#girl he was insane he would literally call the store & then watch the cameras & tell us what to do there was even a camera directly above

[bibleofficial]

i’ve just never understood fluid ounces or like ‘cups’ like what does that MEAN. ‘8.6oz’ bro that makes no fucking sense so i started using the other number next to it to compare bc packaging of fluids is just advertising so ive learned ml & i’ve learned how to cook in metric so i can’t even talk to my mother abt cooking bc literally we’re both googling to convert volumes

[awesome-opossum-after-hours]

stranger things rewatch details/thoughts pt 3 (s3 ep1-s3 ep8)

-El kept the baby mask from her sister and its up in her room!

- she also has a large poster of a bird on a beach

- the first store when they walk into Starcourt has a very creative name. "Camera Repair"

- the girl behind Max in the movie theater is MAD annoyed at them. they talk (before the movie starts), and she shushes them. they pass snacks, and she shushes them. rude

-the Scoops Ahoy menu sign quite literally calls it an "Ocean of Flavors"

-i wonder if Will remembers much of the events of s2, or at least the possesion/exorcism. it seems to flood back to him in the theater

-ah wait, Yurtle WAS relocated! totally forgot, could've sworn he was a goner.

-poor "lard-ass". hope he's okay

-Hopper's hatred of Mike is too funny I kinda hope it continues, even if he does loosen up

-god Hopper reminds me so much of my dad. he went as him for Halloween a few years back, and I was s3 El :)

-did Dustin follow Steve's advice in getting Suzie? pretend not to care?

-a buck 25 for a scoop of ice cream sounds fantastic

-a lot of cosplayers forget this with "Scoops Ahoy" Robin but the letters on the You Rule/You Suck board are multicolored. red underneath, black traced slightly off. in Graphics that's a technique used to create a 3D effect, and I'd like to think that was her intention bc she seemed that artsy :)

-God I adore how much you can see the amount of love in Hop's eyes when he's watching Joyce help a customer. when will someone look at me like that oml

-Joyce and Bob were watching Fraiser in the flashback

- Mike has some serious nerve telling the father of his girlfriend and the goddamn Chief of Police that he's a "lying piece of shit"

-Max calls Lucas "Don Juan" 🥺

-if you watch the first Russian message scene with English captions it gives away what it says lmao

-Hopper joyfully singing along to You Don't Mess Around With Jim owns my heart

-Steve already HAD chesthair in s3. you can see it if he leans over in the Scoops uniform ;) do with that what you will

-Lucas is continuing his streak of winning Max back after her dumping him. 6 and 0

- when El and Max are playing the spying version of Spin the Bottle, the people on the wheel are Dustin, Mr Clarke, Mrs Wheeler, Mr Wheeler, Steve, Nancy, and (of course) Billy

- Will's persona of "Will the Wise" is a LOT more assertive than he normally is. bet that'll come in clutch in s5

- Hopper has no shame opening the door in just a towel lmao

- happy screams...

-Max using the iconic 80s phrase "ugh, gag me with a spoon!"

- I completely forgot the whole "Dustin wanting Steve and Robin to date" thing happened before s4

-Robin was apparently a theater kid (which made her "weird" in the Old Steve's standards). she also played soccer

-still not over how Mike and Lucas mock Will's DnD game and act all bored with it and then continue to play DnD really seriously in high school

-the whole "Robin being a lesbian and Steve her emotional support himbo" decision really WAS last minute bc there's a few hints pretty early in the season that would normally lead to 2 characters eventually falling in love (aka- on the rooftop of Starcourt when they have to duck down to avoid the Russians, Steve and Robin do the whole "unintentionally holding hands in danger" thing)

-the way Billy is standing and acting in the scene in Heather's house is INSANELY similar to Henry Creel in the rainbow room (down to the creepy smile and the hands clasped in front)

-Hopper breaks the mayor's nose. guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, blood relation or not

- "if you die, I die" - said Dustin, with total seriousness, to Steve. this better NOT be foreshadowing

-when El wears Sarah's hairtie as a bracelet, it covers up her number tattoo

-oh my GOD Jonathan getting whacked with the hospital stool looked WAYYYYY more brutal than I remember... how the hell did he not get paralyzed

-at first i thought that Hopper's eventual escape route from the machine explosion was adding afterwards for Plot Armor, but that's not true! when the Scoops Troop is running from the Russians they take the same escape route underneath the machine

-the door out to Murray's wonderful little "backyard" says "Keep Door Closed"

-I don't blame Alexei, cherry slurpees are far superior to strawberry

-Erica being a total math genius is something that HAS to be brought up again

-when Robin spits in the Russian's face, he says "you're going to regret that, suchka". suchka, translating in the subtitles as "little bitch"

-after the hospital, everyone must've taken a well needed shower before heading to Hop's cabin

-i would die for Karen Wheeler's FunFair dress

-can we talk about the fact that other than El, Dustin is the only kid to ever K1LL SOMEONE??? I mean maybe he just got wiped out but that Russian doctor looked very not alive

-did Todd ever get his car back

-the answer is hopefully no. screw Todd, Steve's her daddy now

-I think if I had to choose one of these monsters to NEVER have to fuck with ever it'd be the flesh monster. sure Vecna can kill you from your own mind but something about fighting melted humans/rats feels so very wrong and traumatizing

-Steve's been in a vehicle poorly driven by children twice

-if Joyce doesn't stick to this Detective Byers plan in s5 I'm gonna cry

-also I need to physically SEE the Enzo's date, even if it's a flashback

-Dustin and Erica staying at the hill means that they had no way of knowing if the Griswold Family was alive, or whether or not Steve and Robin were headed on a su1c1de mission

-I'd be shittin me britches if i was in that mall no lie

- the flesh monster mind flayer must have some sort of eyes in its tentacles because it tried to catch a mannequin that was wearing El's outfit

-662608004 was the code Murray wrote, but the real password was 662607004. all he got wrong was the 7. come on Bald Eagle

-they straight up left Max, El, and Mike at the mall

-according to Hopper, gunfire is the universal language for "EVERYBODY OUT!"

-Max and Billy lived on 4819 Cherry Hill Lane

-on that TV ad, when they suggest a rise in Satanism is cursing the town, they zoom in on a Dungeon Master's Handbook

-the epilogue says it's 3 months after the 4th of July, AKA October. but it's implied that the party is still just them, so maybe they joined the Hellfire Club in the middle of the year

-Dustin doesn't wear his hat when he's sad

-someone actually bought the Byers' house. fuck that, man I'd firmly believe it's cursed

-was El staying in Will's room? because she's seen packing up her stuff but the Byers only had a 3 bedroom house

-we all know that Steve wears lipgloss this season but I'm also convinced that Mike is in the epilogue

-Mike didn't seem to enjoy that goodbye kiss as much as he was expecting...

[yes-ihavealwaysbeengreen]

Day 6: Carpet- Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia

Day 6: Carpet - Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia 

Prequel now available: The Test Results 

November Writing Challenge 

Day 5: Holy - Llewyn Davis 

Monday 

“So I’ve been thinking querida, how do you feel about putting carpet on the floor of the nursery? I just don’t want the baby to fall and get hurt because of the hardwood.” 

You blinked staring at your husband, “Santi, baby are you serious? You want to put down carpet in the nursery so if they fall it might not hurt as bad? Baby the whole house is hardwood…” 

“Yeah I know, but they will probably be spending a lot of time in there and I was just thinking it might be a good idea. I already talked to the guys about it and they said they would help.” Santi grins at you. 

“Wait...you are going to have your buddies from Delta Force come to our house and put down carpet in the nursery? You don’t even want to hire someone to install it? Baby that’s insane!” you shout at him before pushing yourself out of the kitchen chair to walk to the kitchen. 

The second you stand, Santiago rushes out of his own seat to hold you. “Querida you need to take it easy you-” 

“I swear to god Garcia, women have been having babies for centuries. I am not going to get injured walking from the table to the kitchen. Santi you need to calm down, you have turned the whole damn house into a baby proof fortress, nothing is going to happen to me or our daughter, ok?” you press your hands against his chest before waddling the rest of the way to the kitchen. 

Santiago takes a deep breath before following you into the kitchen, “Ok, how about we make a compromise? I will lay off on being an overprotective papa bear and you will let me and the guys put carpet in the nursery.” 

You laugh out loud, visualizing your husband as a bear defending the house before you turn to face him again, “Ok...deal you and the guys can put carpet in the nursery.” 

Santi puts his fist in the air and grabs you into his arms, kissing you passionately. Your daughter begins kicking wildly, and Santi laughs before leaning down and rubbing your swollen belly, “you hear that mija, your papa is going to make your room safe for you,” he whispers before placing a kiss on your belly. He stands back up before kissing you again briefly, “I’m gonna go call Frankie and the guys, this weekend baby the nursery will have carpet!” 

You shake your head watching him go off. Good lord what did you just agree too. 

Thursday 

You're sitting on the couch, elevating your feet, watching TV when your phone beeps signifying a text message. Santi and Frankie had gone to the store to pick out the carpet and order the supplies for Saturday. You open the phone and snort when you see a picture of a very annoyed Frankie Morales holding up two basically identical colors of cream carpet. 

Which one do you like better? - Hubby 

You are tempted to reply and let him know they look exactly alike but you know better. 

The one on the left. - Wifey 

Hmmm…. But that one isn’t as soft. - Hubby 

You roll your eyes, how the hell would you know that. You type back a reply. 

The one on the right then. - Wifey 

Hmmmm...but it’s quite a bit darker than the other one. -Hubby 

The look on Frankie’s face is beginning to make sense. 

Pick which one you like then Santi. -Wifey 

…. Ok let’s go with the one on the left….no right….ugh fuck I don’t know this is hard querida, and Frankie just keeps telling me to pick. - Hubby 

You send a quick text off to Frankie.

Tell him to pick the one on the left. - Besties Wifey 

Querida, Frankie’s telling me to get the one on the left and you know he has no sense of style so I am going to pick the one on the right. Is that ok with you?- Hubby 

You shake your head laughing at your husband. 

Sounds great! :) - Wifey 

Saturday 

“Okay get together, I need all of you in the picture!” Benny’s girlfriend Mya is shouting at the guys. They’re all smiling wearing knee pads, jeans, and an assortment of colored flannel. 

You giggle to yourself watching them pose in their work gear. “Santi, baby do you really think this is the best idea, your knees…” you trail off watching the smile slip from his face. 

“Querida...I need to be able to protect our little girl, my knees will be fine. Plus with the four of us it should only take a few hours,” he kisses your head before slapping his hands together guiding the guys to the bedroom. 

It did not take them only a couple hours, four hours in and you and the other wives/girlfriends were lounging by the pool outside. Drinking lemonade and gossiping, when Mya came back out laughing outright holding a white box in her hand. 

“This is the greatest thing I have ever listened to!” she shouts holding the white box out to you. 

“Oh my god, is that….is that a baby monitor?” Madison, Will’s wife gathers closer to your side and you flip the switch on. 

“Why do you already have a baby monitor?” Ella, Frankie’s wife asks. 

“Santi wanted to be prepared for the baby, so he set it up weeks ago,” you tell them, twisting the knobs to turn up the sound. 

From the device comes the voice of your husband panting, “fuck...why is this so goddamn difficult?! This should be easy, I told her this was going to be easy.” 

“Pope, man maybe it’s time to call in a professional. I mean we’ve been working for four hours and have barely made any progress,” Will tells him. 

“Fuck no man, I told my wife we could do this and we are going to do it!” Santi shouts back. 

“Hermano, I’m not trying to sound defeatist but we literally have no idea what we're doing,” Frankie tries to comfort his best friend, “I mean we could shoot our way into the most dangerous places in the world but I know absolutely nothing about carpet.” 

“We are not giving up! Santi needs us!!...plus I bet Mya $100 we could get it done and you know how much shit she’s gonna give me if I lose,” Benny whines. 

Mya snorts into her lemonade, making the rest of you burst out laughing. “Maybe we should just take pity on them, and call in a professional,” you ask looking at the other women. 

“I can’t believe Will agreed to this, he is hopeless with anything related to fixing or maintenance. We have to call in a professional for everything!” Madison laughs. 

You all listen for a few more minutes, laughing as the guys argue before the painful grunt of your husband makes you get up. “That’s it I am ending this shit show,” you waddle into the house and go to the nursery ushering everyone out except Santi who sits on the floor on his butt looking up at you with an adorable pout. 

You walk over to him and look down at him, you bend your knees and half fall/half sit down on the ground next to him. Santi immediately looks alarmed before you raise your hand silencing him. “Baby, I know you really wanted to do this yourself but I think it’s time we call it quits and call in a professional.” 

Santi sighs loudly, “Querida, I wanted to be able to do this for you and the baby. I need her to be safe, and I really wanted to do it myself.” 

“Santiago Garcia, you look at me right now. We are safe with you, we don’t need high tech security cameras, carpeted floors, locks on every cabinet. You didn’t fail baby, sometimes it’s ok to need help.” 

“I love you querida,” he pulls you into his side placing a kiss on your cheek and rubbing your belly, “I love both of you.” 

“We love you too, now help me off this floor my butt is beginning to go numb,” you reach out to your husband who gives you a blank look. 

“I can’t get up right now querida, my knees...I think I need some ice and my pain killers.” 

You blink several times, “....you mean we are stuck here?” 

You both burst out laughing until you’ve got tears in your eyes. You gulp for air before looking at your husband again, “Don’t worry I got this,” he looks at you slightly confused before you take a deep breath shouting, “BENNY!! WILL!! FRANKIE!! HELP ME!!!” 

It sounds like bulls charging through your house when the door suddenly flies open. The look on their faces will be burned in your memory forever, panic and determination. You start laughing all over again, and when Frankie steps forward and asks what’s wrong you almost can’t get the words out, “We- we’re stu-stuck! We- we can’t ge-get up!” 

You and Santiago begin cracking up again like a couple of lunatics before the others join in, eventually helping you and Santi off the floor. Frankie holds your arm and takes you back to the living room, Benny and Will each holding a side of Santi easing him down onto the couch. 

“I took the liberty of calling a company to come out tomorrow to install the carpet,” Mya tells you, handing you your phone you had left outside. 

You thank her before plopping down on the couch next to Santi, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“Baby, you're the best,” Benny tells Mya. 

“Oh ho ho no Benny Miller, you owe me 100 bucks, and I owe you a massive I told you so!” Mya points at him.

The room bursts into laughter again. What a great way to spend a Saturday.

Day 7: Sculpted Javier Pena 

[serpentinesarang]

long time no see

pairing: woozi (lee jihoon) x fem reader

genre: idol!AU, smut, fluff, second-person POV

word count: 1560

content warnings: cyber sex, mutual masturbation, swearing

summary: society is finally back to somewhat normalcy after covid, and svt finally gets the opportunity to embark on a world tour. woozi has been away from you for about two months now, and he misses you extra, so he facetimes you after a concert while in a fat, juicy  m o o d™️

requested by: @amymoonl​

a/n: #5 on my prompt list ♡

korean key:

⦿ annyeonghaseyo (안���하세요) = most common and formal hello; pronounced “on-yawng-ha-seh-yo”

⦿ nado (나도) = me too; pronounced “nah-doh”

⦿ jagiya (자기야) = baby; pronounced “jog-ee-yah”

⦿ anyo (아뇨) = colloquial no; pronounced “on-yo”

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Saturday afternoon. You’ve checked off all of the things on your to-do list so far: morning skincare, grocery store, laundry (darks and reds), workout, lunch with a close coworker, post office errand, and even a phone call with one of your parents all the way on the west coast of the US, the country your partner Jihoon is currently touring with Seventeen. 

It’s been a long two-ish years since COVID first hit, and SVT being able to finally set out on tour was the biggest blessing, not only for the boys but carats as well. 

You’re parked on the couch, newly available after a brief check-in with your family. Your phone is literally still in your hand when it abruptly launches an app: “Jihoon ❤️ wants to FaceTime with you...”

