#glad you explained re that J ;)

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 19

Emily has really been going full villain mode these past couple of episodes, huh? while I'm overall not a huge fan of how many women have been portrayed as rude/unreasonable as compared to their male counterparts, i do love an evil queen. i support women's wrongs.

oh, Gabby. how many people wish that were true. (very cute gabellie content as usual)

i wonder if this is a soft confirmation that we'll never see Gabby or Ellie compete again.

this is so important. also, Hunter, the heart is on Ally's pajamas, not her casual look with the jacket. unless he just drew that there because he loves Ally so much :D

glad that Tom can finally admit that he is a terrible liar. truly, the person Tom and Jake should blame is the hiring manager who hired Tom in the first place.

if you loved him this whole time then why did you lie to him about having another boyfriend, Tom? ,':/ (/lh) (i know that he was explaining in this scene that it's because he was afraid, i'm just saying that the extent of his fears is something that shouldn't be swept under the rug, and that i feel it wasn't properly set up enough in s1 or DCAS as a replacement. yes it was showcased in DCAS but we never got an explanation as to Tom's thought process between seasons that would change his mind to make him more fearful.)

*several people are typing*

we NEED to see jaiden teaching Miriam a tiktok dance.

this is your daily reminder to not take anything that's said in a greeting too seriously.

c'mon, Fiore, a true gen Alpha-er would know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell without having to look it up. unless, oh god, is that too much of a gen-Z reference for gen Alpha to understand...?

HE'S SUCH A DAD I LOVE THEM

this was probably my favorite line of the episode.

this was a really cute detail! even though they were both the archetypal "old person" of their season, Connor is still, like, 20 years younger than Miriam. it totally make sense that she'd still call him kiddo! just, not grandkiddo.

literally even Ellie is rooting for them to finish this plotline already. or maybe she's just feeling guilty for separating them in the first place, and she's lowkey hoping that the damage wasn't that severe.

that's... that's a crime? you can't just burn people, even if they're terrible??? i guess that, given Riya attempting to kill Aiden and directly breaking Connor's leg further, the definition of what counts as a crime is pretty lax in this universe. unless it's about destroying the environment. thanks, Tom! (/j)

also, why is Yul's scar so damn low res?

MCDONALD'S ELLIE ISN'T CANON??? D:

i wonder if this season is going to end with Grett giving Ellie a job/helping Ellie get a job. i could see fitness influencer and fashion designer working together well, as long as Ellie is okay designing athleticwear.

on one hand, i don't like that we don't get to have the finalists pick the people that they're closest with help them in the finale. this feels rather random, and in terms of real-world fairness, having a finalist get stuck with terrible help isn't very fair (i cite Top Chef season 4 as my example). however, i do appreciate how Disventure Camp always mixes the endgame up. it's not very fair in a real-world perspective, but given that it isn't a real game i appreciate the variety.

i also think that this is a nice fix to really incentivize whoever is helping the finalist after (in-universe) we had two really unpopular finalists, Fiore and James, who struggled to get any help. it feels like a reasonable decision that the in-universe showrunners would make.

don't distract him during the finale, you fool!

the Romber strategy!!! wow, and it's even in the first All Stars season, too :D

THE YUL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS BACK ON?!?!?!?!

FIORE FINALE CONTENT! FIORE FINALE CONTENT!

ain't no way she's actually winning and of that $100K though, lol.

y'know, this might as well happen.

Riya and Yul really are perfect for each other (platonic) because every time that either of them gets a chance to either repent and be a good person or double down and keep relentlessly chasing their goals, they both always choose the latter. they're gonna get punished in the finale big time for sure... to the extent that Yul hasn't already been punished by getting that scar(?) to the face. like, seriously, that could be even more damage to his career.

once again, i missed the real Hunter so much :,)

while i love the roast here, does Fiore actually have anyone's respect...?

that's a wrap, folks! the most important character arc of the season is over!

[atopvisenyashill]

I read through your Jonsa meta linked in your bio and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to really love Jonsa but the part where you say J*nerys evidence is weak sauce like I do like the ship but I only want it if it doesn’t go like the show and it also isn’t just some boring king and queen of the seven kingdoms crap but do think what people call foreshadowing for the ship is no stronger than Jonsa foreshadowing but I get dog piled by other J*nerys shippers for admitting this. I do think some common evidence for Jonsa is questionable. Like that GRRM was originally going to have Janos be hung until someone ELSE pointed out that Jon would probably do it the northern way and behead him, or that lady Ashford didn’t end up with the Targaryen suitor. But even still I don’t think that the evidence for J*nerys is strong. Like sorry I don’t think Dany being called bride of fire implies she’ll marry Jon I think she already is the bride of fire. I used to hate Jonsa but I realized that I feel very neutral to it. What I hate is the thought of a love triangle with Jon, Dany, and Sansa. The idea of Dany going mad because she loves Jon but Jon loves Sansa is just so tired and boring and sexist. I understand that a lot of the spite towards J*nerys fans is earned because they can be just as spiteful but my first introductions to Jonsa were in the context of this love triangle and the attitude was so spiteful that it put a bad taste in my mouth for years. But even when I did hate it I felt like other J*nerys fans were being hypocritical when they made of Jonsas for their theories. And I got shat on and accused of being a Jonsa myself for saying so. Like it’s eyebrow raising that George revised his Stark family tree to include a marriage between a Jonnel and a Sansa. Regardless of what George originally wrote, Jon beheading Janos is compelling. I do see the vision even it’s not for me. Jon and Dany don’t know each other exist. I think the only thing that really gives J*nerys leverage is that they loved each other in the show and I’ve always had a hard time believing that George actually gave D&D like two plot points and turned them loose to do literally whatever they could come up with. If the show didn’t exist, you’d be hard pressed to convince me there was a viable chance J*nerys would happen and I really just hate the animosity between Jonsa and J*nerys shippers

I’m gonna take this point by point bc it’s kind of a lot and I want to address it all!!

do think what people call foreshadowing for the ship is no stronger than Jonsa foreshadowing but I get dog piled by other J*nerys shippers for admitting this.

LISTEN i’m glad you agree lmaoooo because my number one bitter hater issue re: the ship war IS that imo the “evidence” for both is kinda opaque, but only one is treated as being legitimate fan analysis. like, people will call sansa’s ghost wolf a reach but dany hearing the lonely wolf is full proof even tho this is the exact same thing. or the entire hullabaloo around how when you use the ashford tourney theory to be about Not Jonsa it's valid analysis but when it is about Jonsa then that's just pushing your ship. it’s the silliness of the argument that drives me crazy, that one take is considered “just starting a ship war” and one is the “proper” reading of the text. we don't know who is properly reading the text because we don't have the entire text yet!!!

I do think some common evidence for Jonsa is questionable. Like that GRRM was originally going to have Janos be hung until someone ELSE pointed out that Jon would probably do it the northern way and behead him, or that lady Ashford didn’t end up with the Targaryen suitor.

WAIT OKAY i'm not trying to convert you here lmao, merely explaining my reasoning for those because I know I talk about the Jason/Ashford thing a lot specifically so - the janos slynt thing for me is less the specificity that jon cuts his head off and more that sansa wishes for someone to kill janos for his hand in ned’s death and jon, without any knowledge of what janos did or how it affected sansa, sees straight to the sort of person janos is and executes him. more so about the idea that sansa is praying for a hero only for the hero to be the bastard brother she had dismissed, the only brother left to her now (or so she thinks). it's about the little ~invisible thread~ tying them together even when they're unaware of it.

as for the ashford tourney theory, i actually do agree that people put a little too much stock in the last targaryen suitor aspect of it BUT. EYE personally have been on that "it's hinting towards brienne" train literally since I heard it, and you can see that in the posts I've made about it, that I think it's about dunk/brienne interrupting the tourney to save sansa - it's just that part of saving sansa includes bringing her to her dark haired targaryen brother-cousin. especially bc imo valarr does feature heavily enough in the original dunk adventure, with his short scene after Baelor is killed, and how both valarr and jon have a lot of issues surrounding not measuring up to The Perfect Heir (baelor/robb), and being known for being kinda prickly, and the whole Doomed By The Narrative aspect of their characters, and this isn't something that valarr parallels with the other targaryen boy, aegon/young griff. BUT also I just think the whole convo surrounding this theory is annoying tbh alsdjf I think there are three concrete avenues it could go down (jon, aegon, or brienne, or some combo of the three even) and I find it. frustrating that this theory started out as a {redacted} theory that is clearly meant to push A Specific Ship And Reading Of The Text but if you apply the theory to literally anyone else, you get accused of doing just that. like are we not all just pushing A Specific Reading (aka OUR OWN READING) Of The Text here??

But even still I don’t think that the evidence for J*nerys is strong. Like sorry I don’t think Dany being called bride of fire implies she’ll marry Jon I think she already is the bride of fire. I used to hate Jonsa but I realized that I feel very neutral to it. What I hate is the thought of a love triangle with Jon, Dany, and Sansa. The idea of Dany going mad because she loves Jon but Jon loves Sansa is just so tired and boring and sexist.

NO YEAH. it's the same with the "blue rose" thing like.....the blue rose/bael the bard story isn't a happy one? "sweet smelling" is often used in this series as a mask for a deadly, poisonous center. I think "bride of fire" is a callback to catelyn's "wedded to his war" more than anything, that like you say, dany is already the bride of fire, she chose the fire when she burned mmd and walked into the pyre, and i kind of bristle at the idea that her being the bride of fire is tied to whatever man she's fucking. the point is that she is foregoing being the bride of a man for being the bride of fire to me!! and also VALID i don't like the love triangle angle, i don't like love triangles because i think they're usually so lopsided where you're clearly supposed to pick a specific leg of the triangle, and i just HATE the idea that either dany or sansa or jon's stories are heading to a love triangle because it's not particularly compelling to me that they're fighting over the same stupid boy (i can call him stupid, he's my son). especially as you say, the idea that dany might turn on jon because she wants his love and he won't give it - bleh. annoying, tired, been done a million times. this is why i'm also not overly fond of the idea of him being the one to kill her (but i like the idea of him taking the fall for it regardless).

