#girls who are avoiding their work!!!!!
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wip tag game!!
tagged by @killingsboys :3 <3 TY JAMIEEEEE
have an excerpt from death on the stairs (laurel pots fic except i also threw 15 other headcanons and Various Issues into the blender):
[Something something] electrolytes in water bottles, over-salted food that left her lips chapped and cracking—which she, of course, only made worse by constantly picking at them. She’d asked him once, her head in his lap and bordering on a little too drunk as their living room spun, if he hated when she picked at her skin. She knew he didn’t like blood. She couldn’t remember how he’d responded, but with the way he was looking at her fingers now, watching them pick, and pick, and pick at a shallow split lip that hurt to kiss, she could assume it wasn’t exactly positive.
tagging @the-sparkling-diamond-satine @statisticalbread @wheelsup-sevenup @dandelion-writes @satinechristian and anyone else who wants to!!! <333
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In order to turn a very embarrassing moment of my life into something funny have this stupid Timbern au:
The Drakes are alive so Tim is still on track for being the heir of D.I. but is interning at W.E. for the summer because Bruce offered a position
Bernard has been interning at W.E. as well, for volunteering hours
The both work in a small, newer branch of W.E. that focuses on cultivating more information about Gotham’s history
Bernard’s there because it's the most teen focused thing and Tim’s there because he wants to figure where exactly the Lazarus pit is under Gotham so he can mess with Ra’s
They are currently stationed at an old house that was made into a museum which is managed by Wayne Enterprises, but since most of it is a museum there are only a few rooms to actually work, however it being a teen thing it’s very much choose your own hours so that prevents too many people from being there at once
Tim, who doesn’t want someone to come in a see the fact that he’s already finished cataloging all of the 2023 Donations to the museum and is instead using the time to further research the numerous curses in Gotham and/or watch Demon Slayer, is very happy about this fact and only comes at either the earliest or latest times so he gets a room to himself and only has to pretend to be going through boxes when someone checks on him
Bernard immediately messes up Tim’s plan
He’s always there- morning, night, even when Tim changes up his schedule
And no matter how many how many empty rooms there might be he always finds Tim and sits with him, even the time Tim tried to hide in the attic under the guise of organizing a couple boxes up there
Being the paranoid idiot that he is Tim assume that Bernard is a from the League of Assassins and enacts a 46-step plan to figure out what he’s planning (read: stalks him) and in the course of it ends up falling in love
Meanwhile on Bernard’s side, the first week of the internship he walked into the room Tim was in and wanted to be friends with the cute boy
The reason that he kept finding Tim was that he was talking to Dick Grayson, his gymnastics instructor, and Dick had realized that the boy in question was his honorary little brother and told Bernard that “Timmy’s shy, you just have to break down his walls to get to know him” and tells him when Tim’s going to the museum
Dick is well aware of what Tim thinks the situation is because he’s the one Tim rants to, but he thinks it’s funny and will make for a great story to tell at their wedding
#tim drake#dick grayson#bernard dowd#timbern#the real life version of this is far less cute and funny#I intern at my local museum along with about 20 kids from my school#i do not want to interact with these people so I always try to get to the archive room of the museum when no one else is there#Because you only really go into the archive room if your project has to do with organizing collections and catologing them#the first week I took note of which days the other two people whose projects are like that come#so I could avoid them and have the archive room to myself#so after I finished my work i could watch demon slayer in peace while still getting hours#but this one girl who’s project is working on the blog for the museum (does not need the archive room) keeps coming and sitting with me#it first happened like 4 weeks in so I assumed that there weren’t enough chairs in one the other rooms and that this was a one time thing#but it kept happening and when I moved to a different room she ended up sitting with me again#I happened to talk about this with a friend in passing#and my friend just started laughing because it turns out they were friends with the girl and she was trying to make friends with me#And i was an asshole who ignored her because i lowkey thought she was watching to make sure i was always working#I guess the next time i go I'll have an actual converstation with her instead of inquestive side-eyes
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I don’t understand it when people say that Carrie was also the problem bc she was anxiously attached bc like …. maybe she had a moment or two but for the most part it was absolutely Big being such a selfish prick and then justifying it w “ohhh I have commitment issues bc my last marriage fell through” umm ur a 45 year old BABY actually
