#god it took me so long to learn this
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Zuko was always dismissed, by everyone. It wasn't until he left home that he learned it wasn't because there was something wrong with him, because he was inherently dismissible.
There were people who could love him. They just weren't in his house.
a year like that
#Zuko#atla#zukka#ao3#god it took me so long to learn this#you are lovable#the problem isn't you#anyway hope you like the story
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Covenant
#yugioh#ygo dm#kisara#seto kaiba#kaiba seto#ygo#GET HIM BABY <3#this is my ideal blueshipping dynamic. btw#sometimes a super cool powerful dragon is soulmates with a little asshole. and you gotta rip him in half a bit#its for his own good trust me#but it's ok with me if you interpret this as mortal enemies doomed to rip each other up over thousands of years through every reincarnation#zelda ganon link style#also good god why did i do this it took so long and i got so insane about every frame#I LEARNED A LOT YEE HA#watch me actually look up how to do animation and realize i did everything in the worst slowest possible way#art tag
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Serious question.
Do you think we’ll see the parents/family of each of the guys???
Like, We’ve been TEASED with Ace’s brother, that I’m starting to think it’s just a reference to that Alice in Wonderland park character in Japan and nothing else….
Jack’s family, Ruggie’s grandma, Falena, Maleficia, Ms.Rosehearts, Just now Vil’s dad is in the picture which I am really happy but now I’m wondering about his mom, and so Deuce’s mom.
I mean, some HAVE a silhouette!! It could mean they do have a design in the making/ready to show. They could’ve shown us Falena in the Tamashina (hope I said that correctly) event, but didn’t (prolly to make Leona not so σ(▼□▼メ) and it’s understandable)
Anyhow, any idea/headcannon about this? Who do you want to see first?
I'm wondering if everyone might eventually get a travel event? like they've now introduced with Vil's that it doesn't have to be specifically hometowns, so that opens things up a lot! (especially if they have to figure out how to do three separate Coral Sea visits) (how would that even work otherwise)
but yeah, I hope everyone gets a chance! there's a lot of backstory characters I would LOVE to meet. :D :D :D though I do think some of them don't really suit the more light-hearted tone of the events (pretty sure you're right about that being why Falena wasn't in Tamashina-Mina, that would've just been. too much for Leona.) so like...we're probably not ever going to meet the Rosehearts. or Maleficia (although I maintain that this would be THE funniest possible way to introduce her outside of the main story, and actually I would love this a lot, can we please Twst) (I need to see her to put Malleus in a froofy little outfit and tell him what a handsome boy he is). but they've sprung surprises like Kifaji on us, and honestly anyone who shows up and tells embarrassing stories about characters' childhoods is good in my book!
characters off the top of my head who I most want to meet: literally any of the Zigvolts, Azul's mom, Ace's brother, Che'nya's grandfather (<- I think he would be a good one for Riddle) (please just any non-terrible adult in his life), any member of Rook's family because I need to see how they managed to produce him, and...really just whoever they can come up with for Silver.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tapis rouge#tamashina mina#i think it's just those two#(i am very very sorry about how long it took to reply to this)#but yeah i don't know if everyone is actually doable! i just want to ~believe~#though silver would also have one of the zigvolts honestly#(they are the only reason lilia managed to actually raise him without silver like. falling through a manhole looney tunes style.)#so let's say he gets sebek's mom and sebek gets his dad. just because it would make sebek VERY annoyed.#god i want to meet azul's mom though. everything we know about her makes her sound AMAZING#i want her to feed me lunch and teach me how to take no shit#ANYWAY i do also wonder about vil's mom...#i had been thinking we might learn something about her during tapis rouge. but nope! not a mention.#i guess we did establish that vil either went with eric or was cared for by the house staff when he was traveling#so i dunno! it doesn't necessarily mean anything she might just be a busy lady doing busy things#i just wonder!
