#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

[ijustwannadraw0716]

Twins separated at birth, with Roman and Remus.

Remus was raised by his dad, Ethan Reyes. A man who is rough around the edges, likes a cold beer at 11 A.M., and works as a mechanic. He tried his best with the kid, and he taught him that the world would give him nothing, and he had to work for everything he got. Never let yourself be the prey, always the predator. (And remember that Dad is the Apex predator, so don't piss him off).

Roman was raised by Catalina Mendoza, She's a fashion designer and much more successful than their father, who owns a local car shop. It makes decent money, but they live in some apartment in a dodgey neighborhood while Roman lives in a two story house on the Upper East side with a swimming pool. He was raised with the softness of his mom, giving him everything but always away for work. She's very loving and spoils him rotten to make up for her absence.

So, as Roman relocates once again so his mom can work in Florida, he attends a public school for a few courses, as the charter schools in the area have waiting lists far too long to bother. Roman didn't mind. It wasn't a bad school by any means, though. His first day is odd. When he arrived, it seemed like people were staring at him...confused.

He didn't understand and concluded that it's because he's the new kid so far into the year. He was used to it, he supposes. Either way, he went about his way, questions peeking up his throat as he walked into the office, and the front desk attendant looked him up and down, that same puzzled look on her face.

"Remus?"

Roman frowns, pinching his eyebrows together. "Uhm...no ma'am, I'm Roman, Roman Mendoza. I transferred-"

"Ah, yes," She interrupts, still eyeing him oddly. "Your papers arrived early this morning. Here's your schedule, I apologize, you have a...striking resemblance to another student."

Roman blinks a little. "Oh, well, that's alright," He says, taking his schedule as it's handed. "Have a wonderful day ma'am."

And as Roman walks through the halls, he hears whispers, the name Remus continuing to spread. He ignores it, heading towards his locker and opening it with ease, emptying a few items of his inside when it's suddenly slammed shut. Roman jumps, staring into a pair of mismatched eyes, a large scar trailing down the left one. He's awfully intimidating, a black turtle neck pulled all the way up over his adams apple with a yellow trenchcoal over it, draping all the way down to the floor. Roman frowns as his lips curl into a smirk.

"Boo." He sings before leaning against his locker, blocking his way. "Why do you look like you just crawled out of some preppy golden gated community? I know people say you're scary but this is a new low."

Roman flushes, his frown deepening as he glances between him and his locker. "I don't know who you are. Could you please get off my locker?" He huffs, rolling his shoulders back, wanting to appear taller and more intimidating against the stranger. While he's quite short in stature, something about him rubbed him the wrong way. The others' eyes flash with confusion, his eyebrows drawing in, and he stands up a bit straighter and looks him over.

"Huh." He murmurs. "You're not Remus."

Roman was beginning to get really sick of being compared to this Remus character. "I could have told you that." He huffs out, moving to open his locker again, snatching his bag out before closing it again. "My name is Roman. Roman Mendoza."

The other teen hums and looks him over once more before turning on his heel without another word. What an odd place.

It continues on all day, people avoid him like the plague. Even teachers seemed to sag in relief once he's proven not to be this "Remus" person. At lunch, to no surprise, no one wants to be near him, and he ends up at a table alone. It was a strange, lonely experience. He can't remember the last time he ate lunch alone. He's used to being popular, always having people around him. And yet, everyone's so caught up in thinking he's this some other guy!

He sulked at his spot, stabbing at his lunch forcefully when someone sat across from him.

"You're not gonna kill it anymore than it is Rem, it's already dead."

The new voice snickers, and Roman groans, tossing his fork down. "For the last time my name is not-" He pauses mid sentence, his heart quickly pulsating far too quickly at how cute the person is sitting across from him is.

He's kinda scrawny, long damaged black hair and deep purple tips that fall over his shoulders a little in a messy, mullet like cut. His eyeshadow is dreadfully dark and far too emo but God, his sharp jaw and dark, cold blue eyes make up for it. Roman felt every ounce of frustration die on his tongue and he choked a little while kid eyed him weirdly, his shoulders having tensed up as he began raising his voice. He looked him over once, twice, and then a third.

"You're not Remus."

Roman scrunched his face up, the frustration quickly bubbling to again. "I'm aware." He complains.

The others cheeks start to tinge Pink and he quickly moves to stand up. "Ugh- uh- fuck sorry," He stumbles out, grabbing his tray but Roman's has had quite enough and stands as well, grabbing his wrist.

"Wait! Ugh please introduce me to this Remus character! I've been compared to him all day and it's driving me insane!"

"Aw, well I am so very popular!" Comes a nasally voice from behind. A rough hand is placed on his shoulder, squeezing hard enough to make Roman hiss. "Now why don't ya let go of my friend there huh?"

Roman immediately let's go of the other, and he tucks his arm away in his hoodie pockets, rolling his shoulders forward to hunch into himself, his eyes darting from Roman to behind him. Roman yips as he's grabbed and turned and oh.

It's like...staring into a fun house mirror.

His doppelganger has the exact same facial structure, same eye color, hair color (though his has some Grey streak in it). Though, his eyes are accompanied by some purple eyeshadow and black eyeliner, a crazed look in his eye and he's slightly paler. Not to mention, he's clearly growing out a mustache and a bit of stubble.

He seemed to realize the same thing as Roman did because his eyebrows furrowed a bit and he let go of him.

He looked him over and raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell are ya?"

Roman swallowed a little and glanced around. The cafeteria grew much more quiet now aside from some chatter and hushed whispers. He caught a few stares and they quickly looked away. He stood tall anyway. "Roman. Roman Mendoza. And you are?" He demands, crossing his arms.

Remus snorts a bit and mirrors the action. "Remus. Remus "none of your fucking business". Now listen here Romane-"

"Roman."

"Whatever," He waves his hand. "Ya ever put a hand on this bitch over there," He points a finger over to the adorable emo who rolled his eyes at Remus' protectiveness, shying away from the attention. "I'll fuckin' kill ya. Got it?"

Roman scowls. "Who do you think-"

"Oh well hello kiddos!" Chirps a new voice, chipper and sweet, a taller fellow right on his tail with a dark blue sweater vest and rectangular glasses on the tip of his nose. He's holding a few different things in his arms, a book, a notebook, a folder, etc. He stands tall behind the chipper one, who's wearing a masculine cheerleader outfit, his curly hair bouncy and his eyes bright behind his circular frames.

"We doing okay over here?" The sweetie chirps, looking between Roman and Remus. Roman opens his mouth to voice that no they were not doing okay, but Remus swoops in before he could.

"Course' we are toots." Remus grins, his teeth a bit yellow and he dips down a little to Pattons Height. "Just a fun discovery ya know? Never knew I had one of those doppelgangers. Can't say we're anything alike though, this ones too prissy."

Roman grits his teeth a little. "Why you-"

"Well," Patron interrupts once again, taking a step away from Remus and one towards Roman. "I'm going to be showing our new student around! Explain a few clubs and whatnot if you're done here?"

Remus smirks, smug as he looks Roman up and down before lazily strolling over to Virgil. "Yeah, we're done here."

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

What do you see happening to Harry when the inevitable divorce happens? The kids will be in the US so he can't really move to the UK. Though he doesn't seem that attached to them considering how much he travels and is away from them. Would he be set up in the UK if he did return? What is there to be done with him? He can't return as an official working royal even if Charles refuses to remove him from the website. He obviously needs someone to babysit him so he can't just be let left alone. Would he just play polo until he's too old? I wonder if the BRF actually have a plan if he was to return because I can't think what they'd do with him.

Ask from August 3rd

There are three and a half options for Harry post-divorce if it should happen.

Option 1: if Meghan gets custody of the kids and keeps them in the US, he’ll stay in the US, probably remaining in the LA area or moving up to his corporate BetterUp apartment in San Francisco and commuting down to LA when it’s his custody time. There is a chance he could move to New York since the East Coast is more “old money” and he probably fits in better, society-wise, there (but I think it’s a very low chance). Harry will continue being the BetterUp mascot and travel all over the world playing polo and “running” Invictus Games. He’ll be like a Vince Vaughn/Jon Hamm-type character (perpetual bachelor, kinda dickish but without the charm), still very much living with PTSD, and the kind of weekend dad who’s all fun and games so Meghan/the nannies will always be the bad guys.

Harry will probably trauma-bond to the first woman that can get her claws in him and it’ll probably be another Meghan/Durek-type (holistic, new agey, controlling). I don’t think they’ll marry because Meghan will make their lives a living hell being that close. (But good news, Meghan will probably move her target from Kate to the new girlfriend.)

Option 1B: If by some miracle Harry gets out of California and moves someplace else in the US - like to NYC/northeast, Texas, or Jackson Hole, then he might not be as dickish and might actually level out from all the mental health trauma Meghan put him through. The risk is still high for him to be with a new agey/holistic woman but she’s probably be more of a Shannon Beador-type (from Real Housewives of Orange County; well-meaning but kinda nutty) than a charlatan grifter-type and I can see her influence being calmer and more stabilizing on Harry, perhaps even to the point that he stops the constant PR blitz and just lives his life. If this is what happens, then there’s a good chance that Charles and Eugenie could reach out and relations with the BRF thaw out to the point that Harry can see people when he goes to the UK for “work” instead of getting the door slammed in his face.

Option 2: If Harry gets custody of the kids or the kids go to a UK boarding school, he’ll go back to the UK and be welcomed back in on the family side. No royal work and no public engagements/appearances unless the entire BRF is there (eg, like the Platinum Jubilee service) or it’s exclusively a private family event (like the Easter and Christmas walks). King Charles will throw Harry a bone every once in a while by supporting Invictus Games. His mental health will be addressed and Harry will probably begin healing from all this trauma so he may not be dickish at all, just his usual entitled prince self which someone, probably younger and blonder, will eventually find charming and she’ll “take over” Harry for the BRF in return for a cushy paid-for life (allegedly this is what they offered Meghan but Meghan wasn’t aware of how bad Harry’s mental health was and kept demanding more and more money to stay).

Since it sounds like Harry is pivoting again to the Spencers, he’ll probably settle close to them near Althorp (otherwise King Charles will probably buy a lease for him at/around Highgrove House since William never goes there). Maybe Earl Spencer will take pity and give Harry a small cottage house on the Althorp estate (if there are any).

William might thaw out eventually but their relationship will never be the same and Harry won’t ever be back in the Waleses’ inner circle, and of course, it will depend on whether Harry continues all of his PR. (If Harry continues PR and continues using William for PR, there’s no thawing but if Harry shuts up and stops talking to press, he has a chance of William acknowledging he exists.)

Option 3: Harry moves to Africa or someplace else in the Commonwealth, regardless of custody rulings. Probably the best option for Harry. He just needs to get far, far away from the press, Meghan, and the BRF as possible, reset, and start over. King Charles will take care of/pay for everything. King William will probably continue supporting Harry in this case since it keeps him away from the UK but again, the issue is PR. If Harry stops talking to the press, then his chances with William are better. If he keeps talking to the press, he keeps running PR stories about olive branches or the good old days or wanting to come back, then nothing will change.

[theoverboss]

give me ur maccready headcanons GO 🎤

•MaCcready will literally sleep anywhere and everywhere. It doesn't matter if you even give him a bed- he most likely won't even sleep on it.

“Hey I got this bed set up for you, I hope its good enough for you to re-”

Soul looks behind them only to find him sleeping sitting up in a half broken chair, tattered hat over his eyes. He's borderline snoring.

•He won't admit it but if you give him space of his own he will start a collection of pre-war toys. He hasn't stayed in one place since he was sixteen still living in little lamplight so having a room to himself is a lot for the guy. He's been moving around for years with no real structure in his life. You will never catch him doing it because he's that good but he will pick literally any toy up and stash it in his pockets until he gets back to his place. I'm talking shelves of Nuka-trucks, alien toys, and nuka-plushes, dude even has a magnet collection from when Soul beings him to Nuka-World.

• Won't admit it but hates being alone at night. Ever since the night his wife passed away in the subway, he can't be alone. He most likely sets up a room in a house or structure that has other people he knows will be awake at night. As long as someone is awake that he trusts, he can rest east for the night.

•He writes letters to his son but never sends them. When he gets the cute to his sons sickness he ends up giving both the cure and at least one letter to his friend to give to Dunken. Somewhere in the commonwealth is a stash of letters hidden in some random safe.

• His handwriting is amazing shut up no one can tell me any different. When he was just a little kid in little lamplight he found dozons of cursive letter sheets that the original pre-war school kids wrote to pass the time. At first it was just because he was bored of sitting around. But over time he knew that he would need to know how to read and write so he just started using them as a teaching tool to learn how to write. He didn't know until he left the caves that it wasn't all that normal to write in cursive.

Ask box is always open, like, repost, ask away! (TheOverBoss 2024-****)

[vanderwoodlings]

I really am fucking obsessed with 2.07 tho. Like

S: When it's just the three of us, it's fine, but anytime she gets a new guy, she stepfords out and lets him make all the decisions.

E: I don't think that's what's happening.

S: Remember when we had to move to Chamonix because German Klaus wanted to ski all year round?

E: That wasn't so bad.

S: But what about Paolo—the raw food diet? Family colonics? Or Sameer? I know I enjoyed our—

E: I see what you mean.

See that. That would’ve been enough—Serena didn’t spend her entire childhood in the Upper East Side. That tiny fragment alone is fascinating! But the overall point that Lily repeatedly changes herself for men and that affects her parenting style, meaning that Serena and Eric’s home life was even more unstable than previously thought? That’s something to chew on. But wait—there’s more:

B: Oh, your mother. Remember how she always used to just jet off to Mustique or Ibiza without warning while you and Eric were still in school?

S: Eleanor always knew when we showed up with our overnight bags. Lily had a new boyfriend. We tried alternating between you and the archibalds so you guys never knew how bad it really was.

B: We knew.

Like, this is in-text neglect. This is “Lily was in no way ready or able to be a parent” level stuff. (And then you think about the Scott of it all and you have to wonder if Serena was in any way planned or if Lily just couldn’t do that again. You have to wonder.)

And there’s the idea of Blair and Nate and the first time that they ever really added how much time Eric and Serena had been spending at their houses, and the idea of these tiny kids doing their best to make it okay as much as possible, and Serena is trying really hard to parent Eric and make it seem as okay as possible, but Eric is entirely aware even if he can’t say anything because that would make Serena’s life hard, and so everyone’s lying to everyone else and they’re all trying very hard not to talk about how not okay it is.

Someone write the fic.

Still, we continue:

S: I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven. Eric and I wanted a white christmas. Luckily, mom's husband was a raging cokehead, so he left blow everywhere.

L: Oh my god.

E: It wasn't everywhere—just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.

S: Was that, um, German Klaus with a "k," or was it Danish Claus with a "c"? I can't ever remember which ones she actually married or which she just decided were more important than her children.

Like, wow. And you wonder why your kids have issues.

(And I focus a lot on how Lily is bringing unsafe people into her kids’ lives, but she’s also bringing them into her life. Just makes me wanna grab the gossip girl writers by the lapels and shake them until all the explorations of trauma fall out.)

L: Eric, my darling, you are always honest with me. It isn't true, is it?

E: I know Serena’s timing sucked, but she did pretty much raise me all those years. You just weren't here, you know?

L: I wasn't that bad.

E: Our ringtone for you was "Since U Been Gone.” Vanya the doorman used to sign our permission slips from school.

When I put that last bit into i won’t cross these streets, I got several comments re: ow. Because it is, in fact, painful.

But it’s also canon, and it’s one of the multitude of anecdotes that Eric and Serena give us about the pre-series era in this episode—like, the “Since U Been Gone” thing? That’s a whole dark joke coping mechanism shared between them, which means that Eric and Serena chose it together. Maybe it was as simple as Eric getting his first phone and being excited to give reverting custom ringtones, or maybe one of them straight up had a breakdown and the joke was part of a way to calm down. It’s not just saying Lily wasn’t there, it’s giving us all the little parts of what that meant—in anecdotes, in Serena’s stress response focusing so much on Protect Eric, in Eric talking Serena down at the start of the episode and coolly backing her up when she finally loses it

It’s a fucking gift that just keeps giving

[delta-drawsarts]

The runaway fox.

