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courtney-deserved-better · 3 years

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whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

#slippery slopes #ask #anon #total drama #writing #fic #my fic

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hitoshisbabygirl · 4 years

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Author's Notes ♡: Hello hello! Here’s my POCuties collab piece for Valentine’s Day. Even though today sometimes makes me feel unloved please know everyone is deserving of love and even if you don’t have someone this year, you can have me! I love you and so do your favs okay? (✿◠‿◠) ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : none! Just very sweet (a bit of the reader feeling like a burden to tamaki so a touch of sadness here and there)

Word count : 2.1k

Paring(s) : Tamaki Amajiki x F! Reader (fem pronouns)

Enjoy ♡

———————————————————————

Forever // T. Amajiki

Being with Tamaki for a few years taught his lover a lot. She saw more sides of him than most, and it made her heart swell to see the usually quiet boy happy and determined when he accomplished something he was trying for or when he was down she knew just how to cheer him up.

As the day drew on she realised just how much she loved him and how much she wished for him to be home, to give him a big kiss as he came through the door, knowing that his day was long, plagued with paperwork and patrols. Hearing the door open she saw her tall boyfriend enter, hood over his eyes as he let out a sigh, stretching as he felt his body being encased by his girlfriend “Hello butterfly how was your day” His low voice spoke out as she gave him a bright smile “It was nice heaving the day off but i missed you Tama” she pouted as he gave her a chuckle, kissing her forehead “I missed you too, the office was a bore without my adorable secretary” Moving into their shared apartment Tamaki saw food already laid out in front of him “I ran you some bath water too” [ ] called out as she rounded the wall separating the kitchen and living room “Y-you didn't have to do that love im-” A finger silenced his pleas “Let me take care of you okay? You need your rest and i didnt want you to worry about anything coming home except relaxing and cuddling with me okay?” [ ] said as she stood on her tippy toes, kissing the top of his cheek “Tamaki Amajiki we have been doing this for years, won't you please let me love you without trying to outdo me ; you deserve it, you're a wonderful hero, you're my hero and eventually...you'll be our family hero..once we have one..” She trailed off as he stared at her, watching a sadden face appear over her features. Shaking it off as soon as it had appeared she gave him another smile “Its alright. There's no rush, i'm here for the long haul , me and you okay?” she said as she let his face go , heading to the couch “Now go go, hurry up before the food gets cold.” She teased as he gave her a soft look, coming over to kiss her cheek “Okay i wont argue butterfly”

These little things stuck with him, her caring ways, cooking for him, cleaning his office while hed be gone, even doing some of his paperwork while he was on parole. He loved her so much and enjoyed all of the little things here and there she did for him. He ddi the same, and each time made her cry, not out of being upset but for how caring he was to her. Bringing her roses, making sure she didnt have to cook if he could help it, spa days and doing more crafts and bonding with her whenever they could. But he realized while she helped him with so much he felt like he struggled. She struggled with her own issues too, similar to his. Sometimes she felt like she wasnt enough, she had her own anxieties and could get in a sup when she felt inadequate, unlovable and unwanted. But to him, to tamaki he loved everything about her, and she was one of the strongest people he knew. He felt motivated and glad to have her as the one he wished to marry , to have kids with, to start a family. But that also broke his heart when the topic came up she did usually didnt talk much about it, happily making plans but going back on them by saying ‘if i was a good mother’ She didnt want to dissapoint their future kids, didnt want to be a lacking mother or wife. As usual Tamaki came home, but htis time he went past the wonderful smelling food in the kitchen and to their bedroom, his cute girlfriend wrapped up in a blanket “How are you feeling butterfly?” He asked as she gave him a smile, reaching over to hug him “Im oaky! Just a bit overwhelmed is all, im sorry i passed out during the meeting..” She said as she gave him a hurt look before continuing “I shouldve tried harder to stay and present with you i-” Before she could finish he gave her a kiss, stopping her words “You needed rest. Im still surprised you got up to cook, did you at least take a nap love?” He asked as she shook her head , causing him to smile “Good. i love you butterfly and i woudnt change that for the world” he said as she smiled, giving him a hug “I’d hope so” She giggled as he pouted “Never doubt my love for you [ ], no matter what im gonna be here, i promise okay?” he said as she nuzzled the boy, kissing his nose “ And i for you Tamaki”

February came in , the happy couple had started up to take more time off to do more things and enjoy eachothers presence in the month of love. As the days went by Tamaki noticed [ ] was having odd days. From sleeping long hours of the day to just crying randomly, he knee something was wrong. Coming from the store he heard sobbing from their bathroom. Terrified , he tried to enter only feeling the door being locked “[ ] baby whats wrong? Can i come in?” with no response he nervously knocked again. “[ ] please...whats wrong” He pleaded as the door unclicked, showing his still beautiful but tear stained cheeked girl. “T-tama..” She cried as she just jumped into his arms, scaring the indigo haired boy “Baby are you okay?” he asked as she took in a breath before smiling sadly “Y-yeah i am..” She said as he picked her up, taking them into the living room. “I love you..and whatever is making you feel like this..if i can help let me okay?” Tamaki said as [ ] shook her head, placing it into his shoulder as they fell asleep.

Every day from her breakdown Tamaki came to her office with a rose, ate lunch with her and made sure she was hydrated and well. Once the week of valentines day came up, he had his plan set in motion. He had their schedules fixed, the week off for themselves as they did different things. A spa day the first day, a picnic the next, shopping at an expensive store for clothes. Then an art day where they drew (or tried to ) eachother and made art fro and about the other. Once the day of Valentines came however, it was different. It started with them taking a shower together, Tamaki cooking breakfast in bead for [ ] as they talked through the morning. Tamaki told her the outfits they ha gotten the days prior was for tonight which gave [ ] the jitters. She was excited for what her pro hero boyfriend had instore for them. Once they got to the restaurant all eys were on them. [ ]’s long black dress falttereed tamakis white suit and black bow tie. The two of them sat and started to eat, coversating with some fans who so happend to be around thwm. One was a small girl with wide hopeful eyes. She came to the couple with her mom in toe “Im so sorry to interrupt you two, my daughter wouldnt let mt husband and me rest until she came over to you guys” the wmoan laughed, causing bothe members to smile “Hello there how are you?” Tamaki asked the girl as she stepped from behind her mother “ H-hi my name is Shiemi a-and i really like you suneater!” The small girl said , causing [ ] , Tamaki and her mom to smile “Why thank you Shiemi, i hope im a good hero for you” Tamaki responded as the little girl shook her head “The best! Youre so cool. A-and your wife is pretty like mama! I like you dress miss suneater” The girl said , causing [ ] to stutter as she sipped her water “O-oh why thank you Shiemi but Im-” before she could continue she saw her boyfriend give the woman and her daughter a wide smile “She is, inst she?” He said as he turned to [ ] , moving from his chair “Tama what are you-” [ ] asked again as he leaned to the little girls ear , then to the mothers as they both gave him a smile, the woman happily shaking her head as her daughter followed the hero. Confused, [ ] watched as he picked the little girl up, putting her atop of the bar table “Hey everyone! Suneater has an announcement!” she yelled as most people turned around or to the table in the middle of the room, watching and smiling at the energetic child and pro hero “In fact I do, [ ] would you mind standing?” Tamaki asked as she gave him a wide eyed look, standing as he gave her a smile, extending and hand to her as she joined his side

“H-hey guys , as you know um..this si my lovely girlfriend and partner [ ]” He started as she gave everyone in the room a wary smile, her face feeling hot as he continued “ Ive known her for years, and weve been dating for some of those, she's seen me through thick and thin, helped me out in a pinch and made me feel like the strongest man alive, well next to almight…” he whispered as some of the people laughed, more paying them attention “And through all of this….i could think of a more beautiful and right person to spend the rest of my life with” And with the the young child handed the now kneeling man a ring as some whooped and hollered, others recording as both [ ] and the girls mother had tears in their eyes “[ ] [ ], the love of my life, my butterfly, i couldnt think of a more beautiful person inside and out to be with, will you give me the honor and make me the happiest man on this earth to be my wife?” He asked as the ring was revealed, diamond glistening as his own tear filled eyes looked to hers. Thinking her voice would fail her she shook her head yes, causing the room to yell as she had her ring put on her finger , jumping to hug her standing fiance as they hugged and cried, video of the engagement spreading as he thought to himself ‘I can now have my family, my endless love with you my dear butterfly’

As their wedding came , all of their friends and family came, including the new found friends of the young Shiemi and her parents. The ceremony went though flawlessly, Shiemi being their flower girl as the newlyweds ran down the easel , heading for their limo as they herded for the reception. The family spoke on how happy they were from their marriage, friends giving their comments on how they knew the couple would get married as the couple laughed at some stories and comments about their relationship. The night ended with so much love and joy for the new couple, startint their life together\

Two years went by before valentines day came again, three years to the day he had proposed arrived. Happily and ready to celebrate Tamaki woke up to his wife missing, hearing her fumble in the bathroom. Heading to the room he was shocked to she her in a disarray , eyes foggy as she met his “Tama...i have a surprised” She said as her teras fell down her face. Confused and still a bit tired , he gave her a look as she handed him a blue and while stick. The word pregnant snapped him awake as more tears started to fall, handing him two and three more all with the same small but powerful word “Im..gonna be a dad?” He asked as she smiled, shaking her head as she hugged the trembling girl “T-tama i'm gonna be a mom..what if i'm not good enough…” She sobbed as he cooed her, kissing her lips as his tears fell with hers “You're gonna be great Butterfly, i promise, you're gonna be so so great” He said as his heart swelled feeling her lips against his ‘This...This is forever , a love i wished for...and i couldn't have asked for more of a way to live my life...i love you butterfly’

#my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #amajiki tamaki #tamaki amakiji x reader #pocuties 💕#pocuties collab

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emoali · 3 years

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Thusday🔴

What if it is me?

What if i cant let go of the past???

Am i killing this relationship???

I forgot to mention that he had a game plan... 2 months then we are out

That was so nice to hear

Brian called me telling me that his parents are kicking us out tonight

I freak out

Hes called 30 min later and says he didnt let his dad finish... And that they arnt

I told him I still want to go and he got depressing... He said leave me I wish I had died that day....

Why did it take so long for his dad to calm him down...

Irma asks if i want starbucks and I say we need to talk so ill take a ride with u...

I say brian called me and told me you guys are kicking us out...

I just got a call from Tyler idk where they got that from...

Well Ernie said that...

I told her how she made me feel when she talks about grandkids...

It didnt go the way i wanteded I was just so frustrated...

She said im sorry you feel that way... Not im sorry I have been making you feel this way...

Iv told her that its built rentment towards them and it makes me sad because i love them...

She said i cant help you with that...

I know that's one of the reasons im going to therapy...

She said I dont want you and brian to leave before your financially ready...

Well i think I'm going to move into my brothers house tonight...

His mom didnt seem sad at all...sounds like she knew it was coming...

Its like she didnt care...she said

I wish you the best and dont be a stranger

She also said but dont blame me for you moving out or for you and Brian breaking up...

I said I dont and im glad you know that...but what i really felt was ...it is you its totally you...

Brian calls to ask how the talk went i told him it didnt go well... I tell him there are other things motivating me to leave...like his anger...and his work ethic...he gets mad and says I'll never make you happy... I'm going to get this job and be happy you can choose to join me or not... He said hes tired of being the only one trying to fix things...he said hes tired of me hating his parents...

We hang up he calls back and says sorry

He says he knows hes not the only one trying and that he wants to change he really does... I believe him...

He comes to pick me up and we talk

He says you should move in and get away from this stress...

We go home and we try to eat but we can't... He goes for a walk... 30 mins all i can do is think about him and worry hes going to hurt himself... I scream in the shower... Its just pain so much pain...

I want him .... I change my OWN mind! I tell my brother i cant leave him hes to sad... The job he had hoped for was a scam and I couldnt handle seeing him in pain... When he comes back I tell him i want to try and i dont want to leave... We cuddle and kiss...

