#go complain to a friend or whatever
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i will forever be annoyed by the entitled "well you put it on the internet for everyone to see so I am allowed to be a dick about it!" attitude. fandom is supposed to be fun. if you have nothing nice to say about a piece of fiction (or an artwork, or so) then do not say anything at all.
"so authors only want gushing comments praising them and no real criticism??" yes actually that would be great! because fandom is supposed to be fun and hearing all the things you did wrong is actually not fun. we're not being paid for this. we're not offering any quality guarantee. if you don't like it? go away.
posting art on ao3 or on tumblr or on x or whatever is not blanket permission for random strangers to be mean about it just because it's posted publicly and they feel entitled to offer their ~opinion~.
#was scrolling the notes of that one post#and most people had the right idea#but there were a few#''bwahh bwahh i have the right to say my opinion!11''#and fuck that#go complain to a friend or whatever#don't subject the author/artist to it
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"Let's fix this drawing" *redraw the whole thing*
#star wars#star wars fanart#star wars the clone wars#star wars rex#wip or finished?#no one knows#sorry for the spam#I disappear a week and come back with *nothing*#But don't complain you're lucky#meanwhile my twitt is without content since a month#Cause I'm battling with illustrations V_v#anyway I went hiking with friends#we end up getting lost and having to go through like a feet of mud#a river#and 4 hours of walking#And my body took it well wtf like zero cramp#But then two days after I think I may have gotten a cold#so idk#still pushed to the gym#tho ofc it's summer now so they are much people#and BOI lemme tell you#for a city were half the population is right-wing elderly#the only people I see at my park are doing handstand on bars or whatever high level jedi sh*t#or maybe it's the only good streetpark at miles around so cool people can only go there#and me a shy potato with my cat-ears headphones and messy hair#anyway#that's it for my life.#good night#or I will redraw his face AGAIN#TAT
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Teruko and Yosano should've faced off. I think Yosano should've been posed that question that Atsushi was; that reveal of the "future war" - Teruko went along with Fukuchi out of a mix of indebtedness and being at a loss for what to do. War is all she's known; of course she doesn't know. But Yosano has been to the depths of despair and come back out of it again. She might've faltered at this horrific reminder of her trauma, but when it comes down to it, she saves the lives before her. She fought for a way back to light and life. I just think there could've been a really interesting conflict there. And it would've made Teruko's role much more tragic if she wanted desperately for there to be a third option but just didn't have enough time to sit with it and process what that third option might be before Fyodor made it all go to hell.
Also a fight between them would've been interesting, because Teruko is much physically stronger than Yosano, but Yosano can heal from any physical injury inflicted. However, since we now know Teruko can alter mental age, she could inflict psychological wounds by de-aging her, which would've been a good callback to the horrors of war in her backstory, and also been a nice bit of foreshadowing for Teruko actually being a child.
Teruko eventually allowing Yosano to leave out that door after seeing her resolve would've been a deeply bittersweet and powerful moment, I think, especially in hindsight after her backstory reveal.