(( backstory for most of clover life on the surface was a rough one. Not knowing who you're parents were. Or way they ditch them at a laboratory. to be experiment on. The mad scientist of the lab had turn a human into a monster for some what of the most part.. well they still have a human soul. And can't use magic but for the most part they look ideal to monster kind sinch they look like a fox or a kitsune))

On a dark full moon night. Clover made a run for it.. running past the scientists and security guard and out the back door into the wood. They ran what felt like miles and miles of running

Until they ran into a cave with vine covering it. Witch they didn't notice only thing in there mind was run and run as fast as they can.

And welp they didn't see the gaint hole in the ground that lead to the underground ruin they would make a Yelp before falling into the ruins but by the time they woke they were in... a home ? And then by scaring the living day lights out of clover was dalv who found them.

Dalv.

Clam clam please do not be afraid... how are you feeling? Or better Question how did you get into this part of the ruins..

Clover

I .. feel..

Dalv.

Oh.. maybe one of the upper levels of the ruin broke through and you feel into this level of the ruins (( not thinking they feel from the surface because they literally look like a monster )).

A few hours go by as dalv tells clover stories and set them on there way.

As clover goes through snowdin they explore it a bit a few monster say hi and ask if there from the wild east? But that only confuses clover but just sead ok and went on there way.. until they ran into martlet..

Martlet on the other hand has seen Allmost all the monster or she thought until she seem clover.

Martlet.

A new face ? I haven't seen you Around before.. and out here alone...

Wait a minute are you possibly related to the ketsukane family.. sinch you a fox monster or a kitsune as all.

Clover

I umm .. idk..

A few hours later of martlet showing off and showing clover there royal guards move. Martlet told clover a safe route to the wild east and clover thank them for that.

(( though on this au Idea sude I counties with this or ditch it ? ))

First off, SOBBING. Man, fuck Clover's a child getting experimented on and turned into a Monster? Messed up fr fr.

Of course, they'd end up in the Underground. it's Undertale (Yellow) for pete's sake. Question is HOW they would be found by Dalv? Thought: Clover goes through the Ruins alone, since it's night Toriel might be asleep. And the puzzle breaks and they fall, which then while Dalv's on his walks he finds them.

Dalv houses Clover for a bit before sending them on their way (Would he still be a recluse in this or is he just chill and plays with Kanako whenever she visits?) So Clover just... Wanders around Snowdin, interacting with Monsters, etc before running into Martlet

Though I dunno why she'd be showing off her magic? Maybe she'd do that handbook review thing? (The one from the boat ride scene) and Clover's too polite and gives her the best ratings. (Cuz yes) and afterwards helps them get to the River Person to take them to the Dunes.

(Someone had a hc that the Cactus girl was blocking the way to where the River Person would be, and I'm adopting that hc now too)

Potential in this AU ngl. Clover's journey through discovering a whole civilization of Monsters, potentially being adopted, and coming to terms that they're a Monster now. Eh, doesn't rly bother them as long as they don't get locked up or hurt again. Hopefully...

[shallyne]

SJM Crackshipmonth: Enemies to Lovers

Helping You

More rivals (not even) but you get it. Feyre x Lorcan for day six of @sjmcrackshipmonth

Words: 1,402

TW: none

Feyre tries to befriend the new student but he keeps showing her the cold shoulder

Feyre knew him. Not personally, but she saw him stalking through the school corridors before the bell rang for the period that day. Feyre put her pen down and listened as her teacher introduced the new student. "Lorcan," she had called him. He was a new student, he just moved from a city in the east, Doranelle, to Velaris. "You can take a seat beside Feyre."

She raised her hand to show him that it was her and she took her book from his side of the desk. She smiled at him but he averted any eye contact as he slumped into his chair and let his bag fall at the side of the table. When Lorcan didn't unpack anything, Feyre asked "Don't you have your books yet?" No answer. "You can look into mine, the administration always takes their time." He didn't even acknowledge her. "Fine," she sighed. "Just tell me if you need something."

*I don't need anything." He snapped.

Feyre eyed him for a moment before she turned her attention back to the teacher for the rest of the class. She didn't offer help again as he just sat there and did nothing. The minute the bell rang, Lorcan stormed out of the class. She only saw him again during lunch break, from a distance. Lorcan retreated into a quiet corner and ate by himself glaring at everyone who dared to come too close.

The next morning, Feyre smiled brightly at him when he entered class. Lorcan stopped for a second, then slowly took his seat beside Feyre. "Good morning!" she chirped, knowing he wouldn't respond. "Did you do the homework?"

Lorcan grunted, looking out of the window.

"Right?" Feyre continued the conversation that didn't exist. "Ma'am, give us a break. The year just started! But don't worry, Stryga might seem strict but she's actually pretty cool, just try not to get on her bad side." Lorcan didn't give any sign at all that he was listening, but Feyre didn't let that stop her from talking about her homework. Later, she watched Lorcan again during lunch. He sat in the same corner, brooding away. Feyre stopped chewing on her sandwich as she watched another girl from their class, Clare, approach Lorcan. She said something, which made Lorcan snap something back and she left without another word.

On day three, Lorcan took his seat and growled "Don't even start." before Feyre could say anything.

"Wow, I didn't know you could get grumpier." Feyre noted. He only rolled his eyes. She didn't bait him any further, and paid attention to her schoolwork.

Feyre walked past her usual table and her friends during lunch and took a seat right beside Lorcan. She smiled at him, that seemed to piss him off even more for some reason as he threw his own sandwich on his plate and stared at her.

"What?" Feyre asked. "Why can't I sit with you?"

"Just leave me alone." he snapped. "Why are you so adamant about following me like a disoriented puppy? Don't you have your own life?" Lorcan stood up, seething. "Just because you're pretty and popular doesn't mean–"

"You think I'm pretty?" Feyre beamed.

Lorcan pressed his lips together and glared at Feyre one last time before he rushed out of the cafeteria.

As Feyre walked through the corridors, Feyre heard people whispering about Lorcan. She probably should be angry at him but she only felt bad as she listened to all the rumors going around.

She was surprised to find him in the library after school. Feyre would have thought he would leave the school grounds as fast as possible but there he sat, on a table in a far corner and he was reading.

Feyre flipped her hair over her shoulder and strode over to his table. When he looked up, his eyes narrowed. "Isn't it enough to harass me during schooltime? Do you have to do it after school, too?"

"Everyone hates you, you know that?" Feyre snapped.

He shut his book closed. "Oh, you are that girl."

"You don't get to judge me!" Feyre said. "I tried to be your friend, multiple times but you always shut me out. I want to help you! I know how stressful it is to change schools–"

"I don't need your help!" he replied. "You don't know anything about me, leave!"

"Aww, Lorcan," his gaze snapped to her when she said his name, "You poor thing. You're so alone, hm? Of course you are when you don't let anyone near you!"

"What do you want? You know me for two days!" he seethed.

"Three, actually. Do you need a math tutor?" she smiled when he scowled at her. "Why are you like this?"

"What are you talking about? Maybe I just don't like you." he threw at her.

"Now you're just snapping like a cornered dog." Feyre sat down on the opposite side of the table. To her surprise, Lorcan didn't jump up and ran away. "What is it with you? Does mommy not pay you much attention? Did daddy leave to get the milk? Do you feel like you're screaming into a void and can't form any emotional connections, scared that anyone could see the real you and still walk away?"

"Leave." he said, with less bite than usual.

"Oh my god, don't tell me I'm right." Feyre said quietly. "Am I?"

Lorcan opened his book again. "I thought I shouldn't tell you."

Feyre sighed and put her books down. "I'm sorry that we had a rocky start, even though it was your fault, but let's put it to rest. Let me be your friend, Lorcan."

"I don't–* he gripped his book so hard that Feyre Feared he would rip it in half. "Why?"

"Why not?" she asked. "I'd just like to be your friend."

"I believe that," he said to her surprise. "But there's something else."

"Okay fine, I overheard Ianthe talking about asking you out and I hate her." Feyre explained. "And she hates me, don't look like that. Anyways, she's going to be so jealous if I befriend you first. Trust me, you do not want her advances. It's a win-win situation. I get a new friend and beat Ianthe and you get a new friend and won't get asked out by her. I win, you win, Ianthe loses. We all are happy. Incredible, isn't it?"

"What's so bad about Ianthe?" he asked.

"You'll see soon enough." Feyre extended her hand. "Friends?"

"Fine," he said, shaking it. "Friends."

Feyre grinned, Ianthe will be so mad. "What are you reading, by the way? Biology, I can help with that!"

"That was fast." Feyre said as she overlooked the party from the balcony, a summer breeze ruffling through her hair. It's been a year, a whole school year, since she met and befriended Lorcan. It's been seven months since they started dating. Lorcan sighed beside her and they both watched their friends laughing and dancing at the last party they would all attend together before they would part ways and go to college. "It feels like yesterday that I saw your brooding face for the first time."

Lorcan huffed a laugh beside her, squeezing her hand. "It feels like yesterday that you annoyed me into agreeing to a friendship."

"You loved it." Feyre drawled. "And I was saving you from Ianthe, imagine if she would have gotten to you first."

Lorcan playfully shuddered, which made Feyre giggle. They fell into a comfortable silence again as they watched the group below. Well, that's it. That's their last evening together.

Lorcan stepped closer, putting an arm around Feyre and kissing her cheek. "We'll manage a long distance relationship." he calmed her down.

She leaned into him. "I know." she replied quietly. "But that doesn't mean that I won't miss you terribly. Who is going to save your ass when you get into trouble again?"

"I'll try not to get into trouble," he promised.

"That's not really the reassuring take that you think it is." she giggled. "If you manage to not get into trouble until I see you on Christmas, I'll bring you back your favorite cheesecake from Velaris."

He was quiet for a few moments, resting his chin on Feyre's head. "Deal."

Feyre put her hands on the arms he had slung round her waist and they both watched the sun set in the distance.

Taglist: @timesconvert

[animals-love-jordan]

🚀- Where do you want to visit?

"That's a good question, honestly. I've done quite a bit of traveling since I was born. Being Immortal gives you plenty of time but I can't say that I have seen EVERYTHING the world has to offer." Jordan says "I think I'd like to go on a safari in Africa, pick the brains of the of the animals there. I've never visited Africa. The closest I've gotten was when Dad and I volunteered for free healthcare in the Middle East. I think meeting a few feral versions of the big game shifters I have contact with in LA will help me understand their animal side better and what better way than a safari on Africa where I'd get to see the tigers, lions, bears and leopards up close and personal? Though I'd probably terrify the tour guide by asking to get off the bus and walk straight up to a wild tiger and just start petting it." Jordan laughs.

👊🏼- Something you hate?

"My life involves having more contact with animals and shifters than humans so any time I see someone harming an animal it pisses me off. If you don't like an animal, fine, just leave them alone don't freaking abuse them." Jordan says "Our little fur baby was a former victim of abuse and someone threw her off a bridge when we were still living in New Orleans. Kevin jumped in and saved her even though he's terrified of drowning so doesn't really swim like that. I was so insanely proud of him."

📝- Story from your childhood

"I was born and raised in Brooklyn to a single mom who immigrated there from Korea right before I was born. We weren't exactly poor but we weren't wealthy either, we got by. On weeks when Mom could actually afford to splurge a little we'd go get ice cream and head down to the dog park because she noticed I was always more comfortable around animals. I remember sitting on the bench with her and telling her about all the things the dogs were saying that everyone else without my gift couldn't hear. She would just laugh and listen as I talked about it so naturally. I got teased and called Dr Doolittle a lot groaning up, other kids thought I was crazy because I would talk to animals but not my mom. She got sick right before I moved to London to finish getting my Vetrinary license from Oxford, where I met Mason and he adopted me as his own. I went back after I graduated with Mason and we offered to cure her but she was tired and ready to go. So I sat with her until she passed. She had Mason promise to always take care of me and treat me like a son since I never really had a dad since the demon that got my mom pregnant just fucked off back to hell. I changed my name to Han after she passed but I kept her name as my middle name. I am grateful to my Dad but I do miss her sometimes."

✌️- Want any piercings?

"Well, I only had my ears for the longest time before I met Ryland and Ethan. Ry convinced me to get my nipples done, so I let Ethan pierce my nipples. Shocked the hell out of Kevin, but he likes to play with them." Jordan laughs."I thought about getting my tongue done since I heard it makes oral better for my baby, but I'm not sure yet. If Kev wanted me to, I'd get Ethan to do it today.

[lastoneout]

OKAY sorry for completely forgetting about this for several days, I had surgery the day the poll was set to end and then I had complications from said surgery and I'm only just now finally starting to feel normal again SO let's get to the reveal :D

DISCLAIMER: 1) here's the Spotify playlist for you animals who don't want to read my extensive thoughts <3 You respect your time and I respect that!

and 2) I know the italics are kinda fucked in some places I'm trying to fix it. Edit: They're fixed now.

ANYWAY the songs(not in order of popularity just in order I am far too dumb for that) along with a little reason I picked the "bad description" for each of them!

If you relate to this you probably have OCD: Caleb Trask by The Crane Wives (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Now not to get too trauma-dump-y right at the start(and PLEASE feel free to skip to the next one if this is too heavy for you) but the first time I listened to this song I hadn't been diagnosed with OCD, yet I still related to it in a way I couldn't quite express, but looking back now...YEAAAAH I related to it for a Reason. The song is "speaking" to Caleb Trask, one of the characters in the book of East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I can't speak to the parallels to the narrative itself because I haven't read it, but to me it weaves a comforting message, one of not letting your past sins or the past sins of the people who came before you in your family stop you from moving forward and living a better life. The lyrics

So you got bad in your blood

Brother, you're one of us

and

If you might then you may

There's no reason to live out in chains

Cause you're not alone

We're the daughters of sinners, we're the sons of saints

just hit different. One of the hallmark symptoms of OCD is intrusive thoughts, your anxiety attacks what you value most, and most of us want to be good people, so it gives us image after image of the most horrific violence and convinces us we must live in constant vigilance to stop ourselves from giving in to our perceived "true" nature. And if we have harmed someone in the past, even in the smallest of ways or ways that were clearly not our fault in the end, we see it as validation that we are bad people and must suffer endlessly to make up for it. There's no forgiveness, only living in chains, afraid that we might. The song counters this by saying almost exactly what my therapist does, paraphrased here as "You might do bad things. Something might go wrong and it might be your fault. The worst of your fears could absolutely come true. That is the nature of being alive. No one can get through life without causing pain, just like we can't get through life without bringing joy to ourselves and others as well. Be open to the possibility that things might be bad, but they might be good too, you cannot let your anxiety force you to crawl through the desert repenting, this isn't how you become a better person." Maybe you have bad in your blood, or blood on your hands. You're not alone, we're all the daughters of sinners and the sons of saints. Don't let that stop you from loving. Stop punishing yourself. Stop waiting for the flowers to bloom, for some nebulous forgiveness that will never really come. Find joy now, live freely now while you still can. You're not alone. You're not alone.

Introvert Party Anthem: Night In by Brittney Spencer (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay time for a HARD tone shift! This one is legit just what it says on the tin, and that's fantastic. As a certified disabled introvert I genuinely consider hanging out at home peak, and the chorus really says it all

I just want a night in, getting high with friends

Not a night on the town killing time again

No high heel stumbling down the city streets

No drunk boys mumbling, "Can I buy you a drink?"

Turn my phone off, get a little gone

All this turning it up ain't really turning me on

I need sweatpants, vibing to an old CD

And my day ones next to me

I just want a night in

Like come on, that's it. That's literally it. Bars are fun I guess but I can wear my pj pants at home. I can get drunk or high at home. I can throw up in my own toilet. I have the aux cord and I'm making you all suffer <3 (Also listen to more black country artists or I will start biting people I mean what-)

I FUCKING LOVE STRING INSTRUMENTS: Fiddlin' Around by Dierks Bentley (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Our winner!! Kay so I feel kinda bad about this one 'cuz I don't think it's what people expected and I maybe should have gone with my alternate joke title of "string instruments as a metaphor for fucking" but oops, oh well! Anyway I also don't have a whole lot to say about this one aside from the fact that it's fun and low-stakes and I just really do love fiddles and banjos and other string instruments and they do in fact go hard in this song. It's also catchy as fuck and gets stuck in my head for hours every time I listen to it, and does bring to mind hanging out in an old truck bed after dark which is fun no matter what you're doing in there, be it stargazing or making s'mores over a camp stove or fuckin'. I'ma throw in a couple of other really good string instrument songs tho just for good measure; Sweet Nell/Bajho Khetma by Himalayan Highway, a fusion of Bluegrass and traditional Himalayan folk music that's better than anxiety medicine, and Banjo Bloodbath by Appalachian Anarchy a Bluegrass Power Metal band bcs like COME on. COME ON. If you don't think that's the coolest shit in the entire world idk how to even talk to you.

