#give me poor coping skills

[ashintheairlikesnow]

every once in a while, I read some smut. I know, shocking, right? In any case, I recently saw a book rec that had as its basic synopsis "A billionaire keeps a harem of supernatural creatures - an omega wolf shifter, a kelpie, a vampire, an incubus, a siren, a fey, and a 'vessel' (a human that stores magic and you have to... fuck it out of them to use it, I guess?). Brodie is sent undercover as the harem's medic to discover the billionaire's secrets".

This seems promising. Nsfwhump, paranormal funtimes, weird shit galore, count me IN.

And then... the whole book kind of skims over the nsfwhump entirely. Hell, there's barely any actual real whump! It was terribly disappointing and I was honestly so interested. The POV is primarily the Brodie man, but it switches off with Red, the wolf shifter, who considering he has been kept locked up for literal years, has almost no trauma as a result of this? Only two of the creatures even seem to have much at all.

I was kind of deflated by the end because I really wanted more build up to get me to care about the characters, and was interested in seeing their emotional/physical trauma play out as Brodie worked to rescue them. But you don't get to see all that much of it at all, and it feels like the plot breezes past you so fast you're struggling to keep up with how everything happens so quickly.

So now I'm just sitting here like... well damn it, why throw such a promising premise at me and then run away from it as fast as you can?

On the other hand, it inspired me to create a siren OC that I'm working out details of with @redwingedwhump as far as figuring out where I would want to go with the concept. I found "captive siren who isn't allowed to sing" wildly interesting, another concept that is just sort of touched on but it does sound like the siren will get his own book at some point. I just. I want him to feel more pain and if I cannot get pain from this story, I will make up a new OC and give that one the pain instead.

[fastandcarlos]

World’s Best Engineer » Lance Stroll

summary: as a leading engineer at aston martin you’re very friendly with the drivers, however as winter break comes around, you find yourself closer than ever to a certain stroll

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, astonmartinf1 and 29,402 others

ynusername: another busy week in the paddock, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, being an f1 engineer really is the best job in the world 💚🏎️

4,191 comments

username1: thank you for being so inspiring y/n!!

username2: my dream is to be just like you 🥺

astonmartinf1: another great week with the team, thank you for all your hard work 💚

username3: these days I just live my dream through your socials y/n

lance_stroll: I guess I have to give you a bit of credit for p7 this week 🙄

ynusername: @/lance_stroll if your front wing is broken in montreal…it wasn’t me!!

lance_stroll: @/ynusername I appreciate you really ☺️

username4: I just want a friendship like y/n and lance 💕

georgerussell63: so nice to see you again after so long y/n!

landonorris: can you come and work your magic on my car pls??

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 732,006 others

lance_stroll: another great week with the team in monaco, thank you for all the continued support 🏎️💚🥰

68,111 comments

astonmartinf1: well done lance - we’re very proud of you!

username5: it must feel awesome to have such a great team around you

fernandoalo_oficial: super job lance 💚💚

ynusername: I guess you did alright 🤷🏻‍♀️

lance_stroll: @/ynusername sometimes I wonder why we’re even friends 😂

username6: I can’t cope with these two sometimes

username7: who let these two be part of the same team 🙄

alex_albon: I’ll let you have that overtake this time…next time you’re mine 😉

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by estebanocon, charles_leclerc and 103,489 others

ynusername: another week with this fool! did I mention that I’ve now added photographer to my list of specialist skills??

29,312 comments

username8: the third photo wtf y/n

username9: poor lance being bullied by his own engineer

logansargeant: pls tell me lance gave you permission to post these!!

ynusername: @/logansargeant as if he’d give me permission to post these 😂

logansargeant: @/ynusername you’re gonna be dead

username10: everyone just waiting for lance to appear in the comment section

landonorris: HOWLING 😂😂😂

lance_stroll: what did I do to you 😭 worst. friend. ever.

ynusername: @/lance_stroll lmao I’m sorry…just wanted to give your fans an insight into paddock life with you 😝

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by astonmartinf1, ynusername and 628,319 others

lance_stroll: posting these to prove a point that I’m definitely the better friend. did I mention that y/n is the best engineer in the world 💚🤩🏁

72,771 comments

username11: lance making y/n look like a terrible friend 😂

username12: I sense revenge coming at some point

ynusername: no one’s falling for that stroll 😂 we all know what you’re really like

username13: I can’t anymore with these two

username14: poor lance can’t catch a break

danielricciardo: let me just go and find my violin to offer you some sympathy

maxverstappen1: if you don’t want y/n as a friend…I’ll have her 😇

lance_stroll: @/maxverstappen1 TAKE HER! it’s someone else’s time to be bullied by her

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by pierregasly, yukitsunoda0511 and 103,778 others

ynusername: the end of another season means the end of annoying this muppet for three months…here’s a few snippets of this year to celebrate another great season (and make up for the unflattering photos I posted last time 😂) 💚🏁🏎️🏆

43,772 comments

username15: is anyone really believing that these two are only friends after this?

username16: the hand to the face �� lance looks so chill with it too

landonorris: you two look…close 👀

oscarpiastri: @/landonorris time for team papaya to do some investigating during the summer 🤔

username17: can you just come out and tell us you’re secretly dating now pls

lance_stroll: looking forward to three months of peace and quiet away from you

ynusername: @/lance_stroll I finally say something nice and this is your response 🤦🏻‍♀️

lance_stroll: @/ynusername not nice to be bullied hey!?

username18: officially my favourite friendship in the world

username19: @/username18 there’s no friendship here ma’am

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by alex_albon, landonorris and 832,443 others

lance_stroll: winter break in venice 🏞️

82,910 comments

username20: wait who’s the girl

username21: anyone else thinking what I’m thinking 🤔

username22: that looks suspiciously like someone familiar mr stroll

fernandoalo_oficial: glad to see you guys enjoying yourselves ❤️

ynusername: hope you brought your company plenty of pizza 🫠

lance_stroll: @/ynusername only the best!!

username23: I swear if that’s y/n

username24: pls let it be y/n so all my wishes can come true

username25: something tells me lance wasn’t wanting peace and quiet from y/n after all 🥰🥰

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by astonmartinf1, carlossainz55 and 139,220 others

ynusername: enjoying the rest at my favourite place in the world…I guess the company I’m with is alright too 🩷☀️🌊

48,390 comments

username26: THATS LANCE STROLL

username27: all my suspicions have officially been confirmed

username28: no one can convince me that that isn’t lance in all of those photos

lance_stroll: you look like you’re enjoying yourself 🥺

ynusername: @/lance_stroll it’s amazing what time away from the paddock (and you ☺️) can do 😝

username29: y/n you’re not convincing anyone…we know everything!

landonorris: @/oscarpiastri what do you think? 🤔 is team papaya suspicious

oscarpiastri: @/landonorris is that…the lance stroll 🤯🤯🤯

username30: not lance and y/n pretending to bully each other when all along they loved each other

username31: they’ve played us all for fools 😭😭

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 901,114 others

lance_stroll: ready for a new season…did I mention that I’ve got the world’s most beautiful engineer as part of my team too 🥰😝

102,381 comments

fernandoalo_oficial: finally!!! I don’t think I could keep quiet for much longer

landonorris: already winning and the season hasn’t even started yet

ynusername: how was all that peace and quiet during the winter? 😂

lance_stroll: hmm turns out I think I prefer having you around after all 💕🤩

username32: my heart can’t take how cute they are

username33: lance still can’t help himself but to mess with y/n

logansargeant: promise me I will not have to see any affection around the paddock all year long

lance_stroll: @/logansargeant I’m not making any promises 🤐

alex_albon: all those times I asked you…all those times you lied 🥺

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by lance_stroll, maxverstappen1 and 139,402 others

ynusername: here’s an album I like to call ‘photos of my favourite person in the world’ ☺️🩷

53,003 comments

lance_stroll: I’m the luckiest to have you, not just my best friend but the best engineer in the world 🥺

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

any replies, reposts or likes are always appreciated 💕

 ˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[jackiepackiee]

After seeing your recent post I'mSending in my request Love!!

How would the bad men take care of their wife who get amnesia due to blood loss which resulted by being shot by a pistol or gets into an accident during a mission.

You have the free dom to make it like a one shot or head canon for these men

Dazai, Kunikida, aktugawa, fyodor, Nikolai, and Chuuya

Other than that take care love!! Make sure to stay hydrated! 💞💞

𝐵𝒮𝒟 𝓍 𝒜𝓂𝓃𝑒𝓈𝒾𝒶! 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒲/ 𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾, 𝒦𝓊𝓃𝒾𝓀𝒾𝒹𝒶, 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 - 𝓋𝒾𝑜𝓁𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈

CHUUYA NAKAHARA

Absolutely mortified

He has memory loss to (from the lab and Araharbaki) and knows how much it can mess with a person

He wants the best for you, and this clearly isn’t that

He fears in his heart and soul that you might question your humanity like he did so he will kill before that happens to you

Back to the mission itself

He hates for you to do solo missions, but Mori’s call is Mori’s call at the end of the day

Even if you weren’t alone, he only trusts a handful of people with your protection

Black lizard, all the executives, and the ADA if it’s during an alliance

But no, you weren’t with a safe group

So when you got hurt (which was not expected, Mori wouldn’t send you on something just to hurt you duh) he was PISSED

Wiped out the enemy in seconds

Yelled at Mori as to why he didn’t just send Chuuya instead

When you’re in the hospital, he waits outside

He would hate to scare you

I mean, he’s pissed and he knows you hate when he raises his voice to any level

But… all hell breaks loose when he finds out you have amnesia

Pushes right past the doctors and doors

If you forget him… he’s flipping tables and going to find whoever hurt you and actually kill them this time

He’s inconsolable

You’re his love, and to forget that is a pain of death

He may not visit you much at first, but he’ll come around

If you do remember him, he’ll take the biggest sigh of relief ever

Hugs you

And believe me, he will buy whatever therapy, drug, or surgery that will help you

Helps you relearn everything important

For your wedding, he had to put on your wedding dress and pretend to walk down the isle to maybe make you remember

Cried at how beautiful you looked

Labels images in the house by event, person in the photo, and date

So you can know what special moments you’ve had

A sliver lining is that he can take you on a tour of the city, showing you all the sights for what for you is the first time

And you forget all the gore and pain you’ve seen in the port mafia

Over all, he’s coping, but he’ll come around and help

DAZAI OSAMU

He is a changed man from the port mafia past, but he almost forgets his resolve

Never has he doubted your skill, it’s the absolute terror and pain he knows other people wouldn’t hesitate to inflict on you that he fears

He’s seen it first hand

So when you’re completely alone on a mission he sorta freaks out

Less jokes, no suicide attempts till you’re back

But… you aren’t back soon?

And when you’re finally back, it’s with Kenji crying and using his super strength to carry you to Yosano

The poor boy was so scared, he had found you while looking at the local park

Safe to say, Dazai was frozen in place at the blood that has trailed from the door to Yosano’s office

He was mad. But not yelling

No, he was calculated and cold

He walked to Fukuzawa’s office, and asked for the enemy name

No one knows what happened in the 30 minutes he was gone…

Back to you, he knocks and talked with Yosano for a while

When he heard you had amnesia, it was the first time she saw him so vulnerable

“Does she remember me?” “I don’t know, Dazai.”

Walked in slowly

If you remember him, he’ll immediately give you a hug

Knowing that is enough for him

But if you forget?

I hate to say this, but he may try to distance himself

“You got your chance with in, and look at what ended up happening” is this thought process

But, he’ll visit Oda’s grave and think it over

He knows then that you need him

You need your husband, your Osamu

So the next few days is him having you help with cases he knows the criminal, but wants your mind to have a workout

Doesn’t try for any affection because he knows you may be to weak

When you finally kiss again, he has never put more passion into anything

During his time of caring for you he doesn’t make a single comment about suicide

After losing your beautiful memories and mind, he can’t imagine losing you

Your life is like a glass, held by his slim hands

And he’ll kill before anyone does this to you again

KUNIKIDA DOPPO

Kunikida is often “serious”, but Dazai can attest he’s never seen him so truly and utterly serious before

Not in his scolding, fatherly way

But in a cold, quiet way

He doesn’t even touch his book for at least a week

Thinks ideals make so sense now that his wife is hurt

And he didn’t stop it

When he first found out, he dropped his book

He clutched his ring to his chest

Walks into the room you’re saying in slowly

“Love? Do you… remember me?” “Sorry, love? Please don’t call me that, sir.”

Tears fall, but he wipes them before you can get concerned

Even if you don’t know him anymore, he knows with your kind heart you’ll comfort a crying stranger

And he wants to be the one comforting you

He tries his best to explain everything

Showing his ring, the photo of the two of you he keeps in his wallet, and even has Yosano confirm it

He doesn’t cope well…

OR

“Love? Do you… remember me?” “Kuni… hi.”

Hides his face in his hands

He has never been more happy in his life

Rushes to you and kisses your hand

Now, he still has to teach you life again

And who better than an ex teacher?

He’s so patient

Uses cute little techniques

He is… okay

I mean, he wants you to be okay

You will definitely heal the fastest with him

He spares all his free time into helping you

Makes little drawings in his notebook for you to learn objects again

And, he readjusts his schedule! All for you

Only for you

[prone-to-fleeting-obsessions]

Dating Yandere Aventurine hc's

Obviously tw for toxic relationship dynamic and so on, but it's really mostly fluff tbh

It's not the moment that he lays eyes on you, nor the first time he hears your lovely voice, that sparks his interest

It's later, after a few interactions, that he's left wondering why exactly do your eyes look like that in the sunlight, why can't he help thinking about the last words you said to him, and why on earth does he want to remember how your palms feel against his...

