#god I need to study for finals
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give me some whiskey and ill draw The Most Thing i can come up with
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#this wasnt the personal thing i wanted to draw this weekend but it has been on the back burner for a while so. it counts !!!!!!#i did sketch this last night. MODERATELY hammered and the final comic is Just A Tad diff from the sketch im wheezing#just in terms of angles but still thats huge to me#CHAT everyone knew i was gonna draw SOMETHING as soon as i saw those tentacles#however i flipped the script on you all. probably. idk SOMEONE prob assumed i woulda had magneto use them#but how the turn tables .... have turned. this is so stupid JVLKJVLA if this gets 5k on twitter ill do a charles ver MAYBE.#welcome back to my ongoing series of These Old Men Will Make Their Weird Love Affair Everyones Problem#i have an exam in the morning i need to stop this#ill have to this week like Truly but still VJELRKVJE I GOTTAAAA STOPPP DRAWIN THIS LATE#anyways. please enjoy this is so dumb but i got to try drawing charles' powers in effect so thats nice#i should do a study of that one day ... not anyday soon LMAO GOD moving on goodnight everyone !!
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part one, part two, part three. this a part four. this is so accidentally long but hickies as promised, w a brief return out touch starved steve <3 mwah!
Eddie is sure his kiss tastes of uncertainty.
He can’t help the way his lips betray his nervousness in their obvious restraint. He knows he had been far more enthusiastic last night, eagerness behind every kiss. This kiss is… softer. Shyer.
He can’t help it. Because even though Steve said yes, had maybe flattened Eddie’s heart by adding a please, Eddie’s still… unsure. Still worried. Still waiting for a punch to come because that’s what happens to boys who kiss boys.
But… Steve’s hands are still holding onto Eddie’s wrists, keeping them in their place where they cup Steve’s face so gently. When Eddie had leaned in, lips grazing Steve’s, he had felt the other’s tightening grip like a silent prayer, saying come close, stay close. Even now, the grip around Eddie’s wrists holds firm.
Though it’s the last thing he wants, Eddie breaks the kiss. He draws back, savouring the moment — the sweetness of Steve’s lips for what might be the final time — with his eyes shut tight. Did I do it right this time? He thinks, he hopes. Can I kiss you and keep you?
“I’m…” Steve starts, his voice a whisper. Eddie’s eyes open. His fingers flex along Steve’s jaw instinctively. “Really confused.” Steve admits quietly.
His face is reserved. Only slight ripples of anxiety peek through. The crinkle between his brows speaks of his abundance of confusion. Eddie’s eyes drink in every expression and he can’t stop help how his eyes catch back on Steve’s lips. He stares when Steve speaks.
“I thought you— I thought you didn’t want…”
“Didn’t want this?” Eddie echoes, with a tone of incredulity, eyes darting back up to look Steve in the eye. He punctuates the last word with another touch, the pad of his thumb touching Steve’s bottom lip bravely.
Steve shivers. His eyes flutter for a moment, in a way Eddie has come to know means his strange aversion to touch is flaring up but — but Steve’s hands keep Eddie from moving away when he tries. Steve nods slowly.
Eddie swallows — tries to push down the ache to kiss him again. They’re still twisted; Steve still doesn’t get it.
Neither does Eddie though. He can’t even imagine what Steve came over to apologise for. What mental gymnastics he had put himself through to somehow be the one who needs to apologise in this situation.
“Where the fuck,” Eddie breathes softly, with an appalled chuckle, letting Steve know he wasn’t mad. Wasn’t in the slightest bit annoyed, only confused. “Did you get that idea?”
Beneath his hands, Eddie can feel Steve’s cheeks grow hotter. The colour soon follows, a glorious crimson that fills the apples of his cheeks. And sure, fine, okay, sue Eddie if he enjoys the sight a little too much. Steve all flushed in the face, ears definitely warmer than they were a second ago.
Steve starts to stammer. “You— You sounded annoyed when I was leaving.” His brows are nearly touching in the middle, drawn together in concern. “I thought you were regretting—“
Eddie interrupts to clarify, suddenly aware of where they’d gotten so muddled. “I sounded annoyed because you were leaving, Steve. Not…”
Not because you asked for a kiss. Eddie’s throat dries up. He can’t say it aloud, not just yet. The words dance on the tip of his tongue. Eddie doesn’t trust himself not to fumble them.
