#girl karkat is still just karkat I think

[planetary-00]

Davekat yuri

[understandableparadox]

a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

[tgcg]

ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

[thewertsearch]

NEPETA: :33 < here, take your gross stinky glasses back, SWEATQUIUS EQUIUS: D --> Very well, here is your hood NEPETA: :33 < umm NEPETA: :33 < yeah NEPETA: :33 < why dont NEPETA: :33 < you hang on to that NEPETA: :33 < forever!

Nepeta, he's already adrift in a literal ocean of death flags. Do you really need to add more?

The latter two I understand, since both are effectively canon, but Dave x Tavros is a rather surprising ship. Did Nepeta just really enjoy their rap battle?

You suppose this pairing is still viable. Although the roles will have to be dramatically reversed!

Nepeta initially hoped that Gamzee could calm Karkat down a little. This was already dubious, and now she thinks Karkat can pacify Gamzee?

I hate to say it, Nepeta, but I think we’re well past that, even if Gamzee himself disagrees.

Yes! This matchup was always just so purrrrrfect to you. Why can't anyone else see it? WHY CAN'T THEY SEE???

Girl, I think everyone can see.

You will have to remember to write Jade a nice thank you note for helping to stabilize Karkat's unhealthy relationship with his past and future selves.

Both Jade and Kanaya been recognized as effective auspistices. I guess it is all about giving bickering couples some Space from each other...

Don't say it don't say it don't s

Some day you will work up the guts to say something.

Oh, god fucking damn it.

Alright, let's calm down a little. This isn't necessarily a death fl-

Maybe once this huge murder fiasco blows over!

We had a good run, Nepeta.

[pointless-discourse]

homestuck characters as related to trans stuff

head canon

JOHN EGBERT

closeted repping tgirl who will likely not realize she's trans until after 16

avoids mirrors, unhappy with appearance but tries to avoid looking at it

gets dressed in the dark

once she comes out she's gonna dress like the most hideous anime girl for the first few months

like goes HAM

her fav nerd shirts paired with a weird fucking skirt but eventually it looks really good just because of how much time she spends on it now that she likes how she looks

DAVE STRIDER

cool cis guy that will respect the pronouns

will treat people the same regardless of transness

goes down the transfem nonbinary any pronouns route in mid 20s

unfathomably chill

JADE HARLEY

divisive subject. either cool nerdy tgirl or closeted trans guy

tgirl jade puts a lot of effort into dressing for the sake of mirrors

doesn't necessarily look GOOD (ultranerd furry island social recluse) but she looks intresting

however tgirl jade doesn't voicetrain and not only is her voice kinda clocky but also very hoarse from lack of use

closeted transguy/transmasc nonbinary jade is very online and performative feminine stuff until he realizes in his late teens he's trans

does not learn what trans is until late teens, very in sheltered parts of the internet despite being very online

was out online years before he came out irl

third option: chill cis girl who, during

ROSE LALONDE

terf

no hate to rose she is one of my top three characters in all of homestuck but she is very terf vibes

she spends a lot of time "debating" with trans people online (harassment) and frequents a lot of terf forums

i think that after a few years of earth c and maybe meteorstuck she grows past it and eventually to her it's not a fight she's proud to be the lead general of but a phase she's really embarassed of, much like her other silly 13 year old traits

i also really like tgirl rose, not for character basis but i think its cool and i (obviously) love trans headcanons

KARKAT VANTAS

i am very divided between ftm and cis guy.

cis guy karkat is cool, he's very much just some guy who's comfortable in his "girly" hobbies and, while isn't really tied into his physical appearance, isn't dysphoric and is just a little insecure

however: humanstuck karkat will always be trans in my mind, just for the persecution bit, although i would also buy ethnically-middle-eastern adopted into a white american family karkat

he'd be a truscum or just kinda shitty to nonpassing trans people i think, we've seen how many alternian empire boots he licks so conforming to the status quo as a pick-me minority is not above him

again i think he would grow out of it in his later teen years/early 20s (like in the comic) but i don't ever see humanstuck karkat escaping the eternal shame that kind comes with being trans

ARADIA MEDIG0

ily weird unnerving tgirl aradia she is like so that to me. she reminds me of the boymoder NEET memes i see chronically online trans girls on reddit posting

but also i do equally enjoy weird girlboss cis girl aradia

either way she is far too etheral to be bothered with gender stuff

like you could come out to her with sixteen hard to pronounce xenos, pass so badly you unearth masculinity/feminity so prominent it burns to the touch, and she would not give a single fuck. and she would never mess up with pronouns and shit

tAVROS nITRAM

i see her as a hardcore deep deep in the closet repper tgirl as like a core part of my interpretations and yet i can never imagine her coming out

like i just see her boymoding forever

not really? like i think it would happen eventually i just can't visualize it

hypothetically i could see her being one of those cool goth girls named lilith but it seems very removed from the original starting point

2OLLUX CAPTOR

repping tgirl or amab nonbinary or just plain cis

either way still horrifically greasy and that will never change

there is no self reflection that will even vaguely incentivize sollux to maintain his hygeine

:33< NEPETA LEJION

cis girl

maybe comes out as ftm in 20s? if trans, i could also see nepeta repping till death

like just a weird cis girl who is like "oh, you're trans? just like in my warrior cats rp discord server!"

again, gives more of a fuck about gender than aradia but it is close

she just cares if you will listen to her talk about her ships and art

nepeta is the type of person where it might take her a while get the new name and stuff right

"HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM!"

but she would be your staunch defender

KANAYA MARYAM

eh? nothing strong here, i don't really have a hc for her

but there is a lot of mtf symbolism in the comic and i do enjoy that

like a socially awkward youngshit who's not out to many people because she can't really bring herself to correct people in public but still has a really passing voice even after first coming out

bad facial dysphoria

do like her as intersex. feels right

TEREZI PYROPE

nonbinary

no genders, all the genders, new genders, old primal genders, everything

both simultaneously afab and amab but not intersex?

the living embodiment of androgyny

probably has a very long list of neos/xenos but is any pronouns

you cannot misgender her. hes too cool.