It's annoying, a stupid little weakness that's he's really hoping fizzles out with the rest of his long lost desires

It's even more annoying when it doesn't...

He wants to be around you, to see you happy and content... Wants to be the one that causes that

He tries to appease his little crush in subtle ways

Buying you gifts, taking you out, reluctantly opening up, all hoping for a reaction that would kill that desire, just any emotion that would convince him you weren't the perfect person he's built you up to be

All for not... Every little reaction just grows his want, multiplies his need to have more of you

After fully coming to terms with that, he'll try courting you casually, playing up his charm, his nonchalance

As if his emotionally distant performance can cover the fact that he's only getting more desperate

He's lying to himself, trying to convince his own heart that he doesn't need you

That he doesn't spend every waking second imagining you right beside him, all the pretty expressions you'd make and amusing remarks that'd pull a genuine smile from his lips

It's a coping mechanism, but a poor one in comparison with really have you there

And why can't you be there...?

Texting becomes much more common

Various pictures and paragraphs meticulously detailing where he is and what he's doing, in the hopes that you might choose to show up of your own accord

Silly little good morning or good night texts played off as a joke, as if he isn't anxiously awaiting confirmation that you're still happy and well

He's always been good at reading people, a skill of his trade really, so your emotions are like an open book

Anyone you want him to be, he'll play the part flawlessly

A rich flirty playboy? An impulsive and fearless gambler? Maybe a doting attentive lover? All of those are masks he will happily adorn

You'll know something's up when the gift giving starts to get a little heavy handed

Gorgeous expensive bouquets with his calling card, very pretty jewelry (most of which includes a familiar looking green gemstone), and really a variety of other small gifts that fit in line with interests you told him about in passing

He'll claim complete ignorance to the amount, stating he's only buying what reminds him of you (which is pretty much every little thing he sees—)

And "Oh don't worry, dear friend. Consider it a token of good will! Can't have you forgetting about me.~"

He'll make himself quite a nuisance if you don't eventually give in to his little games

Though his work schedule keeps him from actively stalking you, it's not uncommon for suspicious looking IPC personal to be seen whenever you're out in public

He's just paranoid, really, that's all it is...

He couldn't live with himself if his darling went and got themself hurt

When officially together, you're probably going to spend a lot of time with him...

He'll make his office more accommodating for you! You can decorate your space however you desire, nothing is too good for his love

It generally helps his morale to have you around at work too

He's not nearly as stressed and short tempered with his beautiful perfect love always at arms length, read to be scooped up and showered in affection when he needs a break

"Oh come onnnn... It'd be so boring without you. You wouldn't leave me all alone, right...?" He coos, gently pulling you by your waist closer to him with a needy grin, eyes shining slightly as he tilts his head, pressing a soft little kiss to your wrist before glancing up at your eyes.

It's enough of a difference that the IPC might actually start giving you a paycheck under the title of "emotional support employee" simply to avoid having to deal with him when you're not around

He'll make it up to you by taking you out to fancy lunches, and dinners... and occasional breakfasts—

There's actually a good handful of days that he simply refuses to come in because he woke up with you laying on him and would physically rather die than move

His jealousy issues are a little more pronounced now, too...

He's hates having to get violent, really, but he has absolutely no qualms with calling out and publicly humiliating anybody for staring to long or being passively rude

But if anybody is being outright aggressive towards you, it's a completely different story

Don't they know who you belong to? How easily he could ruin their entire livelihood with a single phone call?

His eyes will narrow, his smile getting a little wider as his grip on you tightens, memorizing the persons face as it drops in realization, oh what a thrill~

He'll be an obsessive possessive mess, but there are worse things than being the sole focus of an attentive and devoted man...

Ignoring how he'd rather suffocate than see you smile so genuinely at anyone else with those perfect lips he just adores, of course

[bugs1nmybrain]

✨️ L Lawliet w/ a Shy & Insecure Reader Headcanons ✨️

Notes: I got real specific here. I need some validation haha. I swear if L ever complimented me I'd implode and then explode like I've done many times in the DS game (don't make fun of me >:<)

I'm adding pink text and sparkles to the title. Cope with it DN twt

Warnings: 18+!!! There is some sexy content, no gendered terms or pronouns. I tried being inclusive with the sexy stuff. Talks about poor self-esteem and insecurities. L being his rude ass self at one point. Reader described as quiet. I did indeed write L as a sweetheart, and I don't regret it one bit! :D. Not proofread

For starters, shy isn't a problem for L. He appreciates that you're quiet and relatively polite. It makes it easier for him to get away with dating you because he knows you're not going to be obnoxious around headquarters, and there's a good chance you'll never even mention that you're his partner

He finds it vry cute. Especially when you stumble over your words when he flirts with you. His pride is very comfy with you.

You are a perfect parallel play lover!!! He's grateful that you don't pester him when he's busy, but he doesn't mind you being around him. You can draw, do homework, write, play video games, anything. He just appreciates your company. He's also 100% paying attention out of his peripheral vision.

But because you're quiet, sometimes you don't share all of your thoughts with him and it can make for a satisfying relationship. L sure as shit isn't disclosing a lot of stuff, so he sees it as even

A lot of your secrets are insecurities, though. You worry a lot about your competency as a romantic partner. Whether it's your intelligence, physical beauty, personality, interests, anything really. You're always anxious that you're not enough, and not enough for him.

L knows well that you lack confidence. He's torn, actually, because he wants to see you become more sure of yourself and he'll try to help. He teaches you skills when he has time and makes sure to compliment you when you do something good. Sometimes he stretches the truth in his praises just to make you feel better. He knows you value his opinion a lot.

However, your insecure nature is an easy opening for him to get away with a lot. Nothing that serious, but secret tests are a given with L, and he does like to test if you'll push through him not given you the validation he knows you want. It actually does make him feel like 10% bad, though, and he'll make up for it.

He understands why you're insecure, but at the same time, he thinks it's silly. Especially when you admit to him that you're worried about your physical appearance or sexual abilities. It's in those moments he just wants to tell you to stop because "have you seen me, y/n?"

But yes please flatter his ego

When you started sleeping together it actually was pretty smooth and natural

I truly believe L was a virgin until you, so he probably wasn't much more confident than you

The doom of adult virginity/inexperience is that everyone expects you to be pornographic by now, and for an insecure person that can be very demanding

L doesn't expect that and won't be disappointed by something slow and "vanilla." He likes that, honestly. But of course, if/whenever you're ready for something more spicy, he's very open to communicating about it

This guy is just happy to touch you, period

If you fumble because you're nervous, he's not upset, but he'll redirect you with affirming words

He does admittedly get irritated by consistent nagging and the self-deprecating comments you make. It annoys him after a bit. He'll likely disengage to avoid hurting your feelings, but if you're persistent, he'll give it to you straight.

"The only thing you should be insecure about is that you're a broken record."

Fight the tears

It actually does make him upset when you doubt him and his love for you. It makes him feel like you don't trust him. L is aware that he's deceptive by nature, but he wants you to trust that he values you. He certainly wouldn't be in a committed relationship with you if his feelings weren't genuine

So he reminds you. Again. And again. That he wants you in his life and treasures you

You're lucky that he loves you so much

Sometimes, you'll go through periods of isolating from him because you're afraid of bothering him. Trust me. He's glad to have time to work, but he does pick up on your distance quick

You're so afraid of asking him for attention

or even just a bite of his cake. He always offers, tho.

But yea. L is a busy guy and comfortable in seclusion, so he isn't that clingy. He can go a long time without checking in on you, which doesn't help the paranoia

When he decides to take a break for once, usually his first instinct is to either 1. Get coffee or a treat, or 2. Make a bee line to see you!!

OR 3. BRING YOU FOOD TO SHARE

Know that he loves you much more than most things. You are his priority, even if his work takes precedence at times.

He'll attempt to build your trust over time because he understands how hard it is to believe in someone's honesty. It'll get better, and you'll likely start to feel more self-assured with him. L talks a lot, but he believes actions speak louder than words, so he'll show you how much he loves you through the little things because you light up his world after an exhausting day full of murder and nonstop thinking. You're home to him and he wants you to feel the same way about him.

[aurora-313]

Anyone ever thought about how Bleach's greatest tragedy is Ichigo's desire was to fight fate but has never had a shred of agency his entire life?

Even when Ichigo sincerely believes he's acting of his own accord; he's merely the puppet dancing to another's strings?

Aizen manipulated his parents into meeting, manipulated Rukia into meeting him.

Kisuke manipulated Ichigo from behind the scenes while Ichigo tried to save Rukia, forcing him to learn skills waaaay above his paygrade before he was remotely ready to further Kisuke's own plans. It could be argued that Ichigo's entire existence was planned according to Kisuke's designs.

Isshin manipulated/forced him to learn Deux Ex Saigo no Getsuga Tenshou without telling him the cost, because apparently it was the 'only way' - despite having Kisuke "I plan for ten thousand scenarios" Urahara on his side. And did little in the way of helping his powerless literally soul-torn son cope with the monumental sacrifice after the fact.

Ginjo Kugo and his followers manipulated Ichigo by stringing along the prospect of gaining Fullbring, so they could steal it to have their revenge on Soul Society. Made easier due to the aforementioned apparent lack of support from Isshin.

Sword!Yhwach has manipulated Ichigo the entire time by turning him against his own soul, sabotaging his growth and ability to harness his powers.

Ichibei manipulated him into undergoing that trial to turn him into a Soul King vessel with the intention of chopping him up as the replacement.

Yhwach manipulated Ichigo into killing the Soul King.

"Give me a blade to shatter fate." is a sad joke and poor Ichigo is the walking punchline.

No wonder why no one told him anything about himself until the last minute. An ignorant tool is an easily manipulated tool.

[snippychicke]

Poppy Seeds --Part Two

Inspired by TooManyPsuedonyms work, which in turn was inspired by @semisolidmind fanart/cabin!Au for Playtime Poppy.

Dogday/Player!reader (attempting keeping it gender neutral)

Warnings: will touch on the after effects of trauma, but nothing is super explicit. Maybe some unhealthy coping skills (Dogday holding Reader on a pedestal) But otherwise we're giving everyone a happy ending. (Everything is wonderful and nothing hurts)

@twistedcece wanted tagged, anyone else?

Four: Water

It did end up raining later that afternoon. You had found Ollie a fresh change of clothes and had been showing the four around the farm. Thankfully, the day was warm enough that the cold droplets weren’t going to chill anyone too much, though Ollie squeaked as soon as the first droplet hit him. 

It was just a light spring shower, but it was still tricky to convince Ollie to come out from the chicken coop he had taken shelter in. It wasn’t until you decided to join the others that he slowly peeked out, sunken eyes wide.  

Kissy was twirling in the middle of the drive, her arms spread wide and her smile bright as ever. Poppy had her own arms outstretched, her face tilted up against the tickling drops and a smile on her eternally-painted lips. Dogday was brightly laughing as he pulled you out from the sheltered area to where several puddles were quickly forming. 

Seeing you and Dogday stomping in the water looked far too fun for the boy to ignore, and soon he was brave enough to leave his place of safety (to the relief of the hens not used to the small child in their home). IT took him a moment to get used to the constant patter on his skin, but both you and Dogday were becoming him closer with open hands. 

Laughter soon echoed in the air as the three of you would stomp from puddle to puddle. Kissy and Poppy didn’t join in --both not fond of getting muddy-- but enjoyed watching the three of you, two acting like overgrown kids and one finally able to act his age.

Things seemed perfect.

---

Later, Kissy and Poppy had corralled Ollie into the upstairs bathroom for a ‘proper’ bath. Judging from the splashing and outraged squeals from Poppy, the boy was still enjoying the new lease on childhood… or maybe Kissy had decided to join in the impishness. You weren’t sure, and was more focused on Dogday anyways. 

Your bedroom had its own bathroom, complete with an old large clawfoot tub that Dogday was able to sit in, though it was a tight fit. So you had taken it upon yourself to grab a basin and a few washcloths to scrub his back that was still coated in sticky things you rather not think about while he handled the rest. 

“I wish I could have done better on these stitches,” you offered as you gently cleaned around the sloppy uneven stitches where you had sewn his bottom half back on. The thread you had been able to find was a bright neon green and easy to see against his tan hair, and the ‘hide’ of his top half flapped over a bit of his bottom half since you had no idea how else to stitch the pieces together. Sewing has never been your forte. 

You swore magic had to be involved, considering that a simple sewing together and undoing the tourniquet had somehow ‘healed’ the connection and he could feel and control his lower body once more. 

“They’re fine,” Dogday reassured, currently scrubbing a stubborn stain on his arm. “The fact you were able to fix me in the first place is a miracle in itself, angel.” 

“I know,” you whined, unable to stop glaring at the poor stitchwork. “But it’s green. And all wonky…” 

He paused to look down at the stitching, a fond expression on his face (though you couldn’t see it.) “I like it that way. It’s a visual reminder of how much you cared.”

Your heart thumped at his words, and you bit your lip. It had been an act of desperation… but he wasn’t wrong. You had cared-- you had been terrified that you would do something to hurt him. To cause him to die no matter what you did. You wanted to save him-- to be able to save someone.

The memory threatened to overwhelm you, and you dropped your washcloth so you could wrap your arm around his shoulders, uncaring that you were getting your clothes wet by hugging him. 

You had been so close to losing him. Close to losing your own life. Failing everyone  yet again after you had failed years prior. 

“Angel?” Dogday managed to shift, and before you knew it, you were in his arms, cradled against his body as you cried. “What is it?” 

“I-I-” you stuttered, clenching your eyes as if you could push those memories out of your mind. Not just of him, but of everything. It was like a crack had formed and everything you had stubbornly ignored came rushing in. 