But then I go back right after telling i want to get an apatment and a house and maybe have a kid... I fill him with hope...

I regret it... A small part of me wonders if im making the right choice....

I keep going back n forth

Flip flopping...im exhausted I don't know what to do

Later irma asks about work I cant help but ask do you really want me to leave

She said no

Why did you say that?

I was upset

What made you upset?

She take a long pause and starts crying saying that she cant live our lives and she has to accept that she will never have grandkids and its something she need to work on

But then goes on about how she didnt raise her children to treat her this way and that she grew up poor giving us all the oppurtuny she didnt and how she feels we are disrespectful..

I just hear im the victum over and over again....

I tell her we dont mean to be disrespectfu butbits the way they have came at us in the past...l ask remeber that time you told me that i needed to have Brian child or get married to him with in the next year or else i cant be with him anymore...

She said sorry I dont remeber that

I said I will never forget that...

She said she know we dont like it when they say that stuff... Like brushing it off

I say well if you really are going to change then I'll stick around but if not i dont want to be part of this family... She said okay

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nessaiscute · 4 years

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Reversed roles

Well, this is a fine how do you do? How in the heck did I end up in this situation?

You know exactly how you got into this mess Ash, you and your stupid whims.

Okay, so it was not the smartest idea to try to get that teddy bear out of that tree for that knight’s son, but darn it the little kid was so cute and he just wanted his bear. It was the least I could do, but now... I broke my leg. I didnt show it in front of the knight and his child. The kid hugged my leg which made it even worse and now it gave way and Im on the stairs to the throne with my leg in intense pain. I can hear Puck laughing at me.

This pain is starting to be unbearable.

I think the only time I felt worse then this is when Meghan in anger said she hated me, which...i deserved but still. Now how to sneck off into the medical wing without any one seeing me crawl like a slug. and more imporantly....without my queen seeing me, cause that would be....embrassing.

“Ash, what the hell? Why aren;t you at the dinning hall? its time for lunch.”

Already failed huh?

“Um.... I’m heading, just give me a few mintues i just need to streach my-”

However when I went to pull myself up...

‘ARRRRRGH!” I cried out tears forming in my eyes.

Meghan quickly rushed to my side.

“What happened to your leg? are you okay??”

“Broken....” I barely mumbled out.

“You broke it? How- You know what? Don’t answer that. We need to get you to the medical wing.”

“Meghan, we don’t have streachers renember? Kerrian broke them when he was playing with Fix.”

Meghan pondered this, then an idea splashed across her face.

“I got an idea.”

Meghan then curled her arms under my legs and before I knew what was happening Meghan was carrying me bridal style. My face heated up 30 degrees more then it honestly should ever be.

“W-What are you doing??” I exclaimed.

“You don’t like this?”

“I...Its fine, even if i did have an issue with it we don’t have a choice.”

Meghan giggled, “Glad to hear it.” and then she kissed my face leaving a pink lipmark.

Then she carried me, and i swear we ran into every knight and servant in the castle. Of course they wisphered as we passed.

“You just killed my reputation...” i Grumbled.

“Sorry bout that my knight. Although im more worried bout your leg rather then yoru repuation.”

“How are you even able to carry me?”

“I’ve been training. Ash, I think its safe to say i surpassed you by now. We’ve been married for a long time and Ive inherited the powers of the iron. We’ve long since passed you being stronger.”

I chuckled, you know.... being in Meghan’s made me feel safe and secure. It was nice. I could get use this, I now get why Meghan sometimes wants to be carried around sometimes. I... want to have this happen more often. its nice to be cared for, espcailly if its by the person that loves you most.

“Meghan?”

“Yes Ash?”

“We... should do this more often.,.. the carrying part.”

“Well you breaking your leg anymore is totally out of the question but im happy to hear you want to be carried more. I would be honored to carry you. Do you care if anyone sees you?”

“I don’t give a damn at all. Let them stare,”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

we got to the medcial wing, I got my leg fixed and I learned something about myself. All and all a pretty good day.

#Fall fey #Meghan Chase #ash chase

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

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baby-itsa-wild-world · 6 years

Text

Phil

I met a boy in 11th grade. Lets call him Phil. He rode my bus. He was 1 year younger than me, and a little bit shorter. He had shoulder length blonde hair and was kind of lanky. Not really my type but we got along as friends. We made eachother laugh a lot. I valued him as a friend.

My other friends started hanging around phil too. On Halloween, my friend told me that phil had a secret he was keeping from me. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he liked me as more than a friend. I saw the way he looked at me. I was flattered but I didnt let phil know that I knew.

That evening on the bus, phil broke down and finally told me. I was excited. Part of me kinda felt like I liked him too, mainly because I was just flattered to have someone interested in me and because he had always been there for me as a friend. But like I said he wasnt really my type. He was younger than me. He got detention a lot. He was kinda immature. So I kinda just let it go.

In the following weeks I started seeing him in a different light. He had always been a good friend. I admired that he didnt give a fuck what anyone thought. I had always wanted to be like that. And he did have a certain charm about him. Maybe I did like him back after all.

We flirted back and forth for the next few months. We talked on the phone occasionally. We sat next to eachother on the bus. It was like we always were, except with flirting. I was always waiting on him to make a move.

Around valentines day Phil was on myspace talking about a girl named "lily". He was talking about how lily had stayed a few nights at his house and was watching horror movies with him. I thought to myself, what the fuck?? I thought he liked me. What was he doing with other girls? I got pissed. I messaged him on myspace, not angry or anything, but just casually asked what he was doing. He said that he and lily were going to the movies. I said cool, I had been wanting to go to the movies myself to see something (probably the new twilight movie if you want me to be honest). And then he messaged back: sorry, its just going to be me and lily. I was like FIRST OF all, I was not asking to come along with you guys. I was so fucking pissed. I couldnt believe he thought I wanted to intrude on their stupid little date. But inside i was boiling with jealousy. It was valentines day and I decided that love was a big lie and I was done with it forever.

I started acting distant towards him. He finally asked me what was wrong. I said nothing. I was being stubborn as hell. He kept trying to pry an answer out of me, and I finally told him, I LIKED you. Dumbass. And he looked at me with shock. He said he didnt know that I felt the same way. And he was sorry about hurting my feelings with lily. I fell right back into it again. I couldnt be mad at him for long.

We talked on the phone every night after that. Every waking moment that we weren't at school together we would talk on the phone all hours of the night. My parents got pretty pissed about it because I had never been the boy crazy type. I was all about school, grades, friends. They didnt like this side of me, but they couldnt tell me anything. I was already head over heels. We talked about hopes, dreams, wishes. He wanted to either go in the army after school or go far far away across the country. I admired his ambition.

It was march. We were talking on the phone one night and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. I was blushing so fucking hard it probably would have been super embarassing in person. But I prepared myself the next day. We held hands on the bus, in between classes. The calls at night just kept getting longer. He knew I was really inexperienced with guys. I had never even kissed a boy. He said he wanted to give me my first kiss.

The next day, as he was walking me to 1st period, he gave me a quick peck on the lips. It didnt really feel like anything. It didnt blow me away or anything like that. It was kind of underwhelming. But I reached a new point in my life. I just got my first kiss.

It seemed like phil always wanted more and more. He wanted me to come over to his house. My mom never let me, not because she didnt trust me but because she was always funny about me going to other peoples houses. His parents were divorced and to be honest his dad didnt really watch him that well. He kind of let him do whatever. My parents were a lot more old fashioned.

It wasnt long before phil started talking about sex. I really, really, really did not want to go into this with him. But I was afraid that if I didn't at least talk to him about it I would lose him, and I would be such a loser for that. I was 16. I knew plenty of kids my age who had sex. It wasnt a big deal to a lot of people. But it was to me. I always wanted it to be special. It was kind of a scary subject to me. I knew that you could get pregnant, get diseases, anything could happen. But talking about it wouldnt do any harm, right?

He knew my parents were strict, so he suggested maybe I skip school with him or go to the library and mess around. Even the idea of that made my blood run cold. But I would be like, "haha yeah maybe." I hate myself for being so fucking stupid. I should have just said no and that I wasnt ready.

I finally convinced my parents to let him come over. He could come in my room to watch a movie but we had to leave the door open. We watched the notebook. We made out for most of it. Even with the door open. I couldnt believe the fucking nerve of myself. But I would have done it if it meant keeping him. But I drew the line at anything sexual. I finally told him I wasnt ready and he seemed to accept it.

After he left, my parents sat me down and said that he was nice, but they wanted better for me. They said he was too immature. That he wasnt meant for me. I kind of tried to brush them off but looking back on it I knew in my heart that it was true. But I would have never admitted it to myself.

He came over a couple of weeks later to help my dad do some yard work. By now, we were saying i love you to eachother and talking about how we would get married one day. I know that sounds crazy because we were so young but I just wanted so badly just to have someone, even if I didnt agree with everything he said or did. I had never had a serious boyfriend before and I wasnt about to fuck it up.

Anyways, after the yard work my parents took me and him out to eat at a nice restaurant. He held my hand on the ride there and said to me, you see your mom and dad? I want us to be like them when we grow up. They are the perfect man and wife. And I just smiled. My mom and dad were my role models. I valued and cherished them so much. I knew they wanted whatever would make me happy even if they didnt agree. That meant so much to me. And I knew that phil had a broken home life. And I thought maybe I was helping him in a way by letting him around my family so maybe he could have sort of a family of his own to talk to and that would be there for him.

Phil came over one more time. We ate dinner and watched the dvd, bloody mary. We snuggled on the couch. My mom was in the room over. He kept trying to get me to come closer and fool around with him but I wouldnt do it. I could never do something like that under my parents roof while they were IN the HOUSE!! I told him maybe if we had some time to ourselves sometime. I kept pushing sex and fooling around off. I was not ready at all. Im glad I stood my ground on that. Even though I didnt stand for much else.

Phil started becoming distant a little. He went on hiking trips with his friends on the weekends. He was really outdoorsy and I was more of the bookish type. I still am. He wouldnt hold my hand as much in between classes. The phone calls were few and far between. I became a fucking wreck.

I had no idea what I did wrong. Was it because I wouldnt let him get in my pants? I felt like I was still a kid. I wasnt ready. And besides, he said we would get married. And I thought we would have the rest of our lives for all that kind of stuff...right?

I would try to talk to him about it but he would shut me down. I tried to reason with him. I could fix this. I wanted to. I didnt want to lose my first real boyfriend.

My friends really became my support. They told me that he was using me and I needed to let him go before he hurt me worse. It was Saturday. I decided that on Monday at school I would break up with him. I never got a chance.

Sunday I got a text. It was from Phil. It said that he didnt want to be together anymore. That he tried too long to make it work and it just wasnt going anywhere. Our hobbies were so different. We were in two different worlds. He thought I could be worth his time, but I just wasnt. Thats literally the words he said to me.

I called my friend and bawled. That was the lowest I had ever felt.

The next day at school it was like phil and I never happened. He sat on the other side of the bus. He spent lunch with his friends at a different table. All I did for a week was lay my head down and cry. At lunch. In class. At home.

I was an emotional wreck. He really broke my heart. I had always had problems with my self esteem and he truly confirmed to me that I wasnt shit. I wasnt worth anyones time. That everyone deserved better.

This led to somewhat of an epiphany. I decided I wasnt good enough for anyone. I would stop feeling altogether. I wouldnt let myself get hurt again. I couldnt open up my heart only to have it smashed. I tried so hard to make something work, and then I ended up getting burned in the end.

And he continued with his life. Got a girlfriend right after that. And bragged about their sex life on myspace. I was absolutely devastated. And it showed in my life. My mom became worried about me. I stopped caring about school. I just wanted to come home and cry.

My sadness wasnt necessarily about just losing phil. It was because I came to feel like I could never truly be loved. When youre 17 and someone tells you that you are not worth it, it really fucks with your head. I descended down a downward spiral.

