#god i hate this turn of events
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i truly hate the whole "atheism means morally corrupt" thang this arc especially has pushed, especially since i think itd be hella interesting for splashtail to be *very* spiritual, him thinking hes entitled to his nine lives, but him being an 'ends justify the means' guy so he thinks that hes allowed to get away with horrible shit bc hes doing it in the name of starclan
i need someone on the erin team to not think with their buttcheeks im begging on my hands and knees bc this plot was SO GOOD. until they threw this at us
For a brief moment, I thought something cool could come out of him not being particularly spiritual. The idea that he's unwilling to be a hypocrite, that he hated StarClan and thus was making a vow to not take the extra lives was interesting. Not in the sense that being a Godless Bloodlusting Heathen makes him a scarier villain, but that he had principles he cared about!
It would have made it more interesting to see him start to break down. That he could have started off with values-- "Curlfeather made me kill Reedwhisker; but I will only kill those who threaten my Clan. StarClan never helped me before; so they will not guide me now. I say that a leader only needs one life; so I will lead with only the one I was born with." and then break every single one as he clings to his power.
At first he doesn't want StarClan to guide them; until it's convenient for justifying his legitimacy. He doesn't want to kill needlessly; until someone is able to undermine his authority. He only needs the one life; until he's on the verge of death.
but no. Godless Heathen Bloodlust. we cant let a villain be interesting or anything
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love seeing a mental health and disability advocate immediately turn around and go "haha im so delusional <3" in the same moment
#sarcasm i obviously hate this#i hate that delusional has been turned into some silly quirky thing like no!!!!#like if i tried to describe my delusions to these ppl theyd think im fucking insane#ppl understand why u dont use intrusive thoughts to mean impulsive#so why cant they understand not using delusional when they just me unlikely events#like god#im so fucking tired#-anon#actually delusional#delusional#sysblr#system#plural#plurality#mental illness#not saying who this was originally made about. its not the point the point is ppl using delusion as a silly quirky thing
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Op… you make a lot of interesting claims in this post. To get the facts straight before I go on a rant… 1) George claims that Rhaegar was a love struck prince 2) the books don’t mention anything about any marriages being annulled/anyone being set aside 3) seems like Dorne has no issue with Rhaegar and 4) Ned literally never thinks anything bad about Rhaegar… but thinks ill of Robert.
First off, a man trapped in a duty bound marriage and finding love outside that marriage is completely different from a whoremonger shouting about his love while visiting brothels whenever he could. And guess what… Ned straight up thinks that Rhaegar didn’t seem like someone who’d visit brothels. Robert and Rhaegar couldn’t be any more different.
And when did Lyanna want to be wild and free? When is it ever said that Rhaegar locked her in the tower of joy and that Lyanna was a prisoner?
Ned never even alludes to there being any truth in any of these claims. What we do know is that Lyanna greatly resembles Arya in looks and personality… and Arya wants to be a high septon and kings counselor, meaning Arya wants to have a position of power and not be reduced to a baby making machine. Going off of that… it seems like Lyanna didn’t want to be “wild and free,” she just wanted to be treated with respect. The only reason Arya is even treated like she’s wild is because she doesn’t conform to the Westerosi standards for highborn women.
And of course she’d feel miserable when she heard Aerys killed her brother and father. Aerys. Not Rhaegar. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she felt guilt about what happened, but in the end it was Aerys who brutally killed them. And then Rhaegar goes to protect his family and dies, and then Rhaegar’s family is brutally killed and then Lyanna dies. George did claim that the greatest love stories are the tragedies (i may be misremembering but i know he said something along the lines of that lmao).
Op, you claim that Rhaelyas love would’ve died after getting news of the Starks deaths, and then you try to suggest that Rhaegar may have been keeping Lyanna isolated from news in Dorne… like please pick a story to go with! And Rhaelyas love dying or Lyanna not being kept updated on what was going on outside of Dorne just doesn’t seem to be true. When reading Neds chapters, it seems like Lyanna was fully aware of what happened to Rhaegar’s children and Elia… as Lyanna pleaded with Ned like how Sansa pleaded with Ned to not kill Lady (hope i’m not misremembering here lol). And Rhaegar dying with a woman’s name on his lips (likely Lyanna’s name) and Lyanna clutching a winter rose (this may just be symbolism for baby Jon tbh) until she passed away seems to contradict your belief that their love died.
