#gnawing on them like a big squeaky toy

[fairygodpiggy]

"Very impressive~" Mae sing-songs before leaning down slightly and asking with an inquisitive tone, "What was that you said just before?" Locke smirks and does a zipping motion across her lips. Mae gives a little gasp and feigns offense - a farce easily broken by the grin curling at the corners of her mouth - and starts to walk away. "Oh fine, I see how it is. I'll just have to pretend it was never said." Her tone is well overdramatized. Locke's eyes roll but the smirk remains. "Oh, what a tragedy it shall be~…" "How will I ever recover from this?" Mae can hardly keep a straight face. When Mae nears one of the trees, she turns and presses her back against it, throwing the back of one hand up to her forehead and closing her eyes. Locke hesitates for a moment longer than she may have wanted. As Mae wheels around, the words practically fall from her, "…kiss me?"

i love t h e m

[pttwice]

Hey Joon! how are you? 🦇

I found your blog a few days ago, if I remember correctly, and it has become one of my favorites! In my head live rent-free little vampire!Mina, little werewolf!Sana and little werewolf!Momo.

It's totally adorable.

So, I was looking at my dog (he's such a chaotic big baby) and although he's super smart and everything, he doesn't know how to catch for his dear life. Then I thought about what it would be like Mina trying to teach the puppies how to play catch! I get the impression that Sana would be super hyperactive, epically failing to catch the ball because she runs so fast and ends up tripping, while Momo stays in place and really tries, but just makes big chomp chomps when she bites the air and doesn't catch the ball at all.

It seemed very funny and adorable to me, and I thought you would also enjoy this mini idea.

hi hi nyul 🦇! :) i'm so glad that you've been enjoying my blog and what i write. it means a lot! i also think about little vampire!mina and the pups all the time. i don't know if i could do this justice for a whole fic, but i definitely have some thoughts about the pups learning how to play catch!

little werewolf!sana and little werewolf!momo had only ever played with rope toys and squeaky toys when they were with little vampire!mina and her mamas

whenever mina bought a ball for the pups, they were afraid of it at first. sana growled at it and momo hid from it. they didn't play with the ball for the first half hour that it was in the house. mina would try to roll it to them to get them to play with it and they'd either bark and growl at it or go to a different room and ignore it altogether

sana was the first to touch it with her nose and make it roll. once she saw that it wasn't hurting her or mina, she kept pushing it with her nose. momo took a little coaxing (and a few treats) until she touched the ball

after a few touches of the ball, the pups were hooked and kept trying to steal it from each other. mina was happy just watching the pups play, but her mamas suggested teaching them how to catch it and play fetch

in theory this was a great idea, but in practice it was much more complicated. the pups were amazing protectors but not the brightest when it came to learning new skills

mina spent hours trying to get them to learn fetch. the best she could get them to do (and still do even months later) was funny but wasn't the most impressive

sana could catch the ball and return it if mina threw it straight up in the air, but if it was even an inch over her head or too short of a throw, she'd try to run after it and trip over her paws or something else

one time, mina threw the ball so high that sana tried to catch it mid-air and ended up landing on her back. she was perfectly fine, but she definitely didn't catch it

momo... well, momo had only ever "caught" the ball once when mina threw it to her literally four inches away from her mouth

momo can't catch the ball even if it's the size of a watermelon and very squishy (aka easy for her to bite and hold)

she chomps at the air excitedly and the ball usually lands way far away from her. it takes her a few seconds every time to realize that she didn't catch it, but she's just as happy running to wherever the ball landed to bring it back to mina so she can throw it again

the pups can play their version fetch for hours on end which can be exhausting for mina, but they're also content with just gnawing on it

[glowy-stripes]

Idk how relatable this is but as a dogboy/doggirl I have like two types of imagry

like on one hand, I’m a puppy, and I’ll be a mindless puddle in my pet’s paws, maybe sometimes bratting by biting and barking words I know will make them weak- but all in all, very cuddly, just a big puppy with no thoughts who likes squeaky toys and strongly believes their a lap dog

But on the other hand I’m a guard dog, and I’ll be the most possessive canine, marking up my kitty to show my ownership and gnawing down on them so much I need to be muzzled, I go so feral I need to devour him, I need everyone to know that they’re mine

the difference between being a puppy and a dog is so real tbh

[imsparky2002]

Ghouls and Monsters - The Werewolf

(WereKim is sitting by himself, gnawing on his favorite chew toy, unaware of the girl approaching him from the shadows. Winlix snarls, her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness, saliva dripping from her mouth.)

Winlix: Fresh meat...

(WereKim looks up, his sharp senses having caught something, but sees nothing, going back to chewing on the squeaky bone. Winlix pounces on him from the shadows... and finds herself not making much impact, due to his massive size. He yelps happily and begins roughhousing with her. )

WereKim: You like pouncing and wrestling too?! It’s may favorite game to play with my brothers and sisters!

Winlix: Aw man! I almost always win. You're a real big werewolf, buddy. Sound familiar, too.

WereKim: (Grins) Thanks! (Flexes his muscles) Yeah, you look a lot like my friend, Alix! Only without the shades and you don’t have snake hair!

Winlix: That's cause I am, dummy. So she's a gorgon? 

WereKim: Yep! Which means I finally get to have a staring contest with you! 

Winlix: *Groans* You must be Kim. I always said he was like a golden retriever, but this is ridiculous.

WereKim: Yeah, my friends say that a lot too! (He suddenly gains a look like a lovesick puppy) ‘Dine says I’m the goodest boy in the world!

Winlix: Heh! You guys are still as sappily sweet in this place as well, that's cute. She human or a monster?

WereKim: (Yips happily) The prettiest water monster ever! (He pulls out his phone and shows her a picture)

Winlix: Aww. I've met a few goonies (slang term for creatures from lagoons and oceans). They're usually chill. We play reefball together.

WereKim: Yeah, Dine is actually a freshie and a goonie! Her mom is from Loch Ness, but her dads from the Mexican coast!

Winlix: Ooohh... where I'm from, they've got pretty rocky relationships. Do her and her folks have to deal with family drama?

(WereKim nods unfortunately)

WereKim: Yeah…her folks are great, but…the rest of her family causes a lot of trouble, criticizing her and just being really mean. Her dads parents don’t even like that she’s dating me, because I’m not one of them. They call me ‘the mutt’ and stuff like that.

Winlix: *Growling* Bastards... sorry you gotta deal with that, man.

WereKim: It’s what it is, I guess. Stuff like that sucks, but it happens.

(WereKim can hear her voice break a little as she asks the next question.)

Winlix: Do you have your real parents around in your universe?

WereKim: Yeah, I’ve got my dads, my mom, and all my siblings! (He tilts his head, gaining a sad look) Did something happen to yours?

Winlix: (Looks sad) Hunters shot 'em down with silver bullets. My brother, too. A good thing that there were some humans trying to protect us, otherwise I'd hate them all.

WereKim: Ah geez, I’m real sorry. I can’t imagine losing my folks. And yeah…some humans can take things too far... (Rubs the side of his ribs, where the scar on his back ends)

Winlix: That's for sure. It's ok, though. I was only like 8 or whatever. It hurts, but I always had my sisters by my side. Ok, we're not related, but they're still like my siblings to me. We've been together since we were babies. We were all raised by a group of witches, along with everyone's parents.

WereKim: Wow, that’s cool! Must be cool to have moms who know magic! My friends are kinda like my family too, we all look out for each other.

Winlix: Sweet! Here’s a picture of my group. Obviously you can’t see Jules. (She shows a photo of the 6 Ghoul Squad girls with the Witches of Wisdom.) 

Winlix: Marinette’s a witch, but she lives with her parents.

WereKim: Yeah, our Juleka doesn’t show up in pics either, neither does Luka. (Shows a picture of all his friends together) These are all my buds!

Winlix: Aw sweet! Woah! So that’s what Alya would look like without bandages… or without decaying skin. And Rose’s a skeleton! Mylene isn’t glowing, and I don’t got fur! And Marinette! She’s a doll. This is freaky, but I like it!

WereKim: Yeah, you guys should all come around and meet the rest of our friends! It could be fun!

Winlix: Sounds like a howling good time! (They both howl in unison.)

Here’s the second crossover, and Weeby and I had so much fun writing our favorite werewolves! Make sure to reblog, reply, post and ask. @artzychic27 @msweebyness 

[tiredassmage]

gnawing on my ocs and also on timelines, gosh I hATE timelining thing, do NOT ask me about the passage of time in the fictional universes of my blorbos, they usually can’t decide what it is or it’s not agreed upon and it drives me INSANE.

I’m also a little insane figuring out how, at one point or another, most of them are running into each other in a grand group scheme. I have grand plans for someone who doesn’t write multi-chaptered fic and who quakes occasionally under the pressures of managing a part-time job, college courses, and an on-campus activity. Big, big plans for someone who only has another week and a half before all those responsibilities kick in again, but ANYTHING for my blorbos aksnlfansdfdsfs.

Anyway, chewing on them and shaking them ferally like a dog with a squeaky toy, at LEAST if I put it in a Google Doc I’ll know where the FUCK they were and what the HELL they were doing even if I never manage to use half of it it will bring me a semblance of mental peace.

No, I will not be addressing Tyr and Rhyst and why I’m going to put them in the same room when they’re just what-ifs of each other don’t think too hard about it I can’t I won’t I like them. Squeaks them both. Twirling them like glowsticks.

[chanfictions]

Chidori

18+ CONTENT! MINORS DNI!

Kakashi x Reader

Part 2

Playing with electricity, mind games, smut, smut, smut.

2.4k

It's all fun and games until your boyfriend acquires intel that you have some unfulfilled fantasies involving his chakra nature.

You and your big fucking mouth.

You knew getting drunk and shmoozing with that old pervert was a huge mistake, but inebriated you was just a treasure trove of curative ideas for the raunchy author's writer's block, and he was footing the tab. One cup of sake after another and your most titillating fantasies just rolled right off of your twisted tongue in a drunken game of Never-Have-I-Ever, Kink Edition. Little did you know that your traitorous mountain of a drinking buddy would slink off to your boyfriend later with all of the intel he had gathered from you.

You made a mental note to sic Tsunade on him later. Now, however, you had more important things to worry about, namely the chirping cracks of lightning surrounding Kakashi’s hand as you shifted nervously in your rope bindings. "Babe, shouldn't we talk about this?" You squeaked nervously as you twirled in place like a little marionette with your arms bound above your head.

