#god i could scream about this forever.
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flowers, i remember fields… someone by my side…
finally saw hadestown today, absolutely incredible experience and now i will be drawing them for the next few days most likely. quick painting before i must sleep, but the west end cast was amazing just ahhhhhh
#god i could scream about this forever.#hadestown#orpheus#eurydice#hadestown west end#hadestown uk#my art#i feel the same as i did after seeing good omens 2#cause the vibes were essentially; get emotionally devastated#be stuck in a limited space soon after#(i watched good omens s2 on a plane and it was like 2am when i finished with everyone else there asleep)#(and then I just stared out the window looking at the stars and listening to music and EVERY. SINGLE. SONG i heard just made it hurt worse#i added like 50 songs to my gomens playlist that night#anyways that’s how i felt on the train ride back after the show. liminal space + music + All Of The Thoughts#and like i couldn’t draw anything RIGHT THEN ofc so i had to just make a note of it and stay high on endorphins for awhile#great feeling#10/10 would recommend#watch/read/see something that’s beautiful and devastating then listen to music super loudly while looking out a window
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when the amazing devil said “i will be the man my father never was” were they trying to write The Transmasc Line Of All Time or was that an accident
#i could scream about this song forever#don’t ask me about my relationship with my father#the amazing devil#tad#ruin#inkpot gods#transmasc#transgender#butch
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ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH
#filmedit#filmgifs#movieedit#moviegifs#All of Us Strangers#aousedit#filmtvdaily#filmtvcentral#cinemapix#fyeahmovies#dailyflicks#mine*#mygifs#movies*#I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene#I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs#and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs#I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning#and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present!#and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow#and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul#I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it#honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever#now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself...#so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it#GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH!#*runs down the hill screaming*
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i finally forced myself to watch 9-1-1 and im going crazy
i got hooked cause of buddie edits and stuff and first of all they really dont do justice to how crazy they both are about eachother
secondly i got to the tommy part and its kind of like watching a car crash but also so on point for buck and eddie's relationship
#just found this in my drafts cause i was probably scared to post this because of how honestly toxic the shipping part of the 911 fandom is#but screw that bro i still month later think this is so on point#i could literally sing praise to the writing of buck and eddies relationship forever#like the edits and all make it seem like it all really in your face and like it kind of is but also not at all#so much of what makes their relationship so deep is portrait just through the acting or just the subtle ways they interact#and like dont even get me started about the fucking couch thing because that honest to god makes me want to scream#also before someone comes for me which like come i guess i will just block and ignore but i actually think tommy and bucks relationship#is just another perfect piece of the puzzle that is buck and eddies relationship#like im kind of scared saying this all not knowing what the actual showrunners that i dont know if i should have any trust in because we al#know how these ships sometimes turn out but if they are not complete idiots they will see this relationship to completion and it will be so#fricking perfect and if they dont im just gonna write it myself and it will be so easy because the set up is there#anyways if you cant tell i have a lot of feelings about this show#911 abc#lol this is the only relevant tag im putting again the shipping part of this fandom scares me
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Feeling homicidal at work today ♡
#there's been major issues with wordpress for Weeks now and my beloved colleague told IT about it and added me#to the 'task' explicitly writing 'please talk to [my name] if you have any further questions or want to discuss things as i am on vacation'#today i come back to this task reading a lovely comment by that dude who's responsible for solving the problem going#'i think it's best if we make an appointment to discuss this when you're back :)' bitch ill kill you#my boy doesn't even Use wordpress it's not even his fucking problem. he just was nice enough to summarize my complaints#so i added a comment too because i honestly can't work like this and want this to be Fixed asap#and if he wants to talk to [beloved colleague] first it's gonna take another 2 fucking weeks until anyone even considers the problem again#and i have no patience for this left at this point. so of course that bitch calls me when i was marked as 'absent' on teams#(did he fucking do that on purpose?? so he wouldn't actually have to talk to me? also. just Text me you fucking bitch)#and when i come back to it HE was absent so i couldn't call him back and also i won't wait for him to come back online so i can talk to him#because my work hours are Over for this week and he could very well just send me a message or add another comment if he has anything to say#but alas he didn't#i honestly am usually quite patient and understanding when it comes to fixing issues but this has been going on forever#and i wouldn't even say anything if it hadn't been for that stupid ass comment on how he wants to talk to [colleague] first. bitch!#(i just mentioned what the main issue was in my own comment btw. i didn't say anything about hurrying or any of the million#passive aggressive things i WANTED to say. very proud of myself for that ♡#had i been with that dude in person i would have killed him on sight)#god things are gonna be so insufferable when my beloved colleague is gone forever ㅠㅠ#he's the only good thing about this fucking company and I'm sure everything's gonna go down in flames#once he's gone#void screams#work stuff
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“I tried to convince myself that Griffith wanted you solely for the strength you would add to The Hawks… but I see the way Griffith treats you differently. He becomes unnerved if you’re in danger and acts impulsively as if- as if- …Griffith puts his faith in you, but you- you can’t appreciate the implications that that has!”
