#god i hate hate hate anything medical. it always makes me scared

[koipalm]

i think im getting a stye on my eye i could cry

[readymades2002]

if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff

[itsalwaysdark]

okay sooo 1. once little man is done with my laptop i need to do the ssn shit bc i have the letter 2. in an hour i need to switch my laundry to the dryer and at Some point i need to sleep preferablyyyy i oush as long as i can its been 28 hours i Think? since i woke up i dont avtually remember its all kind of a blur i do have a headache and my fuckshit tooth is bothering me but whatever . once i get the ssn login thing done im pretty sure i can get a new card like right away and then once that gets here i can go and get my permit And by then my new glasses will be here which is epics and ummm at some point not today bc im tired and have a headache aka not at my best. so once those 2 things r not the case i need to do the science and math ged practice tests ive been putting them off bc im scared ill do bad SKULL.but i need to get those done ... and omce i have the permit and everything thennnnnn i can go do my actual proper ged tests and once those r done ill have my ged and an id and thus can start applying for jobs again And ill be so brave and ask my mom to teach me how to drive . YIPPEE

[floral-hex]

So this is my thing now, I’m afraid to go to sleep. This is kinda bullshit, brain.

[stargazedwinchester]

Kiss of Life ♡ Dean

Summary: Dean, who you believe doesn't like you, needs your aid in healing his wounds.

Word count: 1,124

Warnings: Mentions of blood

My new upload schedule has changed! There will be a new post every Wednesday and Saturday 12:30 GMT.

Dean had told you to stay behind this hunt, back at the motel. He said he could handle this one with Sam by themselves. You agreed. It was a small hunt. After all, it concluded a meager pack of werewolves in Cincinnati. You had been holed up in this room for just over 12 hours when Dean comes rushing through the door with blood all over his hands.

“Hey- Oh my God!” you exclaim, throwing your book onto the covers and you scramble over to Dean. He stands there with a cross look on his face, wafting you away from him.

“I’m fine, just let me…” He says, turning around toward the kitchenette and turning the tap on. You force yourself to stand in front of him, to get a better look. You gently remove his hand from his face, and he lashes back. “Get out of my face!” He yells, you flinch and you take a few steps back.

Yours and Deans relationship has been a tricky one, multiple ups and downs, arguments over silly things, then making up a day later. You’re unsure on what you’d say your status is with him, as you can go from friends to strangers.

Sam has always tried to convince you he doesn’t hate you, but it’s hard to believe when he acts so irrational.

You watch him attempt to clean himself up, using a damp paper towel to try and get the dried blood off of his skin.

“Dean,” you say, almost a whisper, but he doesn’t listen.

“Dean-”

“Y/N, fucking move.” He growls. He goes to push you aside again, and you refuse to this time.

“No! Stop being a fucking asshole and let me help you! For Gods’ sake, Dean! You retorted; A part of him doesn’t know whether to be proud of you for sticking up for yourself or whether to be annoyed at you for not listening to him.

You take his arm and pull him toward you; you take a dishcloth and some warm water and gently rub at his hands and his wrists. He’s standing there watching you take such cultivated care of him, like it’s second nature. “Look up,” you instruct, placing a finger under his chin. He obeys, keeping his eyes on you the whole time. You examine his face and check for cuts and bruises. He has one clear cut across his cheekbone, which seems to be the verdict for the amount of blood all over him. It glides down from the height of his cheekbone, right down to the middle of his cheek. You let go of his chin and stand back.

“Anything on your body?” You ask, and he hesitates.

“Uh… I don—”

“Take your shirt off.” You snap. He slowly takes his shirt off, revealing his toned torso, shimmering from tiny beads of sweat from the hunt he’s just endured. You can’t help but admire him, but also trying to make it seem like you’re checking him for injuries.

He slowly turns around, allowing you to scan fast enough without being too thorough. “Alright, you look fine,” You catch his eye. Dean smirks cheekily. “Not like that.” You brush him off, although he can’t know you did mean it like that.

He throws his shirt back on, and you fumble around in your bag for bandages and ointment. Dean takes a seat at the table and waits for you.

He hasn’t said a peep toward you since you snapped back at him, assuming it’s because he’s scared to rile you up again. You pick out some gauze and medical tape, even though it’s not the best material to use. At least it would stop it from bleeding and getting infected. Taking the ointment and scooping a little onto the fabric, you spread it around, so it’s completely covered. You take a washcloth and wet it again. You place yourself down next to Dean, giving him a reassuring look.

“Can I?” You hold up the washcloth close to his face, and he nods. “Yeah.”

You dab the cloth against his face, but not on the wound. You gently touch his face with your fingertips and move him where you need him to be. “Why do you want to help me so bad?”

“Because I see a friend come into the motel with blood all over his hands and face, you think I’m going to just ignore it?” You question and he huffs. Taking the antiseptic wipes, you swipe at his wound, causing him to face away from you. “Stop being a baby,” you hush. He purses his lips. “C’mere…” you whisper, moving closer to his face. You place the gauze over his cheek, faintly pressing the ointment onto his skin. He hisses as you move his hand to hold it in place. Taking the medical tape, you tear it with your teeth and stick the gauze to his skin.

“How d’yknow to do all this?” Dean asks. His eyes are gazing at you softly, as if he’s finally calmed down from earlier. Confused, you look at him with a smile on your face. “It’s not hard to put some cream on a bandage and stick it to your face,” you chuckle, and he does the same. “Sam lets me help him when he gets injured. In fact, he comes to me because he has taught me everything. It helps having an extra pair of hands.” You murmur, hoping that what you had just said isn’t rude. Honestly, you only reacted to Dean’s rudeness by snapping at him. As you finish bandaging him up, you pat him on the shoulder as you stand up to put things back into your bag. Dean reaches out for your hand, pulling you back. You’re face to face with him, noses barely touching.

You could cut the tension with a knife between you and Dean. He always had this hard shell doming over him, making it almost impossible to actually get through to him sometimes. You had been patient, understanding, more or less a shoulder for him to cry on. He never got the hint, though, unfortunately.

Dean grins, his eyes are intriguing. The brown flecks compliment the green. They were mesmerising… intoxicating.

Your brain can’t comprehend anything other than the fact that Dean was moving closer, his lips parted and hovering over your bottom lip. You smile, eventually giving in. The kiss is passionate and hungry, as if the pair of you has been waiting for this moment for forever. Dean pulls away.

“Sorry for yelling at you earlier…” He breathes, and you shake your head.

“Shut up.” You lean in for another kiss, gently pulling him in, your fingers embracing his jawline, stubble scratching against your hand.

[strniohoeee]

helloo I have a Chris request. Y/N and Chris are dating. One night at the triplets place after smoke sesh, they go up to the kitchen to make food, while the pasta cooks they start making out and Chris eats her out, they end up having sex on the table.

Cinnamon

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N pops the triplets cherry for smoking weed, she smokes with them. Things are going good till Chris begins to feel some type of way🥀

Warnings⚠️: Uhhh smoking weed, and smut that’s about it! They was high and they was fuckinnnn🗣️

Song for the imagine: Ice Cream- Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Method Man, Cappadonna

⚠️This a 18+ imagine, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

Back to You Maybelline Queen let’s make a team

You can have everything in this world except CREAM

I wouldn’t classify myself as a heavy smoker, but I liked to get high here and there. When I became friends with the triplets I was really scared to tell them thinking they’d judge me, but they didn’t care

I never smoked around them….was I high around them uhhh that’s a different story. I never offered them to smoke with me, or forced them. After a while they did start to get curious about what it’s like to be high

Tonight we planned to have a sleepover where we’d all smoke, and I’d babysit them to make sure they were okay. I had a medical card so my weed was great. I brought two joints both a hybrid of Indica and Sativa, my favorite.

Hybrids are the best to me. I feel good, relaxed, no anxiety. I get the munchies. I'm always laughing, and then I have the best sleep ever. Everyone’s first time smoking is different, but I believe depending on who you surround yourself with will determine if you’ll be good or anxious.

I absolutely hated blunts, the tobacco leaves always making me sick and giving me the worst high of my life, so I would never do that to them.

I had gotten to the triplets house two hours ago, and we ate pizza and watched movies before we decided to smoke. I wanted their stomach full, and I wanted them to be calm

“Alright are we ready” I said grabbing my tin can with my joints in it and wiggling my brows

“I’m so nervous, but I’m ready” Nick said

“It’s fun trust me, and if anything yall will get super tired and knock out” I told them

“I’m readyyy” Matt said standing up

We went outside to their yard and sat in a circle

“Alright let me lay down some facts and some rules” I said as I took the first joint out and closing the can

“One pull per person…you want to ease into the high, we rotate it counterclockwise and try not to have it unravel” I said to them

“YES” they said saluting me

“Also when you inhale try not to inhale too much because you will cough, and it will fucking burn” I said laughing

“I mean yall never done this, so you will cough” I said laughing

“Show us how it’s done” Chris said

“Oh another thing….not to be weird, but smoking weed can make you super horny” I said laughing and grabbing my lighter

“OH GOD” Nick said

“But it’s not always, everybody’s different” I said as I lit the joint

I watched as it lit up, and I took a pull. Letting it into my lungs before breathing it out

“See very simple” I said looking at them

“Alright Chris you’re up” I said passing it to Chris on my left

He brought the joint to his lips and pulled, inhaling it into his chest and then exhaling

“Not too bad” he said passing it to Nick

Nick grabbed the joint, and inhaled….A BIG INHALE

“OH MY GOD” he said as he blew the smoke out and started to cough

“Nick that was too big” I said laughing at him, and he just kept coughing and taking a sip of his water

Matt inhaled, and exhaled nicely

“Nick you’re a pussy that wasn’t bad” Matt said as he passed the joint to me

Within 10 minutes we finished the joint, and I could tell they were all high, but I’m sure they didn’t feel it

“Yall are so fucking high” I said looking at them

“I am not” Chris said as his eyes were droopy and half lidded

“Yeah you are trust me you’ll feel it” I said laughing at them

Within 15 minutes they were so fucking high

“Nah this shit is too good” Matt said

“I told you it’s so relaxing” I said

We all started talking and laughing at everything

“Are my eyes open?” Nick asked me

“Yes” I said laughing at him

“Are you sure? Because they feel closed” he said

“They’ll feel like that but they are open I promise” I said to him

We were all talking so slow, and it was the funniest thing ever

“Yo I’m so fucking glad we got high together” I said to them

“Me too this is so much fun” Chris said

About 20 minutes later I was hungry

“I’m hungryyyy anybody want pasta?” I asked

“YES OMG YES” Nick said

“Chris come with me” I said and grabbed him

We both walked back into the house as Nick and Matt stood outside

I grabbed the pot, and put water to boil

“I need salt” I said to Chris

“It’s up down there somewhere” he said blinking slowly

“That wasn’t English” I said laughing

“Sorry it’s there” he said pointing to the table

I grabbed the salt and salted the water waiting for it to boil

“I’m so fucking horny” Chris randomly blurted out

“I told you it could happen” I said looking at him

“Like I have never felt my dick this hard” he said adjusting himself

“Alright horn dog” I said laughing at him

“Sorry” he said laughing

I put the heat down, so it wouldn’t boil too fast and put the pasta in

“I need to bust a nut or something because this is crazy” Chris said sitting down at the table

“Go take care of yourself” I said shooing him

I heard Chris get up, but I didn’t hear him come up behind me. He grabbed me by the waist

“Mmm or you could help me” he said

“That does sound fun” I said turning around to look at him

He immediately smashed his lips to mine, and we began to make out, him pushing me up against the stone slightly

I lost my footing and placed my hand on the stove, accidentally touching the heat level and putting it up without realizing

“Come on baby let me eat your pussy” he said

“Chris you’re dirty” I said smacking him playfully

“Come on” he said and pulled me over to the kitchen table

I sat down, and he slowly removed my sweatpants and my underwear

“Gonna be a good girl for me?” He asked

“Always Chris” I said to him

He got down to his knees, and opened my legs pulling me forward slightly

“Such a pretty pretty pussy” he said looking up at me with droopy eyes

“Fuck Chris” I whispered

He leaned down, and licked a strip up from my entrance to my clit

“Shit” I said shuddering and placing my hands in his hair

He started to lick my clit, and running his tongue from side to side and up and down