Even though, Steve’s sudden departure had been due to a genuine misunderstanding, Eddie can’t— he’s not… He’s got to be realistic with himself, just in case. Not say too much too soon.
Steve reads into the silent lull in Eddie’s words and in an instant, his eyes are widening in understanding. Somehow, his cheeks glow even warmer.
“Oh,” Steve says, the word doused in relief, in understanding. “Oh my god—“
The rest of his sentence is lost as a car drives by, tires groaning loudly along the tar road. It serves as a quick reminder of where they are. In public, in such close proximity. Eddie steps back instantly, hands ripping away from Steve as a lick of panic runs up his spine. His eyes track the pale blue car down the road.
They were covered by the van but, still.
“C’mon,” Steve says softly, calling to catch his attention.
The panic wavers wildly for a moment before eventually relenting, Eddie dropping his shoulders as he turns back to Steve. He’s delighted to find Steve is no less red in the face.
Steve clears his throat, “We can call a tow back at yours.”
He gestures to his car, an invitation, with a smile. Eddie’s not even sure he’s meant to say something so reassuring; a mixture of the use of we and the implication Steve would come back home with him. Would come inside.
Eddie can’t help how he ogles at Steve. He’s doing another once-over to make sure Steve isn’t a mirage about to fade. Maybe Eddie had actually crashed his van when the engine spluttered on him and all this was a weird and extremely vivid coma dream.
Except, Steve doesn’t look perfect — not like a dream would.
Eddie can tell from the flatness of his hair, he likely didn’t sleep well. He’s got a tired but kind smile on. It’s shyer than Eddie’s ever seen before.
He’s still wearing that bright green Family Video vest for Christ’s sake — if Eddie was in a coma, he had some serious self-reflection to do if his brain picked this as his dream-Steve fit.
“Yeah,” Eddie says, with a nod and a smile of his own. “Lemme, uh, lemme just grab my stuff.”
Eddie turns to hide his face before Steve can see it grow into a wild frenzied smile, too gleeful to contain. He pops the driver’s side door and scurries around, grabbing all the essentials; cigarettes, lighters, and tapes with actual good music on them.
Steve’s waiting for him, still in the same spot when he slides the door shut. Eddie works the rusted lock to lock it up. No, Eddie thinks gleefully, this is not a dream.
-
Steve is surprised it’s not more awkward.
Not that he wants that— honestly, this sweet in-between phase where Eddie keeps glancing over at him, brown eyes longing and like he was checking if Steve was still there, as he talked on the phone, suited Steve just fine. More than fine.
And yeah, okay, maybe Steve swooned a bit when Eddie started twirling the cord of the phone, so much like a lovey-dovey teenage girl that Steve nearly laughed aloud. He wasn’t sure if Eddie even realised he was doing it. Just leant up against the wall, stealing glances at Steve — his fingers fiddling with the cord til they began looping it over and over.
Steve wouldn’t though— laugh at Eddie, that is. It feels pretty much impossible to do anything except sit with all his giddiness, just knowing that… his feelings for Eddie are mutual.
That Eddie hadn’t regretted the kisses in the slightest. That Eddie had wanted Steve for just as long.
It’s achingly sweet to look back on that first hug Steve had asked for — knowing they had both been toeing the line, trying desperately to keep their pining to themselves. Idiots, Steve scoffs to himself affectionately, they were both idiots.
Rerunning the memory of his hasty exit last night is less of a breezy memory. Steve doesn’t want to think too hard about what malicious ideas Eddie’s brain might have spun up to taunt himself.
He must’ve thought that Steve had left for entirely worse reasons. That the reason Steve hadn’t been able to look at him because he thought Eddie was… that he regretted… Steve shakes his head. None of those thoughts are pretty.
And, more importantly, they were untrue. Steve very much liked those kisses. His only regret that night was leaving the way he did. Honest, Steve would have more kisses if he could.
Something scorches across his heart delightfully because he can have more kisses — he just has to ask.
“Okay, thank you so much,” Eddie says appreciatively into the receiver. He dashes another look over at Steve, an apology in the form of his sorry grimace. He focuses back on the phone. “Yeah, I’ll be in tomorrow to see the damage. Thanks, again.”
He sets the phone back in the cradle and for a moment, Steve can’t see his face. Can’t see any of the nervous contemplation. Eddie finally seems to grasp his courage and spins, fixing Steve with a smile.
