#give me some reliefe
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thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?
day 356
BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails
truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute
#day 356#year 4#dave strider#aradia megido#aradave#homestuck#she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D#boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY#and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave#the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia#yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first#but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point#she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff#and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease#because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC#shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like#at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze#but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends#ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies#i will be here waiting patiently#timerails
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#mmmmm in the middle of the everything that's going on here's a life update from me:#I'm 32 years old and as of tomorrow I'll have been on ramping an SNRI for a week#neurotransmission tuneup#is gonna be my tag for this topic if you're reading this and would benefit from a filter#so far: body feels YUCKY in various ways but some interesting stuff is happening in the brain. so. we will continue to see how this goes#knowing that the side effect onramp was gonna happen and is something you generally gotta weather before knowing if it'll be the right fit#was helpful; but this also is like. wow. the body sure can feel Ways.#I am observing what's going on in here quietly and it's way too soon to say whether this one will stick for me#but. uh. cautiously 🧿 some things are feeling good and maybe even relief- and ease-giving and that's Hope Filled?? 🧿#hhhhhh 🫨 please feel free to wish me good luck or encouragement with this shit! it took a lot for me to get to this point!
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{Retrouvaille}
Thoughts below:
I wanted to go with Metanoia (spiritual conversion) for the title but Retrouvaille sounded thematically stronger and fitting. It means reunion between loved ones who were separated apart for a long time. :)
The flowers shown in one of the panels are:
Lady's thimble (harebell/bellflower) = grief, submission
Teasel (dipsacus) = misanthropy
Pheasant's eyes (adonis) = sorrowful memories, I cannot forget you
Morning bride (scabiosa) = I have lost all
If you also are able to catch the reference in the last page, I applaud you!! You get a cookie :)🍪
#pokemon xy#pokemon x and y#pokemon az#az pokemon#trainer az#eternal flower floette#lysandre pokemon#zygarde#serena pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon#my art#another introspective story#pokemon fanart#i love doing this cause it gives me a sense of clarity and catharsis for my own self too. Like it clears up the smog of thoughts#that i have internalized for a long time#plus it feels cool to navigate the story through that character's perspective and translate their thoughts#the man at the bottom of the 1st page is lysandre's ancestor...#az has been such a interesting character for me despite his unfortunately limited role/appearance (nevertheless a compelling story)#working with his character gave me some sort of relief + inspired new ideas to work with.#the ceremony scene is profound to me not only because of the reunion but also how az asks the protag to teach them what a trainer is#like reverse of elder-young dynamics and in a way passing the “crown” to the protag given they are the new champion (role of significance)
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half way through the vampire armand, and he loves love and god and family and the world, like can't emphasis enough how his love for others is repeated to be the direct connection to his humanity
hope nothing bad happens to rock the foundations of his very being
#he loves his venetian brothers :( he loves his friends :(#he can't paint anymore cause he feels an overwhelming disconnect from god and his culture#just read the chapter where he goes back to kiev and wept the whole time#him seeing his artwork cherished by his family after being surrounded by roman catholic imagery and thinking he's a shit painter😭😭#it was him reuniting with his dad that really got to me tho#the relief and gratitude at seeing his father alive#got 1 more chapter till the roman coven comes and fucks everything around#The Vampire Armand#iwtv#armand#some of my favorite parts so far are his brothers showing him around Venice/ flashback scenes with his dad and the monks#and armand floating into the kingdom of heaven and the priest being like not yet you've got a lot of love to give
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everyone please take turns gently petting the cat she’s sad today
#tbh it’ll go away after I wake up but man I woke up to sad SpongeBob music playing in my head#I need this strep to go away and give me some relief
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You’re carrying uraume lovers hopes on ur back 💖
REAL AS FUCKKKKKKK ANON!!!!! URAUME NATION WILL BE FED BY ME #TRUST ME ON THAT! i have a few drabbles/fics planned for my beloved after i finish the few fics i have in my roster 😭 but i WILL do my best to feed my fellow uraume lovers <333 SMOOCH
#asks#anon#ily anon a fellow uraume truther… i love to see it#i have a hurt/comfort argument fic in the works AND ALSO. satosukugoreader smut 🤭🤭🤭#AND A BODYGUARD!URAUME TOO OMG BUT LET ME TALK ABT THE SUKUGOME ONE#sukuna is a chiropractor and uraume is a masseuse + satoru & reader are a hot couple who go to sukume for some relief#one thing leads to another and they Smash . (uraume i want you so bad it’s not funny in the slighest)#BUT YEAH I HAVE THAT AND ALSO!!!!!#bodyguard!uraume x reader x idol!sukuna this one is so funny bc reader doesn’t give a FAWK abt sukuna they’re just an uraume stan#and they’re real for that! it’s just sukie & reader being haters to e/on while uraume Bonks them on the head to Behave#uraume and their fuckass bob have bewitched me . mind body and soul
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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Tbh, nothing has made me sympathize more with Kipperlilly Copperkettle than her anger issues.