VRISKAAAAAAAA SERK8!!!!!!!!

transgirl transgirl transgril

literally not even a headcanon at this point vriska is a trans girl and that is that!!!!!!!!

if you disagree im kickng your ass so hard it comes out of your mouth. your days are numbered and that number is 0. (not 8 :( )

EQUIUS

option one: cis gymbro chaser.

he sleeps with trans men to steal their t shots

in the streets he'll occasionally say the weird shit but i know he'd be crankin his hog to futa/cuntboy shit by night

option two: trans girl

never comes out because of insecurity but indulges in long hair and the occasional skirt in private and then feels really bad about it

option three: insane roided trans man

t gave him big muscles and big sex drive

option three poiont 5.

racist sexist homophobic nonbinary

like drops the most despicable shit in conversation and finsihes it off with "my pronouns are actually they/them), like one of those nazi femboys

GAMZEE MAKARA

does not gaf

cis (? idk) guy who is fine with any pronouns and crossdresses for fun

i guess not technically cis? but still identifies as a man when it comes down to it. like barely guy

FEFERI PEIXIES

cis girl who is a little infantilizing

if you're transfem she will give you makeup tips

but still a little hugboxy

"oh no you totally pass even though you're 8'100 and have a full beard! women come in all shapes and sizes!" (not shitting on the made up trans girl here, passing is fucking hard and it has no bearing on personal worth)

JANE CROCKER

jane is a repping/closeted trans man and you can pry this from my cold dead hands

the mustache? the projection onto only male figures?

also i think its fun with jane's ties to the girls-only fuchsiablood club that he ends up a dude

also st4t janeroxy my beloved

DIRK STRIDER

gonna be honest here no strong leanings

i am a firm believer that estrogen would save her but i dont really think of dirk as anywhere on the gender spectrum

maybe just cis dirk? i could buy cis dirk

JAKE ENGLISH

one one hand i would like the transmasc rep being not restricted to hairless twinks and i would enjoy ftm jake that way

transmasc nonbinary jake is an insane concept to me but i do find myself intrested

a little iffy on the trans headcanons (especially transmasc) because a big part of the concept of jake english is that he's a big strong man who takes on the literary role of an objectified girl character and having him be

ROXY LALONDE

ex twinkhon femboy now BDD gigapassoid

literally one of the most gorgeous trans women you will ever meet

creating e substitutes in her laboratory since age 12

again not even those most immersed in trans culture and the ways of clocking would be able to tell thats how good she is

her speaking patterns hail solely from those cutesy minecraft/unboxing youtubers she religiously watched as a small child

however she is fully convinced that she doesn't pass for shit so she believes that every genuine complement and people treating her like a woman is just them being nice

she'll attempt to boymode and go "stealth" in scenarios where she doesn't want to be visibly trans but it fucking backfires because everyone assumes she's ftm

DIRK STRIDER

trans man with literally no basis because my dirk-themed friend is also a trans man

4channer transman robotics nerd dirk my beloved

DAMARA MEGIDO

transfem ig? or cis woman

very girl adjacent

idk i dont think about the dancestors much

RUFIOH NITRAM

cis man

MAYBE trans man

i am also cool with that

MITUNA CAPTOR

cis man

MAYBE transfem nonbinary

KANKRI VANTAS

trans man because very few cis men were tumblr "SJW"s

and he reminds me of of some chronically online trans guys i used to hang around

also hes very fuckign petite and girls and feminend and twinky dinky and im just projecting my dysphoria onto him sorrie kankri fans

MEULIN LEJION

cis fujo girl

when she discovered trans men she was like 'YAAAAAS MPREG'

will respect your pronouns and shit but is VERY HORNY

lowkey chaser that will also date cis people

PORRIM MARYAM

two choices: cool goth transbian or lesbian terf

cool goth transbian is the nice one. first off, she looks a lot like some transfem transition goals ive seen online.

second, cool feminist could also be trans rights and trans people are kinda forced into being political

third, being flat as a board could also be interpreted as her just not having tits (tho she does seem like the type to DIY HRT)

TERF porrim (correct): first, a lot of "feminists" turn out to be bitchy to trans people

second, her activism for groups she's a part of and groups she likes is good, but she really infantilizes kankri, and considering that's the beforan equivalent of hemoracism, if trans people didn't fit her motto she would not hesitate to shit on them

LATULA PYROPE

cis girl. maybe she/they

ARANEA SERKET:

trans girl serkets trans girl serkets

would also buy cis girl that makes you wonder if she's actually a repressed ftm because some of her actions are a littttttttle suspicious

HORRUS ZAHHAK

cis man who ends up hanging out with a lot of trans women anyway due to shared intrests in hyperpop and furry stuff

again very respectful, very small chance that he's chaser-y

KURLOZ MAKARA

i honestly do not know and this isnt because i dont really care about his character, it just evades me

transcends gender

could be cis woman, fuck if i know. i'd buy that

all and neither a gender above our human comprehension

CRONUS AMPORA

trans man that proves tboys are real men because they can be just as creepy and awful as cis men

thinks him being trans means he's immune to all types of discrimination

uses it a pity point/to get out of stuff

MEENAH PEIXIES

maybe tgirl? idk

may just be cis

possibly transmasc nonbinary

tho i lean mostly towards cis woman whos gnc and actually cool with trans peopel (be aware she will still groom them tho)

equal opportunity grooming

CALLIOPE

technically transfem anyway because her body isn't sexed so shes kinda intersex

but even if she wasnt a cherub she would still be transfem anyway

chronically online transgirl who spends most of her time in internet spaces with cis girls of her same age

warrior cats fan

humanstuck calliope hung around the warrior cats girls since elementary and never left

CALIBORN

evil trans man

transmasc for same reasons as calliope

humanstuck caliborn avoided all female socialization because he didn't socialize and instead spent his formative years on 4chan

the nature of the /lgbt/ board probably gave him some shame about being ftm

DAD EGBERT and crocker as well, very similar people

cis man who is a staunch ally

MOM LALONDE

cis ally

she's trying? can't say anything more

will occasionally and unintentionally say some out of pocket shit about trans people she knows when drunk

will mess up the pronouns a lot because very scatterbrained

GRANPA HARLEY:

cis man who lowkey fetishizes trans people

straight but fucks non-passing transmen because he doesn't see them as men

trans women are some exotic fetish

if jade came out he would repair his ways tho

NANNA EGBERT

transphobic

not even a terf because she has beef with feminists

but again if john or jane came out she would badger them at first but her love would win out and she would change her views