I wrote depressing poetry. I stopped putting on makeup and cute clothes. My mom made an appointment with my doctor. She asked if I cried a lot. I said yes. She asked if I felt hopeless. I said yes. I went home with a brand new prescription to zoloft. Something I had probably always needed. But the event itself triggered that depression and manifested it into a monster.

But, its true what they say when they say that time heals. It doesnt erase the hurt or the memories but it heals. I moved on with my life too. I focused on school again. Hung out with friends. All of it led to a better life. I believe that I couldn't have reached that if it werent for phil.

Phil made me feel low. He tried to convince me to do things I didn't want to do. And then he made me feel like a lesser person because I didn't want to do it. And for a long time I tolerated it. But I'm not that girl anymore. If someone doesnt like me, that is their fault, not mine. I will no longer try to mold myself into what others want me to be. Phil made me stronger, even though he broke my heart into a million little pieces. But I put them back together and i healed. And I thank phil for helping me build that broken path that led me to a brighter future.

#writing #storytime #relationships #drama #love #breakups

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taylorrsmind · 4 years

Text

I watched the The Bridgertons on Netflix and ended up doing a 800 word sort of kinda review

there will be a lot of spoilers

I liked the show. I liked the actors, I liked the initial plot, the photography, it’s great to bingewatch, i didnt even realise it was an hour per episode. However, there are some regards. There is no particular order here, i just stated remembering the characters and pulled there. Also, I haven’t read a single book and i dont intend to so lol.

I liked the brother that was close to Eloise and I hope he’s queer. Apparently book stans ship him with a girl and I wouldn’t be bothered if he’s straight but making him bisexual wouldn’t change the fact he could end with this girl. Please do it haha.

Eloise was a character made to be loved and I liked the actress but I wasn’t that interested in her plot at all. Still have hopes for her tho. Has a lot of potential.

Penelope, I liked her but finding out she put her family’s name, jeopardized hers and her sister’s future for a man… girl get help.

Colin, cute but should be cuter. Somebody fix the hair.

(It’s funny how all the white characters have a storyline throughout the season but the black people that isn’t Simon gets one only in the last second or are literally there to give white people pep talk)

(I liked how they talked about how fragile a woman’s reputation/family is. Just a tiny rumor can ruin her)

They tried making Daphne some sort of feminist icon, constantly making her say stuff like “you males have this and that and we women don’t” or “I am in charge of my own future” but it didn’t work and it was quite out of character, actually. How are you so self-conscious about this stuff, stuff that needed discussion and well-developed thought triggered by someone else (the only person I could thinktriggering being the sister she claims to be extremely different from.) but doesn’t know how to conceive a baby?

Marine (is that her name?) you go girl, I got your back. She was right the whole time except when she refused her brother in law proposal, given the time. Like, girl, you are a burden. Your reputation is ruined; your parents kicked you out. Marry him and poison him if you don’t like the guy later.

The main character initial storyline was well built and they had excellent chemistry, and they both seemed like good people AND SIMON WAS SO HOT PLEASE, but after they got married, everything got predictable and it had that uncomfortable scene in which I categorize as rape (is the same as a person taking out the condom during sex without telling his girlfriend/boyfriend) and then she was somehow pissed because he didn’t want kids? When he told her that he didn’t. I mean, yes he could’ve been more clear but still? Girlie was blaming him much more when he stated he couldn’t give her children AND was willing to die to give her the chance to. Not only that, when they go back to London, he decides they should break up (which could literally be better developed since two minutes ago he wanted to stay with her but I got it he wanted her to have whatever she wanted) she keeps only focusing on her pain and not even wondering why his father made him not want children and then proceed to not ask him directly or I don’t know trying to figure it out till the end of the season where she GOES THROUGH HIS STUFF AND READ HIS CHILDHOOD LETTER WITHOUT PERMISSION AND DOESN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

Lastly, they tried to erasure the racism, or just made an excuse not to talk about the fact they lived in times were slavery was a thing/were a thing not too long ago and since this is an adaptation of a book written by a white woman, there’s no way in hell she was gonna force herself to make a research and address the issue, so she made up that the King of England (who’s sick btw) fell for a (light skinned) black woman and decided to finally repay all the madness they did to black people. The only reaction of this from black people was by Simon’s father, and was with fully gratitude. I will not dig into this further cause honestly im just glad this specific black people are getting paychecks and it’s 2020 I think I’ve suffered enough. I will not dig into how problematic and unrealistic it is and how besides that and minor exceptions the main characters are as white as it can be and how there are no other POC. In addition, how all the black women are light skinned, which is an extremely concerning fact about Netflix. Fact that used to be intriguing, then annoying, then colorist, now colorist and disgusting. I will not let this company be known to show diversity on tv shows when they treat black women like that. Nope. Fck them. I have said too much already (there’s still so much to talk about, example the problematic of how inter racial couples are being used here or being used period) but. Just know. It is problematic.

Anyway, I’m glad they sort the whole Daphne x Simon thing out. Even though it wasn’t perfect it lasted long enough. I haven’t read the books but apparently it will be a season for Bridgerton and next one will be Anthony which makes me excited. The show made him annoying but it also obviously baked him to give the spotlight next season.

#thebridgerton spoilers thebridgertons juliaquinn

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producingnct-blog · 7 years

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sometimes failure is better than success

jihoon/samuel fake dating au

requested by anon

honestly it all started in the weirdest way

jihoon had been friends for a few months when it happened

it wasn’t their fault that bae jinyoung was literally so pretty

they couldn’t keep their eyes off of him and so they bet on who would get to take him out first

(spoiler alert: none of them did)

jihoon and his group of friends, which consisted of samuel, euiwoong, seonho, gualin and hyungseob, were like the groups of friends that people see in the movies

they had lunch together everyday, they sat next to each other and they told one another everything

jihoon couldnt have asked for a better group of friends, really

but then again... he could

i mean, how was samuel considered a good friend if he insisted on crushing on the same guy as him????

jihoon didnt understand

for all everyone knew, jihoon had been crushing on jinyoung first!

he’d fallen in love as soon as they made eye contact (which in fact, did not happen bc jinyoung was always looking at the ground, but please. let jihoon be happy)

and jihoon had started talking about him to their friends just to be met with “i know right!!!”’s from samuel at everything he said

jihoon, the fucking gemini, had glared at him. “he’s mine, i saw him first.”

to which euiwoong had replied, after taking a bite of hyungseob’s sandwich. “hyung, you do realise he’s not food, right?”

maybe jihoon had ended up blushing a bit, but who was to blame him for that? he quickly shook his head, “thats not what i mean, woong. you know that.” then turned his head to samuel

“cmon sam, for real. i feel like this is my sappy romance story yk. you gotta let me have it.”

“but hyung, i like him too! look, im not gonna dislike him for you and neither will you. its bros before hoes, not bros before ros-”

gualin, at this, perked up “what even is this conversation that does not make any sense”

“yes it does, omg! bros equals friends, ros equals romance between bros ok lemme live jesus! but anyway, we aint gonna budge our asses for one anoter, we might as well fight for it. agaisnt each other”

“what??!???” “are you crazy???” “what the fuc- i mean what????”

jihoon looked terrified, but then he set up his tray a bit closer to him, smirking. “fine. whoever gets to take him out first, gets him. after losing you gotta give him up. and give me 20 bucks as well.”

“why are you saying its me whos gonna lose?? and why do i have to pay you??”

jihoon smiled mischiviously. “duh. because i want, obviously.”

and then it was set

they started playing games, trying to get jinyoung’s attention

samuel would write lyrics to songs he wanted to play to jinyoung

jihoon would daydream about coming up to jinyoung and telling him he wanted him to be his bae

samuel would start laughing louder, so that he could call for jinyoung’s attention indirectly

jihoon would wear different neon laces everyday to be different and stand out in his crush’s eyes

and yet, jinyoung didnt care for either of them

“ugh, this is so hard jihoon hyung.”

“i know right? he hasn’t even looked in our way at least once”

“what is it that we’re doing wrong??”

“idk sam. maybe we should try to get his attention in another way?”

samuel stopped writing down the answer to his english homework of the day to look up at jihoon, who was wearing a frown on his face

“how so hyung?”

“well, we could try to make him jealous?”

“but how is that even going to work if he doesn’t notice either of us”

jihoon threw his pencil in the table, and rolling his eyes as he sighed

“i dont know okay???? i just want him to look at me and like me back, but he doesnt even know i exist”

“hey hyung... its okay, i get it remember? we’re the same. just... how do you think we can make him jealous then?”

jihoon smiled a bit at that, lifting his head from where he had laid it into his arms, “we could date someone”

“oh. who?”

“well. hyungseob and euiwoong are the only gays from our group of friends that are out, but they’re dating each other. so....”

“so....?”

“sooooo.... we could date each other!”

“WHAT oh my god no way”

jihoon pinched samuel’s arm, making the younger flinch away. “what do you mean no way, you punk! im damn handsome, smart, intelligent and funny! theres nothing not to like!”

“hyung.... get your head out of your ass and listen. i dont wanna date you omg. you literally are so.... annoying sometimes no offense. and you snore when you sleep!”

“omg sam shut the fuck up u idiot. firstly i am not annoying youre just not old enough to understand how real and amazing people like me function. secondly. bitch we aint gonna sleep together what the fuck is wrong with my snoring. you talk in your sleep!”

samuel shook his head. “this is seriously not gonna work hyung, what even went through your mind.”

“an idea, thats what. at least i try to come up with those and help ourselves!!!!!” jihoon sighed once again, throwing his hands up. “so are you in or what? we can give it a try right? for a week or two?”

“ugh. fine but if it doesnt work out im killing both you and myself.”

“wow.... thats sad”

“shut up and study”

it..... didnt work out

but also no one died

“ok. what is happening??” was the first thing that met them when they walked to their lunch table holding hands, gualin was currently staring at them both intensively

“listen. this is not weird i promise but we’re dating.”

“you’re what???????”

“dating, you dumbass.”

euiwoong fixed up his glasses, “when and why and how did this happen. am i in a alternative universe”

“ok what the fuck is so wrong with us loving each other” samuel tried not to gag at jihoon’s words, instead squeezing jihoon’s hand stronger

seonho stopped snacking on a chocolate bar “you have been crushing on jinyoung for weeks remember?”

hyungseob continued, “yeah and why wouldnt you tell us if you liked each other???”

at this jihoon started laughing, “im kidding jeez!!!” he then sat down and mentioned for them to sit closer

“we’re pretending-” “WHAT” “omg shut up gualin youre so loud. we’re pretending to date so that jinyoung will be jealous”

euiwoong sighed “im not even going to care this time around. you two are lost cases.”

hyungseob smiled as he pinched euiwoong’s cheek and jihoon fake vomited “ew. YOU are lost cases stop being so in love”

“you jealous hyung?” “omg shut up seonho”

“anyway woong. i am telling you that you should be more respectful to me. when im married to jinyoung, with kids that are twice your height and with more money than all your three next genarations, i wont remember you punk.”

“GOOD”

“OMG YOU FUCKING- I HATE YOU”

turns out fake dating samuel wasnt soooo bad

they hang out like they used to, the only difference was that they held hands a bit more

it still, however, didnt work for them as jinyoung never looked their way

therefore, ofc the obvious and only solution was for them to take their relationship to the next level and to kiss

they decided on a plan

jihoon would be walking to school and hed pass by jinyoung and smile at him casually, but then he’d fall

samuel would then see and help him up, ask if he was okay!! and then kiss his cheek

it was a good plan, really, it was a good plan BUT

fucking samuel didnt do shit! he stood there looking

which ended up in jinyoung looking up to see what had happened and walking towards jihoon to help him up

jihoon started blushing when jinyoung asked him if he was okay, and jihoon could only nod

at this samuel came closer to the two of them, glaring at jihoon but trying to cover it up with a smile “hey you okay baby?”

jihoon blushed at the pet name, how could samuel call him baby when he was talking with his crush. “im fine”

jinyoung then cleared his throar, “hm. im glad youre okay i should go. see you around i guess...”