Also, where are you getting the “Rhaegar would suggest to set aside his kids and wife to marry Lyanna” from? The show? You mention how Lyanna would not be okay with this, and I agree that Lyanna would never be fine with setting Elia and Elia’s children aside. But even thinking that Rhaegar would ever even suggest setting aside Elia and his children is bonkers. Like seriously… there was so much tension between Aerys and Rhaegar that the Royal court was said to have begun looking like the situation before the Dance of the Dragons. And Dorne was Rhaegar’s greatest support! Why would it make any sense for him to annul his marriage with Elia? And please remember that during the sack Rhaenys hid under her fathers bed. The text supports him loving his kids/his child who wasn’t a baby seeking to be protected by him so why would he endanger them and their positions? (and no, disappearing with Lyanna for awhile isn’t him endangering his family. Aerys was the one who endangered his family (hot take brandon was the one who endangered the starks like wth was he thinking???). and tbh it seems like Aerys knew exactly where to find Rhaegar so did Rhaegar and Lyanna even disappear? or were they just keeping their location a secret from the rebels? the rebels who ended up killing Rhaegar’s family?)
I will say that how op first started to characterize Lyanna is something I agree with, her being principled, noble, honorable, and just with a sensitive side seems to be true, but then op goes on to continue to claim that Lyanna was wild and that she had little regard as to how other people perceived her. There’s no reason for us to believe that she didn’t care about what others thought of her or that she was wild and wanted freedom more than anything, it just seems like she dared to tread away from what was expected of Westerosi highborn women and that she didn’t want to be married to Robert. And guess what… Robert ended up being an abuser! *gasp* Lyanna dear… you clocked Robert right away.
And seriously… how does any of what op mentioned back up their claim that Lyanna would never resign herself to the position of a mistress? Is being a mistress/paramour really that bad? Does it truly seem like Lyanna would look down on those women? Her mini me Arya doesn’t look down on the courtesans of Braavos who occupy a similar position as mistresses in society. And it seems like plenty of noblewomen have been mistresses in the past and they are still as respected as a woman can be in Westerosi society. Missy Blackwood and Elaena Targaryen are right there. And Op, if Lyanna was Rhaegar’s mistress, why would you think that Lyanna couldn’t have been happy? Are we going to doubt Ellarias happiness and her love of Oberyn because they weren’t married? Should I doubt Rhaenyra and Harwins happiness because Rhaenyra was married to Laenor? Rhaegar and Elias marriage was not a love match. And if Rhaegar and Lyanna did marry… ever wonder if polygamy was introduced as a Valyrian practice by George to hint at Rhaegar taking a second wife? Should I now doubt Rhaenys and Aegons happiness and love because Rhaenys was Aegons second wife?
Now can we please stop acting like two people married due to duty have any reason to love each other? Nedcat seems to be an exception in Westeros. Lyanna and Rhaegar falling in love isn’t ruining Elia and Rhaegar’s marriage when love wasn’t there in the first place.
haha my whole post is a bit messy i just wanted to get my thoughts out :)
fuckkkk i want to tag more (my tags are a mess lmao no i’ve not gone through them and no they will not make any sense)
#robert was a brute#when did lyanna seem disgusted by roberts bastards?#seems like she was just disgusted by roberts behavior of claiming to love her while visiting brothels#say it with me folks: there’s not a single mention of rhaegar loving elia their marriage was for duty#so no rhaegar is not like robert bc rhaegar found love outside of his marriage of duty#robert treated lyanna like an object and never even saw/loved the real her#lyanna clocked that and later fell in love with a man who loved the real her#aka the knight of the laughing tree#yeah the text hasn’t truly confirmed anything yet but at least my version of events isn’t contradicted by the books#omg ppl need to stop acting like being a mistress is some morally corrupt position god damn#nedcat you will always be famous#but jon snow will always be even more famous#bc he’s rhaelyas love child#rip rhaegar lyanna and elia i’ll save you guys from tumblr bad takes#i love that george makes it clear that marriages of duty can be nasty affairs#and tumblr desides to demonize characters who dared to find love instead of criticizing the system of selling daughters off like broodmares#like bruh i would be sooo happy to learn if elia had a paramour on the side#i’m looking at you elia x ashara shippers#tho i don’t think that they had a romantic relationship i do find it hilarious that ppl who claim rhaegar is horrible and endangered his#…family turn around and applaud elia for potentially doing the same…#couldn’t be me tho i pretend that rhaelya and their children are perfectly happy and that elia found love as well#as i think rhaelya were well in their rights to go against the system that tried making them miserable and i hope elia did the same#these tags are a mess and kinda don’t make sense lmao#rhaegar targaryen you will always be famous#asoiaf fandom critical#rip boar you will be missed#robert deserved worse#ppl need to stop acting like rhaelya is homewrecking when george himself calls elia and rhaegar’s marriage complex#jon will learn that his parents were in love and he’ll learn good shit about them and he’ll think good thoughts about them#and then this fandom will go insane and jon will start being hated like dany for daring to love his parents
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My nails r getting kind of long. Almost to claw mode. I kinda don't wanna cut them tho bc I kinda wanna paint them for my birthday weekend
Nonzero chance of seeing my mom on mother's day. By my own choice, I guess. And I'm still not sure how I'm feeling about that. But ykno what, it'll be my birthday weekend, and I'm going to make sure to live it to the fullest..!!!