“FUCK” I yelled out as my thighs clamped around his head

As he was licking down his nose was bumping into my clit

“Mmm right there baby” I said kind of grinding on his face

He came back up, and started sucking my on clit harshly

“CHRISSSSSS” I moaned out throwing my head back

He pulled away from my pussy. My arousal covering him nose, mouth and chin

“I wanna fuck” he said standing up

“So fuck me then” I said biting my lip

In an instant Chris slid his pants and underwear down to about mid thigh. Swiping his hand on my pussy and using my arousal and his saliva as lube as he stroked his dick

“Ready baby” he asked

“I’m ready” I said

He spat on the head of his dick, and rubbed it against my pussy up and down, slowly pushing the tip in

“Shittt” we both moaned out

Chris bottomed out, and then began to move thrusting in and out at a good speed

“Fuck this feels amazing” he moaned out

He started to pound into me, grabbing my thigh and hooking his arms under them as he pulled me even closer, and started to fuck into me

“FUCK CHRIS OH MY GOD” I yelled out gripping onto the table

“Come on baby come on” he said as he kept pounding into me

The table was taking a beating…I’m sure it wanted to collapse on us

He brought his hand down to my clit and started to rub

“I know you’re close, come on baby milk me” he said pounding into me harder

“You’re so dirty I love it” I moaned out

Chris hips smacked into me three more times before I felt myself coming undone

“FUCK FUCK FUCK” I yelled out and came all over his dick, my thighs shaking and my back lifting off th table

He let me ride out my high before he pulled out of me, stroking his dick before high jaw went slack and he came on my lower stomach

“Fuck that felt amazing” he said trying to catch his breath, and picking up his pants

“So fucking good Chris” I said as I sat up and jumped down to pick up my underwear and pants from the floor

All of a sudden we heard water beginning to overflow and saw steam

“Oh shit the pasta” I said scurrying over to the stove and shutting the water off

Chris came over laughing, and grabbing a wet paper towel to clean his cum off of me

“Thanks baby” I said kissing his cheek

“Anytime” he said winking at me

I put my underwear on and my pants, and Chris and I washed our hands

We drained the pasta and suddenly Matt and Nick bursted inside

“WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PASTA” Matt yelled walking into the kitchen

“Perfect timing! Now we just need to heat up some sauce” I said to them

“Yay I’m so hungry” Nick said sitting at the table

Matt went to sit where we just fucked, and forgot to clean up

“I WOULDNT sit there” I said yelling the first part

“What why?” He said getting scared

“Chris already claimed that spot, and he tried to kill me when I said I wanted it” I said lying through my teeth

“Oh! Okay” Matt said walking back to sit by Nick

We finished making the pasta and we all sat and ate it. Laughing and talking, and eventually Nick and Matt fell asleep on the couch, so Chris and I cleaned the kitchen and table, and put the food away

We covered Nick and Matt in blankets and shut off the lights, and then headed to Chris room to watch tv and fall asleep

The End

This was my last request and I loved doing them, but now I can’t wait to start writing my ideas🤭🖤Dude thank you so much for 407 followers🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽 I just had 300 something this is amazing

-J💅🏽

[rinneroraito]

hospitaL

This short includes grief, pain, and hurt over a major character death. 900+ words

I've written sweet moments but one thing I've always liked in media is tragedy and I'm trying my hand at it.

I don’t like hospitals.

There’s the lingering scent of antiseptic in the air, medical personnel donned in white making their way to and fro seemingly like ghosts, injured people sitting on the chairs waiting to be attended to looking more dead than alive. The hospital is a place I’ve frequented in my career as a police investigator, it’s a familiar setting, yet I never felt comfortable being here. It’s never been good. Being here meant something was wrong, someone was hurt, someone was in pain. 

I continue staring at the white tiles, massaging the back of my hand mindlessly. My eyelids feel heavy. The knuckles on my right hand are sore, and there’s a bandage on my temple covering up an abrasion. The waiting room is cold, the steel bench icy like death, uncomfortable, unwelcoming. Has it always been like this? Have I always hated hospitals or do I just not want to be here at the moment? Am I refusing the reality of my presence here? Will it do me any good if I don’t address the fact that I am here right now and…

And…?

My hands shake and I slump forward.

Oh...

My right hand is in pain from the way I threw a punch at a certain teenager earlier. The abrasion on my cheek was from when I tried to catch…

No, god no…

Tears are welling up my eyes again, my shoulders are shaking now.

Being in a hospital could also mean someone had died.

The distraction from the horrible truth of reality was something I wanted to prolong. It was a fleeting kindness from the pain, and I resented how brief it was. There was no escape from this frigid hospital waiting room. I could leave, but that wouldn’t change anything.

“Uehara..?”

I look up to meet Mogi, towering over me. The steel bench squeaks softly as I stand up, noticing he was carrying something. A ziploc bag. He reaches forward, beckoning for me to take it.

As soon as I touch the material, I immediately realize what was inside it.

“Everyone noticed how close you two had become. If keeping this is too much, you could just throw them-”

“No,” I immediately replied, my voice hoarse and quiet.

The ziploc bag smells heavily of antiseptic as I clutched it close to my chest.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t think.

I can’t stop shaking.

I want to throw up.

I want to scream.

I want to tear my hair out.

My head hurts.

My chest hurts.

My eyes are stinging again.

The tiled flooring feels cold on my legs as I sink, hugging the clothes.

My throat hurts.

I want to scream.

I want to scream.

Can I still scream?

I can’t breathe.

My eyes sting.

I can’t think, I can’t think… 

I can’t tell where it hurts, it hurts everywhere, I’m in so much pain. My eyes hurt, my throat hurts, my head hurts, my hands hurt.

I want him back.

Mogi squats down beside me, squeezing my shoulder.

The Detective fell off of his chair earlier and I was so worried he’d hit his head that I tried to catch him before he hit the floor. But I was the first to go down and I got knocked out for a few moments. When I came to, the lights were blaring. The Yagami kid was screaming as he held the Detective in his arms.

I swore my heart stopped that moment, too.

It was instinctive when I shot up and threw a punch at him, knocking him back, away from the Detective.

Everyone was screaming.

I turned my attention back towards him, now lying down on the floor with his eyes closed. He was heavy when I lifted him to me and I started feeling for his vitals. Warm breath, a pulse, a heartbeat...

Did it hurt when you fell off your chair, Detective? I’m sorry I didn't catch you in time. Were you scared when you felt your heart stop? Don’t be scared, don’t be scared, I'm right here, I’ll hold you. Is it too cold? I’ll warm your hands, I’ll keep holding you just … Please… 

Please come back… Give me a sign, anything, please….

Anything.

Anything…

…

…

But there was nothing anymore and I started to scream.

I was screaming when Matsuda pulled me away from him so Mogi could carry him out of the building.

I was screaming at the Yagami kid when Chief Soichiro ordered me to just go with Mogi instead.

My throat hurts.

“Detective…” I murmur raggedly against the plastic, my breath fogging it up.

“L…”

I was sobbing again, losing count of how many times I’ve been crying on and off.

“L…H-he was… So.. Young…” My voice cracks in my blubbering state.

“He was,” Mogi affirms my statement.

In the entirety of the investigation I just realized how firmly I held the belief that L wouldn’t meet this kind of fate, that he’d be able to catch Kira and fly back to England. Or travel wherever he wanted. And eat more sweets…

I continued to sob, pressing my face into the plastic. I could feel my wet cheeks sticking on the material.

My colleague was silent now, still squeezing my shaking shoulders as I cried loudly, hoarsely, into the ziploc bag of L’s clothes. My chest feels constricted as I try to draw in breaths between heavy sobs, the front of my shirt drenched in tears that don’t seem to stop. I could cry a lake and scream until my voice goes out but he’s gone.

He’s gone.

We just lost the Greatest Detective in the world.

I lost L.

…

…

…

…

“I hate hospitals.”

[lawofangie]

have you changed your old and set gpa / grades to a new one? i guess this would be along the lines of revision

also, for big exams or whatever that most people seem to have super hard times with even with studying the best they can like the mcat (medical entrance exam basically) how would you go about that? let’s say you didn’t want to do much prep for it, can you just assume you’re top percentile with the score you get back and if there’s inspired action you can get into that, or do you actually have to put in some level of work? this may have been worded badly LOL my apologies

i did! i believe my old one was a 3.0 or something like that and i manifested it being a 4.0! i'm currently a senior in highschool and the "hardest" thing i'm taking right now is physics. if i didn't assume my grades were always high and relied on the 3d to tell me how they were, i would probably be failing miserably right now.

personally, i hate studying and i always thought to myself about how i would much rather spend my time taking care of myself and improving my life somehow. i could be spending time with friends, my sp, family or trying new hobbies, going new places, traveling.. i've honestly always found school to be a waste of my time that i could be spending doing so many other things. i used to get so anxious and scared over school and put it on this pedestal like my future depended on it, when that wasn't true at all.

i had to realize that i was doing myself a disservice my pretending that these things somehow mattered more than my input, my wellbeing, and my say in matters. acting like anything depended on "top percentiles" or approvals is a way of distracting yourself from the fact that you are the one accepting this as true. you are the one deciding "if my grades don't look like this, i won't succeed", when in reality, your grades and scores are quite literally said to be a way of being prepared.

a lot of administrators actually don't know what standards schools are choosing by because even if you have the good grades and good exam scores, there's still that chance of you not being picked. this goes back to my point on reliance and how that's your conscious decision. also, leaving things up to "chance" or "luck" (a made up concept) is honestly stupid when you really think about it. you're choosing to let things decide themselves, but somehow you can't decide?

i've noticed that people often put trust in many irrelevant things, like gods, deities, stars, cards, palm readings, psychics, mediums, other people's inputs, etc. and i've realized that nobody ever puts trust in themselves for some reason. isn't that weird? it's fine when you put trust in the things you're not even sure where they originate, the validity, that you can't even see or be sure of.. but the one thing you can be sure of (yourself), is somehow untrustworthy?

it was for this reason that i realized that i need to get more comfortable with myself and deciding i have things without relying on some external factor to tell me that i do. it just doesn't make any sense and it doesn't even work. at the end of the day, your mind is going to sway one way, either you'll believe you succeed, or you didn't.

but anyways, what i'm saying is that being the top percentile is not at all necessary to reach your goals, because at the end of the day it is up to you and the way you feel about yourself, whether you realize it or not. you are the one deciding, even if you have good grades, where you are going to make it in life. you are the one deciding EVERYTHING about your life, your self image, your relationships, yourself, everything regarding you is up to you (obviously).

but, to answer your question properly, no. you do not need to put in any level of work. the law simply states to assume ("whatever you assume to be true will be true"), not to do anything else. everything takes care of itself the moment you simply decide it is true. inspired action is usually something done unconsciously, like for example, you want to manifest money. you decide you have $100. then as you randomly decide to clean your room, you look under your pillow and find $100. (this happened to me but i found it in my drawer lol).

inspired action and trying to force something to happen are two different things, again, one is done unconsciously and the other is done with the intent of hoping something happens. and what does hoping imply? it implies that you don't have it. if i said "i hope i have $100", i obviously don't have it. if i said "i have $100", then i very clearly have $100. you have to assume it in order for it to be true. and that means, you take your own word for it regardless of what you're being shown at this very moment. you have to decide that it already happened.

i'm sorry, i know this is the part that so many of you guys hate since you like being bossed around by other people, but this is how the law works. it's the only rule you've been provided with, and yet so many of you fail to follow it. an assumption is something you believed to be true without proof. the law requires you to believe something, we (coaches, bloggers, teachers, etc) are the ones telling you to believe something *positive*. the law itself is indifferent, you're free to believe whatever you want, good, bad or indifferent. nobody has control over your mind or thoughts but you.

and yes, it has to be you. not your friends, not your parents, not your teachers or professors, not your bosses, not the random strangers on the street, not the people you only meet once, you. because this is your reality. you're experiencing life as your own person with thoughts, feelings, opinions, goals, dreams, a functioning body (hopefully?), and your own eyes. it's yours, and yet so many of you struggle to realize that.

