#don’t. talk to me about surgeries like this
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Okay need to make a post entirely about chase being insane about religion. Chase's endless religious cycling. how badly and desperately and clearly he wants to believe, how much he wants faith and god, and how he can never quite - make it. Never quite get there. How he openly admires and defends the faith of others, faith and prayer as concepts, how he turns to confession in a crisis, how he still has large parts of the bible committed to memory, how he never answers any questions about his faith, if he believes in God, if anything.
In Damned If You Do, he shares his favorite bible verse with the nun. The episode itself paraphrases it a little, but the verse he mentions reads:
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
(you will suffer. it will be so hard. you will be tested. gold can be melted and your faith is more valuable, and if you keep trying, you will be rewarded, you will.)
(AUGUSTINE: Why did you leave the seminary? CHASE: That test. You passed, I failed.)
Here Kitty:
PATIENT: Do you want to tell me what an idiot I'm being? CHASE: No. I really believe that there are things that science can't understand. That there is a role for faith and prayer. But it's in the waiting room. Not the O.R. PATIENT: There's a reason I got sick. There's a reason for all the bad things that have happened to me. I don't know what that reason is. But I know that if there isn't one… If there's no greater purpose in the world. Then it's not a world I want to live in. CHASE: I'll schedule an operating room.
House Training:
CHASE: You want to go get drunk? FOREMAN: No thanks. I’ve got paperwork. CHASE: Listen, I don’t… I don’t know what I believe, but sometimes I need to think there’s something out there paying attention. So when I can’t talk to anybody, I talk to God, and pretend somebody’s listening. We were all wrong, Foreman. Even House was wrong. FOREMAN: I know.
He leaves the chapel in Damned if You Do. He prays for the baby in Forever. He gives the woman in Here Kitty her risky surgery; he defends the faith healer and Wilson's girlfriend's faith in House vs. God.
House vs. God:
HOUSE: When you were in seminary, did God ever talk to you? CHASE: …No.
Chase:
I always wanted to believe. It would have made my life a lot easier. It never took.
(AUGUSTINE: You told me your favorite passage. Would you like to hear mine? “Celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again.” CHASE: …The prodigal son.)
#malpractice posting#robert chase#house md#i'm not even fucking CHRISTIAN#i'm goddamn jewish and look at me#i hate myself for this#goddamn stupid whores with bad shirts and pinky rings DOING THIS TO ME
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A Very Niche Level-Up + Looksmaxxing Idea List for 2025
This list is for the girls that get it. It’s niche and not for everyone, but I’m throwing up at the fact that every “how to level up in 2025” post talks about journaling sad pages 24/7, drinking 8 cups of water a day, and walking 10k steps. How original.
Again, this is a very niche set of ideas. If you can’t relate then you can’t relate. But if you enjoy a good plastic surgery post and luxe lifestyle, maybe you will :)
1. Upgrade your car. We’re getting the Lexus’, the BMW’s, the Mercedes, the Jag’s, etc.
2. Upgrade your home. We’re living in high rises, we’re living in coastal areas, we’re living up in the mountains, we’re living where Amazon can drop our package off and we don’t have to worry about a porch pirate; we’re living in nice areas and in nice units/homes.
3. Breast augmentation.
4. Rhinoplasty.
5. Medical grade skincare.
6. Fresh, organic whole foods; focusing on lean protein, nuts and seeds, mushrooms, onions, leafy greens, pro/prebiotics, sea moss gel, etc.
7. Russian manicures and pedicures or a good acrylic set. Dip powder had its thing for a while but I’m not going to dip my nail in a powder everyone else dipped their nails. I bet they don’t even wash their hands and if they did, they prob didn’t even use soap.
8. Laser hair removal. Everywhere. If you want a design down there that’s cool, but you literally use the bathroom and it drips in the hair. “Oh but I use a wipe”. Okay, next time you need to wash your hair.. don’t use shampoo. Use a wipe. Invest in a bidet but still, hair shouldn’t be in your 🍑 or near the sensitive areas of your 🦋 the top is fine but if you have a period, pee, or “the other thing”, hair should be no where near those areas.
9. Lip filler. Everyone can benefit. Ask for a pout that sticks out a little bit. I don’t suggest a lip flip, I couldn’t do anything with a lip flip and it was driving me nuts.
10. Fake tan. Sunlight is fine but a spray tan just makes you look a million times better. Every skin tone and every race benefits from a spray tan. Trust.
