (1995, 2017 and 2019)

Little Women (2019)

Lord of the Rings + The Hobbit

Marvel

Spider-Men (Maguire, Garfield, Holland)

MCU (up to No Way Home)

Venom (1 and 2)

X-Men (2000-2006 + 2011-2019)

Deadpool 1 + 2

Fantastic Four (2005-2007)

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-2017)

Shazam!

Sky High

Star Wars

The Skywalker Saga

Rogue One

Solo

Star Wars: Jedi (video game series)

The Chronicles of Narnia

The Maze Runner

Titanic

TV SERIES

Bones

Chicago Med

DC Titans

Gotham

Free Rein

H2O: Just Add Water + Mako Mermaids

His Dark Materials

Julie and the Phantoms

Lucifer

Once Upon A Time

Peaky Blinders

Shadow and Bone/Grishaverse as a whole

Stranger Things

Teen Wolf

The 100

The Queen’s Gambit

The Sandman (Netflix)

The Umbrella Academy

The Witcher

Wednesday

Xena: Warrior Princess

VIDEO GAMES

Assassin’s Creed (up to Syndicate)

Baldur's Gate 3

Detroit: Become Human

Dragon Age games

Ghost of Tsushima

God of War & Ragnarok (2018 & 2022)

Horizon Zero Dawn + Forbidden West

Kingdom Hearts games

Marvel’s Spider-Man + Miles Morales

Red Dead Redemption 2

Sly Cooper

Star Wars: Jedi (video game series)

Tomb Raider (the new trilogy)

Uncharted up to Lost Legacy

Watch Dogs/Watch Dogs 2/Bloodline

RANDOM

Freddy Carter’s characters, at the moment these:

Kaz Brekker

Pin Hawthorne

Jason Ripper

Tom (15 Days)

I also write for Ellis through research (from 2018 horror movie The Convent)

Gideon Fletcher

David Friedkin

(Also likely Ray when Recursive Dreams comes out)

SUBLIST: NICHE MOVIE FANDOMS

(These are all very small and random fandoms so that's why I separated them from the main list)

AND CLARIFICATION, YOU CAN REQUEST SOMETHING FOR ANY OF THESE!!

MOVIES

Aquamarine

Catwoman

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Ella Enchanted

Flicka

Garfield movies

Home Alone 1 & 2

Love and Monsters

Moulin Rouge

Notting Hill

Peter Pan (2003)

Red Eye

Rise of the Guardians

Stardust

The Dark is Rising

The Martian

Warm Bodies

—

This list is growing all the time!

Below I’ve listed some fandoms I once wrote for but not anymore in case you wonder why are they missing even though I have fics for it here. I've also included a reason why I'm no longer writing for it.

FANDOMS I NO LONGER WRITE FOR:

Wizarding World (Harry Potter + Fantastic Beasts)

I was bullied out of the fandom and even though it has calmed down since, I no longer have interest to come back. The fandom is divided in three major "camps" now after JKR started clowning around and I don't want to be part of that drama.

[the-wraiths-wife]

LOOK

I personally found Avery very very boring and basic

She was a PAIN to have as a protagonist, she was very one dimensional and Plain

And I think Lyra Kane is gonna be just as boring. I NEED some spice, some SEMBLANCE of personality

Avery's personality is white, plain, Sugar-y asf spoilt Milk.

I betchu lyras is gonna be worse—

Kinda sorry to the Lyra Kane fans tho

Like I've read so many books and after one point you can predict what type of charectors an author can write. You understand their scope and calibre.

And like, even though the Hawthornes are portrayed as these hot sexy god-like bois who make women loose their minds I NEVER ever felt it

(probably cuz I'm gay—)

But my point is, with certain charectors like - Kenji Kishmoto, Aaron Warner, Kaz Brekker, Percy Jackson, Cardan Greenbriar, Malini (from da jasmine throne), alex claremont-diaz, Lord Thyco you can like FEEL the aura, the 'hot' aura

Like their PERSONALITIES contribute to the hotness.

• Kenji's obsession with tangled, his ability to calm people, his goofiness, him genuinely giving a fuck abt people, not being a Gale Hawthorne, and his obsession for Nazeera, his willingness to sacrifice himself for his friends

• Aaron's fashion sense, his willingness to burn the world for her, to wait for her, helping her become powerful, helping her find herself i.e re-discover her past, and eating a cookie with a knife and fork ; ‘Come back here’ ‘Home’, ‘lyhfml’

• Kaz Brekker ripping a guy's eye out for his girl, finding her parents for her, freeing her from her indenture and her sexual trauma, wanting to bottle up her laugh and get drunk on it, his crazy revenge plans, ‘I would've come for you’, dropping a guy from a tower for objectifying women.

• Percy simping for Annabeth and jumping into tartarus with her and almost dying for her, respecting his mom, having a loveable persona, standing up to the gods, messing with the gods, being sarcastic and a great leader.

•Cardan Greenbriar begging Jude to come back to him and allowing her to murder/attempt to murder him again and again and making her the queen of Elfhelm so she feels one with the magic

• Princess Malini of Parijatdvipada helping her girlfriend find herself, making her remember her childhood, save her people and her culture, re-discover her magic, establish a relationship with her brother, making her truly HAPPY and WHOLE again, Refusing to burn on that pyre

•Alex claremont-diaz giving his boyfriend the strength to truly be himself, helping him ; LIKE actually doing wonders for his man, gives him the courage to come out to his family, is actually there for henry (the boyfriend) whenever he needs him, goes after Henry and their relationship, the Texas campaign—

• Lord Thyco accepting his boyfriend, showing him he's not a burden but a blessing, bringing out the best in him, helping his boyfriend and his bestfriend by not letting them die on the streets

But with the Hawthornes it's like, you're supposed to think they're hot, end of story.

Why are they hot?

Idk

The only hawthorne I actually like is Grayson, because he reminds me of Henry from red white and royal blue.

I read the whole series for him and I don't think he and Lyra should be a thing

He should be gay. Chilling somewhere FAAARRR away from the rest of the Hawthornes. With his boyfriend.

End. Of. Story.

Like but the rest of the Hawthornes are like

Jameson → ick personified

Xander → Random asf (scones? Jlb, ik you were trynna be different, just give the man a cookie—)

Nash → Don't. Get. Me. Started.

The rest of the charectors I stated as examples for hot? They had charector development, they helped their s/o-s grow with them.

I don't think the Hawthornes really did that.

And they have potential, with nash being a cowboy, Jameson loving mysteries and whatnot but it's not well executed.

Don't tell me that it's a mystery puzzle kinda book, you can't have best of both worlds.

Again, all the charectors I stated above are from action packed fun books and they have great personality.

Also shout out to Ravi Singh from a good girl's guide to murder. He has an amazing personality.

[queeenpersephone]

Hi it’s the Kaz/Alina/Darkling anon! I don’t really have anything specific in mind there’s so little for the ship that I’m down for anything lol. But I wouldn’t mind another soulmate au☺️

hi there! sorry this took so long, but i finally decided how to write a sequel to this fic so have a peek! (in case you have not read the first fic, it is here, but basically kaz, alina, and the darkling are soulmates. that's the important info haha)

“We should kill them all,” Alina says conversationally, nails gripping the wood of the makeshift War Table, when the council of Grisha cannot agree on the amount of ships that will sail to retrieve their third. Some suggest masking it as a small expedition. Others, a full out armada, prepared for battle. 

The tent is hot. Alina knows that it is because of her. Can feel the sun roiling underneath her skin.

“Pekka Rollins is the problem,” Inej is saying as Alina consciously takes her nails out of the table, twirling her knife in her fingers. Inej is the only non-Grisha in the tent, and yet, the entire war council weighs each word of hers carefully. “We can send a small group in to extract Kaz and be out, no one the wiser.” 

“Ketterdam is the problem,” Alina hisses. “If they do not present my soulmate to me at the docks of their loathsome city, regardless of who took him, I will sink it.” 

Many people in the tent gape at Alina, who is normally the one talking their General down from similar action. “You are suggesting war-” Zoya begins.

“I am suggesting annihilation,” Alina corrects. “War implies that they would have the ability to fight back.” 

“Even if we end the city,” Ivan says, “and I am not against it, we still need to find Mr. Brekker first.” 

“I can find him,” Inej says confidently. 

“Ketterdam will find him,” Alina argues, and the room begins to heat to unbearable temperatures, “when they see Ravka’s forces, with the Darkling and I at the helm, crossing the sea. They will find him if they want to live.” 

“You are too emotional,” Aleksander says, the first thing he has said in a long time. and the tent is so silent that one could hear a pin drop. Sweat drips from Inej's brow.

Alina opens her mouth to scream, raises her hands to choke him or burn him or something similarly painful, just to release what is building inside of her. 

“You are not wrong, Alina, but you need to calm yourself. The sun is leaking from you,” he elaborates, and she bares her teeth at him. “I have a solution.” 

He grasps her by the wrist before she can Cut him, yanks her after him out of the tent, into the woods. 

She readies herself for a fight. He throws her against a tree, and, and, 

Takes her mouth with his. 

It’s not a kiss. Something so brutal, so angry, so primal, cannot be called a kiss. She draws blood from his lips, from his back where she tears his clothes from his body and into his skin. He draws bruises down her neck and along her back where he shoves her against the bark of the tree. 

He fights her down into the grass and dirt, and she burns. A thin layer of shadow protects him from the worst of it, but he still feels hot to the touch. He is never hot to the touch. 

When she comes, she presses her power down, not up. She wants to hurt him, but she does not want to destroy him. 

He does the same, pressing his shadows down into the ground around her, a perfect cut out of her body underneath his. She dreams about that kind of control.

When they come to, it is on a tiny island of dirt. In the middle of a crater, maybe fifty feet in any direction. He helps her to her feet, and they climb down and up, back to camp.

“We will find him,” Alina says. Or I will burn it all down, she doesn’t say. But it does not go unheard. 

“We will bring him home,” Aleksander agrees. Or no mortal will survive my wrath, is left unsaid. Alina, too, hears it all the same. 

There are no saints in the clearing. Leaving a crater of their own making, hand in hand in destruction, are two gods.

[r-u-living]

Nunemakers Parable is the penultimate song in Owen Tradmakers (Everybodys Worried About Owen) album "Nunemakers Swingset." There is a story to this album, but that isn't what I want to talk about today! I'm going to ramble about the similarities with the lyrics of Nunemakers Parable and Kaz Brekkers' backstory in Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

First Verse:

"There was a wanderer who found his way to God

Or maybe it was Lucifer under some false facade

Broken down and tattered

Compound fractures in his sleeves

Shoe soles nailed together

But he never seemed to bleed, "

So the song starts with a traveller. He has ripped clothes, and his shoes are hanging on by a thread. He is dirty, and he is poor and lost and angry at the world. He does not expect anything to be given to him. This is Kaz after Reapers Barge. He is tired and traumatised and, most importantly, angry. He is angry at the world for taking his brother away from him, and now he knows that people are not to be trusted. That the world will never just hand you something on a plate without it being poisoned. He is trying to ask for "Jakob Hertzoon" (Aka: Pekka Rollins). At this point, I don't think he fully understands what Pekka did. Pekka played into the need of a father for both Kaz and Jordie and then left. At this point, Kaz has lost three people he saw as almost his father figures: His real father, Jordie, and Pekka. He's trying to scream out for all of them. He's just a kid he doesnt know what to do. He wants his Dad or his brother or a man who fits the criteria perfectly.

The Lucifer lyric is Kaz. Kaz sees himself as evil. There is no more nice left in him. The "God" is younger Kaz. Carefree, Kaz. Lucifer is Kaz as he is now. Battle worn. He's looking at his past self and crawling to him on his knees. He wants to go back. To see Jordie. To hug his brother one more time.

Second Verse:

"With one desperate push

His poor diaphragm forced out a plea, "

Kaz is pleading from Reapers Barge from the bodymen to come back for him. To show him that there is still a tiny piece of good in this world. That he is worth saving. But he can't scream. Or he can, but the men don't hear him. Or maybe they do. But this is Ketterdam, after all. Nobody does anything for free. So they sail away back to the harbour, wondering what they'll get for dinner. Thinking about their next shifts. How their partners are. Anything bit "Was that a scream? Did we leave a child on a pile of dead bodies, one of which is his own brother?"

Third Verse:

"He said: One home burned down, one fell apart

One met a flood, and one was nothing from the start

Weapons build against me, well, they all seem to fail

But weapons built against my home

They always will prevail,"

Kaz's first home was the farm. The farm he spent most of his time running around shrieking in with Jordie at his heels and his father yelling for them to come inside for dinner. When his father died, the farm burnt (metaphorically) down. What was left if there wasn't anyone to laugh with you until your stomach hurt. What would be left if the person who is supposed to be there forever dissappears?

