#giffing him counts as self-care for me ok

[samijey]

Monday Night RAW 09/12/2016

[nana-talks]

deep red

pairing: tfatws!bucky x fem!reader word count: 2k genre: angst & steam

notes: inspired by deep red by movements. gif by @unearthlydust. again, writing during work hours, so bear with me.

he can still taste her on his lips, feel the curve of her hips beneath his palms. he looks from his hands to his reflection starring back at him in the mirror. it’s been a few months and he continues to struggle to recognize his own face. his dark circles are there, albeit slightly faded. he has new wrinkles, one on each side of his mouth. smile lines?

and I can't tell if this is all a dream or if I'm really here

he’s trying to calm his beating heart, watching the water run down the drain until he can feel the rise and fall of his breath have evened out. he runs his fingers through his hair, pushing the dark locks away from his face before he opens the bathroom door.

and there she is, sitting cross-legged on top of the mattress, his t-shirt hanging loosely around her shoulders. she had her eyes closed, but faced the bathroom, as if she was waiting for him. he padded softly and quietly across the bedroom floor towards her. his job had allowed him to develop this skill very well, he thought to himself, self-depricatingly. right as he reached her, she opened her eyes.

“hey” she said softly. “you ok?”

“yeah” he responded. he wanted to touch her face, and despite the itching, he did. she nuzzled her cheek against his rough palm, letting her hair fall against her face. he pushed them away, feeling his heart pick up speed once again.

but as long as I can feel you, I don't really care

she reached up to his wrist, wrapping her hands around the vibranium, feeling the sensation of the cold material against her warm flushed skin. she felt herself blush beneath his hard stare. she wanted to tell him she loved him, but couldn’t bring herself to break the moment. she felt like he knew already.

“you hungry?” he asked, voice barely there.

“nope.” she shook her head from side to side. “would you mind if we laid here? just a bit longer?”

she hoped he wouldn’t feel embarrassed for getting up so soon after he finished. he tried, she could see - he stood still, his chest against hers, for almost 3 full minutes before he got up. he hoped she didn’t feel him shudder slightly at the question, fighting the urge to cringe from his actions from minutes ago. he just nodded, and she smiled, climbing upwards towards the pillows before he followed her.

and there they laid, as they usually did every single night, one right next to each other, just their hands intertwined. she kept her hold tight against his fingers. she knew he was getting better, but touch was still something he struggled with. she could only imagine having all your terrible memories attached to the feeling of hands and machines against your skin.

cold skin all the time / idle hands so you hold mine / you say it helps with keeping you together and you hold tight / i’m losing feeling in my fingers but i don’t mind

which is why she was surprised that evening when he knocked on her door and crashed his lips against hers, without even saying hello. she didn’t want him to stop, but she knew something must have happened. she tried asking if he was okay, but all he answered was “i need to feel something”. his taste, his fingers against her scalp, she couldn’t concentrate enough to respond. he pushed her up against the door, his roughness soft against her.

can we pretend like it's just you and me? / i wanna act like I can feel something

“i’m sorry” he whispered, and she finally opened her eyes, climbing out of her memories.

“for what?” she asked, frowning slightly

“for coming over like that…” he shrugged, hoping she’d understand. “for being rough.”

she couldn’t help but let out a scoff, pulling his vibranium fingers to rest against her lips. “you were pretty soft to me.” she said.

“yeah?” he wanted to believe her so bad.

“yeah…” she nodded. “i felt… wanted.” she struggled to not say loved, to not scare him off. “it was… hot.”

he blushed, and tried looking away from her, to hide the crimson on his cheeks, but her pull was too strong. if only she knew just how much he wanted her.

“but…” she said, moving her eyes to their intertwined hands. “i can’t help but think… what… what prompted all of that?” she blushed, growing warm and he could hear her heart beat running.

he couldn’t let her know that his latest amend hadn’t gone to plan. he barely mentioned it to dr. raynor last session, just hinting that things weren’t as easy as she had led on, in his usually sarcastic tone. it was embarrassing how fast he slipped back into someone he wasn’t proud to be. and the only place he felt real was underneath her steady gaze.

“i don’t know.” he shrugged. he felt her eyebrows slightly turn. she could read him like no other. she knew he wasn’t being truthful, knew he was ashamed of his past and whenever that was brought up, he’d deflect. and at some point, she understood that was something that would only come with time and was willing to just go from there. “i just wanted to be with you, i guess.”

she nodded. he was slowly starting to understand the concept of giving it all. it didn’t matter if they had finally had sex for the first time, it didn’t matter that he could feel her heartbeat on the palm of his hand as she came - nothing would feel as intimate as sharing his darkest memories and thoughts with her.

he sighed, closing his eyes, feeling her tight fingers around his. she was there, right there, as she had been this whole entire time. there had been nothing he had shared so far that had made her run - not his reasoning behind the amends, not his memories from war, not even why he was always so hesitant to touch her or be touched by her.

not only had she never run, but she had always been willing to surrender herself entirely to him, even when he couldn't keep up with her to the same extent.

and you don't have to give it back to me / ‘cause I can't promise much of anything

“yori was my amend this week.” he whispered, squeezing his eyes, feeling his shoulders tense up. she gripped his fingers tighter, fighting the “oh” that was on the back of her throat. “i feel embarrassed that i befriended him when he was an amend all along, but i couldn’t bring myself to say the words! did you know he had an entire altar for his son? i- i did that.”

“but you’re no longer the winter soldier.” she said. “he did that. not you.”

the slowly growing itch he felt just took over; he couldn’t take it any longer. feeling claustrophobic, he shot up from the bed, fighting the urge to just run away. he leaned against the window, watching the bright city lights slip through the curtains. he was trying to slow down his breathing but all he could listen is yori’s whispered “why” and his meek “i didn’t have a choice”. what a fucking cop-out, he thought, running his fingers angrily through his hair.

before his hands could find their way across his own cheeks, she was there, beside him. she wrapped her arms around his waist, ducking underneath his arms to stand between him and the cold glass. she looked up at him and he was expecting a look of pity, but all he could see was… was that love?

“thank you. for trusting me and sharing that.” she said, kissing his sternum before resting her chin against him. he sees the shine in her eyes, tries to see himself in their reflection. he might really no longer be the winter soldier if he’s someone she’s willing to love.

his skin is tingling, like he’s about to itch again, but he won’t let that drive him away this time. so he tucked his fingers on the nape of her neck, intertwining with her hair, before pulling her against his mouth.

his breath faltered when their tongues touched again. he could recall, somewhat now, how hard he had let himself fall when he first felt her like this that evening. the way he had shoved her against her door, the way he couldn't contain his hands from traveling up and down her body. he was scared of letting that happen again, of losing control, so he stepped back, brushing his lips against her cheeks before hiding on the crook of her neck.

she pushed her hands against his waist, towards the bed, not allowing him to slow down to a stop. he jokingly let go of his body weight, falling forward towards her and she giggled, before shoving him backwards a bit harder. as he sat back on the mattress, he finally looked at her - her bruised lips, her flushed cheeks, her tangled hair and her starry eyes. he pulled her in between his thighs and she caressed his cheeks lovingly, before kissing his temples, his eyelids, his cheekbones, his nose and his lips.

the feather light touch of her fingertips against his stubble, the feeling of his hands wrapping around her waist, their tastes. he held tight against her frame as he slowly twisted and dipped her against the bed, her head hitting the pillow softly.

dive into you / (and open the blinds)

he tried hovering above her, but slowly, she spread her legs and pulled him in between them, brushing over him and moaning gently against his lips. she felt him holding back, but the more they kissed, the more the sounds he made hinted he’d started letting go.

take all of me / (you become my guide)

he still felt the prickling trail against his skin, following wherever she touched. he still could hear the faint sound of feels wrong on the back of his mind. he pulled back, searching for her eyes, to see himself in their reflection.

make me brand new / (to live through your eyes)

there she was beneath him, in between his extended arms. and this time that look of love was undeniable. he couldn’t look away and she held him steady. it was like the words were at the tip of his tongue. she smiled, reaching up to run her fingers over the contours of his face, memorizing every detail she could.

“i wish you could see what i see.” she whispered.

“it’s okay... i think my view is pretty sweet.” he said in between her fingers that ran over his lips. she would have rolled her eyes at his compliment, but he crashed his lips against hers once more.

for someone that was struggling so hard to let go of his fears and his ghosts, he kissed like that was all nothing, he touched her like his hands were made to please her body, he fit inside her like that was his purpose all along. and she knew that to be true because he made her see stars like nobody else before (and like nobody else would after).

and bucky still didn’t know then, but the next time she touched him, it would be to check if he was really sound asleep. but he’d lay there, with her on his chest, breathing heavily. and there would be no sting, or prick, or itch - not again for a long time.

so I can finally sleep / (deep red at the sunrise)

[mybiasisexo]

HI! Happy New Year!

Can I request #51 with Chanyeol pls? Wishing you all the best for 2024! Thanks in advance!

Distraction 🏋️‍♂️

Part 2 Genre: fluff | personal trainer!au Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader Length: 2.3k Warnings: Chanyeol is a warning all in himself boy!!!

a/n: I said i was gonna make a gym drabble and baby here it is!!! This isnt really fluff, but its def not angst. What other genres are there??? I could've made this 6k is2g lmao i want the smut 😂. but ayye these are just drabbles! I'll behave. Sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for the request 😚 this gif of him alwaaaays makes me crazy like if i stare at it for too long ill scream. no im not ok thanks for asking

DRABBLE GAME | MASTERLIST

Dread filled you as you gazed at the building looming in front of you. Your worst enemy—the gym.

You despised the place for two reasons. The first was simple, it was a gym, pretty self-explanatory. The second reason was your personal trainer, Park Chanyeol.

You swore from the moment he was assigned to you he made it his mission to make you never come back. He had to have a torture kink or something, with the stuff he had you doing. You’ve pushed yourself to the point of puking a few times under his care, and still he would make you keep going.

And sure, you were seeing results. And, yeah, it was getting easier. You felt yourself growing stronger with every session. He was good at what he did, even if his practices had you questioning the legality of it all.

With a withering sigh, you got out of your car and made your way to what was your personal hell.

You spotted Chanyeol as soon as you entered. He was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed, legs spread apart, looking rather unimpressed as he hovered over a guy struggling to do pushups.

You tried not to stare too long at those exposed arms, the massive muscles bulging over his just as firm chest. He always wore the same thing: black basketball shorts with a black muscle shirt that left little to the imagination of how much time he spent at the gym. You’d only ever seen him work out once yourself and…. You refused to let your thoughts wander to that moment.

As if he could hear where your mind was attempting to go, his eyes flickered up to where you were scanning in your membership badge. A wolfy grin split his face as he took you in, the heat of his gaze made you shiver.

He only acknowledged you for a second. It took you a beat too long to realize he was counting his client’s reps. Ignoring him, you headed over to a secluded corner and started your warm up stretches. Chanyeol helped the poor dude up, that strength of his coming in clutch when his client’s knees buckled and he almost hit the floor.

You winced, knowing that pain. Luckily, this gym had darkly painted walls and dim lighting to give its customers a sense of privacy. It helped that it was later in the night, nearing eleven, so there wasn’t many people present to watch him struggle. As well as yourself. That was why you preferred coming late. Less people, less judgement, and it wore you out enough that you could go straight to bed as soon as you got home—after a post workout meal, if Chanyeol were to ask.

He clapped the scraggly man on his back, making him cough, and gave some uplifting words as they slowly made their way to the front door. You were just finishing your stretches when thick bowlegs were in front of you. You were sitting on the floor, so you had to look up, up, up that firm trunk of a frame to meet those round eyes of his alight with humor.

“You actually showed up today?” Chanyeol asked, tilting his head curiously. His shaggy hair fell into his stare.

You glared at him as you climbed to your feet. “Well, I figured you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Yet.” His grin was a warning. He nudged his head to the rather empty machines. “Come on. It’s leg day.”

You let out a relieved breath. It was torture for sure, but leg day was your favorite. He led you to a machine and you got to work.

You tried to focus on the tasks given to you. To focus on your posture, your breathing, on keeping your core tight. But, it was rather difficult when something, or rather someone, was far more distracting.

That was another thing about Chanyeol that you despised. When you first found out he was going to be your trainer, your immediate thought was ‘hell no’. You were hesitant to have a male trainer to begin with, but this one? He was fine as all hell. Too fine. And with that smirk he gave you when you first refused his help—the one he still gave you, mind you—you knew he was going to be a problem.

Matters were only made worse when you actually trained with him. During your sessions, he was nothing but professional. His goal was to help you through your workouts and he did. His large hands would skim over your body as he fixed your posture, or added pressure against your legs so that you knew where to put your weight. His voice was deep and he would use it to encourage and praise you. There was never any teasing or animosity while you trained. His voice would sink into your brain, scramble your thoughts and leave your body boiling. Especially when he’d hit you with a ‘good girl’ or ‘just like that. Perfect’.

He had to know what he was doing.

It was near the end of your session, you had one last work out to do.

“Save the best for last,” Chanyeol said as he took you to a bizarre looking machine.

“And what the hell is this thing?” You asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“It’s called a hip abductor,” he explained to you like he thought you were dumb.

You ignored his tone. “How’re you supposed to use it?”

“Sit on it and I’ll show you.”

You brushed off the innuendo, and prayed he didn’t catch the heat on your face. Instead, you bumped the machine with your shoe, warily taking it in. You were exhausted, and didn’t want to do another set of nothing.

“Why don’t you demonstrate for me?” You suggested.

Chanyeol lifted an eyebrow and you shrugged in response. “What? I’ve never seen you work out before. How do I know you’re qualified to train me?”

He barked a laugh at that, knowing you’re bullshitting now. “I imagine your glutes are enough proof of my teaching abilities.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “And why are you looking at my glutes?”

He shrugged, feigning innocence. “Just making sure I’m doing my job.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and hummed, unable to think of a good comeback. Instead, you nudged your chin towards this ‘hip abductor’.

“I know what you’re doing,” he said. Despite his words, he didn’t call you out. You watched as he plopped onto the machine with a sigh. You couldn’t help but grin victoriously, eager to see the man at work.

He adjusted the weight, settled into the seat, and then pushed his thighs against the pads, spreading his legs out wide before bringing them back in. He began explaining what he was doing, what muscles he was working, and the proper way to move, but you could barely hear a word over the way his thick thighs flexed, the muscle underneath stretching the skin.

You realized then that your roles were reversed, and a brilliant idea popped into your head. He was always teasing you during your sessions, and now was your turn to have some fun and return the favor.

You took a couple steps closer to him, studying him more, like you were invested in getting everything right. Then you ran your fingers down his arm and he faltered for a second.

“Am I supposed to hold on to the seat like that?”

You didn’t miss the way his grip tightened, his knuckles whitening.

“Yeah,” he said between clenched teeth.

He pushed his legs out again, and you’re quick to fill the new space, forcing him to keep them open.

Your name left his mouth in a warning. That only made your grin grow wider.

He glared up at you. “What are you doing?”

“Testing to see how long you can hold this position.”

He said your name again, but you interrupted him before he could finish. “You always push me. Why don’t I test your limits for once?”

Something ignited in his eyes and the lights ahead shown in them hauntingly. “Who says you don’t already do?”

“What?” You asked, startled by how gently the words left his full lips.

He didn’t repeat himself, but he appeared to give into your challenge. He sunk more into his seat, eyes never left yours as he held the position, too competitive for his own good. Though it worked in your favor.

You’re not sure how much time passed, but it felt like hours of you standing between his legs, both never looking away from the other.

Finally, you decided it was time to up the ante. Sweat had started to gather on his forehead and neck, but most importantly, a slight tremor had started in his legs.

“What’s wrong?” You asked with a fake pout. “Can’t hold it anymore?”

“I’m chilling,” he replied back, but you heard the strain in his voice.

“Is that so?” You grinned again and rested the palm of your hands above his knees on either side of you. “You’re shaking.”

You took your time scaling his body before meeting his eyes again. He was holding his breath, but something in his expression was begging you to continue.

So, you did.

Slowly, you dragged your hands further up his legs, remembering all the times he had done the same. Although he was always professional about it. He only touched you when he had to. There was nothing professional about your touch. All the sexual frustration you’ve felt because of this man had seemed to bubble over and took control of your limbs. In this moment, you wanted him to understand what he did to you, wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.

His eyes fluttered as you dragged his shorts up with your wrists, wanting to feel his warm skin.

You quickly glanced around the gym, noticing you were the only ones left, and that made you even more bold. Nearly at his hips, you went to move your hands to his crotch.

Chanyeol was fast. Before you knew what happened, he had snatched your wrists with one hand, putting a halt to your little game and causing you to gasp in surprise.

Your ministrations had you bent over him, so your faces were only an inch or two apart. He leaned forward, brushing his nose against yours, the hair on his forehead tickled your own.

“You’re playing with fire here,” he warned, voice a steady grumble against your lips. When he pulled back to take in your expression, you saw the burning inferno ready to wreak havoc in his gaze. You knew that if he were to let go of those flames, it would burn away all pretenses, all politeness, and rules.

And you wanted that. You wanted his fire to consume you, wanted his desire to engulf and burn and hurt.

There was a pause as you both study each other, waiting to see who would break first. You found your arms shaking in his grip, not with the usual soreness you’d usually be shaking with at this time of your appointment. It was adrenaline, your own desire raised to meet his.

Of course, he felt it too. “How long have you wanted me, Sweetheart?”  He sounded deceitfully sweet, and it made your sore legs weak. He gathered that much, so he gathered you. Large hands went to your waist, easily lifting you up so that you were now straddling him. With you on his lap, he could finally close his legs, and he did so with a relieved huff. A mocking laugh left your mouth, but he put an end to it by pushing you down so that you were seated fully on him—right on his bulge.

“Oh!” You startled. You blinked up at him innocently before throwing back at him, “how long have you wanted me?”

He hummed thoughtfully, running his hands up your thighs to hold your hips. He pressed his lips to your ear, “from the moment I first saw you.”

You shivered at both his confession and his warm breath on your skin. It took everything in you not to roll your hips into him, the pressure of him just as much a tease as his expression and words and touch.

“That being said,” he started, and you already knew you weren’t going to like what he was about to say. “You have a workout to finish.”

“I can think of a few alternatives that are just as effective,” you said, giving into the temptation to gently grind against him.

He bit his lip, holding back a moan as he forced you to stop with his hands on your hips. His attention fell to your chest hovering in front of his face. “You’re not getting out of this one. Nice try though.”

You groaned and straightened, slumping dejectedly. He chuckled before wrapping an arm around your waist, standing abruptly. You squealed, holding onto him as he turned around to sit you down onto the seat of the machine.

“Chanyeol,” you whined.

“Hey, I let you stall, didn’t I?”

“I mean yeah, but we were in the middle of something.”

“I tell you what. Finish this set and I’ll reward you.”

“Reward me how?” You questioned skeptically. His idea of a reward usually benefited him more than you.

As an answer, he stuck out his tongue, wagging it quickly at you. Your eyes widened in shock, scandalized. But the burning in your abdomen and the way your legs pressed together was a dead giveaway to how enticing a reward that was.

“Fine,” you grumbled, adjusting the weight and starting doing your reps.

Chanyeol’s loud laugh echoed throughout the building at your eagerness.

“If I knew that was all the encouragement you needed, I would’ve incorporated it sooner.”

“Shut up,” you muttered.

“Make me.” He smirked.

“Oh, I will be as soon as I get that reward you promised.”

When you left the gym some time later, you couldn’t help but to think maybe your trainer wasn’t that bad afterall.

[allyriadayne]

do u think aegon is a fujoshi? he was really into the harwin/criston scene and the sight of 3 grown men tackling harwin. ok i'm asking half joking but he no doubt got some sick pleasure out of that! which also kinda ties back to the fighting pits*--it's just so "oh. the inherent eroticism permeating the normalized violence of our society. hot. say no more, will fetishize and sexualize."

*there's more to The Pits than just PleasureTM, which veers more onto self-harm/trauma recreation, but imma leave that can of worms sealed for now.

also who do u think he would love to see top aemond the most? both out of a sicko desire to see his brother forced into rectum-/penetration-related (and simplified!) sexual submission**, but also because he wants to see his stuck-up brother experience the highs and lows of prostate stimulation--because "actually. it's ok to submit bro its ok to cum from getting railed bro. it's just bodily pleasure, no deeper meaning. free yourself from the societal shameTM pervading the act of taking dick. but also. submit. to the Shaft. (but. also to me, most of all.)" because aegon's such a nice good big brother :_) touching praxis-fujoshism healing broken brotherly bond... wow. idk who this is for lmao.

**but most of all he's submitting to aegon in that scenario! where aegon is the Orchestrator--the orchestrator of the pranks targeting aemond, the orchestrator of aemond's sexual initiation, and henceforth desire (or, non-desire; or, short, TraumaTM), and the orchestrator of who knows what else! and it's a kind of gnostic paranoia pervading aemond's thought where aegon is just around the corner, ready to eat his face, and who has put arsenic in the wine and the pasta while no one was looking, and won't grandsire pleaseeee chain him to the bed again. after all, what is a big brother but a god with restricted (and thus heightened) authority and access to violence. and what do u do when that god is a drunken playful hurt and hurting freakazoid... oh aemond ur really in The Pits aren't you... and i wanna watch!

(and i think aegon has similar dynamic with jace and, by way of extrapolation on my part, daeron. (and to and extend helaena/girls-women in general, but control over boys and men is more intoxicating/gratifying in the sense where they (boys/men) are contrasted against the girline/female ontologically fixed state of hysteria/vulnerability, which retroactively creates "the boy/the man" as something intellectual, unpliable, untouchable. which makes aegon wanna chew on it even more. at least when he can muster up enough strength and interest.) this mode of control/abuse also extends to erryk, criston, gwayne, otto etc, and the other men of his later court.)

(love ur gifs btw!)

hiiiiii

to answer your very serious question, do i think aegon is a fujoshi? no, i don't think he seriously is. i think he likes these obvious displays of power, the same way the abuse of the maids ties back to him exerting the only kind of control he has over people. and obviously there IS a sexual element in the satisfaction of making people submit to him so maybe we can say he enjoys men submitting to him. does that count? idk ponder that. with the pits i mostly agree with you + the pits, the drink, the whoring all as a way of going away and forgetting he lives such a shitty caged life in the worst possible way.

i don't think aegon particularly cares who tops aemond as long as aemond is getting railed and therefore become less annoying (to aegon about his own vices). if aegon can knock aemond off that pedestal everyone puts him on, then he's content. this is why i'm going to enjoy very much when aemond comes home after storm's end and aegon throws him a party. aren't you enjoying this? aren't you enjoying the fact that for once you are worse than me? that i did good and you didn't? that mother is unhappy with you so this is my chance to finally be her favorite son? anyway

"but most of all he's submitting to aegon in that scenario! where aegon is the Orchestrator--the orchestrator of the pranks targeting aemond, the orchestrator of aemond's sexual initiation, and henceforth desire (or, non-desire; or, short, TraumaTM)" yes yes for sure, in aemond's psyche aegon is the be all and end all; he's the one who (indirectly) took his virginity, made him claim vhagar and in consequence lose the eye and develop his mommy issues, singlehandedly created aemond's other myriad of issues, and worst of all, he's going to be king. even if aegon is the worst human being he knows, he is aemond's final ambition, to be king, the first born son, to have the kind of power and authority aegon only appears to use for something other than sex when he is given the throne, to be able to feel as 'free' as he thinks aegon is (conversely, aegon thinks aemond is freer than him). but for me, aemond is nothing without aegon, without as you, say "aegon [...] around the corner, ready to eat his face" while aegon could do more or less the same without his resentful little brother under his foot, he's just too selfish and self centered!

tbh aegon's control of his little posse back in ep 6 is more of head bully and his minions kind of thing, but as he grows up i don't think he has friends/acquaintances to exert his control over so he turns to the easiest targets (aemond is boring now and thinks he's aegon's father and pretends to care too much about duty), maids and women and probably to the poor people of KL. but yes YESS when he becomes king and has the entire court and kingdom at his beck and call........i WILL enjoy it thoroughly

[5sosxqueen]

Luke

< Part 1 , < Part 2 , < Part 3 , ~Part 4~

I just found out that my favorite video editing app now supports gifs! Yay. The drop shadows aren't as prominent, but I can live with that.

Warnings: feeding tube insertion, gagging, crying, self hate/consciousness

Written in 2018

Published (Wattpad) - Feb 03, 2018

Word Count: 1470

Updates are every Tuesday and Thursday

Also Available on Wattpad and AO3!!!

Part 4:

Calum's POV:

     "So do you have your answer?" Luke as soon as the camera was out of his mouth.

      "I do... Unfortunately it looks like you have something called Zenker's Diverticulum. It is the outpouching of the weakened areas of the esophagus which usually leads to difficulty swallowing and regurgitation. It often causes the choking as well, but that is why you've been vomiting."

      "So what can you do to stop this? Is it curable?" Ashton asked.

