#(sorry. uh. this turned kinda venty near the end)
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Can't tell if my anxiety and weird wanting to ghost everyone and fake my death so no one can know me anymore is effecting my judgements or if my reasoning is actually valid but I'm heavily debating removing events from my little discord server permanently for my mental health
#(sorry. uh. this turned kinda venty near the end)#like#I ran events for years with only one or two people showing up every few weeks#then i stopped due to being busy#then new people joined and I did a poll asking if people wanted them back and everyone that responded said yes#I tried to choose a time that would work for everyone that responded and double checked it with everyone#that was 2 years ago and absolutely no one has showed up!! Not once!!#And it leaves me having to sit alone in silence for about 30 min waiting to see if anyone shows up#just alone with my thoughts#which leads to bad thoughts and sadness which I don't want to have#but then whenever I talk to people about it (Not the sadness part) they're like “Noooo don't remove the events they sound so fun”#And then the shit continues!!!#Honestly the only reason I started to do them were to try to liven up the server and to help jog my memory on lore and work on stuff#but I end up becoming so unproductive due to the previously mentioned bad thoughts and silence!!#Its no ones fault really#if they don't want to come or don't have the time thats fine!#they could at least tell me the truth though and not try to get me to keep my hopes up#god this feels so close to something thats happened between me and a few friend groups in the past and I hate it so much#I hate people lying and saying they're interested in something I create or interested in having me around as a friend when they aren't!!#I just want to stop being led on. I want people to stop lying to me#the truth hurts so much less for both parties involved than keeping up a lie because you're afraid of hurting feelings
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And you are? Stephanie.
One thing a guy needs to know about you before you get into a relationship. They’d have to know my situation and what I’m dealing with and they’ll need to be patient and understanding.
Don’t you think that running around through revolving doors is fun? No.
What’s something about other people that drives you crazy? When people just blindly follow along with stuff and spread misinformation without even looking into things themselves and forming their own opinions.
What are you doing? Well, I seem to be doing this survey.
What are you thinking about? A nap. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I just finished eating a big breakfast from my favorite local place to get breakfast from and I’m sooo full and sooo sleepy.
What are you wearing? Gray leggings, my black Maruchan shirt, and light pink Adidas socks.
Baseball is the best sport hands down…right? I don’t care for any sport.
Do you need to go see a counselor? Yes. I’ve needed to do that for a long time.
It’s 3 in the morning… do your parents know where you are? Yeah, right here in my room like always.
Ideal date? Something chill, honestly. I don’t need a fancy date.
Like the movie Elf? Yes, it’s one of my favorite Christmas movies.
Ok let’s talk travel, do you like to travel? I do. I wish I could do more of it.
With someone, or alone? I wouldn’t want to travel alone.
Do you dance in your car when there are other people with you? I don’t drive or have my own car, but I’ve danced in the car with other people.
If your quiet what does it mean? It doesn’t have to mean anything, I’m just a quiet person. I could just be chillin’ do my own thing. But it could mean I’m upset, in a moody mood, or irritated.
Something that makes you smile? Okay, finishing this survey much later after I had a 5 hour nap, dinner, and lounged around some more. Anyway, my doggo can always put a smile on my face.
Do you have trust issue? Not really. I just have a hard time opening up and expressing myself to others.
Do you mind watching chick flicks? I’m a sucker for the romcoms.
What about … movies like… Gladiator or The Last Samurai? Those aren’t my thing.
Favorite store? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.
Say you wanted coffee.. what kind is your favorite? I’d ask for a venti peppermint white chocolate mocha with soy from Starbucks. I became obsessed back in December and thought it was just around for the holidays, but I realized it’s one I can get year round.
Favorite kind of pizza? White sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, crumbled meatballs, spinach, garlic, and pesto drizzled on top.
Do you get embarrassed easily? Yes.
Do you mind people asking you personal questions? I’m not as open and comfortable in person as I am in surveys. In surveys, I share a lot.
Song you turn the volume up all the way to listen to? Not “all the way up”, but if it’s a song I’m really into or something upbeat I’ll turn it up a little more.
If you need a hug at 3 in the morning, who do you ask? I wouldn’t ask anyone to be honest.
DO you ask? No.
What do you do when you like someone? It feels like forever since I’ve had feelings for someone, but uh it depends on the situation. Like, with Joseph and Ty we were friends and we talked and hung out so I kinda flirted in my own awkward way and hoped they’d catch on, ha. Although, in both of those situations I ended up coming right out and telling them how I felt.
Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? Yeah, my family and I don’t like unannounced visits.
Do you enjoy rain? I love the rain.
You love Jesus, yes? Yes.
Who’s your favorite person in the whole world… besides me? I don’t know you, sorry, but my family is my favorite. That includes my doggo, too.
Where did you get the shoes you're wearing, or the last pair you wore? I last wore my black Adidas that my dad got me a couple years ago.
How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Water, coffee, a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.
In your phone, who is the first contact listed under 'R'? My older brother.
How did you meet him/her? He’s my brother.
Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? Nope.
How many brothers does your father have? Just one.
Would you get your nipples pierced? No.
Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I feel sleepy, kinda hungry, and crappy.
When you last watched a movie, did you watch it alone or with someone? I watched it alone.
What kind of camera do you use? I use the one on my phone.
If you could change you name, what would you change it to? Nah, I’ll keep mine.
What was the last song you listened to in the car? I don’t remember, it was a a few weeks ago.
Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I’m the middle kid.
What's the best thing about the place you currently live? I’m thankful to have a roof over my head and a place to sleep. A place where I feel safe and comfortable.
Do you eat breakfast daily? No, I rarely do. I love breakfast foods, though; I just tend to have them for a late lunch or dinner instead.
What were you doing an hour ago? I was talking to my mom.
Do you use horse shampoo to grow out your hair? No.
What time do you normally fall asleep? Around 7ish in the morning. :X
Can you hear anyone talking right now? Yeah, the person talking in the video I’m watching.
What's your favorite flavor of Ramen? My favorite is the pork flavored Maruchan ramen. That’s the only kind I eat.
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