His second home was with Jordie. It fell apart. When they went to Ketterdam, it was supposed to be a new start at life. No more farm boys. Climb the ladder. Get to the top. Yell with happiness. Be rich. But as we know, that didn't happen. Jordie died and left Kaz alone with no way to climb.

The streets. Before the Dregs, he worked on the streets. Got quite a reputation as well. But that was washed away. Theif. That's what they yelled after him. Have to admit it made him grin.

His fourth home. The longest one. The Dregs. It was damp and leaky and drippy, but (and he would never admit this to anyone even himself) he loved it. That has never really been real, though. All see-through. He loved Jesper (again, he would never admit it), but then it crumbled and broke and built itself back up again with new people. Wylan, Nina, Mattias.

Fourth Verse:

"So leave me my liver and leave me my skin

Leave me the way all those other homes did

But leave me a soul, only by definition

I don't want to feel anything,"

Kaz doesn't expect anything from the world. The world left him in a river surrounded by death and let him crawl himself out different and broken. No long Kaz Rietveld. He was Dirtyhands. Maybe he could collect himself piece by piece. Dust himself off. For Inej. For Jesper. For Wylan. For Nina. For Mattias. For them.

The world to Kaz Brekker is uncaring. Cold. The word does not look after you. The only thing the world owes him is a soul. And it hardly gave him that.

Fifth Verse:

"My neurons are snapping like cat gut strings

A symphony of agony

I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely

I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

Kaz is the owner of the Dregs in everything, but name. He doesn't want to listen to Inej. He doesn't want to be here. He has been in mourning for far too long. Using these parts, I will puzzle them together.

Kaz is in charge, and he is stressed. That's normal for being in charge. "A symphony of agony." That's Kaz every time somebody brushes against him. The screaming of skin against skin is painful, and all he can concentrate on even if there's a gun pressed against his head.

"I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely." That's Inej. Both with his feelings for her and with how she tries to tell him that deep down under the grit, he is a good person. He loves her. And he will not listen to those feelings. He will not sing for Inej. He doesn't want to breathe because when he does, all he can smell is Inej and death.

"I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

He is still mourning for Jordie and his father. He never stopped. And he will break himself over and over again before he admits it.

Sixth Verse:

"Well, I'll find every sick fuck I can

And I'll make them a deal

With no conscience, I'll make money and

I'll lie and cheat and steal

And that money won't bring happiness

But let me ask what does

'Cause I've found a place, and those sick fucks

Well, they turned it to dust,"

This is arguably the most Kazish verse. Every line is so him. This verse is about the Dregs. The sick fucks are probably Dime Lions they sound like the Dregs and Dime Lions are the same people and they kind of are. They are in the same situation. Both on the streets in a gang both commiting crimes, but in the end, they are the same.

"And if I can't have justice

I might as well join the unjust,"

This is Kaz's philosophy. Kill or be killed.

Seventh Verse:

"The floorboards smelled like lemonade

Prepared for our arrival

The air was clean and crisp

Just like a tonic for survival

Well, I wrote my name in charcoal

On the bathhouse where we cried

So now I'm broken fundamentally

And nobody gets why,"

This is Jakob Hertzoon house. He and Saskia hid in the bathouse and cried when Kaz had to leave. Jakob Hertzoons floorboards always smelt like lemonade after Kaz spilt some of his. He is broken. I don't need to say why.

Eighth Verse:

"So give me what drugs you got, give me your meds

Give me a cocktail to sedate my head

Abandon, all hope of my moral salvation

They already took that from me,"

It was confirmed that Kaz drinks. I don't know if they have drugs in the Grishverse, but the moral salvation part is spot on. Ketterdam took away his innocence. It stole it and added it to its horde of children turned criminals. "They" is the merches,its Pekka its Jordie its the men that didn't look behind them.

Ninth Verse:

"The sky was an angel of morning's heat

With languid, shiny curls of aquamarine

And when I close my eyes and when I dare to dream

When I think I might shatter completely

I can feel them in my hands

But I can't go back again

My neurons are snapping like cat gut strings

A symphony of agony

I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely

I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

One moment to let me fangirl about these lyrics: JasbhsHHhaghwhababhsFffFFFFFfAaaaaaaHaha!!!!

Okay, back to Kaz. "The sky was an angel of morning's heat with languid, shiny curls of aquamarine." Okay, these lyrics don't add as much, but I imagine this was one of the few hot days Ketterdam had. I think this was the day after Kaz got out of the river. It was a hot day, so rich people came out of their homes and danced down the streets, and everyone was happy. That did not settle right with Kaz. His brother just died, and now the universe is sending him a hot day? The ultimate betrayal.

"And when I close my eyes and when I dare to dream, when I think I might shatter completely, I can feel them in my hands, but I can't go back again," This is about touch. About whenever his and Inej's hands brush, all he feels is cold clammy death.

"Turns out that the god he found was just a little girl

Sitting on a swingset

Just a little girl

She said, "Mister, you look tired

I will let you go, but first

I think that what you're asking for

It just might make things worse."

The little girl is Inej/Wylan. Inej is always trying to dig for that little bit of good in him no matter how far down it is, and Wylan won't leave it alone. Wylan is new. He isn't new to violence or horror, but he's new to the streets, and that makes him Kaz when he first came here. He is like Kaz Rietveld. And Kaz hates it.

Why is Nunemakers Parable (especially 2nd and 3rd verses) so Kaz Brekker, tho?????

[rcksmith]

Lust — Kaz Brekker

Gif by @kitsyoung

Request: “Hey. I really like your writing and I was wondering if you would consider writing a Kaz piece with the smut prompts 76, 1 & 33. Obviously with your au rules. If it’s too much I completely understand tho”

“7, 17, 36, and 73 from the smut list for Kaz Brekker please? If not, no worries! 💖 Thank you!”

“Holy shit that last kaz brekker smut- AMAZING. Was wondering if you could write another smut with smut prompt #6? Of course if this bothers you just ignore it. Thank you so much 🥰”

Smut prompts:

1. “You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat.”

6. “Do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

7. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”

17. “after that little stunt? you’re not getting off that easy”

33. “Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to.”

36. "If I have to pull over, you won’t be able to walk for the next week.“

73. “You know, you look real pretty when you cry.”

76. “Shh, don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, explicit smut, dirty thoughts, dirty talk, nsfw, jealous, mention of fight.

Word count: 5k

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

Thank you so much for the requests and for all affection 💖 I decided to compile these requests, since they were the same central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. I hope you like it and good reading.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — — —

There is a theory that always, somewhere, there will be a person capable of making you lose your breath, and your reasoning, whenever he appears on the scene. Someone who robs you of your breath, your heartbeat, your ability to think clearly and your control to keep your hands not shaking.

And Kaz Brekker would always be that person for you.

From the first time you laid eyes on him, it's been a feeling of dying and going to heaven. Except that Heaven was, in reality, a hot, burning hell. Where your greatest punishment was being forced to watch his tall figure, who exuded masculinity by every inch, walking in front of you like a Renaissance painting very superb.

Nothing that Van Gogh, Da Vinci, and Picasso created has bordered on the personification of beauty that he was.

Kaz was beautiful in a very mysterious, dangerous and chilling way. You would describe his aura as the height of midnight in an enigmatic city, his hair the color of the core of sin and his features as lines that the god Ares would have drawn. Everything about him reeked of the fog of suspense stories, with a touch of lust.

All the looks he directed at you were caustic, flickering and intense as a candle flame, reverberating through your veins like angry eels and always make the room feeling charged with electricity, like the ground after the fall of a lightning. Everything between the two of you seemed to be filled with something fiery and arcane. From the gazes, the rubbing of shoulders, the times when the skins touched. Everything was a compilation of sensations that make you catch your breath whenever Kaz Brekker appeared.

He was your kryptonite. In all senses.

And that was exasperating in the extreme, at staggering levels. You felt your center of your sex vibrate whenever he directed you that voice whit baritone intonation and predatory looks, whenever the button-down shirts were tight enough for you to revel in the contours of his body, or sometimes when he wore the cane to signal or stopper something. This was the worst of them. His cane.

Have you lost count of how many times Kaz stopped you as counting money, by putting the tip of the cane over your hands, or stopped you from going somewhere by blocking your path with the cane, lifting the object horizontally in front of your belly. And every time you felt your legs tremble, your breath fade and a very dirty part of your brain whisper that you wanted him to use that object in you in more fun ways.

Your body was so responsive that there were times when you knew, with every fiber of your soul, that Kaz was able to read the paths in which your thoughts wandered. He lowered his gaze to you, in that breathless connection that promised to contain the most nefarious paths of sin, and maliciously curved the left corner of his lips in an arrogant, oblique expression. At such times, you could feel in your soul the words he did not say:

I know the perverted things that you are thinking.

And the truth was, he really knew. Kaz memorized every change in your breathing, every blush on your cheeks, every trembling of your hands, every your trembling look whit a frightened girl who had been caught thinking of something impure. He knew how your body was responsive, needy. And he himself had to control himself not to push you over the desk in his office and fuck you like an aggressive animal, bringing all your perverted thoughts to life.

It wasn't his physical reactions that kept him from taking action, but an even more visseral reaction than the pulsing desire he felt for you. Mine. The primal, determined, burning sensation of possession. That it ran through his veins like hot, bubbling lava. The desire was familiar, but this statement, not. Like the jealousy he felt for you, he quickly recognized the danger he was in.

If Kaz touched you…he knew he would never be able to let you go.

Mine. A statement that resonated spontaneously whenever he saw you, a testament to the reactions the two of you triggered in each other. However, not even the awareness of the dangerous game that was between you was able to dispel the climate of provocative sensuality that pulsed in the places whenever the two of you were together.

It was like playing with a powerful drug. One slip and he would be addicted forever.

On days like this, when Kaz had just come out of an exasperating meeting with Peka, a businessman and mobster who was always looking for ways to try and bring Kaz down, his already bad temper turned to terrible. He felt compelled to break something, drink a whole bottle of the best English whiskey in that club, and punch someone. Kaz felt the anger pulse through his veins, in a pure and perfect way.

He left the office, turning off his cell phone so he wouldn't be disturbed and descending the stairs to the center of his Crow Club, mind buzzing and anger seeping in his blood. He needed to unwind, maybe get into the car and head home. Maybe actually drink that whiskey bottle. Maybe both.

Kaz was about to take another step down, running a gloved hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes, when his gaze met your figure. And that was when the already terrible temper rose to the very badly.

Normally, a vision like that would have just bothered him, a compulsion to do something. But that day, Kaz was at the height of his angriest feelings. And seeing you, bold as a goddess in that little black dress, next to Jesper at the gambling table and flirting with a guy to your left, did things with every last bit of patience and self-control he had.

His eyes never left you as he took another step, running his hand through his hair again to contain the unruly strands. You were laughing, downing another drink and placing a card on the table. You turn back to the man to your left, your eyelashes fluttered gracefully in a promise to allow him to guide your rein tonight.

But there would be no goddamn rein for that fucking guy to guide.

Kaz gripped his cane tightly, descending the other short stairs and advancing toward your with dangerous, determined, and angry steps.

"...in this part of the year, criminal law cases drop a lot." The damn guy was telling you, his boring blond hair falling over his blue eyes in a way Kaz found annoying.

To fucking hell with that blond-haired Dande.

“Y/n, Jesper!” Kaz tapped the end of his cane on the table, stopping the cards under the polished wooden end.

Everyone at the table looked at him startled, their actions frozen. He saw you swallow hard, a soft tremor sigh in your shoulders.

Good!

“Shouldn't you be at the door?” Kaz turned to Jesper, his eyes sparks with annoyance.

“Right now, Boss.” He stood up, giving you a strained smile and heading towards the door.

“Kaz…” You started, voice softly intoxicated.

You knew you weren't supposed to be at the gambling table, let alone so late at night and drunk, even if Jesper was by your side. You had the ability to win every play, in any game, and that ended up not only driving the others away, but leaving the men, already drunk and irrational, aggressive and with an extremely bruised ego. And they almost always wanted to retaliate physically. As much as there were security guards and cameras everywhere to keep something bad from happening, Kaz couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting you. Not even blinking insultingly in your direction.

He sent you an icy, sharp, steady look. A clear warning for you to stop there any excuse you were about to give. To be careful with the next words you would say. You swallowed hard, looking away and getting up from the table. Slightly wobbly from the drink, you fished your coat from the chair next to you, giving a strained, apologetic smile to the guy you'd been flirting with so far.

