#absolute legend (im sobbing on the floor)

[passerinesoncaffeine]

GOD. I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM.

[hyperbolicgrinch]

I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOU CAN SPRAY ME WITH THE GARDEN HOSE BUT I SHAN'T BE STOPPED IM GOING TO BARK AND BARK AND BARK AND BARK AND BA—

(once again I have to do a reblog because I couldn't contain myself to the replies word count 😌)

“No,” he growled and he didn’t have to look to know his metal arm was there.

I AM LOSING MY SHIT!!!!!!! THIS IS ABOUT TO MAKE ME GO DERANGED!!!!!!! I'M SCREAMING LIKE ARE YOU ABOUT TO DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO— OMG YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU LEGEND!!!!

“No!” A shout this time and he ran forward, past her ghost, and he knew how to call metal to him, how to command it so it would obey.

I'M NOT JOKING IM SCREAMING!!!!!! THIS IS STUNNING!!!! I'm holding my head in my hands!!! These lines are incredible and this build up is extraordinary!!! I love it so much holy shit

He built high walls around them, covered the walls with spikes, and dug his metal fingers into his chest until he bled, grabbed the bones and pulled.

I'm gagging!!! I'm on the floor and I am gagging!!! This blew my head off!!!!!! It's so panicked and terrifying and hectic and I am gonna cry!!? omg!!! you did an amazing job with this, like I cannot stress that enough!!!!!!!

Law would be safe if he got there, he knew.

👁️👁️ I put my hand over my mouth. I'm not playing. I sat there like 🙊

Kidd would tuck him inside himself, right where he belonged,

T h i s fucked me up. Exquisite. I am shookth. I.... Am screaming internally. I.... Am speechless. I am in love. Incredible incredible incredible.

and he ran, and ran, and ran, and—

—woke, sweating, panting, shaking, his chest aching from where he’d clawed himself, blood welling in the shape of his nails.

Hngggg. I love THISSSSSS!!!!! Gives off the vibe you're after so so so so well!!!!!!!! And sweet lord above!!!! 'where he'd clawed himself' 😳😳😳 'blood welling in the shape of his nails' 😵 cool so I'll always forever be thinking about this. cool. Cool. Cool. Poetic cinema. I'm crumbling apart. Sublime.

He sat there for a moment, trying to calm his breathing and found he couldn’t. He struggled out of his sweat-soaked blankets and stood on unsteady legs, going to the bathroom. He sponged himself off. He cupped his shaking hands under the faucet and drank.

Holding him in a vice like grip even as he bites and bites me. Omg these nightmares are fuckin' him up. Nooo, blorboi. 😭 (Glad to know Kidd getting nightmares is absolutely hivemind. 🤜🤛) I'm still honesty going insane about them though. I was. not. ready. Using like canon as nightmare fuel isn't new obviously but I just did not think of it and also the way you did it was so punchy and well done. Divine!

He went to Killer’s room, crawling into bed beside him, pushing his way under his best friend’s arm, warm skin on warm skin, pulling his long blonde hair over himself like a blanket.

I'M ASCENDING!!!! I'M THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! I'M UNTO A GOD!!!!!!!! THAT'S 👏👏👏 IT 👏👏👏👏 THAT'S 👏👏 THEM 👏👏👏 THEY'RE FOOKIN LIFE PARTNERS THEY'RE SOULMATES THEY'RE LIVING IN EACH OTHER'S SKIN 👏👏😭😭😭👏👏😭😭 WOW DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!!! Kidd using Killer's hair as like a safety blanket too............. I'm stumbling. I'm wavering on the spot. I'm crying. YOU'RE SO CORRECT, THANK YOU

“Mm. Kidd?” Killer’s voice was thick with sleep.

“Yeah,” he whispered into the dark. “’S me.”

“’S wrong?”

oh no this lil interaction is so perfect. You're holding the atmosphere really well and you're dialogue is splendid 👌👌👌

“Nothing.” He chewed his thumb nail. “Nightmare.”

I'm crazy about this. It's absolutely perfect. Yessss. The brush off denial and then giving an actual one word answer. Oh, he is Kidding so hard!!!!! The chewing on his thumb nail too? Immaculate. Adds such a good detail and I'm messed up about it!!! Aghhhh!!!!

“The one about…?”

“Yeah.” Killer’s arm tensed, relaxed. A hug.

“What’d she say this time?”

no nonono no nono nah no like I'm so unwell about thisssss. I'm sobbing!!!!!!!!!! They don't even need to finish sentences. They on the same page and it's happened so much that Killer just knows!!! They've talked about it!!! They share things!!! It's crushing my soul that Kidd gets recurring nightmares omgggg. THE HUG THO!!!! THE WAY YOU WROTE IT!!! THE FEW WORDS BUT THE POWER OF IT!!!!! PERFECT!!!! (also if the she is Victoria......I am absolutely fookin going to lose my entire mind but I could just be completely insane I could be mad I'm wandering off on my own with painful assumptions oh no argh but either way, I am quakingggggggg, I am in the throes of your writing OMGGGGGGG)

“Same old same old. That we let her die.” His voice wavered as he said it and Killer pulled the blanket up higher, rolled over to put both arms around him, arranging his hair over him again.

Nyyooooooooo!!!! Skrungly trash man, don't cry!!!!!! Oh nooooooo!!!!!!! I was not prepared!!!!!! The voice waver!!!!!!!! Help! Help! Guards, help me!!!!! KILLER PULLING THE BLANKET UP!!!!!! tell everyone I love that I love them because I'm gone and shattered into a million pieces............... KILLER ROLLING OVER TO GIVE KIDD A PROPER HUG AND HOLDING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M ROTATING AROUND THE SUN I AM SHOOTING FOR THE MOON I AM COLLIDING WITH THE STARS I AM RICOCHETING OFF THEM AND PLUMMETING INTO THE BEAUTIFUL VOID!!! mwah mwah mwah perfect 😭😭😭 and KILLER PUTTING HIS HAIR /BACK/ OVER KIDD!!!!! OH SAY YOU LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT SAYING IT OH SAY YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITHOUT SAYING IT OH SAY YOU CARE FOR SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WITHOUT SAYING IT!!!!! I'M CRYYYIINGGG!!! He understands and loves Kidd so much shut up shut up everybody shut up 😭😭😭💕💕😭💕💕😭💕💕💕😭💕💕😭💕😭💕💕💕😭

“She didn’t mean it. We’ll go to her grave tomorrow, give her some flowers and a drink and she’ll calm down. You’ll see.”

HELLO??????!!!?!!? perfection incarnate. I'm obsessed with these lines. I'm obsessed with this concept. I'm obsessed with this ritual. I'm obsessed with how you've done THISSSSSS I'm obsessed I'm obsessed did I say I was obsessed!!?!?! I'm going to cry fr fr,,,, it's implies so much and is so big and so full of history and mending and tearing and I am going to scream I am going to SCREAM!!! I am living here for the foreseeable future. I shan't move on. AND LIKE KILLERRRR!! 😭😭✊💕💕 THAT'S MY MAN THAT'S MY BLORBO THAT'S MY LITTLE GUY YOU ARE DOING HIM SO MUCH JUSTICE YOU ARE DOING THEM AND THEIR BOND BRILLIANTLY AND PERFECTLY I AM GOING TO HURL (BUT IN A GOOD WAY) HOLY SHIT I NEED A LIE DOWN 👁️👁️👏👏👏💯💯🔥🙏🙏🙏 'she didn't mean it' is staying with me forever. Oof.

#kidd waking up from a nightmare seeking out his best friend for comfort no big deal

they are a bonded pair. Do not seperate. I'm so emotional about this. You GET IT YOU GET IT you just continue to GET IT AND I ADORE YOUR MIND

#d&h is currently 145 pages long and i get to write phönix aus der asche soon i am SO EXCITED to finally write that scene

phönix aus der asche has me in a chokehold and I don't even know her. Ooooo it's gonna messs me up, I can't waitttt (BUT HUHUHUU FIC HAS GROWWNNN AGAIN I'M SO HYPED FOR YOU!!!)

#but first gotta get through bitch you live like this 2

The fact that we don't have one bitch you live like this but TWO!!!!!! IF WE'RE WRONG WHY DO WE KEEP WINNING!!!!!! I'M SKIPPING WITH JOY AND ANTICIPATION!! GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK YOU'RE GONNA SMASH IT (no pressure) 👏👏

✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨

rules: post 7 sentences or a snippet of an unfinished work

awwww thank you for the tag @hyperbolicgrinch :) :) :) :) It's Monday but we'll just pretend it's still the weekend shhhhhhh. That said, could I interest you in some soft sad snuggles?