#look i love atsushi's response in that scene - it's a wonderful bit of character development for him to choose to walk out that door#i wrote a meta about it even#but it didn't go anywhere. and with teruko being present and having such an impact at the climax of the arc#her tragedy would've hit harder if she'd had literally any moment of relation with a member of the main cast.#also atsushi didn't even really do anything with the info. it was literally just to tell the audience that there was more to the story#his conflict really should've focused solely around sskk's previous failure and akutagawa's sacrifice#and meursault arc should not have been so prevalent. sorry.#either that or they should've kept dazai and fyodor contained and had sigma nikolai and chuuya be the main actors. but whatever#the arc should've been more focused on fukuzawa ranpo yosano fukuchi teruko and tachihara#from the start.#see i actually think the twists are fun and good but man i do wish we actually had the time to sit on them.#the emotional core is there it's just... buried under shock value plot twists. doa arc is a tragedy. let us sit with the tragedy.#fukuchi is a tragic figure by which i don't mean he makes me sad but like. a classical tragic figure. he was doomed from the moment#he went to war.#his desperation to avert another caused him to go hurtling down the path of no return. to hurt his friend ironically because he had#unshakeable faith in him#fukuzawa and fukuchi are the emotional core#the themes are war and desperation.#those only became fully evident at the very end. there was some great set up then the middle became a bit. muddled? to me?#i just think we needed to have picked a few focal characters and stuck with them. imo.#eh ignore me i'm not even really complaining i'm just thinking#bsd#storyrambles#random thoughts
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an art‚ which I wholeheartedly support‚#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than others‚ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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okay, i've got some things i wanna say about twst EN's translation of scarabia's story that i was originally typing out as part of a response to an ask, but then i realized i was going off on a bit of a tangent and was like "this could basically be its own post"--so now it's going to be its own post!
i'm a twst EN player, and for the most part, i do really like the localization. i don't speak japanese but i love learning about language and the process of translation and localization, so at one point after finishing books 1-5 i went and reread them all (and 6 as well, once it was fully released on EN) with a fan translation and the localization side by side to compare them. and from what i could tell as someone who isn't a japanese speaker, i honestly thought it seemed like they usually did pretty well? sure, there were a few mistakes like cater claiming to be an only child (this one, i think, has actually been fixed recently), or how in book 2 they removed a small mention of falena making it seem like he's never mentioned at all until leona's flashback and they also removed the numerous times that he said "be prepared" (at least they finally properly translated it in book 6, though!!). but i thought most of these mistakes were somewhat minor and could be forgiven... until book 4 (well, and book 5, mostly in regards to vil and epel's conflict and i'm not talking about them here, so).
see, i actually realized that something was off about the localization when i first played through book 4, because i have a weird memory and have picked up a bunch of random words and phrases from being into japanese media and reading so much about the localization process. and i also play twst with the sound on because i love to hear the voice acting. so sometimes i would hear jamil speak, i'd pick out the words "shujin" and "juusha" for "master" and "servant", and then the subtitles wouldn't include them at all. so i'd guess certain things about the actual intent behind the story based on that. take this message i sent to my friend when i was sharing my blind reactions to the game:
and she ended up telling me that apparently, what i thought he should say essentially IS what he originally said!! according to the fan translation on wiki.gg he said this instead:
i had wondered if maybe i was reading into things and assuming too much, but it turned out i was completely spot on! but most people who play EN would not be able to pick up on this and realize that jamil was born into servitude to kalim and has no escape, because as i later discovered almost every single mention of him being a servant at all was removed, in events and vignettes as well. which is actually really weird to me because they don't remove it entirely, they do in fact bring up the fact that jamil has to test all of kalim's food for poison during book 4 and they also left in a line where he says he "works as kalim's servant". but they only really mention these things once or twice and then they try to sort of play it off as jamil being a paid employee or something most of the time... seriously, during beanfest there's dialogue where jamil says it would be rude to refuse an order from his boss but i've read that that line was originally him saying a servant couldn't disobey his master. and in the scalding sands event he calls himself "a dedicated employee" of kalim's... what, am i supposed to assume he works as a butler by choice or something? yeah, no. also, one of his birthday vignettes, which are fully voiced so i could TELL he said, with a devious smirk on his face, that if he had a parrot the first word he would teach it would be "shujin-sama". "master". what did EN change this into?
the person i was originally writing all of this in response to said that sometimes people's takes on jamil make them wonder if people are reading a completely different story but also that part of that can probably be blamed on the way EN completely changed the context of his situation with these translation choices. and yeah, i fully agree with that assessment: more casual fans or people who just aren't that interested in the scarabia duo could be said to be reading a different story with this whole "boss" and "employee" thing that has jamil make it sound like the worst that could ever happen to him if he got in trouble would be getting a really stern lecture from his parents.
