#yskial

[only-lonely-stars]

you should know I'm a liar (chapter 1 - crossroads)

[chapter 1 - you are here!] // [chapter 2] - (FFN) (AO3)

Summary:

After the Merge, Lloyd is alone. Ninjago has moved on, and it doesn't need the Ninja anymore. As he's slowly rotting away, Lloyd meets someone he has a bit too much history with: someone who owes him more than a couple answers.

Co-authored by @dragon-gem!

Majorly inspired by this beautiful piece of artwork, drawn by @diamonddogs-terrarium! It's embedded in the text below.

I’m the only one left.

The rooftops weren’t as distracting as Lloyd had hoped. Down at street level, the Crossroads were a barrage of color and noise. Sixteen realms and countless cultures had moved into Ninjago City, making it their own.

Lloyd, a remnant of the old Ninjago, was left behind like garbage.

Memories of the city he loved grated against Lloyd’s heart, in places that were still raw from the last time he’d remembered–

–the last time he’d bled.

Don’t think about it. Just go home.

The way down from this roof, the peak of the Crossroads’ highest building, required a challenging jump to the next building. The pagoda-styled roofs provided a decent footing, but still it took him a moment to calculate just how hard to push himself.

Just before the jump, he reached for his mask, and found nothing.

I really need to get a new suit, he thought with some frustration. This is getting annoying.

He leaped.

Seconds later, he rolled to a stop on the lower roof, and from there, latched onto a water spout. He rode it down the wall, maneuvering his body weight to avoid the clamps that held it to the brick, and was on the dirt street below in moments.

The Crossroads turned a blind eye to him, just as it needed to. A ninja couldn’t always be seen. He needed secrecy, especially because he worked alone–

Lloyd shook his head, trying to banish the miserable thoughts that followed him. Why can’t I focus today? I sound like a supervillain, monologuing everything. Nobody needs that.

Besides… the Monastery was empty. He could cry about his terrible fate as the fated Green Ninja in privacy. Nobody had to know what he did there.

Nobody saw that every night, when he sat before his uncle and father’s pictures in the courtyard, he cried.

His family, his world, the life he was supposed to have. All stolen, according to some fate.

I didn’t ask for this.

He let himself focus on the hustle and bustle of the Crossroads, the comforting weight of his well-worn sword on his back, the sound of crowds, the crashing noises–

What was that?

The sound repeated, and Lloyd turned, hearing it come from down the street. It sounded close, and worse, someone was groaning.

He ran, turning the corner to see a pile of rubbish spread across the street. The majority was a rather tall pile, pinning down a prone figure. A few passersby were approaching the figure, pulling off garbage to let the person stand.

Lloyd watched, not sure what to do.

After a few minutes of garbage removal, a Mucoid stepped forward from the crowd and offered the unfortunate person a hand up. The figure stood– a woman, based on height and frame– and nodded appreciatively.

Lloyd was just about to turn and leave when the woman turned her head.

Green eyes, tinged with pink, watched him.

He watched, too, in mute fascination and horror.

The woman pushed back her hood. White hair came spilling out, now cut to only brush her shoulders.

Still, she didn’t look away, and Lloyd reached for his sword out of habit.

Harumi, the Quiet One, the Jade Princess, his arch nemesis… shook her head.

He narrowed his eyes. “Harumi!”

She flinched as a few pairs of eyes turned toward him. He ignored them, stepping close enough to speak with her. “Please. Not here.”

“Why not?”

Harumi glanced around. “There’s too many people around.”

Lloyd’s skin prickled, fear and anticipation warring in him. She was still the same person who had lied to him, kidnapped him, caged him, tried to kill him. Some people never changed. “I don’t think so. Why are you here? To kill me?”

“No!” She took a step back, looking genuinely offended. “Geez, Lloyd. You have a one-track mind.”

“Well excuse me for wanting to get to the truth. What do you want?” His voice cracked on the last word, betraying its disuse from too much time living alone.

She noticed, and smiled weakly. “Can’t a girl just go about her day in peace? I just got squished by a pile of trash. It’s not been a good day already.”

Imagine how I feel, he thought, but didn’t say. “And what exactly do you do in a ‘peaceful’ day?”

“What is this, an interrogation?”

“If it needs to be.”

She scoffed, and with a roll of her eyes that he’d all but memorized, she stepped past him and began walking down the road. “Fine. I don’t have to stay here and let you insult me.”

“Hey!” He wheeled on her, drawing his sword. “Stop!”

“Or what? You’ll cut me down where I stand?”

“If it comes to that.”

She waved a nonchalant hand. “Please, Lloyd. Do you think I’m really going to let you do that? I can always take you in a fight.”

“Hand-to-hand versus a sword? I find that hard to believe.”

Harumi smirked, and Lloyd felt like a spider had crawled up his spine and settled right on his neck– right where it could bite and bleed him dry. “As if I ever go unarmed. You’re as foolish as ever.”

Lloyd felt his pulse pounding at his temples. “Well– well I’m not letting you go.”

“Oh, no! The Green Ninja isn’t letting me go.” She pouted. “I’ll just have to do whatever he tells me.”

Unkind memories sprang up, of time on a boat and an almost-kiss that he hadn’t quite expected. They made Lloyd white-knuckle his sword grip, all his muscles tensed for a fight. “Explain yourself. Why are you in the Crossroads? Why now?”

“Maybe I’ve been here this whole time.”

“Then why show up now?”

“See my previous comment about having a pile of garbage dropped on me. Seriously, Lloyd. You’re not stupid.” She paused. “In fact, you’re supposed to be the dead one. Why are you questioning me? I have every right–”

“You have the right to remain silent,” Lloyd cut in, irritated by her non-answers.

“Did you take a job as a cop?”

“...No.”

“Then don’t treat me like I’m under arrest.” She rolled her eyes again. “Look. Why don’t we find somewhere to just talk this all out. If it makes you feel better, I can swear on my dead parents that I have zero evil plans right now.”

Lloyd was about to yell at her, but he stopped himself. There was something about her frustratingly casual demeanor that didn’t quite look like when she was tricking him– any of several times. “...Swear it.”

She crossed her heart. “On the lives of all of my dead parents, I swear.”

He watched her closely. Show me a tell. Give me a reason to beat you into the dirt.

She met his gaze with an even stare.

All he got were those green eyes, still with pink flashes now and again. A poker face trained by years in the Imperial court, keeping secrets and telling lies like a second language.

She’s telling the truth this time.

He felt sick to his stomach, but sheathed his sword. “Fine. Say I believe you,” he bluffed. “Come back to the Monastery, and we can talk.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? You want me in your home?”

“Where I can keep an eye on you,” he corrected, not sure if either statement was more true than the other. “I’ll sweeten the deal, even. We can have an even fight and work out some of these old grudges.”

Harumi laughed, throwing her head back. “You want a fight? Haven’t I almost killed you enough times?”

He glared at her again. “With staves. I’m a ninja. We value the sanctity of life.”

Harumi, for her part, listened to his correction with only a trace of a smug smile. “...Don’t you mean ‘staffs?’”

“No, I meant staves,” he snapped. “Who’s the trained ninja here?!”

She shook her head in dismay. “Clearly not you, or you’d be harder to rile up.”

“I will drag you back to whatever prison replaced Kryptarium, or so help me–”

“Fine.” She interrupted him, and offered a hand to shake. “If you want to work our your repressed emotions by letting me throw you around, then fine. I’d love another chance to show you who’s the boss here.”

Lloyd felt himself flushing, but he took her hand and shook it with as much strength as possible. She winced at his grip, which made him smile. “It would be nice to show you just how wrong you are, actually.”

“Fine. Let’s get on with it.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” she snapped, always having to have the last word.

Lloyd turned on his heel, heading in the direction of the Monastery, and listened carefully to the footsteps that followed him through the crowd.

If fate wants to punish me, I think I just asked for it.

-------

In a parody of everything normal in Lloyd’s life, he walked the thousand steps to the Monastery of Spinjitzu with Harumi at his heels.

The Merge had made everything discordant, but nothing was more grating than her constant talking, boring into his brain through his ears.

“How is it, being dead? Are you liking being ignored?” She sounded flippant, but the words cut deep, making Lloyd step a little more firmly as they rose toward the not-so-ancient building. “I didn’t like it very much, you understand. Nobody to talk to gets quite boring.”

Lloyd balled his hands into fists. “I liked it, actually. Nobody to talk to leaves plenty of time for meditating.”

“Meditating? What are you, a guru?”

“I’m a ninja master. Meditating is an important part of the job.”

“Please,” she drawled. “You’re just mulling over all your past mistakes, like letting me get squished by a skyscraper.”

“I told you already, that’s not true.”

“And I still don’t believe you.”

Lloyd stopped walking and turned on her. Her expression was smug, a smile pasted across her pale cheeks. “Harumi. For the last time, I didn’t let that happen to you! The Overlord may have revived you before I got there, but I was there.”

She paused, obviously considering her next insult. “You could have been more timely about it.”

“I was a fugitive!”

“I was dead!”

“Gah! You are impossible!” Lloyd rolled his eyes. “Just shut up, we’re almost to the top.”

Harumi snickered. “Make me.”