“I better go home and call an uber and…” You started, but Kaz cut your sentence.

“I'll driver you.”

His tone exuded annoyance and impatience, giving no opening to any objections, demonstrating that he was in no mood for games. Much less defiance of his orders. You knew him too well to recognize that that night had pulled his nerves beyond what he could handle, the strain and irritation in his eyes told you something had happened beyond what you knew. His jaw, straight and strong as glass, was clenched tightly, his night-colored hair was disheveled in an overwhelmingly attractive way, and his black robes sinfully marred every line of his body.

You should have become wary of the dangerous energy that he exuded through every pore at that moment. However, to your inebriated and excited brain, Kaz Brekker has never looked so fucking hot! Your underbelly vibrated in response to the personification of sin that Kaz was, your heart racing at alarming levels as you followed him out, walking over to his car.

Like every piece of Brekker's clothing, his car was sleek black, with big black wheels, tinted glass and dark leather seats. Hades' chariot. You felt your breath catch when Kaz opened the passenger door for you, his eyes avoiding yours, his jaw still clenched and dangerous energy exhaling through every fiber of his tall, lean body.

Holy Mother of God, this man was a perdition!

Kaz contained an instinctive desire to go back inside and tell that aspiring Dande that you weren't available. Instead, he closed the door when you got in and turned around in the car, closing his own and squeezing the steering wheel harder than he would have liked.

Midnight height light streamed in through the darkened car windows and gently illuminated the curve of your cheek, highlighting your skin that Kaz might have named the color of the gods. So much attention was too seductive. Emotions and reactions still bubbled through each his vein like scandant water, mingling with months of frustrated desires and burning sexual tension.

At that moment, jealousy laced him. Mine. Amazing and at the same time propelled by dangerous strength, Kaz tried to trap that feeling back into the dungeon of his soul. He controlled his fury, yet he couldn't completely tame. Annoyance turned to anger. Starting driving the car forward, Kaz tried to think of anything but how you looked like the Goddess Aphrodite on that dark bench. Splendid as a heat ray in a winter day.

“Kaz…” You started, that gentle, repentant tone that stirred every spark in his soul.

He hated how his name on your lips sounded so sensual, so right and so delicious. He would give everything he had to hear you moan his name.

“Don't start” he warned, now not because of latent annoyance, but because he didn't know if he could stop himself if he heard your voice.

However, you didn't make things any easier for him.

"You don't have to be so angry." You go "I wasn't even using all my intellect on the game, I wasn't trying to win."

Kaz didn't even know if that was the core of the problem anymore. Was he angry that you went to a table where it was dangerous? Yes. But the waters were much deeper than that, much more dangerous. The way your smile, sweet and sensual, was directed at that guy, reeled in Kaz's mind, impregnated with the plague. He felt the blood burn in his veins just remembering how melted you looked for that man. And as much as he couldn't blame you, because you were free and single, the primal, irrational part of him screamed so much louder now.

Mine.

“This does not matter anymore.” It was the only thing he managed to say, the very sensations drowning him.

“And it wasn't even that dangerous.” But unlike him, you were obliterating the burning emotions that Kaz exuded. “There were only a few players drunker than a door, and Jesper was on my side, and also James, who was very charming and...”

Kaz almost lost direction, making the car bounce smoothly. He staked his eyes at you, puzzled and bubbling.

“James?”

“Yeah, the blond guy who…��

"I don't want to know, Y/n." He cut you off "I don't want to hear about the guys you allow to drool around you like mangy dogs."

The distilled rage was impossible to contain, and before Kaz knew it, the words were out. He turned forward again, his hands tighter on the steering wheel.

“Wait…” Your tone was slightly smug, and the way you rubbed one thigh against the other was impossible for Kaz to miss.

The grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“You are jealous?” Your intonation dropped to a low, sensual, provocative level.

Suddenly, Kaz's entire body became very aware of your body inches away. He could feel the heat that you radiated and the lyrical, sweet and sinful scent of your perfume flooded all his senses. The air grew thin, puffy and stuffy, and if it had been December cold outside, Kaz would still feel the height of summer in that car. Flashes of excitement and danger rippled through the car, and the brief silence grew even more charged with sexual tension and lustful anticipation that stirred every fiber of Kaz's being.

He made the mistake of looking at you again, and your softly mischievous smile that promised a lifetime of satisfied desires only served to incite his madness. Kaz had never understood how a man could want a woman so badly that he acted irrationally and carelessly. But now he understood. And when he realized you tried to stifle a sensual sigh from the way he was looking at you, his body won the fight against his mind and Kaz stopped abruptly the car at the red traffic light.

The sexual tension between you had become unbearable. In one moment, Kaz was fighting the series of overwhelming and disturbing emotions that dominated his entire being, and in the next moment, he had taken your mouth with his in a fiery, fierce, animal kiss. Stealing all the air from both of you, his thoughts, and his sanity.

He held your face firmly in his hands, his fingers going down to the strands of hair at the nape of your neck, turning everything into something more caustic and desperate. Yours hands went to his arms, moving up to his shoulders and cupping the sides of his neck, pulling him closer. Kaz's tongue inched into your mouth without waiting for permission, conquering and claiming every fiber of your body, of your soul, in a continued of kisses you couldn't tell where one ended and another began.

The moan of satisfaction you let out gave him a lust and desire unlike anything Brekker had ever felt. Like hot, addictive honey down in his throat. He was still gripped by jealousy, annoyance and possessiveness. With the desire for you pulsing in his body just like his heartbeat.

Kaz pulled back millimetrically, his blue eyes overshadowed by the heat of the moment, his lips red and swollen from the sinful kisses he gave you. At that moment, Kaz Brekker looked like an angry young God, and you've never felt more attracted to someone in your life than you are now.

You looked at him, panting and needy, wishing with all your might that he repeat the same actions. And you knew he realized that. Perfectly. You saw the spark of male satisfaction ignite in his eyes as he absorbed your desire. He was so close... so very close, and you couldn't stand the enormous anxiety for a caress, a kiss, anything.

His cocky smile intensified as you put more pressure in your touch his skin, your fingers trailing down his neck and back to his shoulders, silently pleading for him to do something with you. Anything he wanted.

Kaz lowered his one gloved hand to your jaw, thumb and forefinger squeezing your chin and making you look at him directly, you staring into the deep, shrewd blue of his eyes. He pulled you closer by the grip on your chin, the husky, erotic words hitting your lips like a promise of sin as he said:

“Maybe I should get you a collar so you don't forget who you belong to.”

It was impossible to control the loud, needy sigh that escaped, your center throbbing in despair and wetting the thin cloth of your panties. You wanted he to touch you more, pull your body against his until there was not a single sigh left, claim your soul and your body as his. You had parted your lips to say something, most likely a plea for him to continue, but the traffic light turned green and Kaz took his hands off you, straightening up on the bench and putting the car move.

In the absence of his warmth, his body, you felt cold, empty and frozen. As if Kaz were your sun and you were Icarus. Feeling the compulsion to need to get closer, complete its magnitude and bask in his rays. Every cell in your body begged for him, in needy and submissive requests, telling you to accept anything he told you, that he gave you, as long as it touched you.

“If I knew that to make you kiss me I would have to flirt with someone else, I would have done it a long time ago.” You teased, a satisfied, malicious smile on your lips.

Kaz looked at you in annoyance. In a clear warning that you should never more do that again.

"If you wanted me to kiss you like the brat you are, you just needed to have asked." He countered your game to the full.

"But if I want more than that?" But just as he knew how to play, so did you.

You swiped the tip of your tongue across your lips, kicking off your shoes and pulling your legs over the dashboard of the car, exposing your nearly bare thighs through the thin black fabric of your dress. Your actions instantly caught Kaz's eyes, and his grip on the steering wheel grew stronger and his breathing heavier.

The air inside the car became more ardent, burn, charged with eroticism and lust that left both of you breathless. An electrifying energy coursed through their bodies, as if they had been struck by a bolt of fire. You wanted him in a way you never thought you could want anyone.

Kaz took a deep breath, and looked at you with dangerous predator eyes as he said:

"If I have to pull over, you won't be able to walk for the next week."

The words made your body tremble. But if Kaz was trying to dissuade you, that was the last thing he should have told you. Instead of taming the fire inside you, it threw gasoline into the aggressive fire. You pressed your thighs together, your body sensitive to his words filled with burning promise.

In five minutes of insane courage, you took your feet off the dashboard, leaned toward Kaz, and brushed his neck with your lips. In slow, burning, hot kisses, you traced a path to the pulse in his neck, opening your lips slightly to brush your tongue over that pulse point.

“Please.” You beg.

Kaz's moan was low, but loud enough in your mind. You were being his undoing and you knew it. Suddenly, the car veered to the right and came to an abrupt stop. You would have lost your balance if Kaz's hands hadn't clung to your waist, pulling you in one movement to his left thigh, pressing your soaked core into the black fabric of his pants.

You gasped loudly, or he, or both. And in the next moment, his mouth was on yours again. The kiss was more aggressive, possessive, angry and ardent. Kaz kissed you as if he wanted to decree you his, proclaim his possession. You didn't see when he removed his gloves, but the touch of his skin with on your thighs was all you could think of.

“Kaz…” You moaned into his mouth, and the grip on your thighs moved up to your hip, digging his fingers into your thin dress-covered skin with such force it was sure to leave marks tomorrow. "Please."

You knew what you were begging for, but the moment Kaz forced your waist to move against his thigh, rubbing your pulsing core against his thigh, you forgot even your own name. And Kaz knew it. Then, like dominant man who wanted to see you surrendered to him that he was, his mouth went to your ear as he whispered:

"Do you want me to fuck you?" Kaz wiggled his thigh against you, making your clit roll against the soggy fabric of your panties.

You moaned loudly, your hands tightening on his shirt, your face hiding in his chest as an overwhelming, aching pleasure invaded your system. It felt good, but unbearable for being so little, churning something in your belly that made you despair for more.

"Y-yes." You whimpered, rolling your hips on his thigh.

Kaz's bare hand crept up the slit between your thighs, your dress already balled up at the top of your waist, and dipped his fingers into the juncture of your pussy and his thigh, pulling your panties to the side and making you feel the fabric of his dark pants against your wet, hot flesh. You moaned louder, your grip on his shirt tighter and your hips rocked harder for have any friction.

“Do you want me to fuck you like the little slut you are? Is that what you've wanted all this time?” His words, husky and strong, in that intense, dominant intonation, sent all your self-control to hell.

"Yes." You sobbed. “I-I need you."

But his hand in your panties went up to your chin, and he forced you to look him in the eye once more. The electric intensity of that look turned you on even more, making you gasp as his thigh still rocked against your throbbing clit.

“After that little stunt? you’re not getting off that easy” It was very hard to think with all the stimuli he was giving you, but the thunderous blue eyes warned you to pay attention to his words “Do you think you deserve me to fuck you?”

His gaze invaded you so deep and so warm and intense that you wondered if he was trying to leave a burning imprint on your soul. All over your body, overwhelming desires resonated, and you gave in to the compulsion to roll his thigh further, whimpering from the pressure on your clit.

"I'm s-so sorry." You whimpered, eyes pleading with he "It won't happen again."

"Won't happen what?" He tightened his grip on your chin, not painfully, but firmly to get your attention.

"It won't happen again, Sir."

The reward for your obedience came in an aggressive, hungry kiss, his hand in your chin dropping for your hip and wiggle his thigh at your needy pussy.

"Do you want to cum?" He teased you.

"Yes, S-sir."

"The only way you're getting off is on my thigh."

Then, as if to reiterate his statement, his mouth clutte to yours once more, his thigh swayed with more vigor and his bare hands moved up to the neckline of your dress.

His warm palms and long fingers lowered the straps of your dress and released your braless breasts, your nipples hard with pleasure and your breasts swollen with arousal.

Your moan was muffled by Kaz's, and he just released your mouth to lower his lips to your left breast, capturing the innocent nipple with his mouth and rolling his tongue across your flesh. You moaned louder, your waist twisting desperately against his thigh as your hands tangled in the strands of his black hair.

Kaz delighted in every inch of you, his hands going back to your waist as his mouth attacked your other breast, leaving a trail of hot saliva on his tight, needy nipples. Brekker was consumed by a fierce hunger and need, so overpowering that he pressed his fingers to your skin as if you were his last meal. He'd wanted for so long to do all that, to dive into your body like a starving man, savoring every inch of your warm skin.