I understand that a lot of the spite towards J*nerys fans is earned because they can be just as spiteful but my first introductions to Jonsa were in the context of this love triangle and the attitude was so spiteful that it put a bad taste in my mouth for years. But even when I did hate it I felt like other J*nerys fans were being hypocritical when they made of Jonsas for their theories. And I got shat on and accused of being a Jonsa myself for saying so. Like it’s eyebrow raising that George revised his Stark family tree to include a marriage between a Jonnel and a Sansa. Regardless of what George originally wrote, Jon beheading Janos is compelling. I do see the vision even it’s not for me. Jon and Dany don’t know each other exist.

i bolded that one line because YES EXACTLY it is very eyebrow raising that he revised the family tree to include that. like WHY. WHAT? imo, if there was a like a Jonos Targaryen who married a Daenerys Targaryen in the targ family tree, EVERYONE would be insisting that's Jonerys proof so I think it's funny when people brush over it. Or like, the fact that it's Jon and Sansa that dream of having children. The fact that it's only Jon and Sansa who are referred to as the blood of Winterfell. There's something here that's being hinted at, and it's compelling! I think I definitely do get being initially turned off because of the ship war - part of my initial, idk, aggressiveness towards dany on the reread was the DEADLY combo of YEARS of watching The ASOIAF{redacted but if you know u know] People dogpile jonsas and sansa stans constantly for literally just writing meta, making theories, like every other goddamn person + growing to just completely hate show!dany and emilia's acting specifically. then as i was rereading i was like oh actually book dany is not only vastly more interesting as a character than show dany's writing or acting could ever be, i also just don't have to let all the targ nation stans completely ruin a character i actually really like.

like this theory specifically by stumpy (which is another post that got dogpiled massively for no goddamn good reason by the asoiaf{redacted} people) about aegon being the sun's son and jon being the mummer's dragon set my brain on fire and made me realize so much of what i hated about dany's character was actually just the wank surrounding her. i'd completely resigned myself to the idea that jonerys was gonna happen for so long and i was so depressed ver it because i thought it was a stupid, shitty ending and i was just going to hate a large part of the ending forever and then i read that and i was like "oh actually maybe there's another option??" like who gives a shit, we're never getting the next books anyway alksjdfl. also FOR THE RECORD i also HATE the idea of a love triangle between those three, and i think i kinda break from a lot of jonsas (tho not all) in that i also don't like the idea of jon killing dany (again, i want it to be arya and for jon to take the fall. if jon is killing anyone, i like the idea of it being drogon much more than dany). like, i don't want any hetero targ fucking here. i think there could be something here in that both dany and jon feel they have to be attracted to each other but in reality are just Not Interested (for a variety of reasons) but i don't actually want them to do the deed at all and I've been firm on that since I was like, 16 lajsflkfd.

I think the only thing that really gives Jnerys leverage is that they loved each other in the show and I’ve always had a hard time believing that George actually gave D&D like two plot points and turned them loose to do literally whatever they could come up with. If the show didn’t exist, you’d be hard pressed to convince me there was a viable chance Jnerys would happen and I really just hate the animosity between Jonsa and J*nerys shippers

WAIT WAIT WAIT THIS IS WHERE SNOWSPEAR COMES IN. I can write more on that, I know i've mentioned it before, but I think that show!Dany got a lot, perhaps even most of Aegon's storyline in the books and that includes a relationship with Jon. I'm not saying they'll straight up fuck on page (george is alas too heterosexual for that) but I do think the vast majority of their story arc in season 7 where Jon is going back and forth with Dany and growing close to her while being wary of her is actually a relationship he'll have with Aegon. I think that makes much more sense thematically and also it doesn't piss me off lmao.

I think in general, they took his plot points and just kinda peppered it throughout the character's actions with no regard for whether it makes sense for that character. Or are just being straight up misleading about what it is they got from him - like their insistence that "hold the door" is from him, for example, I think in actuality here George told them that Hodor will be killed while Bran is warging him and purposefully leaving him behind, and they came up with that dumb ass hold the door -> hodor thing on their own. same for arya killing the night king - EYE think arya tries something against dany, but they gave it jon because they thought it would be more romantic (and they already combined dany and aegon) and went "well arya killing the night king would be sick as fuck, that's basically the same right?" like, i think there's something of what george wrote in there, i just think it's both confusingly folded in and also spread around a lot.

i think i even explained that to my sibling once (who doesn't read the series but does like some of the characters) that I think because they combined so many characters, that they wanted this friction between tyrion and jon, between sansa and dany, but had cut so many story lines and disregarded so many characters, that they just changed up the romance a bit (which we KNOW they do because look what they did to Jeyne W. and the entire Dornish plot).

anyways, yeah the tldr is that ship wars are stupid as shit and it's really hard to not become a hater when a large part of the fandom is constantly discounting your opinion because you ship a thing they don't like, and then claiming YOU are the one egging on the ship war when you are just existing in your goddamn corner. like i don't even use the vs tag half the time specifically because of that shit ya know. i'm not arguing whether my opinion is "right" or not with someone who thinks they're superior and smarter than me just because they think THEIR incest ship is valid but MY incest ship is gross and self projection.

[hum-suffer]

sorry about invading your ask box with that long essay. I know half of it is incoherent :') I just said all I could. The summary of it though is (in case you dont wish to read it all): I hated Ram. Couldnt understand why people were so crazy about him to the extent that the rich were racing to give away all their life earnings and the poor were making sure even their humble little huts are lit up for Ram that day. Then I read about the Hindu history. Became absolutely horrified. I felt scarred. Currently in the process of begging Ram to heal the ancestral wounds I am carrying deep within my soul. Trying to make my parents understand why the new Sita-Ram poster in my room is for spiritual needs. Hon'ble mentions- I finished Ami Ganatra's commentary on Ramayana and also listened to her explain a lot of the misconceptions I held. Also found J Sai Deepak. His book went slightly over my head but I am re-reading to understand it better. I love his speeches. Another guy who explains the hindu position brilliantly is Anand Rangnathan imo. Some of his arguments were actually what contributed in my disillusionment. I am currently reading his "Hindus in Hindu Rashtra"

Don't feel sorry at all, my dear, it's completely fine!

I'm absolutely proud of you for taking up the courage and determination to seek the answers for yourself. Siya Ram would be proud of you regardless, as long as you're happy and your happiness doesn't strike down someone else's.

I'm glad that you're learning new things as well as trying to solve the misconceptions you had, my dear. These people are some great sources, especially Anand Ranganathan in his neutral and brutal view of the political situation in our country.

I wish you all the very best for your understanding of the new perspective you have seen and i will always help you, should you ever ask for it

[tilbageidanmark]

MOVIES I WATCHED THIS WEEK (#195):

What an unusual film experience!

A PUBLIC PROSECUTOR AND A TEACHER is the very last silent film from Korea (made in 1948!), a morality tale and a flowery melodrama. A kindhearted teacher helps a very poor student of her, a hungry orphan. Years later, she's accused of an accidental murder, and he, who's grown to be a successful lawyer, thanks to her help, is able to save her from a guilty verdict.

But the wordless story is explained via the voice of an overly-emotional orator, "The Last Crying Byeonsa", who gives a running commentary of every detail of the story, in a most unusual way. It is reminiscent of old traditions of oral story-telling. His sorrowful and plaintive interpretation makes this an unbearable tragedy, and the most memorable aspect of this film. (Via).

🍿

"Say, you haven't happen to see a white.... Wang?!"

MURDER BY DEATH was a spoof of the Agatha Christie-type whodunit mysteries, with an ensemble cast that included a rare performance by Truman Capote, a youngish, gayish James Cromwell, and another of Peter Seller's offensive Charlie Chan impressions. it was full of all the old whodunit cliches, down to the blind butler, done in a mid-70's Woody Allen joke style. The only somehow-original point was the opening title sequence which was composed of Charles Addams caricatures. 2/10.

RIP, MAGGIE SMITH!

🍿

6 MORE WITH ISABELLE HUPPERT:

8 WOMEN (2002) is another whodunit murder mystery, but very different. A delightful feminine Christmas comedy, taking place in an isolated snowbound estate, played by an all women cast. Eight of the best French actresses of the day, including sisters Catherine Deneuve and Isabelle Huppert, the gorgeous Virginie Ledoyen, Fanny Ardent and teenage Ludivine Sagnier ham it up. Full of surprises, the best one is that every so often, somebody suddenly starts singing and dancing, (like the Clip Above), or as in 'Toi jamais' or the final shot with Georges Brassens' 'Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux'. Also, nearly everyone secretly is or at least ends up gay! 8/10.

🍿 (Re-visiting the PARC MONCEAU episode from 'Paris, je t'aime', just to see the cutest Ludivine Sagnier again. This was the Alfonso Cuarón short when she was Nick Nolte's daughter.)

🍿 MAMA WEED, my first stylish, fun film by French director Jean-Paul Salomé. A wonderful crime comedy where Isabelle Huppert is a badass Arabic-French translator working for the Narcotic department of the police, but who "Breaks bad" and learns how to deal. Like ‘Personal Shopper’ it ends in the deserts of Oman. 9/10.

🍿 Hotel Vivier Cinémathèque looks like a glamorous short riddle, where Huppert is presenting 5 interactive gaming scenarios, Fantasy, Crime, Comedy, Horror and Animation. But actually it's a whimsical presentation of the 2021 spring collection by some fancy shoe designer.

🍿 "Austria is a country that produces neuroses and also produces culture".

MICHAEL H – PROFESSION: DIRECTOR is an insightful 2013 documentary about director Michael Haneke. It starts with 'Amour' and goes back all the way to 'The Seventh Continent'. Obviously it contains references and interviews with Isabelle Huppert who starred in his 'Time of the wolf' and 'The piano teacher'.

I'm glad that I've seen all his movies [except of 'Funny Games', naturally] so I don't have to watch them again.

🍿 SCÉNARIO DE 'SAUVE QUI PEUT LA VIE, a visual essay proposed by J-L Godard in connection with his 'Every man for himself' (1980). I only watched it because of Isabelle Huppert. His usual stream of consciousness approach mixing up movements, snippets of sounds, words, montage of ideas, unfinished conversations, colours... 1/10

🍿 I was ready to hate the short 3D installation VIRTUAL EMBALMING (2020), "a digital remembrance as a document for the future", but I didn't. Huppert and 2 other women were asked how they wanted to be remembered, and the artist built interesting, artsy alters to their visions.