My childhood best friend died and I'm not over it: El Dorado by Zach Bryan (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song destroyed me the first time I listened to it because bro that fucking string section at the start I am SO into string sections, they just make my heart shatter when done well. It is kinda obvious it's a mourning song, but I did find out he wrote it about a friend of his who took his own life, and as someone who did lose a dear childhood friend to cancer a few years back, who was also one of my ONLY friends who actually LIKED country music, this song just. It just.

In El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive

There's a note in the glove box of your drive

El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero

And a man I wish was still by my side

You're in every last memory alive

That's all I got.

Everything sucks so much, but at least we have each other: Garden by Noah Gundersen (spoitfy - youtube - lyrics)

We are continuing Certified SadBoy Hours™ with a song by one of my favorite artists of all time, Noah Gundersen. I saw him live last November in Tucson and god it was fucking EVERYTHING. He played like three of my favorite songs of his, I cried so much, there's a deep ache inside me that guy can yank out so fast it's not even funny. I was torn between this one and Honest Songs because they both have the same vibe but I like that this one feels very...rural, and old-fashioned but in an anti-capitalist way, I guess? Something about that gets to me. I'm starting to suspect there's a very old coal miner from Appalachia living inside me that I need to get in touch with. Anyway yeah this?

But wait, oh wait

See how the morning breaks

It's the simplest of love songs, but it's all our hearts can take

And though we lose our stake

Heaven is where we make it

Even in the smallest places, can a garden grow

I can't be normal about this, hope that helps <3

Bisexual! at the Grocery Store: Strawberry Crush by Tanner Adell (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Okay if you aren't listening to Tanner Adell shut the fuck up and go listen to her right now oh my GOD I cannot get enough of this woman!!! Anyway this song is literally just "I was at the store with my boyfriend and then saw the most beautiful woman ever I can't tell if I want to be her and/or fuck her help me" with some truly insane banjo under it and if that doesn't sell ya on it this should:

Strawberry wonder, strawberry lover

Bet she tastes like strawberries under the covers

Strawberry lush, strawberry touch

Strawberry never enough

Stay my strawberry, strawberry crush

Like goddamn. Hell fucking yeah. Let's fucking go. 10/10 absolutely NO notes <3 More queer country in general but especially from artists of color. Thank you so fucking much Ms. Adell you own my life.

Yeah being famous is pretty nice but I kinda just wanna go home: Sparrow by Ashley McBryde (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was originally gonna pick Baby Girl by Sugarland for this slot(but obviously with a slightly different description) but idk I recently started listening to Ashley McBryde and I love her voice and this song really hit me different than the Sugarland song. Baby Girl is more about the allure of fame and the struggle to get it and then use that fame to care for your folks, which used to speak to me as like...a teenager with wild dreams, but Sparrow feels more from the perspective of "fame is nice it sure is but god I miss home so fucking bad" and that hits different as a 30 y/o who just wants to live a decent life with the people I love. It's simple and sweet and really gets into that homesick longing that country music is SO fucking good at. Honestly call me a loser for it but I agree with Branch in Trolls 2, country music is quite often really fucking sad and that's what I like about it. Sometimes you're sad and that guitar just gives you the catharsis you need.

For a sparrow

Who wouldn't trade nothing for the way it feels to fly

It ain't fair though

How you miss the ground when you're out here in the sky

You're higher than you've ever been

Lonely like you never been

Waiting on the wind to take you home

Anyway brb gonna go fucking cry my eyes out.

Messy Bitch Party Anthem: Drunk(And I Don't Wanna Go Home) by Elle King and Miranda Lambert (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

This song is legit just fun and also the polar opposite of Night In. This is for the messy ass bitches who just want to get fucked up and make it everyone else's problem and I love that for them <3 Plus both Elle King and Miranda Lambert have very like...specific voices that I feel like I don't hear a whole lot in music but go together spectacularly. Like if I ever do another country/folk themed one of these I am including a Miranda Lambert song I promise you. (Also whoever let Exes and Oh's get popular without the accompanying knowledge that Elle King is a country artist owes me five billion dollars you were fucking holding out on me you sick bastards you all claim to hate country and YET- *I am dragged off the stage kicking and screaming*) I love the 80's wedding vibe of the fashion in the music video, the irreverence, the beat, this song is legit just fun and it was immediately added to my "get pumped up" playlist. Sometimes it doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to be fun. She's drunk and she doesn't want to go home!!

SHE HAS THE RANGE!!!: Yoü and I by Lady Gaga (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have nothing to say. If this isn't a country song idk what the fuck is. She's in a corn field. She's in a barn. He's her cool Nebraska guy. Lady Gaga does, in fact, have the fucking range. Die mad about it. Also her masc alter ego is in the music video and I am devastatingly bisexual about it.

Of course you're in pain, it came free with your being alive and in love, idiot: The Loneliness Waltz by The Ballroom Thieves (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I was actually torn between this song and Firewood by Regina Spektor but I don't think Regina Spektor really makes anything adjacent to what you'd call folk or country music so I went with one that is that I love just as much. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one either, it's just vibes and strings and lovely lyrics sung beautifully and I think more people should listen to it.

We are frivolous with our hearts

Watch them bend till they break

Then we pick up the parts

Yeah, we give, we take

We save and condemn

And we live just to love again

Screaming crying shaking throwing up ect. ect.

Give a classic girl's country song transmasc vibes with this one easy trick!: Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter as covered by Breland (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

I have ADORED this song since I was like 13 idk it's just really really fucking good imo, and I've heard a lot of good covers but man....this cover? THIS COVER? It's everything to me. Breland is truly unmatched as a country singer I have yet to hear a song of his that didn't blow me away. I saw tumblr user vaspider(not tagging him because this post is ridiculously long I just wanna be sure he is credited for his words) once say that Luke Combs' cover of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car(another phenomenal cover that proves to me country has a lot of potential as a genre that gets sadly ignored) had transmasc vibes because he chose not to change the line about being a "checkout girl" and not only do I agree but this song is that dialed up to 900. If you haven't heard this song here's the original as well as Deana Carter's 2021 version featuring several female country artists I love including Ashley McBryde that's also worth checking out. It's a retrospective song where the singer talks about her first experience with love and heartbreak at seventeen over the course of a relationship with a college student who was working on her grandfather's farm over the summer. Breland does not change the pronouns or the words used to refer to the singer. The line "I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child" is not changed and the singer's boyfriend stays a boyfriend. This could and probably is just a creative choice, but I've seen less changed more drastically in other covers, so having Breland just embrace the identity of this girl, former or not, and her boyfriend without feeling the need to defend his own sexual identity or masculinity is SO refreshing. And it makes a transmasculine reading on the song entirely valid. Not all trans people see themselves as always being their current gender/apply it retroactively, some of us do see ourselves as being this gender now and another when we were younger. Breland's cover, to me at least, sounds like a trans man singing about a very important milestone in his life that he experienced through a gendered perspective and yet keeps coming back to even if he isn't really that person anymore, and that's just. Idk it's beautiful. And I mean, Deanna Carter's version does describe being a woman and a lovestruck teenager and a child as different, which just adds to the concept of gender and identity fluctuating based on where you are in your life even for cis people. I found this cover around when I was accepting that I was butch and bigender and the first time I listened to it I cried and cried. It's breathtaking and I really REALLY would love to see more country artists follow in Breland and Luke Combs' footsteps and embrace the songs as the stories they are, rather than being an indicator of who they are as a person and thus something that must be changed to dodge any "queer" allegations. And I gotta add an obligatory plug of Breland's cover of Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like A Woman which is just *chef's kiss*(they also teamed up on a song for Twisters(2024) which fucks like what can't he fucking do!!!) and Alana Springsteen's cover of Sand In My Boots which turns into a ballad about a lesbian fumbling a bad bitch. More artists do this right now. ALSO LISTEN TO MORE BLACK COUNTRY ARTISTS I AM NOT ASKING. Y'ALL ARE FUCKING MISSING OUT.

Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3: Theseus by The Oh Hellos (spotify - youtube - lyrics)

Did you really think I was gonna get through this without an Oh Hellos song? Oh you sweet summer child. I will never shut up about them. My wrist is starting to hurt so I will try not to essay as hard this time but I FAILED, FUCKING SEVERAL THOUSAND WORD ESSAY UNDER THE CUT TL;DR THIS SONG USES THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENT OF THESEUS'S SHIP TO EXPAND ON THEMES OF HEALING AND CHANGING BOTH AS INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE AND AS A SOCIETY AND HOW WE ARE ALWAYS THE SAME YET ALWAYS DIFFERENT THERE'S NO PERMANENT STATE OF THE SELF IT'S REALLY GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT!!!! Uh also like TW for discussions of racism and death and Evangelical Christianity and mental health struggles and just so many things what the hell this got so long. The Oh Hellos do not fuck around, but I can't talk about their music without talking about all of that too.

ESSAY INCOMING YOU WERE FUCKING WARNED!!! The Oh Hellos are a modern folk band that pulls a lot from Ancient Greek and Roman mythology, folklore, literature, and Christianity. And I don't mean they make christian worship songs, this isn't Amazing Grace type stuff, they use their experience being raised Christian and the stories/iconography/beliefs to inspire them. If you've had someone annoyingly point out that Solider, Poet, King is about Jesus instead of your blorbos, they're right. And wrong. It's about a lot of things, all of their songs are about like three different things, why do you think this part of the post got so long? I mean Dear Wormwood is using the writings of C.S. Lewis to tell the story of leaving an abusive relationship, there are layers. Things can be about god and also about regular people, that's how art works. And their songs also do also provide some fucking scathing critiques of Christianity, lemme tell ya. The kind of scary accurate shit you only get from people who were raised in it. (I would also be remiss to not point out that of course many of these themes and stories were taken from Judaism because, you know, that's what Christianity did and still does, so a lot of these references are about things shared between the two religions, but they are very much coming from being raised in Christian communities and I think that distinction is just as important as pointing out that these figures and events are not Christian in origin, because while we know where these stories came from Christians interpret and utilize them VERY differently from Jewish people so like, they aren't critiquing Judaism, they're critiquing the Christian interpretation and use of these events, especially by Evangelical Christians, from a Christian perspective. Anyway, that's all I feel comfortable saying on the matter as I am not Christian or Jewish and also not an expert in any of these topics at all but yeah.) In 2017 they released the first of their Anemoi albums named after the Ancient Greek Gods of the four directional, seasonal winds, called Notos, after the southern wind that brought the summer storms. Eurus, the south or south-east fall wind, came next in 2018, and then Boreas, the northern winter wind in 2020, followed at last by Zephyrus, the spring western wind, also in 2020. Each album pulls from Ancient Greek mythology, Biblical tales, and folklore to weave songs that celebrate life, comment on suffering, critique the forces that create the hardships we currently face(especially capitalist and Christian ones, Eururs my BELOVED), and the nature of existence itself, while continually coming back to a theme of the turning wheel, either the circle of life, the changing of the seasons, the wheels of oppression that crush us, and the never ending process of suffering and healing. In fact, every album has a ring of gold behind the art of the animal representing it's season, a cicada for summer, a goose for fall, a bear for winter, and a rabbit for spring, making sure we never miss the cyclical theme they're conveying. Zephyrus, rather than ending the series by going quietly into the night, is an explosion of joy and life, fittingly the album cover is green like the season it represents. And sorry I just have to gush for a sec about how fitting it is that the album named after the WESTERN wind contains so many critiques of American "Western" society, religion, and culture like *muah* they KNEW what they were doing and it's phenomenal. Rio Grande, the album's first song, compares the decision of Jochebed, Moses' mother, to save her son from the Pharaoh's orders by setting him adrift on the Nile River in a basket, to the struggles of Latin American immigrants crossing the Rio Grande, which serves as the border between Mexico and Texas, to give their children a chance at a better life in America. The lyrics

Somewhere down south of here

There's a woman with an armload of grass

Weaving a basket

That’ll float the Rio Grande

She'll send her baby off in it

The river running wild and fast

To curry the favor

are INCREDIBLY vivid and heartbreaking and really gets The Point across. A lot of leaders in America claim to be Christian, but when there are people going through what their own Biblical figures did they turn away. They cannot see the parallels between these two groups because of their evangelical nationalistic racism, and thus the truth at the heart of their scripture is ignored and they refuse to help the people who need it. The father crossing the Rio Grande with his child IS Jochebed standing in the water with hers, right down to the color of their skin, but you won't help him. You wouldn't help her, either. Anyway sorry tangent, I'm just so fucking angry all the goddamn time, but yeah Zephyrus(the album) continues with the themes of birth and rebirth, new life springing up after either the desolate winter or unimaginable suffering, of trying to make things better, to fight, to survive, even when it's hard and hurts. We hear in the titular song

Of whatever Pharaoh owns the land

Whether by accident or fortune

You and I

We are matter

and

And it matters

So let me melt down like mountain glaciers

Break the bonds

I’ve been holding onto

Let ‘em soften me

Till every part that I am made of

Waters deep

To the roots

which is a call back to the Rio Grande's lyrics

Of something greener

Oh, maybe I'm naive for thinking

That a mountain so stubborn can move

But if I’m a mountain moving

I think maybe you can be, too

In Soap they offer

It's gonna hurt like hell

Which is itself a follow up to Theseus'

But we're going to be well

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

At the edges of my fingers

And we’ll be well

And like can I just say I love how layered these songs are like they all borrow lyrics and music from each other so much it's almost impossible to talk about just one song without bringing up the rest, it's incredible.

Anyway, I picked this title for Theseus because the entire album series is about cycles, but Zephyrus and specifically Theseus is about healing. As I said above, they're falling back on Greek and Roman mythology to turn Theseus's Ship and the thought experiment that share's it's name into a metaphor for the process of healing after hardship. The song opens by suggesting that the peace we strive for, internal or societal, is not a straight path, the steps are always changing like a river

Never quite closing ‘round it

Oh, that peace like a river

Always going, but never getting

Seems like maybe it’s not all that much a place

As it is a way

And ways don’t ever seem to want to

It also tells us peace is not something that happens once and then is done. It must be maintained. The singer then says they are willing to do the work, even it's it's hard, because the work is what it's all about. Change is scary and hard, but it's beautiful too, and we're ready to commit.

Stay too still for too long

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

The slow trickling thaw that sets the banks in half

The sweet melody it makes when the canyons crack

I wanna give it all I’ve got, and I want nothing

That last line also suggests that this change isn't selfish. It could mean a lot of things, but to me it sounds like the singer understands that this change might not happen in their lifetime, but that's okay. They aren't working for just themselves. They don't strive for a better life for themselves, they strive for a better world for us all, even if they don't benefit in the way you'd typically expect. They continue the theme of change being work in the next verse

I want nothing back

Whatever kingdom come, it probably won’t come quick

No mighty clarion to announce it

No single use ark to discard in an instant

Like Theseus’s ship, we’ll fix the busted bits

'Til it’s both nothing like and everything

It’s always been

It’s a wonder we expect a thing to

The singer explains that there isn't a rapture coming to save us. If a better world comes it won't be quick. It's not an instant fix, we can't break the horn out and blow it once and toss it away like we'll never need it again, just like we cannot let our guard down and assume the work is over because things got a better. I've seen people on the left critique other leftists for so called "rapture theory", the concept of us all just waiting around on our hands until the glorious revolution comes and wipes the slate clean so we can finally build our better world. The issue there is that revolution is not coming. It's just not. We cannot sit around and do nothing because if we do the world is just gonna keep on turning and nothing will change and we'll all eventually die wondering why we never got our revolution. I see parallels to this thought terminating cliche in actual Evangelical Christianity. You only have to ask someone raised in that belief system, it's a doomsday cult. They do not believe a better world is possible and think anyone claiming we can improve things is an agent of the devil who must be stopped. They WANT the world to end. They don't care about climate change because they think the faster we destroy this place the faster god will float down and torture the sinners and bring about their perfect utopia. They spend their entire lives praying to die. But this song counters this thought. There's no rapture and no clarion to announce it. Our arc will not be single use like Noah's. God is not going to wipe the world clean so we can start over and then we'll be good and done and never have to worry about anything ever again. The future you want will not be easy, it will not come about through inaction, it won't be done for you, and even when things get better there will ALWAYS be more work to be done. And we see the central metaphor finally show up, Theseus's Ship. They compare it to Noah's "Single Use" Arc, but counter the idea of it being something that we need once and then don't use again. It's a ship we will be working on our whole lives. We will replace board after board after board, fixing the busted bits, until we hardly recognize it at all, but, at the end it's still our boat. Our society. Our body. In fact, it a wonder we ever expect something to stay the same at all. Show me a permanent state of the self, bitch <3 The pain and evil was always inside all of us, but so was the good, and change is not a bad thing nor does it mean discarding our soul or who we are or forsaking the things we've learned. We're different. We're the same. That's beautiful. To switch back to the personal, a lot of the time healing from trauma is really hard, especially if it went on for so long you don't really remember who you were before it happened. But change doesn't mean you aren't yourself anymore. It can mean things you identified with have to be discarded, people you talked to have been cut off, maybe you can't do the things you used to or think the same things or enjoy the same hobbies, but our essence, soul, whatever, that doesn't change. You will always be you, even when you change. When I finally got diagnosed with Bipolar Type II and got on a medication that actually helped, everyone I knew said it was like I was a completely different person. But me? I had never felt more like myself.