BRO STRIDER

personally i see him as a cis man but i think trans man bro strider is cool and also an icon

DIRK'S BRO:

cis bisexual man who is cool with trans people

ROXY'S MOM:

cis woman who is in a fucked up evil messy situationship with a transgirl

will trans rights

GRANDMA ENGLISH:

either a. elder trans woman

or b. cis woman (a little nonbinary) who is accepting

does not know the terminology

"oh so you want to live as a woman now? alright, i suppose. i had a friend like that back in college"

HIC:

evil elder trans woman who has an illegal diy hrt empire

will sell out the trans community if it benefits her

grifter

LIL CAL

i dont know it s scary

[velvetvexations]

Hell yeah! I used to know a transmasc Karkat many years ago. I still miss them and think about them occasionally. Hey, anon, no pressure, but if that could possibly be you, would you maybe hit me up in DMs?

I do recognize that for a lot of nonbinary people who usually describe themselves as a woman/man, it's either for safety reasons or to avoid having to explain their identity so much but like still! Being nonbinary does not make you an expert on exorsexism, nor does it absolve you from it, especially when you do not mention it ever other than when you are being criticized. Are you lying? No. Are you being fucking wet sock about it? Yes, and you should stop that.

Like. There are non-binary transradfems but I've noticed a lot of them do also still identify as a woman alongside that so that's not going to automatically disprove the allegations they think womanhood is an essential element of being trans/a good human being.

Right?????

It's getting cold down here underneath the weather I skipped class to sit with you I really like your spotty sweater If ladybugs are girls How do you make kids together? What's it like in a female world? I bet it's just so much better

That made me break down sobbing the first time.

[epicaricacyyy]

re-rating karkat ships because im bored and like doing stuff to keep me busyy

junekat: cute and silly!! i dont really have anything else to say 9/10

davekat: eh. ive gotten pretty tired of this ship but i just cant bring myself to hate it. i know im aloud to hate ships and stuff,,, but something about it is just so,,,, unhateable... 6.5/10

rosekat: proud to have warmed up to this ship!!!!!! 9.5/10.

jadekat: two of my favorite characters????? in a RELATIONSHIP????? hell yes. sign me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10/10

arakat: havent seen much content of these two.... theyd be very cute and strange to eachother... yes.. 8.5/10

tavkat: they shouldve hugged like... atleast 7 times in a row... and giggle together... and hold hands... and made extreme eye contact without blinking for half an hour 15/10

solkat: suree!!!!e yeahhh!!!!!!!! okayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! i dont have much to say about it buts its so yahhhh!!!!!!!! 8/10

nepkat: yah yeah yeahhhh yes 10/10

kankat: no!!!! noooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0/10

karezi: someone contain them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!! 9/10

vriskat: they would definitely kiss if given the chance.,,, vriska would be extremely enthusiastic about it 10/10

equikat: mwah mwah mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thats the sound of them kissing eachothers cheeks mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/10

gamkar: man. ughhhh. this ship is just too much all at once,,, too much surrounding it... makes my tummy hurt. still too stressful to rate ?/10

erikar: the girls ever!!!!!!!!!! they would rate eachother five stars in fashion frenzy just to win together and then after they would go get taco bell or something idk!!!!! 11/10

fefkat: this is my NUMBER ONE!!!!! karkat ship. have to admit!! i have thought about them way too much to the point they just live in my brain and refuse to pay any rent... i love sunshine and lollipops girl x grumpy angry kitty girl pairings!!!!! they just feel like a breath of fresh air everytime i think about them,,,, 100/100

janekat: oh man this ship would have so many flaws and im fucking living for it 13/10

roxykat: fefkat but with a alot more sass and hanging out... love them in allllLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL quadrants <3 99/100

dirkkat: basically davekat but somewhat better yet alot worse at the same time but in a good way.... cant say i lookf for content of them 24/7 but im definitely willing to!! 7.5/10

jakekat: this would be so cute and SOOOO fucking funny 80/100

[notedchampagne]

holds gun to your head. what are your the locked tomb gender hcs. i like your art

thank you!! in no particular order:

harrowhark: thats a Thing. being she/her is like a thing that came with being reverend daughter as a job and she refuses to acknowledge gender beyond that- but she would fucking kill it with it/its pronouns lets be real

gideon: butch. thats all. kind of that middle ground between being gnc and transgender in any direction but shes fine being a girl its moreso the focus on being a lesbian. ive seen some top surgery gideon art which i love but thats not my primary hc because i think A) she loves boobs on other girls so much it goes back around to appreciating her own B) im gay

camilla: boygirl. shes transmasc but also still a woman mostly due to nonchalance about the whole thing. shares she/he with palamedes thats my dream

palamedes: sorry i meant girlamedes. girlboy. also like if he was a girl but still a boy, but contrary to cams side its because hes both, like if you overlaid two layers at 50% opacity to make a new color. blue-green. shares she/he with camilla. quinn @thatneoncrisis once said hes soft butch which is so real i adore that

tridentarii: the twins to me are cis (dont leave yet) primarily because i think if i stick to the bit of them being cis white women everything they do is a fucking riot and it simply is the height of all humor. that aside sometimes i do get tired of the bit and corona is so trans woman to me and i know with certainty that when ianthe was in babs body she was doing drag.

naberius: i dont think about him LMFAO

second: i also dont think about the second much due to lack of substance, but i can get behind judy. nonbinary woman to me

fourth: jeannemary baby butch for SURE. thats canon. maybe a she & sir if i think about it. in modern aus gideon will babysit them and immediately clock isaac as a future he/they

fifth: t4t

seventh: dulcie has woman swag. not sure if shes cis i feel as if im intruding if i wonder about it. protesilaus is some guy

eighth: who cares

pash: worlds most beautiful trans woman ever to ME. i love her dearly there needs to be more representation of women just absolutely fucking coated in dirt and motor oil with bad manners if you offer them water. she is not fucking cis that is in the hair

nona: she just decided to be a girl because she thinks girls are pretty and she likes them. hope this makes sense <3 shed fucking adore some neos

john: karkat vantas

[fefairys]