“Oh Angel,” he sighed as if he understood, pulling you closer. “Sweetheart. It's okay.”

“How can you call me that?” You choked out. “I-I left all of you, ten years ago. I saw what they were doing and I ran away.” 

“You were little more than a child yourself,” was not the answer you were expecting. As if he remembered just like Mommy Longlegs had. “Probably a bright-eyed intern or something, am I right?” 

You weakly nodded your head. You had been so excited when your application had been accepted. Everyone was hushed about the project, but they were looking for brilliant minds to help lead the future. You had been chosen out of hundreds of others. You had signed so many non-disclosure and other legal papers you thought it was weird for a toy factory but dismissed it as corporate paranoia. 

You didn't realize why until you stumbled upon that first file. Realized the toys looking after the kids weren't advanced animatronics. You hadn't discovered the whole story, but enough to send you running for the hills.

Literally. 

You quit everything, and ran away into the woods hoping they would never find you. 

“Besides, you came back. And now we're here. Safe.” His thumb wiped at your tears. “Cuddling in a bathtub.” 

The last but made you laugh despite yourself and helped bring you back into the moment. You had to admit, it probably looked odd; giant Dogday squished in the tub with you--a full grown adult--more or less cradled in his arms. Both of you now thoroughly wet.

Your laugh made his smile widen faintly. “There we go. I know we'll all have hard days, but as long as we're here for each other, I think we'll get through it.” 

Five: Wait

“I won’t be gone long, I promise,” you had said as you climbed into your truck. Without him. Dogday had all but whined at you, unashamed at the puppy-eye expression he gave you. “Day,” you had sighed, leaning out the window to cup his cheek as he leaned down. “I’m sorry, but the back is going to be full when I come back. And besides, who’s going to look after them?”

He should have pointed out that Kissy and Poppy were well able to deal with anything, the two girls were much more capable than they appeared. However, he had quietly conceded and stood back, allowing you to disappear down the steep drive. 

That had been early this morning. Nearly five hours ago.  

Dogday had barely moved from his spot, waiting to see the sunlight glint off your truck as it climbed the driveway. Or to hear its engine grumble as it approached. What if something happened to you? His sweet angel? He may have been trapped in the factory all those years, but he still knew the outside world could be just as dangerous. Especially to someone sweet and kind as you. 

“You’re really whipped, aren’t you?” Poppy spoke as Kissy approached, carrying the smaller doll on her shoulder. “When I said they’d be our angel to come save us, I didn’t think you would take it this far.” 

“They saved me,”  he answered, his eyes still focused on this distance. He meant more than just his life, when he was strung up like a piece of meat for the miniatures to come feast upon. When he had been so blinded by rage and the need for revenge…

He could still see your eyes through the thick glass of the gasmask, begging him to stop. Your voice as you asked him to spare Catnap’s life because there had been enough death.

 “If that doesn’t deserve loyalty, I don’t know what else would.” 

“Loyalty. Right.” Poppy sighed, shaking her head. “You sure you’re not suffering from a bad case of puppy-love?” 

Dogday paused, his thoughts screeching to a halt at her words. Kissy Missy giggled behind her yellow hand as he struggled with the idea. Puppy love? Certainly not. What he felt wasn’t all warm, fuzzy, yet superficial. 

It was deep and all encompassing to the point it almost overwhelmed him sometimes when he looked at you. Whether covered in blood and dust with a look of grisly determination, or freshly showered and wet hair clinging to your face while you laughed, you were his angel. He’d do anything for you. 

“Not puppy love… but I do love them.” 

Just as the admission left his voice box, he heard the grumble of an engine, and looked down the road to see your old truck making its way up the zig-zagging path, the bed filled with things as you had predicted. His tail slowly started to wag behind him, belying his excitement and joy. 

He loved you so much, and he didn’t care if you never felt the same. As long as you let him stay by your side day after day, he’d be happy. 

Even if he had to wait sometimes. 

Six: Memories

Ollie may have been naive to things you presumed as common knowledge, but when it came to technology, he was a veritable genius. Considering he had to use the old machines to often run and hide from the others in the factory, it wasn’t that much of a surprise. 

The scrawny boy was able to help you hook up the various equipment you had brought home with you amongst the tons of groceries. A scanner, an old VHS reader, and an internet router with enough power to accomplish what you wanted. 

You hadn’t left the factory empty handed, after all. Dozens of VHS tapes, hundreds of files and loose papers. You had collected every bit of proof you could. And you were going to finish Rowan's work. 

“Are you sure about this?” Ollie asked as you popped the first VHS tape to convert into a digital file. “You’re going to be in big trouble if they find out…” 

“I should have done this a long time ago,” you said with determination. “Besides, I promised everyone else. They’ve waited long enough.” 

Poppy and the others were silent. This had been part of Poppy’s plan all along, after all. Bring the crimes of Playtime Co to light and assure nothing like this happens again.

Yet your hands shook as you scoured for the email address for every news company and journalist you could find. You remembered what Playtime did to Rowan, and while their factory had been decommissioned a decade ago, it was hardly the only one. They were still one of the largest companies on the scene.

Who’s to say that similar things weren’t happening there? More than one had an orphanage on site, after all. 

This would certainly be their downfall, and they were bound to come after you if given half the chance. This little piece of heaven that you had these last few days would be stolen away from you…

Dogday leaned on you from behind, lanky arms wrapped around your shoulders while his chin rested on your head. The heavy weight was comfortable, as was the soft scent of vanilla that you had worked back into his fur after his bath the other day. 

“Nothing is going to happen to Angel,” he growled softly. “Or any of us. We’ll protect our new home.”

“Our family,” Poppy added quietly, and got a determined nod from Kissy and a cheer from Ollie. You relaxed into Dogday’s embrace, wrapping your fingers around his arms.

--*--

Dogday and Catnap circled each other, growls and snarls echoing in the small chamber. Red Mist filled the air, yet somehow Dogday was still awake. Aware of what was reality and what was a waking nightmare.

 Catnap had not expected to see his old friend again after ripping him in half and sacrificing him to the miniatures. All these years and he thought Dogday was with him--with the Prototype-- and only to learn he sided with her. Poppy. And you. The one Dogday called angel.  

Dogday finally made the first move, swinging a broken pipe he had been carrying. Normally Catnap could avoid it, but his feet stumbled over the debris hidden in the thick red mist. 

“Stop it!” You screamed, voice muffled by your gasmask as you suddenly appeared out of the mist. Dogday nearly slammed the pipe into you, but stopped a hairbreadth away. Catnap was just as stunned as his counterpart as you stood protectively between the two large beings. 

“There’s been enough death,” you continued as Dogday lowered his weapon. “I know he hurt you. I know he’s done a lot wrong, but…” 

“He doesn’t deserve your mercy, angel,” Dogday growled softly. “None of us do, but especially not him.” 

You shook your heads, arms still stretched wide. “Maybe, but I’m tired of all this death. Everyone’s been wronged here. The horrors that you all went through, even before the Hour of Joy. It has to end, and I want it to end now.” 

You protected him. Stood up against the Prototype when He came down and tried to end Catnap’s life and steal his body to integrate with His. Catnap vividly remembered the determined expression on your face as you faced off against his fake-god. 

You… were merciful. Kind. Real.  While the Prototype had stayed to himself, distant from everyone else, you walked with them. You had taken those four away from the factory, swearing to those left behind that help would soon come. 

You would save them. 

Catnap had to waitfor little less than a week before seeing your promise come to fruition. Not years, or another decade of pain and suffering. Less than a week and all sorts of people were swarming the factory. 

You had made everything public knowledge, so the company or anyone else couldn’t just sweep them under a rug and dispose of them. He watched as humans cared for the little ones, offering the food and water that they had been deprived of for so long. PJ Pug-a-pillar, Huggy Wuggy, and others he didn’t know were still alive were pulled from the hands of death and into life. Freedom. 

He could have stepped into the light and joined them. He knew the miniatures would be happy about that…yet watching one of miniature counterparts huddle close with its brethren, all of them with juice boxes and blankets, reminded him harshly of what he had done. He had done so much in the name of that false-god…

He had to find The Savior and do what he could to be redeemed. 

[quillyfied]

Happy Halloween and Happy Ghostfuckers, time to dig into the chest cavity of this episode and not come back out until the next! Another banger of an episode; someone in the Helluva Boss tag called it the Truth Seekers of season 2, and I am so inclined to agree, actually. Equal parts reaction and analysis, and 100% spoilers, like, did that even need to be said?

First: MILLIE MY BELOVED. After a season and a half (over five whole years) of some pretty lukewarm development and attention, having this episode start off with Millie being her happy cheerful self is already such a breath of fresh air, especially given the relentless nonstop personal drama Blitzo and Stolas have been part of for the last couple of episodes. It’s great that this episode is starting after a brief time skip, too; feels more natural for an audience that has had three months to process it all. Watching Millie step right into emotional support is amazing, too, for reasons that have been hinted at before; Happy Campers was so good for her and Moxxie’s characters and I’m prepared to fight about it. Having one of the few women in the cast be relegated to “emotional backbone” doesn’t feel as bad when she’s already expressed insecurity about her importance in life, shown that being an unbelievable badass doesn’t always give her the kind of attention she wants, and isn’t afraid to knock the people in her life down a peg when they aren’t supporting her back. Yes that was just from Happy Campers, and this episode reinforces that with further excellent context. But sshh. We’ll get to that later. Time to watch Loona and Moxxie breaking down because they’re sick of Blitzo’s shit but not to the point of leaving him yet (because they love him too shsshhhshshsh).

Interesting that after a few weeks of moping, NOW is when Blitzo is starting to ramp up his destructive behaviors; what tiny glimpses we were allowed to get in the mission shorts showed a Blitzo that was coping but seemed to be holding it together (you’ll pry the idea that Blitzo’s inability to work the crystal in Mission: Antarctica is directly related to his confidence, not his skill, out of my cold dead rotten hands). This sudden left turn into emptying IMP’s bank accounts and forcing Moxxie and Loona to act out his grief with him appears…new. Maybe lying around eating ice cream and cheese (bro) like a sad sack while watching human television isn’t a new behavior, but the Blitzo-level catastrophic destruction masquerading as retail therapy reads to me as a sudden snap, maybe due to the proximity of a certain lunar cycle. It’s certainly looking on par with running three rings to Wrath and maxing out someone else’s credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons (something that, based on the vague timeline I’ve been able to wrangle out of this godforsaken show, Millie wouldn’t have been present for, though to be fair it’s not like Blitzo ever really has a measured emotional response to anything).

(Viv, if you’re listening, consider this a brief cosmic request for Secretary Stolas to help poor Moxxie with this paperwork. Please. PLEASE. PLEEEEASE.)

I love too that Millie’s approach as default team Emotional Intelligence isn’t to meddle, either, because that also shows maturity on her part; letting the grown ass adults around her handle their shit while still being sweet to them is such a good and necessary component of the IMP team. Hang on having another Millie Feelings Moment while trying to have some sort of chronology here.

…it’s entirely purposeful that Bethany Ghostfucker has Charlie’s hair, right? Because they share a voice actress? Which means…Blitzo has now cosplayed some reference of Charlie…THE STREAMS THEY ARE CROSSING.

I also love how nOTHING could have prepared me for realizing that Blitzo’s outfit in this episode is a cosplay. Of a HUMAN. WHO FUCKS GHOSTS. I don’t know why I am so surprised at how literal the title is; this show continues to both sicken and delight me XD (raunchy humor isn’t my thing and Blitzo was definitely pushing it for me this episode, but also…it’s so nicely balanced with the real emotional breakdowns that I can’t even be mad about it)

Anyway, back to Millie and her Emotional Genius: very glad that she realizes what Blitzo is going through requires a little more babying than usual, and VERY glad that she and Blitzo already have an established system for when he needs to be babied and she doesn’t initially cave to it (I will be buying that magnet, thanks Spindlehorse). I also love how Millie encourages Loona to step up and help Moxxie (who also desperately needs some help, but Millie really can’t focus on him right now because she needs to focus on the root of the problem, which is Blitzo), essentially through begging but also just by being her usual kind self. And that quiet little moment of Millie using Loona’s name for maybe the first time ever is just…mwah. Chef’s kiss. No notes.

Sidetracking again to wonder why the subject of ghosts is just now coming up when Blitzo literally has an alert light labeled “Ghost.” Like. I feel like Blitzo believing in ghosts while Millie staunchly does not is such a good dynamic to play with, but also why is this the first that it’s being addressed. XD Okay, I get it, throwaway gag from the first episode that is becoming relevant now and maybe didn’t have that much thought put into it when it was first made, but I can dream. Or pick relentlessly at tiny details while completely missing the bigger picture. It’s fine. I’m fine.

What I’m not fine with is how Blitzo can completely trash the van in nearly the same way two episodes in a row (assuming that IMP going on the run is happening in Mastermind, which is far from a given, but phwoar would it be maximum emotional impact, to have an episode showing IMP finally moving into their shitty office and how much it means to them, only to have it ripped out from under them the next episode LOLOLOLOL). I’m mostly irritable that my prediction was untrue :P Although I am glad that the prediction that this hotel guy was Leviathan was disproven, because let’s be honest, that would make no sense. Some rando infestor demon, though? Totally on point. Also makes sense why he “falls” for Blitzo’s bullshit disguise; he knows they’re imps because he’s also a demon. Something new to play with. Though it’s interesting that even when Rolando goes rooting through Blitzo’s head, he still doesn’t seem to know either of their real names. Informational blind spot? Would make sense, with how the fight goes down, but later. Later.