Your eyes bug almost out of their sockets, and your jaw nearly cracks off your skull at the sight. Baby boy hasn’t videocalled you in any way in almost a month now because their tour dates were so heavily stacked, and his texts had been alluding to all-around fatigue for everybody after not touring for so long.

But shit! He’s calling you!!!!

You waste no time jamming your thumb against the green circle, the screen loading a dimly-lit image of a topless, black-haired Jihoon propped up with pillows.

“Baby!” you yelp with excitement, extending your arm to capture yourself at a more flattering angle.

“Y/N!” Jihoon yelps back, matching your level of giddiness. He beams a toothy, ear to ear grin and stares at his screen intently, taking in your beauty.

“I miss youuu,” you say with an adorable pout as he turns on a bedside lamp.

“Nado, jagiya,” Jihoon frowns in response, pursing his pink-stained lips. “I still have energy tonight though, so here I am.”

It dawns on you that there’s a major time difference between you two. You glance at your watch, which reads just after 3 PM Korea-time, so that means it’s past 1 AM in Chicago, where SVT had just finished performing a concert.

“Oh, wow... Shouldn’t you be sleeping, babe?” you ask.

Jihoon glances around for a moment, his expression looking a little hesistant. “Honestly... I’m really horny right now.”

Well split me open and butter me up... you think. 

You take in a big breath, scrambling to process your man’s words. “Ah, I see...” You pause for a second to watch him shift more upright against his pillows. “I can be persuaded.”

Jihoon dramatically brings his phone up to his face with raised eyebrows. “I will persuade you, Y/N.”

At that, you feel a lone throb within your clit. You’d be a fool not to indulge him, especially since you haven’t flicked the bean in a solid week because of work.

You sigh, preparing yourself. “I’m waiting,” you reply softly.

Wordlessly, Jihoon aims his camera away from his glowing face and downward to encompass his entire lower half. You can just barely see bedsheets crumpled up against his thighs, but it’s his long, rock-hard boner lying against his stomach that catches your hungry eyes.

“Oh, Jihoon...” you murmur, not a single thought in your mind. You feel a small glob of arousal trickle out of you, so you shift around nervously. “Where are the boys?”

“Some of them are drinking somewhere, and others went to sleep in different rooms. I told them the concert gave me a headache,” he responds after bringing the camera back to his face.

Proud of his craftiness, you nod with a tiny smirk forming. “Smart man.”

“Now, about my problem...” he raises a brow and peers into the camera expectantly.

“Say no more, babe.” 

You reach forward to prop your phone against an empty mug on the coffee table before you, making sure all of you shows on screen. Scooting to the edge of the couch, you tug off your t-shirt and haphazardly tie your hair in a knot. You’re left in a cotton sports bra and yoga pants.

“More,” Jihoon whispers roughly, pulling back his phone to show himself leisurely stroking his smooth, pink shaft. You want to see his balls too, but you know you have to give more in order to get more.

You remove your pants, revealing a rather sexy, red G-string. You hear Jihoon whimper in the background while he grips his dick and slowly pumps it horizontally, the tugging motions finally giving you your peek at his beautiful full package.

“You’re so sexy, Jihoon,” you say in a velvety voice before turning around and kneeing the couch to give him a sinful view of your equally sinful ass, the little red string peeking out at the small of your back.

“Anyo, jagi,” he replies, his voice scarily firm. “Not like you.”

Jihoon flips his camera from selfie mode to alleviate his tired arm, and your view is now a delightful close-up of his languid, horizontal pumping. Now you can make out the precum beginning to ooze at his swollen tip.

Still facing away from your own camera, you tug off your sports bra and chuck it carelessly behind the couch. Once you turn around and sit at the couch’s edge again, Jihoon emits a loud mmm. While you fondle your supple breasts for him, he angles his erection vertically, causing your clit to develop its own heartbeat.

“More, jagi, please,” he begs in a quiet voice, gripping his shaft tighter as he continues pumping, occasionally twisting his wrist for extra sensation.

“Okay, baby,” you nod.

You lift your ass quickly to discard the G-string and then lay your shoulders back against the couch with your gorgeous pussy closer to the camera. You spread your knees as far as possible before digging your heels into the couch cushions beside you. This is a view he would absolutely drop anything for.

Jihoon sighs aloud, stopping at the base to demonstrate the now prominent veins of his shaft. “Look what you do to me,” he murmurs lowly before he resumes pumping, this time at a faster pace.

“Ji, look at how wet I am,” you counter, rubbing the pad of your middle finger against your soaked entrance and carefully pulling it away to show your arousal sticking to your finger in a tantalizing, glistening line.

“Fuck,” you hear him whisper.

You press two fingertips to your enflamed clit and trace light circles, cupping a breast with your free hand and rolling your neck backward.

“I want you so bad, Y/N,” he moans, breathing a little bit louder. You bring your eyes back to the screen to see his precum running all the way down his angry shaft and even touching his thumb. 

You smirk at the sight of how far gone your man is. Picking up the pace on your clit, you take your free hand and slid two fingers inside, thrusting straight in and out at a more casual pace.

Jihoon utters an impatient mmm. “Baby, say something... I miss your voice.”

“I miss your voice calling me a bad girl when I used to masturbate before you came home,” you reply, fucking yourself faster and matching the speed of your clit rubbing.

“Uggghhh...” he groans, slowing his pumping but squeezing the tip hard each time. His precum was still flowing out of him like tears.

“I miss your dick hitting my cervix every fucking time,” you murmured, your voice strained. Feeling yourself free-falling into your pleasure, you curl your fingers inside to press your G-spot, and you involuntarily roll your eyes back.

“UHh,” Jihoon whines at the sight of your blissful expression, and you can tell from this sound that he’s close. You know his noises well enough by now.

“Go faster for me, Ji,” you plead, opening your eyes again and focusing on his deliciously red erection in his small hand.

“I’m so close,” he whispers, fulfilling your request. At this point, his insane amount of precum had started running down to his wrist, and this mouthwatering image shoved you over the edge.

Pressing deeper into your hard clit and fucking yourself so fast that your wrist was aching, you feel yourself uncontrollably clenching on your drenched fingers. 

“Yes, jagi—oh my God,” Jihoon groans, finally spurting thick ropes of cum into the air and against his hand. “Ohhhh shiiiit.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. Jihoon’s trembling orgasm snaps you into your own. You pull your fingers out for him to see your pulsating hole as you shriek in a broken sound of unbridled euphoria, still furiously massaging your clit through the orgasm.

“So hot, Y/N. I wish I could lick you dry,” he declares while tenderly stimulating his frenulum with an index finger.

At last, it’s done. You retract your hand and remain spread open, allowing Jihoon to watch the last vibrations of your shiny hole as well as the considerable amount of fluid draining out of you and between your cheeks.

He switches to lightly groping his balls, angling his camera upward for you to better see. “I can’t wait to cum in you when I get home.”

You sigh, wiped out from the experience. “Ji, I just wanna cuddle you more than anything right now.”

Jihoon flips his camera back to selfie mode, revealing a light sheen of sweat across his forehead and temples. “That too, jagi. I’ll hold you as long as you need when we come back.”

[incoherentbabblings]

First Date (9/9)

Tim has one more test to pass before Bruce will allow him out as Robin. Like Dick and Jason before him, he has to avoid being caught by Batman for one night. He has already failed once, and is determined to succeed this time. Determination which might not count for much when Stephanie Brown is on the run from the mob. Her mother kidnapped as a way to threaten her father, Stephanie manages to escape and run into Tim. Unable to leave Stephanie alone when she is in need, Tim decides to try and multi-task. All he has to do is rescue Stephanie’s mother, take down the mob, avoid Batman, and get Stephanie to agree to a proper date all in one night. Absolute anarchy ensues  Ao3 link here!

Tim hadn’t felt so close to crying since his mom’s death and dad’s coma.  He sat, silent and despondent, staring at his knees, trying very hard to not start blubbering.

Batman, as always, was a stone pillar next to him.  Saying nothing, making no noise, not even breathing for all Tim knew.  He was brooding as much as Tim was.

He had failed the test.  Again.  But more than that, he had endangered a mother and daughter, and allowed a man to have been killed.

Head blown off.  What a way to go.

Dick had warned him once, that not stepping in front of a bullet was not the same as firing the gun. Dick spoke as if he knew from first-hand experience.  Tim couldn’t hold himself responsible for every injury and death that occurred, it would drive him insane with guilt, but still, Tim wondered what would have happened if he had done what he was supposed to.

Stephanie wouldn’t have gotten shot and fallen off the bridge for one thing.

All that was bad enough, but when Bruce said that he had found Tim just before he had run into Stephanie, Tim began to choke on his tears.  He hadn’t even managed an hour.  He had failed in every possible way.

He coughed in a lame attempt to cover up his unsteady breathing and to force air down his constricted throat.  Batman finally took pity on him and spoke quietly once more.  Thanking every god in every possible form, he didn’t sound angry.

“We’ll get back to the cave, Alfred will give you the once over, then I want you to go home.  We’ll talk properly next weekend.  Your father will be expecting you home soon.  I’ll find Arthur Brown this week without you in the cave.”

Nope.  The disappointed tone was worse.  What Bruce was saying was reasonable, but Tim really didn’t want to sit around waiting to hear that Robin was a dead pipe dream.

“What time?”  Tim asked.  Bruce opened his mouth to respond, but Tim interrupted before he could reply.  His nerves were getting to him.  “I’ll come around at three.  Yeah, I’ll do that.”

Bruce pressed his lips together and said nothing.  Tim took that as a fine.

He managed to hold it together for Alfred to give him the metaphorical thumbs up.  Changing into clean clothes, Tim waited whilst Bruce was checked and promptly sent straight to bed to rest.  Tim rummaged through his bag, eating food he’d purchased at the corner store, and turned his phone back on.  There were no messages from either Ives nor his father, so Tim guessed his lie had been a success.  Alfred offered to drive Tim to his car in town, ready for Tim to drive back again to his father’s, and pretend he’d had a nice evening with Ives.

Sometimes lying to his father was easy.  This was not going to be one of those times.  Standing in the car park, Alfred placed a gentle hand on Tim’s shoulder, sympathetically – practically – saying goodbye and sorry.  Tim smiled and shrugged it off.  He got in his car and watched as Alfred left.  The weather was still awful, grey and wet and chiller than it had been yesterday.  It seemed to match his mood.

Head falling forward, Tim banged his temple against the steering wheel of the car, cursing himself for several hard years work, effort and dreams gone down the drain.

For the sake of a girl.

Tim felt no resentment at Stephanie.  Not for one moment did he think anything that had happened last night was her fault. No, honestly, Tim knew where the fault lay.

Driving home was slow and painful.  Traffic was bad and the weather was worse.  By the time he got home, he just wanted to crash into bed and not emerge for the next week.  But no, Monday was just around the corner, he had a week of school to get through.  Maybe it would be easier, without training in the evening.  Without anything to work towards.

Plonking up the steps to the front door, and desperate to distract himself from the heartbreak, Tim wondered how he could go about getting in contact with Stephanie.  Opening and closing the front door, Tim somewhat resembled a drowned puppy.

“Tim?”  He heard his father call from the living room.  Steeling himself, Tim took off his shoes, and tried to smile.

“Hey dad.”

His father was bent over the coffee table, assorted papers and what looked like bills in his hand.  Dana was probably working with a client in town. 

“You just back?”

“Yeah.  Sorry, I’m a bit soaked and shattered.  Didn’t get much sleep.”

“You head out at all with Ives?”

“Um, just for a second, picked up some food and stuff.  Played games mostly.”

His father nodded, then looked away, satisfied with Tim’s succinct responses and ready to return to his work. 

“Well go ahead and take a nap if you want.  It’s still early.”

“’Kay.” 

Tim went to go up the stairs, then paused for a moment and turned back.  He sat on the couch next to his father, who blinked owlishly at his son.  They so rarely spoke, but even Jack recognized the solemnness in his son’s posture. 

“Dad…how did you and mom meet?”

Jack was not expecting this question.  He swallowed uncomfortably and put down the papers.

“We met through work.  There’s not really a grand story to tell.”

“But how quick did you know?  That you…liked her.”

Jack frowned, like he knew he wasn’t able to give the answer Tim wanted to hear.  A broken marriage close to divorce before Janet’s death did not make a romantic story.  “Tim… I don’t know.  Honestly, I never really thought about it.  Why?  What’s brought this up?”

Telling half-truths was than flat out lies, so Tim twisted his hands and tried not to burn red from embarrassment.

“When I was out yesterday, I ran into a girl.”

That made Jack interested, he puffed out his chest and leaned back against the sofa, smirking knowingly and ready to needle Tim.

“Oh?  And you think you’re head over heels?”

“After less than a day?  Yeah, a little.”

Jack smiled kindly.  “Everyone’s different Tim.  Just because your mother and I didn’t…”  His discomfort returned, like he wasn’t willing to lay bare his relationship with Janet to Tim.  He broke off abruptly, then smiled once more, but this time it struck Tim as slightly patronising.  “Doesn’t matter.  You’re only sixteen Tim.  Got your whole life ahead of you.”

Tim said nothing, trying not to start crying again.  What he had wanted and planned for his life to be was no longer an option.  A whole life of what?  Taking up the family business?  He felt the corners of his mouth turn down, and he struggled to neutralise his expression.  Jack watched him with some concern.

“I guess so.  Still, you’d like her.  I think.  She’s… pretty sharp.”

“She have a name?”

“Stephanie.”

As he spoke, Tim froze, remembering he had his phone.  Pulling it out, he went to Facebook, and tried a search to see if she would come up.  He found her not too far down, smiling beatifically in a cheesy grin for the camera.  She was sitting at a dining table, probably at her school.  A girl with bright blue hair was sat next to her, resting her head on Stephanie’s shoulder.  The rest of her profile was private.  Jack tilted his head as he looked, musing on whether or not he liked the name or the face.  Abruptly ashamed for some reason, Tim decided to leave before the conversation could get derailed and Jack could give an unsolicited opinion. 

“Anyway,” Tim stood up, leaving behind a wet patch on the sofa from his wet jeans and jacket.  “I’m gonna go nap.  See you later.” 

Glad for the awkward conversation to be over, Jack waved Tim off silently and returned to his work.

Slipping into his room, Tim pulled out his phone once more. Staring at the smiling Stephanie, he hesitated only for a moment, then clicked to send her a friend request.  He threw his phone onto his bed and tugged his shirt off to change into his pyjamas, exhaustion quickly making him feel a bit dead on his feet.  Crawling into bed with wet hair, he sighed sadly.  He truly didn’t want to face the next week.  He buried his face into the pillow, and his chest began to shake with unspilt tears.

An aggressive buzz buzz on his phone pulled him away from despair long enough to activate his home screen.

A notification lit up before his eyes – Stephanie had accepted his request. 

Tim didn’t know he was doing it, but he smiled at his phone, and for a moment the disappointment and crushed dreams vanished.

When one door closes…

***

“Is it okay that we talk out here?”

Bruce, who had opened the front door for Tim, paused, but nodded.  Tim was being cowardly, refusing to go all the way downstairs only to do a walk of shame back up and off the estate.  Best to get it done over and quickly, like ripping off a bandage, but Tim thought it more akin to hacking off a leg. 

Shutting the door firmly behind him, Bruce and Tim sat on the stairs to the entrance of Wayne Manor.  Tim placed his skateboard down in between them, to act as a literal and even metaphorical shield from anything that would come his way during the awful conversation.  The sun was out, for once, and it was warm enough to not need a jacket.  The two sat silent for a moment, watching the gravel path up the hill.  The wind blew gently, disturbing the taller grass.

Tim waited for the anvil to drop.

“Arthur Brown was hidden over in Gotham Village, near the university campus.  He’s back in police custody.  Said he was doing the world a favour, stealing the money from human traffickers, said he did nothing wrong.  His wife and daughter are going to have to testify about what happened to them.  I trust Stephanie won’t reveal who helped her last week?”

“She hasn’t so far, no.”

“Hmph.  You did well Tim, given what you had to work with.”

Tim stared at Bruce from the corner of his eyes, keeping his face turned forward, and expression caught between incredulous and anxious.