🍿

It was obvious that the new "Crime Comedy" WOLFS is a mediocre piece of junk from its very first scene when frantic Amy Ryan kept hysterically talking to herself, and from when her "fixer" arrives, and finds a cliched parking spot right in front of her posh NYC hotel. It's a low-rent, uninspired, boring 'Michael Clayton' clone about a 'cleaner', where even the Croatian folk dancing scene felt forced and joyless. Like a copy of a copy of a copy, degraded through the endless, talent-less story-telling. 3/10.

🍿

40'S NOIR WITH LIZABETH SCOTT AND BURT LANCASTER X 2:

🍿 "I'm Mrs. Alexis Richardson."

"You say that like it was spelt in capital letters."

"Ha. Sit down."

Are you telling me or asking me?"

"Please. You know, you're quite an attractive man."

"Keep goin'."

"How far do you want me to go?"

"I'm at the plate. You're doin' the pitching."

I discovered Lizabeth Scott, the beautiful actress with the "smoky voice", because her long Wikipedia page is unusually extensive. She never made it "BIG", but made it big enough to star in 22 hard-boiled, mid-tiered Noir classics in the 40's and 50's.

In I WALK ALONE (1947), good guy Burt Lancaster, released from 14 years in prison, confronts his ex-buddy, bad guy Kirk Douglas. Scott is the sultry nightclub singer, dangling as a bait. Deception, betrayal, retribution... 6/10.

🍿 DESERT FURY is a strange melodramatic Western Noir which is played out in glorious Technicolor. It got beautiful 19 year old Lizabeth Scott who can't get along with her casino owner mom Mary Astor. There's good-guy sheriff Burt Lancaster who's in love with her. And then there's two gangsters who come to their Nevada desert town, who are blatantly a gay couple. They had been together for 15 years, and now one of them falls for young Scott. It's bulky 1947 cars and giant shoulder pads for the ladies, with a Miklos Rosza score working overtime, but it's all so mixed up, with such unclear message.

🍿

X-RAY (1977), my 10th by Krzysztof Kieślowski, in which men that are being treated for tuberculosis at a sanatorium share their thoughts about their lives.

🍿

THE ONE AND ONLY, my 7th film by favorite director Susanne Bier. A frothy romantic comedy, which was both critical and a huge commercial success in Denmark when it came out in 1999. With the always-delectable Sidse Babett-Knudsen, but everybody else on the cast was utterly forgettable, and the story was as cliched and boring as can be. 2/10. [*Female Director*]

🍿

Buster Keaton's 1921 THE PLAYHOUSE is remembered mostly for the first half, in which he plays all the roles, dozen or more, of an elaborate variety show. In the second part he falls in love with a twin. At one point he is dressed and made up as a chimpanzee.

🍿

THE WAY THE EAGLE SHITS is an anti-capitalist screed, an angry cry about wealth inequality and unjust distribution of assets, and it doesn't mince words, or use euphemisms. The Poor are fucked, it shows, in 1975 and today.

🍿

KONCERT, an early, whimsical film by Hungarian István Szabó, which was nominated for an Oscar in 1962. 3 guys on a piano bicycle ride by the Danube, and people join them in an impromptu performance. 2/10.

🍿

MUYBRIDGE'S STRINGS (2011), my second artsy animation by Koji Yamamura (After 'Franz Kafka’s a Country Doctor'). A mixed-up theoretical metaphor about (one of) the fathers of motion pictures. The 'Strings' are the ones his horses triggered galloping in front of the battery of cameras, which took the photographs that later created the illusion of movement. 2/10.

🍿

"I want an unwritten life..."

THE BROTHERS BLOOM (2008), my third strike-out from Rian Johnson (After the 2 boring Benoit Blanc stories). Always looking for a good grifters story, but I couldn't get into this one, even after 3 attempts, and had to bail out midway.

🍿  

(ALL MY FILM REVIEWS - HERE).

[sortofanobsession]

Please pardon me if I already sent you this fic idea!

Roy/Jaime: Jaime takes a boot to the chest but assures everyone he’s ok and they go on to win the match. It’s only later that Jaime reveals he’s not that fine, the metal on the bottom of the boot tore him up good, his chest a bruised and bloody mess. Roy is pissed as he takes Jaime home with him and cares for him. As Roy's tending to Jaime's wounded chest, the air grows charged between them and things happen.

A/N: A bit shorter than most of my stories recently. If you find a typo that changes the meaning of something, please let me know. I didn't do a re-read because it is late. But I promised I would post it tonight.

Ao3

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Word Count: 3k+

Paring: Roy x Jamie (Romantic), Roy x Will (Platonic), Jamie x Will (Platonic), Jamie x Isaac (platonic), Coach Beard x Jamie (Platonic) Jamie x AFC Richmond Himbos (platonic)

Content Warning: Blood, Injury, PTSD, Mentions of abuse, mentions of violence, pain, bruising, mentions of head injury, anger, cussing/swearing/cursing.

You clearly can't be trusted to look after yourself

Roy felt dread pool in his gut as he watched Jamie Tartt take what seemed initially to be a well-executed but poorly landed shot. The ball found its target in the back of the net, but Jamie’s boot slipped, and he ended flat on the pitch. The defender that had been attempting to stop him didn’t have time to adjust his path, and his boot connected with Jamie’s chest. Jamie had the wind knocked out of him when he first hit the pitch. The boot connecting sent searing pain through his already screaming lungs. But the look in the defender’s eyes as moved to try and help Jamie sent a pang of guilt through him as he managed to catch his breath. The guy hadn’t done it on purpose. And Jamie’s dazed brain didn’t want him to feel bad. That feeling, in addition to the tiny voice in the back of his head that always sounded suspiciously like his dad, telling him not to be a weak pussy, had him getting up. Accepting the player’s hand and waving off his apologies as he did. The crowd cheered as he got back to his feet. He went to the sideline and insisted he just needed to catch his breath and get a drink. The game went on without him for a few minutes. He accepted the bottle Will gave him and checked the clock on the scoreboard. 7 minutes til half.

“Sit the fuck down,” Roy had told him. And he did. He bunched up his hands in his kit. It stung as the chilled air hit a sticky mix of blood on his chest that was clinging to his undershirt. He’d have to change it during the half.

When the team headed to the locker room, he grabbed his bag and headed to the loo. He waved off the concerns of a few of his teammates. Saying he was going to try and clean up his kit. He was glad he habitually kept a first aid kit hidden deep in his bag. A holdover from the days his old man had taken his frustrations out physically on Jamie, and he didn’t want to have to go to the treatment room and get asked a million questions. It had always been easier this way. The team didn’t need to know then, and they didn’t need to know now. Jamie could handle it. He always did. When he was in the solitude of the toilet, he removed his kit and made quick work of peeling off the long sleeve undershirt he had on under his kit. It was a fucking lost cause. He’d toss it. He was on the clock. If he took too long, someone would come looking, and then he’d have to explain everything. He didn’t want that. He wanted to get back out there and finish the match. So he rushed through bandaging and covering the bloody boot print that caught the edge of his left peck and obliques. He huffed a laugh at himself, thinking at least his abs were fine. He put on his new undershirt and tried to get as much off his kit as he could. On his way out, he tossed his undershirt in the bin. Hoping no one would see it. 

“You good?” Isaac asks when he rejoins the team. 

“Did fuck all to clean it, don’t envy Will’s job,” Jamie joked as if anyone would give a fuck about his actual kit if they knew he was actually hurt. Isaac studied him. And for a second Jamie thought he might not be playing it off as well as he thought he was. 

But Isaac just shrugged. “He’ll manage. Paid to deal with it,” Isaac says. “Not like it was intentional, bruv.” 

“Arse on the pitch was not what I intended, but still a beautiful fucking goal, yeah?” Jamie says. 

Isaac laughs and claps him on the back. And Jamie has to bite his cheek to keep from shouting. But Isaac must not notice his change because he is off with the team as they all head back out. 

“You good to stay in the game?” Beard asks.

“Course,” Jamie says. Beard looks unsure. “I’m good, coach. Let’s win this, yeah?” And Beard must trust his judgment, probably shouldn’t, but he does. So Jamie gets back out on the pitch for the second half.  

Roy knows something is very wrong when Jamie winces slightly as Jeff hugs him after the game. Jamie is good at hiding pain. He has years of practice at it. Roy does too. That's why he can see it. He doesn't hug Jamie as aggressively as he normally does. But if Jamie notices, he doesn't act like it. But Roy watches his every move now. The way Jamie is holding himself and avoiding certain movements. The way Jamie is drawing to the back of the team as they head inside. Slow, calculated movements. He sees Jamie actually sidestepping some of the celebration, and that has the final alarm going off in Roy's head. And Roy takes action because he knows Jamie is dragging his feet and avoiding the showers. 

But he can’t sit back and do nothing after Will pulls him aside. 

“Coach, you need to see this,” Will had told him and waved Roy into the boot room. 

“What?” Roy demands. He was annoyed at the distraction. 

“Pretty sure this is Jamie’s,” Will holds up the blood-stained undershirt. “Was half in the bin.”

Roy lets out a litany of curses. This just confirms Jamie’s injured and hiding it. 

“What should I do?” Will asks. 

“Bin it,” he says, since Tartt clearly intended to. “I’ll deal with Jamie fucking Tartt.” 

Will just nods and Roy leaves. He goes straight to Jamie. 

"Let me see," Roy says as gets Jamie’s attention.

"See what?" Jamie says. 

"Don't play fucking dumb," Roy says. 

"Roy, behave, don't make me report you to-" Jamie tries to joke, but Roy is not fucking having it because he knows Jamie well enough to know humor is often a defense mechanism. He knows Jamie. So even if Jamie might get angry at Roy, Roy doesn't care. Roy reaches over and raises the hem of Jamie's kit and lets out a string of curses before dragging Jamie to the treatment room. Jamie knows he is caught now. No getting away now that Roy knows. 

"You weren't going to say a fucking word, were you," Roy posits, and Jamie doesn't answer. "You were going to go home and patch yourself up and ignore the fact you could already be halfway to an infection by not getting this treated, and then I find your ass half dead or worse when I show up for training tomorrow morning. What the fuck, Tartt?" 