"Karezi is one of those baseline type of ships that exist in any given franchise. The kind with blinking arrows pointing to it and a neon sign saying "THE TEXT INTENDS FOR YOU TO SHIP THESE TWO." It has endgame written all over it. Which, despite some endearing qualities and some decent conversations in service to the idea, is what makes it a bit boring. To whatever extent Homestuck is capable of serving up a conventional, recognizable morsel of "fairytale intent" on a platter, this might be it. A statement expressing what it considers to be its equivalent to the boy-meets-girl, written-in-the-stars, journey-to-the-white-picket-fence sort of pairing. Which is not an inherently bad thing. There's a always place for arcs like these, and a certain comfort people take from grabbing on to the white-picket-fence outcomes and rooting for them. A lot of people were pretty stoked about Karezi. Stuff like this conversation obviously is going to start shoveling coal into that engine pretty hard. But these features are what give it a predictable quality, and thus make it much less likely to be fully realized in the long run. Instead, later it's given more value as a foil relationship, a thing that threatens to happen often, because it's "supposed" to, but functions as a basis for turbulent departures. A backdrop of stable, comprehensible relationship potential against which some more unpredictable and challenging outcomes for them both start to play out.

Karezi as the male/female lead, meant-to-be sort of ship, is, well, it's obvious. It's obvious to me at least, because I'm dangling it out there, obviously. Therefore I feel it must be obvious to you. And as such, I feel you must know I see it as obvious, and intend it as obvious, in this big feedback loop of self-evidentiary storycraft and trope jockeying. Any time this is true, I think awareness of the circumstance tends to leak into the consciousness of the characters involved. Characters in HS tend to be pretty self-aware (like Striders and Lalondes), but even the ones that aren't as much like these two) still tend to carry a form of subconscious selfawareness. (Feel free to chew on this oxymoron for a moment before continuing.) In other words, on some level, Karkat and Terezi both just sort of know they are the male and female leads in a lengthy heroic tale, and thus their sense of this propels them toward attraction, as if satisfying unspoken narrative obligation. This must especially seem true for Karkat, who lives and breathes the tropes of his romance films." -Andrew Hussie

[nintendont2502]

just saw ur caste dating discourse post and realized meulin would've been lambasted by all of those groups for getting w the 2 highest landdwelling castes. kankri would write her callout post. feferi would've been accused of coercing sollux to be w her etc etc

girl would be in the TRENCHES fighting off the waves of terminally online freaks kankri keeps sending her way,, someone save her

genuinely i dont think a single beta troll wouldve made it through the discourse unscathed LMAO

aradia? well clearly shes only with sollux because he could easily kill her w/ his psiionics (god help them if the grumblr mob ever finds out that he *did* technically do that one time)

tavros is held up as like the posterchild for why lowbloods and highbloods shouldnt be in quadrants even though he and vriska were uh. never in a quad together. does he try *telling* anyone that? probably not!

sollux? psiionics. threatening aradia into a quad. (also tbh getting into a quad with someone when youre a goldblood is lowkey problematic because what are they supposed to do after you're sent offplanet and helmed? its honestly really manipulative holding someones quad hostage only to leave them forever which is why all golds should take a vow of celibacy-) hes only making it worse by being an absolute dick to everyone involved and escalating shit so far that theres multiple attempts on his life and everyones *convinced* hes a serial manipulating asshole because lmao why would he tell those idiots theyre wrong

karkat? you mean that hemoanon freak thats probably just a highblood trying to pass himself off as a lower caste so he can manipulate lowbloods into his quads?

nepeta and equius would be torn APART - not only is he three castes higher than her, but hes also far physically stronger so clearly shes the weak defenseless victim here (they keep saying this even after she culls someone for it. nep im so sorry)

kanaya shouldnt even *be* in a quad since shes a jade and theyre meant to be sequestered (similar argument to golds where actually its really cruel and manipulative to be in a quad with someone when you know you two are going to be forced to be apart for sweeps - no they dont care that she left the caverns. she still shouldnt be doing that shit its a bad example for other jades smh)

terezis honestly the most divided because her relationships are either her and karkat (potential highblood, terezi might be victim *or* karkat is a lowblood and shes the one with power over him) or her and vriska (no one wants to know whats going on there). although tbh she is a lawyer which means she can get her quads tried and killed for whatever bullshit crime she can come up with if they try to leave :/ never date a cop lawyer folks

vriska. mind control. do i need to say more. every vriska relationship is toxic and awful and she wouldve been cancelled 50 times over if the ringleaders of her callout posts didnt mysteriously 'deactivate'

equius. too strong to date - how can you be in a quad with someone that not only has a shit ton of social power over you, but also could literally tear you apart if he wanted to. also lowkey problematic for making and fighting/kissing (??? its unclear online and no one wants to know) robots :/ like those are clearly stand ins for lowbloods that hes attacking/potentially fetishising and they literally have to do everything he says thats fucked up

gamzee. highblood. automatic oppressor. part of a niche religion - if you try to quad him you either have to convert (cultural (caste?) appropriation) or dont become part of the clurch (rude, disrespecting his beliefs). constant discourse about whether clowns can even consent to a quad because theyre presumably high all the time as part of their religious practices. constant discourse about how assuming clowns are high all the time as part of their religious practices is casteist as fuck.

eridan. somehow one of the least problematic trolls out of the group (which is saying a fucking LOT). only has quads with someone a caste higher than him (although that caste is fuschia. is he the victim here??). pursues lowbloods constantly though which is problematic as fuck (at least he doesnt kill them if they turn him down. the bar is on the fucking floor)

feferi. god forbid a woman do anything. pale with eridan? sure hes only a caste lower than her but also shes the literal fucking heiress - what was he gonna do, say no? he cant even hide in the ocean from her!! shes a seadweller too!! flushed with sollux? holy shit hes like 8 castes lower than her of fucking course he had to say yes! shes probably only dating him so she can helm him later anyway :/ really its problematic as shit for her to even have friendships with trolls of other castes because shes just using them without giving them the benefits of being in a quad (shes the literal heiress of course shes going to get whatever she wants from them) - but also if she stayed distant and didnt talk to anyone then shed be accused of being full of herself and thinking she was better than anyone else and #NotMyHeiress

[spidrgrl]

In contrast to the 3 favorite characters, which 3 characters you hate the most in homestuck.