“jihoon!!! my name is jihoon”

after jinyoung had left, samuel turned to jihoon “what the hell was that?”

“that do you mean??? you didnt even fucking try to help me. what was THAT???”

“i was... thinking. listen, why didnt you pretend??”

“fuck. because i was actually talking to him! and you had to ruin it all sam omg. cant you fucking let me win? youre such a sore loser.”

“what??? i was doing what you asked hyung! i was pretending.”

“whatever, im done. i dont want to pretend anymore. i got to talk with him alone, not by pretending.”

“what??? but how come you want to pretend and then you dont?!?!?”

“jeez sam dont make it that deep. we played a game, the game is over now. thats it, im gonna keep trying to get jinyoung and so will you”

“but hyung. i thought we were on this together?”

“hm no??? sam, we’re agaisnt each other”

samuel shook his head, rubbing his hands agaisnt each other, “fine.”

“fine!”

when samuel didnt answer, jihoon sighed “goodbye”

“where are you going??? it’s the middle of the day?”

“mind your business”

they didnt talk for two days, damn that gemini stuborn ass

samuel ended up reaching out to jihoon and apologising for overreacting, to which jihoon agreed and also apologised for doing the same

they sorted things out and promised to not let this jinyoung matter ruin their friendship

everything was really great until jihoon started talking more with jinyoung

jihoon would cross ways with his crush and he’d actually hold his head up long enough to shoot him a smile

they’d say hi to each other if they saw one another

sometimes jihoon would even sit next to jinyoung for a few moments when he was alone

and jihoon was loving it until he noticed that samuel was growing sadder by the days

he was quieting down and focusing more on studying

and he was always avoiding him

jihoon could for the love of god understand why

and he couldnt not talk about it, so he did ofc

him and samuel talked about it although the younger avoided saying the reason

jihoon let him be for a few more days but once the week mark passed, he got really worried

he thought that maybe it was because samuel was jealous that he’d lost and jihoon even went to the point of talking to him about giving up jinyoung just to let samuel be happy-

when he noticed exactly that. since when did samuel’s happiness become soooo important? sure it was always important, they were friends

but jihoon cared to the point of giving up on his crush just to see samuel happy???? that was new

jihoon then started thinking more about that and even talked to euiwoong about it, who told him that he was thinking of it as something more complex than it really was and that he should just talk with samuel

at first, jihoon didnt get it. but as he started missing his best friend more and more (since when did samuel become his best friend that he missed more than the others???)

he realised something had changed and he decided he really needed to talk with samuel about it

“hey”

“oh. hey hyung” samuel went to leave the bathroom

its not live jihoon purposefully stalked him there just to prove to himself that the younger was in fact avoiding him

“hey wait. we need to talk sam”

samuel shook his head quickly, “we dont. for real i swear im okay”

“i dont believe you. just talk with me please, for a second”

“fine hyung. here?”

“hm.... no, lets go to the seats okay?”

“okay hyung.”

they sat down in the outside of the school, close to each other but not too much

jihoon cleared his throat “ok so, ive been thinking. and listen. i really miss you sam. like ive been talking more and more with jinyoung but less and less with you and i miss you like crazy-”

“oh.”

“yeah. i.... dont know sam. i really miss you, what happened? we were fine but you started avoiding me. is it because i talk with jinyoung more than you? i...i. i could let you meet him. talk for real with him.”

“no, hyung. its not that.”

“really? then what? bc i swear sam, i’d give him up for you to be happy, for real.”

“really hyung? you’d. you’d do that? for m-me? seriously?”

“yeah. of course. is it really not because of that?”

“well. i guess technically it is. but hm. just hear me out and please dont hate me okay?”

jihoon nodded “of course not.”

i dont how or why but ive been feeling different... towards you. i was jealous yes, but then i realised i was jealous not because of jinyoung but because of you... hyung. i wanted to be him. i wanted you to be crushing on me and i know youre not and i know you wont. and im happy for you to be talking with him but. im sorry i just dont feel ready to be your friend right now.”

“oh hm. wow i didnt realise you felt that way. i.”

samuel shook his head, “part of me was hoping youd confess like in the movies yk? im... god im so stupid.”

“hey, dont say that. youre not. im too perfect, you cant resist me i get it-”

“not now hyung, please.” and the way samuel’s voice sounded so broken. it left jihoon speechless and at the same time wanting to scream out everything at the world.

“sam. im sorry i really am i didnt know you felt that way. i...”

“its okay hyung. i myself only realised when i talked with woong-”

“wait you talked with him too?”

“what? you talked with him?”

“yeah i asked for his help-”

“about what?”

“ohh. hm. oh. i.”

jihoon completely spaced out and he felt like he was in a movie. he felt like a character that just understood everything at once, like a stupid girl that didnt realise she liked her best friend over her crush. like a fool

“i wow sam.”

“what hyung? are you okay??????”

“jesus christ im dumb”

“i know. tell me something new.”

“bitch shut up listen i.... like you too omg- i cant believe it but i do.”

“what?? you just daydreamed for two minutes straight and now youre back and u like me??? dont play me like that. i thought you were better than this-”

“omg sam shut up let me talk. i talked to woong because i needed help reaching out to you. i was so worried! i even told you that i’d give jinyoung up for you and you talking with woong just reminded me of what he said... and its true. i was making it out to be too complicated when in fact its so simple. i like you, plain and easy.”

“are you sure??????”

“yeah sam. i am, i really am. i feel like i have a bulb over my head.”

“you might as well, what you just said was more moving and inovational than the creation of ipads.”

“damn im blessed to have such a nice boyfriend that compliments me so much! i mean, wait no.”

they both blushed, the losers.

“so.... boyfriend huh?”

“what the fuck gualin since when were you there????”

they ended up discovering a week later, as they held hands under the lunch table, giggling and blushing over the touch, that jinyoung had been dating daewhi for months.

#produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 headcanons #produce 101 fics #produce 101 requests #headcanons #park jihoon #kim samuel #lee euiwoong #lai gualin #ahn hyungseob #yoo seonho #lee daewhi #bae jinyoung #winkdeep #fullfilled #p101 requested #kim samuel/park jihoon

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attina-the-responsible · 7 years

Text

How to Deal with the Aftermath According to Mermaids ~*~ [Mersisters]

In which the sisters check in...

@andrina-the-amazingsupergenius, @aquata-the-bold, @alana-the-badbitch, @ariel-the-rebellious

[tw -- mentions of murder and horrible stuff like that, ptsd, some gore, etc etc]

Andrina so how long until i can make hell puns

Aquata go for it, just start them now Aquata for real though, is everyone good?

Alana just dandy

Attina mhm mhm

Alana the real question is how is andrina Alana how was married life

Andrina god thank u i was waiting for someone to ask Andrina its not like i was MARRIED TO AL MCWIGGIN OR ANYTHING Andrina imagine being married to a WOW avatar Andrina thats what it was like

Attina don't they normally have nice bodies?

Alana Hey dad bods are in

Andrina im not even talking about the body im talking about how they talk and think and act and hammer at swords Andrina i swear it was like i was transported into an episode of Game of Thrones

Attina sounds harrowing

Ariel Do we have to talk about it?

Alana I want all the nitty gritty mcwiggin sex details

Andrina well we could shove it down for years until we all start manifesting split personalities and other mental disorders

Attina honestly,

Andrina u know like we did with mom lmao

Attina we don't have disorders. or split personalities.

Ariel Please don't talk about Mom.

Aquata sure we don't

Alana we r all dandy Alana that's my word of the week

Andrina i didnt talk about mom i mentioned her off hand as an example Andrina im all set to talk about how great i looked in that toga Andrina or honestly alana did you tap that

Attina andrina.

Andrina WHAT its an honest question Andrina if im gonna talk about mcwiggin i want Hot Daddy Ginger details

Alana duh

Attina alana! how /old/ is that man?

Alana idk it didnt come up Alana your age lol? Alana he was my husband, atty we were in love~~

Andrina mcwiggin's older than me i think

Attina were you in love? like--other you?

Alana other me was sold off because it was a good match Alana and she enjoyed the lavish lifestyle and the hot dude idk man

Andrina you know what i should have asked

Alana real me was like oh man what if im stuck here might as well have fun Alana carpet matches the drapes yes

Andrina how much they paid for me Andrina really?? im insatiably curious

Ariel They didn't really pay for us. I mean, not real them

Alana al was p rich you mustve been a catch

Andrina yeah i wanna know how many goats/bags of wheat/coins i went for Andrina do you think al knows Andrina do u think if i text him it would be weird Andrina "hi how much did u pay for me"

Alana no do it Alana i bet you were at least two goats

Attina it wasn't even our husbands who paid, it was their owners Attina GOD owners.

Andrina wow two whole goats, how many meals can u get outta goats Andrina omg guys my master was quite fit actually he was A Big Deal

Alana ider who mine were--uh Alana lmaoo #awkward

Ariel He didn't own you. It wasn't real. Dash wouldn't want to own anybody, and his family wouldn't either Ariel It was all like a bad dream I just Ariel want to forget it

Attina [unsent] well maybe if you hadn't RAN AWAY you would've been FINE

Alana did howl throw a party too big Alana i heard it was a rager Alana wouldve gone if Ginger Daddy and i didnt have other evening plans

Andrina ariel couldn't you have just had some of that water then? Andrina seriously i have some if you want it

Ariel I don't... I don't know. I want to forget but... I don't want to forget all of it. I have some water too, just in case, but... I really don't know. I don't want to be like you said. I don't want to repress it again.

Alana what are u repressing was this that bad Alana i mean the escort thing was hella annoying

Ariel I don't want to talk about it.

Andrina ariel, i get that, i do but-- you realize that is repressing it too right?

Aquata then why keep bringing it up

Alana ^^

Ariel I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk about it and I want to forget it but I don't want to forget everything because that's not going to help either I just didn't realize thinking about Mom would hurt this much Ariel I'm sorry

Andrina well i think we should all talk about it then. rip it off like a bandaid

Ariel I didn't know I would see her down there Ariel I didn't know I would see

Alana you didnt know you would see our dead mum in the land of the dead

Aquata ....

Ariel I didn't think I would watch her die.

Alana [unsent] lmao same tho but not mum ok woops nope Alana it was one of the Alana idk underworld things

Ariel Over and over again and I couldn't stop it.

Alana they play tricks on you so ive heard in the gossip train

Andrina oh right like it wasnt real it wasnt how she actually died

Ariel But what if it was? Ariel It was so awful Ariel It's all I can see, just replaying and replaying over and over

Aquata then drink the water

Alana yeah jeez Alana no point in being noble if you cant lift your own head up

Ariel But then I'll forget the good things, too.

Andrina how about you tell us all the good things?

Alana such as,,

Ariel The good things that happened and all the good stuff I remembered.

Andrina you write them down for yourself

Alana very detailed

Andrina then you'll still have them. you can remind yourself and we can tell you that its real

Ariel But can you tell me how it felt? All those memories with Jim being so nice to me and helping me and playing with me when we were younger and telling me that he would keep me safe? Ariel Can you tell me about how Jim was there for me every step of the way? Ariel How can you explain how good of a person he was to me if you can't tell me about seeing Mom's death?

Aquata holy shit it was a fake life you know him in real life, right? you know what hes like already

Alana look kiddo, that's the stuff you gotta let go of because that was some fake mumbo jumbo past that we all got stuck with

Andrina That's why you write it all down and you tell yourself. Andrina and honestly yeah-- that isnt the real jim and you should like jim for jim, not for fake jim.

Ariel But it was real Jim that was there with me in hell

Aquata i was engaged but whatever

Ariel I mean - it was Pleiades too, but it was also Jim

Aquata HOLY SHIT NO IT WASNT Aquata IT Aquata WAS Aquata FAKE

Alana yah thank god or andrina and al would be banging

Aquata that crazy bitch created it. it wasnt real. end of story.