and it makes me sad because i really do love both jamil and kalim so much and i think their dynamic is so tragic and complicated and interesting to think about. i think they're both really complex characters who are trapped in an awful situation. kalim is so kind and loving and would never wanna hurt anyone but he hurts jamil just by existing as part of the fucked up society they live in. kalim thought he and jamil were best friends, he had no idea of the toxicity of their dynamic and the pain jamil was in, and people say jamil should've just talked to him about it earlier... but jamil's first memory as a child is of seeing his parents bow to the asim family. being a servant is practically all he's ever known and he's had it drilled into his head since they were both small children that he can never be himself around kalim, can never just treat him like a normal person because he's a servant and kalim is his master. and even if he did accept kalim's offer to start over as equals and be friends, what would happen when they had to go home to their families? they won't be at school forever.
and i just. augh. i hate what the localization does with them. if you try to water them down to just an employee who's super mad at his obliviously crappy boss, or just two childhood friends who needed to communicate better or something like that, then you take away from the complexity of both characters. you also lose extremely cool writing choices like how jamil is a character who was born into servitude but has the power to make himself the master with his unique magic. i see so many takes about how jamil is just a jerk who betrayed his best friend and how kalim never did anything wrong in his entire life and i hate it but i'm sure the localization's choices are in fact to blame for a lot of this.
so anyway jamil and kalim's actual dynamic is fascinating and lives rent-free in my head, no thanks to how the EN version gutted it.
#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#kalim al asim#going to also add a small thing here in my tags: i personally don't ship jamil and kalim lol#i just love their dynamic... platonically?? feels like the wrong word because they're not really friends LOL#not in love. not even friends. but tied together in a secret third really fucked up and tragic way.#and the secret third thing is NOT 'annoying boss' and 'minimum wage customer service employee'#this also isn't meant to be discourse about like#'if you interpret their dynamic Wrong then you're stupid and i hate you' or whatever#because i'm mainly just complaining about what the translators did 😭#scarabia boys
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Nothing lamer than a fictional character going to therapy and working through their issues in a healthy way. Bitch go kill someone
#.txt#I remember people used to get really mad when books didn't end with all the characters going to therapy lol#maybe they still do idk#and it was always with kids media 💀 'why didn't percy jackson end with everyone horribly traumatized and in need of extensive therapy'#not saying a kids book can't talk about trauma but. you're against it having an happy ending??? girl.#thank god asoiaf is in the fantasy middle ages so nobody can complain about that#medieval therapy is just like. ah you must rid yourself of these foul humours! not to worry my friend! a good leeching will surely help :)#with some asoiaf characters I would want them to get help if they were in the modern world but. depends on how funny their mental issues ar#I would never in a milion years want to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with joffrey. he's perfect just the way he is 🥰
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Lmaoooooo
#I asked my roommates if anyone filled a complaint or what and they seemed shifty and went idkk not me don't know what that's about#and then started whispering and closed the door when I left so. WHATEVER#day I don't even know at this point of none of them acknowledging my existence unless I directly talk to them first#sstfu.txt#I'm so serious silent treatment and bitchiness fine but if we have that meeting and they start complaining about me#I'm gonna be a little pissed#I finally got to talk to my best friend and explained everything that has been going on and she got soo pissed on my behalf#like maybe I am not the problem lmao
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What if I just rambled in the tags rn?