Side note to wheeze with relief because when I first watched this episode, it was without subtitles, and I thought Igor was wheezing Blitzo’s name. Him saying “bitch” makes more sense actually. That’s fine. It was much creepier thinking he was saying Blitzo’s name actually XD

Listen. Listen. We know that Blitzo sort of self-medicates with sex and sexual humor. We know that he’s loaded his confidence eggs into the competent at sex basket, because his competence at emotions has a body count (literal). Much like how it was painful to watch Blitzo operating at maximum asshole behavior at the beginning of Apology Tour what with his relentless insistence at returning his relationship with Stolas to safter, sexier ground…watching Blitzo try to distract himself with a sexually charged silly new hobby is equally painful. Because for him, sex is surface level, because anything deeper is dangerous (lord above please ignore the innuendo IGNORE IT). If sex happens to come with emotional attachment, he ruthlessly severs it. But Blitzo being horny isn’t the problem, it’s his disregard for the people that get caught up in his horniness (and he certainly knows how to weaponize his raunchy humor and sexual charisma when it suits him). The Scooby Doo antics are hysterical, but watching Millie start to buckle under the strain of indulging Blitzo is as fascinating as it is inevitable. We already know Millie doesn’t have infinite patience even for Moxxie. So to watch her reach her limit with Blitzo when she might be the only person in IMP whom we have never seen snap at him…delicious. Absolutely the best. And GOOD ON HER for snapping at him for cutting her off, which is a thing he does all the time with everyone ever but rarely gets called on (because he’s waltzed off at that point usually).

And, as I dearly hoped, it’s Millie that starts to really get through to Blitzo, not by being gentle, exactly, but by being her refreshing blunt-not-bludgeoning self. She gives Blitzo the reaming he deserves, but doesn’t belittle him about it; she just points out that his behavior is harmful, draws a boundary, and leaves. Exactly what Blitzo needs…though his brain is certainly going to fuck with him about it first, because lol rejection-sensitive dysphoria being exacerbated by fucked up haunted trauma illusions is a BITCH.

When the gif for this episode dropped and it was Blitzo sliding down a ventilation shaft, I never saw a single other person remark on the dark liquid in the corner of the gif sliding down the shaft after him. I didn’t say anything about it either, just noted it and freaked out quietly every time the gif passed me by. NOW KNOWING THE CONTEXT OF THE DARK SLIDING LIQUID MAKES IT WORSE. I already suspected it was blood (Hellborn blood to be exact). I did not suspect that it would be THAT MUCH BLOOD. Though it’s interesting that Blitzo doesn’t recognize it as such, never calls it that, never seems to realize it. So. Maybe it isn’t blood (spoiler: it’s not blood, I am just dumb and didn’t realize what it is until a third viewing, good job me), but it sure as hell resembles Hellborn blood enough that I have the heebie jeebs. And the visuals are just SO CREEPY—Blitzo is practically drowning in it as he’s dumped into a waking nightmare, and like. Blitzo is an assassin by trade now, and we know IMP did a lot of in-Hell contracts before switching to corner the Sinner market, so there would ostensibly be a lot of Hellborn blood on his hands, but he doesn’t care about that. A job’s a job. The blood he feels guilty about…well…we know, okay, I won’t insult y’all’s intelligence by rehashing it, because it’s about to be made real damn obvious anyway.

THE HAUNTED MILLIES BEING ALL THE TIMES SHE COULD HAVE DIED IN PREVIOUS JOBS THOUGH. Bless the people smart enough to pick that up and throw that spaghetti at the wall because folks it STICKS, it’s so obvious and SO GOOD. And SUCH a neat little insight into Blitzo’s head, too: he cares SO MUCH about his employees, his family, and it does actually haunt him, how many close calls they’ve had. It does occur to him that his actions affect others. It’s just never bothered him, certainly not to this degree. I fully blame Apology Tour and Verosika for getting him started on considering how his actions have consequences for other people, how he “hurts other people’s fee-fees” but also routinely leads his team into dangerous situations where his mistakes could cost them all. And these phantom (lol f-word) versions of Millie not only driving this home through the visuals, but saying the quiet part out loud, asking Blitzo if he realizes this about himself? If he’s ever loved someone without hurting them? FUCK.

I said so many times I wanted Blitzo broken in half; I have FEASTED, friends, because Blitzo’s issues are bigger than Stolas and if he doesn’t address them, he won’t ever be happy with himself, let alone with anyone else, romantic or platonic. ALSO, feast upon the intersecting themes between Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel, because “you think you can change?” immediately put me in mind of “addict trash like you doesn’t change,” which…I believe whole-heartedly is something that Val said to Angel, maybe even said in that moment, but the framing of it and Angel’s character arc made it so clear to me that Val’s words had become Angel’s own. Except Angel started proving him wrong. He started struggling, however small and desperately and weakly, to change who he was, to become someone he actually liked instead of what everyone else wanted and liked. Blitzo is in the same boat. Because both of these shows are so much about how hard it can be to become a better version of yourself, especially in a world that’s set against you being that person, that will hurt you for daring to be better, to be different, to be YOURSELF. What Blitzo is going through right now is the emotional beat-down that every person who has ever wanted to self-improve despite (or maybe even because of) trauma or mental illness puts themself through. If you’ve ever been this mean to yourself and driven yourself to a sobbing panic attack, clap your hands (clap clap).

And then the low blow. The tearjerker. The cry-maker.

Teenage Blitzo running to his mother. Calling out for Mama. Telling her about the scary dream he was having. AND SHE COMFORTS HIM. She never turns on him, she’s never angry, she never even flinches as she’s burning alive in front of him. Ghosts aren’t real (sad) and we aren’t ever going to meet Tilla except through other people’s eyes, most likely Blitzo’s, but that double-edged knife of knowing that Blitzo both was so loved and loved so hard back, only to be the one who got her killed…we’ve known as an audience for a while now that this is the biggest burden on Blitzo’s soul, the one thing he may never forgive himself for and can’t conceive of anyone else forgiving, because it’s what’s Fundamentally Wrong with him: he makes everyone’s lives worse. How can he love when he is so completely destruction incarnate? How can he reach out to Moxxie, to Millie, to Loona, to Stolas, to Fizz, when the person dearest to him crumbled to ash in his hands and it’s his own fault?

How can Millie look at him and tell him he’s wrong, that he made her life better?

Fuck hang on cry break FUCK I forgot to remove my eye makeup before doing this lolololol

Okay. Pivoting to scrutinizing this flashback, because the first thing that is immediately apparent to me (besides how hot Millie and Blitzo are DAMN) is how much older and more tired Millie looks. Millie in particular. We’ve become accustomed to Millie looking a certain way, so the new look is certainly exciting, but it’s the expression that’s really the kicker here. She looks hardened and badass, but so, so tired. She’s tired of just being the muscle. She’s tired of scraping by for a buck, and fewer of them than she deserves. My theory that Wrath is saturated with imps of a similar skill set is correct; my theory that Helluva Boss isn’t going to address the class/race issues they’re drawing on in any meaningful way might yet be disproven. Because Millie doesn’t have horrific family trauma. What she has is what every imp has: systemic oppression and its accompanying insecurities. We got hints of this back in Happy Campers, when she was so thrilled to be the center of attention and important and liked, and NOT for how well she kills people. Now it has further context, and is why Millie being the Emotional Support of the team is so important to her as a character: she never thought she could be anything else. She never let herself believe she could be anything but someone’s underpaid goon that was going to die an early death and be as meaningless as everyone told her she was. Until Blitzo and IMP carved out a space for themselves and moved to THE TOP RING IN HELL. The one where Lucifer lives, the one where the Goetia seem to congregate, the one ring that, despite being a flaming hellhole (lol) that is full of weird dead humans and is constantly being beset by angels at least once a year, is considered the one place imps can’t make their mark. Gosh this episode is so important for making so much of that thinly-veiled subtext all throughout Helluva Boss into text, for underlining Striker’s compliment to Blitzo for making a name for himself by owning his own business, for saying EXPLICTLY AND OUT LOUD that imps aren’t even good enough for the shittiest, most moth-eaten office in Pride.

I’m still not holding my breath on Helluva Boss actually solving anything socially within itself, because that seems like a tall order. But it is no longer too much to ask for Stolas to grapple with some pretty heavy questions about his behavior and his preconceived notions, his internal biases and the ways he has hurt Blitzo in return. SECRETARY STOLAS PLEEEEEASE, I AM BEGGING.

Anyway. Time to drool over the fight choreography, first of this fight between Millie and Blitzo, because it’s GORGEOUS. They have what I was hoping so hard for them to have: fighting as a love language XD Blitzo and Millie understand each other on a pretty instinctual, almost primal level; their fight is a dance, not just because they’re both good at it. It’s an extension of their friendship, or what will become their friendship. Their bodies are their most basic communication tool, Millie often through touch and snuggles, and Blitzo through either fighting or fucking, depending on what’s needed. They both have killer instinct, which Moxxie’s anxiety often chokes out within himself and which Loona hasn’t really had the chance to hone.

I also love that moment before Blitzo tips the pool table, the whole “reputation is everything” “Oh yeah? So what’s your reputation?” Because. BECAUSE!! Millie is an exceptional assassin, but in this fight in particular, she is so different from how she is in the rest of the show. She’s a proper Wrathian imp assassin, angry and hard and relentless. Compare that to the beginning of Ozzie’s, when she scuttles into frame holding an axe in her teeth and screeches about how she’s still so jazzed up, clearly amped and so much more joyful than she is during this flashback. Again, said it at least twice, will say it once more: she looks so exhausted, like she’s burning herself out just to make it. And she isn’t a unique case in that regard by any means. It’s working for Blitzo that makes her unique, that gives her joy in her work instead of making her rely on how other people see her. Sinners already don’t care about her or her feelings; her next meal isn’t contingent on appearing as hardened and badass as possible, it’s on a Sinner having a grudge, which is an exclusive meal ticket that only Blitzo could have weaseled them into.

I also want to point out that this fight between Blitzo and Millie? Pretty well mirrored by the fight between Millie and Rolando!Blitzo. The way Millie blocks him with her forearm, the way she slams him into the wall—those are things Blitzo did to her, back during their first fight. Granted, Millie getting the coolest anime punch-stop of all time is something that’s all hers, because Millie is so special and had no idea until she found a new life. She is the happiest imp there ever was and she kicks no less ass for it.

(WHERE IS MY TIMELINE, IMP WAS AROUND FOR A YEAR BEFORE THEY GOT THE BOOK AND THE OFFICE. Unsure of how long after meeting Loona and Moxxie this meeting with Millie takes place, and this does scramble around the timeline of how long Blitzo had the book before Stolas calls to make the arrangement, and where does Moxxie and Millie’s marriage fit into this? They’ve only been married a year, so probably started dating pretty soon after meeting…still have no idea on when Stolas and Blitzo’s first time happened and how long after that was Loo Loo Land. I will tie myself into knots over this, must stop now.)

Anyway. Putting the fights to bed for the moment, gotta get in on those good good BFF snuggles, which will go immediately into Blitzo’s Trauma: The Movie. After Rolando does the honor of driving home the point that yeah, imps have it real fuckin’ bad in Hell canonically and textually and said out loud and everything, thanks for asking.

…oh. Right. Rolando dissolves into black goo. Blitzo wasn’t crawling through a tunnel of blood. It was a tunnel of Rolando. That’s somehow worse. Ah well. My point about Blitzo’s regrets and visually looking like he’s wading through Hellborn blood stands.

Small detail that’s standing out to me in this episode: how much Blitzo is holding his chest during the Rolando fight. Wondering if he’s cupping the pendant he almost lost, or if he’s injured in the chest pretty badly. Which is SO IRONIC if true, because. Y’know. Feelings. His are hurting.

Gosh this fight with Rolando is so scary, though. We’ve never seen infestor demons before (unless you count the Glam sisters, but they weren’t in their element, so to speak), and the power differential between Rolando and Blitzo and Millie is pretty stark. Different from the fight between Striker and Millie and Moxxie, Striker overwhelms with skill. Rolando is overwhelming with power. Don’t you just hate it when higher-class demons have special powers that reinforce the hierarchy? Bullshit. Anyway. THE FIGHT TAKING PLACE NEAR THE POOL IS SO GOOD. Because why wouldn’t an Envy demon have the water advantage? They’re literally fish people. And it’s TENSE OKAY.

BUT NOT AS TENSE AS BLITZO’S TRAUMA: THE MOVIE IS ABOUT TO BE.

I find it particularly significant that Rolando licks up the scarred side of Blitzo’s neck and then says a few minutes later that Blitzo’s level of insecurity is “intoxicating.” Yeah I imagine he’s super tasty to demons who feed on that kind of thing. See previous horrific trauma hallucination. Which I now have reason to believe wasn’t based entirely in reality; we already know all the Millies didn’t die that way, and now a snapshot of Blitzo finding the pendant in the wreckage. He didn’t watch his mom burn to death, not the way he was forced to watch in this episode. Goddamn. Rolando is an asshole, huh?

The Cash backslap really took me aback, actually, not just because Blitzo flinches away from it. The stills show that Cash does it while holding Blitzo’s still-burned wrist in his other hand, so this is really soon after the fire; one has to wonder if Cash did it because Blitzo caused his mother’s death, or if it’s just for the circus. Hard to get a read on Cash, no idea what his attitude towards Tilla is besides a gleeful willingness to use her to manipulate his son. I suppose I’m also shocked because I never really doubted that Cash probably hit Blitzo at least a little, but…a backhand, to me, reads of casual violence, something that’s done without much thinking about it. The way Stella reared back to backhand Stolas and we know by her shocked expression that he’s never caught her wrist to avoid the impact before. Terrible comparison, by the way, and by terrible I mean great but causing me emotional distress. I hadn’t suspected that Cash was likely just as physically abusive as he was emotionally abusive towards Blitzo. Nice to have the confirmation. I hate it here.