“No,” he growled and he didn’t have to look to know his metal arm was there. “No!” A shout this time and he ran forward, past her ghost, and he knew how to call metal to him, how to command it so it would obey. He built high walls around them, covered the walls with spikes, and dug his metal fingers into his chest until he bled, grabbed the bones and pulled. Law would be safe if he got there, he knew. Kidd would tuck him inside himself, right where he belonged, and he ran, and ran, and ran, and— —woke, sweating, panting, shaking, his chest aching from where he’d clawed himself, blood welling in the shape of his nails. He sat there for a moment, trying to calm his breathing and found he couldn’t. He struggled out of his sweat-soaked blankets and stood on unsteady legs, going to the bathroom. He sponged himself off. He cupped his shaking hands under the faucet and drank. He went to Killer’s room, crawling into bed beside him, pushing his way under his best friend’s arm, warm skin on warm skin, pulling his long blonde hair over himself like a blanket. “Mm. Kidd?” Killer’s voice was thick with sleep. “Yeah,” he whispered into the dark. “’S me.” “’S wrong?” “Nothing.” He chewed his thumb nail. “Nightmare.” “The one about…?” “Yeah.” Killer’s arm tensed, relaxed. A hug. “What’d she say this time?” “Same old same old. That we let her die.” His voice wavered as he said it and Killer pulled the blanket up higher, rolled over to put both arms around him, arranging his hair over him again. “She didn’t mean it. We’ll go to her grave tomorrow, give her some flowers and a drink and she’ll calm down. You’ll see.”

tagging @wisdomofthegecko and @shitbewild if y'all got anything y'all want to share :D

[llamagoddessofficial]

Happy (late im sorry) birthday @aka-indulgence !!! I wrote you a special thing... with one of your special boyos whomst you managed to convert me into loving. I hope you had a fun day!!

Tw; caves, broken bones

You’d stopped screaming a while ago.

There were a lot of reasons- for one, the air in the cave was damp, thick, choking... screaming required you to take a deep inhale of the stale smog and your lungs were already starting to reject it. It was borderline unbearable and you were pretty certain that if you survived this, you’d be choking and coughing for a week at least.

... But that wasn’t the biggest reason. That wasn’t the most important reason you were keeping your mouth shut tight, as you laid on your back in complete darkness, eyes darting around as fast as they could and leg numb with agony.

By this point, screaming was a critical danger that would get you killed.

... The cave just behind the cliff was rumoured to be impossibly deep, to have once contained some kind of legendary terrifying monster that reacted violently to intruders and killed those who didn’t heed its immediate warnings to leave. Of course, there were no modern sightings of this mythical beast, and it definitely sounded less like fact and more like some urban legend designed to keep people away from a dangerous area. No one had ever mapped it... no one wanted to, even the most intrepid of local explorers. The stories (and a healthy serving of common sense) seemed to have prevailed long enough for that particular entrance to just be left alone.

...

So of course, your study group decided it’d be such a good place to spend a Friday night, armed with nothing but half-charged torches, rucksacks full of drinks, and borrowed walking shoes.

You could feel tears gathering at the corners of your eyes, gravity dragging them down the sides of your face as you stared upward into the total blackness. It was stupid to come down here, horror movie levels of stupid- but you just couldn’t say no to them. The study group was the closest thing you had to friends, and you let them lure you into coming along, you’d allowed yourself to be led by your terror of being left out.

... You had no idea how long you’d been lying on your back in total darkness with your immovable leg throbbing with pain, but it was getting clearer and clearer no one was coming back for you.

... So I guess you’ve been left out after all- left out in a cave to die. 

...

A noise. You turned your head, quickly- a familiar blood red colour standing out against the black, closer than last time. Panic jolted through you once again and you grappled with your flashlight, turning it on and pointing it directly at the red; a harsh white circle of light appeared and illuminated a section of the cave. You saw bone and a wide maw of terrifying teeth for a split second before it retreated quickly from the glow in a flurry of movement, disappearing back into the nothingness, an aggravated snarl rippling through the cavern.

...

Your friends, if you could even call them that, seemed to have followed the philosophy of ‘don’t outrun the bear, just outrun the slowest person’. When the monster had attacked your group in the dark, everyone panicked and ran for the exit... and when you stumbled, falling down a steep shaft into what was most likely going to end up being your grave, you became the slowest person.

And the ‘bear’ focused on you.

... It was hanging around in the darkness surrounding you. You could hear it, scuttling, waiting, the terrifying sound bouncing off the walls and coming from every direction at once, you hated how your panic and the enclosed space worked perfectly together to fuck with your hearing. Your only hope was the flashlight you clutched in both quivering hands.

...

You turned to the left, and caught sight of the red again. An engorged, blood coloured orb, slowly moving closer to you like a stalking wolf- it paused when you raised the flashlight, ready to recoil, and you jammed your clammy thumb onto the on button.

...

Nothing.

...

“... N-no.” You said, tiny, voice cracking, shaking the device and mashing the useless button over and over. Suddenly, just like that, the darkness around you had swallowed you completely whole. “No, no, no...”

... 

The monster made the same realisation you had. The flashlight was out of battery. The bloody red eye contracted a fraction... and then, upon realising your only line of defence was gone, advanced toward you.

...

You screamed as loud as you possibly could. You screamed with your whole chest, so hard it ricocheted across the walls and rang in your ears, you kicked your good leg against the ground in a desperate attempt to push yourself away but your heel just slipped on the floor. The sound didn’t deter it- and the eye got bigger and bigger, coming closer by the second, the true scale of the thing hunting you was dawning alongside the panic.

It’s gonna eat me.

The eye was the size of your fist. You could smell something, something warm, its breath, you were seized with unparalleled fear and you blindly swung the useless torch like a weapon. To your shock, it connected- landing squarely on what must’ve been a cheekbone. But it did about as much damage as a pillow would to a rhino and the flashlight shattered into pieces upon impact, with the monster not even so much as flinching.

It was definitely breath, you could feel it in your hair. It smelled like blood. Giant hands moved around your torso, under your arms, and picked you clean up off the ground- and the oh-so-familiar heavy ‘scuttling’ sound of him moving filled your ears. 

S-someone help me!

You punched at his ribs, still ‘screaming' (it was hardly screaming anymore because it was punctured by cracks and thin breaths), the world was beginning to drown out. The sounds and smells and pain were all so overwhelming, the dark and red of his eye were already eating you before he’d even opened his mouth, all you could think about was how no matter how much you didn’t want to you were going to die.

...

Light. Light that wasn’t his eye. It was enough to distract from your shouting, pathetic attempt at making noise catching in your throat. Little glowing rocks- crystals, maybe, they dotted the floor and walls, creating a faint white that was just enough to see by but still filled the world around you with wriggling shadows.

... It was enough to, for the first time, properly see the creature that was taking you.

He was huge; a skeletal upper half, barrel-chested, shoulders twice the width of your own and a heavy sternum with ribs like prison bars. The size of his jaw and thickness of his teeth told you he wasn’t the kind of predator that wasted any time with theatrics; there was no serration, probably no venom, he wasn’t going to be using valuable time to suffocate victims. With a mouth like that he would get right to the point- crushing straight through bone like eggshell.

He was staring ahead. Concentrated.

... Your eyes darted past his skeletal body to the main thing you'd been afraid of seeing; his lower body was a centipede. Giant scar-mottled gleaming brown carapace, trailing off into the dark, massive hooked 'feet' working in perfect undulating tandem to move him effortlessly across the uneven cave floor. You had absolutely no idea how long he was, you couldn't even hazard a guess. No wonder you'd heard his scuttling all around you in the darkness, it wasn't your mind playing tricks on you, he'd literally been all around you- you never stood a chance, did you?

You'd wedged your arms between yourself and his massive ribcage, shaking hands pushing as hard as you could. Despite how obviously little it was counteracting his hold, it was your last way of feeling like you were fighting. Your face and neck ached, your chin was wobbling, your head pounded.. you were a melting ice statue ready to shatter at the slightest push.

You were running out of fight.

... He carried you up, over a lip, into a small alcove. A recessed section of rock, a cave within a cave- a slightly more concentrated cluster of those glowing stones revealed the interior was lined with furs, rags, chunks of sleeping bags, old and well-loved blankets. Some kind of nest.

I’m... am I hyperventilating? you thought, feeling disconnected and dizzy, mind retreating further and further away from your body as a final defence mechanism. Everything’s spinning. 

...

