#god have mercy on my poor soul

[raamitsu]

I FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE SOURCE ASTAGHFIRULLAH 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

mei chang was so based for showing up in amestris and looking at this big scary serial killer and going "yes this is the most trustworthy person in the whole of amestris" and never looking back. And she was CORRECT. Tangent but do you think if 03 scar showed up in mangahood verse he will go red with rage and remove all of bh scar's brainwashing with one single line ahem my sympathy will not be spent on soldiers ahem. And they will hold hands and their shared energy will instantaneously blow up amestris? and now mei has TWO father's💕 and she's unstoppable. Also 03 scar looks at bh al like MY al was better than this. Daughter you deserve better. Dad disapproval.

Here I am, innocently reading this ask, nodding along to everything, getting ready to cosign each glowing word, and then you just had to hit me with that tangent. I-! Omfg, I just-!!

Anon-!

Anon please

Listen to me anon

You cannot send me an ask with

And they will hold hands

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

and their shared energy will instantaneously blow up Amestris

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

and now mei has TWO fathers

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

And not send me into a brainworm-infested spiral!

What are you doing to me, anon?! Why are you not only completely correct and based and a genius, but also feeding the swamp of pure absurdist crackship self-indulgence that is Scar x Scar, which (I thought) only I ship???

And you're goddamned right 03 Scar would look mangahood Al up and down and sneer at that off-brand Mormon-lookin' ass excuse for an Alphonse Elric! He won't stop Mei from pursuing him (her agency is paramount) but he sure as hell won't approve. He knows who the real top shelf Al is and it ain't this poser. She can do better!

[legjames]

right. WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THE GAVOTTE (the dance aziraphale learns in s1) IS KNOWN AS THE “LIVELY PEASANTS’ KISSING DANCE”??????? it’s a kissing dance.

you kiss at the end of the dance (sometimes replaced with presenting your partner with flowers)!!?!???? it’s a fucking kissing dance. aziraphale learnt a fucking KISSING DANCE in the gentleman’s club.

of course he was rather upset when it went out of fashion; he couldn’t teach crowley the dance anymore…

perhaps the ball was his way of trying to do something similar with crowley (i am so sick… have mercy)

[clownaddict]

I’m about to disappear for a while and binge the One piece Live Action show.

There’s a rollercoaster of emotions coming up and the carnival attendees forgot to secure my harness

[sevicia]

Hi I haven't been on all day cause my internet wasn't working & then I had to leave school early because I got a massive headache 👎👎👎 but then I got home took a nap & now I'm good again 👍👍👍

[thattrainwreckmama]

I understood all of those words and yet my IQ dropped 30 points for having read it. Thank you Russel Brand, for reminding me why I don't use big words for effect.

This is the Sodium Chloride Jimmy Neutron meme but real.

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

Sitting here crying because not a single damn thing has gone right for me since I sat down at my desk is.....not what I had on my bingo card for this evening

[somuchstrdst]

x

[captainsamuelmorrigan]

I think being allergic to aluminum in one of the states with the largest recycling programs, and where every new hipster-y beverage comes in a little aluminum container is God's punishment for me being really hot and sexy.

[goofyahhcitrus]

Wow, didn't know that about Will :O

I’m running late but

trick or treat

You get the lesbian pose

[bunjywunjy]

Hello Dear Friend.

I was in your country in 2019.I have gone through your profile and decided to go straight to the point on why i wholeheartedly contacting you.

My name is Mrs. Marion Gadsby from Thailand,Australian,79years,I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a month to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business was my priority.

Though I am a very rich lady, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I Am very sick now and depends on machines to survive which I know one day one minute I will be no more , but before departing I have a fortune I will like to confined your position so that you can use it and do the humanitarian work which I failed to do when I had the grace and the time. I have willed and given to my immediate and extended family members ,but these last funds I would want to be useful to the poor and the needy. I don't trust any of my family members again because I don't think that they will deliver the fortune to the poor and needy. This is the main reason why I contacted you because I believe you will make it happen as I will instruct you in the future when the fortune is in your hands.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul, so I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organizations in Bulgaria and Pakistan, but they refused and kept the money to themselves and used it to buy flashy cars and big houses in the city. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be content with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the sum of $3,000,000.00( Three Million dollars) my late husband was wealthy as an oil mogul, politician and other businesses, but he died in his private jet crash .WE CAN'T QUESTION GOD.

I will let you have 20% of his funds for your effort and time and the 80% should go to the poor and needy around you, especially those that are in war zones. Treat this message confidentially till it's done. I am waiting for your reply.

