#glad I am not on support today
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Of course it's a Microsoft update
These updates have been a crapshoot since Windows 98. I can't remember how many times I've had to unfuck a computer.
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the sleepy bbs :3 sam sleeping with a shifted darlin :3
at this point i feel like i should just tag her SHES BEEN GIVING ME ALL THE IDEAS RAHHFJKSDFHGKJF thank you @nicnebula for indoctrinating introducing me to redactedverse my motivation to draw has gone through the roof AND THANK FOR THIS IDEA ITS SO SWEET AAAAAAAAAAAA
bit messier but i gotta fix my perfectionism somehow so here you go :0
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted sam#sam collins#redacted asmr#redacted darlin#my art#GOD I ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DRAW WOLVES AAAAAAA#the sam craze is still going i am not stopping anytime soon#irrelevant to drawing but today i just spent over 500 at an artist alley#hey guys just wanted to let you know my commissions are open!!#HELP#they genuinely are open though#once i finish my current comms i will prolly make a sheet#AND THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT GUYS AA#im glad so many people are enjoying my sam drawings :3
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I finished my Dr appointment and am planning on not going back to class lmaoooo
Submitted my group assignment too, so I'm soooo over that headache and heartache!!
#nimo's sheeko sheeko time#today is my brothers hangout day yaaaaaay!#also yesterday I LOST IT LMAOOOO#so heartbroken depressed and a wreck#so glad this stuff generally lasts only a day for me 😇#its actually kind of funny how that works but yaaaaaaay#sometimes I think I am so dramatic#hooyo is supporting my leave today djejje#what else? I have an appointment with my dr on the 9th for my accommodations#lowkey think he tryna get out of it bc they sent me my documents of it today?#which cool but I need him to sign these documents bc I listed out more accommodations!!!#if youre wondering: more time on assignments/can take as many sick days as needed/one on one mentor meetings and#I forgot the last one!!!#but yeah uwu thats whats up
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Someone put my Mike on the Sexypedia, honestly this is the biggest honour and nothing will ever top this, it's been great everyone <3
#Jay Talks#Mike#I may be a bit overstimulated today don't mind me#Got home earlier and I'm just packing stuff but my brain is also filled with I Love My OCs Thoughts and GOD#I need to tell everyone how much I love my OCS#I love them and they make me happy and when they make other people happy as well then that makes it all worth it#I feel like I don't talk enough aobut how grateful I am for people's support and interest in my work#I just can't get used to it it makes me so grateful#I'm so happy my guys can make people happy as well#my thoughts derailed too much this is supposed to be a post about Mike being on the Sexypedia#I'm glad people understand his GILF appeal#Been fighting for my life all this time to have people Get It
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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#i still cant believe i came out to her#after my parents... i think its her reaction or thoughts acceptance that i care about the most#we talked today#this has been so cathartic to me#my parents dont accept me#but she does#and i think that makes me feel a bit lighter#still processing the last few days and today#at times my thoughts are like... is this too good to be true#but... i know that this is real#and we have such a special bond#so this is true#and i am so glad. happy. and relieved.#looking back at all these years where i felt like maybe i can never open up to her about this... ha.#i mean i knew but it was scary.#i am elated but this is also the kind a kind of a really cathartic soreness#or something#idk#just... it makes me think that maybe things will be ok#i know it is all up to me#but... but this support and acceptance from her... it matters to me a lot and makes a huge difference.#And I know now that is genuine and true
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HOW ARE YOU SO TALENTED
waaa THANK YOU!!! but it's a curse don't get too happy for me yet HHH xD i can't do anything BUT draw JGAJGJSG life is so hard when you can only be good at one thing LMAO
#ask#i sold my soul to get to where i am today btw that's the secret#yup. uhuh#to who? well killer and cross obviously#DUH you think this talent is cause i practice? pffff#these dorks have been living in my head rent free for so long i can't do anything BUT draw them for them to leave my thoughts#and even then that doesn't WORK!! i'm doomed for these beans sobbing crying please send help-#jk jk it's all jokes- i'm really glad you think so!! :')#BUT i really don't know if i'd wish talent upon anyone tbh HHH xD it's so tied to your identity it's insane really!#i can't think of a day where i didn't consider myself an artist- even as a kid and that's probably why i'm good? i just don't force myself#to do art or anything i just want to no matter how bad the outcome is! probably cause it's just BORING without it like FR#a world without me drawing feels empty and weird and i hate thinking about it so!!#a summary of this is just: be as stubborn as you can whenever you draw and it won't even matter to you if you're good at it!#muah muah thank you sm for the support tundra!! it's very sweet of you >:')c <3333
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your OOTDs make me feel some kind of way, but your positivity is so rare and we don't deserve you <3<3
🤍 ⊹ ˚ . 🌸
。 *・ ⊹ ♡
🤍 ⊹ 🌸 * ・。 🤍
My sweet friend !! ♡
I would like to give you a big hug !! Is that okay ??
I just think it’s really kind of you to take the time to say something so nice c:
I mean I do feel kinda embarrassed as well if I’m being honest!