Letting out a loud, delighted moan, Kaz increased his thigh movements as he suckled on your nipple, feeling flung to hell heaven as you squealed softly and collapsed onto his thigh, smearing his black fabric with your hot cum. But Kaz couldn't care less about the fucking pants. His cock hard and rigid as a sword hilt throbbed desperately, commanding him to sink into the heat of your slippery walls.

"This is much better than I dreamin." You whimpered softly, your face still buried in his neck, your waist wiggling slyly in his thigh.

"Do you think of me when you touch yourself?" He teased you, taking his hands to your panties away from the center of your pussy and pulling them between your legs, tucking them in his pants pocket.

You nodded, your mouth dipping into his neck in broken kisses as your hands went to his pants belt, trying to get rid of any barrier between the two of you as quickly as possible.

"Please, please." You begged, flustered as Kaz stopped your hip movements with his hands "I need to feel you inside me."

Your plea was sated with an arrogant kiss as Kaz reached for his pants, pulling the fabric of the boxer together and letting pop out his dick throbbing, pulsing and his swollen head, brushing in your pussy with lazy strides.

"S-sir!" You cried, trying to earn more.

"Shh, don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you."

The strong, long arm wrapped around your waist, pressing your chest against his chest as Kaz guided his dick to the entrance to your pussy, with one hand. He play whit you, pressing his head into your entrance just enough to make you feel the pressure, recoiling when you swayed frantically for more. The painful pleasure sent tears to your eyes, and you sobbed loudly as you were just toy in his hands.

A few hot tears ran down your face as you whimpered, helpless in his arms to get what you wanted.

"You know, you look real pretty when you cry." Kaz pressed his mouth to yours.

In that second, he completely sank his dick into you, swallowing your loud scream as the thickness of it widened you and hit the bottom of the well. The grip of his arm around you tightened, and Kaz lifted you and brought you let down badly, drown his dick even more deeply inside your hot, wet, desperate walls.

"S-sir!" You moaned loudly, his mouth leaving yours, but not pulling away enough and letting you feel his hard breath hit your lips.

You followed his thrusts, bouncing your waist up and down hard and letting his dick beat frantically inside you, robbing you of your breath and your ability to think. Your moans mingled with his, the pornographic sounds of their bodies crashing together were loud and you thanked God the car windows were black and the street was deserted.

"So fucking good slut!" Kaz growled against your lips, one hand leaving your body to snake down to your throat, maintaining a firm, dominant grip.

You moaned his name and his title between loud moans and broken sobs. Yours hands closed around the shirt off his shoulders and the waist shimmied between the thrusts, making sure his dick was completely inside you.

“You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat!” Kaz tightened his grip on yoir neck, watching you tilt your head back and expose your entire body to the delight of his eyes.

He growled louder, spurred on by that sinful sight, and increased the rhythm that pounded inside you, filling every inch of you and sinking down as anatomically as possible. Kaz felt possessed by a wild beast, insatiable and euphoric, and each thrust he gave you was more force he inflicted on you, marking you as his.

Kaz pulled your neck to him, pressing your mouth to his as he growled against your lips: “Mine.”

You nodded frantically, the apex bursting in a burst of pleasure as his dick came out and sank in hard, desperate, urgent strokes.

“Yours”

You promised, kissing him urgently and swallowing a low cry as his dick shuddered inside you, flooding you with the hot liquid until your walls overflowed, giving you a feeling of being incredibly full. You whimpered into his mouth, exchanging a sloppy kiss as Kaz gave you a few more thrusts, making sure his cum would fill your every inch, not letting you dare waste a drop.

“Mine” he repeated through the kiss.

so, the weather??? HAHAHA, anyway friends, i hope you enjoyed. Don’t forget consult the rules if you want to request for some Kaz smut. Love u. O

[xsamsharons]

there's a light - k. brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x reader.

genre/warning: a slight mention of a scar but fluff!

words: 1.2k.

summary: ketterdam was said to be the darkest of places. however, in your opinion, it's just a matter of knowing where to find the light.

Ketterdam was a strange place to call home. The never-ending sound of gunshots, the smell that came from the streets and the amount of people willing to do almost anything for money, all served as reasons to explain why the city wasn’t for everyone. However, if you are lucky enough, you’ll find something or someone in the city that reminds you not everything is darkness.

“I really don’t get what your obsession with sitting on windows is.” you heard a voice say from behind you, a voice you didn’t have to turn around to know who it belonged to.

“Yet you always seem to join me when i come here.” you replied, as you felt his body move to the opposite side of the window you were sitting on.

It was raining, so that meant the city got a break from the action for a night and the streets looked deserted for once. Every street corner told a story, and while the dim glow of the moonlight has tried not to shine on it and the water that comes with the rain has tried to wash it all away, you could still see it if you looked hard enough. You could see it on the pavement- every forgotten newspaper, every drop of dried blood and every broken cobblestone. You could see it on the walls that framed the thin corridors and you could see it in the wind as it blew through the city and took every disregarded memory with it. Most importantly, you could see it from above. The height gave you the opportunity to see every roof in which two lovers shared a last goodbye- hidden from their enemies, you could see every balcony door that was closed in hopes of keeping the rain out of their home. And if someone were to look up at that very moment, they would see two people using meaningless words to fill the room, while they danced around the truth and hid the depth of their feelings.

“Well, it is my room after all, you know?” he asked, with a slight raise of his brow while meeting your gaze.

“It’s the tallest one.” you shrugged. As you turned your eyes away from him to look out the window, you could feel his still on you, making your cheeks grow hot. Was it from embarrassment? Were you flustered? Or were you simply too tired? You preferred not to know. He noticed, despite your efforts to hide it with a small smile and a cheeky comment. “You know, a painting would last longer.”

“Could say the same about the city below us.” He challenged. “How was it you put it once? Paintings don’t tell stories as well as once sight?” he continued and you smiled, glad to know he remembers the things you tell him.

“And which stories would a painting of my face not be telling?” you asked, as you turned to face him with an amused smile on your lips.

“Well, for one, the scar you got on your first job as a member of the crew- above your eye but half hidden just below your eyebrow. The uneven lengths of different strands of your hair because you let nina cut it one too many times. That one mole that is so far up your forehead, it gets hidden by your hairline unless you tug your hair backwards. The little scratches on your hands because you refuse to give up trying to learn how to flip knives.” He listed as you held your breath, eyes wide at the possibility of finally admitting to each other what you’ve both known for a long time. “All these little stories wouldn’t show up on a painting, knowing them is a result of observing someone for minutes on end, everyday, until you feel like you’ve only been put on this earth to admire them.”

“And you do?” you asked, watching as he walked closer to your spot on the window, leaving his corner. All while keeping his eyes on you. “Observe and admire me, i mean.”

“I do.” He nodded.

“Because i’m a member of your crew and you need to keep an eye on all of us? You once said staring at everyone on the ranks had become second nature.” You tried, noticing how close the two of you were now that he had stopped walking towards you. You saw the corner of his lips quirk to the side, which was the closest you got to a smile with Kaz Brekker.

“But i didn’t say stare, did i?” he asked “What did i say?”

“Observe.”

“And?”

“And admire.” you finished with a whisper, struggling to meet his gaze.

“You think I observe and admire Matthias?” he continued, the same amusing quirk of his lips on his face. And you would’ve laughed, you truly would’ve, if everything racing through your mind at that moment hadn’t been how close he’d gotten, and how much you liked having him near. Instead, the noise that came out of you mouth sounded more like a huff of air.

“Why do you stare at me, then? If it’s not something you do with every one of us?” You asked.

Say it, you thought, say it aloud for only us and the deserted city below us to hear.

“You know why.” he answered. And you did, god, did you know. You knew why because you did the same, because you felt the same.

And somehow, hearing him say that, so much closer to you than he’d willingly gotten to anyone in such a long time. Hearing him say that as the sound of the rain served as your own makeshift background noise. Hearing him say that as he stared at you with so much intensity you swore you could read every thought in his mind just through his eyes. Somehow, hearing him say that: right here, right now- it was enough.

You stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, trying to say everything you couldn’t with words, with your eyes. The glow of the candle that was still lit beside you illuminated his face like it was the only place it was ever meant to shine on, and as your eyes moved from his own to explore his face you realized what he meant: every curve, every line, every scar on his face told a story that not even the greatest painter in the world could attempt to replicate. Your eyes continued travelling across his face as his stayed on your eyes, and when your gaze finally reached his lips, you felt him tense up.

“I-i can’t” he uttered in a tone that could only be described as ashamed, as if he was sorry he couldn’t offer that to you, but you weren’t expecting him to. You weren’t dumb, you could see his aversion to touch ran deeper than just wearing gloves when he was around people.

“I know.” you whispered, shifting your gaze back up to his eyes. “And I don't expect you to. Not now, and not ever if you’re not ready.” you continued. “We have time, and i’m not planning on going anywhere any time soon.”

“Neither am i.” He replied, and in his eyes you could see the relief he felt after what you said.

As you turned your gaze back to the city, you felt his eyes still on you- observing and admiring you, except this time you were aware. And when a slow breeze blew the candle that had been sitting next to you out, you found that every single light in Ketterdam could go out, and Kaz would still find a way of continuing to observe your face- and so would you.

a/n: first time writing kaz so i'm sorry if he's a little ooc. anw my inbox is open if any of you have any soc requests (any character)!

[parkersbliss]

hey could i request a kaz fic with prompts: 001, 007 and 041? pleasee let it end in fluff i can’t bare angst after your last fic lol <3

yes ofc ofc, kaz fluff for you

Dead Man | K. Brekker

prompts: 001: “Why do you care?” 007: “Give me one good reason.” 041: “I cant stand the sight of you in someone else’s arms!”

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

—

Kaz wasn’t a jealous person. That’s what he tells himself, but he believes it’s far from true. Then again, he didn’t have to believe it to be true. He seems to lie to himself a lot. He’s also noticed he seems to lie a lot more when you’re involved.

His favorite lie would have to be, I’m not in love with (Y/N). He definitely was.

But Kaz Brekker was too prideful to ever admit that. Being in love gave you a weakness, and Kaz was not weak. Far from it, actually. He was the most feared man in Ketterdam. There was a reason he was successful, and that was simply because he didn’t have a weakness.

Well, a weakness that people knew about.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jesper asked, casting a sideways glance at you.

Kaz rolls his eyes, slamming his hands down on the table. “Unless you have a better one, I suggest you shut up.”

Jesper opens his mouth to object, but he shakes his head and shuts up.

Good, he knows better.

“Looking good is a Jesper talent, isn’t it?”

Jesper straightens his back and his jacket, brushing his thumb against his lip. “Why yes, it is.”

“Then I don’t see the problem. You just have to do it with (Y/N).”

You nod, bumping shoulders with the Zemeni boy. “Yeah, we could be a great power couple.”

Jesper laughs nervously, looking at Kaz and seeing the slightest hint of murder in his eyes. There was nothing wrong with the plan except the part where Jesper has to play your boyfriend when Kaz has the biggest crush on you known to man. Jesper knew better than to get in his way. He would really prefer to keep his life than get his head chopped off with a single look.

“You both know your target?” Kaz asked.

You and Jesper nod.

“Good. Get in, get the info and get out. No gambling and no drinking.” He points an accusing finger at Jesper. “I don’t think I have to explain that to you, (Y/N). Any objections?”

Jesper shakily raises his hand. “Yes, so why can’t you go as (Y/N)’s boyfriend?”

Inej looks to Jesper with raised eyebrows. “Are you serious right now?”

“I just think that they would make a more convincing couple!”

“Jesper,” Kaz said lowly, and he knows he’s in for it. “When I say you’re posing as (Y/N)’s boyfriend, you are posing as her boyfriend. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal,” Jesper squeaks.

Kaz pulls back, slapping his cane on the ground and leaning his hands on it. When Jesper doesn’t move, he rolls his eyes, “Well, get to it!”

“Right!” Jesper said, scrambling to get out of the room.

“He seems awfully nervous,” You said.

“I’ll go check on him,” Inej said, passing by you with a smile.

That leaves you and Kaz.

“You were a bit harsh on him, don’t you think?” You asked.

Kaz shrugs. “Not really. It’s Jesper.”

“I think you scared the poor boy half to death.”

Kaz raises a single brow at you. “I don’t see an issue. He still has half to go.”

You let out a soft chuckle, and Kaz swears his heart stops for just a moment. He could listen to it forever.

“Is there a reason you’re so adamant about him being my fake boyfriend?”

“He’s the best choice.”

“Right.”

“You beg to differ?”

You shake your head, “Not at all.”

Kaz knows you did, but he doesn’t say anything. “You should get ready.”

You nod, “Yeah, I should. I’ll see you after, boss.”