"What's there to talk about, hm? Jiraiya told me just how exciting you thought it would be to play with electricity." The eerie calm in his voice as he circled you, wielding that handful of sparking doom sent lusty shivers up your spine. You were a thrill seeking fear slut, and Kakashi knew it. The danger held in his palm twisted your insides into the most delightful knots and left you dripping with excitement.

"I meant… oh, I don't know, a violet wand or something designed for use on the human body, not an assassination jutsu!" You stammered and your voice climbed in pitch. Your eyes widened the closer he got to you. The scent of ozone filled your nostrils, and all of the little hairs on your body stood on end from the static beginning to collect in the air.

"What's the matter, kitten? Don't think you can handle it?"

"Do I think I can handle a jutsu you use to literally pierce people's hearts as FOREPLAY?!" Your voice entered the soprano register as you gnawed your lip and spun around him again, tipping about on the balls of your bare feet.

A chuckle purred deep in Kakashi’s chest as he pulled his mask down with a light curl to the corner of his mouth. "That is what I asked you."

Words failed you, and all you could manage was a high pitched squeal as he ghosted the edge of that jutsu around your exposed stomach, just barely kissing your skin with static. Your breath caught in your throat as your heart leapt into your mouth.

"You haven't forgotten your safe word, have you?" He mused while continuing to circle you like a silver-haired lion.

Another squeaky yelp that sounded like a 'no' slipped from your lips as your bugged out eyes followed the sparks and you twitched away from his hand.

"What we should talk about is your racy little conversation with Master Jiraiya yesterday." Kakashi’s dark iris glinted with the reflection of those chirping bolts as he traced a less dangerous finger along your trembling jawline, tipping your chin upward. "Naughty girl, telling that old pervert about your little fantasies before even I had the privilege of hearing them." His voice was a mere gusty murmur blowing beneath the deafening crackle humming right next to your face.

"We were just talking about his unfinished book," you insisted in a shaky chitter as your eyes locked on the blue chakra leaping from his fingertips. Boy, did Kakashi know how to push your buttons. The ache between your legs had you twisting your thighs as that knot of excited fear tightened in your belly. He had barely laid a finger on you since hanging you up, and you were just fluttering for some kind of stimulation.

Another dark little laugh rolled in Kakashi’s chest. "You should really know better by now, kitten," he purred, bringing the jumping bolts ever closer to your skin, letting little shocks nip and draw goosebumps on your waist as he trailed his sparking hand ever closer to your very erect nipples, making you squirm anxiously. "Master Jiraiya and I are very good friends. He tells me everything."

You swallowed hard, breaking into a bit of a sweat. "So… um… what else did he tell you?" Your voice cracked under the strain of the pitch you were reaching while you bit your lip. Keeping your heaving chest away from his hand was growing more difficult with the little slack you had in your rope.

"Now, where's the fun in giving up my leverage?" A sly smile tilted his lips. "You might want to stop squirming before this arcs… electricity can be so unpredictable, can't it?"

A high whine hummed in your throat as your eyes flicked from that devious smile back to his hand again. He wouldn't, right? Another hard swallow had you nibbling on your lip in hopeful anticipation and wringing your bound hands. That chirping sound terrified you, as you knew it all too well from fighting alongside the silver-haired jonin. Your heart raced in the best possible way, that fear leaving you aching and wet.

"Oh, but you'd like that, wouldn't you? I can see it in your eyes," he murmured in your ear, sliding behind you and pulling your body tightly against his with his tamer hand, tracing a line from your navel up to the breast he firmly cupped. You felt that bulge of desire for you straining the fabric of his pants when you were pulled in and gave your ass a little teasing wiggle against it. He trailed his lips along your neck up to your jaw. Deft fingers rolled a hardened bud, sending tasty jolts through your body, making you arch into his touch. The chattering spark in his left hand hovered inches from your skin. "Say it."

"K-kakashi, I--" you stammered nervously. He could no doubt feel your racing pulse beneath his lips as he kissed his way along your neck.

"It's simple. Either you want it and you tell me as much, or you don't and tap out, but we both know what you're going to say." How that man managed to maintain such an aloof coolness while terrorizing you like this was just beyond you.

With your blood rushing in your ears, you bit your lip and dropped your head back against his shoulder. "Light me up," you breathed lustfully before you even realized what you were asking for.

With a knowing chuckle, Kakashi obliged. The pitch of the chirping shifted, and hot points of light licked your skin, leaving you gasping in surprise. The little lightning strikes were fiery and felt sharp like the edge of a knife being dragged over your flesh. You had expected it to really hurt, but as usual, Kakashi had twisted your head around in a delicious mind fuck, letting you think he just might fry you up until the very last moment. The sensation beautifully toed the line between pain and pleasure, sending literal shocks through your body. Arching your back, you bit your lip with an excited squeal as his hand hovered just above your nipple, peppering it with a storm of static. "Did you really think that I would touch you with an actual Chidori?" The tone of his voice sent shivers up your spine.

"It s--ah-aaah-oounded like the rreeeal one," you gasped in a breathy moan as those sparks danced around your torso. Tiny bolts pierced your skin like needles without leaving so much as a mark in their wake. The most shocking aspect of this newfound kink was the smell. It never occurred to you that electricity had any kind of defining odor, but this did, and you couldn't get enough of it.

More soft chuckles hummed behind you as Kakashi’s breath fanned your neck. His sparking hand ran circles around your breasts, sending shocks straight through your body to your throbbing clit. The sensation was amazing and left you arching into his body, swaying your hips against his own waiting lust. "Are you trying to tell me something, hm?" He punctuated the statement with a nip of your neck and began trailing his new favorite toy downward.

"W-w-aaaait a minute!!" You squeaked in surprise at a dog-whistle pitch, wiggling your hips again in an effort to avoid that hand as you had quickly realized what he was about to do with it.

"You know the word to use if you want me to stop," he murmured, more and more amused by this. "Otherwise, I'm going to find out if I can get you off without actually touching you." He slid his feet between yours, prying your legs apart and stepping lightly on the tops of your now inward turned feet to keep you rooted.

The next sound coming out of your mouth was a shrill, giggling shriek that rolled into a loud moan. Kakashi brought those sparking fingers down to your slick clit, hovering just above it and sending little lightning strikes grouped in pulsing waves directly at the most sensitive spot. The electric chakra jumped around your dripping pussy, sending all new sensations ripping through your body. The inhuman noise you were producing grew loud enough that Kakashi had to muffle your mouth with his other hand to prevent the neighbors from thinking he was murdering you.

Your eyes rolled back in your head as you let out another loud wail. Pins, needles, and precise strikes of heat from the electricity coursing through you sent your muscles contracting in waves in time with the pulses leaving his fingers. Your walls fluttered around nothing, absolutely starving to be filled. The intensity was unlike anything you had ever experienced. Your legs trembled as the pitch of your voice rolled chromatically skyward.

Kakashi hummed praises in your ear, kissing along your exposed neck as he kept that one hand clamped firmly over your mouth. With a sly smirk he whispered in your ear, "Let's turn things up a bit."

To say you saw stars as he did just that was an understatement. The heat and force applied by those biting strikes of sparking chakra increased, intensifying your involuntary muscle contractions. Your legs nearly gave way as the first heavy wave of the night crashed over you and stole the air from your screaming lungs. Your walls clenched desperately. The knot of heat in your belly finally burst.

"Mmm, so that does work. Good to know," he mused, turning up the power as you rode out that first release until you wailed again and bucked your hips into his hand. Cutting the chakra off for the moment, he pressed hard against your puffy clit, rubbing circles to keep you teetering on the edge of blissful insanity.

"Mmmfffff--K-kakashi, please," you begged desperately around his hand. You were throbbing, aching, pining to be filled. "N-need you, need you now--"

As swift as the bolts of lightning crackling about in his hand, Kakashi had you untied from the rope, stripped his own clothes, and pinned to the mattress just a few steps behind where you were hanging. With a bruising kiss and a hand tangled in your hair, he ground his hips against your throbbing pussy, eliciting a lewd moan from you into his mouth. Hungry, desperate, and needy for him, you snapped your legs around him, urging him to stuff you. There was no need for the usual prep with how wet that electricity had gotten you. You gasped with eyes rolling back into your head as he abruptly rutted his full length into your aching core, sending you right back into outer space, digging your nails into his shoulders and locking your legs around him.

A low growl rumbled in Kakashi’s throat as your walls attempted to crush his cock. He swallowed your moans and wails from his movements in equally ravenous kisses with one hand still tangled into your hair. As you rode out yet another blinding orgasm, he snatched one of your knees and pinned it to your chest to achieve more depth that left you teetering on the edge of blackout. It was so fucking good. You clenched around him again, finally with the satisfaction of being stuffed so full and babbled incoherently. "Fuck-- Kakashi, so fu-haaah-ah-big -- can't -- oh, gods-- I--"

Hearing you unable to string together a coherent sentence filled Kakashi with immense satisfaction as he ground deeply into your impossibly tight little hole. Picking up the pace, the force of his thrusts rocked the bed noisily into the wall, though it likely couldn't be heard over you. He smothered your rambling cries with his mouth, leaving trails of bites and hot breath down your neck before coming back for more. He groaned loudly as you bit his shoulder while fluttering around him yet again to stifle your own noise. Nail marks decorated his upper back from your desperate attempt to hold onto something as he railed you into oblivion. His breathing quickened before catching in his throat and erupting as a guttural growl when he delved into you to an impossible depth, painting your insides white.

You were nearly choking on your own saliva as you dropped your head back into the mattress beneath you, fighting to catch your breath. Kakashi buried his face into the curve of your neck, gripping you tightly and murmuring soft affections as you both slowly drifted down from that impressive high. You could hardly feel your legs from how hard your soul had been fucked out of your body. He remained there, buried in you with your leg still trapped, trailing his fingers along your cheek while you tried to remember your own name.

"That was… ridiculous," you breathed heavily, coiling your arms around his neck.

Kakashi just chuckled, trailing his lips up your neck to yours again. "Well, now that you can speak again, perhaps we can finish the conversation we started earlier," he mused, running his fingers along your side teasingly.

You were not running on full steam and just pressed yourself tightly against him. "Hmm?"

"Mmm, electricity wasn't the only thing you were talking about with Master Jiraiya…" Kakashi spoke in a husky tone and trailed off with a wicked twinkle in his eye.