Contact me direct for more information. asikareginad@gmail.com

Mrs Marion Gasby. asikareginad@gmail.com

MRS MARION GADSBY FROM THAILAND AUSTRALIAN

[j-nope-not-today]

HP characters reaction to s/o being a muggle

Harry Potter

He does not care

Literally doesn't have an opinion on the subject

Bc he loves youuu and not your magic or non magical abilities

I really feel that his main concern is some snobby witch/wizard being rude to you

But could give a fuck less if anyone commented on you being a muggle

"Okay and? So what if she/he can't do magic. She's/he's still great in bed."

10/10 will say some snarky/sarcastic ass shit if someone is rude to you about it.

He is THE Harry Potter

He would probably love for someone to point it out so he can say some shit back about it.

He will defend you through thick and thin.

May god have mercy on whatever poor soul wants to be prejudice against you.

Will love doing muggle things with you. I mean he did grow up as a muggle.

Otherwise though he loves you and your muggleness very much. It reminds him of home ❤️

Ron Weasley

Aww your his little cutie patootie

Will brag about it to anyone who will listen

"Oh? Well my gf/bf made me dinner from scratch."

He'll brag about literally anything he can. It could be the simplest shit too

Is very impressed that you do everything and without magic too

He'll start doing things without magic just to appreciate the simplicity of it

But yeah..definitely tells everyone and their mom about how proud he is to be with you

Ain't no one gonna be rude about it either. He will guaranteed shut that shit down as soon as it starts.

Fred Weasley

He loves it.

Loves absolutely everything about it

Not to mention he loves it even more because romancing you is so much more fun for him

Will always pull a fancy magic trick from out of his sleeve to impress you or flirt with you

"For you beautiful"

Does complain about doing things without magic

But will begrudgingly do so to please you

But yes. He will complain about it the entire time

I don't think anyone would be ballsy enough to insult you or say some rude shit about you being a muggle

Knowing fred that would start world War 3

But he looooves you. Vv much

George Weasley

Admires you so so much

Bc how do you do it?

Will watch you do the simplest most mundane shit and come out of nowhere with a

"My god you look so fucking gorgeous right now love."

Wouldn't complain about helping you do stuff without magic

I think he finds he enjoys it much more without magic. It's more rewarding

Will beg to do muggle things with you absolutely wants to experience it all

Just like with fred. Ain't no one ballsy enough to say something lest they want to die

But he absolutely adores you and everything about you

And will remind you every day how much he loves you

Draco Malfoy

He didn't expect to end up with you

But he sure isn't complaining

And he'll be damned if you lift a single beautiful fucking finger when he's around

He will 100% dote on you in his every waking moment

For a second you might be convinced you aren't a muggle

He uses magic for just about everything and will not let you do something when he can do it for you

"Listen dear it's just simpler this way. Let me do it."

Your spoiled and he'll make sure you know how appreciated and loved you are

Can never wrap his head around muggles.

Thinks you make everything way more complicated than it needs to be

And should anyone be insulting or rude. They might find themselves hexed or cursed.

Neville Longbottom

This man LOVES you

Will not for a second let you think otherwise

And he'll probably absolutely love doing muggle things with you

And you will have a garden

I can just see him loving gardening with you. The muggle way.

Will randomly whip out flowers and small little gifts for you

Just to impress you

And he'll definitely have words for anyone who wants to be rude to you because how dare they?

To him. Your absolutely perfect

[see-arcane]

Jonathan is escaping just as the beginnings of brain fever and far worse things are roiling in him. Making him more ill and haggard as he traverses the Carpathians in search of a train. Running, burning, withering. Dying.

The closer he gets to death, the more he can feel Dracula's poison trying to overtake him. It's a trap waiting to spring. He knows it. Dracula knows it. Just as the Count knows the Brides let him slip away--

Ah, well, their loss. It seems you are to be mine alone after all, my friend.

--and dreams little visions his way when Jonathan dares to sleep.

Flashes of dark water and mist. Men screaming like sheep before the butcher. Slaughtered with less mercy than any farmer ever showed his livestock before being discarded like trash.

What loss are they, my friend? I have tasted the finer things. A sweet English vintage; I shall savor more of the same in time. But these? Bah! I have seen a thousand of their paltry kind come and go. I would no sooner cherish their meal than you would swoon over a cut of shoe leather. What difference is it if I play with this coarse fare? You shall learn the same habits in time.