“Um,” He says, a nervous chuckle leaking through. Eddie moves closer but he moves all skittish, one of his sneakers catching on nothing. He stumbles just a bit, taking a quick seat on the couch arm beside Steve.
“Wh—“ Eddie starts to say. He huffs another nervous chuckle, one hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. “This might be a stupid question but what… now?”
Steve thinks for a moment. He’s considering how to go about this when Eddie blurts out in a hopeful tone— “More kissing?”
There’s an unspoken please. Steve revels in the blush that follows the words.
He smirks up at Eddie, eyes tracing the bloom of pink on his cheeks. “What? On the couch, like I’m some common whore?”
“You seemed to have no problem with it last time, my liege.” Eddie points out dramatically, all with a grin.
“And I have no intention of repeating last time.” Steve counters. Then frowns.
“Well, except for the good part.” He corrects himself. “The first part! Just- Christ, can we go to your room instead, please?”
Eddie’s on his feet in an instant. He brings his hand up to his forehead and gives a salute with enough force to rip his arm off. Then marches down the hall and disappears into his room without waiting for Steve.
Steve thinks the nerves might be getting to him.
He walks the steps he’s walked a hundred times before, crossing into Eddie’s room and pressing the door shut behind him.
Eddie’s sat on the bed, criss-cross apple sauce style. He’s kicked his sneakers off — one’s by Steve’s foot, the other on the other side of the room.
Steve swallows and toes off his own shoes. He approaches the bed, climbing on gingerly and folding his limbs to match Eddie. That familiar swoop of nerves sits oh-so present in the pit of his stomach. Steve tries to think of it as a good thing — it’s good to have something so good that he’s nervous in his excitement.
For a moment, they just sit. Staring at one another. One of Eddie’s fingers is digging into the rips of his jeans, toying with the loose strands. It gives away his restless energy.
Steve waits. He asked last time and he knows — he knows Eddie wants to kiss him. But a small part of him…
“Why is this so hard?” Eddie blurts out all of a sudden. Like before, the words seem like they’ve come out without Eddie realising, but he barrels on. “Shit, I’m so fucking nervous. You make me so nervous, Steve.”
Eddie’s eyes won’t settle. They dart around. Move from Steve’s eyes to his lips, down, to the bed sheet beneath them. Like he still isn’t sure if he’s truly allowed to look. His admission makes Steve sorta wanna roll over and scream into the pillow. In a good way.
“I’m— Me too," Steve admits, a smile curling at his lips. “The- fuck, the way I feel about you honestly scares me shitless.”
Eddie seems to be both chuffed and relieved at his words.
“But I… want to kiss you,” Steve says assuredly. The next sentence he poses as a question, words a little more hesitant. More nervous. “And… and you want to kiss me?”
Across the bed, Eddie grabs a piece of his hair, twisting it nervously as he pulls it to cover his face. His usual nervous tell. Steve can’t help how he breaks into a grin when Eddie nods fervently.
“Cool.” Steve breathes. Then mentally smacks himself for saying cool. He tries to recover but Eddie beats him to it, with a question of his own. “Can I kiss you now?”
Steve answers by shuffling closer, til their knees are touching and then — like beside the road earlier — mimics the touch Eddie had given him.
Hands on either side of Eddie’s face, gentle as they curl under his jaw. Steve can feel the curls of his hair tickling at his fingertips. Another inch forward and he’d be burying his hands in Eddie’s hair. Steve bookmarks that urge for later.
Eddie looks nervous. Steve is undoubtedly making it worse, taking his time like this. But he can’t help it.
He wants to look — wants to stare, wants to devour every detail of Eddie’s face. Commit it to memory so he can picture it with his eyelids closed. What Eddie Munson looks like while waiting for a kiss.
The amount of affection that swells in Steve’s chest hits like a sucker-punch, enough he sucks in a tiny breath. He can see the smallest quiver in Eddie’s lip.
“You gonna stare all day, Harrington?” Eddie teases, but it lacks conviction when the words wobble a bit.
“Just enjoying the view,” Steve remarks, and then, finally, he kisses Eddie.
It’s the floodgate. It’s a frenzy, kiss after kiss after kiss, the softness of them slipping away in lieu of making up for missed time. Steve kisses every apology onto Eddie’s lips and he receives forgiveness a dozen times back. It’s bliss.