Andrina the horror, the horror,

Ariel Jim being with me in hell wasn't FAKE, it was REAL. I was there. I saw it and felt it all, and so did he. The past lives may have been fake but what we went through was REAL

Andrina Seriously-- I think you should write down the stuff that you like then. I do. Jim will understand that the other stuff is just too painful to death with right now. He'd want you to be okay, Ariel, however you need to be okay.

Alana ariel i have no bloody idea what you want us to tell you that andrina has not repeated ten times now

Aquata then do what andy said, write down the good memories, and drink the damn water because you cant complain about the bad and then immediately not want to forget the good

Alana atty where r u we need parental guidance

Andrina ok chill out aquata she can complain if she wants Andrina we dont need atty to be decent fucking sisters

Alana she listens to atty

Ariel It's okay, nevermind. I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it

Alana so i think itll mean more coming from her Alana fineee just trying to help

Andrina Ariel, it's not okay. Look, if you don't want to forget about it, then thats' fine. If you want to like, talk about it and stuff, we should talk about it. I joke but yeah it wasnt exactly fun not knowing where my sisters were and watching daily executions by some whacked out nutjob

Andrina so you can talk to me ok

Ariel I just want to know how you guys have done this for so long

Alana done what

Attina Look, everyone. Nothing about this experience was something anyone has gone through before. Which means we have no idea how to deal with it and YELLING at each other isn't the way to fix it. We need to be patient and understanding towards one another. Ariel, I'm so sorry about what you went through. But, you have to realize that you hurt us by LEAVING. You didn't tell anyone where you were. I thought you were dead. Daddy thought you were dead. I thought I'd lost you and I don't know exactly what went on for you but for a good twelve hours, all /I/ could see was /you/ dying over and over in a thousand different ways. We need to come /together/, and be open and willing to talk to each other during times like this. Otherwise we'll just splinter apart, and I know none of you want that.

Alana oh there u r

Ariel I thought I was doing the right thing. Not telling anyone I was going. I didn't want anyone to worry. I just wanted to go and save everyone, but I couldn't

Attina No. You couldn't. Because we're supposed to make these decisions /together/ as a family. We're weak apart.

Aquata we're not weak

Ariel I don't believe that

Alana whoa okay speak for yourself Alana that was for atty not u ariel

Andrina look im just so glad that you're okay and im proud of you for trying ariel. we shouldn't be talking about any of this over text though

Attina and this is exactly why all of you get into trouble!

Ariel I don't know how else to talk about it Ariel No one ever does

Andrina well that means we can't do it wrong huh? we'll all just kinda fumble it up together but at least we'll be in the same room

Ariel If I get into trouble for trying to save you all, then I'm fine with that!

Alana better get into trouble than be boring

Attina I'd rather be boring and alive than whatever you think you're being and /dead/.

Alana im not sure who youre yelling at here because im not the one who ran off into the land of the dead Alana theres a difference between oh lana broke curfew and oh ariel and kid hero jim hawkins decide to save the world

Andrina can we like not yell at each other at all how about that Andrina whats done is done

Ariel If Attina would stop pretending she knows everything, maybe there wouldn't be any yelling

Aquata holy shit

Alana i think you scared her off ariel

Andrina i hereby move to wipe this text history and start over Andrina who seconds my motion

Ariel I didn't want to scare her off, she just was talking like I didn't know what I was doing

Attina I don't think I know everything, but I know not to run off to HELL to try to save the world on some selfish delusion of grandeur.

Ariel I knew what I was doing

Alana ohp too late andy

Attina oh really, is that why you're so terrified you can barely speak?

Ariel I wasn't being SELFISH, I was trying to SAVE everyone. To save YOU. And Aquata and Alana and Andrina and Arista and Adella and Daddy and myself Ariel EVERYONE

Attina BULLSHIT ariel, we were perfectly fine.

Ariel You were SLAVES Ariel we were SLAVES Ariel people were in a JAIL in PRISON Ariel people were EXECUTED Ariel How could you even say that?

Attina THOSE PEOPLE WEREN'T /US/ THEY DON'T MATTER

Alana this isnt some YA book a 17 year old does not save the day Alana i mean realistically

Ariel Of course they matter!

Alana if you wanna do something you gotta work within your means

Ariel Why are our lives more valuable than anyone else's??

Alana cold, atty

Ariel I can't believe you would even say that!!! Ariel What if Paul had been in prison?? His life doesn't matter???

Attina not as much as yours, or any of you.

Ariel That's not right

Attina and i'm sure he'd say the same thing. his babies are more important than me to him. which is how it should be.

Andrina glad we're casually debating morals and ethics

Alana anyone want a face mask

Ariel I'm not going to apologize for doing what I thought was the right thing, for trying to help everyone

Aquata how about a shot instead

Alana im game

Attina I'll take that shot.

Andrina this reminds me of something my darling mcwiggin said to me

Attina Or two or three. Attina just give me the whole bottle.

Aquata or the whole bottle

Alana jinx now you guys cant talk till i say your name

Aquata too bad

Alana what did mcwiggin say

Andrina nice, digital high five

Alana wow now you get 7 years of bad luck aqua :C

Andrina he said, andrina, you are the most beautiful creature i've ever seen Andrina (we'd just finished making love under the sunset) Andrina and i was like u know what al tiberius mcwiggen

Aquata shit im doomed forever

Alana that's poetic

Andrina you're right.

Attina now i need two bottles

Alana next movie night's gonna be awkward when we pick up the dvd

Aquata you need to go hit him up andy Aquata were sending you to get it

Andrina alas, it cannot be Andrina he has another lover

Ariel Maybe if she gets drunk she'll actually step off her high horse and say something that doesn't involve her knowing what's best and always being right

Aquata for fucks sake

Alana i h8 to break it to you ariel but atty has like nine years more experience of like existing in the world Alana and interacting with it

Ariel That doesn't make her right about everything

Attina Whatever, Ariel. You're the one who needs to come off your high horse. Don't come crying to me when someone knocks you off it.

Alana makes her more right when it comes to dealing with shit

Ariel I won't. You'd just yell at me, anyways. It's all you know how to do.

Alana thats not true she cleans very well

Andrina she also makes killer lemon squares

Attina Well if you weren't a brat, then I wouldn't yell at you.

Andrina probably not as delicious as the delicacies that al tiberius mcwiggin purchased for me from the market but close

Alana you gotta hit him up

Ariel I'm not being a BRAT, don't CALL me that

Andrina he has another LOVER what am i to do

Alana flash your tits Alana age old triton advice

Aquata does he /really/ though

Andrina he doesnt like me for my tits 😟 Andrina he likes me for my personality 😟

Alana gasp Alana the horror

Andrina i know tbh maybe he's gay Andrina no he's not he made wild and passionate love to me

Alana did u guys like Alana do it as yourselves

Attina Well, stop acting like one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Andrina 69

Alana like not fake selves

Andrina corkscrew Andrina monkey Andrina koala

Alana koala

Andrina all that and more

Alana nice use of the shrug emoji, atty Alana 10/10

Ariel I am NOT acting like one! You can't keep treating me like I don't know anything and like you know everything because you DON'T. Just because you're older that doesn't make you all wise or something. In fact, most of the time you don't know what to do - you can't even flirt with a boy and you're way older than I am! Ariel So STOP being such a rude, bossy know-it-all, I'm sick of it!

Aquata ummm im pretty sure she /can/ flirt with a boy considering shes been on a couple dates with paul?

Alana ouch ariel low blow

Aquata thats neither here nor there though

Andrina oh right we also did the flying ninja Andrina his form was impeccable Andrina for such a robust man, he's graceful in the bedroom

Attina Fine, if you want me to stop babying you. FINE. Consider it done. You're officially NOT MY CONCERN.

Alana i did not need that imagery thanks

Ariel GOOD. I don't NEED to be your concern. I SHOULDN'T be.

Alana is THIS random CAPS thing something WE'RE doing NOW

Andrina hOW exCitING

Aquata can we not

Ariel You moved out. I already have to deal with Daddy. I shouldn't have to deal with you BOSSING me around and saying you know best like this. You're not Mom

Alana low blow ariel

Aquata so about that shot Aquata or bottle

Alana i can swing by ur room in 5, aqua Alana i have malibu

Aquata get here in 2 then Aquata because i need the entire bottle rn

Alana so demanding Alana omw

#bdrpandrina #bdrpadella #bdrparista #bdrpaquata #bdrpalana #coral #attilla #attista #aquafina #atlanta #coral texts #attilla texts #attista texts #aquafina texts #atlanta texts #texts #how to deal with the aftermath according to mermaids #ariel archive

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sunshineonamission-blog · 6 years

Photo

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way.

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder.

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing.

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it.

So. Sounds like you like to make shit.

Yeah.

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can.

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2.

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript.

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots.

Keep the conversation going when I need to.

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something.

Kick ass in acting tomorrow.

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go. - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there. Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment.

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker.

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment.

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom.

Made eggs.

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning.

I’m so glad he’s auditioning.

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week.

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad.

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves.

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not.

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in)

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together.

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t.

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep

Goodnight

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bellexoxoloveblr-blog · 7 years

Text

London Adventure: Belle and Cill

Annabelle: Annabelle was excited to finally hang out with a dear friend of hers, the two probably hadnt hung out in a while and she wasnt sure why she didnt make more of a effort but at least now they were here in London. She had her hair straightened out, trying to figure what to wear as she couldnt go to done up after all they were suppose to be exploring. She figured she would go with jeans, sneakers and a off the shoulder white t shirt. She tossled her hair a bit before hearing the doobell as she finished touching up her make up before grabbing her purse and opening the door. She smiled brightly before pulling Cillian in for a hug. "Hi!" she let go finally as she closed the door locking it behind her.

Cillian: Cillian couldn't wait to see Annabelle. There was something about her that always made him feel at ease. A simple smile, a knowing "Oh Cillian," or a pat of the shoulder could bring him back into perspective. He slipped on dark jeans, a white t shirt, and propped up his black, thick raybans on his puff of dark brown hair. After knocking on her door, Cillian waited, tapping his foot to distract himself. When she opened the door, Cillian broke out into a sort of shy smile, moving into her welcoming hug. "Hello, love." he chuckled, hand pressed against the middle of her back before she let go. "You look lovely." he commented, giving her a quick glance over as she locked the door. "I'll drive us to the nearest pub." Cillian offered her his arm, gesturing to his black car with his head.

Annabelle: She couldnt help but feel the little butterflies in her stomach this always happened since the first day on set when she knew she would be working with him. Still do this day she couldnt stop them. She slipped her arm around his as they walked back before glancing off to the distance. "You really just want to get me stupid drunk so i can start singing stupid songs and make you laugh to you cry huh?" she laughed as she gave him a light nudge.

Cillian: Cillian was softening up already. Annabelle always had a warming effect on him, even when they were still getting to know one another. "I'd love to hear you sing. You have a beautiful voice." he reminded her, opening her door for her before going around the car and getting into the driver's seat. "I'm going to be laughing, no crying allowed. This isn't a sad pub night, my love." Cillian winked, backing out and getting on the road. "So, how much did you miss me? Tell me all about it." he teased her.

Annabelle: She got in as she immediately messed with the radio, she didnt know why but it was something she loved doing when she got into a friends car as she buckled up. "You say that now but just wait, im not sure if you have heard me drunk sing before but i feel like this adventure is slowly becoming a pub crawl." she laughed looking in his direction. " Mmmm not as much as i thought, i mean i figured i would be crying your name in my sleep but i havnt so far." she teased back.

Cillian: "I'm ready for your drunken singing!" he exclaimed, taking a turn. "Nothing wrong with pub crawls, love, but I'll be sure to make it a real adventure." he promised. "Not used to women /crying/ my name..." he cut himself off with a smirk, shaking his head and preparing for a slap on the shoulder. Cillian couldn't help himself, she had set it up so perfectly.

