#giant fuckoff spider

[sweetmesquite]

may have accidentally made an enemy for life while cleaning out seedstarting trays. y'all ever seen a huntsman erupt from a thick layer of detergent bubbles?

i mean, i fished it out with a stick, but i somehow doubt my gentle hose-rinse helped its mood.

here's hoping it stays outside?

[kedreeva]

Saw a little guy sitting on Artemis, so I offered my hand and he jumped right to me. I let him go free next to my chair, and 20 minutes later he turned up again. So the second time I set him free on a sapling near my back door and turned around to find my good old boy on the frame.

[variablejabberwocky]

was rewatching The Return Of The King with mom and answering her lore questions when i had an awful terrible horrible realization that sparked my curiosity

so. spiders sexually reproduce. i don't know of any species that asexually reproduces. the Giant FuckOff Spiders of lotr are all supposed to be descendants of Ungoliant. Ungoliant the Hungry Space Spider.

all those smaller but still giant fuckoff spiders had to come from somewhere. and Ungoliant was Unique on middle earth until her brood of spawn.

so who's the spider daddy?

...was Ungoliant already preggers when she showed up in middle earth to eat some trees or.......???

like, d..did.....

did Melkor fuck the spider???

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO KNOW BUT SOMEONE HAS TO KNOW RIGHT?

please, i am SO curious now and have no idea where or even if that information exists

[thesopwithcamel]

Decided fuck it and outline the many Numerian fighting machines before creating (or attempting to) put what they look like on paper.

Fighting machine: standard tripods and the first things to leave the cylinders as they are compact enough to fit inside them with their three extendable legs, they normally stand up to 15 meters tall and are equipped with shields and armour for defence. Fighting machines are equipped with two ray guns mounted to the sides of the 'head' although there are many modifications including lightened scout tripods, ones with gas projectors for black smoke mounted to the top of the 'head', artillary variants with heavy plasma cannons and more. Nicknamed 'Tripods'

Flying machine: Flying and hovering similar to helicopters, flying machines are VTOL aircraft which are launched from an unknown source and can fly up to mach 54, they are large arrow shaped craft created out of space resistant materials although the exact materials are not known. Same with the measurements which are as of yet unknown as no flying machines were ever lost. Flying machines or 'Arrows' as they became known as are used by the Numerian's as either drop ships (for Numerian troops), vehicle transport (they can carry two 'Harvesters', several 'mice' or one 'Tripod' and are armed with a single ray gun and a series of searchlights although they can carry bombs and missiles to act in a gunship role.

Creating machines: small, fast and about 3 meters tall and 5 meters long, handling machines are small quadrupal things which scurry around harvesting various metals in order to build things like more tripods and other larger machines and can climb up walls. 'Mice' (as they are known) are unarmed except for a teleknesis tool and an array of cutting torches and saws which could be used in self defence and are mostly used as engineering vehicles.

Handling Machines: While the 'Mice' on the ground try to find metal it is up to the spider shaped 'harvester' to harvest its material: creatures. 'Harvesters' are 6 meters tall and around 6 meters long, they crawl along at a brisk pace (up to 45mph) on their eight spider-like legs and are easily recognisable by the basket on its back end and the aray of tenticles on its front which are used to grab things and throw them into the basket. Noted as being surprisingly agile these machines house a holding basket for creatures in their 'abdomens' which contains what is essentially a giant blender.

Commanding machines: Bascally a 'tripod' on steroids the 'Uberpod' cannot be transported down to the planet in any way shape or form and as such must be assembled on site, they normally stand up to 50 meters tall and are used to give directions and orders to the other machines under its control. A normal 'Uberpod' is armed with 2 high powered ray guns two timepiece powered mortars and several black smoke canister launchers along the top of its 'head', they feature shields and armour making them impossible to take down.

burrowing machines: what is essentially a giant fuckoff worm thing measuring 25 meters long and each segment around 3 meters wide is more than just a digging machine, the 'Snake' can be used to pry open tunnel complexes and allow troops or other machines to enter. Like the 'Uberpods' the 'Snakes' are too big for regular transportation, they are protected by shielding and use a massive drill on both sides to get into places underground.

[sol1loqu1st]

sometimes i remember the GIANT HAND-SIZED SPIDER (not just a daddy longlegs like an actual Big Fuckoff Spider) i saw crawl under the sink in the bathroom my parents' house and NEVER SAW EVER AGAIN and i want to flee the country

[melvinthedepressedrobot]

giant fuckoff spider suddenly appeared on the cupboard and I went FUCK THIS and evacuated the room

THERES A CENTIPEDE IN MY LAUNDRY BASKET

[strwpup]

"...Is the doorway big enough for the spider to get out of?"

here are some arctic spiders for the Creature Menagerie project! inspired by the horrifying dead ice spider in c2e116 :)

@artists-guild-of-exandria

[autistic-ranboo]

shroud goes aggressive after the sun sets and she locks herself in her room during nights because of that. techno wouldn't really like her at first because she's tommy's daughter, but after seeing her accidentally escape one night, having a small confrontation in which he obviously won and taking her to his cabin, he decided he could help her, considering he has the know-how -sugar

see ive always been a fan of "shroud as tommy's fucked-up pet spider" BUT i love this actually???

also like. look. the idea of michael + shroud getting lost and techno bringing them inside like......... begrudgingly my beloved. he 100% bundles them up in blankets and brings them inside and throws together something warm, when phil hops down from the rafters and startles the children until michael recognizes him and is like "uncle philza!!!!!! :D" and hugs him. i hc that shroud is not big on like. physical affection tm (part of why she and tommy get along so well bc i also hc c!tommy as like. touch-sensitive) and she's just like "do i have to do.... whatever that's supposed to be?" and techno and phil both crack up laughing and say "oh look, it's you" to each other

[lazarish]

@simstober Day 12: Cursed

Free will is simply ignorance. It’s just the name we give to the fact that no one can ever really see everything that controls them.

