#god forbid women even fucking exist jesus christ

[every-grelle-sutcliff]

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Light Yagami from Death Note vs Edelgard von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. please be normal in the notes, i will not hesitate to block if you harass people)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Light Yagami:

LOVE: - "He does some messed up things but have you considered: fucked up protagonists rock :)" HATE: - "this man makes me sick. ive genuinely had manic episodes over hating him. i have trauma from his existence in general. not even because of the murder. because hes a sexist cheater :(" - "My cousin and I frequently debate this. I think despite his 'intentions' he's ultimately a despicable character who cares for nobody but himself. She disagrees and says that he is just trying to do the right thing and making a difference in the world (she still thinks his actions are wrong, but she doesn't think he himself is despicable)" BOTH: - "I mean cmon man"

Edelgard Von Hresvelg:

LOVE: "People either claim she's the hero or the irredeemable villain with no in between. She's also my lovely wife who has never done anything wrong in her life." "I never even finished her route and remember nothing of what happens in that game but I DO remember the absolute warzone the fandom turned into because of her. She staged a coup and overthrew the head of the government/church and I think that's pretty cool of her. "But she committed war crimes!" God forbid women do anything." "I lied in the previous question. I don't hate her or love her in fact I have never even played this game. But I keep finding people making up Discourse™ featuring wild accusations of bigotry towards both Edelgard fans and Edelgard haters so I feel that she belongs here. (Also my friend hates her. but HER friend loves Edelgard. So even in my small social circle there is a clear polarization.)" "ok I don't have any solid propaganda because my opinion of her is more positive-neutral, but. she fits the spirit of this poll. trust me." "[three houses spoilers] Yes she started a war but it was the only apparent way to break the chokehold the church had over everyone in Fodlan. Also she’s the only lord you can gay marry so I’m hopelessly biased" "every time i go into the tag its either "edelgard is perfect no notes!!" or "edelgard is literally a fascist!!!". ive never seen someone with a neutral opinion of her. i yearn for battle." "I know very little about her to be quite honest! But good god. As a fire emblem fan for the GBA and engage. I have NEVER seen such a decisive character like Edelgard. Jesus Christ. I still find stuff in those tags. What the hell!!!" "I don’t even go to Fire Emblem but even I know that Edelgard has never done anything wrong, ever, in her entire life, and that if she did any war crimes they were a SUPER effective use of girl power. source: I am a lesbian. (realtalk I genuinely love a noble-minded extremist revolutionary and think Edelgard is a great character, so it’s kind of a shame that opinion on her seems to simply split down the line of “whether the person wants to kiss Edelgard or Dimitri more.”)"

HATE: "So on the one hand, she's fully willing to kill and burn and murder her way to a "better future" at the expense of the present, but on the other hand she's pretty cool and #girlboss. She's also a canon gay romance option, but idk if that makes her more or less problematic." "I just. I understand why people like her. I really do. And I don't have anything new to say for why I dislike her. Edelgard fans and stans have heard everything. She has great points and motivation, but her methods are wrong. She hitches her ideals to the first good opportunity and never reconsiders her allegiance when things go off the rails. She hates the church for "lying to people" and proceeds to lie to her own populace herself in her own route. She gives Claude an opportunity to live because she knows he believes in her goals. But Dimitri and his Kingdom are too beholden to the church to ever be offered such mercy. She herself acknowledges that the change she wants to see is more quickly enacted through war than subtle and slow societal change. She recognizes the human toll of her actions, but she justifies it through flowery language and an insistence that the change needs to happen now or it never will. I honestly find her so interesting, and I agree with a lot of her thoughts about the need for societal change in the world of FE:3H. But people latched onto her and propped her up as someone who can do no wrong. And that just never sat right with me. I just think she’s a hypocrite who got put in front of a shiny means to her end and was immediately blind to every other opportunity around her." BOTH: - "I dont even play fire emblem but I cant escape people not shutting up about how much they love or hate her" - "You said there were no hate answers for her...and I don't really hate her so it wouldn't be right but I wanted to balance things out some. She's the perfect storm of a character who sounds right and progressive and has a route all to herself that doesn't contradict that...but once you play other routes, it becomes clear she's kind of. full of misinformation. And attacking people who don't deserve it. Also a LOT of the divisiveness I'm willing to blame on the writers rather than her, for having her both be Evil Tyrant we NEED to take down and Sad Uwu Baby who just wants to eat cake and laze around and loves You the Player SO MUCH."

[ca-suffit]

Sorry, I didn't want to sound like a doomer. I guess, I'm just worried about how the episode will be received since white fandom seems not to get the race commentary even when it's heavy handed given to them, so idk if they have the capacity to understand Armand's shift of role for Lestat beyound trying to make him looks ridiculous because clown role. They're already swooning over Lestat's costume and appearence, like :))

Yeah, okay, you're right lmao, Lestat was racist and biased for sure, but I was trying to be nice about it.

Also for all your unhinged and racist followers (apparently this needs to be explained):

White fandom /= all the white fans of the show

White fandom is the racist fans of this show, who are mostly (quelle surprise) white people, mostly women since women are the majority in fandom and especially on tumblr dot hell.

dw, I understood why u'd be prepping for disaster in several ways and I'm glad u weren't rly offended by what I said. this fandom is fcking exhausting and everything always *will* be purposely misunderstood. but that's why I'm here :)

also ya I'm always explaining that white fandom doesn't mean white ppl too. It will continue to the end of time. They only have a handful of the same arguments. It's always easier for white liberals to attack shit out of feeling guilty than to reflect on the topic at hand and unlearn things. It just makes it more laughable tho when u see the direct difference between the asks I get and the asks white fandom gets. I'm not doing anything but talking about race in the fandom of a show that centers racial struggles. It doesn't do it in a way that makes white fans feel good tho and that's why I get so many hate anons. God forbid someone makes u think about the actual themes. God forbid white women ever feel guilty of anything either, despite being prbly the most dangerous group in existence. Everyone understands what a Karen is but could never possibly be one! No, "the racist abuse I'm hurling at a stranger online is deserved bcuz I'm not a fucking racist and they're just so mean!!!!" Remember how many ppl saw Antoinette be racist af as she cuddled up to patriarchy thinking she was winning so hard and instead of noticing any of that it was a bunch of shit about "does Lestat luv her tho? is this show anti woman???" Jesus fucking Christ...........

[thousand-winters]

Female character: is confident about her looks

Random person: I HOPE SHE DIES

Jesus fucking christ. Gods forbid women... exist? Not even do anything 😭

[amorrdemiel]

Rewatching the L word.