your manifestation is something that's supposed to happen naturally, it's supposed to find a way to grow into your world comfortably, like the example i just provided. (please don't take "find a way" out of context, i simply mean the "how" is not up to you. everything else is. the law of assumption is a law. it has to materialize, and it does, this is also not to say that it will necessarily be "unexpected" or "strange", you just won't know how it will unfold.)

putting in a level of work just comes from a place of doubt (or misinformation, but let's not talk about that right now). you doubt the fact that you can truly sit back and relax and have things work for you. it's a belief that will do absolutely nothing for you and not benefit you at all, though i'm sure a lot of you believe many things that don't benefit you, and you don't really seem to care.

and how would i go about applying all of this? i would simply decide that i have passing marks or that i got accepted into whatever school i wanted regardless of my grades. there is only one rule to manifestation, you can't break it, but you can bend it however you want as long as you assume. the only rule to the law is literally to just apply the law, so do whatever works for you.

if you just wanna feel good about your grades and feel even better getting accepted into a school, go ahead. if you're coming from a place of fear and feeling like you "need to manifest this or else", please take a step back and consider the fact that this is all up to you and i just told you it doesn't work that way. remember that you only feel this way because these standards have been drilled into your mind for years by the people around you. you've basically been conditioned to care about your grades and limit yourself to or only believing in getting going to school for a job.

we as people are the ones who give things we created significance and purpose. nothing is fundamentally real, it is all manmade, and so, you shouldn't be putting it on a pedestal. you are the only one keeping these standards alive in your head and keeping the assigned significance of these standards alive in your head. none of it really matters and we all know that deep down. we are all going to die one day and we literally live on a floating rock in the middle of fucking nowhere. please don't stress yourself out over stupid shit and live your life the way you want. just decide it's yours.

hope this helps! feel free to send me another ask if you still have questions. 🩶

[sanemisstalker]

Idk why but like I really wanna die in somebody’s arms- it’s like such a beautiful but sad way to die?

(**kny spoilers**)

kinda like how Mitsuri died in Obanai’s arms bc that was such a heartbreaking moment but it also was kinda sweet at the same time? Idek anymore 😭 ty for your time btw <3

Broooo-

I hate to be that guy and point to your username, but I think dying in Giyu's arms would be the worst emotionally. I think it'd be actually devastating.

CW// Death / Implied Major Character Death/ Implied Suicide/ Angst

A part of me reasons that Sanemi could handle it about as well as he handles anything else. Poorly, but he'd continue like he always does. That's all he can do because he thinks anything else is a show of extreme cowardice and he doesn't deserve to feel that way.

But when you're in his arms, dying, more color is dissapearing, and he's fighting to see your face past the tears- he's wailing and screaming, and trying to command you to come back. That normally works. Maybe he's gotten scary enough to scare death, but no. He'll never be enough to fend off the inevitable.

I don't think Shinobu would be much different. She has an astonishing amount of hate in her heart. Enough to patch up the wound long enough for her to pretend it isn't there anymore.

You'd be lying in her arms, and all of it would be beating against her head. Every word you ever said, every piece of medical knowledge she had, and for her to be the only one able to know just how incapable she was of saving you- She'd start begging a higher power, probably, begging you to be strong in her stead- save yourself because she's not strong enough.

Rengoku wouldn't cry until you fully slipped away, doing all he could to muster his voice flat- you needed comfort, obviously. He knew it wouldn't heal the wounds, nothing could, but he was still denying that to keep his smile wide.

You wouldn't be in his arms but on his lap, his hand sweeping hair from your fading eyes. I think He'd sit there for a while. For too long, just trying to prevent tears, because you wouldn't make a move to wipe them.

Tengen would hurt, bad. You're in his arms, and he's rocking you, and he's having a panic attack- He'd deny it the hardest. For the longest.

There's a notable difference, Tengen understood, between the weight of a breathing person, and a dead body. He knew that difference the second you slumped against his shoulder, and his knees hit the ground. He'd try to wake you up, tell you to stop the act, it isn't funny, because God, what else could he do but joke in a half witted prayer to hear your laugh.

Giyu....

Fuck me , man. I don't think he's emotionally strong enough to handle anymore loss. He's already disliked by his peers, by himself, god, and everyone who breathed. You were the only person willing to talk with him- to waste time on him. To love him.

The imagery for this one is vivid- the rain. Ironic. Even in his own element he couldn't save you. He's hunched over you and mimics your shallow breathes, protecting your face from the down pour.

You can't get the words out to say how much you really, deeply love him. He keeps shushing you, trying to conserve your energy- He's panicking, too, hands unsure of their need. There were so many wounds, he couldn't possibly tend to them all.

The poor boy would whisper a beg- to let him go in your stead. He couldn't be left alone to survive again. Not again. He had too many lives he was carrying on his shoulders. Too many souls he was responsible for reaching heaven with, and he was never that good a man.

He's not asking God, he's asking you. And how cruel you were to not let him die.

'I can't- Y/N, I can't do this again.' He'd sound close to vomiting. A certain animalistic sound to his voice. Guttural, almost. 'You-You-God- no-no-n-'

But you'd be gone, unable and unwillingly to give him to permission he so desperately needed. Not deserved, He'd remind himself.

He'd all but rot next to you. The second your last breathe loosed, he'd stop breathing, too. Days would go by. Unmoving. Unfeeling.

I truly believe he'd die with you that day.

[raya-hunter01]

Lights, Camera, Action! Pt. 6

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Shantell)

Roman x Black Female OC! Tangela

Solo x Black Female OC! Sofia

Jimmy x Trin

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; oral, sex, spanking

Words:

Summary: How do you keep it together as Smackdown’s production director and navigate your life as the girlfriend of Mr. Main Event Jey Uso.  Follow Shantell as she navigates her life as a girlfriend, sister, and confidant to the bloodline. Follow her on her journey to self-discovery of love and happiness.

.............

OBGYN' Office, Pensacola, FL

Shantell’s POV

“Let’s see how everything is going,” Dr. Borden says preparing for the ultrasound. I take deep breaths as I feel my nerves getting the best of me. Dr. Borden is moving the wand on my stomach trying to find the baby and I’m nervous.

I hate hospitals and doctor offices with a passion. I still can’t believe I’m pregnant and I think that’s why I haven’t told Jey.  I didn’t want to get his hopes up, how would he respond to the news especially after the Taraji bomb the other night.

My thoughts are all over the place and I feel like the ball could drop at any moment. Could I have a healthy pregnancy, and carry this baby to term? Truthfully, I’m scared to death, and I can’t help but think of Jey. He looked so angry and broken this morning when we all left the bus shop.

I think he was going to confront Taraji; I just hope he doesn’t do something stupid. “There is your baby,” I hear Doctor Borden say, turning the screen towards me. My eyes filled with tears as I see what I could only describe as a tiny peanut staring back at me.

“Is everything ok?” I asked, wiping my tears that had fallen. “Well, you tell me Shantell,” he says turning the sound up on the machine as I heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. “Oh my god,” I finally exhaled as I felt a weight lifted off of me, my baby was ok.

“Everything is good, strong heartbeat and you’re about five weeks along,” Dr. Borden says printing me out a couple of pictures. “Is everything else ok, from my surgery,” I ask nervously.  “You are going to need to avoid stress, but that is all women who are expecting. “So, what’s the plan, to ensure everything goes well,” I ask.

“Well, it is important you take care of yourself; this is a high-risk pregnancy with your medical history. I want to do frequent appointments to keep an eye on you and the baby,” he says smiling as I nod looking at him. “I got ya, no stress and take it easy,” I say feeling better knowing my doctor had a plan to make sure the baby and I were ok.

-------------

Taraji’s Apartment

Jey’s POV

I’m so fuckin’ mad I can’t see straight but I gotta do this now. I need to know why, knocking on her door I could hear voices but no answer. So, I used the spare key under the carpet.

As I came in, I heard Taraji getting an earful from an emotional Rachel in the living room, so I ducked behind the front door listening. “The jig is up! Sofia went to my boss and I’m under investigation, Jey knows everything!” I hear Rachel shout hysterically.

Taraji’s POV

“What you mean he knows?” I whisper as I feel my throat closing in.

“He knows you weren’t pregnant, and now I’m in your shit,” Rachel says pacing. “Look, we will be ok. I can get us out of this,” I say trying to think.

“This got so screwed up, all he had to do was marry me when I told him I was pregnant,” I spat angrily as Rachel looked at me in horror.  “There was no baby! What was your plan? He would marry you and then what, a baby would magically appear?" she questions as I shake my head no.

“The miscarriage was always a part of the plan; I was going to tell him I lost it. By then we would have been married. So, we could have tried for a baby,” I say trying to get her to understand. “So, you were so desperate to have this man and his money you did all this. I dropped my head in shame unable to say anything.

 “Well, thank you because now I’m on my way to a meeting to find out if I still have a job to support my two kids,” she said looking at me defeated. “I’m sorry Rachel,” I sigh as she grabs her purse heading towards the door “Just stay away from me Taraji,” she says storming out of my apartment.  I took a deep breath trying to pace myself, “I thought I had closed that when Rachel first came by, why was it open anyway,” I mumble as I closed the door.

Behind me I heard keys jingling and my blood ran cold. It can't be, I turned and was met with the stone-cold eyes of Jey. “No,” I whispered in shock as I didn’t expect him to even be back in town yet. “Just me and you Taraji,” he says, his voice void of feeling, his hard stare scaring me.

Jey’s POV

“I’m so sorry Jey,” Taraji cried, collapsing against me, trying to hug me as I pry her away. “You have no idea how much I hate yo ass,” I say deathly calm, looking at her guilty crying ass made me angrier.

"I love you, Jey! Please believe me," she cried as I saw red “You have messed up my life……. Bad,” I say rubbing my hands across my face trying to calm down. 

“We could be so happy; please, just forgive me, “Taraji continued to beg as I swear for the first time in my life, I wanted to kill somebody. “You really played me, you was cheatin’ when we was together. Fuckin’ anybody for a come up and I still gave yo ass the benefit of the doubt,” I yelled.

“I changed! Jey, people can change!” she cried as I ignored the lame ass attempt of trying to flip the script, mascara running down her face from her tears. “You just faked being pregnant!! You invented a baby! A baby, the one thing you knew I always wanted,” I groaned in pain trying to grasp how out of touch she was with all she has done.

 “I can’t believe how stupid I was. I lost the only person I ever loved, trying to be there for you and a baby that didn't exist!” I hissed at her in disgust as I see the wheels turning in her head, trying to think of what to say.

“Everything ok in here?” Jimmy asked, walking in looking at me with worry.

“Yea, we good, I just wanted to let Taraji know that Paul knows everything and wishes to meet with her on Friday before the show,” I said looking at Taraji taking in her scared expression.

“Jey, we gotta talk this out,” she cries trying to hold my hand as I snatch away, walking towards my brother. “You stay away from my family, especially Shan,” I say dropping her keys on the table.

“It’s always about her! Little Ms. Perfect!” Taraji screams as I nod in agreement with her. “Yea, it will always be about her,” I say not ashamed to admit to myself or Taraji. “She’ll never have you again after all you’ve done, and I can’t wait to see you miserable.” Taraji says smugly as I clinch my fists.

“Well, from what I heard, you won’t have to worry about seeing if Shan takes me back or if I’m miserable,” I say smugly as I know I’m about to take her ass down a peg. “Why is that?” Taraji taunts as I grin at her.” Because you may not be employed for very much longer, WWE takes these things seriously, and they are within their rights to fire yo ass. So, if I was you, I would walk a real thin ass line and stay the fuck away from my family,” I say as jimmy puts his hand on my shoulder.

Let’s go Uce, you said what you had to say,” Jimmy says trying to keep me calm.

“Yea, let’s roll,” I said walking away from her as I see I had two missed two calls from Shantell and a voicemail. “What could she want?” I mumble putting in my code to check the message. “Hey, this is Shan, we need to talk it’s very important so when you get time stop by my house. Talk to you later.”

"Who was it, Uce? "Jimmy asked as we made our way back to the car. “It was Shantell wanting to talk, it sounded important,” I say a little worried. “Good, I think it’s time ya’ll talked and get this shit straight,” Jimmy says not sugarcoating the issue.