#and like at every turn Big was so awful to her and she would justify it w “I’m also the problem”#Girl no#like when he refused to show her in public for the longest time#Or when he literally dropped a bomb that he was going to Paris out of NOWHERE#Refusing to meet her friends#Talking to her on his schedule and his schedule only#Being like “I wanna do things at my own pace” okay but that’s not how a relationship comprising two ppl works#And then marrying a brown eyed brunette socialite#The antithesis of Carrie#Was a transparently bad Big moment in the show but still#The show treads around in circles w regards to how to view Big#Bc they obviously wanna paint him as an unhealthy avoidant and also downright selfish asshole#But they also wanna be like “he’s j too scared to give her the keys to his house bc of his other relationships”#Like he literally played her like a FIDDLE#only to have them end up together ????? I will never understand that ending#I think it’s such weak writing#In real life avoidant men who also don’t want u that much won’t end up w u I fear#I don’t really understand the narrative weighing Carrie w the responsibility of adjusting to Big’s “trauma” and fixing him#He did that for her maybe once in the show but even when he’s being affectionate to her it comes from#A selfish place#Like he wants her attention or wants sex or whatevs like it’s never bc he’s truly in love w Carrie
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Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)
Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭
What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is
-💀
I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.
If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.
The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.
If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.
I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.
It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.
In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.
In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.
They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.
If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.
I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.
#this is long cause theres so many ideas to play with here and how jimmy and Curly would work but the specifc things happening with Anya#like if she wasnt pregnant thats a relief but its the sort of situation where she has to think about her own sexuality in the scenerio shes#queer and how Jimmy affect her. Its addressing it with Curly who may get it but maybe she gets it too much maybe its hard to hear about Jim#cause for all she knew Jimmy was straight and now she has to think of all the odd conversations and nights they shared beds and maybe#feelings she had but she has to focus on putting Anya first but what does she do? Outing someone is bad but this can be dismmised?#Would the pony express just punish both anya and jimmy and curly what if theres a dont ask dont tell policy? what if they dont care cause#they are all women. its not an issue if its just girls not getting along after “experimenting”. Back to male Anya and female Jimmy they wil#assume it was consensual and anya just doesnt want the kid often that is pushed on male rape narratives. Jimmy is pregnant and on edge#does Curly also have to factor in the child? I feel like the feast scene would be Jimmy delusionally thinking Curly is helping support the#child i mean he is the most well off the bread winner he puts food on the table he is the food! Would polle being Anya talk about how Jimmy#doesnt have it in her to foster a child to support one emotionally without damage? Why so focused on making Curly the idealized male#or provider in her life when she went after him? For female Curly is it envy that she did this to herself and Curly has even more prospects#than her now? What if Anya was fawning because he didn't want the kid but hated the idea of Jimmy killing it to spite him? Or perhaps using#it as a means of control because even if he doesn't want it i doubt he wants it to be punished or abused. It is a burden something no one#wanted but it is being fostered five months in and Jimmys showing a bump and Anya cant ignore all the implications of it being born to her#maybe he kills himself to avoid living in a world its subjected to that pain to to save himself from it. GOD the pills with Curly are worse#for male Anya fem!Curly because its so much more direct he cant shove something down a womans throat who is clearly unwilling it makes#him feel like Jimmy to watch her struggle against him and he cant do it and with Jimmy it is so much more direct about a mother feeding#theri child and abusing it like the nuance if any gender flipping was canon would tear this fandom apart now imma thinking crazy about this#thanks skull anon like really ur asks get me thinking#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#💀 anon#ask#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing
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yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.