Oh gyatt

Honorable mentions before my big three: Doc Scratch........ And Rose and Jade from HS^2 (HOMESTUCK TWO ONLY. I don't hate them otherwise)

Also, slight TW for stuff that's happened with Meenah. I don't go in depth but I still wanna warn, skip number 2 entirely if you're uncomfortable with reading about it!!!!!!!!

Well, drumroll please for a VERY big yap sesh!!!!!!!!

Number 3 is

Aradiabot.

Tbh I don't hate her THAT much anymore. It's just she's a lot easier to explain than my Honorable Mentions™. It's more of a hate for Hussie's bad writing.

As a character, she's perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. She's so badass that a lot of people in the Homestuck fandom can't really comprehend it, so they call her boring! I don't blame those people though. Her actions were cool, but she herself wasn't since she hardly had a personality or emotions, and that's wonderful for a robot character!

But as a replacement for a friend???????? No. Absolutely not. It's like having a corpse of someone close to you and reminding you of everything that you caused. And you know what? The corpse hardly speaks, because it's DEAD.

I hated her for the entire time she was near me, and now I only kinda resent her as a character and both as a replacement for Aradia. She could sense those emotions, but she didn't care. Never cared! She was only a vessel that held a troll, and she didn't care about that either. She only cared about doing what was programmed for her to do.

I knew she hated me at least a little. But besides punching me in the face, she didn't say anything. No closure, no anything, just a cold metal punch to the face to a girl that's already kicked down! I wouldn't blame her for it if it was Aradia, but Aradiabot had nothing behind that punch. She had more emotions for EQUIUS just because she was PROGRAMMED/WRITTEN TO BE.

This is one of the reasons why Hussie's writing pisses me off! He replaced a PERFECTLY GOOD TROLL with a ROBOT and hardly ever talked about her ever again unless if it was for like, one or two panels. One of the best characters had her reputation absolutely TRASHED and now everybody thinks she's boring just because of ARADIABOT taking her place.

She could've been a lot cooler for a girl that stole Aradia's identity and story, y'know? That's mainly where my resentment lies.

Thankfully, she's not at all as bad as my number 2, which is

Meenah.

I DESPISE her. Not in a pitch way, my god. I loathe her in a way that means I want her dead. I wish I never met her, seriously. One of the worst cases of my bad luck was meeting her.

I think you guys could understand why I hate her already, but that's not the ONLY reason why either. So here's a list chat

Literally WRITTEN to be only terrible and a gag. As a character, all she has going for her is shittiness and stolen swag from The Condesce. We don't even know WHY she is the way she is, hardly any detail is given to backstory unlike me and my friends, so all readers know about her is that she's a trashy creep with a cool design and a want for money and power.

Has the same problem pretty much all of the dancestors do! Having a cool design and theme but they're two dimensional, almost always sexual, and having weird relationships with trolls that are a GENERATION younger than them.

Another very clear display of Hussie's shitty writing and bad decision making. He completely TOSSED the idea of a good character when he made her.

The things she did to me.

The things she did to Karkat.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT???????? SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT IT'S BAD. SHE VERY CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE WAS DOING, IT'S THE ONLY TIME THAT THIS TYPE OF TOPIC IS NOT IN A JOKING LIGHT.

Oh, but that's not all!!!!!!!! For some reason, the GENIUSES for HS^2/Homestuck Beyond Canon decided, hey, let's KEEP THE CREEP and have her in a MATESPIRIT RELATIONSHIP with, oh I dunno, ONE OF THE TROLL KIDS SHE MET WHEN THEY WERE 6 SWEEPS (13 YEARS) OLD and she was 9 SWEEPS (19 YEARS) OLD. Yeah, that's so smart guys, bravo, you guys are really fixing up the dumpster fire that is Hussie's writing with some fuel. /j /sarc

Plus not to mention the fact that basically ALL proshippers in the Homestuck fandom crowd around her and romanticize what she did. Especially what she did to me. Like her whole existence endangers me even now. Yeah guys, let's NOT ship an abuser x victim.

Cry harder mf you know what you did. Scott Pilgrim ahh

Anyways, despite how much I wish Meenah never existed, you wanna know who I somehow hate more than her? My number 1 is

Hussie.

Andrew Hussie. The Huss.

Look, I do applaud him for making Homestuck. But I also punch him in the face for making Homestuck. Man, he should've given the story to Toby Fox or something, just ANYBODY but him.

No Hussie. Not like that. Stop producing new updates for HS^2, they CLEARLY got their writing skills from you.

And also, added to your terrible writing, why in the FUHREAK did you propose to your own character when she was a minor. Then also whine about getting rejected to another one of your characters (Cronus). Not to mention you actually sat at your desk and wrote the entire thing.

Like ew

Anyways, this EVEN BIGGER yap sesh is done!!!!!!!! Ty for asking anon

P.S.: if you're an introject of anybody on this list, I don't hate you specifically. If you want we can yap about source (except Meenah, I don't blame you for source but I wouldn't be able to talk with you, sorry)!

[davekat-sucks]

Hello, I want to add that most time players suck, by a lot. Seriously it’s laughable that theirs only like two successful time players in all of Paradox Space, Caliborn and Damara, and it’s the fact they doesn’t understand something laughably basic and Christian. Suffer now to be rewarded later. Sure we might forget because Caliborn is a funny goblin manlet but he suffered, suffered a lot (because he is a masochist) because he chose to play the hardest game of Sburb (Caliborn is a Fromsoft gamer) . And he was rewarded with the power to do whatever the fuck he wanted, the power to put himself on the path of suffering so he can achieve it, sure he did the opposite of ascending (like Mobster Kingpin) but it does give a idea what a time player’s storyline is supposed to look like. Our next case is Damara, a girl who suffered so much she DOOMED HER OWN SESSION OUT OF SPITE, the funny thing is due to her acting like John when he was retconing but still being bound to alpha timeline time travel bullshit she indirectly caused her own suffering.