      "It is not curable, treatable yes. We will need to insert something called a nasogastic feeding tube." Our jaws hit the floor upon hearing that. Poor Luke started bawling again. I can understand. If I were in his shoes I would be crying too.

     "What is that?" I asked.

      "It is a tube that is inserted through the nose, down the esophagus, and down to the stomach." I nodded and tightened my grip on Luke's hand. Ash hugged him as he cried. He did not like the sound of that.

      "Wh-when w-will I be g-get-ting th-th-this done-n?" Luke stuttered out, his face pressed against Ash's chest.

      "I'm sorry Luke... It has to be done tonight. You need to be able to eat something soon. I don't want you to end up losing weight from this." He looked up at her with his lower lip quivering and his eyes were bloodshot.

     "How long will I have it in for?" Luke asked pitifully.

     "It will depend on your body. It could be permanent or you could work out the muscles and gain the strength back." This earned a very teary eyed Luke looking down at his feet. "Ok sweetie I'm going to grab the tube and equipment I will be needing to do this I'll be right back." With that she turned and walked out of the room. The doctor came back in with a small cart that had everything she needed. She put some glove on and went to work. She elevated the bed for Luke. "Ok you're going to need to relax honey. I will be explaining this step by step so you guys know how to do this. If it's ok with him, you guys are ok to record. Only if it's ok with him though!" Luke nodded and gave us a quick thumbs up before completely relaxing yet again. We could all tell he was nervous.

     "Ok first what you want to do is measure the amount of tube it takes to get from the nose to the earlobe. Then you want to measure from the earlobe to the sternum. You should mark the spot directly under the sternum with some tape. This will be the amount you will be inserting." She was explaining as she was doing it so we could clearly see the process. Luke's eyes were comically wide and he was death gripping the bed sheets. "We need to give it a bit of a curl, so what you need to do is tighly wrap a couple inches of the tube around your pointer finger. Then take some water solvent lubricant and coat the tube about 2-3 inches with it. Ok honey get ready this won't be comfortable..." He freaked out a bit after hearing that. He knows now that when she says something won't be comfortable, it's true. "Have him bend his neck back and begin the insertion with the curve pointing downward. Slowly push the tube in and guide it along the floor of the nasal passage, down toward the ear until you've reached the nasal pharynx. Sweetie you need to swallow some water for me. Just small sips at a time. With each swallow push the tube down a couple of inches." Luke gagged a few times. "Sorry bud. I'll go a bit slower. Just continue small sips for me. Gagging during this process is normal just go a bit slower and be careful not to move your hand around too much. Almost done honey. You're doing so well, especially with this being your first insert. Continue this until you get down to the mark you made with the tape." She quickly reached the mark she had made. "Anchor the tube down to the cheek. Can you talk to me Luke? Anything is fine, even if it's another question." She grabbed a large, empty, syringe and started to lightly pull some of Luke's stomach acid into the tube.

     "Will this effect my career...?" He solemnly asked her, clearly uncomfortable for the time being.

     "What do you do for a living honey?" She was clueless, but she was somewhat above the age group that our music tends to attract. She secured the tube onto Luke's face and finished the procedure. "Done." She said with a small smile.

     "I'm the lead singer for our band 5 Seconds of Summer. We are an extremely popular band. I'm really worried about how our fans would take this... What if they think I'm ugly now? What if they think I'm gross? What if they-" we all cut him off there.

     "Luke if I know our fans, they would never see you as a disgusting freak, or gross, or ugly. They will support you and us NO MATTER WHAT..." Ashton explained, holding both of Luke's hands and, now standing beside him. "If you decide it's too much and want to stop singing even... We will do whatever you are comfortable with." I noticed a tear fall from his eye after the said Luke could stop singing. None of us wanted that outcome, but if it came into play, we would support him.

      "Of course not. I won't quit the band because of this and we will not stop performing because of this!" He exclaimed pointing at the tube that was running through him.

     "You will need to get used to the tube first and will need to talk to a couple specialists who can help with vocal abilities with the tube inserted, but you will most likely still be able to sing." We all were ecstatic.

     "Good!" I stated. I was really happy to here that. "Can we do a twitcam?" I asked the doctor kindly. We all looked at her waiting for her answer.

     "I'm sorry? What is a twitcam?" She asked slightly dumbfounded.

     "It's a live video feed to our fans. I want to show them the tube so they aren't surprised." Luke explained.

     "Ok. Go ahead. I will be leaving now. You are free to go. Here is the equipment necessary to do some changes, along with the food. I gave him his first dose of it already. You will need to replace the tube every 3 days." We nodded and Michael took the bag. She nodded and left us to it.

     Ashton quietly set up the twitcam on his phone. He stepped away from Luke. Michael and I followed him to the other side of the room. "Hey guys, so we want to explain what's going on. As you can see we are in hospital. Luke has had quite a rough couple days. He hasn't been able to swallow anything and what he has been able to swallow... Has ended up in a bin. He was choking every time he tried to eat so we came here and we found out that he needed something called a nasogastric feeding tube." We walked back over to Luke and turned the camera to point on him. He waved.

     "I'm so sorry guys..." He put his hand to his eyes and shamefully cried.

     "Hey Luke, none of that bud." Michael shushed him. The fans blew up the comments section. 'Aww Luke, babe, don't cry! We still love you!' 'Luke you will always be amazing in our eyes... Tube or no tube...' 'I love you.' There was nothing but support just like we had said. "Luke look." He pointed out to Luke that there was absolutely nothing to be worried about.

     "Thank you guys so much for your support. I love you all too so much. You have no idea how worried I was... I couldn't help but think you all would hate me now, or think I'm a monster, or freak, or gross, or-" Luke confessed. Once again earning a rush of supportive comments.

Luke's POV:

     I couldn't have been anymore thankful to our fans. None of them cared about the tube or thought I was ugly, causing all of my negative thoughts to go down the drain.

     I ended up seeing a vocal doctor and I was told I can still sing. It took a couple of weeks to be able to especially with me still not fully used to the tube. I was told that I will need it for the rest of my life. It'll take a while to fully get over, but I know I'll be ok.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Mrs. God of Destruction

Pairing- Namjoon x Named Reader

Word count- 3.5k

Includes- injury, Namjoon is the best bf, blow job, oral, pussy eating, missionary, from behind, riding, multiple orgasms, fluff

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📝 Namjoon Masterlist

⭐gif is from Google

Namjoon POV

A loud crash in the kitchen gets my attention

"I'm sorry Jinnie!", my girlfriend gasps and I immediately get up, running to the kitchen

"Jo? You ok?", I ask, walking inside

"Don't come in Joonie! There's glass on the floor", she shrieks

I stop where I am, peering into the kitchen

She's standing there with tears in her eyes, broken plates and food in the floor, Jin comforting her

"It's ok. It's just plates Jo"

"I'll pay for them. I swear"

"Please, it's fine. We needed new plates anyway", he assures her

"What happened?", I ask

"I tripped Joonie and dropped everything", she says

She's looking down at the floor and I can tell she's very upset

"Baby it's ok"

"No it's not! That was our food Joonie. And I tripped over my dumb feet again. There wasn't anything on the floor to make me trip. Just my stupid self"

"Hey don't talk about yourself like that baby. It was an accident"

I hate when she says thing about herself like that

And she always does

She's clumsy and accident prone

Like me

The guys call her Ms. God of Destruction

Yeah they're a fucking riot

I warned them not to call her that where she can hear

I don't like it but they don't care about teasing me

But I won't have them make her feel worse than she already does

Especially when she breaks things

"I'll clean it up", she murmurs, skirting around the glass and food on the floor

"I'll do it Jo", Jin offers

"No Jinnie. I made the mess, I'll do it", she answers not watching where she's going

She steps down and she gasps in pain, falling to the floor

"Baby!", I shriek, running to her, making sure I don't step on anything

She's holding her socked foot, tears in her eyes, "Ow ow ow"

I kneel next to her and notice a large shard of glass sticking out of the bottom of her foot

Blood is seeping through her cute mint green socks with hearts on them

"Joonie", she cries

"It's ok baby. I'll bring you to the bathroom and fix it"

"Don't make it worse", Jin mutters under his breath

I shoot him a glare before I pick her up

"I'll clean up", Jin says, shooing us away

In the bathroom, I sit her on the sink counter, then look at her foot

"I gotta pull it out princess"

"It's gonna hurt", she whispers

Yeah, it will

"It'll be ok baby. I'll take care of you ok?"

She bites her lip nodding

I quickly pull out the shard, her little shrieks echoing in the bathroom

Her sock fills up with more blood

Putting her foot in the sink, I take off her sock slowly, drops of blood falling into the sink

I carefully turn her foot so I can see the bottom of it

A slit cut on the bottom

Not deep but still bleeding like a mother

"It's ok baby. It's not too bad."

She just nods

"I'm gonna wash it ok?"

Again she nods

Turning the water on, I quickly use soap to clean the cut

She hisses in pain, "It stings"

"Sorry princess"

After rinsing her little foot, I grab some ointment we have and put it on the cut

It's still bleeding so I use a non stick bandage and wrap her foot with gauze a few times

"Better?", I ask when I'm finished

She nods, "Thanks for taking care of me Joonie"

She never has to thank me for that

I always will

Not matter what

I love her more than anything

Of course I'm gonna take care of her

"Always baby", I tell her, then kiss her softly

Scooping her up again, we go back to the living room where I sit on the couch, keeping her in my lap

"What are we going to do about food Joonie? I don't think Jinnie made so much that there's extra. I can try to cook something"

I shrug, "We can order food princess"

I don't want her to cook

She shouldn't be on her injured foot

And she sucks at it, just like I do

It's always a disaster when either of us tries to cook

I don't want her to feel bad again if she breaks something

Take out is simple and safe

Taking out my phone, we look together at the food app, pick a restaurant and order food

She cuddles in to me, her head on my shoulder while we wait for our delivery

----------------------------------------------------

"Let me see your foot princess", I ask

I have her back on the sink counter

We're going to bed in a little and I want to make sure the cut is ok, cleaned and not infected

"Joonie-", she whines

"Come on baby, I don't want the cut to get worse. I'm just gonna clean it again and change the bandage

She pouts but lets me unwrap her foot

Peeling off the bandage, I can see the cut stopped bleeding

It's long and red, dried blood smeared around it, I guess from when I pressed the bandage against it

I've been carrying her everywhere so she didn't spread the blood that away

Turning the water on, I quickly wash her foot, put ointment on it and change the bandage

"C'mon baby. Bed time"

Scooping her up again, I carry her to my room, kicking the door closed

Getting her in the bed, I tuck her under the blankets, shut the light, the only light source from the lamp on my bedside dresser

I get in next to her, with her rolling right into my arms

She giggles, cuddling into me, pressing kisses to my neck

I smile, holding her close, loving the love she's giving me right now

"My princess isn't sleepy?", I tease

She shakes her head, "Nope. Want you"

"Oh do you now?"

She nods, "Yeah Joonie. Wanna be bouncing on your big thick cock, feeling you ruin my pussy"

Holy Christ

She goes from zero to one eighty, from sweet and cute to fucking sexy in less than a nano second

"Well baby", I tell her, getting excited, "Who am I to deny you?"

"Good", she answers, "Get naked"

I just laugh loudly

Apparently I'm taking too long because she starts pulling up my shirt

"Can't wait baby?", I tease

She shakes her head, "Too long Joonie. Wanna oogle your sexy body"

Sometimes I still can't believe the things she says to me

Or that she really feels that way

I never thought I'd ever have a girl who just loves to touch me, look at me, compliment me

Someone who loves me unconditionally like she does

I'm so fucking grateful I found her

"Joonie!", she scolds, "Lift your butt up!"

I do, letting her pull my shorts and boxers down and off

I grab her arms to pull her up so I can undress her but she pushes me off, her tongue furiously licking the underside of my cock

"Oh fuck baby!", I moan, pleasure filling my body, "So good. Fuck, suck on my cock. Please"

She listens, half of my length instantly in her mouth, sucking hard

"Oh my god, yes baby!", I groan, just letting the pleasure from her mouth roam my entire body

Threading my fingers in her hair, I tug softly as she goes at it

"Baby god. You're fucking mouth is amazing"

I'm not lying, she's always gives me amazing blow jobs

Her sex drive is so high, my cock is either in her mouth or her pussy

All the time

And I'm so good with it

I watch her open her mouth wider, pushing down, taking more and more of me in

"Fuck", I whimper when she gets all of my cock deep in her tight throat

She bobs her head, sliding in and out of her throat and fuck me the pleasure is insane

I move my hand in her hair, helping her move up and down

She moans when I'm all in her throat, the vibrations running through my whole body

She swallows, making her throat even tighter and I can't stop the moans coming from my throat

God she makes it so amazing and I can't believe that she loves to deepthroat me

It doesn't bother her, she's never choked and she moans while she does it

There's been a few times she's came from blowing me

Those times were fucking insane and impressive

She's bringing me so close but I don't want to cum

I want, no need, to fuck her

Gently, I push her off me and get her under me in a second, tearing her clothes off her body

Sitting back on my knees, I look at her perfect body, running my hands all over her soft, smooth skin

"Fuck baby, always so pretty", I murmur

I love her body

Looking at it, touching it, kissing it, anything

She is literally perfect

My hands move to her breasts, squeezing, my thumbs running over her nipples, making them hard

And making her moan

"Mine?", I ask, "All this is mine?"

She nods, "All yours Joonie. Always"

I slowly move my hands down, running my thumb over her clit and getting a loud groan from her

"Is my baby girl horny?", I tease

She bites her lip, looking at me with those huge brown eyes, nodding

Her eyes are gorgeous

The first time I looked in them, I was a goner

"Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you", I assure her, moving my hand

Sliding two fingers inside her, she immediately tightens her cunt on them

"Oh fuck, baby wants to cum bad"

"Please Joonie"

"Ok baby. I'll make you cum"

Sliding my fingers out, I move them back in, making sure I hit her spot

She cries in pleasure her body arching beautifully

At the same time, I rub her clit with my thumb, making sure she gets as much pleasure as she can

She's my baby, the love of my life and I'll do anything for her

The fact is that I love making her cum

I know some guys don't care about their girl orgasming or they think one is good enough

Not for me

She cums at the very least three times every time we have sex

I won't settle for less

And most of the time, I make her orgasm more

I love it

The way she feels, the sound of her screams, the sound of her calling my name, the pleasure on her face, the way she shakes against me

I love everything about it

"So close baby girl", I murmur, moving my hand faster, "I need you to cum for me so I can eat your pretty pussy"

"Joonie", she moans, her legs shaking as she orgasms, her hands twisting in my sheets so hard her knuckles are white

"There we go, such a good girl for me", I praise her

Laying down, I suck her clit into my mouth, tugging and playing softly

"Namjoon!", she yells, her hands plunging into my hair, pulling hard

I don't mind, it actually turns me on

Pulling my fingers out, I move my tongue to her hole, licking up her cum and moaning from how fucking good she tastes

So fucking sweet, I can eat her cunt every fucking day

I normally do

I can't get enough of her

Swirling my tongue around her cunt, I listen to the sounds she's making

They're so pretty, I can listen to them all day

Rolling my tongue over her clit, she shouts, begging me for more

Which I happily oblige

"Joonie, wanna cum. Please baby", she cries

Taking her clit in my mouth, I suck fast, knowing this will get her off

She loves getting her clit sucked and it gives her massive orgasms

Which is what I want

"Joonie, Joonie, Namjoon fuck!", she screams

She holds my head to her cunt while I furiously lick around her slit, swallowing her cum

"So good baby", I moan in her pussy, "So fucking good"

"Joonie, your tongue, fuck"

When she finishes, I pull away, moving on top of her

Getting her legs around me, I sheath my cock inside her, both of us moaning from the contact

I looked down at her, watching her shiver under me, her hands squeezing my ribs hard

"Ok baby?"

She nods, her eyes closed, breathing in, "So big"

"Yeah?", I smirk

I love hearing her talk about my cock

How much she likes it

"So hard. So thick. Feels so good", she breathes out

Leaning down, I kiss her cheek, then move to her neck, pressing another kiss

"Yeah baby? Well my princess' pussy is so tight for me. So warm, so wet", I praise her, "So fucking good"

"Please Joonie. Fuck me", she begs, "I want you"

"You have me baby. Always"

Crashing my lips to hers I kiss her deeply as I move my hips, fucking into her perfectly tiny cunt

Her pussy opens enough just for me, sucking me in with every stroke

I bottom out over and over, my head slamming into her spot as she clings on to me

Dragging my lips from hers, I press kisses into her jaw, moving down to her neck, listening to her screams of pleasure as I fuck her hard and wild

"Mmm baby, you feel amazing. This pussy throbbing around my cock so fast. Sucking me back in. You want me inside you that much?"

"Yes Joonie. So much", she gasps, pressing her body against mine as much as she can

Moving faster, my bed hits the wall over and over, the sound mixing with our moans

I don't care, I'm not stopping

It feels too good

Reaching in between us, I rub her clit while I plunge my cock so deep in her

She shakes under me, her eyes rolling into the back of her head

Moving one arm under her knee, I push her leg up, opening her more, giving more room to fuck her open

"Fuck this cunt feels so good. Wanna feel it cum all over my cock. Drench me, squeeze me. I want this pussy so tight, choking my cock", I urge her, "Give me your orgasm baby. It's mine and I want it now"

"Namjoon, fuck fuck fuck!"

She gets impossibly tight, squeezing hard, gushing squirt all over me, my body and my bed

Her screams are so loud, her body spasming, her fingers digging into my back

"That's it baby", I choke out, pleasure from her orgasm rolling over me

Jesus Christ it's so intense

"Such a pretty squirting cunt"

When she finishes, she gasps for breath but I'm not done with her yet

Flipping her over, I help her onto her hand and knees, going right back in and fucking her mercilessly

"Oh fff...oh", she whimpers, her cunt pulsing around me already

The slapping sound of her ass hitting my thighs sounds in the room along with the erotic sound of her wet cunt taking my length over and over

And strangely, a creaking sound that I don't know what it is or where it's coming from

I run my hands along her back, feeling her skin tremble against mine

"More Joonie", she cries

Gripping her hips hard, I split her open on my cock, watching her tiny slit stretch and strain around me

Cream is pouring out of her, covering my cock completely and I can't help but moan at the sight

She spasms hard, screaming my name, telling me she's going to cum

I know

I feel it

The creaking sound gets louder, the harder I fuck her

Ignoring the sound, I move right into her spot, too concerned with getting her to cum

"Please baby. Cream my cock. Want it so bad", I beg, desperate to feel her orgasm

She shudders, falling over the edge, screaming in my pillow, her cunt pulsing and creaming my length so fucking amazingly, stars blasting in my vision from the intense pleasure

I keep fucking her, helping her ride it out

Then I pull out, lay down and get her on top of me

"Please baby. Ride me", I beg, "Make me cum. I wanna cum deep in your pussy"

She nods, so out of it

My cock is so hard it hurts and I need to be back inside her warm pulsing cunt

Helping her sit on my dick, I pull her all the way down, bottoming out

"Please. Ride me"

She leans over, her hands on my chest, her hips rocking back and forth on me, rubbing her spot on my tip

She's pulsing so hard and it's such a relief against my hard length

Her rocking changes to small bounces, sliding higher up my cock the more she moves

I watch her cunt take my cock, leaving a huge creamy mess along my length

My dick throbs inside her but I push back my orgasm

I want her to cum first

She's always first

She moves faster, harder, jumping up and down my cock, taking me deep inside her, fucking me wildly

The creaking sound is back along with the continuous sound of my bed hitting wall

I'm in too much bliss to care about anything except us coming

My fingers dig into the skin of her hips, helping her move her up and down

"Baby...please. Make me cum"

"Joonie", she cries, moving so fast and hard, her orgasm starting

"Namjoon!"

Fuck

Ecstacy blinds me as I finally cum with her, my whole body shaking, screaming her name

Suddenly there's a crashing sound and I feel the mattress fall down, hitting the floor with a loud thud

Which neither of us care about, both of us still in the throws of pleasure

I can't think, only feel, her pussy milking my cock for all my cum and I gladly give it to her

When it's finally over, I open my eyes, looking at her

She sways to the side, starting to fall off of me

Quickly sitting up, I catch her, pulling her against me

I lay down with her in my arms, both of us soaked in sweat

"Baby? You ok?"

She moans weakly, nodding

I know she's probably sore and tired, this time more rough than usual

She cuddles into me, breathing hard and I just hold her, running my fingers in her hair

Now that I'm back to my sense, I remember that my mattress is now on the floor

She's breathing evenly, already asleep

Gently, I move her onto the bed, on a pillow, then I get up

"Well shit", I mumble

My mattress is completely on the floor, the sides of the bed frame around it

I'm guessing the bottom broke from how hard were going at it

I shift my eyes to the wall, gaping at the huge hole the bed left

This isn't good

Shit

I'm gonna have to pay for this

I'm so gonna hear it from Jin tomorrow

Looking back at my bed, I notice that my sheets are soaking wet

We were sweating profusely, so I assume that wet the sheets along with her squirt and our cum

We can't sleep here and I'm way too exhausted to deal with any of this right now

Pulling my boxers on, I leave my room, heading to the bathroom

I clean myself up then grab a bunch of tissues and head back to my room

She's still knocked out and I just smile

Sitting next to her, I clean in between her legs and her thighs, then get her back into her PJs

I change into mine, then grab my pillows and head for the living room

After setting up a spot for us on the couch with pillows and a blanket, I go back to my room

Picking her up, I carry her to the living room

She stirs, her eyes barely opening

"Joonie? Where?"

"It's ok baby. We're sleeping on the couch in the living room tonight"

"Huh? Why?", she yawns

"Well we kinda broke my bed"

Her eyes open some more, "We what?"

"Yeah baby. The mattress is on the floor and there's a huge hole in my wall. I'll deal with it in the morning"

"I'm sorry Joonie", she starts but I shush her

"It's fine baby. We had fun right?"

She nods

"That's all that matters baby. Right now all I want is to sleep and hold you all night. Sounds good?"

"Yeah Joonie"

I smile, pressing a soft kiss her to her lips

Laying down, I help her lay on top of me, making sure she's comfortable and pulling the blanket over us

"I love you", I tell her, kissing her forehead

"I love you Joonie. So much"

She cuddles into me as I hold her tightly

She's already out and I feel myself ready to pass out

Kissing her forehead again, I close my eyes, settling in for the night

[fortheloveofwonderland]

90 Days | S.R (Part 6/12)

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Chapter Summary - a day spent apart from each other leads Spencer to do something special for you. If he isn’t careful you might just do something stupid like fall in love with him.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - angst with a happy ending, smut in later chapter

Content Warnings - mentions of addiction and PTSD, concerned and nosy JJ, drinking, mentions of scars, making out, lots of fluff like a gross amount

Word Count - 4.4K

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Six

Day Four

Spencer’s pounding head was what woke him. He groaned as he opened his eyes. Rolling his head to the side on the pillow, he saw you cupping a mug of coffee and you had a stack of paper on your lap.

You felt him shift and you tore your eyes away from the paper to look over at him.

“Morning.” you smiled softly at him. “How did you sleep?”

“I don’t know.” he frowned. “I don’t remember.”

You put your coffee down and moved the papers to the nightstand. You laid down next to him on your side. 

“What do you remember?” you reached out and stroked his hair back from his face.

“The party. Callie. Eric. Cravings.” before you could move your hand from his face he put his hand on top of yours to keep it there. “I had a panic attack. I thought I was back in prison.” he threaded his fingers through yours and brought your hand to his lips so he could kiss your knuckles. “I don’t remember much after that.”

“Callie’s dad let me borrow one of his cars and I drove us home. You didn’t talk at all, it was kind of creepy.” you laughed. “And when we got home, I asked if you wanted to talk about it but you didn’t. You begged me to let you have a drink.” a small tear rolled down your cheek. 

Spencer’s heart ached seeing this. He used his free hand to wipe the tear away. 

“I’m so, so sorry.” he choked back his own tears.

“Do not apologise to me.” you told him a little sternly. “I should be the one apologising.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I wasn’t prepared. I was so quick to say I wanted to help but I had no idea what I was dealing with.”

“It's ok. I get it.” Spencer replied sadly. “This is too much for me to put on you. I shouldn’t have-”

“Spencer.” you cut him off. “I’m not saying I won’t help you.” you reached behind you to the nightstand and got the stack of paper. “I’m saying I want to be more prepared next time.”

Spencer sat up in the bed and took the pile of papers. It only took him a minute or so to read through them all.

You’d compiled various articles on addiction, recovery, PTSD, relapse and sponsorship. Everything from the twelve steps to how to spot the signs of cravings before they get out of control. When Spencer was done reading, he had tears in his eyes.

“You don’t have to do this. You shouldn’t have to know all these things.”

“I’m not arguing with you Doctor Reid.” you smiled. “I told you I will be here with you every step of the way and I meant it. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re a stubborn one Y/L/N.” he dried his eyes. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Just being your amazing, wonderful self. I knew there was something special about you when I saw you across that bar. And I knew then, I’d do whatever it took to put a smile on that face.”