Instantly he tensed. The look on her face was oddly mischievous, and it sent shivers up and down his spine– a sensation that wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

“No.”

“Really?” She clasped her hands behind her back, fluttering her eyelashes in a girlish manner. “That’s too bad. Seems like you’re stuck with my chatter.”

Lloyd opened his mouth to retort.

You’re only giving her more ammunition. Quit digging a deeper hole for yourself, Lloyd Garmadon.

He shut his mouth, turned his back, and started up the stairs again.

She followed, walking at his side with only an inch of air between them. Every few steps, her knuckles brushed against his.

He pulled his hand back and veered to the side, and then a few steps later, it happened again.

Ignore it, Lloyd. You’re almost home, you can beat her senseless there.

The thought was not helpful, and neither was the one it came with.

This is too much like the first time I met her.

Harumi kept talking, but this time she didn’t demand any replies. Instead, she commented on the Merged Lands, with their nonsensical combination. In the time since the Merge, he’d noticed strange combinations, and she spoke aloud the things he hadn’t mentioned to anyone.

Mountains giving way to oceans of deep purple waters that were safe to drink.

Petrified forests that only reached up to the knee.

She told him stories. Last year, she got caught in a spring snowstorm, and she was trapped in the home of friendly strangers for a week. They weren’t from Ninjago, so she’d been welcomed.

(It wasn’t worth asking if they were still alive.)

She walked the bank of a river which split two realms, and helped the locals build a retaining wall along it. They were using the water to irrigate their fields, and had cooked for her as long as she kept working with them.

(Manual labor? Hard to believe, but…)

Worst of all, in the middle of the Wyldness, she ran out of hair products. As it turned out, the pre-industrial apocalypse was rather unwelcoming.

(He’d had to snort at that one, and her smile in return was unsettling.)

The walk kept going, and going, and going. Lloyd’s thoughts wandered toward his family– and Jay’s much more tolerable rants.

I miss them so much.

I’m a complete moron.

-------

They reached the Monastery, whereLloyd hauled one side of the gate open. “After you.”

Surprisingly, she didn’t argue. “Thank you.”

They stepped inside, and Lloyd was hit with a realization that it was rather sad to be here alone. He’d gotten used to dead silence, but it made him want to cry now that he faced it; that, and throw something off the edge of the cliff.

He ignored both urges, instead shutting the gate behind them.

Harumi blinked. “Did it get larger in the Merge?”

“No,” Lloyd grumbles. “It’s just bigger than one person needs.”

“I suppose so,” Harumi replied lightly. “It still looks nice, like new construction. I suppose I won’t be receiving a tour or a cup of tea?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You want to play houseguest? That doesn’t sound like you.”

“No, it’s not. Perhaps I turned over a new leaf.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You shouldn’t.” Harumi rolled her shoulders, smiling mischievously. “Knives or no?”

Lloyd gave her one dry look. “I told you, staves only. Cleaning blood off stone is harder than it sounds.”

She laughed. “I’ve heard that. But really, I’m not a heathen. I would only try and really kill you after we’d fought a couple times! Imagine if I succeeded the first time– which is quite likely. How awkward.”

“You’ve become a master of understatement,” Lloyd commented dryly, then walked across the courtyard to put away his sword. “Maybe the Merge did you some more good than it did me.”

Harumi chuckled softly, and when he glanced over at her, she was plucking a knife out of her waistband and placing it against the wall— far enough away so neither of them would be able to get to it while they were sparring. “Maybe. It’s been an odd couple of years.”

“Tell me about it,” he commented, focused on re-tying his gi so it wouldn’t get in his way. He hadn’t had a good fight in too long, and the training course wasn’t a great substitute. Could he still take a real opponent, with months or years of cooling his heels only dulling his skills?

It’ll be good for sharpening your skills, the practical part of his mind contributed. Iron sharpens iron.

Harumi taunted, “I can still kick your butt.”

Lloyd scoffed in reply. “Doubt it.”

Harumi’s laugh echoed off the silence etched into the courtyard walls. He approached and stopped in the center of the yard, assuming a defensive position. She stepped closer and did the same. Again he noted the strengths and weaknesses in her stance— how best to knock her off balance, to force her to retreat. She was easily exploited, when done right.

He grinned. I really needed some action.

Harumi grinned back. “You’re so slow. Scared to hit a girl, Lloyd?”

“Is that what I should be calling you?” He taunted back, squaring his heels, and launched himself into a roundhouse kick. “I was referring to you as my sworn enemy!”

“Aww, I’m flattered!” Harumi snorted, dodging his kick and launching an attack of her own. “Sworn enemy does have a nice ring to it!”

Lloyd dodged her punch easily. “That’s what you focus on?”

“What, would you prefer something else? I’ve got a whole host of names I could go by.”

He ignored her comment for just long enough to try to sweep her legs out from under her– and miss, coming back into a standing position. He was just quick enough to block a blow to the head. “Don’t call yourself the Quiet One anymore. You’re not quiet!”

“Pssh, no one calls me that anymore. I’ve also avoided the whole ‘damsel in distress.’”

“Really? Your list of former nicknames is getting long.”

“I could make it longer. I even managed to shake being called your girlfriend,” she shot back.

Lloyd stiffened, despite all his training demanding flexibility and loose muscles, and his rhythm dropped. He stood back, resting on his heels, steadying himself. “...Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Harumi smirked, still in defensive position. “Are you still going to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about?”

Lloyd’s annoyance flared into anger. He knew his face was red, and worse, he didn’t care. “I’m not interested in your games.”

“Funny. I don’t believe that you invited me all the way up here to get even. You’re lonely, and I was there.”

He returned to a boxing stance. “I’m not that pathetic.”

“Just a little pathetic,then.” She rolled her eyes. “Tell me I’m wrong, Lloyd. I dare you.”

“We both know you’ll ignore anything I say. Stop stalling.”

“Hey, I’m right here!” Harumi spread out her hands, opening up to a punch they both knew Lloyd wouldn’t throw. “If you have something to say to me, just spit it out already! I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m good with secrets, you know that.”

Irritation won out, and Lloyd threw a kick. He aimed for her head, almost landing it, but she ducked just in time. He lost his balance and took a moment to step back, but the deep, heaving breaths from the failed strike only made him angrier.

“Do you know what the problem is?” Harumi was still talking, and watching him with a heavy gaze. “You’re not used to being alone anymore. You can’t handle yourself now that your team is dead.”

“They’re not dead. They’re missing. It’s different.”

“Really? Then why aren’t you looking for them? You’re just rotting away, up here in your lonely castle.”

“My monastery–”

“Is empty,” she interrupted, crossing her arms. “And you’re empty too.”

Anger won out, again, but this time Lloyd couldn’t lash out. The rules of sparring were too deeply drilled into his mind, from years of training with his brothers and sister. When sparring with a friend, never strike when they’re undefended.

Harumi, with crossed arms and unbalanced posture, wasn’t prepared. Despite how much she grated on his nerves, she was his guest.

He poured his anger into words instead.

“My family is not dead. I’m doing fine, no thanks to you, and all the ways you’ve tried to ruin my life. Insulting me is a step too far, actually! You could’ve walked away, ignored me, left my life again. You came to my home, because I invited you, of your own free will. And now you’re playing it like you hate me?!”

She scoffed. “Hate is a strong word. I loathe you, Lloyd Garmadon.”

“Fine, that’s just as bad! If you’re going to act like you’ve always hated me, then I guess there’s no pleasing you. There’s no such thing as ‘good enough’ for a prissy princess like you!”

Harumi glared at him. “Do not call me that.”

“I’ll call you whatever I want! You’ve always wanted to destroy my life, Harumi. Congratulations, it’s destroyed, and you get to see it!” He gestured at the rest of the Monastery courtyard, just as miserably empty as before she’d come to visit. “Are you happy? You didn’t get to do it yourself, but you still got what you wanted. Is it good enough?!”

Harumi shifted her weight, uncrossing her arms. “Now you’re putting words in my mouth? That’s so mature, Green Savior. What’s next? Are you going to tell me that I should still be dead?”

Lloyd grasped at words, finding nothing good to throw back at her. “You– you really love ruining my day!”

She rolled her eyes and settled back into a fighting stance, fists raised to protect her face. “You ruined your own day.”

Finally! Lloyd didn’t wait for an invitation to whale on her. Instead, he launched himself full-body in her direction.

They collided, and Harumi fell back with a cry of surprise. Her feet slipped out from under her, and Lloyd angled just so she didn’t crack her skull on the stone– not that he would have minded, once upon a time– and instead bore the first impact with her shoulder.

Harumi grunted loudly, and Lloyd took advantage of her dazed state to pin her down by the shoulders and hips.

Red and purple tinged his vision, pounding with his pulse. When was the last time he’d been so angry?

Harumi tapped out, pounding her fist three times against the flagstone. Her breath was coming in gasps, and a secret, evil part of Lloyd wished she would just stop and be quiet.

He sat back, letting up pressure on her chest, and sat on her legs to keep her down on the ground. The haze of anger was beginning to clear, and he realized he was panting just as hard.

The red vision cleared, and he slowly came to see the blinding paleness below him. Harumi, with white hair and pale skin. There was no healthy flush in her cheeks, despite all the exertion. She was more dazed that he’d realized, and presently began to cough.