Now our Beta set, absolutely fucking atrocious. Dave doesn’t seem to realize that going down the path of the hero would give him a understanding on why his life is so bad, and if he still think it sucks he could figure out a way to change it while still within alpha timeline because through sburb bullshit he’s probably the reason Bro is a possessed Mall Ninja. Aradia doesn’t DARE to step out of her role, maid or time, despite the fact that one is basically finding the right time to strike after observing everything and the other is being rewarded after suffering so greatly. You can argue her being alive is reward enough and the fact she influenced herself to being a robot is proof of my theory that time players eventually write their own past but is she seriously just going to bounce around aimlessly like some sort of ghost? Fuck that’s ironically sad, she was the most alive when she was dead.

Where was I going with this? Oh right, the only thing good to come out of the Alpha sets are the time players, so Caliborn and Damara beat Dave and Aradia in Time Fuckery

Lord English and The Handmaid/Damara really are the better Time Players out there. In the case of Epilogues and Homestuck 2/Beyond Canon, Dave and Aradia are still avoiding to be suffered or face the harsh situation that is thrown at them. Especially when they themselves, made direct mistakes that would lead to some consequences in the near future. We see this with Meat Dave as all he does is just use Karkat to distract him with love as they go along with Kanaya to go after Dirk. He is called out to be useless. Not taking part in anything about Ult Dirk or Alt Calliope. Davebot and Aradia are both relaxing and enjoying themselves as they watched JADE HARLEY suffer more by letting Alt Calliope take over. Aradia left SOLLUX in the Candy Timeline and doesn't think much of him all because he didn't want to stand by and watch the timeline fall apart anymore. Davebot believes that him leaving Jade was fine and that he should be gay for Karkat, that it will solve everything. Davebot may have reached Ultimate, but I don't think it's a reward in itself. Perhaps it is a suffering that he remains blissfully unaware until he acknowledges what he is doing is fucked. But he will never accept it or face it. And I'll be pissed if they try to say that Davekat by the end will be his reward for being imprisoned in a robot body when it was Dave himself who chose to KILL HIMSELF to ascend because fucking Obama told him so.

[weirdmageddon]

ur davejade posting has me Remembering and goddddd. theyre so good. thank u

i want to make a davejade analysis masterpost but the funniest thing with these asks is that theyre the ones that really prompt me to put my thoughts together in some direction and i ALWAYS find a new implication or connection to talk about. like while i’m writing the connections will just make themselves known. if i made a masterpost i’d have to update it every time i think of something new which defeats the purpose of a masterpost because it’d never be finished. so i just like to spitball into separate posts and just shove them in my davejade tag. i was NOT expecting to get back into homestuck with davejade at the forefront but i can see things now i didnt then

im gonna go off again because it’s so obvious to me on this jumpy scrambled “reread” that dave has a fat fucking heart-on / affection erection for jade. hes tryin soo hard to be cool but hes like this with jade actually behind the screen and she knows it

words and deeds of a court jester dude who totally has a crush on his childhood internet friend and doesnt acknowledge it (btw this is woefully incomplete for the sake of brevity but i could elaborate in another post. i actually have a draft (edit: posted) with a shit ton of more analysis stuff in it on why he acts differently with her than other characters):

the next day (chronologically) when jade messages him:

hussie commentary: “Dave's one-pixel-smile there means that there are literally more than ten thousand drawings on the internet of Dave and Jade kissing. That pixel literally made that happen.”

i mean … it sure is easy to assume how he feels about jade based on the way he talks to her and when his sprite only ever smiles one other time in the entire fucking comic and the reality of that other one was arguable since it was during [S] Karkat: Mental breakdown and its likely karkat was hallucinating it based on the content and context of the flash

nah this one was real. and it was from the first conversation we saw between dave and jade in the comic and thus set the standard for their dynamic. and remember old school 2009 dave was kind of a menace so it says a lot

this girl was special enough to him to warrant that pixel

jade calling dave a “huge baby” for him getting nervous about a piss while she’s his server player. he makes such a big deal about it while shes like oh my god just go:

and the absurdity of the situation being one of his favorite memories

i know pesterquest isn’t “canon” canon but it passes my character essence check and still contributes something of substance to my argument. like i can say this is not at all out of place if these characters were plopped into these scenarios. remember this takes place on the same day as the above, 4/13/2009. theyre the same age as above and have the same relationship as they did above, just in a different scenario that wasn’t possible in canon wherein they didn’t play sburb

Jade wanders away from that window and toward another one, whose view is exclusively centered on the rolling blue. She presses a hand against the misty pane and sighs. JADE: you know, dave talks a lot about coming to visit me here. i mean, all of my friends do but dave especially JADE: in his usual davey way of course, which means making lots of jokes and not sounding very serious about it JADE: "yeah im itching to put on my safari hat and come traipsing down to doomdeath archipelago to get my ass murdered by infinidog the eldritch retriever," stuff like that JADE: i know he really means it though! he wants to see me, just like i want to see him JADE: but its just wishful thinking

anyway daves reaction to seeing his isolated online friend for the first time irl cry because she has guests. its even better with the character sprites

JADE: we can play with all my toys and jam out to some music and stay up all night chatting with each other and oh my god oh my god youre here youre all here this is really happening!!!!! Jade's next laugh verges on hysterical and she's got tears streaked down her cheeks. Dave looks a little perturbed. DAVE: wow holy shit uh DAVE: its cool jade no need to get so DAVE: like this DAVE: kind of fucks me up seeing you cry DAVE: not that im trying to make this all about me DAVE: i mean uh

and so after mspa reader’s intervention, who do we see with jade the next time we see her?