Cause anger is an emotion we feel when we're missing something. When we need something and can't get it. It's a balm to make us feel better when things don't go our way.
When things aren't fair.
#d20#dimension 20#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 spoilers#fhjy#fantasy high spoilers#of course just cause you feel like things are unfair doesnt mean they actually are#and the reason why its an anger issue is cause the anger has befome detrimental#its warped from being somethjng to comfort you when you feel powerless to a tool you use against others when you fedl slighted#part of why anger issues are so hard to overcome is cause of how good it feels in the moment#even if you feel terrible guilt afterwards#the catharsis of releasing anger can be such a relief#that you dont even realise youve started looking for reasons to be angry#youre listing things that are terrible with the world just so you can feel better by getting angry at them#things like capitalism and people who bullied you and how your boss is a terrible racist#things that everyone can get angry over#until they get more personal and warps your judgment#“my boss called a group of immigrant a bunch of racial slurs” “his secretary was there too she can back me up”#“when i brought it up with her she says she wasnt payjng attention or something” “shes peobably racist too and thats why he hired her”#it becomes easier to make jumps like that instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt#easier to justify your anger with the smallest slights#until youre yelling at a pedestrian whe. you almost ran them over#“sure it was a red light but they shouldve paid attention and seen me coming too”#anyways this is all to say kipperlilly probably has some issues to deal with#idk if shes actually behind this plot or if shes being manipulated#doesmt stop her from being a total dick tho#but it does make me a little more sympathetic to her
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i keep trying to uninstall gender but society keeps forcing mandatory updates that won't let me completely remove the program from my device, so instead i have to settle for just going into settings and removing all permissions & silencing notifications regularly. wish there was an Opt Out button. this gender shit starting to feel like tumblr live & i just gotta keep snoozing it weekly for the rest of my life
#coming out to new coworkers and the results have been overwhelmingly more positive than my last job!#prev job just. ignored my pronouns & refused to acknowledge my transness at all#present job i got abt 50/50 'oh ok cool' & 'oh ok cool but this is v new to me so please be patient if i mess it up'#there's clearly some people who read me as a cis man and it's v hard for them to think of me as anything else#& i'm like bro i'm just a person with a body don't think too hard about it#anyways in this metaphor the computer keeps defaulting me to male as the closest approximation#and i just have to keep reminding it that my man-shaped camouflage is just a performance#there's no gender underneath it's just me#being he/him'd doesn't make me dysphoric im just like 'yeah i guess that's an easy mistake to make. carry on'#like i did spend 10+ yrs & thousands of $ to ensure when ppl inevitably gender me (as most can't help doing subconsciously) they lean masc#so it's not wrong per se#but it doesn't give me the euphoria/relief/comfort of just. not being gendered at all.#ctxt#meatsuit renno
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After rewatching the Thanks For Watching trilogy, I actually have to double down on my controversial opinion: Hunter never having to directly face off against Belos again after Thanks to Them is actually super satisfying and cathartic in an understated, underrated way. He said everything he needed to say after the worst thing that Belos ever did to him, and from then on, he didn't know it yet but he was free. I'm so happy for him.
#he was in so much pain when he was focused on vengeance in FTF. it's such a moment of relief when WAD lets him breathe#the owl house#the owl house hunter#emperor belos#i don't even think hunter's arc was *completely* unscathed by cancellation-induced pacing issues#i think he would've benefitted from more time to sit with flapjack's death and to flesh out the new magic (esp limitations)#(i think they could've spun up an interesting new angle on the disability metaphor if they'd had like...#an A-plot and two B-plots across half a season. give some payoffs to his prior glyph usage maybe)#but with the cancellation they couldn't have given him that time without taking any away from luz (or others but mostly luz)#and to be clear: i think they made the right choice#because hunter is a great character but nonetheless one that the fanbase needs to be reminded is not the protagonist#anyways he might be the TOH character for which the ending stuck the least for me... BUT the fact that i still enjoyed it overall#is really a testament to the crew handling the cancellation in the best way humanly possible. IMO
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oh gods it is way too early in the morning for me to be awake (on a saturday no less) but i just downloaded another plunny from The Aether TM and it seems Mines relevant enough that yall might enjoy
for Reasons everyone in Dooku's familie dies when he's still a teen (Jenza maybe only in a coma or smt) and he HAS to take over (also for Reasons)
only. he has no clue.
the only thing he DOES know is that a ruler needs lackeys. loyal officers. something like that (sifo had him watch a period drama the week before, it left an impression)
so he recruits the only people he can think of as his definitely-not-jedi-padawan certainly-loyal-to-a-fault goons: Sifo-Dyas, Jocasta Nu, Lorian Nod and Arath Tarrex (well, Arath just kinda inserted himself there but Dooku can see the merits of having someone who's more of an asshole than him close by. Makes him look bettter, and that's what this all is about, no?)