I remember the first time I saw this show, I would watch it secretly on YouTube when my parents were asleep and I would stay up so so late just learning more. I was fascinated. I’m sometimes still confused about my sexuality. But then, I felt I knew this was me. This is what I was. (Similar to the time that I watched greys anatomy and there was a character that slept with Cass and she said it felt like she could finally see) I AM attracted to masculinity, but I’m also not sexually attracted to men, but also I love big arms, I always have, and I like masculine looking people. But I also like feminine masculine energy? And I like feminine women, and I’m attracted them, but I think my desire to be close to my dad, brought on a lot of misguided affection, and also I’m generally into gender bending sort of things. I think it’s attractive when a woman looks very man-like. I just do. But I also can’t discount the way society and especially a machista Mexican culture has instilled in me an idea that I MUST be the woman and have woman like roles and my partner MUST be a man, and have man like roles. As much as I love classic Hollywood films, sometimes I wish five year old me had never witnessed and absorbed what was going on, because I remember being ten and seeing the manliest guy in a show, looking Mexican, and thinking “oh, I have to like him” like when I saw Shark Boy. I thought I had to like violent, aggressive, Latino men. But also mostly all the men I’ve dated or had huge crushes on, were gay or perceived as feminine. And I felt most comfortable with my last SO who even my sister said had a very feminine aura. Sexuality is confusing when you overthink the way I do. Because I don’t just follow my body, I don’t listen to it. Like even these days, I remember having sex with Liza and it was my first sexual experience with a woman (besides that one girl I slept with in Corpus, but she was very aggressive and I faked an orgasm bc I didn’t know how to tell her it hurt like hell the way she was fingering me lmao) but when I slept with Liza, it wasn’t love but it was so...sensual and normal and I remember thinking wow. So you DON’T have to feel like sex is a burden? You don’t have to feel an ounce of disgust? You don’t have to make it kinky? You don’t have to close your eyes and avoid all eye contact with him or god forbid his dick? Or just wait for it to be over? It felt like the most normal sex ever and that in and of itself was a liberating experience because all the sex I had had with all of my prior boyfriends despite feeling the truest love of who they were as people, still didn’t feel as normal as what I experienced with Liza, whom I didn’t even love. The only awkward thing about Liza was my own failure to be vulnerable with another human being. And when I tried to be present and vulnerable and really really there with my last dude, Jordan, even though I really liked him, I was drawn to him for some reason (ironically, all his exes turned out to leave him for a woman and many people mistakingly thought he was gay) I loved watching him at work and hearing him speak and interact. And even then, having sex with him, even as present as I was, looking him in the eye, I GOT PNUEMONIA. In JULY. And it FELT like my SOUL had traveled so god damn FAR from my body, it hurt so much. Even my sister felt like I had left me. I had abandoned me. I had betrayed me. so SEXUALITY IS CONFUSING WHEN YOU OVERTHINK. And I guess you could say I’m being challenged to be in my own body but what if being on your body SUCKS. and I guess I’m saying that from a very unmindful space. I reblog all those beautiful quotes about being here. Being present. Today exists, you exist. Live in it. Love in it. And I feel that, but sometimes I get so stuck in my head, it’s a sickness. I get so stuck in my head and I tend to want to stay there because it hurts to be in my body. I feel anxious and terrible. And it’s hard to be here and receive, when you’re so god damn scared of your own life and your own power and the power of others and the life of others.

You’re so god damn terrified to look anyone in the eye, even yourself.

I’ve been having a lot of nostalgia. Listening to The Adults are Talking by The Strokes, laying in my room (my pug just had surgery so I have to stay here quarantined with her) looking at my lights, and my tapestry, and my crystals and my piano, watching the l word, remembering high school. The way I would come home and lay down and listen to music and just stare at my surroundings. The way I would feel, the way I thought life would be. How it felt being so sad and introspective and so full of art and music. So quiet. So shameful. So pained, so much tearing to be free. So confused. So in my head. So in my head. So in my head. And I feel in my head because it hurts to be here in my body. And before it hurt because of pain. I sat and I felt that pain, I sat for a whole summer, last summer. I worked only five hours a week, I saw a therapist twice a week, I woke up every morning and sat naked in my one room apartment and would rewatch mister Rogers and just cry and cry and sob and sob and curse my past and my feelings. And I cried all summer until I stopped crying and I felt love. And I felt so much happiness and freedom this past year. The rivers even spoke to me. They gifted me wisdom, and advice. They told me “run the only way you know how to run.” But

It’s so different

When you’re doing it all, in real time.

Sitting with past pain is one thing. I was so grateful I got to pause my life, that my ex supported me, that my sister was there to text, that I got therapy from a wonderful man, that I had my own self to hold. But to be here, awake.

Jesus fucking Christ that’s hard and scary

And that brings me to the stupid Wikipedia quote. She is so consumed in her own self loathing. She has no other energy to put outwards. Misery is her mirror and she is forever gazing in it. I feel like that has been me. I wonder if that is me now. Everyone hated Jenny, but I adored her! I wanted to be like her. Now I see her more clearly but watching it again, remembering the nostalgia, I feel a lot like her sometimes. Which is Terrible. I wanted to imitate her before because I thought she was beautiful and soft and light. And I thought that’s what women should be. Wrong. Some women are like this. Some women aren’t and neither is wrong or right it just is. But I read this quote and I think.

Is this my life? Do I want misery to be my mirror?

And it’s funny that this quote particularly stands out to me because it’s so similar to one of my absolute favorite quotes from my favorite book the prophet. I want to gaze into the mirror of beauty, of life. Of me.

I want to make eye contact with me

I don’t want to be no face.

I feel so strange. Always. All the time.

I know this has all been a huge rant. And I am doing it on here because I can’t write in my journal without my pug attacking my own.

I know I’ll feel my body, and I’ll be here, right now. I know the universe will guide me back to me again, and again, and again.

Just like any river, no matter what mountain it comes from, no matter how high it begins, finds itself at the mouth of the sea, swallowing it into wholeness.

I know everything will be okay.

