#I don’t even *want* bottom surgery. I just think we trans people are hot as fuck

[allthepandasintheworld]

Man though I need to dig up some of the old art I have of René as a kid/teen… he was goth/emo as a young adult and i think it explains exactly why I’ve latched onto Silco so hard after season 2

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Epilogue

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Blue sets up her future in Joel's life, step by step by step

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

TAGS HAVE BEEN SHITTY make sure you're caught up!!

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

9 years later.

Life was good. Really fucking good.

You had two teenagers which was… fucking insane, honestly. Sarah and Ellie were close as two almost-twins could get, and often fought like it too. Nothing nasty or mean spirited, just so clearly sister stuff like Ellie using Sarah’s deodorant or Sarah taking Ellie’s coat. They’d fight and yell and Joel would tell them to knock it off before they stormed off. An hour later Ellie would say hey, the bachelor is on, wanna watch? Or Sarah would throw hot cheettos at Ellie and they’d be back to normal.

Tommy had been mostly sober for 5 years, his longest stretch yet. It was looking up, even after a few close calls. There had been a night or two Tommy had called Joel, close to relapse, but being the good brother he was Joel was always there. After a few years at his own apartment, Tommy had suffered a pretty bad near-relapse on hard drugs. He broke his 3 years sobriety on alcohol and called Joel one night crying while he was watching The Late Late Show, Sarah and Ellie up past their bedtimes one summer. 

“Tommy? What’s going on, man?” Joel stands up from the couch, already moving to get his shows as Ellie mutes Craig Furegson. Everyone is quiet as Joel listens. “I’ll be right there, man, don’t worry. Nah, it ain’t a problem at all, Tommy, Blue’s here with the girls.”

Joel stayed with a drunk Tommy all night, holding him, putting on shows, ordering pizza, playing card games, anything it took to keep Tommy from calling up his old dealer.

In the morning, Joel brought him home to sleep. It was the summer, so you were off and could watch Tommy while Joel went to work, Tommy using a sick day at the farm and Joel and Tess hustling extra hard to make up for it. It didn’t matter, because it was Tommy, and they’d do anything for him.

When he put Tommy asleep on the couch, Ellie and Sarah asked to talk to you and Blue, pulling you into Ellie’s room.

Ellie steepled her hands, looking like an evil villain in a made-for-tv-movie. “We have a proposition for you.”

“You’re not getting your nose pierced-”

“Joel.” You chastise.

“Sorry El, what is it.”

Ellie looks to Sarah, urging her on.

“We think uncle Tommy should move in with us again. We love him, and it worries us that he’s had to call you so much recently.”

You can see Joel close his eyes, the wrinkles around his face compounding. He was getting older, as were you, and you loved every single wrinkles and gray and pop of his knees. You speak before he does, knowing your husband is tired.

“I’m sorry, girls. We never wanted Tommy’s issues to effect you.”

Sarah: “We knew there were problems, even when we were young. It’s hard not to notice, you couldn’t have hid that unless he was never around, and we wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“Besides, mom.” Ellie adds. “We’re teenagers now. 13 and 14 are practically adults!”

Joel shakes his head. “Ain’t right to be worry’n about that at your age.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about every single thing all the time, and yet you do anyway, so it’s even!”

You crack a smile, Ellie, despite no blood relation at all, had taken after you, while Sarah reminded you a lot like her godmother, Talia, mixed with some of her dad. Ellie was agreat kid, even as she entered her teens, she remained steadfast. There was a… slight issue with her getting in fights in school, but when they talked to the principal, there was always a reason you thought made sense, even if the school was displeased. Once, some girl called Sarah a slur. Another time, a boy was bullying a disabled kid. They found out Ellie was gay after the incident where she punched a kid for pushing a boys head in a toilet for being gay.

By this point, coming out wasn’t a nerve wracking thing in your family for Ellie. You and Joel had made it very clear that they had nothing to worry about, and that much was obvious by the people in the girls' lives; Bill and Frank still employed Tommy Tess and Joel and had an active part in the girls' lives even though they could stay home during harvest now. Talia and Tess were their beloved aunts. Sarah was very close to Talia, bonding over hours of doing hair. Ellie and Tess clicked right now, both tomboys, but both girls loved both aunts. 

And of course there was Tommy. When Tommy came out, it began a long struggle of keeping him out of the closet. He switched from gay, bisexual, then insisting he was straight over and over again whenever he went through some identity crisis, or when he reconnected with military friends, or he heard of some hate crime. No girlfriend, no boyfriend, just a cycle of hook ups to keep him distracted.

The girls loved their uncle, Sarah in particular was attached at the hip to him, and it hurt her when he was hurting. You and Joel had tried to protect her, but she was an intuitive girl.

And then, there was you. You had wanted to wait until the girls were a little older to explain things to them, but they went to school in the same district you had taught in. a friend of Sarah’s suddenly wasn’t allowed to play at your home anymore, and soon a rumor went around school that you were born a man. Sarah came home crying one day when she was 12, and you didn’t want to lie to her. You and Joel sat Ellie and her down and explained it to them as best you could for their age. There weren't any handbooks for this sort of thing. 

There was a moment, a brief moment of worry in your head. The echo of Kayla’s voice telling you Sarah wouldn’t love you when she found out. But Kayla didn’t know Sarah. She’d probably seen Sarah three time since the day you confronted her for hurting Joel, and then disappeared. The only time you heard from her after that was when she sent back the papers, signed, relinquishing her parental rights so you could adopt Sarah. She enclosed a $50 check, and although Joel had told her that she could still see Sarah as long as Sarah agreed, you haven't heard from her since. 

At ages 11 for Ellie and 10 for Sarah, you held your daughters in the courthouse as they were legally adopted.

Now, you stood in the upstairs of the home you shared with your daughters and your husband as they showed you just the kind of young ladies they’d grown into.

Joel shook his head. “Thank you, girls, but we ain’t got room here. He’ll stay on the couch for a few days, but I don’t think he’d wanna stay there for more than that.”

After a bad night, Tommy stayed for a little bit. Joel said couch, but sometimes you took the couch so Tommy could sleep in the bed with Joel if he really was in a bad way. You loved Tommy like a brother, you and him getting close in the nearly year you both lived with Tess and Talia. 

Sarah and Ellie looked at each other, and Sarah spoke. “We decided we’d combine our rooms. Ellie will come sleep with me, and Uncle Tommy could have his old room back.”

You immediately felt your eyes watering, realizing how good your children had become, how much like their father they’d grown into. This is Joel’s call. “Girls, no, I don’t want y’all making these sacrifices-”

“Uncle Tommy raised me. And, no offense, but he’s my favorite person.” She said with a smile. “We want to.” And Ellie agreed.

Joel was still declining, but wavering. “I- thats very nice but if he were to move it, we’d have to commit to a year, maybe two, I don’t know…”

Ellie spoke now. “We think it would be best if he stayed for a while. We’re prepared to commit to this through high school. We wanna do this dad.” Her sincerity struck you, a young woman grown up right before your eyes. 

You turn to Joel.  “Baby… I think it might be a good idea…” When you turn to look at your husband, he has a tear rolling down his face and his chest breathing heavily. 

“Babygirls.” Joel’s voice warbled. “I love you, so much.”

When Tommy was sober and the worst of his hangove was done, you spoke to him.

2 months later he was moved into Ellie’s old room where he’s been the last year.

*

It’d been a year since that morning, and things were better than ever.

Tommy was sober, the girls were happy, you and Joel were happy, and everyone had driven out to Austin to celebrate Ellie’s first pride.

“Whatya think, kiddo?” Frank asked, clapping her back softly with his hand.

Ellie smiled widely, taking in everything around her.  “Pretty fucking cool!”

“Language.” Her dad chastised, earning a nudge from you. He continued. “Don’t be wonder’n off girls, it ain’t safe-”

You decide to tease him, being the only none LGBT person here, other than Sarah, although at 13 there was no reason she needed to commit either way. 

“Oh, so because almost everyone here is gay, it’s inherently more dangerous? Okay Joel.”

But Joel was not to be fooled when you’ve been playing this game for ten years. “Nice try baby…” He paused for a moment before adding, “You know it’s because the city makes me nervous, right? Not because-”

“I know, Joely” You pinch his butt, making Tess behind you gag, as if she hadn’t gotten a grab of a few Miller buttcheeks back before getting married. Well, legally recognized in the State of Massachutis, and not in the other 49.

“What about him?” Ellie asks loudly, pointing to a guy and nudging her uncle. “He looks like he could teach you better spanish.”

Tommy flicked her. “Don’t fuck’n point, shit head.” He ignored Joel’s tired reminder for language. Tommy is where she picked up the habit. “And just because he’s got brown skin doesn’t mean he speaks spanish.”

Ellie looked to Sarah. Sarah’s eyes said no. Ellie’s impulse control said yes. “Hey! You!” Ellie shouts to the man while everyone around her tries to stop her. Poor guy was just trying to get a hot dog.

“Hey?” He looked confused but not unkind as she walked fearlessly too him. He was a little taller than her dad, not by much, dark curls sticking to his head with sweat. It wasn’t even noon yet, but June in Austen could kill. 

Joel is calling Ellie’s name, pulling on her arm but she turns to him, looking up. “Let me do this or I will start screaming stranger danger.” Joel let go, but facepalmed, staying right next to her none the less. “You speak spanish?” She asked the man, thumbing towards Tommy. “My unce here is looking to brush up.” Double Miller facepalm.

“Uhhhhh, no, but I can get by in Hindi.” He looked to Tommy with a grin. “I can impress some desi MILFs, if that’s your goal.”

Tommy swooped in slinging Ellie over his shoulder as she shouted ‘hey!’ and began backing away. “Don’t listen to her, she’s- I swear we’re not racist- I told her not to assume- listen, she knows like, no white people- I’m Mexican!” He nervous rambled, Ellie over his shoulder telling him he’s floundering.

The man just laughed. “Hey, it’s alright, man. Don’t worry about it.”

Tommy mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ and turned around. Now facing the stranger, Ellie frantically motioned toward Tommy to him, pointing and drawing hearts in the air.

*

After running into him and embarrassing Tommy a few more times, Ellie and Sarah got his business card. Jake and Tommy have talked every day since.

That night, the girls sound asleep in their room, Tommy on the phone with Jake, you keep your hand wrapped tight around your husband's cock. You were tired, not wanting to get up to any antics but you definitely wanted to make your husband cum. He deserved an orgasm for dealing with crowds of strange people in a big city, constantly alert for his daughters, Tommy, Tess, Talia, you, and even Frank. Him and Bill were the same in that aspect, always keeping an eye on theirs, protecting the good people in this world. You suspected Bill was getting the same treatment on the farm right now. Well, almost. Bill didn’t strike you as the type to put up with edging.

“There you go baby, there you go… so close, so close… ah! Not yet!” You squeeze at the base of Joel’s cock, staving off his orgasm a third time. Oh, you were a tease.

“Blue, come ooooon!” He whines, fingers gripping the sheets so hard one corner was already pulled off the bed. “This ain’t fair.”

You begin to stroke him again, his hard and thick cock not allowing for you fingers to close around it, thick and juicy and oh-so mouth watering. 

“Ooooh poor baby boy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” You lied

“You always- ooohhh shit” Joel moans out for you, you love seeing your big tough man reduced to a whimpering puddle just from a little bit of edging. “You always say that, Blue”

Still, you laugh, your hand moving up and down on his cock as Joel begin to buck his hips into your fist. Silly boy, he thinks if he can reach his high faster, you’ll let him have it. “I know, I’m a meany meany.” You pinch his orgasm off again, giggling when he whispers a harsh-

“Fuck!” 

“Aht, aht, aht!” You continue to tease, spitting on his already over stimulated cock before playing with him more. “Language!” You reference his police of Ellie and Tommy.

Joel flops his head on the pillow. Your little pillow princess. “Oh I see. Y-your-” His words are cut off hummed whimper, his cute little feet wiggling. “You're punishing me for being annoying today?” He chuckles a little, knowing it’s all in fun.

You kiss his forehead. “Not one bit, baby. You’re my perfect man, and I want you to come. Go ahead Joel, come for me.” You pump him as the love of your life groans, covering your hand and his stomach in cum.

Once cleaned and in PJ’s, ready to sleep the fuck in on sunday, you assume your position behind him, wrapping your arms around his wide middle, getting a little wider every year, and kiss his scruffy neck. “Thank you for all you do for our family, baby.”

“Ain’t no thing.”

“But it is.” You coax him to look at you, his eyes wide and brown and beautiful. “I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I had parents as supportive as you, loved me so unconditionally.” Things with your parents were pretty good now, they were. As well as you supposed it could get. They loved Sarah and Ellie and visited a few times a year, as you did them. Reconciling was more about giving grandparents to those girls they wouldn’t have otherwise. The day you met Joel, he said he hates his birthday, and that never changed. Years later, he’ll have a cake and accepts gifts, but it’s mostly for his girls. You found out his dad died on his birthday, leaving him without any parents. “Things would be so different. I wouldn’t have gone through addiction, I could have started hormones earlier and maybe I’d look-”

“Blue.” Joel turned over to cup your face. “There ain’t nothing wrong with the way you look. You’re my beautiful wife, and thats that.”

You smile at him. “Thank you, baby. But I mean it. I love that we can provide a different environment for Ellie to come out in.”

“I am too, mi amor.” He smiles back, and you lay your head on his chest. 

You wore his old flannel that night. It felt like home.

Wow, its been a ride!!

I know this series was small but im so thankful for everyone who read it and supported me!!!!

I hope somewhere out there, a transwoman reads this and feels seen <3 you are valued, you are important, you are loved

I love blue and I love the little word here, the found family Joel has gained over the years!!!! Now Jake enters the picture!

If you have any questions about this world, loose ends you didnt think i tied up or you have any additional q's of any kind, comment, reblog, or send an ask! Im happy to answer!

I love you all so much!

Please consider making a small donation to The Trevor Project <3

[happyoldqueer]

Reality vs the Gatekeepers

The plain facts are: I have become a man with a pussy. I struggled with being a man in a feminine body with a pussy. I took testosterone and tried to access bottom surgery to relieve that dysphoria. I failed to access bottom surgery for a variety of reasons, none of them related to my need, and some of them unclear if they are actually medical reasons, or societal reasons concealed behind medical excuses. But along the path of taking testosterone and masculinizing my body, and the improvements T made for my genitals, I began to see that the experience of being a man with a vagina is special, and that experience is actually something I love, and that I want to hold onto. And the good news, is that: I get to. No one can take that away from me, because it is me.