“I know she ain’t just gon' fall back into my arms, I fucked up bad,” I say knowing I’m deserving of the cold shoulder I’ve been getting from her. “Then start from scratch as friends and work yo way back to your woman man, “Jimmy said shooting me an encouraging glance.

Maybe we could find our way back, I knew I loved her but this hothead temper of mine has got me in some shit that it’s gon’ take awhile to get out of.

-------------------------------

Shan’s House

Shantell’s POV

It feels good to be home, I loved staying with Solo and Sofia but it’s nothing like your own house. I called Jey early this morning inviting him over to talk and I still haven’t heard a peep. Working, I faintly heard someone knocking on my door. Reaching over to look at my phone it was almost midnight.

Time had gotten away from me as I was working on a video package for Jey’s rematch against Joe. They were doing this Tribal Combat angle.  “I know damn well this ain’t his ass, this late at night, I" mutter as I got up and headed toward the door. Looking out the side window I saw his car.

“What do you want Jey?” I ask through the door, not really in the mood for any drama. "I need to talk to you, plus you told me to stop by,” he says standing back from the door. Unlocking it, I stepped outside to meet him. “Oh, I can’t come in,” he says with a small smile.  “Ain’t shit open after midnight but legs, the ER, and Waffle House. I asked yo ass to come by earlier, so nope,"” I said smartly as he laughed at me.

“Walk wit me then” he says grasping my hand. “Let me get my keys and my blanket its cold,” I say stepping back inside as he looked over my shoulder trying to look around my house “You sure Montez ain’t in there, right?” he asks with a frown. “Well, if he was, it would be my business.” I say rolling my eyes at him.

“I’m kidding, I know I’m the only one,” he says proudly as I shake my head at him. “If you can’t get your shit together, you won’t be the only one for long,” I say as his smile drops seeing the seriousness in my face. We walked down to the beach and just enjoyed listening to the waves for bit before finally sitting down on the sand to talk.

“Shan I’m really sorry about calling you damaged, I didn’t mean it, I was just grieving, looking for someone to blame.” I said feeling ashamed, I wanted to hurt her because I was hurting. “You really hurt me, and it took me back to a place I didn’t want to be. You knew that would hurt me;” I said wiping my tears.  

“I meant what I said that night, your everything and any man would be lucky to have you,” he says pulling me close as I lay my head on his shoulder. "I can't believe you remember that?" I whispered as I closed my eyes, it felt so good to be back in his arms again. "I remember everything about you, since the first day I met you," he said playing with my fingers. My mind was screaming tell him, but I feared how he would react.

Jey’s POV

 “I had told my ma, I was leaving Taraji to be with you that night at our family dinner,” I said just wanting to lay it all out on the table.  Shan looked at me before glancing out at the gulf. “Well, I’m sorry you had to argue with your mom,” she said rubbing my arm. “You were worth it,” I assured her, as her unsure smile made me want to kick my own ass as I reached over and kissed her on the cheek.

 “So, what did you need to talk about?” I asked, wanting to know as I could see she seemed worried. “We can talk about it later,” she says quickly wiping her tears looking at me. “Just tell me baby, I got you, “I say grasping her hand placing a kiss on it.

Shantell’s POV

I took our joined hands and placed them on my stomach “Josh, I’m pregnant,” I whispered trying to not to scare him.  The silence is scaring me as I can’t see his face. “Josh, did you hear what I said?” I asked a little louder, and still nothing. Ok, that’s my cue to go. I tried to move but his grip on me tightened as he finally looks at me.

“You havin’ my baby?” he asked smiling, as I saw tears welling in his eyes. "Yea, you knocked me up,” I joke as he laughs, gently kissing me “Thank you,” he said putting his hand back on my stomach as a few tears escaped his eyes, "You don't have to thank me," I said wiping his tears as kissed my stomach “Baby, it’s yo daddy. By the time you get here daddy gon’ have it right, I promise,” he says pulling me closer as I ran my fingers through his hair trying not to cry as he's talking to our baby.

I felt better having told him so he could share in this experience, but we have a long road ahead before we were Josh and Shantell again.

----------------------------------------------

Smackdown Before the Show

Bloodline Dressing room

“I hope they transfer her ass,” Tangela says walking around the room pacing. “I don’t want anybody to lose they job, but I wish she would leave Shan and Jey alone,” Trin said as I came out dressed for the show. “Aww, I can’t wait for you to start showing,” Tamina said rubbing my stomach.

“Girl, I gotta be able to hold my food down first,” I laugh as I gather my notes. “What has Mr. Real Chief been doing to get in your good graces,” Tangela asks as I shake my head at her poor attempt to get some tea.

“It's almost like when we first started dating, he’s been staying the night,” I say shrinking back at the stare from Trin. “Bitch, I know you ain’t been holdin' out on me," she says frowning at me. “Trin, we may make small talk, he talks to the baby, watches tv and sleep, “I say trying to get my point across.

“Basically, taking it slow before rushing into anything and it makes sense, Tangela says agreeing with me. “He understands he hurt me, and it’s going to take awhile. That’s all I can guarantee at this point,” I say putting my shoes on heading towards the door to getting ready to go to Gorilla.

“I need to find Joe, so I’ll walk with you,” Tangela says as I smile totally glad for the company.  Enroute to Gorilla I had to use the restroom, so I ducked into the ladies' room as Tangela went to find Joe. Stopping dead in my tracks I see Taraji at the sink crying. Fuck, this is all I need right now as she turns to look at me.

“You happy, this is all your fault! I’m suspended, and they are transferring me back to raw!” she shouts as I take a deep breath not wanting to argue with her. “Taraji, I didn’t make you do what you did,” I say trying to remain calm.

“I just fuckin' hate yo ass,” Taraji says walking in my face, as in this moment I know she’s confrontational and I got to protect myself and my baby. “Look, what do you want!” I yell tired of the bullshit. “I WANT JEY!” She hysterically screams at me; this bitch is crazy. “I worked for him, so I should have him,” Taraji says continuing to rant.

“Taraji, yo ass better go find yourself something safe to do, like playin’ in traffic,” I say smartly. “What you gon’ do? I been waiting on you Shantell,” she taunts as she mushed my head back. See, I am trying Lord, but she just keeps on pushin’ me.

“Look, chill and gon’ on Taraji,” I warn as she smiles before slapping me, as I feel the blood coming from my mouth. I subconsciously rub my stomach, Baby, mama is so sorry, but I gotta clean this ho up right quick. Before she could swing again, I punched her in the face as she fell in a heap on the floor. “I don’t do that slappin’ shit,” I hissed as she was holding her eye. “You bitch,” she muttered still nursing her eye.

“You still in here Shantell?” I hear Tangela asking walking into the restroom taking in the scene before her. “What the hell goin on?" she asks seeing Taraji getting up. “Just a misunderstanding,” I say trying to squash the issue. “Nah, I ain’t buying that shit, look at your lip.  She still fuckin’ wit you? Tangela asked now eying Taraji. "I’m good, just leave it, sis,” I plead just wanting to leave.

“Now, you work here, Trin, and Tamina do too but I don’t,” Tangela warns as Taraji charged at her swinging, before I knew it Tangela had caught her by the hair and started punching on Taraji fast as hell. All I saw and heard was fists tagging Taraji, alternating between her head and face, "Let me go, ho!" Taraji screams, now not fighting but trying to get Tangela off her hair.

Tangela continued to drag her ass around the bathroom “You one stupid bitch! open the door, Shantell!” Tangela screams as I jumped scurrying to the door. “Let me go!" Taraji yells struggling to keep her footing as Tangela is draggin’ her down the hall as people are looking at us. "Get yo ass outta this building!," Tangela yelled yanking Taraji's hair harder.

What the hell ya’ll doin’!?” Jimmy shouts running over to us with Paul prying Tangela away from Taraji. “What the hell is going on?” Paul shouts as Tangela tries to go back at her. “She attacked Shantell in the bathroom! I thought she was suppose to be gone, Paul!” Tangela yells as Paul jumped on the defense. “She was suppose to be! You three in my office now!” He shouts as Tangela rolls her eyes.

“Paul, I don’t work for yo’ ass so I suggest you ask me nicer than that,” Tangela snaps as I put my hand on her shoulder.” Please Tangela, let’s go,” I beg as I see Taraji walking to his office in front of us. "Tangela, we are going to get it worked out," Paul said calmly walking with us. "You better, cause ain't nobody got time to be harassed at their job by idiots," she says calming down.

“Jimmy go get Jey and Joe, meet me in my office,” Paul says following us inside.

This feels like the fuckin principal office, Tangela and I on one side, and Taraji on the other. This is not how I wanted the night to go. I just wanted to work and enjoy my night.

“What happened ya’ll?” Joe asked coming in looking at us with Jey and Jimmy behind him. “She attacked Shan and tried to charge me, so I dragged dat ass, that’s all,” Tangela says casually not caring how it looked or sounded.  I looked over and I could see Jey steaming but not moving from beside Joe. “Taraji, what do you have to say?” Paul asks as she sighs in a defeated tone. “I was in the bathroom; Shan came in and I was just so angry. After some words I slapped her,” Taraji says quietly.

“You what!” Jey shouts angrily finally seeing the blood on the side of my mouth. “Then I punched her in the face,” I said honestly as Jey groaned coming over to me touching my face trying to see if there was any more damage.

“Shantell, you can’t be doing that,” he started as I looked at him giving him a signal to stop talking. I knew he was about to say I was pregnant and honestly, I didn’t want this bitch to know that.

“Taraji, security will escort you out of the building,” Paul says as I see Tangela getting annoyed. “That’s what you should have did personally after the meeting, and we wouldn’t be here now,” she says matter of fact.

“Tangela, baby chill,” Joe said kneeling in front of her trying to take her attention off of Taraji.

“Now I’ve really got to reconsider this whole job thing, you can’t be attacking people, you will be working in the Stamford office.  You are off the road completely until further notice,” Paul informs her as out the corner of my eye I see her nod in understanding as she stands up and walks out with security.

“Now Shantell you know that was dangerous with your condition,” Paul says scolding me. “What did ya’ll want me to do? Just stand there and let her continue to assault me. She could have hurt me or the baby,” I say rambling as Joe looked at me smiling.  “Your pregnant?” he asked, turning giving Tangela a knowing smile. “So, that’s why you were in guard dog mode, huh,” he says kissing her.

Guard dog, shiiid! You saw all dem' knots on that girl forehead. She was draggin’ that girl down that hall like Godzilla with Shan walking behind her,” Jimmy says snickering. “It was definitely a sight to see, has your wife thought about training Joe," Paul says shaking his head cracking a smile.

"How about no," Joe says laughing as Tangela hits his shoulder smiling.  “Alright can we get back to work now,” I ask just tired, and wanting to work. “Yes, Ms. busy body, you can go to work, and be careful” Paul said as I got up, thanking Tangela again before I left with Jey following behind me.

“Hey… Slow down, ma,” he says gently pulling me to him placing his hand on my stomach. “We’re ok,” I say reassuring him as he kisses my neck. “I’m sorry you having to deal wit this cause of my ass,” he whispers as I lean back in his arms. “I know,” I responded taking a couple deep breaths.

I hope this is going to get better because all this stress is making me want to go hide under a rock and we still got Joe’s family cookout coming up.  Just thinking about my mom and Jey’s in the same house is making me ill.

------------

Smackdown

Camera nine I’m glad you had eyes on Jey that was good shit! Let’s take it home! Hard camera pace you out with camera three on Roman. "Let’s go to work Stu!" I shout in my headset. “You love this chaos. Shan, what are you going to do when you out on maternity leave?" He asked laughing. “I’m gon' fucking cry,” I said laughing. You could feel the intensity in the ring between the cousins as Roman and Jey walked to the front of the table.

“Hard camera it’s coming back to you,” I said into my headset. Let’s get this money shot, Jey and Roman embraced and took a deep breath together, their heads touching. I remember Jey telling me about this and how important it was to their culture.  It was amazing to see.