“Are you trying to make me cry?” he laughed.

“No.” you laughed. “I’m just being honest.”

“Thank you for last night. And for this.” he motioned to the paper. “For everything.”

“You can thank me by giving me a foot rub.” you smirked, kicking the covers off your feet. “My feet are howling after wearing those heels all night.”

Spencer didn’t even hesitate sitting up and swinging your feet into his lap.

“It would be my pleasure.” 

***

Day Eight

It was bridesmaid dress shopping day, a day you hadn’t been looking forward to but were even less unsure when it meant you had to leave Spencer. 

He’d insisted it was fine, but you had your reservations. You hadn’t been apart for more than the length of a shower in eight days and although he’d been doing much better since the party, you were still worried about him.

To try and stem your fears, Spencer had made lunch plans with JJ and promised to call you if he needed anything.

You’d had a key cut for him so he could come and go as he pleased. He was planning on stopping back at his apartment to get a few more bits after his lunch with JJ too.

“Are you sure? I’m sure Callie wouldn’t mind if you tagged along.”

“No offence Y/N,” he cupped your face as you were about to leave the apartment. “But if anything is going to make me want to drink it’s watching a group of females try on dresses.” He laughed but you just rolled your eyes.

“Just please call me. If you need anything. Anything at all.”

“I promise.” He gently kissed your lips.

Since the night of his panic attack you kissed a lot more. Small pecks here and there, but nothing more. 

Spencer tried to tell himself it was friendly more than anything but he knew that wasn’t the case. He just loved the feeling of your lips on his even if it was only for fleeting moments. He had an eidetic memory, he never forgot how it felt.

“Stay safe.” you grabbed your purse.

“I’m an FBI agent having lunch with another agent. It’s a given.” 

You rolled your eyes at him again, gave his hand a quick squeeze and opened the apartment door.

“Call me if you need me.”

“No wonder you're always late.” He laughed. “Just go already.” 

“Fine. I’ll miss you.” you found yourself saying. 

“I’ll miss you too.” he really would. You had spent every waking minute together for over a week and honestly the thought of you not being around today scared him. But he would be fine. You deserved a day off.

You gave him one last look before you headed to the elevator. Spencer stood in the doorway watching you go until the elevator door closed and you were out of sight.

As soon as you disappeared his chest tightened a little. He would be ok. He had to be ok.

He had an hour until he had to leave to meet JJ so he decided to spend his time tidying the apartment. He did some washing, put away clothes and books that were strewn about the apartment. He dusted, vacuumed and fluffed pillows. 

He dressed in brown slacks, a white dress shirt and a khaki sweater vest. He slipped his converse on over mismatched socks, grabbed his coat and bag and left the apartment. 

Being alone felt strange to Spencer. He had never felt strange being alone before. He’d lived on his own since he was eighteen and had his mother committed and it had never once bothered him. 

Spencer liked his own company, for the most part anyway. He liked not being disturbed when he was thinking. He liked not having to worry about another person. He liked the quiet. 

But as he walked down the street towards the metro station, feeling alone suddenly seemed like a bad thing. 

He missed being able to reach for your hand when his chest tightened. He missed feeling your body walking close alongside him. He missed being able to tell you the random thoughts that swam through his head. 

You’d been apart one hour, three minutes and forty six seconds and Spencer was already reeling from your departure.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to go back to living on his own again. But that begged the question, what exactly would happen when the ninety days were up?

***

“So, how’s sobriety treating you?” Callie asked you as you walked to the dress shop with your coffees.

“It’s been a week Cal.” you laughed. “It might bother you to go a week without drinking, but I’m fine.”

“Try telling me that in another three months.” 

“I’m doing it for him. That’s all the motivation I need.” 

“Ah yes, the handsome and charming Doctor Reid who has been sharing your bed for a week and you still haven’t sealed the deal.”

“I’ve told you, it’s not like that.”

“Y/N, I’ve seen the way you both look at each other.” 

“It’s not as simple as that. He needs to focus on recovery. Once he gets his ninety day chip, we’ll see.” 

“Is he coming to the wedding?”

“What? No.” you shook her head.

“Why not? It’s not a problem. Does he prefer fish or lamb?”

“No.” you shook her head again. “I can’t invite him to your wedding. It’s too weird.” 

“Honey,” Callie laughed as you rounded the corner to the dress shop. “This whole damn situation is weird. What’s one wedding? I’ll put him down as a probable.”

You didn’t have a chance to argue as you were entering the shop. You were greeted by Callie’s other bridesmaids, her younger sister Maggie, Eric’s older sister Paula and two of Callie’s college friends Jessica and Uma. 

You couldn’t invite Spencer to the wedding, could you? Surely that would be too much temptation for him? 

As they said their hellos you did some quick maths and worked out the wedding was being held day eighty nine. Maybe it would be ok? By then he’d be a lot better, only a day away from receiving his chip. 

You didn’t have much longer to dwell on it as you were being thrust into a dressing room, surrounded by expensive dresses.

***

“I was so happy you called.” JJ smiled at Spencer across the table after they’d ordered their food. “I’ve been so worried about you since Emily told me what happened when we got back from Boston.”

“I’m ok.” He offered before she asked. “I’m getting...help.” 

“Professional?”

He’d known he would have to tell her about you but he was hoping it wouldn’t come up so soon.

“Not exactly.” He sipped his water, his mouth always got dry when he thought about you. “I met someone.” 

JJ’s eyes widened and a large smile came to her lips.

“Not like that.” Spencer added before JJ could pry. “It’s really complicated.” 

“So tell me.” She told him softly. 

Spencer sighed but nodded.

“I met her in a bar the night before the case in Boston. She was sweet and she listened to me go on about prison and Cat and Lindsey and my mom all night. But I never thought I’d see her again after that. And then I got suspended and I got drunk and I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to intrude on any of you, so I found myself at her apartment.”

“Spencer,” JJ looked a little sad. “You are never intruding.”

“I know, I know. Going to her just made sense at the time.” That wasn’t strictly true. It was because nothing made sense that he’d ended up there. “For reasons still unknown she wants to help me. She decided to be my sponsor and I guess I kind of...moved in with her.” 

“You’re living with her?” JJ spluttered on her drink. “Jeez it’s been a week Spence, I didn’t think that much would have changed.”

“It’s temporary.” He tried to downplay it. “Just while I’m in recovery. There’s something about her that makes me feel safe, Jennifer. I can’t put it into words but I just feel...good when I’m with her.” He couldn’t help but smile which made JJ smile too.

“Are you...you know?” JJ had a mischievous look in her eyes that told Spencer exactly what she meant. 

“We are not sleeping together.” Spencer whispered. 

“But you want to.” She smirked. 

“I didn’t say...it’s not like that. It’s...complicated.”

“How so?”

“I’m recovering. It’s taking all my strength not to quit my sobriety. I want to get better first. I want to be better. For her.” He found himself blushing.

JJ reached out and put her hand on top of Spencer’s. 

“You really like her don’t you?” 

Spencer sighed. He thought about lying but he always did have trouble lying to JJ. 

“I’m falling in love with her.” 

“Do you think she feels the same?”

“I think she likes me, she’s told me she thinks I’m attractive and we’ve made out so I assume she means it. But I’m sure she’s not falling for me the way I’m falling for her. And it’s ok, before you give me pity. I’m happy having her in my life, in whatever capacity that may be.” 

“You seem happy. Happier than I’ve seen you in a long time.”

“I am.” He admitted. “Don’t get me wrong I’m still struggling. A lot. But she makes it all better.”

“Tell me about her. Everything about her.” JJ looked genuinely interested and Spencer couldn’t help but smile thinking about you.

“Her name is Y/N Y/L/N. She’s a freelance writer but she’s an incredible artist too. She likes to read, she actually looks interested when I tell her random facts. She’s intelligent and compassionate and she’s so damn beautiful there aren’t even words to describe it.”

JJ smiled at the animated nature of her friend as he spoke.

“She sounds amazing. I’d love to meet her.”

“I’d love you to meet her too.” 

“How about this, if I don’t get called away on a case, the two of you should come for dinner at ours Saturday. Like a double date.”

Spencer laughed.

“On the condition that you don’t refer to it as a double date.” 

“Deal.” JJ laughed.

“And uh...one other request…”

“Anything.”

“I can’t be around alcohol right now.”

“Say no more.” JJ smiled softly at him. “A dry dinner party, that isn’t a double date. A dry dinner party of old friends and a new one.”

“Sounds great. I’m looking forward to it.”

Their food was brought over soon after and they chatted as they ate. 

Spencer loved spending time with JJ and it had been a really long time since they’d spent any time with each other outside of work. But he couldn’t help but wish he was with you.

***

Five hours you spent trying on dresses. Five. Hours. You were mentally drained by the end of it.

The other girls had been drinking champagne all day and were by this point quite tipsy whilst you had stuck to coffee. You were keeping your vow to Spencer. 

Eventually Callie settled on the bridesmaid dresses; dark green, floor length gowns with sheer long sleeves. They belted around the middle and had delicate gold detailing around the collar.

Callie had asked you several hundred times if you were comfortable with the decision. You had tried to remind her it was her wedding but Callie wanted to make sure that you, her best friend, would be happy on her big day.

Truth be told you would have been happier if the sleeves were a little less sheer. But out of all the options of the day, this was the best. You assumed no one would be inspecting you that closely anyway. It was after all Callie’s wedding day.

You knew Spencer must have noticed what you tried so hard to cover during the day seeing as you slept in just a t-shirt but he was too sweet to mention it. 

One day you’d tell him about your scars, the physical and the mental ones. 

Callie and the other girls were going to dinner and drinks but you had politely declined, wanting to get back to Spencer.

You took the metro home and walked a few blocks back from the station. You sent Spencer a text letting him know of your imminent arrival.

He didn’t text back but you assumed he was reading. He often got lost in his books.

***

Spencer saw the text come through and quickly ran into the bedroom to change.

He put on some black slacks and white dress shirt with a black suit jacket and black tie he was sure was crooked but he didn’t have time to fix it.

He slicked his hair back with some water and ran back to the living room to check everything looked the way he wanted it to.

A few minutes later he heard the old elevator creaking with its ascent. He felt oddly nervous of your arrival but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because it was the longest time you’d spent apart all week and he’d missed you as much as he would if he lost a limb.

He wanted to see your beautiful face, hold your small delicate hands; hold you in his arms. 

He heard the elevator creak to a halt and then the doors open. He pulled at his tie, attempting to straighten it up at the last minute and then he heard the key in the lock.

He took a deep breath as the door opened.

You stepped into the apartment. It was dark and all the lights were off. The only illumination came from a few candles strategically placed around the room.

Spencer stood in the middle of the living room in a suit, holding a bouquet of red roses. Your heart soared at the sight and your eyes brimmed with tears.

“What’s all this?” you chewed your lip shyly.

“I missed you.” Spencer shrugged. “I wanted to do something nice for you. I cooked.”

That’s when you realised the smell wafting in from the kitchen.

“You cooked.” 

“JJ gave me a recipe. It’s only curry so it’s not that impressive but hopefully you like it. Hopefully I didn’t mess it up. Oh god do you even like spicy food? I bet I made it too spicy and you’re going to-“

“Spence,” you laughed, stepping closer to him . “I love curry. The spicier the better.” 

“Oh thank god.” He laughed.

“Are these for me?” you asked, sniffing the roses.

“Who else?” 

You took them from his hand and laid them gently on the arm of the couch so you could wrap your arms around his neck. 

He responded in kind and held you close, feeling completely at ease now you were home and in his arms.

He bowed his head to gently kiss you hello but something animal took over him at that moment. 

He found himself kissing you deeply, his tongue teasing your bottom lip for a second before you allowed him access. You didn’t question it, you welcomed it. 

The kiss was more passionate than either of you had ever had. It held longing, yearning and love. 

You both felt slightly disappointed when it ended.

“What was that for?” you giggled. “Not that I’m complaining.” your cheeks reddened. 

“I just really missed you today.” 

You gave him one more kiss, a gentle peck this time and you stood in the living room wrapped in each other’s embrace. 

“I should check on the food.” Spencer whispered after a few minutes.

“And I should change. I feel extremely under dressed. Not something I can say I’ve ever felt in my own living room.” you laughed. 

“I’ll put these in some water.” Spencer picked up the flowers.

“There should be a vase under the sink.” you kissed his cheek before you went your separate ways, you to the bedroom and him to the kitchen.

Ten minutes later just as Spencer was putting the dinner on the table, you stepped out of your room. You wore a floor length silk wrap around dress that Spencer thought was oh too similar to that kimono. It dipped low revealing that beautiful soft skin of your chest that drove him crazy.

“Will this do?” you did a little twirl.

“It will most certainly do. You look, as always, absolutely incredible.” 

“You don’t look so bad yourself, Doctor.” 

God it drove him wild when you called him that. He had never known his title to sound so damn sexy.

He held a chair out for you and you sat thanking him before he moved to the chair opposite you and sat down.

He picked up the bottle of cola.

“Can I interest the lady in our house special tonight?” he gestured at the bottle, making you giggle.

“Please.” you pushed your wine glass forward and Spencer filled up your glass and then his own. “This smells delicious.”

“I hope it tastes delicious too.”

He waited for you to pick up your cutlery and have a taste.

“Holy crap.” you said with a mouthful of food. “This is freaking amazing! I think you’ve been holding out on me Reid.”

He blushed at your compliment and started on his own food. He had to admit, it did taste pretty good.

“So how was your day? Did you have fun with JJ?” you asked as you ate.

“Yeah it was really nice to see her. She’s invited us to dinner at her house on Saturday if she doesn’t get called away on a case. I hope that’s ok?”

You smiled. You loved that he wanted you to meet his friends.

“Sounds great.”

“JJ’s my best friend. And her husband Will is great, we met him years ago while we were working a case. And they have two kids, my godsons, Henry and Michael. Henry’s ten and Michael’s three.”

“Cute ages.” you nodded. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“I can’t wait for them to meet you.” 

You blushed but tried to cover it up by looking down at your food. 

“This is seriously good Spencer. I’m going to expect this more often.” you teased.

“I’m sure that can be arranged. Anything to make you smile.”

Your blush deepened.

“Just being around you makes me smile.” you told him honestly. 

“Me too,” he confessed. “So how was your day? Did Callie settle on dresses?”

“Eventually, after having us try on like a thousand of them.” you rolled your eyes. “It was exhausting. They went for dinner and drinks after but all I wanted to do was come home.”

Spencer hoped he knew why. He hoped it was because of him.

“I’m glad you did. My cooking skills would have gone to waste otherwise.”

“We couldn’t have that.”

You ate in relative silence after that. Every now and again Spencer would throw out a fact about curries and middle eastern culture relating to food. And you listened to every one, and each one you found fascinating. 

After dinner Spencer insisted on cleaning up while you put your feet up. You tried to protest but you were too drained to try too hard to put up a fight. 

You read a chapter of your book while Spencer was in the kitchen. When he came back out he bypassed you and went straight to the cabinet on the other side of the room.

Your eyes followed him and you noticed the old vinyl player he’d set up. You assumed he’d been back to his apartment because you remembered seeing the player in his living room. 

He picked up a vinyl and put it on the player. It crackled a little before the song started filling the room.

“May I have this dance?” he asked, holding his hand out for you to take.

You smiled brightly and nodded, letting him pull you up from the couch. 

He kept your hand in his and placed his other on your lower back. You put your other hand on his chest as he began to sway you to the soft music.

“Someday when I’m awfully low, 

When the world is cold.

I will feel a glow just thinking of you,

And the way you look tonight.”

“Frank Sinatra.” You sighed happily. “It does not surprise me one iota that Spencer Reid likes Frank Sinatra.”

“Yes, you’re lovely, with your smile so warm,

And your cheeks so soft.

There is nothing for me but to love you,

And the way you look tonight.”

You heard him singing the words into your hair in a low whisper and it made you shudder. The moment was too perfect for words. You felt as though you were going to wake up from a dream any moment.

“With each word your tenderness grows,

Tearing my heart apart.

And that laugh, wrinkles your nose,

Touches my foolish heart.”

He held you tighter, as close as he physically could. You rested your head on his chest as you danced around your living room, listening to his heart beat.

“Lovely, never, ever change,

Keep that breathless charm.

Won’t you please arrange it? 

‘Cause I love you,

Just the way you look tonight.”

The words I love you made his heartbeat pick up a little and you wondered if he realised it. Was that what he felt? Because you were sure in that moment that’s what you felt.

“And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,

It touches my foolish heart.”

It seemed crazy, you had known each other for a little over a week. But you spent all your time together, you’d seen him at his most vulnerable. Was it possible that love was what this was?

“Lovely, don’t you ever change,

Keep that breathless charm.

Won’t you please arrange it?

‘Cause I love you,

Just the way you look tonight.” 

As the song came to an end he kissed your head and squeezed you tightly.

Was he trying to tell you something? Or was it just a song? 

The vinyl crackled again. Spencer gave you one last squeeze and let you go.

“That was wonderful.” you smiled up at him. “Thank you.” 

“You’re so welcome.” 

“Promise me we’ll always have nights like this?”

He smiled and kissed your cheek.

“I promise. I promise to always dance around the living room with you.”

“Thank you.” you stifled a yawn. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” 

“I’m ok if you want to stay up?”

“No, I'm tired.”  

“Ok, let’s go to bed then.” you took his hand and led him to the bedroom, blowing the candles out on the way. 

You both changed, brushed your teeth and slipped under the duvet.

The last few nights Spencer had taken to sleeping in only his boxers and you loved being able to lay your head on his bare chest. As soon as you were in bed, like every other night, you curled into him, resting on his chest and he held you tightly.

You snaked her arm around his waist, running your fingers along his skin as you went, making Spencer shudder. His own fingers toyed with the hem of your t-shirt before slipping underneath and resting on the warm skin of your lower back.

You signed in content. This had to be the definition of happiness you were sure. You had been sleeping so much better with Spencer by your side and you knew he felt the same.

You heard his breathing getting drawn out soon and knew he was falling asleep. 

Not long after your heavy eyes closed and you fell into a peaceful slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist -

Series taglist -

@eevee0722 @drspencerreid80 @thatsonezesty13 @hugedumpsterfire @beepbooptoop @givemeth

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @sexy-dumpster-fire @thebloomingeagle

SR x reader -

@frickin-bats @dreatine @adoringanakin @dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @sweetandsunny @bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @dontcallmekittens @kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @smurphyse

[imaginestuffs]

If He Loved Me- Bucky Barnes x Reader

word count:1553

warnings: angst, doubt of self worth, and fluff!

summary: Steve has left the reader and Bucky, they are there for each other and something more than a friendship blooms between them.

(gif not mine!)

“Bucky, why did he leave?” you question with tears in your eyes. He looked at you with sadness swirling in his beautiful blues. “Did he ever love me? Was I just someone to take his mind off of her? Was our whole entire relationship bullshit?” you beg the questions, your eyes pleading for answers. “Don’t say that (y/n), don’t say that. He loved you, you were everything to him. He cried when he told me what he was going to do, he felt horrible but he said it was something he needed to do. He loved you and he would never want you to doubt that. Ever.” Bucky spoke firmly.

“If he loved me then he wouldn’t have felt the need to leave. If he loved me then why did he decide to go back in time to live out his life with another woman? Bucky, do you remember what he said to me before he left?” you spoke shakily.

“He loved you,” he said with a sigh.

“He told me that he loved me, and he would be right back and would continue to love me for the rest of his life.” you cried to him. Bucky’s heart broke when he heard the words his best friend said to you.

“He did come back, after loving another, prettier, smarter, stronger woman for his life. He came back to me in his old age knowing damn well that loving me for the rest of his life would never be the way I imagined. He knew that loving me for the rest of his life probably wouldn’t be that long.” you grabbed a picture that was sitting on your bedside table and threw it across the room. The glass shattered and the picture fell to the floor. The picture was of you and Steve that Sam had taken. Your legs were around his waist and your arms around his neck. You both had big smiles and your forehead was pressed against his. It was your favorite picture, in that moment you remember what he told you during that picture. He was telling you how much he loved you.

“Doll, he just wanted you to know that he would never stop loving you. I’m so sorry, it ended the way it did. I know it hurts, and I wish I could take that pain away. I’m here for you always and that’s a promise I will never break.” Bucky tried to comfort you. You looked up at him and sighed heavily his eyes were pained, and it hurt you to see him hurt as well.

“I’m sorry Buck. I’m so sorry I know you lost your best friend. He left you too, and maybe if I was enough for him he wouldn’t have left us. If I was enough he would have stayed with us. I’m so sorry.” you lunged forward to wrap your arms around the man in front of you. He let out a huff at the impact of your body against his. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close to him. The words you said were running through his head and it hurt him that you thought that way of yourself. He cared for you so much and he never wanted you to feel this way.

“You’re more than enough. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Leaving was something he decided to do, and it had nothing to do with you. He never believed you weren’t enough. You’re worth more than anything to him, but he just wanted the life he never got to live. But believe me when I say this. You are so much more than enough, that’s how I know he loved you for all of his life. I know we’ll be ok. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” he felt you hold him closer and felt you cry against him, your tears soaking his shirt.

---

It has been 5 months since Steve left and things were beginning to even out again. You and Bucky were together quite often, he was the only thing in your life that has kept you from crumbling over again. And in his mind, you did the same for him.

You were sitting on your couch with a book in hand tea sitting on the coffee table and a blanket covering you. It was raining outside and the soft pitter-patter calmed your mind. You heard the lock on your door open and heavy footsteps make their way over to you. You knew it was Bucky due to how much time you spend together. He had a key to your apartment and you had one to his because oftentimes one of you would need the other and so you could easily get to each other.

“Hey Doll,” Bucky said and pressed a kiss to your head as he rounded the couch to sit next to you. He lifted your legs and sat down before setting your legs on his lap. You looked up and smiled at him. “Hey Buck, how was your day?” you ask and set your book to the side. "It was alright. Nothing special." He said softly, placing a hand on your leg and rubbing it gently.

You knew he had an appointment with his therapist today but you decided not to push it. You smiled at him and leaned your head against the couch cushion. Reaching forward you grabbed his hand.

He squeezed your hand lightly. "How about you huh? How was your day?" He asked. He always loved hearing about your day no matter how boring it may be. "The same as you, nothing special. Just some reading. I missed you, Buck." You blurted out. Your eyes widened a bit at your statement, not usually saying that to him. His eyes widened a bit as well before he smiled. "I missed you too."

---

It has now been 8 months since Steve left, and you had gotten closer to Bucky. Your heartbeat sped up whenever he was close and your cheeks heated up when he addressed you as Doll. You had slowly begun to realize that you were falling for him.

Little did you know that Bucky felt the same way towards you. Over time he had begun to fall for you as well but he was too scared to admit it. He didn't want to ruin what he had with you now.

Bucky heard footsteps walking down his hallway and smiled at how light they were. You knocked lightly on his partially opened bedroom door. "Hey, Buck." You said softly, it sounded like you had been crying. He turned around quickly at the sound of your voice. His eyes flooded with concern.

"Doll, what happened?" He asked as he strode towards you. "I uh- I got scared. I had this dream… well more like a nightmare." You stumbled over your words. He grabbed your hands and pulled you to sit next to him on the bed, perfectly made from no use.

You gripped his hand tightly pulling it into your lap.

"You can tell me. Take all the time you need. I'm right here." He spoke kindly.

It made you tear up again hearing his voice and feeling his hand hold yours.

"You left me too. You left me just like he did, and I got so scared. Bucky it was so real. It was so, so real." You cried to him.

His eyes widened and his heart clenched at the pain in your voice. "I'll never leave you. I won't ever leave. I love you." He admitted.

You looked up at him in shock. Tears fell from your eyes. He felt almost instant regret, he felt fear at the thought of ruining all you had built together.

Your heart fluttered, and your mind reeled.

Trying to process his words.

"You love me?" You questioned shakily. He tried to pull away but you kept your hold strong. As he tried to pull away you slightly panicked.

"Please. Bucky please don't leave. I love you too. Please don't leave me, you said you'd never leave." You cried a bit harder now. He looked down at you from his standing position. He suddenly kneeled in front of you, and held your face with his free hand, swiping your tears away.

"Oh Doll, I promise I'm not leaving. No matter what, I'd never leave. You relaxed against his palm and sighed shakily. He leaned forward to kiss your forehead letting his lips linger.

"Don't you ever forget that promise, I love you."

"I love you too Bucky," you spoke softly into the small space between you. He pulled back a bit before leaning in once again pressing a tentative kiss to your lips. You kissed him back softly and his thumb gently stroked your cheek. You pulled away slowly and fell into him letting yourself collapse into his arms. He gladly accepted you into his arms despite his kneeling position on the uncomfortable floor.

You both sat there holding each other like you would disappear if you let go. At that moment he swore to himself he would never let you go, he would never make you doubt your worth. He would never make you think to yourself “If he loved me, why didn’t he stay.”