“I doubt that.”

“Look, there are two aspects to last week.  The first, the test, you failed miserably.  I told you not to linger at the starting point, which you proceeded to do.  I don’t know if Dick told you that disobeying my advice is a good idea, but it wasn’t.  You were told, you didn’t listen, and it backfired.”

This was what Tim had been expecting.  A shopping list of what he had done wrong.

“That would have been that, except I think meeting Stephanie changed everything.”

Tim slowly turned his head towards Bruce, who was in return not looking at Tim.  The kindlings of hope sparked. 

“You tired to balance the test with looking out for a civilian hunted by the mob.  I understand why you did what you did.  It was all for moot considering you had already failed by that point-”

Ouch.

“But you protected her, saved the mother and made a significant dent on one of Gotham’s mob groups.  Any other night that would have been a success.  But you failed the primary objective.”

Tim took the stillness after Bruce’s speech as his cue to defend himself, but he didn’t grab it.  “I could have activated the beacon you gave me.  She could have been safe with you the entire time.”

“And I still would have failed at the warehouse.  Except there may have been more of them there instead of arrested on the bridge and corner shops.  You came, you won.”

“It was Steph’s idea…  And she took out loads of people along the way.”

“Would she have managed alone?”

“No.  No, she asked me to stay with her.  She couldn’t have done it alone.”

“And neither did I.”

Baffled by what Bruce was saying, Tim tried to catch Bruce’s gaze, but he seemed stubborn to avoid it, as if he wouldn’t get the words out if he looked at Tim.

“I spoke at length with Alfred, Dick and Barbara.  They think you’ve warranted the name.  I suppose Dick’s opinion counts for Robin more than the others.”

“…What did he say?”

Sighing, Bruce planted his hands down behind him, leaning back, face contemplative.

“That Robin wasn’t mine to give, regardless.  Dick had given you his blessing, and that was all that mattered.  I said perhaps, but Tim also wants to work with me, and that part I do need to give my blessing to.”

“And… do…you…?”  Whispered out of fear of what one syllable word was to follow, Tim watched, chest and stomach squirming with anguish, as Bruce blew an angry gust of air out and screwed up his face.

Alfred poked his head out the door then, making Tim jump a mile.  Alfred smiled mischievously.

“Master Tim, I’ve let a young girl through the front gate.  I believe you know her?”

“Wait what the what?”  Tim turned to see Stephanie huffing over the crest of the hill on a bicycle.  Tim and Bruce both stared in utter astonishment as the girl who had been shot twice less than a week ago began to wheel down the slope, apparently quite happy and over her brutal injuries.

“Well then,” muttered Bruce, standing up.  He stared at Stephanie was a sort of fond bemusement.  A distant echo of, “Oh this is a bigger hill than I thought,” drifted over to the manor, and they watched as she whirled over, pink helmet juddering up and down on her head.  She was wearing jeggings with giant sneakers, and an oversized sweater that made her look like she was from the wrong decade.  She belonged in a nineteen eighties teen sitcom, not twenty first century ragged Gotham.

She came to an abrupt stop at the base of the steps, losing control of the bike as it turned sideways sharply.  She stumbled off, catching her foot on the pedals, squealing as the bike fell over onto her.  She caught it, and corrected herself.  Smiling brightly, she took off her helmet.  Her golden hair had gone a bit static, flyaway strands sticking upwards. Bright red cheeks and a breathless joy made Tim’s mood lighter just from watching her.

“Hullo!”  She greeted, glib as always.  She wasn’t looking at any of the three men on the steps, however, she was focused on the massive scale of the stone house looming down. “Nice to meet you Mr. Wayne.  Your house is very big.”

Bruce had put on his Brucie face and laughed fakely.  “Yes, it is big.  Who are you?”

Stephanie started awkwardly, and laughed, finally looking at Bruce, Alfred and Tim.  “Oh.  Sorry.  This is rude.  I’m Stephanie Brown.  I’m hunting for Tim Drake which, hah, found you.”

Tim trotted down the steps and reached for her bike, holding it for her.  “And how’d you do that?”

“Well, I found out where your dad lives, which – long story – was funny ‘cause when I turned up he said you were at Wayne Manor ‘cause you know you just casually hang out at Wayne Manor sometimes, like normal people do, so I asked him to tell me where it was ‘cause I wanted to surprise you!  Are you busy?  I think I’m interrupting something aren’t I?  I can go if you want.  Your dad was looking at me funny.  Did you tell him about me?  Did you tell him you’re madly in love with me?”

Tim blushed, Bruce stared, and Stephanie laughed.

“Seriously though, have I come at a bad time?”

“No!  No, you’re fine.”

She really wasn’t fine, nor was she supposed to just roll up to Wayne Manor with no invitation, but Alfred could have turned her away if he felt there was a need to.

“Oh, good, I just don’t want to be a bo – Hey!  That’s your skateboard?”

Tim looked back at it sitting on the top step.  “Oh. Yeah, that’s it.”

“That’s so cool!  Can you show me how to ride it?  Got time to go to the park?”

Stephanie was interrupted by Bruce, who walked down to be on equal standing with the young couple.  “Stephanie?”

“Yes?”

“I’m just finishing up with Tim.  He runs chores for us every now and then you see.  But we’re pretty much done now.”

Tim reached out and held Stephanie’s wrist, needing the physical contact.  She nodded, completely oblivious to his mood.

“Sure sure.  Sorry both, I know this is a little off the cuff.”

“Quite alright!”  Bruce said, turning away.  He reached across and grabbed Tim’s skateboard, and held it out for him.  More than a little despondent, Tim limply took it.

“Tim, see that you come back around tonight though.  Need to start fitting the suit for the thingy.  Better let your dad know that your workload is going to go up from now on.”

Blinking at the floor, Tim felt the gears grinding in his head as the dots connected and the stars aligned.  He looked upwards at Bruce; Alfred’s nose twitched mischievously at his employer.

“…Sure.  I’ll tell him.”

“Grand.  See you tonight Tim.  Nice to meet you Stephanie.”

“Nice to meet you too!”

Tim stood, jaw against the floor, unable to comprehend what he thought had just been hinted.  Bruce said nothing more and returned inside the manor.

Suit…Work…Evenings…Robin???

“I will buzz you out once you reach the front gate Miss Brown.”

“Thank you Mr…”

“Pennyworth.”

“Pennyworth!  Thank you, Mr Pennyworth!”

Alfred rolled his eyes and closed the front door, leaving Tim and Stephanie alone in the front porch.  Tim wanted to run a mile.  He wanted to jump up and down.  He wanted to swing Stephanie around.  He wanted to ring Dick or Babs and just scream down the other end.

Instead, he turned to Stephanie, and kissed her cheek.

“Can’t believe you tracked me down.”

“I have my ways.” She whispered conspiratorially.  “You know you can look people up from when they register to vote?  Your dad’s a good citizen.”

“Oh… yeah.  He tries.”

She giggled and went to climb back on her bike.

“To the park then?  Then dinner.”

Tim gently bumped her back off.  Saying nothing, he stuffed his board in his backpack and climbed on her pink bike.  He gestured for her to clamber on as well, perched on the bars on the back wheel.  She chuckled, the playfully slapped her helmet on his head and buckled it nice and neat.

“Onwards chauffeur.”

“You know,” he said as they set off.  Getting over the hill was going to be a nightmare, Stephanie would be just as quick walking, but a strike of insanity made him determined to carry the two of them over the hill.  He began to puff with the strain.  “You shouldn’t… have cycled all this way!  Your stitches…”

“Ah, it’s fine!  Fit as a fiddle.  Clean bill of health, mental and physical.  Well kinda, but hey.  I’ll get there.  Mom and me got a court hearing in a few days.  Starting to get on first name basis with those guys, seems like we’re there once a year…  Anyway, you’ve been doing okay this week?  I was worried about you.  After the friend request I hear nothing…”

“Me?  Stephie, I’m not the one who was… sick all over herself, hunted by the mob, shot in the leg, shot in the stomach… thrown off a bridge, betrayed by her father, tasered two people… and knocked out a few others, and of course let’s not forget running over your mother.”

“…Words hurt Timothy.”

“Wow… Timothy.  Full name derision.”

He huffed and pressed on, struggling up the hill.  He was determined to succeed, if only for the fact that he had a sneaking suspicion that Bruce was definitely watching through the front window.  He was Robin now, he would cycle up a hill for goodness sake!   

“Hey come on.  Going home with Batman after… he wasn’t cruel was he?”

“Cruel?  No.  Felt like it at the time...  He’s a big fan of the silent treatment.  But –”

The bike wobbled as it had slowed down to an unbalancing pace.  Tim grunted and stood up to gain more momentum.  Stephanie saw the effort he was putting in and decided to tease him.

“But…?”

“But… it’s…fine.”  Stephanie grinned as he punctuated each word with a cycle of the pedals, watching his cheeks puff in and out with the effort of speaking.  “I…failed…the test… but… I still… got Robin…Wheew!” He stopped as he reached the top, collapsing on the hard seat.  Stephanie tapped the top of the helmet, Tim’s jaw vibrating from the impact.  She clambered off the bike, noticing he wasn’t pressing the breaks.  The hill turned downwards, straight towards the large black gates that Mr Pennyworth had promised to open for them. 

“As you should!  Best guy for the job.”  She moved to the back and rested her hands on the back wheel and frame of the bike.  She rocked it back and forth, Tim raising his heels off the floor to allow her to do so.  “And this is good.  Now you can train me too to help at night.” 

“Wait wh-”

She shoved as hard as she could, sending Tim rocketing down the hill.  He screamed the whole way down, causing her to double over with laughter.  He jolted the bike to the right as she had done, but still flipped completely over, rolling professionally as he was no doubt trained to do.  Stephanie ran down the hill, breathless with joy.  The bike clanged against the fence, which comically began to swing open a moment too late to prevent Tim’s accident. As she approached, she could hear him bitching to himself.

“God what the hell!  Some warning would be you know…welcome”

She crashed into him, kissing him hard on the lips.  Instantly his hands went up, squishing her cheeks.  It was a wet and clumsy kiss, one that made a squelching sucking noise when they separated, but to Tim it was perfect.  Steph pecked his lips once more.

“You have no idea how glad I am you were there last week.”

“Me too.”

She smiled, then reached behind Tim and tugged out his skateboard.

“C’mon, it’s flat from here on out.  You skate and I’ll cycle.  My dad’s going back to prison, my mom is safe, and I am healing nicely.  Now…I want my first date, boy wonder.”

Taking off her helmet from his head, she set off, waving him to follow her. She wanted to move past her parents, wanted to look forward to something better, something more.  That sweet, earnest, handsome boy who was more a hero than any Bat.  Tim was her greatest chance to do more, to be more. 

Snapping the board and wheels down, Tim kicked the ground a few times, then caught up.  The past week of misery fell behind him, and instead of one door being slammed shut in his face, it was like the entire wall had caved in.  So many new possibilities, and all with this mystifyingly bright faced blonde riding next to him.

***

Bruce and Alfred watched on the CCTV monitors as the pair rounded the hill and stumbled through the gate together.  Both men were struck with how young they were. 

Alfred coughed politely.  “Those two may grow to be joint at the hip Master Bruce.”

Bruce said nothing and continued to watch. He frowned momentarily, but not from anger, only from being deep in thought. 

“You think so?”

“I received the impression they are quite smitten with each other.” 

“Let’s see what happens.  If Stephanie truly does want training, to prevent a repeat of last week, maybe we can help her.  Her mother and her are a bigger target than ever.”

“Hmm.  I will inform Miss Gordon.  She seemed quite intrigued by Miss Brown.”

“Sounds good Alfred.  I need to call Dick, see if he can come home tonight.”

Bruce continued to watch until the pair were out of sight of the cameras.  He laughed quietly to himself.  Any plans he had made for Tim becoming Robin were looking increasingly vague. 

Somehow, he didn’t particularly mind.

[nerdyfangirl-3647]

Okay I've heard of people wanting a Marauder's TV show in their Hogwarts years, but consider; a Marauder's sitcom in the afterlife

Hear me out:

- They live together so there's lots of petty arguments to the tune of "the toilet paper goes over not under!"

- Looking down at the stuff going on on Earth like "the fuck is this shit???" And getting offended when Harry names his son Albus Severus and just overall watching what's going on like it's their favorite TV show and they're just always exasperated that Harry always takes the most roundabout, dangerous option. >"You know where he gets that from Potter? Huh? It reminds you of a certain someone, doesn't it?!!" >"Oh my god, he’s just like you!" >"Well yes, but that's not who I was talking about!"

- They're no longer limited by death, so they spend their time messing around and getting up to insane antics that definitely would have killed them if they were still alive

- They've adopted Fred and he complements the group perfectly

- Snape, having "redeemed" himself, is in their heaven, but it's his purgatory, since he has to be their neighbor. He's sorta over things, but is still salty, so he spends his time bitterly trading sarcastic remarks and putting all of the fallen leaves onto their side of the lawn and stuff •It doesn't faze the Marauders in the slightest; they use them to make an absurdly large pile of leaves and jump into it

- There's an ongoing joke that Peter Pettigrew keeps trying to sneak into heaven •like swiper from Dora the Explorer •the whole episode, the Marauders are preoccupied with something really stupid but are dead serious about (like using magic to make an enormous staircase, so they can mattress surf down it) while the camera just focuses on Peter overdramatically tiptoeing in the background •Peter is all like "Haha! Finally I will triumph!" •the Marauders are totally aware he's there, they just have more important things to worry about (ie. mattress surfing) •everytime Peter appears, they just come up with increasingly ridiculous ways to yeet him out •he starts his nefarious plan, then the Marauders look directly at him, and one second later, it cuts to him being strapped into a catapult •they always send him off with a "pEtEr YoU RAt!!!" And a mock look of disapproval

- Tonks and Lily live with them too, of course, and Sirius uses the opportunity to monologue about how he's literally "forever alone" and how he is secretly in love with either James or Remus, depending on who is displaying more public affection at the moment, but they broke his heart by choosing someone else

- Also Dumbledore makes Stan Lee esque cameos •he's the cashier at the grocery store that is definitely blitzed out of his mind •he's the homeless man on the street mumbling about lemon drops •he's the bus driver who's pointing out everything on the street like it's a tour bus (this is especially funny because the whole show takes place on just one street and there's like one person on the bus) •all of these appear in consecutive frames but no one notices or looks any closer at the multiple Dumbledores •it's later revealed that sometimes one of those Dumbledores is Tonks, but that doesn't nearly account for all of the Dumbledores

- Whenever Sirius and James are acting especially stupid, it just cuts to Remus looking directly into the camera like he's on The Office

- Endless puns about dogs, werewolves, and stags

- Since they all died before the 2000s, they never really experienced our current technology so they make up for it by making (even more) low-budget, campy parodies and recreations of vines and memes

- Dobby's also their neighbor, and he's (obviously) pure and precious •He bakes his neighbors cookies!!!! •(but not Snape) •Snape goes crazy trying to get his hands on one because the rest of the characters make a point of loudly raving about how good they are just to spite him •once, Snape and Peter team up to try and steal the recipe, but even Snape knows when he’s beat, so he switches sides at the last minute, helps the Marauders stop Peter, then claims he was on their side the whole time •imagine girls nights with Lily, Tonks, and Dobby

- Also! Lupin’s not as affected so he doesn’t lose control and turn into a werewolf every full moon! Because he’s precious and deserves better!