Okay, because I haven’t seen the screenshots anywhere yet: first scene of Millie and Moxxie is from Murder Family when Moxxie unties them. Second…I don’t know, actually, and I’m embarrassed to admit that. Maybe Truth Seekers? I could make the argument for Exes and Oohs if Moxxie was in a wedding dress, but I’m not sure. Any of the many times Blitzo has intruded on their time together, I suppose. And, fun fact: the shots that are playing in Blitzo’s eyes when Rolando forces Blitzo’s eyes open are the ones of Fizz and Verosika in Ozzie’s again. In case that was information you wanted. It’s also upsetting that Loona in LA is part of the reel of Blitzo Thinking Everyone Hates Him, because the fight in Spring Broken at least makes sense to flashback to. Though I do keep forgetting, constantly and with an insistence that infuriates me, that Loona and Blitzo were also having a fight during Seeing Stars and when she kicks him off of her at the end, it’s while Blitzo is apologizing for threatening to replace her.

I find it very interesting that there’s a split-second of Barb that cuts in when the Stolas part of the reel plays; it’s so fast, but right after Blitzo pulls away from Stolas’ hand in Ozzie’s, there’s a second shot of Barb as she’s yelling at him in Happy Campers. Significance? Probably that their separation hurts him just as much as his current one with Stolas, he’s just had more time to try and get used to it. Or represses it more.

Oh hey. Blitzo in his head is back in uniform, crystal and all. Nice. I didn’t even realize it. (…Crystal and all. Like it’s become part of his self-image already. HMMM.)

So interesting that Rolando chooses the most obvious pressure points to try and get to Millie…without realizing that coming out of Blitzo’s mouth, it completely robs them of power BECAUSE of their heart to heart. Millie already knows in her core that Blitzo rejects that image of her, because it’s an image of himself that he also rejects and he refuses to let her wallow in it. Their friendship is built on, well, building each other up in that way. Why in fuck would Millie listen to this asshole wax on and on about how she’s a lowborn inbred hick (what the fuck dude) when he’s currently possessing the guy who helped her break that image of herself? Like. Come on, asshole, use your brain, not your bigotry. But I guess that’s also the point of this episode, showing with explicit clarity that IMP is special because of all the anti-imp sentiment they’ve had to wade through and dismantle within themselves, so why would a supposedly “superior” demon think he had to hit any harder or more precise than that? Also. Though. The careless way Rolando is just throwing around Blitzo’s body is pretty sickening.

Special moment of silence for how Millie knows that Blitzo can take a beating that few others can and uses that to expel Rolando. I’m not crying. It’s fine.

“You’re dead, Bethany!” This is. Such a weird thing to say. Especially when you just went on a pleasure cruise through this guy’s deepest darkest fears. You can pull out what haunts him in the night, but not his name?? Counterpoint: he didn’t CARE to pull out Blitzo’s name. Because he’s an imp.

The knocking Rolando into the pool thing was hysterical, though. Such an anticlimax. Right before the electrocution and the eye-popping and all. Lol.

“FUCK hotels!” Says the man who was casually cosplaying an aspect of the princess of Hell who runs a hotel. I love these shows. I love the casual interplay between them. A crossover one day would be the best thing ever.

“I’ve never had a real friend that I didn’t want to fuck.” That is such a blisteringly honest thing for Blitzo to say that I don’t think he expected it to come out of his own mouth. And I love that Millie knows it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with Blitzo, and how Blitzo feels about Stolas. I just don’t think Blitzo realized he felt that way until he said it out loud.

And wrapping this all up with a nice bow with some Loona and Moxxie character growth, where she ACTUALLY takes care of him instead of leaving him to his own devices! Giving half a shit prevents arson, folks, love to see it.

This had the exact structure of Truth Seekers that got me hooked on this show in the first place: cutting the raunchy humor (which is hit or miss with me, usually don’t like it overmuch) with really deep, complex, and honest character moments. The way Blitzo mentors both Moxxie and Millie in different ways while still relying on them is just so satisfying. Even more satisfying is seeing Blitzo change from a one-note loud pervert into a complicated guy who has real feelings about other people and doesn’t actively want to hurt the people he cares about because he DOES CARE. He’s a fuckup, and he’s trying, and it’s so, so, SO good.

I’m sure I have forgotten to wax eloquent about something or other, but it’s almost four hours later and definitely almost five thousand words into this thing, so I’m gonna cut myself off here. Toodles! See you all in November for Mastermind, which is gonna be FINE I’m sure!!

[thewickedkat]

long post incoming; meta enthusiasts may wish to digest this in chunks.

i am so completely exasperated with Laudna as of the latest episode. however, i temper that exasperation with my enjoyment as a viewer; indeed, i am feasting on the conflict, thinking finally, some good fucking food, because i think (and have always thought) that Laudna is terrifically interesting as a character and she presents wonderful opportunities for growth not only on her end, but as a catalyst for others.

that being said. the sword. how she handled it. how she handled her own trauma bubbling up, how she handled (or didn't) Delilah, how she handled Orym and Chetney and Dorian and the whole miserable mess she made.

it was selfish. there. i said it. you may disagree with me, i care not, but her course of action was terribly selfish and destructive.

i know many people out there have been likening her behaviour to that of an addict's (and there are many common factors there: the hiding, the lying by omission, the shame, the acquiescence to bad behaviour), but i think in some ways that to do so is reductive, and also removes agency from Laudna herself.

she is allowing her trauma to almost make her decisions for her, allowing it to define her, and she is not giving herself the opportunity to realise that growth beyond it is possible--or, perhaps, she does realise this and is simply too afraid to reach out and grasp it. i think even if Delilah weren't trying to subsume her, Laudna would still be self-sabotaging and self-destructive and still try to hide the parts of her she felt were undesirable; Delilah in many ways simply makes it easier for Laudna to do so and, if pressed, provides a rationalisation for Laudna's choices and actions (as in 'it wasn't me, it was her, she made me do it).

first and foremost, Laudna was a victim of heinous trauma, being murdered and then being put on grotesque display. then she was further traumatised in coming back from the dead and being forced to isolate herself from people for many years, with only Delilah's honeysweet venom dripping into her ear for that time. then she is murdered again as an object lesson for the woman she loves, then stuffed down so deep into her own psyche by the one who first killed her; she is fought for and brought back by her friends...who then seem to do little to check in with her, to make sure she is stable, or coping, because they each have their own baggage and oh by the way, the world is possibly ending. to be fair, there is little time for therapy and stability when you are literally running from crisis to crisis and trying to stop something you haven't even conceived of in your nightmares.

she feels dismissed, often, minimised, and she never developed healthy people skills or coping mechanisms (i am sorry but as much as i love Pâté, a dead rat does not a support group make). so she lashes out, has poor emotional regulation, and Does Crappy Things. so i also understand when she said 'what else have i to give, but myself?'

all that being said. what she did with Orym and the sword was fucking selfish. she is behaving like a child, as if she is the only one whose tragedies matter; she's playing Oppression Olympics, and can i just point out that Orym was the one to say 'i'm sorry' but Laudna never apologised for accosting him while he slept and hurting him? saying 'i didn't mean to hurt you' is not the same, because that implies that if she had not hurt him, stealing from him was perfectly acceptable and reasonable.

i don't believe her when she said 'i accept responsibility' because that means one must accept the consequences of their own actions, and right after she said that, she argued with everyone, told the oldest member of the Hells that he had no right to talk about loss to her, and then fled. that isn't accepting responsibility; that is mouthing platitudes in the hopes you will sway others to your point of view and when it fails, leaving in a huff like a child having a tantrum.

she didn't even bother to ask Orym why he kept the sword. she just tried to take.

Laudna often reacts from a place of fear: of pain, of more trauma, fear of inadequacy, of loss. all of these fears are valid. they are understandable, given all that has happened to her. but just because her fears are valid does not give her the right to make others pay for her emotional baggage. this is what makes her behaviour in ep 95 selfish. all of her actions in the back half of that episode are things she chose to do, and now she must sit in the mess she made. Laudna seems to be falling into the same mental rut that many victims fall into when their trauma isn't dealt with in a healthy fashion: they start fucking others over, as if being a victim excuses it. it does not.

and before others come for me, i say that as one who used to do the same fucking thing but i was lucky enough to have therapy. Laudna doesn't have that luxury--none of the Hells do. there simply isn't time to make space for any of their issues, not just Laudna's. Imogen is still wrestling with her mother; Fearne is wrestling with her parentage; Orym is just trying to keep his feet under him and do what he feels is right without betraying anyone he cares for (yes, including Laudna, shut up); Ashton is still trying to process the loss of Fresh Cut Grass (for gods' sakes, the crafting night was a fucking wake for the lil guy); Dorian just lost his brother and watched his friend succumb to a Betrayer God that turned her into a monster; and Chetney? Chetney is an old man who, i personally think, can pick his battles and knows how to compartmentalise better than any of these kids.

Laudna is not unique in that she has suffered horribly. no one is saying she hasn't, but her behaviour implies that she believes they are saying that. her actions imply she believes not only that she does not trust her friends (thanks, Dorian), but that acknowledging others' losses somehow negates hers. there just isn't time to healthily process any of this, which sucks. it does. i do think her friends love her, care for her deeply, and i think part of the reason they haven't checked up on her as much as they could is because a) they're afraid that her problem with Delilah is much worse than they thought (duh, it is); b) they can't fix the Delilah Problem right now even if they were qualified to do so (even Pike couldn't scour that bitch out of Laudna, she said as much); and c) they run the very substantial risk of wholly alienating Laudna if they press the issue too hard, thus not only losing an asset in the fight against the Vanguard and Ludinus, but also a friend and lover.

it's shit, all around, we all know that. but to pretend that it's okay she did what she did to Orym--or worse, somehow transfer responsibility from her onto him and make it his fault--is infantilising and disingenuous at best, and more than a little insulting.

[necrotic-nephilim]

omg another Tim Drake multishipper, hello!! :3 I haven't seen much Tim/Dick, but I'm a HUGE fan of DamiTim and JayTim!

If I may ask, what are things about Tim/Dick that you like? I haven't seen that ship before, so I'm curious! :)

hello!!! i am the biggest Tim multishipper, i will ship that guy with anyone and everyone. but i have such a soft spot for DickTim and would LOVE to talk about them oh my god

there are so many angles you can use to look at DickTim, but the primary one is their relationship to the Robin mantle and how it influences their relationship to each other. Tim is the Robin that Dick chose and gave his mantle to. because while yes, Dick accepted Jason as Robin, Dick was *not* the one who gave Robin to Jason, that was Bruce. and Dick didn't fully approve of it, not as a slight to Jason but just being protective of his mantle. but Dick approved of and gave his mantle to Tim. and on Tim's side, when Tim came to Dick in the first place, it was to ask *Dick* to be Robin, not to be Robin initially. Tim is Robin because Dick refuses and guides him into that role.

with Dick and Tim in general, there's this repeated insistence on both sides that they know what's best for the other and will try to force the other into that role. Tim thought Dick being Robin was best for Dick (and Bruce) and tries to persuade Dick into that role. and later on, when Dick gives Robin to Damian, in the fandom it gets treated as some big asshole move, but in reality Dick does it because he sees Tim as his equal. he thinks Tim is ready to move on from Robin and doesn't want Tim to be his Robin when Dick is Batman because it would be insulting to Tim. and i'm not going to get into whether or not Dick handled that correctly bc that's a whole other post and that moment gets fanonized as it is, but the point is, Dick was doing what he thought was best for Tim. and the driving force of *any* of their conflict is never genuine malice, it's one of them trying to do what they think is best for the other and it causing disagreements. all of their conflict is born out of love and care for each other. when Dick doesn't believe Tim about Bruce being alive, it's not out of doubt of Tim's detective skills, it's out of love and concern for Tim's mental state. (bc historically, Tim has proven very poor at coping with grief) and i personally deeply enjoy ships that are a tad fucked up and dead dove, and the best way to dead dove DickTim is to make them *too* controlling of each other. they try too hard and go too far trying to "help" each other and that can make for some messy middle ground.

but even at their worst, they still make up. Tim and Dick still managed to get back on good ground after the whole Red Robin thing and Dick immediately trusted and believed Tim. their relationship is not a perfect one, but it's one born out of love and trust. neither of them handle being angry/distant with each other for long and they will always attempt to mend things. i'm rarely a New-52 fan but, i've always loved Tim's reaction during Grayson (2014) when he finds out Dick is alive. (Dick died but came back and has been forced by Bruce to continue faking his death bc he's undercover and all) of everyone, it's Jason and Tim who have the worst reaction to Dick being alive. it's an incredibly hurt betrayal. Tim loves Dick so much he can't fathom the idea of doing that to Dick, so he doesn't know why Dick could do that to him. it's one of my fave DickTim moments. the deep hurt and how long it takes to rebuild that trust. but still Tim immediately works with Dick and is willing to help him with a mission. no matter how angry he is, he will always let Dick in and be there when Dick needs him. it's so crunchy to me. they're not always *good* at making up in their low moments, but they will never stop trying.