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completely innocuous vash sheet :) fr practice
#my art#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun vash#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#vash fanart#STILL dont know the tags gomen ill do research one of these days#anyway . 4 gd days later hes finally done#here is what i am learning . i love his design sm. but jesus CHRIST#all the individual elements r so time consuming i want to tear my face off. im slowly getting more familiar w the arm but God.#im so peeved at how long this took but i am trying to cut myself some slack. remembering tht his design is a 24 hour endeavour#and i drew 4 of him#3 of which being fullbody 2 of which being foreshortened 1 of which being a Maid Dress#the price i pay fr self-indulgence.....the price i pay fr [redacted]#this started out as a treat fr me n it became my purgatory#but it is DONE and now i can look at vash in a maid outfit and tied up and jacket off turtleneck Out and shirtless and- *is shot dead*#anyway huge shoutout to mey rin black butler fr being the og Maid With Gun#stole the thigh bustle from a panel of her it was just too good#anyway take it enjoy the fruits of my labour enjoy him i am . exhausted.
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youtube
I might’ve spoiled the plot of Natlan | Genshin Impact THEORY
In which I read so much lore that I gained the power to see the future (maybe) This ended up being a real challenge to make - but it was also really fun! Please do lemme know what you reckon of these ideas, and whether y’all wanna see me pattern-recognition my way into several corkboards worth of theories about any other topics sometime down the line! (^^)/
(also: HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🥳🎉 Here's wishing y'all every good thing for 2024)
#artists on tumblr#abd illustrates#genshin impact#natlan#game theory#idek how to tag this one i've never made a vid like this before uhm-- sgdfksdf#anyway oh my GOD i have had so many brain bees about this topic for the longest time#ik making a half hour video about it is unhinged enough but the fact that nobody else seemed to be talking about some of the patterns#was drivin me BONKERS#im so normal about this lore y'all mhm#but also silly tho the energy of this one is#im really proud of it! it was wierdly scary to branch out from my usual content like this#so i do sincerely hope it's a fun watch (^^)/#i'd love to make more off-the-wall and like deep-dive type stuff like this sometime if it goes over well 💖#it also took-- sO LONG TO MAKE#full time video essayists are to be feared i have learned#Youtube
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They're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!!
I actually started this last month and then got burnt out and didn't finish it until now but whatever I FINISHED IT!! I finished watching Scooby Doo and Guess Who last month and there's a Wizard of Oz parody in the last episode and I just knew I had to do fanart, a legal requirement if you will.
I kept Shaggy, Fred and Velma's costumes from the episode the same but I thought Daphne and Scooby deserved costumes that were a bit more personal too. But who would the wizard in question be?? Well don't worry because I drew art for that too!!
I just can't stop thinking about a proper direct to DVD scooby WOZ parody film and how Van Ghoul should be the wizard, like in my head it's perfect.
#my art#scooby doo#scooby doo fanart#daphne blake#fred jones#shaggy rogers#velma dinkley#mystery incorporated#scooby doo and guess who#vincent van ghoul#mystery inc#the background took so long god it was so hard to figure out#im a not background girlie I mostly do character art so I figured the best way to learn was to draw something I like#idk i looked at other scooby background arts from trick or treat and the other modern movies but I still cannot BG paint I fear#turned out pretty alright though Im happy with it#mad props to background painters cause idk how they do it well I suppose they both know how to do it and enjoy doing it so thats how#but whatever the point is that it impresses me as I drew one and burnt out#but I LOVED drawing that sandwich like listen shaggy and scooby had a point to make when they make those things
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breaking the 66th seal. based off of cabanel’s ‘the fallen angel’.
#my god. this took so long#and required a lot of technique I have litcherally never used before#BUT. i am. proud. I think! Lol!#idk arts about learning and I sure as hell learned#critique welcomed!#supernatural brainrot lately smh#will anyone remember the church they killed Lilith in or is that just me xoxo gossip girl#re: my art.#Sam Winchester#supernatural#supernatural fanart#the winchesters#demon blood sam winchester#spot the bibilicsl references#spn fanart#spn#jared padalecki
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Lost in Paradise
(click for higher quality)
#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#art#my art#digital art#oh my fucking god this took me so long jesus#also finally learned how to use color balance! only took me 7 years
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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago
So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!
ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.
Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.
Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.
Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.
Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.
Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.
#Not Stories#mutual aid#adult literacy#'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability#from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself#'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING#to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took#I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15#because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house#10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault#our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic#the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you#the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate#reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER#so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart#FUCK. YOU.
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Cannibals, Pirates, and PhDs: How Did I Get Here?
I mentioned in some tags earlier that I’ve only actually been a real fan of Pink Floyd for under a year, and that the confluence of events that led up to it is pretty absurd. Some interest seemed to be taken in this, so I though I’d elaborate.
I didn’t know how to shorten this timeline and have it make any sense, so it’s... long. But idk, I think it’s pretty funny. If you’re nosy like I am this is for you.
My Backstory Timeline:
early childhood: my parents essentially mainline me and my little sister with The Beatles. I know almost no songs written past the 70’s until at least sixth grade. I develop a childhood crush on Paul McCartney, a joke that the universe really decides to play the long game on.
2014: my dad calls me over one night, and gravely tells me he’s been waiting to share something until I’m old enough. I brace myself to be told about sex or secret half-siblings. Instead, he tells me I need to listen to The Wall. Irritated at the idea of wasting an hour and half of my night, I nevertheless comply and go up to my room and put it on. I do not come back from this, clearly having inherited some sort of generational curse.
Around the same time, I am also secretly watching Hannibal every time my parents send me upstairs because Game of Thrones is “too gory”. This will trigger three important things: an interest in psychology, a love of horror media, and a classical music phase will train my attention span to last well past the three minute mark.
2014-2023: Over the intervening years, I become a casual fan of Pink Floyd, but make a deliberate point not to learn anything about the band. I like being able to imagine my own meanings for the songs. Also, I am motivated against this by a childhood memory of being deeply frightening by a picture of old Paul McCartney (LOL). I do not want that to ever happen again, so no learning.
Cut to April of 2023: I am finishing up my first year of my PhD program studying media psychology. I am in a bad place mentally, and am going through another horror movie phase to fill the hole. As a result, I get very into American Psycho. The main character, Patrick Bateman, is a fan of superficial 80’s pop music, particularly Genesis. I decide to start listening to Genesis to see if I agree with his tastes. While researching “best Genesis albums”, I come across The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I listen to it, and am blown away. I had no idea that the Phil Collins band made music like that. This sends me down the prog-rock rabbit hole. I still won't learn any lore.
Summer of 2023: MEANWHILE, I am also going through another pirate phase. I have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of 18th century piracy (and am still quite active in the Black Sails fan community). Around this time, I get really obsessed with this one random guy named Dennis McCarthy who was hanged in 1718.
I decide to work poor Dennis into a science fiction story I’ve been working on. The premise is essentially that the universe is an abandoned simulation, and a ‘glitch in the matrix’ starts to, among other things, bring people from the wrong time periods back to life. The format of the story is vaguely monster-of-the-week, in which the characters have to solve various problems caused by mistakes in the code. I think, “hey, you know what would be perfect for this? that fanfic I wrote about The Wall in high school.” Said fic (which that stupid fucking beatles movie stole from me) is about a world in which Pink Floyd never existed, but a wannabe rock-star discovers a box full of their records and decides to copy them. While he is touring his plagiarized version of The Wall, he realizes that the events of the album are starting to happen to him in real life. By working this concept into my new story, I go through another one of my periodical The Wall phases. It's in full swing when fall rolls around.
September of 2023: This semester, I take a grad-level narrative theory class in the English department. I decide it would be helpful to follow along with a specific example, so I choose The Wall. Using the terminology I am learning in the class, I start to realize that The Wall is…. incredibly narratologically fucked up. To help orient me, I watch the bootleg concert recordings, and the trick with the surrogate band sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore.