-Adding on to that, once they learn about furries, you can bet they never shut up about it and are always bringing it up around bewildered passerby in increasingly awkward situations, until it becomes a competition to see who can make people the most confused and/or uncomfortable -ALSO: in this hypothetical show, Dumbledore must canonically be gay. With actual evidence. As in not just stated after the fact in an attempt to increase representation. *cough* Joanne *cough* And one of the background Dumbledores goes totally Queer Eye on random people, but it's not planned, he just approaches random people on the street and suggests to them how they can fix their style while they awkwardly try to go about their business -Before the opening credits on one of the episodes, there’s a gag scene where the Marauders are seen in front of Robert Pattinson who is VERY clearly supposed to be playing Cedric Diggory •like head to toe Hufflepuff merch •a literal nametag that says “HELLO MY NAME IS Cedric Diggory” •but the Marauders are like “you look familiar” •and they do that thing like in that one episode of Wizards of Waverly Place? You know where the Russos are at wizarding school and Alex says something to the tune of “this seems familiar. Like it reminds me of Larry something? Barry something? Oh never mind” while staring at Justin in his wizard robes and round glasses in clear reference to Harry Potter? But with Twilight >one goes “oh you’re the actor from that movie!” >“oh yeah! Starlight, right?” >“it’s Daylight, you ignoramous!” >“stupid much? It’s obviously Moonlight!” >“wait, isn’t it Night Light?” >“it’s definitely gotta be Starlight because the other one is called Supermoon!” >“oh my god! You complete doofus! The other book is called Blue Moon!” •eventually he interrupts and deadpans, “you know, people tell me I look like that kid who was murdered by the Dark Lord. Cedric Diggory?” And he’s somehow ended up with the nametag like on his forehead or something by this point •they consider for 0.1 seconds >“that can’t be it” >“nah I don’t see it” >“really? Who thinks that?” •throughout the rest of the series, you see ads and books and movies in the background that are clearly supposed to be Twilight but have those knockoff titles and covers that you would see in like the background of Poptropica or something? Like it’s clearly referencing the thing but using language that won’t get them sued? But it’s super obvious? And they appear in every episode and it becomes a thing like the pineapples in Psych? •And whenever Cedric appears in the background, that Benedict Cumberbatch thing happens (to a lesser extent) for Robert’s name? •just a casual “hey Roger” or “s’up Ryan” or “Hey look! It’s Rodrick!”

Does this not sound glorious?!!!

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[creativeashproductions]

Status // Ethan Dolan

Summary: Maybe keeping such a huge thing from the fans what’s the best decision and the repercussions are the worst. Especially when it’s not the girl the fans shipped with Ethan for years, the one it seemed everyone was okay with him being with.

Characters: Ethan Dolan x Reader, Grayson Dolan, James Charles, and Emma Chamberlain

Words: 2.1k

Disclaimer: I honestly don’t care if Emma and Ethan are together in real life nor do I care if Grayson and James are together either. As long as the boys are in a healthy relationship, we shouldn’t care who they are with. Shipping is all fun and games but not when you start labelling people with genders and orientations without consent (I called them boys because they’ve stated they are boys, men, guys and dudes many times in the years I’ve been here).

Do not post our work on other sites without our explicit consent.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, and lots of fluff

A/N: I’m sorry it’s been so long since we’ve posted. I’m struggling and recently actually made the decision to seriously consider taking an official hiatus but would appreciate some feedback.

Master list

Prompt List

ASK US A QUESTION LIST

One of the things you knew about the fandom was that they were both protective and very well versed in being dating detectives. With the knowledge, you had managed to keep your relationship with Ethan extremely quiet to the point that you had managed to even quietly get engaged after three years of dating. It helped a lot you had James, Emma and Grayson to help combat any rumours and keep the fandom in the belief you were only friends.

However, now that you had recently gotten married back in early September you both had begun the discussion of introducing the relationship to the fandom. It would be necessary when you finally would go on your postponed honeymoon, planning the wedding had taken up a lot of time from the creative abilities for the guys. There was literally no time in the world to go on a honeymoon so soon after marrying.

“Hey, guys!” You caught the tail-end of the intro, one you knew would be fought in as usual, as you walked by the studio. The next few sentences of the boys fighting over how the intro should go.

Instead of silently watching them you continued on doing the chores you had finally decided to tackle. The laundry had piled up from Ethan and you whereas Gray had left a few shirts in the dryer this morning. You took the next few hours to wash the laundry and make a list of groceries you needed. The fridge was started to become empty once again.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Ethan spoke stepping up behind you to kiss the top of your head, “How are you?”



“Tired.” You chuckled, “Jenna’s has this massive portfolio we’re doing for a new client.”

“That’s why you’re doing Gray’s chores?”

“Yeah.” You mumbled leaning back against his chest, “I can’t wait until things die down to finally go to Europe.”

“Me too.” Ethan sighed wrapping his arms around your waist tighter, “We also need to figure out a way to tell the fans about us. I’m honestly shocked they hadn’t truly discovered us.”

“The pros of dating a YouTuber with connections.” You teased pushing his back, “I’m going to head to the store for things for supper.”

“Want me to come?”



“Maybe later.” You breathed with a quick, probably awkward looking, wink leaving Ethan in a daze. Everything you did took his breath away, and the slightest hint of desire made him squirm in anticipation.

Leaving the house, you trailed over to the older model car you drove since you had bought it with your own money years ago. The drive to the store was smooth sailing with a few young adults pointing over in excitement, they often thought you had the boys with you regularly.

You were only halfway through the list when your phone quickly sent out a full tune of Ethan’s ringtone. You were tempted to ignore it to finish getting everything, but when another two followed consequently, you had a feeling it was important.

From: Ethan    Babe, can you come home? From: Ethan    It’s kinda an emergency, and I don’t want you alone right now.

From: Ethan    Sweetheart, you’re gonna get mobbed if you don’t leave now.

You sighed quickly before quickly making your way to the cash register to pay, the straightforward tone of the messages had worried you. You barely even put the shopping cart away before you were driving off, unaware of the group that had started making their way to the store.

By the time you had gotten home the top trend on twitter was about you and Ethan. The boys were in the living room with panic curdling in the air.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” You demanded as your arms crossed over each other.

“We put the Tuesday video up,” Grayson spoke training his eyes on Ethan’s form. Ethan was sitting on the couch head hanging down with his arms on his knees remarkably silent.

“Okay?”

“Ethan forgot-“

“Watch the video Y/N.” Ethan interrupted his brother but keeping his gaze on the ground. His worst nightmare had started, the one that irritated him since Gray and he first started getting noticed. The fear of his significant other being cast into the media with fans bloodthirsty for attention and jealousy.

The video was already queued up on Ethan’s laptop, so you settled next to him to watch the beginning. At first, you didn’t understand, but with the twitter on half of the screen, you understood. Barely visible was Ethan’s wedding band. Maybe visible for a millisecond but it was enough for the fans to see. Countless tweets to the boys, even James and Emma, included vulgar words, and just plain rude tweets and confused ones as well.

“This wouldn’t have happened if he had agreed to remove the ring,” Grayson spoke shifting off of Ethan’s kick.

“I took a vow.” Ethan retorted fast standing up, “I really didn’t want everyone to find out this way.”

“I’m well aware of that Ethan.” You sighed. You knew that the top rumour would be about Emma and Ethan, the fans shipped them so hard since you had time and time again spoke out against dating Ethan.

That was, of course, a few months before you finally got together with Ethan but the fans still thought he had been with Emma. The two had never dated other than meaningless flirting before Ethan found out he had feelings for you. Maybe they would have dated if it kept going, but you were always there in the back of his mind.

“You guys would make a video.” Grayson suggested, “Post it today as raw footage.”

“Or you could ride the increase of interest in you by teasing pictures and videos of us before next Tuesday.” You suggested.

“I don’t want to use you to get more attention.”

“You aren’t using me. I offered E. It doesn’t bother me, all that matters is that we know we love each other. This marriage is between you and me, their comments don’t matter.”

*New Snapchat Story*

“Hey guys, I want you to know that who I married is someone that I’ve loved for years. We decided back when we went on our first date to keep it quiet. It wasn’t because I’m ashamed of the relationship at all-“

“Snapchat isn’t the best place to address this so prepare for a lot of posts. I got married a few months ago, we’ve been planning on how to go public with this. We’ll post a video next week addressing this more, but please be happy for us.”

You watched Ethan’s new snapchat interested in if anyone would guess it was you having Ethan’s ring. He collapsed next to you leaning his head against your shoulder in relief.

“I hope they don’t freak out.”

“I find it amusing that people still think you and Emma are together. Or how little people suspect it’s actually you and I.” You chuckled, “I’ll admit it does bother me that people still ship you but I can’t really be mad when we haven’t given them anything.”

“I can’t wait to show my hands in public again.” Ethan chuckled to himself, “Or wearing long-sleeved shirts in videos.”

“It’s a lot of videos nobody caught the ring.” You shoved your legs over his own to curl closer to him.

“I love you.” Ethan happily spoke kissing the side of your head.

The fandom was going completely insane over the upcoming sit-down video, a video that would be serious instead of the typical energy. You were nervous to watch the comments, but you had to know if people approved or not. Screw your words of their opinions not mattering.

“And it’s up,” Grayson spoke sitting down to play the video for you. Ethan had nestled into your side.

In the video….

Grayson set the camera to be centred on the little bench you were sitting on in New Jersey. You had all flown back for a few weeks to keep the fandom from ambushing you. That meant you had decided to film on a remote location at Sean and Lisa’s home.

“Hey, guys.” Grayson started off with a wave to the camera, “A lot has happened in the last week, and it’s about time we address it.”

“You all know by now that I wear a wedding ring, I’ve been wearing it since early September when I got married to the love of my life. It’s not Emma before the comments blow up. I met my wife when I was a kid in New Jersey on a complete whim, and we were friends for years before I realised I loved her. We lost touch when Gray and I moved to LA, but we reconnected a few years back. Emma and I never dated, we’ve never liked each other in the way that many of you had wanted.”

“She helped them get together actually.”

“Emma, James and Gray have been huge parts in keeping my relationship quiet, and I’m forever grateful for my best friends. I want you all to know that I haven’t changed. I won’t be shoving my relationship in your face, but I hope you can respect my family and my decision to keep my life private.”

“It means a lot you care for us so much, but we can’t stress it enough that you be kind to others. We don’t tolerate bullying.” Grayson spoke up, “You’ll love her. She’s absolutely perfect for Ethan, and I know our family thinks so as well.”

“So instead of being basic and just inviting her into the video, we thought it would be better to show you some of the adventures we’ve gone on together over the years. Here’s the montage.” Ethan winked.

The video slipped into a full black screen before pictures, and short clips appeared for five minutes only to trickle off leaving the boys sitting on the couch. You were nestled on the couch on your knees to hide your face from the video.

“This is my wife,” Ethan announced as you transitioned to sitting on the couch like them.

“People have been going insane over you guys.” James announced dropping his bag on the couch in the twins living room, “You’re trending on Twitter.”

You were snuggled against Ethan watching some generic Hallmark Christmas movie when James barged into the home. You barely sent him a questioning glance before returning against your husband’s side.

“That’s nice James.” You shrugged, “I did see the hashtag against us though.”

“It’s a shock to the fans Babe.” Ethan murmured against the side of your neck. His fringe tickled your bare neck as you settled on continuing the movie.

“They’ll get over it Y/N. Emma’s been doing damage control for hours now, I could barely drag her from her computer.” James rolled his eyes as Emma dragged her feet into the room wearing an oversized shirt and jean shorts with some rips in them.

“Emma.” You breathed shocked as the tired girl came into the room.

“I’ve been posting a lot on how Ethan and I were never together or interested in each other,” Emma spoke shifting her eyes around the room.

“It’s not your job Em. I should have gotten over my fear and told the fans.” Ethan admitted.

“How do we fix this?”

“I’d offer to fake date you for the fans, but that may cause something worse.” Grayson offered from a comfy chair in the corner with his laptop open. He had decided to watch something that interested him instead of the romantic film among you both chose.

“That would be even more terrible.” You inserted, “You’d literally start a twitter war over a love triangle.”

“What?” Emma questioned frowning in your direction. The bags under eyes catching your attention more than the ‘problem’ at hand,

“A large part of the fandom ships James and Grayson together. The prenup tweet you did Gray.” You countered turning your attention to your brother-in-law, “Just don’t speak out about it. You’ve announced our marriage and showed pictures of us. It will blow over.”

“But-“ 
“Guys there are more important things to address in the fandom then our relationship statuses.” You finished, “I honestly don’t care. We’re all healthy, happy and safe. That’s all that matters. Now can we finish this movie or not?”

This is Ethan’s Wedding Ring (Original Ring Source)

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[sofhyuck]

Terrace House!AU Yuta

Genre: fluff, bullet point scenario

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N Please read the introduction before reading!

when you first received the email that Terrace House wanted you to audition for their new show

you were obvi sketch as hell because your friends hadn’t actually told you they signed you up yet???

but when you texted the gc they were like oh yea we signed your single ass up for that so you’d stop complaining and make!! New!! Friends!!

and tbh you’re not completely against the idea 

and you figure you won’t be cast anyways

so you go ‘what the hell’ ad audition

but what you did not expect...

was to be cast...

and even more unexpectedly...

was to find out on the way to the house that  a member

of hecking NCT 127 was going to be on the show with you???

so now you’re hella freaking out in the car and the driver is like u good 

and you’re just like no how am i going to live with NCT my favs askjdhj

you get to the house and there’s one other person there

and she’s really nice and pretty and dammit competition

more people are arriving and finally there's one more left 

obvi the NCT member

and you’re sitting there at the dining room table the entire time sWEaTiNg 

luckily no one notices, or they just don’t say anything

the doorbell rings and by this time your anxiety is through the roof

the first contestant you met gets up and answers the door and you’re suddenly blinded bc holy shit mister healing smile Yuta Nakamoto himself walked through the doors

and everyone is busy greeting him and you just let out a small “hello” for fear of literally fainting

and lucky you the only seat available is across from you

so he sits down and smiles and you just,,,mELt

you’re face goes so red and he probably thinks you’re insane bc all you can do in return is let out a weak grimace

he notices your blush and grins at you so cheekily

you are so terrified he’s gonna call you out but,,,

he has the aUDaCITy to WINK at you and turn back to talk with the other members

and now your face is on fiRE someone call a firetruck

you all talk about yourselves, families, jobs, past relationships, etc

and eventually your face cools down and you can enjoy the conversation

but yuta continues to give you teasing looks and you want to sLaP him but also kiss him he’s too cute

another member (they cast a professional chef thank god) offers to make dinner but you guys need to buy groceries

and you volunteer to go and guess who FUckINg oFFeRS to go wITH YOU?????

yuta ofc but another girl around your age offers too

and you’re like oh no she’s been making eyes at him fsss but you can’t exactly tell her not to come,,,you all just met and you’re here to make friends not enemies!! sure reader tell yourself that

so you all get in the car and luckily you can drive and yuta sits up front with you 

and you plug your phone in to play some music and ThE FIrsT SoNG that comes on is Back 2 U my fav don’t @ me and he’s just like

“oh I’ve got a fan I see” and he WINkS agAIN and you blush and you’re trying to stutter out a reply

when girl in the back just goes “I’m a huuuuge fan!” and tries to sing along but homegirl doesn’t even know the words LMAO 

and while she’s off claiming to be the biggest fan (she doesn’t even know the fandom name smh) you and yuta make eye contact 

and start laughing but like you don’t want to hurt her feelings so try and keep it on the dl

finally you pull up to the supermarket and you have a list of what to buy so you decide to divvy up who gets what for efficiency

but in reality 5 seconds after you split up yuta automatically comes back to you 

and you’re like ????? this wasn’t the plan

but he just shrugs like

“the other girl probably would have found me and done the same. Besides, I like you”

and guess who becomes a tomato again yep that’s right it’s you

and so you go around the store

yuta trying to make a cheesy pick up line with every. fucking. fruit.

no matter how amusing it was you have dinner to make!

so now you’re yelling at yuta bc

“YUTA plS gEt tHOsE pEaCHeS AWaY fROm YOuR ASS yoU aRe on nATIOnAL TELEVISION”

and he just laughs at your second hand embarrassment but he puts the peaches down anyways 

and you collect all your ingredients just in time for the other girl to some storming up to you guys

and you and yuta are like ‘oh shit what she gonna do’

and she opens her mouth but then realizes there are cameras,,,everywhere

so she just “got the ingredients hehe ^^”

and you’re both like ‘sounds fake but ok’ 

and you buy the ingredients and head home and the car ride is almost awkward if it weren’t for yuta just,,,not being able to shut up LMAO

you get back to the house and sit at the table bc you’re exempt from cooking since you bought the groceries

half expecting him to hang out with the other guys you’re startled to see yuta sit down across from you

he continues the conversation you had going on in the grocery store, asking about your family and occupation

occasionally opening the conversation up to the other people in the room but his main focus is you

and you get to ask him some, but not many, questions about nct, dorm life, etc

and a few days pass by, you’ve grown friendly with the rest of the cast but you and yuta always seem to gravitate together

and ofc everyone else notices and they’re always like,,,what’s up with you two...

and obviously you have feelings for him but,,,

he’s an idol,,,

and while most fans wouldn’t mind you are wary of those who would rip your head off for how close you’ve already become with yuta

he’s barely in the house half the time due to his schedules but he always manages to spend time with you

so one day you’re both chilling watching nct life inn osaka bc he high key wants to show off how responsible and funny he is

and when the takoyak scene comes up you make some off hand comment about how you’ve never had any and he just!!