…

“Wow,” Jesper said, offering his arm to you. “You look dazzling.”

“I learn from the best,” You wink, looping your arm through his.

Kaz’s lips are pursed into a straight line, and Jesper will be grateful when he’s out of his sight and range.

“Inej and I will be across the street. You know what to do if it goes south.”

“Sure do, Boss,” Jesper replied, eager to leave.

Kaz nods, stepping back, and you both enter the club. He leads you towards the bar and takes a seat. You stand next to him, scanning the crowd for the target.

“Put your arm around my waist,” You hiss to Jesper when you spot him.

“I don’t know about that,” Jesper laughed nervously.

“Jesper.”

“Okay!”

He slips an arm around your waist, nervously looking around to ensure Kaz can’t see. When he’s sure he’s safe, he relaxes a bit more. Everything goes smooth as you wait for your target to come over. You didn’t want to lure him in case that made you both more suspicious. It takes longer than both of you want, but eventually, he makes it to the only open seat in the bar; the one next to you.

He orders a few shots and Jesper makes the first move. “Rough night?”

He groans. “You have no idea.”

“Try me.”

“I’m Archer,” The target said, but of course, you already knew that. He was working for a Mercher, who rumor had it - recently imported something worth millions. Kaz wanted to know what it was and if it was worth it.

“Roman,” Jesper grinned, sticking out a hand.

“And what about this pretty lady?”

You gave him your fake name with a smile as you shuffle closer to Jesper.

“Boss is treating me like shit,” Archer groans, taking a shot. Jesper offers to pay for more. The tipsier he got, the more he would spill. “We got this new import the other week, been on high security since. Doubled my hours, didn’t double my pay.”

“New import? What could be so valuable?”

Archer shrugs. “I have no idea. Not allowed to tell, anyway. Sorry bud.”

“That’s a damn shame.”

Archer leans in, alcohol evident in his breath and you almost choke. “Between you and me, I think it’s some new weapon from Novyi Zem.”

There it was.

Jesper raises his brows. “Do you know what kind?”

“Some kind of gun, or guns.”

Jesper leans back. “Huh. I assume he keeps them in the back.”

Archer shakes his head. “No, he’s too cautious with this. He keeps in the vault in the basement.”

“A vault? Must be worth a lot.”

“Top security clearance. He has it scan his eyes, then his fingerprint and a password to get in.”

“My god,” Jesper laughed. “That’s a lot.”

Archer takes another shot. “You’re telling me.”

You don’t say much, playing the part of dumb arm candy. Your eyes wander the club when you spot a familiar face. He’s walking towards you.

You take a deep breath, turning your head to Jesper. You lean in to whisper, “We got someone coming towards us. He knows us. We need to hide.”

“How?”

“Kiss me.”

“You are out of your mind,” Jesper hisses. God, if Kaz found out, he would be dead in seconds.

“It’s that or death. I promise I don’t bite.”

“Are you two okay?” Archer asked.

Jesper coughs, pushing you off. “Yes, the misses it just eager to get home.”

Archer nods. “I see. I should get going too.”

Jesper lets him. You already got enough information.

“Jesper,” You whisper, tugging on his coat.

He was a dead man either way.

He grabs your face, kissing you with his eyes closed. It doesn’t mean anything to either of you. It’s just the difference between life and death for now. He can see the person leave out of the corner of his eyes. He’s about to pull back when a cane slams the bar floor. Jesper jumps back.

He is so dead.

Kaz's eyes blaze with something much more than rage, and Jesper doesn’t doubt it’s for him.

“Kaz,” you breathe out.

“We’re done here.”

Jesper stands up from the bar, letting go of you. “Yes, we are.”

He practically runs out of there, leaving you with a very pissed-off Kaz.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

He ignores you and walks away.

“Kaz?” You shout, catching up with him.

“What?” He snaps, never looking at you as you walk back to the slat. Jesper was gone, probably hiding somewhere. Inej was covering for him, but Kaz pays no mind.

“We got the information. Why are you so mad?”

Kaz throws open the door to his office, standing behind his desk and finally looking up. “You want to know why I’m so mad?”

“Yes!”

“Because you kissed Jesper!”

“What?” You asked. You couldn’t understand why he was so mad about that. He was the one who assigned him as your partner. “Why do you care?”

It’s not meant to come off rude, you just didn’t understand.

Kaz purses his lips and looks the other way. He can’t bring himself to say why; he won’t admit his weakness.

“Give me one good reason,” You beg. “I’m not mad at you, Kaz. I just don’t underst-”

“I can’t stand the sight of you in someone else’s arms!”

That’s not what you expected. However, it makes your stomach do flips. You swallow the butterflies.

“Then why did you partner Jesper and me together?” You asked softly.

Kaz sighs, “I thought I could prove to myself that I wasn’t in love with you by seeing you with him.”

You snort. “And how did that work out?”

“It didn’t.”

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

Kaz can hear the mischief in your voice. He’s expecting rejection, but you sound happy.

“I think I’m going to admit that I’m in love with you,” he said, turning back around to face you.

“Well, that’s good,” You grin, grabbing his coat and pulling him the slightest bit closer. He doesn’t pull away. “Cause I’m in love with you too.”

[luna-writes-stuff]

Hii! Since you’re asking for requests, could I request something with Kaz Brekker where he adds a grisha healer to the crows and she takes care of everyone, including him, whenever they get injured after heists. And then maybe for once he brings her on a heist as the distraction (aka all dressed up to distract the target) and she does so well and he starts to fall for her? Sorry that’s super specific. Feel free to do whatever makes the most sense to you :)

Undercover Mission, Kaz Brekker

Headcanon, Female s/o

Tw: Canon-typical soc stuff, heists, gross men

(Hello, um????? I love this idea??? This is amazing, thank you???)

- At first, you were hired for a quick heist. No attachments necessary, you just had good connections and Kaz could use them.

- But then they found out you were a healer, and knowing this bunch; they needed one, whether they like to admit it or not. Jesper has had enough of Inej gross stitching in the middle of dinner and Nina was sick and tired of hearing everyone’s health complaints (as if she was magically going to poof them away)

- After the heist, Kaz wanted to let you stay, but knowing Kaz, he would never say so, so he manipulated Jesper into believing that you were exactly what the crows needed, therefor somehow causing him to beg Kaz to let you stay (which, for funsies, Kaz played along with and said things like “We can’t afford someone new” or “Inej and Nina are doing fine”. All lies.)

- You’d grown attached to the group quite quickly and you were accepted quite quickly too, which is great, because you do not want them on your bad side, yet…. when they’re close to you, you’ll see them for the real idiots they are.

- Your night is usually spend fixing up the team.

- Kaz is the worst. Literally does not let you help, as if he didn’t want you to stay in the first place.

- “Kaz, you’re bleeding out. Let me help.” “What, is this our stab wound? No, it’s mine. Get off my back.”

- But his stupid actions are growing on you. You’d never be able to console him, but you don’t stop trying.

- So, one heist, you were needed as distraction. It confused you, as you were most helpful as healer, but there you were, in the middle of the street, wearing a dress the covered up your cleavage (thank god) but did nothing for sleeves. And it was raining and freezing. But your target was approaching, so you quickly washed off the cold and strutted up to him as if you’ve never done anything else in your life.

- You somehow managed to strike up a conversation and now he’s offering you his jacket. Kaz did not like that.

- He did not like that at all.

- He and Jesper were on watch to make sure you kept the target busy as Inej was busy searching his house with Nina, but now Kaz had wished he had stayed at the Slat with Matthias and Wylan.

- Jesper could basically feel the anger radiating from him. He’d even taken a quick moment to thank Kaz’ cane for remaining strong.

- Kaz managed to keep himself hidden well, but with every passing minute, the man kept making worse remarks. It had started off nicely with “awful weather, isn’t it?” to “You seem cold. Take my jacket.” to “What’s a girl like you doing out here on the streets at this time?” to “Perhaps you should come back home with me until the rain has cleared up a bit.”

- Now, Kaz should’ve interfered, but he knew not to. You were professional and kept up the act of a patient daughter, waiting for father to come home. Behind his jealousy annoyance, he admired you for keeping to your part, not even letting the tiniest bit slip.

- Looking at the soaked dress you were now wearing, he almost felt guilty. You had caught a cold only a few days prior and you were just back on track, and now you were pushed back into the Ketterdam weather. You had done so well to keep everyone healthy, yet when you were sick, he’d done nothing.

- And now you were out here again. Your hair clung to your face, the dress dangling down as if it was the heaviest thing on the planet and a stranger’s jacket around your shoulders. It was only then he’d realized what he had done.

- He had fallen….badly. And now he took himself a fool for not seeing it earlier. Not noticing the subtle looks Jesper and Nina kept exchanging whenever the two of you were in a room together. It only now made sense.

- And he hated himself for it. Had he known earlier, he would’ve kept you at the Slat. Safely tucked in with a warm cup of tea and your favorite book.

- So that was exactly when he did when everyone was back at the Slat. You had gone upstairs to shower real quick. When you entered your room, you found a hot cup of tea made in the exact way you liked it, with a hardcover copy of your favorite book next to your pillow.

- Tucked within the pages was a quick note, saying; “Perhaps tonight was not the best night for you as a distraction. Would I have known the weather, I would have sent Nina. Enjoy the book and take some rest. -K”

- Knowing Kaz, that was the most you’d get out of him. No sorry, yet somehow a half-apology. It wasn’t necessary, but surely appreciated. Perhaps it would be one of the few smaller steps the two of you would make before you’d realize your feeling were mutual.

[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter one)

SERIES SUMMARY: the most powerful inferni alive, raised to see herself as a god-in-the-making, the bastard of the barrel and his team, and a shadow summoner with a common goal. What could go wrong? The giant mass of darkness known as the shadow fold and y/n’s sense of humor. 

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Y/n is sent to hustle the Crow Club. Technically it’s not cheating, but Kaz Brekker isn’t the type to let people off on technicalities alone. Especially when the one that committed the offense could help him earn 1 million kruge. 

a/n just a little something based on the show bc IM OBSESSED :)) --I’m planning on making this a series so if you want to be tagged let me know :)

The candles flicker as Kenya's palm makes contact with my face. I used to cry after he hit me; I used to run to Anya’s room for comfort and my energy would became so irritated I snuffed out all the candles in the church. Now, I just stand there. You get punished worse for showing fear. Gods fear nothing, and that’s what he wants from us--to turn into Gods so that the heavens will owe him. 

“You risk us again and again!” 

The yelling is worse than the stinging of the slap. I make a point of keeping my palms flat; the candles of the room flicker as if feeling my restraint. “Watch yourself or the tidemaker you’re so fond of will feel my wrath instead of you. At least when I bruise his face it doesn’t cost me a night of revenue.” 

I want to point out that the men I trick in the pleasure district don’t care about bruises, but the reminder of Jace has me frozen in place. Jace is good. He doesn’t deserve this treatment. “It won’t happen again, Father Kenya.” 

He nods once, unsatisfied but growing bored. “Disappear from my sight before my flesh wins and I forget to show you mercy.” Kenya turns sharply, watching Anya’s stoic expression. “Anya--we’re in need of funding, take these coins and triple it by morning.” 

Anya’s lips part; I shake my head once, a subtle plea for her silence. “Father Kenya, y/n’s the most talented card player we have--if she comes with us we can bring five times what you’re going to give us.” 

The promise Anya makes is that of a fool, but I know I’m capable of it. People are easy to read when they’re drunk, they’re easy to trick and lie to. And drunk people exude the clearest energy, something about their bluffing is as tangible as fog to me. 

Kenya squeezes the drawstring bag between his violent fingers. He loathes me more than the others. He expects more from me. He’d lock me in the cellar if he could afford to. But he can’t--he knows what I’m capable of. 

“Go somewhere in the Barrel--somewhere that doesn’t ask questions if the money is good.” Kenya looks at me, the bruises on my arms and cheeks. “Clean yourself up beforehand.” 

I nod once, stomach rolling at the thought of going out and knotting at the thought of staying here. I keep my steps even as I approach Anya, grateful for the excuse to disappear behind the chapel’s doors. 

----

This club is louder than most, boisterous men drinking constantly, slurring their words and leaning over bars. I only smile when someone’s looking, tugging on the dress Anya picked for me subconsciously. 

“Relax, y/n,” Anya hums, “Men don’t understand they’re being hustled when someone pretty is the one swindling them, and you look hot.” 

A particularly drunk man walks by slowly, eyes reflecting no shame as he blatantly rakes his gaze down my form. I shift uneasily. “That might be the problem.” 