Eddie’s a very enthusiastic partner, to say the least. He’s a little messier with his kisses, hands gripping the front of Steve’s shirt tightly, pressing forward in a way that pushes Steve back— but Steve certainly doesn’t mind. He removes his hands from Eddie’s face to lower himself back, elbows against the comforter as Eddie follows eagerly.
For a moment, a sprout of doubt pulls them apart. Eddie hovers, not getting too close. “This is… this is okay?”
Steve grabs him by the collar and tugs him down, meeting him in the middle for another kiss. It’s a fat unanimous yes. Something glows hot in his chest when Eddie smiles into the kiss. Grins even. In fact, he has to take a moment to cheese it out, his face tucked into hiding against the crook of Steve’s neck.
Steve doesn’t mind. His hand strokes idly over Eddie’s hair, twisting in with the curls. He lets him take his time, lets Eddie work back up the nerve to kiss him again, except— with a gasp, Steve squirms at the sudden kiss on his neck, hot and soft.
“I think you were the one overdue for a hickie,” Steve breathes, hands threading through Eddie’s hair gently. He doesn’t pull him away though; lets Eddie figure out the best way to scrape his teeth against Steve’s skin as best he likes.
“Uh huh,” Eddie murmurs, barely heard. He’s too distracted.
“Eddie,” Steve tries, but it comes out far too close to a sigh. He tries again, this time with a proper tug to pull Eddie back from him.
It’s a bit of leftover King Steve the way he manoeuvres the both of them, rolling deftly so it’s Eddie upon his back and Steve hovering above him. Eddie manages to look both impressed and disgruntled at once.
Steve doesn’t let him get a word out. The pale stretch of skin down Eddie’s neck has been calling his name for too long and Steve is hungry for it. He grants Eddie one, two, three more kisses on his lips before he’s moving down.
He’s just getting started, lips pressed to hot skin when it happens. Eddie’s hands move up, skirting barely up and under Steve’s shirt, fingers searching. The unpleasant aversion prickles under Steve’s skin.
He locks up. He’s unable to do anything but; it feels helpless even as he tries to shake it off but he knows, he knows Eddie can feel it as he grows rigid under the touch.
It’s worse when Eddie tries to reel his touch back in. Steve wants to cry with frustration because it’s not Eddie— it’s fucking him.
“Don’t,” Steve pleads, his hand diving down to catch Eddie’s wrist and holding it there. He knows Eddie’s watching him closely, even as Steve’s eyes scrunch shut and he fights to fend off the uncomfortable feeling attempting to make home under his skin.
“It’s…” Steve wills himself to look Eddie in the eye, hoping the sincerity bleeds through his words. “It’s not you, Eds. Just— fuck, just… give me a second, okay?”
He releases Eddie’s wrist. Eddie nods, a minuscule motion. His brown eyes are watching Steve closely, darting all over his face wildly and after a moment, they still on his lips. Eddie makes a decision and pushes forward, planting a tender kiss on the corner of Steve’s mouth.
“S’okay,” He assures. Then gives Steve another kiss, this time on the lips, slow and sweet. Steve drinks it in, tries to savour the feeling of being kissed by someone who wants him. Wants him in every way they can have him. It's maddening.
Eddie’s hand moves an inch cautiously, testing the waters as his fingertips trace the skin of Steve’s tummy. He doesn’t flinch when Steve stiffens up again.
Like he can sense the frustration building up in the other boy, he captures Steve’s lips with his gently. Whispers against them again as soothingly as he can. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
It’s like the words run across the raised hackles of Steve’s soul, soothing and seeping out the tension from every muscle. Steve can feel himself relax under the words. Feels something inside him wobble and then tip over, finally soothed, finally settled.
This time when Eddie’s hand grazes along his waist, Steve shivers in a good way— and leans in closer, kissing back. His hands clutch back at Eddie’s hair, raking through to grip it sweetly. He tugs, jerking Eddie’s chin up and exposing his throat.
“Can I…” Steve begins. It’s a tease.
“Shut up,” Eddie grinds out, hands fixed on Steve’s waist. Now he knows he can touch, that Steve isn’t tensing up or flinching away, his hands are rabid. Hungry. They crawl across the skin, leaving hot scorch marks behind that tingle delightfully. “This hickie is so overdue.”
Steve grins wolfishly.
Eddie’s neck is a thorough shade of violet by the time he’s done, chest heaving. He looks devilishly handsome when Steve pulls back to admire his work and he barely gets a moment before Eddie’s back on him, lips hot against Steve’s own.