“HoW??? OMG wE nEEd tO GO gET sOmE NOW!!!”

and you’re like yuta no it’s almost midnight asjkdh

so he takes the oppurtunity to be like,,,

“we have some free time on thursday,,,if you’re not busy i can take you to this takoyaki place,,,not as good as ones you can get in Japan but it’s great none the less”

you’re high key bouta faint but you manage to nonchalantly be like ‘yea i’m free that day’

and you both settle back and continue watching and making funny commentary but on the inside you’re both

AKDHAJH IS THIS A DATE???? IDK I HOPe IT IS

thursday comes and yuta had to leave early for rehearsal but he’ll have the rest of the day off

so you and the other girls are getting your pretty self ready

the other girl who liked yuta left the show for...reasons so now he’s all yours hehe

yuta comes back and takes a shower bc no one wants to be sweaty and smelly on their first date

you’re just waiting in the dining room chatting with someone else

and  he finally comes out and you’re just kind of frozen in awe bc when is the boy not beautiful it’s not fair

little do you know he’s also in shock bc ‘wow you’ve always looked beautiful didn’t think it was possible to look even more beautiful but here y/n is proving me wrong’

the person you were talking with stands up and breaks the spell and you both get all blushy 

yuta offers to drive and you’re like yes pls do i’d probably crash us with how nervous i am

the drive to the takoyaki place is filled with your usual conversation and yuta’s flirting

you get to the restaurant and yuta insists on making the takoyaki bc he iS the tAKoYaKi PRiNCe

and you let him do his thing bc a) you’ve never made this before and b) he looks so cute concentrating and trying to show off

finally they’re done and, you guessed it

boi has to feed you 

and your whole face lights up like holy shit this is delicious you are the prince of takoyaki

and he just smiles so wide askjdh

when you’re both all done he insists on paying

when you’re like ‘i feel bad making you pay for everything’

he just ‘well i’d feel bad having you pay for our first date’ 

and you just,,,

ajskhdkjhdakjh

“so this is a date?”

he get s a lil blushy and is just like,,,yea

and you smile and he smiles and on the way back he just casually asks you out again and ofc you say yes

you guys just...go on a lot of dates and all the other cast members are high key jealous but also ship you guys so much bc so cute young love

one day after your fifth date yuta just...

“I like you a lot y/n, and i know i can be hard dating an idol, but i was wondering if,,,you’d be my girlfriend?”

and you’re like asjkhkjhf ofc??? why would i not??? you are the takoyaki prince

and he’s all fake offended

“you only like me for my takoyaki :(”

he’s all pouty so you just giggle and give him a lil peck on the lips

and now yuta’s all blushy bc asjkdhkjhd they kissed me???? what is life??

the show eventually comes to an end, but you and yuta still hang out all the fucking time

and tbh fans aren’t even that mad bc they were able to see your relationship grow and develop on the show

you guys go on lots of takoyaki dates

fans dub you guys the takoyaki prince and princess so cute askjdhh

overall good experience 10/10 would recommend thank your friendos for signing you up for that show

Masterlist 

[kylieryanette]

SELF LOVE BURIED

So, you've gotten through the beginning years! Buckle up, it gets worse from here. I will be getting into the more severe abuse from here on out, so this is a trigger warning for anyone who may have difficulties reading from here. The next few blogs will discuss years 6ish through my adolescent years and high school, how my self-love got buried under years of being told I was worthless, sexual assault, mental and emotional abuse, among other things.

After we left Wisconsin, my mother once again left Dirk, and we moved to Bloomfield, IA where we lived with my great-grandmother again, and Dirk moved to Omaha, NE, 3.5 hours away. During this time, Dirk started dating a lady named Sandy. My sister and myself went to visit Dirk in Omaha, and we met Sandy and went to Fuddruckers. At this time, I was approximately 8-9 and I was not dealing with Dirk dating another woman, so I called my mother bawling, wanting to go home. Little did I know that Sandy would be a permanent force in my parents marriage (she isn't the villain I made her out to be in my mind).

When my parents got back together, we moved to Glenwood, IA, a bedroom community of Omaha, and my parents were both working in LTL (less than truckload) sales, so they were gone all day, and once again, Dirk was gone on "business trips" all of the time. He was working for Midland Transportation at this time, and brought a couple of shady characters to our home, disguising them as "friends". It wasn't until later that I learned he was involved in a theft scheme with these gentlemen, but alas, he was never caught, only his partners.

There are many shady instances that I remember happening at this time, to include Dirk threatening a backhoe operator, who conveniently passed away less than one week later from "heart issues". I was 12 years old when this occurred, and I had the forethought at that age to walk away from the situation. When Dirk asked me later why I had walked away, I simply stated "because I didn't want to testify against you". Please tell me what 12 year old thinks that way, or has had to make that decision, well this 12 year old, as I knew he had a body count at this point, he used to brag about how no one would ever find the bodies. Something he has recently said about my mother and myself, which has caused us to get security cameras installed around our home. During this time, I also started experiencing disturbing and severe health issues, which were dismissed by Dirk and doctors for over 25 years, but I remained active and high achieving, as to not deal with the abuse at home if I did not perform at peak level at all times.

I remember one time sitting at the coffee table eating cereal from a pottery bowl. Dirk was going through my backpack (one of the rare times he actually gave a shit about what I was doing). I had gotten a B on a math test (I struggle with math), not the class itself, just a test. He proceeded to walk over to me, grab my bowl, and throw it against the wall, sending pottery fragments and cereal flying all over the living room. It was at this moment that I realized the only way I was going to make him happy was to be perfect, absolutely perfect, no mistakes, ever. You can imagine what that did to my 12 year old psyche. He would call me "half-assed Kylie" if things weren't done to his standard, which was unobtainable most of the time.

During this time, my parents fought incessantly. I would hear them at all hours of the night, Dirk telling my mother that he hated her, didn't love her and that he wouldn't have to have affairs if she were a better wife, even though she literally drove herself to the brink of insanity trying to make him happy. She was focused on us, her career and her weight, as Dirk covetted good looks and a slim, beautiful figure, anything short of that was embarrassing for him. This caused a lot of issues with not only my mother, but me and my baby sister as well. Both Kaitie and I had an unhealthy relationship with food; her, not wanting to eat and making sure she stayed slim, me, yo-yo dieting and making myself sick to keep that ideal. One of those instances where parents don't directly instill these ideals in their children, but through watching and listening, we learned. We also learned about alcoholism, extensively, during this time. large

I watched Dirk drink himself into oblivion every single night that he was home. He couldn't have a meal, including breakfast, without a drink. Johnny Walker Red and water was his drink of choice, although I knew how to make a mean screwdriver by the age of 10. If it wasn't hard liquor, it was Bud Light. If Dirk wasn't drinking, I was wondering what was wrong. He once got to drunk that he decided it would be a great idea to take my sister and I on a ride in our Porsche on the icy country roads, after having an argument with my mother, resulting in us losing control and spinning on the ice, something that gravely scared my mother as well as us. Scaring people was something he absolutely loved doing, and would talk about his intimidation tactics and whom he had used them on frequently, violence and intimidation were standard ways of dealing with issues. During this time I dealt with issues of self worth at school as well, trying to fit in and not really knowing where to turn.

My friends at this time consisted of a mixture of personalities. Most of the kids had their groups that they had since elementary school, but I had gone to 5 different elementaries, so I didn't have that core group of friends. I threw myself into basketball and school, trying to be the best at everything I did, not the best I could be, but the absolute best, because anything short of that, in my mind, was unacceptable. The basketball court was my happy place, and I spent every free minute I had at one of the basketball courts in town, playing pick-up games or one-on-one with my mother, which was always a tough game as she is an extremely talented ball player. I dealt with a lot of rumors and nasty comments as my mother was my coach and comments such as "you only start because your mom is the coach" were thrown at me almost daily. Comments like these stuck with me, making me work that much harder. I was constantly trying to outdo myself and my peers, just to feel some sense of worthiness.

Social functions were a huge source of anxiety for me, as I was constantly second guessing the words that came out of my mouth. Something I still deal with daily, at the grocery store, church, wherever really. One school function will never leave my memory, unfortunately. I was at the Corn Festival dance in Glenwood with a bunch of my friends, and their parents who were chaperoning. Dirk had gone out with some of his friends and decided to come crash the kids dance. He came into the church, found me in the middle of the dance floor, and just starting screaming nonsense at me, in front of everyone, drunk, I was mortified. My friends mom jumped into action, shooing me away into the girls bathroom until they had successfully gotten him out of the building, to say I was embarrassed is an understatement. This wasn't the worst thing to happen in middle school though, that would come where I least expected it, and with zero support.

When we lived in Glenwood, a family with 3 young kids moved in across the street. The father befriended Dirk, and we all became family friends. I would babysit for them a lot when they would go out together, this was a very normal thing until one night. The mom was out of town, the oldest daughter at her father's house, and the dad out with his friends at the bars. I went to bed in the oldest daughters bed, waiting to fall asleep. Around 1 am, the dad came stumbling in, drunk as a skunk. He then proceeded to come into the room I was sleeping in, and crawl into bed. I told him that he was in the wrong room, he proceeded to say "I know", and continued to lay there. I was paralyzed, what was I supposed to do? I had been raised to be a people pleaser, how was I going to gracefully get out of this situation? He then proceeded to try to touch me, I finally came to my senses and jumped up and ran home. I cried all night long, waiting for Dirk to wake up so I could tell him. The time came, he woke up and I told him. He told me "He was just drunk and probably thought you were his wife." I was dumbfounded, his wife?! are you serious?! This bedroom was on the other side of the house! I felt worthless, dirty, and that my body didn't matter. This is not a lesson a little impressionable girl should learn. I learned more about sex, unhealthy sex, in the next few years than any young person should.

Ok, I promise I will get to the lighter, easier things, but the only way to get to that point, is to get through the hard stuff. Stick with me! You don't get to appreciate the beautiful light without trudging through the darkness :)

[sweetnestor]

12 Days | Chapter 5.2

Two guys that lowkey hate each other are forced to walk in each other’s shoes in order to learn a lesson.

***in collaboration with @themarkiplierexperience

lmao soz its not actually x reader we’re just desperate for attention haaaa

previous

After a few slices of pizza, Tom was brought back to LA. The sun was already going down, an indication at how long he was gone, and probably how much trouble he'd get into once he was around friends again. He had been bracing himself as he walked up to Bella’s front door, for she had told him to meet her there. He had to come up with a damn good apology in about ten seconds.

Tom quickly stopped himself from knocking; Just before dropping him off, Ethan had showed him which keys were which. Obviously, the only pink key in the set was the one to Bella’s house. This couple seemed to really be into symbolism and the like. Tom shook his head at the thought as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

To his surprise, he heard music blaring inside the premises. It was a song he recognized (Kiwi by Harry Styles), but it still threw him off guard. Tom took a slow step inside and closed the door behind him, confused. As he stepped further inside, he saw his lovely girlfriend jumping around the living room, her curled pink hair bouncing everywhere. She was with two other people, who were also jumping and head banging rhythmically. One was a guy with dark green hair and a manly beard and the other was a shorter girl with short, dark brown hair. The three of them turned when Tom walked into the living room, and they all cheered.

“C’mon, let's dance!” Bella said, holding her hands out as she continued doing just that.

“What?” he asked, laughing in disbelief.

“Dancing it out!” replied the guy with green hair. Sean, was it? Or, Jack, as he recalled Ethan telling him.

Tom shrugged and started moving to the beat of the upbeat pop song. He wasn't sure why this was happening, or if it happened regularly. Needless to say, this was not what he was expecting when he walked into this apartment.

After the song ended, proper greetings were in order. Sean came over and gave Tom a hug like he hadn't seen him in a long time. Then, Signe (“see-nuh” - he finally got the right pronunciation!) did the same. He had no idea how long these guys had been friends with Ethan. This whole switch thing was going to be a ‘figure it out as you go’ type of thing, wasn't it?

“I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner,” he began as he sat on the couch. “I had a meeting and a shoot I completely forgot about, and it took ages.”

“Hey, it's fine. Happens to all of us,” Sean told him. “We're spending the night here, anyway, so you can't avoid us forever!”

“You're stuck with us!” Signe jokingly added.

“Lit,” Tom replied with minor hesitation. Was that a thing Ethan would say? It felt like it.

“Anyway,” Bella spoke up, “me and Signe are gonna film a video right now, so…”

“I'll look after little E-tan,” Sean finished for her with a small laugh.

Tom did catch the small moment of tension. Bella was still upset about the previous day, and probably over the fact that her boyfriend basically ignored her all day. Of course she wouldn't want to be in the same room as him.

The two ladies stood and went into a room, probably Bella’s. They were making a video, were they? For YouTube, right? Did they all make videos in their own homes? Did they not have an office space like Mark? Tom had a lot to learn, and he didn't know how long he had.

“And then there were two,” he commented once he was alone with the Irish guy.

He chuckled. “Really, though, how are you? Heard you had a hard time the other day.”

Here we go again. This didn't feel any different to the interviews where Tom was asked the same damn questions over and over. He couldn't help the reluctance in his tone.

“I've had some anxiety lately, I'm fine, I took some time off work. It's nothing.”

“But you're taking time off work,” Sean repeated. “That doesn't seem like you.”

You’ve not the slightest clue, mate.

Tom shrugged, his stomach turning. This guy seemed to be seeing right through him. How long would it be until figured it out? “Yeah, I know. It's just… I think I'm overworking myself. I mean, I did crash and go mental for a bit. Definite sign I should slow down.”

Sean only nodded, watching him. “Yeah, it's always good to do that. You gotta take care of yourself, too. And just know, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.”

It was something a lot of people said, but hearing it from this particular guy felt reassuring. It felt genuine, and Tom could only tell because he hadn't heard or felt something like that in a very long time. For the first time since the switch, he actually felt somewhat comfortable, and that's what made him say his next sentence.

“Ever since D23...” he began, and then he paused. How was he going to go about this without sounding insane? “I haven't really felt like myself.”

“How so?” Sean asked.

I literally switched bodies with your friend, but you would think I was mental if I said that.

“I… I don’t know. It’s probably nothing,” he said, waving it off.

“Maybe you’re burning yourself out?” Sean suggested. “I know that after a while of doing this, you get pretty exhausted.”

Was he talking about YouTube? Surely, it couldn’t be that hard. Tom was going to try his hand at it tomorrow, and he wasn’t all that worried. How hard could it possibly be?

“Yeah, it's probably that,” Tom said, now wanting to get away from this subject.

Thankfully, Sean did change topics, but it was still an awkward, uncomfortable one.

“Are things okay with you and Baller?”

Tom wanted to laugh at that nickname, but the mood still felt a little serious. He looked at Sean, who was watching him carefully. Almost like he was waiting for Tom to lash out or snap in some way. Again, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was always like this, or if it was just because of the switch.

“Uh…” he trailed off. “What did she say to you?”

“Nothing, she was just a little off when you showed up,” Sean said. “Maybe I’m reading too far into it. I think I’m quick to worry when it comes to Bella.”