---

Taglist: @maxsaturdayhatesnarwhals

[fckwritersblock]

Please?

Bucky x black reader

Description: After a heated argument between the two of you, one where the words exchanged were better left unsaid, has left your apartment leaving the two of you unsure of where you stood in each others lives. Now, all Bucky wants to do, is be done with this John Walker business so he can come home to you and tell you how he really feels.

Angst. Angsty as fuck and I don’t know where I came from but I’m sorry.

Here I am. Me. Trying to be apart of something great! @fineanddandy 2k celebration! My submission to the #breakuptomakeup2k with only a 80% understanding of said assignment as I chose emo smut for this. Again y’all. 80% understanding 😅 I got carried away, there is no smut to be found…but just. Here. He y’all go

I’ll be back with another contribution and I’ll be going for angry but until then… Enjoy… Whatever this is lmao

( unedited. Af )

Flashbacks will be in bold.

There will also be a pov change so pay attention. Also the gifs, closest thing I could find to the relevance of the story so…brace yourselves 

Word count: 3,481

Bucky was once again at the bar he frequented. It was where he did his people watching and got in his mandated weekly social interactions in order to keep his therapist off his back.

All the regular joes were there, but there was someone in particular, a new face, a pretty one, he found sitting at the bar. One, that was unfortunately, being bothered by the resident asshole. He didn’t know his name. He didn’t really give a fuck but for some reason he did care about the frown that was on your face as the guys seem to be getting extra handsy. As Bucky approached the counter he heard you giving him what he knew wasn’t the first warning.

“Mister, you reach over here with those grubby fingers again you gon pull back less than you reached over here with.” You threatened as you reached for your purse.

“Excuse me, Bucky wedged himself between you and the asshole facing you.

“I’m Bucky.” he spoke, holding his hand out for you to shake.

"Y/n," you shook his hand slowly a bit confused, only for Bucky to wink at you.

He turned to the man who wouldn’t leave you alone.

“And you are?”

The man took Bucky’s hand and attempted to grip it firmly in order to intimidate him, and before he answered with his name, Bucky gripped his hand hard before releasing it quickly said man falling to the floor.

“Don’t care, beat it.” He said taking the guys seat.

“You broke my fingers.” He groaned from his position on the floor.

“Dislocated.” Bucky brushed him off and took a seat.

Quickly dragged out by security, the two of you watched in amusement before but he turned to you once more.

He thought you were breathtakingly beautiful. The smile on your face wascontagious and he found himself smiling too.

"Y/n,” he tested your name out on his tongue, and you nodded confirming. “Can I get you a drink?"

The rest was history.

The way Bucky fell for You happened so fast yet so slow and all at once. It had been a while but Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he felt this much love from somebody. Received this much love from somebody. Truly felt like he had someone in his corner other than Steve before he… Went away. He had finally managed to find someone on his own.

His own person.

You knew all about his past, the things he’d done, and had yet to judge him. Every time he got in a mood you made sure to remind him that it was temporary. And it was OK to feel whatever and however he may have been feeling.

His person.

“You got 10 minutes, than we’re doing things my way.” Bucky rolled his eyes as John Walker, America’s new appointed Captain America, attempted to display his authority as Sam went in to attempt to talk down Karli.

Bucky was more than over his self righteous bullshit. He was genuine. This was just another kid trying too hard. But he was here. And he would have Sam’s back, the same way Steve would. Even if he was mad at him for giving up the shield.

He wanted to go home. Bucky didn’t like this one bit, then again, he could recall you saying the same thing just a week ago. And if he went home now, his argument with you would be all for nought.

“I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit.” He watch you pace back and forth and he pack his stuff to take back to his place before meeting Sam.

“What do you want me to do?” He huffed becoming increasingly frustrated.

“I want you to sit back, and mind your fucking business for once.” You exclaimed hands flapping all over the place for dramatic affect.

“Y/n. You know I have to-“

“No. You don’t.” You cut him off talking through your teeth. “You don’t have anything to prove to anybody. Steven is gone. You don’t owe anyone shit.”

“I didn’t expect you to understand. God for bid something other than you have my attention.”

“And what’s that suppose to mean.?”

“You have a family! The shield. It’s the closest thing to family that I have-“

“Oh, Fuck you! Okay!”

“Oh, fuck me?!”

“Yes, you bastard! Fuck you! You have of me! But if you want to go around I continue chasing ghosts and potentially get yourself killed, you go ahead. See if I care-“

“You don’t!” He yelled causing you to jump.

It was the first time he actually raised his voice at you and while it didn’t scare you per se, it caught you off guard. He let out a deep breath clenching his jaw as he snatched his bag off the couch.

“You don’t care and It’s clear I was kidding myself for everything thinking you could..” he caught him self before he could say anything else.

“I could what James?”

He could hear the crack in your voice and knew your feelings were probably hurt but he continued to throw the bag over his shoulder before grabbing the front doorknob.

“Love me.”

That was the last thing he said before he left you. That you didn’t love him. It was a stupid thing to say. I really stupid dumb hurtful thing to say.

Something he knew wasn’t true.

You guys have yet to say ‘I love you’ to one another, seeing it as it had only been about 6 months and you had done your best to make sure you were patient. With him, his feelings. But even though you hadn’t said it.

He felt it.

He could absolutely feel the love you poured into him each and every day. That day, just wasn’t a good day. He was anxious, on edge. He was angry. So very angry. And while all this time he had done his best to not take it out on you, he failed this time. Between things with you and the storm they we’re headed for now, he was all over the place. He closed his eyes for a second trying to calm himself down. He imagined you there with him, telling him what you always did every time he was frustrated with himself and not feeling in control.

“They’re feeling, Bucky. As much as we wish we could control them we can’t. Not always. And that’s okay.” You would say. “You’re not a bad person for having feelings and not knowing what to do with them. You’re human.”

Bucky sighed eyes still closed, hearing your voice in his head clear as day as if you were still with him.

“I’m human.” He repeated.

“Buck.”

He opened his eyes quickly, having forgotten where he was momentarily.

“You alright?” Sam asked after what they just witnessed

“No.” Sam nodded at Bucky’s answer, feeling similarly.

“‘Are you ready for this.” Sam fired another question as they prepared to enter the deserted warehouse.

To this Bucky said nothing, just made his way into the abandoned building.

John Walker had just killed a man. He killed man mercilessly. He killed a man in public. And he had done so using the shield. Steve’s shield.

They had to make to things right and they had to do it together.

The sooner they got this over with, the sooner he could be with you.

—————————————————

You had been pretty down the past 2 weeks without Bucky. You slept better when he was there. Felt better. Protected. Love.

This wasn’t the first time you guys argued and it wasn’t the first time he tried to push you away. This time though, It just felt so…so final.

Like he was done with you.

God you hoped that wasn’t true and that he’d come back to you.

After watching the news this morning, the faith that Bucky would come back to you was restored. The news reported that he and Sam had gotten John Walker and his position as Caption had been terminated. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself knowing that Bucky and Sam had accomplished exactly what they set out to do. Now all that was left was for him to return to you.

You waited anxiously for his arrival and while you weren’t sure when he’d come, it had to be soon right?

You’re feeling were hurt from the events that transpired between you two, but you knew he didn’t mean it. Beneath the tough exterior bucky was a big old softy. He fancied himself a ladies man when he was with you. Which is why you also knew he’d be beating himself up over it. This was probably the most time you guys has been away from each other since getting together and if he was the person you knew he was, you knew he missed you as much as you missed him.

So you want to do something nice for him. To show him you were sorry too. To remind him you were still there for him. You had learned that Bucky didn’t like big grand gestures. He appreciated small intimate ones as he was still getting using to positive affirmation and intimate attention. So you decided to bake his favorite cookies, having Instacarted all the Ingridents.

While you weren’t exactly sure when he would be home, he had previously told you he wouldn’t be gone for more than two weeks. Well you were two days shy of the two weeks and you wanted the cookies to be ready for him.

You had also decided to tell him. To tell him that you were completely in love with him.

You put the third batch in the oven and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. Seven minutes in you heard what sounded like your front door opening

“Bucky?”

You quickly exited the shower, throwing a towel around you to peak your head out of the bathroom door.

“Bucky.” You smiled when you heard the sound of his boots entering the kitchen.

“Buck take the cookies out the oven will you? I’m gonna throw on some clothes then I’ll be right out.”

And you did just that. Throwing on a tank top and some boy shorts, you slipped your robe on and went to meet your man in the kitchen. You were giddy with excitement, knowing you’d find him in the kitchen 3 cookies in.

“By now you I made your favorite…” your voice trailed off the smiling falling from you face.

He came toward, nothing in his hand, seemingly harmless but you knew better.

“You’re not Bucky.” You swallowed eyeing the former patriot before you as he made sure to block the front door.

“No. But you know who I am.” His rasped staring at you with a crazed look in his eyes

“What do you want?” Your eyes flickered over to your phone momentarily as you continued to watch him.

“He took something from me.”

“Im going to take something from him.” He shrugged.

It was than you understood exactly why he was there. Before either of you could say another word your phone went off and a Buckys photo came up.

“Answer It. On speaker.”

With shaky hands you grabbed the cellular device and answered the phone putting it on speaker but holding it close to your chest as you continue to eye John Walker who stood a mere 5 feet away from you.

“Hey.” You spook keeping your voice steady.

“Hey,” you could hear him breath out what sounded like a sigh of relief.

“Did you get it?” You questioned the way you normally would, even though the both of you knew you already knew the answer.

“We did.” He confirmed a way.

I’m so happy for you buck.” You couldn’t help but smile.

“You mean that?”

“I do.” You nodded as if he could see you.

Silence. On the other end, Bucky fought not to be too emotional. He just knew you were going fo be done with him but when you picked up the phone for him…

“Buck?” You swallowed glancing at John Walker. “You okay?”

“No, Y/n, I’m not.” He confessed, pausing only for a moment, “I’m sorry for what I said the other day.”

“Oh honey. Water under the bridge.” You spoke as nonchalantly as possibly.

You needed him to know you were okay…

“I shouldn’t have-“

“James. I forgive you baby,okay?”

…that you were no longer upset with him…

“God I miss you.”

“Sleeping’s not the same without you.” You confessed.

…that the two of you were okay…

“I’ll be home soon. Less than 24 hours.”

…just in case anything happened to you…

“Bucky?”

“Yeah doll.”

“I like you, a lot.” You blurted out

The two of you made that a habit; saying I like you a lot. It started off as a joke but then became a way for the two of you to express the strong way you get for one another without the pressure of saying “love”.

“I like you a lot too doll.” He chuckled and you smiled knowing you put a smile on his face.

Possibly for the last time.

..you wanted to be sure he knew….

“24 hours?” You repeated.

“24 hours and I’m yours.” He agreed.

“It’s a date.” You agreed with a sad smile as a single tear worked its way down your face

…you still felt all the things for him…

“Bucky?”

You hesitated giving John Walker a once over. He smirked thinking you were now going to beg Bucky to come rescue you.

“Doll?”

..you needed him to know exactly how you felt about him.

“I love you.”

You quickly dropped the cellphone smashing it under your foot and taking off toward your bedroom. You slammed and locked the door quickly going for Bucky’s drawer where you knew he had gun.

You picked it up quickly turning out the safety before firing at John who busted through the door. He took several protracted steps back into hall trying to evade the gunfire. The pistol had a silencer on it, but you wished it hadn’t. That way someone would’ve actually heard it and call for help. But it was just you. You followed suit, firing after him as he ran down the small hallway. If you could just get him away from the door you could escape.

Two bullets left you thought to yourself as you counted them the way Bucky taught you, so you’d make every single one count.

One.

He cleared the hallway but you could still see him try to bend the corner when you fired your last shot.

“Son of a bitch!” He yelled.

Got him.

Soon as his arm jerked back and he hit the floor you spirited toward the front door.

You almost made it two the front door when he yanked you back by the braids. Hitting the wall with such force you knew you had to have made a dent in the wall. Coughing you tried to stand only for John to punch you sending to the floor once more.

Your head was spinning. You couldn’t focus and your body began to hurt. Your lip was busted and your shoulder felt as if it were dislocated.

He picked you up by the throat slamming you against the wall again, this time cutting off your oxygen.

“He’ll come for you.” You wheezed as best you could.

The grimace still help on his face, he bought you closer towards him, squeezing your throat tighter, mouth leveled with your ear. You began clawing at his hands as you fought for air.

“I’m counting on it.”

——————

While Karli was in the wind, both Zemo and John Walker were taking down. Caps shield was back with Sam, the way it always should’ve been, and in t-minus 12 minutes he would we back with you.

Where he knew he always wanted to be.

Bucky was elated when you answered the phone for him as if nothing happened.

Then you told him you love him, before you hung up.

You.

Love him.

He started to call you back but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure he was ready to respond. He wasn’t sure he able to properly put the reciprocal words in a sentence. Of course he knew he loved you, you’re the one who helped him remember exactly what love is, what it feels like, but your confession caught him off guard. Now that he had time to recover from the infill shock, he was more than ready to tell you, and he wanted to make sure he did it face-to-face.

“Babe.” Bucky called out opening your front door.

He didn’t live with you, not officially, but you had him a key made after the first month. It felt high school to move in so quickly but he might as well had. Bucky was with you all the time. You both agreed he should keep his place though, sometimes he still liked to sleep on the floor and it was safer when he was out on “missions”, rather, making amends as he liked to call it. Not to mention, sometimes, he still needed to be alone. That was something else he loved so much about you. You understood that and you supported that.

You were in his corner no matter what.

Upon enter Becky could smell the white chocolate chip oatmeal craze and cookies as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. He remembered the first time you made them for him at Christmas time 3 months ago. You said it was the perfect holiday cookie and he had to agree. You would always make them to cheer him up and put a smile on his face. He smiled to himself, today was no different. There was a cute decorated plate full of them. Neck to it was a small note written in cursive.

‘I love you’

He felt as if his heart skipped several beats. There it was again. The word you guys had yet to say to one another face to face, a feeling he also shared with you. I know you feel the same even after your fight…

Bucky knew you took your nap seriously, so if you weren’t curled with a blanket on the couch, he knew you’d be in the bedroom. He wasted no time heading that way.

“I love you.” he breathed out as soon as he got to the doorway of your bedroom.

The relief from that confession was short-lived as the hairs on the back of his neck begin to stand up.

Something was wrong.

And as he taking your motionless frame underneath the covers another feeling crept in.

Fear.

Bucky didn’t feel fear. He hadn’t in a long time save for the few words that could’ve activated him once upon a time.

Outside of that though. He wasn’t sure when the last time he was ever really afraid of anything.

Til now.

“Y/n.” The call of your name was soft but definitive.

Nothing.

While his brain had already registered the possibility you weren’t breathing was high, the other half almong with his heart couldn’t.

Cautiously he walked around the other side of the bed getting closer. The unusual way your eyelids were mostly closed along with your hand that idly hung off the side of the bed he knew.

“No, mm-no.” His voice broke as his heart broke into a million pieces.

He dropped to his knees taking your limp hand in his.

“No..” it was death curdling scream. A cry that came from the back of his throat as he placed your cold hand to his cheek.

With his free hand Bucky pushed some of the braids out of your face, revealing the some of the black and blue scarring on around your eye, you busted lip. As his eyes traveled down he froze. His hand lowered He could feel the way your neck with a naturally bent on both sides. Broken neck, crushed windpipe.

“Come on doll, you’ve got to get up for me.”Cradling your head his gently brough you to his chest, pulling your body into his.

He checked for a pulse even though he knew…

There wasn’t one.

“Open your eyes for me huh.” His hand caressed your cheek, tapping ever so often, willing you to wake up.

“I haven’t even told you I love you. “ he sniffed a river of tears freely falling down his face. “That I am irrevocably in love with you.”

“So I need you to wake up ok?” His hand moved to the back of your neck, now pushing your face closer to his. “Come on, Y/n.”

Bucky rocked back and forth as he held onto you.

“Please?”

but even as he continued to beg…

“Please?”

He knew it was futile.

“Please?”

——————-

If by chance I broke your heart too…I’m sorry

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Luca Marinelli Film

Listen, I’m not here to tell you if a movie’s plot is well-structured or whatever, ok? I’m here for objective, factual data on how Luca Marinelli’s brand is adhered to in every movie he’s been in so far.

(all gifs by @weardes​)

La solitudine dei numeri primi (2010)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No. His life is hard enough as it is.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing speedos in one scene, but he’s covered in s*lf-h*rm marks, it’s very sad and not sexy at all.

Is Luca gay? Hell if I know.

Is Luca a slut? He talks to like two people in the whole movie.

Lucameter: 2/100 pathetic (but like I get it it’s his first movie w/e)

L'ultimo terrestre (2011)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No, but Roberta is a captivating dancer.

Does Luca eat? No, though she takes a shot once.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, but not in a fun way :(

Is Luca naked? No, but there are some thighs and belly with a mini skirt in between. No complaints.

Is Luca gay? Not enough data.

Is Luca a slut? No.

Lucameter: 1/100 horrible, Roberta deserved better

Waves (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? Yes, drunkenly!

Does Luca eat? They just won’t let him put food into his mouth! Watching Gabriele trying and failing to eat is Hitchcock-level suspense, though it all comes to a very satisfying conclusion when the camera isn’t focusing on him for a second, and he friggin’ inhales the food off the table.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets pushed around a lot.

Is Luca naked? No, but he does take off his shirt a couple of times. Also his legs are like completely hairless?? Has anyone ever noticed that? They shaved his legs!

Is Luca gay? No proof that he is, no proof that he isn’t.

Is Luca a slut? No, he is the sweetest purest cinnamon roll.

Lucameter: 37/100 it’s getting better

Nina (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he plays the cello and dances.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? No, though even if he was, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because he never gets any close-ups or decent lighting.

Is Luca gay? He’s shown to be into ladies.

Is Luca a slut? Please, he’s barely even a character.

Lucameter: 0/100 unwatchable

Tutti i santi giorni (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes, and he cooks!

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, lightly, in a patronizing way.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes.

Is Luca gay? He’s religiously devoted to his lady love.

Is Luca a slut? Not so much a slut as a hella thirsty bitch.

Lucameter: 43/100 half down ponytail saves lives

Maria di Nazaret (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No, obviously.

Does Luca sing? No. He dances once - very clumsily.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No, though he almost drops a house on himself.

Is Luca naked? Guys, it’s a Bible movie.

Is Luca gay? Come on, he’s Saint Joseph.

Is Luca a slut? Lol no.

Lucameter: -10/100 just for that hair

La grande bellezza (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Full frontal, but in a disturbing way. Red body paint is involved.

Is Luca gay? Who’s to say?

Is Luca a slut? Please.

Lucameter: 4/100 which is more than the number of his on-screen minutes

Il mondo fino in fondo (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly; he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets a fruit thrown at him.

Is Luca naked? He’s never more naked than a T-shirt and underwear, but those fuzzy thighs strike back hard after Waves.

Is Luca gay? He’s married to a woman.

Is Luca a slut? I mean, he’s married but goes to a strip club anyway.

Lucameter: 12/100 though he looks really hot in this movie

Non essere cattivo (2015)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot, and he does lots of harder stuff.

Does Luca sing? No, but boy does he dance.

Does Luca eat? He briefly chews on something, but he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, wonderfully, multiple times, so good.

Is Luca naked? Fully clothed the entire time.

Is Luca gay? He emanates just the most Gay Longing™

Is Luca a slut? Not actually in practice, but the vibe is there.

Lucameter: 86/100 would have been more if he’d had any nude scenes, but that butt in those jeans is very much appreciated

Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot (2015)

Does Luca smoke? No, he takes care of his body!

Does Luca sing? Only in the best karaoke scene ever committed to screen. And a little in the car with his buddies. It’s wholesome.

Does Luca eat? He gets a whole ball of mozzarella shoved into his mouth. Luca Marinelli... is lactose intolerant.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets sexy scratches on his face, so points for originality.

Is Luca naked? He’s got all the buttons of his shirt undone in one scene, and there’s also like a quarter of the butt.

Is Luca gay? He’s definitely not straight.

Is Luca a slut? He’s a slut for YouTube views and empowering female songs.

Lucameter: 97/100 I was missing The Slap but whatcha gonna do

Die Pfeiler der Macht (2016)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he dances sluttily.

Does Luca eat? Yes, though all the food in this movie looks disgusting.

Does Luca get slapped? Very hard.

Is Luca naked? Not as naked as he should be considering the everything about him.

Is Luca gay? He fucks everything in this movie.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks everything in this movie.

Lucameter: 64/100 weak

Slam - Tutto per una ragazza (2016)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? He gives us a full butt moment.

Is Luca gay? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca a slut? Definitely, but it all happens off screen somewhere.

Lucameter: 34/100 the butt is doing all the work here

Il padre d'Italia (2017)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot.

Does Luca sing? Yes, and he dances while singing!

Does Luca eat? No, but he drinks champagne like a fancy bitch.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, by life.

Is Luca naked? We get everything in the first five minutes. Everything.

Is Luca gay? Yes, canonically and explicitly.

Is Luca a slut? No, he’s full of gay sin and self-loathing.

Lucameter: 99/100 glorious

Lasciati andare (2017)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? He doesn’t have time for anything else but he always has time to get slapped.

Is Luca naked? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca gay? He just wants to be loved T__T

Is Luca a slut? The virgin vibes are stronger than in the Bible movie.

Lucameter: 8/100 it didn’t have to be this way

Una questione privata (2017)

Does Luca smoke? This movie is covered in smoke from Milton’s cigarettes. Seriously, he smokes all the time. Including the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca sing? No, not even in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca eat? He drinks an egg, though not in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca get slapped? No. He gets called ugly, though.

Is Luca naked? No.

Is Luca gay? Strong bisexual vibes from this one.

Is Luca a slut? Again, major virgin energy.

Lucameter: 17/100 can you imagine they had the audacity to call him ugly???

Fabrizio De André - Principe libero (2018)

Does Luca smoke? In every scene. Every. Single. One.

Does Luca sing? Duh, while playing the guitar.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No, everybody is soft for Fabrizio.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing nothing but a bath towel for a whole scene.

Is Luca gay? He’s very much into ladies, although he’s got sizzling chemistry with every male character.

Is Luca a slut? He’s very into ladies.

Lucameter: 94/100 almost perfect

Trust (2018)

(it’s not a movie, but Primo is so iconic I can’t and shan’t leave him out)

Does Luca smoke? It’s the 70s and Italy, come on.

Does Luca sing? Unfortunately, he doesn’t, but he’s one hell of a dancer.

Does Luca eat? Munches on spaghetti like there’s no tomorrow.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes. And he doesn’t forget it.

Is Luca naked? Sadly no, but man does the camera love his butt hugged tightly by those slutty 1970s pants. Also balls. Just... just balls.

Is Luca gay? We don’t know for sure, but his whole vibe is kinda the exact opposite of heterosexuality.

Is Luca a slut? For money and power.

Lucameter: 82/100 would benefit from like a karaoke scene or something

Ricordi? (2018)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes. And he fuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Is Luca gay? This relationship is so heterosexual the couple are literally called Him and Her.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks a lot, but somehow in a very unslutty way. He’s mostly just sad.

Lucameter: 51/100 and he’s called ugly again???

Martin Eden (2019)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? Amazingly, yes, very softly. He also dances.

Does Luca eat? Yep.

Does Luca get slapped? Finally the slappee has become the slapper.

Is Luca naked? Man, I wish. He doesn’t even take his shirt off like wtf dude what did you build all that bigness for???

Is Luca gay? No, and I think he’d be happier if he were.

Is Luca a slut? No, and again, I think it’d have served him better to be a slut.

Lucameter: 62/100 it’s a fine movie that would’ve benefited from more trademark Luca stuff okay

The Old Guard (2020)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly.

Does Luca get slapped? A lot of violence happens in this movie, but not a single slap, ridiculous.

Is Luca naked? Shirtless, with a close-up on the nipple.

Is Luca gay? Oh, I don’t know, does being one half of the most wholesome and perfect gay couple count?

Is Luca a slut? How dare you. He’s been happily married for 900 years.

Lucameter: 25/100 none of Luca’s trademarks are present but the epicness of his immortal marriage warms me when I shiver in cold

[mayans-sauce]

Gemma’s Daughter (1/?)

Pairing: Angel Reyes x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Cursing, angst, yelling, cheating, heartbreak, physical fight

Request by anon which you can find HERE

A/N: thank you for the request! Sorry it’s a little late. I changed it up a bit by having Jax and Gemma still be alive as well as some other things. I’m really happy with how this turned out so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

Sign up HERE to join my taglist!

GROUP CHAT for updates!

Gif Credit: @pedropcl

This was the third time Angel’s phone went straight to voicemail. It was the middle of the night, and he said he would be home 3 hours ago for his and your movie night which at the end of it, you would share some thrilling life-changing news. You were worried sick about him not returning your calls, worried that something serious had happened. What if he was hurt? Or worse, dead? You decided to shoot him a text; maybe he was doing something important, making it so he couldn’t pick up right now.