Softness. At first, you thought you’d just gone completely numb... but when you concentrated a little more, you were surprised to find you were staring up at the glow-dotted stone ceiling. 

...

... He’d... put you down. On his nest of blankets? He was hovering over you, breath still brushing your cheeks and forehead... that terrible eye shifted its gaze down your body, you felt like a dinner being surveyed.

... You couldn’t even bring yourself to try and wriggle away. What chance did you stand? Further and further into numbness... am I going into shock?

...

He reached toward your broken leg. You didn't even want to look at it; it hurt so badly. You squeezed your eyes shut, suppressing a sob.

...

Warmth.

A pleasant kind- like you'd just laid the broken limb beside a fire. Tingling faintly... magic? Healing magic? You couldn’t look, you didn’t have the stomach to see just how mangled the leg was, that’d just make it hurt even worse. But it was... 

... Nice.

The warmth was like an eraser. It floated over the leg, fuzzy and comforting, and wherever it floated the pain just... ebbed away. 

...

You opened your eyes again. When he stopped, there was no more pain in your leg. None at all. And he was just... sitting there. Staring at you.

...

“Y-you...” You croaked. The hole in the centre of his eyelight shrank a fraction. The magic felt like it was doing something to you; you could feel your shoulders slowly unwinding, chest relaxing enough for you to take breaths that actually filled your lungs, throbbing head settling down. “... You healed me?”

... Was clubbing him with a flashlight the wrong idea?

...

... He made a sound. Several sounds, actually... soft, throated, deep and staggered... chuffing, like a tiger. Such a gentle noise, for such a giant monster...

...

He seemed to make a decision. With one last little chuff and a nod to himself, his socket lidded... and he laid down next to you. One of his thick-as-your-head arms gently looped over your middle; you were vaguely aware of his centipede body gathering itself into the little alcove, some of it draping lazily over your lower legs.

... Keyword ‘vaguely’ aware. You were so tired, so tired and sick of being in pain, that you barely even wiggled in response to his strange cuddle-like gesture. He was... actually pretty warm... and he smelled like amber and campfires.

...

You were asleep before you could remember you needed to be scared of him touching you- that claws carding lovingly through your hair wasn’t supposed to feel nice.

[mizuritamanami]

What Goes Unseen

Linked Universe Time Warriors and Legend angst to sort of fluff?

They all have secrets. That much is a given, and sort of hard to miss, given the way Four clams up when asked about his moods, how often Wild has to just... stop and leave and come back to himself when they pass ruins sometimes, or the way Twilight vanishes without a trace to go off doing Hylia only knew what. 

And that wasn't even touching on the walking enigmas Time and Legend could be, so sure. They all have their secrets. Even bubbly Wind and soft spoken Sky. Secrets, secrets everywhere, in plain view or otherwise. 

But something about Wild’s Hyrule has been eating away at Warriors for weeks. Enough that Legend has even noticed his change in mood, his disinterest in most of the things he normally jumped at. 

Enough that the veteran adventurer surprises him by pulling him aside to talk in the guise of a patrol, enough that he wears Warriors down with enough pointless questions that the knight just explodes to ask him what the hell it is he wants.

"Somethings been on your mind for almost a month. You're starting to scare the old man," Legend says bluntly, "I didn't think you could top that "launch tree into bokoblin camp and rain fire from above" heart attack you gave him, but here we are. What gives?" 

For a moment, Warriors just stares at him, because firstly, how dare he insinuate that that plan hadn't worked perfectly outside of the landing, and secondly, since when did you pay that much attention to me?

He huffs. 

"I'm fine."

"Uh. No." 

Worth a try, anyway, Warriors thinks, turning away from the scrutinizing eyes of the young man across from him. 

Legend notes the way his fingers dig into the blue cloth around his neck, and sighs, gesturing to a fallen log. 

"Sit," he says, "tell me whats bothering you. If its got you like this, it warrants a serious talk, without pretense."

"Didn't know you knew such fancy words."

"Don't make me take it back and kick you in the shins."

Warriors has to laugh at that at least a little, so he sits, as instructed, and watches Legend plop unceremoniously into the mix of leaflitter, pine nettles, and flower petals on the forest floor. 

He's still fidgeting with the scarf, and the words come slowly at first, then frantic and almost angry. 

"My mother used to tell me, you know.... that there are stories, in the absences. In what we don't see. And- the more I look around, the more I see you- all of you- in Wild's Hyrule. Goddess, you're all everywhere.... but-.... out of the nine of us, there are only eight call backs. Even Wild's got his own legends already. So I can't help but wonder--..."

"Where you are."

"Where I went! What happened? Did- did I fail, somehow? Did I do something wrong? There's nothing left that says I ever even existed!"

"You existed to us. To Wild, to me, and Time, and Twi and the others. Between all of us, there's no denying that you were here."

Legend realizes belatedly that he's only just barely fended off a fit of sobs from the knight, and counts himself lucky and also gives himself a brownie point or three for the save, just before he recognizes the familiar thwacking and tramping of bronze armor against offending tree branches and leather boots on forest floor somewhere behind him.

He feels the heat come through his voice before he can stop the words from coming out of his mouth. 

"Besides, you didn't completely fuck a timeline, then leave another to Ganon for seven whole years, now did you? Too busy cleaning up other people's messes."

Time froze as his foot settled on the line of the clearing they were in, and the pregnant silence in the moment it took him to school his voice into something normal made Warrior's skin crawl it was so uncomfortable. 

"..... T-There you boys are.... Twilight was--.... he was getting worried. I'll tell him you just .... stopped for a break."

He turned on his heel in a perfect about face that made Warriors knight-side a little jealous, but the rest of him looked to Legend, who was avoiding the direction Time had gone entirely. Realization dawned a moment after.

"......... that was cruel, Legend..... I didn't want you to make me feel better if you were just going to tear him down. Or tell his secrets."

"...... if I'm honest Wars? That last jab was more for my sake than yours."

"What?"

"Whose timeline do you think his failure ruined?"

The sharp intake of breath on Warriors part told Legend he'd picked up on all the appropriate cues. 

".... that's one of my secrets, for spilling his to you, I guess. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to forgive him. But hey, since when has Hylia ever cared what we thought? Probably hasn't since Sky...... the point is, you aren't a failure for having to pick up after everyone else, and then not getting thanked for it. You're like that with all of us, too. Constantly doing things hoping someone will at the least notice. I noticed. All of us have. You're a goddamn hero, same as the rest of us, and the only reason your scarf isn't locked up in a chest out here somewhere is probably because you wouldn't part with that thing if it cost you your freaking soul or something. Duh."

Its quiet for a moment, and Warriors takes the time to look down at the blue around his neck a moment before smiling.  

"..... you should apologize to Old Father Time.... but you're right.  I guess its still all in the things you don't see at first glance- I never would have thought you a confidant. You might find out some interesting things about him if you sat like you did with me."

"Id rather eat one of Wild's disgusting potions made out of butterflies and lizalfos."

"Don't jinx yourself, Vet." 