Sounds like an ex-boyfriend. Or someone who had way too many feelings for someone else’s girlfriend. Upon his Wikipedia search, Tom learned that Bella and Sean (she prefers to call him Jack) were very close and there was plenty of speculation regarding their relationship. Maybe that was something he should have asked Ethan about before being dropped off.

“I don’t mean to overstep,” Sean continued, seeing the look on Tom’s face. “You know, you’re my friend and she’s my friend… I just wanna know if you guys are okay.���

Are they close enough to the point where Ethan can talk about something like the knife incident? Best to keep that to himself.

“We’re fine,” Tom finally answered. “Thank you, but everything’s fine with me and my girlfriend.”

Sean took the hint.

~

“You're dirty, disgusting But I can't get enough of your loving Boy I hate you, really hate you My momma said I shouldn't date you…”

The high, distinct voice was coming from the bathroom in Bella’s room, where the girl was currently showering. It was well after midnight, Sean and Signe had already gone to bed in the spare room, so the remaining couple followed suit. Tom was nervous about this, to say the least. He would have gone back Ethan’s apartment, but he didn't have a ride there, much less directions to get there.

He had been in the middle of typing out a message to Ethan asking for those directions, until he got distracted by Bella’s singing voice. He had never heard anything like it before, it was so captivating and pretty. He looked at the bathroom door, which was open just a crack, and he couldn't help but smile at the singing.

It moved him, he felt a million things at once. Just when he thought this woman couldn't get any better. She was beautiful, she was motivated and passionate. She was kinky as hell, a little weird, absolutely hilarious. She was also a fucking amazing singer. Very different from the quiet, anxious girl that interviewed Tom only a few days ago.

“You sweet talk me again, yo I don't wanna be friends, no Why am I such a fool When it comes to you A, B, C, D, E-E-E, F, U”

Once that song ended, Tom lost focus on what he had been doing before. He looked down at the phone in his hand, skimmed the text, and then deleted it. Maybe instead of just straight out asking for things, Tom would give Ethan something like a daily report. He was supposed to learn things on his own, right?

“Dude your girlfriend is really fucking talented,” he typed out. “And I'm gonna try to apologize to her about yesterday, I'll let you know how that goes.” Sent. “Oh and I don't know how to get back to your apartment.” Sent again. “Sean and Signe are really cool btw. Ok goodnight.”

Tom put the phone down just as he heard the shower turn off. All he could do was hope that Bella wouldn't try anything like she did the day before. He didn't want to have to reject her twice in a row. Besides, she had barely spoken to him since he arrived, and he really needed to fix that.

He looked around her room, taking in whatever he could in the short amount of time he had. Sure, he had to learn just about everything there is to know about Bella Santiago, but he wasn’t observing just because he had to. He took in the keyboard, obviously connecting it to the singing he heard in the bathroom. He saw the alarming amount of makeup brushes on top of the bureau and the piles of clothes on the floor. He actually had to Google what the large pink, purple, and blue flag hanging above her bed meant.

What was most interesting to him though, were the professional lights and the camera stored in the corner of the room. Was that all Bella needed to make her videos? Tom was overwhelmed at the amount of gadgets Ethan had in his own home. Honestly, it made him a bit more nervous to make videos of his own.

Eventually, the girl opened the door and turned off the bathroom light. Tom was pleasantly surprised to see her wearing a navy blue Midtown High t-shirt and black booty shorts. Her black and pink hair was damp, and she was running a towel through the long locks. But Tom was focused on the shirt. Bella really was a fan, not just an interviewer who pretended to know everything about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

“Cool shirt,” he told her as he watched her approach the bed.

“I didn't know you were still here,” she replied, disregarding his words. “Thought you left.”

Here we go. Boyfriend time.

“Babe,” he started, sitting up on the mattress and looking directly at her. “Hey, I'm so sorry about yesterday. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what happened…”

She didn't say anything at first. She busied herself by throwing the towel back into the bathroom and approaching the bed again. Then she returned the eye contact.

“Was it something I did? Brutal honesty.”

“No, of course not!”

“Ethan, come on!”

“I mean it!” He sat up on his knees, trying to get his point across. “You know I've been having a hard time lately. And I took it out on you at the literal worst time, and I'm so sorry.”

Bella looked down, picking at her fingernails. “What kind of a hard time?”

Tom tilted his head to the side. “I… you know. The panic attack.”

“Those last up to forty five minutes.”

“I'm not working right now, either,” he continued, knowing that work was a big thing for this guy. “I just haven't felt like… I don't feel like myself anymore.”

The pink haired girl now sat on the bed. “Do you wanna talk more about it?”

What else could he say? How could he not sound absolutely crazy?

“Maybe another time,” he said. “I just wanted to properly apologize for yesterday. I was out of line.”

“Okay,” Bella said, her tone changing to something more gentle and affectionate. She placed her hand on Tom’s. “Whenever you wanna talk, you know I'm here. If there's anyone who's going to understand the noise in your brain, it'll be me.”

Tom nodded, though he wasn't sure what she meant by noise. Did it have to do with the anxiety thing Ethan had mentioned?

He didn't really think about it that much because Bella leaned in to kiss him. Of course, he returned the gesture but quickly stopped at as he remembered the next point to bring up.

“By the way, is it okay if we… um…” he trailed off.

“What?” she asked as she sat up against the headboard.

Tom saw her shorts ride up, and for some reason he wasn't expecting to see pinkish scars going across her thighs. His heart nearly dropped at the sight, his mind threatening to go to the darkest place. However, he shook it off and continued his sentence.

“Can we… can we be… abstinent?” His voice went softer with every word, bracing himself for any backlash.

“How come?” Bella asked.

“Uh…”

“Oh!” she said in realization. “You're not feeling like yourself, not in the right mind. I get it. It's okay. We'll take as long as you need.”

Tom sighed in relief. That was so much easier than he expected. He smiled when Bella kissed him on the cheek.

“You're a really good girlfriend, you know that?” he told her as he took her hand.

“I just want you to be happy.”

Tom looked down at their intertwined fingers, mildly content. He couldn't help but think that Ethan was pretty lucky to have someone so understanding and empathetic. However, his mind went to the dark place when he saw the more pink scars on Bella’s wrist, eerily similar to the ones on her thighs. Clearly, he had missed a huge detail about this girl. He just wasn't sure if he was supposed to know about it, though.

_____

tag list: @marie-is-in-the-dark @beardedsteveslut

_____

next

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

I Prefer The Drummer. (Josh Dun x Reader)

“For those of you who just tuned in, I’m Anna from Alternative Press and I have with me, riding high after their incredibly successful world tour, Slade, Leighton, (Y/N) and Jesy – The Midnight Bandits.”

The four of you gave a quick greeting to the camera before directing your attention back to the interviewer.

“So, guys, before the break, we spoke about the tour and you shared some information on the new album; now it’s time we get to the fun part…”

“Oh, that can only mean one thing. Fan questions right?” Leighton chuckled.

“It is actually!” Anna answered, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“Whenever interviewers have something ‘fun’ in store for us, it’s generally always fan questions,” Slade explained. “And it’s rarely ever fun. They ask the weirdest shit.”

“Yeah, like other bands play games and stuff, but we just get interrogated,” Jesy added.

“Not to say that we hate answering fan questions, we love engaging with fans,” you jumped in. “It’s just, yeah, they ask some pretty weird shit.” The four of you laughed, thinking back to all the awkward fan questions you'd answered in the past.

“Don’t take it personally, we love you guys,” Slade spoke to the fans through the camera. “Just lay off the crack for a little bit.”

“They’re just really passionate,” Anna giggled. “They want to know as much about you as they can.”

“Yeah, including whether or not Leighton has ever had Skype sex,” Slade snorted, the rest of you laughing in response.

“Hey, that question was directed to both of us, dude,” Leighton defended.

“Mainly to you, though. They added ‘or Slade?’ as an afterthought.”

“What was the answer?” Anna questioned cheekily.

“That… is irrelevant,” Leighton spoke, closing his eyes and raising his hands, causing the room to begin laughing again. “You gonna ask us those questions or not?”

“Alright, alright. Touchy,” Anna smirked as she shuffled through the cards she held in her hand. “Okay, the first one is from @heavydirtyslade and her question is: ‘Have any of you guys have ever been in handcuffs?’ Oooo.”

Leighton, Slade and yourself all shook your heads no as Jesy pulled her mouth to the side and timidly raised her hand, earning a collective gasp from the rest of you.

“Oh! We’ve got a bad girl over here!” Anna exclaimed through a chuckle.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” Slade turned to face her. “You’ve been in handcuffs like you’ve been arrested, or like in the bedroom?”

Jesy’s face flushed as she sucked her teeth and whispered, “That wasn’t part of the question.”

“You kinky little shit!” Leighton gasped, nudging Jesy with his elbow.

“Moving on!” she declared.

“Alright, this one is from @summerof2001, and her question is: ‘@(Y/N)(Y/L/N) who is your celebrity crush?’ I wanna know the answer to this too, actually,” Anna leaned in closer.

The boys ‘oooohed’ as you shifted your gaze to the ceiling and ran your tongue over your teeth.

“Mm, who is it, (Y/N)?” Jesy pressed while advancing on you, clearly amused.

“Shut up, Jesminda!” you snapped at her, shifting in your seat.

“Come on, (Y/N/N), you already talk about him all the time. How is now any different?” Leighton chirped with a sly grin.

“(Y/N), now you have to tell us!” Anna said excitedly.

“I don't have to tell you anything,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“(Y/N) has a crush on a certain drummer…” Jesy started; you gasped and jumped to clamp a hand over her mouth, trying your best to prevent your friend from spilling the identity of your crush. “WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF JOSHUA DUN!” she managed to yell out.

The room erupted in a mixture of laughter, whistling and cheering as you wished that the floor would open up and swallow you.

“Really? Josh Dun?” Anna asked, grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah! She loves him!”

“Slaaadddeee,” you whined, closing your eyes and shaking your head.

“Literally all she ever talks about is how amazing he is,” Jesy said, shooting you an evil glare.

“And how much she really wants to go to a twenty one pilots concert. For obvious reasons,” Leighton wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as the other two band members laughed and you hid your face in your hands.

“Have you ever met him?” Anna asked.

“No, no I haven’t,” you sighed, face still in your hands.

“Well, someone needs to fix that.”

~

“Ha, and you didn't believe me when I told you that she had a crush on you,” Tyler commented from his lounging position on the hotel bed, folding his arms and smiling triumphantly.

Even though the interview had ended, Josh still sat staring at the phone screen in his hand; he felt like he was dreaming, and he half-expected to be awoken by his alarm any second, dissolving the lovely feeling he had inside of him after watching the interview by bringing to light the fact that he’d been dreaming.

But he wasn’t dreaming.

He was genuinely awake, he had actually watched the interview, and you truly did have a crush on him.

He smiled so hard that his face began to hurt.

“Dude, we need to do that ‘band interviews band’ thing.”

~

“What about this? Wait, no, this. Nah, that’s tacky. Maybe… ugh, I wore that last time we were on. Oooo, this could work. No, it doesn’t match. But this might. Wait! No-“

“Oh my fuck!” Leighton threw his hands up in frustration. “Just choose something! It's an interview, not a fashion show.”

“Leave her be. She wants to look her best for Jishwa,” Jesy winked as she strolled past you and to the mirror.

“Maybe I just shouldn't go,” you sighed. “Yeah, I like that idea.”

“Um, we organised this entire thing because of you. You can’t just not show up,” Slade scoffed.

“But I have nothing to wear,” you pouted, looking around at the piles of your clothing sadly.

“Wear a twenty one pilots shirt,” Leighton sniggered, stopping when one of your shirts landed over his face. “Rude,” came his muffled response.

“Come on, babe. I’ll help you look,” Jesy said, scrunching her face as she surveyed the clothes on the floor.

“Well, you’d better hurry,” your manager said as he entered the room. “If we’re not there in the next 45 minutes, they’ll be no one for you to impress.”

~

You sat scrolling through Instagram as Jesy approached you; you didn't notice her presence until she kicked your shin.

“Ow!” you frowned, looking up at her.

“Look who just walked in,” she said, motioning to the other side of the room.

“Oh my god,” you squeaked, standing up so quickly you almost lost your balance, but Jesy caught you.

“Easy, tiger,” she chuckled.

“Shit, they’re coming this way. What do I do?” she whispered urgently.

“Just calm down and be cool,” Jesy stated calmly.

“Calm and cool are two things that I’m definitely not. Just… just tell them I’m going to the bathroom.”

“What? (Y/N), no-“

But you had already scurried off. Jesy sighed and turned around to face Tyler and Josh, beaming. “Hey, guys. Great to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” Tyler smiled before frowning a little and pointing in the direction you ran off in. “Where did (Y/N) go?”

“(Y/N)? Oh, she… went to the bathroom.”

Josh furrowed his eyebrows and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Pretty sure the ladies room is that way…”

“Uh…”

“Guys, we’re on in two. Gotta take our seats,” Leighton called out. “Where’s (Y/N)?”

“She went to the bathroom,” Jesy said, walking towards him.

“She did?” Slade voiced. “The bathroom is that way, and I swear I saw her go-unf,” he stopped mid-sentence and groaned when Jesy punched him in the abdomen.

“Shut up,” she sneered through clenched teeth.

~

“Hi, we’re twenty one pilots.”

“And we’re The Midnight Bandits.”

“And you’re watching Alternative Press’s Artist On Artist.”

“First question,” Slade began, clearing his throat before continuing. “Alright, we’re gonna give you two options and you have to choose one, okay? Fall Out Boy or Panic! At The Disco?”

“Aw, no. I can’t-I can’t answer that,” Josh said, shaking his head and looking at Tyler.

“Fall Out Boy,” Tyler stated without missing a beat. “That one was easy.”

Josh chuckled along with your band as Slade added, “Why Fall Out Boy?”

“Obviously, they both make really good music, but Brendon’s a weirdo,” Tyler said, giving a smile and a small giggle to indicate that he was in fact joking.

“Okay, uh, what is your favourite song to perform live and why?” Josh read off of the card in his hand.

“Oooo, that’s a tricky one,” Jesy said, the rest of you nodding in agreement.

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any song we don't enjoy playing live, to be honest. They all have their own significance, so it’s kinda hard to pick just one,” you remarked, trying to keep your voice steady while you looked at Josh, even though your hands were shaking.

“Although, whenever we play Degenerate live, it always has an insane vibe,” Leighton piped, snapping his fingers as the rest of you nodded and voiced your agreements. “The crowd’s always hyped for that one.”

“So, you did a cover of My Chemical Romance’s song Cancer not too long ago; out of all their hits, why did you choose this one?” Jesy asked.

“I think, we both really wanted to do a My Chemical Romance cover just because we both admire them so much and they’re so talented and really embodied the whole group thing…”

“It also incorporated our whole theme too,” Josh chimed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tyler confirmed as he fiddled with the cards in his hands. “Let’s see… when on tour, obviously, everyone’s living in close quarters; do you guys ever fight and what was the pettiest argument you’ve ever had?”

“It was the shower,” Slade remarked.

“Definitely the shower,” Leighton added, toying with the rips in his jeans.

“Yeah, that was really petty,” Jesy concurred as she readjusted the choker around her neck as you started to explain.

“We were getting in the shower and it was supposed to be five minutes per member, but I took longer than five minutes and I went when I wasn’t supposed to,” you explained and gestured towards Slade, “It was his turn, I think, so,”

“And then we got on the bus and (Y/N) was like, ‘Are you still mad at me?’ and Slade just had the bitchiest face on like, ‘Yeah’,” Leighton laughed.

“Josh takes super long showers too,” Tyler mentioned and your band ‘oooohed’. “So you have something in common there, (Y/N).”

“Not just that,” Jesy smirked as she pointed between you and Josh as the blood rushed to your cheeks. “They’d be so cute together, like, they’re both drummers and they have the nose rings and pink hair…”

“Should we just leave?” Tyler said to Slade, Leighton and Jesy, the four of them laughing their asses off as you and Josh cowered in embarrassment.