She tilts her head back, gaze focusing on the crow marking etched into the back wall of the club. A very strange and consistent crow theme in here. “Maybe you should keep the dress on until you run into Jace.” 

The mention of Jace in that context leaves my face warm. “Wha--what?” Great. I’m sputtering. “Shut up!” 

She laughs easily, “I’m only teasing--he’d probably ta--” 

“Anya!” 

Again, her laugh is loud and bright. “Kidding!” Before I can scorch her, she nods her head towards a gambling table. “An open seat--go, you know Kenya’ll have our heads if we don’t multiply this,” she tosses me the drawstring bag, I catch it awkwardly, “By five.” 

There are a lot of things I’ve ruined--but I never mess up when it comes to gambling. We’re all entitled to our talents and mine are destruction and trickery. “I’ll have six times this amount before midnight.” 

A little cocky, but it’s well deserved. I stroll up to the table easily, comforted by the fact that Anya’s only a few feet away. 

“You’re playing this round?” 

I smile politely, used to this kind of hesitance. “I think I’d like to try it.” The mock-hesitance in my voice burns coming up, but the dumber I seem the faster I make up my money. The rest of the participants snicker. Expected. I’m going to enjoy taking their money. “I can pay if that’s the issue.”

The sound of me fishing through the small bag of golden coins silences the men at a table. The man closest to me, the one with smooth brown skin and a smile I imagine has convinced many people to play into sins for him, leans forward slightly. I let him peek at the coins, the more they want my money the more they’ll believe my lies. 

“How much to enter?” 

A tall man snorts. I fight back the urge to glare. 

“Three of those coins should do.” The boy next to me is decent enough to answer. I’ll steal from him least. “I’m Jesper.” 

I’ve been to enough clubs to know when a man is attempting to find company for the night. I hope the playful niceness I see in him is real. “Kamil.” My sister’s name is salt water on my tongue. 

The first game is easy enough to throw. The second, I have to work at a little more--their smugness is killing me. I pretend to be ready to step away from the table.

“Where are you going?” 

I shrug at the stranger. “I shouldn’t lose any more money, my father won’t be happy with me as it is.” 

The stranger leans forward, glancing at his chips. “We don’t want a girl like you in trouble at home--why don’t we up the stakes? You win this next hand, and you’ll win double what I did.” He pauses, eyeing my drawstring bag, “Of course--you’ll have to be willing to risk a matching sum.” 

Awful odds. “Deep odds,” Jesper mumbles, “Consider cutting your losses.”

Jesper is a better person than the other men here. I almost feel bad he’s going to be losing any money. “One more game won’t kill me,” I smile as politely as I can manage, “Besides--my luck could be about to change and I’d never know.” 

I hand the coins over to the dealer. I watch as the money is shuffled onto the center of the table, suppressing the grin of someone about to release her killshot. Ten minutes later, I’ve doubled what I’ve lost. The man who upped the bet is gaping, Jesper’s expression has shifted entirely, and everyone’s staring at me like I’ve shifted into another person entirely. 

“Wow--luck really does change quickly here.” I’ve hooked them. They’ll want to play again, to prove that my victory was a fluke. “Do you guys want to play again? It only seems fair I give you a chance to win back everything you just lost since you did the same for me.” 

Everyone’s quick to agree, but I’m quicker to win the second round. Some men look murderous, some look ready to play again, their egos incapable of handling defeat at my hands. 

“You came in with a surprising amount of coins,” Jesper muses, reaching over to pick up a piece of gold that rolled towards him, “I hate to accuse you of counterfeiting, but one has to wonder.” 

Typical. “I swear my money’s real.” 

“Real money can take a bullet…” Is he going to shoot it...in doors? Jesper tosses the coin easily, letting it flip in the air before taking out a pistol and shooting it dead center in a movement so casually fluid and deadly I’m taken back. 

The coin clatters onto the table, the bullet embedded into the precious metal. I eye it cautiously, beyond relieved that Kenya at least doesn’t lie. “T-told you.” 

His eyebrows narrow as he reholsters his pistol. “About that, I guess you did.” 

Jesper’s skepticism is a red flag. I need to get out of here before my winnings are taken from me and Kenya kills me or Jace for my failure. “I didn’t take you for such a sore loser.” 

Before Jesper can respond, something black raps against the table once. “What did I tell you about loud noises at the table?” 

Jesper’s gaze leaves mine immediately. “Sorry boss, just checking a swindler.” 

He--he knows. I blink twice, forcing surprise to color my features. “Swindler?” I look between him and the man he called his boss. “N--no, it was just--luck. I played a hand, I lost some money, I played again and I won some money. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?” 

“You only started winning after the stakes were raised--I’ve seen that tactic before and it’s not appreciated here.” 

I swallow once, a pinch of dread making its way through my stomach. He had shot that coin with no hesitation--I didn’t even see him click off the safety. How dangerous is the man at my table? How dangerous is his boss? Everyone seemed to straighten at the sight of the stranger with the cane. 

“There was no tactic--it was a game.” 

The man I don’t know tears his gaze away from Jesper. “Someone like you shouldn’t even be here.” 

He has a point--my demeanor doesn’t exactly scream someone who frequents establishments at the Barrel during the night. “I’m only here to keep my friend out of trouble.” A fair enough response. “And I played a game and someone can’t handle a loss.”

“You should have seen her bluff, I’ve met professional thieves that lie less fluently than her.” 

At Jesper’s words, the stranger’s grip around his cane tightens. I imagine that beneath his gloves, the color of marred souls, his knuckles are white. “Who do you work for? Who sent a girl to invade my business?” 

Who do I work for? No one that has any business with him. “What?” How self absorbed can one man be? 

“If playing the fool didn’t get you through a card game--don’t think it will get you through this.” 

What? Before I can question him, Anya grabs my shoulder, pulling me so that there’s a safer distance between me and the man. 

“You’re an idiot,” her whisper is pointed, directed solely at me. “Of course you’d find trouble with Dirtyhands.” Did I hear that correctly? Dirtyhands--as in the Dirtyhands? I stare at her, eyes wide. How had I been so stupid? I should have recognized him from his gloves alone. Anya turns her head towards them. “We don’t want any trouble--forgive my friend, she’s not a spy she’s just an oblivious idiot.” 

“Rude.” 

She throws me a glare. “But she did win.” The money isn’t worth the trouble we’ll find trying to keep it but Kenya’s words follow us wherever we go. “We’ll take what we earned and never come back.” 

“I don’t concede often.” 

I reach for Anya’s arm, brushing her forearm in hopes of telling her things will be okay. Kaz Brekker may be feared, but we’re gods in the making. “Neither do we.”

He seems to want to play at an odd, power-filled standstill, but Anya and I are more desperate than him. Anya leans forward, ready to take the money from the table, but the unidentified man who upped the stakes earlier is quick to grab her forearm. 

“I don’t take losses, little girl.”

Anya. I can only imagine the horror she feels when a strange man touches her. Screw precaution. “Is that money worth burning for?” 

“Y/n.” Anya’s warning comes out low; Jesper raises an eyebrow. I guess being Kamil was short lived. 

“Excuse me?” 

The man will not intimidate me. Fear is a crutch men use to keep women in check. “You heard my question.” I hold up my hand, releasing enough energy to develop a flame in my palm. “And if your answer is ‘no’, I suggest you release my friend before your body is nothing more than a pile of ash your own mother wouldn’t even be able to identify.” 

The stranger blinks, touches the gun on his hip, and then releases Anya’s arm. 

“You can’t come into my club, hustle money away from my men, and walk away unscathed because you’re a grisha.” 

Words cannot express how badly I do not want to speak to Kaz Brekker at any point in my life. His grip on his cane is a silent warning--a threat. But what is a man’s threat to a girl that’s meant to be a god? “You can kill me but I’ll use my dying breath to burn this entire building.” I’ve publicly backed him into a corner--I’m insane. 

Dirtyhands opens his mouth to reply, anyone within earshot holding on for his next words. Anya yanks me back as the sound of something explosive interrupts the room. A bullet flies past directly where I was standing and strikes the wall behind me. Anya just saved my life. Someone just shot at me. 

“Y/n, do you think it’s--” 

“No.” It can’t be. There’s no way a soldier found me again. “It can’t be--we were--we’ve been careful--and Kenya said they wouldn’t look for me--that he purchased me fully.” 

A man is moving through the crowd. A blue kefta. No. No. 

Not here. Not now.

And why are they shooting at me? “Anya,” I breathe out as cautiously as possible, “Run and no matter what don’t turn around.” 

“I’m not leaving you.” 

Anya. Always the older sister. “They don’t want you--they want me.” 

“You’re not a real Sun Summoner--it’s suicide for you.” 

I don’t have the heart to tell Anya I don’t particularly care about my life. It’s never truly been mine anyway. “I’ll make it out.” 

“You’re an inferni, not a miracle worker.” 

My lips pull into an odd sort of grimace. The gentle kind one hopes is mistaken for a smile. “I thought we were meant to be gods.” 

“A god can’t do what they want from you.” She mumbles. “So you’re capable of producing more fire than most--it’s not the same as creating light. It doesn’t matter how many drugs they pump into you it’s--” 

I shake my head once, “Anya--go.” 

“They want you to play Sun Summoner.” Dirtyhand’s tone is too smooth to trust. I know when someone’s trying to sell dreams that don’t exist. “The way they’ll have you do it will cost you, but the way I’ll have you do it will be practically painless.”

Is he always this confusing? “What?” 

The question is an irritation, that’s apparent in the cold tint that takes over his practically blank expression. “I need a Sun Summoner for a business deal--and lucky for you I’m out of time.” 

“You don’t want to work with me.” 

“No,” his voice is dismissive, he didn’t understand I meant that as a warning, “But I need to have some form of mass light before sunrise.” 

“The man I’m indentured to will never go for it.” Proposing such an idea would leave me with a broken rib again. 

Dirtyhands nods once, a vague acknowledgement. “That’s not your problem.” I keep my jaw set, scanning at the crowd for a flash of that blue kefta. “After all, it wasn’t his problem when he hurt you.” 

I had been careful to hide the bruises. The reminders of my humanity. My weaknesses, my failures, written onto my skin in purple and blue ink. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“I didn’t until I got that reaction.” I’ve never so quickly felt the need to loathe someone. “It was easy enough to assume--young girl, desperate for money, a grisha powerful enough to be hunted down.” 

Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation? “My freedom would never come so easily.” 

“It wouldn’t be freedom--you’d owe me more than you already do for the kruge scam.” 

I swallow before I can make the mistake of telling him I’d consider any escape from Kenya freedom. “Close enough.” 

The grisha’s closer now, the light blue kefta so easy to spot amongst a sea of darkness. “You’re running out of time.” 

“Can you get my friend out?” 

“Y/n.” She can be mad for the rest of her life if she wants. 

He nods his head once. “She’ll be out the back before anyone knows she was even here.” 

“And she can take the money I won.” Maybe the income will be enough to spare her from Kenya’s wrath. “That’s a dealbreaker.” 

Kaz Brekker hesitates. It’s such a normal pause I almost think it’s a trap. “If she takes it there will be no way out for you--you will do what I ask even if it endangers your life.” 

“Y/n, it’s not worth it.” 

I don’t look at Anya. “You have my word.” 

“Y/n, I’m not taking anything and I’m not leaving you.” 

I finally turn. “Don’t be a self-sacrificing idiot--it’s not in your nature and frankly it doesn’t suit you.” Acts of goodness towards me have always left me feeling raw. Too raw. Like I’m bleeding out. “Sorry, I just…” Anya’s eyes are soft. She knows. She always knows. “I’ll get through whatever it is he’s planning and I’ll come back.” I swallow once, nerve draining from my body slowly. “Take the money--Kenya will be angry enough as is.” 

Anya drops her gaze as she collects from the table. It takes me a moment longer than it should to recognize this is shameful for her. I consider telling her that she’s doing the right thing, but that would burn her heart more. 

“You’re my sister,” Anya’s voice is lower than it’s ever been, “I should have stopped him.” 

Her guilt hurts more than the bruises. “You were as hurt as me--you have nothing to feel guilty about.” 

This is already more emotion than we’re used to expressing when alone let alone around others. Anya stretches out an arm, squeezes my shoulder once, and then takes a step back. “I’ll see you again.” 

“Yes,” I nod once.

“Jesper, take the girl out the back.” Turning forward blankly, Kaz begins to speak to me, “Hide behind the bar--my wraith will find you and take you somewhere else.” 

“Y--you have a wraith?” And I thought Kenya was weird. He lets out a sigh. “Sorry. Not the time.” 