"Shut up."

~~~~~

Legend was going to murder Warriors.

Don't jinx yourself my ass, you set this up, you sorry-- he cut his own thoughts off to hiss under his breath.

Not only was Legend laid up with Time looking out for him as first watch, but he'd had to drain four of those nasty freaking potions. 

"I hate. Lightning. So much."

Normally, that would have earned him a chuckle, or at least a sympathetic hum.

But Time just turned his head towards a darker section of the underbrush that Legend knew for sure he absolutely could not see anything in. 

Was it the being ignored or the uncertainty and hurt in Time's expression that made his stomach twist? 

"I said--" 

"I heard you, Legend. I'm sorry, I didn't think you wanted to speak to me." 

"...... oh..." 

The simple acceptance of Legend's earlier ire pulled all of the heat right out from under him, and he deflated some into his bedroll. 

"........ I am sorry.... I know it doesn't mean much to you, but... I am. Even the sword didn't think I was good enough, and judging by your reaction, it was probably right."

Legend winced. 

"What kind of bullshit cop-out is that? The sword doesn't make you a damn hero, it just points and grabs like a stupid claw game."

"Success, does, then. And that is a baton I clearly didn't pass to you, that I missed out on passing down peace..... it eats at me, some nights when I can't sleep, that I still managed to grasp at straws and hold so tight to so much good that I got to keep it. And I doomed you. I have everything and you were left wanting." 

Legend stared at his back, the way he bent around the biggoron sword leaning into his right shoulder to be drawn if need be by his left hand. 

"Im afraid I'm going to lose it all one day because I failed you so badly."

"I'm not that pitiful."

"Legend-"

"Look, I'm fine--"

"What was her name, Legend?" 

The air left Legends lungs in a sudden, sharp breath. 

"..... That's what I thought..."

"...... you were ten, if that..... yes, it sucks, and time travel is a pain, but you were fucking ten. Hylia sent a ten year old, let his tree mentor die right in front of him, and then continued to traumatize- REPEATEDLY traumatize- a child. Yes, I'm angry. Bitter and jaded, even. But don't you dare get so self important that you start thinking the blame fits on your shoulders. You're an old fucking man, not a god."

"Interesting choice of words...."

"No. No, because you're just gonna start unloading more trauma. If this is about that creepy mask, then no. That doesn't count either!"

"You're awfully concerned about this particular issue.... alright, I'll let it drop--"

"No, you ten year old little brat in a mentally fifty year olds achy jointed body, you're gonna go the fuck to sleep and stop moping. Its my turn to take watch and I'll be damned if I have to sit up watching you get all weepy into your pillow and trying to snitch Wild's slate to call your wife at two in the goddamn morning. Go to bed!"

Time stared at him in surprise, (the ten year old in him in question seriously debating biting the finger wagging in front of his nose) before Legends phrasing hit him. 

"Oh, I’m going to absolutely kill Warriors for telling you about how I was when we met."

"Brat! Bed! Bounce to it, bunny hat kid!"

"You are the last person--"

"Bed!"

"Alright! Alright! Fine! You're lucky I don't fit those masks anymore," Time muttered, picking himself up off the stump to go peel off his armor and crawl into his bedroll. He was silent as Legend pulled himself into the space he'd emptied, then sighed and smiled. 

"..... thank you, Vet." 

"Yeah yeah yeah. Go to sleep before you wake up Twilight. He has ears like a fucking wolfhou---....... oh my goddess you're kidding me."

"Shhh."

"Goddess I hate you sometimes." 

Warriors, apparently woken by the hissing through Legends teeth, chuckled to himself. 

Its all in the things you don't see, I guess, he thinks.

Secrets secrets, everywhere, but.... together, we're all still here for each other. I can live with that. 

"Good night bratty bunny and feral bunny."

Two furious choruses of "HEY!" were the perfect lullaby for Warriors to drop right back off to sleep. 

Yeah...

He could definitely live with that.

[llendrinall]

That ask about Ministry Spy Percy, do you think you could write it in the Pov of the British wizarding world please? Im curious how it all goes down.

I’m not sure about British wizarding world but I can tell you it goes down with Bertha Harrendal thinking about murdering Percy Weasley herself.

Not that she is much of a danger. Bertha was never good enough with charms to qualify as an Auror. Instead she entered the Winzegamot Administrative services, one of the many peons needed after the war to put the country back in order, at least the wizarding part. It is gruesome, tiring and necessary work. They can’t afford to make the same mistakes of the past, the people sent to Azkaban without trial, innocent people, while many guilty ones walked free claiming imperius. This time they are doing things right. They owe it to themselves and to the country. They can’t have another war in twenty years. They are going to be better and they are starting now.

Also, bloody Harry Potter, hero extraordinaire, comes every single day to the Wizengamot, every day, even on weekends, to tell them about Sirius Black.

(They are not supposed to work on weekends but they are all coming anyway because the work is immense and it keeps growing, lines and lines of names and heinous acts, people disappeared and murdered and people who did the disappearing and the murdering and it is only them to tell who is who).

Eventually Irene Necker who, legend says, fought a Death Eater with a stapler, snarls at Potter that Sirius Black is dead but the people in her considerable pile of files are not so she will bloody see to them first and isn’t that what Potter wants? To ensure that every file is reviewed, every person given a chance to talk?

It is, and Potter looks adequately taken aback at Irene’s fury and exhaustion. He keeps coming every day because Potter is punishment incarnate, but at least he brings chocolate flapjacks with him. From time to time he has some useful comment like “Malfoy says the Ipswitch attack was Bella Lestrange” or “Malfoy says Gibson is too stupid to be imperiused.” Always Malfoy this and Malfoy that until, finally, he brings with him Malfoy himself, looking insultingly beautiful in his healer’s robe. Malfoy answers all their questions and they even get him to agree to testify under oath and veritaserum once Irene offers him a full tray of flapjacks and Thomas, who hasn’t left the Ministry in three weeks, has a small breakdown that ends with him sobbing on Malfoy’s robe and mumbling incoherently that his hair is very shiny.

There are times when Bertha wants to do like their predecessors, draw a quick line of guilty and not guilty and be done. When she started in the Wizengamot she was horrified by Crouch’s cruel disregard. Now she is horrified by her understanding and almost sympathy. People demand justice and revenge and answers and reparations and none of that can be done quickly. It can’t. Rushing is dangerous.

There are two new newspapers now, in addition to The Prophet and The Quibbler. Even though The Prophet tries to take itself seriously, their reputation is too damaged. The Quibbler was the herald of truth during the war, but it is still The Quibbler. Last week they had an article on wendsing sightings on the Ministry and they all know that was just Rupert leaving the gen’s loo. There is a need for proper reporting, so new media has sprouted. This is good, except for how the journalist are camped by the Winzegamot’s door pestering all of them.

Irene has been wearing the same robes for the last three weeks. They know because someone in The Albion Post pointed it quite rudely. Thomas is working diligently from the nest he has built under his table and refuses to come out. He has a lock of Malfoy’s hair pinned on a drawer. Bertha doesn’t want to know what kind of oddity she has, but she is sure she is not unscathed. She might have chewed half of her wand, she is not sure.

Then on August, 20th, Bertha will remember the day the rest of her life, Potter comes with Granger bringing a clay pot full of silver mist. Dumbledore’s memories, he says. If Malfoy can help them find the guilty, Dumbledore will help them find the innocent.

On Thursday, Anna McAllister notices that most of the innocent (like Black and Snape and Lupin who was under Ministry surveillance for helping Black) are dead. The whole office begins to cry spontaneously and can’t do anything else for the next three hours. The war has ended but not for them. They are living in it every day, going after every atrocious act, every tragedy. At some point Malfoy come around, still in his undeservingly well—fitting healers robe, casting cheering charms and giving them calming potions. Thomas grabs him by the neck of his robes and plants a big sloppy kiss on his mouth. Malfoy’s look of utter, dumbfounded, confusion together with his posh “there, there, man, put yourself together” does wonders for Bertha’s mood.

And then they get to Percy Weasley, loyal collaborator of Thicknesse’s Ministry, suspected Death Eater, BLOODY UNDERCOVER SPY FOR DUMBLEDORE WHAT? Bertha goes all the way to the top floor of the Ministry, goes outside, and screams for a full minute (scaring a couple of pigeons). Then she realizes that she can’t remember when was the last time she was outside, so she goes home walking slowly and blinking at the white sky.

The next day, Anna McAllister tells her that she, Bertha and Thomas have been put in charge of the Weaesley Investigation (it is written like that on the blackboard, with far too many es), and that it is even worse than they thought because apparently Percy Weasley wasn’t just a spy, he was the spy and he was involved in everything. And they are the unfortunate sods that have to make some sense out of it.

Saturday is Percy Weasley came with the idea of Snape assassinating Dumbledore.

Sunday is Percy Weasley side apparating a whole family, including the dog, right when Dolohov was casting a killing curse.

Monday is Percy Weasley contacting the goblin London clan and saving them from being rounded up and killed.