realest and gayest shit I’ve ever heard fucking HELLO
#local man watches another anime and is somehow once again shocked by the INSANE homoerotic tension between the two male leads#how did I not know how gay Berserk is. power and corruption and mortality and demons yeah yeah but the PINING#I know I shouldn’t be at this point but it honest to god has me gagged as fuck every time#every time I sit down to watch an anime series and the two dudes are just wildly obsessed and in love with one another#CASCA IS JUST OUT HERE SAYING IT#and this in the same scene where it’s explicitly stated that Griffith at one point sold his body to men for sex. the fucking implications#Christ alive#same fucken episode where casca screams ‘I didn’t ask to be born a woman’ b4 lamenting about how Griffith is in love with Guts and not her#I could go on about this forever tbh the implications are plentiful and insane#berserk
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PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PANTHER PAN
#diabolik#just know if i could id scream REALLY loud rn#ITS IN BLACK AND WHITE. ITS IN BLACK AND WHITE#i saw one (1) shot of young diabolik and i'm gonna be so annoying about it forever#i LOVE the atmosphere here . saw the bank robber bit and was like YIPPEE YAY#im so excited its not even funny. heard the panther sound and FROZE#the dovremmo ucciderlo. lui e quell'ispettore. excuse my italian but OH my god#im never gonna be a normal person again. i know i just changed my url AND blog theme but.
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I hate that I literally just do not trust any of the older folks in my family to do right by anyone
#if i have learned anything from my grandparents parents uncles and aunts it's how not to treat children and spouses#i hope I'm a good wife to my wife and that i never put them through pain I've seen people put their partners through#i hope i never treat any children in my life like they do#i hope my possible children my nephews and nieces and my siblings always know they have a home with me#EVEN if I'm mad or disappointed in them#even if they scream how much they hate me i hope they know i love them I'll still feed them and make sure that's safe#i hope the people in my life never have to question of they're loved or safe with me i hope i can provide for them so they never have to go#with out something they need and then some to spoil them i want these people loved#i don't want my daughter to think because she talked back to me or is dating someone in not super found of that I'm goin to throw her away#i hope all the kids in my life always know I will try to take care of them as best i can no matter what#not trusting your elders to love you sucks ass not trusting your partner to love you through the scary bits of life sucks#i know so many men who just leave their spouses or cheat on them when they're wives get cancer#that's one thing I'm glad my dad did everything he could to try to let my mom know he loved hwr when she was here at least#i didn't understand or like some of the things he did but qt least he stayed with her and loved her then#unlike some people I'm regrettably related to#i hwar people at work talk about their spouses also one lady wants her husband to die#and it makes me sad i hope to God. my wife never has to question how much i love them i hope they feel loved and special forever#i hate how people treat the people they say they love the most i hope i am not like that i hope i never ever get like that
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IS he hallucinating again!!??!!!/!/!: I CANNOT deal !??!;!!:
update: HE WAS NOT HOUSE CUDDY FINALLY REAL WERE POPPING THE BIGGEST BOTTLES TONIGHT
#he isn’t#this BETTER HOLD UP#I know everyone ships house and Wilson and fair but the house. uddy build up for SEVEN SEASONS ??!#worth it especially with the fake canonization that they pulled#shrieked and screamed throughout this episode Lisa Cuddy truly most supreme character of all time#I REALLY like house I really didn’t excpect#it’s more fun then Bones or Criminal Minds because it’s just unapologetically fucked up#is house ever wrong? of course not! he wouldn’t be#house is also so fucked as a person and that’s so good#god doesn’t limp NO HE DOESNT wet little man#house md#she speaks! about tv#I could talk about house forever I think#my number one question rn is if anyone else has seen it (irl)#it doesn’t pull its punches for the sake of realism it’s not ashamed of house literally always being right that’s just#?? how it is!!#and he’s an ass about it#foaming at the mouth about this show
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just learnt fucking “lip blush” exists and it’s people who think having “pale”’lips is bad apparently and they get their lips fucking. tattooed. to look. pinker I assume.
