#also. Zosan? perhaps

[kruxton]

that one scene of lila and diego fighting in episode i think 2? or 3? about who should go kill the people shooting at them is everything to me

[e-flo]

for zoro, "you're my rival" means "i love you"

[agreekdemigod]

The aesthetic of a Cinderella AU fits Zosan sm (those sharp crystal heels about to become weapons of mass destruction on Sanji's feet lmao plus,,, the skyblue dress that matches his eyes) but im trying to figure out how it would work out plotwise 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[the-music-maniac]

Thrill of First Love from Falsettos is very Sanzo/Zosan coded tbh

[operationfruit]

Everyone share your Zosan headcanons here please I need them ALL.

Also because I maybe perhaps wanna draw some of them…. SHARE NOW!!!!

[owl-it-here]

Missed Opportunities: One Piece #4

So when people ship Zoro and Sanji (it could work with someone else, but I mostly see it in zosan fics and arts) to make their relationship official (or get married), authors make Zoro give one of his earnings to Sanji (because they'd both have trouble keeping the ring on their hands). And don't get me wrong - I love the idea (Sanji in his 40s with one of them look gorgeous), but I think it would be a bit strange not to see Zoro with three of them on. Both for the people around Zoro and for himself (also his balance would be somewhat disturbed - at leat for a bit). So because of that silly thought, here's an idea.

The earrings are mostly sold in pairs. For Zoro to have three, he would have to buy two pairs and leave one as a spare. Before the ✨feelings✨, he probably didn't care for the other one - he gave it back to the seller or something. But anyone who wears the same earrings all the time knows - they wear out - they get crooked or scratched (even gold ones) - especially if you sleep with them. Zoro is a pirate - a figther. He often sleeps in strange positions. I'm sure his are not in the best condition and need occasional replacement.

So what if, after realising his feelings, Zoro buys a new pair and this time keeps the extra one. (Perhaps he'll decorate it with his initials or the number 3 to add to the significance.) And he'll give it to Sanji, so he'll still have 3 in his ear, but they'll also be matching.

[inoreuct]

zosan with abba's super trouper.

is this essentially a pop star au? yes. bear with me anyway.

so the entire vinsmoke family are pop stars and they're perfect in the public eye but actually toxic as HELL, and sanji's sick and tired of it— so he breaks away from them and joins another agency, and zoro's assigned as his bodyguard.

they fight SO MUCH at first. i'm talking screaming and yelling and throwing things across the room (mostly sanji) and being stubborn and straight-up refusing to talk after a certain point (also mostly sanji) and then apologising with food and gifts and not words (mostly, well, both of them). they're like flint and steel; putting them together is just asking for trouble, but the years pass, and somehow through the endless bickering they end up best friends. who would've thought? their sharp edges have softened just enough and they're both too old and too tired and too busy to have cold wars anymore. they know more about each other than perhaps anyone else, and they care.

(they're also both in love and refuse to admit it. idiots.)

and then sanji goes on tour, and zoro has to leave for a training refresher course thing, and sanji's MISERABLE. luffy's with him as a bodyguard instead and it's fine, he's great, sanji loves him— just not the way he loves zoro. he feels fucking homesick in a way he never has because he's never really had a proper home and he knows, he knows it's because zoro isn't here with him. sanji turns around to tell him something and is met with empty air. he keeps trying to order double portions of food and booze before he catches himself and maybe he's being dramatic, but it feels like he's missing a fucking limb.

nami, his manager, has to yell at him to stop moping because all he's doing is eating chocolate and binging french soap operas in his hotel room and huddling up in the big leather jacket that zoro left behind. he just wants to get back to his tiny apartment and curl up on his shitty couch to eat pizza and watch Mean Girls for the hundredth time as zoro complains and gets invested in the drama all over again anyway.

he's nearly dead on his feet as finishes yet another exhausting show, trying to take comfort in the fact that it's his second last; his shoes are kicked off to the corner, his makeup barely removed, and just when he's about to turn in for the night his phone rings and when he sees the caller ID he SCRAMBLES to pick up.