furthermore, i know fanon has sort of latched onto "Jason was Tim's Robin/hero" which is certainly cute and fun as a concept, but Tim is canonically the biggest fanboy of Dick Grayson to exist. he loves Dick and he loves the mantle of Robin that Dick has created. i personally firmly believe Tim at some point had a childhood celebrity crush on Dick and i can't be convinced otherwise. Tim views Dick through the lense of Robin bc Tim is just massively Weird about the Robin mantle in such interesting ways. when Tim hallucinates Dick encouraging him during Batman (1940) #456, he hallucinates Dick as Robin, not Nightwing. there's such a pedestal that Tim puts Dick on in his mind, i think it's very easy to see that be a romantic attraction. during the Unternet arc of Red Robin (2009), when Tim is in the Unternet his Red Robin suit looks like a Nightwing suit. it's *very* clearly derivative, and that suit was created by his subconscious as how he sees himself. (as per how the Unternet works and all) so Tim's *idealized* version of Red Robin is built off of Nightwing's image.

more on Dick's side of things, when Dick kills Joker during Joker: Last Laugh #6, he does it because he thinks Joker killed Tim. and to be clear this isn't a heat of the moment thing. this is premeditated, multiple characters try to stop him from finding Joker because he fully plans to kill him, and does. (ofc Bruce gives him CPR and all) it's *Tim's* death that pushes Dick over the edge to compromise his morals, even when he knows killing Joker is just letting Joker win. he can't get over his anger over Tim's supposed death though. Dick is incredibly protective of Tim and I think that's fun to play with how far Dick is willing to go for Tim compared to everyone else.

a lot of characters in the Batfam are purposefully entangled, but Dick and Tim feel very fated in a specific way. Tim was there, when Dick's parents died. he saw it happen and from that moment on, his whole life's trajectory was changed in the direction of Dick. i would argue it's Dick that brought Tim into the fold, not Bruce. there's just so many countless moments of them looking up to each other, checking in on each other, helping each other out, etc, especially during the 90s/2000s. they work remarkably well as a united front against Bruce, for me. when they need to hide something from Bruce or just need someone on their side when Bruce is being Bruce, they always go to each other and trust each other far more than Bruce trusts either of them at times. i think a lot about their dynamic during Batman: Prodigal and how being Batman and Robin while Bruce was... off doing who knows what served as a bonding moment. no one else was really around, it was just Dick and Tim relying on each other and getting to know each other better.

of all of Tim's relationships in the Batfam, i would personally argue he's closest to Dick. so much love is already built into relationship, so turning it romantic is a natural and easy step. you can add a lot of conflict from their more unstable moments of attempting to make choices for the other or just have a very sweet and loving partnership because of their trust in each other. it's such a good ship to me.

[sammy8d257]

Purple being a bastard is so important to me

I need them to have piss poor social skills and coping mechanisms that aren't them just being a doormat

Give me a Purple who gets angry and aggressive when pushed

Give me a Purple who's always deflecting any concern directed at them

Give me a Purple who knows they're acting like an ass but does it anyways to keep people away even though they're so lonely

This stick spent half of their childhood being trained to fight and the other half taking care of a dying parent

You can't tell me Purple came out of that with only parental issues

[dxstopiaa]

Gratifying Gambit

Synopsis: Playing Genius Invocation with your lover seems to evolve into something quite heated.

Characters: Al Haitham, Kaveh, Cyno and Tighnari x Reader!

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, otherwise none. [ Apologies for such infrequent updates <\3 P.S do know how difficult fighting cyno in tcg windblume was? that feeling when i finally beat him. (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞]

Al Haitham

Al Haitham has been defeated!

You couldn’t possibly of expected the Grand Sage to be in peak condition after keeping him awake for so long. It was evident he would rather be in his own company, reading before getting early rest.

Al Haitham’s eyelids drooped slightly— teal irises clouded with the urge for slumber. But he pressed on, insisting that his sleep didn’t matter as much when it came to spending time with you, even if it wasn’t exactly quality.

“No, it’s alright, it’s your turn.” Your lover murmured, resting his head in his hands. No problem, this is only one night of many, he’ll get his rest eventually.

“Haitham? I’ve conceded my round already…” You raised a brow, arm outstretched to brush his tresses from obstructing your view of him. Ah, that’s the issue. No wonder he had lost these past matches.

His eyes were fluttering shut, drifting off to the abode of dreams until he forced himself awake again. An all too familar cycle with yourself, but one which didn’t synergise with the Scribe.

“Dear, are you…sleeping? I didn’t think i was that boring!” You huffed, tone tinted with slight offence but amusement nonetheless. Al Haitham couldnt retain the hushed smile creeping up his face. You were too lovable for your own good.

Another unusual occurrence, your beloved’s laughter. It was sweet— carefree and adorable for a stoic man such as he. Either your heart almost flipped in place, or your brain short-circuited.

“Quite the opposite actually, go on, i’ll play one more game with you.”

You have been defeated!

Strategy, the foundation of card games. The secret to winning every match was to be adaptable but reliably balanced in strength and defence, Al Haitham had read such in a handbook, a little foreign to his tastes but interesting nonetheless.

He was determined to prove such tactics correct— that he did, with grace. A stubborn man like him, you expected him to stick to his dendro team compositions, yet he took you by surprise.

“Are you not going to…” You trailed off, glaring at his deck of cards which weren’t in usual order. Only then had you recognised your mistake.

“Hm? Oh this, i figured i should alter it more often, i’ll start.” Al Haitham’s smirk could be heard through his tone, folding his arms after already reducing your health far below healthy standards. Appears like the luck was on his side too.

You tripped over your words in an attempt to condone your poor performance, phrases like: ‘My hand slipped!’ or ‘Wait, i’m not ready!’

“Haitham!” But he knew, regardless of how many times you whined his name with exasperation, it was just a way to cope with your unfortunate loss. Just like the Scribe was attempting to conceal that stochastic fluttering in his chest from the nickname.

“I win, my reward is for you to call me that name for the rest of our time together.”

Kaveh

Kaveh has been defeated!

“Hey! Give me a chance at least!” Kaveh groaned, throwing his cards quite aggressively upon the table in defeat. To think that he called himself skilled at TCG just an hour ago— now there was no denying he felt embarrassed.

The young architect, better known as your husband, breathed out an exasperated sigh when you merely giggled at his suffering. Kaveh didn’t know where he went wrong, he had prepared himself for this yet he still couldn’t beat you!

You, on the other hand, found the situation humorous. He just looked so lovable with that pout on his lips— eyes screwed narrowly whilst he scrutinised his attempt at deceiving you.

“Sorry, love! I just thought you’d want better competition for your amazing skills.” You teased, mocking him for your own amusement. The look upon his face was something much more than just disapproval, as if he wanted to strangle you (lovingly, of course.)

How did you know all of his moves, he asks? Well, playing a tactical game with someone who shares a bit too much detail whilst intoxicated was not a sensible choice. And you may of just coerced him into informing you of his playstyle by rewarding him with a kiss.

Such information should remain hidden, keeping your irked lover in the dark wouldn’t hurt, right? Nothing other than his sanity, anyway.

“Again? Dear, can you read my mind?”

You have been defeated!

You shouldn’t of done that— hoping the blonde opposite you failed to recognise your poorly thought mistake. A shame that Kaveh was a discreetly intelligent man, a satisfied smirk growing over his face.

“Wait, I didn’t mean to do that!” You exclaimed, trapping your husband’s hand under your own, nearly falling from your chair. He cackled mercilessly, finishing off your deck in one turn.

It was his concept of revenge, you had won all previous matches, it’s fair enough. It’s too bad for you, now Kaveh had no choice but to smear vanquish over your streak. The game prior to this beheld a score of six to zero, at least your husband didn’t walk out with that quite embarrassing score.

“Dramatic does not mean dumb, sweetheart.” Your lover admitted, leaving his seat from the table to collect the remaining dice— and partly to tower over beside you to witness that solemn expression.

Eagerly, you seized his collar and brought him down face-level, gifting a chaste kiss to his lips before turning away as if you never had.

“You can’t just leave me like that, come here-”

Cyno

Cyno has been defeated!

“Don’t get cocky.”

Something that he shouldn’t of said to you— rather some advice he should of taken himself. For a supposedly lighthearted card game, Cyno took it very seriously, to the point it became comical. After all, he’s never lost to anyone before.

So when you slammed your card upon the playing table, your new tactics you had learnt had proved to outmatch the uncrowned archon of Genius Invocation. The plan? Delay your actions until you could utilise elemental reactions and one-shot every last card of his once vulnerable.

Quite expectedly, your boyfriend appeared mortified, not only did he gasp as if he had been physically injured, but his mouth flew ajar. Cyno wanted to express his resentment, but that became increasingly challenging with how proud you looked.

“See! I told you i’ve been practicing!” You giggled, leaving your seat at the table and wrapping your arms around his neck, swaying the seething general to and fro. No matter, you already knew how much he adored seeing you as contented as you were.

It wouldn’t take long to crack that false shell of offence, sporting a gleeful grin at last. Cyno sighed, resting his elbows on the table whilst he massaged those restless crimson eyes of his. Another card drawn, another hour spent away in his company.

“You win this time, but you want to see what i’ve been practicing too, love?”

You have been defeated!

Cyno wasn’t that malevolent to defeat you in his favourite card game so soon; you were only a beginner, that wouldn’t be necessary. That was until you began to grasp the concept of it rather quickly.

It was endearing how you were so keen to conquer your boyfriend, of course he had to let you win the first couple of rounds. Your virtuous grin when you inflicted damage greater than he had expected alone was a sufficient reason.

“Hmm you win again, how about i increase the difficulty, darling?” Cyno proposed. You shouldn’t of hastily nodded your head, you later found you underestimated him a little too much.

A fault of yours was your predictability— the customary vaporise deck, a common choice he often saw. Perhaps you were playing it safe? Standard set up too, simply apply hydro and then pyro. Too bad your lover could counter that in no time.

Turn by turn, your cards were disintegrated before your very eyes. No amount of healing or event draws could repair the damage done in that round— or to your morale for that matter.

The general braced his deck, peering over it to witness you frowning at the ‘unfair’ move he made. Stifling his laughter was becoming increasingly difficult, wearing an upturned smirk instead.

“Cyno! Stop the mockery, it’s not funny!” You whined, resting your head against the table in defeat, not desiring to get your pride handed back to you once more.

There’s always a next time to achieve victory. For now, just enjoy your boyfriend tidying your hair away from your chagrined countenance.

Tighnari

Tighnari has been defeated!

You were more than just delighted to reveal your new deck to your boyfriend, or more specifically—a character card of his own. He wore a cute expression, eyes gleaming with motivation and pride whilst his illustrated lips curved into a cheeky grin.

Endearing you find it, and glad you had pre-release access to the card which was intended to be announced to the public in a week. Rightfully so as his lover.

“So…you’re telling me that this card of mine, will grant you luck?” Tighnari hesitated, analysing the card between two fingers. He found the depiction of himself to be slightly inaccurate, but he brushed it off with a light sigh.

“Yes! ‘Nari, please?” You requested, smiling softly when the chief forest ranger surrendered to your pleads. You gleefully sat opposite him, board infront with dice scattered over it. You rolls seemed to be the first indicator of your luck, all dendro and electro—just like your team.

Tighnari, on the other hand, was a bit more unfortunate, having to reroll with multiple event cards just to play a skill. With every fallen character, he slumped further into his chair with disappointment.

“Alright, how is my own card luckier than me?” Your lover complained, plucking it from your hands and hiding it away in his pocket.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get it back, i don’t want you to favour a fake rather than the real version infront of you, dearest.”

You have been defeated!

“Love, did you drink too much? You’re usually better at this than me.” The forest ranger questioned, an eyebrow cocked upwards at your quizzical behaviour.

It was already the third round yet you hadn’t played any meaningful action at all. One could argue that you were simply stalling— but that was not an ample excuse.

Your palm struggled to keep the weight of your head upright, giving out from beneath it and opting to slouch over the table. That didn’t stop the incoherent mumbles from spilling out your lips, now batting your eyes at your boyfriend.

“Nari, you’re so cute…i’ll let you have the win whenever.” You whined cheekily, observing Tighnari scoff, attempting to hide the scarlet flush developing with disregard. Just what has happened to you today?

“I appreciate it, but you need to get some rest, you’re scaring me.” He muttered, leaving his seat to aid you upstairs, with much difficulty. Reminder: Don’t leave alcohol around you again.

Neither of you had exactly lost or won, but you could say that you were the first to fall deeper for another.

[ilikekidsshows]

hey I figure that you’re probably tired of talking about the Sentimonster nonsense but I genuinely still can’t stand that it’s an actual thing. The wildest thing about it is that I JOINED the fandom because of the Sentimonster theory, actually got excited for it and looked forward to hints, not believing the skeptics or the salters bc it didn’t seem like such a big deal—that is until I saw with my own eyes how SO MANY FANS said with their whole chest that, in “Ephemeral” Adrien HAD to be a Sentimonster or there was no other “sympathetic explanation” for why he didn’t de-akumatize himself or fight off Gabriel.

Seeing the victim blaming in real time was such a punch in the gut—and then they just kept on coming!! It finally hit me how damaging the entire thing because for the show as a whole. If even regular fans that weren’t even known for salting could so willingly disregard and ignore genuine abuse coping mechanisms in favor of magical BS… it was such a dark time. Abuse Apologism and victim blaming in a whole package

Sometimes, when I write about Miraculous, I pretend I'm writing about a show that only had three seasons. That's what the "zagulous fandom" tag is for; it's for posts that are about the parts of Miraculous that had Zag's executive control keeping Astruc in check. I also kinda accepted long ago that my blog's kind of a support blog for people who are against the Sentihuman concept.

When I first heard of the expanded Sentimonster theory, the one that went "all the rich kids are Sentimonsters", I instantly went: "You do realize how making victims of child abuse nonhumans with questionable rights minimizes their victimhood and excuses their abusers, right?" people told me I was making stuff up and whoopsie doo, the writers did exactly that.