#speculation nation#my thoughts about her are all jumbled up after losing my dad & then her hospital visit a few weeks back.#and i bought her a thing of earrings from the farmer's market. i havent bought her a present in Years.#idk if it's just compulsory reaction to How Things Are rn. but. idk.#it never has been simple i suppose.#god i really do hate that my birthday is always near mother's day..!!!!! my forever curse!!!!!#at least leap year made me dodge a day-of event this year. the last one was when i turned 21#but bc of leap year my bday went from saturday to monday. missing mother's day by a day ❤️#makes me wonder what sort of life i'll be living 6 years from now. when i think the next mother's day event will be.#will i still have a mother then? i have no fuckin clue#my heart tells me no. but i also have 'everyone in my life is going to die soon' paranoia now so thats probably biased.#Oh Well. either she dies or she doesnt! i'll deal with it either way.#in any case. birthday! nail painting!!! i think i want to do color changing nails#my favorite blue/green polish that ends up being teal on the in between. love that shit so much
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When you started drawing? And how? Your works are so detailed and you feel the perspective so Q_Q Your drawing of old hunter from DLC is incredibly cool, I am looking respectfully
Oh- You mean this ( x ) one? Haha, yeah, it was an art commission, so I tried to give it the best I could... Though maybe using something I was paid for as a chance to practice perspective was a little irresponcible :') But the customer was happy, and this is what matters!
To be honest, I've been drawing for as long as I can remember...? I have quite the regrets about having basically none of my drawings from childhood survive, because it's been a LOT. But I've been going over the top with details, colors and settings since the age of like, 4-5 I think? I recall the caretakers at kindergarden REALLY loving my drawing of underwater, because I killed it with variety of fish and seaweed, despite having no references or knowledge! Also, fun fact - the very first art criticism of my life from me was towards a girl that colored every woman in her coloring book as blonde with blue eyes! I criticized her saying that there were other colors for people and that it was boring to be so samey dsfjjdshfsd Had to apologize, but.. yeah, it was the ultimate "I've always been this way" moment if I've seen one. :')
I used to visit classes to practice my drawing in elementary school, though! But it was mostly environment and animals, when I was more interested in drawing people at that time! The period from 8 to 12 years was the one where I kept creating OCs obsessively, and stories for them, and I've had like 6 comics I've been drawing and coloring at the same time (mostly comedy + fantasy)! I think what really inspired me to start creating the comics and characters that were mostly young girls with elemental powers was the Russian comic, Rainbow Knights x) (Журнал "Юла", припоминаешь? хд) I was obsessed with it, and I was obsessed with excuse to use more colors, effects and nature/elemental aesthetic. And yes, it was all trdaitional! I love using crayons, markers, pens and pencils for coloring. My clumsy hands were never good for paintbrushes... I moved more onto digital around the age of 14. It was when I've found a summer job, and earned enough money to buy a tablet! So.. I started prioritize digital art since then! But it had the form of me first drawing something on the paper, and then scanning and fixing/lining/coloring it on the computer for a LONG time! Well, it was taking some time to get used to, as well, so I also had some drawings I did with my mouse and vector tool in PS or SAI, like this:
It is one of the only few remaining "ancient" ones, since most of them got lost forever on the old hard drive! ...I still HAVE this hard drive, I just have no idea how to extract anything from it.. It is kinda broken :U But if I get my hands on very old doodles trapped there, I will share!