#personal#rant below#begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining#been taking care of him and my mom#along with working full time#and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad#which is great except Im so tired#but also I havent been able to sleep much#and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about#So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll#so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can#a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve#and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards#after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first#also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now#woooo#yeah so thats my life update for you all#also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun#also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm
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thinking abt my universe's school system and deciding to draw them working on an essay
#tzu rambles#losers. get schoolwork. idiots.#okay technically sevyn avoided all that because he literally just knows basic math and how to read+write siccan. he's NEVER done an essay b#(he can read silven ofc but he doesn't usually write it)#and winter+avery wouldve learned a similar amount and then had the choice to go further#which avery did if you even care#but i dont think she hated it. shes the kinda girl who wouldve been chill doing an essay#winter is probably educated on history and science a bit as well. so they both likely did essays#scarlet thistle cash ezra and ibis went to a public school#so itd make sense that theyd have worked on an essay once#koya went to a private school and freyja was privately tutored#i doubt freyja's ever done a genuine essay#this is so random i just want to put them thru school hell bc im in school and my stomach hurts and my throats still sore#koya also definitely got bad grades oops#he's a history kid at heart i think#yoddenlir
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i've gone to sleep angry and woken up angry every day since last saturday
#the flatmate who moved out was made CRYSTAL clear of her contractual duties to keep paying rent until she's been replaced on the lease#just like the other flatmate who moved out (and flatmate B is a student who works part time and has a deadbeat dad she can't move home to)#flatmate A works full time and will be living at home rent free and only moved out to go on a free holiday to mexico with her sisters#but it's flatmate A who's throwing a tantrum saying she wants her bond back and wants to stop paying rent now#even though no one's moved in to replace her on the lease WHICH WAS THE STIPULATION OF HER BREAKING IT EARLY#she KNEW this and she avoided all attempts at conversation about it before she moved out#but now that we're not face to face she's so brave over text with her lawyer sisters in her ear trying to tell us we're fucking her over#and trying to get us to pay HER RENT on top of our own#it's a fixed term lease you can only break it if you abide by the conditions the landlord sets#and the conditions were that she find someone to replace her on the lease#she's claiming that bc flatmate c (who's staying in the flat) moved into her room out of his couples room (bc him and flatmate b broke up)#that that somehow counts as her being replaced on the lease#no matter how many times we tell her that's not the case because how the fuck could he replace her when he's already on the lease#she refuses to listen. IT'S A ONE IN OUT SYSTEM BABE AND YOU'RE STILL IN#it's just soooooo shitty and sneaky like we've been friends for three years and now she's throwing it all away for WHAT#i hate people pleasers i hate people who hide their selfishness and sneakiness behind smiley faces and kisses#how is it in ANY way fair that the rest of us pay her rent so she can go on holidays. yeah i'd fucking like that too girl#it's stressing me out so bad because she's trying so hard to get between us all and tell one person that the other person said something#and then you ask the other person and they say no i absolutely did not say that#and we have proof evidence and facts on her side but she refuses to believe them#anyways. we've referred this all on to our landlord now so now it's her problem and out of our hands#ugh. it just sucks because we were really close friends and now what are we
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I think this is the first time in years that I’ve decided on a basic Halloween costume. Like usually I am so original but I couldn’t find anything for the very few creative ideas I had 😔
#like I’m usually so creative and sometimes obscure that nobody knows who I am#like for example I wanted to do Barbie the island princess this year soooo bad but I couldn’t find a dress in the right color that’d work 😔#also wanted to do starlight but that’s extremely hard to make on your own and all the premade costumes suckkkkk#I wanted to avoid being basic so bad that I thought about redoing an old costume I did two years ago#even the time I was Bucky I’d say was pretty original bc nobody knew who that was except these two girls I met in line for the club#and a few nerdy guys I met in the gas station#which now that I’m thinking ab it it’d be fun to just be Bucky again as a second costume#bc I still have most the stuff for one but two id look way better than when I did it a few years ago bc I’ve lost 70lbs since then#so I’d look way sexier but also I already have a bunch of pics in that and I don’t wanna post the same costume twice