11. Muscle definition. Muscle looks so much better than fat AND bones. You want muscle. Did you see how Bella Hadid had her foot on our necks at the VS fashion show this year? I was sickkkkkk.
12. Long hair. But if you have a face shape like Hailey Beiber, short hair looks better.
13. Makeup. Remember water-based products and oil-based products don’t mix, so make sure you choose your products wisely so your makeup doesn’t separate and you look a mess.
14. A better paying job. I left my hospital job and now I work in luxury real estate and international yacht sales.
15. Red light therapy for face and body. I have a body red light therapy dome that I got online for around $3,000 (USD) and it’s life. The one I have for the face is from Sephora and I spent like $400-$500 on that one. Whatever it says on the website.
16. Lashes. If you’re a pro at strip lashes, then yes. But I get my lashes done. Do not go crazy. Natural lashes are in so I ask for a classic whispy set focused for thickening my lash line and NOT for length.
17. Morpheus8 for skin tightening. I used it on my inner thighs and it literally saved my life
18. Lipo. If you’re a good candidate, get it. Sometimes belly pooch is hard to lose. I don’t have a pooch but I’m sure when I have kids I will.
19. Vampire facials. I can confidently say my best facials were vampire facials. My med spa charges around $950 for each facial
20. People can tell you’re wearing Shein. Their clothes are cute online but I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, they never look flattering in person when they’re being worn. People can see the loose thread and the see-through material. They also don’t fit anyone well and makes a lot of you look square. You get what you pay for in clothing. Learn about the basics of clothing and you’ll quickly only buy quality.
Yeah this list isn’t meant for everyone, but walking 10,000 steps isn’t going to take you to the next level. Neither is drinking water. They’re good habits, but they’re not going to level you up. And yeah I understand my list requires having money, but this is literally what my blog is about.
My 2025 Mindset Level Up book is here!
#q/a#leveling up#that girl#level up#self care#level up journey#personal development#femininity#hypergamy#leveling up journey#looksmaxxing#look better#leveling up tips#level up tips#femininity tips#glow up tips#glow up journey#glow up#girl blog#it girl#girl blogger#girl blogging#high value woman#leveled up woman#feminine journey#femininity journey#dream girl journey#dream girl#wellness girl#self development
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just learnt fucking “lip blush” exists and it’s people who think having “pale”’lips is bad apparently and they get their lips fucking. tattooed. to look. pinker I assume.
I think we should set the planet on fire
#my fucking GOD#don’t. talk to me about surgeries like this#I could scream. forever. YOU DONT FUCKING NEED IT#IDC IF YOU WANT TO SORRY!!!! ITS BC YOUVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE BEAUTY AND MAKEUP INDUSTRY#INTO THINKING APPARENRLY PALE LIPS??? ARE BAD?????#ooc
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peach (my cat) is having a full-day vet appointment to scan and possibly remove some teeth (the perks of only being allowed wet food)
completely unrelated, but anything regarding peach’s health or her being somewhere else or anything even mildly off with her routine or behaviour is probably by biggest anxiety and panic trigger
#not an exaggeration. peach stuff is more likely to give me panic attacks and entire breakdowns than anything else#like i have one other contender that’s a proper severe phobia. like panic attacks where i am completely convinced that i’m dying#but luckily that’s very situational whereas the peach anxiety is always there (because the situation of having her is always there)#i was gonna say the peach anxiety is also severely complicated by ocd but that’s probably more true for the other phobia i have so nevermind#but i will say. related to the ocd part. the fact that i am posting about this is a step forward for me#which i might talk about later once she’s home#hopefully they don’t need to extract any teeth and can just clean them#the last thing i need is for her to have trouble eating for a while#for context she had kidney stones a few years ago and basically each time she had about a 60% chance to survive#and there was NOTHING they could do other than just keeping her on fluids and hoping she passed them#(or $15k surgery to put in tubes to bypass her existing tubes. whatever tf the kidney tubes are called. which we couldn’t afford)#and whenever she had a new stone she would start by throwing up anything she ate or drank then stopping eating and drinking entirely#soooo i get stressed about stuff lmao 🙃🙃🙃🙃#anyway this is a good reason for me to be nocturnal so i can be asleep while she’s out rather than stressing#personal