“My go.”
This time when Steve’s getting ready to leave, he half-heartedly pulls on his shoes. It’s a pitiful attempt to slow down the inevitable. He can’t believe leaving is harder this time; maybe it’s more to do with the hickies adoring his own neck and collarbones.
“Hey, I-“ Steve starts, already feeling flush in the face. Eddie’s watching him pack his stuff up, still pink in the face, but so evidently content with himself. He’s laid back on the bed, arms crossed behind his head. He’s showing off the dark lovebites on his skin, neck craned proudly.
“Mm?” Eddie hums, a cheeky smile on his face.
“When I— Robin.” Steve says, flashing a hand to his neck. “She’s- she’s probably gonna ask.”
Steve swallows. He somehow gets the feeling Eddie already knows what he’s going to ask — that he’s waiting for him to say it. Eddie’s grin says as much.
“And when she does, I—“ Steve continues, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. The kisses on it tingle beneath his own touch. “Can I… call you my boyfriend?”
Eddie glows. It’s the only word for the excited laugh that punches out of him, like a gleeful goblin.
Steve thinks he might just be falling all over again when Eddie rolls over and buries his face in his pillow. He pretends for Eddie’s sake not to hear his muffled shout that’s almost a squeal. His cheeks are ruby red by the time he sticks his face back out, his grin so wide it makes his eyes crinkle in the corner.
“Yes,” Eddie says, voice giddy. “Yes, please.”
And Steve’s so fucking glad he asked for that stupid hug way back when, because got a gremlin-level of affectionate boyfriend now to show for it.
-
and that's likely a wrap on the can i series for now ! i had an inkling of an idea for future but tbh i wasn't supposed to write this i like have 7 other fics callin my name. but alas! thank u so very much for the love on this, whether sending kisses to my touch starved self or talking bout needing a hug too in the tags <3 hopefully this heals all the right places <3 mwah my loves
tags below:
@original-cypher @maya-custodios-dionach @uwujinniee @attic-cat-blog @immortal-iratze @anaibis @orangeandthefairroadkill @etaka @silversnaffles @invisibleflame812 @eddie-hero-munson @jesskier @princess-eddie @impeachy @estrellami-1 @bloomingconflagration @newtstabber @iwouldsail @sundead @darksmistress @sydstroons @leethegay @superchellerific @eddielives1986 @jinxjinn @breealtair @steddieassheg0es @loopholesinmydreams @savory-babby @alittlegreyfish @izzy2210 @em9515 @killjoy-patrixtump @mrspasser @spectrum-spectre
#posting this cos i need to study and it's driving me insane i need it DONE#its been at like 96% finished for the last 2 days#FINISHED THIS MORNING#FINALLY !#hopefully on that fun touched starved moment that the whole first piece was based on#yet again#gay ppl in my phone.... i love u#hope this feeds u good#steddie#ruby writes steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#touch starved steve harrington#can i series#and that's a fookin wrap dear god i need to do other things#if u like this u should come and tell me so we can kiss#on the lips#prommy <3
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fellas you ever consider that vertin can never have it all?? ever?? or even just like a little bit at all?? (chapter 1 + 2 + 3 spoilers)
like bro schnedier. schneider kisses her and then fuckin DIES. bro. one girlfriend off the books. she has to fucking go through therapy and that shit still haunts her dreams. oh lord.
and on top of that. there is so much unclosed shit between her and sonetto. do you guys remember that poem in chapter 3 about sonetto being the 'puppy' and how she cried when the stone wall shut between her and vertin?? yeah bro that shit haunts me. and how she?? she CRIED in the car when vertin was in danger?? shes so down. down horrendous. sonetto my baby
and if THAT isnt bad enough. lets say sonetto and vertin sort their shit out. italian cheek kiss or whatever. lets say schneider comes back to life. SONETTO ISNT OKAY WITH THAT. she was visibly and verbally jealous when schneider got close to vertin. even if vertin got her dead mf girlfriend back sonetto would either be hurt, disapproving, or both.
okay let's say everything is fine. let's say schneider is alive and vertin is ay-okay and sonetto is emotionally stable. WHAT ABOUT MATILDA?? she is not going to be okay either.