[deadass-pool]

october 31, 2022 - halloween pms

oh boy oh boy DO I HAVE A STORY TO TELL

so in the past 3 months, i got a job, met new people, life kinda sucks, i met a boy, i also met another boy, i met more boys, went to a kpop music festival, met another boy, jesus fucking christ, please check in on my temper because my patience was tested.

aside from the clients that i have to deal with during my work hours in the morning hours to afternoon, i was also dealing with MEN and i dont know!!!! i havent been screwing around the dating scene in so long because i was so invested in other things such as being delusional with my celebrity crushes and college was sucking the life out of me but jesus christ, i kinda wished it stayed that way because now i got money problems (its a me problem) and boy problems (that i have to get rid ASAP)

anyways, i’m not gonna write about the 10 guys i talked to simultatnoeusly at once, the another 5 men whom all i met through stupid online dating apps, WHAT im gonna tell you is that i ended up forming a whatever situationship with a guy that i used to go to the same elementary school with. WHICH WAS WEIRD BECAUSE I KNEW HIM SINCE FOREVER LIKE IN 1ST GRADE IMAGINE HAVING HIM SEE YOUR TIDDIES NOW AT AGE 22 LIKE, THATS SO WEIRD WHO FUCKING KNEW RIGHT 

anyways, yeah based on the last paragraph that i have written, if it isn’t obvious enough for you, yes it was very sexual (and very confusing at times) and ITS SOMETIMES WEIRD because i cant stop picturing him as some random 6th grader that i walk past by numerous times when i was in 5th grade and idk idk its so fucking crazy like, THATS CRAZY RIGHT?? WHO KNEW LMFAO

anyways yea we would call each other at night, it was nothing serious, obviously. out of everyone he was my favorite since there was a common ground and experience we share so i felt more comfortable with him than the rest of the guys that i talked to. so i trusted him enough with photos that i took and hes literally the only guy i ever sent those photos to (and hes gonna get beat up by me if anything happens GOD FORBID ANYTHING HAPPENS) 

he would send good morning texts bla bla bla, it was a one month short lived experience until i decided to just be distant or whatever because hes literally any other guys. god, we were evn supposed to go on a date but it didnt happen. the point is, just because you knew him since forever does not mean he’s going to be different. i have met way too many of the same people like him, AND LIKE ME, to keep my guard up anyway.

anyways, the point is i can feel the void in me getting alot more worse. the more i entertain these men, even women (i cant for the life of god play with women even when im attracted to them i just CANT) the more i feel like this is all i ever am worth of.

i always dreamed about being cherished, being taken care of, being seen, being listened to, and just being loved and that’s because of the numerous love songs that i heard, movies that i watched and books i read, but why does it feel like i will never be worth of any of those things?

i think the dating scene of today made it worse. i think that’s why i can’t keep on settling for stuff like this anymore. i am not embarrassed to admit that i believe that i deserve being treated with respect and live the fluffy romantic corny shit you see in dramas. i truly want that lol

i just feel like i wasted so much time on spending to get to know these people, even when im not looking for anything serious, time is still a cost to even acknowledge their existence. i just feel like absolute shit over it.

idk maybe im just pmsing and its a halloween and i literally have nothing much better to do (i am literally supposed to go on errands but i ended up crying over the remaining balance in my bank account) but idk idk

and also i cut off my ties with this guy, not fully, just distanced myself. if he tries to reach out, then i’ll let him in. there’s nothing going on anyway and he’s a manwhore lol. idk im just upset over everything rn idk why im typing this maybe its because its eating me alive. did u guys know that i used to have such a huuuuuge crush on him until he went for the sexual part in our relationship or whatever we have and now i could not respect him at all lmfao

anyways, thats it ill tell more on the careeer part soon, im working on something. see if this one works out. we’ll see.

[beckyhop]

I watched a crappy anti-SJW documentary today

I may have been re-listening to Hbomberguy’s Measured Response videos as background noise lately, and it inspired me, in between chores and drawing today, to check out the inspiration behind some of his early popular videos: the infamous “documentary” The Sarkeesian Effect.

I’ll fully admit to not having watched Anita Sarkeesian’s videos (making me about as knowledgable about her work as Davis Aurini himself), and my opinion on her is one of massive indifference, though I think she deserved none of the awful harassment she got. However, as a connoisseur of shit movies with questionable messages…this sounds like a goldmine to me.

I know I’m late to the party on this one, but screw it, a documentary shouldn’t feel limited to the time period it was created in. And even as someone who’s not interested in Sarkeesian’s videos, I don’t think that should matter because a good documentary shouldn’t just preach to the choir; it should be able to inform people who may not have any stakes in the game.

…emphasis on “should”.

For a better idea of what I’m in for here, check out We Hunted the Mammoth’s coverage. Also, this is a great opportunity to break out my updated Alt-Right bingo card!

So without further ado, here’s my notes on Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini’s The Sarkeesian Effect: Inside the World of Social Justice Warriors

First shot is of Jorden Owen’s “production logo”

Between the font choice and the accompanying sound, I think he’s trying to imitate the THX logo. It fails because it’s butt-ugly and the “JO42” is barely readable.

The movie proper starts with this quote:

“Our censure should be reserved for those who would close all doors but one. The surest way to lose truth is to pretend that one already wholly possesses it”

-Gordon W. Allport

Time will tell how ironic this choice may be.

The title sequence is a CGI shot going across a goddamn CONSPIRACY THEORY WALL, WITH THUMBTACKS AND STRING AND EVERYTHING. Good job establishing your side’s credibility already, Jordan.

OH YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, THUNDERF00T’S IN THIS DESPITE DECRYING THE DOCUMENTARY LATER ON. Really, though, Jordan took out all mentions of Davis Aurini, so I’m surprised Thunderf00t’s still in this thing.

Speaking of Thunderf00t, does he always look like he just rolled out of bed, or is it just me?

Oof, I think Jordan Owen needs to get a new pop filter.

Alright, I think you can cut Anita a little slack for forgetting that Zelda was the main character in two of the CD-i games; Nobody wants to remember those, and they sure as fuck aren’t canon.

Bringing up the assumption that Anita’s an “art critic” is some rather flimsy justification for interviewing a traditionally attractive female erotic photographer, Owen. Also, WHY CAN I SEE YOUR HANDS IN THE SHOT, HAVE YOU NEVER WATCHED A GOOD DOCUMENTARY BEFORE.

God, that’s an awkward jump cut. You couldn’t throw in some B-roll to make that cut less awkward? AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LIGHTING, COULD YOU NOT FILM HER IN AN AREA WHERE THE CHANGING OUTDOOR LIGHTING WOULDN’T FUCK UP THE WHITE BALANCE

The hell does Mallorie mean by not seeing female game characters as “women” and learning not to “anthropomorphize” characters, and only seeing characters as a means to further a story? Isn’t that kinda defeating the purpose of engaging in media? She’s acting like video games and all fictional characters should exist in a politics-free vacuum, when they really, really can’t. Taking away a character’s wants, desires, and their cultural implications kinda ruins the effect of a story, if you ask me.