#personal stuff don’t mind me#just musings about sex and relationships#am I ace or aro? am I just opposed to the idea of a relationship cause I feel like I could never trust anyone on that level?#am I ace? sex sounds fun enough but it also doesn’t feel necessary? and I can’t imagine ever wanting to sleep with anyone#I literally never considered this until one of my friends complained to me about being sexually frustrated and I was like ???#??? THATS A REAL THING ???#I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE#where am I going with this#I’ve had 4 crushes in my life (excluding fictional characters cause I don’t think that’s the same)#I’m definitely bisexual#and yet am I? am I even attracted to anyone?#maybe I’m just on the ace spectrum somewhere?#and does it even really matter? why should I feel like I have to label it?#maybe it’s cause I feel like I have to label it to be valid#otherwise people view you as a loser#it’s frustrating#people talk about the concept of virginity being meaningless#and I usually see people talk about it in the sense of like#having lots of sex and sleeping with lots of people doesn’t make you impure#(which is true!!!)#but I feel like some people who say that still look down on people who don’t have sex#and view them as no fun or prudes or whatever#and the double standards piss me off#lol sorry for all of this I just need to ramble somewhere#ollie rambles#adding on#like the fact that I’m ashamed to admit even in the tags here that I’ve not had sex before is ridiculous!!!#it shouldn’t be this way!!!!#it’s something completely neutral!!!!!#it should be on the same level as admitting I’ve never tried melon or never been rollerblading!!!!
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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see I often get conflicted because yes, I do want to watch things that will ultimately help myself, especially with an issue I have that I’m highly aware of. But also that fear of having the issue fixed is always there, and the issue is so convenient that I don’t wanna get rid of it, so,,,,, augh
#my rambles#this isn’t coherent bc I’m tired. sorry#but just. mmrggrb#related to the last reblog#I’m aware I have food issues that are not healthy. i shouldn’t be waiting until past 5pm to eat something#but…. it’s just easier#i rarely get lunch breaks at work. i don’t wake up early enough to get breakfast in the mornings. reminding myself that it isn’t healthy#just makes me feel like shit bc I feel like I can’t fix it#which isn’t true. i could.#but…. augh. again with the convienience. it’s EASIER to wait that long instead of waking up earlier. or preparing a lunch to take with me#and it’s cheaper too. i can eat whatever I can scrounge up at home after work instead of going out for food I can’t afford#I don’t know… I’m just complaining right now I guess#the last post just reminded of it is all#it may be one of the reasons I haven’t watched it yet despite my friends telling me to is all#ignore me#I’m happy for the people it’s helping. I’m just scared to be one of them
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what's with autobot command and the victorian levels of drama.
#【 ❝ i will never stop complaining and that is a promise ❞ 】 ✕ ooc.#I SAID THIS A COUPLE DAYS AGO TO A FRIEND BUT IT'S REALLY FUCKING FUNNY TO ME#you have WHATEVER's going on in the decepticons which like yeah this makes sense if you're building a faction for power and shit#and then you look at the autobots and it's like#jawdrop#'mr optimus i cannot in good faith let you continue on such a ath. let us settle this now as men ought do.' type shit
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if you put my cap in your post idk the least you could do is credit me huh or reblog the original maybe ? Or like, ask if you can use without credit even, I'd probably say yes. You can ask on posts now even, don't have to walk all the way to the inbox for that if that's too much work. I know tumblr only cares about gifs but it takes time to choose shots and color them and all that shit too. You think I won't recognize my caps ? I'm making them all by myself from the video source. You think I won't recognize my cap cause you tipped the color a lil? Baby that's my coloring under yours, I know how the original lightning was on that shot and I do a lil more than simply cracking up the brightness. Baby that's my crop, it was not shot like that in the original. The odds of you making a crop that is 1:1 like mine is… a little slim and I didn't spend four hours antagonizing and deciding and un-deciding if I want to crop it to then forget about how it looked in the original.
#i am in so much pain today and this made me irrationally angry#like i know it's just a cap but like maaan#you won't even reblog or like my original post ?#sincerely the amount of times friends sent me some screenshot of whatever that had MY CAPS in them and I was like 'yeah I made that'#is staggering for the amount of notes I get on my posts#like I assume not many people see my posts and then my caps appear on someone's post or on instagram stories or whatever the fuck#will probably delete this cause whiny but ain't nowhere to complain about this but here#since I'm not going to the posters cause I'm really not about that at all so
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I'm so tried of the response to the new Dragon Age game. You can't criticise decisions or the writing without being lumped in with bigots unless you caveat a hell of a lot, which fewer and fewer online spaces allow for. I'd say this is by design but I don't know if the people fanning the flames and pushing this bigotry are that smart.