“Desperation leads to bad decisions.” 

Dramatic. “I agree.” 

His gaze falls on me, taking in my narrow-eyed glare. There’s a moment in which I think the left corner of his mouth twitches upwards, but then he turns his head again. A trick of the light. “Go before you’re found and I’m out the money I let your friend take.” 

Yes. I’m not exactly safe right now, but Kaz Brekker needs me for something. That means I will not be leaving this building. By force or willingly. 

Silently, I turn, melting into those in the crowd that are either oblivious or don’t care enough to react to the cat and mouse game I’m currently in. When I reach the bar, I’m quick to duck behind it, pressing my back against shelves of alcohol. 

[triptuckers]

Backup plan - Kaz Brekker

Request: yes “hiiii! can i request a kaz x reader where he falls in love with her because of how she saves him? like she sees all the angles he can't and keeps him out of the frying pan? thank you!!!” Pairing:  Kaz Brekker x reader Summary:  Kaz Brekker isn’t one to let people get close to him, but what about the girl who keeps saving him? Warnings: language Word count:  1K A/N: can’t believe it took me so long to write this cause I think my 800 follower celebration and two homes came first, but here it finally is!! sorry you had to wait so long, enjoy reading! TAG LIST (grishaverse): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15 @dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 TAG LIST (kaz brekker): @mufnasa add yourself to my tag lists here

Your legs are aching but you keep on running. Why did something always have to go wrong? During times like this, you felt like Kaz just liked the adrenaline of coming up with new plans when something went wrong. Kind of like the way Jesper would get excited when you were caught in a gun fight. 

If only you could figure out why they got an adrenaline kick of those things. Some people get adrenaline kicks from things like winning a game, placing a good bet. Why did the people you hang out with always have to get adrenaline kicks out of near death experiences?

You could ask Kaz and Jesper. If you made it out of the museum alive. 

You’re running through the halls, closely following Kaz after Nina accidentally triggered an alarm. You didn’t have time to snatch the target with you - a pair of vintage earrings that had once belonged to a queen of Ravka. 

Right now, all you care about is getting out of the building without getting shot. The guards are crawling all over the place, forcing you and the crows to split up.

You saw Jesper and Wylan run off a while ago, shouting they’d meet you back at the Slat. Of course, Inej went to the roof to get out. Nina had pulled Matthias into a hallway, and you followed Kaz.

You always follow Kaz. You wonder if you’d follow him until it would result in you getting severely injured. 

Ahead of you, you can see Kaz is struggling to keep moving. Despite having his cane with him, you can tell his leg is hurting like hell. But there’s no time for a break, no time to slow down. 

Kaz takes a left turn but you speed toward him and tug on his arm. You ignore the angry look he gives you and gesture that you need to go right.

‘I studied the maps, Y/N!’ says Kaz in an impatient voice. ‘We have to go left!’

‘This entire place is a goddamn maze! Left is a dead end, we have to go right unless you want us to run into a dozen of guards.’ you say, still breathing heavily because of all the running.

Kaz frowns at you. ‘How would you know that?’ he says.

‘I studied the maps as well.’ 

‘You did?’

‘Yes! Now, do you trust me?’

‘Yes.’ says Kaz instantly, following you as you take a right.

When you’re about halfway through the hall, you hear shouting behind you. You look over your shoulder to see about a dozen of guards emerge through the door Kaz had intended to go through.

But there’s no time for ‘I told you so’ comments, you’re still running for your life. 

You run through the halls, on the way to one of the emergency exits. When Kaz had told you all of the plan, you studied the maps as well. You figured it’d be best to not go in blind. 

You burst through the doors and run out onto the street, Kaz on your heels. The guards follow you as you speed away from the museum. Kaz blindly follows you but stops when you run into an alley.

‘There’s an impenetrable fence at the end of this alley!’ says Kaz.

‘No there isn’t.’ you say. ‘I calculated this would be the route to take if things went to shit, which they did. Now hurry!’ 

Kaz has no choice but to follow you as the guards are closing in. He looks at you as you kneel in front of the set of locks that hold the fence firmly closed.

‘Those locks look brand new, let me.’ says Kaz, already fumbling for his lock picking tools.

‘Always come prepared, Kaz.’ you say. ‘First lesson you taught me, remember?’

You pull a heavy key chain from you pocket and start unlocking the locks one by one. Kaz watches you work.

‘You put new locks on it.’ he says in disbelief.

‘Last week.’ you say. ‘When we first got to planning the job. I made sure to plan some escape routes, and I walked all of them to see if we could make it. When I stumbled onto this fence, I got new locks and put them on it. In case we got caught and had to run from the museum.’

You look over your shoulder at him. Kaz looks at you, lips slightly parted.

‘You’re amazing.’ he says.

‘Did you get poisoned?’ you say as you get up after you finish unlocking all of the brand new locks. ‘You’re saying weird things that don’t fit you.’

But they do fit Kaz. God, they do. He thinks the world of you. And tonight, you have proven yet again you’re just as smart as he is. Hell, maybe even smarter than he is. 

The only difference is you add a little more charm to it than he does. He wouldn’t even be standing here if it hadn’t been for you. He’d lost count of how many times you’d saved him when a plan went wrong.

‘I didn’t get poisoned.’ says Kaz. ‘It’s true. You’re clever. You make back up plans even I can’t come up with. Changing the locks because you knew this was the route we would take? That’s really fucking impressive.’

You smile at his words and swing the gate open, letting him walk through it first.

‘Well, thank you.’ you say. ‘It’s good to know I can outsmart you every once in a while.’

‘Not just once in a while.’ says Kaz. ‘You’ve saved me and the others plenty of times with your quick thinking. It’s incredible. Like you.’

You squint your eyes at him. ‘Was that a compliment?’ you say. ‘I didn’t know you could compliment anyone.’

Kaz rolls his eyes at your words and you laugh. 

‘Just teasing.’ you say. ‘If I’m as incredible as you say I am, maybe you should invite me for a drink.’

‘Are you really talking me into asking you out?’ says Kaz and you wink at him in response. ‘It’s working. But you deserve more than just a drink. Let me take you out for dinner.’

You smile brightly. ‘Dinner it is.’ you say. ‘Now let’s go back to the Slat before the others think the guards caught us.’

A/N: 

If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[light-yaers]

Fools in the Darkness: Chapter Four

Darkling x Reader

Warnings: Death, violence, drugs (Parem), NSFW and sexual content. This content is explicit and 18+ at some points.

A/N: This here is a warning that uploads will slow down after this! But I’ll keep popping in to share teasers and writing updates and so forth. I have a month until my dissertation deadline and I simply can’t keep writing fanfiction instead of my uni work... lmao. Hope you enjoy this, though! The ending is... a lot more than we’ve had, as of yet.

Fic Masterpost

Word Count - 3.9k

Chapter Four

“A storm summoner?” Inej questioned, shocked. “Like the Sun Summoner?” Her eyes lit up tenfold as the name slipped from her lips. You saw the faith in her eyes, the want for something bigger to be out there; a protector; a god; a Sankta.

“I’m no Sankta, Inej,” You replied, furrowing your brows at the way her face dropped. Kaz was looking at her deeply, as if he often did this when she wasn’t looking at him—his face was deep in thought, his sunken and sad eyes swimming with something that you’d seen before—

Longing. A feeling.

“I think he just called me that to make me believe I was part of something bigger,” You continued. Kaz scoffed abruptly, causing you and Inej to jut your gazes onto him.

“He sounds like every powerful man out there. A devil in disguise,” He said it as if he’d dealt with similar people, but the hint of patronisation in his tone is what made you scowl.

“You said it yourself, Brekker—a devil in disguise. I had nothing, no one. No matter how cautious I was, I was looking for something to cling onto—,”

“So, you clung onto the Darkling himself,” He interrupted you, his eyes turning nasty. “And you thought it would go to plan?”

You stood suddenly, your chair clattering to the floor as your hands trembled relentlessly. Kaz’s face dropped, his head tilting upwards to hit your eye. Your face was stern, your jaw stiff, your eyes shooting fire at the Bastard of the Barrel.

Inej rose after you, placing a reassuring hand on your forearm. “Ignore him,” She said softly. “When Kaz doesn’t understand something, he resorts to rudeness, as if that’ll somehow make him understand,” She glanced back at Dirtyhands, shooting him a red stare. He swallowed as his eyes traversed Inej’s face, slowly, intentionally, landing upon every crevice of her smooth skin—skin that had seen so much, done so much for him.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Sit,” He said, softer this time. Inej picked up your chair, and you followed her lead in sitting back down. Her hand never left your arm. Her fingers were delicately laid upon you, so faint that sometimes it felt as if she wasn’t touching you at all. “Please. Continue,” Kaz said. You could hear the change in his voice after Inej’s piercing stare.

You felt that this was more important to Inej than to Kaz. You felt that Kaz only wanted to know how he could somehow profit from this tale, but Inej—she ate up your words as if they were air to her. Trapped in a place as Ketterdam, maybe she simply wanted to know of fights that didn’t happen on her doorstep; that weren’t caused by the knives that littered her body.

You didn’t doubt that she could cause destruction, but you thought you already knew why she did it—

To survive. To live. Not because she wanted to. Not for herself. But for her Dirtyhands, sat right in front of her, tracing the outline of her silken hair wisps and swearing that he didn’t believe in her gods.

You exhaled shakily, dispelling the sudden burst of anger that Kaz had caused you. And then you began again.

The Little Palace, 1 Year Ago

“No Kefta?” Kirigan questioned, as you approached him outside in the courtyard. He stood beside two stallions—one a deep and shining black, the other a gentle brunette. You raised your hand to the brunette stallion, swiping your palm over its soft coat.

He regarded your clothes, the absence of a Kefta, before looking back to your eye. You darted your gaze away from his, not wanting him to divulge your true reasoning.

“It was the blue. Washes me out,” You lied, picking up from the joke he’d made earlier. He didn’t scoff or chuckle this time, however.

“Kefta’s are bulletproof, you know,” He spoke coarsely. “They’re not just for appearance,”

You nodded to yourself, rounding your horse slowly, before slipping one foot into the stirrup and hoisting yourself onto the saddle. You shuffled yourself once, getting comfortable.

“Good thing I have the Darkling escorting me today,” You said, almost bluntly. You didn’t want to bring up the matter of Kefta’s anymore; not just because you felt like an imposter in the Little Palace whenever Grisha walked past you wearing them, but also because of other reasons; the King of Ravka had done nothing for you, or your family.

You didn’t ever wish to don clothes that belonged to him, that were a staple of this place. But you couldn’t say that to Kirigan, not yet. Not until you had a better handle on how he’d react to your harsh words. This was his home, his life—he might take offence to you so publicly rejecting a Grisha tradition.

Kirigan looked to the ground then, a small frown on his face, before quickly hoisting himself onto his black stallion. The two of you left the Little Palace, trotting in silence as an uneasy tension floated between you both.

You ignored his frown, adopting your own involuntarily. As much as you’d thought it would get easier to be here, day by day, it was proving difficult when everyone looked at you like a piece of coal amongst diamonds—apart from Kirigan himself. He looked at you like you were the diamond, worn and tough and strong; indestructible.

You almost didn’t want him looking at you at all, but when you caught yourself slipping, enjoying his company, his chats, his stares; you were just lying to yourself. Kirigan was the only person in the Little Palace that you understood, no matter how small that understanding was. It was the only thing you had to grasp onto.

When the two of you rounded the courtyard, heading out to the vast acres of land surrounding the palace, you couldn’t help but perk up. You were riding moderately, keeping in toe with Kirigan and his horse, but Saints—you wanted to run.

You glanced at Kirigan then, traversing your eyes over his tight jaw, his dark eyes, his blunt lips; and then you clipped your stallion with your boot. It surged forward, neighing loudly, feet galloping faster and faster as Kirigan was soon left behind.

He yelled for you, calling you back, full of worry, but you were travelling too fast to take your eyes off of the field in front of you. You rocketed forward, feeling the strength of the stallion beneath you, the air through your hair, your clothes, the vibrations of the ground below your feet—

Saints, it felt good. You felt free; freer than you’d felt since living a stable life in Kerch with your family, before everything went wrong.

The thud of Kirigan’s horse sounded behind you, approaching quickly as the General came into view at the side of you. You both galloped sternly, neither one faltering. You dared to look at his face, just for a second—his expression had softened, overcome with something that you’d never seen from him before; fear, a worry, a scare.

When before he’d scared you, you now scared him.