I did that to her.

Lloyd let up, getting off her so she could roll onto her side. Harumi was heaving full gasps of air, and she curled into a recovery position to regain her breath. He watched with some measure of worry, but within a minute, her cheeks were flushed again.

Good. If she was hyperventilating… He didn’t let himself finish the thought, along with its awful implications. She’s fine. Just don’t get so rough with her next time, Greenie.

When she was able to sit up, she choked out a few breathless words. “You were holding out on me. I haven’t seen you act like that since…”

Lloyd looked away, answering the unasked question. “That’s because I haven’t. I refused then, and I refuse now.”

“I’m not surprised either way… your father is a real piece of work.” She took a deep breath, sounding more stable. “Like father, like son.”

Lloyd bristled. “You’re still insulting me after I almost give you a concussion? You must love to hate me, Harumi.”

“I told you already, I don’t hate you.”

“Oh, right. How could I forget. You loathe me, which is a synonym for hating me.”

“It’s not the same.” Now it was her turn to avoid his gaze. “Besides, we’ve been enemies for years now. If I treated you any differently, you’d think I’m lying. It wouldn’t even be a bad assumption.”

Lloyd couldn’t help scowling, even though she wasn’t looking. “And where do you think I got that assumption?”

She rolled her eyes, but looked at him again. “Probably my devastating betrayal that broke your heart, followed by resurrecting the evil reflection of your dead father, dying as a direct result of your actions, and then acting as the right hand woman for your greatest enemy.”

Lloyd stared at her incredulousy, and she had the audacity to laugh. “Come on, Lloyd. I’m more self-aware than you give me credit for.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Then you’re a fool.”

Enough was enough, so Lloyd stood up and offered her a hand. “If you don’t hate me, then you could have the decency to be honest and tell me how you really feel.”

Harumi accepted the hand up, letting go as soon as she was on her feet. Her hand was smaller than he remembered, but still strong, and he wondered how strong her grip would be if she was trying to hurt him.

As soon as she was standing, Harumi drew back her hand. He thought she would make some witty retort, but instead she took hold of the hem of her hoodie and pulled it over her head.

Lloyd averted his eyes. She wasn’t wearing a shirt, and her pale skin on display made him distinctly uncomfortable– that, and hot under the collar. “Do you have to do that?”

“Do what?” She sounded genuinely confused.

He felt a blush creeping up his neck and ears. “...Not wear a shirt.”

“Oh.” She laughed at him. “No thanks. If I’m going to get hot and sweaty, I’d rather not make my jacket stink too. You’ll just have to deal with it.”

He groaned. “Fine. Then you should at least answer my question.”

“What was your question, again?”

“Your feelings,” he gritted, glancing at her. She was wearing a smug grin, of the type that made his skin crawl– and not entirely unpleasantly, which irritated him even more. “Since we’re apparently working out all our issues today.”

She laughed, throwing back her head with amusement. “Apparently, but you seem content to insult me instead. I can play dumb, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

“Less of a play for you,” he sniped, “and more of a reality.”

Harumi sighed, still sounding like he amused her, and looked him in the eye. “Look, you were convenient at the time, alright? My feelings had nothing to do with it.”

Nothing.

Lloyd watched her, thinking of all the times they’d had this conversation already, all the times she’d held a knife to his throat.

The ways she’d touched him, spoken to him– it was too convenient for her to say that. It was the most convenient option. The easiest answer, to change the topic and make him move his focus away from the real her.

She’s lying again. I need to try something new.

Lloyd turned away from her and approached the wall where the training weapons were kept. “You know, Harumi, I’m not stupid. You might think so, but I’m still the Green Ninja. I’ve had girls screaming over me for more than a decade, and you know what I’ve learned?”

She snorted. “You’ll tell me even if I don’t ask.”

Lloyd was glad she couldn’t see him roll his eyes. She’s predictable now. He opened the cabinet and pulled out two bamboo staves, both engraved with simple words of power his uncle once remembered from ages past.

“Here’s the bit you don’t get, Harumi. Those girls really did like me, even if I didn’t pay them any attention. And you’re no different! You’re not the first to have a crush on the most powerful martial artist in all of Ninjago.”

She laughed at him, but when he looked at her, she seemed uncomfortable. “Believe me, Lloyd, my only screaming at you has been from pure anger. You were the easiest target to reel in, not to mention the most likely ninja to sympathize with a defenseless princess. It’s as easy as that.”

Lloyd closed the cabinet with the butt of one staff, thinking over his next reply. She was watching him, taking note of his reactions. If he wanted the truth, he’d have to force her into a corner.

When he came back to Harumi, he thrust one staff into her hands. “I know a lie when I smell it. You can’t trick me again.”

She took it with a bitter sneer. “Even if I tell you the truth, you don’t believe me. At this rate, let’s just bet on it.”

Lloyd eyed her. “Bet on what? The odds you tell me something true for once?”

“No, stupid. A true, honest answer.” She tested the weight of the staff he’d given her, tapping the ends against the flagstones. “The catch is that you have to beat me in another fight.”

Lloyd spun his staff around, testing its familiar balance. It was just like his uncle’s old weapon, but still too new– there were no ridges or damage, no scorch marks, to attest its age and usefulness. It wasn’t ancient yet, and neither was he. Sometimes he wondered if he’d ever get to that age, but today he didn’t particularly care.

“Will you give me a truthful answer?”

“Only the truth. No tricks, no lies.”

Lloyd thought it over as he examined his staff. It was a tempting offer… would she deliver on it? What if he lost?

He glanced at her. Over so many years of fighting, he’d figured out her tells– she never covered them all completely. Here and there she’d smile, or toss of the hair more than she really needed to. Her fingers would twitch if she lied, like the truth was itching to escape through her fingertips.

She was still, calmly gripping her staff. Truth.

“Swear it to me.”

Harumi rolled her eyes. “I swear on the lives of all of my dead parents. Happy?”

Lloyd nodded, taking the stance required by bo staff combat. “Yeah. It’s a deal.”

Harumi stepped back the same way, raising her staff readily. “Deal. Let’s get on with it.”

They faced each other again. Lloyd watched her, an unshakeable feeling of premonition coming over him.

They were a matched pair, and not really opposites anymore. One predator and one prey, but even the prey was still a predator of its own right. Harumi twitched like prey, but if he went too easily on her, he would lose quickly.

The promise of a truthful answer was too valuable to risk.

I have to win this fight. I owe it to myself!

Lloyd stepped to the side, and Harumi copied him. They began to circle, and he settled into waiting, prepared…

The ghost of a smile, right at the corner of her mouth, betrayed her attack. He had his staff raised in a moment, blocking her blow with a hollow thock!

Harumi smirked, and he smiled reflexively as he threw her off.

She tried again, striking multiple times– high two, low five, a strike toward the ribs. He blocked them all, but the force behind them made him step back once.

With a little more ground, Harumi became bolder and stepped forward again. Lloyd pushed back. She’s got too much momentum.

He gained one step, and they were right back where they started. Their staves cracked against each other loudly, echoing off the silent walls of the courtyard, echoing off the ghosts of the empty space.

Once, these sounds had been second to cheering and laughter…

Harumi moved suddenly, jerking Lloyd out of his reverie. She feinted, then side-stepped, and suddenly they were all turned around. Lloyd had his back to the gates, and she was gaining momentum again.

Stupid! You know better than to get distracted! Lloyd berated himself internally, but he knew why he wasn’t focused.

Harumi was silent: no taunts, no insults, not even heavy breathing. She seemed completely unharmed from her previous fall, and she attempted to hook his staff and pull it out of his hands.

Lloyd turned his staff instead, trapping hers, and pulled. She stumbled, and he freed himself for a chance to land one strike on her right shoulder.

She grunted, stepping back so she could defend more easily.

Factually, Lloyd knew that he was the better of their two. He had more training, better technique, sharper skills, experience. All the things that a battle-hardened ninja should have. Harumi had none of them.

She still gave him a run for his money. Between constant attacks, she spoke. “You know, on the walk up here, I realized something.”

Lloyd grunted, blocking a poorly-timed strike at his abdomen. “Something besides everything you were rambling about?”

“I used to read a lot about you,” she continued, ignoring his jab– and when she ducked, she made a reach for his staff and tried to steal it. Lloyd landed a weak hit on her arm instead, making her pull back.

Lloyd watched her closely. “And?”

Harumi rolled her eyes. “And I remembered that you used to fly dragons up here. You weren’t ever supposed to walk, were you?”

He made an attempt at an attack, but she seemed to be expecting it. “That’s difficult when all your dragons are dead, Rumi.”

“Pity. I like dragons.” She grinned, pausing her attacks. “Did you just call me ‘Rumi?’”

Lloyd’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest– or maybe that was his stomach churning, some unseen power making him sweat. He looked at her with what he hoped was a withering stare. “Slip of the tongue.”

His hope must have been misplaced, because she just kept grinning. “You’re really not a good liar, Lloyd.”

“Then you should know that was true,” he rebuffed, and meant it entirely. “Unlike you, I don’t make a habit of lying to people.”