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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Just opened an insurance claim summary and discovered that some medical professional decided that they needed to put “MORBID (SEVERE) OBESITY DUE TO EXCESS CALORIES” front and center as a diagnosis and now I feel like shit 🙃✌🏻
#that was NOT what the claim was about it was for a surgery to remove a skin growth#but somebody decided I also needed to be marked down as FAT GROSS FUCK FROM EATING TOO MUCH#right next to the problem I was ACTUALLY getting treated for#at no point did I talk to my doctor or anyone on my surgery team about my weight#like I know. I know I’m in the obese BMI category and I normally don’t care because I think it’s bullshit#but to have them so clinically there seems cruel and hurtful#ALSO FUCK YOU YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MY OBESITY IS DUE TO#I’ve been in that category pretty much my whole life no matter what I ate#this is what gives women like me eating disorders#delete later
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My new favorite activity is scrolling through the black sails tag and commenting my interpretations on random people’s posts and they’re like “wtf are you talking about?” and i’m like 👍🏻
#they’re not actually like that - the last person was nice about it#i just like to provide context when people are asking for it :))#i didn’t take hundreds of pages of notes through two full rewatches for nothing#and like. i’m bored lol#i still wanna talk about the show#but i don’t currently have time for a rewatch so i don’t have anything new to say#frankly i think my opinions would be a lot more interesting now that i’m older and SLIGHTLY more well-read#not significantly or anything but like. A little bit#with everyone so excited and planning rewatches i’m kinda like. hmmmm… maybe…#when do i have time? completely unclear#but the idea is nice#i wanna read a lot and watch a lot of new to me films#but perhaps another bonus activity for when i’m recovering from top surgery…#something to consider…
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i’ve never been peer pressured or fell for other people doing it but i am still a bad influence as my dad got a monster energy drink instead of his coffee for our 4hr DC round trip today because i’ve started drinking energy drinks regularly and know the flavors well like please do not tell my mom about this she’ll be disappointed in the both of us and we don’t need that
#like my parents are chill people#i’m literally in dc with my dad to get their weed#(they have medical marijuana cards and weed is legal in my area but we dont have dispensaries yet bc it’s only recently legalized)#and my mom is very okay with me having sex or having sex toys (even if we don’t talk about it a lot)#they both advocated for me to get top surgery as soon as i could because they understood that it was super important to me#but apparently energy drinks crosses the line for my mom#they barely have any effect on me tho because my adhd is so bad that drinking a stimulant just makes me less symptomatic#i guess it’s just a matter of principle… what principle? idk but it’s there#- r
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We’re okay 95% of the time but sometimes we remember that we likely won’t be able to transition until we’re like 20-fucking-5 and get the insatiable urge to Throw Things
(Cw for some trans-related rage/desperation in the tags)
#the nhs#can go fuck itself#free healthcare is great#but not when the waitlist is practically longer than my own fucking age#(an exaggeration)#but fr guys I want to Bite Shit#these two fellas in a human trench coat just want to be fucking people#and I don’t get why we have to wait five years to perfrom to some fucking doctor so they can decide#ahh maybe this one shall get to live#and the cis people in my life are lovely about me being trans#but Kinda Weird about me wanting to transition#barbra why you look so horrified when I say I want to grow a beard#geoff i appreciate that transitioning is a huge decision#but consider that fact we’ve been thinking about it every day for the past three years#this is not spontaneous#it is a fundamental part of why i am the way I am#and like#the people that are Okay with the idea of HRT#don’t even like talking about surgery#they’re nice about it but I can tell that they’re horrified#this thing I practically yearn for terrifies them#and I know I can’t wait until I medically transition to start living#but that’s what it feels like sometimes#I’m waiting to fucking live#im sitting in a body that is dead in a life that is dead#waiting to live#and it’s hard#it’s so fucking difficult sometimes#im here for the people going through this shit too#skull’s ramblings
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BROOOOO MY FRIEND HOOKED ME UP WITH A TERTIARY JOB?!