Cus I think maybe this was *too* nice? :’)
My outfits of the day aren’t much!
I don’t have an extensive wardrobe or take great pictures — they’re just something silly and fun I like sharing here in case it cheers someone up :D
(It’s small, but you never know! Someone might be having a bad day, and maybe it brightens it ?? Well I hope so)
This does make me feel special though, and I smiled a lot when I saw this! You have a very kind heart !!
Thank you so much ♡
I do not deserve this, but I am genuinely grateful and send many happy thoughts, and lots of love your way ~ !!!
XOXO 。 * ・ ⊹ 🌸
🤍 ⊹ ˚ . 🌸 ˚ . * 🤍
#<3#ask#i am not sure what way they make you feel ?? XD#but this really was nice c:#and supportive !!#i am glad if my outfits have cheered you up c:#or ever brought you joy my friend !#thank you once again for taking the time to make me smile today !!#i am very appreciative !!#and giving you the biggest hug & truly hoping you take care ~ !! c:#xo ! <3#🤍 ⊹ ˚ . 🌸 ˚ . * 🤍
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...
Guys, I did not... expect this. When I saw so many nice messages, I think my heart jumped. I feel slightly out of touch from reality (in a positive way though) because this is... a lot of support I hadn’t realised, and it is hard to find words, I just... *jumps into a well where shark giants are*
sdfjhfdhds okay okay for real though, thank you very much; I do not deserve all this, especially because in that post I did forget to address the fact that it was not only insult to me but to my fans too (my bad, I felt a bit emotional). But I am thankful for each of these. ;-; It feels like that one moment in an anime where the character feels weak and struggles, and then the characters he’s helped along the way all come to encourage him to keep going - except instead of help it was just lore posts that some people found fun and/or useful dhfshds xD
I am very happy to have all this, thank you very much. It is just hard to verbalise how it felt to open my ask box and find THIS.
#personal#positive#i just felt like i had a lot to say on the matter specifically#love how i ignored the insult and took offence to 'content' part.... PRIORITIEEEEEES fhsdhfsdhfdfd#but again i was feeling bad forgetting to address insult towards people that love me today#i am glad there are people enjoying my posts nonetheless#these words mean a lot for me they really do i just legit don't know how to react;#i am more versed to react on hostility than on support because when i get positivity and compliments i just go like#'okaaaay so where is the catch?' dsjfds#but naturally not this time
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if you get an ask from me (probably from @clawsextended ) yes you absolutely did i have selina brainrot and i have for literally like three hours now.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[the best idea i ever had was going ‘I write lofi miyazaki selina who is also a scene from elfen lied’ and beyond on both sides of that#spectrum. i am cringe but i am free and she is nearly 40 with a child she stole. solidifes my own canon like striking an anvil. fuck it. i#do not care even remotely. over here probably gonna kitty. probably gonna some doc bloom. today’s possibilities are endless. i can focus?? i#love you so much aderall holy fuck. i need my recc letters for my new job and then i can start. it’s whacky because my indeed is full of job#shit for various therapy professional positions because i GUESS my masters works for that?? wild. man im glad I actually did all that school#shit. like I wouldn’t readily recommend it and I think it’s a case by case basis where academia is concerned. college ain’t for everybody it#is very fucking boring and very fucking difficult and if you’re neurodivergent it’s dick. but Christ I’m glad I have a particular and#lifelong hyperfixation with education and development… that I didn’t even realize until I was an adult. okay okay. that’s a lot. time to#write. love you guys!! maybe I’ll make a fucking promo for selina that I like. pls support my brand 🥺🥺 I am TRYING. I have awful cottonmouth#that feels like it’s from hell.]
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Idk if i looked particularly 'metalhead' today, but i had my first time!!!
First time some rando asked me "Do you really like them or that t-shirt is just for show?".
So exciting.