Stay the same at all

Maybe that’s what it’s all about

We keep fixing what we know is only bound to break

What’s worth saving is never worth letting go to waste

Life is a cycle of breaking and fixing. Hurting and healing. And it's worth it. We will always suffer again, break again, need help again, but that doesn't mean we're a lost cause, or garbage, or not worth it. We're worth it, the world is worth it, we will never get a completely fresh start, so we need to mend what we have instead of dreaming of throwing it away every time something goes wrong. And yes, there are some things that need to be thrown away(goodBYE electoral college I will not miss you) but throwing out one thing doesn't mean everything it touched needs to go too. The biggest changes I've seen both externally and within have come from healing what exists instead of trying to throw everything away. It's not always the right choice, but as they say, never let perfect be the enemy of done. We might never be able to start over from scratch, but we can still fix what we have that's worth saving.

I want to mend what I’ve got, instead of throwing away

Ain’t nothing come easy

No, nothing comes quick

It’s gonna hurt like hell to become well

But if we set the bone straight

It’ll mend

It’ll fix

This is the part of the song that REALLY gets me. I'm not the kind of person who is comforted by platitudes about things being easy or painless. I need to know that it's going to hurt ahead of time. And healing has never been easy. My god does it suck. One of my most popular posts right now is about how healing feels like dissolving in acid. Physically and mentally. My hand aches right now from my surgery on Wednesday and it will keep hurting until it heals. Finally leaving my godawful neurologist's clinic might have been the scariest thing I've ever done, I felt like I was going to die. Facing my past in therapy also makes me feel like I'm dying half the time. Your brain will screech and scream and hate every second of healing and make you not want to do it. It really is going to hurt like hell to become well. But if we try, we will succeed. The bone will mend. We'll regrow neruopathways untouched by our trauma. We'll lose our outer layers of skin until we have bodies that were never touched by the people who hurt us. One day you'll wake up and breathe and the pain will barely be a memory. And today I can walk out into a world that is so fucking scary, but because of the work I and millions of people like me did it's currently a world that is better than the one my parents grew up in. It's a world where kids think being gay and trans is so normal they get confused when their parents come out to them. A world where you can actually see the sky through the smog and the Hudson River is so clean whales return to it. A world where I can take a short drive and see the stars in all their glory. Where I can buy presents for my friends and mail them hundreds of miles away. Where I can use the internet to connect with other people who share my extremely rare disease for comfort and support, where I can get a complicated brain surgery that only leaves a couple of bruises and go home the same day with a referral to a doctor who can do another one that will actually help me get better. And maybe, if I'm lucky enough, medical science will keep me alive long enough that the thousands of scientists and doctors working tirelessly on it find a cure. There is so so SO much fucking work to do, oh my GOD is there work to do, internally and externally. I want a better world for ALL of us and we are not there yet. We might never really be there. Star Trek's best episodes are about how even centuries in the future there is still work to do. But we can't give up, or sit around and wait for things to fix themselves or pray for an apocalyptic rapture to offer us a blank slate and then never do any work ever again. As the closing lyrics of Theseus say

And we’ll be well

I want for us this, oh:

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

That we are well

-

-

Okay anyway I've been at this for *checks clock* like FIVE HOURS??? ADHD does in fact go brrr anyway uh if you read this far I love you and idk you can follow for more and here's my ko-fi if you want to support me writing insane improvised essays about music <3 I'm going to go eat I guess and then play tetris to ensure my wrists are well and truly fucked.

(Also again sorry for any formatting errors Tumblr's post editor used to be good and has gone so far downhill it's impressive. I s2g this thing was designed by sadists that thrive on the suffering of writers. Plus my right wrist only half works atm and that isn't helping.)

saw someone else do this so I'm doing a worse version:

I'm not trying to broaden any horizons here or flex with some classic/niche songs, I'm just having fun so these songs are probably ones people already know of/basic, but I'll reveal them after the week is up, have fun :D

[the-firebird69]

Freddie Mercury And Boy George #shorts

They got a lot of trouble what you said is not true but you told them it was a surrounded but not compromised and it's true and they're saying wherever they sort of new and these guys are brothers but the boy George is a hermaphrodite. They're friends and they're kind of friends with our son and didn't say it they're very sad a lot they knew he's helping and thought it was great but we're still sad because they were getting hurt and he said one day they plan to get rid of all of them too and they knew it and they hated it that says what do you think about it I think the ostracized their own and they're filthy animals and it's just going to go down to nobody and they force it on people and they make people evil and separate them and continue a cycle if they lose and they got really angry and say this really gross and it made it more sad but he says it shouldn't be too sad because we're the champions and we're going to stop them no matter what happens and they said good they feel better about it one day you said we're going to stop him now and then start working and it was great it just means something is symbolic it means that the hermaphrodite boy George is the computer and Dave has a serious Captain's uniform on even though it's not full dress and that's because he's not awake they're pushing it right now and I know they're pushing for they want to try and move him so I can take Britain over

Thor Freya

That's an idea too they're trying to move him West to take over the East Coast

So we see it

Trump when it is you give him a little bit and you can see it but what he says is I get a bunch of stuff and I go out there and come back and keep them on the line as a backup and they'll feel good about it but the foreigners won't that actually makes more sense so we're going to look at that

It's not a bad idea I just see what you're saying and what you're doing it's a living hell and we're not making it that easy but we made it work

Bja

He says amazing it didn't work and it's horrific for them it's not true they think they're running their plans too there's some things that are off they say but not much but that's good for us

A cork and I'm making that drink and I'm making a plan to go out there to see your giant he says that's terrific make sure you ask the max for directions they might just tell you that's good for me

Olympus

What a happy day this is getting better and I thank you for bringing that up and I do remember him paying you it was like a regular check from LTV builders but it wasn't a payroll check yeah. I do recall it okay it was odd and you were saying so I just deposit this is yeah that's how it goes and they were not mailing the checks back then

Hera

I remember that day and you're acting weird it's like 2 weeks after you started and he handed to you and he said no this is perfect and you said what is it for and he said you work the first week for me and he said oh yeah is it that's good memory right there he wasn't saying it but then he said it's terrific and he said perfect and at the time you really needed it and it said to work and it was a lot of fun and you got an accident and they said that was why it wasn't we having a lot of trouble doing things for some reason is Max from their plan and just run everything into the ground every time it's a damn nightmare we're all exhausted they don't know what they're doing for real and it's going to be a nightmare we can't get him a simple check and have them leave people alone and have people leave him alone it's ridiculous there's no human on earth they can go through what he did he's different and you're going to see it and it's going to be awful he might be really screwed because of these stupid idiots. But really he gave him a check and it was from LTV builders and it wasn't a payroll check and he says how can you tell the difference there's no receipt stub and didn't say it took money out of stuff and that's one way so I do understand what you're saying

Preston

I know what it was was a regular check and it was longer and he says yeah those checks are usually the payroll checks are not really huge it's just they're a little bigger but this one looks like longer and thinner I think and so I get that

Hera

I remember what it looks like it was a payroll check but without the stub and you're looking at it to try and see what it was but really I have to give the stuff to you if it was a payroll check so I don't think you have to but it probably is a law and it is a law and I said I'll send the receipt later so I could be scamming everyone but I see what that would set off and we would try and take over social security

Walter Lewis what am I not be a good thing but that's how you do it

I don't understand something he couldn't tell if it was a payroll check and he looked at it for a little and he thought it was a personal check then you can see the perforations he doesn't remember doing it he just remember his it was like a longer check but they all are kind of and it's a different company it's a trick it's not a very nice one and you guys keep pulling the stupid s*** on him hey gets mad they didn't say the smaller and he says you are smaller but maximum making it work because a lot of work and he can't do everybody's job and it turned into a damn nightmare because of the mental health people and it's just not how it's done and it doesn't do what you're saying and it's always a stupid crap

Mac

So I will say something we went through the whole thing and you're both wondering and then you said I think you already paid me and she said I remember that and Walter and minor loose did not pay for that first week and they should have and it's it's really the same company's work so you can stay there in trouble but that's not really what it is and he didn't have them cut the check and the Trump just came out and were bothering them and harassing them and he says I know what it does you're seeing all the stuff and you don't know what it does and he told him and he said this is what I say we'll come out of nowhere for that check said I already wrote the check and I gave it to him and it's over this is but I work for both companies at the time and he said to shut your mouth and Trump said this you should pay him for both companies and then he said you really should and Trump said if I cut the check it'll look like I'm having trouble and then also need to start getting a smile on his face boy this is starting to blow does he work for both companies with minor loose didn't issue a check and he goes yeah I got that and it was thanks anyways and you meant it so he ran off and he's talking about it and the girls in the office and he's coming in as p Diddy and people said to wonder why and he went out there no he called the office and he is still working there and he said we have to cut a check and it's to his girls and it'll help us get her out and then he said this it might do a lot of other stuff and they said oh and they start to think about it and they said it'll trigger a huge amounts of into the pseudo empire and it's true and it kind of figured it out so. So he was thinking about doing it and usually he doesn't and he hasn't and people that storm Western development don't have the authority to write the check and yes Dan got laid off so it's kind of weird like that and the pseudo empire wants to use it but they can't do this on themselves and our son says so you know what it does and it seem to be cutting you out of the deal he says where's the come after me this is it depends no. HMC construction was underpaid a little bit you don't get affected by that it would be a personal lawsuit and he says oh yeah and that's pretty much and storm Western development held a severance check but it was Stan and he got fired any of those oh yeah so then he says so wonder how you have that covered anything oh yeah and it's starting to think about what to do and he said if I cut a check for the bonus out of payroll it goes to social security and cause a big mess so he couldn't figure out what would happen and our son says it might get me off the government check and that's what you should be doing because the max are running it and that made him angry cuz he knows the kind of running it no he says they're not ruining it I said they're running the money everybody a lot of other stuff you don't have enough people and he says oh so he's trying to check it and I wonder if I'm right because of big problem for them giving me a million dollars and he says a big problem you haven't caused me a bigger problem because foreigners don't want me to have that kind of money and you guys don't and he started smiling and said that's stupid

So now he's thinking of doing it and it's absolutely true so the question is who's going to do that and it would make a mess in DC and they're not really there that much so I comparison to the pseudo empire so he started to say this it's actually true and you guys want me to California to get protection from the foreigners and not on federal government money at least you shouldn't he's getting fired from a lot of jobs but this is what's going on people are figuring out that that would actually possibly work

Nuada Arrianna

Well I heard you say it a few times then I heard you say this they're coming off from the East and be on California disability or something and I would actually have some money not much and they like that then I heard your theory on Florida and it sounds better and they don't mind that either but they said if you had money you might move so they're back to that but then again they were using the law on Trump and the two companies he was running don't have issues with bonus checks storm came first and he said oh it's that guy and he started to think of this they're breaking the law all the time and saying it's me yeah and storm wasn't development paid pretty good they're pretty close and HMC and it was these guys so they be in trouble with the law and he might be able to recover using IRS agents and things like that so he had us go through it and that's what I see

Hera

That is what's happening and he's a mean person and ruthless and he might do it and it doesn't mean that our son would get paid it means there'd be a big fight over social security and he wants that to happen right around now and Tommy half does and other people like mac the pseudo empire and others who want to kidnap him

Nuada Arrianna

We are getting to work and this is the actual map and it's more harsh than what we were talking about before

Thor Freya

Olympus permission to print granted

[writethelifeyouwant]

Runaway | Chapter 18

Summary: Instead of attending her spot at a top college in the fall, Y/N runs away from her home on the East Coast and ends up on a city bench in L.A. – lost, cold, and utterly alone. When one of her favourite actors, Jared Padalecki, passes her on his way home from a club with his best friend Jensen, while Y/N is getting ready to sleep in the street on that bench, he finds he can't just walk by.

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Reader Rating: 18+ Tags: AU, slow burn, angsty angst, denial, jealousy, Jensen don’t pull punches y’all WC: 2k

Series masterlist | Read ahead on my website

“Knock knock,” Jensen tapped against the door after he had already pushed it open, having found it unlocked when he tried the handle.

“Oh!” Y/N/N sat up in bed abruptly, dropping her phone in surprise. “Mr. Jensen, what are you doing here?”

“Haven’t we moved past that by now?” Jensen smiled and stepped into her room, shutting the door behind him. “I gave you a trip to the hospital for your birthday, I think you’ve earned the right to drop the title,” he grimaced and stopped by the edge of her bed hesitantly, hands in his pockets to stop himself fidgeting.

“You know I don’t blame you for that, I told you,” Y/N/N sighed, rearranging herself so she could look at Jensen properly. She patted the empty space beside her tentatively, unsure if it was weird to invite him to sit on the bed, but he took up the invitation gratefully, seemingly more relaxed when he’d settled beside her.

“Are you feeling better?” Jensen looked up and down the bed, as if her current location gave him all the information he needed, but Y/N/N reached out and touched his arm gently to bring his attention back to her.

“I’m fine, really,” Y/N/N smiled reassuringly.

It had been annoying, Jensen and Jared constantly checking on her and asking her how she felt after she’d been discharged from the Emergency Room, but it was like it was hitting her for the first time right now that their nagging wasn’t coming from a place of worry about themselves, or about what she might tell people about what happened that night. It was coming from a place of care: care for her. She hadn’t truly felt cared for since her father died, and now she was faced with it again, it was like she couldn’t even recognise it for what it was. But Jensen was sitting here, on her bed, asking her how she was with a heavy, guilt ridden heart because he cared for her.

“I am so–” he began to speak but Y/N/N interrupted.

“Jensen,” she spoke softly, but with conviction, and the use of his name without the preceding mister shocked him into silence. “I’m fine,” Y/N/N repeated, squeezing his arm gently. “Thank you for checking up on me, though. It’s really sweet of you.”

“Anytime, kid,” Jensen smiled, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. His worry about Y/N/N now alleviated, he looked far less tired and careworn than he had just a moment ago. “In fact, you might have to get used to me dropping by more often. Turns out I’m sticking around for a little while.”

“Why?” Y/N/N frowned curiously, unable to think of a reason he wouldn’t be going back to L.A. – come to think of it, she couldn’t think of a reason why he wasn’t already back there now.

“Don’t sound so excited, jeez,” Jensen scoffed good humouredly, and Y/N/N rolled her eyes, prompting him to continue. “I caught wind of a story nearby. You know all that stuff going around about parents bribing their kids a place in college?”

Y/N/N nodded slowly.

“Well, there’s been some accusations made against the parents of a couple members of the Stanford football team,” Jensen explained, and from his expression Y/N/N could tell that that was apparently a really big deal. “They’ve managed to keep a lid on it for the minute but it won’t be long before the media gets hold of it, and I talked the Head Coach into giving me an exclusive and letting me publish the story.” He sat up a little straighter on the bed, clearly pleased with himself.

“How did you manage that?” That didn’t sound like an easy thing to achieve from what Y/N/N knew about the media and college sports – though admittedly she knew next to nothing about the latter.

“I may have played a little college ball back in my day,” Jensen grinned sheepishly. “They agreed to let me run the story because they think a Stanford alum reporting on it will treat them more fairly.”

“Will you?” she asked curiously.

“I plan on being as fair and unbiased as I can be,” Jensen assured her with a chuckle, and she laughed along too.

“So, you’ll be around for a while then? How long?”