cue a LOT of shenanigans where five jedi-raised teens suddenly take over a planet's government and proceed to do politics with, like, medium success
at most
but a lot of violence (mostly on Arath's part, he kinda just attracts explosions) to make up for it
oh but they found the dragon in the basement, so that's fun (the serennians are horrified)
#the fic ends with jenza waking up from the coma and taking up the mantle herself#everyone sighs in relief#until she realizes that somehow in the meantime they completely restructured the government#did a bunch of new trade deals#are feared pirate hunters#became part of the mandalorian empire (that wasnt there before what happened)#half the castle is now a gigantic library#the guards never werr trained better#theres ominous graffity on the walls the servants insist are important prophecies (about soup. mostly)#and THERE IS A DRAGON IN THE GARDEN WTF#me writing#i might write this at some point#or if someone feels really called to this (wink wink nudge nudge) i COULD give this plunny away#i GUESS#WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE (i ccannot afford more plumnies what am i doing)#random boli thoughts#star wars#sifo dyas#yan dooku#count dooku#arath tarrex#lorian nod#⛏️⛏️⛏️
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Ah no my head hurts I need an attractive man/woman/who ever to give me an ibuprofen
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*sigh*….today was not my day
It was a long tiring day and work for the past few days was…something💀 people just know how to make you feel like crap sometimes.
But I am home now and ya know what makes me feel better???…
Drinking hot cocoa and Drawing my blorbo :]
#atleast it got me out to draw SOMETHING#I don’t really rent or talk about my feelings like this-#but wanted to get it off my chest a bit#and it’s giving me some what of a relief.#Srry if it’s like random💀#anyways I like how this came out tho#getting into the Christmas spirit :D#I getting ready to change my blog soon#so this’ll be my Christmas banner#I just now gotta make a pfp✨
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I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.
I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤
I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"
#my god i love ken SO MUCH i am so grateful to have an F/O who brings me comfort when im anxious#and grateful i am not as numb as i was three weeks ago#i am still struggling to self ship like i used to - and i think i always will bc of [gestures to 2023] - BUT#the fact that i thought of ken and felt some relief is a rly good sign bc three weeks ago i felt *nothing*#i am depressed and miserable as fuck today but he still gave me a crumb of comfort. THATS SOMETHING ✨#woof#plus I'm gonna be able to meet a TF voice actor in September bc of this job#I'm gonna give him my charms... and... say I liked his character...#and maybe it'll make me feel better around that character. or maybe it won't. but it's worth a try!!!#and how cool is it that I get to work in a place where so many big celebs do their shows?? and MEET them???#one day I wanna meet John Legend if he comes back again and tell him I LOVED him in La La Land 🥺#This job is impossible to get hired for unless if you have connections bc it's so... idk the word. fancy?#that's not the word but it's a Big Job and I am SO STRESSED MY GOD#but I'd be wasting opportunities if I didn't keep trying at least for a few more months#and if I gotta cry my eyes out in the parking lot after my shifts that's fine as long as I work the full five to six hours#I'm celebrating *THREE* F/O anniversaries in September which is ALSO MY BIRTHDAY#so I'm gonna need the extra cheddar to absolutely spoil myself. Officer K and Driver are two big main F/Os#and I still haven't celebrated my Barbie/Ken anniversary as much as I wanted#so!! I!! will!!! tough it out even though this job makes me cry. give me that money#I am stressed every day of my life bc I have a Complex Stress Disorder you might as well pay me hundreds to be stressed
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The Killing Vote having an 8.3 on MDL while Evilive has a 7.9 is so insane to me...
Apparently people are review bombing it because it's too hard to access due to no Western streaming platform holding it, as if we haven't all been sailing the high seas for the last 20 years to find kdramas with eng subs 😭
Streaming platforms have ruined the world I fear 😔
#Evilive#this whole time I thought MDL ratings were solely based on quality#meanwhile idiots use it as a stress relief when they're too dumb to find out how to watch a show#so they rate the show as a 0 and skew the public's opinion#thereby rendering the rating system effectively useless 🙄#now I'm wondering about all the shows I ignored cause the ratings were in the 7s...#this gives me hope that I'm gonna find some new hidden gems but also aggravates me cause I didn't know before
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#okay i feel terrible because i ended up asking for my cleaning job tomorrow to reschedule to next week#i was just sort of getting some bad vibes i feel like#i like just yeah overall v nervous#and also feeling like it may be above what im able to do right now and they were really giving me much information#a part of me is like is this person trying to lure me into their house to kill me lol#anywah i asked if we could reschedule because i had something come come up for tomorrow#and im going to ask my therapist what to do#on monday!#but basically im just terrified at the fact that i cancelled so last minute because i feel like i cant do stuff like that#when starting a business#but anyway i feel such a sense of relief for cancelling and i also have accepted a different job for tomorrow#one that i feel a heck of a lot less scared about lol#idk the other person just seemed like they wanted to get me into their house??#idk how to explain it#is it horrible if they arent bad people for me to cancel like that??#like if im wrong in having a bad feeling#idk!!!!!
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