"No. No, no, I won't, I can't. I have to go home. I have to get to her. My life is there. My life is her."

What home is that, my friend? Who is she?

He does not answer. He cannot answer. His head is all fire, burning holes through mind and memory. No, God, he must know! He must remember! He has come all this way, he must know where he's going and who is there! His nightmares fill with as much saccharine sympathy as cutting laughter. The most sincere comment he receives in the mire of it is a single reassurance:

You will recall it all, my friend. Sickness makes no mark upon us. You will know. You will be well. Some night, in this year or the next, perhaps we can go and meet her together. In the meantime, cease your struggling. I can feel your fatigue, poor boy. Put down your head. Stop running. Let it take you. Let it help you. Rest.

"No."

Rest.

"No!"

Rest.

"No, no, no--,"

He stuffs himself with berries and a hare and handfuls from a river. A ferryman takes pity--he thinks? a river, he remembers a River, the Ferryman telling him where to go, how soon the sun will rise, he doesn't know, his head, his chest, everything burning, dying--and a blur passes between himself and the train station. He was loud there. Did he scream? Sob? Bare his teeth? They shoo him away with a ticket.

(Sharp. Why do his teeth feel so sharp? Why is he so thirsty when the fluttering shapes of the nuns keep forcing water down his throat?)

(Quiet now. He cannot get through the walls here. Ha. Could not even open his journal if he tried! The crucifix is wrapped around it! Ha!)

(Stings to hold. Why? God, God, please, not now, don't don't don't, please do not do this, the nuns, they think him mad! They are of faith, but they do not believe! They do not know! They won't understand what he is when they put him in the cemetery they won't know what they invited in unawares they won't know until he is up and out of the dirt and oh O God the Cross and the Son will not save them not entirely not when he feasted on an entire mountain range of the faithful whose prayer saved no one and soon he will not need their necks only whatever meat his teeth can reach and no no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO--)

Something is different.

A white light twinkling in the red inferno. He knows it. It has brushed him more than once. She found him in the graveyard, weeping over the stones of his parents. How did she know then that he was there? He'd never told her.

Her.

Her who?

(Love. Darling. Soul. I know this. I know...)

Even if he cannot pierce the veil of a holy place, her presence can. It fires through his eyes--he is caught mid-kiss, the girl's head is hanging down, familiar sunny locks, who..?--and into Jonathan Harker's.

Jonathan Harker. Yes. Yes, that sounds right. And she is...

Running to him, to the nodding girl, a wisp under the moonlight coming to throw herself into danger for the sake of another, as ever and ever amen, she is--

"Mina."

"Pardon?" asks the attendant refilling his pitcher. She watches him carefully. "Did you say something young herr?"

"Mina. Mina Murray." His bloodshot eyes roll to the window. It faces the west. It faces her. Within him, something blessedly cool turns over, quelling an irate blaze. "I should like to write to her."

"I can speak with Sister Agatha about this. Who is Mina Murray, if I may ask?"

"My fiancee. And my name is Jonathan Harker. We live in Exeter." He offers a weak smile. One without sharp teeth. "My apologies for taking so long to remember it."

[greenyball]

oh god no! not my favorite character trope!!

god i might get flamed for this but nobody writes female characters like homestuck

[justporo]

Hey you :D

Here’s a request just to add your huge list for after vacation muahaha 💖

How do you think a slow, bickering romance with Astarion (kinda like Howl and Sophie) would go down.

Hey darling ❤️ You might’ve forgotten about this ask but I have not! I'm combining this with another one asking about where Astarion rejected Tav at first but then slowly fell for them.

Also haven't done one of this headcanon posts for a whole haven't we? Here we go:

Headcanons about Astarion slowly but surely falling in love with you (and how he pursues you)

Oh, it's all just a game for him, isn't it? At least at first. But this silly little jester didn't realise he was playing himself.

He might have rejected you at first (because he's a prick who has looked at the sun a little too long, let's be honest) but he quickly realises he can't take his mind off of you

You keep stirring the vampire's undead little heart and it scares him at first - and of course you had given up on it after that first hurtful rejection

But his crimson eyes start to never stray far from you, no matter if in battle or at camp: he can't tear his gaze from you - gods dammit, you're lovely!

It's in the way you always put others first, always have a kind word to spare, always a warm smile. How you laugh and how brave you are, how you bite your lip when you're lost deep in thought.

Quite frankly: a stake to his heart couldn't have been more effective.