“I’m not totally sure yet,” Jensen shrugged. “I’m hoping I can get an interview with each of the players involved, work up some profiles, and then I’ll stick around for however long it takes for them to do an investigation. And if the accusations look like they have some grounds there could be a tribunal at the school, and an actual trial for the parents. It could turn out to be huge.”

“Wow,” Y/N/N swallowed, “that sounds like it could get really big.”

“They even said I could claim time for a research assistant at the magazine if I need to,” Jensen revealed excitedly. “If anyone does go to court this could blow up for me.”

“That sounds awesome,” Y/N/N gave Jensen a forced smile and he laughed loudly.

“Okay kid, I get it, sports are boring. I’ll shut up now,” Jensen rolled his eyes and pulled himself up off the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Hey, that’s not what I meant,” Y/N/N snorted, trying to pull him back down by the arm, and Jensen toppled – unbalanced – back onto the bed with a shout of laughter.

“What’s going on in here?”

Y/N/N and Jensen both looked up to find Jared standing in the doorway.

“You really should lock your door, Y/N/N,” Jensen laughed. “Who knows what riffraff could just walk in?”

“What, you mean you?” Y/N/N shot back, joking, punching Jensen lightly on the arm.

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting, Y/N/N,” Jared asked soberly, arms crossed in front of him as he stood at the end of her bed.

“I was resting,” Y/N/N protested, “Jensen just distracted me is all.” Jared’s brows raised in surprise, noting her use of Jensen’s name without a title.

“Well, how about you get back to resting, and I get Jensen out of your hair?”

Y/N/N’s laughter died a little. Something about Jared’s tone brooked no arguments.

“Thanks, Mr. Padalecki,” she smiled softly, and Jensen let Jared pull him off the bed.

“Anytime, Miss Y/N,” Jared inclined his head in acknowledgement of her thanks and led Jensen out of the room. “Get some more rest, I’ll save you a seat at dinner, darlin’,” he stopped at the door, wanting to see her smile at him before he left, still needing the reassurance that she didn’t hate him after this weekend.

“As you wish,” Y/N/N grinned brightly at the mention of dinner, nestling herself back under her covers just as he’d instructed, and he smiled back in approval, nodding at her once more before closing the door behind him and ensuring it locked on his way out.

“What was all that about?” Jared rounded on Jensen accusingly as they moved back along the hallway, his jaw set hard in annoyance, which had Jensen baffled.

“What was what about?”

“You two, in there,” Jared jerked his thumb behind him.

“It wasn’t about anything,” Jensen shrugged, brushing Jared off. “I told you, I just wanted to check on her.”

“She should be resting,” Jared reprimanded his friend harshly but Jensen only rolled his eyes.

“She’s fine, man. She told me she’s fine, I’m sure she’s told you she’s fine, we should listen to her.”

“What we did isn’t fine,” Jared hissed, rounding on Jensen angrily in the hall, chest heaving. Jensen bumped his back up against the wall in surprise.

“I know,” he agreed, leveling Jared with a serious expression. “I’m not saying it was.”

“We almost killed her,” Jared whispered harshly, boxing him in.

“And she’s fine,” Jensen reiterated with heavy emphasis. “I’m not sayin’ we take her out partying again next weekend, but I am saying she’s gonna be perfectly okay, and she’s forgiven us for making the mistakes we made.”

“I–”

“I know they were awful,” Jensen cut across Jared’s protest, already knowing what he would say, “but they’re in the past. And we’re all older and wiser now. She’s ready to move on, and so am I, why can’t you?”

Jared fell back as if Jensen had slapped him, his face stunned.

“You know why,” Jared whispered. Jensen’s face fell. He had a feeling he knew why even better than Jared did, himself.

“Y/N/N isn’t Meredith, Jare,” Jensen answered softly.

“But I’m making the same fucking mistakes I did before, and if she winds up hurt because I–”

“Because you what?” Jensen interrupted. “Because you care about her? Because you let her get close to you?”

“Everyone I care about winds up getting hurt,” Jared said bitterly, the taste of the truth weighing heavily on his tongue.

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Jensen sighed heavily. “Y/N/N isn’t Meredith, she’s her own person, and you need to stop being scared of her, because honestly, I think she could be really good for you, if you let her in.”

“What are you talking about?” Jared looked at his best friend in confusion.

“I know you like her.”

“Of course I like her,” Jared scoffed. “I wouldn’t have let her stay with me if I didn’t; I wouldn’t have brought her to Napa.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Jensen said pointedly, meeting Jared’s eye with a knowing gaze before his friend cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away.

“She’s thirteen years younger than me,” Jared pointed out and Jensen rolled his eyes.

“Yeah,” he snorted derisively, “and she’s already more mature than you are.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“That she likes you too, but she’s not in blatant denial about how she feels and is actually trying to do something about it. Have you honestly not noticed how she flirts with you?” Jensen asked upon seeing the astonished look on Jared’s face.

“She’s like that with everyone, she’s just friendly,” Jared argued but Jensen wasn’t going to let him out of this that easily.

“That’s bullshit, you two were flirting so much at her birthday dinner, a waitress asked me if my date had stood me up. I was the third wheel that whole night man.”

“Then what the hell were you doing on her bed when I walked in on you two just now? And she’s callin’ you Jensen, now, that’s a bit familiar by her standards, isn’t it?” Jared accused hotly and Jensen couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A laugh burst from his chest, unbidden.

“We’re friends, sue me,” Jensen rolled his eyes. “But she’s not into me like that, and I’m not fallin’ for her, either. That’s always been you.”

“I’m not falling for her,” Jared denied, shaking his head incredulously, and Jensen laughed again.

“Dude, you’ve been free falling since that first time she cooked us dinner at your place. It’s so fucking obvious, do you seriously not see it?”

“I think I know how I feel, thanks,” Jared snapped.

“Whatever, man,” Jensen shook his head, not wanting to fight about this. “But she does like you, so don’t do something stupid to upset her while you try to remember where you put your balls.”

Jensen dodged around Jared and walked off down the hall, leaving Jared standing by his bedroom door, utterly flabbergasted.

“Oh, by the way,” he turned around as he reached the stairs and called back to Jared. “I was gonna tell you, I’m staying in Napa. I’ve got a story picking up at Stanford and it’s easier to be close by. So anytime you want to get your head out of your ass, I’ll be around.”

And with that, Jensen wheeled away and made his way back down the stairs, and out of sight.

Chapter 19 coming January 25th or subscribe to my website to read up to Chapter 23!

Runaway: @maliburenee @samsgirl93 @67waywarddaughter @supernatural3002

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore @drakelover78 @fictional-affairs @letsbys-library

All SPN: @cemini-winchester @akshi8278 @stoneyggirl @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @slamminmine @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @alaufeyson @raidens-realm @tatted-trina6 @defenderrosetyler @cluz1babe @delightfullykrispypeach @05supernatural20

[aintashes]

immediate disbelief is something he expected well before he spoke. the companionship they've built together is unique and special— a bond daryl cherishes deeply and that he doesn't want to lose, as he's proven in the past. despite his current state, he's not oblivious to the fact that parting ways would hurt not just him, but peter, too. being more capable now of surviving alone doesn't mean that he's going to have the desire to do so, but daryl feels like it's the only solution there is. peter can't stay here lest he risk the cult catching up to him, and daryl can't move on without trying to find rick. what else is there to do? it doesn't have to be forever. however much time it takes, it just needs to be enough.

the way peter responds, though, has daryl gazing up at him from his seat with his own look of shock. i'd only slow you down, he wants to say, if only to show that he's doing this because he still cares— that he wants peter to succeed in this fight, even if it means leaving daryl behind to do so. but the words don't come. his lips only part, weary expression betraying the physical and emotional exhaustion that has riddled his body for a week now.

what finally brings out a larger reaction in him is the rapid escalation that boils up and over peter's walls, expelling things that instantly shift daryl from despondency to white hot rage.

rick is gone, daryl.

it collides with him much like a train collides with a car stuck on the tracks, eviscerating his insides and reducing him to sharp edges and broken parts. an automatic eruption of raw fury bursts inside of him, only contained by the sheer bombshell effect that stills his body as he processes what peter is saying. asmodeum's electrified state barely even registers to him until the ichor-red quartz in its head lets out a horrible swell of power that knocks his seat out from beneath him and lands him on the ground instead.

perhaps he would acknowledge peter's sudden display of passionate magic more if this were any other situation, but as he looks around at the state it's left their camp in, daryl only gives an irate growl. they seem to switch places then: peter slumps down and resigns himself to the whims of the cult, and daryl rises from the dirt in quaking anger.

‘ you don' know! ’     he desperately shouts as a rage fueled finger points in peter's direction, face twisting in fresh agony.     ‘ s'that what you been wantin' t'say this whole time? huh? that he's gone? that i— that i should just forget it 'cause he ain't comin' back? no. i know he's out there. i'm gonna find 'im. ’

with a new wave of energy springing forth from his ire, daryl grabs his bow and leaves the campsite. hot-blooded footsteps lead him down to the water where he trudges into the gentle waves. daryl knows this river: it flows for miles and miles, emptying into the ocean on the east coast of the state. it's what happened to tara when she found oceanside. if rick was floating along days ago, he could very well be out there by now.

if daryl has to walk all day and all night searching every inch of the sand, he will. he'll go all the way out to the ocean if he has to. maybe oceanside will even aid in the search.

it's later in the day when daryl stops in his tracks, eyes spotting something bobbing slowly in the water. bloody white fabric. time halts. tossing his bow onto the shore he rushes in deeper, diving toward it, kicking hard and pulling himself to it with everything he has left in him. what he comes up with, though, dragging it into the shallows as he gasps for air, is not rick's body.

it's just a walker. a dead one, at that. daryl looks at it, panting, processing as the river's current begins to pull it back. his shoulders fall.

a quiet sob hiccups in daryl's throat as he hangs his head. every single fiber of his being aches with a kind of dismay that would be impossible for him to describe if anyone asked. his thoughts turn to michonne. to judith. he has to find him; not only for himself, but for them, and for all the people who count on rick to weave their communities together in the way only he could. what's going to happen to them all now? the pillar that is rick grimes is no more— or at least, it's missing. how will their communities cope?

how will he cope? daryl knows what he wants to do: he wants to set out on a mission that has no clear ending. to search for evidence until he either finds it or he dies, whichever comes first. but peter's words echo in his ears and he tumbles backwards onto the sand, caving into himself as devastation relentlessly tears through his body.

he can keep looking. he should. daryl's hands clutch at his bow, pulling it weakly to his side. his legs are jelly. his gut blossoms in pain with each cry he lets out. daryl tries to push himself up but crumbles down again each time.

his eyes search the trees for peter, this ugly moment of raw vulnerability drawing another agonized sound from him as he remembers that peter isn't here.

           ❛ yeah. so start getting your stuff together, o— ❜

           and just like that, the words die in his throat. his silence mimics that of a corpse with a bullet in its brain, stretching long and thick like oil across the ocean. the look on his face could only ever match somebody who's been struck. hard. by one they never thought they'd have to distrust.

           ❛ ...what? ❜ he asks, his voice unbelievably soft, his grip on am slackening until the sceptre risks rolling out of his grasp altogether. there's another beat of quiet before he laughs nervously. neurotically. the sound is disjointed and completely devoid of mirth.  ❛ it's funny, i thought you just... ❜

           he waits for daryl to crack; to tell him that he's being an idiot, that he'll get his shit together, that there's no way he could ever be serious about parting ways with him now, but he doesn't. he doesn't say anything about it, and peter feels a dramatic explosion of pain in his chest. it courses through him a lot like he thinks electricity would, pulse after painful pulse running tight loops around his heart. it makes him want to cry near-instantly, the thought of going off on his own now; it isn't even that he couldn't do it, it's that it takes so much to open himself up to someone and now daryl just wants to throw that away like it means nothing, because somebody else died.

           it surprises even peter— the way his face darkens, fingers curling so tight around am that he fears he may snap him clean in two.

           ❛ so what, you're just gonna leave me to die? if you were just gonna do that to me then why didn't you just kill me back when we met? why'd ya— ❜ peter pauses, sincerely trying to reel himself back in; tries to remind himself that daryl is grieving a loss so intense that it's all but killed his spirit. there is still empathy in him, even if he isn't privy to the majority of their bond, but this can't be how it ends. he's shown him just a little too much mercy.  ❛ why did you think it necessary to take the long way round? to make me believe in someone again? how could you— ❜

           he's grieving. this isn't him, master.            so what? i've been grieving all my life and i'd STILL never abandon him.

           ❛ rick is gone, daryl. ❜ it's unfair to say. it makes him feel rotten, especially as this past week has shown him just how much daryl loved him. it burns him up to know people still adore each other like that— and yet his love changes nothing about the truth.  ❛ he exploded! he set off an explosive RIGHT next to him. what do you think happened? he just got up and left? WALKED IT OFF? is that why we didn't find him? because he's somehow fine and he made his way somewhere safe and he's waiting for you? ❜ this is making him feel so terrible about himself. he wants to stop but he knows that he can't. cruel this soon afterwards or not, daryl needs to hear it.  ❛ he's not. he gave his life. for everyone. for you. and you're gonna thank him by rolling over? ❜

           what he's failed to notice this entire time is that something odd is happening to am. the staff's usually rosy centre glows a dim red, faint pulses of energy crackling from it every so often. they match the steep, erratic inclines of peter's emotion, the hue deepening with every ugly thrum.

           ❛ i'm sorry, daryl. i am. i can't— i— i know what you're going through. and it's awful. and i know you're in there, underneath all of that shitty feeling and you don't mean the shit you're saying— fuck, i hate to do this to you. but he's gone! he's gone and I'M NOT, and I NEED YOU. i— i can't DO THIS on my own! ❜

           before he can even think to stop it, an extremely powerful wave of magic leaves his sceptre. it rolls outwards like a deathly heatwave, ensnaring the obstacles in its path in the grip of a fierce, scalding wind. the fire blinks out. leaves are ripped from the trees above and sent scattering across the ground. the tin cans he spent time scavenging and tying up are ripped from their positions and lost somewhere in the faraway shrubbery. daryl's very seat is blown askew beneath him, sending him sideways; not enough to knock him over, but enough to disturb him. enough to burn.

           the look on peter's face says it all: he doesn't understand what just happened nor how he did it. the dull look that replaces it is the look of a drained man. there's no point trying to investigate it. daryl won't help him, and he won't be living for much longer for it to matter anyway. am hums tiredly in his grip as he straightens up, a look of similar despondency consuming his features.

           ❛ ...i know you're not like this. that you wouldn't just give up. i know this because you're everything i would wanna be, and i would. i'm not strong like you are. i'm not anything. i'm just a nothing-kid from utah. ❜ there's heartbreak in it, tired eyes looking so desperately like they want to leak but something inside is stopping it from happening. exhausted with the circumstances, so thoroughly tired of himself that he simply wants to sit and wait for joan and her people to take him away. heavily, he sits down in the place he's claimed as his own since they started camping here.  ❛ ...i'm sorry this happened. all of it. everything i just said. rick. running into you that day and turning everything upside-down for you. maybe if i... ❜ maybe if i wasn't here to distract you, you'd have been there to help rick. maybe i disrupted everything. he believes it fully in this moment, but he also knows better than to say it.  ❛ ...i guess this is it. ❜

[xo-alie-xo]

PORTWELL LONG GAME OR RINA SLOWBURN.

You can only choose one poison.🍷

Listen up my Wildcats.🐱

We all ship each character with happiness. No matter how much you love to hate them, a majority of us simply adores the characters and want the best for them. Then comes relationships and it's okay to ship our favorites.⛴

I'm a diehard Rina shipper and I know in my heart that they are series endgame. The set up, the natural chemistry, their mutual understanding, the surprises and angst literally put me on chokehold. So I'm 100% a Rina shipper till the end. I'm here for the slowburn and their development rather than one shots. They are worth the pain. 😭❤

Let me start with Ricky Bowen now.

Ricky shouldn't to be with Gina because he's hurting her mentality. He's not insensitive on purpose. Like when he tried to stop Big Red from telling her his message to Nina because he KNOWS it'll hurt her.

If you think, that Ricky didn't understand clearly when Gina confessed, think again. He shushed her. Kept their thing a secret from everyone. He knows he feels some type of way and she feels something too. But this boy is so used to safeguarding his childhood norms and has very little adaptability. Hence, he pretended to ignore everything between them because his home stability was falling apart and he clinged on to Nina, his constant childhood love.

He's a traumatised 16-17 year old boy that needs to heal and grow. This episode was heartbreaking because he had to accept that he had to let Nina go because their once upon a time fairytale had become toxic.