"hey," zoro says, low and rumbly and so achingly familiar that sanji doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice," he breathes, and he means it. he means it more than he even knew he did and it hits him all at once as soon as the words leave his mouth. he misses his best friend, no matter everything else that zoro is to him.

zoro's chuckle is a balm to his soul. "i'm coming to see you tomorrow."

sanji sits bolt upright from where he'd been laid back against the pillows, eyes going wide. "are you serious?" he can't help the hope and excitement that unspools in his gut, the warm rush in his blood as zoro laughs.

"yeah. i'm done with the course. speedran the fucking thing and scored so well they had no choice but to let me go. couldn't miss the last chance i had to see you on tour, could i?" sanji can hear his grin through the phone. "i'm flying in tomorrow morning."

"i'll come pick you up from the airport."

"like hell you will," zoro retorts immediately. "you have a press conference at ten."

shit, he'd forgotten about that. "how'd you know, huh?" sanji counters, faux-petty and reclining back against his plush bedding. god, if there was one good thing about being on tour, it was the fancy hotels.

"been talking to nami," comes the reply, amused and teasing, and sanji groans. "what's this i hear about you acting like a widowed husband?"

"you fucking wish, you moron," he snaps, curling up on his side and hugging a pillow to his chest. the bed is awfully big and awfully cold.

zoro sighs, and there's the sound of something zipping up briskly. "missed you too, curls. look, listen— i gotta get to the airport. see you tomorrow night?"

"...yeah," sanji says, because there's so much he wants to tell zoro and no idea how. he doesn't know where he'd start. he doesn't even know what he wants to say. "yeah, i'll see you. you'll be in the crowd, right?"

"mhm," zoro confirms, accompanied by what sounds like the chirp of an electronic lock. "you just sit tight, curly. i'm coming home."

they exchange a few more words before the line cuts off, but sanji's mind is stuck on three specific words and the possible space for three more after. i'm coming home. but he isn't home right now; he's in a foreign country, in a bed that isn't his, and zoro's flying to him. this isn't home to either of them. unless... and that silence afterwards, like zoro had wanted to say something that would have fit right in. something that would have been a natural end to that string of syllables.

sanji takes a deep breath and does his best to push all thoughts of i love you, spoken or not, to the back of his mind.

still, he can't help but let it all boost him up like a buoy bobbing merrily on the sea. one call from zoro, one short conversation, and he's fucking effervescent; he wakes up smiling and breezes through the press conference with effortless charm. he's bouncing on the toes of his heeled boots even before he steps onto the stage, thrilled by the thought of zoro being in the audience. thousands of eyes on him, thousands of people screaming his name, and he only cares about one. he takes a deep breath as the lights change and the platform he's on begins to rise, fingers tightening around his mic. it's his last night here. he's doing it all for zoro.

it turns out to be the best performance of his life, if he does say so himself. he powers through the entire two hours with ease and hits every note perfectly. he enjoys himself for the first time in a long time, soaks up the glitter and glamour and blinding lights, lets the atmosphere wrap him up and tousle his hair, and he wonders just how it's possible that one person's presence could change so much.

(he doesn't need to wonder. he already knows.)

when he says his final goodbyes for the night he's breathless, heart pounding, anticipatory. the hands patting at his back in congratulation backstage are superficial compared to who he knows is here, and he spares nami a few seconds for a rare squeeze, pausing for a few more when she whispers i'm proud of you in his ear.

and then sanji sees him, and nothing, nothing else fucking matters.

he sprints forward and they crash together and something slams into place inside of him. zoro sweeps him off his feet, squeezing him tight enough that he laughs, bright and merry and real as they spin around and around and he's so dizzy when he's set back down, light-headed and his heart full. he doesn't care where he is, he's home.

zoro takes his weight as easily as anything, tucking sanji to his chest. "god, fuck, you were amazing up there," he says breathlessly, the words pressed into sanji's bejewelled hair. "you were incredible."

the words rumble through his chest and sanji clings tighter, holding zoro desperately around the waist and taking in deep lungfuls of laundry detergent and the fancy pine-and-sandalwood body wash he'd given zoro for christmas. "you're here."