This is where the two plot-lines converge. I don’t remember which came first, but around this same time, I think to myself “hey, if Genesis was hiding such an incredible album under the 80’s pop, what must Pink Floyd be hiding?” On that whim, I put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, which equally sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore. I needed to know what the fuck happened to get them from Piper to The Wall.
September-November: In the two months between the onset of this and finally making another sideblog, I dedicate all of my free time to learning as much about Pink Floyd as humanely possible (and writing a 20 page essay for that narrative theory class). As you can imagine, this is a lot to unpack all at once for someone who didn’t even know who Roger or Syd or any of the rest of them were. Luckily, I am over-educated enough to be a very fast learner. Aside from the band lore itself, I of course also fall in love with the rest of Pink Floyd's discography musically-speaking. Having this interest to latch onto genuinely pulls me out of my depression.
Cut to February 2024: I am really enjoying myself, and want to keep this going as long as possible, but I am starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Pink Floyd lore. I decide I need to feed the fire by supplementing with lore from another band. The Beatles seem to have a strong fan presence on tumblr, why not revisit a childhood favorite? The universe laughs at my expense.
That about brings us up to date. I have gone through so much character development over the last eight months, it’s crazy. Pink Floyd is definitely one of those things that is less of a “phase” and more of a permanent part of my mindscape. Weirdly enough, since I am studying media psychology, all of this has also been really good for my career? I never took an interest in -real- media figures (as opposed to fictional characters) before, and I feel like I have a much clearer sense of things now. It's definitely influenced my research, so whatever domino effect this has on my future is bound to get even funnier.
Anyway, that’s my backstory!
#it’s interesting re-examining how my relationship to The Wall has changed over time.#strange how you can love something as a kid but not really personally relate to it. and then you grow up and suddenly you’re like...#...oh shit. there -must- have been a door there when I came in#//#that makes it sound less fun than its been tho#god. i've had so much fun. im actually glad i took so long to get into band lore so I could learn all this -now-#i had kind of worked myself into a (very silly) mental spiral of 'what if I've run out of new things to discover'#and it's been so. idk... healing for me to realize all of this has been here the whole time#(clenching my teeth: ....emotional vulnerability....)#personal lore
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oh please talk about kawanishi taichi i love that silly guy
OF COURSE ANON I TOO LOVE THAT SILLY GUY LET'S GET IT!!
(also i am SO sorry for taking so long oh my god i am back in action and catching up i promise!!)
i think he likes beanies in his casual wear
idk kawanishi feels like such a beanie person but not the douchebag slouchy ones he's got one that's a little snug and has something embroidered on it like a bird or something
okay that's a lie. he has ONE douchebag slouchy beanie that makes him look like how a high school romance shoujo mangaka of the mid-2000s would dress a flashy somewhat-delinquent teenage boy (honey lemon soda my beloved)
this, of course, could not be farther from the truth
the entire second year is scared of him bc they never somehow realize he's there until he says something and they're like "holy SHIT". this also means he knows a bunch of hot gossip
(the hot gossip miyagi group chat: kawanishi, watari, onagawa, and narita)
on the other hand. that means the students of 2-5 win the contest for "best cultural festival attraction" between classes bc they had the best haunted house the miyagi prefecture had ever seen
he's on really good terms with the school nurse because sometimes he sneaks into the infirmary to take naps during lunch or gym periods
knows how to lockpick BECAUSE he keeps trying to sneak into the infirmary. and occasionally the school roof for their "team bonding picnics" so that tendou doesn't have to keep swiping the key from the student council