You peered up at him, face beginning to flame with embarrassment and a slight hint of dread as you remembered the depth of your drunken chat with the sannin who was definitely going to get pummeled for this later.

Oh, shit.

"What's this I heard about shadow clones?"

[theflyingfeeling]

you're a dog person. i'm a cat person. the solution? get one of each

That's absolutely Aleksi and Niko, starring Rilla and Rommi 🐶🐱

The only solution! 👌

Sorry in advance, for Aleksi and Niko don't actually interact until the very end, but I hope the interactions before that make up for it! 🤭 (Probably not what was expected, but this is what you'll get nevertheless 😅)

(1466 words)

~

“Rilla, no!”

Rilla, yes! the puppy’s eyes seemed to say when she looked up at Aleksi while chewing on one of his sneakers.

“Stop eating my shoe, you little devil…and the rug. And Joonas’ bracelets!”

“No, I’m in heaven!” Joonas pouted as he sat on the floor and watched Rilla climbing on his lap and starting to nibble the jewellery on Joonas’ wrist.

“But Niko said I can keep her only if she learns to behave,” Aleksi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Since seven o’clock in the morning, so far Rilla had peed inside twice, pooped under the kitchen table once, destroyed the squeaky toy bunny Joonas had brought her, not even touched her food but eaten the slice of cucumber Aleksi had offered her off his sandwich with great appetite, swallowed a random piece of paper she had found on the floor, attempted to eat small rocks when Aleksi had taken her outside, and barked at a little kid who had stopped to aww at Rilla with her mother on the other side of the fence. In addition, she had been startled by her own reflection on the big bedroom mirror, more or less accidentally splashed the water in her water bowl all over the kitchen, and cried behind the door while Aleksi was in the bathroom until he let her in. Niko had left the house early, so he had missed the chaos unfolding, but Aleksi doubted any of that fitted his definition of “good behaviour”.

“That’s just his usual trash talk, you know,” Joonas chuckled and did nothing to stop Rilla from biting the drawstrings of his hoodie.

“He seemed pretty serious, though. He wasn’t exactly pleased when she chewed a hole in his favourite Vans.”

“Did a favour to us all,”  Joonas reassured Aleksi, smiling at the puppy who had moved on to gnawing Joonas’ sleeves. “But…are you sure it’s a good idea to get a dog and a cat at the same time?”

Aleksi frowned; for a few serene seconds, he had managed to forget about how Niko would arrive with the new kitten any moment now, when the whole house looked like someone had turned it upside down and given it a good shake before putting it back on its foundations.

“No,” Aleksi admitted, “but Niko had read somewhere that it’d be easier if they get used to each other from a young age.”

It must have its perks, Aleksi thought, but at the same time he was terrified of the holy mess the two baby animals would cause in their lives. Would the cat let Rilla sleep in their bed, for instance?

Would Niko, after the cat had moved in?

“Well, as much as I’d like to see the look on both Niko’s and the kitten’s face when they see this,” Joonas gestured at the current wreckage in the living room, “I gotta go back to work now. I’ll come see you guys later, when the mutts have settled in.”

“Wish us luck,” Aleksi smiled faintly, holding back grunting Rilla who wanted to run after Joonas.

“Woops, there they are already,” Joonas yelped as he peeked through the front door window. “Good luck!”

 Once Aleksi had made sure the door through which Joonas had left the house was securely closed and locked, he let go of the puppy, who immediately ran to the door and left a few visible claw marks on its wooden surface. Realising Joonas would not return, she hurried back to the living room and jumped on Aleksi’s lap.

“How could he not want to keep you?” Aleksi scratched the behind of Rilla’s ear, making her back foot stomp in rhythm with the scratches.

Then, faster than Aleksi’s reflexes, the spider plant Joonas had given them up for adoption attracted the Rilla’s interest, and with the determination of a 10-week-old puppy, she chomped a mouthful of its leaves.

“Rilla, NO!”

His command came far too late, for less than half a second later, the flower pot was on the floor with a loud crash.

~

Niko smiled fondly at the white ball of fur sleeping on his lap.

“Are you gonna  go in or shall we sit here the whole day?” Tommi’s question interrupted the tender moment.

“I just don’t have the heart to wake him up! Look at him!”

“Yes, he is still as cute as he was ten seconds ago when you last asked me to look at him,” said Tommi, kind enough to at least try to hide his obvious amusement.

“I think he’s actually managed to become even cuter,” Niko argued. His heart melted in his chest when the kitten yawned. 

“Did you already come up with a name for little fella?” Tommi asked and petted the satiny kitten fur.

“Not yet,” Niko answered. He was supposed to think of one while they drove back home from the cat breeder, but somehow his brain had gone completely free of thoughts other than tiny and soft the moment he had seen the kitten being brought to him.

“You should name him after me,” Tommi stated, “for my crucial input in bringing him home. Who else out of your friends would you have trusted with such a responsibility?”

Tommi made a valid argument there; for starters, Joel was a little afraid of cats – and practically anything, if you asked Joonas – whereas Joonas’ eyes would have been 90% of the time on the cute little baby animal and 10% on the road. Olli, on the other hand,  would’ve maybe remembered to pick Niko up sometime next week.

“You’re right. I’ll keep it in mind, big guy,” Niko smiled and gave Tommi’s arm a fist bump. “Thanks for coming with me. I really hope this whole thing will work out.”

“You’ll make it work,” Tommi winked. “Now get the hell out of my car, I have things to do and places to be.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiine,” Niko sighed, his heart almost breaking when the kitten lifted his head and began observing his surroundings with sleepy eyes, having been woken up prematurely from his nap as Niko climbed out of Tommi’s Peugeot. 

“Swing by one of these days. I’ll get you beer.”

“You better,” Tommi grinned before Niko slammed the door shut and sent Tommi off to his Tommi business.

He turned around to see Joonas standing on their front porch.

“Ohhhh no, it’s too tiny!” Joonas pouted the second his eyes spotted the sleepy kitten in Niko’s arms.

Now that is an appropriate reaction, Niko thought, his baseline for the comparison being the respectful nod Tommi had given upon meeting the kitten for the first time.

“Oh, poor baby, Rilla will absolutely eat you alive,” Joonas spoke to the kitten in the embarrassing baby-talk voice he always adopted whenever he saw something even remotely cute. 

“We’ll see who will eat who. I have a feeling this little guy is gonna be a feisty one,” Niko smirked, proudly reminiscing how the kitten had mercilessly taken his revenge on the fly that had buzzed by a little too close to his face when Niko had watched the kittens play in the backyard of the breeder’s house.

“From your cat, I’d expect nothing less,” Joonas conceded, giving the kitten one more scratch under his jaw before waving his goodbye. “Gotta run now, have fun!”

‘Have fun’ sounded suspiciously ominous to Niko, and he stopped to stare at the front door for a minute before he’d go in, wondering what would be waiting for him inside.

Verily, his fear was not in vain; already in the hallway he noticed a wet spot on the rug that he hoped was just water (never mind the fact Rilla’s water bowl was nowhere to be seen), and tiny shreds of newspaper were scattered here and there as he walked down the aisle towards the living room. There he found more signs of devastation: a broken flower pot, the white fillings of what used to be a stuffed bunny by the looks of it, another newspaper with a puddle of pee on it, a flat toy ball, and some other scrap Niko quite couldn’t identify sprinkled all over the floor.

In the middle of it all there was Aleksi laying on his back, a blissful smile on his face and a sleeping dachshund puppy on his stomach, and Niko could not imagine a more endearing sight.

“You’re home!” Aleksi’s smile widened as he looked up at Niko and the kitten. “We’re taking a nap, come join us!”

With a silent laugh and a shake of his head, Niko sat down on the floor next to Aleksi and lay on his back, placing the still sleepy kitten on his chest.

Having found a comfortable position, Niko pressed a kiss on Aleksi’s cheek.

“Yes, We’re home.”

[bibliocratic]

How about Jon Martin and the cursed trip to IKEA?

Thanks for the prompt! :D

I’m sure this absolutely could have been read as like ‘IKEA is not-so-secretly a Spiral domain’ but this non-Euclidean hell-hole is of mortal making I’m sure of it.

(I love and fear you IKEA, never change <3)

 --

“I simply don’t see the reason why we’d ever need them.”

“If we have guests over!”

“We’ve never had guests over.”

“One day we might!”

“And over for what?”

“I dunno! Dinner or something, make a night of it.”

“Martin, neither of us can cook.”

“Well, we could learn.”

“Alright, fine. Pushing that to one side for the moment, my question is why do our hypothetical guests require a different set of fancier cutlery? What’s wrong with the ones we’ve got at home?”

“I mean, nothing really, just… well, it’s a thing, isn’t it? Having some nice stuff to bring out if people come round.”

“Will we be moving on to the fine china aisle next?”

“Maybe! Ha, ha, don’t give me that look – Why not splash out a little? At worst, we just have more forks and some extra knives.”

“…Alright, fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Before I come to my senses. But I reserve the right to refuse guests the good cutlery if they’re undeserving.”

“What, are you planning some rigorous questionnaire they’ve got to pass first?”

“Absolutely. Come on then, the fine china awaits.”

--

Alfonse has never really been one for home improvement. He’s got a rolled-up stick of posters that he’s dragged around from his old room to student digs to slightly nicer student digs since he was a teenager, their corners creased and dotted with blue-tack stains. He’s had the same chipped plate, chipped bowl, chipped cup set since uni, and has been belligerent about swapping them out for anything less likely to shatter the next time he puts it in the dishwasher. But it’s their first flat together, and it feels real, and grown-up, and kind of scary, and he thinks that it’s important to get this part right, to set their life together off with a different start than the other places. Meaning that now, somehow, they’ve got a squeaky-wheeled trolley full of pillows and a cheese grater and storage containers that aren’t see-through plastic boxes and honest-to-god frames for his Quentin Tarantino posters. He’s finding himself entertaining the rather luxurious thought of buying a large and leafy potted plant to brighten up their cramped living room.

Tom is in his element here, and he’s put on his ridiculous reading glasses that Alfonse says make him look like Dame Edna, peering over their chunky glittery frames to inspect the ballroom’s worth of lighting they’ve found themselves amongst. He’s humming as he does so, making notations with the pint-sized pencil they collected at the door. Alfonse is entirely content to let him take the reigns on this one.