📲 Angel😇

Baby, where are you? I’m worried! Please just let me know if you’re safe ok? I have something exciting to tell you. Love you❤️

You texted some of the other guys. None of them had heard anything from him. They told you not to worry. He was probably caught up with something and would turn up eventually. Luckily your brother Jax picked up when you called. You asked him for some guidance on if you should sound the alarm or wait until Angel gave off noise. Since he was in the same life as your husband, you figured he would know what’s best. He told you better to wait. That he was most likely dealing with something that had taken his full attention. If he didn’t turn up tomorrow, Jackson said he would take the drive over to help you look for him. You were so thankful for your big brother. He was always there to help you whenever he could. To protect and love you.

You refused to go to sleep before he came home or before he called you, so you knew he was safe and sound. Some movie was playing on the TV that you didn’t pay much attention to. The battle between you and your eyelids was still going strong. All of a sudden, you were woken up from your zombie state by the front door opening and closing. Footsteps that belonged to no other than Angel made their way into the dim-lit living room.

“Angel!” His movements were sort of clumsy. A sign that he had been drinking. You came to stand at his side. Holding him up by his forearm as it looked like he was going to faint face down ass up on the floor any second. Your nose scrunched up at the strong smell of the alcohol on him. “Angel, I was worried sick! Where were you?” “I was out with my brother.” His words had a pinch of sluggishness in them as he spoke. “We were supposed to have our movie night! We haven’t seen each other all week, and this was going to be our evening together.”

“Ugh,” he tugged himself out of your grasp, which took you by surprise. “Why are you so bossy all the time? I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself.” His words started to sting a little, but you didn’t think that much of it. He was shitfaced drunk, and he wasn’t his usual self. “Angel I-“ “No, you listen here, I’m sick and tired of you always going; oh Angel this oh Angel that,” he tried to mimic your voice but failed miserably, “like shut up. Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second in your life and stop being so fucking clingy.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing from him. The tears in your eyes started to build up as you held two protective hands over your stomach. Your mouth was slightly agape in disbelief. “A-Angel ple-please-“ “No, I don’t fucking care right now. I’m leaving.” And just like that, he turned around and walked out. The force of the door slamming shut shook the whole house as you were left with an emptiness inside you.

The tears ran down your cheeks like it was pouring rain outside. Your body trembled at the anxiety and stress you were feeling at what just happened. You looked down at where your hands were laid over your stomach. “I-I’m so sorry li-little bean. I’m so so-sorry, my sweetheart.”

In the morning, you woke up in the worst state you have ever been in. The same clothes as yesterday were still on you. The pounding in your head wouldn’t seem to stop. Your eyes raw from crying, and your throat felt like rough sandpaper. Wrapping the blanket around yourself, you padded down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As you stared out the kitchen window, you saw your neighbor playing with their kids, which started the production of tears again.

A gasp left you of the sound from the front door opening and Angel’s voice calling for you. You met him in the living room—both of you staring at each other without saying a word. You should be mad at him, shouldn’t you? To scream at him for saying those hurtful things? But for some reason, your heart wouldn’t allow you to do so. You were just relieved that he had come home.

Angel was the first one to break the awkward silence. “Please… sit,” he pointed towards the sofa. You sat at one end while he took his place at the other. His face was in his hands. It looked like he had something to share with you. “Angel… what is it?” Your voice was nothing but a whisper. His eyes locked with yours and his heart broke when he saw what mess he had left you in. “I’m sorry for how I acted. Yelling at you like that…saying things that aren’t true… it’s not what you deserve. I don’t know what came over me and… I have something I need to tell you.” He looked up to you as tears welled up in his eyes. You gave him a slight nod, a sign that he could go ahead with whatever it was.

“When I left in the night, I was supposed to go over to pop's house to sleep. I didn’t take the bike because I was too shitfaced to drive, so I went on foot hoping that it would sober me up… and... I just kept walking and walking until I found myself… not at Felipe’s.” He peeked up to you from where he was looking down at the floor just a moment ago. His heart broke into microscopic pieces when he saw on your face that you knew where his story was most likely going. As much as he didn’t want to finish, he had to. He had to come clean and straight with you. You deserved that much.

“I found myself at Adelita’s place… and… we hooked up.” The silence after he said that was hefty and long. Once again, he was the one to break it. “Querida… it’s the biggest fucking mistake I have ever made in my fucking life. I don’t know what the fuck came over me to do something like that to you… to us.”

He tried to get a hold of your hand, but you pulled away in disgust. You didn’t want him to touch you after he had been feeling all up on her in the night while you were home alone crying yourself to sleep. You had no words, none. Your mouth was opening and closing, but nothing seemed to escape it. “Please say something.” “Where is she?” “I don’t see ho-“ “Goddammit Angel, just tell me where the fuck she is!” The scream you let out startled him. “Sh-she’s at the clubhouse… there was some emergency that needed to be taken care of, and it couldn’t wait till later.”

At lightning speed, you had grabbed the car keys and were out the door. Angel registered what the fuck was going on when he heard the engine's roar from the car. He was quick to his feet and on his bike to try and catch up before you did anything stupid.

Not thinking straight, you barge through the Templo doors to be met with Adelita and the rest of the MC standing over a map planning something. “Sweetheart, you aren’t supposed to be here,” Bishop said with a stern manner. You didn’t hear him. You didn’t care that you weren’t supposed to be in the room. All you could think about was the rage filling you up as she stood there gloating at you. A smug look on her face that you knew where your man had been last night, all cozy and tangled up together in her sheets.

She didn’t expect you to jump her and start beating the shit out of her; she knew you weren’t that type of girl, so it startled her when you did. That’s when Angel walked in out of breath and saw the scene in front of him that had him stand dead in his tracks as he watched. Your hands punched and scratched as you screamed, "I'm the mother of his child, not you bitch! Don’t ever touch him again!” You didn’t register what you said, and now everyone knew. She tried to fight back, but you were much more powerful than her.

It took the guys a few moments to pull you off as they were in sheer shock at what was going on in front of them. You were usually a shy and sweet girl that wouldn’t even hurt a fly. They were surprised that you so quickly took her down. Once pulled off, Taza escorted Adelita out since it was time for her to leave. “How in the fuck did you do that?” They almost said in unison. "Jax may be my brother, but my mother is Gemma, and you definitely don’t want to fuck with us.” You knew your mother would be proud of you for standing up for yourself and for putting that bitch in her place.

“Wait… you’re pregnant.” “Yes, Angel, I’m fucking pregnant, and you’ve just fucked up our whole relationship, our future.” The tears that were threatening to spill were managed to be put under control by your choice of not showing any of them how you truly felt, sad, empty, alone, and betrayed by Angel’s choices of thinking with his dick and not his fucking brain.

You were about to storm out when he grabbed you by the forearm. “Wait, please… we can fix this! Please let me fix this dulce.” “No, Angel,” you twisted your arm to get loose of his grip; the touch of him made you cringe, “the damage has already been done. I can’t fucking stand to look at you. Not now. I’m going home… I’m going home to Charming for a while.” And with that, you left Angel there to mend his broken pieces at losing the two of you…

To Be Continued

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Thank you for reading❤️ A quick reblog and feedback would be so appreciated❤️ Let me know if you want to be added/removed from the taglist.

MAYANS MC TAGLIST: @blessedboo @60shannon @bellisperennis0 @capnsaveahoe @diaryofkali @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @xvvalx @missswritings @theocatkov @pinguinstudiert @chibsytelford @encounterthepast @rawrlittlepanda-95 @beeroses @siriussnape07 @adaydreamaway08 @miss-nori85 @oldstuffnewstuff @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @jatriciaaa @browneyes912 @cole-winchester @blackksunflower12 @phoenixhalliwell @cant-decide-at-this-moment @love-mesome-me @holl2712 @jennisdirtyimagines @balladbloodwrites @lilacyennefer @smallflower16 @marvelmaree @brwnlikefoxy @kaylaygrace @stupiddsapphicc @violet624 @boomclapxox @mijop @macgruberrr @queen-under-the-shire @missihart23 @vixemi @heeeeeres-saint @paintballkid711 @x-goddess-of-nature-x @angelreyesisdaddy04 @mrsmarvelous1995

ANGEL REYES TAGLIST: @spnaquakindgdom @Negansnympho89

[xcertaindarkthingsx]

make you mine

pairing: jealous!mando x fem!reader

summary: you’ve been traveling with the Mandalorian for a while now as a healer and caretaker for the Child.  one day, the Mandalorian needs your specific skills to help him catch a bounty, and needless the say he is NOT happy about it.  

warnings: two idiots that don’t know they like each other, some fluff and yearning, a smidge of possessiveness/jealousy, canon-typical violence, swearing in basic and mando’a, brief mentions of unwanted touching, mentions of taking care of injuries/stitching and blood, SMUT 18+ (minors BEGONE), porn w/ plot i guess, thigh riding, finger sucking, grinding, a lil’ dirty talk (if i miss any just please let me know!)

word count: 7.6k (i’m soRRY)

a/n: WHEW OK so i originally wrote this for #dincember but because i suck at deadlines and take forever to write it just turned into something else. reader is a lil insecure but mando makes it all better (self-projection, anyone?) ummm, this is my first time writing for din AND my first time writing smut but i hope you guys like it! comments/likes/reblogs/feedback are completely welcome and much appreciated! i apologize if this is a mess kladjflkd but shoutout to @a-dorin and @princessxkenobi for being wonderful beta readers and helping me when i got stuck.  i am planning on making this a two parter, so if you want to be added to my tag list let me know! if you prefer to read on ao3 you can do so here . mando’a translations at the end!

gif credit: @bestintheparsec

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Soft coos filled the air inside the Razor Crest as you desperately tried to rock the Child back to sleep.  You were almost certain he was starting to get hungry, but you were out of snacks and Mando had told you not to leave the ship under any circumstances.

You had been traveling with the Mandalorian for a while now, after being picked up on Arvala-7. You were a healer—a pretty damn good one, if you had anything to say about it—and had patched him up after a bounty hunt gone wrong.  

The Mandalorian thought your services would be helpful if things ever got a little dicey again, so he asked you along for the ride (the reality was you had nagged and scolded him so much about how cauterizing was not the answer for every wound, that he eventually caved just to get you to stop). There wasn’t really anything tying you to Arvala-7, so you agreed.

Plus, the Child had taken a real liking to you, and how could you say no to that precious face?  

The Mandalorian was an odd man—well, no.  Not odd.  More like intriguing, and you were drawn to it.  It had been quiet and awkward the first few months.  He was a rigid man of few words, never speaking more than necessary (unless he thought he was alone with the kid; the way he spoke with him made your heart melt).  But after countless late nights together of taking care of the Child and constantly tending to his injuries, you were surprised to find there was a sense of gentleness under all that beskar.

The Mandalorian had been just as surprised as you when he found himself warming up to your presence.  It was all the little moments that had snuck up on him, the stolen glances and lingering touches, and now his heartbeat seemed to quicken every time you were together.

Little did he know, yours did too.  

At the sound of the hatch door opening, you looked up.  You watched as the Mandalorian walked up the platform, admiring his strut.  How someone could look so good just walking, you had no idea, but it was maddening.  

“No bounty?” you called out, turning the kid in your arms so he would be facing out towards his dad.  It was unusual that Mando hadn’t found the target yet, but you were just thankful he was in one piece for now.  He shook his head.

“Not yet.  I ran into some… complications,” he huffed and even though his voice was laced with frustration, it put you at ease.  Being on the ship alone for nearly the whole day, sometimes you just missed hearing that husky baritone filtering through his modulator.  

Not to mention you thought it was sexy as hell.  

You quirked an eyebrow at him.  “Complications?”  

He heaved a deep sigh, lifting a hand for the Child to grab, which he took happily.  “Hey, kid,” he whispered, and you smiled as the Child babbled back.  Mando turned his helmet towards you and continued.  “Yes, but I found a contact who should be able to give more information.  I came back for you and the kid first.  I know you guys must be hungry.”  

You nodded at the same time the little green bean gave a resounding coo, earning a soft chuckle from the both of you.  “I’ll get the pram ready.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

After a quick stop in the marketplace for supplies, Mando had led you two into what seemed to be the only bar in town.  It was only late afternoon, leaving it nearly empty, save for a few older patrons lazily sipping on glasses of ale.  You ignored the way the Weequay behind the bar seemed to look you up and down.     

Mando set you and the kid up with two bowls of soup at a table nearby while he talked business with his contact, who happened to be the bartender.  Sipping your soup, you tried not to eavesdrop as the two began to fall into what you would call a heated discussion.  On Mando’s end.  Apparently, this was a particularly “difficult” target.  

“Lucky for you, he’s got an eye for pretty girls,” the bartender drawled, jutting his chin at you.  “She’ll do fine.”

Your head snapped up from your task of feeding the child, spoon mid-air.  “Excuse me?”

“No.  Absolutely not,” resounded Mando’s gruff voice from under the helmet.    

“Listen, Mando.  This guy is high-profile, practically untouchable, bodyguards with him at all times. And I’m not talkin’ your run of the mill pair of idiots that can’t shoot for a damn, I’m talkin’ highly trained mercenaries.”  The Weequay sighed.  “I don’t doubt your skills as a Mandalorian, but you’re just one man.  You need to get him alone, and she is your only way of doing that,” he insisted.  

“I said, no,” Mando gritted out.  You were non-negotiable.  

The bartender just shrugged.  “Then consider this a loss, cause you’re not getting anywhere near him.”

Your heart hammered in your chest listening to the two of them argue. Embarrassment flooded your cheeks, remembering the way the bartender eyed you when you walked in.  All you wanted to do at this point was bury yourself in the confines of your room in the Razor Crest.

Mando seemed final in his decision, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he didn’t want you involved or if he thought you simply lacked the skills to do so.  He could probably tell you weren’t really the seducing type, and truthfully the thought of trying to do was mortifying.    

But Mando needed this, right?  You thought of all the things he’s done for you, how he’s protected and provided for you.  This was the least you could do for him.  You could deal with one night of potential discomfort so he could get his bounty.  It was a lot of credits.  

“I’ll do it.”

Mando snapped his head around at you so fast, it was a miracle he hadn’t hurt himself.  “For the last time, I said you are no—”

“I’m doing it,” you said a little more forcefully, cutting him off. You didn’t need to see his face to know he was staring daggers into you from underneath the helmet, but it was going to take more than a dirty look to get you to change your mind.  

“Excellent!” the bartender’s cheery voice cut through the tension in the room.  “Come on back, I’ve got an old dress an ex-girlfriend left behind that you could probably use.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The dress in question was a slinky black number that had you freezing your ass off in the cold of the desert night.  

The dress was too… everything.  Too short, too revealing, too tight; but the only other thing you had to wear were some oversized t-shirts and utility pants, which aren’t exactly sexy, so you were shit out of luck.  

Mando nearly choked when you came out of your room, thankful for the helmet for hiding his widened eyes and agape mouth. You looked absolutely ravishing, the black fabric clinging to all the right places on your figure.  His eyes roved over the valley of your chest, the curve of your hips, the length of your legs, and his hands balled into fists, just aching to hold you.  It’s as if your skin was begging to be touched.  

You cleared your throat, feeling incredibly exposed and wondering what in the blazes Mando was looking at because you were certain you looked absolutely ridiculous.  The noise shook him out of whatever daze he was in and he quickly shifted his gaze.  

“Not a word,” you warned, wobbling down the platform.  As bad as the dress was, the heels it came with were somehow worse.  “I feel ridiculous.”

“You shouldn’t,” he answered a little too quickly. “You look…” words were lost on him as he tried to find the right one.  One that wouldn’t make it obvious that he was losing his kriffing mind in front of you.  “Good,” he finally decided on, and mentally kicked himself for it.  Good?

You gave him an exasperated look.  “I know you’re just being nice.”

He opened his mouth to argue but was interrupted by an ill-timed fit of babbling from the kid.  You had bent down as best you could to give him a little pat on the head and he could feel a lump forming in his throat.  

Mando couldn’t express how much he didn’t want you to do this.  And well, he tried.  The whole way back to the ship, in fact.  But for some reason you were completely hell-bent on doing this for him, and he didn’t know how to explain that you and your safety meant more to him than a few thousand credits.  

The reality was, Mando wanted you.  He never thought he’d be so fond for someone besides the Child, but you were the exception.  And even though he wanted to make you his, he knew it would be selfish of him to pursue you, to claim you, when he couldn’t give you everything you deserved; his Creed prevented him from doing so.  

But Mando was a greedy man, so he took what he could get.  He drank up all the kindness you so freely gave him, like a parched soul wandering in the desert, and cherished every little moment the two of you shared. They probably meant nothing to you, but they were everything to him.  And he wanted more.

Not only was he a greedy man, but a stingy one as well.  The thought of anyone other than him seeing you in that dress was enough to send his thoughts into a jealous frenzy.  

“You don’t have to do this,” he tried to reason again.  

You placed a gentle hand on the soft spot between his pauldron and neck and offered a small smile.  “Don’t worry, Mando.  Everything will be fine.”        

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Everything was, in fact, not fine.  

The night had started well enough.  After all of Mando’s failed attempts at dissuading you again, he had finally resigned to silently stewing in his disapproval rather than voicing it.  

You entered the bar while he stayed behind and watched closely from the outside.  He had given you a comms device, that, with the push of a button, would let him know you were alone with the bounty and it was time for him to step in.  

“Just press it, and I will be right there,” he assured, his gloved fingers pressing the device firmly into your bare palm. Something about the protective tone of his voice stirred something in you.  You nodded before looking away, trying to ignore your racing heart.  

The bar was rowdy that night, patrons hooting and howling from the booze.  The smell of stale spice and death sticks wafted in the air, making you wrinkle your nose.  Your newfound bartender friend had waved you over, pointing out the target with a nod of his head.  

Your eyes fell on a Pantoran man across the bar with a drink in his hand, dozens of black suits surrounding him.  His associates—a Rodian and another Pantoran—seemed to all be talking business.  The bartender wasn’t kidding about this guy’s security.

How the hell am I supposed to get this guy’s attention?  You desperately racked your head for subtle ideas but came to a halt when his eyes met yours.  Kriff, he had caught you staring.  So much for subtle.  Trying not to panic, you flashed your best coy smile before turning back towards the bar.

Somehow, that was enough to give him the courage to approach you.  

Cocky bastard, you thought as he swaggered on up to you, leaning in close, leering.  With his chiseled features and striking yellow markings, you would’ve called him handsome— if you didn’t already know what a sleazebag he was.  An air of arrogance surrounded him, the type that made him think he could get whatever he wanted with a flash of those pearly whites. Typical douche.  You wanted to smack him for being so close.  

Instead, you flashed another winning smile. Placing a hand on his shoulder, you leaned in close and with a breathy whisper of, ‘Let’s get out of here’ he was tossing credits to the bartender and signaling to his guards that he was leaving with you.  

The Weequay had shot you a knowing look as he watched you leave; a warning.  You assured him that everything was fine with a slight nod of your head.      

The asshole had his arm snaked around you, hand on your ass, as you made your way to the motel just across the street.  You fought back the urge to throttle him, instead fawning about how, ‘I can’t wait to be alone with you, darling.’    

Your hands began to clam up as he retrieved the keys from the clerk, and you tried to convince yourself that everything would be fine once you clicked the button on your comm from the inside of the room.

Wrong.  

Immediately after the Pantoran locked the door, the unease in your stomach began to grow.  Bile rose in your throat at his grinning face, the way he fidgeted and licked his lips as he pressed you into the wall.  A hand landed on your bare thigh, trailing dangerously high, where you shuddered in disgust at the feeling.  

“We’re gonna have so much fun,” he whispered, and that was your cue to press the comms device you were desperately clutching in your small purse.  Your mistake was failing to mask the faint beeping noise it emitted.  Your companion stiffened at the sound, pressing you further into the wall.  

“What the hell did you just do?” he growled, using the other hand to rip your arm from your purse.  He stared at the comms device with contempt, before turning his attention back to me.  “You bi—”

He never got to finish, because the next thing you knew your Mandalorian was crashing through the door, blaster in hand.

The scene Mando had walked in on nearly made him sick.  That osi’kovid’s hands all over you, and worst of all, the look of pure fear on your face after being made.  He’d planned to put a quick end to the whole ordeal, but the bounty had plans of his own.

Mando rushed him, shoving him into the wall and away from you.  As expected, the Pantoran went flying before crumpling onto the floor.  What Mando hadn’t been expecting was for him to be armed. He didn’t peg him as the type to get his hands dirty.  

The Mandalorian was about to release the fibercord whip from his vambrace when the bounty rose from the floor with a sneer, a small combat knife in hand as he lunged at Mando, before wrestling him to the floor and sending his blaster skittering.  

You watched in frozen horror as the two fought for the upper hand. At one point, the bounty had tried to charge at you, slashing wildly, but Mando was already there blocking his blows. The knife caught on the cowl above his chest, slicing the skin underneath with a sickening noise.  That seemed to kick your brain into overdrive, and you dived for the fallen blaster on the ground.  

You took a steadying breath before you aimed and shot once, twice, at the bounty’s leg.  He cried out from his place above Mando before clutching his leg and finally falling over.

Mando rose and immediately released the fibercord, imprisoning the bounty.  He held his hand out for his blaster, and you watched with wide eyes as he smacked the butt of it into the Pantoran’s face once, twice, three times.  The third time ended with an appalling crack, his head lolling forward, and leaving him unconscious.  

You stared as Mando stood in front of the bounty, seething.  You could have sworn his hands were shaking.      

“Stars, Mando, your neck,” you murmured, breathless.  The room was dim, but you could see the dark stain of blood that was beginning to drench his cowl.  Your hands went to inspect the wound, but he quickly brushed you off.  

“We need to go,” he grunted, gathering the rope and heading towards the back entrance of the room.  The two of you hadn’t exactly been quiet and the bounty’s guards were bound to notice their boss had been gone for too long.  When you had opened your mouth to argue, to insist that you needed to check his injuries, he was already out the door.

Adrenaline still coursed through your veins as you walked back towards the ship.  You pulled your arms tight across your body in an attempt to quell your trembling hands; guilt, bubbling up in your stomach as you replayed the events of the night in your head.  

You had been the one to volunteer yourself for the mission.

You were the one who had repeatedly insisted that everything would be fine.  

And now, your Mandalorian was bleeding profusely from a nasty wound on his neck.  

“Mando,” you pleaded, trying to keep up with him in your ridiculous heels.  Instead of acknowledging you, your words fell to deaf ears.  He was stomping his way back to the ship, the unconscious bounty in tow.  

Worry bloomed in your chest.  The wound had looked bad back at the motel, but it was as if he couldn’t even feel it.  You could hear his ragged breathing from behind; whether it was from the fight, the long walk, or the wound, you weren’t sure.  

“Mando,” you tried again, this time raising your voice as you approached the hatch of the ship.  

Nothing.

He let out another grunt as he hauled the bounty onto the ship, towards the carbon-freezing machine.  You pursed your lips, jaw clenching in his direction. You did not appreciate being ignored, especially after just half-saving his ass just moments before.

Granted, you were the one that had put him in that position, but that was besides the point.

His back was to you and you stepped closer, ready to unleash a piece of your damn mind, when you stopped.  You took in his brooding stance and clenched fists.  The tremble in his hands.  Anger seemed to roll off the Mandalorian in waves, making you falter.  

What the hell was his problem?

“Mando, can you kriffing listen to me?  I need to treat you, you have no idea if he nicked an important artery or something.  I don’t know what you’re so worked up about, but you’ve been bleeding for a few minutes now and I just need to look—” annoyance rose in you as he continued to prep the carbon machine.  “Maker, can you even hear me?”

The Mandalorian couldn’t hear you, not clearly anyways.  Blood was still rushing in his ears, his vision still tinged red.  But with another call of his name, you were finally able to get through and he suddenly whipped around.  

“He touched you,” he gritted out, seething and shaking. “That skanah had his hands all over you and I swear if I didn’t need him alive for the bounty, he’d already be dead.”  He punctuated the last word with the slam of a button on the machine.    

You took a step back, eyes wide and brows furrowed. Something warm tightened in your chest and belly.  Wh-why did he care so much?  A lump had lodged itself into your throat.  “Mando, I—I’m fine.  Alright? I’m okay,” you tried to assure.  “So, can you please calm down and let me just—"

But the Mandalorian already had his back turned again.  You threw your hands up in the air, groaning in frustration as he continued to work.  Another minute passed and with a faint whoosh, the bounty was finally set in carbonite.  

A shiver ran through your body as the cool night air blew its way into the Razor Crest, raising goosebumps on your exposed skin.  Seeing you tremble in the cold seemed to break Mando out of whatever angry stupor he was in.    

In all honesty, he hadn’t meant to ignore you, but something in him snapped back at the motel.  The image of that skanah touching you had made his blood boil, and his sole goal was to get him back to the ship and be done with it.  