“You must not be including yourself in that statement.” She rested the end of her staff against the flagstones. “I like the way you say it.”

His stomach churned a little more. “Say what? ‘Lying?’”

“No, idiot.” She rolled her eyes again. “My nickname. It’s nice to have someone call me that again.”

Unsettled, Lloyd only found the presence of mind to smile back at her– and weakly, because he still wasn’t sure he meant it. Last time Harumi had made him smile, she’d tried to kill him. “I guess that’s good?”

“I’d say so,” she said with a laugh. “Especially these days.”

Harumi gave no warning. In a flash, she struck out with her staff and hit against his, yanking it from his hand. Lloyd barely had time to process it before he heard the sound of it clattering against the ground, useless at a distance.

Then she went after his feet, and he fell hard. He grunted in pain as his back struck a particularly rough stone, immediately smarting, not to mention his pride at being bested so fast.

He glared at her. “Hey! That was a dirty trick!” He pushed himself up on his forearms, but before he could stand, Harumi had her staff pointed at his head.

She raised an eyebrow, and he glared. “You’re a bad sport.”

“Hey, I could have used a dozen other ways to take you down. At least I was quick.”

“That’s not better!”

“You’re really going to complain about this?”

“When you cheated in a fair fight? Yeah, I’ll complain!” Lloyd slapped her staff out of the way and stood up.

“Oh, please.” She put her free hand on her hips, shifting her weight. “Lloyd, it’s not cheating to move quickly. If I took you by surprise, that’s on you.”

“You weren’t following the rules of sparring. That wasn’t a fair win. The deal’s off.”

“I still don’t see the problem,” she argued, watching him with a careful eye. “I won, you lost. By all rights, that means you don’t get any answers from me.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes, searching for some good jab to throw her way, but he came up empty. “Since when do you care about rights?”

Harumi groaned. “You are impossible, Lloyd!”

“So are you.”

“...Touché.” She rolled her eyes. “If you’re so set on it, then let’s go again. Same terms, but if you win or I cheat, you get two honest answers. Does that sound fair enough to you, Green Ninja?”

Lloyd paused to think about it, but the deal was too tempting to resist. The real truth was on the line, and honestly, his broken heart still hurt.

I still want answers.

Lloyd took his time retrieving his staff from where it had rolled away from him. When he came back to face her, he focused on his determination.

No more standing around with my guard down. “Fine. Time for a rematch.”

She nodded, and again they faced each other in ready stances. Harumi held her staff lightly, but in such a way that Lloyd knew she would defend herself. Again, he let himself begin on the defense.

She wasted only a moment.

Harumi threw herself at him, striking her staff against his with another hollow thock! It made his hands vibrate painfully, the sensation running up his forearms. It took more than a little effort for Lloyd to push her off.

She was playing with me before, wasn’t she?

Harumi was silent, and this time, intentional with her strikes. Lloyd had to keep moving– every time he slowed down, she prodded at his weak spots, and once she landed a smarting strike against his shin.

He replied with a jab to the shoulder, making her stumble. Her expression afterward was not angry, per se…

Competitive, his mind supplied, and motivated. You poked the bear.

Not the first time I’ve done it, either.

Harumi was still the Quiet One, even after all this time, and she kept Lloyd on a constant defense. His few thrusts at her were easily parried away. How had he forgotten that she’d studied him, not so long ago, and knew his weaknesses?

Spider bit the mouse, sleep deep…

She’d caught him like a fly in her web, penned him in and trapped him. She was still the same enemy he’d fought for months while living on the run, the same villain who’d given him the slip repeatedly in more recent years.

She did have skill, and it was obvious now.

Lloyd threw himself into a desperate offense toward her legs and head, but it was no use. Harumi seemed to know where he’d go before he moved, and her back was still to an open space, while his was not. She had no problem maneuvering, pushing him back one step at a time, until he bumped against something waist-height.

Harumi took a menacing step.

Lloyd backed again, and tripped over the column which held the switch for the training course.

Despite the stumble, Lloyd raised his staff just in time to block her downward blow.

Harumi, still silent and more than a little intimidating, had a strange look in her eye. Why was it so unsettling?

Her constant chatter had been annoying, but silence from her felt wrong. Where were the insults and the gloating? She was forcing him onto the defensive without even saying a word!

He struck his staff against hers with a fervor, unable to find an opening. When he did find one, she feinted, and the trap closed.

One deft upward motion stole the staff from his hands. She butted the end of hers against his chest, thrusting him to the ground.

He landed hard for the second time, and Harumi pinned him down with one knee pressed down on his chest.

She was breathing hard, panting as she stared at him.

Lloyd swallowed, trying to catch his breath. She's so fast. Her breath was brushing against his face, confusing and disorienting him.

The ground below felt like it was spinning.

They stared at one another. Harumi had that same strange light in her eye, but Lloyd didn’t know what it meant. She eased her knee off his chest slowly, once she was sure he wouldn’t try to fight her off.

(Not that he could.)

“Was that fair enough for you?” Harumi was still breathless, still quiet, still confusing.

Lloyd swallowed. “...Yeah. This time.” His voice was weaker than he liked.

“Are you going to ask me a question?”

Lloyd blinked. “I… I lost. I thought I didn’t get any.”

She shrugged. “Since when has that ever stopped you?”

It was true… and not worth denying it. Lloyd didn’t have to justify himself to Harumi! When had he ever needed her to understand him?

Besides, it always worked. Annoying people led to them putting down their guard. If he was an annoying kid, he’d get his way–

Focus! Lloyd wished he could slap some sense into himself. Harumi was still watching him, and the quiet dragged on to the point where she almost looked bored.

He blurted out the years-old question, not trusting himself to be careful with his words. It would just have to do.

“You said I was the easiest to trick. That you picked the easiest target, and that was me, and– and that’s all it was to you. Was any of it actually real? Anything?”

Harumi watched him, her pupils dilated. Her gaze flicked all over his face.

For a second, Lloyd wondered. Would she answer him?

But…

Was this the real Harumi? A glimpse of the girl he’d actually fallen for? The one he thought he’d known, without all the walls?

(Walls, built with bricks of disgust and hatred, were only that: walls. Not real hatred.)

Harumi leaned down, and Lloyd strained to hear past the ringing in his ears.

She paused, a few inches above his face… and touched his cheek.

He shivered, but her only reaction was a smile. She spoke quietly. “There’s one thing you should know about me, Lloyd. I’m a liar. Feelings are always involved.”

He took a breath, meaning to ask her why, what do you mean–

She silenced him by leaning down, and without bothering to ask, Harumi kissed him.

He froze.

She ignored his abject confusion, keeping the kiss going. It was his first, and he didn’t know what to do. He reached up to touch her face, and when he thought he felt her smile, reached farther to tangle his fingers in her hair.

She sighed quietly, oddly patient as he figured out just what he was supposed to do, and Lloyd suddenly realized just how much he wanted her to touch him.

He’d been starved of the touch of loved ones for so long. It didn’t matter that it was Harumi– her warmth pushed away the loneliness. Her exposed skin was radiating warmth, bringing heat to his face in a rather pleasant way.

He wanted to laugh at the stupidity of it all– he was comforted by the presence of his greatest enemy.

Then Harumi tore away from him, and the moment shattered.

 She sat up, and then pulled away and got off of him. He watched, breathless and confused and reeling. Her shoulders were heaving with large breaths. Her cheeks were rose pink.

She swallowed, speaking quietly. “I… shouldn’t have done that.”

Lloyd felt light-headed, but he sat up anyway. “Rumi?”

“Don’t.” She wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“Do what?”

She wouldn’t look at him now. Her flush was pretty, bringing color to her normally pale face. She clutched at the fabric of her pants, holding it in tight fists at her sides, and her scarred knuckles were white.

Lloyd hesitated. “I… don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She jerked her head over to look at him. Her green eyes were shining, filled with more emotion than he’d seen from her in a long time– more than she’d allowed as any of her masked selves. Her true self was here, and hurting.

“You can’t trust me, Lloyd. Stop while you're ahead. You got everything you wanted.”

He didn’t allow himself to flinch at the bitterness of her tone. She was angry about something, but he didn’t know what. Maybe angry at herself– it didn’t actually matter, did it?

He looked her in the eye, and in that moment, his determination crystallized into a more powerful motivation. “Stop lying to me, Rumi.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are.” He shifted to kneel in front of her, the flagstones digging into his kneecaps, reminding him of the arthritis he’d surely develop in the next fifteen years. “Enough of the lying. Be honest with me.”

“What is there to be honest about? I gave you what you’re looking for, right? Or are you trying to get more out of me?” She looked down at the ground, defeated. “You should know I’m worthless.”

“Stop!” He reached out and touched her knee, and while it made her flinch, she looked at him again. “Harumi. Listen to me.”

She scowled. “How could I not? You never shut up.”

“Enough of this,” Lloyd insisted. This was too important to abandon.

The unpleasant, obvious truth. It was scraped bare, an angry red gash against their futures. It was like every other important relationship in Lloyd’s short, painful life: undeniable.

The bedrock of their broken relationship was painful enough to at least try repairing it.

“I think…” He searched for the right words, watching her expression shift. “...I finally understand you, Harumi.”