He idly people-watches for a while, making noises of interest at another floor lamp when it’s expected of him – the students clearing out the kitchenware section, lugging around the straining blue blags, the parents with children who have been swayed by the toys – before he catches sight of a man circling the desk lamps. Glancing down at his phone, gnawing on his lower lip with some discontent before he glances up and around the terrain before frowning. He swings his phone in an arc, giving the hope of it a hopeful tap, muttering a comeoncomeoncomeon under his breath.

His mobile gives a chirpy buzz, and the man almost hits himself in the ear with the force of answering.

“Where are you?” Alfonse overhears. “I can’t… Jon… Jon, you’re breaking up, yeah, the signal’s… Jon. I’m by the lamps… The lamps. Lamps. I’ve got the trolley, yes, yes – you… hello?”

Alfonse hears a very emphatic fuck’s sake before he decides to go back to Tom and leave the man suffer in private.

--

Sinead’s planted herself on one of the sofas in the well-lit display areas and has committed to not budging an inch for at least ten minutes. The fabric is a cheery yellow, and it suits the colour-coordinated pretend living room, but she’s not sure she’d choose it herself.

She’s getting a headache. Mel’s off with her nephews and nieces over in the kid’s bedroom section and she just needs five more minutes before she can look at another floral wallpaper or toy car bed.

She’s disrupted from massaging her temples by an irate-looking man with some rather intense eyebrow game throwing himself down on the half-egg-shaped armchair nearby, letting forth a truly impressively disgruntled sigh.

“You look like you’re suffering,” she offers, because she is and she wants to know someone else is too, and he nods peevishly and gives another irritated noise.

“I didn’t realise there’d be so much drama involved in buying a sofa,” he grumbles.

“Amen,” she agrees. They share a quiet moment of strung-out solidarity as they sit moulded into the seat cushions.

“… What’s that one called?” the man asks after a moment of stewing in his own mood.

She shrugs but picks up the tag and squints at it.

“Brathult? With one of those… those A’s that have the little bobble hat. Apparently, it comes in yellow, blue and green.”

“Comfortable?”

“Not bad.”

“Hm.” For a while he goes silent. Then he points out two sofas tucked into different displays and artfully layered with appropriate throw pillows; the first, a stocky black number set upon a sleek wooden frame that serve as its legs, the second, a dense cuboid of cushions currently being looked over by in fastidious detail by a tussle-haired man wearing a t-shirt covered in lots of small cartoon cacti.

“Between that one and that one,” her companion in furniture-based suffering says. “What do you think?”

Sinead studies them carefully.

“The second.”

He huffs. It was clearly not the answer he wanted.

“Why?”

“Not sure. I guess, yeah, it’s not as flashy, but the cushions look deeper. And there’s more width there, even just looking at them.”

“But the first one has all that space under it to store things.”

“Yeah, but you just know it’s going to build up with dust, and you’d be having to get the hoover under it all the time. It seems a bit finnicky.”

The man gives a considering nod.

“You’re right.”

He hefts himself up and calls over to the other display room: “Martin!”

The tussle-haired man whirls around.

Her companion holds up his hands. “You were right. The second one.”

The tussle-haired man looks smugly victorious. Sinead tries to hide her smirk at the sight.

--

Andy’s heaving the flat-pack box for a small bookcase into their trolley when they hear a conversation bleed through from the other side of the huge metal shelves in the warehouse part of the store.

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it.”

“It’s coming down on my side – woahwoahwoah – ”

“It’s – Christ, swing it this way a bit – ”

“I’ve not – Jon, I’ve not got – it’s – Jon, it’s slipping.”

“Put it down – DOWN – yes, that’s… Right. Let’s… let’s just have a moment. Catch our breath.”

“God, why’s it so heavy? It’s not like it’s even that big!”

Andy pops their head around to the other side of the shelf. Two men are puffing and sweaty, the colour on their faces blooming with exertion. Between the two of them is the long and bulky cardboard box they are clearly trying to manhandle into their trolley.

“Do you… um, do you need a hand?” they ask.

The shorter one waves a polite but dismissive hand before they manage to wrangle some air into their lungs.

“We’re good, thanks.” He says. The taller one raises an eyebrow.

Andy knows well enough to leave them to it.

--

“Hmmm! You weren’t lying about the meatballs.”

“I know right, like, what’s the secret?”

“Probably E-numbers.”

“Don’t ruin these for me, Jon!”

“Haha, alright. Help me out with the chips?”

“You finished?”

“The hot dog was enough, I’m getting full.”

“Pass them over then…. You know, I think we did alright with our spoils today. And it wasn’t so bad, all told.”

“We have to get this all in the car yet.”

“God, don’t remind me.”

[jungshookz]

hey haha can we hav a y/n n baby h just having a cute bubble bath tgt where y/n blows bubbles to baby h n they just laugh n giggle n scrunch their noses.. all that cute stuff🥺🥺 you can put in if u want to!! thank u

min hwayoung reporting for weekly serotonin boost duties!!!!!!!!!! 

➺ wordcount: 1k

“i guess that’s the last time i let uncle goo feed you dinner…” you frown as you look at hwayoung’s spaghetti sauce stained overalls

you washed these yesterday!!

and these overalls are baby pink so it’s going to be difficult scrubbing these briGHT red stains out

“bat time.” hwayoung tugs at your sleeve before pointing to the tub, “pease, mama!”

“hold on, lemme just get these pigtails- how did you get spaghetti in your hair??” you pull out a single noodle strand before tossing it into the bin

one time you found a cheerio in her butt crack

you’re still not sure how it got there

“sabetti.”

“spaghetti.” you hum, gently tugging at the thin hair ties, “spa-ghe-tti.”

you hate these little rubber hair ties because they’re paper-thin and fragile and so hard to get out of her hair

one time you accidentally ripped three strands of her hair out and hwayoung refused to talk to you for like five hours

“pagemmi.”

“spaghetti.” you toss the worn hair ties aside before getting down on your knees, “let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

hwayoung cackles maniacally as she bounces up and down before grabbing the edge of the bathtub and leaning over, “bat time! bat time!”

“alright, alright-“ you lift her up and let her wiggle her legs in the air before gently dunking her into the warm bath water

she’s grown out of her little red bath bucket so now you use it as a stool for when you’re bathing her 

big girls use the bathtub

big girls don’t need little red bath buckets

she’s growing up too fast and you wish time would just slow down a little :-(

you just want to keep her like this!!

toddling around all the time

only 40-ish words in her vocabulary

vERY dependant on you

your very own snuggle bug!!!

when she’s older and fully running around she’s not going to want to snuggle with you anymore!!!

“i eat sabetti, mama.” hwayoung babbles as you massage shampoo into her scalp, “i eat sabetti!”

her hair’s getting so long

looks like it’s time for another quarantine haircut >:-) 

…maybe you should give her bangs

she would look so precious with bangs!!!

and if you cut them too short she won’t be able to get mad at you because she won’t know that she looks silly

“you did?” you gasp and pause to look at her with wide eyes, “was the sabetti suuuuuper yummy?”

hwayoung suddenly bursts into laughter and you jolt in surprise

she’s at that stage where she finds pretty much anything and everything hilarious and you’re pretty sure that’s why your ego’s been blowing up lately

you told yoongi you think you could probably make it as a stand-up comedian and he just leaned down to give you a kiss and was like ‘…you’re so pretty :-)’ so you don’t think he fully supports that career path for you

you reach over to turn off the tap when the bubbles start to rise to the top

hwayoung’s basically almost drowning in bubbles which is why she loves bath time so much

“babbo!” she squeals as she flops her arms around

“bubbles!” you hold a hand out when yoU start getting splashed on and you can’t help but laugh, “hey! it’s not bath time for mama, it’s bath time for hwa!!!”

you scoop up some suds before plopping a pile down on top of her head

and then you dot some on the tip of her nose and hwayoung goes cross-eyed trying to look at it, “babbo?”

oh god

your heart

YOUR HEART  

“alright, close your eyes.” you use a cup to scoop some water up and hwayoung smacks both hands over her eyes

“i cose eyes, mama.” she pulls her hands away quickly to look up at you, “mama, i cose eyes!”

“then why are you staring up at me with those pretty little eyes, you liar?”

she giggles and places her hands over her eyes again

hwayoung puffs her cheeks out the moment you pour the water over her head and a little furrow appears in between her brows

you know she haTes it when you rinse her hair

when she was younger she was terrified of you rinsing her hair because she didn’t like water pouring down her face and also the feeling of water driPPing into her eyeballs

“my hwayoungie’s so brave!” you smooth some of her hair back, “just one more time…”

“ok mama-“

hwayoung makes a face during the second round of rinsing and when she pulls her hands away she’s squinting as if she’s staring directly into the sun

oOps

someone didn’t cover her eyes hard enough

the sight of her lower lashes sticking to her face makes you snort and you reach over to wipe her eyes gently with a dry towel, “okay, i’m finished!”

“tank oo, mama.” hwayoung murmurs quietly as reaches up to wipe at her eyes before starting to smack at the water again

hehe >:-)

water go smaksmaksmak

you prop both arms up on the edge of the tub as you watch hwayoung playing around with her bath toys

one of them is a squeaky shark (your personal favourite) but hEr favourite is the cookie with a silly face that yoongi bought for her

it has one tooth and bushy eyebrows

what’s so appealing about it???

your shark is way cooler

hwayoung gnaws at one of the cookie’s legs before holding it up for you to look at

:D

she enjoys sharing her hobbies with you

she plops it back into the water and watches as it floats away

“my sweet baby girl…” you lean forward and scrunch your nose and hwayoung immediately perks up before leaning upwards to bump her nose right up against yours

“mama!” she grabs your face with her two soapy hands before giving you a slobbery little kiss

oh :’)

you love her :’)

you love her so much :’)

if u don’t stan hwayoung and y/n you’re just lying to yourself 

[skinks]

hi your dilfworth fic is amazing and i love baby richie... my favourite is the tidbit about richie eating a worm that eddie gave him 🥺 obviously u don’t have to but if u have any more thoughts/headcanons about baby richie and baby eddie i would melt into a puddle ❤️

thank you, I had so much fun writing that one! and yeah, I couldn’t possibly include baby Richie without Eddie, the little gruesome twosome.