People change. I'm not the same person I was when I was 16 lmao. Being together as childhood lovers means growing together and accepting each other's growth. Which Ricky couldn't. He clutched to the idea of Nini. Even his love confession. It was sooo sweet but all he did was focus on their history.

This boy needs time to heal and maybe seek professional therapy. It would be so DAMN HISTORIC if Disney decides to take psychological issues seriously and show how he's dealing with his anxiety, pills and psychotherapy. He needs to breathe before he can be with any girl for that matter. He's hurting and isn't trying to hurt anyone on purpose. Including Gina.

Him asking her for advice on Nini was a dumb, insensitive move. But he's trying to find a way to build some supportive friendship that they shared in early season one.

As for now, this boy needs to get his own grip on life and heal.

As for our Queen Gina

In Gina's confession, she focuses on their future. She basically said, "I wouldn't quit on a possible future of us being together despite obstacles. Because I never quit. But moving away isn't in my control." Ricky deep down knows this, encouraged her to say it, teary eyed, despite right after getting back together with Nini. Gina is his future. She went to his new house. And I also have this feeling that when she was given a chance to stay, she stayed partly because of Ricky. She left a chance to be with her mom because she prioritised their relationship. Because she never quits. 💪🏼

But she came back and found out Ricky has gotten back together with Nini.😭 What she doesn't know is Ricky got together with Nina before her confession, and after Gina kept dodging his messages. She's hurt and questions why she returned because she isn't particularly close to anyone. Hence, she was so silent at the after party. She thinks it'll be fine, "she'll live", and finds other reasons to find permanence. Her arc this season has been settling down in East High, despite the pain of losing and being 'betrayed' by Ricky, she finds other reasons to stay. 🏡

This kind of contrasts her with Nina. Nina left her dream school and came to Salt Lake because she missed her established home, and not just because of Ricky. Nina returned and was loved and embraced by Ricky Bowen.💕 Gina came back to a semi new place called Salt Lake because of her promise of a future to Ricky. But she got stabbed and she bled. 💔🗡

Think about her situation. She feels confused, alone, heartbroken, out of place and seperated from her mom. She's broken and hurting too. And she doesn't need more from Ricky's accidental or intentional 'sick burns'. That's the one line where he was such a jerk and I can't defend him here. 😠

Here comes the Caswells.

Her second family. A place of healthy stability. A home that accepted her. Ashlyn, her roomie and her confidante. EJ, the misunderstood boy who saw her value and bought her plane ticket.

Let's get to EJ.

At first, I wasn't too keen on seeing Portwell's development. But then that video chat where they talk about the possibility of her staying and him convincing her. Had me sold for a solid brother-sister relationship. Few episodes later, when Gina's pain seemed to be oblivious to everyone, he was the only one who asked her how she was, and saw her glow. The comfort she must've felt.

Not that she needs a man's validation, but she must be feeling like a second choice and feeling a little insecure because of Ricky. But EJ lifts her up and I genuinely saw her smile. This boy has her back whenever. The man she can lean on and truly sees how special she is. She no longer feels alone now that she has his entire fam and other friends. She genuinely feels a place of belonging and happiness when she's the apple of his eye. Notice how happy she is? How happy this boy is? She's going through her own issues and she has found ground with EJ.

I was very doubtful when they started hinting at a romantic direction. Because EJ would be used as plot device again for a girl to get to Ricky.😤 This man doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone, just like Gina.😑 That's why I'm still hesitant on shipping them at least temporarily. EJ needs to be something even more special to Gina. They need to show each other how special and treasured they are to each other despite feeling like rejects. They are each other's source of comfort.

I'm sure they can keep EJ at East High for the next season. Whether it's the drama club, or the AV club or going to a local college. So he will be there for Gina. I don't know how they can work out a relationship with much distance as Rini's fell out when she moved away. So, if EJ leaves again, it'll again shake up Gina. Her being worried whether he'll date college girls, second thoughts, etc. I don't want them to go through that. And if they do move on to romantic Portwell, make sure it's not plot device for Rina. So you can either have Portwell endgame or Rina Endgame.

Basically I want Gina to be treated so right that she understands she doesn't need Ricky. And when he does ask her out, and he makes her feel like a second choice or a rebound, she says NO. Because EJ has helped regain her self assurance. Eventually I want Gina to confide in EJ about her and Ricky. EJ is jealous but also angry about how Ricky has been hurting her. And becomes damn protective of his 'babe'. Ricky gets jealous of their relationship, restarting Ricky and EJ's old rivalry. But this time, it's not because Gina is his girlfriend, but because she's EJ's best friend who he has a crush on and wants what's best for her.

If it's meant to be Rina endgame

EJ- RICKY, YOU IDIOT! You have no clue how to treat her right. You don't put her first. You mislead her. Get the hell away from her! She's too powerful and beautiful, she doesn't deserve your scraps. I know how she feels for you. I wish I were you. I would treat her like a queen. I don't mind even waiting years till she's ready. She deserves that. You're so lucky you have even a small chance that I may never have. So get your act together, prove you're worth it to win her over. All I want is for her to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. And maybe then I'll stop threatening you to stay away from her.😠

Ricky- .....I don't know what I'm more scared of. Change, or losing the girl I fell for or YOU. Okay, losing her but you're a close second.😬

If it's Portwell endgame.

Ricky- I messed up. Make sure you don't mess up with her. You'll regret it forever.

EJ- I'd rather get hit by thousand basketballs than ever hurt her. I'll be her plus one and her best friend until she's ready to be with me. I know she's ready now too. But I want her to know I'm willing to wait till she graduates before we make it official. I'm in it for the long game.

As for their age gap. I'm 100% sure Portwell won't kiss this season. If they do, it'll be next when Sofia turns 18. They are professional actors who are cast because they are the perfect fit for the role and are expected to carry out the storyline. But I suppose fearing some outbursts, they might delay Sofia kissing anyone till next season. It's so weird because Olivia was maybe 17 when Matt was 21-22 when they kissed in season one. But no one had a problem with that. But for this, they do. Remember, they are professional actors. They are acting! Sometimes, actors are over 10 years apart (but above 18) and act as romantic partners.

As for their characters, they are only two years apart. That's hardly any difference once you're over the age of 18. Age of consent is 16. But adults above 18 are only allowed to have sex with adults above 18. So, age isn't a problem here because EJ is a gentleman and is genuinely interested in her and isn't trying to get in her pants. So age isn't the issue when it comes to dating. It's the maturity. Gina is very mature and gives very sound advice. But I can see EJ being patient enough till she turns 18 just to kiss her because he loves her. 😚

As for the Ashlyn remark, "You look like a kid to me rn". He was JOKING.😂 Don't take things out of context. I tell my cousin sister that all the time. But she's three years younger than me and a grown adult. I don't see her as a kid but it's just a cousin teasing her younger cousin that's she's a little immature. I'm Matt's age and I'm very mature for my age and since I was a teenager, I always matched up with boys a little older than me. Now that I'm in my early 20s, I've dated boys even close to 30. So age is just a number.

EJ dating Gina and giving her quick kisses is fine. But to have a strong sexual element in their relationship (including making out), he'll have to wait till she's 18+. And I'm sure for that he'll wait till she's ready even past her early 20s. Age is really just a number and we can't help who we fall in love with. Trust me, I've been there.😂 So I can see EJ feeling conflicted about his feelings that are clear at this point.

They might not be a perfect fit, but they make each other sooo happy. They deserve a lot more than a short lived fling.😟 They are either endgame or Rina is. You can't have both as a Rina unless you're an EJ hater who wants him to exist as plot device. Nope! He's sooo much more precious than that.

But Jack on the other hand....I'm okay if he's the one to make Ricky or EJ jealous. Because he's just been introduced and it's okay if a character is used, but only once, for someone else to realize their feelings. 💁🏽‍♀️

In short.

Ricky needs help and needs to be on his own. No girlfriends allowed.🙅🏽‍♀️🚫

Needs to give both Gina and Nina space for them to grow on their own too.🌳

Ricky needs to understand the core of his problems and become more adaptable via therapy. Maybe the psychologist will point out his unresolved feelings for Gina, or he will conclude it himself. And in comes Ricky-pining-for-Gina season three.

Ricky needs to fully get over Nina before he moves on to anyone. Same for Gina if Portwell were to happen. No one deserves to be second choice.

Gina isn't Ricky's cushion. She's a living person with strong feelings for him and shouldn't be subjected to share his pain. She already struggles with her own issues.

Ricky needs to stay single till he wins back Gina and prove he's worth it. He needs to show even if another girl wants him, he'll never quit on Gina ever again. Even if he has to watch her be with someone else. *cough parallels*.

It's either romantic Rina then Portwell endgame OR Portwell flirty besties but Rina endgame. You and I can choose only one because my boy EJ shouldn't be used as plot device for a girl to leave for Ricky ever again.

Portwell's age difference can be practically solved and isn't much of an issue unless they get hot and heavy before Gina turns 18 which is impossible considering this is Disney. 🤣🤣

Jack and Gina will be plot device material and purely so sentimental to us OG Andi Mack fans. More than any ship, this is what I'm looking for. Sort of an Andi Mack crack ship for season 3a. It's gonna be soooo funny. 😍😂

I respect everyone's ship. I see what you're seeing. And I'm not going to invalidate your ship. But unless it's done right, I won't jump from the Rina ship. I liked Rini. I like Portwell. I like AU Juffy crackship haha.😂 But as for me, I'm still holding on to Rina slowburn.

Preparing myself for the pain. 😭🔥

(But if I had to pair two characters without Disney getting in the way, it would be Gini. The power duo. Undeniable chemistry. They can be written so well because of their layered relationship and contrasting personalities.🤩 The classic rivals to friends to lovers. But that's a talk for another day lmao.)

Thanks for reading my opinion, Wildcat!🐱❤

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 1/8

Summary:

Mobius, a watchmaker, and Loki, a teacher, realize that they are separated by two years of time when they exchange letters from different years in the mailbox of the house on the cliff where Mobius lives. As the two lonely hearts feel they have found their soulmate, will they ever meet?

or the Lakehouse AU that nobody asked for.

Notes:

This is my very first multi-chapter AU. I hope you'll enjoy it. Chapters will be released on a weekly basis.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/81773392

3772 words - rating G

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

When two people "connect" the bond between them can be so pure and simple as to stir hearts in heaven.

When they connect in all the right places at all the wrong times, heaven weeps for broken hearts. To heal these broken hearts, heaven breaks time.

—Blithe Spiritus

Loki took one last look through the rearview mirror at the cottage on the edge of the cliff, which was getting smaller and smaller as he drove away.

Shifting his gaze forward, his face slid to the crate on the passenger seat, where Croki, his pet alligator, was sitting.

"I hope you will like your new home..." Loki sighed.

Then suddenly, he braked abruptly, holding back the cage with one hand as it slid forward. Then he backed the car up.

"Shit. I'm sorry Croc'"

He walked over to the mailbox. He put his hand through the window, opened the mailbox and put an envelope inside. Then his long fingers pulled the red flag in a vertical position, to indicate that there was mail. All this under the eyes of Croki who followed with attention all his gestures.

He tapped the top of the cage, "Come on, this time we're off for good."

He rolled, speeding up, refusing to look at the sign for the tiny village his home was in, New Asgard.  Loki rolled east, the cliff behind him, then passed a sign: New York, 35 miles.

The traffic became heavier as he approached the city.

After maneuvering through the various streets and making his way through the New York traffic, he stopped in front of an apartment building on a busy street. It was a very recent building, cold and sterile. The contrast with the tranquility of New-Asgard was striking.

He parked, got out of the car and took a moment to absorb the change in his surroundings. Then with a sigh, he began to unload his things.

**********

Loki stopped at the steps in front of the entrance to the imposing establishment - September High-School. He inhaled deeply to give himself courage before moving forward, climbing the few steps and pushing open the heavy door. He entered and walked to what appeared to be the front desk where a busy looking secretary was standing.

Loki asked softly, "Excuse me?"

"Just a minute, okay?"

Loki waited a minute, politely, then tried to get the secretary's attention again.

"Ahem... Excuse me, I need to..."

She handed him a stack of paper, while saying, without looking at him, "Just fill this out and wait for me there, okay?"

Loki handed it back to her.

"No, I'm Loki Laufeyson. I'm a new teacher. I was told to report here."

The secretary looked sheepish, "Oh, I'm sorry, Professor. You need to find Principal Romanov. She should be around here. A woman with red hair, dressed in black, you can't miss her."

He did indeed find the Principal in the hallway that the secretary had pointed out.

Natasha Romanov may have looked young to be a high school principal, but everything about her demeanor, her head carriage, her attitude exuded confidence and authority. She walked quickly down the hallway and Loki, though tall, had a hard time keeping up with her.

The principal handed him a large stack of files as soon as they arrived in her office.

"You will be in charge of the sophomores, this morning you will have three classes to teach and three this afternoon."

Loki repeated to be sure, "Three?"

"That's a quiet day, for a first day."

Loki looked a little dazed, he didn't think he was going to jump into the deep end and thought he would have some time to adjust.

The principal turned around, as if she sensed his hesitation, "The teacher you replaced let us down without notice, and it took us a while to find the right replacement, the students lost a lot of time for their final exams. We have to do our best to make sure they pass."

They walked past a student who was sitting alone on a bench, looking sulky. Romanov motioned to a supervisor.

"What's he doing here?"

The supervisor replied, "He was grounded because he took apart a computer to prove Professor Banner wrong and has to do an hour of gym under Professor Odinson's supervision. However, I can't leave the place unattended, and I was waiting for my backup to take him there.

"Peter get up," said principal Romanov in a sharp tone.

The young man stood up, a sulky look on his face.

"Professor Laufeyson, take him to Professor Odinson in the gym and then you can begin your lessons in this class."

The principal pointed to the door of the classroom in question, then turned and walked back to her office, not waiting for an answer.

"Well come with me, Mister...?"

The young boy followed his lead and replied with a pouty tone, "Parker, Peter Parker. »

"Then let's go Mr. Parker, the computer dismantler." replied Loki with a wink.  He knew he couldn't condone what the young man had done, but he couldn't help but find it amusing.

Seeing that the professor didn't look reproachful as he said these words, Peter lost his pout and got a small smile.

"Although I'm curious as to what could have caused you to disassemble a computer."

Peter seemed to come back to life, explained to an amused Loki, that Professor Banner, who taught biology, had said that nothing could compare to the complex construction that was a living being and Peter had wanted to show him the opposite by dismantling the Professor's laptop.

"But I was about to put it back together though, I don't understand why he got so upset."

Loki couldn't help but laugh.

Peter's face frowned because they had arrived at the gym.

They walked through the door and there a giant blonde man came striding in, "Peter Parker, it's been so long! Tell me what you've been up to again." he ruffled Peter's hair who tried to shy away from it, then he held out his hand to Loki who had to hold back a wince at the strength of the professor's grip.

"Professor Odinson, but call me Thor. Nice to meet you. New professor?"

"Yes, I am the new literature professor, Loki Laufeyson, but call me Loki. I'll leave this promising young man to you," He winked at Peter before continuing, "as for me I'll be teaching my first class."

"Welcome here, and good luck!" threw Thor at him before turning back to Peter, "Go change, we'll start with 10 laps running around the basketball court."

Hearing Peter's grumbles, Loki smiled as he walked away.

A few minutes later, he stopped outside his classroom door and took a deep breath.

"It takes a little time to adjust, but most of the students here are exceptional and the teaching staff is really, really nice."

Loki turned to see who had just spoken.

He found himself facing a black man, taller than him, and very impressive. But despite his imposing nature, his smile and eyes were very warm as he held out his hand. "Heimdall, art professor, welcome."

Loki grasped it and replied, "Loki, literature professor."

Heimdall gave a small nod in the direction of the door, "Good luck." then walked away.

Loki, surprisingly relaxed following this little interlude, walked through the classroom door with a confident air, placed his belongings on the desk and with an engaging smile on his lips addressed his first students, "Hello, I am your new literature teacher and I hope we will work well together."

He paused, letting his gaze roam over the entire class before continuing,"O Captain! My Captain! Who knows where that came from? No one? No idea? It's-"

A young boy raised his hand at the back of the classroom.

"Yes Mister...?"

"Keener, Harley Keener."

"All right Mister Keener, I'm listening."

"It's a Walt Whitman poem about Abraham Lincoln. And it's plagiarism of Professor Keating's introduction played by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society."