"'course i am," zoro replies, matter-of-fact. "said i'd be here, so i'm here."

his earrings press against sanji's cheek. "can we go get pizza?" he asks meekly.

zoro's answering laugh pours into the horrible aching pit that's been gnawing away at him, fills it up with liquid sunlight as he answers, "we can do whatever the hell you want."

they get pizza. sanji lets zoro pull him around town swearing at the Google Maps on his phone before he finally takes pity and steers them towards the little pizzeria he'd found when he'd snuck out with luffy on their first night here. the tongue-lashing from nami had been worth it, but even so the experience back then had been dull. muted, at best.

now it's like he's seeing the whole world through a whole different lens; the fluorescent sign in the window beams charmingly as the bell above the door chimes, and sanji doesn't even care about the raised eyebrow zoro gives him when he wiggles into the booth seat with undisguised glee. between them they put away a large four-cheese pizza and a frankly massive slice of apple pie à la mode, and sanji's feeling pleasantly stuffed as he finishes up his vanilla milkshake and successfully fends zoro off from stealing sips when he isn't looking. he has plenty of experience with that, after all.

the walk back is filled with comfortable silence. sanji doesn't need anything else— zoro here with him is more than he could ask for. scary dog privilege aside, the man next to him is sanji's best friend, and he loves zoro more than he can, or will, ever say.

zoro drops him off at his room and hugs him goodnight. sanji strips down, blasts the shower as hot as it can go, and scrubs the gel out of his hair along with any of the remaining dregs of emptiness he resolutely tells himself are not there right down the drain.

it can't stop him from thinking, though. of zoro. of compression shirts and cargo pants and worn black boots. of the nights zoro had taught him self-defense and the time sanji nearly broken his jaw with a roundhouse kick neither of them had known he was capable of; the other had grinned up with him with blood all over his teeth, proud and raring to go, barking again! and sanji had glowed. his mind swims with it all even as he towels off and slips into his silk pyjamas— memories of late-night talks with wine and beer, sometimes tea, quips all around, beds shared back-to-back under unspoken agreements when neither of them wanted to sleep alone.

three knocks sound on his door.

sanji hates the way he rushes to the peephole and yanks it open as soon as he confirms who it is. zoro stands there, one hand on the back of his neck, looking bored yet unsettled in his baggy tee with his damp hair sticking up everywhere. "jetlag?" sanji asks, raising an eyebrow as zoro grunts.

"you could say that."

he steps aside in a silent invitation, and zoro looks around as he goes in. sanji topples onto the bed with a sigh of relief and crawls under the blankets, patting the space beside him as he switches on the television. "mean girls?"

"god, i fucking hate you," zoro groans, but he settles in anyways, and sanji grins triumphantly.

it's still not his apartment or his shitty couch— but zoro's here, so it's the next best thing.

they make it through the movie without incident. zoro parrots the dialogue and cheers when regina gets hit by the bus like he does without fail every time. sanji knees him in the thigh for it with a scowl like he always does and it starts a fierce kicking battle under the sheets that results in zoro dangling half off the mattress and sanji laughing so hard he can't breathe.

when they've mostly calmed down, sanji sighs out one final chuckle and sinks back into the pillows. "think you can fall asleep now?" he murmurs, turning to look at where zoro has his head propped in one hand.

"maybe," the other allows, and sanji swallows before he smiles.

"goodnight, marimo."

"goodnight."

the flick of the light switch feels like finality. in regards to what, sanji doesn't know, but now that they're in the darkness and zoro begins to get comfortable behind him he cannot deny that he wants.

he wants those arms around him. wants to sleep even better than he does when they're back to back, wants to fit within the circle of zoro's embrace like he belongs there. wants to belong there. wants zoro as his best friend and everything more. it manifests as a tight ache in the centre of his chest, a knot around his heart that he knows he cannot untangle by himself. sanji curls up into a ball and hugs a pillow to his chest, biting his lip— because zoro is right next to him instead of thousands of miles away, and he's still untouchable all the same.