The trans male transmeds, say that they always knew, and that they never identified as a woman, but we know that not all trans people feel they were “born this way.” It’s just another gatekeep, and the one’s on the phallo server that insisted I had to share the experience of being born with a uterus to be transmasc, were also just gatekeeping.

I assert that identities stack. It was once thought that you could not be both trans and gay. It took Lou Sullivan to prove them wrong.

To the born this way crowd, I assert that actually you can be both “just a man” and also be proud of being a transgender male, and that not all your peers feel they were “born this way” either. They’re still trans men and that’s not even a hot take. You can be a man, and also be a trans man if you want to. Things stack. You don’t have to have a bunch of proof to be trans, just the desire to change your body. The ones that don’t feel “born this way” are just as valid as you are.

To the biological essentialist, I assert that dealing with a uterus, and all it’s complications (that I wouldn’t want. Thanks progesterone for helping me figure out that I would be trans no matter what), is only one of a few reasons why someone could find themselves in a place where they need to access GAC; Testosterone, and possibly surgeries, to relieve their dysphoria and that being transmasculine isn’t about being born with a uterus, but rather about the journey of transitioning and becoming a man, and changing your body so that other people perceive you as a man, and then living your life as the man you have become. Many years down the path of your transition, your time before transition as an egg will just seem like the preface in the book of your life story; as you grow into yourself the pain of acute social dysphoria will fade. The memories of dysphoria you felt about your body will fade the longer you have lived in the body you have made for yourself, and far more often then not, you’ll just skip over that preface, and think back to Chapter 1, when you took control of your life and your eyes will fill with tears of joy that you did this for yourself, and that is all that will matter. And that is the trans masculine experience, and the experience of being long into transition decades down the road.

[subqtaneoussmut]

Wistful, Chapter One

The sun glinted and dazzled off the river through the train window, and I blinked and took a break from looking at the green river valley sliding past. I had been lucky to find a seat in a mostly quiet cabin, with only a few people wandering through.

I glanced at my reflection in the window from the corner of my eye and a giddy tingly wave shot from the bottoms of my feet up my spine. I shivered as it reached the back of my neck and swirled to fill my whole body. This is gender euphoria, I marveled for the millionth time. This is what it feels like.

The reflection showed a dark-haired girl, wearing a black lace choker but dressed—somewhat incongruously—in a blazer, over a clingy graphic tee shirt. The soundtrack was wistful pixie dreamgirl Indy. My hands went up to my headphones, and I gave my best cute swoon, fluttering my eyelids so I could watch myself do it.

“Excuse me Miss?”

Blushing at being caught in the middle of making a kissy face at my own reflection, I peeked up through my bangs at the tall stranger. Fashionable tweed, salt and pepper hair, expressive eyes.

“Do you mind if I sit across from you?”

I opened my mouth, closed it again and then made a sort of permissive shrug. The man put down his shoulderbag and took out a book. I turned to watch both our reflections in the window. The quieter I was, the less people seemed to clock me as trans, so I usually let my friends do the talking.

At the thought of the swarm of friends I was leaving behind in the city, my insides tightened. I missed them already. Sitting together on the library steps in the sun, listening to music together on the floor of my girlfriend’s room, going to the museum as a giggling pack in the winter. And, most of all, going to our dance classes together.

I knew I had lucked out. I’d been the only trans girl in the modern dance program at my school, and I knew I wouldn’t have found the courage to get on hormones that early and come out there without the unconditional inclusion and support I’d gotten from my friends in the program. And then, after high school, we’d all applied and gotten in to the same college dance program. It had been a dream come true, even though I’d deferred a semester to get bottom surgery. I squirmed in my seat and flushed a bit, remembering how all my girlfriends crowded into the bathroom on my first day as a new dance student and clamored for me to show them my new pussy.

I was blushing beet red, leaning on the bathroom sink, facing the mirror. I had picked a pleated short skirt that showed off my legs and I was beginning to regret how accessible it made my coochie.

“Maddy,” my friend Flora pleaded from over my shoulder, “you clearly don’t understand how thirsty—I mean happy we are for you...to show us! We’re literally dyingggg over here.”

There was a chorus of agreement from the others.

“Maddy,” she repeated, “I haven’t looked forward so much to anything else in weeeeks. Maddy. Maddy. Maddy.”

“What?” I muttered, my face hot. Flora had a flair for the dramatic. Big theater queen vibes. She could always get anything she wanted from me, eventually.

“Are you really going to leave us, lost and wandering, in this thick, thick pussyfog?”

“I-I don’t know, what if someone comes in?” I protested weakly.

“What if someone comes in! You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, girl! Rooftops exist for a--”

“Flora!” I sputtered.

“Okay, just kidding. My bestie Quinn is watching the door from out in the hall. We’ve got you fully covered, don’t we girls?”

Cue: another storm of pleading and encouragement.

I turned to face them all and opened my mouth and—hesitated.

“Listen girls,” Natalie pushed her way to the front of the pack. “I think I know exactly what kind of push little Madeline needs here.”

Her eyes glinted with a light that usually meant trouble. I swallowed. Natalie and I had grown up in the same apartment building, and gone to the same dance classes since before either of us could remember (we had pictures). She was my oldest friend, and had always been my staunchest ally when it came to being included. She had always gone to bat hard for me when it came to my pronouns, interrupting and insisting (even with teachers) whenever people misgendered me, especially in the early, painfully awkward stages of my transition.

She also delighted in teasing me, bossing me around, finding ways to make me blush, and reminding me in ten thousand little ways that she was taller, stronger and smarter. The whole time I’d known her, for example, she was always finding excuses to jump on me and pin me to the ground. The truth was, I secretly loved it. It had been the first ever way I’d found to manage my dysphoria, my first enticing taste of gender affirmation. Or maybe my first hint that I was lesbian? Whatever it was, I’d always been a willing participant in the dynamic. It was our schtick, our thing and we both clearly enjoyed it—which was a source of endless hilarity to our friends. When they teased me for it, Natalie would smirk and my cheeks would heat and somehow it never went much farther than that.

Until it did.

Reflexively I tried to take a step back into the edge of the sink, but Natalie only folded her arms and cocked her head, looking at me.

“Maddy,” she said matter-of-factly, “I know this is your first day of college, and we’ve all been here a semester already, and you’re probably feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to make this easy for you. Either leave all these girls disappointed and trying to peek up your skirt for the rest of the week…”

There were a few groans, some laughter and few catcalls. She paused for dramatic effect, a superior little smile playing over her lips.

“...Or give me your panties, right now.”

My eyes widened at the bald command and my pulse begin to race. My body was already reacting to being ordered, even as I briefly considered just leaving. Why was she making this into a thing? She’d been visiting me throughout my recovery, and I knew she had already seen me naked countless times. But that universe, the universe in which I walked decisively past Natalie, through the group, and out the swinging door was a rapidly shrinking bubble in the rearview mirror.

Natalie watched me give an involuntary shiver. I could tell she already knew she had won, she was just enjoying watching me give in.

The room was still. Nobody moved, nobody breathed as every eye watched me reach down and hook my thumbs into my panties, slide smoothly them down my legs and step carefully out of them. I looked up to see Natalie holding out her hand expectantly. Her eyes locked with mine. My head raced. My hand balled my panties into a fist.

This didn’t seem necessary, did it? What was the point of giving her my underwear? Was this one of her games to remind everyone that she had me wrapped around her finger? Or did she just want to embarrass me, pure and simple? I almost opened my mouth to say something, but the lick of cool air against my lower lips brought home to me just how turned on I was, and I just licked my lips nervously. The pulse of heat between my legs made the decision for me.

“Maddy.” Natalie raised her eyebrows and made a come-hither motion.

I took a deep breath and felt my face get even hotter. My hand trembled a bit as I held out the scrunched-up lacy white panties I had just taken off…because she told me to, I thought, and shivered again.

She made a show of pocketing them, with a wicked smile at me. I squirmed. At this point we both knew I would do anything she told me to do. If she wanted to tease me by withholding my fricking underwear on my first day of college, she would, and I knew that she would never back down in front of a crowd if I tried to change her mind.

“Goood girl,” she smirked, and my heart fluttered at the gender affirmation, while simultaneously the heat between my legs flared at being treated this way in front of everyone. I drew a shaky breath. Natalie knew every one of my buttons and how to push them in just the right combination. If I hadn’t trusted her so completely, and had such deep history with these friends, I probably would be freaked out by all this, but I just felt excited and breathless.

“What a cute little skirt.” Natalie arched an eyebrow. “Lift it.”

Her seaglass-green eyes danced with mischief and challenge. I stared into them, entranced. My hands moved slowly, automatically to the edge of my skirt. As I lifted it, there was a chorus of cheers and gasps and oohs. I wanted to pull my gaze away from hers, but I couldn’t. I stood there, blushing hotter and redder than I’d ever thought possible, looking ridiculous as I held the front of my skirt up above my waist and showed everyone my bare mound and light, curly fuzz. Natalie finally released my gaze and looked herself. I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly back, praying my arousal wasn’t visible to everyone.

“Now, now Maddy,” I heard Natalie say slowly, and my eyes shot open. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, but it’s not what we’ve been waiting patiently here for twenty minutes to see.”

My breath caught.

“Lift your leg on that sink, and show us your cunt.”

Oh.

Oh. My pussy clenched with arousal at the thought, even as my mind buckled at the humiliation.

I knew I was wet. If I did this, my lower lips were going to spread open and everyone would see my glistening arousal. Did Natalie know that? She had to. I’d been so, so happy that I could produce pussy juice after surgery that I hadn’t been able to shut up about it. It came out of my urethra, not my actual vaginal canal, but why split hairs? When I was horny, I gushed more than most cis girls, and that was just awesome.

As she held my gaze with hers, Natalie turned her head and began whispering something in May’s ear. I was hesitating too much already. If I had just done what she’d said at the beginning, I could have done it laughingly, coquettishly, teasingly. But now there was no way to pass this off as a joke anymore. If I did this, it would be fully seen as what it was: a drenched, exhibitionist slut getting off on being ordered around.

Slowly, oh so slowly, I reached one hand back towards the edge of the sink. Flushing brightly, I raised my courage and glanced up at the faces around me. All my friends were watching, wide-eyed, with bated breath. I saw Flora’s excitement, Yara’s raised eyebrows, Faith’s entranced hunger, and Natalie’s wolfish smile. Despite the heat in my face, looking around brought a new surge of courage. I shrugged, rolled my eyes, and raised my leg, bent at the knees to place my foot on the sink beside me, to a long collective “Ooooooo” as everyone released the breath they’d been holding. Flora burst out clapping. Yara gave a laconic, impressed nod.

I desperately wanted to look down, to see if my pussy actually looked the way it felt. But my mind and my skin were racing with hot tingles and I felt strangely reluctant to move. I swallowed loudly. Everyone crowded closer and crouched down to inspect my new pussy, making many little sounds of appreciation. Then:

“This, is a porn-star pussy,” declared Yara.

“Oh my god, you’re right! That’s exactly what it is!”

“Totally.”

“The surgeon was a cis guy, right?”

Yara looked up at me, “I mean, Maddy, don’t get me wrong. I’m so jealous. This is the most symmetrical, neat, little cunt I’ve ever seen.” She winked at me and I squirmed a little, cheeks burning.

“Maddy, honey, she’s beautiful,” Flora chimed in.

Hardly daring to relax, I watched Natalie’s gaze flick from my pussy to my face and back. Oh god, was she going to—

“Hmm, Maddy, you seem a little...hot down here.”

My heart was beating so hard. Natalie stood up and leaned in close to my ear. I could feel her breath on my skin. Her next words were soft enough that I hoped, momentarily, that nobody else heard them.

“Is it possible that, perhaps, you like being told what to do?”

My leg was up on the edge of the sink, my pussy split wide open in front of everyone’s eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, in response, but my mind blanked and I merely made an audible panting sound. Natalie giggled at me, and I felt my pussy spasm in response.

“Wow,” gasped Flora, “her pussy just pulsed. Damn, that was hot.”

“Do it again, Natalie!”

My face was burning hotter than I thought was possible.

“Well?” Natalie said archly, “Answer me, you little slut.”

I closed my eyes and mewed, my cunt clenching again as her words ripped through my core.

There was a low whistle and some more gasps from between my legs. I was so turned on. I tried to remind myself that if—and that was a big ‘if’—I wanted to stop this, all I had to do was lower my leg and my skirt.

Instead, I nodded. I could feel Natalie’s smug superiority radiating off her like warmth.

“Say it.”

My knees weakened. “Yes, yes I like it,” I panted. “I like being told what to do.”

Faith leaned on the sink and stared hungrily at me, like a cat. “You guys,” she whispered, “This is so fucking hot. What should we do with her?”

Flora stood up and grinned at me. “I wanna put a collar on her, and walk her around on a leash. She’d look so cute on a leash. How would you look on a leash, Maddy?”

My heart thudded faster. “Cute,” I breathed.

Flora licked her lips and winked at me. “Good girl.”

Yara stood as well and shrugged, glancing at her watch. “Well, it’ll have to wait. We’ve all got rehearsal.”

Natalie nodded for me to drop my leg and my skirt.

“C-can I have my panties back now?” I mumbled.

She smirked, and turned to a mirror next to me, making a show of checking her hair.

My eyes widened. “Oh, no, please, Natalie, you can’t. Please, no, don’t make me go to class without panties. Natalie, please, this skirt is so short, please.”

The others had started to gather themselves to leave, but I could feel them pausing to watch. Natalie glanced at me, a familiar smile playing on her lips. I exhaled in relief. This was old, familiar ground, finally. She loved holding things over me, making me beg, and everyone here knew I secretly loved it too. She held out my balled-up panties, and I took them, grabbing her arm for support as I stood on one leg, then the other to slide them back up my legs. The other girls were in high bantering form.

“So is it an open secret that the doctors are just giving girls whatever pussy they saw on pornhub last night?”

“Oh my gawd, that just says so much about men.”

“Mine’s like a second-wave feminist’s face, like just a bowl cut with a big mole on her lip or something.”

“Same, tbh.”

“Weird flex, but okay.”

“All. Cunts. Are. Beautiful!”

“ACAB!”

“Wow.”

“Wow. You did that.”

“Good job.”

[moonlightserenadeeznutz]

Top Surgery

Oneshot about (trans) Remus Lupin getting top surgery. Bit of wolfstar as well.