Tuesday is selkie day. Apparently the selkies were very grateful that Percival Weasley had saved two dozens of their kind (when? They can’t find any mention of it) and they offered their services to pass information to the continent.

Wednesday is Percy Weasley telling Dumbledore off for raising Potter for the slaughter. This had nothing to do with any of the open investigations, but they all like to watch it.

Thursday is Percy Weasley finding MacNair, duelling him, disarming him, causing a permanent injury to his right arm, evacuating a family of goblins and then returning to MacNair, blurring his memories and implanting a spying charm on him before sending him back to Voldemort. The spying charm seems to be an adaptation of one of Weasley’s Wizards Wheezes products.

Friday, they have Fred and George Weasley down to ask them about the products, their involvement in the war and their brother Percy. Their presence puts everybody in a good mood. Then they say they don’t know where Percy is, he disappeared right after the Battle of Hogwarts and hadn’t been in touch since then. Thomas grabs George Weasley by the front of his robes and screams “I will eat your face” at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly it’s September and Bertha has not been to her house since the Percy Weasley reveal. She is crying on Rita Skeeter’s lap, saying that if Rita and all her ilk like questions so much they should ask themselves where the bloody hell is bloody Percival Ignatius Weasley, one eighty centimetres, blue eyes, red hair, glasses, no recognizable marks or scars. Please. It is not fair that bloody Rita and Reggy and, sorry, I don’t know your name Magical Times girl, they all keep asking her questions, but Bertha has questions of her own. The Ministry is looking for Percy Weasley in relation to 56 open investigations.

Bertha takes back every unkind thing she had ever said about Harry bloody Potter. Potter comes to them with a tub of ice-cream and the suggestion that perhaps the press could render the Ministry a service by helping them locate war hero Percy Weasley. The world deserves to know Percy’s story, and this is a great chance for people to see how the diligent Wizengamot clerks are working tirelessly in their quest for justice and reparations. He actually says “diligent” and “quest”. He has such a heroic aura that Reggie, from the Albion Post offers to swear an unbreakable vow right there and then to share with Bertha Weasley’s whereabouts and any and all information gathered about him just as soon as it has gone to the press. The others follow suit and Potter says magnanimously that he bears witness and their word is enough for him so they don’t actually swear an Unbreakable Vow.

Thus begins the hunt for Percy Weasley, which is an absolute failure because the power of the press amounts to nothing. They ask and ask and Bertha shares all she knows and every day they print a full page about Percy’s exploits, but they give back nothing.

In early October, George Weasley comes to the Winzengamot and informs them from the door that Percy Weasley is in a Greek island and doesn’t want to be contacted, further inquiries should be directed to Oliver Wood, the one found Percy.

But Oliver Wood is a very successful quidditch player and his coach protects him and the rest of the team like a mother dragon. No one is to bother his delicate players, not even Ministry officials doing official business.

They have to sic Thomas at the coach (���give me answers or I will pluck my own eyes!”) while Anna pretends to ineffectually contain him so Bertha can sneak into the locker room and talk to Oliver Wood.

It is a testament to how tired Bertha is that she doesn’t register that she is in a locker room with four handsome, very handsome, men in different states of undress. She doesn’t care about their chiselled abs. She just wants to find Percy Weasley so he can clarify his involvement in the Eynsham incident.

(Five hundred lives saved that day by their most careful estimations. Five hundred. And neither Thickness nor Voldemort realized a thing).

“I understand you are tired,” Oliver Wood says. Nice man. Seems very supportive. “So is Percy. He needs some rest.”

“I just want to close one file,” Betha begs, sitting on the floor. “We have 78 open investigations and they all involve him.”

She has personally written seventy-eight formal letters requiring Percy’s assistance and testimony. Seventy-eight, like that, 78 looks too short. It’s seventy-eight.

In fact, Bertha has actually written eighty-five letters. There are the seventy-eight formal ones and the seven demented informal letters in which Bertha let out all her frustration and exhaustion in the form of increasingly bizarre threats. It was very therapeutic. It is obvious Weasley is not reading any of them so he doesn’t know about Bertha’s promise to take the Order of Merlin, first class, and personally shove it through one of his orifices. The man has saved over a thousand lives. He shouldn’t have to read that kind of abuse.

“There, there,” says Oliver Wood, patting her on the head. He smells like a summer day.

XXX

On January, Potter drops by the Wizengamot, as always, and Irene screams at him as soon as she sees him, as always, because Potter is awful. As soon as Irene had closed the file on Severus Snape (acquitted of all charges and posthumous Order of Merlin awarded) Potter had coughed and said “So, Regulus Black,” and Irene had come close to achieving what the Dark Lord couldn’t.

Potter comes bearing donuts and some leftovers from Mrs Weasley’s famous fruit cake. He also comes with a present: a piece of one of Mrs Weasley’s tablecloths with a signed account of what happened in the Eynsham incident.

“Ron’s birthday is in March,” Potter says. “I can get you another piece of testimony then. Do share this with the press, will you? There is a dear. I saved this piece of fruit cake just for you.”

It takes Bertha eight years and ten months to close all the files. She hopes the press makes Percy’s life unbearable for just as long.

[cranehusbands]

glory, to olympus

loba andrade/crypto | park tae joon; established relationship; hurt/comfort; post broken ghost; apex rarepair week; 1883 words

a/n: first thought is why the fuck did ao3 butcher crypto’s name so bad.. that’s not how his name is said. taejoon is one word. crypto im so sorry

secondly, this has been my agenda this whole time. welcome to cryptloba hell, population me. i absolutely adore these two with all my heart, i was so excited for finally write for them, and will be doing so later this week, as it’s apex rarepair week! the prompt i went for for this one was meet the parents and well... you get the idea. angst time baby

@apex-rarepairweek thank you for hosting this wonderful week!

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror in the reblogs!

Preview: The thief’s mouth hung open in her rambles, before she looked up to Crypto, still standing in the rain with his hands in his pockets, hair flat against his face. The shadow over her eyes fell now, mascara running down her cheeks as she wiped the nose with the back of her hand in an uncharacteristically sloppy way. “...Am I doing them wrong, Park? Have I done bad by them?”

The gentle sound of the radio was enough to not make the room sound so deafening in its silence, raindrops hitting the window like tears from the clouds, as if knowing the day to the date, and mourning on her behalf. The song was a lighthearted one, one about running away to the big city - an older one, from more than many years ago, somehow still prevalent on the radio stations that she tended to be drawn towards. Was it because this music was a comfort to her? Her father always cared a lot for songs like those, and he would whisk herself and her mother around the living room while some lovelorn fool sang about a Caroline or an Eileen. 

  Loba was gentle in the way she did her makeup, having mastered her technique in the past few years - her philosophy had always been to not get caught, but if she were to be, she had to look her best. She closed one eye, gently placing a synthetic eyelash over the smokey eye makeup she’d carefully painted on already, pulling away and staring at herself in the vanity mirror in her room, and hand running through one of the shorter braids, the ends of her hair no longer stark red and now simply a subdued blonde. Her eyes fell on a small polaroid in the corner of the vanity, moving to run two fingers of the faces of the two adults - a suited man and a smiling woman - staring at the young child with a wide smile and a small tooth gap. The thief smiled a little, at the way the girl was so oblivious to her future, her happiness at that moment forever caught, to be cherished and longed for. She stared for a moment or two more, hand pulling away to catch a glance of the two parents by the girl’s shoulders, just as happy as she, before she stood to her feet, grabbing the leather-gloved form the edge of the desk before she opened the door, and began heading out of the dropship, passing by the kitchen and listening to the clicking of her boots against the floor-

  “You’re awake early.”

She jumped at the sudden voice, shooting a glare over to the table in the dropship’s kitchen, where a pair of eyes stared back at her from over the back of a laptop. “For god's sake, Crypto, make yourself known. Don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry.” He almost looked sheepish for a moment, pulling down his laptop screen so she could see his face, the clear bags under his eyes from behind his glasses and the weak smile he gave. “You’re looking very… monotone.”

Loba hummed, doing a little half-hearted spin. “I have places to be. Quite in demand, don’t you know?”

“Hm. Visiting death, are we?”

“I guess you could say that.”

He frowned at her for a moment, brow furrowing before he closed the lid of his laptop and stood to his feet.

“What are you doing?”

“Grabbing my coat.”

“What- no, you’re not coming with me.”

He didn’t respond, shoving his hands into his pockets as he made his way back to his room.