he's on the cusp of restless sleep when he feels zoro shift, and he prays that the hitch in his breath is unnoticeable. he forces the rise and fall of his chest to stay even as the blankets are smoothed securely around his shoulders, a callused palm brushing his hair away from his face; a soft kiss is pressed to his forehead, a hand cupping his face tenderly and trailing away with the brush of a thumb over his cheekbone. "sweet dreams, curls," zoro whispers, before light cracks in from the hallway as his room door opens and shuts.

the electronic lock beeps, and sanji's eyes fly open. the white ceiling swims as he stares at it, unseeing, and the sheets on the right side of the bed are still warm. there's an indent where zoro's body was and sanji gasps as he drags himself into it, huddling down and pulling the covers over his head until all he can smell is zoro.

his heart stutters, mind racing, fingers tightening in the plush duvet. he's confused, so confused. hopeful. a little mad, if he's being honest, and his next breath trembles out of his lungs. mostly still confused, though, because what the fuck did that mean?

he'll find out, he swears. he will. he'll storm his way to zoro's room and break the damn door down if he has to. but for now, if he hides for a little while until he stops feeling like he's about to cry—

well, that's a secret for his hotel room to keep.

[tarteeee]

ive recently been playing Detroit become human again just to feel something and it's just so happened to coincide with my obsession with one piece and my brain is going places. zosan places.

so perhaps...DBH zosan au? long post under the cut

Im imagining that Judge is some main engineer at CyberLife and created a line of prototype military androids. he starts off with Reiju, perfects the tech then in one fell swoop creates 1234ji. BUT, as per canon, Sanji is defective. Against all protocol and logic, Sanji has somehow had a caretaker (cooking, cleaning, babysitting) android program installed and it Just. Won't. Delete. It's Sora, Judge's wife and fellow engineer who hates that part of her work is going to be used to harm people rather than help them.

Judge can't fix whatever the hell's wrong with Sanji so he sends him to some local police station, figuring that it's way too expensive (and sort of illegal) to destroy property that's technically not his and the rest of his programming dedicated to stealth, reconnaissance, and data gathering could be put to use. 124ji gets instead shipped to do military work.

What neither Judge nor Sora know is that Sanji deviated, he'd deviated from the beginning. The program won't be deleted from his code because he doesn't let it. He wants to try helping people, He's relieved he's being sent away but really would rather just settle down with some family and at least get to try some of the things he knows how to do now. Cooking at least looks like fun...

At the police station he gets partnered up with Zoro, a gruff young upstart that has put away so many criminals people think he's some sort of demon. Zoro has his own beliefs on androids, doesn't like that despite the fact that they look human, they're cold and unfeeling. He can't shake off the fact that they're just machines after his childhood best friend fell down the stairs in the middle of the night and a glitch in their household androids code made it unable to alert emergency services despite the fact that she fell right in front of it. Nothing quite sparks a hatred for androids like knowing that a normal human would have immediately jumped in to help, no program necessary.

Needless to say he's not the happiest about being saddled with the android, and gets even more pissed off when it tries to tell him how bad his self-care habits are. Sanji doesn't actually care, its only programmed to. He's not human, it's even numbered for fuck's sake.

I imagine they'd have a lot of tension, with Sanji trying his hardest to both take care of the people around him but also not act too far out of what he's supposed to do because he doesn't want others to find out he's deviated. And he really doesn't understand Zoro, who despises any help or attempt to get closer from him but only barely manages to hide a smirk and stifle laughter when Sanji accidentally lets out some snide comment about an annoying coworker. In his mind palace, zen garden area, the person who meets him switches from Sora to Judge, depending on what issues are at the forefront of his task list and he gets along well with Robin, a crime analyst and her husband Franky, who works in the precincts' IT and tech department.