But he realises another thing: he wants to be real with you, he wants to fall slowly with you - not a vicious thunderstorm but a soft, warm summer rain

And so Astarion begins to yearn in silence as you too can't keep your thoughts from turning around him often

It's painfully obvious to everyone around you how much the two of you are in love with each other; so much so that bets are being made in camp if you're gonna make it before you all reach the Gate

You notice that Astarion keeps sneaking around you like an adoring cat would: always a playful quip on the tip of his sharp tongue that you never take serious because... this Astarion we're talking about. "Oh my heart, aren't you even more blinding than the sun today" "Look who's blessing us with their grace and insight." "A copper for the thoughts in your pretty little head, darling."

Astarion doesn't know how to live the teasing out of his tone, maybe out of fear you might actually start taking him seriously; but if you would peel back the generous layer of faked sarcasm you'd find he's actually being serious

This man is downright smitten by you and you don't realise it as he achingly yearns for you - so much the others can barely take it

Sometimes you find little gifts on your pillow when you wake up: a sweet treat, snuck away from the others, a single blossom, a mysterious line of poetry - you are at a loss at where this comes from or if someone is playing with you

Meanwhile Astarion swallows his pride to regularly go to Wyll and ask his advice who... does help him but not without a haughty grin whenever he sees the lovesick vampire stroll over in his seemingly hopeless endeavour

Meanwhile you keep doing your utmost best to be at Astarion's side because you truly only want to help him and be happy and safe

Again: have mercy with the poor tortured soul, sometimes Astarion almost feels like he could combust on the spot if you give him one of your adorable lopsided smiles

When Moonrise and unpleasant people happen something in Astarion breaks, it all bursts out of him at once, overpowering even his terrible fear of rejection

The hug and tender first kiss you share that night tears both if your walls down.

You have not defeated the big bad enemy but something in your heart lightens knowing you have someone who will travel the road to whatever end with you

From there on out the two of you become even more unbearable in your pining for each other - meanwhile not trivial amounts of gold are passed between the other companions with quite some grumbling - but be assured: all of your friends are rooting for the two of you.

There we go, I love idiots in love with each other, hope you enjoyed!

[ninalifz]

Possessive Togame Jo

(Not proofread/English is not my first language, so please have mercy)

My Togame brain rot just had the best of me, and I had to write this 😅

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just know that Togame Jo is the most possessive man ever ! Like they said it in the anime, he's one of the most territorial at Shishitoren.

So I let you imagine if you are his girlfriend :

Like even when you're not with him, he'll have you wear his jacket so people don't mess with you even when he is away and that it is clear that you are under Shishitoren's protection. He'll buy you the same cologne as him just because he loves smelling his scent on you, and he thinks it's excellent "douchebags repulsive." His words, not mine.

And he will totally show that you belong to him by small actions, like you're at gathering, and is just go like "C'me here, babe" while patting his lap. He WILL take advantage of his height and lift your chin up when he want you to talk to him, every. Single. Time. He'll tie your shoelace then kiss your calf if you're wearing a skirt or stroke it if you're wearing jean's. Open your ramune or any or your drinks for you, and totally brush your hair out of your face.

If it starts getting cold, he'll just come close and zip up your jacket, then give you a head pat.

He'll lead you through the crowd with a hand on the small of your back, with that ass shiting grin. He will totally shoot lasers at anyone who looks at you more than 2 seconds and will always, and I mean ALWAYS, have a hand on you. Like your sitting, his hand is on your tight, or his arm is over your shoulders. Walking ? his hand is on your hip, and he is squeezing you closer to him as you walk. Standing ? he'll put his arm around you and have his head resting on yours or just use you to rest his arm (his tall mean ass live for this).

And God help the poor soul that even think of flirting with you, like my man will commit a murder. He'll come behind you and squeeze your ass, and just go like, "Oï oï, why is my pretty girl talking with a loser ? Can't you see that we're busy, hmmm ?" With that condescending voice and dark look of his. And when the guy left, he will just grab you closer and shove his tongue down your throat. Just to remind you who you belong to.

And if there is anything that he loves more than showing you off, it's when you are possessive. You're walking, and you grab his biceps instead of his hand, and he's ready to celebrate like the fourth of July. A hand through his hair, and he's in heaven. Making him sleep on your lap ? he'll just want to smooch you all over. Feeding him ? he's ready to propose on the spot. And the moment you start to act jealous, he's just ready to drag you at the altar right then and there. Tend to his injuries after a fight, and he is imagining how many children you two are going to have.