Hey, beautiful,” Montez says sitting beside me. “Hey, give me a second,” I say as I’m watching the monitors. Cameras five and seven pace between Roman and Jey please to end the show. It should be some good expressions coming, and they didn’t disappoint. We’re out in 5,4,3,2,1. Great show crew!" Thank God, we made it, tonight has been a tiresome night.

"You know you sexy doin’ that right," Montez says as I laugh. "Well, thank you, I guess," I say closing down my monitors. "Here let me help you," Montez says standing up, leaning over me to lift a monitor. "Everything good over here Shan," Joe says coming up with Solo who was looking like he wanted to lay waste to Montez.

"Yea, I’m good Montez was helping me with the monitors, so I didn’t have to lift it," I say as Joe nods stepping in to help along with solo as well.

"So, I was wondering would you like to go out to grab a bite to eat tonight?" Montez says not caring that Joe and Solo was right there. "I don’t think so, it’s been a busy hectic day and I’m not into dating right now,” I said making sure everything was good in the cases.

“Well, maybe next time, I’ll see you later then,” he says leaning over giving me a kiss on the cheek and walked away before I could respond. Joe and Solo were staring Montez down as he walked by them not caring. “What was that?” Joe asked as I shrugged my shoulders. “Your answer is as good as mine, I have no clue," I said honestly. Unbeknownst to me Jey had seen the whole interaction and was not happy.

-------------

Shantell’s Hotel Room

Shantell’s POV

"So, you're not talking to me because of something I didn't ask to happen?" He just did it," I said getting a little irritated with Jey as I walked out of the bathroom in one of his old shirts.

"He been around a lil too much, I mean is you fuckin' him," Jey says looking at me with an anxious look on his face.

"I’m not fucking him!" I shout as Jey is pacing around the room just speaking nonsense.  “You doin’ something! A mothafucka felt bold enough to come sit wit you alone, and kiss all over yo ass,” he says rubbing his hands over his face.

“You are so insecure, and we aren’t even together!” I spat angrily. I can't believe that he would even think I would do that.

“I ain’t insecure, I just don’t want him hanging all over you because I know what he wants, and he can’t have it!” Jey shouts as my eyes widen in shock. “Jey, I’m a grown ass woman, you can't be telling people not to talk to me! I can do what I want, when I want! We aren't together!" I shout equally as frustrated as him.

Don’t you know, I know you miss me,” he says inching his lips closer to mine and even though I do miss him, this is about a power struggle right now that he's determined to win.” I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say fighting the urge to kiss him senseless. I wanted him bad; he snatched his shirt off my body and pulled his sweats off.

“What makes you think, I’m going to sleep with you,” I ask, biting my lip staring at him, growling he pulled against his rock-hard body. I gasp at the feeling of him against me, knowing I'm powerless to stop it.

“Baby this is me, I know every inch of you,” Jey says starting to place kisses on my lips then moving to my neck as I’m fighting an internal battle to remain quiet. “I know what you need,” he says never missing a beat with his tongue as it slides along the curve of my neck. I wanted him and he knew it, these hormones ain’t playing.

 “Baby just let go, "he groans against my ear as I feel myself losing the battle. I finally gave in as I took him in a heated kiss. As the minutes passed, the more desperate out kisses became as our tongues met in a dance where I couldn’t tell where I began, and he ended.  Taking control, I pushed him up against the door “You want me to feel I, ask as I felt him shiver against me in anticipation.

“You want me to let go,” I whisper into his ear before snaking my tongue out and around his ear lobe. Hearing the growl in his throat I knew I had him as I trailed kisses back to his lips but not before making one simple statement. “You want me to feel, then make me,” I said attacking his lips with mine.

" Shit, I can’t wait, I’ll make it up to you, I Promise,” Jey moans against my lips entering me "Oh!" I gasped, pulling his closer. “Daddy’s home baby,” he whispers against my ear beginning to thrust inside me slowly, “Mmhm!" I whimper against him no longer able to deny he had my heart and soul.

" Welcome home, baby” I moaned as he started thrusting harder and faster. It was true, us together was indeed home, without missing a beat Jey reversed us with me now on top. “Ride Daddy, baby,” he moaned as I placed my weight on my heels and started bouncing slow and hard. “Shit, just like dat, ride yo dick,” he encourages as I continued riding him harder.

“I plan too,” I moaned as I started to speed up my movements but every so often slowing down twirling my hips in a circular motion. “You think I’m fuckin’ him?” I asked, gasping as Jey thrusted upward harder inside me. "Don’t play with me, Shan! Fuck!," he shouts as I clinch my muscles around his dick as I ran my nails down his chest. "Don’t you play wit me; Josh," I say continuing my sensual torture.

Jey’s POV

“Damn, you feel so good,” I moaned as cupped her breasts almost painfully squeezing them as she rode my dick. “You didn’t answer me,” She pants never breaking her rhythm.  “Do you think I’m fuckin' him? Tell me," she groaned speeding up as I finally snapped.  “Fuck, no! This my pussy," I growled sitting up taking her in a possessive kiss, carrying her from the bed, bracing her up against the wall thrusting deep inside her.

"Josh! Wait baby," I hear her whimper against my lips as I feel her legs trembling around my waist. Nah, you bout to squirt all on this dick, u hear me?" I declare, claiming her lips in a desperate kiss as her moans are bringing the possessive side of me.

I felt myself going deeper and deeper as I couldn’t get enough of her. “He can’t have you, say it,” I groaned losing control as each second passed. “He can't have me," Shan cried as I came undone thrusting away inside her hard and strong, with each thrust her head was lightly hitting the wall.

Her pussy gripping me tighter and tighter as I pulled her close. Her nails diggin' in my neck as I attacked hers as we clawed at each other trying to get as close as we could.

“I’m about to cum,” Shan moans as I reach down between us and began playing with her clit. “Who you cumin’ for, me or him?” I groaned as I began thrusting even harder inside her. “Who is it for baby?” I moaned looking down at my dick moving in and out of her pussy. “I know I’m bout to cum, and it’s all for you,” I confessed, taking her whimpers in my mouth as I kissed her with wild abandon.

“Who are you cumin’ for!? “I groaned as she squirted on my dick as I was cumin’ inside her. "You! I’m cumin for you, Josh!" She screamed as she rode her orgasm holding on me tight.

“Don’t you forget that shit either,” I say kissing her shoulder. I was insecure and I knew it, but I knew what Montez’s intentions were and I’m not giving Shantell up.

--------

Carnival Confessions

Jey’s POV

Shit! I’m running behind, I had to do a couple interviews today, so everybody was already at the carnival. It was a good idea for the girls to unwind after all the drama last night at the show. After searching I finally found Trin and Shan ordering some food.

I know this lame ass dude ain’t here, I see Montez approaching them and I see red. He just won’t take the hint; he knows Shantell is pregnant with my baby and he still sniffing round like a dog in heat. Nah, bruh that’s my woman even if she doesn’t realize it yet.

Shantell’s POV

"Hey, it’s funny running into you here since you can’t ride anything," Montez says smiling.

“I’m here for the food, and the games,” I laugh as he gives me a hug. “Well, can I walk with ya’ll?” he asks as Trin smiles. "Sure, come on Montez, the more the merrier,” she says as we continue to walk and explore the carnival. “Where is Jey he should be here by now,” I mutter looking around for him. I faintly hear Jimmy and Trin arguing over Montez joining us.

“Where the hell he come from?” Jimmy hisses at Trin as she smiles at him. “He has a crush on Shan, plus Jey and her ain’t together. So why my girl can’t explore a little?” Trin asked taunting Jimmy. “Because my brother gon’ figure his shit out, he gon’ make it right. He just needs a chance Trin,” he says looking at Montez.

“Nah, I think he needs to know Shantell has options, to get his ass in gear," Trin responds staring at Montez stealing a piece of Shantell’s funnel cake.  “Can I talk to you, Shan?” Montez asks as Trin and Jimmy showed their armbands to the attendant and got on the Ferris wheel. “Um, sure what’s up?” I asked feeling a little uneasy.

Jey’s POV

This mothafucka really tryin' it. I know I shouldn’t be sneaking around watching them but in need to know what I’m dealing with. I can’t help but move further, trying to see and hear what he’s sayin’ to Shan as he led her to a picnic table.

“I really like you Shan," Montez said grabbing Shantell’s hand, before she could respond he placed his finger on her lips. “Let me finish before I lose my nerve,” he stutters as she smiled at him. What the fuck is going on, I know Shantell ain’t entertaining this shit. 

“I know about the baby and how complicated things are with Jey,” he says as she looked down. “I want you to know that you have options, and I love chillin’ wit you,” he says touching her face making her look at him. “I like hanging out with you too, we're friends” Shan responded smiling, and I felt sick as fuck.  “I would like to take you out,” Montez said pushing her hair behind her ear. "We can even go as friends,” he adds after seeing Shantell’s shocked face at his suggestion. See I can’t take this shit no more, I’m bout the kill his ass.

“Aye, Shan ain’t interested Tez,” I say walking over to them not being able to take it anymore. “What's up Jey?” he asks standing up as Shan looks at me with a worried expression. “What's up my ass, you trying to put the moves on my woman,” I say in his face as he folds his arms across his chest.

 “Well, the last I knew ya’ll were just friends, after all the shit you did who could blame Shantell," Montez said with a neutral look on his face. "What the fuck you know about it," I hiss as I see Shantell standing up approaching us.  “You was reckless wit her, and that can be another man’s gain,” Montez says smiling at me.  

“You mothafucka,” I snarl wanting to rip his head off. “Yea, I’ll be dat, the mothafucka, gladly to be wit Shantell,” Montez taunted as I got in his face. “Hey! We in public and I ain’t wit nobody! Shantell quietly shouts trying to not bring attention to us. “The only thing I care about is my child, fuck all this other bullshit! Continue the pissin' contest without me,” she says storming off. “Stay the fuck away from Shantell!”  I warned as I went to follow her.

Shantell’s POV

“Can you take me back to the hotel Solo,” I asked having found him by the restrooms. “Yea, I’m tired myself, it’s hot and I need to call Sofia,” he says looking at me worried. “What’s up?” he asks as I pointed behind me at Jey who was coming towards us.

“Aye, Shantell let me talk to you,” Jey says walking up as Solo blocks him from seeing me. “Not now Bro, folks could be watching, we ain’t trying to be on TMZ. I’m bout to take her back to the hotel to get some rest. Hit her up later,” he said as Jey finally agreed walking off.

----------

Hotel Bar

Solo’s POV

He fuckin’ tried it man, you should have heard his bitch ass. “You was reckless wit her, and that can be another man’s gain,” I said mocking Montez as I snarled in disgust. “Well, where is the lie,” Joe says as I shot him a look as he downed his Tequilla shot. “You suppose to be on my side!” I say raising my voice a bit as Jimmy hits me on the shoulder.

We are on yo damn side, that’s why we here. Calm yo ass down,” he says with an irritated tone and face. “All the shit yo ass been complaining about these last two hours, you could have been in Shantell’s room telling her the truth,” Solo said pointing at me. “And what is that? I asked with an attitude. “That you love her and it’s killin’ you to think about another man takin yo place, fool,” Solo say taking a sip of his drink.

“Look, you need to fix this. I’m so serious, yo issues is fuckin up my time wit my wife, I was just about to get some pussy and here Solo comes sendin’ a 911 text about yo ass,” Joe says seriously. I feel ya cuz, shit don’t make no sense, like seriously,” Jimmy says giving me the side eye as I put my drink down. Alright, I’m goin’ I say throwing down some money for the tab heading out the bar.

----------------------------------

Shantell’s Hotel Room

Shantell’s POV

“Shan! Let Me In!” Jey shouts knocking on my door. “What the hell?” I said out loud wrapping my robe around me, coming out of the bathroom. Looking through the peephole to be sure I groaned, opening the door as Jey stormed inside. “Look, we need to talk,” he said, and looking at him I can see he’s had a few drinks. Oh, no I don’t want to deal with truthful drunk Jey tonight.

“I followed you guys at the carnival today for a minute before I finally came over,” he said pacing in front of me. “Why would you do that? I ask as Jey stops pacing his intense stare almost burning a hole in my soul. “I don’t want him near you!” He exclaimed coming closer to me holding my gaze.