^ I believe this was the first doodle that I did 100% on the computer AND with the tablet! Without mouse, without first drawing traditonally and then digitally, but just on the computer, from start to finish! But it was still hard to do, so I kept with the use of paper and pencil for some more while. Like- I hoped I'd find some old drawings for this ask, but all I found were traditional versions of some of my drawings!
You could tell that using traditional paper + pencil were beneficial for anatomy and proportions. And that I used to be better at that, VERY much better. And that it was sorta... easier to 'get lost' in the process? It was a simpler life when not only I was far less depressed and broken, not only I had more spare time in schoo/uni years, but also just... I did not feel burnt out. Or guilty over the fact of not finishing new drawing "fast enough" (and thus, looking like a loser). I also had less things online to drain my spare time, less distractions... I kinda miss that time, really...
All in all, I've never learned to draw PROPERLY. I was self-taught but not studying too hard, mostly I was just analysing art of artists I loved to improve my own, and asking advice from good artists to fix this or that! Hence, my skill used to be better! Year 2015-16 was my most productive year artistically! I've been drawing a bunch of (then) popular cartoon stuff, as well as TONS of fanart for Rick and Morty RP community, and all the things were sooooo bright, colorful and full of energy...
And now meet the man that sorta ended my art career :^) I've picked interest in Mark (Endlish localisation called him Marx and I hate it lol), and that pulled me into the rest of K1rby. Except I could not actually play anything (besides 64 Crystal Shards that I emulated), so I compensated with letsplays and anime. And Super Paper Mario was a side obsession. xD But.... yeah, since MARK, dark ages for my art started. No, no, my art was good! Awesome, even! I kept people begging me to "please draw K1rby again" for years since fandom shifting! Words like, 'no one ever cared about this universe and characters the same way you do'... But! Drawing 'creatures' for 2-3 years completely destroyed my prior (already loose) knowledge of human anatomy and proportions, and I am still struggling to recover that former skill! :')
Finally, year later, around February/March 2021, I've gotten pulled into Bloodb0rne! Badly. And thanks to Mic0lash. Huh, it is always some madman, isn't it? xD But I felt very self-consious about my art... I felt like serious, detailed, dark and beautiful atmosphere of BB deserved better than my "overly cutesy" and "tone-deaf" art.... annnnd if this sounds like something I'd never say, but rather as an unfair criticism from some antsy reddit-ish asshole? It is because it is EXACTLY what it was! :')
But in either case, the Doll was the first time I've used paper and pencil again in many years. I felt so... alive? I recall the feeling I could only describe as 'blood returned in my veins' but spiritual, you know? It felt like so much fun! To remember how to draw traditonally, to break out of my 'round cutesy' comfort zone- heck, I even downloaded brushes for my SAI for the first time in my life, just to color the characters better! Learned new coloring style, too: usually my coloring was very rigid and relying on very concrete colors for shadow and base.. but from this point on, I prioritized more 'chaotic' approach, as I felt it was more appropriate!
....and so, now we are here. x)
You could tell that some of the things I am just used to persisted, and that colorful, "childish" energy is still slipping through the cracks. Soulsb0rne games are ideal for how my mind works... but perhaps not for how my soul works. There is just something in me that craves that sillyness, overly colorful designs and settings, and maybe ER is closer to that aesthetic? Yeah, had I not been criticized on my art harshly upon joining BB, maybe my art would've been way more cute and 'free'! I always loved drawing many details, but something about the route I've taken about drawing made it very heavy. My brain short-circuits at the AMOUNT of the details I keep in mind, yet I can't rest unless I got it "at least 90% correct", even when it is a darn shitpost ;-; I will figure out what went wrong compared with the way I used to draw humans..... someday.