[thenopequeen]

7. A Dwemer ruin extending below the city, way deep down to Blackreach

8. The fuckoff giant frostbite spider in the entryway to said Dwemer ruin, that's been there long enough they ACTUALLY NAMED IT

based on in game quests and characters, what would be the wildest city to live in in Skyrim?

[bioluminescent-fungus]

unfortunately i cannot take mordor seriously as a scary place ever since i learned that mordor’s climate matches la’s

[strigops]

i love this little animal but there is something primally unsettling abt looking over and seeing This Specific Shape on your wall at night

[bunjywunjy]

Any blessed facts about tarantulas to help cure my boyfriend's arachnophobia?

the columbian lesserblack tarantula is a fuckoff huge arachnid about 8 inches wide that feeds on a wide variety of both invertebrates and small vertebrates unlucky enough to have a giant fucking spider get the drop on them!

the lesserblack tarantulas spend most of their non-murder time constructing and hanging around in a set of underground burrows, where the female tarantulas hide and tend to their eggs. but what's really interesting is just who's sharing these burrows with them!

that's right! IT'S TIME FOR FROGGE.

the dotted humming frog is a teeny weeny amphibian that spends most of its life scuttling around in the dirt looking for bugs to eat, and a surprising number of them take up residence in occupied lesserblack territory!

this arrangement is by mutual consent- the tiny frog keeps the tunnels clear of any roaming ants or other insects that might like to snack on some giant spider eggs, and the lesserblack tarantula:

a) does not eat the dotted humming frog

b) provides shelter and safety from non-tarantula frog predators (a surprising amount of animals that would cheerfully eat a tiny inch-long frog become a LOT less cheerful at the prospect of confronting an 8-inch wide tarantula. who knew, right?!)

and c) provides free frog food in the form of unwary egg-hungry tiny insects!

the frog thanks the tarantula by keeping the place clean and also not snacking on any baby tarantulas that happen to be present, so this arrangement seems to work just fine for both animals.

no word on if the spiders pet the frogs when the scientists aren't looking, though.

[the-foley-knoll-horror]

there it is

Just an entire goddamn giant fuckoff spider

to put into the soup she made

[hopeaterart]

So…if Splinter didn’t adopt the turtles, then…how did his brother come across them?

Oh, that's a long story.

Be Lou Jitsu, né Hamato Yoshi

You haven't talked to your family since you moved to America. Your mom because last time the two of you talked, you nearly killed each other. Your brother because last time you saw him, he had run off to experience life.

Successful acting career, but everyone waters you down to a stereotype and you don't like it.

You have a long term girlfriend you tell everything to, and one night you confess to her how unhappy you are with your life.

She proposes the two of you elope, you accept because your gf is the only thing going right in your life.

She takes you to a sewer, opens a magic door in a wall, and reveals herself to be some kind of spider monster.

(Sidenote: think abt why your gf is objectively hotter as a spider centaur than as a human and what that means about you later)

You're introduced to the Hidden City and Battle Nexus. Your wife is the iwner and announcer of the Battle Nexus, and you decide to become a fighter in it in order to make some money and restart your life here.

Everyone loves you and you don't have to hide any part of yourself.

Few months later, you're at a gala with your wife. Hot giant purple goat guy who rules the city is here.

Turns out the guy is a huge fan and asks you if you'd be willing to be part of an experiment he's working.

You accept, make sure your wife is okay with it since you're like 69% sure it might be a sex thing. Normally you're not one to use the 'open' in your open marriage, but Hot Goat Guy is hot.

She's okay with it, you're brought to the guy's palace. The room is nice, but there's a rat in it for some reason??? Oh well, you've always liked animals, even if this one's a bit bitty.

Five minutes later your brother- which you haven't seen in years- is climbing in through your window, wearing the symbols of the Foot Clan, aka the enemy of the Hamato Clan, aka doomsday cult your mom spent your entire life warning you about.

You ask him what happened, yells at you his outfit isn't the problem here and he's here to help you???

Hot goat guy comes in, your brother hides, you're taken to another room

Turns out, hot goat guy's experiments are actual experiments and not a sex thing

Wants to mutate four turtles into the Ultimate Warriors using your DNA

Four baby turtles

Oh Hell No

Hot Goat Guy isn't having it and ties you down to get your DNA, puts it in a big fuckoff vat of mutagen and start mutating the little tots

Brother flies in and kicks hot goat guy in the head, freeing you

You save the turtles and hand them to your brother, telling him to run at that you'll catch up with him

Face off Hot Giat Guy, Big Battle ensues

During the battle, the vat of mutagen falls on top of you, pass out.

Wake up. You're now rat, you don't know where your brother and the baby turtles are, and you're in no shape to fight.

FML

(At least hot goat guy is admitting to being in the wrong)

And that, anon, is how Splinter's brother came across the turtles.

[arctic-hands]

I woke up early to a HUGE FUCKOFF LETHAL LOOKING BUG RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD and now I'm afraid to go back in my room

Seriously this thing looks like a giant mosquito crossed with a spider