“Come on Jey, we weren't doing anything, you didn't even give me a chance to tell him no. I don't even know what you and me are after last night," I say pulling my rob tighter around me as I feel him undressing me with his eyes  “Listen,” he starts as I cut him off “Can we talk tomorrow,” I said walking past him trying to open the door as he used his hand to close it back, pulling back into his broad chest as his arms went around my waist, holding me firmly in place.

I could feel his breath against my ear as his lips are close to my ear. “You have to understand, I am….I am a man," he mutters against my ear. "When you and I go into your room at night, I can’t turn myself in to a robot with no feelings, no desires. I ain’t build that way Shan,” he whispers kissing my neck as I moan leaning against him.

“Jey, we can’t,” I moan as he rubs my stomach. "I talk to your stomach every night to let our baby know, daddy loves him or her and that I love you. Every night I watch you,” he speaks as against my ear as his powerful deep voice is making it hard to think.

 “You take a shower, comb your hair, and rub lotion on your body,” he says gently wrapping his hands around my throat, taking me in a slow tortious kiss.  I groan as his other hand unties my robe, as the cool air from the room along with his powerful kisses cause me to shiver. “You put on one of my old shirts, and I pretend I’m on my phone, or watchin’ tv, he whispers against my lips as I kiss him again.

“Mhmm,that ain’t what I’m doin’ baby,” he breathes against my mouth before  moving his kisses to my neck. “I’m watchin’ you, I’m tryin’ not to, but I am…I do,” he moans moving his hands caressing my sensitive breasts as I gasp at his confession and actions.

 His actions and words are crumbling down the walls I’ve built to protect myself. Please, don’t stop,” I beg as he continues his torture of my senses as his hand is now playing with my even more sensitive clit.

Jey’s POV

“I am a man…. I am yo man. So, it ain't no more questions bout what we are. I'm yo man, and you my woman,” I whisper nibbling on her ear before licking and biting her neck. I had to make sure she understood me, she was mine and I was hers. I'm not about to lose my family; Shantell and the baby are my family. I feel her trembling against me, and I know she’s close.

Her strained cries of pleasure are encouraging me to continue to let my truth be known and to touch her. “I want to be with you," I proclaimed as I felt her falling apart in my arms. "Josh!" she cried falling into my embrace as I held her tighter. “I love you, and our baby,” I whispered against her neck, holding her tight." I love you too, Josh," she said trying to compose herself as I kissed her. I know we got a long way to go but for now we are going to take it one day at a time.

---------------------------------------

Annual Family Barbecue

Joe & Tangela’s

Joe’s POV

“You really trying me with these little sundresses, Tangela,” I growl against her neck as she’s trying to finish getting dressed for our annual cookout. “Babe, we ain’t got time for this everyone is about to come over baby,” Tangela wines moving away from me.

“A’ight I’m gon’ remember that shit when you want daddy to tap dat ass,” I boast as she blushes. “Well, I ain’t got to ask, I’ll just have to take that dick when I want it,” she says brushing up against me as I groan feeling her hands grab my dick.

“See yo ass starting shit,” I moan as the doorbell rings. “See I told you; we wouldn’t have had time; she says brushing past me to go open the door. “Damn! I hate it when she’s right but tonight she gon’ make it up to me.

Shantell’s POV

Well, it’s time for dinner and I’ve been avoiding Jey’s mom all day as I caught her looking at me a few times. I don’t know how to approach her and my mom watching me like a hawk isn’t helping either as she’s looking for any reason to pop off.

“Can someone pass the chicken,” I ask looking at the table spread not sure as to where to start. “I got you sis,” Jimmy says passing it to me. “So, Shan how far along are you?” Jey’s mom asks me as I look at Jey his contagious smile making me smile.” I’m almost eight weeks now, “I say happily. “Oh, so how is this going to work, are you guys back together?” she asked as my mom tapped my knee under the table as I gave her a pleading look.

“Uh, we are taking it day by day,” I said as I could feel papa Kishi’s eyes on me. “So, I guess marriage is out of the question?” he asks as I began coughing, almost choking on my food. “You ok babe,” Jey asks as I nod in response.

“Dad we are building our relationship back to where it was, I want to marry Shantell someday but we ain’t there yet,” Jey says as Jimmy gives him a proud nod.

“Oh, so are you getting a blood test for this baby?” his mom asked as I felt my mom tense next to me. “Oh, so what the hell you sayin’ about my daughter Mrs. Fatu?”  my mother questions in an irritated tone. “Oh, shit,” I heard Joe whisper as Tangela cleared her throat.  “I said, are they doing a blood test on the baby before he signs the birth certificate?” she asked again.

 “No, mama I’m not, this is my baby,” Jey says looking his mother in the eye. “Well, how do you know son?" she asks as my mother throws her silverware on her plate. “Now what you ain’t gon’ do is sit here and attack my child,” she says as I try to cut her off.  “Mama, it’s ok,” I say as she shoots me a look to shut up.

“The hell it ain’t! You been faithful and true to this boy, motivated him, loved him in spite of all the bullshit he don' took you through," she said as I felt Jey holding my hand under the table trying to keep me calm.  Now, she should have had this energy towards the hussy she let sit in at family functions that invented a fuckin’ baby! Yea, I said it!" my mama shouted as Jey’s mom looked upset.

"Your daughter is bringing my son down, he’s not as focused on his career as he should be, now she’s pregnant! Probably just wants him to take care of her like Taraji she did, "she says in disdain looking at me. Take care of me? Lady, I make damn near three times as much money as Jey.

 “Mama don’t get upset,” I said feeling the anger radiating off of her. "You want act like my child ain’t good enough for your son, woman you better come correct, I’m here now! You ain't gon' be disrespecting my child!" my mother says pointing her finger at Jey's mom.

"Auntie, we trying to have a family dinner, can you just cool it," Joe says looking at me mouthing he was sorry. "I'll hush, I'm just saying he better watch her around his money," she says taking a sip of her wine. "My baby makes more money than yo son does, she is a lead production director, most sought after at that.

She can go anywhere she wanted tomorrow, or anytime so she doesn’t need his lil ass money, she got long strong money over here boo,” she said getting back at Jey’s mom. “Ya’ll need to chill, it’s not good for Shantell or the baby," he said getting upset rubbing my shoulders as I had my head down not wanting to look at anybody. I knew I shouldn't have come when I found out she was coming.

 “Boy all this shit is you and your mama’s fault,” my mom says pointing at Jey. I ain’t denying that, and I’m doing everything in my power to make it right. I love Shantell," he said looking at my mom who seemed to like his answer. “She just wanted to trap my son!” Jey’s mama screamed pointing at me as a couple exhausted sighs could be heard at the table.

 “See, I told you this was a bad idea, we ain’t have no business comin’ over here tonight!” Trin hisses at Jimmy as he’s clueless as what to do to stop his mom.  “Mama let’s take a lil break,” Solo says standing up going over to his mom and taking her glass of wine. She was obviously drunk. Sofia gets up with Cameron, who is becoming fussy because of the commotion. “I gotta change Cameron,” she says walking off trying to get away from the drama.

  “I ain’t goin nowhere, Joe invited me,” she says taking a bite of her food. “Ma, why can’t you admit you were wrong about Taraji, and apologize for trying to push Josh away from Shantell,” Jimmy says honestly.  “I ain’t got to do nothin’” she says as I stand up. “Joe thank you for the invite, but in the course of ten minutes, I’ve been called a whore many different ways and a gold-digger. Now in order for me to keep being respectful I need to leave. I’m just over this,” I say trying to stay calm. I understand Babygirl," Joe says looking at me with sad eyes.

“No, you aren’t Shantell, sit down," Joe’s mother said as I looked at her with pleading eyes. “This is my son’s house, and he invited you, we're family.  I for one am happy Joshua found someone who makes him happy,” she said as I sat back down.  “Thank you, auntie,” Jey said giving her a small smile.

“Now, there you go, perfect auntie,” Jey’s mom said rolling her eyes at Joe’s mom. “I know you ain’t rollin’ your eyes at me. I think you mad because you can’t control these boys no more, they got wives, girlfriends, and are on the way to building their own families, Leave them boys alone!” Joe’s mom exclaimed as Trin shoots her a smile.

“In other words, let these grown ass men live, and pop your titty outta they mouth, my mom says adding fuel to the fire as the commotion continued throughout dinner. "Just tryin' to take my babies from me, all ya'll. Wrestlers, nurses, production directors, don't know nothing about being wives and mothers," Jey's mom says as Trin shoots her a look “Sandra! I’ve heard enough, no more wine tonight. Now leave it be, if they happy let it be,” papa Kishi said as Jey looks at his dad in shock.  

“We’re about to have our second grandchild that I can’t wait to spoil, and you know you will too. That’s if Shantell will even let us near the little one with the way you cuttin' the damn fool’. “Don’t speak to me that way,” she says in shock that her husband is correcting her.

“I did and I will, the Taraji situation was a huge blow, we almost lost our son. Now! I’m putting my foot down, leave Shantell and all the girls alone for that matter and eat your food. They all are doing great things and making this family proud. Now dats all I want to hear of it," he says leaving no room for argument as she began eating her food sobering up quickly. If the next seven months is anything like this, I'm not ready...Not ready at all.

Taglist: @reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl @melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo @arination99 @ 2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

[vent-art-af]

Not to be doomer but I’m not sure you can ever really get over being abused and mentally ill. Even retraining your brain doesn’t get rid of the memories and even if you don’t consciously remember, your body does. The structure of your brain probably will. Maybe this is specific to me personally but I cannot imagine a situation where every minute of life is not a challenge and/or a chore. I feel like my brain is an outdated computer, unable to be upgraded/updated, that physically cannot run programs that the average person can and need to to be fulfilled and/or happy in life. I am not living. Nothing seems to bring any kind of lasting pleasure. Even moving my body to type this feels like I am stuck in quicksand. I don’t even have the attention span to disappear into a daydream universe let alone play music, sing, do art, or anything else that brings me joy. Every waking second I am thinking about killing or hurting myself. And I am on the best cocktail of medication I have ever been on. I am just a scared child who hates themself even though I am 25 years old. I am trapped. I have tried so hard in my life to be kind, to make friends, to be productive, to achieve great things, love myself, to forgive, to put the things I create out there into the world but there is a void that sucks it all away and makes it meaningless, whether that is god/karma/capitalism/ the universe/fate/or my own fault I cannot say. I don’t think modern psychiatry can fix what is wrong with me. So deep is this problem that I feel it is etched within my soul or whatever composes my identity. I cannot imagine things being worse yet I am always surprised when things deteriorate even further. You can always feel worse pain. And, comparatively speaking, I am incredibly privileged. Both the past and the future seem like dead ends to me. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say, but I know I mean it.

[rosewolfs-world]

Colourful (Pt 7)

Young Toshinori x Fem OC

Warnings: Cursing & mentions of prior SA

Year 6 - The End

☀️ Hinata was an angel. Toshinori swore on his soul from then on--no one else. No one else would look after him as she did. No one else could rally their friends to support him as she could. She talked him through everything, and together they agreed to let David report a man with…‘the American’s description to the police. Then, with Hinata clutching his hand in the waiting room, Toshinori would see their friend Zoe—now a practising counsellor. On other days, when it was just the two of them--together they would sit and talk about anything. Just like they used to do. She was his first smile. Born of newfound strength and...something more. 

💡 Days have been a blur. Between school and work and supporting Toshinori these past months, daylight seems to fly away. Nights are always worse. Hinata is sure she could get multiple people to agree with her. After Hinata goes home and the sun goes down, Jason is there. First, they talk. Then they bark. Then they snap. Then they shout.

“You’re working yourself to the bone, Hinata. You’ve gotta drop him.”

“What?”

“That big blonde pansy you keep hanging around. He’s just going to keep dragging you down.”

“Wait wha—How could you say that?!”

“Cause I know his type. All he needed was a good screw. Get rid of that hyper-masculine bullshit heroes are always on. Then I figured he’d leave us alone….”

“I’m sorry—ec-fucking-scuse me? You-you-”

“No. Whatever it is you’re thinking, I did not—”

“You assaulted him. You violated my best friend!”