Thank you for asking, though! Ha! Honorable mention: tons of shitposty comics and doodles I kept drawing in classes, both school and uni! x)
#ask replies#personal#doodles#memories#creativity#visual art#damn that was a neede retrospection... even if a bit sad one#I've also have insentive to think that the reason my art got 'distorted' is my eye condition and..... something with my brain#hoooo boy#like you know those 'before and after' drawing comparison from the same person when their mental illness progressed?#basically I have insentive to think it is something drastic like this especially with how I seem to be intellectually regressing#...about everything but 'mysteries of the universe' and spirituality#I really AM going to turn into a spider huh?! okay when and how kos did something to me? fdsjhhfdsds#but yeah basically? I've been 'this way' since childhood#i always took art assignments over the top#not mentioned in the post because yes sad stuff is for the tags but teachers at school abused this skill lol#they kept forcing me to draw large canvases for holidays and events without any compensation for my wasted time -_-#god I hate teachers in government-funded schools!#still thank you for the ask!#i am not accustomed to so much interest to my weird ass self so sorry if I appear like I am taking it for granted..#i'll respond in kind! .....eventually ;-;
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i am just so earnestly curious. i read the books a long time ago, i am struggling to put myself in the shoes of someone who doesn't know what's coming. the latest promo that has the sinister projection of L: does this come across as menacing to people who are book-innocent? do those audience members have anxiety about him showing up in paris?
i know he was fucking excoriated by a lot of viewers for season 1 and ep 5 especially (no matter one's experience with the canon), and a lot of people now despise the character.
but does like. anyone actually have concern abt the guy showing up and making trouble? it seems to be the reaction they want people to have, I'm curious if it's working?
#yes i'd love your thoughts (but ofc i am trying so hard to keep this out of the tags aha)#I feel like they gotta run this thing on like two different tracks:#appeasing the longtime fans who know what's coming but intriguing those new to the story#and this latest promo along with the chair photo from earlier seem to be directing ppl to be Concerned#as someone who can't unknow what's coming i'm curious how their choice to double down on making L unlikable is coming off#bc lbr he's at the center of this property and at this point they've cultivated a significant portion of audience who#wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire#and i hope they have some god-tier writing in store to hang a sharp u-turn on this massive semi-truck of hate?#i appreciate they have to meld a property she nearly retconned from book 1 to the rest of it and#the writers made a daring choice to demonize ldl and query ldpdls memory#i'm assuming for maximum angst and to make it all creatively come together#but framing him as the biggest Big Bad for s2 is a lil odd to me when you have the obviously sinister TdV crew *right there*#does he really come off as scary to people?#between the threat of ldl and the TdV are newcomers meant to see A as ldpdls soft(TM) savior love interest?#lol it's so frustrating not being able to see this innocent of the knowledge of events...to get how it's coming off to other viewers#i can't unknow the fucked-up flip side to this story#but i am v curious!
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officially entering hour 5 of begging on my hands and knees for you to put me out of my misery and give me this utter filth
patience baby <3 we're about halfway through
#it's so bad#so so bad#i can't tell if i hate it or not#not sleeping till i finish it tho#i know if i go to bed the feral will fade#please god don't let me write 10k fucking words of smut tonight#myo <3#steve girlies will be pretty well fed tho! in a shocking turn of events!
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man, i’m still kinda in awe of how mid DoN was, and how much the audience sucked
(though still have to give them some cred for coming alive for jade v taya v kris, and the turtleneck chants)
#like i'm trying to envision a version of this evening where the event is exactly the same but the audience is on fire like#would any of the okay matches have popped more if at least the audience had been on board and offered more energy#but i mean - i'm also trying to envision an alternative timeline where the booking was way better i'm just like#this might be the first time i've watched a aew ppv and gone 'bro -- i paid money for this'#thank god i live in europe and ppvs are cheap as fuck#like towards the final two hours i just kept turning to my friend like#'i'm going to need you to set up a twitter livestream so i can slit my throat in protest of this mess'#also did i stay up and watch the fucking scrum after that mess?? OF COURSE i fucking did#cm punk deserves a raise for making the scrums vital to the aew experience#ANYWAY great tbs championship event a real shame about the pre-show sucking so hard#tho i did have fun with the battle royale and i refuse to hate on christian cage like#that ladder match would've been alright on dynamite#also christian should've won#fucking cowards
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I've been speed running the events on Lonely Devil on my side account for the past two days and while not all of them are great or sometimes even very fun I've found them to usually just be a good way to pass the time or get in a little serotonin after the mayhem that was ch 10-12 of Nightbringer.