get me the FUCK OUT OF THE YURI SQUARE
Let me OUTUTTTT
#vertin x schneider#verneider#vertin#schneider#reverse 1999#re1999#r1999#matilda bouanich#sonetto reverse 1999#god matilda is so pathetic (affectionate)#i deeply sympathize with her#sonetto please give her a little kiss. maybe just to be nice#smooch. little kissy kissy#endgame if ANY of my other girls die i WILL eat five crumbl cookies and cry on the floor#'luisa you need to study for finals' i need to recover from chapter 2 thats what i need#mentally eel
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i was in the middle of making a post about my predictions for the finale when i realised my buddie stuff could take up a whole other post so here ya go:
this is a bit of an out there theory and i don't necessarily think it will happen, but it's something i'd do if i were the writers. eddie makes a move on buck. i don't mean 'yay buddie goes canon in the last 10 mins of s7', i mean 'eddie fucks up so monumentally they don't know if they can come back from it.' i think he'll try to kiss buck and buck will push him away.
eddie's confused and lonely and heartbroken (not to mention desperate) and he turns to the one person who has unfalteringly been by his side the whole time, the guy who likes to fix things. it's not that he doesn't have genuine feelings for buck, because he really does, but he's not thinking about it AT ALL. he just wants buck (to his core) and is maybe letting himself feel that for the first time.
but it's like a slap in the face to buck. buck, who's in a happy, stable relationship for the first time in years. buck, who eddie told his bisexuality wouldn't change anything between them. buck, who's been used for his body for his entire life. he would be absolutely crushed if eddie did this. and he's matured to the point that i think he might not let it slide. he wouldn't cut eddie out of his life, but i think he'd need space and for once he might respect his own needs over his wants. especially since i don't think he's considered his feelings for eddie and definitely doesn't think eddie's acting out of love/desire
so we get to the end of s7/start of s8 and eddie has fucked up his relationships beyond belief. chris, marisol, even his parents and shannon's memory. buck is still there, because he's always there but things are different. and i think that it could be a great set up to explore who eddie really is and what he wants, especially if/when the 118 get split up. as ryan keeps saying, he'll be isolated. neither buck or eddie will tell the others what happened between them, but that doesn't mean that eddie won't finally look into his sexuality by and for himself.
when i say i want a divorce era 2.0, i don't mean screaming at each other in a grocery store bc to a certain extent that was almost funny - they were coworkers of less than 2 years and it was wildly overdramatic. now they're partners and best friends and co-parents and they've suffered blow after blow, and their kid's gone and eddie betrayed buck and they don't know how to be anymore but they love each other too much to let go
#idk how to end this lol#but yeah i think this storyline would eat#it'd be crushing#but i think oliver and ryan would kill it#and i think we need a more mature revisiting of buck and eddie's relationship/codependency#they spent season 7 establishing how close they are and how strong their bond is#(and they've done it so beautifully and casually)#and i think now they need to smash it up and put it under a microscope#also eddie needs to be studied#also they're clearly doing something big with eddie in the finale based on all the interviews scheduled#i think they'll come out the other side stronger#but i think they need to be confronted with a problem that is of their own making#and not an act of god#though i think a near death experience as part of/the culmination of this arc would be stunning#also interested to see how it would affect buck and tommy#would not be surprised if we get tommy essentially stepping aside or telling buck he's in love with eddie#anyway#911 thoughts#911 spoilers#911 abc#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#bi buck#queer eddie diaz#gay eddie diaz#911 speculation#911 season 7#911 season 8#christopher diaz
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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Its the end of the year
#loz#legend of zelda#toon link#link#next week is finals week. im trying to stuff my head with all the stuff ive learned#its hard. ive learned a lot. its all going in one ear and out the other#plus my profs are still teaching???? like finals are NEXT WEEK BRO#last time i said. i lost my buffer because i stopped playing re4 briefly. that was a fucking lie#only i cant play it this weekend because i cannot fail these finals. i failed my midterms. pls god i need to pass#so i might draw because i can play re4 for 14 hours and not get bored or do anything else#but i can draw and study at the same time. or get bored of drawing and study.#i dunno i feel like my learning habits are fucked because i used to draw in class to concentrate or stress relief. i got all my ideas#doodling in notebooks. but then distance learning happened and. i stopped drawing#ruined me
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YOU ARE MARRIED?🥹
idk where this is coming from nonnie but legally speaking i’m not (yet!!) but i’ve been with my madridista bf for almost four years now so it does feel a bit like a marriage innit?