“Crypto!” The thief called out to him, but again he didn’t respond, not even so much with a turn. And though she gave an exasperated sigh and folded her arms across her chest, she didn’t try to leave him behind in this momentary blindspot. Deep down, she was almost glad for the company. Especially his.

  The hacker soon returned, now donning a fuzzy black coat, somewhat more professional and warmer than his normal attire, though still jarring to see him in something that wasn’t white or green… though, hints of his usual accent still came through, in the formal shirt and tie he still wore underneath. Hands were shoved into his pockets, clearly fiddling with the cube he always carried with him, more for comfort than out of function. Crypto shot her a small nod as she turned to look at him, quickening his pace a little to join her at her side. “So-”

Before he could finish, he was cut off as she ran a hand down his chest, feeling the soft material of his coat under her fingertips with a soft expression. It wasn’t often they shared moments like this - the two were discrete about their relationship, especially since their mission had led to both… complications and rifts in the group, but also new bonds being formed, including their own. Interactions between the two were kept strictly professional when eyes were on them… but now Loba fixed his coat collar, a sad smile on her face, perhaps getting a bit closer than what she would have normally. But it was the early morning, and the open kitchen was silent. It was just them. What did they have to hide?

Crypto’s smile was weak, and embarrassed, perhaps still not used to the shift between professionalism and PDA. His voice cracked a little as he continued with his train of thought. “S-so, where are we going?”

Loba pulled her hands away from him, tucking her arm into his with a solemn nod, as if to hype herself up. “The closest thing I remember being a home to me. ...To Olympus.”

  The ride was quiet, but they both were tense. Loba knew that Crypto never liked crowds, not much - it was bad enough that a handful of the legends knew who he really was, but being so visible was a threat, even if these people had never heard of Taejoon Park before. She reached a hand over to him without looking to make it obvious, feeling for his hand to hold onto for comfort, as she knew the way his eyes fell on her and his face softened in a way that only she knew. The thief gave him a glance, and a small smile, running a thumb over the back of his knuckles, to comfort him, but also perhaps to comfort herself, as through the window the overview of the city so foggy in her memories became clearer. It was so different, and yet... not at all. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it kept coming back, enough to make it hard for her to breathe as they left the landing zone and headed down a familiar road, being dropped off at the front of an extravagant building, where pedestrians entered through lavish double doors. She exited the taxi they had shared, a hand holding onto the door for a moment before she quietly shut it.

“Damn rain,” she grumbled, though it was certainly half-hearted, pulling out her cane and extending it to lean against it, in the way she usually did, her other hand over her eyes to avoid damage to her makeup.

Behind her, the taxi started up again, driving away as the hacker now joined her at her side, hands in his pockets. He hummed. 

“What?”

“You haven’t told me everything about yourself. If I knew any better, I would make a joke that this was your second home… the gaudiness is fitting. But…” He looked over to her, and the way she stared back at him.

Loba swallowed. “Yes, well I… the loss of my family to that… demon… meant I have lost my home, my heritage. I have no grave to return my good wishes to, so I…” With her cane, she gestured towards the building in front of them - to the restaurant where all but one little girl had lost her life over twenty years before.

  There was a long, drawn-out silence, the only sound being the sound of rain that his the pavement leading up to the glowing restaurant doors. 

“I feel my papa would have liked you.”

“Hm?” He glanced down to her, how the rain fell down the sides of her face and how the gloomy sunlight cast a dark shadow over her eyes.

“He would have liked you. From… what I remember, anyway. He was a kind man, a family man. ...Yes, he would have liked you.” Her voice quivered as she repeated herself.

“...Loba, I-”

“-And mama would have too. Oh, the things she would say, I can almost hear them, in a distant sort of way. ‘Mi yerno es un ángel.’, I think is the phrase she’d say… I-I’m sure she would call us married already, she was a housewife type despite her… her profession-”

“Loba.”

The thief’s mouth hung open in her rambles, before she looked up to Crypto, still standing in the rain with his hands in his pockets, hair flat against his face. The shadow over her eyes fell now, mascara running down her cheeks as she wiped the nose with the back of her hand in an uncharacteristically sloppy way. “...Am I doing them wrong, Park? Have I done bad by them?”

He didn’t know what to say. He’d never had this issue before, not for himself - what was done with him was done, and he had no one to mourn… no parents, and no sister. He quickly swallowed before he could ride down that thought path. Reaching a hand out of his pocket, he took hers and gently squeezed. “You… are an amazing woman. They know that, surely, from where they reside. Regardless of what you have done, or will do, you are still theirs. Be proud.”

That’s when her face, that had tried so hard to remain like stone despite her tears, wrinkled, and her grip on his hand grew tighter with a squeeze, before she burst into sobs and practically threw herself onto him, burying her face into his shoulder, as if to hide her dignity, her hands moving to claw onto his back and hold it as if he would leave her at a moments notice.

  He didn’t move, unsure if she would shatter in his arms like fragile glasswork, so perfect and delicate as she shook in the cold and the pressure of containing herself, but soon Crypto held her back, and brought her close, the warmth still foreign to him, even after all the times that had done this behind closed doors. No… it was never like this. Loba was strong, she held her cards close to her chest, and only let herself be vulnerable when she knew she had nothing to lose - and to her, she still had everything to lose. Losing her legacy, her revenge on the simulacrum that took her life away from her. The hacker held her close, holding the back of her head with a hand, quietly shushing her muffled sobs as he ran a hand through her hair, now knotted and wavy with the rain.

“Te amo,” she whispered into his neck, before pulling away and looking up to him, smiling despite herself as she wiped her eye, now red, though not like her usual makeup attire, with the back of her finger, smiling despite herself as she moved a hand to brush at his shoulder.  “Sorry about the makeup all over your coat.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, moving to cup her face with one hand and brush his thumb under her other eye, still wet from tears.  “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. You will be fine. Saranghae.”

[ncthingstars]

‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾ i have.... a lot of thoughts so i’ll put post of them below the cut but i DO want to bring up one thing loud and clear so y’all can help me sort this out.

i was SO happy to see the emh again. that man is baby and i’d do anything for him. but anyway i was watching the episode with captions and i caught this:

emil??? EMIL?????? is that his fucking NAME??? why are we giving him a name NOW? he’s been in two episodes already and y’all didn’t give him a fucking name!! we already named him diego, for fuck’s sake!!!

soooo idk what to do with this. i’m unfortunately the kind of person who likes to take the little bits of canon that we’re actually given and use them but i’m conflicted over this one. what do y’all think because i don’t wanna make this decision by myself.

anyway. the rest of my thoughts are below.

- okay. let’s start with the obvious. it wasn’t even 8am when i got to hugh’s death and my roommate was still asleep and here i am hunched over my computer sobbing uncontrollably. so eventually i had to just get up and go sit on the floor of the living room where i cried for pretty much 10 minutes straight. i really couldn’t let go of it for the rest of the episode tho so i think it’s a good thing that we saw will and deanna before it happened. i wouldn’t have been able to appreciate them at all and i was SO excited it was all i could talk about all week. i need more time to process this i think. mostly i’m angry that it was so senseless. the shock value did exactly what they wanted it to but im still furious. or i will be once i move past the initial grieving. i just feel.... really really empty inside. 

- his earlier moments with elnor were good. seeing him hold his ground was incredible and him mourning the xb was devastating and i didn’t even know what was coming. also i have to mention what he said right before he died. i dont even remember the exact words, something about having foolish hope again and thanking elnor for it and ok im crying again so im gonna stop talking about him lol  

- seeing will and deanna was great though! i love them and their daughter. i was glad at how much jean-luc got called the fuck out. especially deanna just saying that he’s not acting how he used to and telling him to basically shape up and be the captain. omg when soji pushed jean-luc and he fell into will and then will went absolutely feral??? iconic. gay legends only. i do love them so much and im mad that everything with hugh had to spoil it.

- i despise narissa with everything in me. i already hated her but none of it was personal until this episode. and narek, even tho this didnt directly involve him, is a bastard and nothing that he does ever again no matter any redemption they try to give him, will make me forgive him or like him or feel for him. 