It's been in development hell for a decade, cancelled and revived, stopped and started over from scratch multiple times, was infamous for staff turnover, and had senior staff quit the first time it was cancelled then EA fired 50 more people which included senior developers who had worked on previous Dragon Age games. The reason given was EA wanted to be able to "pivot faster" but it's pretty obvious they wanted to get rid of people who had the experience and seniority to push back against decisions.
Because the game very much looks like what happens when execs want to chase trends rather than let developers do what they have experience doing or what customers expect from a franchise name.
But once again the focus isn't on major issues with the AAA publishing industry or MBAs calling shots, it's about a non-issue that's a symptom of that at most and it prevents actual criticism from getting through.
#most people complaining about it don't even know about the mess of its development from my experience too#even though that was a major talking point for years up until recently and made the news whenever something big happened#because the bigots drown that out and only focus on something where they don't have to consider capitalism/straight white men#as being the reason behind why something is bad#it's easier to think left-wing minorities are moustache-twirling villains who are behind it all#but that's how these things operate and we saw it in gg1#there were grains of truth but instead of going with those and wanting actual change#a handful of people were able to steer it away from that so the outrage built upon itself again and again while ignoring the cause#for their own personal gain 'cause they didn't give a flying fuck about actually doing anything to improve things#and once again it made it so people couldn't criticize the cause because they'd be assumed to be a raging bigot#also it's pretty obvious the purported leader of this is banging on whatever he can to see if it takes root outside his bubble#because he's a bitter old white man with a chip on his shoulder who's trying to stay relevant and couldn't pull off benefiting#from a system that heavily prefers straight white men during a time when others were pushed to the edges or kicked out#like if you start on third and fail to get to home and your team doesn't even want you there even if they win regardless of you#that's a you problem and it takes skill to fail so hard you aren't so much kept around as a friend to collect an easy paycheque
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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so now im sure she is the one who has been sending me anon hate about me being ugly.... 💀
#she said things like oh i would never send anon hate to anyone!!!#but ig ppl just say anything and then do it anyway 💀#ppl will just lie and pretend to be your friend to then use your insecurities against u#if she acted like a grown up and talked to me i wouldve listened#but that wouldve required her to listen to me tooand not just judge me#and ig she couldnt do that#so she took the easy route#like if i explained to her that yeah i felt abandoned by u bc u just stopped talking to me as soon as u got a bf#and then i kept talking to that guy bc of these reasons where i wanted to see if i could pick up on signs#bc being abused by my bf is one of my biggest fears i have#and she wouldve said iget that but i still feel uncomfortable. then i couldve listened to hger and decided if i wanted to keep making her#uncomfortable and hurt her or just stop. but she didnt say anything or try to communicate or listen#and now to see what a fucking shallow narrow minded view she has#is frustrating bc she hadnt even tried to talk or understand or communicate or explain her side#which is like ok that sucks but whatever i will just let it go#but then she keeps sending me hate abt what i confided to her abt and talk shit abt me and it is like#can u just let it go#just stop everything. lets just pretend we have never known eo or talked at all#anyway ig i dont wanna be friend w a woman who invalidates founded fears#like shes just the kind of woman who would tell her friends that#oh yeah your bf hit u just bc he loves u stop complaining!!#so ig this is good either way but like. ig she just assumes i was flirting behind her back#bc she cant comprehend a woman only being friendly with a guy#and like i didnt keep telling that guy im already in love w someone lmao 💀💀#gosh...disappointing. people are so disappointing#and childish and shallow and narrow minded. yikes
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