She laughed miserably. “Yeah? What makes you think you have any idea what’s wrong with me?”

‘Because we’re the same.” He smiled, trying to be encouraging. “Rumi. You don’t actually want me to leave you alone, do you? You’re not just lying to me– you’re lying to yourself.”

She shook her head. “No. You really don’t want this, Lloyd. You don’t know me.”

“Don’t I? I know what it’s like to be lonely, to be self-destructive.”

She rolled her eyes, so he pressed harder. “Harumi. Listen to me for just five minutes. I want the truth.”

“That’s not what you sound like you want.”

“Well– well maybe that’s not the only thing I want! So what?”

“So you’re asking to get hurt. There is no us,” she spat.

“But there could be! Don’t you want a relationship that’s not based on betrayal?” Lloyd laughed, unable to hide his bitterness. “That’s all I ever wanted from you.”

Harumi scoffed. “We’re not meant to be! We’re horrible to each other. It’s not possible. It’s not healthy!”

“So? Since when do you care about healthy?”

“Since I started to actually care about you! Somehow, I managed to end up caring what happens to your useless carcass!”

Lloyd blinked, taken aback by her shouting. “...Yeah? Obviously.”

She flushed an angry red. “You are so–! Lloyd, we can’t. We’re just not right for each other!”

“Who says?” He looked around, gesturing at the empty courtyard. “The world’s practically ended already. Nothing is what it was before. Why hold on to this?”

“Because I’m going to hurt you again. It’s inevitable. That’s the truth. That’s what we are.”

“That’s what we were!” Lloyd groaned, his heart aching. “It doesn’t have to be that way, Harumi. We could be better, happier–”

“Can we really? How do you know that?”

“I don’t need to know. There’s no way to know.” He reached out and took one of her hands in both of his, and he held on tightly. She almost yanked it back, giving him a dirty look, but didn’t actually make a move.

Lloyd stared her down. “Harumi. Don’t you understand me yet? We don’t have to keep playing this stupid game. The entire world has moved on, we can rebuild too.”

“Oh, sure. Rebuild what never existed, great idea. You know better than to trust me again.”

“Well, maybe I’m stupid enough not to listen.”

She laughed. “You’re not stupid. Don’t make me be the one who’s talking sense.”

Lloyd smiled, absurdly hopeful. “Hate to break it to you, but that’s never how it works between us. That part isn’t going to change.”

Her good humor dissipated. “You’re not thinking straight. You don’t actually want this, Lloyd.”

“You don't,” he countered. “Why not?”

“We both know there’s no future for us. You need someone who hasn’t tried to kill you multiple times. Lying to ourselves won’t change how pointless this all is.”

“It’s only pointless if we think it is!” He leaned forward, daring her to pull away. “Harumi, you have to try to make it work, or it never will.”

“It’s always me who has to try–”

“I’m already trying!”

“Still!” She tried to pull her hand back, but Lloyd kept his hold, and she didn’t end up moving. “...Look. Even if I wanted it to work, it’ll get messed up again. It would be easier on us both if we stopped trying.”

Lloyd watched her, feeling their pulses through their entwined hands.

He saw her, and what he saw made his heart ache with compassion.

Harumi was… anxious, scared, angry. Confused above all else. She wanted comfort, some encouragement that it wasn’t futile.

And he knew how that felt, because that’s how he felt and what he wished for.

“It’ll hurt,” he admitted, watching the way her eyebrows rose in vindication. “I’m okay with hurting, Harumi. That’s how loving people works. But… there’s no one left. It’s just us, and the world is moving on. Ninjago doesn’t need me anymore, and it won’t remember you either. There’s no better time for a fresh start.”

She hesitated, listening, thinking.

Maybe… they could try again. A real shot at actually working. No more lying, no more hurting each other over and over; a real future, a possibility.

Could I actually be that lucky?

Harumi leaned closer, and with her free hand, she brushed one loose curl off his forehead and behind his ear. Her fingers were gentle as she tucked it back, and her expression was soft.

“You’re right, Lloyd. You do need a fresh start.”

Lloyd thought his heart should be soaring, but something stopped him. “...We need it.”

She smiled, the gentlest he’d ever seen her, and her hand fell back into her lap. “No. Not together, or at least, not right now.”

Crack– the sound of Lloyd’s heart fracturing anew. “But…”

She sighed, reaching up to press a finger to his lips. “Not with me, Lloyd, even if we both wish for it. I don’t deserve you, and I never have. If you really want me to love you, then believe me now. Let me go.”

He stared at her, every word a separate blow. Her touch kept him silent.

She’s lying. She’s always lying. The mantra repeated in his mind, like always. You can’t trust Harumi or anything she says.

But she looked so sad! What if she was being honest here? Did it matter, when her words felt like a knife?

Lloyd pulled back and let go of her hand. “I…”

Harumi sighed, and after a moment, she stood up. There was hurt written across her face, in the lines of her frown. She seemed small.

It’s not an act.

She reached down to pick up the two staves from where they’d rolled away, then offered them to Lloyd. He took them numbly, listening to her.

“It’s past time I left, Lloyd. You won’t have to see me again.”

He looked down at the staves, with their uncomfortably new wood and grain, because it hurt less than looking her in the eye. If his brothers and sister had been here, these staves would already be battered and useless from too much training, but they were still new. An artifact of the world which created the Green Ninja, now they sat around and rotted. They would slowly return to dust, just as Lloyd eventually would.

He forced back tears. His voice was pitifully weak. “...Good luck, I guess.”

“Same to you,” she said softly. “Don’t give up yet, Lloyd. Your family isn’t dead, you’ll find them.”

He nodded, not sure what to say to that. “Ninja never quit.”

“I know, believe me.” Harumi stepped back. “Don’t lose that annoying optimism quite yet.”

Lloyd had to laugh, feeling a bit sorry for himself. “Yeah, well, I have a talent for being annoying. I’ll be alright.” He finally looked up at her, despite how it gouged at his heart. “You’re tough, so… I know you’ll be fine out there.”

Harumi smiled, but it wasn’t mean spirited. It was softer, more amused than anything else. “I’ll figure it out. Just don’t die– I still reserve the right to kill you someday.”

“Yeah?” He smiled in return. “Sounds like a date, Rumi.”

She sighed, beginning to walk across the courtyard again. She retrieved her knife and put her hoodie back on, and when she straightened, she was smiling at him. “Thanks for the spars, Lloyd. It’s good to know we’re still evenly matched.”

“I guess you’ll have to keep working at it, if you want to kill me. You might figure it out next time.”

She laughed and pulled open one of the gates. “Just you wait. You never know with me.”

Lloyd nodded as she slipped through the gate. The only thing he could think to say choked him.

Of course I never know! You run away as soon as you’re honest with me.

But there was no way to change a person, no matter how much he wanted to do so.

He didn’t get up until she was well and truly gone. Numbly, he put the staves away, carefully closing their cabinet to keep away the dust.

He sat down on the shallow wooden steps by his uncle’s memorial and rested his chin in his hands.

Then, and only then, did Lloyd cry: miserable, silent, and embarrassed. There was nothing else to do.

Harumi’s words played over and over in his head.

Not with me, Lloyd, even if we both wish for it.

What was he supposed to do? What ‘fresh start’ did she think he needed? He’d only meant another chance for them to… get along? Be friends, or more? At least not try to kill each other every time they met, maybe even enjoy each other’s company. It had been a reasonable thing to want– even something reachable, if it weren’t for her blasted habit of giving up on everything good in her miserable life!

Besides, what about Lloyd? What about his feelings? Harumi was the only person he had left!

He cried a little harder, burying his face in his hands.

And now you’ve left me too!

What do I do now?

[only-lonely-stars]

you should know I'm a liar (chapter 2 - come back, be here)

[chapter 1] // [chapter 2 - you are here!] - (FFN) (AO3)

Summary:

After the Merge, Lloyd is alone. Ninjago has moved on, and it doesn't need the Ninja anymore. As he's slowly rotting away, Lloyd meets someone he has a bit too much history with: someone who owes him more than a couple answers.

Co-authored by @dragon-gem!

Chapter 1 was inspired by this beautiful piece of artwork, drawn by @diamonddogs-terrarium! Go back and read chapter 1 first, or this one won't make any sense.

Mind-numbing routine was not the way of the ninja, but it was Lloyd’s way. Seeing as he was Ninjago’s last ninja, it wasn’t like anyone would care. Living out the same day, every day, was good enough for him.

He wondered sometimes if it would be okay to quit, just this once. To stop trying, stop training. But the last time he’d left the ninja life, he was dragged back into it, kicking and screaming– and then had to go on the run for months. Was that any better than his current life?

Ninjago didn’t need him anymore…

The bitterness of it all made him angry sometimes, but his anger echoed around an empty Monastery. He couldn’t find his family, his uncle’s scrolls were useless! The ‘coalescence’ he’d talked about was just another word for the Merge, and Lloyd could barely read the ancient language anyway– if there was some nuance, it was lost to him.

So he didn’t go out. He let the path of insanity take him down the same empty roads, and in vain, he tried to inject some interest into his silent world. His most recent attempt at staving off going crazy was learning to cook, since Zane had never succeeded in teaching him more than how to flip a pancake.