i'm not just saying this bc i like enamel pins but i think kawanishi DOES like enamel pins. he's got a collection of these edgy sarcastic ones that he thinks are hilarious in a "started-ironically-and-now-i-can't-stop-pipeline" kind of way
he's got this whole tumblr-grunge-indie-hipster thing going on with his douchebag slouchy beanie and denim jacket with pins all over the collar and ripped jeans and converse sneakers and shirabu thinks he pulls it off unfairly well
i feel like kawanishi also really likes fantasy/sci-fi and is actually SUCH a huge secret nerd about it. and really likes cyberpunk and fantasyland settings you'd get from like idk snow white with the red hair or nivalis (i KNOW it's an indie game that's not even out yet but sue me i don't know cyberpunk all that well)
he and tsukki actually become friends while arguing about how much of akira is deep meaning and how much of it is actually just straight up bullshit because WHAT the fuck was that
also he's subscribed to a bunch of these small artists on youtube who make background music and fun art to go with them bc he can put together a great soundtrack for getting hw and studying done
likes getting lil gifts for shirabu, especially to add to his stationary collection. shirabu has sticky notes in the shape of whales and ice cream and paper lanterns and washi tape with fireworks and beach motifs and bakery stuff and it's all because of kawanishi
kawanishi just sticks to the plain solid-color square sticky notes that he uses to leave shirabu notes around his dorm. just small things, really, a reminder that this is a place shirabu belongs and it is a place he is loved. you're doing great. get some water soon. i'll bring you dinner, just text me. don't forget to sleep.
and shirabu will be hard pressed to admit it, but those might be his favorite sticky notes of all
#LMAO WAIT I REMEMBERED SOMETHING I COULD HAVE USED INSTEAD OF NIVALIS#not that i should have bc idk if it counts nor can i rec it in good conscience but. the aesthetic fits i think#anyways i googled a bunch of stuff for this and that's how i learned that final fantasy is apparently cyberpunk???#this completely messes with the image i had of it in my head for like. the entire last eight years or so#also like. i'm assuming this came from my mixed inarizaki/shiratorizawa post where i talked kawanishi and kawashira there a bit#so pardon me for getting a lil bit sappy there at the end. bc i love them#ANYWAYS I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET OUT OH MY GOD I HOPE YOU ENJOY ANON TY FOR THE ASK <333#kawanishi taichi#shirabu kenjirou#kawashira#honorable mention also goes to:#tsukishima kei#and#tendou satori#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu hcs#sou says stuff
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I've...fallen to, the sonic brainrot....the Nack the Weasel brainrot...the Fang the Hunter brainrot-
He's so silly LOOK AT THIS GOOBER!!!!
Best drawing I've done in a while!!!!!
#GOD THIS TOOK ME SO LONG#I BELIVE IN GIVING HIM A BANDAID AND HAIR TUFF!!!#my mom thought he was a possum at first and i wasnt gonna correct her...like in her defense i WAS talking about clutch previously#and..she doesnt know much abour sonic either#fang the hunter#nack the weasel#sonic idw#sonic comics#sonic fanart#sonic posting#my art#gave him the iconic~ sonic banner fit with stars and some chaos emralds around him~ our beloved theif!!!!#this was from a PAGE of doodles but this one i got extra invested in and finished!!!#learning to draw him....and his hat is HARD
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CLAWCODE RAAAAAAAA
I FINALLY FINISHED AN ANIMATIC INSTEAD OF GIVING UP ON IT!!!!! (ignore the mistakes.. please...... I forgot about them..)
Context: Miles and Ganke used to be best friends until Ganke got too close and caught feelings. He eventually ended up confessing too soon to Miles, who wasn't ready (and totally wasn't absolutely terrified of his own feelings and backed out) and ended up cutting contact with him. Several months later, Ganke still wasn't over it, and started writing letters and disposing them in various ways to cope. This one just so happened to be a paper airplane that, by some strange twist of fate, carried it across the water and directly to where Miles was stationed waiting for his uncle. (This might come up in my fic.. if I ever start writing it again..)