Neither Gabriel nor Tomoe faced any consequences for abusing Adrien and Kagami because, after all, since they're Sentimonsters, the real abuse was that they didn't have their Amoks so giving them their Amoks resolves all their problems. The only abusive parent who gets acknowledged as such is Félix's dad, who is dead by the time we hear about any of this, because we can't have abusive parents face consequences for their actions because that might upset people or whatever excuses Astruc's giving for Gabriel's vindication now.

This also minimises all the affects of the abuse on the kids, since they can be handwaved away with: "They were just programmed that way." Kagami's bad social skills aren't because her mother isolated her, it's because she forgot to program Kagami with those skills. Félix's villainous behavior isn't because his mother is overly permissive with him, he was just programmed that way (by the eeeeevil Colt). Adrien isn't a people pleaser because he's repeating his abuse coping mechanisms with his overly controlling girlfriend to keep her happy the same way he did to his overly controlling father, he was just programmed to be the perfect doting son and boyfriend.

You'll notice how neatly this ties into the crew denying that Chloé was abused in any way ever by her clearly abusive mother. Chloé wasn't made into a Sentimonster, so we can't have her bad coping with her abuse be excused by "Sentimonster programming", so now the writers are just gaslighting the audience and saying: "Chloé wasn't mistreated by her parents which caused her to act to out to get attention (which she literally stated to be her motive in season 3), in fact, she's the one who's been terrorizing her poor, innocent father and he needs to be protected from this naturally occuring evil hellspawn."

All child abuse in this show gets excused.

Of course, now the writers have an added reason to make sure Adrien's abuse gets excused in particular: because they made Marinette benefit from it. As I said, Adrien is repeating abuse coping mechanisms learned from dealing with his father to keep Marinette happy. He's always prioritizing her feelings and never brings up his own problems, and this is good for Marinette, because she can just enjoy having a perfect boyfriend who caters to her every need and doesn't have problems of his own or with the ways she treats him (for all she knows). She's even maintaining this status quo by lying about Gabriel to Adrien, so Adrien won't get upset (and have emotional needs that she would need to help him with). Either we have to excuse Adrien's abuse, or we have to admit Marinette is benefitting from the fact that Adrien was abused, and even taking advantage with the way she makes no effort to improve their communication on her end, preferring to spy on Adrien and lie to him instead of just talking to him like an equal.

The show writers are also allergic to following through on their creative decisions, is what I think. They put all these different victims of child abuse and neglect in the show, and then dehumanized these children in different ways so that they wouldn't actually need to say anything about that abuse they wrote in and they can instead pretend it was never there. This is why I also think that, no matter how much the show's defenders insist the story isn't over yet, we will never be getting a proper resolution to the Sentinonsense.

[yevmarie]

Light My Fire | Chapter 1

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 >

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader

Pronouns: you, she/her

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings:

angst;

mentions of depression;

implied suicidal thoughts;

swearing;

a lot of smoking (by main character as well. Sorry for making it as a social aspect here, I hope you won’t get it as if I encourage you or something);

Merle being pervert;

some differences from the main plot may occur;

poor English (not a first language, but I’ll be glad if you point on the mistakes, also may skip the southern accent as I’m not aware of it too much :( ), and poor written skills in general.

If I miss something, please let me know. I hope you enjoy :).

___

Your eyes are closed and your body trembling, desperately trying to hold your tears.

“Y/N,” The soft and calm woman's voice tells you. “Let’s recall the rectangular breathing. Inhale…” You inhaled through your nose for four seconds and stopped breathing for four seconds as well. “Exhale…” You exhaled slowly and then held your breath again. “Inhale…”

“Fuck it!” you swore and opened your eyes, stretching out your arm to the Parliament pack lying on the kitchen island. You were not happy with this habit but when your life went to shit you didn’t care.

This had been an awful year full of loss which unfortunately led to depression. You visited your psychiatrist regularly and this helped you to overcome a bit. At least you don’t start suddenly crying and coped to move on. Especially when your best friend, like almost your older brother, got to the hospital and there was no good news about his health condition. As an aunt (non-blood relative) of his son, you couldn’t give up just like that. But it seemed if you had a chance, you’d do it.

You lit the cigarette, inhaled, and continued pouring the coffee from Jezve to the small thermos. This was your everyday morning routine. After this ritual, you go to the park and prepare yourself mentally for the new day. Today’s situation was different, you wouldn’t go to the park, but you couldn’t prevent yourself from beginning the day normally at least partially, and for the last time.

The TV was turned on, and the host said with a trembling voice thousands of people got infected with an unknown disease and it led to chaos in several states and yours as well, many people died. Neighbors outside were screaming, children were crying. Everyone was rushing and trying to pack all their lives in their cars. You thanked God your parents weren’t here. Sounds blasphemous, but you couldn’t bear this weight upon your shoulders. When you were imagining the apocalypse while having one of your anxiety attacks, you swore yourself you would end up right at the beginning as this would be not life anymore, but dance with the death you didn’t wish to take part in.

But you are here. Fortunately staying calm (thanks to medication). You already packed your things after your friend (your ex), had called you and asked you to be prepared to move. He told you he’d come to your house and you then follow him in your car. Also, in case he succeeds in grabbing your best friend from the hospital, you can transport him as he was unconscious, and more space was needed for sure.

The man dressed in a sheriff uniform enters your house “Are you kidding? Coffee, really? What about mediation then?” he saw you looking at him with no emotion expressed on your face. He cooled down for a moment. “Have you grabbed the essentials?” you nodded in the direction of the bag laying near the door.

“Is the tank full?”

“As usual,” you mumbled “Shane” you breathed the smoke out of your lungs “Are Lori and Carl with you?”

“Sure, come on. And quit this shit, please.” he pointed at the cigarette and went outside your house.

You closed the thermos, switched off the TV, and went to your garage. In several minutes you were following Shane’s car. Carl turned back to you from Shane’s backseat car window and waved to you. You smiled and waved in response. Thanks God your last lifeline was safe and sound. You switched on the player and drove.

“Time to die

Hammer high

Name your price

And kneel

Hail the apocalypse

All flesh is equal when burnt

We are forgiven

Forgive as we never shall learn

Get down

Hail the apocalypse”

Shane turned to the highway and you nervously turned the steering wheel following him. Your eyes widened in shock. You grabbed the phone and called him.

“What’s the matter?” you screamed.

“My colleagues told me there was a shoout-out near the hospital. Need you all to get to a safer place. We’ll deal with Rick later.” You threw your phone away after the call ended. “Shit”.

The trip was short but unbearably lasting as you were always stuck in traffic jams. You can see the sun already went under. As you saw the road was blocked with cars and people fussing you turned the engine down. Shane got out of his car and went further into the crowd. After five minutes you saw him getting back approaching you.

“We need to stop here, the road is blocked. Let’s have a break and figure out what to do next.” you nodded and got out of your car. Shane went to Lori to tell the same. Carl opened the door and ran to you.

“I’m glad you are with us, Y/N.” said Carl squeezing your waist. You brushed his hair gently with your fingers and smiled in response. “Me too…”

“Carl” Lori called “Could you please come to me for a second?” Carl looked at you, smiled, and ran to his mother while she was looking at you concerned.

You switched your attention from Lori and took the Parliament pack out of your denim jacket, picked a cigarette, and realized you forgot the lighter at home. You started to look around and your sight captured the two men smoking standing near their car in front of yours. You approached them.

“Hey, could I ask for a lighter, please? I forgot mine at home”. The older grinned, sticking the tip of his tongue while observing your hips in black leggings moving his sight up and stopping at your breasts covered with the tank top of the same color as your leggings. He looked up at your eyes and sang “Come on baby, light my fire”. The younger burst out of anger and barked.

“Have ya not slept offa hangover yet, dumbass?”

“Woah, brother,” the older laughed and lowered his voice “Why are ya so tensed?” The younger started nervously biting his lips while the older’s mouth was in front of his ear. “Getting nervous because of the beautiful girl talking to ya?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

You just continued to watch a one-man show.

“Okay, won’t bother ya, my puss,” he laughed and stared at you measuring you up “My brother is such a shy guy. Please keep an eye on him while I go and let off my steam ‘cause of the hotty around” he blinked at you.

The younger looked angrily at his brother going away down to the wooded area near the road.

“What a gentleman…” you concluded.

“I’m sorry,” the younger grunted and looked at you blushing.

“Never mind, at least someone stays positive.” you smiled. The man put his hand in the pocket of his jeans and took out a light passing to you. You lit up your cigarette and inhaled. The lungs burned with pleasure while your head went a bit fainty as you haven’t eaten anything today yet. “Thanks,” you said and then went back to your car. You opened the door and took the thermos with coffee and a small tourist cup. The man was standing quietly and glared at you as if his gaze was an X-Ray that could reveal anything suspicious about you.

“Hey,” you looked at the man while pouring the coffee into the cup “What’s your name?”

“Daryl” he didn’t stop gazing with his cold blue eyes.

“Y/N. Wanna some coffee?”

“No, thanks,” he mumbled.

“Come on,” you approached him “The night will be long, you need to stay on your legs.”

He looked at you thinking the hell this bothers you. You read his thought as his expression was asking and added “Let’s consider this as the gesture of thanks as you saved my life from the lack of nicotine.” You chuckled.

“Thanks” he replied silently not stopping investigating you.

“Bring it back to me when you finish” You pointed at the cup and turned to go away to Shane as he had called you.

The man stayed confused holding the cup and looking at you while you went away.

“What a sweetie, huh? I’d spent some time with her on the backseat” Merle let Daryl know about his presence.

“Fuck off!”

Merle laughed and sang gazing at you talking to your friends “You know that it would be untrue. You know that I would be a liar…”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 >

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey Chapter 3

Inspo: Quote - “All the lights couldn’t put out the dark that’s running through my heart ”  Summary: (18+ ONLY FIC!!!) Winnie & Richie meet for the first time, have a conversation about their love for Taylor Swift over a cigarette while Carmen fights through a panic attack in his office. W/C: 3,000 A/N: Oh my WORD!! I am so excited for this chapter, I hope you all like it!! I’m hoping my Carmy and Richie are doin’ it for ya! I’m feeling this pacing for the moment, but I promise there will be a time jump at some point. I just want to have the relationships build a little and have you guys get to know Winnie outside of who she is with Carmy!!  Warnings for BTC: Abuse (Verbal, Emotional, Physical), Swearing, Self Harm, Cigarettes, Mentions of alcohol, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Disassociation, Negative self talk, bad coping skills. (0 smut though, wow!!) 

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Chapter 2 Here!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Don’t worry missy, mommy isn’t forgetting about you” I brush my hand over my cat, Persephone’s, supple fluffy white tail. “Jus’ give me a second ok?” I leaned into the mirror, finishing applying a mauve lip liner to the edges of my lips before filling them in with gloss. I give myself one final lookover, smoothing down my pale, buttercup-colored cardigan. I look like I should be freezing my ass off, but thanks to my fleece-lined nude tights- I am warm as can be. 

I head into the kitchen, Persephone weaving in and out of my legs as she usually did getting a giggle out of me. “Poor starving fluffy baby mm’?” I coo, grabbing her dish from the cabinet and emptying one of her favorite shrimp-flavored Friskies lil’ soups into the bowl, and setting it down for her. She dives right in and I scratch her head lovingly. “There, that is your bedtime snack ok? You got it early, so when it’s really time for bed later, don’t try and tell me I forgot somethin’ yea?” I go grab my ‘purse’ from the bedroom which was just the tote I’d gotten at Taylor Swift's concert a few months ago, as well as my white pleather platform boots, and sit in the entry hall, putting them on. 

I look at myself once more in the hall mirror, adjusting the white bow tying back my long locks that I’d curled. “Love y’ baby, Mama be home soon, be goods ok?” I called to Seph’ who was still chowing down in the kitchen. I slipped on my fur cape shawl-type garment over my shoulders and stepped out of my apartment. Locking my door, I headed back down a few blocks to The Bear. I put on my headphones as I walk, humming softly to the music blasting through them. 

As I approach the alleyway, I see light puffs of smoke coming out into the street. I hurried my pace, hoping it was Carmen out for a smoke before I showed up. But when I finally see around the corner, it's not Carmen, it’s some other man. Older, wearing a brown leather jacket. He nods in my direction and his lips move, his voice completely drowned out by the music that was still blasting in my ears. I pull my headphone away from my ear lightly “Sorry, wha’dya say?” I asked, taking them off and putting them in my bag.  

“I asked if you were in your Fearless Era? Nice sweater” he said and I smiled wide. “Shut up- you listen to Taylor Swift?” I walked up to him, leaning a few feet away on the brick wall. “Hell yeah! My daughter loves her, you saw the show too?” He takes another drag of his cigarette and I smile with an enthusiastic nod. “Mmhmm!!” I say proudly “Can you believe She played Death By A Thousand Cuts and Mad Woman?! Those are like, my favorites from those albums!” 

He blows the smoke past me and nods with a smile. “It really was fuckin’ fantastic. Broad puts on such a crazy show it was fire.” I looked closer and realized he was wearing chef's clogs “D’ you work here?” I questioned. Another nod “My cus’ owns it. You been?” He asked and my eyes widened before I let out a laugh, a real laugh. 

“I’m here for - for him!! Actually. He umm..invited me for a drink.” I said a shy smile dancing on my lips and my cheeks heating slightly.

“Holy shit” he laughs. “Holy fuckin’ shit” he shakes his head in disbelief. “What?” I giggle. “He has a secret girlfriend or somethin’?” I joked and that got another chuckle out of him. “No, no. Absolutely not- I just am- in shock and awe.” He snorts, taking another drag. 