- im glad we got to see what commodore oh did to agnes. i was expecting more direct manipulation/control rather than just convincing her that this was the right thing to do. it did make me super pissed off at her for just being sad and eating cake. but holy fuck i didn’t expect her to try and kill herself??? im glad the emh got to her before she died but now she’s in a coma and it seems like next episode she’ll be up and talking so thats a relief but there’s a little part of me that’s angry she got to live and hugh died. i know they’re not connected in any way but yeah.

- still on the train of thought with agnes and the emh... god i cant wait to write ANOTHER fic now addressing this, and the fact that he nearly had another person die on his watch (and how grateful he probably is that he managed to save her). 

- i still miss hugh. i think i’m going to miss hugh for the rest of my life. if yondu’s death still shakes me all these years later, this is going to be even worse. i’m sorry my baby boy, you deserved so much better. rest easy.

UPDATE: - so it’s been about 10 hours now and i’m still not okay, but since then, they released that video of del arco talking about hugh’s arc and his death and i’m still incredibly unhappy BUT i was relieved to know that he felt good about the way his story ended. it makes it a little easier to accept. but it did make me start crying like a baby again.

[ask-art-student-prussia]

You’re one of the only Hetalia art blogs still active that I absolutely love! Do you know any more of them?

Actually!!! I spent the past week sitting on this question, but im finally able to compile (most of) i have a bad memory and theres just so many, you see) the hetalia artists ive admired. ill write up a little blurb on each so you can know what to expect

warning, this is super long

I’m going to list my fav Prussia focused artists first:

@theknoflook is SO SO SO good at capturing the worn/rough-round-the-edges Prussia and they’re 100% the BEST at drawing the aged feel of him. They draw a lot of characters with human imperfections, it’s just such a RAW emotion I feel from each drawing.

@maplevogel I’ve admired since I was like,,, 13. You have no idea how much I want to be able to draw like them. Their watercolour illustrations are KICKASS!! They have such a sense of mystical-ness to each piece, everything is so unreal in what they draw it gives me such a sense of calm-ness. Constantly they’re using watercolour to it’s full extent, im EXTREMELY floored and always have been.

@mieudiary is another person ive admired since i was a absolute baby. Their art teeters on anime-realism and their use of lighting, shading and blending is SOOOO GOOD. They’re able to make their characters so real yet overly gorgeous lol. They’ve got the best damn detail in form/muscles (flesh) ive ever seen.

@kisamesfacioplegia is LITERALLY DRAWING RENAISSANCE PAINTINGS OKAY. Their art is always refined and carries the same aura as those huge paintings you find in museums, with extremely good storytelling and illustrations. Best historical prussia and germany on this site imo.

@carnagekiid (i dont know if they do aph anymore but their recent work is JUST AS GOOD) has the cutest modern interpretation of gil and is my fav. i personally am not a fan of like,,, the “ideal” canon prussia, and the way they draw emotion/use of colours (for all their work) with prussia has that like,,, UMMF of character, yknow what i mean??? they focus on ruspru i think but idk lol

Okay those are just the best prussia’s ive seen, heres some more general hetalia artists that focus on other characters

@payadraws is quite possibly my FAVOURITE HETALIA ARTIST???? IF NOT AT LEAST IN THE TOP 3 BC THEIR STUFF IS SO GOOD AND STYLIZED PERFECTLY. their linework is stunning, and colouring has that tone over all of it that harmonizes the whole piece. The way their utilize their style in everything is PERFECt, idk how to use words for it, just take a look. Their austria/switzerland is deadass on-the-money.

@tomato-bird Literally how does one even manage to do this. theyre professional and it fucking SHOWS. Each composition, each stroke of their pen, it shows dude. Their art has like,,, the emotions, the feeling, is really well executed and they have so much attention to detail it blows my fucking mind. like ,,, this gives of hard renaissance level mastery vibes

@paperdrawsshit is SO GOOD at using that like,,,, the form/silhouette of characters. like,, the shapes they use, the flow of each pose, the hands, ALL OF IT SCREAMS PERFECTION. Each drawing has such flow and structure at the same time, and each character has such a pretty fashion sense. Excellent use of lighting and i strive to be as good as them in drawing people

@jackce THIS ARTIST HAS LIKE.,, SUCH A CLEAN CUT ART STYLE ITS GORGEOUS. Each drawing has the smoothest lines and the characters have distinct features. Their prussia, italy and germany styles stand out so much because of the way they draw the noses, jaw, features etc. Like they look like screenshots out of a professional 2d animated feature. Seriously.

@starstray (not sure if they draw hetalia anymore but i need to tell yall about them anyway) has such gorgeous like,,, composition. like if you dug through a collection of paintings from the renaissance you’ll find a few of theirs scattered in their. The use of like,,, linework paired with the way they colour is so perfectly executed. its so balanced im shaking

@amazing-prussia has the cutest, quirkiest style with what they draw. the hair/clothes are so stylized and fluid and i love them so much!! Each drawing looks so quick and perfected, every time I see one of their pruaus doodles i fucking DIE.

@glass-soda has such gorgeous illustrative style. It’s so unique and the way they colour and draw people have this wonderful POP to it. The colours are so balanced and bright, its so SO!!!!!! LOVELY. LIKE,, IDK HOW TO KEEP FROM RAMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM JUST LOOK.

@ask-risorgimento-italy (ack, dont know their main sorry) Their illustrations are so well done, you can see the thought and practice in each character!! and i love the “realistic” feel to it. I say that about characters who dont have like,,, idk “anime hair”?? but not only the hair, the clothes, the form, the ENVIRONMENT. THIS ARTIST KICKS ASS WITH THEIR ENVIRONMENT BUILDING. LOTS OF DEPTH. ABSOLUTE LEGEND.

@hetapolis !!!!! THEIR ART IS SO CLEAN AND SKETCHY AND BEAUTIFUL. OKAY. Shading/colouring is GORGEOUS. and the way they draw each character to be distinct and have unique features ITS SUPER PROFESH AND LOOKS AMAZIGN!! I admire their style so much yall got no idea

@thedisappointedidealist12 has REALLY GOOD LINEWORK/STORYTELLING. LIKE WOW. Every time i see something theyve drawn im shaking bc the pacing and execution is AMAZING. Everything about the way their art looks is super balanced and you can see the exact emotion each character is expressing.

@captainjellyroll OKAY. THIS PERSON. LEMME TELL U BOUT THIS. FIRST OF ALL. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV ANIMATORS. THEYVE BEEN MY IDOL SINCE I WAS 11. Their work has so much energy, colour, and you can see the thought in each composition. I love them so much,,, each drawing has its own burst of energy!!! i want to be able to be like them when im older and live with like 5 cats.

@tea-artblog (they dont draw hetalia much anymore but their recent art is 100% worth looking at) OKAY. YALL. This is one of the people who’s art i looked at constantly when i first joined!! Their art is so like,,,, balanced and has just enough contrast and the colours???? EVERYTHING WORKS SO WELL. The eyes/expressions are SUPER CUTE.

@sully-s ANOTHER ARTIST WHOS STYLE IS ONE OF MY FAVS. It’s super fluid and the colours are perfect!! Each character has their own uniqueness I cant express my love of how perfect their lighting/colouring is. Their illustrations are straight out of a movie art book, its so GORGEOUS. and the environment REALLY has depth!!

@ask-victorian-austrian (dont know their main ack sorry!!), THE LINEWORK IS SO DETAILED AND CLEAN. I love the way they draw clothes/fashion, its all so detailed and gorgeous and you can feel the weight of the cloth and the lace and everything okay???? Seriously I love all their blogs, they have a bunch, and you should check out all of them!

@amoxesyoew HAS SUCH CUTE DRAWINGS!! The style in their characters’ hair is so flowy and the way they draw faces and eyes have this adorable quality to it!! the pureness of the emotions they draw are really prominent and i constantly just DIE because of it! I love love LOVE the gercan they draw too

@arschbiene THE WAY THEY DRAW FACES??? SPOT ON. The colours are SO spot on and i love the POP they give. The shading?/? SPECTACULAR. And each doodle is super cute and like,,,, when people say each drawing has a story behind it?? I FEEL THAT WITH THEIR ART OKAY. HIGHKEY.

@ekinoksin ???? HELLO??? THIS RENAISSANCE VAN GOGH MICHAELANGELO MASTERMIND OF AN ARTIST IS LIKE THE SAME AGE AS ME>????? I just foudn that out. BUT the way their art has so much depth!!!! THE BACKGROUNDS??? THE ENVIRONMENT?? ITs ALL EXTREMELY WELL DONE. And they have this texture to their art that makes it look just like historical paintings its so good!!! Im SHOOK.

@alfredtalia WORM. THeir characters all have structure and expression and everything about it has such like!!! UMFF. The way they draw certain things,, theres minor details!! and you may not notice them!! but they ADD SO MUCH!! Everything feels like it has attention to it, and it is so well balanced!!

@avlerie (again, not sure if they still draw hetalia but their art is really pretty) the way they add texture/detail to their art is SPECTACULAR. The hair???? the bodies??? It seems so structured and well drawn!! THE EYES THO. THE WAY THEY DRAW EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT GET ENOUGH

@elhuesoardiente DUDE IDK HOW THEY COLOUR/DO THEIR SHADING. BUT ITS SO UNIQUE AND GIVES THEIR ART THIS EXTRA LAYER OF DEPTH. The art is so gorgeous with the way they do their lighting, and everything about it has balance and harmony im just shook

@ask-2p-uk no idea how someone can even pull off art like they do. the lines/colours ARE REALLY WELL INCORPORATED to EACH DRAWING. The way they draw expressions?? is so unique??? like i love the hair too, it has this flowy-ness to it!! EVERYTHING about their style is so colourful and pretty and unique i just ghhghghg dont know how to explain it, just LOOK AT IT.