“Next question,” you huffed, cheeks still rosy pink.

~

“I love how you guys just continually throw a girl under the bus like that,” you snapped at your bandmates as you stood in front of them with your hands on your hips.

“Oh, come on, we’re trying to hook you guys up,” Slade rolled his eyes, nudging you as he walked past.

“And you’re doing a marvellous job at that,” you retorted.

“Uh, actually, yeah, I think we are,” Leighton commented, eyes directing you to turn around, which you did, and sure enough, Josh was walking towards you.

“Shit, guys, what do I-“ you turned back around to address your friends, but they’d already scattered. “Assholes,” you muttered under your breath as you felt Josh’s hand on your shoulder, sending a jolt of electricity through you.

“Hey,” he smiled broadly at you.

“H-hey,” you stammered, eyes wide at the realisation that you were actually talking to him.

“So, it’s, ahem, great to finally meet you. I’ve been looking forward to this for a really long time,” he confessed, sincerity evident in his voice.

“Seriously?” you asked, bewildered as he nodded in response. “Well, I’m sorry that my friends made it so weird.”

“Oh, no, it's cool. I mean, Tyler didn't exactly make it any better,” he let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, is there, uh, any chance that you’d maybe wanna, um, hang out… sometime?”

You were so shocked that you couldn’t even answer him; you just stood there, staring like an imbecile.

“Right, of course you don’t. Sorry,” he started to walk away.

“No, no, no, no, no,” you pleaded, worriedly grabbing onto his bicep. “I mean, yes, I’d love to hang out with you.”

He flashed you that magnificent smile of his and handed you his phone. “Awesome! Put your number in?”

You did and handed him your phone so that he could do the same.

“Cool, so I’ll call or text you soon,” he said.

“Can’t wait.”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

[gzdude13]

The Girl and the Closet by GZDude13

The following are select journal entries from the many journals belonging to Shelly Mary Jones

August 29, 2006 Dear Diary,

Mommy and Daddy are making me start writing in this journal after I got in trouble. Marcy is a girl in my class. I barely started the second grade. Marcy was mean to me and took my brand new markers without asking so I pushed her and called her a goober. I was sent to the office and my mommy and daddy had to come and talk to my teacher. They said I was fighting, but that was not true. The principal talked to my parents about bullying and they said they would talk to me about it too.

So today I am writing in this diary as there-a-pee or something like that. Daddy told me that if I’m mean to others then the dark eye monster will come and get me. They said that the dark eye lives in the dark parts of the world like shadows and sewers or under my bed and loves to go after bad kids. Kids that bully other kids and hit or call them mean things. My teacher says that I am too smart to be a bully and should focus on being a good student. I think from now on I will be good even if others make fun of my red hair and freckles.

From now on I will be a good girl.

January 25, 2010 Dear Diary,

I came home crying from school today. I get made fun of a lot at school even though I do my best to be kind to everyone. Today I think I reached my limit because I ended up slapping Jenny after she pulled my hair. She was mad at me because she has a crush on Brandon and he likes to talk to me during lunch. She and her group of friends came over to my table when I was alone and started saying mean things about why I always sit alone. I tried to be nice and tell her that she had the wrong idea, but she only chastised me for putting on the “good girl” act. When I tried to answer her she yelled “shut the fuck up bitch!” and pulled my hair. I didn’t mean to slap her, it was just reflex. Mom and Dad are going to be so disappointed.

I’ve heard the rumors… everyone thinks I suck up to the teacher and that’s why I get good grades. Everyone says that I only pretend to be nice and pretend to be sweet because I like the attention from the adults. My parents use to scare me with stories about the DarkEye monster to make sure I didn’t turn out to be a bully. I guess it stuck pretty well because even though I know my parents are going to flip out over me getting detention I’m more scared of going to sleep tonight because of the DarkEye monster. It’s such a stupid childish fear to have, but it’s still there.

January 26, 2010 Dear Diary,

I had a really bad nightmare last night. I went to bed still feeling really guilty over what happened with Jenny yesterday. It didn’t help that my parents were pretty upset with what happened at school either. I am effectively grounded for the next two weeks… I guess I deserve it. But the worst part was the night after. I dreamed of a black shadowy demon with the darkest glinting eyes I had ever seen. It was the DarkEye monster my parents use to scare me with. I know the DarkEye isn’t real and that it’s a childish and stupid tactic my parents used to keep me in line, but it felt real in my dream. It was pitch black yet I could still see two eyes that were darker than black and shined like polished onyx.

I woke up sweating and panting as if I just ran a million miles. The DarkEye isn’t a real thing, my parents made it up, but just in case I’m wrong I promise to be a better person. I promise to be kinder to people no matter what.

October 19, 2016 Dear Journal,

It was a fairly good day today. The student council members all met up during our open period in the morning and we agreed on all the decorations for the Halloween dance. Edgar Ochoa asked me to go with him, but I politely turned him down. Shannon doesn’t have a date and I agreed to go with her and the rest of the girls as a group. We’re all going with themed dresses and outfits. We agreed that no costumes should be allowed at the dance, only themed outfits. The teachers will be in charge of how that craziness will be defined.

As a side note, I think we have to address the issue of bullying in school again. I’m going to bring it up tomorrow because today while walking to my 5th-period class I had to step in and stop the jocks from bullying Sean Snider. He’s an easy target because he’s a little shorter than the average high schooler and a bit awkward. I can relate a little bit because I use to be made fun of for my bright red hair and pale skin. Devin Martin and Jerry Shoemaker seem to be the ringleaders in most fights and bully-related issues on campus. I’ll talk to Mrs. Hartwell and Mr. Terrance tomorrow about the issue.

July 4 2017 Dear Journal,

First off, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! It was a fantastic day… up until the end. It was a Tuesday, so I had to go to work and then come home for a lunch break before meeting up with mom and dad for a BBQ. Keeping with our yearly tradition we headed to the park to watch the fireworks when the sun goes down. The city went all out this year! There were a ton of awesome stands selling funnel cakes, hotdogs, pretzels, and even a German wiener stand! Nothing says American patriotism quite like German sausage, haha!

But now for the negative part of my day… I saw Sean Snider again today. I honestly think he really is stalking me. I don’t get any weird messages or anything online and so far I haven’t really felt like my life is being directly affected by him, but he has come into the coffee shop several times during my work shift including today. I’ve seen him at the store while applying for classes at college, and today at the park. I literally bumped into him at the German sausage stand. I turned around to walk back to my parents to get some cash and walked right into him! I know I’ve mentioned before that I think he’s following me around, but today I think this proves it. He’s being a little creep! The way I bumped into him really disturbed me. He’s so short that when I turned around and walked into him… just… ew…

April 6, 2018 Dear Journal,

Oh god, I haven’t been sleeping well during the past few weeks. I’ve been having nightmares and end up waking up around 3:00 am. I started having nightmares around July of last year. I know what it is too; I’m stressing and letting in negative thoughts. I have to try and stay positive and polite, but honestly, some people are complete garbage! I notice that the only nights I have nightmares are the days when someone ticks me off.

The nightmares are always the same too. That stupid childish monster my mom and dad made up to keep me in line… DarkEye… In every nightmare I see it creeping after me, slowly getting closer and closer every night I dream of it. I’ve gotten into the habit of looking under my bed and in my closet just in case there are monsters hiding there... namely DarkEye. Maybe I’ll start meditating again and try to think more positively.

April 9, 2018 Dear Journal,

Between college, work, and the possibility of having a constant stalker, (I saw Snider the creep today AGAIN!), I am stressing out and people are pissing me the hell off! Every night I have the same nightmare of DarkEye coming after me. I wake up at 3:00 am and find my closet door open when I’m sure I closed the damn thing!

I’m probably just being a drama queen, but I keep up the façade of being unaffected by the bull crap people throw my way. My coworkers talk smack about me behind my back and have accused me of going as far as sleeping with the boss to get my promotion. Two of my teachers are completely incompetent when it comes to grading papers, and I swear that sniveling little hobbit, Snider, somehow memorized my daily schedule because I see him EVERYWHERE! I’m just glad he doesn’t know where I live.

April 11, 2018 Holy shit journal!

My patience is being tested today. I woke up again last night and again my closet was wide open. I’m driving myself insane because this time I could have sworn I saw a monstrous dark figure stepping out. I managed to get my desk lamp on only to find myself completely alone, seriously the DarkEye is just make-believe. Going back to sleep was hard, but I got a bit of sleep afterward and managed to make it into work on time. My coworkers were being the usual assholes again. College life is just as annoying as usual. My professors must be retarded or drunk because they don’t seem to understand the course material at all.

I need to get a hold of myself. Maybe working and going to school is burning me out. I’ll try to slow down and relax for a bit this weekend. Also, I’m going to sleep with my lamp on tonight just to try and keep the nightmares at bay. This is getting ridiculous…

On the evening of April 12th, 2018 local media reported on the brutal murder of Shelly Mary Jones. In the following weeks, police and investigators used Shelly’s journals as well as the statements of witnesses in her neighborhood to piece together the events leading up to her death in the early hours of April 12th, 2018. Shelly was found by police responding to a 911 call made by concerned neighbors who reported hearing screams emanating from Shelly’s property a few minutes after 3:00 am that morning.

She was discovered lying in a puddle of her own blood in her bedroom. Her body was covered in bruises and multiple lacerations. Evidence discovered on the scene included: A large carving knife, taken from the victims kitchen, a blood-covered baseball bat also belonging to the victim, a cellphone and camera on the outside of the victim’s bedroom window with pictures of the victim taken from the outside of her home, DNA samples on the outside of the victim’s bedroom and bathroom windows, and multiple fingerprints on and around the outside of the victim’s bedroom window.

Witnesses reported hearing screams emanating from Ms. Jones’s home a few minutes after 3:00 am. The neighbor on the east side of Ms. Jones’s property reported hearing a loud crash as if someone knocked over some trash bins. The neighbor on the west side of Ms. Jones’s property was awoken by the sound of screaming and also reported hearing a similar crash that made him step outside in time to see a short man running down the street with a visible wound on his arm trailing blood.

Further investigation proved that the camera and cellphone found on the scene belonged to a man named Sean Caleb Snider. Investigators believe that Mr. Snider had developed an unhealthy obsession with Ms. Jones. Ms. Jones wrote about her suspicions on the very matter in her personal journals. Evidence suggests that Snider allowed his unhealthy obsession to build up to the point in which he began to gain entry into Ms. Jones’s property while she was asleep.

Investigators believe that on the night of the murder, Snider gained entry into her property, retrieved a knife from her kitchen with the intent to assault Ms. Jones in her sleep. A struggle ensued which led to the death of Ms. Jones. It’s believed that the bat and knife found on the scene were both used to assault the victim. The DNA and fingerprints found on the scene of the crime came back as a match to the suspect in question, Sean Caleb Snider.

He was later arrested the same day by police who found him hiding under his bed at his parent’s house. He had sustained a similar injury as described by the neighbor that witnessed Snider fleeing the scene, furthermore, the injury matched the lacerations on the victim’s body. It’s believed that he sustained the wound during the struggle with the victim. The baseball bat must have been a weapon of opportunity.

Snider was arrested and taken to the local hospital to treat his wounds. He has not cooperated with investigators and has shown signs of extreme mental instability.

[back-home-ballers]

How I Won SNL Tickets: info + tips

I promise this’ll be the last post I make about my SNL experience for those who are sick of hearing about it, but I’ve been working on this since Sunday and I wanted to address a few questions and give a few tips for the show + meeting the cast after (I know a lot of what I’m going to touch on are things I was curious about prior to, and after winning as well)

PART 1 (HOW I WON) - Okay so I sent an email for the April biggest fan contest maybe a day after they tweeted about it from SNL’s official twitter. They’ve been doing these contests every month since February I think, so I’d be on the lookout for a May contest in the near future. In terms of what to put in the email, I honestly could not tell you what they’re looking for, or how closely they read the emails. I know some people have sent serious emails and won, and others have sent funny emails and won. I personally sent a “funny” email with a few serious notes. So I sent that in mid/late March & I received an email on the morning of April 6th that I’d won tickets for the April 15th show (9 days notice). You have to email them back within 24 hours to confirm your tickets & it’s apparently hit or miss whether or not you receive confirmation of your confirmation. 

If you don’t win tickets through this contest, or the August lottery, you can always do standby. I have personally never done standby, so I cannot speak to that experience, but I know general information for that can be found on NBC’s website. For the show I went to, standby was insane because of Harry Styles, people had been lined up all week. However, I hear for most other shows, if you get there sometime on Friday before like, 6-7 pm you’ll be fine. Just know the significance of the host & musical guest, and remember stand-by does not guarantee you’ll get in. 

PART 2 (THE DAY OF THE SHOW & NYC) - I live in NY, but I go to school in the Midwest (moving back to NYC in the Fall, but that’s irrelevant) and we were on Easter break so getting a flight home wasn’t a big deal, and I had a place to stay. I know if you’re coming from far away & you win on short notice, NY is expensive so here’s a few mini-tips on that I guess: first, it’s usually cheaper to fly into LGA. I know that LGA is objectively the worst, but like, money. In terms of lodging, I might try to stay outside of Midtown and take public transit. Midtown is a money sucking hole, and I would avoid it for most of your trip (Although, if it’s your first time in NY or you really love touristy stuff, Midtown is a great place to explore). The entire city is super expensive so plan accordingly.

If you’re going to dress rehearsal, I know my letter said to check in BY 7 pm, but they let us upstairs at 6:15 pm. So when you get upstairs, MAKE SURE YOUR CELL PHONE IS OFF AND AWAY. There is absolutely no photography. There will be a page at the top of the stairs, and you tell them what line you’re in. There are two separate lines that I saw. From what I gathered, I think one line was people who know people, and one was contest or lottery winners. So you go up to a desk and show them your ID (it’s SO important that you bring a valid photo-ID with your date of birth on it) & your confirmation letter. Then they’ll give you a wristband, and an envelope with your tickets in it. The wristbands for dress rehearsal were either blue, or purple. There were very few purple wristbands, and everyone I saw with a purple wristband ended up in a floor seat.

After you get your tickets, you go through security, which is basically just a metal detector. They said no bags, so we didn’t even bring purses, but it looks like you’re allowed to have purses and just not backpacks. I wouldn’t risk it though if you think your purse might be too big. After security you go to the Peacock Lounge where another page looks at your envelope and directs you to either of the sides or the middle section. So this is going to sound kind of off but here’s what I observed about the sides: On one of the sides, you had the purple wristbands, and other generally good looking people. On another far side were people who seemed to know the NBC staff, and in the middle were the common folks. My friend and I were in the middle section. So you sit there awhile & they play music and there are big screens with pictures from sketches and it’s all cool and fun. 

When they started loading the audience, they called the purple wristbands first. Then they called by envelope number & letter or symbol. So the people on the good-looking side generally all left first, then people who seemed to know people all seemed to have stars on their envelopes and they went up next, and then they started calling plain numbers from the middle section. Our envelope number was 30, and I didn’t realize that we were literally the last number until they called up to 25 and it was only my friend & I plus these two guys were left in the little waiting area. So we joked with them about how we’re plebes, and blah blah blah so they eventually say “Everyone else in the Peacock Lounge may now make their way to the elevators”. So we got up, and got in line at the elevators, and I guess they started letting standby people into the waiting area because eventually they started lining up behind us. 

Once you get up in the elevators, everything is totally random. We got separated from our new friends in the studio, and despite being last, we ended up with good seats. We were on the center bend and we could see pretty much everything. They let in 30-40 girls from standby and most of them were way to the side in the kind of crappy seats where you can’t see the two main stages. A few standby people ended up in the center sections in seats that weren’t filled, and they were the last ones in.