“You’re… cold,” he stated, the words coming out slow and soft, like pulling them out of a dream.  You must have been freezing in that dress.    

Your head snapped up at him.  “I—what?”

“Let me get you a blanket or—” He hesitated when he saw you pinch the bridge of your nose, eyes screwed shut.  

You couldn’t believe this idiot.  

“Mando, seriously?”  Your heart and your brain were having a hard time deciding whether you should be flattered about him caring so much or pissed off because he didn’t seem to give a damn about himself.  

You chose a mix of the two.

“Mando,” you sighed, looking up at him.  “I promise you I’m fine, thank you.  Really.”  You gave him your most genuine, caring look to show you were thankful for his concern, and then quickly replaced it with a hard one.  “But if you don’t get up into that cockpit right now and let me treat you, I’m going to use that damn pulse rifle on you.”

And just like that, you had managed to dissolve the lingering traces of anger in his mind.  His lips twitched under the helmet.  “That supposed to scare me?”

You glared.  “Don’t push it.” You could have sworn he was laughing under there.

The Mandalorian would have laughed if the wound on his neck hadn’t began to ache.  Instead, he begrudgingly nodded, throwing his hands up in mock surrender before disappearing into the cockpit.  

He began to input the coordinates back to Nevarro into the navicomputer, warmth unfurling in his chest as he listened to you check on the Child.  A tiredness had begun to settle in his muscles from the fight earlier, and he grimaced as he reached for a lever on the control panel.  The pain on his neck was getting worse, and if he was being honest it burned like all hell, but he was not going to admit that to you.

The door behind him slid open and you stepped in frazzled, medkit in hand.  Even with your hair in disarray and scrapes littering your arms and legs, he thought you looked breathtaking.  

“Uh, so bad news,” you began, gesturing at the medkit.  “They didn’t have any at the market earlier, so we’re out of bacta shots and spray.  I’m gonna have to stitch it closed depending on how deep it is.”  You shot him an apologetic look.

He nodded, putting in the last of the coordinates before removing his chest plate to give you easier access, and turning his chair to face you.  You closed the space between the two of you, quickly going to work.  Careful hands began to peel away at the fabric stuck to the wound, a hiss of pain at the tip of his tongue as you ripped off the last of it.

“Sorry,” you whispered, inspecting the fabric before discarding it.  “You’re definitely gonna need a new cape.”

He shrugged.  “At least now you’ve got a new blanket.”  You always had a habit of curling up into all his old stuff.  

With a smile, you returned your focus to the task at hand, mentally sighing in relief as you began to clean the wound.  It could have been worse, but it was still very deep.  An inch to the left and just a smidge higher, and you would have had quite the problem on your hands.  

“Idiot,” you muttered.

“What was that?”

“Lucky,” you corrected, biting back a smirk.  “You got lucky.  Any higher and this would be a lot messier.”  You tossed the last of the gauze out and prepared the needle and thread.

Mando took in your awkward stance as you tried to bend down and begin stitching.  Standing was fine for when you were cleaning, but for something this intricate it wasn’t the best position.  You cursed and tried again, trying to get the angle right, but it was no use.  The thought left his mouth before he even had a chance to filter it.  

“You can sit on me if that’s easier.”

Heat blazed on your cheeks at his words, nearly dropping the damn needle.  “Oh—um—” Coherent thoughts didn’t seem to be forming in your head at the moment.

Panic flooded the Mandalorian’s brain as he took in your shocked expression and realized his mistake.  “I—well, not like that—what I meant was—” he spluttered, trying to find the right words, thankful that his helmet hid his mortified expression.          

“No, no it’s okay I—I know what you meant,” you managed to choke out after picking your jaw up off the floor.  It would have been comical—the certain and capable bounty hunter struggling to regain his composure—but his words had flooded your mind with some less than innocent thoughts and images, ones that left you heated and flustered.  You swallowed hard in an attempt to relieve your suddenly very dry throat.  “I can, if you’re okay with it?”

He slowly nodded, mentally kicking himself for being so daft.  He held his breath as you stepped closer, bracing a hand low on his chest as you perched yourself on his lap.  You cursed, trying to your best to maneuver yourself onto him without being inappropriate.

Finally, you were situated, hovering precariously over his thigh.  You breathed deep, willing your mind and body to calm down. Being in such close proximity to the Mandalorian was… dizzying, but you had a job to do.  And so, you went to work.  

A few minutes in, Mando could feel the tension rolling off your body, the tremble of your thighs as you tried to hold yourself above him.  “You can sit if you need to.”

The thought had crossed your mind, but truthfully you were afraid of how your body would react if you did. Eventually you gave in, shivering at the cold kiss of beskar on the insides of your thighs as you straddled his leg.  A knot was forming in your belly, low and warm.  

Maker, help me, you thought.

The change in position had slid your dress higher and Mando’s eyes began to wander again, taking in the exposed skin where your dress had hiked itself up, the material bunching around your hips.  His hands felt that pull again, that ache to touch you; to dig his fingers into the soft, plump flesh.  

Osik, he cursed, trying to control himself.  In his mind he conjured up the image of a blaster, mentally taking it apart and putting it back together as a pitiful attempt at a distraction.

You had fallen into a steady rhythm of stitching and knotting, your hands absentmindedly working.  The Mandalorian had fallen into a dull haze in the wake of your delicate touches, despite the sting and pull of the needle.  But when your hands brushed the edge of his helmet, he snapped to attention, reflexes kicking in.

A strong hand had immediately encircled your wrist, forcefully locking it in place.  Your breath seized at the realization of your colossal fuck-up.  How could you be so stupid?

“Shit, shit, I—I’m sorry,” you stammered out.  “Mando, I—I promise I wasn’t going to take it off, I just needed to adjust it to get the needle under.”  Your heart thundered against your chest, and you swear you could hear it in the empty silence of the cockpit.  The iron-clad grip he had on your wrist was starting to hurt, biting into your skin.  

Mando saw the flash of fear in your eyes, the way you had flinched at his touch and loosened the grip on your hand.  Regret began to bubble up inside him.  He opened his mouth to apologize, it had just been his instincts, but you beat him to it.  Your next words caught him off guard.  

“Do you trust me?”

He swallowed hard. Of course he did.  There was no question about it.  You were the one constant in his life besides the kid; the one he found he could rely on time and time again for anything. You had never betrayed him, in Creed or otherwise.  He took a steadying breath before answering.  “Yes.”

You tried to ignore the burst of warmth in your chest at his admission and what it implied. Instead, you nodded, slowly allowing yourself to move again and continue your care.  “Lean back,” you whispered and he obliged, fully baring his neck to you. It was a vulnerable position, but the cautious movements of your hands crushed any anxiety that threatened to well up in him.

And maybe it was that cautious, careful touch that had begun to wear down his walls; the tenderness you so freely gave that softened his heart and opened him up.  He wanted to make up the last minute to you, to show that he really did trust you.  Maybe that’s why he couldn’t stop the next thing that tumbled out of his mouth.

“Din.”

You paused mid-stitch, confusion flickering on your face.  “What’d you say?”

His heart felt like it was going to fly out of his ribcage.  “My name.  It’s Din.”

Confusion slowly morphed to shock at his revelation.  He had just shared his name with you; something incredibly personal and dear to him. Knowing it felt… intimate.  How many people actually knew his real name? You couldn’t stop that slow smile that had begun to spread on your face.  

“Din,” you repeated, hushed as if someone else would hear.  His heart skipped at the sound of his name on your lips; the soft way your voice curled around the short syllable.  Your eyes peered into his through the visor of his helmet, a question behind them. “Just ‘Din’?”

“Din Djarin,” he corrected.  

You repeated it again, delight clear on your face.  “I like it.”

I do too, he thought.  Especially when you say it.  “You can use it whenever, as long as we’re alone or it’s just the kid.”

“Of course,” you nodded, then added a soft, “Thank you.”  For trusting me.

The two of you had settled back into a comfortable silence, his hands resting comfortably on your hips, and Din couldn’t fathom why you kept biting back a smile.  You were the first to break it.  

“I’m sorry, for all this.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that painful.”  

You shook your head.  “No, I mean—” you gestured at his neck and then to you. “He was aiming for me.”

He scoffed.  “You’re out of your mind if you think I’d let anything happen to you.” You could hear the anger beginning to simmer beneath his words again.  “No, I… I would protect you every single time.  Besides, that osi’yaim got what he deserved in the end.”  

Your eyes flicked to his visor again and you tried to ignore the way the knot in your belly tightened at his promise to you and the shiver his low voice sent down your spine.  Instead, you tried to change the subject.  “Osi’yaim?”

“A useless, despicable person.  A waste of space.”

A soft laugh escaped you lips.  “You need to teach more Mando’a.  Something besides the bad words.”

Din’s heart clenched at your request. Something about you asking to learn his language stirred something deep in him.  “Of course,” he managed to reply, but it came out more strangled than he had meant it to.    

You continued with your task, getting lost in the repeated movements of your fingers.

Watching you work had always fascinated Din.  You granted each injury the same amount of attention, whether it was as small as a papercut or as big as the gash he had now.  It was endearing.  The meticulous way you ensured every stitch, every bandage, was perfect and in place. The adept movements of your fingers, steady with every touch.  The way you bit your lip and furrowed your brow as you concentrated.  

He was captivated by it, and you, every time.

His gaze was concealed by his helmet most of the time, but tonight you could feel the weight of his eyes on you.  Your cheeks began to burn at the thought of him staring at you so closely and you thanked the maker that he couldn’t see the crimson hue painting your face.  

“Are you warm?” he asked, the low rumble of his voice startling you.  

“What?”

“You’ve been shivering since you started, but… you’re all flushed,” he explained.

Your eyes widened at his words, heart stopping.  “Wait—how can you see my—”

“Heat sensors.” Din couldn’t help but notice the way the heat on your face spread even more, down the soft slopes of your neck and chest.

Of course, heat sensors.  You were absolutely mortified, a nervous laugh erupting from your chest.  May as well be honest.  

“No, not warm, more like embarrassed,” you tried to explain, unable to meet his eyes.  

Din tilted his head, trying to understand.  “Why?”

You scoffed.  “’Cause I just realized I’ve been sticking my ugly mug in your face for the past 20 minutes.”      

Din was dumbfounded.  Ugly? The mere thought of you seeing yourself in that way made his heart ache.  How could you think such a thing when he saw you as the most radiant thing in this galaxy?  That, every time he saw you, he had to remind himself to breathe?

He had no idea what the in blazes he was doing, but he knew that he couldn’t let you go on thinking such things about yourself.  Din reached out and tilted your chin up towards him, making you meet his eyes.  

“Cyar’ika, you are the furthest thing from ugly that someone could be.  I—you are absolutely stunning.  Do you—do you know what seeing you in that dress tonight did to me?” he confessed, letting out a breathy laugh.  The front of his pants tightened in reminder.  “I’ll teach you something new in Mando’a right now.”  He paused, letting his fingers brush over your chin. “Mesh’la.”

It felt like you were on fire at that point, burning under his gaze, but somehow you found your voice underneath all the flames.  “What does it mean?” you breathed, unable to mask the tremble in your voice.

“Beautiful,” he murmured. “You’re beautiful.”    

Your body betrayed you, melting into a puddle with just a taste of his touch and the boldness of his words.  It was a devastating effect, and there was no denying the dampness that had pooled between your legs now.  You managed to stutter out a, ‘thank you’ before trying to finish the last knot of his stitches.

“All done,” you whispered.    

Din watched as you admired your handiwork and noticed that you made no move to remove yourself from him.  Instead, your hands were softly dragging across the planes of his exposed chest, leaving a trail of fire wherever they went.  It was such a foreign feeling, flesh against flesh on such a shielded part of his body.  He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched him there, let alone so gently.  

A strangled sound caught in his throat as you brushed over a particularly sensitive spot, just above the other side of his collarbone.  It was almost too much, the shot of electricity that singed his nerves, but it felt good.

His body involuntarily bucked at the sensation and his hands gripped your hips roughly, pressing you flush against him.  

You gasped at the sensation, of your clothed core dragging against the beskar plate on his thigh, your knee brushing against the bulge that had tented his pants.  Your hands scrabbled to find something, anything, to anchor yourself from the blinding pleasure that fizzled through you.

“Maker,” Din murmured, letting out a shuddering breath.  “Osik, cyar’ika, I’m didn’t mean to touch you like that but—”

“But what if I want you to?” your own voice sounding foreign to your ears.  You did not miss the way his breath hitched, caught in the modulator of his helmet.  

Din’s mind was reeling. “You—you want me to?” he swallowed thickly around the ball of shock that was caught in his throat.  

And you’re nodding, eyes dark and body and mind clouded with need, leading his hands up your torso and chest; but Din, he needs to hear you say it.  “Use your words, cyar’ika.  I need to hear you.”

“Yes, Din.  Please,” and that’s enough to dissolve any shred of self-control he thought he had.  The sound of you saying his name like that, a plea for him and only him, was maddening.  

His hands were on you in an instant; hands that you had seen nearly beat a man to death just for touching you, but on you they were soft, gentle.  Desperate, but tender.  Rough, but passionate and loving.  The contrast was making your head spin.  

“Din,” you whimpered. “You have to be careful, your cut—”

“I don’t care,” he rasped.  “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to touch you?  Make you mine?”  He pulled you closer against him, hands grasping at anything he could reach.  He wanted to erase any trace of the bounty from your presence.

You tried to answer, but you were a mess, filling the cockpit with soft moans and mewls as you bucked your hips on his thigh.  

“I want to watch you make yourself feel good, can you do that?  Just like this?”  You frantically bobbed your head.  “Good,” he answered, stroking your cheek.  “You deserve it after tonight, sweet girl.”

The sound of ‘sweet girl’ sent wet heat straight to your core.  If anything, you thought he was the one that deserved to be taken care of right now.  But you were not about to argue with the Mandalorian who insisted on you using him to get yourself off.    

Your hands pawed at his chest again, struggling to find some kind of purchase to anchor yourself. They finally settled for his biceps, nails digging deep.  He watched as you grinded down on his thigh, eyes screwed shut.  His hands fingered the strap of your dress and you nodded, giving him permission to slide it down.  

Din took in the sight of your bare chest, your nipples pebbling in the cold air of the cockpit. He ached to take them into his mouth, hear you whimper and moan against his tongue, but he settled for brushing his gloved fingers over them and watching you arch.  

You ground down harder, desperate you get the friction you needed.  Din’s hands slipped from your breasts down back to your hips, stilling them.  A high whine escaped your throat and it was almost pitiful.  

“Up,” he instructed, confusion marring your face as you lifted yourself off his leg.  He gripped the thigh plate and dropped it to the ground, promptly setting you back onto his thigh.  “Wanna feel you,” he growled, and you could only moan in response.  

Soon enough, your arousal had seeped through your panties and onto the fabric of his pants.  The heady smell hit his nose and his mouth watered, desperate to know what you tasted like, to know what sounds you would make if he buried his face between your thighs.  

You guided his hands back up your chest, up to your neck.  His fingers cupped your face again, thumb brushing the bottom of your lip. You held his hand in place, biting the leather tip of his glove and slowly slid it off, letting it drop between you.

The feeling of his bare thumb resting on your lips sent another wave of arousal through you.  “Wanna feel you,” you breathed, grinning before taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking hard.  Din’s eyes rolled back and he groaned; the sight of your hollowed-out cheeks and the sensation of your tongue on the pad of his thumb nearly sent him over the edge.  

One hand trailed to the base of your neck, tangling itself softly in your hair.  He took in the way your eyes were screwed shut, the furrow in your brows as you chased your high.  You had taken your bottom lip between your teeth, biting hard and almost splitting it from the pressure.  It was almost the same concentrated expression you wore as you tended to his injuries, though it was clear you were concentrated on something far more rewarding now.  

“Mesh’la,” he commanded.  “Look at me.”

You wretched your eyes open, fixing your gaze on him.  

Din watched, enraptured, as you continued to pleasure yourself.  You were a sight before him; pupils blown, mouth agape, chest heaving as you tried to ease the ache in your belly.  He was lost in the way your eyes sparkled, perfectly matching the dark galaxy you were set against just outside the viewport.  

Your moans filled the cockpit, desperate sounds and pleads of Din’s name as he sent delicious licks of pleasure throughout your body.  You held on for dear life, panting as he brought you closer and closer to the edge.

He feels the tension simmering from your shuddering figure, like a coil just waiting to spring.

“Are you close, mesh’la?” he whispered, his words and the rasp of his voice sending you higher and higher.  “Are you going to come for me?”

And you’re a wreck, whimpering and pleading, yes, Din, yes; and all Din can think is he can die happy knowing how you moan his name.  He shifts you, pulls you right onto the straining bulge in his pants and you both gasp, the sensation pulling you even closer to your orgasm.  A bare hand snakes between where the two of you are pressed against each other and he presses right onto your clit.  

A sob tears from your throat and stars burst behind your eyes as you’re pushed off the edge; and you’re falling, waves of ecstasy washing over you and burning straight to your toes. Din holds you close as your body continues to shudder, a steady hand on your back coaxing you down from your high. He lets out a groan when he feels evidence of your orgasm seep through to his clothed cock.    

Fog clouds the bottom of his helmet as you softly pant, the pleasure lulling to a dull thrum in your veins. He’s admiring your sleepy eyes, the flushed cheeks of your afterglow.  You give off a shy smile, peering into his visor.  “Beautiful,” he murmurs right next to your ear.  “Just like I said.” 

“Thank you,” you hum, pressing a searing kiss onto his bare neck and sliding a hand over the hardness trapped beneath you.  

Din hisses at your touch and you laugh, trying to ease the ache between his own legs.  “Mesh’la,” he warns, grunting at the loss of contact as you lift yourself off him and slide between his knees, kneeling.  

“Yes?” you respond, sliding your hands up and down his thighs, and pausing at the button of his pants.

“You don’t have to—” he starts, but you quickly cut him off.

“But I want to, Din,” you assured.  You rest your head on his knee, peering up at him with wide, innocent eyes, awaiting his permission.  “Wanna return the favor, wanna taste you,” and you grin at the strangled sound that leaves his throat.  He couldn’t deny you even if he wanted to.  

Finally, he nods, spreading his legs wider to accommodate you.  Your smile grows and your nimble fingers make quick work of the buttons on his pants.  You’re just about to free him from the confines of his boxers when an alarm signal sounds from the ship, startling the both of you.  

“Come in, Mando,” Greef Karga’s voice crackled through the small room.  “We’ve got a problem.  I repeat, we’ve got an emergency, please come in.”

Din groans and you throw an exasperated look towards the comms on the control panel.  “Just ignore him, it can’t be that—” and you’re cut off by another sound.

The unmistakable sound of a baby crying.  

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, pressing your forehead into Din’s knee.  You loved that little green bean to death, but damn him for his horrific timing.  Din softly slid his hand over yours and you looked up.  

“It’s alright, cyar’ika,” he hummed.  “Go check on him,” and you slowly nodded, shooting him an apologetic look before rising from your spot on the floor.

Din watched in mild amusement as you wobbled to the door, before turning his chair towards the control panel and sighing.  His own arousal was almost overwhelming, but he did his best to shove it to the back of his mind.  

Whatever Greef needed, it had better be good, he grumbled in his head.  

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

mando’a translations:

osi’kovid – shithead

skanah – very hated person, fucker

osik – shit

osi’yaim – cowardly, useless person

cyar’ika – darling, beloved

mesh’la – beautiful

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

thank you for reading! let me know what ya think!

[warriorprincesstramp]

top five morgana apologism moments… alternatively top five merlin anti hero moments

they are both my favourite little war criminals so i'll do both <3

can i just say the entirety of the tears of uther pendragon... she was literally right to do all of that and she looked good doing it... SPECIFICALLY the scene where she just hugged uther and we see the first evil little smirk... slay babygirl!!!

ACTUALLY in part two when she had that whole conversation with merlin and she was like there is no other way... this was always going to happen! she's the dragon! she's the bad guy in this play!!! she's got the script and the casting fits so she'll play her part... ok i'll stop quoting random shit now but literally conversations of all time she should've put that man's head on a spike and burned that whole place to the ground

when she tried to stab uther with the knife arthur gave her. um imagine finding out uther doesn't even have the common morality the basic traditional etiquette he pretends to maintain even as he apathetically genocides a group of people even as he made YOU hate yourself. actually he never respected your father as he told (LIED) to you he never ever will respect you as anything other than a bastard and a mistake. yeah you'd fucking kill him. of course you would.

idk exactly what we're counting as an apologism moment but something that makes ME forgive everything she has ever done ever is when she grabs merlin's wrist frantic and terrified and so so tired and he just. silently brushes her off and walks away. i mean fucking top merlin anti hero moment as well. unbearably fucked up. what's something else violent she could do. she should've gouged his eyes out and left him in the wilderness to starve. yeah

one of the only two good things in the lancelot du lac episode when she revives him but he's only a shade of his former self completely reliant on another and while he'll maintain relationships with the others they don't mean anything because they don't love him they love who he used to be. and he lives only to ruin his reputation forever when he would've been better off to everyone dead and gone. functionally dead, living past his myth, came back wrong, etc. he's only a weapon. and she just looks at him for a long long time knowing exactly what he is and what will happen. yeah 😐

oh this getting so long merlin anti-hero lightning round

getting rid of arthur's free will - i STILL cannot believe he did that

killing the magical being that told him how to save gwen in s5 for like no reason

him being just soooo mean to my buddy mordred :( the shrug. the shrug!! i literally have that gif saved on my phone just to look at sometimes. he's like if a dark gaping void were a boy who was a girl who was more like wet cement. you understand

POISONING MORGANA. WHATEVER I DON'T EVEN CARE 😐😐😐

killing agravaine and all his men and then turning around and constructing the sword in the stone myth for arthur in the same episode. because kings were not meant to drag their hems in this sort of filth. killing myself. ruining the whole story and taking control of the narrative for the worse because you loved not wisely but too well. KILLING MYSELF. that was such a fun agonised jaunt through memory lane thank u beth :)

[babymetaldoll]

Let me show you how I love you (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

NOT MY GIF! whoever made this, I love you so much!! 

Requested: Yes :) “The reader finds out about Madison Beer's post that was a while ago, and she gets jealous. But Matthew shows her that she has nothing to worry about.”

Category: Smut and fluff with a dash of angst.

Summary: When (Y/N) feels insecure, Matthew Gray Gubler shows her how much he loves and wants her.

Warnings: low self-esteem issues, cursing (obviously), oral sex, penetrative sex, daddy kink. All the good stuff.

Word count: 2,9K

Masterlist

A/N: Yes, this is my first official published smut. I hope it doesn't suck. Sorry if it does. Also, I'm kind of late on A LOT of requests, sorry, but I promise I'm working on all of them!! I just need a little time to make sure they are awesome <3 thank you all for reading!! You are the best!

(Y/N) looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She had spent most of the afternoon crying, curled on the bed, hugging the pillow.

She had never felt so insecure and self-aware of each one of her flaws before.

Her arms were too chubby, she had cellulitis on her legs, and her hair didn't look pretty at all, no matter how much care she took of it. She tried her best, but she felt she failed every day.

And her boyfriend was gorgeous. As she stared at her reflex in the mirror, she wondered why someone like Matthew Gray Gubler would date her? Honestly, hands down, she wasn't anything special, not like him. He had worked as a model for Christ's Sakes! Girls on the street drooled over him. He had fans all over the world who would die to be with him. Even celebrities had a crush on him.

And unfortunately, that was what hurt her that day.

Usually, (Y/N) wouldn't overthink any of this. She would take a deep breath and look into Matthew's eyes and know how much he loved her. But not that day.

Maybe it was because he had been out of town for over three weeks now. The thought of him meeting someone else when he was away had started hunting (Y/N)'s mind and spreading the fear of rejection all over her body, like a disease.

A friend had sent (Y/N) a screenshot of a tweet earlier that day. Madison Beer had tweeted she loved Matthew Gray Gubler for the second time that week. The second time. And it got under her skin 'cos she wasn't as hot as Madison Beer was. Not a chance. That girl looked perfect on the screen, and she... well, she looked human. And Matthew didn't deserve human, 'cos he was heavenly made.

Seriously, why was he dating her? That's what she kept asking herself as she stood in front of that mirror, making her best not to cry anymore. It would come the day he noticed she was a mess, and he would leave her. Of that, (Y/N) was sure.

- "Bunny? I'm home!"

- "Fuck!"- (Y/N) ran to the bathroom to wash her face. She didn't know Matthew was coming home that day, and though she was excited to see him, she didn't want him to see her like that.

What a shitty way to welcome your boyfriend after three weeks apart: crying and wearing an oversized sweatshirt. Any other pretty girl would wait for him in sexy lingerie, makeup, and looking hot as fuck.

(Y/N) felt like crying again.