Richie probably does that a lot with stuff Eddie gives him, drawings and little bits of grass he’s braided together, and on one memorable occasion almost the little navy frogman diver that Eddie got in his cornflakes, but Eddie already had one so he gave the second to Richie. Except it’s one of those ones that swells in liquid, uh oh. Luckily Maggie snatched it away before Richie could swallow it lmao, but that’s the thing;

Richie loves the things Eddie gives him so he wants to Consume them. That’s why he was biting Went’s arm in the fic, why he ate the worm and also why he’s always gnawing on Eddie when they’re tiny, or chasing him to try and envelop him in his shirt. And it’s just one of those games, y’know? Like, Eddie can SEE it’s just Richie holding his too-big Sesame Street shirt up and open like a butterfly net or the flapping gilly mouth of a whale shark, and it’s Richie going raaaarr but Eddie still shrieks and runs! He’s giggling but it’s like, in the inbetween clock ticks, when he’s looking forward instead of back over his shoulder at Richie it’s still Pursuit, he believes in the Richiesaurus coming to get him. It always does, too, swamps him up in its flapping gills until they’re two noisy boy-lumps sharing one shirt, because Eddie lets it eat him. Because the Richiesaurus isn’t a mean monster, it’s just hungry, so hungry, and it only eats spaghetti because spaghetti is special.

Sometimes when they’re doing coloring books Richie will ask Eddie to color in his Yoda too if Richie draws some more Richie And Eddie Adventures, because Eddie’s better (not much) at keeping inside the lines. Also because Eddie’s tongue pokes out when he colors and, watching him, Richie gets this happy hungry that’s MY friend feeling that makes him lie flat on Eddie’s back until he can’t get up and give the back of his head a big kiss.

SO many naps together. They just conk out anywhere. The yard, the den, under Richie’s bunk bed, the back seat of the car as Went and Maggie drive them home from the tree farm or the public pool or Chuck E Cheese, sometimes with Stan and Bill too. Just flopped together in a pile. Richie still sucks his thumb while he sleeps and that contributes to his gaptoothed buckteeth, but Eddie carries a grey threadbare rabbit around with him or he can’t sleep. It’s called Foggy. Foggy Bunny.

One day when Eddie’s over to play, Went and Maggie are feeling indulgent and take them to the mall? Because it’s 1981 and the mall is the best? And Sonia always pulls Eddie along by the hand whenever they go, snapping don’t touch that or stay away from bad men like that but Maggie just gently ushers them from storefront to storefront and Eddie can goggle at the displays as long as he likes. Richie’s up on Went’s shoulders, and when he comes parachuting down again he says “Eddie’s turn!” Went asks Eddie if he’d like to ride on his shoulders for a little bit and Eddie nods, still not really sure how to talk to grownups, but then he’s soaring and suddenly he’s the up-highest he’s ever been.

They collect ladybugs in a shoebox one summer’s day after an aphid swarm and are carrying it carefully up the stairs, a little stumped as to what to do with them next, when Richie trips. Ladybugs everywhere, including in Eddie’s hair. Maggie comes up to see what the commotion is and makes them clean it all up, once she’s calmed Eddie down from screaming about how Richie told him ladybugs are harmless unless they go in your ears and lay their eggs.

They trade the same two lunchboxes back and forth every couple of weeks. Wacky Races for Alfred E Neuman, a roaring stock market to rival wall street. Eddie can do the Muttley laugh so easy and Richie HATES it because he can’t do that one.

Richie is the ONLY kid Eddie knows who can tell time but he always tells Eddie the wrong time. Eddie’s not sure how he knows it’s the wrong time, but he’s sure of it, and so he always steps on Richie’s laces. Then Richie just walks around with loose laces because he can’t tie them yet, but also because he just doesn’t CARE and it’s not right so Eddie always makes him sit somewhere so Eddie can tie them again. Calls Richie a butthead, but he also kinda likes it because Richie always karate chops his shoulders and says something like “I knight thee, Sir Eds-A-Lot!” and Eddie feels good and something else be doesn’t know the word for, but the word is chivalrous. He feels like he wants to do the thing in the Tom & Jerry cartoons where he puts his anorak over a puddle so Richie’s trailing laces won’t get wet.

Eddie accidentally knocks one of Richie’s baby teeth out and vice versa. Peak idiots since babiehood.

Sometimes on rainy days Maggie makes treasure hunts for them all, or just for Richie and Eddie if Bill is with his new baby brother, or Stan is at Cub Scouts. She leaves post-its with drawings and clues that lead them all over the house, and Eddie’s better at reading them but Richie’s better at problem solving... teamwork... they win a kinder egg each and Richie does almost eat his toy again by accident this time, and gets chocolate all over his shirt that’s stretched loose from being an Eddie-net so often. So he does it again, gulp, like Pac-Man. Eddie’s hair tufting out his collar and tickly on his chin, Eddie giggling and pawing his way out and hugging back instead. Because it’s not like keeping him prisoner, Richie’s not like the sea monster in Pinocchio, it’s more like a little plant taking sunshine inside it to grow stronger.

Eddie’s better at reading and he’s a fast talker unlike Bill, so he always reads the board at school and whispers what it says to Richie, sitting next to him with glasses that still aren’t quite right for school, make his head hurt and make him noisy just to feel like he’s having an impact in a room he can’t see. Don’t forget me, I’m here, I can’t see you all but I’m here too.

Sometimes on nicer days Went builds them obstacle courses in the garden, planks of wood balanced on buckets etc and Eddie ALWAYS wins once he gets over his trepidation about splinters and nails and falling a few inches onto soft grass, because he’s a nimble lil mountain goat and Richie’s laces were probably untied again. They win tinfoil trophies.

Richie convinces Eddie that a rock they find by the pond in the park one day is a dragon egg, and Eddie cradles it home to keep. Richie convinces Eddie he’s dead all the time, he’ll lie still with his tongue sticking out after a roughhousing and pretend to have little x’s over his eyes until Eddie’s shaking his shoulder with his voice gone high and reedy, and Richie will surprise him every time! Gotcha! I’m alive! Aren’t you glad I’m alive, Eddie! Weren’t you worried? I’m so important to him. And then one day Eddie brings the rock into 2nd grade show-and-tell and is stuttering about his dragon egg to the tittering class, until the teacher tells him to get back to his seat and stop being silly. Eddie stuffs the rock under his desk lid and his eyes are like dark moons with the confused hurt, and Richie feels a nasty spiky heat in his tummy that he will come to know intimately in a few years as guilt.

That day, Richie learns on some level or another how much power there is in pretending, in keeping up pretend games and having people believe you as long as you’re willing to keep it up. The thing is... he pretends so much because Eddie’s always much happier when they’re playing cops and robbers and not when he’s stuck in his stuffy church clothes and being told the whole world’s a mousetrap set just for him. He doesn’t like their teacher telling Eddie to stop being silly, he loves silly, serious, ties-laces-while-singing-bunny-foo-foo Eddie. Richie doesn’t know it, but he loves him even then. What he does know is that he’s good at pretending, and he’s safe from any big sad betrayed eyes as long as he can keep pretending he didn’t want to put a wonky, lopsided heart in Eddie’s Valentines box that year.

Eddie doesn’t talk to him for a WHOLE afternoon but then Richie draws a dragon face and wings on the rock and they’re immediately playing with it.

Eddie doesn’t have rollerskates because Sonia thinks they’re dangerous, but the others always let him borrow theirs, Stan and Richie and Bill. Richie has the closest size that would fit him even though they do have to stuff some crumpled up newspaper in the toes, but it doesn’t matter when they tie a jumprope around Richie’s middle like reins, and Eddie holds the two handles as Richie runs, and suddenly they’re charioteering at breakneck speed down the street. Eddie can feel the wind in his helmet plume as they hurtle towards the giant pile of fall leaves they spent all afternoon raking for this exact purpose, watched over by Went sitting on the porch (Went tidied the pile once they lost interest, easier for him to do since he’s not roughly half the size of the rakes.)

Their crash into the pile is a Ben-Hur epic. Eddie’s borrowed rollerskates hit the sidewalk curb and he’s airborne until he lands on soft dry crunch and Richie’s totalled body, but 6 years isn’t long enough for gravity to wreak its slow pull on your joints that makes every year harder and harder to bounce back up after you fall. They’re practically astronauts, as well as charioteers and knights and cops and robbers and monsters in love. Moonwalkers, squeaky helium laughter lifting them higher, higher than shoulders, up-highest of all.

Richie gives him the wonky Valentine’s heart, eventually. Then eats him

[sugar-petals]

↳ maknae line scenario: their balls slapping against your clit

a/n. Extra mature. Extra graphic. 🍒♥

⚠️ warnings: smut, dom/sub, femdom, toys, doggy style, cock rings, orgasm denial, begging, cockwarming, biting, mommy kink, cages, ruined orgasms, teasing

➸ Jimin You hate it when your bangs get in your eyes. What other option is there to fuck Jimin until you’re sweaty and the strands will stick to your forehead just disturbing you from the good things. It just needs more sweat to effectively swipe it back. That’s pragmatic enough given the situation. The electric whir coming from Jimin’s ass is a rather convenient companion and overlay for his moans, and now that you finally don’t press the wrong buttons on the remote anymore, the ride is a lot easier, albeit less funny. Jiminie gets his good spread and prostate buzzing overdose with a vibrator, Mommy gets a nice fill of dick, that’s how the evening goes. You can bully him forever gnawing on his wrist to silence your own moans, pressing the pulse button and getting all squeaky sounds and more little yelps but oh wonder, what can’t Jimin do? Cum. The cock ring in place leaves your pussy on her own devices in terms of creaminess. Your orders he will disrespect every so often since apparently, you just turn him on that much, but what load can he blow out on that? He’s hilarious, you have to deal with his balls pressing right between your labia, and generally, just his entire damn naked presence. And you make him feel that squeezing his cock hard, and a pace struck as more punitive than anything. More squeals. “Oh, I love you, mommy!” Pulse mode at full throttle. Maybe you do ponder pressing one of the extra intense buttons by accident. Poor Jimin. If you can’t chew him out with orgasm commands, you can at least chew his fingers off and give him a bouncing on his thighs with no release in sight no matter how hard you clutch and pound on his dick. By the end of the night, the poor fuck will be denied and docile enough to follow every order. And your bangs are slick and sloppy to no end.