Zane. He missed his brothers. It was too quiet without them.

But the silence wasn’t just a lack of sound, and Lloyd knew the silences of the Monastery well. Before the Merge, silence meant a threat– either a villain they were out fighting, or a prank about to be played. Silence came back at night, when his family slept deeply and battled frequent nightmares. Silence still reigned when Zane was up making breakfast, the rest of the team slowly dragging themselves out of bed to face a new day.

The silence Lloyd heard in this post-Merge world had sounded empty at first. It was a lonely sort of quiet, but it had a song of its own. Wind blew, tree branches brushed the walls, a stray bird chirped. Sometimes it was even beautiful. It seemed to stretch on forever.

A few weeks after Harumi left him, the silence was broken.

Lloyd was standing in the kitchen when it happened, quietly cooking himself some lunch, when he heard the gates creaking. At first he thought it was the wind, but it was accompanied by the unlocked latches turning and coming open. They squeaked.

Lloyd didn’t lock the gates anymore. Nobody came up to the Monastery anymore.

Warily, he set down his cooking chopsticks and turned off the burner.

Good thing this Merlopian chili sauce is pre-made… He almost snorted at his own humorless joke.

He reached for his sword, propped against the kitchen counter, and crept toward the window.

Someone’s footsteps echoed off the courtyard floor, announcing the intruder. The walls were built to convey sound to the Monastery doors just for this purpose, so they would know when someone arrived.

Amplification had always annoyed Zane, who spent so much of his time in the kitchen and was subjected to the noise of their brothers fighting outside. He’d complained sometimes of having his audio interface overwhelmed by sound, even though he could be as loud as the rest of them. To Lloyd, it seemed slightly hypocritical.

Lloyd’s heart twinged, and he pushed the memory away.

Focus.

Only one window was not covered by a blanket right now– he’d had a migraine three days ago and hadn’t removed the blankets afterward. He peered through the corner.

A woman in a hooded jacket and backpack was walking up to the door, not bothering to be stealthy. For a second, his hopes soared. Nya?

But this woman walked with a familiar gait, pride in her steps, as if her arrival demanded attention.

His pulse rate spiked. I’m crazy. It’s not her.

She got to the door and stopped. After a second, she reached up and tugged off her hood.

Long white hair and pink-flecked green eyes greeted him.

“Lloyd?” Harumi called out hesitantly. “Are you here?”

Lloyd was frozen in place as she looked around. He barely turned the lights on these days– half of them barely worked now. If she looked in the window and didn’t see him, she wouldn’t think he was home.

She looked in.

Lloyd pressed himself against the wall.

Don’t move…

He didn’t let himself contemplate why he didn’t want her to see him, or talk to him, or bring up her last visit to the Monastery.

How she’d kissed him, and then soundly rejected him, and embarrassed him more than anyone had in years…

She drew back from the window, and he let a good minute pass before he peeked through to see her.

She was sitting on the steps, her bag at her side, back to the door. Waiting. Doing nothing, just… sitting.

He scoffed in disbelief. She’s that motivated to talk to me? Why?

But she didn’t answer, because she didn’t know he was there. She rummaged in her back, pulled out a granola bar, and began to snack on it. Her foot was tapping against the ground. As he watched, she leaned against her backpack like it was a cushion. Lloyd watched as she finished the bar– only a few bites, she was probably hungry from the long walk up the mountain– and stashed the wrapper in her bag.

She waited.

Enough is enough. It was better to face her like a man. Lloyd reached for his sword, previously propped against the table, and felt a little more confident.

He glanced around the kitchen once, just to make sure the stove was off and nothing would happen if he stepped out.

It was all fine. Quiet, like usual, but not silent anymore.

Before he could lose his nerve, Lloyd willed himself to open the door.

Harumi whipped around like a startled animal. A second later, her face lit up. “Oh! I– I had no idea you were home.”

Lloyd’s heart pounded a little harder, not unlike just moments before, but he ignored it. “...I was making lunch.”

“Oh.” She stood up slowly, brushing herself off. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your meal.”

“It’s fine.”

They watched each other, at a stalemate. Lloyd kept his mouth closed, waiting for Harumi to talk first.

“I guess… I wanted to talk to you about… last time.” He grimaced, and Harumi immediately continued talking. “Just talking, that’s all! I just wanted to tell you something.”

Lloyd raised one eyebrow. “Are you going to attack me?”

“No. Not with weapons or words.” She crossed her heart. “I promise.”

He looked her over, trying to figure her out, but… nothing. She seemed genuine, though he didn’t trust her promises.

The standoff dragged on and on, until finally he let the stupid, expected words fall out of his mouth. “Do you want to come in?”

Harumi had the decency to look surprised, and she nodded. “Sure.”

Lloyd nodded back, and he stepped aside to let her in. The pleasant aroma of the kitchen wafted out, and Harumi sniffed, her eyes watering. “What's that smell?”

“Lunch. I was just making some Merlopian chili rice.”

Her eyes lit up. “Merlopian chili is amazing!”

Lloyd shrugged as walked inside, back to his usual spot by the stove. “You can have some, if you want. I made a lot.”

“Sure.” Harumi entered the kitchen, sliding into the nearest chair at his empty table. She drew a knife from her hip sheath and set it on the table.

He glanced at it and raised one eyebrow. “No weapons at the table. House rule.”

Harumi rolled her eyes. “Really?”

“Really. Has been for years.”

“Fine.” She set it on the floor instead. “Better?”

“Yes.” He turned his back on her and went back to his cooking. Harumi's eyes were heavy on his back, but he tried to ignore how she was certainly watching him. She was waiting for an opening.

Will she try to make a fool out of me again? The question was all he could think about as he combined the sauce with rice and vegetables he'd cooked earlier. She already rejected trying to fix things. What could be worse, short of killing me?

Traitorously, he hoped. What if she wanted to make amends, or even… no, she wouldn’t.

With two bowls of chili and pairs of chopsticks in hand, he faced his enemy head-on.

She accepted a bowl and took a deep breath, savoring the smell. “I didn't know you were a cook, Lloyd.”

“There's a lot of things you don't know about me.”

“So I'm learning.” She took the chopsticks and scooped up a bite. “Adventurous eating must be one of your new hobbies.”

Lloyd didn't comment on it. Instead, he sat across from her and took a bite of his own food.

He didn’t mention how, ever since Zane had disappeared with the rest of his family, he didn’t even want to look at most familiar ingredients. Cole’s favorite meat, duck with plum sauce; Jay’s spicy seasonings; Kai’s teriyaki everything. They were painful to think about, too.

Easier to make a pot of rice and dress it up in a million new ways and pretend he wanted to try new foods. Even though some of the new vegetables and spices from other realms tasted like feet.

“I just like rice dishes. They’re easy.”

“Ease is best sometimes.” She stirred hers around, releasing a cloud of steam. “How have you been?”

Lloyd shrugged. It would just be embarrassing for him to admit the truth, since he’d cried multiple times over their last encounter, and even now he was still feeling miserable about it. “The same as usual, I guess. You?”

She took a bite of her food, smiling afterward. “I’ve been alright. This is really good.”

“Thanks.”

Their conversation stalled into silence and eating, but Harumi filled the quiet eventually. “I’ve been thinking a lot, Lloyd.”

He nodded weakly, not sure what she was hinting at. “Me too.”

Harumi sighed. “I’ve been wandering around since we last saw each other. Traveling more, I guess. I visited the Wyldness, and it get really quiet out there. I was trying to stay focused on all the amazing things out there post-Merge, but I kept getting distracted by thinking about you. So I came back.”

Lloyd watched her, more than a small measure of suspicion coloring his thoughts. “If you’re going to reject me again, there’s no need. I got the memo.”

“No!” Harumi burst out, setting down her chopsticks. “I just– I was thinking about you, and how you’re alone here. The Monastery is beautiful, but it’s empty, and– I realized I treated you horribly last time I saw you. I’m… sorry.”

He felt like every strand of his hair was on end. “Sorry?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. For running off, and… refusing to believe you. I’ve always felt like my past is my future, and that I’d be angry forever, but I don’t want to live like that. I want to be different.”

Different. He focused on keeping his breathing steady, but Lloyd felt entirely unsteady now– and suspicious. “You decided you want a fresh start, too?”

“Maybe.” She moved to the chair next to him, food forgotten. “Lloyd, I know I left. If you don’t want to give this a shot anymore, I could hardly blame you. But if you do… I want to try that fresh start with you. I’m sick of being alone.”

Lloyd stayed still, afraid of embarrassing himself again– he was always embarrassed, and Harumi brought out the worst in him. “You want to be friends?”

Harumi chuckled, folding her hands on her lap nervously. “Something like that.”

“You're serious?”

“Completely serious. I want you to have a reason to trust me, not just because you have a good feeling about it.” Harumi met his eyes. “It’s just us here. I… I want this. I’m going to mess up, and I’m sure we’re going to fight sometimes, but I want to give it a try. I want to give us a shot.”

Now he really felt his heart jump, skipping a beat.

Us.

Friends.

She’s not here to fight with me.

Lloyd swallowed, hard enough to make his throat hurt, but it didn't stop the rush of wild thoughts that came to mind. Thoughts of hope, a chance, a future.