- "Bunny? are you here"- Matthew walked into the room and spotted his girlfriend in the bathroom- "There you are!!"- he ran to her and hugged her tight. She locked her arms around him tight and sighed. He smelled so good, always. He closed his eyes, thinking exactly the same: she smelled like home. Her neck was the place he never wanted to leave.

- "I missed you so much"- he whispered against her skin and moved his face, reaching her lips and kissing her with such passion and love, she felt a knot in her throat. It made her want to cry to think she might lose him over anyone else.

- "Are you ok?"- he whispered, frowning. (Y/N)'s eyes were filled with tears- "Why are you crying?"

- "I just missed you so much,"- she muttered and kissed him again. Matthew held her tight and tangled his fingers in her hair. He bit her lips and tasted her. His hands quickly roamed from (Y/N)'s hair down her back until her bottom, lifting her and sitting her on the sink.

- "I missed you too, Bunny, so fucking much. I just couldn't stop thinking about you all day, every day"- Matthew tried to pull up her sweatshirt, but suddenly, she stopped him, tugging it down.

- "What is it?"

- "Nothing... I just..."

- "Are you cold?

- "No... I..."- (Y/N) really didn't want to tell him she was embarrassed about her body, considering he had seen her naked a hundred times already.

- "What is it?"- Gubler started kissing her neck sweetly, and his hands made their way underneath her sweatshirt moving slowly up her back. She shivered at the sensation of his touch and moaned, biting her lips. That was music for his ears.

- "Do you know what I thought about the whole way home?"- he rubbed his lips against her neck as he spoke, sending electric charges all over her body. - "I couldn't stop imagining your face when you cum underneath me, screaming my name."

His voice was low, sexy, like velvet, caressing her ear.

-"I wanna leave bruises on this pretty neck"- he started licking and nibbling on it. (Y/N) moaned again.

- "And all the way to your tits"- but when he tried to take out her sweatshirt again, she stopped him.

- "Ok, what is it?"- Matthew took a step back and (Y/N) shook at the sudden cold she felt, losing contact with his body.

- "Nothing,"- she whispered and looked at her hands on her lap

- "Bunny"- Matthew touched her chin softly and tilted up her face until she looked at his eyes- "What is it?"

- "I just"

(Y/N) felt so dumb trying to explain what was wrong. If he wouldn't dump her for being ugly, he would definitely do it for being stupid. In the four years of dating, she had never felt this way before. Why now? And why did it hit her so hard?

- "I just..."

(Y/N) tried to explain what was going on again, but the way Matthew was looking at her made her feel more nervous. She moved from him and walked to their shared room. Maybe if she didn't look at him in the eyes, she could explain what was going on.

- "Bunny, did anything bad happen when I was away?"

Now Matthew was worried. He tried to remember if his girlfriend had mentioned anything that could have upset her. But no, nothing came to his mind.

- "I just don't know why you like me."

She whispered and looked outside the window to make sure Matthew's eyes couldn't look at her.

- What?- Gubler was lost in that conversation.

- "You deserve to be with a beautiful woman. You are fucking gorgeous, and I am so fucking... ordinary"- tears filled her eyes as she tried to stay calm.

- "Bunny... what are you talking about? you are beautiful!"- he stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her close. (Y/N) closed her eyes for a moment, melting at his touch.

- "Matthew... I am not"- she murmured- "I have cellulitis and stretch marks. I'm far from being size 0, I have no idea how to make my makeup or hair, and there is no way anyone out there can believe you are dating me."

Gubler turned his girlfriend around and forced her to look at him. She was crying.

- "Why are you so hard on yourself? (Y/N), you are gorgeous?- she grunted and rolled her eyes, but Matthew continued.

- "When I first saw you, I couldn't stop staring at you because you are so beautiful. It took me three drinks to finally get the courage to talk to you."

- "Matthew, you dated models, for christ's sakes! Pretty girls are throwing themselves to you all the time! Look at me! I'm a regular girl on a sweatshirt, who..."

But Matthew didn't let her finish talking. He pulled her closer and kissed her, his hands holding her face firmly as he did.

- "I love you, (Y/N)"- he whispered as he continued kissing her- "You, I want you."

- "But..."- she tried to move, but he didn't let her. He looked at her for a moment and kissed away the tears from her cheeks.

- "I love you, all of you, every inch of you"- he continued kissing her cheeks and her forehead as his hands played with her hair. (Y/N) closed her eyes and sighed.

- "There's no one out there that could ever tempt me. Do you wanna know why?"

- "Why?"- (Y/N) whispered and pouted. Matthew couldn't control himself and bit her lower lip sweetly.

- "Because I am yours, (Y/N). All yours"

How could anyone resist those words?

Matthew Gray Gubler stared at (Y/N) and kissed the tip of her nose.

- "And I want you. All the time. You are perfect, my little princess. To me, you are the most beautiful woman on earth, and I thank god every day for giving me the chance to love you."

Matthew made a pause and held the edge of her sweatshirt. She didn't move or tried to stop him. So, he pulled it up and tossed it aside. His girlfriend was now standing in front of him only in her panties.

He held his breath and contemplated her for a few seconds. (Y/N) blushed and kept looking at him, feeling a weird mix of excitement and embarrassment at the same time.

- "Let me show you how much I love you, Bunny"- Matthew leaned in. He kissed her neck sweetly, taking a few steps closer to the bed, until she fell onto it and felt the warmth of his body on top of her, his lips trailing kisses all the way to her breast.

- "Your skin is so soft, and touching you feels so good is addictive"- he hummed for a moment, still kissing her

- "I love your tits, they are perky and soft, and I'm obsessed with how they feel when I suck them"- and just like that, Matthew did so, making his girlfriend moan loudly in a second

- "And I'm in love with this ass"- he rolled her on the bed and bit her bottom, and squeezed it- "I love to spank it and leave bruises on it when you've been a bad girl."

(Y/N) moaned one more time and tried not to close her eyes. She wanted to look at him as he worshiped every inch of her skin, now kissing her waistline and her belly.

- "And your pussy. I am in love with your tight little pussy, Bunny"- Matthew placed himself between her legs and kissed her inner thighs sweetly, pulling her panties down.

- "I love how it's so wet for me right now."- he whispered and slowly placed a finger inside of her, making her shiver and pant. He smiled, staring at her for a moment. He loved her, and he would do anything and everything to make her believe him.

Slowly, he ran his tongue around her clit, teasing her, as he curled his finger inside of her.

- "Fuck"- (Y/N) cursed and sighed, still trying to keep her eyes open. That one word was enough to fuel Matthew. He licked her and tasted her, humming against her folds.

- "You taste so good,"- he whispered and removed his finger to replace it with his tongue. He wanted to taste all of her. The sensation of his tongue made her buck up her hips unconsciously, and he forced them down with both hands.

- "Do you like that?

- "Yes, daddy."

(Y/N) managed to say, though her brain wasn't functioning correctly with all the pleasure she was feeling at the moment. It was like a wave that washed away every single coherent thought she could have.

Matthew smiled and continued licking her, tasting every inch of her. He soaked the tender flesh on her thighs, teasing her and leaving small bruises, to then lick her clit again. She was a mess on that bed. Panting and moaning his name over and over again.

- "I wanna eat you out every day until I die,"- Gubler whispered against her pussy.

- "I wanna make you cum on my mouth until you can't take it anymore, princess."

With those words and his tongue, (Y/N) felt her climax approach quickly. It never took Matthew much to make her cum like that. He knew her too well. Two fingers inside her pussy and his tongue licking her clit, humming and groaning against her.

- "Daddy, I'm gonna...."- she somehow said, gasping and moaning

- "I want you to say my name when you cum"- he commanded, and his tongue licked her whole center, tasting her, as his fingers continued pumping in and out of her.

(Y/N) panted and guided one of her hands to his hair, tangling his fingers on it. Her other hand kept playing with her nipples, pinching them until she felt the fire inside of her burning and exploiting all of a sudden.

- "M... Ma... Matthew!!"- she managed to cry out as Gubler held her hips down, 'cos once she started coming, her whole body was shaking.

Gubler continued licking her sweet and carefully until she wouldn't move anymore. Then, he traced a path of kisses from her center to her lips slowly, passing by her tummy, breast, collar bone, and neck.

- "I love you so fucking much, princess"- (Y/N) heard him and raised her legs to wrap them around him as he placed himself upon her.

- "You are the most beautiful, sexy, and perfect woman I have ever known."

Gubler rubbed his cock against her overstimulated clit, still sensitive after coming. (Y/N) looked at him and bit her lips. His sweaty forehead rested on hers for a moment, and he whispered with the softest voice.

- "Do you believe me now? do you believe you are the only one for me?"

- "Yes"- she answered and moaned as he pushed himself into her entrance slowly. Painfully slowly.

- "I don't want anyone else, pretty girl"- he praised and took some flicks of hair from her face as he stared at her- "You are mine, you know that"- Matthew rocked slowly upon her. (Y/N) scratched his back, feeling how he opened her with every thrust.

- "I'm yours,"- she repeated and kissed him, tasting herself in his lips. It was a sloppy kiss filled with passion and hunger.

Gubler took a deep breath and concentrated on what he was doing because her pussy felt too good around his cock, and he needed to hold himself not to come right away.

He loved being inside of her. No other woman had ever felt that way. And if only (Y/N) knew everything she did to him, she would never doubt herself again.

- "Well, I'm yours too"- he confessed and smiled, staring at her with such love, (Y/N) felt like crying again- "You own every inch of me. You are the owner of my thoughts, my heart, my cock. Everything I am is yours"- Matthew murmured and closed his eyes for a second, losing himself in the pleasure as he buried himself deeper into her.

Their bodies melted together, pressed against each other. Matthew's head was hidden on the crock of her neck, biting and kissing her. Marking her as his.

- "Is daddy good for you?"- he asked her, increasing his pace, rocking faster and deeper into her. He felt her walls clenching against his cock, as she nodded frenetically

- "Yes, so good."

- "I'm glad. You are a good girl for daddy too"- Matthew bit his lips and stared at her, coming undone underneath him. The sound their bodies made as they melted together was all the two of them could listen to. Matthew's breathing grew heavy, feeling his cock buried deep into (Y/N)'s core. His thrusts were becoming erratic as he continued to fasten his movements.

(Y/N)'s nails were nearly drawing blood. She was holding onto him as if her life depended on it.

- "I love you."- Matthew managed to whisper and kissed her. She moaned against his lips and tried to reply, but she couldn't. Her second orgasm took over her like an earthquake, rocking every part of her body.

Matthew couldn't hold himself anymore. He groaned, biting (Y/N)'s neck and crying out her name, spilling inside of her. He didn't stop kissing her neck and her lips until neither of them could move anymore.

- "I love you"- he repeated and looked at her, breathless- "Please, never doubt it again."

- "I won't"- she whispered and leaned in, kissing him again- "You are the only one for me."

- "You are the girl of my dreams, (Y/N)"- he hugged her tight, both of them rolling in bed until they were side by side.

- "What do you say we take a shower, ask for something to eat, and watch a movie together?"- he asked her, running his fingers through her hair. She nodded and smiled. -" Good, I wanna see you happy, Bunny. Every day."

- "You make me happy, honey. Everyday."

[austarus]

Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader Ballistic Confrontations (3/3)

*A/N: The picture/edit/gif belongs to me!

**If you understand what I’m referencing to in the end, well the Kudos to you. You win 85 Stardollars.

***Trigger Warning: Scars from mentioned self-harm

****Please don’t forget to comment, like, and reblog. It means a lot to content creators of all kinds!

Word Count:  6397

Part 1   Part 2

Eobard said nothing. Instead, he disregarded your look as his gaze locked back onto Kara, as the Kryptonian woman threw him a hateful look. The futuristic genius did not care. His baby blue hues jumped back to where you stood before stepping away to the side tables. Now we proceed, the speedster mused to himself, picking up a scalpel and arranging his surgical tools. The stage needed to be set tonight. All the actors were in place, and he needed to complete his role. A delicate procedure, if you will. But he needed to be bought some time. Surely, Barry and the others would be back by now from Earth-X. He was, in essence, reluctant to cut up the Earth-38 Kryptonian for he held no malice towards her. She was just an unnecessary casualty in all this. And after all, if Barry Allen were to die it would be at his hands. Not on some tainted Earth at the firing range. You’re centuries late, Mr. Allen. As always.

You glared at your genius scientist for not cluing you in on whatever it is he had planned now. What was his plan? Play along until ‘Uh oh, it’s too late to turn back’ and ‘Oh, look. We’re doomed’? A grunt caught your attention, Kara was trying to break out of her restraints again. “Kara,” you whispered, now standing beside her. “Save your energy, please.” She eyed the restraints on you before taking a slow breath in. Kara wanted to throw her guts up, but she pushed back the bile caught in her throat.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“Honey, you are looking anything other than fine.”

Kara pursed her lips, feeling fatigue wash over her once more. “Where… where are the others… that were here- at the labs? Are they…?” There it was, always concerned for others when she should be concerned about herself.

“No, no they’re fine. They’re in the pipeline. Iris and Felicity-” You stopped yourself, noticing Eobard’s head snap towards you. A pang of guilt echoed in your body. “They’re being held there too,” you lied, giving her hand two small squeezes for her to indicate the lie. If he held things back from you to entertain the Earth-Xer’s with legitimate reactions, then so would you. Supergirl nodded her head subtly in understanding. You were too focused with Kara; you didn’t notice Eobard move. “You’re going to be fine; the others should be back. They wouldn’t go out just like that.” Iris, Felicity, where’s that help? Just where are you guys? You couldn’t leave if you wanted to. Not with the others lurking around. Not when there was a chance you could tip them off about Iris and Felicity, then there was Eobard. Overgirl would instantly go after him for betrayal.

“I… I really hope not. Alex-” Kara trailed off; her eyes drooping shut as her shoulders sagged. Her hand went limp in your cuffed ones.

“Kara?” You looked up to see a tube in Eobard’s hand with a syringe in it. Empty as its contents have already worked its way into Kara’s system. “What are you doing?!”

“I’ve given her a mild anesthetic,” you pursed your lips as his statement. Eobard sighed, “Not to worry, that should have her out for 30 minutes. Strong enough for a Kryptonian, but not strong enough for too long even with the red sunlight on her.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I needed to talk to you without anyone listening.” You followed how Eobard’s eyes glanced at the door. Outside stood two more Nazi guards.

“You could have just pulled me to the other room,” you whisper-yelled at him.

“No, I couldn’t have.” He crossed his arms at you, replying in his own gravely hushed tones. “I needed to keep up the image of the bad guy in front of Kara.”

“Why? Why, when she could understand that you’re not really with them? Why let her also think of you as one of those heinous monsters?”

“Because her opinion of me doesn’t matter. Not hers, not the Earth-Xers, not anyone else.” Eobard punctuated his words before taking your hands in his, placing a gentle kiss on the back of one. The intensity in his eyes never broke as he spoke once more, “Only your opinion of me matters. You matter.”

You pursed your lips, your eyes unable to leave his heated gaze. Oh, if only we weren’t in this mess. If only we had more time… Kara crossed your mind once more, the ominous thrumming noise that came from the machine that generated the red sunlight. A frown found its way onto your face. “Wait, you said 30 minutes? Shouldn’t she need time to recover from the anesthesia to be given another one?”

Eobard sighed, letting go of your hands. He crossed his arms. You weren’t going to like his answer. “No, not in this case.” Dread welled up in the pit of your stomach.

“What…”

“The General herself requested, more like ordered, me to have our Kara awake during the… transplant.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You responded slowly. Your eye slightly twitched as anger started to consume your thoughts. You wanted nothing more than to rip your friend’s doppelganger apart.

Eobard very well sensed your feelings, he always hated putting a frown on your face or seeing you upset to this extent. “Look, I don’t want to do it either,” the speedster retorted hastily as he unfurled his arms, his hands gently grabbed your shoulders, “but I can’t defy their word especially with you around.”

“Why? Am I suddenly a liability?”

“Never, but they’ll figure something is up with you here with me. Conspiring against them. You already saw how easily Oliver-X caved to his Kara regarding who you are to me.”

Technically, that’s my own damn fault, but a calculated risk to get to Eobard. I can live with the repercussions. “But that’s technically what we’re doing on the downlow, Eo.” You echoed one of the lessons he taught you years ago. “One weakness is better than none, it can be essential to creating the downfall of another.” He had mainly told you that regarding Eilling, who hadn’t ceased to stick his nose into Eobard’s lab experiments and projects. The general had eyed you as a means to get to him, but in reality you were a strength to Eobard. Not a weakness. And the speedster very well knows you can handle your own; after all, the both of you trained constantly. Pushing each other’s limits. Though where you hesitated to kill, he compensated on that, especially in the right moment. “We can have the Dark Archer on the ropes. If anything, he’s made it evident that his wife is a liability to his rational thinking.”

A proud grin ran along his handsome face. “Exactly, my little bird. But they will hurt you, even if you can hold out against them you can’t take them both on.” Even I cannot, not with where I’m at with my speed. Not with the slight dampener they have on my suit. The potential self-destruction if removed from the emblem by my own hands, is a heavy weight on my chest. If I can get rid of them, I can defuse the detonator.

“I’m not worried about me; I’m worried about you! I can’t- I can’t be the one to lose you again.” Eobard shifted his gaze away from you. “Look it’s not going to come to that.” He knew what you were suggesting. “Ok? Worst comes to worst I cause a distraction.”

“No, over my rotting corpse.” 

That sounds eerily familiar.

“We don’t have a choice, if it buys us time then I’ll be damned not to try!”

“That’s why we adapt to the situation and find alternate routes to keep off their radar. I know what I’m doing.”

“Precisely. Adapting. So let me do what I can if it comes down to it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!” You bit back a retort at the way he raised his voice. “Just trust me.” He wasn’t asking you to.

“Kinda hard with your track record,” You deadpanned, and Eobard just rubbed his face.

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Is that a question you seriously want me to answer?” A small cheeky smile made its way to your face. You couldn’t help but tease him right now, of all times.

Eobard huffed out a chuckle, pulling out some white surgical clothes from a drawer. Have those always been there? “Just follow my lead, ok? Whatever happens stay on their side, whatever happens to me stay with Barry and the others.” Eobard gloved his hands while the guards re-entered the medical room along with Oliver-X and Kara-X. Speak of the devil. You pursed your lips and held a stoic expression even as Kara-X sauntered to her respective gurney, smirking widely before a violent coughing fit erupts from her. You didn’t miss how Oliver-X moved towards her, yet you averted your eyes to the protruding machines the other soldiers were bringing in for the ‘necessary’ operation. Two guards held you by the arms where you stood. You swallowed thickly as everything was being sterilized and prepped.

***

Harry caught the ball once more after it ricocheted back to him. He’d been letting his frustration out on it towards the cell wall. Something didn’t feel right. He cursed himself, knowing he should have been carrying some weapon or breaching device to have gotten away from the Dark Archer. Or any intruder for the matter of this invasion. Yes, he pushed the emergency labs alarm, but he still got whacked and dragged to the pipeline. He could have done more damage to these damned Nazi’s, but he was helpless. I should have carried my gun or my pulse rifle, what was I thinking? His hand gripped tightly at the ball as regret never left his side. I should have seen this as a possible attack. It’s a simple strategy. Divide and conquer. Yet they were all too fooled, too hasty to attack to even logically see this move by the Earth-Xers.

“Wait, Thawne’s here?” Cisco’s outburst broke the Earth-2 genius out of his thoughts. Harry cracked his neck and directed his attention back to Cisco’s squabbling from the cell near him. The Wells doppelganger was getting pretty tired about hearing of Thawne. A feeling of dread picked at his insides, his thoughts going to you and what Barry had discussed vehemently earlier.

“Yeah,” Caitlin responded. “I haven’t seen or heard from her. We only briefly got a visit from Iris and Felicity not too long ago. But they didn’t know where she was either.”

“Do you think maybe she… you know?” Cisco made an implication. “I mean, does she know?”

“I don’t know,” Caitlin trailed off. “But Iris had said that she left them in the Time Vault to buy them time. Whatever that could mean.”

“Well, on the one hand, they either got to her and are holding her hostage somewhere or, on the other, she rendezvoused with Thawne and now they're going all Mengele on Kara.”

Harry rubbed his face irritably at Cisco’s words, by now you would have known. There’s a high possibility. Whether it’s from seeing Thawne face-to-face or by overhearing someone. By now, Harry’s sure, you would have made a choice. Where did you go, though?

The lights flickered in the pipeline before shutting off as Caitlin finished. A dull blue tint lit up in each individual cell as the pipeline was divulged into a dim darkness. The emergency lights were the only things on. Every person was on high alert at this point.

“Ohohoho, my girl Felicity definitely pulled that one!” Cisco chirped, making a loud clap.

Dinah tried her canary call again, but to no avail. The cell would not budge. Harry narrowed his eyes; he knew she’d try again. But Cisco had crafted these cells with Thawne cautiously for metas. Practically indestructible unless you’re a Time Wraith.

“I wouldn’t try it again if I were you.” Harry finally spoke. Dinah paused, the silence daring to be her question. “These cells are reinforced to withstand any form of meta-attacks generated within. A backup generator still supplies the power dampeners with energy to preserve the cell.” Harry looked out his cell and towards the darkness. “All we can do is wait.”

***

You took a breath, smoke and blood and electricity filled the air. Your eyes didn’t miss the rush of electricity in the distance. Red and gold, the Speedforce of the only two speedsters here. Swallowing thickly, your attention was diverted to the Waverider being chased by another. Well damn, I think someone’s having a bit too much fun. Raising an eyebrow, you watched both airborne vehicles zig-zag through the air. You hooked up your earpiece and headed for the nearest skirmish to help out. A grin plastered itself on your face when you heard Cisco on the comms arguing with Harry. I guess they’re the ones taking the Waverider for a joy ride.

You pressed the button on your communication device, “Any chance I can hop on?” You sucker punched a Nazi. “Oh, I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” Cisco laughed, weaving through the air as if he’s directing a Strike Fighter.

He’s totally Luke Skywalkering his way through this.

“Girl, where you been?”

“Let’s just say,” you huffed, generating electricity in your palm and slamming it into the chest of another soldier. “I caught some unwanted attention, and they were reluctant to release me.” In actuality, Eobard had sped you away from the Labs once Ray made a dramatic entrance to save Kara. He’d sped you to where the battle would be, at least to where the Earth-X forces would arrive from. Telling you to run and appear at an opportune moment. Meaning, go hide while the battle thickens so your disappearance doesn't bring up too many questions from your friends. “Is Iris with you?”

“Yeah, she’s in the back with Felicity, we’re still trying to maneuver in the best position possible to take down their shields.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, thinking back to her stunt with Felicity to sabotage the surgery. “So, how about that help?”

“Hmm,” Harry spoke up, pushing his glasses up. “Unless you have the capability of overloading and shutting down the entire Earth-X Waverider system without passing out, be our guest.”

“… I mean I could try.”

“No.”

You pouted, punching another soldier, this time in the nose. Someone’s particularly grumpy right now. “It’s honestly not that hard, I would just be out for a couple of days and probably on life support.” The line was quiet meaning that Harry chose to ignore your comment. Rude.

You took in a breath and reduced your being to an electrical form, traveling up some buildings to gauge the situation. Kara and Kara-X were facing off at the moment. Eobard was naturally keeping Barry busy while Oliver and Oliver-X were in an intense hand-to-hand-to-bow combat. Yeah, their fight wasn’t as impressive as the other two. You took in a breath heading back down to the fight, this time getting closer to Mick and Leo Snart, who you found to be the Earth-X resistance fighter and doppelganger to your dead ex-boyfriend.

What goes around comes around.

***

“Where were you?”

Turning back from where you sat, you sent a questioning look to Barry and pointed to yourself when no one had responded. He had specifically prompted you with the question. The look in his hazel-green eyes were distant as he leaned against the front of the Cortex desks. You recognized that look from a few years ago. The silence in the Cortex was sliced amongst the team. DeVoe was still out there, scheming. Some stopped what they were doing to gauge what would happen, others (mainly Harry) kept working away but inclined an ear in case either of you were to do something rash.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that dumb.”

“Excuse me.” You narrowed your eyes at the scarlet speedster.

“Barry,” Iris whispered to him, but he shook her off as he folded his arms.

“Where were you after you left Iris and Felicity?”

Ah, of course he wouldn’t miss that. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.

“I went to go buy them some time.”

“Buy them some time or buy yourself some time? To see Eobard.”

Your heart hammered tightly in your chest, but you made no move to indicate what you had done. In a sense, you did both. You protected Iris and Felicity while keeping Eobard company.

“Why would I want to see someone who’s allied themselves to a Nazi regime on a different Earth, Barr?”

“Why wouldn’t you do anything to see the one you once loved?”