Aggggh, the quick shots of each “social justice warrior” game critic are cut way too fast for me, I had to pause to actually read some of the names and credentials here.

Another interview subject who couldn’t be bothered to clean up his appearance before showing up on camera. Sigh.

AGGGGH, FUCKING FONT COLOR CHOICE, please tell me this is other peoples’ pet peeve as well.

I’ve seen documentaries where you could hear the interviewer’s voice in the interview, or see them actually in the shot, but those were usually done for a purpose (such as making the question being asked clear to the audience), and the interviewer themselves usually has enough screen presence to pull off actually being seen on camera (look at most Werner Herzog docs, for example). Jordan Owen has the screen presence of a mildewy sponge, and I don’t need to hear him go “right” and “uh-huh” every few seconds during interviews. I LEARNED THIS IN ONE GODDAMN CLASS IN COLLEGE, HOW HAS HE NOT LEARNED THIS YET.

Side note, I find it kinda eyeroll-worthy that, when listing logos of sites that have been pro-Sarkeesian, both Gawker and Kotaku are shown. Dude, Gawker owned Kotaku at the time you were making this, that’s a little redundant.

Also, as someone who has worked freelance, I don’t care much for Brad Wardell’s assumption that freelance writers are willing to work for free so they can push their agenda. Fuck you, buddy.

Black Sabbath quote, huh? Man, I’d love to see Ozzy Osbourne’s opinion on being dragged into this shit.

Oh god, more shit lighting, I should not be seeing goddamn artifacting or lighting glares from the mirror in this shot. And could you not nudge the camera tripod a little further down? Maybe fix the focus a little? And why is your fucking shoe in this shot?!

One of the subjects in this interview says that Sarkessian claims that anyone who enjoys media with sexist elements is a bad person. Again, I haven’t actually watched any of Sarkeesian’s stuff, but I think this viewpoint sums up a lot of angry gamers’ reaction to even the slightest criticism of anything they like. For the record, I don’t think you’re a bad person if you like something with problematic elements, but people are allowed to criticize media with sexist elements because how else are we going to progress?

Jordan. I know you had lapel mics on hand for this documentary. I know you and Davis got a LOT of money to produce this thing. Could you not make the sound quality a little better? Because I SHOULD NOT BE HEARING ANY ECHOING.

Was…was that an actual dip in volume? Where did you learn your skills, Jordan, the James Nguyen School of Sound Editing? Also, I had to move my left headphone speaker away from my ear for a second because I thought I heard something in the other room, and noticed that once I did, I could hear NOTHING the interview subject was saying. Fucking…can he not balance his audio channels?

These are the kinds of threats that several interview subjects think Anita should have just brushed off:

…you guys, uh, don’t see any bigger problem with women being called whores or being told to kill themselves over goddamn video game opinions? Okay then.

I’M ONLY 20 MINUTES IN.

“Police don’t just delete records…do they?” Uh, yeah. Sometimes they do. A quick Google search might have told you that.

You know, normally if the audio quality of a call is crappy, you put subtitles on the video. Just saying. Also, even if nothing comes of a terror threat, IT’S STILL LAW ENFORCEMENT’S JOB TO INVESTIGATE IT.

I don’t need to hear every intake of breath in your narration, Owen.

He…he’s actually using a fanfiction of Sarkeesian threatening Randy Pitchford and then killing him over Aliens: Colonial Marines as a talking point? What?! This documentary just got hilarious.

“Why would Anita Sarkeesian…endorse the spread of such a chilling snuff narrative?” Uh, because it doesn’t sound like it’s a very serious story, and anyway doesn’t most of the gaming community hate Aliens: Colonial Marines and Randy Pitchford’s attempts to brush over that controversy? I mean, I think a fanfiction that also costars Spider-Man and the Green Goblin should be taken way less seriously than actual rape and death threats.

Christ, if you’re gonna have lower thirds, keep them up long enough for people to read them without pausing, asswipe.

Wait, are you seriously crediting this guy as a Wikipedia editor? Isn’t that like crediting someone as a clothes-wearer? He also claims to have edited over 1,000 articles which…man, that’s a weak claim to fame.

Okay, so Wikipedia guy says he was trying to point out on the Talk page for Sarkeesian’s Wikipedia entry that there was nothing on there about how she once worked with a pickup artist (he points out this as hypocrisy, though let’s be real, we’ve all associated with people we grow to despise the views of later in life), and he claims that the Wikipedia admins were forbidding him to edit GamerGate related articles. Sounds to me like the higher-ups at Wikipedia were just getting really, really goddamn tired of vandalism on Wikipedia pages for people related to GamerGate, and this guy’s editing attempt just got lumped in with a lot of the bullshit.

Now the Honeybadger ladies are criticizing Sarkeesian for bringing up toxic masculinity and relating it to a then-recent mass shooting. I don’t deny the questionable nature of those comments, but you guys ARE aware she’s nowhere near the first (or worst) person to use a shooting to bring up one of their favorite talking points, right?

AGHHH, WHO’S MAKING NOISES RIGHT INTO THE MIC MY POOR EARS

Why is all the footage of Wikipedia guy so weirdly shot and edited? It looks like he’s trying to scoot out of the frame.

Oh hey, actual context for that “I’m not a fan of video games” clip I’ve seen floating around in gif form. Sounds to me in this video like she’s just too turned off by the video game fandom and the content of certain games to really consider herself a gamer. And from personal experience in other fandoms I’ve been in, I totally get it.

I never thought I’d see a gamer documentary actually defending Jack Thompson and his views on violent video games, after all the backlash I saw against him in the 2000s.

AGAIN with the awkward jump cuts, Jesus.

Oh, is Jack making the old “How can you get angry about THIS sexist issue when there’s BIGGER sexist issues out there” argument? Despite the fact that most feminists I know are capable of multi-tasking?

JIHAD! JIHAD! HE SAID THE MAGIC BUZZWORD! HE COMPARED HER TO RADICAL ISLAM!

Oh don’t try to one-up her in the Who-Got-More-Death-Threats Olympics, Jack. Also, wow, he actually sounds bitter that she got an award for her coverage (even claiming that awards undercut a critic’s credibility!) and that some people actually like her while he’s gotten nothing. Overall, Jack Thompson sounds like a whiny old man who’s mad that nobody respects him the way he thinks he should.