Annabelle: She shook her head as she looked out the window in front of them. "Yeah if you dont i will drag you along with me till i get some adventure!" she spoke before feeling her face go red as she slowly turened to him before putting her face in her hands. "Oh my God CIllian!" she couldnt help but laugh. "Okay im just gonna open the door and end it here." she laughed. "Oh god i hate you." she spoke smacking his arm.

Cillian: Cillian rolled his eyes at her fondly. "Oh, I know how stubborn you are. Won't give up until you bloody get what you want." Cillian glanced over to catch her blushing cheeks, grinning with pride at his ability to do that. "You've faked sex with me, darling. You should know," he continued, "you don't hate me, you adore me, and you think that what I just said is funny!"

Annabelle: "Very true, im glad you listen also probably why you will never get rid of me." she gave him a smile as she shook her head. "You are the death of me, you know that? But we both know if those scenes were real it would be the other way around." she had to redeem herself. "I dont adore you, i tolorate you.A big big difference." She laughed looking at him.

Cillian: "I wouldn't dare get rid of you. I think you're the only woman, besides my own mother, that puts up with me so well." Cillian pulled into a parking spot, placing the car in park as she made the second comment. His eyebrow shot up, his eyes cutting over to her. "If those scenes were real, you think I'd be...oh, love, you have no idea who you're talking to." he chuckled, getting out of his seat and walking over to her, helping her out of the car. "Follow me into the club, Ms. Annabelle?"

Annabelle: "My life would be too dull with out you so i gotta put up with you." she winked giving him a hard time. She shook her head reaching for his hand as she got out of the car following him in. She looked around as the vibe was very firmilar she had come here once or twice before but never with him as she nudged him to a spot for two. "Are we going in easy or full force?" she spoke looking up at him.

Cillian: "Very true. Your life would be miserable!" he played along, taking her hand and keeping it as they walked in, knowing how rowdy some men could get starting at this hour. Cillian was protective of those he cared about, even if it was doing something little like this. "Hm, I'll leave it up to you, Belle. What would you like to do."

Annabelle: "Order me whatever you think i would like i wanna try different things tonight, live a little." she smirked patting his hand."Im gonna run to the ladies room while you order up." she smiled letting go of his hand as she walked away, she could hear the whistles and smart remarks as she looked over her shoulder to Cillian. She didnt care about any of it honestly. When it was just them two she forgot the world. As she entered she looked into the mirror fixing everything making sure she still looked presentable. After a few moments she walked back out seeing the handsome devil himself as she smiled to herself. She took a seat grabbing the drink as she sipped it. "Bloody hell, that is um something." she spoke the sour look on her face. "You know what?" she spoke looking at him dead in the eyes, waitng for his response.

Cillian: Cillian watched her as she walked off, his own cheeks turning a bit red at the whistles thrown her way. Why were men so disgusting towards women? It was degrading. It also made Cillian sick with worry. After she entered the bathroom, Cillian sparked a conversation with the lad next to him as he ordered drinks. When she came back, he laughed as she took a drink. "Sweetheart, that's his drink." He pointed to the land next to him, taking the drink and sliding it to the man. "I got us Guinesses, babe." He handed her the real drink. "No, I don't know what. Tell me, what."

Annabelle: Annabelle felt embarrassed as she held her breath. "I am so sorry!" she spoke as she looked at Cillian. "Im gonna get us killed i know it." she laughed a little taking the acutal drink as she sipped on it before approving. "Much better." she laughed as she looked at him. "You know if we were in another life i would of dated you, and we would of gotten married after a year because i would of known from the start that i was gonna marry you, and we would have three kids, two boys and a little girl, because she would be daddys girl no doubt. In a house in Ireland, because thats close to your home and i know how much you like home and for me its not problem because where you are i am home."she spoke taking another drink. "Yep night hasnt even started and im already crazy." she laughed. "So tell me about that precious kid of yours? " she asked her head laying in her hand.

Cillian: "You're already ruffling feathers, darling." He chuckled, pulling her close as he sipped his drink. The way the men were looking at her made him uncomfortable. As he listened to her, he couldn't help but smile at the thought. His eyebrow was raised slightly, his thoughts following along with her story. It was a nice thought, a beautiful thought, the two of them whisking off to Ireland to have a family. "Not crazy. It's...well, you'd be a beautiful wife." He grinned. "Smart, accomplished, dedicated, wordly. If I had met

Cillian: you sooner, I think we would be married by now." He gulped down his drink at the brutal honesty. "My son and Tom, I'm assuming? They're both great." He laughed. "My son is at futball camp."

Annabelle: She raised an eyebrow as she listened to him. She drew circles on his hand as she contnued to listen. "Ive already married you once, and i got killed so i would hope a second chance i would actually get to enjoy it."She laughed her eyes looking in his. "You are not so shabby youself. " she laughed. "Oh dear Tommy, he is a character i say, no wonder you two put up with each other for so long. "How is he enoying futball camp? Does he miss home yet? Are you two going on holiday when he comes back?"

Cillian: "I know it's three times the charm, but maybe for us it's twice." He smiled, wrapping one arm around her waist as he ordered another beer. "Nursing your drink, Wallis?" He teased. "

Cillian: Tommy is a character, but I love him, I do." Tom really was his best friend. He was never going to lose that friendship. "He loves it. He wants to be a soccer star, American style. He doesn't miss home because he is having so much fun, which is good, but I miss him. I want to take him on holiday, but his school starts so close that I don't want to mess him up, you know?"

Annabelle: She scooted in closer to him as she looked at her drink. "2 is one of my favoirte numbers only because sometimes the underdog takes the win." she spoke."Hush you, i can handle my own beer, i just wanna drag this night out as long as possible." she winked bringing his free hand up to hers as she played around. "Im a good beer pong partner ill have you know. Jared taught me all i need to know." she spoke mentioning her best friend. "Awe bless him, im sure if he has his fathers dedication, he will achieve anything. As for tom well i think he is doing quite well for himself. Im so happy for both of you honestly." she smiled. "I completly understand but hey if you ever get to lonely you ACTUALLY have a key to my place so you are no bother what so ever." she smiled.

Cillian: "Are you saying I'm the underdog in this scenario?" He gasped, faking shock just to mess with her. Normally, Cillian wouldn't entertain this sort of conversation, but he couldn't stop himself with her. "Drag this night out? Looks like someone really wants to spend time with me, hm? I won't name names, don't worry." he winked, his throat warmed by the beer. "If Jared taught you, then you probably are good, I'll need you for any beer pong teams I may find myself in." Cillian said. "Thank you, that's so kind of you to say. You're the sweetest, Belle." he cheered. "I'm going to come crash at your place all the time then. If I've got the key, why not use it?"

Annabelle: "Ofcourse not, your number one." she nudged him joking with him. She knew this would never happen, he probably had his eye on someone else as he should, she was just a tornado and the last thing she needed was destorying her friendship with Cillian. "Why in hell would i wanna spend all night with you, I mean fuck i definatly dont wanna cuddle you up or anything thats just obsured. " she scoffed drinking her beer. "I miss him i need to plan a trip to L.A to visit. Have you been yet?" she asked. "Your more than welcome too love, ill make sure the guest bed is set up." she winked.

Cillian: "I better be number one." Cillian tilted his head to the side, staring at her for a prolonged moment. "You don't? Are...you sure?" he asked, brushing his lips against her ear as he spoke, before pulling back and taking a sip of his drink. "I've been to LA a few times, spend a week or two there before coming here. You should definitely go." he shrugged. "Oh, the guest bed? How fancy."

Annabelle: "In this case you better win." she spoke finishing the rest of her drink it took some doing and nearly 45 mins later but she passed it up as she ordered one more. She froze a bit, he had to have known what he did to her but she wasnt gonna play nice either. She gulped as she looked back at him. She looked him in the eyes her hand gently placed close to his face smoothing over his cheek. "I defintly dont wanna bring you home, and take you to my nice king size bed, slip your shirt off and trace circles on your chest, thats definatly not whats on my mind Cillian." she smiled pulling back. "I think i will, did you go see your gilfriend?" she asked studing his face for his answer. She honestly didnt know if he had one or not but this was her way of knowing for sure. "Only the best for you babe, ill make sure to tuck you in."

Cillian: "I'll play my hardest, then." he replied back, watching her finally finish her drink. He wanted to let out a laugh, but figured he would want to time those more appropriately. Licking the rim of his cup, so the beer wouldn't drip out, Cillian watched for her reaction, only to be caught off guard as she pressed her hand against his cheek. "You don't? Well, then I guess I don't want you to do that to me. I wouldn't want you to bring me home so I could hold you against my chest. Definitely not." At her next statement, he almost choked. "I would have, if I had a girlfriend." Now he laughed, the thought ridiculous. "Bless you, you're a fucking angel."

Annabelle: "Thats all i can ask." she smiled clearing her throat. As the bartender brought back the drink she took a long sip licking the foam off her lip. "Good cause i wouldnt want any of that." she paused as her hand made it to the back of his head as she leaned forward kissing the top of his head." Excuse me im gonna go play a song." she smiled as she got up her hand slipping off his chest before looking at the juke box trying to find something, When she did she walked back taking her seat. She only nodded. "My horns keep my halo up." she bursted into laughter as she ordered two shots. " We are going big Cillian can you handle it?" she questioned.

Cillian: Cillian rolled his eyes as she kissed the top of his head, catching on to her little game. "I'm sure you'd want none of it." he finally replied back to her, taking a deep breath as she walked away to play a song. He pressed his lips together as he waited for her return, only to hear her order two shots. "Oh, I'm plenty ready." he scoffed. "I think the real question is...can you handle it?"

Annabelle: "I dont think i can, but we are gonna see anyways, im a terrible light weight!

Annabelle: She handed the drink over to him as she counted to three before cheering. "What did you think?"

Cillian: Cillian took the shot at her go, swallowing the hard liquid. It wasn't the best taste, but he swallowed it with ease. "Not the best. But, if this will do the trick, then why not?" he ordered them a different shot this time, smirking as he handed her the shot before taking his second.

Annabelle: Annabelle was a super light weight and to make things worse one shot and she was done but two you were asking for party annabelle. After dowing the shot she shook her head before grabbing the other one. "I hope this one is much better, cause i cant pick for shit." she laughed taking the second one before looking at Cillian. "Do we dare do a third?"

Cillian: He couldn't help but laugh at her loosening up after her shot. The second was a doozy too, and he knew he needed to cut her off. "One more, then we're done. I'm worried you can't handle it." he patted her head, before getting their last round of shots, taking hers and placing it against her lips playfully.

Annabelle: She took a deep breath preparing herself before laughing as she waited for him to tilt the cup back. "whooo man. I want to dance can we dance?" she asked pleading him.

Cillian: Cillian tipped back the cup before he took his last shot, then held his hand out for her. "If you want to dance, we'll dance."

Annabelle: She smiled taking his hand as she pulled him to the dance floor, luckily a slower song came on as she held onto him swaying back and forth. She looked up at him as she whispered in his ear. "I hope you know i havnt forgotten about our adventure." she smiled.

Cillian: Cillian could have laughed once again at the slow song, but instead, he followed her lead. He wrapped his arms around her, swaying to the rhythm of the song. "I haven't forgotten." he assured her. "What have you got in mind?"

Annabelle: "The next bar we go to we have to use fake names, I know cheesey but ive always wnated to do that, go on a date as two completly different people." she looked practcally feeling his eyes roll.

Cillian: "That's what you want? A new identity?" he thought about it for a moment. "Hell, why not." he concluded. "When would you like to leavE?"

Annabelle: "lets leave now!" she grabbed his hand as she pulled some cash from her purse handing it to the bar man before taking Cillian again. She knew he would throw a fit but she figured if she would catch him off guard it would be okay. As the two walked outside she walked to his car waiting for him to open it. "You know what else i want to do, go to a haunted house." she spoke looking at him.

Cillian: Cillian was lucky he was a heavy drinker. "Okay, if we drink anymore, it'll need to be at my place. Any more, and I can't drive." he advised her, opening her door before slipping into his own seat. "You..want to go to a haunted house? Don't know if there is one nearby."