"Let me explain. I-"

"Don't fucking lie to me," Roy cautions as moves around the treatment room, gathering everything he thinks he might need. He washes his hand and finds gloves. "Fucking off with it," he gestures to the top half of Jamie's kit and undershirt. "Will showed me your fucking shirt.” Roy glares. And Jamie feels like a kid that has been caught stealing sweets. “You won't let the actual med team help, but you aren't fucking getting out of this room until I am sure you're not going to fuck your whole career with staph or sepsis or fucking tetanus from a dirty fucking boot."

"Kit didn't even rip. And the league wouldn't let me play if I didn't-"

"Off." Roy glares. "Now." Jamie winces as he takes it off. "Jamie...fucking hell." Roy actually sounds pained, and that catches Jamie off guard. "How did you finish the match like this?" Roy didn't even know where to start with helping Jamie. So he starts by trying to clean him up the mess of slapdash bandaging, partially dried blood, and swelling bruises. "This is going to fucking sting."

An hour later, Jamie is as patched up as he could be with just Roy's help. Jamie goes to change out of the rest of his kit. Apologizing to Will as he does that he took so long.

"It's fine, Jamie," Will tells him. "Glad you're okay, was a nasty hit." Roy grunts and disappears into the office. 

"Be fine in a few days," Jamie shrugs off as he finishes changing and tosses his kit in the cart. "And we won. That's what matters."

Will just nods because he just knows Roy Kent is listening. He doesn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Ready?" Roy says, and Jamie looks confused as he looks away from the kitman to his coach.

"For what?" Jamie asks. 

"To fucking leave," Roy says. Annoyance is clear in his tone. 

"Sure," Jamie says, but it sounds almost like a question. He is still very confused about why Roy is asking. 

"Going to celebrate with the team?" Will asks.

"Fuck no," Roy says. "You either." He looks at Jamie. 

"Wasn't exactly going to," Jamie says as he grabs his stuff. "Too fucking sore." 

"Don't Fucking doubt it," Roy says. Jamie is shocked when Roy takes Jamie's stuff and ushers him out the door.

"I can carry my shit," Jamie says. 

"So can I," Roy says. 

"Roy," Jamie goes to take it when he goes to pass Roy's G Wagon to his own car. And Roy just tosses it in the boot, and Jamie has no idea what is happening. "What are you doing?"

"You're fucking coming with me because you can't be trusted to ask for help when you fucking need it, and I have a fully stocked first aid kit assembled by an actual medical professional. Someone has to keep your arse alive."

Jamie is too stunned to say anything. Roy hadn't just insisted on patching Jamie up, but now he was insisting Jamie go to his home so Roy could look after him.

"You fucking hit your head and not fucking say anything?" Roy says as he moves closer to Jamie, concern clear on his face. 

"I'm wondering the same thing because this is very weird for me," Jamie admits. 

"Fuck off," Roy says. "Get in the fucking car before I make you."

And Jamie does because he has zero doubt Roy will do it. He has a very low opinion of Jamie's ability to take care of himself at times. And Jamie knows that. 

At his flat, Roy makes Jamie shower and insists on redoing the bandages. Jamie already feels like he's intruding, so he does not put up as big of a fight as he might normally. 

"Here," Roy hands him a cup of tea once Jamie sits on Roy's sofa. 

"You really don't have to do all this," Jamie says.

"And?" Roy says as he sits at the other end of the sofa. And Jamie doesn't know how to answer that. "Just fucking accept that some people actually care about you and fucking drink your tea." Roy turns on the TV to see what the press is saying about the match. The kick that resulted in Jamie on his sofa was brought up before they even finished their tea. Now that Roy sees the close-ups, he looks over at Jamie.

"The fuck were you thinking, not telling anyone you were fucking bleeding?" Roy asks.

 Jamie sighs. "That it wasn’t an underhanded play. Shit happens. The lad felt shitty enough already. And we really needed this win, and any more stoppage in play might fuck up the momentum of the team."

"And your suffering didn't matter? And what? You did fucking bandages in the fucking toilet?"

"I managed," Jamie says.

"You shouldn't have had to," Roy growls. "You could have worsened your injury playing like that. Tore something. So close to your fucking heart, Jamie.” A pained look crosses Roy’s face before he schools his features. “I am your coach, you can’t fucking-” Roy stops and takes a breath. “Listen to me, Jamie. You cannot do this again. Fucking ever."

Jamie does not respond.

"Jamie," Roy shifts closer. "How would you feel if it was one of the other? Like Sam or Dani."

"They wouldn't-"

"Fucking right! Because that is insane, and you could have really gotten injured."

"Says the guy that-"

"And I fucking paid the price!" Roy was now on his feet, looking down at Jamie. "I won't let you make the same fucking mistakes. What kind of fucking coach would I be if I didn't aim to make you a better fucking player than I was. Fucking teach you what not to fucking do. And this." Roy tugs Jamie's shirt up to show the bandages. "This is not fucking okay. A win is not worth your fucking future or your fucking life. Now fucking swear to me this will not happen again. If you don't, I'm going to insist the medical team checks you over after every fucking slip, every foul. I will not let you kill yourself for a fucking game. We’d be better off losing a fucking match than you. No, we’d be better off losing every fucking match this season than losing you fucking permanently. The lads would probably prefer relegation again."

“Doubt that,” Jamie says.

“I fucking don’t!” Roy shouts.

"Fuck," Jamie says. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Like a fucking car wreck," Roy says. 

"Okay," Jamie says. "I'll fucking tell someone if I'm injured again. Will you sit down and fucking relax now?"

"Fucking good," Roy says, and the tension leaves his shoulders. "Contrary to popular belief, I fucking care if you live or die, you fucking prick."

"That's the nicest thing you have ever said," Jamie says. 

Jamie must move wrong in his sleep because he is gasping in pain as he wakes up. The room is dark, and he looks at his phone. 2:26 a.m. Fuck, he hurts. He gets up to try and find a way to make it hurt less. To get some painkillers. He looks around and remembers he is at Roy's. He didn't know where Roy kept anything. He headed to Roy's kitchen to at least get a glass of water. He had just sat down at Roy's table for a breather when Roy entered the kitchen. And Jamie thinks he might swallow his tongue because he has seen Roy without a shirt. He had seen it often when they were teammates. But this was a half-asleep Roy, in just pants, hair a mess from sleep. And fuck, Jamie had not expected to feel the urge to kiss Roy fucking Kent at 2:30 in the morning. 

"Here," Roy hands him a pack of paracetamol. He then goes to his freezer and gets one of the ice packs he usually uses on his knee.

"Thanks," Jamie says as he takes the pills and accepts the ice pack. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine," Roy says as he sits down at the table. 

"I know but-"

"Jamie, I brought you here so I could help you with this shit. So it's fine."

"I know but-"

"No fucking buts, Tartt," Roy says firmly. "Just like with training, I want to help you."

"Okay, but-"

"Fucking hell," Roy says before he stands up. He pushes Jamie's chair and holds out his hand to help Jamie up. Jamie takes it. To his surprise, Roy doesn't step back but stays in Jamie's face. Roy continues. "I don't actually enjoy the idea of you suffering alone. Fucking lose sleep over it."

"You lose sleep over me?" Jamie says with shock.

"I lose a lot of fucking sleep over you, Tartt," Roy admits. He glances down at Jamie's lips. 

"Why?" Jamie asks. Roy is so close Jamie wonders if Roy can hear how Jamie's heart beats insanely fast. Roy's face is so close Jamie could just lean forward and kiss him.

"For fuck sake," Roy mutters before closing the distance a bit. "Because you drive me fucking insane." Jamie can now feel Roy's words against his lips, and Jamie's brain must reboot because, without thinking, he pushes forward and closes the small gap, and presses his lips against Roy's. And Roy responds in kind. Jamie doesn't want this moment to end because Roy Kent is kissing him back, and his life could not be better. He never thought Roy could have feelings for him. Jamie had thought his feelings were one-sided, but clearly, he was wrong because Roy was pulling Jamie closer. Jamie goes willingly. At least until he shifts wrong, and it pulls at the healing cuts on his chest, and pain hits him. He must make a noise because Roy recoils like he was burned and puts enough room between them so he can see if Jamie's bleeding again. Jamie tries to brush it off and goes back to making out in Roy's kitchen at almost 3 a.m. Roy curses Jamie's lack of self-preservation and ends up dragging Jamie into his own bed.

"You clearly can't be trusted to look after yourself," Roy grumbles as he gets into bed beside Jamie. 

"You up for the task then?" Jamie asks.

With a growl, Roy gently pulls Jamie against him. Jamie takes advantage of the situation and snuggles right into Roy's side. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Jamie chuckles. 

"Get some fucking sleep," Roy says. Jamie hums and falls asleep fast. 

Jamie hurts like hell the next morning. Angry bruises now take up most of his chest now that the wounds have closed for the most part. Roy does not let him leave the bed most of the day. Insisting he will reopen them if he does. And Jamie thinks he'll be bored out of his mind, but Roy stays with him for most of it. He leaves for a few hours to go over match tapes with the other coaches, but he comes back with takeaway, and Jamie thinks he might be the luckiest man alive because he is in Roy fucking Kent's bed, being taken care of by Roy. After they eat, they end up making out like fucking teenagers. Jamie is annoyed that Roy won't take it any further because Jamie is now filled with bad ideas, and Roy refuses. Not because he doesn't want to but because he doesn't want to hurt Jamie or delay his healing process. No matter how much Jamie begs or pouts, Roy doesn't cave. 

"Not fucking risking your health, Tartt. Get fucking used to it."

Jamie gets looked over by the med team and is not allowed to train with the rest of the team for almost two weeks, and Jamie hates it. Roy doesn't care because Jamie's health is too important to him. And that is the only reason Jamie hasn't lost his mind. Roy cares about him. A lot. Roy fucking Kent has spent most of his time keeping Jamie busy. Cuddling and kissing. It's been beautifully frustrating. Frustrating because he wants more. Really wants to show Roy he cares just as much but has no way to do it because Roy is holding Jamie back. It might be for Jamie's own good, but that doesn't mean he likes it.