“Oh, don’t fucking act like he’s just your—“

“Don’t. Pack your bags. I’m calling the cops, and you’re getting the hell out of my house. “

“Hina—”

“GET OUT!!”

☀️ Then, out of the blue, Toshinori gets a call. He recognises the ringtone immediately, the profile image even more so. He swipes his phone from the desk without hesitation. “Hinata?” “Toshi--” The young medic’s voice was a shaky command. “-- I need you to come over. Right now.” Toshinori’s nerves hardened immediately. “I’m on my way.”

💡 Hearing a crisp knock at the door, Hinata’s stomach twisted. Oh God, it’s him. How do I--? Her nails carved half-moons into her palms. Snap out of it. You resolved to tell him. If he hates you afterwards, so be it. With one deep breath, Hinata stomped her way to the door and beckoned him in. Her grip on the doorknob was near the point of trembling. She bit her cheek. Keep it together, Shimura! All the while, Toshinori kept his eyes on her as he stood in the entryway. 

☀️“Hinata? I’m here. What is it? What’s wrong?”

💡“I-” The young woman’s eyes dropped to his shoes before she could stop herself. “Toshinori, I’m sorry--” Her exhale hissed between gritted teeth. “If I had seen through him sooner, none of this would have happened. I should never have let him in in the first place. I never wanted--”

☀️“Wait, what-who are you referring to?”

💡“Jason, he said that-! He was the person that attacked you.”

☀️At that, Toshinori froze. His heavy hands are perceptibly shivering at his sides. “...What?”

💡“My ex-boyfriend assaulted you to scare you out of my life. God knows that logic doesn’t make any sense, but--Ergh! And, of course, by trying to keep myself safe, I end up endangering you instead. Just my fucking luck!”

☀️“--Hina, what do you mean? I won’t--” 

💡Hinata hid her face in her hands, casting her vision into shadow. “I’m sorry, Toshi, this is all my fault. I was foolish and scared and--”

☀️“Of course, it isn’t!”

💡“I hid my feelings behind someone else! And, of course, they end up hurting the one I never wanted to see hurt again. Try again and tell me that this isn’t my fault.”

☀️“It’s not! What are you saying, Hina? What feelings were you trying to hide?”

💡“My feelings for you, you blonde buffoon! You are a hero who puts himself in danger every minute of the day like every other loved one I’ve ever lost. God, what is wrong with me?”

☀️Toshinori’s expression fell, utterly blank as if every other thought had left his head except: “--You love me?”

💡 Hinata’s expression crumpled. Her eyes burned. She tried to scrub the burn away with the heels of her hands. “The moment I realized--I couldn’t do it. I chose someone I thought was safe. What a stupid mistake. I’m sorry….”

☀️“Hinata...why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”

💡“Cause I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I couldn’t bear the thought of bearing my soul to you and then losing you in a burning building the next day.” Hinata confessed. “You remember the last time you were hospitalized?”

☀️“Yes?”

💡“That day...I was thinking about telling you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Then I-I looked in a shop window and saw your face on the news. You were on a gurney headed to emergency care. At that moment--I’d never felt so scared. Ever. I was rooted to the ground and couldn’t move. All I could think was- It’s happening again. I’m going to lose him. I can’t lose you, Toshi-I can’t--”

☀️“You should have told me. Why didn’t you just tell me? Hina--”

💡“Well, I know that NOW!” Hinata snapped. She could sense the lightbulbs fizzling above her head. She took a deep breath. “-I didn’t want to get hurt again, so I-I tried to find another anchor. Jason was a desk jockey, not likely to get himself in any kind of trouble. He was stable; he was safe--turns out he was a fucking douchebag who thought that the way to stop me caring about you was to hurt you. I just--GOD, I fucking lost it.”

☀️“...Is he dead?”

💡“Wha-No! I didn’t kill the guy. Who do you take me for?!”

☀️“I was just about to say I would’ve covered for you if you did.”

💡“Toshinori!”

☀️“Hina, I’ve loved you since I was eighteen. We’ve known each other for six years, and I have loved you all that time.”

💡The young medic clasped a hand over her mouth, trying to keep herself from sobbing. That burning behind her eyes just wouldn’t go away. And no matter how much she held her breath, her skin felt uncomfortably warm. Her voice was tight behind trembling fingers. “Toshi...”

☀️“You-you have to know that I care about you, right? I am many things, but even I know subtlety is not my strong suit.”

💡A laugh broke through her cinched throat before she could stop herself. “There’s not a soul in the world that doesn’t,” She chuckled. “Everyone knows how kind and warm you are. I assumed that was the way you treated everyone, Hero.”

☀️“Hero, I may be, but you are the only fan who means so much to me.”

💡Hinata ducked her head. “Okay, now you’re just being sappy.”

☀️“Doesn’t mean it’s not true,” Toshinori insisted. “I don’t know what--he thought when he made that choice. But it was not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

💡“I know that. Logically I know that. I just--” Hinata pinched the bridge of her nose, that tense and uncomfortable burning resurging with a vengeance. “I should’ve been looking out for you. I never should’ve let myself get so wrapped up that I forgot I was still supposed to be your friend. I’ve done a crappy job of that lately, and I’m sorry.” 

☀️“Hina,” He choked, “Come here, Sunflower.” The hero opened his arms. With those words, Hinata finally came undone. She fell into him instantly. “We can look out for each other. You are my best friend, and I love you. Of course, I forgive you. Can you forgive me?” 

💡The young medic looked up at him. Her chin propped on the centre of his chest. Her brows cinched together somewhere between confusion and concern. “What for?”

☀️“I should have been honest sooner. About my feelings for you.”

💡“There’s nothing to forgive, not if we’re both guilty of the same thing,” she told him, “I love you. That’s all that matters in the end.”

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

Started reading Blue Beetle (2006) so here are my thoughs while I read !! <3

(spoilers below the cut!! Includes issues from 1 to 4!!)

+ "Guys don't hit girls" "Fathers do" SHE DIDN'T HESITATE I'LL KISS THE EARTH SHE WALKS ON (I'll kiss her too if she gave me one chance) AND THEN GO KILL HER DAD

+ "I don't need a babysitter!" "No, she needs medication" Jaime is the old sibling representation I deserve frfr (my guy is fighting for his life next issue and all he thinks about is about Mili taking his room 🧍🏻)

+ KLINGON!!! BRENDA I LOVE YOU!!! They're the best best friends to ever best friend!!!

+ Gross in a sibling-ly way GROSS (crossing my fingers because if they end together Istg I'll kill someone)

+ whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthef— A YEAR A WHOLE YEAR?????

+ "He wouldn't scare Milagro" right on the oldest sibling issues, you didn't have the right to hurt me that much Sra Reyes 😭😭 (Does she conserve her own surname? Or Reyes is hers too?)

+ JAIME'S DAD EXPLAINING HIM ALL (pulling the "perfect image" you create when you grieve and all that Jason Todd core is that what I hear) THAT AND THEN "you're my son"

+ "why do you wear a cane dad?" I'm gonna receive a classic uncle Ben am I not?

+ HE !! DOESN'T !! ACTUALLY !! KNOW !! HOW !! TO !! FIGHT !! (I love him already)

+ THE OLD MAN HIT BRENDA TO DEATH REMEMBER WHAT I SAID AT THE BEGINNING?? YEAH WELL AS PACO SAID GOOD RIDDANCE BAD TRASH I'm really happy he died :D

+ BRENDA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH <33333 (I've known her thirty minutes ago)

+ "that's fot making me worry" girl I got worried thinking about the classic kiss that always comes after that phrase thanks the gods it didn't happen 🙏

+ HER AUNT IS LA DAMA??? I mean cool, let's see how it goes(?)

+ BABS!! BABS??? BABS???!!!! ORACLE 💖💞

+ ALSO this panel BAIDGWJSJ

Me knowing nothing about birds of prey except who are on it (should I get on it? Recs?):

+ I only have something to say about this panel, a very simple word. Girlfriends.

+ Thanks gods at least Brenda's aunt will kill that older guy if he keeps being a pedophile 🫶

+ What is he even saying. (I really don't understand anything he says and it's not cause English is not my first language I assure you) I hate him UGHHH

+ THEY WERE HAVING A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT MISTER STOP RIGHT NOW 😭😭 ("Jaime knows how to make people feel better" ohmy <3)

+ Bro. TLOTR reference?? 🤨

+ "What dya mean we won't damage nature" "Nature is about to damage me" I don't know Jaime, Khaji made a pretty good point (this shit is golden I love this comic I think)

+ lmaooo Brenda and Paco shitting on the pedophile

+ Have I said I love my guy? I love him <3

[valdrift]

as the end of 2024 has been getting closer ive been both dreading and anticipating the new year and its a feeling tht i really dislike lol (more under cut bc my rambling got way longer than i thought 😦)

like i moved out 2022 and its been amazing for both my mental health and growth as a person since being away from my family gave me the space to figure out what i want to do and how to. idk. live ? got medicated, developed better coping mechanisms, made great friends, etc. i mean im living with my friends rn and theyre like family and i just got licensed to be an lvt and its all great ! but the thing is that my bio family need me and thts probably the root of the issue

cus my family is dirt poor, like living on gov aid, and none of them can work so growing up i was always told how i needed to be successful to take care of them even though i had plenty of rich relatives and i always wondered why none of them bothered to help and decided to put all that responsibility on a kid ?? and i was pretty much raised into being my family's eventual caretaker. from 13-17 i used to be so angry/depressed/resentful about it and hated my family bc it felt like they robbed me of my agency but now, i cant blame them. im not saying they should have done tht to a kid but i understand why. theres a bunch of complicated legal things and other stuff i dont want to get into and my family are either old, disabled, or both and god knows my relatives arent going to help so its up to me yknow ? its why im moving back in with them by 2025 to take care of them. and i love my family, i really do even if i dont tell them bc we dont talk like that and we all know it anyways. my mom is such a strong person despite how everyone looks down on her and i want her to have nice things, i want my family to live in a house that is clean and not falling apart, i want my mom to not have to ever worry about working and to have time for herself bc shes been stuck caring for kids for half her life. i love my family, i want to take care of them, and im angry i never got a choice. family is complicated and i wish it was as easy as just going "i dont want this responsibility" but i know its not

i keep telling myself that this is just how things are supposed to be and im going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them and i thought i accepted it but theres still some small part of me thats reluctant. i know im never going to have a partner or romance bc my family is and always will be my first priority and ig thats sad but i really dont mind. and im not just saying that, like genuinely im fine being single, i dont need companionship and have never felt that loneliness. im just fine with my friends and i dont need anything more, it just kinda sucks i dont get that choice. the whole thing is kinda sad and ive been told as much but these are the cards life dealt me and better me than someone else i guess

truth is im kind of scared, it feels like my life has already peaked and being away from my family has been so freeing but its selfish and damn if i dont want to be selfish for just a little longer. but its hard when i can see my mom getting older and the house getting worse and im angry that this isnt as easy as it should be. this country is awful and the systems in place are cruel and makes life as difficult as possible for people of color, the poor, and disabled. i know i'll get over it and i'll be moving back in and helping them like i promised but i'm only 22. my relatives are acting like i'm wasting my life every second im not helping my family or working towards making 6 figures or whatever and i won't lie it's put doubts in my mind. but im only 22!!!! i dont know. maybe im being dramatic because honestly it could be worse and we're even lucky to have a roof over our heads and to even have a steady source of income no matter how little it is. ive never told anyone the last bit abt being scared and all that, i think its easier to type it than say it, and it also helps i dont have a face to yall and i dont have to look you in the eye. i dont know if ive ever shared this much or anything like this on here either lol. i dont know

tldr; do it scared i guess

[sophiesticatedyk]

She Looks Just Like A Dream || Bruce W. x Reader

Part 2 of "The Prettiest Girl I've Ever Seen" so I hope you guys like this too 🫶

After that encounter, you held a tight grudge on Bruce. Seems immature, yes, but there was something about the man that just infuriated you. Was it the way he made you feel? The way he smirked at you like you were below his level? God, you didn't even know what exactly you hated about him. All you know is, you didn't want to see him again. You told your friend how you didn't want to attend any of Wayne Gala's anymore.