Thunderf00t is claiming that Rebecca Watson’s reaction to being propositioned at 4 AM during an atheist conference was overblown. Dude, in a society where women can and do get date raped under similar circumstances, I think she had every right to be creeped out and explain to men why she felt that way. And I don’t think she’s saying “all guys shouldn’t hit on girls” I think she’s saying “please consider if you’re coming across as a creep”. And let’s be real, a LOT of dudes don’t consider that.

Christ, how many instances are we going to get of a dude in this documentary trying to one-up a woman’s claims of harassment by saying “I’VE SUFFERED WORSE, GROW THE FUCK UP” Like…dude. It’s not about you.

What…what even is this bit of editing?

That’s how this shot is edited in the film, I swear to god.

Hoo boy, are we touching on the “PTSD is only for veterans” chestnut?

Hey, now I know the context of that one screencap of a feminist with bright red hair! And her name (Chanty Binx)! And it…sounds like she was just trying to make a point and was getting more and more pissed off that people were interrupting her? Really, this is what anti-feminists like making memes out of? (Also, she apparently later admitted she got pretty rude)

…wait, what does an “adult performer” have to do with any of this? Jordan Owen, I once again SERIOUSLY question your methods in picking interview subjects.

Okay, the performer, Mercedes Carrera, clarifies that she thinks that women who claim their failures (particularly in STEM fields) are rooted in misogyny are being ridiculous. She cites her own experience in a STEM field as proof. Ma’am, I don’t doubt your experience, but let’s not invalidate others’ here. Perhaps you were just lucky?

Apparently one of the interviewees thinks “mansplaining” is one of the most sexist terms ever. Pfffffffffffft.

Hey, come to think of it, in this section about “professional victims”, do we have any actual evidence that the women in question received any money for their victimhood? Maybe that might have helped your point, buddy.

One interviewee, Jim Goad, says “Do micro-aggressions EXIST in sub-Saharan Africa” WHAT IS HE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

Seriously, why are so many of these interviews so weirdly cropped? Is this “artsy”?

Ugh, thanks a lot for reminding me of the existence of Shredded Moose, asshole.

Brad Wardell claims he didn’t know anything about the gross pornographic cartoon the Shredded Moose guy drew of Zoe Quinn when he reached out to said artist, and claims that Quinn and people on her side (including Jim Sterling!) were lying about him reaching out to him because of the anti-Quinn cartoon. Maybe so, dude, but you really, REALLY should have done some research on this artist before making that job offer. That’s just good business sense.

Oh, THAT’S why Mallorie Nasrallah’s an interview subject: she worked with Zoe back when the latter was a nude model, and claims that Zoe was a compulsive liar!…and this has anything to do with video games how? (also, not sure about verity of the compulsive lying thing)

You know, even if posting images of Zoe’s porny past doesn’t count as “revenge porn” in the strictest sense, the fact that people are bringing these up specifically to discredit her IS A GODDAMN PROBLEM.

This is the image Jordan uses when discussing “social justice warriors”:

…really making your side look mature there, bud.

Jim Goad compares SJWs to “cell warriors” in prison WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DUDE ON.

Frankfurt School! Ooooh, bring up Cultural Marxism for the sake of my bingo card.

Now we’re seeing a collage of “SJW” game journalists and their respective publications. Shit, this was produced while Jim Sterling was still working at The Escapist, feels like that was forever ago.

Oh of course this documentary would feature people who hate the Southern Poverty Law Center.

More “wisdom” from Jim Goad: “When I was a kid, if you were a Communist or a homosexual, then you’d lose your career. Now communists and homosexuals are in power and are seeking to destroy the career of anyone who’s not down with their agenda.” OOOO! HOMOPHOBIA! I’m one “red pill” mention away from a bingo!

“Orwellian idea of hate speech”? You know, sometimes I wonder if the political Right ever actually understood George Orwell.

Oh for the love of…

STOP CROPPING THINGS SO WEIRDLY, JORDAN OWEN. Or was that Davis’ idea, given how similar this is to the editing of that Alt-Right Dogs trailer?

Citing Breitbart as a source? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh God, this feels even worse in the current political climate.

I’m an hour and 40 minutes in AND THERE’S 50 MINUTES LEFT, GOOD GOD JORDAN OWEN IS A TERRIBLE EDITOR.

I must not have ever looked too closely at this picture of Zoe Quinn before, because Jordan Owen’s constant use of it has made me realize for the first time she’s wearing a necklace with Sailor Moon’s Cosmic Heart Compact on it.

I don’t always wear jewelry, but I need to find out where she got that now.

Watching a segment on actual death threats aimed towards anti-feminists and Gamergaters, and I should mention that I’m not denying that harassment occurs from the other side of the debate. Death/terror threats probably shouldn’t be the first course of action against someone you disagree with, no matter where you fall on the political spectrum. That said, I’m not comfortable with the whole “Our death threats are worse than yours!” narrative this segment seems to be hinting at.

Wait is…is this how Jordan Owen censors out brand names?

Dude, a blur effect would have looked way better here.

So, why are we presenting the threats Brad Wardell got threatening to rape his wife and child as completely serious, but some of the similar threats that Anita got as “That’s awful, but it’s just how people are on the internet!” Shouldn’t both situations be concerning?

Seriously though, Jordan, thanks for using pics of Zoe Quinn that give me more inspiration to go find sweet-ass Sailor Moon necklaces.

(I want that jacket, too)

Oh NOW, after about a goddamn hour, we get back to Anita Sarkeesian, a.k.a. THE PERSON YOU NAMED THIS DOCUMENTARY AFTER.

Back to the Honeybadger ladies: “If our society were misogynistic…it would not work at all” Hello, I’m from the future-year of 2017, and do I have some bad news for you.

JIM GOAD SAID “BETA MALES”, I CAN CHECK OFF THE ALPHA MASCULINITY SQUARE!

On the #NotYourShield topic now. I don’t feel knowledgeable enough to speak about the racial minorities or trans people who took part in that movement (I am very white and very cis), but I will say that as a woman, I’ve certainly encountered my fair share of misogynist women (who usually justify themselves as being “better” than modern women).

…also, I’m gonna give Jordan Owen the benefit of the doubt and assume that this segment isn’t the documentary equivalent of saying “I’m not racist, I have black friends!”

And the PhD candidate you found to explain “false consciousness” is Christina Parreira, who is first and foremost credited as a sex worker. Now, I’ve got nothing against sex work, but that title seems pretty irrelevant to the subject at hand and just makes me continue to question how you picked half the female interviewees.