AND THEN I GOT TO THE ANGELIC EVENT
Salty incoherent rant thoughts below, dni if you're just going to get mad at me for disliking this event. Thank
Now look, look;
I don't hate the idea of them dressing up as angels and acting more like they did as angels, I've seen them like that in the main story and it was fine.
This was not that.
I came in expecting a good time and instead I got a whole lot of very distressed and scared demons who had their autonomy taken from them while a gift from someone they trusted and cared for forcibly changed their mental state to the point they were actually not themselves anymore.
And I really didn't like a lot of the dialogue choices given. All of these boys are my best friends, hell they're like little brothers to me. So when I didn't really get the option to comfort them and validate their feelings I got rightfully upset. I'm immensely glad there wasn't any option to get romantic with them, though the way they were acting kinda implied they wouldn't have gone along with it anyway. Edit: there are actually options that allow you to get varying levels of romantic with everyone except Lucifer(I know he tries to flirt with us while testing how much of an effect the bangle has on him but honestly that was very unromantic to me because of how quickly it became uncomfortable for him)and I'm not sure how to feel about that since all the boys that allow it are in altered mental states. Being able to kiss Asmo felt very uncomfy to me(and not because I'm only romantically inclined toward Lucifer).
Honestly I feel like the most sincere interaction I had with any of them was when I had the one on one talk with Lucifer, and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband.
You don't get to show me a Mammon so distressed with his situation that he'd try to cut off his clothes with a scissors, and a Levi so scared he literally tells us he's shaking in fear and then only give me the option to be a right bastard or be insensitive with good intentions. And Satan. Listen, you know a situation is fucked up when someone tells you they're afraid to be calm. Beel and Asmo were honestly the only ones who didn't seem too bothered and Belphie was... he seemed the least distressed by the bangles affects once they'd activated but before then he was angry. And yet the game expects me to just be perfectly fine going along with the party preparations while my chosen family is distressed and under a spell that should honestly be called a curse.
Sure.
I'm also not happy with Dia or Simeon but I'm not going to get into my feelings around that because this event made me mad enough already so I don't want to start any discourse around how mind altering bangles are absolutely a political situation that you can't just laugh off.
I will however say that this event is a really good look at just how different angel's are from what we usually see in Luke and Simeon, though that honestly just made me even less enthused.
Doesn't help the event ended while everyone was still under the spell's effect, so yeah, not an event I liked.
Replaying this so I could make my list accurate for all the boy's interactions hasn't changed how I feel about the event, but I did find out that choosing options that just go along with everything like none of it's bothering mc at all gets you more positive reactions the more the boys are under the affects of the bangles. They're justifiably upset with MC acting like none of this is an issue before the bangles take affect though, which I appreciate but choosing those options means you don't see how the boys actually feel(Levi doesn't admit to being terrified, for instance)which I have conflicting feelings about.
#screaming into my personal void#Obey Me! Lonely Devil#obey me spoilers#Lonely Devil Spoilers#obey me one master to rule them all#look I don't hate any of the angels but I'm playing this game to date demons so I feel like that should tell you#my raised christian turned agnostic thoughts on god and their unpaid servants#seriously its fine if you like this event but I don't and thats fine but#don't you come yelling at me or I'll take off my glove and slap you with it
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being a kokomi fan is pain because hyv doesn't know how to write her and now the "reincarnated water vishap" theory that used to be kokomi "sleeping dragoness" sangonomiya's plausible lore... is no longer just plausibly hers now lol.
#mine musings#liveblogging genshin#i need neuvillette to be an oceanid#if he turns out to be the water dragon i will be soooo devastated man#that will be the final nail in the coffin for kokomi#SHE COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT but hyv keeps missing writing opportunities for her!!!!#SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THAT THREE REALMS EVENT ughhhh i hated that event so much#mostly for the mechanics of it because it was a copy paste of the enkanomiya map. but also#we have kokomi who is deeply entwined with enkanomiya lore and she was barely even a blip in the event?#reputable strategist but she keeps being overshadowed by ayato and yae as the inazuma characters who can actually maneuver a situation???#god. kokomi i am SO sorry you keep getting L's#i got her to 10/10/10 AND i got the donut for her but none of that will ever fix her writing
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MY COUSIN WHO IS 13 DAYS YOUNGER THAN ME IS GETTING ENGAGED IM GOING TO THROW UP
#sohi.txt#it’s so over for me i can no longer attend any social event anymore my life is going to be a never ending barrage of when’s your turn#how could he do this to me i was rooting for him to hold out for at least one more year god i hate him what the hell man
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sorry to be vague but when does it stop literally the horrors keep unfurling in front of me out of absolutely fucking nowhere and i just.