“Are you talking about me,” you tilted your head to the side, taunting him now, “or yourself?” You referenced the events that happened last year. Barry was more than aware of what you were indicating. Flashpoint. Savitar. Iris’ predicted death, HR’s sacrifice, his time remnant’s downfall. But you’ve been wanting to add kerosene to the flames. “Are you referring to your mom,” you turned your head to Iris, “or to Iris?” If looks could kill, you would have been reduced to ashes under Barry’s gaze. Cisco put down his tools and Caitlin glanced at her friends from where she sat beside Iris. Harry capped his marker but turned his eyes towards you. “Like I said, I caught some unwanted attention, and they were reluctant to release me. How is that any different from the others getting stuck in the pipeline?”

“You left Iris to defend herself.”

“Oh my god! Barry!” You rolled your eyes at his statement, deflecting your own questions. “Iris this, Iris that. Iris is a big girl with nearly perfect marksmanship as Harry. She’s more than capable of taking care of herself. I know that. She knows that. The same goes for Felicity as well. But do you know that?” Divide them, fester the idea of unreliability between those two. After all, it’s because of Barry’s decisions for Iris that everyone gets screwed over. It’s one of the reasons for the resentment and bitterness that grows within you. Only they can be happy, no one else can.

“You left Iris and Felicity while this place was crawling with Earth-Xers just to see Thawne!”

“Fucking prove it, you dickbag,” you screamed back at him, “if you’re so certain. Prove it, because contrary to your belief, I was fighting beside you and everyone else that day in the city once I managed to escape. Ask Cisco and Harry. Ask Sara. Hell, even ask Mick and Leo.”

Barry shook his head with a cruel smile, “Do you wanna know how I know?” The speedster took out his phone and started it up, showing the screen of your location. “Careful what you wish for.” Dread gripped your heart as Barry chuckled to himself. “That’s right. I chipped you, that night I pushed you against the doorframe before leaving for the warehouse fight. I chipped you. I already had Thawne chipped earlier that night. On his suit, when I landed a few hits on him. He doesn’t know or… not until recently.” Barry did a search for any pings, but there were none except for yours. “You asked me for proof, here it is.” He slid his fingers on the screen showing a timestamp and your location pinged with Eobard’s at the labs.

“This means nothing.”

“It means everything!” Barry stepped closer to you, anger in his wake. “You left us for him.”

“Yet I still fought with you guys because it was the right thing to do regardless of how I feel for him. You don’t understand nor will you want to understand. You’d rather label us as 100% on the wrong side without acknowledging that we can dwell in a gray area. The world isn’t just black and white, Barry. Or have you forgotten about your own morally gray decisions?”

Sparks crackled in the air, whether it was from you or Barry, no one could tell. Harry took a subtle step towards you from where he stood at the glass board a few feet beside you. He was the only one that can calm you down from this, maybe Iris too, but most definitely he himself. But Harry wasn’t quick enough because the Cortex monitors went haywire while the room darkened. You and Barry were nowhere in the room.

“Barry!” Iris screamed a second after he had sped you away.

***

Eobard raked a hand through his dark locks, analyzing the future article again. He fiddled with his rightful Reverse Flash emblem in his hands, his fingers tracing over the single lightning bolt. It took the genius a full day to extract the SS emblem from his suit, but with your help he was able to detonate it a safe distance away in some open fields. While the people of Central City slept and you had assured Eobard that the Labs were vacant, the speedster had rushed into his old office and compiled all the documents he needed to keep out of Barry’s hands. He’s honestly surprised Team Flash hadn’t rifled thus far into the records he kept. The only things missing were speed theories and the equation escalation to the Speed Formula. Although, he had solved that issue for Barry two years ago when he had traveled back in time for an answer on getting faster.

Still such a naïve child, not at all like the Flash from my future. Arranging some papers together on his new office desk, without meaning to Eobard had knocked over a picture frame. The breaking of glass caught his attention, craning his neck to see the fallen frame. The frame held a picture of you and him from before the Particle Accelerator exploded around Christmas. Before you had known his secret. But now the frame was adorned with a fierce crack through you. Eobard’s mouth went dry, knowing that superstitions were just superstitions, but he couldn’t exactly place the rush of fear welling in his body.

“Gideon, pull up (Y/N)’s location.” Eobard pulled his glasses off smoothly as the AI did as told. She was at the labs. “Access the live feed cameras.” Gideon pulled up holo-images 8x8 of what seemed to be a further escalating scene between you and Barry through STAR Labs. Gritting his teeth, Eobard summoned his suit and launched himself forward into it. The Negative Speedforce fueled by his anger and hate pumped dangerously in his veins.

Barry Allen will regret the day he dared to lay a hand on you.

***

“You’re a traitor!”

“Speak for yourself.” You grunted against the wall, your electric blade dissipating in your hand. It was getting harder to breathe, to keep up with his movements. With speedsters, you preferred long-range combat, but you had to make due at times. “You’re the one who betrayed everyone first for your own selfish desires. Flashpoint, the cause of so much pain and misery. In the end, there was so much collateral damage, and you were the cause of so many lives lost.”

“Flashpoint should have wiped you away. You should have been thankful. We helped you,” Barry fumed, pressing his forearm harder against your throat. “We stood by you.”

“They stood by me.” You tried channeling your electricity, even to siphon off a lick of his in order to produce a dagger, but to no avail. Only sparks flickered from the tips of your fingers, “You couldn’t stand the sight of me when you brought me in.” You had no grievances towards anyone else other than Barry. Not Iris, not Caitlin, not Joe, not Cisco. Certainly not Ralph simply because he’s new. And not towards Harry and Jesse. Iris and Caitlin were the two people who kept you the most grounded to the world for they understood the loss of a loved one and the process of moving on.

“You’re damn right I couldn’t. I was wrong to have let you stay around after Iris and Caitlin rehabilitated you.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make, now, was it?”

“You’re a monster just like Thawne. You’re not a hero.”

You simply spit blood in Barry’s face. “I’m neither thief nor hero.” You were kind of enjoying pushing his buttons, releasing all those pent-up emotions and frustration over the years. Wiping his face clean with his sleeve, the speedster sped you out of the room, throwing punches and kicks at you. He had run you through the entirety of STAR Labs. You siphoned off passing energy from computers and lightbulbs to throw at him Palpatine-style when there was distance between you two, but there was only so much you could do in your current condition. You were getting tired; you couldn’t keep up. Every burst of electricity that burned him had drained you. Blood continued to trickle from the side of your face and sweat glistened on your skin. You healed fast, but he healed much faster.

“Barry, stop! You’re going to kill her.” Iris shouted with a gun in her hand, the others piling into the room. Cisco threw a wave blast at Barry and Frost aimed a couple of icicles his way, but the speedster had dodged them. The scarlet speedster tossed you to the ground like a bag of peanuts before turning to the others. You skidded to the side, breathing in deeply then coughed up some blood into your fist. Blood continued to trickle from the side of your face and sweat glistened on your skin. You could feel your cheek swell as well as an ache form in your chest, maybe a few cracked ribs. Could potentially puncture your lungs if this didn’t end soon.

“And why shouldn’t I? For all we know, she could be spying on us for Thawne.”

“Barry killing her won’t solve anything,” Harry shot at him with his pulse rifle to create some distance between you two before training it on you. “It’ll just make things worse.” You met his eyes, and you could see the disappointment in them. A tinge of guilt hit you, but you pushed past it as you stood on unsteady feet. Your body felt like it was made of lead, but you continued on. If this is how things are to be, then so be it.. You leaned against the wall, cradling your damaged ribcage, as Harry continued. “Regardless of her actions, she did keep Iris and Felicity safe in her own way, she still stood by us.” You were finding it extremely hard to breathe, to stay conscious. Your breathing slowed, the noise in the room between Team Flash was reduced to murmuring to your ears. Did I burst an eardrum too?

“Are you kidding me, Wells? How can you say that when-”

You blinked before collapsing onto the ground, a streak of red had filled your vision. Eobard pinned Barry to the wall, his hand squeezing at his throat while red hot anger filled his vision. “Good to see you again so soon, Flash,” the yellow speedster drawled with a rough grin in his distorted voice. “It seems like you overstepped your boundaries.” Eobard kicked Barry in the ribs and landed a few speed punches, the scarlet speedster already exhausted from his fight with you. “Isn’t this position nostalgic?” Barry was clawing at Eobard’s firm grip, suspending the young hero in the air against the wall as he had done years ago.

“I- had a feeling... you’d show up, Thawne,”

Licking your bloodied lips, you groaned as you leaned up with hoarseness in your voice, “Eo, don’t.” The man in yellow stopped, slowly turning his quaking gaze towards you. You held his gaze for as long as you could get the message through to him. “Enough.” Eobard retracted a fist that was to make contact on Barry’s face, but not before squeezing the scarlet speedsters throat tightly and throwing him towards the upper part of the speed lab. Eobard took off his cowl and generated his speed to be by your side, eyeing every cut and bruise on your broken skin. Your eyes drooped shut when he brushed the back of his gloved hand against your unwounded cheek. His eyes softened, but his insides clenched. Iris and Caitlin had run to where Barry laid while Harry and Cisco monitored Eobard with caution as he gently scooped you in his strong arms.

Standing up with your limp form, the speedster disregarded Cisco, yet glared coldly at his supposed doppelganger. The future genius then turned to them and spoke, “My love for her is what stopped me this time. Next time,” his eyes landed on Barry, “you won’t be so lucky. Lay a hand on her again and I won’t hesitate to end your miserable life, Flash.” His eyes flashed red as they met Barry’s for the last time before taking his leave in a wake of red electricity.

***

Eobard stopped his vibrational intimidation once he made it to your temporary home, Gideon had already prepared the necessary diagnostic tests that would need to be conducted to assess your health. Laying you on the gurney gently, he kissed your forehead before proceeding. The speedster had cleaned you up, replacing your burnt clothes and scrubbing the dried remnants of blood on your skin. His heart shattered. His blood turned to ice. Eobard’s baby blues scanned every part of your marred skin. Lines that tallied up right after another, scars that were too stubborn to heal correctly as if trying to serve as a reminder. Eobard’s mouth had dried as his thumb made featherlight touches before injecting the needle into the correct vein. The speedster opened his mouth and closed it, but he could not register any other emotion other than anger and guilt. His thoughts funneled fluidly, emphasizing that one certain cause that led to this escalation. His death had been the cost of your mental and physical state.

Never again. The speedster peppered kisses along your arms as all the implied images ran through his mind. A tear slipped out. It fell from his face onto the scarred tissue. My love. He needed to get back to work. With classical music dancing in the background, Eobard conducted a blood transfusion in order to replace the blood you had lost as well as administering IV fluids. He had to steal the materials from a hospital nearby in Keystone. They won’t be missing it. 

“According to my current readings, copious amounts of stress have been exuded onto her heart allowing her to retain a constant distressed state.” Gideon rattled on as Eobard sat next to you with a sleeve rolled up. He glanced over at you as the AI continued. “The X-ray scans have also been completed. She’s suffering trauma in her ribcage, a few cracked ribs, however none are broken. CT results also conclude a mild concussion.”

She’s lucky her lungs hadn’t been punctured. His hate for Barry Allen grew with every second that you laid unconscious.

“How long until a full recovery?”

“Physically it could take up to 3-6 weeks regarding her ribs. The mild concussion will take approximately almost a week and a half. Her heart might take longer. Therefore, she must avoid extraneous activity.” 

“Such as using her powers and so on.”

“Yes. Shall I assist you with anything else today, Professor Thawne?”

Eobard ran his fingers over his lips before taking his glasses off and throwing them onto the side of a nearby table. “Keep tabs on Barry Allen’s movements, I want to be alerted if he comes near Keystone or has any intention of it.” The AI nodded before shuttering away into the plinth. Yes, the speedster had been smart to chip him, something Eobard had easily gotten rid of. But to chip you as well, Thawne cursed himself for not seeing it coming. Too preoccupied with the timeline and it’s malleability. “Hopefully DeVoe will keep him away long enough.”

***

Your eyelids felt like they had been cemented shut, the stinging smell of antiseptic slapped you right in the face. Am I dead or in a hospital? A groan left your lips, your throat dry as a desert and craving any drips of water. I hope I’m not in a hospital, I hate those places. The nice thing was that a light wasn’t blinding you, at the very least not piercing through the darkness supplied by your shut eyelids. It was oddly soothing. Your mind finally processed the dull ache residing in your bones, the softness beneath you and the slight chill in the air. Maybe I am dead. Taking one slow breath in, your blood vessels throbbed louder with each fluid pumped through and the humming of machines finally registered to your ears. You didn’t want to open your eyes; you were content with just laying here.

“…” You frowned, the sound of mumbling coming to you. Who was that? “Gi… ru-… I-.” Death, perhaps? You twitched your fingers, a numb sensation set in both your arms. If I’m dead, how can I still feel? It took a moment for your brain to catch you up on how you’d been reduced to such a state. Barry… killed me? No, that’s- Eo was… You shakily formed a fist only to feel something cool against your skin. Felt like another hand. Not bony. Maybe Death gave the appearance of a human for us to pass.

“Mm,” you tried clearing your throat, but it hurt each time, inducing a coughing fit. Blinking wearily, you looked around, your vision blurry until it settled on the being the hand had belonged to. “Mm, I…”

“Shh,” the deep voice cooed. You could hear much more clearly now but couldn’t make out the image of the being. “I have some water for you,” you felt a straw tap your lips. “Drink up.”

Why is Death being so kind to me? I thought Death was swift. You drank a sip at a time before pulling back and shutting your eyes once more. The somatosensory neurons on your arms brushed against some coarse material. A blanket? That same cool touch caressed your cheek. You blinked your eyes open a few times, dizziness ensnaring your mind, but your eyes met icy blue ones. “Eo?”

“I’m here,” he whispered in a gentle tone, standing up from where he sat next to you.

“I’m not dead.”

“No, you’re very much alive”

“Barry, he…”

“I’ve dealt with him. He won’t ever hurt you again.” You watched as he kissed your bandaged hands, each finger receiving a kiss. Cracking your neck, your realized he had changed you into fresh clothes. The scent of faint lavender hung onto the fabric.

“How long was I out?”

“Two weeks.”

It hurt your head when your eyes bugged out. You patted your temples lightly. “Two weeks? What- I-I need to get back. They were going to confront DeVoe. Harry and-”

“No,” Eobard pressed his palm against your shoulder when you tried to sit up abruptly, “You need to rest. Screw Team Flash. For once, just let them be so you can recover.” The speedster did not ask for what had happened to you, knowing the implications in his mind were too strong to be false. Rather, he’d make sure it would not occur a second time

“It’s not that simple, Eo.”

“It really is,” the yellow speedster sighed to himself, rubbing his face. You gestured to the water, and he handed the cup to you. “You’re in no condition to go back there, not after what happened. Your powers and your fight did a number on you. I-…. Your heart stopped a couple of times.” You almost choked on your sip. “I had to jumpstart your heart and keep it going.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For worrying you.” For being a liability that Barry can use.

“Don’t. This,” he gestured with his hands between you and him, “is not something to apologize for. Ever. If anything, it was smart of him to use you for bait as I had used Iris and Eddie.” You pressed your lips into a thin line as your mind started to wander.

“So, we wait?”

Eobard nodded as you ran a hand through you knotted hair. Need to brush that out asap. “We wait until it’s time to strike.”

“Until it’s time for you to strike. I’m remaining neutral in whatever it is between you and Barry in the future. Even if he might not see it that way.” Tipping the scales, balancing good and evil natures in the forces of the world. That’s what He told me my role in the multiverse is along with...

“I know, my love.” I don’t know how to break this to her. “But until then, rest.” If I ask her to come with me, would what I orchestrate then work?

“Eobard.”

“Hm?” Eobard knew he needed to go back to sort a few things out. Chances of getting caught were roughly 30-70, but not zero.

You shifted over to make room for him, patted the spot next to you. “Stay.”

Or would she become collateral damage?

“Always.” The speedster leaned down to kiss your lips before moving in beside you. You laid your head on his chest, minding the slight tremors of pain. Eobard kissed the top of your head and you shut your eyes. You’d go to the ends of the multiverse for him, but you’d also protect your friends. Being at odds with Barry wouldn’t stop you. He just needed to learn to live with your choices as everyone else has had to live with his.

Eobard’s mind ran through every scenario, deciding it’s best to tell you what he intends to do. He’d rather you decide for yourself what to do. The negative speedster respected the position you held onto. Neutrality wasn’t always an easy feat, but he admired your devotion towards him and the ones you love. Eobard was just selfish enough to only want and care for you. He didn’t need anyone else. He certainly didn’t need camaraderie. Tomorrow, he’d tell you. Tomorrow, he’d make sure to take the first step towards ensuring the future.

Betrayal is a fickle thing, Barry Allen. A lesson you will learn again.

[bucky-barnes-diaries]

NSFW Alphabet (A-M)

Part 1 | Part 2

The Falcon and The Winter Soldier

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Female! Reader

Summary: A-Z of just smut (and some fluff).

Word Count: 2049

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, minors DNI, unprotected vaginal sex, oral (male/female receiving), masturbation (male/female), overstimulation, creampie, multiple orgasms, teasing, slight spanking, sex toys, cursing, language, mention of bodily fluids.

Authors Note: POSTING IN 2 PARTS! Because Tumblr won’t let you have more than 250 text blocks. Happy Birthday to Sam! I love how this turned out and I hope you all do too! Enjoy loves <3

Main Masterlist | Sam Wilson Masterlist

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Credit @ chrishemsworht for the wonderful gif

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s very caring and attentive to you after sex, especially when it was a little more rough than usual.

He would make sure you were ok before he went to the bathroom to get something to clean you off, as well as a cold washcloth in case you were too warm.

After this, he would do one of two things. Either he would bring you close to his body to cuddle up on you as he whispers in your ear all his affirmation his heart held for you.

“Come here.” His arms were open for you to crawl in them to bask in his love and affection after he had fucked you so good.

There was nothing quite like it. The tenderness of his touches as he held you so close to him. “You did so well. You’re so good to me. I love you. Sleep now.”

The softest of kisses being left on you as sleep took over. Himself following soon after.

Or he would run a relaxing bath for the two of you to soothe both of your bodies down. It would end in the two of you in the sheets again, all snuggled up, clean and relaxed.

Since you were a little wobbly on your legs from the event that just was, he helped you into the bathtub. Your back to his chest as his arms enclosed around to keep you that much closer.

The light was dimmed, and just now, you heard the faint sound of music coming from his phone in the bathroom.

His touches and the warm water lulled you to sleep for just a few minutes. He would wake you to get out before proper sleep took over you, “come on, sleepy girl. The bed is more comfortable.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his hands. Fingers, palms, everything that makes it possible to grab onto you in both a loving and sexual way.

The feel of Sams’s hand all over you as you made out on the couch was intoxicating. You could never get enough of his touch on your bare skin.

His lips found their place at your weak spot, your pulse point on your neck, as he kissed and sucked on the skin. His hand traveled more down to the inside of your thighs, ready to snake his hand in your panties any second now.

A whiney plea for him to touch you more ever so softly escaped you. “Please, Sam, touch me more.”

--

“You just love holding my hand, huh?” Sam questioned as your smaller one fit in his for the 10th time today. Everywhere you go, the urge for his touch was immense so finding the two of you holding hands no matter where was no surprise.

“I just love your touch, ok?”

His other favorite and this may sound strange, is his left peck. It holds a special place to him because that’s where you always rest your head to feel the steady beats of his heart. If it was out and about or just the comfort of your house, you always searched to lay your head on there to feel his love.

“It beats only for you, angel,” would be his words always when you found your home there.

On you? He loves your legs, more specifically your thighs. His hand always finds its place at the top of it, giving a reassuring squeeze now and then.

In the bedroom, he always wants you to sit on his face. Your two beautiful thighs at the side of him as he eats you out and his fingers dig deep into the skin. Thighs shaking and trembling as you’re close to releasing brought forward by his expert tongue and the grip on your thighs adding to that sensation.

It always made you nervous when Sam asked you to sit on his face. The fear that you would crush him was enormous.

“I know what you’re thinking. You will not crush me. Now bring your beautiful thighs over here and sit on your throne.”

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside of you most of the time. The need to feel him deep in your pussy is what you live for. His mind goes absolutely crazy as he watches his load seep out of you. Your quivering hole begging for him to fill you up once again. He can't do anything more than comply with your wishes.

“Where do you want it?” His thrusts were deep as the need to release was creeping up on him. “Inside. Always inside Sam,” you whispered in his ear.

He didn’t need more than that to let go. Grunts and moans of your name were like music to your ears as he came inside. The feel of his seed filling you up and his sounds was what brought your own orgasm.

“Again… I need to feel you again.”

You also love to feel his load in your mouth. On your knees, as he pumps his cock, ordering you to stick out your tongue to receive him. His body language and facial expressions just as he’s about to cum are priceless and so fucking hot and will forever be imprinted in your brain.

“Open up. Show me your tongue.” Like a good girl, you complied with his wishes and opened up your ready mouth. Little flicks of your tongue on him as his hand was working his length is what was needed for him to shoot ropes of him cum all over your awaiting and needy tongue.

Once done, he took some time to admire his artwork. “So beautiful. Can you swallow that for me?” It was like second nature for you to do so. You showed him that you had done what he wished for. “Good girl.”

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sam loves when you dominate him and take control. It’s mostly him that takes the reins in ordering you around in the bedroom, but he doesn’t mind passing the power over to you once in a while.

Whatever you ask him to do, he will do with no questions asked.

Jacking off while you watch? Check.

“Aren’t you going to touch yourself as well?” He questioned as it was only he that was working on himself.

“I don’t think so. Keep doing what you’re doing, Mr. Falcon.”

Not being allowed to touch any part of you as you ride him like a good girl? He´ll try with all the power he has.

“No, Sam.” This was the third time you had to pry his hands from your hips as you rode him. “I don’t want you to touch me. Be good! Just watch and enjoy.”

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Sam knows what he’s doing. He’s been with a few women before, so he’s well known in the pleasing department. It doesn’t take him long to figure out what you like and don't like.

What touch have you begging for more? What kisses have you gasping and whimpering out in pleasure?

It's all about exploring each other to the fullest. He learns it all like it’s second nature for him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position where he can watch your face contour in pleasure. It’s such an ego boost for him watching you fall apart because of the pleasure he’s bringing you with his mouth, fingers, or dick.

His hand will lightly grab your chin to look at him if you ever turn away because of the intense pleasure.

“Look at me, baby. Look at me. I need to see your beautiful face as I make you cum.”

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be earnest when he wants to be, but the two of you wouldn’t take yourselves so seriously all the time. Laughs and giggles would fill the air if the bedroom session were more loving and playful than rough and dominant.

But when it was serious business? There would be no joking matter. The only thing on the mind for both of you was to please each other to the fullest with no distractions.

H = Hair (how well are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps it neat down there, and you had never complained, so none of you make a big deal out of it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Sam is the best lover you’ve had in your life. He takes care of your needs to the fullest and is never greedy with you. It’s all about you.

It’s safe and romantic as he’s whispering praises and encouragements towards you. His touches are warm and delicate as they trace your skin in the act of lovemaking.

He always lets you finish first, and he’s following right behind you in getting his pleasure as well.

It was one of those days when all you needed was to feel that extra bit of love and pleasure from one another as you were tangled in the silky sheets together.

His thrusts deep but careful as his number one mission was to make you feel good on this beautiful day. Your hands had a firm hold of his back to keep the closeness on one another.

His face buried in your neck to whisper words of encouragement. “Cum for me, baby. I've got you.”

The feel of your tight walls around him was what he needed to let go as well.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Why would he when he has you? Of course, if there were a time you weren’t in the mood or out of town, he would take care of himself.

Those times he would find the few videos that were recorded of you and him getting it on. He would focus on the sounds of your moans, whimpers, and sweet pleas of his name on a continuous loop as he brought himself to an end.

It never felt as good as when you did it, all of your tricks and techniques made him cum in record time, but it would have to do for now.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Make you cum all over his fingers in public. He loved how much you try to keep your composure as his long fingers were driving themselves in and out in a steady rhythm.

How you tried to keep talking to the person you were talking to without making a sound that indicated that something was going on underneath the table.

When he finally had you coming on his fingers, he would pull out of you to clean himself of your juices. It would be in the most casual way possible, and no one ever suspected anything.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Call him old-fashioned, but his favorite place to do it is in the comfort of your bedroom door. It’s just easier and simple to play around and explore with one another in the sheets than in any other place.

But that doesn’t mean you haven’t fucked in other locations. All the surfaces in the house have been blessed by the two of you.

As the guests around the dinner table chatted away, your thoughts wandered to just a couple of hours ago when Sam was taking you against this very table everyone was sitting at.

The memory had you whimper out some and legs clenched together as you felt the heat from you increasing. Sam felt your behavior change as he sat beside you.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered in your ear to shield the words from the rest of the crowd.

“No-nothing… I'm just thinking about what this table was decorated with a few hours ago. Not food or drinks, but the two of us.”

His cocky smirk was pretty evident on his face at your confession. “Don't worry. I'll take you against it again when everyone leaves.”

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Simply you.

Your words, touch, and smoldering looks were the only things needed to turn him on.

Part 2 HERE

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