Here you were, walking home as usual and passing the Wayne Manor as your daily path. It was odd, it looked so empty without guests. For a minute, looking at the house, you felt pity for Bruce. How lonely he must be. You shook the thoughts out of your mind, you were supposed to hate him.

With your head clouded with thoughts, you didn't notice the man sneaking up on you. It was too late, he had already grabbed you and you couldn't fight back no matter how hard you tried. The stranger cut off your oxygen by covering your nose and mouth as you started to feel lightheaded, the cloth had chloroform in it.

Slowly panicking, this is bad. Really bad.

-Stay quiet, buttercup. Unless you want to pay the consequences that is.

You tried to scream but it felt like your body was shutting down, you closed your eyes and passed out.

Suddenly, Batman came and punched the criminal straight in his nose, pulling your unconscious body to his side.

-Y...You're.. You're Bat..

The criminal shivered in fear at the hero towering over him. He stumbled over his feet and ran away when he heard the rumbling voice of the Bat.

-Get away from her, now.

The Batman calmly stated, calm but very intimidating. Like you could crumble under his gaze and tone of voice.

Batman gave the burglar a chance to run away, for now. Later in the Batcave, he'd make sure to make that man pay someday. At this moment, his priority was you.

Bruce didn't know what he was feeling, and he wasn't even sure if it was hatred anymore. When he saw you, looking helpless in the dim streetlights, he felt an urge to protect you. He wanted to protect you from everything bad in the world.

Carrying you into his Batmobile and driving towards the Batcave, Bruce contemplated if he truly hated you or admired you.

Arriving, Alfred walked to the automobile looking confused with the random girl in Bruce's arms.

-Who is this, Master?

Alfred asked with confusion laced in his tone.

-Do not worry, Alfred. It's the girl from the party. Her name is Y/N L/N. We need to get her treated, she's passed out from chloroform it seems.

Alfred acted quickly, with Bruce placing Y/N down onto the medical table. He swiftly brought out his tools and observed the few bruises and scratches that decorated the girl's arm.

It wasn't all too bad, so he wondered why his Master Wayne brought her all the way here? He has never done that for anyone before.

In a few minutes, the small wounds were fixed with some ointment and bandages. She would wake up soon.

-Master, why would you bring this girl here? It was only a few scratches, nothing too dangerous.

-I know, I know, Alfred. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just felt this urge to protect her, and I felt rage seeing another man touch her so violently. It's scaring me.

Bruce let out all his worries as Alfred poured him a cup of tea and sat down as well, they both were talking while Y/N was lying from afar, still unconscious.

-Master, have you ever considered that maybe, you have feelings for this young lady ?

Alfred was always right. But this time, he couldn't be! Unless...

-What ? I just met her ! There's no way ! And, I'm still not over Selina... I couldn't possibly like her. If anything, I hate her !

Bruce slightly raised his voice. He wasn't mad at you or Alfred, he was mad at himself. Mad that he couldn't decipher his own feelings.

-That is true, but love at first sight exists, you know. I know you're still grieving over Lady Selina, but you could also be slowly healing with how you feel for Lady Y/N. If you hated her, why would you bring her all the way here ? Quickly make me tend to her small wounds ?

The more Bruce thought about it, the more he realized Alfred was right.

Alfred was back upstairs in the Manor as Bruce was cleaning some of his Battech. He heard a small whimper come from Y/N. He abruptly stood up and walked over to you. He forgot something, though. His cowl. But he didn't realize that, too caught up in the fact that you were now awake.

-Where am I ?...

You rubbed your eyes and your tone of voice sounded like you were trying to hide your fear.

-You're in the Batcave. It is safe here, do not worry.

A low and dark voice came from your side as you looked up at your right. Wait, Bruce Wayne ? In Batman's suit ? What the fuck.

Could it be ?

-Holy shit.

You swore out of shock as you slowly tried crawling back from the table. Bruce was confused, and slightly nervous.

-What's wrong ?

He asked. You shakily pointed your finger at his head.

-I think you forgot your mask, Batman. Or now that I know, Bruce Wayne.

He lightly gasped and looked towards a mirror to show his reflection. This is bad, he wasn't wearing his cowl. How stupid of him ! Oh my God, he was so dead. He was caught by a random girl. My God.

-Fuck ! I forgot my cowl. Y/N, I know we ended on a bad note that night but I beg you to not tell anyone this, please. I don't know what's gotten into me and why I was this stupid to not realize my cowl wasn't on, just, this is our little secret, okay ?

He sounded so desperate.

-Wait, how do you know my name ? You know what, nevermind. What do I get ?

-What ?

-What do I get if I keep this a secret ?

You were teasing him. To be completely honest, you already had suspicions that he was Batman from the start. C'mon, Bruce Wayne sponsoring the Bat for ALL THAT gear ? One being present while the other suddenly disappears ? Besides, their features on the lower side of their face were exactly the same. You just have good observation skills.

-I'll give you anything you want.

-I'll make sure you live up to that.

You smiled. You smiled at him for the first time. No signs of cockiness or hatred in your eyes. It made him blush and choke on his words.

-Yes, I assure you I will.

[turtletimewriting]

Knee Problems

Summary: Mikey had gotten up to grab a drink and sees his oldest brother sitting up alone.

Note: I hope you heed the tags before clicking as this is a tickle fic. So proceed with caution. I wrote this all overnight and I know it has errors but I do not have the energy to fix it. So here ya go.

_._._

It was late at night. The entire Lair was pitch black with only his t-phone light pointing around, drenching the normally welcoming Lair in harsh white lights and dramatic shadows. Mikey felt the back of his neck prickle enticingly in the way that creeping around your home in the middle of the night could. The sensation of wandering through the unusually quiet and empty rooms and knowing that he was alone and every room had endless potential.

Not that he was planning to sit around the Lair for funsies. His throat was super dry and scratchy so he was just going to grab water and then head straight back to sleep.

Well, that was his plans until he saw Leo sat on the sofa and clutching at his left leg like he was scared of it.

"Aw man, is your knee bothering you again?"

Leo startled from the unexpected voice, causing him to flinch and jarring his knee further. He couldn't help the gasp that was ripped from him.

Mikey winced in sympathy. He smiled gently though and walked over to sit beside him on the sofa.

His older brother tried to hide away the pain and sit up to distract him but that fell away quickly. Leo couldn't help but gasp again as he tried to settle into a new position. His fingers held a white knuckled grip on his knee. He looked wide awake and frustrated.

A look everyone had become familiar with over the past few weeks.

It meant that Leo hadn't been able to sleep with his knee playing up again.

Donnie was looking into finding a medication that could help. There had to be something!

Leo's attempt to hide crumbled under the comforting weight of being alone at night. It was just them. No judgement. No cruel harsh light of the day time to make a small ache seems ridiculous. Just Mikey sitting beside him and whispering if he was okay.

"It's playing up again," his voice broke harshly as it always did when he was tired. Well, it now always did ever since he woke up with his throat damage. "Do you wanna me to get you anything?" He offered genuinely. Sometimes it hurt too bad for him to walk. "Nah. Just… had to get out of my room." Mikey nodded. "I get it." "Wait, what are you doing up?" Ah, there was the older sibling protectiveness. "Relax dude," Mikey rolled his eyes playfully, "I was just getting water. Think I'm getting a cold." "Eww, don't get too close then," Leo laughed out weakly.

Oh thank god, his pain wasn't that bad.

But it was still enough to stop him from sleeping.

Leo hated everyone pitying him and making a big deal of his knee but it was hard not to in moments like this. Mikey could only smile back at his older brother's hunched over form as he sat in the complete darkness trying to hold in how much it hurt. Mikey would never know what it felt like to be in his position. He could only watch him struggle and hope that he would be able to help when the moment called for it. What he wouldn't do just to take that pain away.

"I can try kissing it better?" Mikey whispered , trying to keep up the lighthearted jokes. To hopefully get Leo to actually laugh rather than his polite forced huffs. "Eww Mikey!" Leo slapped his leg lightly. "At least let me help!" He squabbled. "Unless you can magically click my knee then you're not going anywhere near me," Leo sighed. He rest his head on the back of the sofa, his eyes shutting in sheer exhaustion. Yet his leg remained tense and tight.

Mikey let himself cringe now that Leo wouldn't see his expression.

"How about we watch some tv? We can put it on super quiet. See if that helps you sleep," he suggested. "Sure," Leo said deadpan. Obviously he thought that wouldn't help but it would surely make him feel better than sitting here in silence.

So Mikey quickly turned on the tv and had the heartattack of trying to turn down the volume before it could play whatever channel they had left it on. Nothing good would be playing at this time of night so Mikey quickly threw him a random video left laying beside the tv. An episode of Robo Mecha Force. Some silyl and fun.

The bright colours of the action scenes and characters swamped over the living room. Leo still looked washed out somehow. Maybe it was him flopped over and exhausted but unable to rest. He kept his leg laid straight for awhile but by the third episode he was fidgeting.

"Ugh, I hate this part," Leo sighed and Mikey knew to brace himself.

Leo sucked in a deep breath and pulled his leg up so his knee was bent. He whimpered but continued with the movement.

His leg was now bent up and Mikey rubbed his ankle as a congratulations.

It never failed to amaze him how such a simple movement like bending your knee could be so painful for Leo.

The knee itself looked normal. Totally normal. Leo had broken the kneecap. It looked so much worse when he had first broken it. The knee was warped and knobbled in a way that the human body should be never be. Well, mutant turtle body. Now all that was left was the cross scar from where Donnie had to physically re-piece together his knee cap.

Mikey gently placed his finger on top of the scar.

Leo flinched and tensed. His mouth was snarled open ready to yell at him if he made one wrong move. Mikey knew that if he caused Leo any ounce of pain then he would be yelled at.

So he was extra careful. As the episode ended and the fourth episode played, he brushed his finger along the scar. Slowly over the bump of the knee to the other side. It was a huge scar really. For such a small part of the body.

Leo huffed funnily. MIkey gave him a weird look. "You're uh… tickling me," Leo embarrassedly whispered. "Oh do you want me to stop?" The response was so quiet that he almost didn't hear it under Robo Mecha's shenigans. "Nah. You can keep going."

Mikey grinned but kept his motion light. As fun and silly as this was, he did not want to cause more pain.

His fingertip barely touched his skin. Just hovering over. The barest brush of his finger as he trailed over the bump of his knee again to finish the x. Once he finished the letter, he circling around it like he was drawing a spider web on to the scar.

Leo squeaked once he started going in circles rather than long stripes. His hand curled into a fist but he never once moved his knee.

But to be fair, that could be to avoid hurting his knee further rather than because he wanted the tickling to continue.

Well it was probably both.

Leo would never admit it, even under the threat of torture, but everyone knew it. As a kid, he loved being tickled and starting tickle fights. He would ask for to be tickled again. It was funny, as a kid, he thought Master Splinter tickled him so much just because he must've liked playing around with him. But as an adult, it was obvious that Splinter thought it was adorable.

He wouldn't admit it now but Leo still loved his tickles now. Everyone made sure to give him a few pinches every now and then to make him happy.

Mikey giggled along with him as he continued his gentle ministrations.

Leo's quiet giggles bounced under his breath. His gruff and husky voice made his giggles deeper. Thankfully, the voice change hadn't affected his proper full laughter. But it wa a shame that his giggle sounded different.

"Remember when Sensei would spread his hand over our knees? Kinda like this?" Mikey copied the motion over Leo's knee. His fingertips together at the very top of his knee before slowly spreading out. He couldn't do as effectively since he had fewer fingers. But judging by Leo's silenced squeal, it still tickled. "Mihikey!" "It was weird right? He was better at it than me. He had those sharp rat nails! Dude, do you remember how much they would tickle!" Mikey gasped.

It was very true. There was no greater tickle monster than Master Splinter.

He continued trailing his finger over Leo's knee, doing absolutely nothing to heal the pain throbbing underneath the skin but it helped Leo focus on something else. His mind swam lazily through memories just as easily as his finger glided along his brother's skin.

Leo continued quietly giggling with his new voice and Mikey was glad he could distract from the new pain that had made its home in his muscles.

The night was getting late but they giggled together in the dark.