Disclaimer: To all my trans boys/trans masc people reading this. You are no less trans, nor are you no less male/masculine if you decide against top surgery, or if you don’t/can’t get top surgery. This goes for bottom surgery, binding, hormones, etc. Your body doesn’t define your gender, nor does what you decide to do with it. <3 ~ Remus wasn’t allowed to get top surgery until he was seventeen. Well... “top surgery” was the muggle name for it. In the wizarding world, a simple spell would do the trick. But there was a law in the wizarding world stating that parts of the body weren’t allowed to be removed from an underage wizard or witch unless said body part was detrimental to the child’s life, say, an unfixable limb, or a gangrenous leg. And despite Remus’ adamance that his chest was a detriment, specifically to his mental health, (when would the wizarding world take mental health seriously? He regularly thought to himself), the law disagreed. So he had to wait until he was of age.

In the meantime, he simply wore a shirt with a binding charm put upon it, which did the trick to make his chest look flat with his clothes on, but he was desperate to just be able to take his shirt off, in the hot weather or in bed. He forwent ever swimming in the lake with his friends because he couldn’t swim with his binder on, but he didn’t want his chest to be noticeable. So he had to sit by the edge of the lake instead, his feet dipped in and his friends splashing at him from within the water.

Another problem Remus faced was that, even when he did turn seventeen, he had no idea where to go to get top surgery. He lived in 1970s Britain. There were simply no resources, muggle or wizarding, and he didn’t have the money anyway. And Madam Pomfrey couldn’t do it. She was a school nurse, she wasn’t allowed to perform procedures. She could only give out potions and fix up bones. Procedures were for St Mungos. And St Mungos didn’t have top surgery as an option.

The days leading up to Remus’s seventeenth birthday made him rather depressed. He’d soon be of age, but it wouldn’t make any difference. He was stuck. Stuck in the wrong body, and there was nothing he could do.

Of course, he had been on hormones since second year, or at least the wizarding version of hormones, which was just a transfiguration potion, and luckily for him, it wasn’t against wizarding law as long as he had his parents’ permission, which he did. And the potion had changed his body considerably. His voice deepened, he had facial hair and he tried hard to work out so he had abs and muscles, which he knew wasn’t exactly necessary, and he didn’t go overboard, but really he was just trying to offset the dysphoria he got from his chest by making the rest of him look as masculine as possible.

He was in a similar situation with bottom dysphoria, but at least he was able to hide it. Getting surgery for that wasn’t as pressing as his chest, and because of the potion he at least didn’t have to worry about his periods anymore.

Compared to Remus’s misery before his seventeenth birthday, Sirius, James and Peter were clearly happy about something, but they wouldn’t tell him what it was, even when he threatened to hex them; a threat he regularly used but never went through with, so it didn’t do much to get them to talk.

But he soon found out what they were whispering about on the day of his seventeenth. Sirius handed him an envelope, unlabelled, and said “It’s from all of us.”

“You know, for two rich people, you guys can be real cheapskates.” They just continued smiling expectantly until Remus opened up the envelope and looked inside.

There wasn’t a card like he was expecting, but some sort of advertisement, or pamphlet. He read through it, and his eyebrows knitted together as he read further down the page. The ad was for a wizarding clinic, specifically aimed at trans wizards and witches. It was set up by a guy named Gray Jacobson, who was a trained Healer, and trans himself, and offered all different kinds of things, including top surgery.

“I... don’t get it?” Said Remus eventually, pushing down any hope that was making its way up through his body.

“What’s not to get?” Exclaimed Sirius, no longer containing his excitement. “It’s a secret clinic, away from the ministry and St Mungos and shit, and surgery is affordable. Free even, if you really can’t pay. But don’t worry about that, because we all chipped in-” he was talking a mile a minute.

“Woah, woah, slow down, Padfoot,” interrupted Remus. ““How do you know this clinic is trustworthy.”

“If we didn’t think it was trustworthy, mate, we wouldn’t have shown it to you,” said James. “We’ve been researching it for months, Sirius and I even visited it last half term. The guy, Gray, is really nice. He told us all about it. He can tell you as well. The procedure for getting rid of your chest is so easy. Takes a few minutes, then you have to take a potion every night for a week until you’re all healed up. But then it’s done! No more chest!”

“No more binding!” Grinned Sirius. No more chest. No more binding. God it sounded brilliant. Too good to be true.

“Really?” Was all Remus could manage.

~ Half term was already upon them, so Remus and his friends were able to visit the clinic the next day. And James and Sirius had been right, Gray was very nice. And Remus loved meeting someone else like him. He’d never met another trans man before, and Gray gave him hope for his future. The man seemed happy, content. Remus wanted that.

It didn’t take long for Remus to view the place as perfectly legit, even with his usual paranoid, distrusting self. And according to Gray, the spell really did only take a few minutes, even if he did have to be placed under a sleeping charm while it happened, and he wouldn’t be able to see his chest until a week later. That didn’t bother him at all. What was a week after six years of waiting?

He booked the next appointment for the following Monday, and he really couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this excited. When he left the clinic, Sirius immediately hugged him, and James joined in, until Remus couldn’t even move under their combined weight.

~ The day of the appointment, Remus was nervous. Excited, but nervous. His friends had all agreed that it would be a little overwhelming if they all came with him, so it was decided that Sirius was to be the one to accompany Remus. He was Remus’s boyfriend after all, and besides, wild centaurs couldn’t stop Sirius from being there to support his best friend.

Remus didn’t know what to wear, and he couldn’t help but feel very self conscious at exposing his chest, even for a few minutes. But it was the price he had to pay, and he chose a button up shirt and jeans. Nothing special.

“Here’s the sleeping potion,” said Gray, handing Remus a bottle of silvery liquid. “You’ll be asleep in a matter of minutes, and then awake in another matter of minutes. The only difference is, when you wake up, there’ll sure be a huge weight off your chest.” Sirius snorted from behind the man, and even Remus grinned at the stupid joke. It was definitely something his friends would say.

They were in the clinic now; they’d arrived around twenty minutes ago, and hadn’t needed to wait that long. Sirius held Remus’s hand the entire time, though he seemed to be more nervous than Remus was. Remus was nervous, but the nearer the surgery came to actually happening, the more impatient he felt. He wanted this to be over with, so he could finally feel like himself.

Remus uncapped the potion and drunk it down in one, and within seconds he started to feel light headed and drowsy. Gray helped him to lie back on the bed that he was sitting on, and the last thing he saw before falling asleep was Sirius giving him a very cheesy double thumbs up.

Somehow, within only a few minutes, his brain managed to conjure up what felt like hours of dreaming, although it was so nonsensical that Remus couldn’t make heads nor tails off it, and by the time he’d woken up, he couldn’t remember anything.

It took him some time to come round properly, drowsy as he was, but when the fog from his head finally cleared, he immediately looked down at his chest.

It was wrapped up in bandages, but one thing was certain: his chest was flat.

He ran his hand across the bandages. Yup. Absolutely flat. He almost started crying right then and there.

“Hello, love,” greeted Sirius, seeing that Remus was now awake. Remus stared up at him.

“It’s flat,” he croaked. Sirius grinned.

“It sure is.” Gray walked over to them. He’d been tinkering around with some vials, and he handed one to Remus.

“Take a sip of this every night for a week, it will help your chest to heal fully. Then you can remove the bandages. And if you need anything else, any help, or you have any questions, you know where I am.”

“Thank you.” Remus hoped the man could see just how grateful he was, as he was unable to form full sentences for the moment, the affects of the sleeping potion still lingering. But Gray let him and Sirius go on their way, and like last time with James, Sirius waited until they were out of the clinic, this time using the floo network in the clinic’s fireplace to take them home to their tiny apartment, to throw his arms around Remus. This was it for Remus, and he couldn’t stop himself from breaking down in tears. Good tear of course. Happy tears. If this was what he was like now, he’d be a wreck after a week.

And if Remus was impatient before, he certainly was now. Sirius had to constantly stop him from trying to unwind his bandages early.

“Keep doing that and I will personally pin you to the ground,” Sirius warned.

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“In this instance it is solely a threat.”

“Fine.”

After what felt like years, the week was finally drawing to a close. And James, Lily and Peter arrived to see the big reveal. It was an audience that made Remus feel a little self conscious, but a part of him didn’t want them to miss this.

They were all crammed into the bathroom, the only place in the apartment that had a mirror. Rather than cutting off the bandages with magic, immediately revealing his chest, he opted for unwinding them by hand. His nervousness had returned to replace his impatience and he wanted to take it slowly.

As the last bandages fell away, he started into the mirror, and his friends cheered beside him. His chest was completely flat, and it looked exactly how he wanted it to look. It was a chest that could be shown off. A chest he could take a shirt off of and go swimming with. Finally. He never had to wear his binder again. He’d never smiled this much in his life, and it only faltered as he tried not to once again start crying. He failed. Sirius went over to kiss him, and soon all his friends were hugging him.

And the first thing he did when half term ended and lessons at Hogwarts were let out for lunchtime, was take his shirt off, and go swimming in the lake with his friends.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

I'd love to see the organization member's finding out their s/o is actually genderfluid. Or perhaps transgender, please and thank you!

I left it fairly vague, but someone who reviewed this post for me said that it leaned more toward FtM - that being said, I hope you all enjoy!

ALSO *spoilers* Demyx is 100% also trans in this so y’all can fight me

Masterlist here!

oOoOoOo

Xemnas - Loves you for your brain, not your body. All he cares about is that you’re comfortable with who you are in your own body, whether you identify as male, as female, or as something a little in between. Holy shit, he’s also fiercely protective. Unfortunately attitudes regarding transgender people are less positive than they should be, so he’s ready to SNAP at anyone who bothers to misgender you or give you strange or hateful looks.

Xigbar - Xigbar has been a lot of different people over the years, so he was like… okay, whatever, you want to go get burgers now? It’s as regular to him as breathing. He was extremely casual about it - I mean, you know you better than he does, and if this is who you are now then… okay! He’s there for it! If you’re aren’t out, know that he’ll follow your lead. He’ll use your chosen name and pronouns in private until you give him permission to use them in public, but just know that he will always support you no matter what you decide.

Xaldin - he wouldn’t say that he was uncomfortable with the idea of you being transgender - he was more uncomfortable that you didn’t say anything and that you spent so much time LETTING him refer to you as the wrong gender. He’ll understand your reluctance, but he’ll make it clear that you can trust him with anything and that you don’t need to hide who you are. He’ll defend you to the death, if needed.

Vexen - Does as much research as he can to fully understand what you’re going through, the science behind it, and tries to figure out the best way for him to help you. Do you want top or bottom surgery? He’s got the best experts/surgeons in the universe on speed dial. You need a new prescription for hormones? He’s got it for you already. Wants you to feel comfortable in your own body and will do whatever he can to make that happen.

Lexaeus - This BEEF MAN is SO SOFT. He knows NOTHING about people who are transgender but he will do research!!! He might not understand it, but he’s happy to listen to you explain anything he doesn’t understand - or he might even go to Vexen for explanations if he’s trying to surprise you with research.

Zexion - we all know that Zexion is intelligent, but this is one subject in which he’s pretty ignorant. But that’s okay!!! You get to teach him what it means to identify as transgender, and he’s SO happy to learn. You’re a great teacher and he’ll happily listen to you talk for hours - it’s really just a bonus that he gets to learn something! You both are around the same size, so he won’t even complain if you take some of his clothes to wear, too.

Saix - Saix grew up in a fairly conservative family - he thinks he might have gravitated toward Lea as a kid because the kid was just so outrageous and a deep contrast to his stifling family. He goes cold when he realizes that you’re transgender, not because he hates it, but because he’s WORRIED for you. He knows how awful people can be to things they don’t understand, and he’s so concerned that he won’t be near you and you might get hurt because of some ignorant asshole on the street. Won’t let you leave his side unless you promise him that you’ll continue to be careful and that you’ll let him know if you need him to help you handle a bad situation.

Axel - Can really tell that you’re worried and stressed out, so he might try to make you feel better by making jokes. “Oh, you’re a trans guy? That’s awesome, good thing that I’m bisexual.” You already knew that he liked guys as much as girls, but to see him refer to you as a guy so casually almost makes you cry. Axel is always such a genuine boyfriend, so it’s reassuring to know that he cares about you that much.

Demyx - All but... kind of bursts into tears?? Surprise, surprise, Demyx is also trans. It explains a lot about his attitude and personality in general and you’re happy to share your stories with each other. He’s ready to support you and give information to anyone who doesn’t quite understand your experience. He knows it will take you a while to steady yourself physically and emotionally, so he’s ready to field any questions or concerns to make sure that you aren’t stressed out.

Luxord - Always knew that there was something special about you and now he knows what it is. Smug as hell, not because of your situation, but because he knew there was something off about you - but now that you’ve told him you’re transgender, he hopes that you trust him enough to show him the real you. He’s so proud of you and happy that you were brave enough to share this with him.

Marluxia - Kind of already had an idea that you weren’t quite comfortable with yourself, so Marluxia isn’t surprised when you tell him that you’re transgender. The gender of your body didn’t quite match with the gender of your mind, and reassures you that this is common and fine! You’re allowed to feel this way and you can do what you can to be comfortable with yourself.

Larxene - Larxene literally doesn’t care - you know what, if you’re happy and this is who you are then okay??? She doesn’t date you because of your genitalia, obviously. She may be tiny and you might be larger than her, but hot damn she will FIGHT anyone that’s rude or prejudiced. Also, shopping trips? She’ll definitely take you to some of her favorite places to get clothes and shoes - and she also won’t complain if you want to have a mani-pedi date.

Roxas - has literally no idea what’s going on, but damn he’s ready to SUPPORT. It takes him a while to understand the logistics of being trans, but he’s horrified that you spent so much time not being able to be who you actually are. He’ll have a lot of questions, so just be ready to be patient with it. He doesn’t want to upset or insult you, but it will take a bit before his ignorance becomes knowledge - when that happens, he’ll be happy to help everyone else understand your situation.

Xion - Your number one cheerleader and support system, without a doubt. By your side through hormone therapy if you’re able to take that route, ready to hold your hand before and after top/bottom surgery, basically just ready to help you with anything. Wants you to feel good about yourself because she knows how amazing and wonderful you are - the rest of the world needs to know it, too!