You softened your expression upon seeing his face, but you didn’t slow. The silence was no longer tense, but it still weighed on you both. You wanted to say something, you wanted him to speak, but neither did—

Until you finally faced forward once more, guiding your horse onwards and onwards through acres of untouched, green and luscious grass; yours for the fucking taking. That’s when you yelled to the sky, lifting your arms from the reins and allowing your horse to propel you forward, balancing on its back as you indulged in the way the air flowed all over you.

Truly free. Truly felt.

You stayed like that for some time, shutting your eyes for a moment, just to feel everything. When you opened them, Kirigan was still beside you, staring at you unwaveringly—a smile on his lips.

You dismounted in the forest, following Kirigan’s course after your much needed gallop. It was peaceful here, serene, untouched. Since you were young, you’d loved the outdoors. The sounds that surrounded a clearing, coming as if from nowhere. The subtle breeze that flowed through trees, clattering their branches and lifting leaves from the floor. If you could settle anywhere, it would be on a piece of untouched, unclaimed, unruined land.

You were still waiting for him to speak, as the two of you strolled together through the woods. The more you were silent, the more you were afraid of what would leave your mouth if you opened it. You wanted him to break the tension, after such a blunt chat that morning and your abrupt running off.

He cleared his throat once, but you didn’t dare to look at him. “I thought you were running,” He spoke plainly. You let out a huff, feeling relief from the silence being broken.

“I’m not idiotic enough to run when you’re around,” You replied. It was the truth—you would have managed fleeing if Kirigan hadn’t been there to direct Ivan. With each day that passed, it was getting easier to be here, but Kirigan’s deal was already in the back of your mind.

He chuckled slightly. “And if I’m not around?’ He questioned. You looked to him then, meeting his gaze.

“That depends on whether or not you trust me,” You said softly. He regarded you, flicking his eyes over your face, as if looking for any sign of you joking or lying. He couldn’t find anything—because you weren’t.

The corners of his mouth turned up. “If I’m to trust you, then will you trust me in return?”

You grimaced slightly, as his words hit your ears. There was no easy way to say what was the truth. “I have a feeling you already know my answer, General,” You replied. His face didn’t drop, nor did he look away from you. He kept up his small smile, flicking his eyes over you gently.

“No, you wouldn’t trust me,” He said, all-knowing. “But already, I trust you more. Because you didn’t lie,” You glance back at him, ignoring the way his words made your heart pound. Did the General know that you clutched onto his every word? Did he know that, despite your reluctance to trust him, that you wished you would?

“I’m not sure trusting me would be wise for you either, General,” You began, as anxiety bubbled within your gut. “My mother trusted me to keep my sister safe, after they had to leave Kerch. My sister trusted me to get her across the Fjerdan border, and I failed her. You trusted me to stay in the Little Palace, but instead I broke your window,”

He was silent for a moment, pondering his thoughts while your heartbeat was eating you alive.

“It was an impressive jump,” He said. “And an even more impressive landing,”

It was shocking how two sentences stopped the anxiety within you, as if it had never been there in the first place. You sucked in deep breaths and filled your lungs with fresh air, feeling mor invigorated and free than you had in years.

“Why are we here, General?” You asked finally, looking around the forest that surrounded you both. It was quiet and deserted; you were alone with Kirigan once again, this time much further away from others at the Little Palace.

He strode forward, standing before you suddenly. “The first lesson of control is letting go,” He said sternly. “If you want to master your power, then you must first divulge its unpredictability,”

You furrowed your brows, looking down at your hands. They were trembling slightly. “You want me to... intentionally summon a storm that I can’t control?”

“We need to access exactly how much power you possess,” Kirigan confirmed. You shook your head suddenly, feeling far too exposed. You’d summoned storms to protect yourself, to fight against others, to prove your power—but you’d never summoned one outside of immediate danger.

“This is how Morozova created the Fold,” You whispered. “I know a Squaller isn’t the same as a Shadow Summoner, but—,” You continued quickly, glancing up to meet Kirigan’s eyes, swallowing down sudden nerves. “I’ve told you that I don’t know how to use my abilities properly—,”

Kirigan strode forward suddenly, sensing your mass uneasiness. He placed his hands on your shoulders gently, as you allowed his touch to ground you. He furrowed his brows at you softly, flicking his eyes to each of yours.

“I’m here if you can’t hold on,” He said strongly. You sent him a quizzical look, wondering what he meant. “Trust me just this once, even if you don’t trust me afterward,”

You wanted to tell him that this was what happened once, back in Novyi Zem. That you were messing about with your abilities, that you were curious to see how large a storm you could summon. What you’d created had been nothing you’d ever expected or imagined—it had scared you. It had scared your sister, and Nana.

And you never summoned a storm that size again, not even against those druskelle, not even to prove your point against Zoya, or break out of the Little Palace the week before.

You clutched onto Kirigan’s words as he took a few strong steps backwards, his eyes plastered on you all the same. “Just look at me, don’t be afraid of your own strength,” He said lowly. You bit back the anxiety propelling itself up your throat as you brought your hands together, slowly, trembling, before mustering all of your strength—

And summoned the greatest storm that was possible.

It came thick and fast, whipping through the pristine and untouched trees and bushes of the forest. Leaves were stolen from their comfort on the ground, joining the huge circular winds that you’d wrapped around yourself and the General. His eyes danced over your winds as they continued to get stronger and faster, threatening to rip his feet from the ground.

But he stayed solid, he stayed stood, always a few feet in front of you, acting as a reminder that all would be okay. You started to panic when a tree snapped abruptly, its trunk filing into the ravenous winds you’d created. You faltered slightly, your eyes darting around your storm.

“I can’t!” You yelled out, and Kirigan’s gaze whipped back to you. You were breathing heavily, encased in fear at your own doing.

“Control it!” He shouted back. “Feel it in your gut, your entire body—,”

“I can’t!” You screeched, clamping your eyes shut as the eye of the storm began to waver. If you continued this way, the winds would soon whip both you and the General into its path, along with most of the surrounding forest.

You were screaming at yourself to focus, to breathe, but the overwhelming thoughts of destruction and the unknown were too strong, cutting through your mind. Your power was eating you alive—

Until his body pressed into your back, his fingers curling around your slim forearms, helping to steady your wavering and trembling hands. You opened your eyes, immediately flicking your gaze down to the intricate patterns of his black Kefta sleeves.

“Feel it in your gut, feel it here,” Kirigan spoke into your ear, loud and clear. Slowly, he moved one of his hands to your waist, slipping his palm over to land upon your lower torso, over your gut. With every second his hand was pressed upon you, you felt stability; you felt safer. “Think of your sister, think of your family, your life, your wants and desires. Focus your mind,”

Kirigan moved his hand up to your chest then, pressing down sternly over your heart. “Slow your heartrate, feel your power, but do not fear it—you can control it. It sits within you and only you,”

You closed your eyes as he spoke, focusing your mind. You thought of your mother and father and what they did to protect you; you thought of your sister, of Nana, of everyone who you loved so dearly; you thought of Kirigan and his promise—

Your fingers moved instinctively as you imagined the way you wanted the winds to move. The storm began to lessen, as a more focused tunnel of air cascaded around you and the General. Your heartbeat raged in your ears; erratic, anxiety stricken, but decreasing steadily as your fingers commanded the very air, inhaling and exhaling deep and stable breaths.

“Drop the tree trunk to the floor,” He whispered once more. Even with your eyes closed, you could sense where the tree was within your circling storm. You swiped your hand through the air, feeling the weight of the trunk as you commanded the air surrounding it to hover it across the clearing.

With a thud, it dropped to the ground. You separated your hands, and the storm dissipated as fast as you’d summoned it.

A silence flooded through the forest as the winds disappeared, as leaves fluttered back down to the earth from where they came. It was almost beautiful, witnessing the branches of trees reverting back to their original positions. Birds flew overhead, disturbed from the storm, but they were returning to their trees and nests.

In that moment, you felt the air. You felt the power within your veins, your blood, as the fear from your mind had all but left you. When you became aware of Kirigan, arms wrapped around you, hand pressed over your heart, you didn’t shrug him off—you raised your own hand to his, overlaying it atop your heart.

“Can you feel it?” You asked breathily. “My steady heartbeat?” You were riding the adrenaline rush, the happiness from feeling like you now had more of a handle upon what you could create to perceive his closeness as awkward or unnecessary.

He’d stuck to his word. He was there when you felt you couldn’t hold on. He was there for when you faltered, and he’d brought you back.

“Yes,” He replied, still whispering into your ear. His voice made you shiver, his presence never being this strong to you before. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel safer, stronger, more in control. Having him near was something you had to get used to, but this near? Unthinkable; until his arms had wrapped around you and his chest was pressed into your back. “You have huge strength, strength that I’ve never seen a Squaller possess before,”

When you felt your cheeks blushing at his lips to your ear, you finally removed yourself from his grasp. You strode forward, eyes landing upon the snaped tree trunk. It was sat at the edge of the clearing on its side, as if it was placed there intentionally; a bench amongst the wildlife.

“You’ve always thought your powers to be destructive,” Kirigan said, strolling to stand beside you. He looked down at the fallen log with a small smile curled upon his lips. “But look at the good they can create,” He strode past you towards the log, squatting down until he sat atop it.

You didn’t move from where you stood, fighting against the urge to sit beside him. He stared at you, his eyes beaming brightly, but you looked down to his hands—hands that he’d placed upon you. Hands that could control the darkness and manipulate shadows to his will.

“You haven’t shown me your power,” You said abruptly. Kirigan took in a deep breath, clasping his hands together in his lap.

“Not many people wish to see it,” He replied, his smile dropping into a frown. “Curious, aren’t you?”

You shrugged your shoulders, feeling exposed as he regarded you. “Everyone knows of those few strong Grisha. Shadow and Sun summoners, the dark and the light. Rare, yet one is sat right before me,”

He stood slowly, his hands still clasped together. “Are you sure? It’s been known to... haunt people,”

You swallowed, balling your fists, as if punching your way through shadows was possible. “I will trust you again, just this once, not to haunt me for the rest of my days,” You said steadily, hoping that he couldn’t detect the slight hitch in your tone. Saints, you were afraid, but you also trusted the General, sat before you, not to harm you.

It was enough.

He nodded once, before gently unclasping his hands. The darkness came slower than you expected it would, but when it eventually surrounded the forest and the air turned cold, it was all-encompassing—

A black so deep and never-ending that looking into it was like staring at the end of the World. Kirigan disappeared from view as the forest darkened into oblivion, as shadows of a smoke like substance blocked out any hope of light, life, anything.

You could feel your heartbeat in your ears, your blood pumping through your body, your organs keeping you alive. It was you, only you, and the pitch black.

Cold, alone, encased in a shadow—

“Kirigan?” You spoke timidly. It felt like your voice should have echoed, but instead the dark absorbed all noise. It ate up your very words.

“Aleksander,” His voice cut through the black suddenly, as a hand reached out to clutch your own. When before there had just been black, Kirigan now stood before you, as if he’d been there the entire time. He raised your hand to his chest, laying your palm over his heart and placing his hand over yours. “Call me Aleksander,” He said, and you heard his voice loud and clear now, encased in this dark abyss.

His eyes were swimming with shadows; so black that you couldn’t stop looking at them.

“Feel my heartbeat,” He spoke once more. You furrowed your brows.

“It’s hardly beating,” You whispered, as a wave of cold descended over your body. Aleksander nodded.

“Death state. All I’m focused on is my power, now,” He replied. You were struck then with the realisation that this man harboured more strength than you’d ever imagined. He could control his power to do whatever bidding he pleased; he could slow his heartrate until he was hovering above literal death, until his focus was so inherent that it was like second nature.

He removed his hand from yours, and as he did the shadows vanished from around you both, scuttling back into whatever corner of Hell they came from. You were too focused on the darkness leaving that you didn’t realise your hand still lay over Aleksander’s heart, until you looked back at him.

You flinched, removing your hand from his chest.

“Scared?” He asked, his voice rough. He swallowed afterwards, his Adam’s apple bobbing uncomfortably within his throat.

“No,” You replied, and you knew it was the truth. It was more beautiful than you’d expected, but you were sure that would change if you ever saw the General use his powers in defence. But for now—the shadows were beautiful—his shadows were beautiful. They were strong. He was strong. “Aleksander,” You finished, letting his name roll over your tongue.

The corners of his mouth tugged up at the sound of his name from your lips.

“Good,” Aleksander said, as the two of you settled once more, feeling the pleasantness of the breeze through the trees and the birds chirping high above your heads.

And as you both relaxed in each other’s presence, without the need for Ravkan rum, you were thinking of the future; you were thinking of the other training sessions where you’d get to be alone with General Aleksander Kirigan of the Second Army.

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