➸ Taehyung Big eyes. Sparkly. So in love. Like a kid in a lego store and a big budget to get him around. He has enough length for you to nail yourself down on in reverse cowgirl, but that’s not the top feat. Taehyung knows that. He can always tell by the look on your face when he stops thrusting and you do a little cockwarming instead, real close. Real tight. A pillow under your chest and his huge fingers just right around your waist before him, stroking your lower back in between breaths. You want to feel him, not have him go backwards the next second until he can satify you again with the next thrust. No, this is different. You want him to press against, into you deep. Give that cervix a little hello nudge and make her happy. But not too hard, otherwise, Taetae gets a punishment with the big flogger and gag tomorrow, and Mistress won’t be tender on him, just so he knows, and those are the rules. Who would have thought. The darling’s keen to oblige. To get your clit a soft pillow to rest in, too. Taehyung’s got big balls. They curse him some difficulties during the day but definitely not at night. Too bad he can’t cum unless you say so, but that’s tough subby luck for Taehyung as always, and who is he to not need it bad. You love to test for how long he endures, and eventually, let him move an inch to push you over the edge. “Is it good this way?” — “I’m very close. Keep it up.” Before he begins to leak, you have fun slipping him out and parking that red-ridden dick between your ass cheeks so Taehyung will suffer through a ruined orgasm while he has to get you to come properly with your favorite mint-colored vibrating eggs. If he fails to do so, you let your ass wiggle side to side a bit to torment and humiliate his flacid dick a bit more. No wonder sweetheart Taehyung gets addicted with it more and more with every passing day, he just suffers so much. Cute Tae in a lego store.

➸ Jungkook He’s barely holding on by now. Jungkook lost his straight thinking hours ago when you got out of the shower and teased him walking around naked in the house with a smug face, doing the most trivial of things. Raiding the fridge, just lounging about, reading, texting. At first, he thought, well I’m used to seeing her like that. Nothing out of the ordinary, right. But having you strut by and look so casual doing all these menial activities started to mess with his pants. And when you say you’re in the mood to lock him up in his little living room cage to watch you listen to music and chop some cucumber for your salad in the adjacent kitchen — the levels of self-control not to stroke himself are unbeknownst to man- and womankind. But he knew that if he was patient enough, you’d let him out of the bars and get on his cock fast because it’s quite a view from there on those godly legs. Since said view is not just his abs. Who cares about abs and pecs, they’re not comfortable to sleep on. You wonder whether JK works out in Chris Pratt’s gym daily because his thighs, on the other hand, have reached the point where few jeans can withstand them. They’re so nice to grab. To your additional satisfaction, his knees are a bit red from kneeling in the cage, too. Since Jungkook’s pent up energy can provide you with endless thrusts, all you have to do it squat and cup his balls to play around with them lest you fail to enjoy them flopping around at random and not hitting the right spot, these two tight friends of yours. When are they not blue. Jungkook’s obsessive sense of romance and endless whining is the cause you feel his hands fumble about your back and hair. He begs to see your face. Goodbye thighs view, you switch positions, Jungkook does his favorite thing, he penetrates you standing. Easy business with those arms, you can just sit in the air and munch popcorn or something while JK gets all caught up kissing your neck and his high-pitched breathy voice whispering “so good, so good”.

[in-tua-deep]

WHAT IF FIVE (IN THE BROKEN FIVE AU) FINDS A BEATEN UP PITBULL AND REFUSES TO GIVE HIM UP COS IT REMINDS HIM OF HIMSELF AND NAMES IT MISTER PENNYCRUMB

asdfgSFGDJ you’re so valid anon holy shit you’re absolutely right Five is absolutely going to adopt Mr. Pennycrumb come hell or high water

and it goes like this

Five shows up at home with a wriggly bundle that he sneaks in even though they live in a cabin not a mansion there is no place to hide in this house with eight people that they will not be found and yeah, Diego got away with bringing Marm home but that’s Diego and they already have Clyde and there’s that fear in Five’s chest that Ellie would cast his find aside even though logically he knows she would never do that

so yeah this is a doomed venture from the start

“What’cha got there?” Klaus asks, all wide eyes and enthusiasm and Five freezes but like,, the jig is up so he unveils the squirmy wriggly puppy that he shoved up his sweatshirt with an air of defeat

“a PUPPY” Klaus squeals loud enough to wake the dead (and Klaus would know, his powers are to do with the dead) and yeah there’s no hiding this

Ellie emerges with her hands on her hips and looks at them and Five has this puppy in his arms and it’s frantically wriggling and doing its level best to shower Five’s face in enthusiastic dog kisses and Five is looking at her with such big sad eyes and he so rarely asks for anything

“But Marmalade.” Ellie says, helplessly, because honestly bringing up Clyde would do nothing. Clyde would probably love having a puppy around for the kids to play with, he’s an older dog and can’t keep up with their energy a lot of the time though he’s always up for cuddles. 

“Marmalade is going to LOVE him.” Klaus says firmly, with all the belief of a child who hasn’t quite grasped the idea of a grouchy cat with a curious puppy who can’t keep its nose to itself, “we HAVE to keep him just LOOK”

and Ellie is looking. She’s looking at Five’s face and the fact that the puppy is pretty filthy and covered in mud and other kinds of grime and scratches and she already knows she’s lost the fight

“First things first a bath is in order.” Ellie sighs, making Klaus cheer because Klaus 100% knows they have a new puppy and Five is looking hopeful, “Where are the others, anyway?”

“Out with Vanya.” Klaus shrugs, “And I think Allison is at the movies with her town-person-friend.”

“Alright, into the bathroom. If you put that dog down on my clean carpets Five I swear - and also strip while you’re at it, that sweatshirt is filthy now. You can put some pjs on after.”

(they’d never been allowed to wear pajamas before bed back in the manor, let alone wear them before or to dinner - wild)

water gets all over the bathroom as her and Klaus and Five all work together to get the wriggly thing clean but between them they manage it even if Klaus looks like a begraggled rat at the end (Ellie needs to take him to get a haircut soon probably his curls are out of control) and at least Five is now squeaky clean as well after falling in the bath even if Ellie will have to mop up all the spilled water in a bit

“Where did you even find this little monster?” Ellie asks, voice fond as she offers one of Clyde’s toys for the puppy to gnaw on with his razor sharp little baby teeth

Five shifts in a way that means whatever is going to come out of his mouth Ellie probably isn’t going to appreciate. “Some boys were throwing rocks at him. In town. I’m pretty sure he’s a stray.”

Ellie pauses, voice mild, “And what were you doing in town? Alone?”

Five ducks his head, “Practicin’ jumping.” He mutters indistinctly, but Ellie catches every word. 

“You know you aren’t supposed to go to town on your own, Five.” Ellie sighs, running a hand through her hair. Even Allison had been picked up by the mother of her friend who was supervising what Ellie called in her head a playdate but would never say aloud because she was taking care of a bunch of teenagers who would throw a fit if she used such a childish term.

Five focuses on the puppy he’s scooped back into his arms, not looking at her. And Five is the most difficult child to enforce rules on, because of what got them here. She remembers the pale waif of a child he was when they first arrived, scared of his own shadow and shaking like a leaf whenever he thought he might have done something wrong. The others had told her about what their father had done, threatening Vanya’s life for his good behavior. A burden that no child should have to bear.

He’s better now, a little bit. He isn’t shaking at least, or hiding. The day he’d dropped a plate and proceeded to hide under her bed and refused to come out was still fresh in her mind. Ellie had sat there for hours quietly reading aloud from a book, interspersed with assurances that she wasn’t angry and she knew it wasn’t on purpose, praying that she was doing the right thing (she didn’t know how to be a parent, but she was trying and that should count for something)

Ellie considers her options carefully before opening her mouth, “Well I suppose you won’t be coming on the library trip with Ben on Saturday.” Five’s head snaps up to meet hers, looking a bit betrayed but Ellie smiles at him, “You’ll just have to stay home with this little fella here and make sure he doesn’t chew up the house. You can write a list of books you want and we’ll fetch them for you.”

“We can really keep him?” Five asks, eyes wide. 

“Yeah.” Ellie says, shaking her head, “But this is the last one. I’m serious. No more pets. I have all you little monkeys and that’s enough for me, goodness.”

Both kids stiffen at the word monkey and Ellie mourns a little bit in her mind at what the hell these kids went though. She’s not going to ask about it right now though, maybe another time

“He needs a name!” Klaus interjects cheerfully, and really he’s done very well at keeping quiet for so long. Then again, Klaus has always been pretty in tune with his siblings and worries over Five a lot. Even now he’s shuffled so that he’s pressed against his brother, using petting the dog as an excuse. Ellie’s onto the little brat, she knows his ways. “We should call him Toffee or something.”

“He already has a name!” Five protests, drawing the puppy closer (and honestly Ellie already likes this pup better than Marmalade, the pup takes the kids manhandling like an absolute champ), “His name is Mr. Pennycrumb.”

Ellie purposefully keeps her face smooth and blank even though on the inside she is automatically howling in laughter at the adorable cutesy name that just fell from the lips of one of her more serious kids. Absolutely perfect. She’s going into town right now to get that inscribed on a collar there is no way they’re changing it now

clearly Klaus is of a similar opinion even if he doesn’t have Ellie’s poker face, laughing freely as Five scowls. “It’s perfect!” Klaus crows, mollifying Five just a little bit, “I absolutely love it. Wonderful. I can’t wait to hear Luther say it.”

In Ellie’s youth they’d had pets with themes. All food names or all named after actors or characters from shows or books or whatever. And now she looks at her collection of animals. Clyde, Marmalade, and Mr. Pennycrumb

Wonderfully mismatched really. A bit like their family.

Mr. Pennycrumb fits in wonderfully and the kids are thrilled with a new puppy. Clyde cheerfully accepts the new addition even if he doesn’t seem especially impressed when Mr. Pennycrumb tries to chew his tail but the kids are occupied running around after the puppy and Clyde can relax on the porch and watch

surprisingly Marmalade doesn’t assassinate their new addition and seems to tolerate him, after giving Mr. Pennycrumb a few smacks when the puppy got too nosey and toothy with him (but with sheathed claws, so it was fine and Mr. Pennycrumb learned his lesson about respect and personal boundaries)

Five gains a habit of talking through Mr. Pennycrumb a bit (”Mr. Pennycrumb doesn’t like when X” Five says, clearly actually talking about himself, or “Mr. Pennycrumb wants to go to town/watch a movie/go to bed/etc.” - so it allows Ellie more insight and helps her from making missteps with him so she’ll take what she can get tbh)

“Seriously, no more animals though.” Ellie tells them all, “Unless you little suckers want me to take even more out of your college funds.”

“We have college funds?” Ben asks, eyes wide with surprise.