[movedto-jewishbucke]

@cupidmarwani​ // this isn’t 100% happy but here we go

I think along with being bullied for being “weird” (aka showing signs of (unmedicated) ADHD) he was also bullied for being GNC, or “obviously” gay, even though he was like... convinced he was cis and straight (until high school)

10 y/o Buck: it’s completely normal to get “!!!” when the cashier at subway calls you sir even though you’re definitely definitely definitely a girl :) 100% girl :)

I think it’s important to note that he definitely knew that, like, gay people were a thing - I think there was probably an elderly lesbian couple that frequented his shul as a child and he was always just *saucer eyes* at them

(also he didn’t know why he was so “obsessed” with seeing gay couples on the street... or at his shul... until he was like “oh... I am a gay people... nice :)”)

12 y/o Buck: being uncomfortable with your birth name to the point of being nauseous every time you hear it is super normal actually :) anyway call me Buck or I’ll kick your shins :)

anyway Buck joined GSA his freshman yr of high school because he thought it’d be a great way to be an Ally(tm) and definitely wouldn’t awaken anything in him :)

when he joined GSA that’s when he met his Very First Trans Person

but let’s be real - he has probably met a trans person before without knowing it but, like, this was the first trans person he met who was like “I’m trans :)”

anyway! she was a trans woman (Ellie), two grades above him, and the first time she talked about her experiences(tm), Buck was just *saucer eyes* and he was just :O

14 y/o Buck: this sounds similar to my experiences :) I’m not trans though :) because I’m a Girl :) 100% a girl :)

but like anyway he kept going to GSA... as an Ally(tm)... and also he asked Ellie a lot of questions because he wanted to be a Great Ally(tm) and not because he was trans

two months later he was like “hmm... so that seems like... it was a lie...” and he came out - only to the people in GSA though - and he started testing the waters with new names (but he still mostly went by Buck as a “safe” name)

he came out to Maddie first- over winter break. it was the fifth night of Hanukkah. their parents had gone to bed and they were sitting in the living room, watching the candles burn, and eating the last of the latkes (and also arguing a little over which topping is best- sour cream or ketchup)

then he just kind of blurted it out- it definitely went something like “I’m sorry but ketchup is the best topping, you’re just wrong :/” then he blurts out “I’m trans” and Maddie’s probably kind of like “...okay? that has nothing to do with what is the superior topping but... okay? I still love you?”

obviously I think they have a more... serious, in-depth discussion about Buck being trans later but when he first tells her they just kind of leave it at that and move on

he comes out to their parents (with Maddie’s support) probably the first week of summer and I think they’re a little confused but they’re pretty supportive and do their best to educate themselves (Maddie helps them because almost as soon as Buck told her she did a lot of reading, I think)

also he comes out to his friends over the summer as well and probably loses a ton of them which sucks a lot for him because he didn’t think they’d have that poor of a reaction (especially considering they were supportive of their other friend who came out as gay a few months prior)

anyway, I like the idea of Maddie picking his name! with his permission of course... like I think they’re chilling in Buck’s room, talking about Trans Things(tm), and Maddie’s just “so is Buck going to be your name or........? because I love you but Buck Buckley sounds bad”

Buck’s kind of like >:( though he agrees and is just “uh no :/ I can’t find a name that fits though :/” and so Maddie’s like “oooh can I pick” and he’s like “...I will take suggestions, yes”

it’s not until halfway thru summer that Maddie finally comes up with a name- Evan -and they spend the summer calling him it just to see how he feels about it and he’s “!!!”

the last day of summer, Maddie cuts Buck’s hair and the euphoria!!! whew!!! his parents aren’t Too Happy about that but mostly because they end up having to take him to a professional hairstylist to Fix It and by the time they’re done fixing it, his curls are gone :(

Buck starts sophomore year with a semi-new wardrobe, a new name, a new haircut- a new everything

things are still :/ but he really does find out who is Real Friends are during sophomore yr and a lot of people are pretty supportive of him being trans(tm) and also he makes new friends!!! who love and support him!!!

also I think his extended family are pretty supportive- a little confused but supportive and they definitely slip up (just like his parents do sometimes) but it’s not malicious

his parents coordinate with the rabbi to see if he can have a bar mitzvah (since he had a bat mitzvah for his 12th birthday) and for his 16th birthday he gets a bar mitzvah and also a new (masculine) Hebrew name that his parents help him pick out :0

also Maddie buys him an LGBT siddur because I think that’s neat (there actually is an LGBT siddur- iirc it was created by a reconstructionist or reform synagogue in San Francisco)

also for his 16th birthday, his name is legally changed so he’s officially Evan Buckley on all of his documents and also his gender marker is changed too :)

anyway!! shortly after his 16th birthday, they start working on getting him on testosterone- because his therapist recommended it and it’s something Buck has been wanting for a hot minute

he starts testosterone a few months later which is very fun for him and he’s very :)

Maddie bullies him for having (and refusing to shave) his rat mustache but it’s all in good fun and also it is kind of ugly

(luckily for Maddie, he ends up growing a beard when his testosterone dosage is upped so the rat ‘stache doesn’t hang around)

anyway, he gets top surgery (double incision) the summer after he graduates- insurance covered some of it but the rest is covered by his parents (due to the cost they basically tell him that’s his grad gift which is fine with him tbh)

I think after top surgery Buck is pretty much... not dysphoric?

like, I don’t see him as having bad bottom dysphoria and most of the things he was dysphoric about went away after top surgery and testosterone

(ie his voice got deeper; he got taller on testosterone (though he was tall to begin with imo); his chest got [redacted]; etc)

so, like, yeah- I think he has bottom dysphoria but it’s “mild” (if any dysphoria can be called mild) and it’s not bad enough that he wants, or feels he needs, any of the bottom surgeries available

also he does pack but not consistently imo? I feel it’s mostly cause he forgets to because, again, he just... isn’t bothered by what’s going on down there

I think that is all... also I can’t believe I wrote... almost 1300 words... solely on trans!buck headcanons... we stan... I guess?

[inserttemptitlehere]

An unasked for “moderate” take on TERFs v Trans rights

Nobody asked, I might get cancelled for this (probably by both sides), and honestly I don’t have much belief that this will even be read by many people. But it’s frustrating seeing people being condemned for reasonable fears and requests and I just feel the need to put my opinions out into the ether just to have them out there and so I can stop dwelling on them every time I see stuff like this happen again. 

Like, I just want to slap all the TERFs that purposefully misgender people and spout transphobic rhetoric. And I want to shake everyone who labels anything that complains about misogyny specific to cis women as TERF-y. God.

It seems like many “TERFs” are not actively malicious (although many definitely are), but are merely women who’ve been sexually assaulted or just been ground down by the patriarchy and are understandably (although not necessarily justifiably) scared/upset at the thought of any person with a male body coming into their safe spaces or into their fought for institutions. Whereas most trans people just want to live their lives and be accepted as the gender they identify as without wanting to cause any harm to anyone (although again, there are some they definitely do). 

I personally found much of JK Rowling’s recent essay to be fear mongering, but given that she suffered abuse from her husband I could understand and sympathize with why she had those fears even though I disagree with her conclusions about the actions society/government should take regarding them. I honestly just feel sad for her. I feel sad that the experiences she’s been through have made her so scared. I feel sad that despite the millions of dollars she’s donated to charity and work she’s done to make the world a better place she has now hurt so many people and this action will be what she’s remembered for. I feel sad that the extremely angry responses she’s gotten will most likely only solidify her fear and perpetuate her actions that will most likely cause more hurt for more people.

I’ll also say that her original tweet that sparked it all was valid! It is dehumanizing to reduce people to their genitals (ironically something people say TERFs do) and it erases the fact that almost all of these people are targeted because they are women. And it feels somewhat sexist as I’ve never seen an article refer to a certain group as “penis havers” or “semen producers”. I can, however, still see how it would be exclusive however to only refer to “people who menstruate” as “women”. A better wording would’ve been “women and trans men”. Because then no one would be left out. And don’t @ me about that somehow leaving out ‘trans women’, because guess what, there are cis women who don’t menstruate! If we can recognize that “Not all men” is a bad take, why on earth are we accepting “Not all women” as a correct one?

Look, not all cis women menstruate. Not all cis women can or do become pregnant. But we still label these as generic ‘women’s issues’ because they affect a large portion of women. But it should go both ways! I believe that makes the gross femininity trans women need to perform to qualify for hormones a ‘women’s issue’ and the difficulty of getting insurance to cover said hormones a ‘women’s issue’. Because they’re issues that affects a large portion of women. Heck, I know most Transmen find the fact that some TERFs include them in their feminism irritating, but I’m also fine with including specific issues affecting the ones that don’t feel that way as ‘feminist issues’.

I am 100% against misgendering people, am 100% supportive of including trans women’s specific issues as part of the overall fight to help women, and I will happily state “transwomen are women”. But, I do agree that there are a handful of cis women spaces/institutions that it becomes morally grey to accept transwomen into without any sort of provisions. Especially given the fact that if there were absolutely zero strings attached to legally identifying a certain way, then there are definitely cis people who would abuse the system. Personally, I don’t think we should completely structure our society based on these fears - although I can again understand the people who have not had as privileged of a life as I have feeling differently (even if I ultimately disagree with them).

Anyway my take on said spaces/institutions:

Bathrooms: Single parents of opposite sexed kids already use the opposite gendered bathroom to teach them how to use it (and should be allowed to). If a cis man wants to rape you in a bathroom that you’re alone in, I don’t think the societal norms are really going to stop him. And since trans people just want to use the bathroom in peace, let them. Maybe it’s because I’ve never felt comfortable peeing in public and thus never felt the bathroom to be a ‘safe space’, but I’ve never understood the argument against this.

Changing rooms: Go where you identify. If you start acting like a creep, then there should be some course of action to either get you banned or limit your access to said changing room. That policy should hold for cis or trans people.

Women’s support groups: Already made my opinion on this clear I hope. Although I will say that if talk about certain genitalia/bodily functions is triggering, it’s not right to shut down all discussion regarding those things for the other people there. Instead we should have, you know, trigger warnings so that everyone can either prepare themselves accordingly or leave the room and no one is triggered or feels like they are unable to talk about their issues.

Rape shelters: It is 100% valid for a cis woman that was a victim of rape to not want to share their space with someone with a working penis. If there is absolutely nothing that can be done to make said person feel safe, then it should be the right of the shelter to refuse long term stay to the person causing that issue (through no fault of their own) - although the shelter should do everything it can to make sure the trans woman has a place to stay/go. On the other hand, if a trans woman was already there before such a victim, it would not be right to toss out the trans woman to grant access to the cis woman who has the problem with them.

Sports: I personally don’t know enough of the science behind it, but it seems to me that bare minimum they shouldn’t be allowed to compete without doing hormone therapy. And even then the skeletal differences and remaining hormonal differences may still prevent things from being reasonably fair (although I wouldn’t know). It’s definitely not fair to let a trans person pre-hormones compete on the team their gender matches with. Honestly, in an ideal world we’d somehow have an objective way to sort sports into co-ed groups based on athletic ability similar to how weight classes work for wrestling.

Prisons: Non violent crime? Go where you identify. Violent crime? Sorry, gotta go based on your sex (unless you’ve had bottom surgery). It is immoral to lock a convicted rapist with a penis in a cell with women who have no way of getting away from them. I mean, maybe we could have ‘wings’ for trans people so they could go to the prison they identify as and they’d just have separate cells. But until that becomes the norm, the few violent trans criminals should not be allowed to go where they identify.

Kids: Not an institution, but definitely a hot topic. Personally, I think only puberty blockers until they hit adulthood and extensive therapy to make sure that they are in fact trans. Admittedly JK Rowling’s essay about this bit sounded a bit like, “The spooky trans cult is coming for your neurodivergent and gay children!” But it did have small feeling of truth to it as well. As a GNC, cis, autistic woman who had dysphoria as a teen I also worry that I might have been incorrectly diagnosed as trans if I’d been born later. But I don’t think it’s something we as a society need to be extremely worried about or use as an excuse to make things harder on trans kids and adults. We just need to make sure that kids get the therapy they need to sort out whether they’re trans or just having the common dysphoria you have as a teen and chafing against gender roles. We can rubber stamp adults if they want, it’s only kids that should have to go through some minor hoops.

Finally, on being “Gender Critical”. I have to say, the idea of smashing the concept of gender and everybody just living as they are with no societal expectations for them to be one way or another based loosely on their biological sex sounds wonderful. I’m just upset that so many who support this concept are so transphobic because technically in that future there would be no ‘trans’ people (except those that suffer dysphoria) and they feel this gives them the right to act horribly towards trans people. I did recently talk to some TRAs who explained to me that, unlike ‘Gender Critical’ proponents, their ‘gender’ model is split into multiple components. That you’ve got your biological sex (your parts), your gender identity (what you feel you are), your gender presentation (how you dress and act), and gender roles (how society expects you to act based on your gender). So it seems to me, that we can still reach a version of that wonderful future that doesn’t erase people. Smashing gender roles and the idea that there is a ‘correct’ way to present as a gender would achieve ‘female liberation’ while still allowing for people who still desire to identify a certain way. We shouldn’t completely do away with gender, just the things that society expects from it. 

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

There’s a post that’s been bothering me for literally four years. It managed to somehow be both homophobic and transphobic and the (very popular) social justice blogger who made it never got any serious blowback. I’m going to post a screencap of it here, but I won’t say who it’s from because it was four years ago. What I will say is that as far as I know, they have never addressed it or apologized despite having been asked more than once, never did anything about all the people in the notes using it as a reason to be homophobic, and that they are still a pretty popular, well regarded blog.

This post was made in response to part of an old conversation that got dragged up. It was one of those things that’s like, maybe this was okay, maybe it wasn’t, depending on the context, which I’ve never been able to find. The person who originally pulled it up was a transphobe who was talking about “biological sex,” so I don’t trust their judgment or intentions, but a broken clock is right twice a day, so it’s possible that something actually homophobic was said. I haven’t posted it here because that would just be taking it out of context again and as OP has pointed out, that isn’t helpful. Here’s the part of their response that deals with monosexuals and making assumptions about people’s gender. The rest of the post talked about why taking the comment out of context didn’t accurately represent their feelings and how the conversation had also been about biphobia and bi erasure, and that’s all fine.

It starts out fine (making assumptions about someone’s gender and anatomy based on their appearance is cissexist and we should all try not to do it), but it turns into “and I don’t do that because I’m bisexual.” Which like, you’re a cis woman so yes you fucking do. I’m nonbinary and I still do it sometimes. And then there’s that line at the end about how gay and straight people’s orientations are based on assumptions about people’s gender and anatomy. 