What did he have to lose? An empty life, alone? He was fine with losing that. He already hurt. It wouldn’t make a difference if she hurt him again. But if she was serious…

“Okay. Let's do it.”

She smiled brightly. “Really? You mean it?”

“Why not? I was the one who asked you.”

“Well– I don’t know. I thought you’d have changed your mind.” Harumi had the decency to blush. “I… forget that you’re softer than I am.”

“Yeah. Soft.” Lloyd grimaced and turned back to his food. “That’s not always a bad thing, Harumi.”

In the silence, Lloyd took a bite of his food. It was getting cold. How long have we been sitting here? It feels like an eternity.

“I don’t actually think you’re soft, Lloyd. Just… more compassionate than most people are able to be. That’s not always a bad thing.”

Harumi reached out a hand, and Lloyd watched as she set it on his arm. “Rumi, you must not know how compassion works. There's plenty to go around.”

Harumi laughed. “Maybe so, but not everyone is willing to give it. Like I said, it’s not a bad thing.”

“It doesn't need to be bad.” On impulse, Lloyd reached out and covered her hand with his. “I need you to be honest. Do you really want to try again? Even though it'll hurt?”

She was still, and she looked earnest. “I’ve been through a lot of painful things in my life, Lloyd. For a shot at this, it’s worth it.”

She seemed like she believed what she was saying, but was it true?

Lloyd was too jaded for his own good. He doubted Harumi, he always did. It was how they orbited each other: lies, half-truths, poorly-expressed desires that weren’t ever properly met. Every time he’d made progress with her, it had been ruined. What was so special about this time? What had changed?

He nodded at her bowl, which was probably already cooled, sitting where she’d left it across from him. “Don’t let your food get cold. The sauce isn’t as good if you microwave it.”

Harumi sighed, but she did as he told her, dragging the bowl over the tabletop to her new seat. It made an awful scraping noise, and she followed it with the rough scratching of chopsticks against earthenware. Lloyd ignored it, finishing his bowl, and set his pair of chopsticks on top. I need to do the dishes…

He let the quiet sit, and eventually Harumi did finish her food. She copied him, placing her chopsticks on top, and turned to face him again.

“All right, Green Ninja. If we’re going to talk about ‘fresh starts’ all the time, then I want to know what yours is going to be.”

Lloyd frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“What are you going to do? You need to do something. Why not change things up, quit the whole ninja gig and get a new job?”

Her question was close to his thoughts from that very morning, and he instinctively resisted. “Why? I like being a ninja.”

“You said it yourself: Ninjago doesn’t need the Ninja anymore.”

“So?”

“So you have to do something else!” She rolled her eyes. “What’s not clicking? Are you dumb?”

“Rude!” Lloyd scoffed. “Look, just because being a ninja was my destiny doesn’t mean I don’t love it. Just because people think I was forced into it doesn’t make them right. I’m a ninja first, and I’ll always be a ninja.”

“Oh, fine. Then if you weren’t a ninja, what would you do?”

He racked his brain, coming up… empty. Come to think of it, he’d had absolutely zero other jobs. The only thing he had experience with was Wu’s school, all those years ago. I do have the title of Sensei…

“Maybe a teacher?”

Harumi snorted so loudly she started coughing. “A teacher!?”

He stared at her with a slack jaw, offended. “Yeah, maybe! What’s so wrong with that?”

“I just—“ Harumi laughed, shaking her head. “I keep envisioning you like one of my tutors when I lived in the palace! You met Hutchins, but trust me. It is not a great look.”

“Hey, it’s not their fault their student didn’t want to be a princess,” he shot back. “Teaching is a noble profession!”

“I’m not saying it isn’t! I just can’t imagine it for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to imagine it. Besides, I doubt you have any better ideas. If it’s not leadership or comically dramatic villainy, you don’t do much of anything!” He took a moment to gauge her reaction– suitably offended, but not horribly, so he laid it on thicker. “I really don’t think your villainous volleyball team is going to pan out now.”

Harumi laughed at him, the sound tinkling pleasantly against his ears– a hint of what they’d had before. “Yeah, you put too many people in jail last time to get that off the ground. It’s sad! I thought we had real potential.”

“Who would you even play against?” He gestured between them with his chopsticks.  “We’re not duking it out next time with a volleyball.”

Harumi smiled. “Oh no, I liked the staves much better. Hurts more, maybe draws some blood.”

Her words reminded Lloyd of how menacing she could be, but he found himself laughing, like it was a joke. “Of course.”

“You see my vision! With a ball you just have to use it as a projectile. With the staves you can really—“ she mimed hitting him over the head��� “get a good smack in.”

“Yeah, it’s almost like they’re weapons.” He pushed his chair back and stood, grabbing his bowl. “You sure enjoyed bashing me into the ground last time.”

Harumi shrugged, finishing her bowl and standing up too. “What can I say? It’s fun! Healthy communication is boring, knocking the wind out of people is a lot more entertaining.”

He shot her a flat look over his shoulder. “Is that what we’re calling it? ‘Knocking the wind out of people?’”

“I mean, I could call it absolutely destroying you and winning two out of our three fights, if you’d prefer.”

Lloyd snickered. “I was going to call it ‘emotional constipation.’”

“Hey, my emotions are perfectly regulated! I just used to like… trying to murder people sometimes.”

“Uh-huh.” On impulse again, Lloyd reached out and tapped her cheek with two fingers. “Perfectly regulated. Sure.”

Harumi laughed, her cheeks tinted red. “I think we should turn the spotlight back on you and your issues now.”

“Nah, I’m good.” He stole her dishes and put them all together in the sink. “If we're talking about issues, then we probably should talk about whatever happened last time you were here.”

“Us sparring? There's not much to talk about there.”

“You know what I mean.” Lloyd set the dishes in the sink, then began to package up the leftovers. The words fell out of his mouth without him planning them. “Pinning me down on the ground. You kissed me, and then you rejected me. Pretty mixed signals there.”

A glance over his shoulder revealed that she was blushing. Lloyd felt his pulse pounding in his head. Was this train of thought a mistake? Was it even worth trying to communicate with Harumi about this, to get some catharsis? They were trying to start over…

Harumi seemed oblivious to his internal war. “I was… getting my revenge for you knocking me over?”

“Yeah, no, I fell hard. Even if I smacked you around a bit, that’s not how I’d react.” He shrugged. “But if that’s all it was…”

“Come on, what do you want me to say?” She rolled her eyes. “‘Yes, Lloyd, I pinned you down because I wanted to kiss you but I didn’t want you attacking me for doing it.’ There, happy?”

Lloyd paused, his hands shaking a little. “...Is that actually the truth?”

“… Maybe. This is me trying to get better at not lying to you, remember?”

Lloyd smiled at that. “Hey, you’re the one who told me not to trust you. It was worth asking.” He set down the food, not trusting himself not to make a mess. He didn’t want to be tied up with it, either. “Why? You left immediately, it didn’t seem like you…”

Wanted me. He couldn’t say it. Not with the pain the thought caused him, the way he wanted to cringe in embarrassment.

Harumi sighed, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms. “It’s not like it’s the first time. Though… that time I kissed you in the Oni Temple shouldn’t really count.”

Lloyd frowned, watching her closely. “So? What does that have to do with it?”

She avoided looking at him, instead staring at the floor. Her discomfort was obvious. “I got my feelings involved. I wanted to kiss you, just once. I thought that, since I was already ruining everything, I might as well get it over with.”

Her fingers were twitching. Lloyd watched, not sure he was quite breathing. She’d said it so casually, but… her hands. That was the tell.

She’s lying about something.

Lloyd’s heart sank. “That’s a little backwards. You know that?”

She laughed miserably. “I would argue that we’re both doing things backwards.”

Lloyd turned his back on her, the words weighing on his shoulders heavily. The food wasn’t put away yet, so he finished the task and took the containers back to the fridge. Harumi stayed silent the whole time, despite the building tension.

I guess I have to break the ice now, he thought bitterly, and spoke the thoughts he’d been wrestling with for the last several weeks. “So you did like me, but you liked the idea of killing me more? You could’ve given up on all of that– we could have actually had something real.”

“It’s not that simple, Lloyd.”

“It sounds simple to me.” He shut the fridge door with a heavy slam! “None of this hurt would’ve ever happened.”

She was silent– a strange, heavy silence, and the worst quiet he’d ever heard in that tiny kitchen.

Say something!

He opened his mouth, but when he looked at her, he closed it again.

She was staring at the floor, fidgeting, and clearly upset– no, actually just sad. She glanced at him, then looked in the other direction.

“Lloyd, I hated you.” She sounded like she was being strangled by the words. “I hated your guts, and then you– you were so nice! I didn’t want to give up. I couldn’t have backed out even if I wanted to. What did you expect, that I could undo starting a gang, stealing magical artifacts, and setting fire to my home? You ruined all my plans.”

She shook her head, stopping him from speaking. “So. Was it real? I don’t know. You were always there, and I kept adjusting my plans! By the time we reached the Temple, I had convinced myself that I didn’t just want you dead. I wanted you to suffer because I was miserable! And maybe I still am.”

Miserable.