The first match Jamie gets to play after the injury, the Richmond fans lose their shit. They scream for him, and he takes that feeling and uses it. And Roy is so fucking proud of him that it hurts. They win, and it's so different from his last match. Jamie is right there with the team celebrating. And it's not until Roy pulls him aside and kisses him that Jamie draws away from the team. And Jamie cannot remember ever feeling this happy. Roy promises that when they get out home, they can celebrate their own way, and Jamie trips over his own feet in a rush to get changed so he and Roy can leave. And Roy, of course, thinks that's the most amusing fucking thing he has ever seen. It becomes the second most amusing thing later that day because watching Jamie goes to fucking pieces at Roy's fingertips is fucking amazing, and Roy thinks there's no going back now. He is lost on Jamie Tartt. And Jamie realizes Roy's attention is something he is absolutely addicted to and never wants to live without. It won't be an easy journey having a real relationship between them, but neither of them has ever shied away from a challenge, and they agree it's worth trying.

[cyberpsychotic-purgatory]

Arriving at Red Dirt

Music: IBDY - Likewise

Arriving at "RED DIRT" bar, Paul is found upstairs sitting at a table with a new face next to him. Jack guesses it's his muscle. The man was your typical Animal for hire. Tall, broad frame, borg'd with combat implants, and always a stick up their ass of an attitude.

"Dread, glad you made it."

"Were you expecting trouble?"

"No I'm just tryin to be friendly, relax. Sit down. You wanna drink?"

Jack is about to check the time but considers fuck it instead.

"Yea Gin and Tonic"

"Gin and Tonic!? Woah I need you present here choom. (he waves over a waitress) A couple of Rawdy Dogs. (the waitress leaves) So, how's the racing been? I hear you've been making a name for yourself around town."

"Sounds like you know exactly how the racings been then Paul. Why am I here?"

"Sheesh, not much for small talk huh?"

"It's Tuesday morning and I'm not getting laid cause I've got a stray at my house. Sue me. What's the deets?"

Paul lets out a wry laugh, "Oh ho ho, ok that explains it. Why not just take a trip to J-town or dump a load on a joytoy's back? I know this senorita over at the motel on Bradbury…"

"The deets Paul."

"Alright alright, (The waitress shows up with the beers. Paul waits for her to leave and makes sure there aren't any prying ears. He turns to his bodyguard, who nods his head and turns around, acting a sentry lookout. I've got a client that's asked for YOU specifically."

Jack raises his eyebrow, "Me?"

"You."

"Who?"

"Some bookie outa Watson that's got a debt to collect"

Jack begins to stand up, "What a waste of fuckin ti.."

"10,000 Eurobucks choombata"

Jack pause his stand and looks at Paul, who is currently nodding. Jack re-takes his seat and keeps quiet.

"Client asked for you because you've got a rep for theatrics."

"Theatrics?"

"Yea aparantly a few of your vics didn't flatline and are currently miles deep into a living nightmare they can't seem to wake from."

Jack knows exactly what he's refferring to. A couple days ago, he had a quick small time gig to get back some product for Paul from somebody who klepped it off a runner that was supposed to make a delivery for him. Naturally, Jack slapped on his gas mask and dorphed the place with his own brand of Neocortine gas. The effects are only supposed to last AT MOST, 10 minutes. It must have reacted with something already in their system and extended the effects dramatically. Hmm.. I've gotta figure out what that was

Jack rolls a 16 for Concentration and maintains his focus on Paul.

"The client needs you to collect from a very, uncooperative individual by the name of "Raymond Gladow". Mook outta NID that's got a bit of a following."

Jack's internal red flag goes off at the mention of NID.

"NID? Bit of a reach to hire a merc outa Santo"

"Ah but you're not outa santo are ya? Wellsprings I hear."

"It's still a stretch. What's the catch here? Is he Maelstrom?"

"No no, nothing like that. Guy's just tryin to pull a fast one, muscle his way outta payin what he owes. A bad bet on powerball."

After getting more details from Paul, Jack agrees and leaves.

[arcplaysgames]

hmmm where did i leave off....

To celebrate the Madarame Job, the team comes together for hot pot. It's a nice sequence! It's cute! Ann and Yusuke continue to be my favorites. Everyone bonds over their sad backstories and Reverie re-explains how he wound up with an assault charge.

Morgana is briefly sad that he doesn't have any memories to bond with the team about. Yusuke is as comforting as I would expect him to be. He has such a dry sense of humor, it reminds me of Akihiko when he starts to open up and has these really straight-faced little jokes.

AND FOR A WHOLE TEN MINUTES THE GAME LETS ME THINK YUSUKE IS GONNA MOVE IN WITH REVERIE AND I WAS LIKE "AT LAST, EVERYONE TOLD ME THIS GAME WOULD DELIVER SOME GAY AND NOW I GET TO HANG OUT WITH EFFETE AESTHETE MATT MERCER EVERY NIGHT, YESSSS" but no he decides to go to the dorms.

my pout can be seen from fucking space

He does leaves Sayuri in the cafe, which actually made me emotional for a moment.

MEANWHILE

I don't know shit about Akechi but he sasses Makoto, so I'm a fan.

Also, Makoto, idk gurl maybe people get on your case because you fucking suck? It ain't that deep.

Okay, one: RYUJI I AM GONNA GET YOU A FUCKING BALLGAG AND IT WILL BE THE LEAST EROTIC USE OF A BALLGAG IN THE HISTORY OF GAGS. WHY CAN'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.

Two: I'm about to vault over this table and throw hands with Makoto. This might be a new landspeed record for a character getting so fucking deeply on my shitlist, this might actually rival Ryoji The Insta-Creep Whomst I Hated in P3P, I despise this girl.

Makoto blackmails the team into going after her target, a mafia group that is going after students.

(I wonder if they are yakuza in the original JPN? I feel like "mafia" sounds extremely weird here. If for some reason you don't wanna call 'em yakuza, even "organized crime" sounds less weird, but what do I know.)

This game is really trying to pitch me on Makoto being in a tough position, but I am a complete no sell on this. I think because I flat out do not buy the idea that she didn't know about Kamoshida when multiple students were going around the school with visible injuries and everyone was talking about Shiho and Ann. Like, if Makoto swore she didn't know, she's either a liar or she's so fucking oblivious to suffering around her, she shouldn't be in a position of authority over anyone and doesn't have a leg to stand on against the Thieves.

Glad the game lets me convey my contempt to her, tbh.

Oh then right after, she digs up Reverie's phone number to call him to thank him.

Makoto, you are a full-ass stalker and we are not friends. You lying to Sojiro to get Reverie's personal cell number to call him is like the cherry on top of your stalker sundae.

Also, through this entire sequence I have squinting at her shirt collar to figure out what that is. It's a B and a J, for Boaz and Jachin, the pillars at the entrance of the Temple of Solomon and framing the High Priestess as she sits sentinel before the veil BLAH BLAH she's the fucking Priestess. In what universe. Whatever.

The only good Priestess I have seen in Persona thus far is Fuuka. As discussed previously, Yosuke was P4's real Priestess.

If she's not the Priestess and her collar stands for, like.... Japanese Baseball, I will uninstall this game.

Anyway, I started Temperance.

Mostly because I wanna know what the fuck is going on here and is it deeper than some asshats at Atlus going "what if we combined our Maid Kink with our Hot For Teacher Kink!!!!!"

Also oh my god when the fuckign framing device thing kicked in and Sae was like "YOU MUST HAVE HAD HELP AT SCHOOL" i about fucking died.

The framing device of this game unfortunately takes Sae, who had a great introduction, and makes her seem like an idiot.

........ GOD could you IMAGINE if this game had The Fox?

SAE: "It seems like you were seen at the shrine on a regular basis. You MUST HAVE HAD CURRIED THE FAVOR OF THE GODS. Who helped you????"

LOOK AT HER FUCKING FACE I'M CRYING. I almost flung my Odin away in terror. PUT THAT AWAY!

Do you... want me to play along? How much is this a chosen job and how much is necessity?

I hate to be That Guy but if this.... is actually a line of work Kawakami enjoys, that would be very Temperance of her. Taking subconscious desire and want, and connecting it to material needs like money. Temperance would be the card of "getting paid for what you enjoy doing," honestly?

But who even fucking KNOWS. In P3P I literally Noped out of the Temperance SLink and in P4G I never got to rank 3. I figure I owe Atlus to follow ONE of the routes so why not the one that raises the most alarm bells! For fun!

Meanwhile, Mishima continues to be a crisis case waiting to pop off and I just wanna scream.

And then. Oh. He's in Kichijoji? AKA my favorite location? HM.

Am I being fucking punked? Or doxxed? What is happening here?

I mean... again, the Jake English vibes are bananas through the fucking roof, but he's also a master of billiards and a (so far subtle) flash bastard about it?

This is not helped by the fact that if I were to assign, uh, a Certain Character I Wrote In A Story a major Arcana, Justice would be one of the best options for him.

Anyway uh. Okay. I'm paying attention now.

Even if he is still Beige as all hell.

Last note for this post, I finally kicked off Yusuke's link and

damn Sae you fucking got me, we were having Yusuke make counterfeit copies of high-value TCG cards and sold them on the black market to fund our work, YOU FUCKIN CAUGHT ME

I don't even know how to deal with Yusuke being the fucking Emperor. What the fuck is his domain? The art world at large? How the fuck does he exert power over that? Also, like, if that were his domain, that's more a Hierophant thing than an Emperor thing--

MY POINT IS, I DON'T THINK IN THESE THREE GAMES YET I HAVE BEEN SO BAFFLED BY AN ARCANA CHOICE. I can see Magician, Hermit, Priestess, Strength, even the Hanged Man if you wanna be Spicy. Ooh, or the Star, he'd be a GREAT Star.

The fuckign EMPEROR?

Is the game gonna pull another rabbit out of its hat and convince me "oh yeah he the emperor" like it did with Kanji? STAY TUNED, TRUE BELIEVERS but the odds are not in their favor. oh my god, Yusuke as the Emperor, I'm fucking flabbergasted. What the hell.

[rin-and-jade]

hi! I���m a questioning system who just brought up a little about my identities in therapy. however I’m so unsure of where to go next what to say next? how do I expand on the topic of did osdd without outright saying it? what should I talk about? I have no idea how to go about it

So glad to hear you're in therapy and while my opinion would be instantly jumping to the main topic, for this instance, i will gladly give a way to get into this topic without getting too obvious about it.