I’ll note that they were talking about monosexuals, which includes lesbians, gay men, and all straight people and was also read like it was directed at people who were doing it out of ignorance rather than malice, so this post was not specifically about terfs and isn’t really applicable to them at all because they know exactly what they’re doing. Terfs were also considered just as bad in 2015 as they are now, so if that comment had been about terfs, they could have said that and it would have gotten them off the hook with the people who were calling them out in good faith.

They then wrote out a longer explanation about what their current feelings were on the subject. This is broken up into two images just because it was too long to screencap at once. I haven’t removed anything. The first post and second reblog are the OP:

They later edited the post twice--once to specify that they were only talking about cis monosexuals and once to add “and sometimes also bi and pan people do this too,” which did little to address the fact that this post was literally claiming that being gay or straight was inherently problematic and that bi and pan people were automatically less transphobic by virtue of their sexual orientation and just ended up implying that it’s only okay to be gay if you’re trans (because I guess that means you’re woke enough to stop yourself from being attracted to people on sight?). Here’s 

Four years ago, I wasn’t really able to articulate a response that cut to the root of why this post bothered me so much more than any other homophobic or transphobic bullshit and to navigate around the fact that there are parts of it that I genuinely agree with (most of the stuff about anatomy), but I’m older and more practiced now, so here we go.

This post is based on a number of incorrect assumptions:

That gay people can’t find someone they’re not attracted to aesthetically pleasing to look at

That gay people are, across the board, only attracted to certain genitalia and base their sexual orientations off that

That gay people’s thoughts immediately jump to sex the first time they’re attracted to someone

That the only way to be bi is to be attracted to every gender

That gay people base their assumptions about people’s gender on whether they’re attracted to them

That still being willing to have sex with someone after finding out you were wrong about their gender makes your assumption less transphobic

They were not willing to listen to any of the gay people in their notes trying to explain to them that this isn’t actually how being gay works at all or any of the bi, pan, or trans people who called them out for being way out of their lane. The only person they responded to at all was a trans lesbian who pointed out that they hadn’t ever specified that they were only talking about cis gay people (that person also pointed out several ways in which the post was homophobic, none of which were addressed beyond “that’s not what I meant”). 

Basically, the thesis statement here is, “Gay people’s attraction is based solely around sex and genitals and none of them are attracted to trans people, but bi and pan people are attracted to everyone so we don’t make as many assumptions about people’s gender, and when we do it’s less problematic.” Which is obviously very false for multiple reasons. 

I’m going to go through all of these assumptions and talk about the underlying thought processes underpinning them and how they’re even more insidious than they seem on the surface. 

1. Gay people can’t find someone they’re not attracted to aesthetically pleasing to look at

This is actually one of the more benign assumptions and what it really comes down to is not understanding that thinking, “That person is hot” isn’t the same thing as thinking, “I would be interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with that person” (which also isn’t necessarily the same thing as thinking “I would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with that person” but this post completely ignores that romance might be part of being gay--we’ll get to that later). It’s really just a fundamental misunderstanding about what sexual attraction is and how it works. 

2. Gay people are, across the board, only attracted to certain genitalia 

The obvious thought process underlying this attitude is that you have to be attracted to women in some capacity to want to date and trans man and vice versa for trans women. There are two possible assumptions that could be causing this. The first is that all gay people (and all straight people) are transphobic and only care about genitalia. The second is that a trans man who hasn’t had bottom surgery isn’t really enough of a man for someone who’s only attracted to men to want to have sex with him, and the same for trans women. You’re either being homophobic or transphobic here. 

In fact, what it really reveals about OP is that, regardless of their self-righteousness on this topic, they are the one equating being attracted to women with being attracted to vaginas and being attracted to men with being attracted to penises. That’s not to say that there isn’t a transphobia problem in gay communities, but the implication here is that these are the objective definitions of being a lesbian and a gay man respectively. There are definitely cis lesbians who date trans women and cis gay men who date trans men. 

OP assigned a transphobic, incorrect definition to gay people and then based a lot of their argument on that. We see this a lot in ace discourse (”it means not wanting to fuck”) and in bi vs pan discourse (”it excludes nonbinary people”). It would be a problem if it was true, but it’s not, and while there are people who ascribe to that definition, those people wrong. There are lots cissexist bi and pan people who equate gender and genitalia until told otherwise, and it’s not less transphobic when they do it. It’s a transphobia problem, not a being gay problem.

3. Gay people’s thoughts immediately jump to sex as soon as they’re attracted to someone

So this is just blatant sexualization of gay people, and it really explains a lot of about the first two assumptions. Being gay is all about sex, so if you’re gay, you can’t possibly think someone is hot without immediately thinking about what they look like naked and how you want to have sex with them. And of course because being gay is all about what kind of sex you want to have, your attraction must be defined by the genitalia of your partners. 

It should go without saying that this is really homophobic. Even for gay aros, this isn’t how it works. I guess I can understand how if you’re equally attracted to everyone, you might not understand how gender plays a roll in attraction outside of thinking about sex, but it does, and that you don’t get it doesn’t excuse this. It just means you shouldn’t have been talking about it.

4. The only way to be bi is to be attracted to every gender

 There are a couple of assumptions that could be underlying this. The possibility that’s most charitable to OP is that they are attracted to every gender and assume that that’s the only way to be bi. This is the only option that avoids exorsexism, but it is biphobic. 

The second possibility is an assumption that nonbinary people don’t exist. Therefore, the only way to be bi is to be attracted to both men and women. This is extremely exorsexist for obvious reasons. 

The third is a little more complicated, but it’s basically an assumption that being attracted to nonbinary people doesn’t, on it’s own, make someone bi. So, a person acknowledges that nonbinary people exist but basically thinks that either, because nonbinary people span so many identities, it’s impossible to be attracted to them if you’re not attracted to everyone. So a bi woman who’s attracted to nonbinary people and women shouldn’t exist because some nonbinary people identify so close to being a man that you couldn’t be attracted to them if you weren’t attracted to men. This is where the fetishization argument that a lot of exlusionists use comes from (I’m not saying that OP is an exclusionist, this is just the underlying ideology they use), and it ignore the fact that identifying as being attracted to women and nonbinary people doesn’t mean you’re attracted to ALL women and nonbinary people. It just means you can be attracted to women and nonbinary people.

Another possible mindset underlying that assumption is that if you aren’t attracted to everyone, the nonbinary people you’re attracted to must be so close as to be indistinguishable from whatever binary gender you’re attracted to, and therefore don’t count as being a different gender. That mindset stems from not thinking aboit nonbinary genders as being as legitimate or meaningful as binary genders and from seeing nonbinary people as basically whatever binary gender you think they’re closest to (”If you’re a bi woman who is attracted to men and nonbinary people, you’re really straight because your nonbinary partner looks like/acts like/is basically a man”). This is again exorsexist for reasons that should be obvious. 

5. Gay people base their assumptions about people’s gender on whether they’re attracted to them

This is the assumption that gay people go: 

I’m attracted to this person -> They must be a man/woman

rather than

I think this person is a man/woman -> I’m attracted to them

This frames gay people’s attraction as the reason the assumption about someone else’s gender is being made, and not the fact that we were all raised in a cissexist society. It’s also lets cis bi and pan people completely off the hook cissexism. If gay people’s assumptions about other people’s gender is caused by or is somehow made worse being attracted to them, then bi and pan people should be basically immune because they’re attracted to everyone (according to OP).

The mindset underlying this assumption is that there are people that you are innately attracted to and gay people are just attempting to shape their sexual orientation around their best guess at who those people are. Therefore, everyone is... I don’t know, varying degrees of bi I guess?... and gay people (and straight people) are just the transphobes who assume they know what everyone’s gender is, while bi and pan people are enlightened enough to realize they don’t. OP claimed in the notes that they weren’t saying monosexual orientations don’t exist, but if the point your making is that monosexual orientations are based solely around an assumption that’s probably wrong, then that is what you’re saying. And they definitely didn’t correct the first reblogger, who was unequivocally saying that.

It completely ignores the probability that a person’s attraction would disappear after finding out the person’s gender was actually not compatible with their sexual orientation, or the possibility that a gay person might know someone at least well enough to have some idea of what their gender is before becoming sexual attracted to them (because, as we’ve covered, just thinking someone is hot isn’t the same as attraction, and many gay people aren’t fantasizing about sex with complete strangers). Unless we’re talking about a closeted trans person, you usually don’t have to know someone that well to know what their gender is.

Shocker: most assumptions about people’s gender are made because they “look like” one of the binary genders, have certain secondary sex characteristics, have a traditionally masculine or feminine name, use he/him or she/her pronouns, or have a certain gender marker on their driver’s license. These are all things that bi and pan people are equally susceptible to. 

6. Still being willing to have sex with someone after finding out you were wrong about their gender makes your assumption less transphobic

It super doesn’t. You still made the assumption. Framing it this way implies that transphobia is all about whether you would be willing to have sex with a trans person. I shouldn’t need to explain why that’s bad.

In conclusion

I want to mention that OP clarified that they weren’t try to say that everyone is bi in a reblog, but if that’s genuinely true then... I honestly don’t know how this post made sense to them. The point is either “people only think they’re gay or straight because they’re making assumptions about other people’s genders” OR “gay people want to have sex with strangers and that’s problematic (but it’s fine if a bi or pan person does it).” Which is a great example of someone setting a standard that requires huge changes from others but none from them and then getting self-righteous because other people don’t meet it (surprise surprise, the post I was referencing when I brought this up yesterday was from the same OP). 

Anyway, regardless of which is true, it’s wrong. This post is homophobic, transphobic, and also erases a lot of bi experiences, and I still can’t believe that so many people just let this go unchecked when it happened.

mod k

Note: I better not catch a single one of you using this post as an excuse to be biphobic. 

[lavender-lotion]

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | F/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Allison Argent/Stiles Stilinski | Allison ArgentStiles Stilinski | Trans Female Character, Trans Allison Argent, Established Relationship, Discussions of Surgery, Love Confessions, promise rings, Fluff

“Is it something you...want?”

“I’m not sure.”

Read here on AO3

***

“Is it something you...want?” Stiles asked quietly, playing with his fingers. Allison watched, noting how he was picking at his cuticle before she reached over and snagged his hands with her own. They were sitting crossed legged on Stiles’ bed, facing each other and barely dressed. They’d already showered for bed, but then Stiles had asked how her appointment had gone. 

It had been thought-provoking, if nothing else. She had been a bit surprised to find an endocrinologist in a town as small as Beacon Hills, but her dad had set up an appointment for her without her even needing to ask him. It was just a regular checkup to make sure her blood levels were still good and that her hormones were all balanced, but she’d brought up surgery for the first time. 

It had been a little awkward, considering she’s forced her dad into the room with her and she’d never spoken to this lady before. Her dad hadn’t minded being in there, and it made her feel safer having him with her for the conversation. She had known some things, the basics, but she hadn’t really known what her options were and weren’t until now. 

The whole drive home had been spent with her thinking. When she’d asked her dad if she could spend the night with Stiles, she really hadn’t been expecting anything other than the usual raised brow that was as good as a no. But, to her surprise—and delight—he’d said yes and had requested nothing more than getting a good night text from her. 

They’d had a lovely night together, eating a dinner they made together, bumping hips in Stiles’ little kitchen as they danced along with the radio. A movie was watched as they cuddled up on the couch and talked quietly, conversation flowing even easier than it ever had after eight months together. Then they had shared a very hot shower that had been very fun, and now Stiles was finally asking her about her appointment. 

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, looking into his eyes. They were such a warm brown, so safe and inviting, and she focused on the gold flecks that were scattered about her iris as she ignored how vulnerable she felt. “I’m not...it doesn’t bother me. Having it doesn’t bother me. I don’t care that I have a penis, not really. Not when I think about it. And when I think about myself in the future I...don’t know if I see myself having a vagina. I don’t know if I see myself having sex as someone with a vagina...at least not anytime soon.”

Stiles nodded and hummed thoughtfully. She liked that he wasn’t saying anything right away, that he was clearly thinking over what she’d answered with. “Yeah, that makes sense. It’s really...it seems really invasive. Kind of scary too, if I’m being really honest. That would be a lot to go through.”

“Yeah, exactly! Like the doctor pointed out to me, if it isn’t bothering me, is there really a need to get it? A lot of trans people never get any surgery at all and are totally happy!” Which wasn’t something she’d ever really considered before. Surgery, for her, had always seemed like the last step of her transition. Something that was bound to happen one day because it was supposed to happen, but now...now she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t need to have a vagina just to be a woman—she already was one!

Stiles tugged at her hands, and she looked up at him with a frown. He was staring at her intently, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Can I be like, really honest?” he asked, and her stomach dropped. She had talked to guys before who hadn’t wanted anything to do with her when they found out she was pre-op (and that was putting things as politely as possible, considering some of the things she’d been told). Obviously Stiles wasn’t going to do that, seeing as he’d just had her dick down his throat, like, twenty minutes ago but...Allison wasn’t sure what she would do if he said something awful. 

“Okay,” she said quietly, not looking away from his face but staring at his eyebrows instead of into his eyes. She wasn’t sure if she could look at him so intimately, just in case. 

Stiles took a deep breath, squeezed her hands, and then said, “I like your dick. I kind of love you dick, actually. Ally, I think you’re super hot as you are. We have awesome sex that keeps getting better and better. And it’s not some weird fetish thing, I promise you. You’re a girl, you’re my girlfriend and I would never think of you any other way, it’s...I love you,” he whispered the last bit, so quietly that Allison almost didn’t catch it over the way her heart kicked into overdrive. “I love you,” he said again, louder. He stared into her eyes with a smile that made her heart flutter. “And I’ll love you no matter what you do. I only want you to do this if it’s the right thing for you. And if that’s not now, but it is in ten years, do it then! Cause I’m...I know we’re young, but I’m gonna be here. If you’ll have me, Ally, I’m always going to be here. Stilinski’s mate for life.”

“Stiles, if you pull out a ring I’ll cry,” Allison warned and was glad that Stiles didn’t point out that she already was crying. 