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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#i’ve cried so many times at work this week it’s actually embarrassing#i mean 4 of those times were today so 😵💫#hate hate loathe entirely being someone who cries when they’re frustrated#today genuinely sucked the life out of me#i’ve been so far off the planet lately#and this week is not helping 📉#god today was just a stupid fucking situation#that i never should’ve been put in#spent the whole afternoon wanting to crawl out of my own skin#and i’m still so mad about this co-worker making it worse#and for her to try check and ask if i’m okay after the fact#girl go to hell#it’s very obvious to everyone that i’m avoiding you rn#and maybeeee if someone tells you to leave me alone#you should listen or smth#i’ve vented a lot this week hey#let me log off ig#and stop posting my menty b on the internet#d stuff
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oomf right honestly drawing faves and ocs like ponies is fun :3. pretty slay for a first attempt i think
#youd think i wouldve drawn a pony at least once in my life since i enjoyed mlp/equestria girls as a kid & yet... <- avoided horses artwise#honestly still very ehhhh abt how much i should share since its a game related chara from my datesim im working on >_< but hey#whatever ig. i can reblog it to the gamedev account later. or delete as well. who cares yknow#pre-game treat ig whatever still need to figure out proportions.. think i will draw more of the dateables n not post those tho#-w- maybe i should add em to my commission options. idk its kinda fun. what its like to be cringe and free ig#my art#ocs#not using anymore tags than that for the reasons listed above heh -w- but i fink he'd be a lil earth pony...#no clue as to a cutiemark yet. perhaps cooking or kindness related. let me go look at the carebears for a minute#but yea... maybe something to do with bravery or being sturdy... or heart related since his name has a valentine pun#-w- he wouldve been such good friends with fluttershy. and perhaps he would like rainbow. shes so similar to his younger sister#so i think in turn he'd view her in the same exasperated but fond vein or whatever. anyways back to the canvas for me#<- one of the few ways i regain my sanity in the midst of solodev work and commissions
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I saw your post about your gender feelings. Hang in there, bud.
If it helps, I was once told that no cis person ever questions "what they are", they just are. I get the imposter syndrome though, and the disconnect between your day to day and a small haven of peace where you can be yourself. I come from a conservative background, without any of the queer influences I enjoy today.
We're constantly growing, constantly learning new things about ourselves; I think that's part of the journey of being queer, rather than any indication you don't belong or aren't queer enough. You have a significant added challenge in exploring too and I hope one day they're gone. Much love and solidarity to queer Russians. 💜🤍💛💚
Already was on the brink of tears and now am crying, mate
Thank you, that thing about cis people not questioning kinda helped actually. I was told same about mental health issues (at least those can be confirmed with a paper and a stamp, huh). So i guess yeah. True. It's just the terf rhethoric about being confused and actually just seeking a way around patriarchy and all that bullshit that gets under my skin.
I'm happy you're free from those things in your past though, gonna live out my gay dreams through you and your art then, lol <3
I think another thing that is gnawing at me is that I am actually priviledged (and/or lucky). I had a lot of queer experiences that many other queer people here are absolutely robbed of. So it feels as if I'm kinda taking what they deserve more. Or that I can't be grateful enough for being able to have these things while others can't because I'm out here not even knowing what I am.
Anyway. Love wins. And we're here, proud and queer.
Love you 1969 times, thank you.
#juju's replies#on-a-lucky-tide#gonna come back to this a lot probably#also not me reaching for my cigs every time you mention nik's homophobic background in your works#although. i kinda like to imagine he was there in the heart of the soviet queer scene sometimes.#fun fact: for some reason my very homophobic mother was the one who showed me some “gay spots” here in moscow#i have no idea how she even knew#i mean like spots queer folks were gathering at like in the 80s#sorry i ended up ranting below in the tags you don't have to read it i really appreciate your support mate#you're a real one#my queer experience is so fucking weird mate. i literally used to kiss girls out in the broad daylight few kilometers away from kremlin#but had to invent hiding spots for the pride flag and socks my friends gifted me so that mum wouldn't throw them away (she still did)#also i think my dad knew despite me never mentioning it??? he just casually dropped something like about my “boyfriend. or girlfriend”#never elaborated#and i found out my sister was queer FROM HER GAY FRIEND#AS WE WERE OGLING TRAINERS IN A ROCK CLIMBING HALL WE WENT TO TOGETHER#and he was drooling over the guy. and i was over the girl. and he was like “oh so it runs in the family”#i was like ??? my sis literally never said anything we just started exchanging gay memes#everyone at school knew what i was and yet i still had to make my fairy tales only queer coded to avoid getting taxed for “propaganda”#it's just constant cognitive dissonance#but i do still have it so so so much easier than other queer people here#hell even people i went to school with had and have it worse than me#so not like i have much to complain about#gotta get a grip and fight for them#thank u.