Holy shit, what is with this weird buzzy echo in this segment?

Jordan goes on to talk about feminist opposition to sex work and porn, and Parreira brings up Anita’s use of “prostituted women” for female sex workers, but using “sex worker” when referring to male characters in that industry. I certainly won’t deny that certain forms of feminism haven’t been kind to sex workers (there’s a reason the term SWERF exists), but I do think it’s unfair to ignore that there are issues with the porn and sex work industries that really need to be examined and dealt with. (Problems that, admittedly, could be solved partly by destigmatizing women who choose those lines of work)

Christine Parreira goes on to talk about how she broke away from feminism because other feminists didn’t get how she was a proud sex worker. I understand where she’s coming from, but I’d also like to point out that feminism isn’t the monolith Jordan Owen’s trying to present: there’s a reason why we have constant discussions about TERFs and “white feminists” and how feminism really needs to work on its inclusivity issues. It’s not a sign of how feminism has failed, it’s a sign that, like all political movements, it’s still got a long way to go.

And now a serious story about how a sex worker was raped in her home and, despite being informed about it, Anita and many other feminists ignored the story and crowdfunding efforts to support her. I really don’t have much to say about this part except I hope she did get the help she needed (Oh, and Mercedes’ Carrera’s comment about “we don’t get workman’s comp”? Perfect example of the sex industry problems I was talking about)

With all this pointed out, I should state that these notes are being written as I watch the movie, and I now realize why Jordan Owen brought in sex workers to talk about Sarkeesian. However, given that the sex work talk doesn’t start till after the 2 hour mark, it seems really, really odd for those couple of hours that he’s brought in sex workers to talk about a video game critic. If he were a better writer, director, or editor, I wouldn’t be questioning this. Fuck, if he were a better filmmaker, I don’t think this thing would have been two-and-half hours, period.

This is the second time Nick Robalik’s shown up in the film and I just NOW noticed the goddamn pizza box in the background.

I’m pretty sure most filmmakers don’t show their craft services in the film itself. And for god’s sake, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THAT ECHO

So now Jordan Owen is criticizing the concept of “gamification”, and specifically using video games as a political mouthpiece. But…aren’t video games art? And isn’t there a long, rich history of art and political messages going hand-in-hand? JORDAN OWEN, YOU ARE A FAN OF SKELETOR, FOR GOD’S SAKE.

Oh and hey, speak of the (almost literal) devil, there’s a quote from Rand herself! 

“Neither am I the means to any end others may wish to accomplish. I am not a tool for their use. I am not a servant of their needs. I am not a bandage for their wounds. I am not a sacrifice on their altars.”

Ironic, considering Rand’s being used as a tool for Jordan Owen’s use here.

Brad Wardell says that he was inspired to get into game programming thanks to Sid Meier’s Civilization and he wanted to know what happens “when that spaceship leaves Earth”. Well, if I may be a smartass here, he could’ve just waited for Alpha Centauri…

Ooooh, and now Jordan Owen gets all ominous as he builds up the reason why he and many others are mad at Anita Sarkeesian, and he describes it as “the unending fountain of rage from which we draw strength” and WAIT ARE YOU USING A SCREENCAP OF AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE PATREON CAMPAIGN FOR THIS VERY FILM TO ILLUSTRATE YOUR POINT?!

WHAT THE FUCK

And speaking of “what the fuck”, why is Jordan going into some monologue about the nature of virtue and morality and the will to live while zooming in on some stock animation of a galaxy?

I’m not kidding, this is an actual screencap from a film about Anita Sarkeesian and GamerGate:

Why is he talking about how we’re different from other animals this is a documentary about video game feminism

He’s claiming that feminists want to take fun and competition out of games. No, dipshit, most geeky feminists I know just want to feel comfortable in gaming communities.

Oh god, he’s comparing them to parasites, WHAT KIND OF DAVE SIM WINGNUTTERY AM I WATCHING NOW

He’s calling gamers “historically ostracized”?! Look, I know what it’s like to be bullied for being a nerd but…I still don’t think that’s the appropriate phrase here?

Oh god oh god oh god he’s claiming that feminists want goverment regulation of the gaming community what is this shit

He claims SJWs who want games to be “better” only want propaganda and can’t see the imaginative potential in games. Dude, making games more inclusive and diverse would, in my opinion, expand the creative possibilities in game design. I’VE LIVED THROUGH SEEING WAY TOO MANY GODDAMN GAMES FEATURING GENERIC BROWN-HAIRED STUBBLED STRAIGHT DUDES AS THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTERS FOR ME TO LET THAT ARGUMENT SLIDE.

He’s claiming that people who want to be represented in art simply want to use creators as mouthpieces. REPRESENTATION. DOES NOT. WORK THAT WAY.

He keeps using this animation to represent how SJWs want to beat opposition into submission or some shit and good God, man, you think the Left is fearmongering?

“It is not because we resent the idea of gaming’s expanding horizons, but because we know that there was never any limits in the first place” Except the limits of close-minded execs who only want to appeal to 13-year-old male COD players, of course. But you won’t touch on that, now will you?

And he pulls out the old “If you want representation, make your own stuff” argument. And yet, I do distinctly remember him deriding Gone Home as “D*ke Mansion 3D”, so even if someone took his advice, people like Jordan Owen would still complain about its political agenda. People do make their own diverse works and yet they still get pushback from anti-SJW types.

And a montage of gaming history to prove “how far we’ve come without [SJWs]”. I noticed a clip from one of the King’s Quest games in this montage, which is hysterical to me considering how many Sierra adventure game people refused to work with Jordan Own specifically because of the views he spouted in this very documentary.

I’m admittedly a little grumpy he included footage of one of my favorite game series, Portal, in the “We don’t need SJWs to make good games!” montage

And now a montage of the interview subjects telling what they’d say to Anita Sarkeesian if given a chance. One of the Honeybadger ladies pulls out the “get a real job” line, which, as someone working in a creative field, admittedly made me flinch.

Are…are some of these people trying to psychoanalyze Anita?

Well, if all else fails, Jordan, you could always get a job making overly-long montages for awards shows.

Oh, so you ARE at least crediting Davis for the videography! First of, I think you mean “cinematographer” or “director of photography” and second, holy fuck does that explain a lot given what I’ve seen of Davis’ camera work in other stuff.

Sargon of Akkad gets a special thanks! Another person who would (understandably) break ties with Davis Aurini!