dave. and hes goofing with her squiddles while grinning

DAVE: okay so lets see what we got here Jade's room is bright and cheery, fresh flowers in the hanging pots, curtains pulled open wide to let in the afternoon sunlight. Jade sits on her bed while Dave paces in front of a line of squiddle toys, carefully assembled in neat ranks. DAVE: this blue one is clearly in charge look at his dominant posture DAVE: also hes the only motherfucker not tentacle deep in his homie DAVE: hes an untangled buddy that is some shit really cuts to the core of like DAVE: DAVE: emotions JADE: its actually because the magnets in him are messed up, and always have been!! DAVE: harley you are ruining the magic come on

basically what im putting together is that dave was REALLY fixin to spend some time with jade. extending into her sphere of interests that he doesnt express much with anyone else; you can tell he really wanted to engage with her in a less irony poisoned way. he’s softer with her than his other friends and god forbid the trolls, he is much less skeptical about things when talking to her (he even questions why he just seems to go along with her eccentric precognitive statements but he doesnt change his attitude about it), he showers her with his music and raps to the point where jade is expectant of getting poetry from him. rap IS poetry. please realize that dave is sending her his poetry, regardless of how goofy it may be. this is the level on which im viewing this at and once you realize this theres no going back. there comes a time in every homestuck’s life where they have to see how dave interacted jade and conclude that he had a cute little puppy crush on her unbeknownst to either of them. and it was adorable. and now, in the year 2023, it’s your time to realize this too. no going back.

and btw it all came back around…………………nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face

for a reason that wasnt a joke anymore

don’t think ive seen anyone talk about this parallel at the end to one of their first conversations in the comic. maybe somebody did back in the day but i never saw it

[red-elric]

tbh the existence of davesprite is a big part of what makes daves development stand out....... like we have two versions of dave that started essentially at the same place but while one spent ages 13-16 with a large group of gay and supportive (mostly) peers the other spent those ages with john (representing one of daves platonic ideals of masculinity) and jade (his comphet (??? certainly safe) crush) and no one else. plus the whole davesprite feeling as though hes the inferior dave while also feeling like he has to be slightly more responsible than the other kids as a mystical guide and all. but like davesprite VERY CLEARLY did not find a way to escape his upbringing--both in a societal sense and a personal sense, given the abuse he suffered under bro--and just...... kept being the same sad, lonely, disconnected teen, except more so. he keeps isolating himself further and withdrawing more and no one ever let him like..... be a normal kid. jade i think really tried but the trauma he was working through was beyond what she could deal with; dave had rose and karkat double teaming him to help him work through his shit, davesprite just had the girl who grew up alone on an island. all love to jade but she’s not the best at understanding people uknow??? and its like...... it would have been SOO EASY for dave to fall down that same path and tbh pre retcon he kinda WAS still, hes definitely a lot more guarded and distant in that timeline than post retcon, and it just makes me sooo so happy that he was able to find himself through a better relationship with karkat <3 and im also glad that davesprite ended up becoming much happier through becoming davepeta!!!! bc it wouldve made me really sad if he ended the story sad and alone akjfslkjdsk

[thewertsearch]

Anonymous asked: You: "Wow Homestuck is my favorite comic ever! Kanaya is the best :)" Hussie: "LOL, LMAO" @morganwick asked: (Try not to think about the idea that the conversation future Jade alluded to where Kanaya got the password was the one with past Jade that immediately followed that conversation, and that Jade is waiting for a password from Kanaya that'll never come…) @bladekindeyewear asked: [...] regarding the password Jade said earlier she had been patiently waiting for… unfortunately, I think we saw Jade give her said password just before the walkaround… and in hindsight, it’s quite a regrettable one. “GG: the password is…………… GG: CROOOOOOOOOOOAK”

I had the same chilling thought over the weekend.

Yes, it's very possible that Kanaya closed her password loop in her very next conversation, which means the timeline doesn't actually require her to be resurrected. This removes the main piece of evidence I had that she's coming back - but even so, I still don't think she's gone for good.

What it boils down to, basically, is that Kanaya still has a lot to do.

First of all, her arc surrounding the survival of her race is still unresolved. Sure, someone like Karkat or fellow Space girl Jade could pick up the baton, but this arc isn't theirs. Jade has no personal investment in it, and Karkat, while obviously motivated to save his species, isn't connected to the Matriorb or Mother Grub the way Kanaya is. This revival plotline is hers, and right now, it's dangling like a loose thread.

If that was the only narrative issue, I could look past it - but it's not.

Guys, this was her last conversation with Rose. And I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that one of the longest-running ships in the comic would end here. Kanaya's romantic arc with Rose is really just getting started, and their last conversation really doesn't scan as a goodbye, even in retrospect.

Like, sure, these last words would be kind of ironic, but is this really how you close the door on one of the most kickass compelling relationships we have? Rosemary deserves a better death than this.

Speaking of which...

This is how we're disposing of Kanaya? With an (admittedly kind of funny) SBaHJ reference?

Bro, a significantly less important character, gets a dramatic death pose, framed by one of Karkat's best lines, and Kanaya - Kanaya Fucking Maryam - gets a sparkly Hope wand and a meme? I'm calling bullshit.

Now, Homestuck is more than happy to give its characters undignified deaths. Tavros certainly got one - but Tavros also died at the end of an intense, dramatic flash animation, and his murder served as the culmination of the Vriska/Tavros arc we've been following since early Hivebent. Tavros died without dignity, but the narrative weight of his death was enormous.

Kanaya died in the middle of multiple character arcs, in a manner that lacked dignity or narrative weight. She was essentially collateral damage to an unrelated feud between Eridan and Feferi. She died like a secondary character, and she's not.

I'm self-aware enough to admit that this is partially wishful thinking. It's not like I'm an unbiased observer - Kanaya is my favorite character, and I dug deep into the comic for evidence that her death doesn't make sense. But, that said - her death doesn't make sense. My narrative instincts are telling me that Kanaya is coming back - I just don't know how.

[tfdtreasurer]

<3 erinep!!

i have no real reason for liking it as much as i do, maybe im just weird ?

Not weird at all anon!

You say you have no reason but I can think of plenty. Erinep is one of those ships that I'm shocked isn't more popular. In many ways, they have an interesting dynamic that makes for good storytelling.