These prompts will work assuming you explain those 'identities' as different aspects or parts of yourself, without going into specific details about individual alters:

"Im having unexplainable memory gaps"

"Sometimes i feel like a different person"

"I've been dissociating a lot these days"

"I usually talk and have dialogues internally"

"sometimes i also identify with different names and pronouns"

If you need prompts to check if the person knows about DID/OSDD:

"Do you think it's possible for people to have multiple identities?"

"I feel like i might have an identity disorder, do you know something about those?" (letting you know BPD also has this which means it isn't saying about being plural directly)

"I've been reading about a mental health issue where individuals struggle with a cohesive sense of self. Have you come across anything like that in your studies or research?"

The next step to take is depending on the outcome, if you think they're not a safe person (uneducated or having negative views on it) you should scoot away while you can. If they're open, maybe educated, and have pleasant answers then you can finally tell you are concerned of being a system, no need to hold back on hiding the "DID" part on the continuing topic. Please understand that i heard most people get misdiagnosed even if you feel sure you are a system, if not you can try to find more resources and see if it's another thing or not.

I hope this has answered what you need, if it doesn't satisfy you feel free to re-ask again with more clarification,, i wish you well with the next session <3

- j

[cassiaallen]

Part 6/6 (not including the Jily Wedding Post I will post right after this one) of my Marauders Era series - this time, it’s my take on Lily Evans’s life!

As per usual, I was massively inspired by @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta, @moonlightdancer26, and @halfblood-princes-crown - thank you again! 🙏🏻

Enjoy!

Lily Evans's Journey

Full name: Lily Potter (née Evans)

DOB: 30.01.1960

Born in: Cokeworth

Parents: Dorothy & Robert Evans

House: Gryffindor

In Hogwarts: 1971-1978

-is best friends with her older sister Petunia

-they spend most of their time together

-notices her magical abilities at around 7, but believes they’re just coincidences

-meets Sev at age 9 and they get along really well

-Lily now spends most of her time with him, especially because he can tell her so much about magic

-Minerva McGonagall brings her her Hogwarts letter and explains everything to her family

-everyone except Petunia is excited

-Petunia is devastated when she finds out that she can’t go and because of all the attention Lily receives

-re. Petunia: first, the magical world takes away her sister (Lily spending more time with Sev), and now they’re taking away her parents's love and attention (that’s how she feels and what contributes to her hatred of magic)

-Platform 9 3/4 Scene

-Lily is truly sad that her sister can’t go, but at the same time she is happy to go to this new exciting place with a familiar person (Sev)

-takes an immediate dislike to J&S on the train and is even more upset when they’re in the same House

-is forced to make new friends as she doesn’t share many classes with Sev

-becomes best friends with Mary MacDonald and gets along well with the other girls in Gryffindor

-she still likes Sev, but focuses more on her new friends

-struggled a bit academically in year 1, but after that she becomes a pro

-most of her friends/House mates are very anti-Slytherin and that influences her (and her friendship with Sev) a little

-doesn’t see much of the M bullying Sev and he certainly never tells her

-has a few crushes here and there, but no real relationship

-appreciates that J is a muggle(-born) supporter, but otherwise despised him for the first 3/4 years

-she is fascinated by his good looks though and that is what first sparks her interest in J

-WWI in February 1976

-she heard J talking about heroically saving Sev from the "Whomping Willow danger"

-confronts Sev "you’re being really ungrateful"

-she still likes Sev, but is more interested in her Gryffindor people

-the more she becomes aware of the war and her muggle-born status, the more she wants to distance herself from anything Slytherin related (eventually Sev as well [before the Lake Incident])

-spends less and less time with Sev even though he didn’t harm her in any way, she just associated him with harmful people

-Lake Incident; she is hanging out with Mary and the other Gryffindor girls before "intervening"

-is a bit sad about "leaving" Sev, but secretly glad she won’t be associated with him/Dark Arts anymore

-basically spends all her time with Mary, studying, helping younger students (as a Prefect)

-in the summer of 1976 she finds herself thinking about J a lot

-prepares for her NEWTS in year 6 and occasionally talks to J (largely ignores his bullying)

-starts catching feelings for J but is in denial

-is shocked to see the Head Boy badge on him (both because of her original dislike of him and because of her new feelings for him that she doesn’t want to confront)

-she sees that J is no longer bullying people (nvm he’s still bullying Sev) and thinks she can maybe give him a chance (plus, J does grow up a bit and shows her more of his nice side)

-they have their first date on Valentine’s Day 1978

-they officially become a couple on 31.03.1978

-[James's Journey + Jily Wedding]

[nosuchthingasagruffalo]

Chapter 2

Incoming message from DS5. From Charlotte Janeway. To Niamh Janeway.

TEXT ONLY NO MEDIA FILE: Hi Niamh, I tried to call you earlier but you were out, how are you this week sweetie? I think deferring until next year is a good idea, going back to the same class without Amal will be too awful, next year it will be a new group and a fresh start. Have you applied for local jobs yet? I think you should have something to keep you going.

Work fine, not much time off to think which is good. Haven't really got chatting to anyone, feels a bit weird explaining things, roommate ok, Bolian so.. yeah ok. BTW guess who came in on the Klingon delegate ship? Bloody Miral Paris, and of course she had to offer me her condolences, and then look at my work and point out everything she thought was wrong with it, which gave her obvious glee, she's such a bitch. I know, I shouldn't let her get to me. Can you come and visit sometime? Seven comes by when she's in the area but she still won't let me on the Essex. I just need something more, I hate feeling so powerless, I'm just drifting....

Reply from EARTH. From Niamh Janeway. To Charlotte Janeway.

MEDIA - Daffodil and Cat

TEXT: I found this pic and thought of you ha! Yeah I'm ok, I've got a job in a coffee shop, it's nice to feel a bit anonymous, people keep asking me if I had a psychic connection with Amal, if I knew what happened. Which is crap because first - who believes that shit and second and I that crap at being a twin that the one thing I'm supposed to do I can't? Anyway Dad's been really good, we've been spending time together, which is good because Mom's kind of MIA . The Miral thing's not a big deal, don't give her the headspace. Yes I can visit - let me know when you're free?

Incoming message from IKS Kuyhala. From Miral Paris. To Thomas Paris.

TEXT ONLY NO MEDIA FILE - Hi Dad, hope you had a good weekend, did Mom like her anniversary present? You got the gold like I said right? This week's been ok, we stopped by DS9 for a few days, ran into Lottie J, she's honestly the most self important person I've ever met. Seriously she just steam rolls her way over everyone, can't wait to tell you how clever she is. Can you imagine if we had grown up together on Voyager in the Delta? The number one reason I'm glad we got home! Anyway I gave her my condolences, so awful what happened with her brother, irrespective of how obnoxious she is. Do they know what happened?

Reply from EARTH. From Thomas Paris. To Miral Paris.

AUDIO FILE "Hi honey, yes of course I got the gold! She loved it which is lucky for me haha. She actually wrote me some new codes for my next holonovel -she knows me well your mother! Just keep away from LJ when you can, it's just a personality clash, I know how close our families are probably hasn't helped with that. She's ok, it's a lot to deal with, having Kathryn Janeway as your mom, I know exactly how she feels, I was much worse as I'm sure Grandpa will be happy to explain. No it's not really clear what happened, I would stay away from anything you hear about that if I were you. Hope to see you soon honey, I'm seeing Uncle Chakotay at the weekend, I'll give him your love. Call me when you can."

****

Aboard the Essex

"Red Alert, all hands on deck" the ship shook from another hit "shields to 40%" called the Lieutenant. Seven looked around her for the Captain but though the smoke could barely make out the unconscious bodies on the floor. The ship that attacked them seemed to be smuggling stolen weapons and technology. The Ferengi captain had incorrectly assumed the Essex had come to apprehend them and had opened fire, using phasers calibrated in a way Seven hadn't seen before. "re-route power to the shield modulator" Seven called, she stumbled over to the Captain's ready room and forced the door. Abioye was slumped over his desk, breathing but unconscious. Seven opened his desk drawer to see if he had a first aid kit, she noticed his laptop was open, he seemed to have been reincrypting messages. They had all been sent but the receiving co-ordinates made no sense. Abioye groaned and Seven found a first aid hypo. The sirens stopped and the Lt Commander announced the enemy ship had been tractored. "Captain, I suggest you go to the doctor, before resuming your work. I assume it was not so pressing you can leave it for a minute? I'll close the laptop now"

"it's fine" Abioye growled as he raced to close it first. "it's just messages from Command I need to forwrd, not mission related"

"So it seems" Seven lifted an eyebrow.

****

24 years earlier....

Captain Janeway answered the chime to her quarters. "Captain I must speak with you" Seven burst in "I must apologise for today's events. I would never have suspected you of helping the Cardassians, intentionally stranding Voyager had I been performing at my optimal...my apologies, you are in your undergarments". Kathryn raised a hand "Seven, first - it's just my nightie, and more importantly - you don't need to apologise, you were tired and overwhelmed, now you're better. After all, I was completely in charge of my faculties and I believed you without question. It's me who made an error, please don't worry".

"Yes it is surprising that you didn't doubt my claims, I thought you and the Commander would have suspected me instead of each other"

"well, it's .. complicated. We've learned our lesson I can assure you, and if you're wondering I still do trust you, unendingly, maybe more so after today. Now please get some rest, you'll need it after what you've been through"

"Very well" Seven said, leaving without waiting to be dismissed. Then the door chimed again

"Honestly Seven, I'll take you off your shift tomorrow if you don't rest" Kathryn said as she opened the door to be met face to face with a very sheepish Chakotay.

"I see you've had a visitor too" he said "I feel so bad about what happened. I did, do, trust you with my life. My reaction surprised me"

"After everything that's happened you still harbour some resentment don't you?" Kathryn whispered looking into his eyes

"Maybe it's more because of everything that has happened. But do you trust me? I am in charge of your safety after all" he retorted.