And that was, undoubtedly, the worst documentary I have ever watched…

…at least, until I get around to watching Davis Aurini’s version.

And here’s the Alt-Right bingo results! Didn’t get the bingo I wanted, but I came REALLY damn close:

One last note: in the description for this video, Jordan Owen says "No, I am not returning to Sarkeesian/SJW related commentary." Good, because you suck at delivering said commentary.

[beckettskingdom]

Beckett stood stoically in front of Cleo's bedroom door. He was about ready to go out, head into the city for the day and meet up with Tyler; drink some beers, eat a whole lot of food and if their adventure turned into a night of partying then he was more than ready to let loose. The King men and the Sutherland women had been back from their trip to Bora Bora for a few days, and he figured since their return his father and Charlotte would be over the excited phase of the new step in their relationship. It wasn't the first time either of them were getting married after all. Beckett wouldn't have been so triggered if his father hadn't made it his mission to include him in whatever it was he was trying to achieve. Making a new family when Beckett was more than happy with his last one, or lack of one rather. Beckett had not only survived but thrived existing mostly on his lonesome. But it seemed this wasn't going to be the case anymore, and he was starting to battle with the existential crisis that perhaps, just maybe, the Sutherland's were here to stay. That thought angered him even more because now Beckett was contemplating running away, going back to college or taking an internship at one his fathers companies in Europe, halfway across the world just to get away from this shit.

With a few nails in his right hand and a hammer in his left, at the behest of his father he was here to 'help' Cleo hang up 'some pictures'. Though when he moved all her shit in he was adamant he only saw one fucking picture. The painting of her half naked form that was surprisingly tasteful but he wasn't about to admit that to her face. He had been successful in avoiding her the past few days, since the incident of his unfortunate hard on when she had been set on his lap. Though it had been much harder to forget Cleo's tiny hand firmly caressing his dick through his pants as she teased him. Alluring glances with taunting words that he still praised himself he had the urge to thwart. What she had been doing had felt good, but he was strong enough to focus on her more than cruel intentions.

Shit, those thoughts had been fucking with his sleep. Some nights all he could think about was Cleo's ass grinding against him, hands trailing everywhere, and her mouth doing things that would make her mother scream if she knew. Jesus fucking Christ. He knew it was wrong, thinking and contemplating on those thoughts but most of the time he found he  couldn't stop, and the other times he didn't want to. Pressing his lips tightly together Beckett considered for the first time in his life, being considerate would perhaps help him out, and he decided to knock on her door instead of just barge in. God forbid, she was getting changed, or worse...

Fuck. He pounded on her door with his fist, and with a large sigh he reminded himself to be quick, sooner he was done sooner he could get the hell out of here. "Hurry up, Cleo, I've got shit to do."

[rilethunder]

There’s some guy in twitter who linked me into this thread and you know what, I’ll just fucking respond to this entire thread point by point.

Can reverse sexism exist?

Yeah but it’s not call “reverse sexism”. That’s just sexism.

Sexism is an INSTITUTION which deprives a class of power and actively harms them. 

No, sexism is a form of bigotry in terms of gender and sex. That’s it, you don’t have to try and expand it further.

Sexual Harrasment is never okay. BUT it cannot constitute sexism against men, for in our current patriarchal society, men have all the power. 

It’s not sexual harassment and therefore cannot be “sexist” against men? You know this is the very same idea the Patriarchy tells men right? They can’t be harassed or abused? Jesus christ this bigotry.

Also “men have all the power” in a country where men are murdered everyday  worked to death for most of the time, yeah right, power of course.

Men cannot be seriously discriminated in the same way women are. If men go topless in public for example, It's perfectly normal and acceptable. But god forbid if women go topless, society feels that it is wrong, and that such behavior constitute consent to be sexually harrased and abused. 

You wokes don’t fucking go outside or anything?

It’s never really acceptable for ANYONE to go topless unless they have very good reasons to do; and even then men who topless also constitute consent to be sexually harrased and abused with simple remarks like “damn that six pack!”, “let me touch those abs/muscles!” “hey give me a hug with that body of yours!”. Hell even getting called “kuya/pogi” can also make men uncomfortable. Men are very pressured in public to accept such gestures “to satisfy guests/audience” so as to not come off as bad or at least unprofessional. So is anything men suffer from such too, but we’re just told to “take in stride”.

This disparity in power is what quells in the statement "Men are Trash." it does not refer to me, you, or my friends specifically. It refers to the SOCIAL CLASS of people whove historically had power over another, anf millenias of abuse and oppression they suffered under us men.

The only social class that I feel that exists is the “rich/poor” which is also the basis of privilege. If you try to describe “men is a social class”, you’re simply using bullshit buzzwords to avoid criticism of generalization. Also, historically? You might wanna check up on that brudda.

I’ll translate:

1st tweet: “ Q.2: "There are men who get harassed."

Yes. Sexual harrassment is not limited to women. All forms of sexual harassment must be condemned.

Well according to you, men “don’t get sexism or sexually harassed” because of your definition of sexism, so clearly you’re talking about women here.

But compare the statistics of sexual violence of men and women. There is a CLEAR and MEASURABLE disparity between cases a 2018 survey showed that 80% of women have been sexually harassed in one form or another. 80 FUCKING PERCENT.

The sentence is “women are sexually harassed” but somehow this was connected to men? What if half of those cases were perpetrated by women? I smell some confirmation bias here.

Also, high chances are these are based on reported cases, which can be a direct result of letting women file their own cases, encouraging women to move forward with the complaints. This isn’t the same as men, and that is because OF YOUR FIRST FUCKING TWEET IN THE THREAD.

When you White Knight so fucking hard you contradict yourself and even make up people like you the reason why there’s little cases of sexual harassment for men. You’re being disingenuous at this point.

it doesn't matter if you dont harass women, a significant number of Men are oppressing and violating women due to the patriarchal institutions that exist in status quo.

That’s one big jump from “women are harassed” when you can’t even confirm yourself what’s the entire reason why they are. Smells like bias at this point.

Men get sexually harassed. I experienced it myself sadly. BUT if the only time you mention men's rights are when feminists and women are creating posts and topics to break down the patriarchy, then you dont care about mens rights. You care about maintaining this sexist culture 

If the first thing you’d say to empower and fight for women’s rights is “men are trash”, then it implies feminism does not give two shits about men and men’s rights.

If the entire talking point of feminism is to “break down the patriarchy” but tell men that their experiences “ are not as bad as women’s”, then I can declare feminism contributes to the patriarchal system.