#jinn contemplates life. metallica and life.#like. i basically always wear a tallica tshirt??? 5/7 days a week and it NEVER happened to me before#and today i was wearing a super 'basic' one. the one with rtl guy on the electric chair that i love SO much that i wear it backwards#bc on the front there is the album art but i want the guy up front!!!! i wanna see him!#anyway unfortunately i am not one of those quick witted ppl so i didnt give him the biting responses that im thinking now#im glad it took so long to have a 'fan' interaction like this one#AND HE WASN'T EVEN A FAN. WHY ARE YOU DOING THE FAN POLICE IF YOU ARENT EVEN A FAN#and he tried to push me to talk shit abt metallica#good luck with that#now name me 3 tallica cover songs that are not on garage inc or you are not worth my time#ah btw. i fully support buying tshirts of bands you dont know. who cares. if you like the art or the vibe go for it#i know it's an unpopular opinon but these ppl dont do any arm. they juat think that the tshirts are cool. that's it#i find more annoying the gatekeepers#i said it sjsksksksks
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I have no idea how to phrase it but being on the older end out of the students in this class and seeing a lot of the ones that just left highschool struggling with very similar stuff than I did (because no one in this course is cishet and neurotypical) and then seeing them come to me for support with all that stuff just because I'm outspoken about my experiences and somehow signaled that I'm safe enough of a person to come to all in the third week of class is so much I don't know how I got here but I'm so glad I did
#like I've mentioned my cool genderqueer friend he's on the same age range as me but I am managing to interact#with like a decent portion of the class? which is awesome! it feels like art school all over again I actually understand people#and it naturally has a lot of freshmen#and today like idk probably because of how bad I had it yesterday that today just left such a big impact on me all of a sudden#it's important to me that I can be someone like that probably because it's how I remember being before trauma and stuff#but also I mean just logically speaking I know one issue I certainly don't have is with confidence and self esteem#so it's important to me that I can support friends who do still struggle with that self doubt#and something about that just coming across to others is getting to me#like I just make myself clear that it's a choice to be friends and listen and that I wouldn't hang out with anyone out of guilt or pity#and it actually makes people feel seen#like I don't think I've mentioned yet but I had at least three interactions that reflected this today so yeah#fellow autistic nb nerd asking for snuggly friend hugs so naturally I was talking to someone else#neurodivergent trans girl saying thank you out of the blue alongside her goodbyes when parting ways#guy with ocd I hadn't spoken to yet but that had a bad fucking time cause of the class incel being glad I reached out to him#after he had to walk out of class today#like idk#fuck man#I said I was trying to not infantilize or adopt anyone but still had the instinct to try and act all older sibling like#like almost joking and the girl genuinely said I was doing a good job at that though#Void fala aí
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Ok, I’m officially registered for pharmacology online for the fall semester 😮💨
#one less thing I gotta worry/stress about#I’m glad my dad brought it up first today and that I wasn’t nervous to talk about it with him#he was happy when I told him I looked into it yesterday and that there were still open seats for the class#I’m thankful that my dad helps pay for these classes I need to complete prerequisites before I apply again for nursing programs#I’m also thankful he’s still supportive of me still wanting to pursue nursing and my mom too#I may have my issues with them but I am in a lucky position to have their continued support#ok I’m getting a little emotional and crying a little over this so I’ll shut up and get back to working on my class#jazz uses curse! 💜
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Maybe I would play any of the sonic games if they had Carson in them but they don’t so….what do they expect lol. If you want me to play a game you have to put Carson in or I don’t care!!! God when will they fucking LEARN
#btw idk if I’ll be more normal about Carson soon ish coz they upped my meds to highest dose in hopes it might regulate my irrational thought#thoughts* and stuff etc etc so…we will see lol#not BECAUSE of Carson lol but just like everything in general#also I gotta take another test coz they’re like we can’t confirm a disorder but you definitely have autistic traits so that might be#interesting! coz I’ve been wondering for years and I learned that others have too#and bad emotional regulation or something like that?#plus anxiety and depression obvs. but im not complaining abt this coz im getting further to knowing answers of-#-what is wrong with me. which is what I’ve been craving since forever so it’s a huge step forward!#i can’t believe I am where I am now compared to just a year or so ago like it’s crazy#i had a lapse yesterday and was suicidal which was bad but I have an amazing supportive team and im so lucky to have them and they helped#-me a lot and I’m so glad I’ve got the recourse’s I do because if I didn’t im scared to think what I’d be like#so 🙏#sorry random life update ramblings#but im good today yay
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#it hasn’t quite been 8 years since i became a svt girlie for life#thats in like. 5 days.#but regardless of whether i am following them closely or not#there really will be no group to ever come close to what svt are to me tbh 😔#i remember once seeing them predebut on a post someone made about supporting pledis’ artists#and thinking i’ll check them out when they debut and then fastforward to someone putting their debut showcase performance on my dash#and i thought nahhh. too many members for me 😭😭#as if the first group i had ever got into wasnt ot12 exo 🚶🏻♀️#but anyways after watching the mv and seeing my lil pink wz i had no choice but to be a svt girlie for life 😔🤚🏻#and to just. going through that period where there was only 5 songs and pretty much getting to know them through the cursed predebut content#to see where they are now is always incredible#carats of today are so lucky to have so much content ready to watch. so many songs to listen to#personal#idk none of this makes any sense. has no point#ive been into kpop nearly 10 years now and am glad to have been able to spend 8 w/ svt#not a lot holds my interest for that long tbh.
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officially graduated :)
#i am feeling pretty miserable right Now. but I can’t understate the fact that. I actually fucking graduated.#and god. I’m so glad I made it here. I’m so glad that I stuck through. I’m so glad I am here.#even if I’m feeling awful. and I’m upset that I’m feeling awful on what is probably one of the best and most improbable days of my life#bc I’m just so glad I finished. and competed it. even if everyone else around me has made me feel miserable. it’s ok. but god. yeah.#i still cant rlly believe it. I’m having a lot of feelings#but yeah :) I graduated college today like fr :)#ty to everyone who has supported me over text or via liking my struggle posts#i really genuinely couldn’t have done it without other ppl so. this is a ty for you all.#roxy talks
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