Annabelle: "Theres one on garner road! Ive had a few cast mates talk about its abandoned, lets go check it out before your unable to drive and we have to finish up our adventure passed out on the couch." " she spoke buckling up her seat belt laughing

Cillian: "Oh bloody Christ. You want to see an abandoned house?" Cillian was fairly religious, he grew up Catholic. He wasn't one to dance with the devil. "If that is really what you want." he gave in, turning the car on and driving.

Annabelle: "Im not gonna make you do something you dont want to." she spoke taking his hand. "you can take us to the next bar and i can bethal ." she laughed shaking her head.

Cillian: "Is this really what you want to do? To see an abandoned house?" he asked. "I'd be willing to go there. Go in? Probably not. But we can drive there and look around."

Annabelle: "I really do but im not gonna make you go in with me if you are scared. I can do it any other time. Lets just go to the other pub!" she smiled at him reasuring him she was okay with not going.

Cillian: "No, I promised you an adventure. You'll get one." He looked around, found Garner road, and took a turn. "Point the house out to me."

Annabelle: She wasnt sure if it was the alchol taking over her because she was more excited than scared but that all changed when she saw the beaten down house as Cillian drove up to it. "Fuck right there." she pointed. She took a deep breath as he pulled in, before looking over at him. "Okay if im not back in 15 mins just know i love you okay." she took another breath as she grabbed her phone openeing the door before walking off.

Cillian: Cillian didn't feel right about her walking off by herself. Against his better judgment, he scrambled out of the car. "Annabelle, come on." he jogged up to her. "You can't go in alone."

Annabelle: "Im not denying your way into heaven, go back in the car, ill be fine!" she nudged him.

Cillian: "You're drunk and being super weird." he chuckled. "Why don't you just look? Don't go inside."

Annabelle: "Im going inside you can come or not."she looked at him letting his arm go before walking through the door she used her phone as a flashlight trying to look around before seeing something move. "Ahhhh" she screamed jumping back as she fell to the floor. Once she got back up she notice it was just a cat . "Oh my god im gonna die." she whispered to herself.

Cillian: Cillian rubbed his head as she went inside. Why was she so insistent on this? When he heard her scream, he rushed inside, finding her getting up. "What's going on? What happened?" he asked breathlessly. "Annabelle."

Annabelle: "Yeah no im fine come on lets go." she spoke leading him outside again back to the car. "that was enough excitment for one night. "You choose the next place." she spoke looking at the house than back at him.

Cillian: Cillian grabbed onto her arm so he could keep her nearby, walking outside with her. "Good choice. Let's go somewhere else." he agreed, nodding his head. "Me? Well, do you want to drink, or?"

Annabelle: "Im down for whatever this night is for fun, so im good with drinking but if you dont wanna drive then we can go back to either yours or my place." she spoke looking at him.

Cillian: Cillian got in the car, turning it on so they could leave that hell hole. He thought for a moment. "Would you like to..come to my place?" he asked.

Annabelle: She was still catching her breath before placing her hands up. "To Cillians place!" she yelled a bit. " Okay that was loud im sorry love, those shots got me... are you disapointed?" she asked looking at him

Cillian: Cillian happily began driving. "Disappointed? About...what?"

Annabelle: "that im a lightweight?" she frowned.

Cillian: "Oh, no. It's actually very funny." he commented. "You're entertaining."

Annabelle: " I can be, also what is in your fridge I need bread and beer." she asked.

Cillian: "I have...both. Why bread?" he couldn't help but ask. "That's probably not your best bet."

Annabelle: "I need something to soak up this or else im gonna attack you and we can not have that no sir." she spoke . "Wait why not?"

Cillian: "Attack me? I mean, that would mean two different things." he pointed out. "Bread isn't the best soaking mechanism. I'd found that nuts really do work. And pasta."

Annabelle: "The bad way Cil the bad way." she laughed as she twirled around one of her strands of hair. "Do you have either of those?" shestoped herself shaking her head. "Dont even answer that

Cillian: "The bad way? Hm, fine." Cillian huffed. "I have both of those...why didn't you want me to answeR?"

Annabelle: "Dont huff at me. "she joked. "I figured you would use this as another way to get me with a joke." she looked at him.

Cillian: "If I had stopped at nuts, yes. Pasta? Nope. Can't do anything with that."

Annabelle: "Just drive , before i walk myself into any more puns."

Cillian: "I'm driving, Christ." he rolled his eyes, before finally pulling into his driveway. Getting out of the car, he once again went over to her door and opened it for her.

Annabelle: She didnt know why but picking on him was another hobby of hers as she got out following him to the house. She imideatly went to the fridge grabbing two beers before popping them open as she handed him one. ""So thoughts on the night so far??" she asked leaning agaisnt the counter.

Cillian: Cillian ran his hand threw his hair as they entered his home. Knowing she'd go straight to the fridge for beer, he settled into a bar seat, elbows digging into the little island in his kitchen. "Exciting. Company is a drag though." he teased, winking at her.

Annabelle: She sat next to him as she took a drink setting it down. "You are such a ass you know that?"

Cillian: "Am I? Must not be too bad if you're still here with me." he paused. "You did talk about what your life would be like married to me, so you must like asses."

Annabelle: She looked at the bottle and back at him. " I did didnt i? NO different than being married to thomas shelby just letting you know im not taking no shit either." she laughed.

Cillian: "You did. Well, I'm not too much like Tommy. I'm...not a PTSD ridden World War 1 veteran." he started off. "I'm not cruel and sometimes heartless. I'm a normal lad."

Annabelle: " A normal lad with a big heart a cute kid, beautiful blue eyes a hug that never makes you want to let go." she spoke before reazling she was rambling. "Whoops sorry rambling here."

Cillian: Cillian's lips parted, jaw slightly slack in surprise at her words. "Well, thank you. You...humble me, you really do." he smiled, taking a beer finally. He took a big gulp.

Annabelle: She tucked her hair back as she looked off. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Cillian: "Sure. Go scroll Netflix and pick what you want." He stood up and handed her a remote. "I'll get some nuts for you."

Annabelle: "Your such a doll." she rolled her eyes as she got up heading into the living room. She removed her shoes crawling into the couch as she grabbed the throw over the couch wrapping herself up before scrolling through the options. She decided to go with a comedy as she waited for Cillian to get back.

Cillian: Cillian grabbed a bowl and poured some almonds inside. He walked over to the couch, slipping off his shoes, and planted himself next to her. "Here," he handed her the bowl. "Enjoy."

Annabelle: "Thank you love." she grabbed the bowl placing it in her lap as she pressed play. "This one looks funny, so lets hope!" she spoke looking at him before reaching over to put the remote on the table.

Cillian: Cillian settled into the couch silently, eyes glued on the TV in anticipation for her pick. It was nice, having this alone time with her. Cillian enjoyed peaceful moments like this.

Annabelle: She took a few almonds as she popped them in her mouth before finishing up and placing them back on the table. Slowly she decided she would just go for it as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Is this okay? she asked looking at him.

Cillian: Cillian could hear her pick up a few almonds, smiling to himself because he had convinced her to eat them. It felt like a victory. He felt her head on his shoulder, taking in a deep breath. "It's fine." he assured her, patting her hand gently. "You know I don't mind."

Annabelle: She nuzzled in before focosing on the show. It actually ended up being a pretty good night, a night she needed. And the fact that Cillian spent it with her made her even more happy.

Cillian: Cillian readjusted her so his arm was hanging around her shoulder. His back relaxed into the plush of the couch, he closed his eyes for a moment. "Did you mean it? What you said about your other life where you'd marry me?"

Annabelle: She blinked a few times before looking up at him as she took a deep breath. She never spoken her feelings for him, not in a serious term where it was just them two, and she was serious about it. "I really would, idk what it is about you but i just feel so at ease so happy. I didnt get that kind of happiness with Chris. And believe me i was happy i really was but with you even just hanging out on set going over lines and idk. I know we dont have a chance in this life but i just cant help but wonder what if we did meet sooner you know?" she spoke.

Cillian: Cillian swallowed hard. "I wonder about that too. I mean, look at me now. Divorced. One child, a child I love with my entire heart and would die for. But you know.. I wanted at least two." he sighed. "You're great, annabelle. Too great. You deserve an amazing man."

Annabelle: She held her breath befoe choosing her words. "Cillian i wish you could see how great you are you tuly are. I really dont understand why you dont see how truly amazing you are." she huffed a bit.

Cillian: "Don't take me too seriously. It's just one of those things you accept in life." He ran his fingers up and down her upper arm, finding a soothing rhythm.

Annabelle: She lightly giggled leaning closer into his body as she looked at his arm. "Well if you ever do decide to take a chance on my than you know where ill be and you obviously know my answer. However we all have flaws, but its just a matter of who you dont mind seeing them as well." she spoke tracing a freckle on his arm.

Cillian: Cillian furrowed his brows. "Wait, are you serious? You're saying...you would be with me? Like, dating and all that shit?" God, they must be drunk. "Anna, be careful."

Annabelle: She leaned back as she was looking the older male over. " Well i assume that is what one does before they get married. " she looked at his hand than back at him. She took another breath. "I really like you Cillian not in the brother sister good freind kinda way in the i really want to kiss you right now kinda way. I have for so long. But i know that you musten feel the same but yes to answer your question i would. I really would."

Cillian: Cillian scratched his head for a moment. "This is a lot. We've been drinking, this isn't a conversation we could be having. Too many...other factors involved." Like her recent breakup with Chris, which could possibly cause her to act out. Could it? There was that, the alcohol, their time apart that made everything much more sensitive. "I want to kiss you too...but I can't. I have too much respect for you to drunkenly do something with you."

Annabelle: She reached for his face as she held it in her hands. "Cillian.. breath. I know what i said, and i will happily tell it to you tomorrow when im sober. Whether or not you want to here it is another question only you can answer. Im not asking anything of you, i promise im not im just telling you my honest raw thoughts. I broke up with Chris because i knew i had feelings for you but thats not fair to him, i cant be with someone i cant give one hundrend percent of my heart too. I just couldnt." she finally let go as she took her seat back. "Im not asking of anything Cil, i just want you to know and now you do." she spoke softly looing at him.

Cillian: Cillian could hardly process what was going on. He went from being a sad and alone single divorcee throwing himself into his work to...Natalie, Mila, then Richard, and now Annabelle. Annabelle's was the most shocking, though. "Oh Christ...I broke up your relationship?" Here it came. Cillian locked his jaw and looked past her, Catholic guilt filling him to the brim. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I...wow."

Annabelle: Annabelle shook her head as she got up. "Im sorry ive clearly fucked this all up, please please dont fell bad okay please. Um Im just gonna go. Im so sorry." she spoke slipping on her shoes as she made her way to the kitchen.

Cillian: "Annabelle, don't be ridiculous." he stood up. "It's late, you've been drinking. Stay here." he grabbed her hands. "Please? Please stay here."

Annabelle: She took a deep breath. "Fine, ill be in the guest room if you need me." she gave him a light smile.

Cillian: "Are you upset? I didn't mean to ruin the evening. Please believe me." he felt ridiculous. "My emotions got the best of me. It's not you, okay? Please."

Annabelle: "Im not upset with you im upset with me, but if i didnt say those things they would of come out eventually. I just wish you would believe me." she looked up at him.

Cillian: "Would you believe me if I said it was all too good to be true?" he asked, smiling softly down at her. "I just...don't want to lose you."

Annabelle: "Darling you cant lose me, im one of those pest who never leaves." she crossed her arms. "So can i ask one question?"

Cillian: Cillian took a deep breath. "You can ask. Who knows if I'll be able to answer."

Annabelle: "Whos the lucky person?" she asked looking at him. "Dont say there isnt one cause i know there is , because when i hear the line i dont wanna lose you, i hear i dont wanna lose you but theres someone else."

Cillian: Cillian rubbed his eyes. "Honestly? You. Mila. Everyone at this fucking point." He placed his hands in his pockets. "It's not about me wanting someone else. It's about having quite a few people express feelings for me and it's overwhelming."