I think we should set the planet on fire
#my fucking GOD#don’t. talk to me about surgeries like this#I could scream. forever. YOU DONT FUCKING NEED IT#IDC IF YOU WANT TO SORRY!!!! ITS BC YOUVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE BEAUTY AND MAKEUP INDUSTRY#INTO THINKING APPARENRLY PALE LIPS??? ARE BAD?????#ooc
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let me assign you an affection language
an undoing influence Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.
Tagged by: Stolen from @empyreous Tagging: Please Steal
#anonymity annoying me ⤙ooc⤚⚄#global eyes and a growing mind ⤙musings⤚⚄#few lines of the sentence lie ⤙hc⤚⚄#//god this hits SO HARD#//i have to tag it as hc even tho some parts are really not like him#//like he doesn't dislike the world#//he doesn't struggle to live through every day#//and his last sentence is less 'gentleness' and more 'vulnerability' ya know?#//but the 'every night you are split open on your bed'#//YEAH#//he needs someone to come put him back together again#//and make him someone new too#//and i could scream about this result forever but i won't#//long tags tw#//sorry
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counselor cancelled day-of on me again. sad! well there's other coping mechanisms
#It’s okay she has a family emergency happening I harbor no ill will#but dammit I was really banking on her helping me make a time sensitive decision looooool#can I make a poll about it? that’s stupid as hell god I am actually going to make a poll if my best friend doesn’t text back ha.#cue that audio of William afton screaming in agony in the springlock suit. and then also a picture of SpongeBob crying.#oop vent time ahead:#texting my mom something I’m scared will upset her. do I do it now while I’m at work or try to do it face to face later#because there’s never going to be a good time and I’ve already spent so much time bc I’m scared of hurting her by moving out#if I hadn’t already texted my brother about it I would be cancelling my tour appointment. and if I could do it without her knowing about it#I wouldn’t be telling her haha!#why do I feel like I’m abandoning her. I just really want her on my side for this#because I’m already overwhelmed by the prospects of moving even though I want it and I can’t handle her hating me for it and calling me#selfish. you know.#I’m not even MOVING OUT YET I’m just going to LOOK even though I do already have my heart set on this place#but her reaction to hearing I’m even considering it is going to color the rest of the experience haha!#and I don’t have ANY other adult I can go to for wisdom. EXCEPT FOR MY NEW THERAPIST#who I am not seeing today. sigh#okay I’ve reached my crying at work quota for today I’m going to eat my lunch now.#But if anyone else has any words of kindness or even just read this far I will love you forever haha#vent
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It's truly over for me (I read one trans fanfic and now I will not be able to think about anything else for the rest of the night)
#uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhh#its not even a huh im confused anymore feeling but a oh god im gonna have to do something about these feelings or ill be like this forever#its not bad its a very exciting thing but its also terrifying#like im very much a people pleaser dont stir the pot kind of guy and the whole coming out as nonbinary doesnt super jive with that#i just wish i could wake up and already everybody knows everything and i can just chill#like i just want solid language to talk about it in but its an effemeral thing i cant grab with my mind hands long enough to think about#but its there and its screaming to get out so i gotta do something#itll be fun and exciting and feel great once i figure it out but its also the scariest thing ive ever done#wow this was a rant
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we have this ancient old family friend who's pretty divorced from the reality of regular people because he is Very Wealthy from local real estate and land-lording and he's convinced he can get me a job at *REDACTED* because he knows one ex-employee and my field is tangentially related. He called me to demand I send him my resume, which I did, after explaining I would be gone for several weeks on vacation. He said fine and that this could all wait until summer, but I've just opened my email to passive aggressive emails literally titled "Waiting" demanding a CV. This whole situation was prefaced of course by him degrading me for several minutes as being a "shiftless burden of a near-forty year old."