Also tiny detail that I don't think I executed very well but want to talk about:
Ganke is made up of dark colors, while the world around him is very bright. (Metaphor for the sadness and guilt he feels from losing Miles as a friend)
Miles, however, is colored very brightly while the world around him is dark. (Metaphor for how his life feels without Ganke in it)
Without each other, they cannot be complete.
Thank you.
Also, Ganke's letter, for anyone who is curious.
"Hey, Miles, it's Ganke. I know you're probably never goung to get this, but my therapist told me to write letters to people about my feelings, so I guess that's why I'm doing this. I'm still really in love with you. And I know we haven't been talking, and I should be over it, but, well, I'm not.
And this is so stupid, so I'm glad you won't ever read this, but I can't help it. I know I messed up, and we were supposed to just be friends.. but, God. You were everything to me. Anyway, I'm running out of room, so I'm going to shut up. I'm sorry. For everything.
Love, Ganke."
#across the spiderverse#prowler party#ganke lee#miles 42#clawcode#miles morales#milesganke#prowler miles#slur gallery#digital art#animatic#“and i lean how to make friends” -> “I learn how to STAY friends”#me when i never let them have any happiness#me when only horrible things await them#me when PROCREATE FUCKING DREAMS DOESNT HAVE A GOD DAMN STRAIGHT EDGE TOOL#SO IGNORE ALL MY WONKY SHAPED BUILDINGS AND SUCH#me if i ever have to draw another goddamn building again in my life#this took so long and it is so simple but#let them suffer a little bit#i might make a part two in like three weeks (genuinely how long it takes me)#motivation is literally straight up kickboxing my ass kangaroo style and i am literally just a guy#also i reFUSED to draw noses properly here dont tell anybody let them have kitty noses#got lazy when i got to the part with them(1610) kissing dont tell anybody
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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Posting this here for receipts in case someone decides to steal this killer line of poetry I wrote for a spotify playlist description of all things (and which, together with the title, sounds like the heading of an essay that I would immediately want to read very badly):
#original#will wood#suburbia overture#playlist#I had to get real creative with the word limit because the third line got cut off on mobile every time#if anyone likes this enough to want to write an image description please do#i need to go to bed.#white culture#christianity cw#actively resisting the urge not to add all the catholic tags bc i KNOW that's a self-harming activity for real#if living in America hasn't made white Christians recognize that they have built their churches on the bones of thskr#*on the bones of their own botched divinity then this post sure won't#and then I'd have a bunch of people in the notes who want to argue but the argument always goes#- 'hey bud what about this huge logical fallacy in your own moral code?' - 'God said so.' - 'cool cool good debate everyone.'#anyway jesus is just a cop who puts all the bad people in the bad person hole - just like real cops.#there's a reason white christianity and white supremacy go hand-in-hand.#nobody's got a shorter memory for atrocities than the white catholic.#do you think we learned about residential schools at catholic school in my 99% white suburban township?#of course not! we didn't even learn about the crusades!! i learned about residential schools on tumblr at like age 27!!!!#fucking. chilling. that it took that long for me to find that out#i really really hate the culture i was raised in#our churches were filled with everything except divinity. - and also ANY people of color#in my 18 years of being forced to attend mass i NEVER saw a Black person in ANY of those buildings.#which is Fucking Weird.#I don't think I ever saw any people of color actually. i absolutely never spoke to anyone non-white before i was 11.#and i didn't have a full conversation with a Black person until i was like 16. we weren't okay.#there is a special kind of sickness to white culture that chokes out the soul of our own kindness. it's rank. it's rancid.#fuck your culture. i will exist in radical queer spaces til i die.#my parents are democrats btw. it wasn't a fundamentalist household. it didn't have to be.#we were told racism is bad but taught it was basically over. which is a great way to produce a shitload of racist white kids.
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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal
#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming#but also i love my coworker so much#in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me#she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow#and i want to help in any way i can#i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible#because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it#my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame#so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly#because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is#she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough#me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself#and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her#i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well#ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless#but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out#i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches#so i’m gonna keep working at it
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