"I really do" she whispered as he ran his hand over her hip. "Chakotay, we shouldn't do this, where is it getting us?" he replied "do you trust me" she looked into his eyes as his hands undid her dressing gown and pushed the straps from her nightie. "With my life" she whispered as he pushed her to the bedroom. Once inside he roughly pushed her against the wall and knelt between her legs, pulled her underwear down, hooking one leg over her shoulder and licking her fast and hard until she felt herself close to the edge. With one movement her span her round to face the mirror on her dressing table and entered her from behind, one hand gripping her neck. "I could break your neck in one second Captain, today you believed I was working against you and yet here you are offering me my chance. Do you know how messed up that is? Do you know I understand the thrill you get from walking up to the precipice? One day you'll make me snap you know" he whispered as he plunged in and out of her, Kathryn felt the thrill of possible death building up inside her as he gave her throat one final squeeze before he released her. She came crying and yelling his name, when she felt herself coming down she span to face him and kiss him deeply. "I love you, I love you I love you" she wept. A tear rolled down Chakotay's cheek as he whispered "always and forever" before he zipped himself up and left before he asked more of her than she could give. Kathryn sank to the bed and fell into a slumber.

*****

Present day

The restaurant was crowded, the Ferengi Maître D' tutted as he looked over his list of reservations. "Paris, Paris, sorry I've got a Partridge or a P'tak" he smirked as he looked at Chakotay. Chakotay sighed, rolled his eyes and pressed the latinum coin into the Ferengi's hand "ah Thomas Paris, how could I have missed it, here this way". Chakotay huffed as he slid into the booth and sipped the whisky Tom proffered him. "Seriously Tom, I don't know why you get a thrill out of being fleeced." The man opposite him smiled, his hair had greyed over the years but his eyes hadn't lost their mischievous twinkle. "It's the authentic experience, c'mon it's a bit of excitement. Plus B'Elanna refuses to come with me, apparently retro diners were as far as she was willing to push it. Surely you've had enough of the stuffy fine dining Starfleet pushes on its Admirals, I reckon Kathryn would secretly like it here".

"I don't know what Kathryn would like anymore to be honest. She's freezing me out and starting down a path I don't know I can follow. She needs a crusade, I don't think I really understood that in the Delta, all that time I thought she would be different when we got home. Then we had the kids so quickly we were focused on that and as they got older I thought there would be time to spend together. But she was back at work acting like she's Commander in Chief, and now she's chasing Amal's ghost. I was always waiting to get to know the relaxed off duty Kathryn, and now I feel like she doesn't exist".

"I'm sorry Chakotay, I really am. She does love you, in her own way. I worried about that too with B'Elel, after living on edge all those years would we still have the connection in the ordinary life in the Alpha".

"But you did Tom" Chakotay cracked a smile "I'm really happy for B'Elel, that she's found a peaceful existence with you. Peaceful isn't really a word I thought I would use about her but it's very accurate."

"It is, wish I could use the same about our daughters though" Tom groaned.

"Oh yes I heard it all from Niamh" Chakotay chuckled "two headstrong women, well three if you count Niamh although I think she's mostly siding with Lottie. I seem to remember our wives having a similar clash that was only resolved after a broken nose".

"The next one will be either yours or mine, drink your whisky - it will numb the pain you never know when a fist will fly with those two" Tom laughed.

*****

Somewhere in deep space

The Away Team beamed down to the surface. Their scanners had sent back scrambled responses, many life signs yet none, vast cities yet nothing to be seen. Kathryn looked around her at the desolate landscape. Her Tricorder too seemed to bounce off of something invisible, she wondered if it was artificial or maybe to do with the magnetic polarisation of the planet. She walked around the crater they had materialised in, searching behind the rocky outcrops until she notice an odd shaped hole in the wall. "Team, over here, it looks like an entrance", she paced closer to it. Upon inspection it was some sort of entrance, she waved her tricorder into the mouth of the opening only to hit a force field. "ouch! Well I guess we have found the mystery city, now how to we get in" she mused. She called but found no response, she wondered if she could reconfigure the wavelengths of the greeting message, with a few taps she saw her message pass through the field. "Well now we wait" she whispered.

A short while later the Away Team heard some noises from the tunnel, out came a group of women with large eyes, seemingly accustomed to seeing in the dark. They eyed her suspiciously "what have you come back for?" their leader asked.

Against Tuvok's advice Kathryn found herself and her team around a conference table deep in the labyrinth. The aliens didn't seem to be hostile but seemed wary of them. "our planets are spread across the sector, the tunnels are formed when a planet gets too close to the magnetic field of the unstable star. Inhospitable to you but our race finds them ideal. The aliens like you, the other visitors, kept getting lost, even with our maps".

"When were they here" Kathryn breathed.

"Let me calculate so I can use your terminology, hmm about two months" the leader, Spontk stated.

Kathryn took hold of a nearby Padd and selected 'Draw' Mode. "Did any of them have a marking on their face, like this?" she asked as she drew the familiar pattern, one she had traced with her finger many times.

"Yes" Spontk affirmed. "They didn't have anything to trade but were gathering information. They seemed to be a task force gathering information, but not about us, about their own kind. Apparently they did not trust those in charge".

"Amal" Kathryn whispered "what did you do?"

Flashback - two months prior

The air in the caves was thin. Or was it his lungs tightening? Amal laid down to rest, shadows danced on the walls of the tunnel from his torch. The flicker of the shadows looked like wings, Amal smiled as he remembered a story his mother had told him. From a German folk tale about a knight who travelled by boat to help a princess in distress. He had looked up a picture of the famous castle where it was set, another thing he would visit when he got home. Home, his mother would find him. She often told him a Captain never abandons a member of her crew. And she had led their little crew of six unwaveringly through life so far. Yes just a few more minutes before she came, he would just rest a little whilst he waited, he closed his eyes and felt the swaying of the boat beneath him as the beast in front pulled him through the rivers of the Alps.

[rhyme-the-rhyme-well]

Just adding a Yauch crop from this image I posted earlier. Photo by Janette Beckman

[gothamitelove]

HI! I'm really excited about this request, it just popped into my head.

So the joker x reader who bites their lips and the insides of their cheeks all the time just out of habit. My thought is what if J's way of fixing this is putting his thumb in your mouth when he notices.

I was thinking a head canon?

Thank you if you decide to write this!!

hi! i'm gonna assume you mean suicide squad joker, but if you didn't, please come back and re-request! <3

suicide squad!joker w/lip-biter!reader

j notices this about you almost immediately, because he pays so much attention to you it's not even funny anymore

"what are ya doing, babe?"

you'll have to explain to him that it doesn't hurt you, you just... well, it's a habit, one you don't see why you should break. and he knows all about those, so he just shrugs and moves on.

he does it the first time on a complete impulse, as with most things he does.

he's talking to somebody and out of the corner of his eye, there you are, biting at your lip, and it's kind of distracting so he just reaches over and-

pops his thumb in your mouth, making you release your lip. he's still talking to whoever it is that has to watch this happen

maybe you kinda struggle a little, which just makes him use his other fingers to hold you still

if you nip at his finger a little, he won't be mad. he'll probably think it's hilarious

"c'mon, doll, don't hold back on me. show me what you've got." and then he'll start cackling

i hope this was good!! i'm still figuring out characterization for this guy so if this isn't weird, i'm glad!

[tu-linda-hermana]

How About Me?

Pairing with Camilo Madrigal x reader

Read more of my Camilo Madrigal fictions in this masterlist.

"Y/n?" He called you, patting his stick on your shoes.

You raised your finger up to him, signing him to wait as you finish reading the last line, "Yes?" you responded, looking up to him.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of time, doubting and thinking about what he was gonna ask, he sighed and showed a confused look before speaking, "I- um, do you have any suitors?" he asked looking straight in your eyes.

You amusingly smiled, closing your book and leaning closer "Why'd you ask?".

Camilo looked back at his stick and broke it into half, "I don't know, it's just that we-or I talk a lot about myself and you haven't shared anything---especially about your suitors" he shrugged.

"Huh? I haven't shared anything, haven't I?" You spoke, Camilo nodded as he was waiting for an answer, "I had some before but I wasn't just ready and I didn't find any spark in them with me" you told him.

"So are you ready now?" Camilo asked, titling his head to the side.

"Ready for what?" You questioned him, matching his tilted head.

"To have a new suitor" he shrugged, looking at you expectantly.

"Time has passed so I guess I could try again, I mean there's nothing wrong with trying again, right?" You directed an eye contact without staring at Camilo.

"Do you fancy anyone?" Camilo interrogated you as he plucked some wild flowers around his sit.

You looked up in the bright sky, thinking of anyone that might have caught your sight, "Not that I think of anyone?"

"How about me?" Camilo asked and handing you the flowers thaat he plucked just now.

You smiled at his gesture before repeating his words at your head, how about me? You cocked your brows, glancing back to his eyes and the flowers.

"Would you do the effort?" You cocked your head at him with a smirk that's slowly growing on your smile.

"I'd be glad too, I mean there's nothing wrong with trying, right?" He hummed softly, a sparkle in her eyes from looking at you.

You bit your tongue inside as you were feeling your cheeks heating up, "Right" you breath out, soothing your clothes, looking away from him.

"Well then" Camilo stood up and offered his hand out to you,  "Would you like to go on a date with me, hermosa?"

"Thought you'd never ask, guapo" You gladly accepted his offer and stood up, locking arms with him with your book.

"I actually never thought of it" you added while walking down the hill.

"Neither do I, now let's be spontaneous and see where this relationship would go" Camilo bumped with your hips with his brilliant smile attached to his face. "Now let's go get some ice cream"

All I wanna just say is went through a lot. I would explain it but my tongue keeps getting tied up. I hope you liked this and do correct me for my mistakes and do tell what you think of this! Thanks! Have a beautiful week! /j

Edit: I just re-read this and oh god this is cute! I like thisss!!!

[satansaidmyturnintheh3llscape]

Everything Right/Wrong with Ninjago “Rise of the Serpentine” E9: The Royal Blacksmiths

Can’t wait to get flooded with hate comments from certain platforms for some of the things I say in this. This episode is gay as hell (and so am I); change my mind. Anyways, disclaimers: Show owned by LEGO. This is not a professional review/critique - it’s mainly intended for comedy.

Reblog, comment, like and/or follow for more!