Ellie shifts, “I mean. There’s not much in them yet or anything but of course I started them. I mean, you guys don’t have to go if you don’t want to but I want you to have options. Like, I know I’m homeschooling you right now but that doesn’t mean you have to stay here forever, you know?”

Diego breaks the tension by popping up and saying - “Can i take money out to buy a sword?”

“Absolutely not, emergencies only.” Ellie immediately responds and is bombarded by the kids yelling out suggestions on what is definitely an emergency, like trips to a water park or to disney or to get those pretty shoes they saw in the shop window the other week and - 

Ellie loves her kids but damn that doesn’t mean they aren’t a handful

[lesbianfreyja]

41 + 66 please

66. If I die, I’m neverspeaking to you again.

-

(sequel to this)

“Dennis, please comehere.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t seewhy you need me — this was your idiotic idea, sweetheart, so it just feelslike—”

“Because I have two hands! Ionly have two hands!” Mac kicked at the bottom of their bedroom door again. “Dennis,get out here right now!”

“Alright, Jesus. Jesus Christ!”When he finally yanked the door open, Mac fell back a step. Dennis was glaring.“If it will get you to stop yelling. What’s the plan?”

“The plan is,” said Mac, and heran a patient hand down the head of the puppy currently squirming in his arms, “Ikeep a hold on the dog, and you go grab Psycho Killer and keep her calm whilethey meet each other. I think she’s in the bathroom cabinets.”

“Why would you let her in thebathroom cabinets?” Dennis sighed, storming past him to go rifling underneaththe sink. “She could get trapped in there!”

“It’s not my fault!” said Mac.He drifted across the room toward him. “You were supposed to be watching herwhile I was out picking up the dog! As soon as she saw it, she spooked.”

“Well, that’s why I told younot to get a goddamn dog. Cats and dogs, they don’t like each other. Theyaren’t friends. Besides, we live in a goddamn apartment. The dog’s gonna growup and be too big.” Dennis stood up, setting his hands on his hips. “She’s notin here, Mac.”

“Well, I don’t know! Go findher!” Mac drifted back to let Dennis pass. He scratched behind the puppy’s ears,murmuring to her while she gnawed on one of his wrists. “Dennis is gonna likeyou, don’t worry about that. He just needs some time to get used to you first.”

“I found her!” called Dennisfrom the spare room. “I’ve got her, she crawled into the closet.”

“And you’re not gonna be toobig either, so don’t take that personally either,” Mac said. The puppy turnedto chew on his other arm instead. “You’re gonna be a perfect size, because you’reperfect.”

“Her claws had better not comeout while we’re doing this, dude,” said Dennis as he reappeared in the livingroom, holding their terrified-looking cat at arm’s length. “If she scratches meand I bleed to death and then I die, I’m never speaking to you again.”

Mac rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be dramatic, bitch. Justget ready to hold Killer in the dog’s general vicinity for a couple minutes. Showher it’s okay.”

Dennis sniffed. “Fine. But if Killerdoesn’t like it, we’re getting rid of the goddamn dog. She was here first.”

“Uh-huh. If you kick this dogout, then I’m going with her.”

Dennis squinted at him. After amoment he said, “Just put the fucking puppy down, Mac.”

Mac sighed. He dropped to asquat, letting the puppy’s wriggling feet hit the ground but keeping a tightgrip on her body so she couldn’t scamper off. He scratched her head again, whisperingencouragements and compliments. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dennis getto his knees in front of them, holding Killer out near the dog.

They stayed on the floor wavingtheir pets in front of each other for a couple of minutes.

“This is going great,” Macsaid, grinning at him.

“This is so goddamn stupid,”said Dennis. “They’re just sniffing each other, Mac.”

“They’re getting used to eachother’s scents,” he explained. “Once they’re familiar with it, they’ll know they’refamily now. Trust me.”

“That’s never going to work,”said Dennis. He sighed, sitting back on his heels. “I think we gotta let themgo, dude. Come on, now they kind of trust each other a little more. Let’s letthem hang out for a while.”

Mac bit his lip. “I don’t know…”

“If you want, we can sit back andwatch them for awhile. Make sure they’re okay.”

“Well…I guess that would be okay,”Mac said after a minute. “Let me let her go first.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

Mac released the dog. Thesecond he did, she plodded forward — Killer drew back as much as she could inDennis’s hands — and the puppy skirted right around the cat to sniff at Dennis’sthigh.

“Not me. Don’t pay attention tome.” Dennis poked her in the ribs. “Get back, mutt. Go say hi to the cat.”

Mac was grinning.

“She likes you, babe.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Well,obviously.”

“Come here,” said Mac, snappinghis fingers at the dog. She didn’t even look at him. “Come over here.”

“Play with the cat,” Denniscoaxed. She pushed her wet nose under his shirt, nudging him in the waist.Dennis laughed and shoved her off of him. “Okay, I’m just gonna put Killerdown, and they can work it out themselves.”

“Okay. Do it.”

Dennis set Killer on theground; Mac thought she would dart off the minute she was free, but she didn’t.Instead she put a tentative foot forward and sniffed at the puppy. Mac carefullygot to his feet, trying not to make any sudden moves and draw the animals’attentions away from one another.

“Come here. I think they’reokay,” said Mac in a low voice. He held his hand out to Dennis, helping him offthe floor. “Let’s sit down. They’re getting to know each other.”

Edging backwards without takingtheir eyes off their pets, they felt their way safely to the couch andcollapsed down in the middle of it. Mac let go of Dennis’s hand to wind an armaround his back.

“So how big is this dog supposedto get, exactly?” said Dennis after a while. Mac looked over at him. Dennis reachedto fiddle with some of his hair.

“She’s supposed to be medium-sized,”said Mac. “She was a stray so I don’t really know. I wanted, like, something reallyhuge who could roughhouse with me and shit, but the guy said I shouldn’t gobigger than her if we’re gonna keep her in an apartment.”

“So what? Like, fifty pounds?”

“Probably closer to thirty,dude. She’s on the small side of medium.”

Dennis gave a noncommittal humand went back to playing with his hair. Mac rubbed his back while he watchedthe pets tiptoe in circles around each other, occasionally darting forward topress their snouts into each other’s fur before the other flinched away. Theyseemed to warm up to each other the longer that they all stayed there, and thecat didn’t even flip out when the puppy’s tongue flicked out and licked her.She didn’t love it, but she didn’t run away either.

“So what do you wanna name her?”Mac asked, nodding at the puppy. “I have some ideas—”

“What about Eve?” Dennis interrupted.

Mac stared at him.

“What made you just think ofthat?” he asked. “Although — You know what, that is biblical, so I’d actuallybe—”

“No, never mind,” Dennis saidquickly. “I don’t wanna hear you talk about that all the time. What about, uh…”

“Oh my God!” said Mac. “Baby, Ihave the perfect fit! We can finally use the name Murphy!”

Dennis sighed. “Are you stillon this? I thought we talked about this already when we got Killer.”

“Come on, Dennis, look at her!”He slipped his arm out from behind Dennis to jab a finger at her. “She lookslike a Murphy, her ears are all floppy. Plus, you only said you didn’t wannaname Killer that because she was too sweet, but this dog is badass, dude. Also,you don’t even give a shit, because you didn’t want the dog in the first place.”

“But if I’m gonna have to takecare of her anyway, she’s gonna be mine, and I want a say in—”

“Murphy. Murphy. I wanna nameher Murphy. Murphy, Dennis. Murphy, Murphy, Murphy, Murphy—!”

“Fine!” Dennis screamed overhim, and the animals jumped apart from each other down on the floor. Killer skatedback a few steps, her eyes wide as she stared at Dennis. The dog sat. Mac,looking at neither of them, quieted down and curled into a smile. “We can usethe fucking name. Goddamn it.”

“Yes! Ha,” said Mac.

He reached to cradle the sideof Dennis’s face in one hand, holding him still as he pressed his lips againsthis cheek. Dennis rolled his eyes, patting at Mac’s thigh, while Mac scatteredmore thankful kisses across the side of his face before finally turning him bythe chin and planting one on his mouth. Dennis leaned into him with a littlesmile.

“This is gonna be great,Dennis, trust me,” he said when they pulled apart.

“It won’t be great,” saidDennis, shaking his head. “She’s gonna piss on the floor for months before we housebreakher. We’re gonna have to take her out for walks all the goddamn time. We’llhave to actually kennel her when we go on vacation—”

“Yeah, but look how fun thisis.” Mac pulled away from him, leaning forward and clapping his hands on hisknees a couple times. “Hey Murphy, come up here.”

“Don’t invite the — Not on thefurniture—”

Too late; she saw Mac talkingto her and scampered across the floor, and when she got close enough Macscooped her up and cradled her in his lap. He cooed at her while he scratched herbelly, and after a minute, Dennis reached across reluctantly and rubbed herbehind the ears.

“I guess she is pretty cute,”he conceded.

“I told you,” Mac said smugly. “You’regonna love her, dude, just wait until you see how nice it is to cuddle up withher before you go to sleep—”

“Now, hold on,” said Dennis,brandishing a finger at him. “She is not sleeping in our bed with us.Absolutely not, that’s where I draw the line.”

“It’s gonna be so cute,” said Mac,ignoring him completely.

He picked Murphy up, rubbingtheir noses together. When she licked him, he laughed and pulled her away,holding her against his chest. Dennis sighed and reached out to pet her again.Mac turned to look at him for a while, watching him smile as he petted the dog,as he started to murmur to her as well.

“Hey, Dennis?” he asked, quiet.Dennis’s attention flicked to him. “I love you.”

Dennis’s eyes rolled, even ashis cheeks got pink.

“It’s just a dog, Mac,” he muttered.

Mac just grinned at him for along moment before turning back to Murphy, cuddling her close while she turnedand began to teethe on his forearm again. Dennis curled closer, settling againstMac’s side and reaching over him to play with her too.

“Oh, you know what?” saidDennis after some time. “We can finally get some of the bigger toys from the petshop! You know those big squeaky cones?”

“The plush ones?”

“Yeah!” Dennis said. “Thosewere way too big for Killer, but this dog will be perfect for it. And Isaw some of these weird, like, bones in there the other day too, they werefilled with peanut butter or some shit? I don’t understand the technology ofit, but I’d bet she would love those. We can finally use the tug-of-war rope,too, Killer never gave a shit about that.”

Mac nodded dutifully as Denniscontinued to map out the toys he wanted to buy next time they went to PetSmart.From there he branched into what dog food they should buy, because he didn’twant to waste too much money spoiling her with gourmet garbage, but he didn’twant his refined puppy to be chowing down on cheap store-brand shit either.