tw: long ass rant in the tags 😭
#i’m a 99.9% sure he’s the man i’m going to marry#the 0.01 is from yk uncertainty depending if either of us need to move away to study and such#but god forbid since we’re planning to go together in that case#but yeah !!! unofficially married !!!#he doesn’t mind my writing and sometimes even checks it for me#he even asks me to come here and show him what footyblr thinks abt certain topics#or whoever is live-blogging is saying#i think it’s obvious he got me into this to some extent#i was looking through my gallery and noticed i had a pic of him watching the 2022 chelsea v rma at my place 😭#i even watched the final with him and was just eh abt it#it was a process for sure but we’re here !!#he gifted me my first rma kit and everything <3#he likes the club since his step dad (who he grew up with) is spanish and from madrid#so yeah long rant but i just love talking abt him#˙ ˖ ꕀ 🜸 𓈒 ˙ — mail !
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I wish I could finish my degree but everything about the education system is so unfair and all the colleges in the area give such a mid tier education that it doesn't even feel worth my time anyways
#I might go back but god what's the point#it feels like the only way to get anywhere is by knowing someone and I wasn't making those kinds of connections#I loved learning but student debt? trying to get a masters? god I've got too much going on to even try#I tried to put myself into my studies but it only lasted as long as the adrenaline from being finally on my own#I need to figure out a plan but capitalism feels like this huge trap between jobs that don't pay you enough and experiences that break you#AUGHH
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From the very beginning, up until the point we meet her in canon: a character study of Melinda May. A story that clings stubbornly to hope, and considers what it means to be a hero.
PART TWO: The Aftermath of Bahrain.
Coulson turned up at the checkout line with a tiny container of soup and an entire baguette, entirely too cheery about it. An old, somewhat hypocritical argument about nutrient intake still sprung to mind like breathing, but May couldn’t bring herself to start it. Coulson’s sideways glances kept getting more and more pointed. “If there’s anything,” he said later, earnestly, because they’d agreed a long time ago that saying certain things right out and sounding stupid was infinitely preferable to wasting both their time beating around the bush. “I know you have a thing, with being anything other than okay, but I…” “You have a savior complex,” May told him. She shifted the paper bag in her arms and wiped a rain-dampened palm off on her jeans, scowling at him. “Really? We’re doing this right now?” He sighed. “You’re not on your own.” May rolled her eyes. “Clearly.” “I’m here,” Coulson said, because he wasn’t done with the pointed, obvious statements yet, apparently. May didn't answer.
Read more on ao3.
#i am terrified and also mostly asleep how is it three am#terrible terrible.#please mind the tags for this one friends.#slight facelift to the work because i think way too hard about details and also because i didn't really think it through the first time!#this part was one of the hardest things i've ever written. i am terrified friends. but i'm also so so glad i'm finally sharing it.#also my god i need to sleep#alright proper tags#melinda may#let me speak: a character study#inkspinner fic#phil coulson#natasha romanov#agents of shield fanfiction#agents of shield fanfic#aos fic#clint barton#the barton family#mcu fanfiction
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Oh my God I’m so tired.
Yeah, I had a lot of fun with this and Oh my god i struggled so much with Crowley’s sunglasses (and face) but they’re too cute not to draw. They have my heart infinitely. This is my offering for Season 3 to exist… please.
#my art#ineffable idiots#ineffable husbands#good omens 2#good omens#i’m cryign#this took me so fucking long#i need a nap#therapy after season 2 please and thanks#they do not deserve this after the pain they put me through but i love them#this will not be the last time i do this#this was also a study because i need to paint digitally more#OH my GOD it’s finally over#good omens season 3#needs to happen#digital art#procreate#Spotify#michael sheen#david tennant#camlyee
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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just wanted to say sorry for the sparse activity from me again 😭 i've got one more exam on the 17th and then i'm pretty much chilling until september so there's light at the end of tunnel but i'm !! unfortunately still powering through with all of the work + uni's constant insistence on adding / moving / extending the hours of classes at the last minute and my job's refusal to give me the time i need to actually attend dfkgjhd but i also want to thank those who've been keeping me company and letting me gush about our bbgs !!! i promise there will be a significant pick up in activity here very soon, i'm just stressed and working myself to death atm. ily all very very much for being so patient with me ♡
#i was super excited to be home from work fed showered and in bed before 10pm today so if you were wondering how things are going.. LMFAO#on one hand i'm excited because i've really missed being on placement. i get good grades but i HATE studying . actual clinical practice is#where it's at for me#and i have a nice lil ten week placement coming up#i just need to get through this final stretch (and enjoy summer thank god) first#but yea !!! to those of u who let me yap at you despite never actually writing. ur the lights of my life#❝ 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 ♤*´. ── vos.#❝ 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 ♤*´. ── tbd.