“Why’s that? Am I ugly or somethin’?” I teased “oh no no quite the opposite actually, surprised he was able to talk to you. Kid gets all quiet around pretty girls.” I shrugged. “Hes….shy. But very funny.” I added. “Funny? Wow. I can’t wait to tell Sug’ t’morrow. Wait so how did you- how did he ask you out?” He questioned.

 I took a deep breath, a sheepish smile on my face “ok, so- he didn’t - he did ask, but he did it by making me ask. He was like ‘oh so you only go out with guys that have xyz’ and I was like ‘no you askin’ me out player?’ And he was like ‘nope but we can go out’ he’s such a dork” I smile at my feet and he snorts a laugh, rubbing his chin like Carmen does. 

“Yeee’ that’s Carmen’s style. He's very indirect- with girls that is. With family though- god. He’s too honest most of the time” I look back up at him. “So… how does this whole thing work, like- so Carmen is your cousin, and who is Sugar?” I asked “oh, yeah Sugars my cousin too, but she’s Carmy’s big-sis. That’s why if you decide to start comin’ ‘round more often don’t be surprised if you see her bossin’ him around even though he’s technically the boss” I giggle a bit. 

“Ohh no I saw it already. She’s- she can be scary. But she’s very pretty, so that makes up for it. She came in tellin’ him off about cups earlier” I said and he chuckles “Yeah. She was the torment today, it’s usually Carmen but he was ok for the most part. Except at the end of the day, oh! Shit!! Oh my god you” he said and I looked at him, confused. “Me?” I question, pointing at my chest. “You. Yeah you. That’s why he was sooo fuckin’ dead set on hauling everyone’s asses out the door at 9:40. Oh and that’s why he had Marcus deep clean the bar. I see.” He took another drag of his cigarette. A heat brushed my cheeks.

 Is he nervous to see me? 

I take my bottom lip between my teeth in thought. “How’d you meet?” He asked, bringing me back. My gaze meets his again, “ah- we met today? Actually? Well, I think I’ve seen him like- around, because I’ll take walks on my breaks so he’s probably been out smoking. But I was gonna come by the restaurant for lunch and he was in need of a light so, I gave him one. And then he found I work at the bookstore and figured that means I’m smart or something and with his pretty eyes he just… managed to rope me into editing your dessert menu” I said and he laughed. 

“That’s one thing about Carm’ this place?” He taps the brick with his finger “Is him, he will do anything to make something perfect about it. So I guess consider yourself smart since he trusted you to even suggest he does anything differently. That’s so much trust with him, he must really like you” he said and I blushed, my eyes meeting my boots again. 

Really like you. 

“So are all you Berzattos this charming, or is it just you and Carm?” I teased and he laughed, his head falling back “Oh, I like you” he pats my arm before stomping out the butt of his cigarette. “Here, you don’t have to walk all the way around - let me just let you in the kitchen” he dug keys out of his pocket, unlocking the large metal door. “Just realized, never got your name.” He said, opening the door and holding it ajar with his foot. 

“Winnie” I reply, and held out my hand. He shakes it, his hands were cold from the weather but his touch was gentle. “Richie” he said and I looked into the hall that leads into the kitchen, my heart beginning to hammer in my chest. “Well I’ll leave you kids at it. No fuckin’ in the kitchen it’s spotless “ he said, breaking the tension in my chest and earning a laugh from me. “No promises, know where he is?” I asked and he nodded with his chin down the hall “2nd door on the right, his office. He’s probably finishing up paperwork n’ shit.” He said and I gently kissed his cheek on my way through the door, a friendly gesture. 

“It was very nice to meet you, Richie.” I said sweetly, his cheeks were bright red. “You too, Winnie. Hopefully we see you around more- Carm can use the attitude adjustment you gave ‘em this afternoon a little more often.” He joked and my cheeks were the ones that now felt hot to the touch. 

He actually listened to what I’d said about being good. 

I nod “I’ll work on it” I said and he nodded with a smile, “night.” He said “g’night! Be safe!” I replied as he shut the door. 

The kitchen was completely silent, the only sound was the buzzing of the lights. It was literal night and day. The bookstore was always quiet unless we were doing story time for littles, and at night it was just as quiet. 

“Carmen?” I called out, my heels clicking as I made my way down the hall. “Hellooo? Hello hello?” I called, hoping he’d open up the office door. My heart picks up again, I feel it in my throat. Pounding, booming. I try to swallow the thick thumping, but it doesn’t help. I hear a hard thump against Carmen’s office door, causing my eyebrows to furrow. 

I get up to it, leaning in and I hear Carmen breathing, heavy and uncontrolled. I speak up, trying to find my confidence. He had invited me here. He wants me here. 

He trusted you to even suggest he does anything differently. That’s so much trust with him, he must really like you…

Richie’s words of encouragement bounce around in my mind. 

I took a deep breath, gently tapping on the door with my French tip. 

“Carmen? Carrrm? Ya’ in there? Hellooooo? I hear you breathing in there… Ok, well guess what- I just met your cousin Richie, and apparently? He listens to Taylor Swift too. So, unless you open up this door? I’ll like- totally go right back out there and flirt with him - and, you’ll positively 100% lose your super-duper smokin’ hot date to your awesome, super friendly cousin-“ 

Carm POV;

**10 minutes before Winnie shows up**

I lean against the office door, eyes screwed shut, so tightly my forehead was beginning to cramp up as my hand shakes uncontrollably next to me, my wrist cracking with every violent flick. I was desperately trying to feel something, but my entire body was numb. My chest heaves up and down rapidly, tears burning my eyes and I roughly rub over my forehead and cheeks. Clawing at my hair and pulling tightly, to feel something, anything at all. “Fuckin - get it together, fuck!” I muttered, desperate, my nails digging into my forearm so hard that if I had any mind to me at this moment, I’d realize I was drawing blood. She would be here any second, the first - first girl, the only girl I have ever had the balls to ask out, and of course one of these - these - episodes.. Just had to come on - right now. I bump my head against the door in a futile attempt to ground myself, but it doesn’t work. I still feel fucking nothing. 

All of a sudden, per usual to this bullshit- I’m transported back to New York, to Noma, in the bathroom, hurling my guts up before my regular night shift. The pang in my stomach though, was merciful compared to the fucking hell on earth that place was.

 Then, I was on line, making Julianne cuts to a carrot for the 3rd time since the previous 2 were ‘obviously done by a blind ape’, or ‘disgustingly amateur’ as per what I can only presume is the words of the demonic human incarnate of every, single, sin, in any life, I’ve ever fucking lived, coming back in this one to haunt me in to my grave. 

 “You fucking stupid sack of shit” he seeths in my ear. “You are pure shit. Hear me? You are nothing motherfucker, you are a fucking shitstain on my name. I swear, at this rate? You get outta’ here? You are done, Hear me? DONE!!!” he barks in my ear so vociferous that it circumscribes the furthest corners of my mind, my knife slipping when I twitch slightly at the pain of the volume in my ear and it shreds into my skin, deep. 

I hissed at the sting before the fire of pain, my hand jerking away on instinct and dropping the knife. It clattered to the floor loudly and before I could react he grabbed the collar of my whites brutely, dragging me somewhere, my feet stumbling and tripping over each other as he towed me like a ragdoll, before he was violently throwing me to the floor of the bathroom in a pathetic, bleeding heap. “Fucking pussy” he growled, digging his chef's clog in my side just enough to knock the remaining wind out of my lungs. “Clean yourself up, pathetic moron. There's fucking work to be done, or did you overlook that? You slothful, utterly useless, piece of garbage.” The door to the bathroom slams, and I’m left alone, my blood leaking into the tile. At least he didn’t spit on me this time. 

My first thought isn’t if I need stitches, or of the unbelievable pain coursing through my hand and wrist - of course not, why would I ever think of myself first? Instead, it’s of the fact that my blood pool has already grown so large that it’s leaking into the grout of the restroom floor. And if it stains with the remnants of my stupid mistake, I am fucked, done, and utterly screwed. I scramble up, wincing lightly as I try to take a breath, a sharp ache going through my left lung where his shoe had dug in. 

Suddenly, I’m ripped through the walls of space and time, the soft hum of the heater meeting my ears, as the sound of the sweetest voice I’d ever heard makes its way through the door, She’s here.

“Carmen? Carrrm? Ya’ in there? Hellooooo? I hear you breathing in there… Ok, well guess what- I just met your cousin Richie, and apparently? He listens to Taylor Swift too. So, unless you open up this door? I’ll like- totally go out there and flirt with him - and, you’ll positively 100% lose your super-duper smokin’ hot date to your awesome, super friendly cousin- I also brought my book since you were just sooo interested earlier. Maybe you can take some tips from the bat-boys for your flirting skills, handsome.” 

Her voice was like a tether, gently tugging me back into my body. It’s as if my soul snaps back into my physical self all at once, her words ringing through my mind like soothing white noise, not registering a single thing she’s saying, but relishing in the fact my feet were on the ground, and I was beginning to be able to feel them there again. I try to find focus on the sound of her sweet, sweet voice.

My face finally relaxes, and I force my eyes open. I’m back- Back at the bear. I let out a shaking sigh of relief, my entire body was trembling. Blood felt like it was pooling back into every one of my limbs in a tsunami. I suddenly felt so heavy, like I could just sink into the floor in a heap and die there.

“J-J-J” I stutter out, biting down on my cheek so hard I felt a sting of pain and the taste of metal filled my mouth, so embarrassed that I’m succumbing to my old habits, especially in front of her. Forcing a deep breath into my lungs, finding my head, find your head, find it, find it Carmen. 

I inhaled so deeply it felt for a moment like my lungs could pop like balloons, before focusing all of my energy into letting out the breath as controlled and light as I could, which finally centered me enough to be able to find my tongue. “Just One sec. M’ sorry” I managed to get out, rubbing over my face roughly to get rid of the remnants of any stray tears, before wiping my hands on my shirt and turning to open the door. 

Before my mind and my….brain? Could process my actions, I was pulling the door open, pulling her into my chest, and nuzzling my face into her neck. I held her to me tightly, as if we were hanging off the very edge of the earth, and she was my only tether to reality. I took a deep breath, my knees feeling weaker at the intoxicating scent of her, Jasmine, rose, orange? Maybe grapefruit…and…Honey.  

“Thank y’ for comin’, Winnie, I need a fuckin’ drink, now.” I mutter quietly into her supple skin.

Read Chapter 4 Here!

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: MESSAGES FROM THE SUPER BLUE MOON

Left: 111; Right 333 Disclaimer: Take what resonates and leave the rest. You are not allowed to copy my work under any circumstances. All personal readings are paid. All thing mentioned in disclaimer in my pinned posts applies here.

🌑111🌑

You are worried about something that you have just started or will begin soon. It could be college, job offers, but something has you worried. You are doubting everything suddenly and no matter what you do or where you go, it creeps up on you. You need to observe, the more you reject the awareness of the negative thoughts, it feels the more powerful they get. Do not think yourself as the thinker of the thoughts, you are a mere observer, so identify as such, tell them, now that they have spoken, now you are aware of them , and later say ‘ I do not consent to this’ and let it be. The key is to simply observe not control and when they do not get the attention they so wanted, they’ll leave you be.  You are extremely intelligent, mental gymnastics is your thing, some of you are good chess players, logical, love to deduce things. Here you are being told to use your creativity, you have being given a tool, whatever that might be in your specific case, you are being told to use to to go to calm waters, or the ruffled ones will wash all over you. Do not be afraid of the shadow, see it, learn from it. Acceptance is key here, for a lot of you, denial is your coping mechanism, but it is not working in your favour anymore. You have suppressed feelings for too long and now they want to come up, clear limiting beliefs, become aware of them. THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF YOUR SHADOW WORK JOURNEY(for a lot of you).  There is more to the problem, like you can’t even put your finger on it, there is self doubt, you go one way and the other seems more like it, you are in a mental maze, what is your strength is not applying here and you my friend, are frustrated, FIND A NEW ANGLE, A NEW WAY. For you are dealing with the subconscious, not an easy fae.  (The messages won’t stop, if I go on, I’ll go on forever)  COMMENT' 111' to claim healing. 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading to heal your shadows.🌙

🌕333🌕

Word channeled: GRATITUDE JOUNRAL.

You have a lack mindset. No matter how much balance you achieve, or growth, you focus on what you don’t have and let that affect how you feel about the rest. The main important thing is money, you feel insecure about it, at this point, you just want a lottery or someone to spoil you. You are tired and desperate. You are being told to see abundance in other areas, like look at this example: person sitting in the shade of the tree crying, all they think is if I had some money, I could buy an apple, what he doesn’t realises is the tree he is sitting underneath is the apple tree. You have it right there. Sometimes, abundance is you, your skills to get the fruit. Whether you buy a dress or make one, at the end you still have a dress, and during the process, you still have to make effort, whether at the dress or somewhere else. BASIC NECESSITIES ARE OF COURSE NECESSARY, but this is not we are talking about. This is different, someone blaming and self pitying. You are being told to keep a gratitude journal, the more you thank for recieving the more the universe gives. It only understands the word yes. So if you say ‘I am poor’ it is so be it. So affirm good things especially while eating, me mindful to not watch anything while eating because it goes straight to the food, whatever they are saying on the tv. ESPECIALLY NO NEWS AND CRIME DRAMAS.  The good news is you are almost there, almost there to reaching equilibrium, at the end it’s all about balance and trust me when I say, it’s not far away. Keep focusing on the good, be happy with what you have while working towards what you want. This is healthy attitude, remember the universe does not respond well to desperation.  COMMENT' 333' to claim healing. 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading to heal your shadows.🌙

-

EL TAROT