If your idea of fighting for women’s rights is under the pretense of “rape culture” that trivializes rape victims, then you’re giving off the impression that rape victims ARE YOUR SHIELDS, not your audience.

If there’s anyone who wants to maintain this sexist culture, it’s you fucks, not us.

If you’re telling us men that our experiences are invalidated by experiences of the opposite gender, then I want no part of it. I have far too much self respect and dignity than do that for the sake of “women’s rights”.

I’ll do that on my own, thank you.

If we men truly care about ending this culture of violence, then we must understand and support women in their struggle for liberation.

If you think that sexism is the only problem that contributes to the “culture of violence”, you have oversimplified the problem of this country.

If even WOMEN don’t like your movement, then that says a lot about what your movement is all about.

idk but I’ll ad you guys @siryouarebeingmocked and @someoneintheshadow456 since you guys might add some other stuff in this.

[letmebecandid]

Letting go of shame

“You don’t have to apologize for who you are, Shane. You don’t have to make any validations or explain anything. God made you who you are, strengths and weaknesses, and gave you your wife and those beautiful children because he trusts you with them—isn’t that beautiful? Not everyone is going to understand that, but they don’t have to. This is your journey.” 

And goddammit if she wasn’t right. Her name was Sara, and I met her Wednesday night at a bible study. It was an LGBT study and a friend, Amy, invited me. I decided to go because I have so far been in circles where people know and accept my identity, or people who know and accept my faith. I can’t recall having both equally accepted in one place. 

I was fighting back tears as she talked because I didn’t want to let it in. The truth of her words almost made me angry, though I don’t know why. Maybe I’m angry because for years and years and years I have felt like I’m supposed to feel bad for where I’m at. Something went wrong, right? I’m a Christ follower, I’m same-sex attracted and no longer believe that’s something that will change *gasp*. Or that is even supposed to change. I mean, is it okay to say that? I guess I’m still struggling with the weight of accepting such a massive notion—that God loves me exactly as I am today. That I don’t have to change a thing about who I am in order for him to love me. My history with the church tells me otherwise.

Maybe that’s where the anger comes from. That I feel robbed of the years of freedom I could have experienced if I had accepted that God loved me just as I was. That I didn’t have to—that I don’t have to—do anything different for God to love me any more than he does right now. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me??? 

[please, dear God, tell me you remember this scene? I’m also hoping the occasional gif will lighten the weight of such a heavy post]

Even as I’m writing these words, I'm honestly having such a hard time taking that in. I want to weep or punch a hole in the wall. For years, I have squirmed around under the weight of shame that I should feel bad for just existing. If I was a better Christian, I wouldn’t be this way. Right? If I was closer to God, I would have turned out... straight? Or, given that I now have a wife, if I loved her enough, then my attraction would only be devoted to her and the gay feelings would just disappear. Isn’t that what some of us in the church grew up to believe as true? 

I have had many gay friends imply (or outright tell me), that I was just gay and that they believed my marriage to Helen was a cover that I needed to feel good about having a family and being Christian. When I got married almost 9 years, a long-time gay friend of mine, Clarence, sent me an email explaining how I was making a grave mistake. That I was in denial and doing what I thought the church and society expected of me. I guess, from his perspective, he could never understand why I wanted (and so thankful I now have) a wife and kids being that he was 100% gay. Well, maybe 110%. 

Ironically, when I decided to get married, I had a good friend turn his back on me because he didn’t agree with my life choice. Hashtag fucking ironic. Honestly though, I can’t blame him. He was trying to do his best to speak from his heart and share what he believed to be true and helpful from his worldview. I think he (and maybe others) assumed I conjured up some extrinsic attraction to Helen or made a convenient or contrived decision instead of one based on mutual love and attraction, which was actually the case. From my experience, a lot of gay guys are cool with bisexuality unless it swings in a woman’s direction.

Helen has a few guys she works with that are gay and one time when we were all together for a Friendsgiving dinner, she told me that she felt like one of them was looking at her like does this bitch know her husband is gay? We had a good laugh about it when she told me the next day. She said she wanted to just say yeah dude, I know. Simmer. 

Sometimes when I’m out with my family, I’ll see a guy look at me and in an instant I can tell they’re making assumptions about my situation. Wife. Kids. Clearly Not Straight. It used to bother me and I wanted to blurt out I’m not living a lie! Jesus, stop with the judgment already. Which would undoubtedly be awkward. Maybe they were judging my situation, or maybe I had a two-foot patch of toilet paper coming out the back of my shorts. It’s hard to say. But not only did it bother me, it made me feel like I wasn’t accepted. Like these people—gay friends and strangers— were telling me that I made the wrong choice for the wrong reason and I didn’t belong.  

On the flip side, when I’ve spent any length of time around straight dudes, there is misunderstanding and lack of acceptance in a different direction. If I don’t talk about sexuality with them or if they don’t know this part of my life, there’s still this kind of vibe that I don’t quite fit in. I may be able to connect with and talk about shared interests like CrossFit, cars, or a mutual hatred for the president. But it starts to unravel if I mention that I’ve never watched a full sports game start to finish, or if I can’t participate in discussions about how hot some particular girl is. 

Or—God forbid—I openly talk about sexual identity and that I’m on a spectrum. I used to want so badly to be accepted by straight guy groups (men’s small groups, CrossFit buds, coworkers, etc.) but I’ve learned that you can’t force acceptance. You can only receive relationship on the terms the other person is willing to offer them. Anything beyond that turns you batshit crazy. 

Here’s the thing, when people don’t know you, they don’t understand the complexity of your situation. They don’t know the depth of your thought or the reasons you made the choices you did in life. And unless they get to know you, they never will. 

Most people don’t know that, a week before I met my wife in Kenya, I prayed and told God that I wanted a wife. I had increasing attraction to women into my 20s and wondered if I could find a woman who wasn’t concerned with how I identify. They don’t know that the day we met we talked about me dating men and women and she said well, one day maybe you’ll meet someone who doesn’t care who you’re attracted to, but only that you care for and are committed to them. These are things that only close friends know, if at all. And—well—now you. You’re welcome.

I guess what I’m trying to say is your journey is your journey. If people don’t know you and don’t care to get to know you, there’s no reason why their arbitrary opinion about your life or circumstances should mean anything to you. The people who love you with fierceness, intention, and grace—those are the people you should let it and listen to. Most likely they are the ones who understand the complexity of your life and who will be with you till the sun turns black.