@lucerna-lunam the way their shading is,,, the “mystical”-ness of their art??? ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. IDK How they manage to draw stuff with such like,,,, sparkle to it. But their lighting is really well done, the EYES are so gorgeous! even the way each drawing is textured!! It comes together so perfectly!!

@suckmyicelandick THE WAY THEIR HAIR IS DRAWN??? SUPER SHINY AND GORGEOUS. I love the way their draw their characters, the hands/face/hair is so stylized the second you see their art you just KNOW its drawn by them. The eyes are super detailed and its so pretty im just sobbing i love their style

@aph-lithuania OKAY one of the first hetalia artists ive ever seen when i was new. THEIR ART IS SUPER PRETTY. The colours are really smooth and THE WAY???THEY DRAW BODIES?? THE FIGURES ARE SO WELL PROPORTIONED????!!! Everything about it is so cute!!!

@ask-mr-luxembourg BRUH??? HELLO?? COLOURING, LINEWORK, PROPORTIONS, EVERYTHING IS 10/10. Seriously they way they draw hair has such texture, and the way the bodies are drawn are so good. everything about them!! and the eyes?? DEADASS KILLED ME. Their art has seriously so much detail and i just DIE every time

@ellmovy HOW DOES ONE EVEN MANAGE TO DRAW CHARACTERS AS WELL AS THEM?? Each character has distinct features and like,,, the hair is always stylized and it looks SO GOOD????!!! The amount of detail they put into drawing small things like eyebrows and freckles add so much to the overall piece like WOW

@haeko9page THIS ARTIST. HAS THE CUTEST ART EVER. Their comic strips are seriously so adorable and has really good pacing! Each time they draw comic strips, the frames are so varied and it comes together SUPER WELL. Idk how to explain this, but like,,, the “camera angles” and the way they draw expressions/character interactions go together like peanut butter and jelly!

@kyotemeru-arts (they dont draw hetalia much but i love their art so much) dude the flow?? of the poses their characters have?? the flow of the characters themselves?? SUPER WELL DONE LIKE WOW. Also the way they shade and highlight things  ?? like using more than one colour?? THAT REALLY MAKES THEIR ART POP. I LOVE THE WAY THEY CAN PERFECTLY DRAW FLUIDITY IN THEIR ART.

@frukmerunning GOLLY GEE DO I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BOUT THEM. Just the way they draw faces, eyes and like,,,, bodies in general,, ITS ALL SO PERFECTLY BALANCED. The way they manage to make sketches look incredibly refined and capture the movement in each drawing???? LIKE IVE ADMIRED THEIR ART FOR SUCH A LONG TIME ITS BEEN 300 YEARS

@miss-ostrich-art BRUH how does one manage to draw ???? like them??? the way their characters’ forms and muscles can be seen but like not overly detailed??? they have the PERFECT amount of detail in each drawing, and the expressions!! the way they draw noses and facial structure and *italian hand gesture* PERFECT.

@maryluis THEIR EXPRESSIONS ARE SUPER DYNAMIC!!! AND THE POSES HAVE SUCH FLOW. Also did i mention the amount of detail they put into minor things?? like WOW. Seriously i think out of this list i like the way they draw expressions the best. Also this might be a weird thing to focus on, but the way theyre able to draw the interior/background/angles of things are INCREDIBLE.

@cioccolatodorima YOOOOOOO THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST ARTIST I SAW WHEN GETTING INTO THE FANDOM. ONE OF THEM AT LEAST. Their non-hetalia work is actually my fav and i want to do just what they do when im older! I love their illustrations, and their way of drawing characters/character design (ginjinka of mr.kitkat are my favs). The way their lighting looks, is SO pretty and the linework is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. their art blog (not just hetalia) is @rainbow-taishi

@ask-badlydrawnseborga lemme tell yall about a thing. i love how funny their art is, and like,,,,, i know its “badly drawn seborga” but the way the hair flows and the proportions,, everything about it is SO nffhhklahjdj polished. LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BC THEYRE SUCH A MEMELORD BUT I GENUINELY HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR THEIR SKILLL

@sabrow3 NOT ONLY IS THEIR ILLUSTRATIONS SUPER CUTE, IT HAS GREAT PROPORTIONS AND DEPTH. I love their attention to detail in clothing and historical things, and like,, the line work is AMAZING. Seriously, I want to be able to draw as well as them, its incredible how the amount of work and effort is shown in each drawing.

@buruzaitama !! The way they draw characters has like,,, this level of realism and the way they do their lighting just pushes that to the next level. I don’t know how people can pull off drawing realism yet still make it so unique that i can instantly tell that a piece is drawn by them, but this artist IS SO GOOD AT THAT. LIKE WOW

@inkodoodles Okay their “1 hour drawing challenges”? IM FLOORED ANYONE CAN DRAW THAT IN ONE HOUR. The have such detail and flow and movement in each drawing! And the lighting they have is so soft and calming, it lends itself to each piece REALLY WELL. Whatever emotion each drawing is supposed to give is conveyed to a tee

@heyheyartman BRO the style??? is so fucking UNIQUE AND ICONIC?? And the way they manage to pace comics and storytell is sO GOOD. Like,,, the way they can use shapes for each of their characters is so refined and stylized i love it. Their use of colour seriously KICKS ASS and im floored every time i see their work.

@merasgar their art is so detailed!! and the backgrounds/environments are so soft and gorgeous to look at! I have like,,,, no idea how you can pull off such beautiful hair and eyes in each drawing!! They draw a lot of rochu and like,, the features look so PERFECT for the characters ghhghghg

@yosb ALRIGHT LISTEN UP THIS ARTIST SERIOUSLY HAS ONE OF MY FAV STYLES. It’s so refined and you can see the distinct features of each character. The style isnt realism but the characters FEEL REAL. They have such a perfect way of paying attention to details and putting in proportions/facial features to each character im so amazed and love their work so much

and of course i want to include @paachubelle though theyre working on their own project ( @the-otwya-project ) now, they’re one of my like,,,, friends that i made on this blog through hetalia ask blogs and i figured id like to include them on this list. Idk how people can draw in pencil with such detail and everything but they do it EXPERTLY. The line work is always so clean and the shading is always so well done!!

of course, im very clumsy and forgetful so i know i forgot some names but i cant remember things!! Either way, these are some of my all time favourite iconic hetalia (and non-hetalia) artists!! I want to be able to draw as well as them one day!

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[ofgoodconscience]

& mun.     this is p much word for word copied from my post on my multi because i don’t have the emotional energy to write any more. i’ll talk more about seeing will and deanna again eventually but for now, take this. it’s below a cut because MASSIVE spoilers.

- okay. let’s start with the obvious. it wasn’t even 8am when i got to hugh’s death and my roommate was still asleep and here i am hunched over my computer sobbing uncontrollably. so eventually i had to just get up and go sit on the floor of the living room where i cried for pretty much 10 minutes straight. i really couldn’t let go of it for the rest of the episode tho so i think it’s a good thing that we saw will and deanna before it happened. i wouldn’t have been able to appreciate them at all and i was SO excited it was all i could talk about all week. i need more time to process this i think. mostly i’m angry that it was so senseless. the shock value did exactly what they wanted it to but im still furious. or i will be once i move past the initial grieving. i just feel…. really really empty inside.

- his earlier moments with elnor were good. seeing him hold his ground was incredible and him mourning the xb was devastating and i didn’t even know what was coming. also i have to mention what he said right before he died. i dont even remember the exact words, something about having foolish hope again and thanking elnor for it and ok im crying again so im gonna stop talking about him lol  

- seeing will and deanna was great though! i love them and their daughter. i was glad at how much jean-luc got called the fuck out. especially deanna just saying that he’s not acting how he used to and telling him to basically shape up and be the captain. omg when soji pushed jean-luc and he fell into will and then will went absolutely feral??? iconic. gay legends only. i do love them so much and im mad that everything with hugh had to spoil it.

- i despise narissa with everything in me. i already hated her but none of it was personal until this episode. and narek, even tho this didnt directly involve him, is a bastard and nothing that he does ever again no matter any redemption they try to give him, will make me forgive him or like him or feel for him.

- im glad we got to see what commodore oh did to agnes. i was expecting more direct manipulation/control rather than just convincing her that this was the right thing to do. it did make me super pissed off at her for just being sad and eating cake. but holy fuck i didn’t expect her to try and kill herself??? im glad the emh got to her before she died but now she’s in a coma and it seems like next episode she’ll be up and talking so thats a relief but there’s a little part of me that’s angry she got to live and hugh died. i know they’re not connected in any way but yeah.

- still on the train of thought with agnes and the emh (whose name is emil apparently??)… god i cant wait to write ANOTHER fic now addressing this, and the fact that he nearly had another person die on his watch (and how grateful he probably is that he managed to save her).

- i still miss hugh. i think i’m going to miss hugh for the rest of my life. if yondu’s death still shakes me all these years later, this is going to be even worse. i’m sorry my baby boy, you deserved so much better. rest easy.