Loki didn't lose his confidence at all and replied, "Thank you Mr. Keener. I'm not going to apologize for the plagiarism. I didn't expect anyone to contradict me since this film was released long before you were all born. Thank you, Mr. Keener, for setting me straight. I won't ask you to call me Captain, Sir, or Professor, but simply Loki. Yes, Mr. Keener, Loki, as in the Norse god of mischief... "

The whole class, including Harley, laughed and Loki thought that it wasn't such a bad start.

But he still felt exhausted at the end of the day, and he slumped into the chair at his assigned desk in the teacher's lounge. He leaned in and put his head back, closing his eyes.

"So they've worn you out already?" it was the deep voice, which he recognized as Heimdall's. He opened his eyes to see that the art professor had sat just at the desk next to him.

"Yet the Famous Five keep talking about Loki, the new professor who is super cool. It's been a long time since I've heard a literature professor on such good terms." It was Thor who came to join them and pulled a chair to sit in the space between Heimdall and Loki.

"The Famous Five?"

Thor chuckled before answering, "They're called that because they're always stuffed together, probably five of the smartest minds in this elite school, and as a result always going out on the town to..."

"…the benefit of science." finished Heimdall.

"That's their argument every time they get busted," Thor clarified.

"Who are they?" asked Loki, curious.

"There's Peter who you met this morning, he's in the same class as his two childhood friends Ned and MJ. There's Harley who talked about how you put him in his place, when he thought he had fooled you. Captain my Captain huh?"

Thor chuckled before continuing, "and finally Kamala Khan, the newest one, a little brunette, a ball of energy who always wears a big red scarf, summer and winter and who the other four have taken under their wing."

"Interesting..." replied Loki, thoughtfully.

"Wait until you're the target of their prank and we'll see if you find these kids interesting." said an unknown voice behind him.

"Bruce my friend! Were you able to fix your laptop?" exclaimed Thor with a laugh.

Loki turned around, only to find himself standing in front of a man who was a little older than him. He stood up and held out his hand, "Professor Banner, I presume."

"Am I that famous?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow as he shook the outstretched hand in a firm grip.

"It's mostly that I had the pleasure of taking Peter Parker for his grounding to Thor." replied Loki

"That brat..." harrumphed Bruce. "He's smart... but his habit of proving he's always right..."

The other men laughed in unison.

"So boys? Are we having fun?" a young woman with short blond hair stepped forward and held out her hand, "Carol Danvers, homeroom teacher at this crazy school."

"Nice to meet you," Loki replied, shaking the outstretched hand.

Unaccustomed to being around so many people and especially such friendly people, Loki felt a little overwhelmed and suddenly the fatigue of this first day seemed to fall on his shoulders to the point that he had to stifle a yawn.

Thor patted him on the back and said, "I have an excellent remedy for that."

"What is it?"

Heimdall and Thor high-fived each other and said in unison, "The Bifrost."

At Loki's look of complete incomprehension, Carol explained, "It's a bar two blocks away, good burgers, good beer and for good company, that's us." she finished with a wink.

Loki realized they were inviting him to come with them but he hesitated and finally replied, "Thanks. I better not drink tonight. I'm dead."

Bruce retorted, "We're all dead."

"Yes, but I still have a lot to unpack."

They nodded, and did not seem disappointed by his refusal, even rather understanding. Loki really wasn't used to this kind of company.

Heimdall put his hand on his arm and then said softly, "Next time, then."

Loki, not understanding why his throat was tight, simply nodded.

A little later, they separated in front of the school gates. Loki on one side and the group on the other.

" Bye Loki!"

"See you tomorrow Captain!"

Loki lived only three blocks from the school and soon arrived home. When he entered he realized how sterile and cold his large apartment seemed.

He had not yet had time to unpack all his things and the boxes were scattered everywhere. The first thing he had unpacked was Croki's terrarium, which took up a whole room.

As he closed the door, he heard Croki's typical little paws coming and rubbing against him as usual. He patted his head and headed for the kitchen. Croki was a Cuvier's Dwarf caiman. Loki had once wanted to get a dog, but in the animal shelter he had immediately felt a connection with the animal, perhaps because he was different, like himself.

Loki opened the refrigerator which was desperately empty except for Croki's fish ration. He put it on a plate and put it on the floor while commenting, "Need alligator food. And human too."

He was going to have to do some shopping tomorrow.

After snacking on a bag of chips, exhausted, he took a quick shower before going to his room.

"Good night Croki."

His room was as functional and depressing as the rest of the place. He went to stand in front of the window. Outside it was all stone buildings. It was very difficult to even see the sky. He sighed, "What a view..."

He pulled the blinds and went to bed. Once his head was on the pillow, he fell asleep very quickly, which prevented him from thinking too much about everything he missed.

**********

A red pickup truck passed the New Asgard sign before parking at the side of the path that leads to the house. Its back end was filled with furniture and moving boxes. A mustachioed man with gray hair got out. He walked toward the cottage on the edge of the cliff and stopped, hands on hips, contemplating the view.

He opened the door, looked for the electric power meter. He turned it on and went to turn on the light in the entrance and then in what seemed to be the living room.

Mobius examined the place, satisfied. There wasn't much. A stereo, some books, an armchair. But the bare and cosy furniture matched perfectly with the austere beauty of the small cottage. He looked out the window at the cliff. He was going to like it here.

It took him a good four hours to unload his pickup truck by himself and install just about everything he had brought. Once finished, he grabbed a cold beer that he had put in the cooler and while drinking it quietly walked around the house before getting in the car to go shopping at the local grocery store that he had spotted on his way in.

Once he had gone around the store, with his groceries in his arms, he went to put them on the counter.

The young owner and his wife were behind.

"Hi, are you new around here?" the owner asked him.

Mobius smiled and replied, "More or less. My name is Mobius."

The owner replied, "My name is Clint and this is my wife, Laura."

Laura smiled and added, "You're going to like it. Especially now that the weather is getting warmer." Then pointing to the groceries, she added, "We'll get you some boxes for all that."

"Oh thanks." replied Mobius.

Laura fetched an empty box from a high shelf. Now that she was no longer hidden by the counter, it was obvious that she was pregnant. Clint rushed to her. "No, honey, let me."

Mobius looked at them, feeling moved and at the same time fully aware of his own loneliness. He paid, took his box and left, but not without promising the young couple to return.

He parked in front of the small road with his groceries in the back of the truck and noticed the mailbox with its flag up. He stopped and opened it. There was an envelope.

For the new tenant.

He took in the groceries, put them away, made himself a sandwich tray and taking the letter, he went to sit on the armchair in front of the bay window. He put his tray on a small table next to it, opened the letter and started to read.

Dear new tenant.

Hello and welcome to your new home and congratulations, blah blah blah. You have made an excellent choice, New Asgard is a wonderful place and this house is a gem, as you may have already noticed.

I'm sure you'll love living here as much as I do.

By the way, I'm the former tenant, Loki.

Mobius looked perplexed but also pleasantly surprised.

The post office forwards my mail normally, but if something should happen here, because the post service is what it is and we are never safe, my new address is below. Thank you.

Mobius turned over the letter.

P.S.: Sorry for the pawprints leading to the front door. They were already there when I moved in, as well as the box in the attic. I think it belongs to the owner.

Mobius stared at the letter in amusement and could not help but check the end of the letter.

He went to the front door. The floor was clean. Inside and out.

"What did he talk about?" he scratched the back of his head before heading for the ladder that led to the attic. He opened the hatch, poked his head through and looked around. It was empty. No box.

Mobius went back down, shrugged, crumpled the letter and threw it away.

He finished his meal and went to bed.

The next day, in his clock store, while repairing an antique watch with an extremely complicated mechanism, he couldn't help thinking about the letter and its more or less strange ending when he was interrupted by the doorbell indicating that someone had entered the store.

He put down his tools, wiped his hands, and headed for the store.

"Hey Mobius! I made lunch, shall we share?"

It was the bubbly and somewhat invasive, Sylvie. The owner of the antique gun store right across from him.

He replied, annoyed, because she had interrupted his work that he loved, "I can't, I have urgent work to finish."

"Oh come on Mobius, there's nothing urgent about an old watch."

"It is to its owner."

She made a disappointed pout, "Well, okay..." she sighed and headed for the door, then turned abruptly. "Is it true you bought a house? Where is it? How is it?"

Mobius rolled his eyes, used to Sylvie's chatter.

"It's an isolated cottage, in a small village called New Asgard."

"You're sick to isolate yourself like that!"

"It's what I want and I already feel at home there. And now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get back to my work, which is not urgent." He walked briskly toward his studio, annoyed by the criticism of his choice, and didn't even hear the door close.

In the late afternoon, after his day's work, he decided to repaint the faded fences that lined the small path. The manual work, like his work on watches, helped him to clear his head.

A few hours later, as the day was getting darker, Mobius was kneeling on the steps and applying a new layer of paint to the weathered planks. He finished, satisfied with the result, and began to put his equipment away.

Behind him, a small dwarf alligator trotted along the path. Mobius didn't notice it at first. The alligator sped up and before Mobius could react, he stepped into the paint and left footprints behind him. "Hey!"

Mobius tried to catch the alligator but it ran back inside the house whose door Mobius had left ajar. Mobius was about to follow him, wondering what an alligator was doing here and if he was dangerous, when he suddenly stopped.

On the ground in front of the house, there was a trail of paw prints.

Mobius rushed to the garbage can and searched with determination through his trash when he finally found what he was looking for: Loki's letter.

He stared at it.

Sorry about the footprints leading to the front door. They were already there when I moved in, as was the box in the attic. I think it belongs to the owner.

He remained for a long moment staring at the crumpled note.

*********

Loki went out to have lunch at a place he had spotted not far from the school.

Finding the weather warm, he opened his coat and continued walking.

When he arrived at the place, he sat down on a bench and started to unwrap his sandwich, a book in his hand. He enjoyed this moment of calm, even if the place was crowded on this beautiful day.

Once finished eating, Loki closed his eyes for a moment, letting the sunlight warm him up. Just aware of the surrounding sounds, the water of the fountain, the splashes and laughter of the children playing there, an old man grumbling about global warming, the pigeons landing not far away, hoping to get some crumbs from those who like Loki had decided to have lunch here.

Suddenly, a horrible noise, a high-pitched squeal and a horn made Loki sit up. He suddenly opened his eyes and looked around.

A few meters away, in front of Loki, a double-decker city bus was trying to stop. It was going pretty fast, although you could tell the driver was trying to brake.

Loki registered it all, the noise, the bus, before noticing the gray-haired man standing directly in the path of the bus. There was nothing to be done, it was inevitable and almost immediate, the man was hit by the bus, and Loki, horrified, saw his distant figure fly ten or fifteen feet into the air before crashing to the sidewalk. The faint sound of the impact reached Loki half a second later, due to the distance.

Loki automatically took out his cell phone and dialed 911. As he walked towards the impact point, he gave all the information to the rescue workers, trying to remain calm.

Once he hung up the phone, he started to run towards the lifeless body.

_______

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd and english is not my native language I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless🥰

[imaginariaextraordinaire]

Episode 8 is one hella packed episode and it is an absolute joy to unpack it, beginning with this:

Clever, clever idea to have Ji-Woo repeat the line that Mi-Joo just said to indicate Ji-Woo is taking charge of things as far as Assemblyman Ki is concerned. It's also a good reminder of how tone and intent can change the meaning of a sentence even if the words are exactly the same (which is why we need good translators).

Seeing Mi-Joo stride across the screen with Seon-Gyeom behind her, it struck me that we've seen a variation of this many times before, beginning with the credit titles. While Seon-Gyeom is the sprinter, the one we see constantly trying to up the pace and charge ahead is Mi-Joo. She's always intent on moving ahead faster — perhaps to outrun the past that she finally makes peace with during the marathon? — while Seon-Gyeom moves at a slower pace, disentangling himself from the constraints of his troubled past and troubling father. The only one time we see him race ahead (in episode 2), we also see him come back and slow down.

What I particularly love about Park Shi-Hyun's writing is that in addition to all the layers and complexity she's written into the scenes and characters, she's also written a very, very funny show.

Both Shin Se-Kyung and Kang Tae-Oh do such a fantastic job with both the physical humour (without being over-the-top) and the timing that's needed to play up the wit in the dialogues. Not that Siwan and Soo-Young do a bad job — the scene in which Dan-Ah proposes to Seon-Gyeom is hilarious. My favourite is still May, who is very funny throughout this episode (the shot in which we learn she sleeps with her eyes open! GOLD).

The transitions in this episode are so well written. The insights from one scene ricochet off the next. For example, Dan-Ah in the scene at the bar — where she tells the bartender she can't risk keeping the book in her own study because she can't risk people guessing she has anxieties — gives us a look at the problems of the privileged. This is followed by a scene in which Yeong-Hwa and Mi-Joo discuss student debts, which is a relatable middle-class problem. This in turn is followed by Tae-Woong saying that he takes selfies because he's addicted to the validation he gets from the likes each of those photos gets him — a Gen Z problem. And so it is that we get a spectrum of problems that people face and hide behind performative façades.

The likes that Tae-Woong talks about pop up with manic frenzy at the end of the heartbreaking scene with Dan-Ah in the parking lot, presenting the viewer with a terrible contrast — driving away from him is the love and acceptance that he yearns for from a sister who (he hopes) knows him. All he has to hold on to is the superficial attention of the love professed by a fandom that doesn't really know him at all. Soo-Young's performance is fantastic in this scene, especially when she asks in a voice tinged with desperation why Tae-Woong keeps coming back to her despite her treating him so badly. For the first time, you realise how much it takes out of her to lash out at this desperately-sad boy. "It takes effort to hate someone," Tae-Woong tells her. My heart!

Another fantastic set of transitions comes later on in the episode, when Mi-Joo and May are unwinding at the end of a long day at the film shoot.

This is such a great example of writing inter-generational female friendships. When May remembers not being paid for working overtime, it's an acknowledgement that things are better for working women (especially in film) than it was before, but as Mi-Joo's experiences show, there's still a lot to be done because women are still driven by a certain insecurity and anxiety to push themselves way too hard (as we see a sick Mi-Joo do later in the episode).

Of course a man tries to break this gathering up — because he wants to go to bed. Superb excuse, particularly because these women are talking how much they have to work — and it is deeply satisfying to watch all three of them shut him down and establish their right to unwind.

This scene of female friendship is followed by one that shows the friendship between the three runners. Then we get to see a fight scene full of male actors. The machismo of that performance is a sharp contrast to the awkward tenderness of Woo-Sik and Yeong-Il's conversation.

While on the subject of toxic masculinity, this is the episode in which we find out Dan-Ah's father forged Myeong-Min's birth certificate to make him legally older than Dan-Ah even though he's actually 10 months younger than her. All to ensure he has a male heir. It's a nice detail that Myeong-Min's mother is the one laying out the memorial service for Dan-Ah's mother because it hints at a sense of solidarity.

Also dismantling traditional notions of masculinity is Seon-Gyeom, whom we see at his most domestic as he cooks and packs meals for May and Mi-Joo, and does chores around the house once they're gone. It's very much an inversion of the standard male-female gender roles with the woman going out to work and the man as the homemaker. To underscore this point, we see Seon-Gyeom consider the leopard-print shirt (that May and Mi-Joo hang to give strangers the impression they've got an alpha in the house) for a second before putting it away.

Speaking of alphas, Mi-Joo's really got a thing for wild cats. In addition to that shirt, her blanket is also a leopard-print and when we see her calling Seon-Gyeom, she's standing in front of a painting of a tiger. All these seem to be digs at her posturing that she's strong and invulnerable and I burst out laughing when Seon-Gyeom folds the leopard-print blanket while muttering, "I'd have guessed this is hers even if she hadn't told me."

As disinterested as Seon-Gyeom may be in films, they play a big role in sustaining him emotionally. In this episode, it's the film set that helps Mi-Joo and him come together after their stupid disagreement. Equally importantly, the film set is where he gets the time and space to reconnect with his mother.

Run On has so much fun being meta with the film bits. The film shoot within a drama is indeed an old fake.

There are two film sets we see in this episode — one with Ji-Woo and the other with Mi-Joo. While Ji-Woo's set feels relaxed, the one Mi-Joo's working in is chaotic and taxing. The two women are also at different ends of the professional spectrum. Ji-Woo is a star while Mi-Joo is not just working behind the scenes, but she's come to fill in for the person who was the juniormost member of the crew.