#Crazy that I just got a fortune cookie that says “everything is open to you”#I do kind of believe in fortune cookies to an extent#It pays more per week than my school job too… but I’m keeping the school job obviously because that’s my passion (one of them)#I might open a savings account for creative pursuits and use that to finish 1984#Or I might save for top surgery or a house#idk we’ll see#YAY YAY YAY#The girls are BUILDING#I must admit part of my flat mood and hopelessness was caused by my constantly worrying about money#Not that I’m financially destitute; I just have to be extremely careful what I do with it and I obsess and make projections over it#To make sure I’m not losing money with every paycheck. And even though I’m doing a good job… it’s just a lot#Maybe with the path I’m currently on I can get famous and filthy rich and then give 90% of my income to the community#(I’d hate being famous though but fame is power and I’ve always wanted to help people and having that power will help me do that)#But (when people don’t talk over me) they like what I have to say and how I say it because I’ve worked on my speech meticulously#so I know how to speak elegantly and with wit like I write now (when I’m well rested)
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when will they make a top surgery that is free and painless and has no recovery time and involves no blood and no one has to look at my chest at any point
#please.#there are many normal things in between me and top surgery like money and family etc but genuinely even bigger than that is fear#the thought of disappointing my grandparents and scrounging up cash is less scary than the blood and the pain. why does it have to be that#i think my chest dysphoria would be significantly less if the process of surgery wasn’t. well. surgery#idk if that makes sense but like#even if i still couldn’t get it for other reasons i don’t think i’d feel as dysphoric if there wasn’t surgery involved#like the only way to achieve what i want is bloody and that’s so frightening that it makes the existence of it worse#like not only do i have this feature i dislike but the feature is even worse bc it implies physical pain for me#i don’t know i’m digging myself into a hole so i’ll stop talking about it i think#orating!
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it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.
what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)
#it gets better :)#i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt#and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all#but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything#when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated#it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on#instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash#once i get top surgery.#idk. i wonder if things will be even easier?#i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah#i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me#but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :)#sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues#the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live#so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even#if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower#even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before#i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago#i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time#i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion
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can’t decide what to do tonight, barely feel like watching a show or a movie, or playing a game or anything
#like i’m gonna figure it out#i’m just gonna complain about it first lol#i’d really like to talk to cupcake but i fear that’s probably not gonna happen for a bit :(#so i’m left to my own devices#it’ll be nice to catch up later tho <3#bc i’m lame i am making up convos in my head with them#until i can talk to them for real#it’s nice except it also does make me miss them#but it’s okay i am being so brave about it 😌#i am also resolutely trying not to think about the fact that my surgery is coming up#like it’s fine i don’t need to be nervous i’ll just go and get it over with#but until it is i’m just kinda…here#vague limbo vibes of waiting for something ya know?#anyways whatever i think i need a chill night tonight#but also if i come back complaining about my own choices bc i did something not chill like watched a fucked up movie or something then uhhh#oopsie imao#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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older butch lesbians, living happily as butch women, who say “if I were a kid now I would have been a trans man instead of a lesbian” are a whole lot closer to being trans— not ‘potentially’ trans, not ‘might have been’ trans, but really, actually, literally, trans, in their present lived experience, she/her and all— than they are to being transphobic. but I don’t think any of you are really ready for that conversation.
#I saw a video on YouTube where this older butch was chatting with a transmasc guy#and she said ‘you know if I were young now I probably would have transitioned’#and he said ‘why if you were young? it’s not too late’#and she chuckled and said ‘oh maybe I dunno’ sort of brushed it off#and i was sort of like. well it made me kind of sad.#i think in everyone’s rush to denounce transmisogyny we have completely lost sight#of the fact that the lesbian community’s trans elders include an awful lot of ‘cis’ butch women.#it’s like. it’s just fucking weird being a ‘cis’ butch with Quite Significant Dysphoria#who went on t for a while and presents very masculine and is planning on top surgery#and looking at these super feminine trans guys on tiktok who are read as cis women by everyone who sees them#who don’t want medical transition#and to think that I know much much more about what it is like to be transsexual—#and in some ways about what it is like to be transgender— than they do#and that DESPITE that there is no room for me in trans spaces unless I go back to using they them pronouns#I dunno. It’s just really lonely. I was talking to a transfem friend of mine about this the other day#& she mentioned something about political versus internal concepts of gender that really vibed with me#I can’t summarize it here but. Yeah. Anyways. Lonely.#rhi talks
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i hate all these rich privileged trans dudes online who have access to everything that people die waiting years and years for and they literally never use their massive platform (that they only have because they’re white and skinny) to actually do any kind of good
#this is about ezra butler <3#i used to follow him and i liked his posts#but. nah i really do not like him now#he was already on thin ice for managing to get t AND top surgery all in the space of a few months#and like. he got it all as soon as he decided he wanted it#and he never acknowledges that privilege or the fact not everyone has that#these people always act like they talk for all trans people too#when it’s like you’re so fucking rich. you don’t speak for us#you have fully medically transitioned in the space of months and you’re younger than me#like you don’t speak for me go back to using useless filters as a substitute for talking about palestine
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