- Theme ✅

- Why do the spikes stop before hitting the ground? Seems counter-productive ❌

- Yeah, no. There is no way Lloyd survives all of this. The only possible explanation would be - Idk - the world keeping him alive because he needs to fulfill some divine destiny or something, but it’s not like THAT would ever happen… ❌

- Also how does Lloyd get back to the Serpentine after this? His only path is blocked off by rocks ❌

- “His name was something like Dutch… no Clutch! Clutch Powers!” I understood that reference ✅

- Idk why but I hate the way that phone looks❌

- “There’s no such thing in Ninjago…” Wu says, as if Garmadon’s never lived in Ninjago?? ❌

- Wu has a katana strapped to his back yet still chooses to fight with whatever this thing is ^ ❌

- “What? You too good for the doorbell?… Use the bell, son!” I can’t f*cking breathe ✅

- Jay simply vibing to the music ✅

- “Is this why you came?” No, they already said they were here for the research paper ❌

- The way Jay got so excited to sing💀 ✅

- Also Kai and Zane just joining by instinct ✅

- “If my ears weren’t attached to my head they’d be running away!” Jeez dude chill

- “Kai: Love the energy, hate the hair.” This is exactly what I imagine runs through the mind of your average Kai stan

- “He’s worse than Sensei Wu!” At least he gives actual advice and pointers and is direct about them. That’s more than I remember Wu doing. ❌

- “Many professionals have dare try, but it’s never been successfully completed.” Why would someone create a dance move that even they couldn’t pull off??? ❌

- “It’s cuz Twinkle Toes here couldn’t deliver the goods,” Jay is a d!ck ❌

- Also, Jay VA appreciation ✅

- “I’m starting to think we can win this thing…” You’re a group of 4 teens who have a day to train and you’re going against teams of professionals that have been practicing for probably months now. In what world do you stand a chance? ❌

- Wait, why are they practicing outside now? ❌

- “Though we live in two different worlds, I still see good in your heart brother.” I love that Wu says this mere seconds before getting punted off a cliff ✅

- Also, why did Garmadon push him? Dramatic effect? I mean it’s not out of character but it still seems excessive. ❌

- ^Why does this one building look like a LEGO figure stuck upside down? ❌

- How inconvenient of Cole to loudly explain their entire plan in this room filled with people ❌

- Also, how is Lou the only one to hear this? ❌

- Trans masc Cole is real ✅

- “I’m not going to wait around to watch you make a mockery of our family’s legacy!” Imagine telling your dad that you’re a firefighter or something and he tells you you’re a disappointment because he wanted you to become a freelance artist ❌

- ^ You know those images that “cure depression?” Well, this is the opposite ❌

- “Treble Makers?” Look, I know this probably wasn’t a Pitch Perfect reference… but I’m still gonna treat it like it is ✅

- Aaaaaaaannnnddddd v*re is canon ❌

- “I have butterflies in my stomach!” “Oh, that’s just nerves!” “No. I really do have butterflies…” “… Oookay, glad he got that out of his system.” I’m sorry but I can’t even sin this I legit can’t watch this scene without laughing ✅

- I know some people think it’s cringey but this performance scene gives me so much dopamine I can’t not win it ✅

- ^ this image ✅

- Zane moon walking ✅

- “Rawr…” Well this definitely made some fans choke on their drinks ✅

- Look, there’s nothing gay about hugging your homies after winning a talent show… BUT there IS something gay about hugging your homie while affectionately nuzzling your face into their side. Anyways, make Lava canon 2022 ✅

- Also, Jay winks at Cole? Gasp! Is Jay a lava shipper? ✅

- How convenient of Pythor to write the 0 so off-center that it makes it very easy for someone to write a 1 directly in front of it ❌

- How long was this dude’s arm?!?!?! ❌

- True potential scene ✅

- It’s cool that they won the competition and all, but I still think it would’ve been funnier and more realistic if the ninja lost completely and just stole it anyway. ❌

Sentence: *clears throat* Gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy-

[bakugohoex]

congratulations on 1k oh my goodness!! may i please request jean with “it’s you, it’s always been you”? congrats again and keep up the good work💞

“it’s you, it’s always been you”

pairing: jean kirchstein x female reader

cw: mentions of blood, fluff

word count: ​1500+

a/n: thank you so much my lovely, and i hope you enjoyed this little oneshot

summary: in which after your own near death experience, jean realises that he needs you to know just how much he loves you

1k event masterlist

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

His fingers stayed firm in your blood coated hair, the way you were going in and out of consciousness. Waiting for death to arrive and take you away from the hell hole of the walls, “Y/n, come on, stay with me.” Jean’s voice felt like a distant memory as you finally dozed off in the back of the cart.

Jean eyed your frail body, you had been hit by a titan, plummeting you into the ground, just as it was about to eat you. Jean had killed it but the way it had held your nimble body, the way it squeezed you its hands ready to devour you made Jean sick. If he had been a couple seconds late you’d be fine, his love, his crush, his friend would disappear without a trace. Jean held you in his arms, feeling how you were still breathing on top of him. Blood from your head spilled out, and he knew you’d need stitches to help you out.

If it wasn’t such a public space with Eren and Mikasa sitting on the other side and Armin and Levi on horses. He would have cried, sobbed even into you, he wanted to but the feeling you’d see him vulnerable at the sight of your limp state would make you worry even more. “Jean is she doing okay?” Armin questioned from his horse, holding the light up to get a better view of you across Jean’s legs.

“She’s still breathing, just o…out.” He choked up at the last word, Armin gave a soft smile knowing not to ask anymore questions. Levi looked sternly at how Jean held you, how you had moved your horse to get the titan to follow you instead of your captain. You were a stupid brat for doing that, knowing he was going to have give you some sort of punishment for your ill actions.

Jean kept you firm, your head nestled between his arms as he whispered stuff into your ear, “If…if this is the only time I get to say this Y/n, then I love you and if…if I ever lost you I don’t know what I’d do.” He continued on with his confession of love, glad you were unaware of it all. Glad that once you got the proper help you needed within the walls you’d never remember this conversation.

Jean watched the doors open to Trost, in a matter of seconds a medic came and took your limp body, if Jean hadn’t known you were breathing he'd assume you were just another corpse ready to be buried. He went to follow the medic, needing to make sure you were safe, but Levi stopped him in a matter of seconds. “She’ll be fine, and we need to re-group.”

“But…yes sir.” Jean easily saw the glare Levi had given as he followed the group, he turned back to just see the glimpse of your scathed leg before you were taken away to a bed.

How could he attend a meeting to regroup and talk about the latest expedition when all he could think about was you. Were you being treated okay? Was there any damage? How long would you be immobilised for? He had stopped paying attention to the meeting, instead staring at the door, as soon as Hanje gave the signal he was going. He was going to find you, okay, with nothing wrong except a little bruising.

He’d see that sweet smile you’d give him with a coy remark, and he’d fall even more head over heels for you. Jean looked at the door with such intensity, Armin had noticed nudging him softly after Hanje had asked a question directed to him. “Sorry, what did you say?” He tried to be apologetic, but his mind was somewhere else.

“Jean we know you want to see her.” Hanje tried to give him a reassuring look as they looked at him with pleading eyes to explain what happened. He tried to do so but his mind couldn’t let him speak, Hanje gave a nod before dismissing him, “go and check on her.”

It was all Jean needed to hear as he ran out of the room, he needed to see you. Needed you to be okay, he rounded the corner meeting the eyes of the civilians of Trost who surrounded the dead. Jean hadn’t realised just how many men had died on this expedition; how many had risked their lives to rid the area of titans for good. It may have been a success after years of trying to gain land back, but the ability to now see the sea freely was evident.

He ignored the passer-bys, tears staining their cheeks as he saw the medic who had handled you with a mother. “Excuse me.” Jean may have been in a rush, but the medic clearly wasn’t, ignoring him, which made Jean even more annoyed. “Hello.” He tapped the man's shoulder which made him turn around to meet the tall boy.

“That girl you took, where is she?” The medic gave a confused look before nodding and bringing some papers out.

“She’s in the next room over.” Jean nodded and before the medic could even ask who he was, Jean was gone. He had seen the tortures of death around him, the families that cried for the fallen soldiers. He finally met the door that held you, he needed to see you, needed you to be alright. Needed to confess, he needed to make sure you were loved and protected.

He didn’t bother knocking on the door, instead brashly entering. He saw you face away looking out at the blue sky of Trost. With land regained and the lack of titans, Jean thought of the security you both could have here. “Y/n.” He spoke hesitantly.

You didn’t turn around still looking outside, he saw the bandage around your head. He didn’t know what to say, your back was facing him, and you might have been asleep for all he knew. Jean moved closer to you, before moving in front of your body. He took the seat that sat in front of your sleeping body, he could hear your breathing and knew you hadn’t had any critical damage. It was now the minor damage that worried him more.

“J..Jean.” You softly whispered, his hand had moved instinctively towards your hair, moving the strands away from your face as he looked at you with love.

“I’m here.” He cupped your face gently looking down at you as he moved away from the chair and on his knees. His face close enough to feel your breathing against him, “Y/n.”

“I’m sorry…I should’ve been looking whe…” Tears welled your eyes at how Jean looked at you, the way he had never expected an apology.

He caressed your face soothingly, “there’s nothing to apologise for, you tried to protect us all, I should be the one apologising…I only just made it to you.”

You moved your face further into Jean’s hands, he tilted his head to see you properly leaning against the small bed. “Thank you for saving me.”

“I’m always going to protect you.” He knew you had no minor problems, the bleeding stopped as you looked fresh and rejuvenated. “I was so worried about you.

“You were?”

“I was, I have to protect you because I’m in love with you.” He whispered the last part out, you had heard it all, even after he had promised himself to hide the confession. Here he was confessing to you of his love.

“I always thought you liked Mika…” He interrupts you with such ease.

Looking up into your eyes, the pools of warmth cascading from them, “It’s you, it’s always been you.” It was heaven to your ears, the sound of his love finally reaching your own. The way he always protectively stood by you, how his hand lingered against yours whenever you both stood together. The way that the love of your life, loved you back.

“I love you too Jean.” You whispered softly, meeting his lips that had been lingering against your own, it was passionate and sweet. Everything you had wanted from a first kiss; emotions ran through you as his hand caressed your cheek lovingly. His lips softly against your own as if they meshed together perfectly. It was a necessity more than a want now, the fact that the boy who had been your first love was now kissing you sent a bolt of electricity throughout you. You saw him give one final haste kiss before his mouth let go of your own still lingering close by as he knew you needed rest.

He stayed near you, his body leaning against the bed as his head was on the bed, his hand in one of your own as he looked up at you with such love. “I’ll always be here.”

“Pinkie promise.” You whispered through your tired state.

He looked down, shaking his head in amusement before nodding, “pinkie promise my love.”

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.