When pointing out the main players of their film crew to Mi-Joo and May, Hui-Jin describes the cinematographer as "a bit racist, but still a gentleman". (Mi-Joo's response is superb: "Weird.") It's an interesting choice to make the cinematographer racist because that's the crew member who decides how subjects and scenes will be framed. "Racist but a gentleman" feels like a precise summary of the orientalist perspective which (aside from being overwhelmingly masculine) shows the East through stereotypes that are often superficially beautiful, but also reductive and damaging. Not surprisingly, this cinematographer is the reason Mi-Joo flounders while translating on set.

The film set is also the first time that Seon-Gyeom sees Mi-Joo's vulnerable side when she falls ill. It's such a clever choice to have Mi-Joo stop performing in a setting that's all about performances. Not only does Mi-Joo give up the alpha act when she's sick, she admits to Seon-Gyeom that when she's feeling helpless, her instinct is to resort to a performative lie — calling out for mom because that's what she saw other kids do as a child in a sick ward (imagine how isolated and neglected she must have felt to do this. Also, she's felt this way so many times that this performance has become second nature to her).

The anecdote suggests Mi-Joo's mulish championing of her self has its roots in past incidents when she tried to fit and either failed or was rejected. And yet, for all her strength and confidence, she's chasing phantoms and has been doing so since she was a little girl. All because she was alone and didn't have anyone she could reach out to for help. Which is why what Seon-Gyeom tells her at the end of the episode is so relevant. He helps her to reorient.

To which Mi-Joo, bless her leopard-print-loving heart, responds with

But my favourite part of this episode is the conversation that Ji-Woo has with Seon-Gyeom when he visits her set. First of all, Ji-Woo is playing a "vegan murderer", which is brilliant as ideas go and it's adorable how delighted she is about her violent roles.

I love how Run On doesn't punish Ji-Woo for sacrificing her family life for her work. Instead, it holds out the possibility that it is ok if you have that imbalance. In this scene, we see Ji-Woo's family reforming at the film set with Eun-Bi sending the coffee truck and Seon-Gyeom showing up just because Ji-Woo asked him to be there.

The mother-son conversation gives us a glimpse of Seon-Gyeom's bleak childhood and we learn that everything Seon-Gyeom did for his father was actually him doing what his mother had asked him to do. It comes as a surprise to Seon-Gyeom that his mother has noticed what he's suffered and that she understands how he'd hoped silently suffering would keep the family together. It's almost as though he's feeling seen for the first time.

Much like Dan-Ah, Ji-Woo may seem self-centred because of her ambitiousness, but she does notice what's happening beyond the obvious, especially when it comes to people she cares about. Both women are up against the worst of patriarchy. Also, I love that when she's talking about motherhood, Ji-Woo is blood-spattered — after all, being a working woman and a mother in a patriarchal is nothing short of fighting a war.

In previous episodes, it seemed as though Ji-Woo was the 'bad' (or at least not ideal) mother while Director Dong was the ideal, modern mother. Yet in comparison to how Director Dong later reacts to her son coming out, you can't help but feel Ji-Woo, with her unconditional support for her kids, might just be the better parent. What is great about Run On though is that that the script doesn't pit the two older women against each other as competing examples of motherhood or femininity. The point is that everyone's struggling, making mistakes and trying to learn from them. Ji-Woo is doing that and so will Director Dong eventually.

Love that the scene ends with Seon-Gyeom effectively declaring himself his mother's son. Take that, patriarchy.

[yutahoes]

Otou-Chan

Yuta Nakamoto x Reader (Y/N) Smut

(Chapter Twenty Four)

Summary: 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐰𝐚 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐘𝐮𝐭𝐚’𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬.

Warning: (Again, I don’t know if you can tag this as angst.)

Word Count: 2.8k

Tag List: @ailoveyuta​​ 🥰

Masterlist

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️❤️

24. Sayonara

It's been years. Five years, ten months, twenty-three days, four hours… He can still count the minutes and seconds if he likes but he'll miss her more. 

The last time he knew something about her, she finished her art study in New York and transferred to Canada. After that, he isn't sure what happened to her. 

He went to the country once, telling his friends that it's for business and nothing personal, which they obviously didn't buy. In the end, it was a vain attempt to find her. Like finding a needle in a haystack and even Taeyong said that it's a suicide mission. 

One time, his stepmother visited him and asked help to see her ex-husband to which he agreed. He doesn't have any choice anyway, he also wanted to know what happened to him. And he promised her, that he will take care of his stepmom. 

It was weird to see the two of them, the foster parents of the girl he loved, sitting in front of each other and talking like matured individuals. Didn't they realize that they just ruin someone's life because of their irresponsibility? But what the older man said surprised Yuta, "If ever you see (Y/N), can you tell her that I'm sorry? I know it's not enough but I just want her to know that I'm proud of her even if she's not my daughter." If only she's here to hear that. He'll probably get to see her smile again. 

And now, he badly wants to see her.

--

Yuta smiled to himself as he sat on the business class of the plane to Paris. Their first encounter. She's so fearless back then, shouting in front of a guy who just molested a girl. And she caught his eye that instant, like a magic spell that binds him to her. Koi no Yokan, his premonition of love. And he's still in that bind. He's still in love with her. Only (Y/N).

Paris only brought memories of her. That time he was seated in front of a pastry shop and his eye caught a familiar girl entering the opposite coffee shop. It was still a mystery why he's infatuated with the girl who rejected him at the plane. But that coffee shop date made him sure of one thing, he's not just lusting over this girl. He liked her smile, he liked how sincere her smile is that made his heart hurt. He missed those smiles. He missed her so much. 

Maybe it was too much reminiscing that he forgot to keep an eye on one thing, a person actually. "Fuck, Shiho!"

--

(Y/N) was still astounded at how Paris looked like the place she once saw in the book. She had been here before but didn't get the chance to tour around because of a certain Japanese guy. Her Japanese guy. Her phone rang and she answered the call, rolling her eyes at the other person on the line. "Yes, I'm already here. Where are you?" By now, she's just annoyed. She should be enjoying this day in Paris, why does she have to meet him now? 

She was by a fountain when she saw a young girl crying, seated on the edge of the statue. What is she doing here alone? Where are her parents? (Y/N) crouched down to her height, smiling at her. "Hi." She greeted and the child looked at her, still crying. She's so cute, she thought. "Are you lost? Where are your parents?" 

"Otou-chan left me." The young girl said in Japanese that surprised her. 

(Y/N) had to smile at that. It's weird hearing the word Otou-chan, she's used to saying it to address Yuta. "Do you want me to help you look for your dad?" She said in fluent Japanese that made the sobbing girl look at her in surprise. "What's your name?" 

"Shiho." That's a cute name. "Shiho Nakamoto." What? She wanted her to repeat what she said but a distant voice can be heard calling for 'Shiho'. A voice she badly wanted to hear. "Otou-chan." The young girl shouted in glee, running to the owner of the voice. Shiho Nakamoto? Otou-Chan? Yuta is already married? 

Slowly, she stood up without facing him. How can they meet like this again? And really, of all places, here in Paris? "Excuse me, thank you for staying with…" She just nodded at that, trying her very best to not face him. What if he's with his wife? This will be really awkward. 

"Noona!" Someone called that made her look to the side. Her savior. She didn't care whether Yuta would realize that it was her but she dashed to where Mark is, holding his arm and dragging him away from the place. "Wait, why?" The younger guy asked in panic. 

But she just pulled him until they're inside the museum. "He's here." Mark gave her a confused look and she gestured at the painting hanging by the center of the museum. The guy looked surprised at that, giggling when she looked annoyed.

It pissed her off that of all the paintings that their class made, it was the painting of Yuta that is getting featured in their exhibit. She just did it since she missed him but Mark saw it and showed it to their director that it got chosen as the main exhibit. This is a stupid move. What if he finds this painting? He'll found out that she's not over him yet when he's obviously done with her. God, what should she do if his wife founds out? 

And he has a daughter now? She can't believe that someone experienced Yuta's stamina. Well, the kid is kind of cute and she resembles Yuta's eyes. She should have stared at her longer. Who is the mother of that child? Who is Yuta's wife?

---

That night is the gala for the Asian art exhibit that their school sponsored, a collection of artworks from students that depict Asian culture. (Y/N) is really nervous since it's her work that's going to get the main feature. A total first. 

She passed by the Southeast Asian artworks, mostly paintings. The West Asian part shows pots and ceramics that would bring you to deserts. She stopped at the East Asian part, suddenly missing Korea as photographs welcomed her. The Chinese vases, as well as the Terracotta Warrior replica, amazed her. And when she reached the Japanese part of the exhibit, someone was standing in front of a certain bowl with gold lacquer, 'Kintsukuroi'. 

He looked surprised seeing her in a blue dress, looking as if she really dolled up. Her hair is longer now that he's itching to run his fingers on the threads of her silky hair. "Hi." she chirped. "What are you doing here?" 

Yuta smiled then realized that they're conversing in his mother tongue. Did she learn Japanese? He showed a brochure of the art exhibit, given to special guests of the gala. The sole reason why he went to Paris is because of an art invitation that depicts Asian arts. He can't really say no to the art director. "I thought you're in Canada." She nodded, surprised that he knew that. 

"I started teaching arts in Canada." Teaching? Yuta was surprised, he thought she's still studying. "These are some of my students' work." 

"Oh," Yuta exclaimed, in awe. "That's really good." She smiled, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment. Her gaze fell on the teacup with gold, Yuta used to compare her to that. A broken porcelain, his broken porcelain. What is he thinking now? "I'm really proud of you." The sincerity in his voice almost made her choke if not for Mark Lee calling her name from across the room. 

She asked if he could give her a minute and went to where the younger boy is, asking who she was talking to. His eyes widened in surprise realizing who it is. "Your Japanese guy." She shushed him up, asking what he needed help from. He gestured to his tie and she rolled her eyes, pulling the piece of fabric from his neck. "I'm nervous." 

She skillfully made the knot on his tie, patting it when she's done. "Mina will really like you." The older said that made the younger pout, she had to pinch his cheeks at that. Mark told her to get back with Yuta and she giggled at what he meant. 

He said with.  

But she can't do that. He's already married, Mark knows that. 

"You look happier," Yuta noted that made her stop. "Are you dating?" 

He moved on from her. He found another love which should have really happened. It will be awkward to know that she's still in love with the idea of them together. 

(Y/N) breathed heavily. Mark is definitely going to kill her. "Yes." 

"That's great." He said in monotone. She was scared to look at him. Is he hurt? Is he happy? She hoped he is. "I have to go. I'm going to meet my parents outside." His parents are here? "I'll see you around."

He turned around from her but she tapped her foot. There's a question running in her mind for years. A question, she badly wanted to ask him. And if now, when can she have the courage to ask him that? "Yuta." She called which made him turn to her. She sighed a heavy breath that made him curious. "Why didn't you stop me?" He cocked his head to the side at the question. "When I said I'm going to New York, why didn't you stop me?" 

Yuta walked to where she is, taking slow steps until he's in front of her. "If I stopped you that time, you wouldn't have the chance to find yourself." A bitter smile can be seen on his lips. His hand held her cheek which comforted her, Yuta's warmth. "I wouldn't be able to make you happy like this." 

--

What? Her eyes looked up at his and they're glistening under the lights. Twinkling. "I'm proud of you, my daughter." And even if she wanted to hug him, he just turned around without a word. Walking briskly to leave the hall.

Her heart can't lie now. All this time, it's still Yuta. It's still him.

"Can I not attend?" Yuta begged his dad that made Shiho look at him, pouting. She looked so pretty in that blue dress, the same hue as her dress. "I might just cry inside."

The older man laughed at that, tapping his son's back. "You should have told her that you're still in love with her." But Yuta shook his head, she already moved on. As she should be. She's happier. There's nothing he can do to bring her back to his life. 

He breathed heavily as tears fell from his eyes. The sadness all these years bottled up in this emotion. "Dad…" he called as the older man held him in his arms. "I don't want her to see me like this. Can I just stay at the hotel?" 

"Son, this is your last chance. You might not see her again after this." He said that made him look at the older. He's right. It's been years since he hoped for this to happen. And here she is, in front of him. "It's your last chance to tell her everything you want to say. I don't want you to regret this." This might really be his last chance to say everything bottled up inside him these past years. 

She needed to at least know that he's still holding on for her.

--

The gala was a classy one, filled with wine and classy people from different nationalities. Yuta was just seated at their table as he watched his parents mingle with the other people they knew. 

His eyes frantically tried to look for her but she's nowhere in sight. And why did he forget the face of her boyfriend? Maybe he can spot him in the crowd and ask him if he can talk to her like a true man. Some young girls were looking his way but he's not interested. It's still her that he wants. 

Some girls were giggling at him. Great! Because it's funny to see a single guy seated next to a young child as if in a kiddie restaurant. He cursed when he realized that Shiho is nowhere in sight again. Where the hell could that child be? And why is he so distracted?

But before he could stand up, he saw her talking to an older girl with the same blue dress like her. He just watched in awe at how they looked so good next to each other. How natural she looked talking to a child. 

If only she didn't leave for New York, they might have a child now. A son perhaps. But will she smile like this if she stayed? Will she be happier if she's next to him?

"Shiho, okasan is calling you," Yuta said that made (Y/N) look at him. The younger girl waved her hands to say goodbye to the older and she giggled at how cute she is. The older tried seeing where her mom is but the crowd blocked her view. 

A hand appeared in front of her to help her stand up but she refused to hold it, she might get used to his warmth. He's married, for crying out loud. He should be with his family, not here next to her. "(Y/N)," He called. 

She had to prevent herself from tearing up at that. He just called her name, why is she getting emotional? Or is it because she's still not done crying about him? He sighed loudly, "I don't know where to begin but I…" 

The lights dimmed as the speaker announced the highlight of the exhibit. (Y/N) cursed that made Yuta look at her in worry. Her eyes were full of horror as he stepped closer to check on her. "What's wrong? Are you alright?" Yuta shouldn't see the painting, his wife and child shouldn't. No one should. But it's too late. Why did she have to forget about it? 

(Y/N) was called on the stage by the art director and she gave Yuta an apologetic look. She'll just tell everyone that she's done with these feelings so he wouldn't get bothered by it. Yes. She should do that. 

The written speech on the podium was discarded as she closed her eyes and breathed heavily. She greeted everyone in English, wishing that everyone had a nice time looking at the artworks that they prepared. She introduced herself as a faculty of the Art School then started the speech about her getting interested in Japanese culture. "Hatsukoi." She said then stared at one guy in the crowd who was looking at her as well. "First Love." 

She smiled, remembering all the times she had with Yuta. When she discovered that warm feeling of falling in love. A feeling she wanted to erase or she'll definitely get hurt again. "They said your first love never dies. True, it won't change." She introduced that made the audience smile adoringly. "But it will die, given the time." A collective gasp can be heard. Even the director was surprised at the sudden shift of her voice. She should have introduced the wonder of first love, to make the audience fall in love. They're in Paris, the City of Love. 

"The purpose of this artwork is to show the feeling of first love." She looked at her first love, wishing that her last words would resonate to him. "But first loves can also be painful. So this is my goodbye to my first love." She said with a proud smile but in reality, she wanted to badly cry. If she speaks more, they'll surely hear the strain in her voice. A huge lump in her throat that she cannot gulp down. "Sayonara…" The spotlight shone on the artwork, earning everyone's attention, even his. "Yuta." She whispered away from the mic. 

When Yuta returned his gaze at the podium, she's nowhere to be seen. Why is she always shaking him like this? A goodbye to her first love? Is this her goodbye to him? "Onii-chan, isn't that you?" Shiho asked, pointing at the splitting canvas of him surrounded by cherry blossom petals. He attracted the nearby attention as the artist's first love, the subject of the painting. They even complimented her for the amazing art style and that she really made an exact copy of his face on the canvas. 

Yuta sighed. So this is it, really. She really did mean it when she said 'sayonara' before, it's not possible that she's really doing her 'sayonara' now. His dad was right, he will regret that he didn't take the chance to talk to her.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️❤️

Chapter 23 / Chapter 25 

Quick note: (I don’t know what’s happening to my posts but the paragraphs sometimes get jumbled. I edited all the chapters and I’ll check on it later to see if there are still some mistakes. I’m sorry. If you read this, thank you. There’s only one chapter left for Otou-chan and I would really like to know what you think of the story. That will mean so much. Again, thank you for taking time in reading this. Your feedback will be highly appreciated.)