It was obvious. She looked like a shred of her former self, curled in on herself in shame. She’d lost everything.

Lloyd hated how he couldn’t be angry when his enemy looked so sad– not even his enemy now, but what else was he supposed to call her? What was this relationship between them? He wasn’t sure it was friendship, either.

He sighed. “We’re pretty similar, you know that? Neither of us ever know how to quit, even when we should.”

The resulting smile from Harumi was short-lived, barely lasting a moment. “None of that even matters anymore, Lloyd.”

“I know. I just… don’t know what does.”

“What matters is that those feelings were real. And– and they still are, they’re just a little different.”

“Feelings don’t fix this, Rumi. Feelings don’t heal anything.”

“I know that. I’m trying to tell you that I’m not the same person I was all those years ago!”

He nodded slowly, parsing her words. “...Who are you now?”

Quiet stretched between them, watching them just as they watched each other. Lloyd felt like he was being stared down by some wild beast, ready to tear him apart– either that, or someone who cared entirely too much about how he felt. He didn’t even know for himself. All he wanted to know was whether Harumi was willing to try.

“I don’t know. I want to find out.”

The hammer fell.

Lloyd looked away, not knowing what to say. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to talk. His throat was dry and scratchy, and already he’d talked more than he normally did in several days. Between all the conversation about feelings, their history, kissing each other– it was just too much.

“Anyways, let me help you clean up.” Harumi pushed off the counter. “It’s only fair.”

He nodded slowly, but he was all too aware that there wasn’t much to clean. His focus was on her, and how she was stepping closer.

Harumi, who had freely admitted that she wanted to kiss him.

He didn’t want to know why those words made him jealous, or angry, or tingly. He didn’t want to examine why they made him want to do anything.

She was watching his every movement. “Is everything okay?”

“...Yeah. Just thinking.”

“About anything in particular?”

He swallowed, not sure he could trust himself not to do something stupid if he looked at her. “Plenty of things.”

Normally, he’d wash the dishes immediately after lunch, just to have something to do. They didn’t feel that important at the moment.

The weight of her stare seeming to become heavier with every moment.

“You’re just… acting strangely. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Harumi, I’m…” Stupid. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Harumi stepped closer now, and for once, the movement didn’t scare him. She was just within arm’s reach.

Did he want her to come closer to him? What was wrong with him? She’d just admitted to hating him when they’d first met! She’d kissed him and then rejected him completely!

There are several things wrong with me, Lloyd decided. It must be the family history of stupidity around women. I want this over with.

He turned to face her, locking eyes. She seemed a little taken aback– in hindsight, maybe he was glaring at her. “Harumi, I have a question for you.”

“What is it…?”

“Do you actually want to rebuild? With me, specifically, not just because it’s convenient?”

She smiled a little– no tossing her hair, no fidgeting hands, just pure honesty. “Lloyd, I said I did. With you. No one else.”

“You actually want to try… whatever is going on between us?”

“Yes.” She looked a little uncomfortable. “Why are you asking? I thought I was being pretty clear about that.”

“Because if you’re going to be clear about how you feel, then so am I.” Lloyd reached out and touched her face.

Harumi didn’t shy away, but she looked entirely confused. “What are you doing? Why are you touching me?”

“I know you don’t actually mind.” He cupped her cheek, his nerve wavering. “So… screw it.”

Lloyd leaned in and kissed her cheek– barely a peck, but she breathed in sharply. When he pulled back, she was staring at him with the widest eyes he’d ever seen. “What was that?”

“That was me trusting you. I don’t want to live with regrets.”

“I don’t understand. You don’t have a reason to trust me.”

“I know. You don’t either, but that’s how trust works.”

She blinked, entirely a deer in the headlights. “I think I’m going crazy. You still want to date me? Last time I saw you, I rejected you! I broke your heart multiple times. You’re being stupid!”

Lloyd laughed. It was all he could do. “We’ve established this already.”

“This is a terrible idea.”

“I’m not hearing a ‘no.’” He smiled at her, and got the faintest smile in reply. “I know you want to run away, Harumi, but I’m not going to let you run this time. Don’t run from me.”

“I’m only going to hurt you, Lloyd. I don’t know how to do any better.” Her eyes glistened, hinting at unshed tears.

“You’ll figure it out. Stay with me.”

It took courage, and a little stupidity, but Lloyd embraced her. Harumi’s arms came up around him a moment later, barely holding on. He held on tighter.

“Stay.”

She huffed– maybe laughter, maybe indignance or anger– and buried her face in his shoulder. “As what? Your pet project?”

“As my friend.”

“We can’t ever be normal friends.”

“I don’t care. Call it whatever you want.” He squeezed her, holding on as long as she let him.

They stood like that, an unlikely pair, for what felt like a very long time. Lloyd didn’t let go until he felt her move, and even then, he didn’t pull away completely. Harumi was blinking rapidly, and she turned her face away.

He averted his eyes as she swiped at a few tears. Lloyd didn’t know how to handle crying girls, and he wasn’t going to learn today. Not while she felt wounded.

She sniffed. “Can we make the ‘friends’ a little more flexible than usual?”

“How so?”

She huffed again, a weak laugh. “As in, I still want to kiss you. I know that’s idiotic.”

“Hey. Don’t call my friend an idiot.” He smiled at her. “Especially if you want me to keep being nice to you.”

She rolled her eyes, but seemed a little happier. “Please, you can't help it. You're always nice to me.”

“Unfortunately.”

Harumi leaned into his arms again, this time putting her arms up around his neck. Lloyd let her do it, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

It was… nice.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “What's your angle? I know you want something.”

She smiled, in the way he'd learned meant she was planning something. “I don't want anything.”

“Liar.”

“Ugh, fine. You're no fun.” She lifted her head, and without bothering to ask, kissed his cheek.

Lloyd smiled. It was just so nice. She was being nice to him.

Maybe, for a few minutes, he could let himself believe that everything between them was normal, and deal with the pain later.

Just for a few minutes.

Harumi spoke quietly in his ear. “Lloyd?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to kiss me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that why we can't be friends? Maybe we should take it slow. Make sure you actually want this.”

Harumi huffed, leaning her head on his shoulder again. “That’s a bit rude, isn’t it? I know what I want.”

He snickered at her. “I'm just making sure. You don't need to be offended.”

“And if I am? What then?”

“Then I guess you can deal with it.”

“Oh, the good old ‘suck it up, buttercup?’” She grinned, and for the hundredth time, he hoped she couldn’t tell how his pulse jumped at her nearness. “Why don't you just kiss me now, and we can regret it later?”

Lloyd reached up and touched her face. “Sure. What's one more regret added to the pile?”

She watched him expectantly, so… he leaned in, and let her guide him.

They met in a sweet moment, tinged with anticipation. Harumi sighed quietly, adjusting her arms around his neck. Her lips were soft against his.

Lloyd ignored the all-too-familiar warning bells that were ringing in the back of his mind. Her touch was surprisingly gentle, despite his fumbling from inexperience– she seemed to know what to do.

Jealousy reared its head.

How did she learn to kiss someone like this? Did she kiss someone else? Who was he?!

Harumi did something to make him weak at the knees, and he pushed the thoughts away.

To distract himself, Lloyd tried to deepen the kiss instead, tightening his hold around her waist. She smiled, letting him do it, and teased at his hair with her fingers. Her nails scratched pleasantly against his scalp.

Does she even know what she's doing to me? He wondered absently, barely able to think.

He'd been so lonely. This had to be the opposite: Harumi filling his senses, enjoyable and worth wanting.

He didn't know how they both seemed to know that it was time to end it, but slowly they drew apart. Lloyd felt like he could hear Harumi’s pulse– ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her breath kissed his face, and she was smiling. Her green eyes sparkled, and he felt a nameless surge of affection for her.

She ran her hands through his hair. “...I don't think I'll regret that, Lloyd.”

His name! He felt so much affection for her, unlike anything he’d felt about her before. For a minute he couldn't think, just watching how Harumi moved, her eyes wandering all over his face. Her flushed cheeks and smiling eyes were so… different. Younger, more lively. More playful.

Less lonely, just like him.

He smiled at her. “I don't think you regret anything.”

“I regret everything.” She hesitated, but continued speaking. “I… don't want to be the same person anymore. This time, I’m going to do it right.”

I have to ask.

“Why?”

Harumi looked down at his chest, long white lashes falling over her cheeks, hiding any tears that might fall. “Because I want that fresh start. I want it with you.”

“And you're getting it, Rumi.”

“...You're sure?”

Lloyd smiled, even though she couldn't see it. He smiled for himself, and for a future he was just barely beginning to envision. “Yeah. I'm sure.”

“...I'll never understand you.”

He laughed and embraced her again, holding tightly as Harumi gave up her struggle and let him.

There was no use explaining what she would learn soon either way, so Lloyd simply basked in the moment, stupidly hoping for a better future with her in it.

Since Harumi came back into his life, Lloyd had wondered about the truth, what was real, what was not. For the first time, he let himself consider something better, like he’d always wanted to. Even if it might hurt to build it.

Hope was evergreen, never too distant to reach…

Lloyd wondered just what might happen if he let himself embrace an unknowable future, and the joy it might bring. A future that might even include Harumi at his side.