PART 3 (THE SHOW ITSELF) - So the studio itself is a whole lot smaller than I imagined, and with the exception of that side section, most seats are incredible. The show starts with Che doing stand-up, and he was actually pretty funny. After that, Kenan, Kate, Vanessa, and Sasheer came out and did the cool song & dance thing warming up with the band, and then they set up for the cold open. I had a Trump cold-open, so it was cool to see Baldwin in his element. He seems to always be in the zone. So they do a countdown, and then the cold-open happens, and let me tell you, the rush between the cold-open and the monologue is real. They do the cold open in front of the main stage, as many of you know, so they have like a minute to get the whole set out, and it’s really something else to watch.

So they do the monologue, and I know for mine, they had dancers. So they swapped out everyone who was on the floor for the dancers, and then while the dancers were in the hallway, the people in floor seats had to literally run back. The people on the floor move a TON. So be prepared for that if you’re on the floor, especially in the front row.

They do sketches all over the studio, so at one point or another, one is going to be happening right under you where you can’t see it, and cameras can sometimes get in the way even when they’re directly in front of you. It’s all cool though, because there are TV screens you can watch on, or if you’re set on looking at the floor, it can sometimes be fun to sit and read the cue cards even if you can’t see the cast.

The musical guest performs twice for those of you who aren’t familiar with the set up of SNL, and with Harry Styles, the stand-by people were going insane. Staff yelled at them at least five times, and I know it’s exciting being in the studio, but it’s important to remember that it is a studio, and that people are working. So that’s just a little side bar there.

For Weekend Update they set up two big black things on either side of the set for the shot I assume, and during dress rehearsal Che & Jost told several different versions of the same joke to I assume see which one got the best reaction.

At the end of the show, as soon as goodbyes are over, they sort of rush you out so they can prepare for the live show (I don’t know how it is after live) Sometimes you can spot cast members in the hallway which is cool, I saw Colin & Bobby as I was walking out. You come out in the NBC store, so it literally feels like you just went on a Universal ride or something.

PART 4 (THE BARRICADE & MEETING THE CAST) - If you’re planning on trying to meet the cast afterwards, they come out under the 49th street marquee. If you’re planning on doing standby and your priority is meeting the cast, I would choose dress rehearsal tickets because they set up the barricades and people are out there before the live show gets out.

My friend and I started lurking outside around 10:40 pm and they set up the barricades around 12:40 am. Most people showed up around 11:30 pm. They set them up on the side closer to the street so stand around that side before they set them up. 

The cast members start coming out around 1:15 am usually from what I hear. I know Leslie came out at that time, and went straight to her car. Most of them came out between 1:30 am and 2:00 am.

I think my biggest tip if you’re going to do barricade is be respectful. Treat not only the cast with respect, but the people surrounding you. I think being respectful entails a lot of things, and for me the biggest things were people hopping the barricades. First of all, don’t do that. For one thing, when security tells you to move, you might not get whatever spot you originally had on the barricade back (and if you push your way back into it, then that’s like a double dick move) and second, the barricade is a physical boundary that is there for a reason. I know it sucks to be like penned in, and to feel like an inferior, but it’s ultimately to keep the cast, and everyone there safe.

My last two-cents on respect is I generally recommend asking before taking pictures, or videos, and always express gratitude. In terms of cast obligations, they are not required to take any pictures, or videos, or sign things, so don’t feel bad, or angry if they don’t stop or have to leave.

PART 5 (FINAL BITS & PIECES) - In terms of accommodations, NBC is great. My friend has trouble with stairs due to a disability, and as long as you correspond with them before the show, they’ll be able to make whatever you need happen. I know if you win the biggest fan contest on Twitter and you can’t make the show you win for, they’ve changed certain people’s dates. I don’t know how that works, but I know it has happened. In general, everyone at NBC is super helpful, and friendly, and they do everything in their power to make sure you have a great night.

So I hope this was helpful, and informative (I’ve been working on it since Sunday). If you have any other questions, feel free to shoot me a message. Otherwise, have an amazing morning/day/night/evening, and good luck with your SNL adventures!

[replicarters]

hellraiser 3 funtime carnival, pt 2

PREVIOUSLY

so my dude @yvenly, unbeknownst to me, loves a hellraiser and has a fuckin shirt of the scary man that he was wearing while reading the first part. jake assures me that the scary man is not going to come and get me and nothing i own is haunted. i trust jake, so fortunately i am able to continue what i started to do the other night, which is watch a scary gory movie starring a space angel. i can confirm it is both gory and scaring me. let me remind you, me, and god that i am only 20 minutes into it, and it took exactly 6 minutes to get to the point where i was gently pissing myself. i shudder to think what the remaining hour and ten minutes hold.

i would very much enjoy if it held more of this:

and less deep crimson rivers, but i know i'm wishing for too much.

hot topic is making breakfast, terribly. this charred, molten husk, for instance, lying atop a burner, is either toast or a severed steak. i think it's toast. everything is burning and she should stop. now, just last night, hot topic was bumming smokes, recklessly flipping curtains open, sitting on the couch weird, and emptying the contents of her backpack all over the floor. but now all of a sudden it's "hey what's up let me make breakfast", so, great, now i'm invested in this blossoming love story. god, what if hot topic dies??? i don't think i could handle that. she and joey are friends now! hot topic's trying to make her food to repay her kindness! it's all fine with me as you might guess.

hot topic's name actually is... terry... or teri... or something. hmmmm. i like to imagine the mental force of will required to not constantly go "yeah?" at your own name not being used to address you. acting!

here's where it starts to cross over into the gay danger zone, when hot topic says it's her first time cooking. and the turn of phrase she uses is that she's a... kitchen... virgin...?

is that... so...?

joey offers to boil some water and says it's a specialty of hers and they laugh awkwardly like two heteros having a hetero time. joey also starts to make a suggestion to hot topic, and i thought to myself, "is she going to tell her to go watch cartoons?" and that's Exactly what she fucking did. i bet hot topic is a big fan of the snorks.

that cookbook appears to be campbell's microwave cookbook, which is wonderful on about 15 different levels. microwave cookbook being levels one through ten.

hot topic dances on the edge of the gay event horizon by sneaking a peek in joey's closet Come On Now is this for real

and joey is apparently not that great with toast either so i don't know how these girls are going to feed each other after they defeat the hellraiser and get married.

one LITTLE detail left out until the change in camera angle is that hot topic isn't wearing any pants. that seems like it was pretty important information for me to have, for the f/f hellraiser 3 fanfic i am now writing.

everything is all fine and dandy until the music starts going again and hot topic gets upset. she really loves it here. she wants the movie to flip into a lesbian romcom instead of being the mind-crushing hack-and-slash that it is. you guys what if she gets hacked and slashed?! oh god i don't want it

"uhhh a guy's head exploded in the first six minutes; we can't go back." yes, joey has to solve this mystery, which, i mean, she's braver than me; if i watched a guy get blasted all over the hospital walls after chains pulled his head apart i'd have a repressed memory that wouldn't resurface until years and years later, at which point i'd pass out in the grocery store as a grown adult with kids or something, and when i came to i'd remember the hell out of it and wouldn't stop screaming until my vocal chords snapped.

oh my good god

there's something important happening here but all i heard was "we're going shopping." forrrrrr strap-ons?

oh, they came to the hobo man's art gallery that's only open at night, and that i keep calling the pyramidhead gallery in my head. also check out those pants. yikesaroo! i can hear 1992's sears catalog calling from a landfill!

gracious me this whole ensemble! noooo.

"maybe they're closed." they're not closed, they just cannot let you in dressed like you belong in a parade on stilts. it will offend the art and we'll have more bad guys roaming around in the spooky shadows.

some man with a dog across the street says the pyramidhead gallery is closed every day, except for he apparently doesn't know it's open exclusively at 12:01 am. he says it's been there for months, closed. hot topic says that's bs; her boyfriend just bought something there last week. ew so the boyfriend that threw her out is imitation danny zuko. girl, run far away because that guy's busy communing with unholy messenger rats.

then for no reason at all, this poor pup gets dragged away by its neck, growling because dogs know stuff. does the dog also know its owner is an irresponsible sack of shit who needs to learn what a proper harness is? sheesh.

"chill," hot topic says. "there's a back door, right?" and then she pulls a lock pick out of her tits. like, not on a chain or anything, so i guess it was just resting freely in her cleavage. another important detail for my fanfiction.

there are more ugly paintings inside but joey gets right down to business and finds a file drawer that's pretty much exactly like every file drawer we have at work. just full of accordion folders with papers shoved in them.

"ughhh," joey says, "this is gonna take Forever." i literally... had that moment with my boss at work yesterday trying to find some paperwork. but it's not gonna take forever, not with the music going, it's not...!

the most illuminating revelation is that the gallery is a total scam; everything they have comes from bankruptcy sales, high school art classes, insane asylums... wait, what? uh oh.

uhhhhh ohhhhhhh.

thankfully we leave immediately and head straight back to the loser room. yeahhhh fistbump brah! fistbumps existed in 1992! imagine that. we can truly trace all tradition back to our ancestors.

danny zuko spies a hot blonde and motions to his mark sheppard-looking bartender that he wants to hit that, so the bartender pulls a rose out from the... ice bin...? "here babe take a cold-ass rose" "oh baby the frozen petals are burning me up" - is that what's supposed to happen?

so danny zuko comes over, the girl's like, "oh, it's you~" and he tells her she's beautiful she says "oh no there's lots of girls here more beautiful than me" and he pretends like he cares about how she feels blah blah blah

and then we come to sex noises so the arctic rose worked pretty well. i think i'll spare you a screenshot of the actual sex; i'd rather take a picture of a head split in half. my favorite part though is that he constantly has his hands on her tits so you don't see any nip. so we can watch the other graphic shit we've seen and yet we're not allowed to look at a boob? the fuck?

oh ps the statue is in the background, watching them.

and at the exact moment danny zuko comes (ugh) the statue's eyes open. ohhhhhhhhhhhohohoho fcukinggfkhgkldhgl

then the eyes close again.

hot topic and joey are back at her apartment. joey's broken out of a pair of scully specs so i guess things have gotten serious in here.

hot topic prepares to walk out the door and joey is like HOLD ON???? WHY LEAVE??

she's trying to get some tape and succeeds and this is extremely untoward and i am offended!!!

hot topic guesses joey got what she needed, and prepares to show herself out. joey's face immediately falls and she's like no????? and she invites hot topic to stay in her spare room.

hot topic gets very emotional and says that's great, and offers to do breakfast! oh boy!!

even at the thought of inedible trash breakfast, joey is thrilled. this is Fucking Gay

"so cool... Radical!"

the girl danny just boned stands in front of this painting which, to be honest with you? kind of looks like dukat? maybe dukat if he roided up before the reckoning.

danny's already done with this and has important things to do like getting a scuff off his ugly red cowboy boots. it all goes south pretty fast.

"but you gave me a rose."

"and tomorrow, i'll give one to somebody else." ooooooh

"you shit," the girl says, speaking the truth.

there's yelling, the girl backs up toward the statue, i'm biting my nails because something's clearly gonna happen

LAUGHS NERVOUSLY OHHHHHH NOOOOOOO

chains, chains, it's always chains, hooked chains come out of the statue and sink into her. danny zuko, for as vile as he is, didn't plan this at all as even he's like "what the ffffuuuuuuccckkkk"

hello!! furby's awake!

the statue gets one more hook right into her forehead and then? and THEN, the all-time grossest fucking thing happens, and i swear to god i'm not making this up but also you're kidding if you think i'll actually screenshot it: the hook pulls THE ENTIRETY OF THE GIRL'S SKIN OFF HER BODY IN ONE SHOT, and THEN, STILL ALIVE and screaming bloody fucking murder, the girl, looking like a page out of any muscular system biology book, is DIGESTED BY THE STATUE.

and then once properly absorbed, her face appears SO ALL THE FACES ON THIS STATUE ARE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN SKINNED AND EATEN HKFLGRHLGKLSKB I'M SCREECHING

i guess a nutritious meal was just the thing to get ol stoneface back to normal. HE'S HERE, THIS IS HIM, THIS IS THE GUY!! jake says his name is pinhead? just going to call him pincushion, hope that's okay. honestly it's more like nailcushion, those look like a bunch of nails sticking out of him. why does he love metal so much!!!

and all danny zuko has to say is "jesus christ!" like he couldn't even pretend to barf.

and pinhead FUCKING RESPONDS: "not quite." buddy, i'll say.

he starts getting poetic and i never expected him to have an accent. who do you think you are, shakespeare? i've never heard of shakespeare writing a scene where taming of the shrew ends with a flesh barbecue.

pinhead does one fun thing which is compare himself to danny zuko, which in my mind is exactly right but danny zuko cries and whines and says "no that's fuckin evil man!!!" yeah, just. like. you!

according to pinhead, there's no good, there's no evil, only flesh. is this what he does, just eats people? i didn't expect this either.

"you will help me," he says.

no Fuckin way danny zuko says, bringing out a gun like this is going to do anything other than increase pinhead's desire for flesh cakes.

oh my god and then pinhead laughs and says "how touching, that is the gun you used to kill your parents?" LMAO WHAT????

zuko unloads the gun and pinhead spits every bullet out of his mouth. just lets em drop right out onto the floor. danny zuko then drops his gun.

looks like you're in this for the long haul, pal!

he drops to the floor and starts sobbing. puny man sobbing in his boxers dot jpg.

there is a place, pinhead says, at his right hand for this manchild. yucky.

aaaand true to form, danny zuko takes a minute to think it over and then signs right up. this is so insulting to danny zuko; maybe i ought to start calling him his real name which is JP, which also is not really a name.

meanwhile, joey is full on channeling murphy brown and lookin cute. her friendly grandpa cameraman runs up to give her a package. something for her story? mmm something for something. grandpa cameraman, ever a decent person (oh god what if HE dies?) says if there's any way he can help, just give him a call. i think the first thing he can do to help is contact a priest specializing in exorcisms, get to that statue, and end this before it starts hopping railroad tracks.

scully specs are back on, tape is in the vcr, quest to quit smoking is shot, and we are go.

the tape is of a girl in a room at what looks like that asylum that was referenced before, and she's talking about The Box.

"demons," she says. "demons live in the box." well girl, we are way past that, the demons are out of the box, in statues, in hospitals, that box barely has anything to do with anything anymore.

"it's a gateway to hell." yeaarrrrgghhhhh somebody close it, then!

this is a really nice shot, i just wanted to stop everything and have you look at it. hands!

uhhh thennn the tv switches to an image of a dude

and that dude

starts talking

to joey

NOOOOOOOOPE

"she's telling the truth, joey," this guy that sounds Suspiciously like pinhead says.

joey tries to rewind the tape to see what the hell that was, but there's nothing out of the ordinary there... nnnnggghhhhgdhflk

anyway, demons live in the box. it "opens itself", they come out, that's the sitch. fuck all this.

s-s-s-speaking of the b-b-b-box, here it is at joey's apartment, where hot topic is currently all alone. god if anything happens to her i will be devastated beyond belief. pleeeease don't eat her please don't eat her.

hot topic stares at the box the same way i stare at the box: with off-the-charts trepidation. but she notices what i also noticed, that it looks a little different, like now it has color.

"man, joey must've polished you up some, huh?" oh no please don't

i'm pretty much. gonna shit. please put it down please please please joey will be so sad if you are dead and i can't take it!

oh god and then the phone rings and she puts it down thank jesus

absoLutely not the phone call i wanted her to get.

jp wants hot topic to come over. no no, no, no no no, no, and no!

pleeeeeease just wait for joey to get home she'll protect you and you can both be safe! if you go over to jp you're literally going to be devoured by a hell beast aaaaahhhhhhhh

well thank the lord she says she just can't and slams down the phone. score one for pure love! can you win against the delicate softness of girls being nice to each other, pinhead, can you?!

uh wait, then hot topic triggers joey's messages and it sounds like cameraman telling her she got a job that she wanted across the country. ??? what happened to pure love?!

joey comes home and the place is just a sty. it's dark and hot topic's not there.

and she finds this note that says, "enjoy monterey, you liar".

welp, love is dead and the demons are coming! might as well start breaking ourselves down into bite-sized chunks!

that's all for this evening. we’ll have another fun jaunt tomorrow! now, what do you think is the best technique for cutting off your own arm? just grab a hacksaw and go to town?