#cas.txt#god what the FUCK is happening#it is every fucking day#and out of NOWHERE!!!! what the FUCK#i just keep finding things out im gonna be fr fucking sicj#i hate everything so much im so upset im so upset im so so so upset#it is everything all of the time . jesus h christ#im listening to lady gaga to feel better and that isnt even helping . what the fuckk#also not looking forward to my birthday bc turns out thats a trauma anniversary event 😐. fucking kms#sorry ive been gone mutuals im trying to dbt myself out of insanity i love you all sm
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about those said-same friends, did i ever tell yall the labor day story where one of my friends randomly became suicidal and started threatening to hurt herself and when i elected to leave (as there was nothing i could do to help, her girlfriend was taking care of it and i didn’t know them well enough to be any help) me and my other friend accidentally let their dog escape and him and i had to chase it down through Laramie while barefoot for an hour. did i ever tell you about that. i probably did
#Psy's no punctuation posts#i thank god it was labor day so the 7 months of snow hadn't kicked in yet#hate that the silver lining of this was 'well at least it was a nice night' but Wyoming fall and winter are bitter cold you understand#well barefoot as in i had socks on but they were fucking torn up after that#also i made a reference to this event. the dog part at least. in ACOH and i just remembered that#that is something that actually happened to me it was crazy KRHF#yes we did get the dog back. he was safe but oh my god puppy you're killing us. we took turns carrying him#bcs it was killing my arms and his back#friend was fine too. obviously#i wouldn't be so flippant baout this story if she wasn't but good fucking god
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disappointed to report i fell victim to my own stupid patterns once again
#personal#and by that i mean i have my ooo top 3 now#and by that i mean in a DEVASTATING but unsurprising turn of events...... uh#uhhhhhhh mill beat out rie for number 2 🥲🫠😭💔#I HATE HOW STUPIDLY PREDICTABLE I AM!!!!!!! GOD
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Can't tell if my anxiety and weird wanting to ghost everyone and fake my death so no one can know me anymore is effecting my judgements or if my reasoning is actually valid but I'm heavily debating removing events from my little discord server permanently for my mental health
#(sorry. uh. this turned kinda venty near the end)#like#I ran events for years with only one or two people showing up every few weeks#then i stopped due to being busy#then new people joined and I did a poll asking if people wanted them back and everyone that responded said yes#I tried to choose a time that would work for everyone that responded and double checked it with everyone#that was 2 years ago and absolutely no one has showed up!! Not once!!#And it leaves me having to sit alone in silence for about 30 min waiting to see if anyone shows up#just alone with my thoughts#which leads to bad thoughts and sadness which I don't want to have#but then whenever I talk to people about it (Not the sadness part) they're like “Noooo don't remove the events they sound so fun”#And then the shit continues!!!#Honestly the only reason I started to do them were to try to liven up the server and to help jog my memory on lore and work on stuff#but I end up becoming so unproductive due to the previously mentioned bad thoughts and silence!!#Its no ones fault really#if they don't want to come or don't have the time thats fine!#they could at least tell me the truth though and not try to get me to keep my hopes up#god this feels so close to something thats happened between me and a few friend groups in the past and I hate it so much#I hate people lying and saying they're interested in something I create or interested in having me around as a friend when they aren't!!#I just want to stop being led on. I want people to stop lying to me#the truth hurts so much less for both parties involved than keeping up a lie because you're afraid of hurting feelings
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Sometimes I get dreams that have so much context layered over it that it doesn't feel like a dream but rather a separate branch of reality
#it's even worse when it's something you thought you moved on from but when you wake up you'd feel the same ache as you did on day 1#turns out. you didn't move on from it but rather gotten better at burying it#sunny.txt#or maybe every dream is like this#god and this whole time i thought ''wh-why'd my brain do that. why would it do that''#in this dream my ex best friend met me again#and after some events said she felt the same way about me all this time and then we ran around in some dude's mansion#I genuinely felt so happy. then i woke up and there was this light pain in my chest#i hated it so much I'm like 20 now i've seen some shit and I'm still hung up on that
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