#I would give anything for full immunity to stand and screaming at his wrinkly nasty face#when i work in childcare he was mercilessly cruel to me. went on and on about what a pathetic waste I was. asking how I could be proud to#climb the worlds shortest ladder when i got promoted#it was so bad that my wealthy ass kisser extraordinaire dad told him to leave me alone#really want to respond with a fuck ton on bitchiness and be done with this prune ass forever. his grandkids are all mitzvahed i have no#reason to ever see him again.#he pays to nap at the symphony#he pays to fly his children and grandchildren around for bi annual foreign vacations#he expects us to do the same#god i hate this guy. i hate him so much.
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I LOVE YOU PAST MILO -current Milo nauseas head in a sparkling clean toilet I cleaned literally a half hour ago and then got too high while celebrating how clean it looked and feel sick now😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#but yipppee sparkly clean. gonna put a little sticky toilet gel thing on the inside while I’m in here#maybe throw up if another nausea wave comes before I can stand up ���#I had too much cereal and a lot of water at once and like. yuck yuck yuck I feel yucky high on the floor yucky I wish I was normal I need to#back off of weed a little to become a real person but also. I’d rather dig my own grave and bury myself in it alive than work a real job#like. fuckkkkkk I want to cry. fuck retail fuck fuck fuck I’m a failure wahhhhhhh I cant even handle beginner jobs#rattling the bars of my cage screaming crying throwing up why am I alive waahhhhhh okay nvm that’s too far it’s not that bad I’m chilling#the toilet is clean! look at the bright side. my therapist when I talked about like my mom maybe wanting to set a goal for working like a#certain amount of doordash hours and my therapists number she came up with was three hours and I was so happy like. she gets it. I am#exhausted just existing and she was like hmm you should work three hours a week. like. at most.#love her so much. it was probably a mistake but also. keeping it in my brain forever#imagine a three hour work week being backed up by my therapist to my mom like haha my therapist said I only HAVE to do three hours#god three hours still feels like a lot rn#like two weeks ago I dropped a salad in a tight packed restaurant and everyone watched me drop it and then walk back to the kitchen and wait#for them to make a salad so I could leave and fucking deliver the food and it was so embarassing and I haven’t done a single order since#then bc I get so anxious that I just exit the app if I don’t get an order like immediately which I haven’t yet so no orders.#I just get high. too high. and admire my cleaning work. it’s nice. I have to do the bathroom floor still. dog hair. dust. brother beard hair#my hair and bleach specks. I need to clean the bathroom fr. I’m excited I’m redecorating the bathroom in my mind and it’s giving me#motivation to clean it and I want to work more dooordash shifts (when I’m not this high) to save moneys to update my room and the bathroom#a little before the summer. just. replace air matress bc it’s low key a trigger now. so that’s fun. so buy a futon or smthing. and update#the bathroom into a thing that I like in my extra Milo type way. while making room for three ppl to share one bathroom. bc. it’s small#small bathroom for sure. but I’ll get it lookin good. add some cute decorations. maybe a candle or two. an incense thing for when I tak bath#slay. slay. building my dream bathroom in my mind and also. my Amazon wishlist land. and Pinterest land. I love making lists of things.
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going mental over this i love it
“And then he takes me in his arms, and then he lights another cigarette…”
#oh my god oh my god i love your artstyle this is perfect#AGAGAGSGHFBFNFNGNFNGNGNGN#this is in trousers Marvin and Whizzer#because I care about them so so much :(#Absolutely going crazy over the fact “Whizzer going down” is basically the happiest we see Marvin in In trousers#He needs love he needs love he needs love#Marvin always gets the things he wants except the things he wants#DO YOU GET IT!!!#IMGOING CRAZY#IM NOT OKAY.#SCREAMING!!!!!#Marvin the man you are oh my lord#I heart him#I could go on about this forever#I’m such a loser for them#<333#in trousers#marvin in trousers#whizzer brown#whizzer falsettos#marvin falsettos#the marvin trilogy#falsettos#whizzvin#whizzer going down#MILO ART#falsettos fanart#Those are WAY too many tags#it’s probably case I went insane over these guys for the first half of these#sorry guys :3
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