He pulled one of his hands away to scratch the back of his neck, dropping his eyes with a blush. “Uhm, it’s only a promise ring, and I wasn’t going to give it to you until our one year? You don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to, really. I’ll be okay if you don’t want it, uh, if you don’t want to make that type of promise because like I said, we’re young and--”

Allison laughed wetly, launching herself at him and hugging him tightly. She buried her face in his chest and let him rub her back until she’d stopped crying. When she pulled back, she moved to straddle his waist and touched his jaw lightly, pulling him up into a kiss that went on and on, their mouths moving together sweetly. Heat was stirring in her belly and her heart was racing, and moaned she when his hands groped her ass. 

“I love you too, Sti, god I love you too. Give me the ring! Give me the ring,” Allison breathed against his mouth, smiling and laughing giddily even as she tried to kiss him again, her heart soaring. 

[sitkowskiryan]

secret keepers. douze.

repost because i apparently never gave you guys chapter 11!

Warnings: smut, disregard of pronouns, dysphoria mention, emotional abuse(?), and vulgar language. This stuff is all just mentioned as josh and tyler talk about it.

Disclaimer: I am a cisgender, bisexual female and so I have no idea what is like to be a trans, gay man so I am sorry if I offend anyone! I'm gonna say this here and I'll repeat it in other chapters where I feel like people can get mad at me for things. If I have gotten something completely wrong/offensive, please give me advice on how to make it better!

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Josh grunted as a weight settled on him, eyes slowly opening to see his boyfriend happily perched on his chest, wiggling his little hips.

"Ty what are you," Josh's question was cut off by a soft kiss to his lips, Tyler's hands trailing down his body and towards his boxers. Josh let out a soft moan, he always enjoyed being dominated by Tyler. It was nice to see the usually shy man take what he wanted. It was at this moment that Josh remembered what had happened last night. Talk about a cock block. Josh pulled back from the kiss, sitting up so he could see Tyler and so the younger man couldn't avoid his questions with kisses.

"Honey what about last night?" Josh got out breathily since Tyler had started to attack his neck half way through his question.

"Tyler," Josh attempted to be stern, but the teacher whined in annoyance.

"I don't wanna talk about it Josh," Tyler whispered, "I just wanna be close to my boyfriend, right now," Tyler purred, running his fingers through Josh's hair. The older man bit his lip, not sure what he wanted to do. He wanted to make sure his boyfriend was okay after last night, but also didn't want to see his confidence drain from him. Josh sat unsurely for a second before nodding his head slightly.

"You tell me when you need me to stop, the exact second Tyler," Josh said, tone firm as he gripped Tyler's hips tightly. Tyler nodded his head to show he understood before pulling Josh back into the kiss. Josh got lost in the kiss, holding his boyfriend with such care like he was scared Tired might break in half. It was the standard make out session that they were used to having. Until Tyler took one of Josh's hands and casually led it into his boxers. Josh's fingers trembled as they touched Tyler's coarse pubic hair, trimmed to by hygienic, but not like how the girls Josh has been with were like. Josh reminded himself that Tyler was no girl and he shouldn't be comparing him to past relationships.

"Be tender," Tyler instructed, letting go of Josh's hand and moving his own up to clench at Josh's bicep. Josh gulped audibly, not wanting to accidentally hurt Tyler or cause him discomfort. Josh thought back to his past with girls and by-passed Tyler's clit to rub his labia slowly. Tyler inhaled sharply, rocking into Josh's touch.

"Sensitive honey?" Josh whispered, Tyler nodding his head against Josh's shoulder. The older man slowly made his way up to Tyler's clit, letting his thumb circle the nub, gradually getting faster. Josh kissed at Tyler's neck during this process, listening to Tyler's keens and moans.

"Joshua, oh Joshua, JOSHUA!"

Josh shot awake to the harsh shaking, looking over at the flustered Tyler. The pink haired man glanced down at his crotch and Josh let out a loud groan, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry baby boy," Josh said, his voice groggy. He made to get up, needing to calm down away from Tyler so he didn't pressure his boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was for Tyler to be uncomfortable. Soft hands on his chest stopped him, Tyler pulling Josh back onto the bed. Josh looked at him confusedly, but Tyler didn't meet his eyes, focusing on drawing shapes on Josh's chest.

"Honey?" Josh whispered, reaching up to cover Tyler's hand with his own, pausing his movements.

"Have to get used to it, don't I?" Tyler whispered, bringing Josh's knuckles to his lips before putting them back on his chest.

"Can't be with the man I love if I can't handle his wet dreams," Tyler joked solemnly, Josh smiling warily.

"Baby can we talk about last night?" Josh asked, eyes focused solely on Tyler to watch his reactions. Tyler paused for a second before nodding slowly.

"Take your time darling," Josh whispered, slowly sitting up in the bed and pulling Tyler to sit in his lap. The younger man curled up to his chest, fingers hooking in Josh's collarbone for a brief moment. Josh rubbed his back tenderly, waiting for Tyler to start.

"It wasn't a sudden thing... I think I always knew that I was different. Girls like dolls and dresses and I would scream and cry every Sunday when my mom attempt to put me in a dress. I liked to play basketball and get dirty, no matter how much my parents scolded me for getting 'your pretty skirt, Tyler!' dirty," Tyler started, brushing his fingers over Josh's peck. It wasn't in an intimate way, more of a subconscious action.

"When I turned fourteen I met this kid, Mikey, in high school. His sibling was transgender, only male to female. Went from Gerard to Gemma," the name tickled the back of Josh's mind, but he couldn't for the life of him remember why. Not that he cared about anything other than Tyler's word right now.

"I wanted to be Tyler Robert instead of Robin, my family believed it to be a phase, but it was who I was - am. I moved out at eighteen and rarely talked to my family unless I was forced too. Got top surgery at twenty-one, wearing binders hurt, though I sometimes wear them when I feel less... masculine I guess you could say," Tyler trailed off, letting his fingers play with Josh's happy trail, plucking a hair here and there. Josh's muscles contracted with each pluck, but he didn't stop Tyler.

"Do you feel less masculine often?" Josh asked, speaking for the first time in twenty minutes. Tyler had paused in his story, plucking at the hairs on Josh's chest and stomach absentmindedly.

"No, not really... Sometimes on my, um, period or if I think about the past. I'm pretty confident in my body, though having a vagina sometimes messes with my head..." Tyler admitted, humming softly when Josh's hand came up to rub his calf gently, blunt fingernails dragging through the body hair found there.

"And have you thought of bottom surgery?" Josh prodded nervously, not wanting to be insensitive. Tyler's lips quirked into a smile at the question, tilting his head up to finally look at Josh.

"Yeah, and I think I'll pass on that part. Besides vaginal sex feels better than anal," Tyler giggled softly, Josh pulling him closer. He loved seeing Tyler smile and giggle.

"I understand if you are not into it and want to like break up," Tyler whispered, his smile suddenly gone and the insecurity showing on his face once more. Josh shifted Tyler so he was straddling his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Honey, I wouldn't leave your side even if you were asexual. I'd love anything between your legs, even if it had something to do with tentacles." Tyler pushed him playfully at that, a small smile on his lips.

"And you wanna know something else?" Tyler nodded his head, biting his lip in a way that made Josh wanna flip them over and fuck him into the mattress.

"My dream was about playing with your clit and listening to your little noises that I am sure you make," Josh watched as Tyler's face turned red and didn't miss the subtle jerk his hips gave, seeking friction probably. Josh grinned at his boyfriend, patting his backside for a quick second and sitting back against the headboard.

"You dream about playing with my clit?" The word coming out of Tyler's mouth could have made Josh cum instantly if he was a teenager. Tyler did not like cursing, especially with Olivia in the house, so to hear such dirty words fall from his lips was hot.

Josh nodded his head, holding Tyler's hips tightly so he couldn't move them. Tyler huffed at him and they continued their conversation. Tyler's eyes widened when Josh revealed what he had told his family and burst into laughs that wracked his entire body. The both agreed never to call Tyler's bottom anatomy a cock ever again. Josh thumbed Tyler's hips, a lull in their conversation, one thought wracking his head over and over again.

"Hey Ty, how come you didn't want to tell me?" Josh finally asked, Tyler sighing, but he knew it was coming. He just didn't want to try an explain and hurt Josh's feelings.

"Protecting myself I guess? I didn't think you would come to mean so much to me or that I would ever meet you in person and here you are. I tried so many times to tell you that I was trans. How you didn't figure it out I will never know, missed health class baby?" Tyler teased, Josh knocking him off his lap. The teacher laughed and climbed back on top of his boyfriend.

"Plus I had bad relationships in the past where they find out I'm trans and say they are okay with it, but it was never long before they started to call me a sissy or a female or something like that. I didn't want you to be like that," Tyler whispered, wrapping his arms around Josh's neck. The older man rubbed his back and leaned up to press his lips to his briefly.

"I'd never hurt you or treat you different Ty. I actually dated a transgender woman in high school, couldn't figure it out then either," Tyler grinned at him, Josh rolling his eyes.

"But I had no problem with her, my problem was how people treated her when they found out. I wish with everything in me that I had been able to show her that I wasn't like the others. I'll spend my life showing you just how much you mean to me, how much you mean to my daughter Ty. I love you so much and that isn't going to change. Even if you turned out to be a killer."

Tyler's eyes were watering at Josh's admission, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"I love you too sugar," Tyler whispered, pressing their lips together. Josh grinned into the kiss, flipping them so Tyler was on his back. The older man swallowed the younger's gasp, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Josh pulled back from the kiss, leaving Tyler breathless as he kissed down his jaw and towards his ear.

"Let me show you how much you mean to me, baby boy."

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Word Count: 1,733

i hope you guys enjoyed this! let me know your favorite part(s)! send me some cute ideas for fluffy chapters please!

until next time,

stay alive sunshines

- courtney xox

[wayhaughterthanyou]

1-120, dare you

3 Fears- That my computer will crash at question 119, spiders, and planes

3 things I love- Wynonna Earp, writing, and video games

2 turns on- Hmm when someone runs their hands through my hair or shows me any kind of affection at all

2 turns off- Flat-earthers and people who refuse to interact with anything other than my genitals during sex

My best friend- My brother

Sexual orientation- Queer trans man

How tall am I- 5′7″

What do I miss right now- Sleep

Favourite color- PURPLE

Do I have a crush- I do..kind of

Favourite place- My bedroom

What am I listening to right now- My brother play fortnite- but the last song I was listening to was I wanna get better by Bleachers

Shoe size- 9

Eye color- Brown

Hair color- Brown

Meaning behind my URL- I think it’s pretty obvious

Favourite song- Morning in America- Jon Bellion

Favourite band- I really really don’t have one, I listen to such a wide range of music that it’s obnoxious and really hard to pick one

How I feel right now- Tired as fuck

Someone I love- MY CAT

My current relationship status- Single as can be my dude

My relationship with my parents- Stressful

Favourite season- Winter

Tattoos and piercing i have- I have a quill pen tattoo down my left forearm and a septum peircing

Tattoos and piercing i want- So so many tattoos, too many to list on this already long ask. As for piercings idk. I’m good for now but I might drill more holes into my body someday

The reasons I joined Tumblr- I was really into the disney memes

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Lucky to say that I do

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?- It was my dad so…technically yes, yes I have

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?- It takes 3 seconds to get dressed and an hour and a half to be prepared to see another human being

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope

Where am I right now? I’m at home

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? I’m surprised I can still hear

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do

Am I excited for anything? NYC PRIDE 2018!!!

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yup

How often do I wear a fake smile? Honey I worked in food service for 5 years, fake is the only smile I know

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Melanie Scrofano

What do I think about most? Wearp

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind for sure, but I’m working on it!

What was the last lie I told? I told my dad I ate lunch

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chat. Phone calls frighten me

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes.

Do I believe in magic? IN A YOUNG GIRLS HEART HOW THE MUSIC CAN FREE HER WHENEVER IT STARTS

Do I believe in luck? Yes I have tons of bad luck so there has to be some good luck making someone else happy out there somewhere

What’s the weather like right now? It was pouring and freezing earlier and now it’s super hot I hate spring

What was the last book I’ve read? I recently reread To Kill A Mockingbird

Do I have any nicknames? Seattle

Do I spend money or save it? I try to save it and then I pay rent and then I pay bills and then I don’t have moneys and then I’m sad

Can I touch my nose with a tounge? I literally can’t even reach my septum ring lmao

Favourite animal? Orcas

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? I knocked the fuck out at like 10

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Wildwood by Fleurie

What is my favorite word? Sacapuntas

My top 5 blogs on tumblr? @a-maelstrom @weirdofreakish @wayhaughtship @oliviajoytaylor @earpdearp

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Have you tried taking Bikini Bottom and pushing it over there?