Annabelle: She was a bit shocked as she had just spoken with the girl ealier, now she felt like a total fraud. "Im- uh " she run her fingers through her hair as she walked to the fridge grabbing a water bottle. " she looked at it than at him as she walked closer. "I really dont know what to say to that other than im sorry for adding more stress. And because i care for you so much, im not gonna be selfish, so just forget what i said, there are absoulty no hard feelings we can just pretend this never happened okay?" she took the top off taking a long gulp.

Cillian: Cillian bit his lip for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he let one hand drop from his pocket. "Come here." he mumbled, extending out his hand.

Annabelle: She wanted to fight him on this but instead her body walked foward with out her. She took his hand letting it lead her to him.

Annabelle: "I mean it, i promise not a word."

Cillian: Cillian pulled her close to him, wrapping his free arm around her. "SShhh. Ssshh, love." he murmured. "Don't."

Annabelle: All she could do was wrap her arms around him burring her head into him thinking what a fool she must be right now.

Cillian: Cillian moved both arms around her now, holding her close to him. He rested his cheek on top of her head, just living the moment while he could. She deserved a better man. Someone unlike him, someone who wasn't damaged goods like he was.

Annabelle: She pulled back slightly as she reached for her water bottle. "Im gonna go to bed, sleep tight love, ill talk to you tomorrow." she smiled as she walked away making her way to the bedroom.

Cillian: "Goodnight." he called, sighing.

0 notes

thenameismin-blog1 · 7 years

Text

im not quite sure

do i wanna get into the story of whats going on in my life right now? or do i wanna start from the beginning? its a mess of an explanation and i feel bad for anyone else if theyve gone through this same thing bc its an awful situation and no kid should go through it imo

before i really get into it heres a tldr; my mother is insane but not and i live with my father finally and things may change soon (and i dont have a cell phone)

okayyy well lets start from the beginning? my parents got divorced when i was eight years old and i remember that they fought a lot which sucked. all throughout elementary school mum was really hard on me about my grades and all that and it just became part of life

mum got remarried in 2015 to the guy she cheated on my dad with and woah boy was it hard for me. done get me wrong hes a great guy and all but in like 2013/2014 i didnt want them to get married. it made sense; it seemed too soon for me and i was young. she then sent me to live with my dad if i had a problem with it but i was only gone for the weekend

things with my grades and her were always hard. im an all honors student and i get As and Bs for my year grades and i am soooo proud of myself for it- and she things Bs are punishment worthy. its always been like that. mum graduated top of her class AND a year early and i think thats amazing for her; but i am just not that smart imo

so i did some bad things this year bc they were fun. i drank some alcohol at a friends party, i snuck out of my house to make out with a boy (i stayed on the property though), and i lied to my mother many many times about many things

honestly i am very very afraid of this woman. shes never hit me but shes gotten so close as to raise her hand to me. she has always made me feel unworthy and not good enough while still bragging about me to other people and it doesnt make any sense.

so with all the bad things i did this year i got punished. i understand why i got punished. but the way she punishes is unfair so i kept lying and breaking the punishment bc i could and i didnt like her

so then i asked very nicely if i could go live at my dads house full time so that i wouldnt grow to hate her and we could maybe have an okay relationship

but she said no

so i slowly packed my bags and started to bring them over to my dads house one by one

and then we had another fight/her picking on me on the fourth of july- and later that night she sent me to love here with my dad.

she expects me to go crawling back to her and im not going to. i havent really spoken to her since (except when she asked for my house key back and told me my alarm code doesnt work)

but i am making myself better by not being around her and im glad im not there anymore. im gonna go see my old psychologist sometime in the next two weeks, and im fixing my eating habits slowly. its like a huge weight off my shoulders to not be there anymore

but god its rough and its not over yet

0 notes

ughmega-blog · 8 years

Text

Nightmare to a Dream💔..❤️

When i first saw you i never knew i would feel a certain spark connect with anyone..I never really knew how that felt until the day i saw you. It wasn't anywhere special just in a gas station. You looked familiar. I had known you from a guy i had been dating. I didn't really know you. All i really knew was that you were cool with him. That moment i saw you in the gas station..I could never take back that moment. When i looked at you it felt like it was a long stare. I smiled and you smiled back. I felt so happy inside and actually felt something in my heart. After you left that gas station i had a feeling in my gut. My gut screamed “Find out who that guy is”. I texted the girl i saw you with. I asked her about you. Asked her for your social media. I texted you. I actually got nervous. I wasn't sure about texting you. I thought you wouldn't like me..I honestly didn't even think you would talk to me to be honest. I was sitting there on my bed when i got a notification on my phone. I saw that you had texted me back and i literally wanted to scream into my pillow. All i thought about was hanging out without you. I texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out. I had mixed emotions and my stomach felt like it was about to burst. I was excited but scared also happy but a nervous wreck. You texted me back asking when i wanted to hangout and i was so jumpy inside so i replied “My dad leaves at 5 for work. Come over at 5?”. At that point i thought you would think i was crazy and out of my mind. You texted me back saying that it was fine and you would see me then. I was confused. I had never had a guy stay up and come over at 5 in the morning for me. At that point i did my makeup, did my hair, and put on clothes. I was ready for 5 o clock. It felt like hours upon hours sitting there listening to music just waiting for you to come over. You didn't feel like a stranger to me. I didn't get any weird feelings for inviting you over actually. It felt amazing. Like i had just won a medal at a race. Soon after the hours were up and my dad left i texted you immediately. You texted me “Im on my way over”. I was so excited. You showed up to my door. Knocked on it a couple of times. My heart raced and my mind filled with thoughts. I made my little brother go answer the door because i got nervous. You showed up with 3 other guys. One being my ex and when i saw him my heart dropped. I said in my head “Are you kidding me”. At that point I kinda wish you never came but its not that i didnt want you there. it was my ex. See, I left and got away from my ex after we broke up. It was so weird being around him when he came over with you..It just didn't feel right. We all kinda messed around and just talked. Thats when my ex was in my little brothers room. We were about to leave so i went in there to tell him to come on and that we were leaving. He pulled me by my arm. He tried to kiss me. He sat there and told me the same bullshit lies that pulled me in every time. He said “I love you” and “I miss you”. Nothing i haven't heard before. I didn't like it. Thats when i walked away. We all packed in your friends car. 4 in the back and 2 in the front. We all went to waffle house. Everyone was hungry except me. I couldn't eat. Part of me didn't feel right being with my ex. It felt un-normal. I didn't like the thought of it. Lets say i was trying to move on and do myself for a little while. That didn't help being with him. We walked into waffle house and me and my brother sat down. You sat with your 2 friends on the other side leaving my ex to sit by me. Yeah thanks. No but really. I guess waffle house was going good. We all got our laughs in until thats when my ex started touching my thigh and i freaked out. I didn't really know what to do..It was weird. So i guess thats how i ended up spilling orange juice all over him. Oh god it was so embarrassing. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I didn't really know how to feel. My ex was pissed. So pissed that he left and walked out to the car. I felt bad after that but then you brightened everyones mood and told me not to worry and that it was pretty funny. You made me feel better. After waffle house we made a trip to your house. We had to pick up my exes car. You wanted me to go inside your house and i was scared. I thought what if his mom doesn't like me and oh well what if I'm not welcome. I just had thoughts so i told you I would wait in the car. After we dropped him off to his car you told me to ride shotgun. It made me feel special actually. We all took off and met at wal-mart. We all got out of the car and my ex got out of his. I walked in with no shoes on cause that day i didn't even wear shoes. Yes, i was that lazy. I walked into wal-mart and the girl kicked me out for no shoes. Your friend let me wear his shoes and we all went back in. It wasn't anything exciting really we went and got a radio and went back outside. We all sat in the car because my ex was still inside. Thats when you were fixing the radio and you got a call. From a girl. I thought it was your girlfriend and kinda figured i should back off. It kinda pushed me back a little and made me feel as if i didn't have a chance. Thats when you started yelling. Kinda frightened me..I thought i did something wrong because i heard you say “she's not my girlfriend” and i got confused. I asked you who it was and you said “somebody stupid”. She kept calling. Call after call after call. I finally asked you to let me answer. I answered the phone to hear “You stupid bitch. If you wanna fight then pull up to my house. I don't give a fuck”. I wonder why you even talked to this crazy of a girl. I explained to her we were just friends and that i was hanging out with you for the day. She started crying and said she wanted to get picked up and i said why not. We stopped by quick trip and you cleaned off the car. I took a video of you because we were actually having fun. I enjoyed watching you clean off the car. You actually looked pretty cute while you did. We left quick trip and we were on our way to this girls house. I was sitting in the back seat when she walked out. She started asking about me and you. Asking if i was your girlfriend and if we were talking. I said no. I didn't really see why it mattered. She seemed so worried about your relationship life. I figured she liked you. I wasn't dumb. Thats when you told me get in the front seat. She threw a fit about you asking but i didn't really care and hopped in front. You told me we were gonna hit a back road. Of course i hadn't been back roading in forever and figured why not. It seemed fun. Thats when we went and got on a backroad. One of the boys in the back got in a fight with the girl and she started crying and begged for the front seat. Im not gonna lie i sorta felt bad for her but not bad enough i wanted to give up the seat next to you. Going down that road you started singing to me. You looked at me and i looked at you. Eyes basically locked on each others, I felt like i had the world in my hands. Literally. Your smile was so bright and there was something about it that just made me feel so good inside. I instantly fell in love with it. We went into town in grandview and you stopped at a gas station. That girl begged me for the front seat and I gave it to her cause i thought maybe she would shut the fuck up. Her crying was killing my head. So bad that my head was pounding like never before. You asked if i was hungry and all i really wanted was medicine for my head. We finally dropped her off and god i couldn't have felt any better. Honestly, after that i never wanted to see her again. We went back to your house. You asked me to go inside again and i still felt shy and you said it was alright. You came back out and you saw me resting my head down and me holding it. You grabbed my arm and said “Are you okay”. I said “Yeah, My head just hurts”. You said “I can go get you some medicine”. That really touched my heart that you cared to help me. You went in a brought me medicine. After that me and you just drove around all day. We talked and talked. I listened to you and honestly your talking never got tiring. I felt like i could listen to you for days upon days and never get tired of your talking. It was amazing sharing old memories with you. I would never ever replace that first day spent with you. It was amazing and I am so glad I got to be with you. It lead us to an amazing part in our lives today. I love you. Your amazing. Always keep your head up. Also, Know that your an amazing skater. The most amazing skater I've seen. Being honest. Ever since i watched you skate i fell in love with it. I love to watch you skate. I love skating in general. I just never want you to give up. I believe your going to make it somewhere someday and if it ends up to where you get sponsored and have to travel. I won't leave. I will still be here. I will be waiting. No matter how long you have to leave for it i will still be here waiting. I want you to live your dream. I want you to be successful at what you love. It would mean the world to me to see that happen. Honestly, I will always be by your side. When I say I love you i don't say it just because we are together or you say it to me and i say it back. I say it because i mean it. My love for you is very deep Justin Tyler Friend. Ever since i met you there have been feelings. Even when you left. We all make mistakes but we always fix them. Like when you skate. You don't give up after the first time of trying it. You didn't give up on me. You came back to fix your mistake and I hope you keep it this time. I really do. This thing we have together...I have never had with anyone else. The love i share with you is unreal to me. Its something so amazing to the point where it feels like a dream. You are they type of guy I see in my future when i get married, Get a house, Get a cars, Get jobs, And have kids. Basically start a life with. Your the type of man that makes me want to try. That makes me wanna succeed. You make me wanna make it and you make me wanna push myself..Most of all your the reason I'm not depressed..The reason i don't wanna stop breathing my last breath. Look you mean a lot to me and i couldn't thank you ever enough. I love you. Thank you. Thank you for these 6 months together💜

-Meghan Ashleigh Trageser

The one who will always love you❤️

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