Mac settled closer to him,smiling as Dennis talked. He’d been so worried about getting another pet, butMac didn’t see what the big deal had been except that Dennis liked to make afuss. They were gonna dad the shit out of this dog so hard, Mac thought smugly.She wasn’t even gonna know what hit her.

[osmw1]

Crowbar Nurse   Chapter 8 — Mortal Combat

“What the?! Why are there so many of them here?!”

It was probably because we were loitering around in one spot that the zombies were now gathering around us. A cursory glance revealed about 30 of them shuffling closer and closer. The zombies looked like just your average ankle biters, but judging by how brutal they seem to be, they’re probably not just normal ones… it seemed to be a swarm of the “kinda strong” ones.

Our unstoppable army from hell were fighting for their lives… but armed with only crude clubs and metal pipes, they couldn’t stand their ground. And since we were at the starting area of the game, there weren’t many choices for weapons, aside from random junk like that.

“This ain’t good… I was hoping to look for bugs to exploit while our army holds the zombies back… I’m just spitballing here, but do you have any items or anything to trap them in one place?” “Hmm, let me see…”

As I watched the zombies slowly overcome the soldiers, I stroke my chin as I contemplated.

“… what about… hmm, no, that wouldn’t work…” “So, we’re shit outta luck?”

I nodded along with Kiryū, tense and stiff.

“It is a tough situation… but there’s no reason to lose hope.”

He looks puzzled as I shouldered the assault rifle. I flashed him a smirk.

“Let’s just start killing them until we come across an opportunity. I’m sure we’ll be alright… we can do this together, Kiryū.” “… yeah, you’re right. We can’t throw in the towel just yet.”

The situation left us with little to no choice but to fight our way out. Kiryū was looking oddly cheery amidst all of this. But I had to focus on the battle unfolding in front of us and so I promptly looked away.

This battle we’re headed into would prove to be a real handful.

With my rifle and Kiryū with his crowbar, we joined the fray. Our unstoppable hellish army—or rather, the survivors—won’t respawn when they lose all of their health. And if we want to use our downtime to search for bugs and glitches, we’ll need to protect them. Looks like I can’t help but to level up a little.

Give no quarter!

Carefully and precisely, I began to take them down one by one… but the enemies still had the upper hand. Kiryū and I were trying our damnedest to save our army, but we simply couldn’t keep up. Another pair of zombies came to bolster their numbers. One or two zombies isn’t anything to worry about, but at this rate, we’ll be slowly overrun by them.

That’s when we noticed it.

“Whoa! Look at Nick! He’s drawing all the zombies here!”

After splitting a zombie’s skull with his crowbar, Kiryū snapped over to the A-posing protagonist of this game.

… interesting.

Still standing upright in the middle of the parking lot was Nick, now being tackled and gnawed at by zombies. He seemed unfazed, though, as he stood unflinchingly in the same default position. … wait, isn’t he totally glitched out?

Crap, that can’t be good for Nick…

I panicked. Nick should be getting real damaged from being chomped on like that. If the protagonist loses all their HP… what’s going to happen to us? incomprehensible game world

“Nick!”

I yelled. We’ve got to save him! But can we? Kiryū and I were already at our limits with the zombies in front of us! What else could we do?! And not to mention that at level one, Nick dies after being bit a mere three times. Doesn’t that mean he’s already…!

“Niiick!”

I yelled, even knowing full well that I was already too late. He was at the mercy of the horde, but they showed him none. Eventually, he succumbed to the zombies and collapsed—all still in A-pose.

The protagonist was kicked and tossed around on the ground like a sack of potatoes. His health was probably in the negative, but Nick lays there unrelenting in his stance.

… wow. What a manly man.

His determination to maintain posture was less like a mannequin in a display window and more like a stoic warrior.

“—Huh? Oh, damn! We can totally make use of him!”

Kiryū snapped his fingers as he looked over at Nick.

“Sera! Help me take care of the zombies around Nick!” “Wha—? O-Okay!”

Though at that moment I didn’t completely understand what Kiryū’s plans were, I did as I was told and began taking off their heads and suppressing the zombies. And for just a moment, Nick was safe in his immediate surroundings.

“—Alright!”

Immediately after showing a grin on his face, Kiryū slid right up to Nick, carried him off the ground, and darted away. It happened so quickly and smoothly, you’d miss it if you blinked. Kiryū really, really is physically adept.

With Nick tucked under one of his arms, Kiryū sprinted towards an overturned truck, upon which he lies the stiff figure. For better or worse, Nick—who previously could only stand in one position and take attacks head-on—was now actually useful! The zombies drew to him like moths to a flame but couldn’t reach the top of the truck; he was the perfect bait.

“Whaaat?! That’s nuts!” “A job change from scarecrow to decoy and voila, Nick’s working exactly as I hoped!”

Kiryū was grinning from ear to ear, satisfied not only by how well his idea was working, but also because he made our fight that much easier. Though a little condescending to treat the protagonist of this game as simple bait… the results were speaking for themselves. The zombies that were gunning for us had shifted their aggression onto Nick, giving us more than enough breathing room. We handily swept up the remaining enemies nearby.

I feel bad for him, but with Nick’s help, I’m sure… I’m sure we can make it out of this! We can do this… we can beat them.

I pulled myself together. But a problem still remained… enemies will keep on coming if we stay in one spot for too long. Though, I had something up my sleeve for that.

“… Kiryū! I’ve got a great idea too!”

I kept my trigger finger moving as I shouted.

“What is it?!” “We’ll damage the zombies until they’re barely alive, then feed them to our hellish army to finish them off!” “Hmm? Then… oh, I see. So, we’ll be letting the hellish army deliver the final blow, you mean?” “Exactly! It was a little dicey earlier, but… we can do it now!”

Most of the zombies were standing in front of the truck, futilely reaching up in hopes of getting their fingers around the loitering Nick. And since we’re farther away, there were only five or six of them around us. Taking down the ones around us attracted a couple zombies that shuffled towards us.

Nice. This is working out great…

With only one or two of them, I could easily drop their health down to a sliver. Leave it to the survival horror nerd. Then, we’ll get our unstoppable army to finish them off and level up with all the experience. We could even get them to max level like this! I mean, it’d take a lot of time, but still!

“—Gotcha. Endless zombies mean endless experience, eh?!”

Kiryū’s voice cut through the clamor of gunfire and groans.

“You’re amazing, Sera… I thought we were shit outta luck, but you came up with such a great plan with your quick thinking!” “Hehehe, how flattering! But keep it coming! Getting back on track, though, leave this all to me. Keep looking for more glitches! … oh, and here. You’ll die of traumatic brain injury if you keep literally using your head, so take this!”

I unstrapped the Vital Watch from my forearm and tossed it over to him.

“Put the Vital Watch on your wrist!”

While keeping a watchful eye on the zombies, I called out to Kiryū.

“Check your health after running into walls head-first. That way, you’ll know to use your healing herbs before your HP runs out!” “Okay…? Wait, hold on. It’s on my wrist, but how do I check my status?”

He sounded rather perplexed as he called back to me.

“I see my heartbeat show up, but I don’t get how to read ECGs or anything.” “You can tell by the color! If your pulse is green, then you’re at max health. Yellow means caution, and red means you’re in big trouble!” “Ugh… of course, it is!”

Kiryū continued to yell.

“Yeah, about that, Sera, the thing is that I’m color blind. I’m the kind of guy that can’t differentiate between red and green! Is there any other way?!” “… oh, I didn’t know! Sorry! Umm, the more hectic your pulse is, the worst your condition is! So, really take care of yourself if the line gets all scraggly!” “Alright, I’ll keep an eye on the watch!”

—The statistics say that roughly 5 percent of males and 0.2 percent of females in Japan are born with color blindness, making it not at all unusual for Kiryū to be afflicted by it. And since our world isn’t designed for people with color blindness, many of them tend towards invention and design… maybe Kiryū is like that too?

Hmm, so it seems that we resemble the characters of this game, but we keep the innate physical traits from our own bodies… what about me though? I feel like there was something strange that happened, but…

Thoughts raced through my head, but I was still firing off round after round. There’s no visible health gauges above the zombies’ heads, but I’ve got their stats all memorized. I know exactly how many bullets each and every enemy needs.

Bug testing is something only Kiryū can do; this is something only I can do.

I kept my rifle rattling. Right when I get a zombie to the point where it’ll die if I shoot them again, I switch targets and start laying on damage. Rinse and repeat.

That leaves the only task for our unstoppable hellish army—the survivors, I mean—is to mop them up. Every zombie they finish off makes them all the powerful. In fact, the survivors get visibly tougher. And armed with whatever junk lying around—be it a rock or a squeaky toy hammer—they began taking down the zombies in the area.

—Gradually, things were settling down as my plan came to fruition.

Zombies began pouring into the stage, but rather of coming towards us, they were drawn to Nick who was nearby. The few that would break off from the mob and target us instead would be taken down by the ten soldiers of our army. Our unstoppable army from hell were able to easily take care of incoming enemies, even without me and my rifle. And since Kiryū and I had managed to avoid leveling up, we didn’t have to worry about stronger zombies popping up either. Our soldiers were now more than capable of taking care of mooks and leveling up.

Whew… looks like they’ll be okay even without supervision. Maybe I can let them level themselves up all on their own.

I let out a sigh of relief, glad that things have finally worked out—even if this peace of mind were only temporary. A super strong enemy might show up to put us in our place if we overdo it… but speak of the devil.

Oh, what’s this? The tank and minotaur are causing a bit of a traffic jam…

The path between us was too tight for them to cross. They’re not supposed to show up in the beginning area anyway, so it kinda makes sense. The tank tries to force its way through, firing its gun. But every time it does so, the backblast from its gun heavily damages the minotaur beside it.

… maybe we can ignore them for now. Once we get our unstoppable hellish army to max level, they’ll be able to kill ‘em in the blink of an eye. Not to mention, if Kiryū and I don’t level up too much, nothing stronger will appear either.

While I was thinking to myself, I turned over to Kiryū. He kept slamming into the wall such force… he’s already clipped halfway into it.

■Nick

The original protagonist of DMC3. Afflicted with a convenient bout of amnesia—typical of survival horror protagonists. In her high school years, Sera lived as Nick, completely and thoroughly clearing the game in all possible ways. She had even written down every minute detail of the game on her personal blog.

contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /next/

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