Do I have any relatives in jail? I had a cousin in for check fraud a couple years ago but I didn’t know her so all I used it for was threatening my bullies

What is my current desktop picture?- It’s a wearp season 2 cast photo

Had sex? I’ve done the sex

Bought condoms? Hell no you can get those for free I’m a baller on a budget 

Gotten pregnant? Nope

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yeah I don’t mean to brag but she was hella wet

Had job? Several

Smoked weed? I’m high rn so

Smoked cigarettes? I used to when I was in middle school and then I had a crush on this girl who didn’t like them so I stopped and I should really thank her

Drank alcohol? Yup, illegally though because i live in a country where you can go to war before you can drink

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I’ve tried but I have bad enough eating habits already and it made me eat oatmeal all day cause I’m too lazy to do anything right

Been overweight? I was overweight by a lot about 6 months ago

Been underweight? I’m currently underweight

Gotten my heart broken? Yes

Been to prom? Hell yeah! I took my manager from work and we slow danced to Beautiful by James Blunt

Been in airplane? UNfortunately

Learned another language? I took AP spanish for 7 years

Wore make up? Yup

Dyed my hair? So many times

Had a surgery? Tonsils only

Met someone famous? I’ve met a bunch of bands over the years at Warped Tour

Stalked someone on a social network? Of course

Been fishing? Yup! It’s a right of passage when you grow up on an island

Been rejected by a crush? Of course

What do I want for birthday? I want to give myself this present and I want to have at least posted my first video to my youtube channel

Do I like my handwriting? I love it

Where do I want to live when older? Canada

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? No my parents are dumb

What I’m really bad at? Playing instruments

What my greatest achievments are- I finally looked at my tumblr theme after like 4 years of not knowing what it looks like and its actually not that bad

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me- Lmao I can’t think of anything that could be on that level right now but the other day my mother looked me in the eyes and goes “You know your life sucks right?”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Damn I’d but a new computer immediately and then move across the world

What do I like about myself- My jawline

My closest Tumblr friend- @a-maelstrom

Any question you’d like? My favorite school house rock song is the Preamble song

Are you outgoing or shy? I’m not shy I just generally don’t like talking to other humans

What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind ones

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Maybe? If I’ve learned anything from life it’s that you really never know but I DAMN HOPE

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? It depends on who it’s with but most of the time no

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My friend Shaf

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “No, we’re good.”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Icon- Jaden Smith, Bottom of the deep blue sea- Missio, Let you go- Machine gun kelly, little sister- trixie mattel, and In the middle- dodie

Do you like it when people play with your hair? 10/10 would die for that shit

Do you think there is life on other planets? Definitely

Do you like bubble baths? I do but I’m too large for my tub and it’s very sad

Do you like your neighbors? I don’t think I have ever said a single word to a single one of them

Where would you like to travel? San Fransisco

Favorite part of your daily routine? Playing video games

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Every single one of my bits

What do you do when you wake up? Wish I was back asleep

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker, I’m pale as fuck

Do you ever want to get married? If I find the right person

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? A tiny one on top of my head

Would you rather live without TV or music? I’d rather die thanks

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Of course

What are your favorite stores to shop in? Amazon

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I guess it depends but mostly yeah

Do you smile at strangers? HA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I mispelled my name on twitter and was too lazy to change it but today a guy called me out so I changed it and acted like I didn’t because I’ll do what I want sir

Ever wished you were someone else? I used to a lot

Favourite makeup brand? I know nothing about make up

Last thing you ate? Mac and cheese

Ever won a competition? For what? Soccer

Ever been in love? Yes

Facebook or Twitter? Twitter and if you’d like to follow me my name is AmongSeattle

Okay that took a lot longer than I had anticipated but I had a lot of fun. Thank you so much for taking the time to test how much my computer can take before it gives in. Join me next time when I’ll probably be answering 500 questions and encoding my social security into the text :*

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: I Let My Child Create Their Own Gender Identity. The Experience Has Been a Gift for Us Both

“What are you having?” I’d be standing in line at the post office or a movie theater, and I’d realize a stranger was staring at my belly. The kind person thought they were asking me a simple question with a simple answer: Is it a boy or a girl?

If you want to get technical, my partner Brent and I had found out our child’s sex chromosomes in the early stages of my pregnancy, and we had seen their genitals during the anatomy scan. But we didn’t think that information told us anything about our kid’s gender. The only things we really knew about our baby is that they were human, breech and going to be named Zoomer. We weren’t going to assign a gender or disclose their reproductive anatomy to people who didn’t need to know, and we were going to use the gender-neutral personal pronouns they, them and their. We imagined it could be years before our child would tell us, in their own way, if they were a boy, a girl, nonbinary or if another gender identity fit them best. Until then, we were committed to raising our child without the expectations or restrictions of the gender binary.

I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology. In the decade before Zoomer was born, it was literally my job to study and educate others about gender. There was no shortage of gender-disparity statistics, but I felt confident that progress toward gender equity was gaining momentum. In my Sociology of Gender and Sexuality course, I would lecture on discrimination against queer people, the motherhood penalty, men’s higher suicide rate, violence against transgender women of color, and the way intersex people–those born with biological traits that aren’t typically male or female–are stigmatized or completely overlooked. But I also taught about the victory of same-sex marriage equality, more women running for office, fathers demanding family leave, the rising visibility of transgender actors in the media, and the movement to end intersex surgery.

With every new semester, the number of students asking me to call them by different names and use different pronouns than they were given at birth grew. Women confided that they were experiencing sexism from their chemistry professors. Men vented about the pressures of masculinity. These 18- to 20-something-year-olds were feeling crushed by gender stereotypes. I could relate. I was raised as a girl in the Mormon church, and it took a long time for me to untangle myself from the conditioning that the only things I should want (and could be good at) were marriage and motherhood.

I could see the trail of bread crumbs. How gender inequalities get their start in childhood. How girls do more chores than boys and are paid less allowance. How kids are dressed in shirts that say “sorry boys, Daddy says i can’t date until I’m 30,” yet when a child says they’re gay, they’re told they’re too young to know that. How girls are discouraged from running for student government. How boys are discouraged from playing with dolls. How queer and trans youth are kicked out of their homes. People have asked me to prove that gender-creative parenting will have positive outcomes. I double-dog dare someone to prove that hypergendered childhood is a roaring success.

Kids fare better in environments where they are accepted for who they are. The negative outcomes that are often experienced by queer and trans youth are mitigated by supportive families and friends. Parents take precautions to keep their children healthy and safe by enrolling them in swim lessons, teaching them to stay away from fire and cutting food into tiny pieces. Holding space for the possibility a child might be trans or nonbinary or queer is also preventative care.

The goal of gender-creative parenting is not to eliminate gender—the goal is to eliminate gender-based oppression, disparities and violence. The aim isn’t to create a genderless world; it’s to contribute to a genderfull one. We as a society have an opportunity to shake up childhood gender socialization in a way that creates more healthy and equitable adulthoods for everyone. What have we got to lose? The patriarchy? Good riddance.

The summer before I was pregnant, I noticed a young sprints track meet banner fastened to the chain-link fence of the local high school. I can’t wait till I have a little one who can run in that! I thought.

Three years later, I left that track meet in tears after I found out that despite assurances to the contrary, the 2- and 3-year-old girls would run in different heats than the boys. “I not running?” Zoomer asked as we drove away. I felt terrible for leaving. Zoomer just wanted to run. But I also would have felt terrible if I had stayed. It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better. I refused to have our family participate.

The experience was disappointing, if not unexpected. When I was pregnant, I would dream up hypothetical situations with cruel pediatricians refusing to use they/them pronouns and flight attendants treating Zoomer like a stereotype and anxiously think through how I would react to these circumstances. I was afraid that my family members might be so nervous about accidentally using a gendered pronoun for Zoomer, so nervous about offending me, that they would distance themselves from us.

But for the most part, the past four years have not been filled with tears and strife (at least no more tears than you’d find in any home of a young child and tired parents). Our life looks remarkably like a lot of other families’ lives, filled with joy and affirmation. And color. Lots of color.

Courtesy Kyl Myers (4)Top left: February 2016; Top right: June 2018; Bottom left: Father’s Day 2017; Bottom right: March 2016

When people think of gender-neutral, their minds often go to a grayish beige, potato-hued color palette. But we don’t dress Zoomer in burlap sacks, or only give them toys the color of Wheat Thins. We give them options, and they thoughtfully pick what they like the most. For a while, Zoomer’s favorite color was pink; then it was orange. They picked the pink, purple and aqua bedsheets; the fire-truck socks; the outer-space sleeping bag; and the violet climbing shoes. They wanted the Cars Pull-Ups one time and the Minnie Mouse ones the next. Zoomer has a stuffed dog named Dante that goes everywhere with them and a baby doll that they named DeeDee. Zoomer loves Play-Doh and molds neon-colored animals and pretend food. They say, “I’m not going to eat it.” Then I see that their teeth are bright blue, and they have, in fact, tried to eat it.

A common critique of gender-creative parenting is that “the kid will be confused,” but Zoomer doesn’t seem confused at all. In fact, they have a more nuanced understanding of sex and gender than a lot of adults. We teach them to use gender-neutral words until a person tells us about themself. We call kids friends. We have taught Zoomer about their own body without using boy-girl labels. Zoomer understands that some girls have penises and some boys have vulvas, and some intersex kids have vulvas and testes. Zoomer knows some daddies get pregnant and some nonbinary parents are called Zazas. At day care, I tell teachers, “Please snuggle them and wrestle with them. Please compliment their painted toenails and let them get muddy. Call them handsome and beautiful; sensitive and brave. Give them the opportunity to play with the Hot Wheels and the kitchen set.” Because Zoomer has been raised with a focus on inclusivity, they have an instinct to make everyone feel welcome. When a character on a kids’ show says, “Hello, boys and girls!” Zoomer adds, “And nonbinary pals!”

A friend of mine recently told me when she first found out how we were going to parent, she thought, That’s going to be endless work for Kyl. “But now I actually think that you are so lucky and had some great foresight,” she said. “I spend so much of my time tearing the walls down that people are trying to build around my daughters. People aren’t trying to build walls around Zoomer because they don’t know which walls to build.”

I wanted to give my child a gift. The gift of seeing people as more than just a gender. The gift of understanding gender as complex, beautiful and self-determined. I hadn’t considered how much of a gift I’d also be giving myself. While curating an experience for Zoomer to come to their own identity, I inadvertently started taking a closer look at mine too.

One day, Zoomer and I were playing hide-and-seek. They cupped their eyes as I hid in the pantry, then walked around the house mimicking the words we use when we are trying to find them. “Mommy, you in the plant? No … Mommy, you under the couch? No.” As they got closer, they called out, “Kyl! Where are you?”

Gender-creative parenting comes with a giant mirror and forces me to ask myself, “Kyl! Where are you?” I’ve examined my own gender identity and expression more in the past four years than I had in the three decades before becoming Zoomer’s parent. As I’ve tried to create an environment where Zoomer is free from the chains of binary gender, I am working to figure out what about my gender is authentic and what was prescribed to me, and is it even possible to differentiate at this point? I love my body, but I don’t love that I was assigned a specific gender role because of it. In my early 30s, I’m climbing out of the girl box I was placed in in 1986. I’m trying on new labels and pronouns, and giving myself the same encouragement to play with gender that I am giving my child.

Not everyone has the support that Brent and I have. We sprang gender-creative parenting on our families, and they decided to get on board. They shared in the emotional labor and took it upon themselves to educate our extended family and their co-workers, neighbors and friends. They are champions at using gender-neutral pronouns. Some of my friends have not been so lucky. They’ve lost touch with family members or have strained relationships because of their decision to do gender-creative parenting. I know of a grandparent who keeps a stash of clothing, so whenever their gender-creative grandchild comes over, they change them out of the outfit the child picked to put them in something more stereotypically associated with their sex. Some of my friends’ family members have called child protective services, reporting their grandchild is being abused, simply because they weren’t assigned a gender. This is also a reason I feel strongly about being a public advocate for parenting this way—many others don’t have the safety, support and resources to talk openly about it.

Around their fourth birthday, Zoomer started declaring a gender identity and claiming some gendered pronouns. Brent and I are honoring Zoomer’s identity and expression and answering all their questions in an age-appropriate and inclusive way. (I’m using they here because Zoomer is still exploring gender and I want them to have some autonomy over how they share their identity with the world.)

I’m witnessing my child create their own gender—and who Zoomer has become is greater than anything I could have imagined or assigned. Instead of us telling the children who they should be, maybe it’s the children who will teach us how to be. We just have to get out of their way.

Myers is the author of Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting, from which this essay is adapted

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

[idekwidcfo]

chapter one part two

And I didn’t do it! Months passed and I had the same issues-- I wanted to ask her out! I planned on asking her out! But I didn’t. Every time I tried-- still!-- I chickened out. 

It got to be a few days before prom and suddenly Mar was approaching me. We were in the halls after school; I had been putting textbooks in my locker. “Hey,” she said, casually. 

“Hi,” I said, hoping I sounded casual but paranoid that I sounded terrified, since I was. 

“So, Billie and I had a really interesting conversation earlier,” she told me, in the same casual tone.  

“Oh?” I asked, all I could get out since my thoughts had frozen to a complete halt. 

“Yeah, something about how you were supposed to ask me out but never worked up the nerve so now she had to tell me about it since she had told you that she was going to tell me if you didn’t do it? And uh, yeah, you didn’t ask me out, so her story checks out.” 

I felt my face get hot and looked at the cuticles on my thumb instead of her. “Um,” I said, because it seemed like I had to say something. Mar didn’t say anything but I could feel her looking at me and supposed that meant I had to say something else. “Yeah, that’s a thing that happened, I guess.” 

She sighed. “You know, being too scared to work up the nerve to ask me out isn’t a very attractive trait.” 

“Yeah, I figure,” I said, deciding my shoes were more interesting than my nails. 

“You’re lucky you have a lot of traits that are attractive.” 

I looked up to check whether she was teasing me or not. It didn’t look like she was. “You have so many traits that are attractive that it’s intimidating.” 

She smiled at me. I was dazzled by it. I think my heart might have stopped for a moment. “You’re really cute, you know. What a bummer you never got the stones to ask me out.” 

“Oh. So you aren’t asking me to prom? You’re just calling me out for being a pathetic scared jackass?” 

“Why should I ask you out if you’re the one that has a crush on me?” she said. 

“Oh. Okay. That’s fair,” I replied, hoping my face wasn’t giving away the fact that I was devastated. 

Mar sighed again. “Look, dude, I’ll make you a deal. Ask me out, and I’ll say yes. Not to prom, it’s way too late for that and I’m taking a couple of my friends as friend-dates. I’m not going to dick out on them a few days before prom. But ask me on some other date. The only thing is that you have to actually do it, okay? And not right now. My mom is going to get pissed at me if I don’t go meet her at the car immediately. My AIM screenname is ‘ohshititsmar’, all one word. Hit me up,” she said, then literally skipped away. I loved it. Conspicuous weirdness was definitely one of the reasons I found her so attractive. 

I wasted no time when I got home-- I went straight to my computer and added her on AIM, though I was disappointed to see she was not online. Had she really been suggesting that I ask her out over internet chat? I hoped so. That would be so much easier than asking her out in person. And it would still be asking her out, so it fit the ‘deal’ she made me. 

I tried to focus on some homework, with a bit of success. It took me an hour to add one paragraph to a research essay I was writing for World History, but that was better than not adding anything. Eventually, Mar did log on, but I didn’t message her right away. I didn’t want it to be obvious that I had been waiting for her to sign on. But I didn’t want to give myself the opportunity to not message her at all, so I was sure to wait only five minutes. 

The problem was that I struggled for another five minutes or so about what to actually say. I eventually decided to send her something short and simple: “hey”. I felt kinda dumb for overthinking it so much, but I had really wanted to say something clever and interesting. When I hadn’t been able to think of anything clever and interesting, I figured saying “hey” was better than nothing. 

She responded, and we got a pretty decent chat going. 

OHSHITITSMAR: hey! Wasn’t sure you’d message me lol 

Cows_IV: lol why you think I’m that much of a pussy? >_> 

OHSHITITSMAR: well, sort of? the whole reason we’re talking is because Billie telling me you were too much of a pussy to ask me out lol 

Cows_IV: okay, that’s fair. but it’s a lot easier to message someone online to talk in person, you know? 