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Have to do the “sowwy for missing class and deadlines I was trying not to kms (true) it won’t happen again (lie)” song and dance again tmo. if I never post again just know it went awfully and I walked directly into traffic on the way home.
#or I’m just locking in to get shit finished. either or.#girl u gotta work on those avoidant tendencies. the fog is coming.#idk I had an epiphany two nights ago where I was like I’m wasting my life and I’ll never go anywhere or get better if I keep doing this#but will that epiphany last long. who’s to say.
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I know situationship is a word we love to use to describe many messy relationships but my goddd. Whatever Lucrecia and Vincent had going on was the most situationship to ever situation.
#their asses were not dating they were barely colleagues and didn't even work that closely together for a while#she worked with his DAD and then he DIED.#IN FRONT OF HER.#can you IMAGINE#walking into work one day and your boss goes here's the new guy i transferred into your department. and it's your dead beloved mentors SON.#i don't blame her for avoiding him#AND HIS ASS WAS OBSESSED WITH HER!!!#cut to a couple months later and they're semi-secretly privately meeting on the regular#i say semi bc i dont think they ever actively hid what they had but also never spoke about it.#what did they have?#who knows.#i don't.#cut to ANOTHER few months later and she's pregnant and is gonna experiment on the embryo...girl#lucrecias Dubious Morality and the way vince views her through rose tinted glasses is a verrry interesting dynamic to me#uhhgggg#ok im done. every few weeks i have to feel crazy emotions about these two and imagine scenarios#.txt#ff7 posting
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I saw a post I wanted to reblog but then closed tumblr and lost it about imagining you're OCs in different AUs and now I'm like...
what would my DnD characters wear in 2024
I have too much to do but I NEED to draw this-
#Elden would be that guy who just dresses like it's the 80s but aggressively fashionable#Reid is that typical “jeans and shirt” guy#Or lives in hoodies that were once nice but the edges of the sleeves are wrecked and he's spilled who knows what on it#Perpetual cigarette in mouth#Reva is a cute goth-ish girl#She loves a harness belt and stompy boots#I also have a new gal I have yet to draw! She's a tiefling with pink hair#She's a cutie I think she'd wear flowy blouses and high waisted trousers#Thank you for reading my rambling while I avoid doing work
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I took today and tomorrow off simply because I've been putting too many hours into work and wanted some time to rest...
And I'm fucking bored to shit. It's really great that my work is my passion, but I absolutely need to find other hobbies outside of reading and working out. I am seriously questioning taking my PTO day back tomorrow and just heading into the office.
That or prepping my class content for next semester (adjunct). I mean, I worked on two more LinkedIn learning courses today just to keep my mind going.
A complete juxtaposition, really, from my younger days where I couldn't fathom being a quarter as productive on a regular basis. The pendulum has totally over corrected. My coping mechanism to deal with the ADHD and Anxiety became to just never stop being productive, and it is sending me to an early death.
#ramble ramble ramble#adhd#anxiety#no but fr tho I need to get this shit under control before I become a lifeless blob#like at least my job is interesting af so I'm not boring to talk to#but really who wants to talk about work all damn day? no one#so I gotta get a hobby#used to be writing#but that's fallen to the wayside and again I need something that isn't super productive#and i will just turn fictional writing into working on another paper so I can't do that#watching movies and tv were good but I have the adhd curse of multitasking (which is how I've been doing these LinkedIn courses)#so I don't even enjoy the movie at that point#working out is great but a girl can only go so hard before the fatigue kicks in#I could go outside more on hikes but again 1. fatigue#and 2. I'm currently trying to figure out my allergy issues w. my doctor so I am avoiding outside until I can stop dying immediately#tried knitting and crocheting. can't do it. embroidery also no bueno
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