They're both trolls kind of known for their unrequited crushes, so it makes intuitive narrative sense to have them get over it through each other. Nepeta's flaw is that she lacks the courage to make romantic advances out of fear of failure. Eridan's flaw is that she makes romantic advances with the expectation of failure and thus creates self fulfilling prophesies of rejection.

Eridan is so weird...

It's their flaws that led to the canonical obstacle to them as a ship, the fact that they have gotten off to a rocky start romantically. Eridan having gossiped with Karkat, is aware that Nepeta has feelings for somebody else, but in true Eridan fashion, attempts to ask her out anyways. Nepeta thus diagnoses her as a creep and insincere. Considering that my own interpretation of Eridan is based on insincerity and how weird Alternian society makes you, yeah I'd call that fair. Creep is certainly strong language that would suggest little chance for romance developing but lets not forget whose Nepeta's moirail is, and what she calls him in her own words. She's well aware that hemospectrum hangups lead people to be way weirder than they really would be, and as one of the most compassionate trolls, she's probably sympathetic to that. It is in the same conversation that you get her calling Eridan insincere that you get her feeling bad that she died. Because Nepeta is just that nice.

Getting over it

That being said, they still both require some character development to make the ship work, which from a storytelling perspective, is good. They don't need to be each other's moirails or anything, I approve of Meowrails and would not want to disrupt that, so other characters can help drive their development instead (*Cough cough,* Kanaya, but this is the erinep post). Nepeta has two main paths: giving up passively and not asking Karkat, or ripping the band-aid off and asking him out. The second option is in my mind the best for character development as it provides closure. However, there's also a parallel narrative decision to be made: does Eridan tell her what will happen, since she knows, or will she let Nepeta ask Karkat out anyways. I'm a complicated girl and so I think the third and most emotionally complicated option is the best: have Eridan encourage her to ask Karkat out. It's in keeping with Eridan's approach to Kanaya's crush on Vriska, and isn't necessarily mutually exclusive with Eridan telling her what will happen. They can have a conversation where she warns Nepeta what happened with her, the emotions she felt, but also recognize the necessity of asking anyways. It'd be a good moment for Eridan's character to develop too, recontextualizing for herself her rejection by Feferi. And bam, voila, hey presto, you've got them both taking their first stepping stone of emotional maturity together. From adversity, progress.

Feferi's #1 hater propaganda

If you see this blog you should know that I'm Feferi's #1 hater, and so Eridan perhaps being honest with somebody would lead to her revealing why she was such a desperate loser in past (the breakup+rejection combo leading to messy pinball-like attempt at rebounding). And while getting over the flush crush is required for both of them, I believe Nepeta would be kind of shocked at the nature of Eridan's moirallegience. What do you mean she just started calling you her moirail? She didn't consult you about that? What do you mean she thought the job was over after entry? She thought weirdo behavior stops on a dime? What do you mean she knew that you didn't appreciate it and she went on with it anyways? What do you mean she expected it to be a two way street? Me and my healthy moirail were always super clear about being moirails, and of course I stuck with him after entry. The gig with my own weirdo is practically full time, but you do it because your genuine feelings for the person. I did it because my efforts were appreciated by someone that recognized their issues as issues and wanted me to be their moirail. Hell, if you're going to change canonical events that allow all noncanonical shipping to happen, you might as well give Nepeta one successful "shipping moment" (the irony is not lost on me, shut up) by letting her matchmake Eridan with a moirail that would care about her (*COUGH. COUGH.* kan, but like also while I don't care about the recent pale erikar trend, that could be hella character moment for Nepeta to make that call).

Hunters

If your interpretation of Eridan emphasizes her brief environmental commentary, the fact that Nepeta lives fairly detached from industrialized society makes how they relate to each other interesting. Nepeta is if anything characterized as being very not wasteful, and in her own words: "i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean." This stands in direct contrast with Eridan who has resigned to how her occupation may be infinitely necessary and entirely justified, but is distinctly evil in purpose and function. It helps that although orphaning doesn't appear especially wasteful (the whole whale does get eaten), it draws on historical industrial whaling which was infamously wasteful. There's something very interesting there between, again, the most compassionate troll hunting for herself, and the orphaner hunting for somebody else. It would be an emotionally complicated mix of sympathy and disgust, made part tragic by the fact that Eridan transparently expects the disgust, but would be absolutely flabbergasted by sympathy. It continues the cute but somewhat tumultuous path that I think characterizes some of the best love stories.

Extra

There's also a few other little things that can tie them together and make good stories out of their ship.

If you see Equius' overprotectiveness of Nepeta as a significant flaw, he can be given development by Nepeta properly dunking on Eridan during a low stakes lover's spat. Proving that although she may have not played FLARP with the rest of the "dangerous" trolls, she's no less capable of handling herself. You can play it for comedy as it's always fun to see Eridan dunked on, and Nepeta could ride her around by the horns like a Left for Dead jockey as Equius looks on proudly. For anti sea dweller reasons maybe? We'll keep working on it, Equius.

Speaking of FLARP, they're both RP dorks. Common on alternia so perhaps nothing really special, but the distinction between FLARP and RP is more significant than the distinction between LARP and RP (astonishing, I know). FLARP, an acronym which is already losing its meaning to me, is kinda psychotic and so I'm inclined to agree with Equius that it should be avoided. Nepeta toning Eridan down from FLARP+orphaning that was her hobby to a more healthy and low stakes RP would be both awkward and cute. Plus it can serve as a character moment for Eridan where the orphaner dualscar character is retired and she can fully embrace the 🌠 wwonderful wwhimsy of wwizardry 🌠.

And sometimes it's just the silly little things that can justify a ship. Maybe the cat likes fish. Maybe the military history nerd likes trenchcoats.

IDK, erinep is just cute. Solidly approved, anon, erinep has been placed in the "works really well" tier just below GOATED tier.

Whew, yet another tantric Homestuck analysis sesh. People insane enough to have read to the end: Don't forget that hopping anonymously in the asks to suggest Eridan ships for me to spend time analyzing is entirely free.