OHSHITITSMAR: yeah, also fair. I’m totally interested in getting to know you a little better you know. 

Cows_IV: same to you, obviously! I think you’re super attractive and awesome but I guess I haven’t really talked to you one-on-one. 

So we started talking. We had a lot of favourite musicians in common, but still had plenty of recommendations for each other. We sent each other mp3 files of our favourite stuff, and I added the songs she sent me to the playlist I was listening to. Some of her recommendations were local bands, which I was stoked about. It turned out she liked going out to see live music, something I had always wanted to do but never actually ended up doing. 

Hours passed, and before we knew it, it was 2am. 

Cows_IV: Holy shit, it’s past 2am >_> 

OHSHITITSMAR: hahaha, so it is. It’s been really fun talking to you ^_^ 

Cows_IV: glad to hear! I was so nervous lol. you’re so cool, and I’m just the weird little trans boy whose never got the courage to ask anyone out :( 

OHSHITITSMAR: and why is that? if u don’t mind my asking 

Cows_IV: because I am a trans boy, mostly, I think. I don’t think anyone wants to date me because of it. Most people like to date dudes with dicks and chicks with vaginas, to be blunt. 

OHSHITITSMAR: so you’ve just been denying yourself even trying to date anyone? 

Cows_IV: well, not no one. I dated some boys in 9th and 10th grade. But they kept insisting they were straight and i was “really a girl” and I couldn’t take it any more. 

Cows_IV: I said “they” like it happened a bunch lol just two guys 

Cows_IV: I know I like girls too but before transition guys would actually ask me out and girls don’t usually do the asking out so never dated one before

Cows_IV: aaaand now I’m just going on and on and on about myself lol 

Cows_IV: how about you you have a dating history? 

OHSHITITSMAR: uhh no worries, that’s interesting lol 

OHSHITITSMAR: I would say tell me more but I guess we’ll get there someday, right? 

Cows_IV: [grinning emoji] 

OHSHITITSMAR: I dated one dude in 9th&10th grade then he met someone he liked more than me [shrugging emoji] I have not gotten back into the whole dating thing since. 

OHSHITITSMAR: partially because i also like boys&girls and girls do suck at asking people out… you got that so right lmao 

Cows_IV: but you do like boys 

OHSHITITSMAR: yeah duhh lol why do you think I gave you my AIM sn? 

Cows_IV: a lot of people don’t think I’m a boy, sadly. 

OHSHITITSMAR: that’s dumb yr literally growing facial hair and did you have top surgery or are you just really good at smooshing yr titties down? 

Cows_IV: [laughing emoji] no I’ve had top surgery lol. thanks. That was very Validating lmao 

OHSHITITSMAR: well it’s true anyone who wants to look at you and call you a girl is clearly a dumbass with yr little mustahce and all that 

Cows_IV: Well, I guess it’s time 

OHSHITITSMAR: for what, us to go to fuckn sleep? It is almost 3am now >_> 

I looked at the screen, struggling with myself a bit. I had wanted it to be time to ask her out, but she had a point that it was actually probably time to go to sleep. But for some reason, maybe because it was 3 am, maybe because I felt bad about not asking her out earlier, maybe because I’d had such a nice time chatting with her for the past, what, 9 hours? I decided to go through with it. 

Cows_IV: no, silly, it’s time for me to ask you out before I get the chance to chicken out again. 

I kept typing, and was both relieved and a little freaked out to see Mar was not typing. I imagined she was waiting for me to finish, but I was also scared she actually hadn’t wanted me to ask her out over instant messenger and I was making a fool of myself. 

Cows_IV: I know it’s not, like, the most impressive thing to ask someone out over AIM but I’m really scared if I tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow in person, or Monday, or whatever, I’ll just end up not doing it again. I am feeling brace enough to do it now and am going to go ahead and do it 

Cows_IV: SHIT *brave lol 

I kept an eye out for the little “OHSHITITSMAR is typing…” notification on the bottom of our chat window and didn’t see it, so I continued to type. 

Cows_IV: ANYWAY to make it, like, official and asking you on a real date or whatever. Dear Mar, would you like to go with me to Electric Avenue next Friday to check out the local bands and have a First Date? 

I hit enter, and watched closely again for the little “OHSHITITSMAR is typing…” notification. It didn’t show up for a while, just long enough to get a little knot in my stomach. Luckily, it did show up a few moments later, but it didn’t ease the stomach knot. 

Finally, a message from her replaced the “OHSHITITSMAR is typing…” notification. 

OHSHITITSMAR: okay, I’m totally down. I was worried you wouldn’t even get the nerve to ask me out over AIM, but you did and I’m glad. So, it’ll be our first date? You and me at Electric Avenue moshing to local bands? :smiling emoji: 

I fucking screamed. A terrible shrill sound that was pretty much “eeeeee!!!” came out of my mouth. I remembered it was 3am and my dad would tear me a new one if I woke him up, so I made myself shut the fuck up as soon as possible, but the giant smile on my face was nice and quiet and stuck around for a good ten minutes. 

Cows_IV: yes! I just got my license a few months ago so I can even pick you up. Wanna make it a ~~real~~ date and get food first? 

OHSHITITSMAR: sure! I see doors open at 8, pick me up at 7? I’ll give you my address in person at school. 

Cows_IV: wow! Sounds great! Anywhere in particular you’d likne to go for dinner? 

OHSHITITSMAR: you’re buying lol, so fast food is fine. Maybe steak n shake? Cheap but sit down? Also i fckn love Steak n shake lol 

Cows_IV: it is a date! So, uh, do you want to go to sleep now? It is … three hours until school starts :s sorry to keep you up so late. 

OHSHITITSMAR: eh, why bother at this point? Wanna stay up and pull an all-nighter together? 

Cows_IV: :grinning emoji: that sounds fun. I pull all-nighters by myself often enough, it’ll be nice to sort of have some company. 

And so we stayed up until it was time to get ready for school, chatting, sharing our favorite songs, getting to know each other even better, and sending each other links to funny memes. 

[hedonistink]

HedonistInk’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex

I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.

There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately... many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s... not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.

First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.

Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.

Now, on to the lesson!

HedonistInk’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.

If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.

If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex. It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.

Trans guys can most often be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.

TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.

Up top: The most standard term for talking about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’. So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts and nipples. 

The pole: It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions, trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dude writing about a trans dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.

The hole: There is no standard term for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front. I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally. That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.

TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.

COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.

Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).

Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.

The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.

BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.

Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each have different body boundaries.

I know guys who won’t get shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.

I know guys who love getting blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.

I know guys who don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things in the front door.

I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.

I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!

These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).

BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.

CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.

BODY HAIR: Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk about a trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns. 

DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.

FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really. Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even use an estrogen cream down there.

SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™ within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.

TASTE: After about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on. 

ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense. 

HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis women. Because they’re not cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool set in their tool belt.

Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I could go on for ages.

If a trans guy is taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and needs to be treated as such.

SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:

Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV. 

Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.

Some people think trans men can’t get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.

Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.

Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known as the ‘depo shot’.

MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.

For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws & doctor’s discretion).

Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision (’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple grafts.

Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.

Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty (’phallo’). Tread carefully.

So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.

And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.

Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.

[Edit: 2018/02/21 - Updated Title to Current URL]

[rpf-bat]

I Can’t Swim (Don’t Rub It In)

Pairing: Ray Toro x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Request fic for @imquiteterrifying-ijustlooksweet. “uhm, could i request a Rayxreader, with danger days Ray? and reader be ftm (pre everything)?”

You’d ventured into the California desert with your boyfriend, Ray, and his band as they shot the music video for “Na Na Na”. Filming had just wrapped up, and you couldn’t wait to see the finished product. Ray had looked so handsome wearing his Jet Star costume, and you were excited to see him wear it again when the band filmed “Sing” next week.

Now, the five of you were packed into a Jeep, driving across the dunes back towards the city.

“You guys really did great today,” you complimented as the warm wind tousled your hair.

“Thanks, man,” Frank said, grinning at you in the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, thanks, babe,” Ray agreed, dotting a kiss on your cheek.  You were relieved that his cishet bandmates never seemed bother by your public displays of affection.

“Hey, what’s that?” Gerard wondered, pointing to something in the distance as he rode shotgun.

“I think it’s an oasis,” Mikey noted, pulling down his sunglasses to get a better look.

“Get out!” Frank gaped. “There’s an uncharted oasis way out here? Screw it, let’s go for a swim!” He turned the steering wheel to the left impulsively, steering the car away from the direction of the city.

“Hell yeah, swimming sounds like a great idea,” Gerard agreed excitedly.

“We didn’t bring our swimsuits, though,” Ray reminded.

“Let’s just swim in our underwear then,” Frank shrugged. “Or naked, for all I care. We’re all dudes, so what does it matter?”

You froze. You’d come out to Ray shortly after you two started dating, but none of the others knew yet that you were trans. If you skipped down to your skivvies, they would see your binder.

And then they’ll know, you thought, heart pounding.

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous about confessing the truth to your friends. When Ray had come out as pan and started dating you, they’d been nothing but supportive.

But, homophobia and transphobia are two very different things, you reminded yourself. You thought of your ex-boyfriend, who had dumped you when he found out you were trans, because, in his eyes, you weren’t really a man.

Ray met your gaze uncertainly as Frank parked the car, already aware of what you must be thinking. You got out of the car and looked at the oasis. It was beautiful, that was for sure. A bright, blue lake ringed by palm trees. You started walking around to try and ease your nerves while you came up with an excuse to not swim.

It sucked that you couldn’t swim, because it was so hot outside today, and the cool water looked so inviting. But, you just couldn’t let your female chest give you away.

I wish I’d had top surgery already, you thought with a frown. You were planning to, at some point, you just hadn’t been able to scrape the money together yet.

“Y/N, listen,” Ray said softly, taking your hand in his. “Do you hear the sound of water rushing?”

He pulled back a palm frond and guided you down a path in between the thicket of trees. You discovered a second, smaller pool of water on the other side, out of view of the rest of the oasis.

“What are you guys doing over here?” Mikey wondered as he tromped into this hidden area.

“I thought we were all going to swim together,” Gerard frowned as he followed him.

“Umm…..” Ray stammered hesitantly. “You guys go ahead. I kind of wanted to swim in this part of the oasis, with, uh……just with Y/N.”

“Oh?” Gerard raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I guess we can give you two a little alone time.”

“Ray’s just trying to get some of Y/N’s dick,” Frank teased bluntly from behind Gerard.

Ray flushed crimson. You wished you had a dick for Ray to get.

“You two kids have fun,” Mikey grinned with a teasing voice, leading Gerard and Frank back towards the other body of water, out of sight. “We’ll catch you later!” he called over his shoulder, chuckling.

“They totally think we’re about to make out,” you told Ray, cheeks burning.

“I’m sorry,” Ray said, raking his hands through his fluffy hair with a flustered look. “I just really wanted us to be able to swim together, Y/N, and I knew you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that if people were watching.”

“Thank you, Ray,” you said, embracing your boyfriend.

“Anytime,” Ray said into your ear.

“I’m sorry,” you said, pulling away. “I know when I start doing the hormones, I’m going to start looking different, and then we’ll have to tell them. Honestly, I have no idea why they haven’t figured out I’m trans already, when I’ve got this squeaky, girly voice this gives me so much dysphoria, and…..”

“It’s ok,” Ray said soothingly, pulling you back into his arms. “You don’t have to come out to anybody until you’re ready, Y/N. I’m sure it took a lot of guts for you to even come out to me.”

“It did,” you confessed. “I was so scared that you weren’t going to want to be with me anymore….”

“I want to be with you forever, Y/N,” Ray promised. “No matter what.”

“I love you, Ray,” you said, almost wanting to cry.

“I love you, too, Y/N,” Ray smiled, kissing you softly.

When you pulled away at last, he looked at you with a grin.

“Want to get in the water now?” he asked. “I bet it’s going to feel so good after being out in the sun all day. Thanks for coming to watch me work, by the way. Sorry if it was boring.”

“Oh, no, I had a great time,” you assured him.

You watched as Ray stripped off his shirt, preparing to take a dip. He had such a gorgeous, muscular chest. If you could look half as handsome as him one day, you’d be in heaven.

He sat on the sand beside you as he unlaced his shoes and kicked them off, followed by his socks. Then, he stood up again and took off his jeans, leaving him standing in just his boxer shorts. You couldn’t help but stare, feeling a hint of desire begin to course through your body.

You watched Ray dip his toe into the water. “Oh, it’s not cold at all,” he reported. “I guess the sun makes it all warm and stuff.”

He walked into the pond, continuing until he found the deep end, his waist disappearing into the blue. He dog paddled in a small circle, seeming to enjoy himself.

“Come on in, Y/N!” Ray suggested. “It feels great!”

You wanted to join him, but the thought of taking your shirt off made you hesitate. Ray had seen you without a shirt on before, but part of you still frowned at the thought of him seeing you with your binder, and the lack of bulge in your boxers. It was a miserable reminder that though you were both men, you were still…..different from him. You hated that you didn’t have a gorgeous, toned, masculine body like his own. How did he even find you attractive?

“Y/N, you’re handsome!” Ray encouraged. “You’re the cutest boy I know, alright? I don’t care that you’re pre-op, or whatever you want to call it. I love you, and it’s just you and me, so…….”

“You’re right,” you decided, and took off your shirt. The summer breeze felt good on your bare skin. Sweat still clung to the part of your chest contained inside your binder, but it was worth it to keep it on.

You took off your sand and sweat soaked cargo shorts, and walked into the water, letting it cover your tan-lined legs. When your feet could no longer touch the bottom, you flipped into a dead man’s float and laid on the surface of the water contentedly.

This isn’t so bad, you thought, staring up at the sun and the trees.

Ray swam over to you, and his arms encircled your body. You grew warm as his bare skin grazed your own.

You gasped and paddled away. “Don’t surprise me like that!” you giggled, splashing him.

“I’m sorry,” Ray chuckled, splashing back. “You just looked so cute over there!”

“I’m cute?” you grinned, swimming closer to him again.

“The cutest,” Ray said, kissing you again, droplets from his wet hair dripping down onto your face. You didn’t care.

“Thank you for talking me into swimming with you,” you said sincerely. “I think I’m really enjoying this.”

“That’s all I want, y’know,” Ray said, floating lazily beside you. “To make you the happiest man you can be.”