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can i recommend yall a chappell roan upbeat jazz playlist for these tryings times (exam season)
#i know u gays in college need this as much as i do#we need the vibes... but also to focus studying#(says this while not focusing in studying)#ngl i found this video yesterday and time went FLYING i focused sm better doing homework#chappell roan#studyblr#college#uniblr#talking about exams OHHHH MY GOD i cant wait for my exams to start next monday#bcs it means that i will 1) finish part 1 of my classes#and 2) FINALLY GROUP WORKS!!! i really have been wanting to talk to ppl this year :( but it hasnt worked that well#ah well the perks and bad things that come w online classes#ALSO!!! THE FACT THAT THE SONGS ARE FULLY MADE BY THE PERSON!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM#they also have a lofi jazz charli xcx playlist
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GOD. I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM.
#AUUUUGH. HE HAS INVADED MY BRAIN WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM.#YES THIS IS ABOUT BASIL#JESUS chRIST#I DONT NEED TO STUDY HIM UNDER A MICROSCOPE I NEED TO DISSECT HIM!!!!!#I NEED TO TEAR HIM TO SHREDS BUT ALSO GIVE HIM A HUG BUT ALSO#FFFUCK. so needless to say#omori spoilers#ahead#WHY DOES HE GIVE ME EMOTIONS. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS.#like jesus its always the character thats ready to sacrifice themselves for someone they barely even talk to but they meant so much to them#that every memory they had of them before things turned for worse made them protect them anyways and only stayed alive because they knew#that dying would only cause this person more pain then theyve already been given and that would defeat the purpose of their entire#will to live. god. he needs therapy#and anxiety medication holy shit#HE WAS 12!!1!!! HE WAs FUCkING 12!! FUCK#okay but Im also impressed like. you were 12. and you got away with it. like was there no autopsy?? did they hide the wounds?? ANYWAYS#IM NO FUCKING OKAY#“they're comfortable. simple modest and perfect.” AUUUGH.#bitch got decapitated in an elevator#final words “I think I'm stuck :/”#absolute legend (im sobbing on the floor)#omori only saves hs basil when he knows he can reset it all and forget again#stranger isnt as aggressive when hes facing the truth doNT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STRANGER#“on that day when you became nothing I was split in half. which do you think was more painful?”#AAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.#AAAAAAAAAA.#tHAT IS SO FUCKING VAGUE HONEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#is he referring to the existence of stranger?? or sunny being a part of him?? IS IT SOMETHING ELSE???#THE FUCKING LORE YOU CAN MAKE UP ABOUT THIS GAME#STRANGER HONEY. CLARIFY. PLEASE. BUT ALSO DONT THIS IS HALF THE FUN
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i just woke up and realized my art did developed holy crap
#girl what drawing tf2 does to a mf fr#since i have been drawing tf2 my artstyle just developed better and now i finally have found an original artstyle compared to the ones#i had back in the beginning of 2023#IF ONLY I WASNT SO LAZY and so distracted holy shit i could make it more better like studying backgrounds ugh#and keep practicing my coloring girl i have been drawing a lot but not coloring i need to start painting before i forgot it#but oh my god i swear it developed bc i am drawing a little more fast than before and my lineart is more bold than before#guys fucking practice with tf2 characters and ALSO dorohedoro that is also my main inspo too#i feel like also w dorohedoro i developed my style but back then i was still more shaky than bold#but now i can happily say i am no more embarrassed in my artstyle of how i draw characters like i used to be before#i was always so goddamn negative for no reason with myself but i guess the negativity helped me develop my artstyle#but gave me artblock sadly… and often issues w self esteem but aaaa idk i think i’m doing much better i can do better yes just…#need to draw more and that is the actual nightmare huh
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I'm in the middle of finals.
#work on film studies do NOT go watch season 4 again#FOCUS#I really don't have that much left to do#It's just that my brain has kind of checked out already and I need it not to do that#also the fact that I'm taking four summer courses that start three days after finals rip#I transferred colleges halfway through and a lot of credits didn't transfer#but by god we're going to graduate on time#paradox posts
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