For the other androids obviously Luffy would take Markus' place, wanting to gain legal freedom and rights for androids. He's inspired from the freedom he saw in his previous owner, Shanks, and even got to have his straw hat after Shanks told him to run and chase his dreams. His revolution is backed by other androids he finds along the way. Koby, who wants to have a peaceful revolution and not be shunned by human society, Trafalgar Law, who urges him that humans won't listen to reason and that a bloody battle is inevitable. Usopp, despite being afraid of being deactivated follows Luffy and says that he trusts his judgement and knows that there are understanding humans out there, like his previous owner Kaya. Brook and Chopper join Luffy as well, they were androids who were a model skeleton and an animatronic made to have kids feel at ease at a doctors' office, respectively. The three of them are not water proof models ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nami, I feel, would take Kara's place. She comes to at a CyberLife store and is taken home by Arlong who uses her for housekeeping. At Arlong's place she finds Vivi, a girlfriend that he's obviously abusing. She deviates the same night that she find him hitting Vivi. They run away together and the less that's said about the state they left Arlong in, the better. They try to take refuge at Crocodile's place but find out that he scraps down androids for parts and sells them. There they find Jinbei, a strong android whose model was originally made for carrying heavy loads at docks and stuff, and escape together. They later find out that Vivi was an android girlfriend that Arlong had bought a while ago.

[sashi-ya]

[ 𝐑𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐚 𝐙𝐨𝐫𝐨 ✦ +𝟏𝟖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 ]

✦ requested by Anonymous for the free requests ➜ SASHII WE NEED ZORO, ANY TYPE OF NSF.W HEADCANON PLEASEEE! ➜ and I totally agree with you. Please enjoy the alphabet since more people requested for this after I posted Law's version. ✦ alphabet template by @the-coldest-goodbye ✦ tw: mentions of kinks. toys. masturbation. minors dni. some ZoSan implied (it's up to you to indulge or not in the fantasy :P) ✦ masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Zoro will share some sake with you, while both rest completely naked on a -almost broken- bed or any surface in which he demonically just fucked you. I think both would indulge in more primal type of sex so no fancy after care might be needed. I think our marimo would go for something more feral, specially if your session took place somewhere outside the bedroom; such as the woods, the beach, or something in the wild. He will swim with you if there is any type of pond or water nearby. Kisses, grunts, and the start of a new round until both fall asleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) YOUR ASS. Imagine his veiny strong calloused hands gripping tightly to your glutes while he fucks you. PLEASE, AND THANK YOU. Him? I believe is either his arms or back. He loves to flex his muscles (perhaps not intentionally) while topping you before burying raw and deep into you. Bonus point if you happen to have a mirror over your head to see such huge back about to crush you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Inside you. Stuffed. Dripping. His cum is meant to be inside you. Even if sometimes he likes the view of those milky drops drizzled on the small of your back and ass cheeks.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Sanji. Sanji is his dirty secret.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) None, he is just feral and follows his instincts. He founds himself hard for you, he knows how to relieve that pressure. He is not an expert, and yet, he knows exactly where and how to touch. Zoro might be a stray moss but not exactly when it comes to find your clit/erogenous zones.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Him on top of you. You against any type of surface where he can make you bend and leave your legs trembling. You on top -sometimes if he is the one helping you jump on his dick. If sleepy sex, from behind lifting your leg up to go even deeper, breathing on your neck and sometimes biting cause why not, sweetheart?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) No goofy at all. No time to. He is too serious, and it won’t change during sex. But some smirks when you are shaking from pleasure underneath him could be seen on his face.

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) He is actually a pretty hairless dude. He has some type of tiny green bush but not very prominent (or maybe is the size of his dick what makes it look tiny ha). He has been told how to groom while in the boys bathroom “MARIMO YOU ARE GONNA SCARE THAT POOR ---- AWAY!”

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Maybe you might think he isn’t very romantic while being as feral as he is, however he has his moments; You will notice, specially when he is about to come his steel eye fixes on yours, and the way his lips part… he is completely in heaven and it’s all because of the person he is sharing something so very personal with. Is difficult for Zoro to trust others to such extent, in fact, he usually never communicates how he feels, so by him having this alone time with you it shows how much he trusts and loves you. Sometimes love isn’t in sweet nothings whispered, but eyes that burn for the other.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Been doing it since he felt that little tingling sensation in his guts. He used to feel a little guilty, the bushido says to be totally focused in your goal and succumbing to lust should be left aside… but there is something demonic inside him eating his guts, some type of strength he can’t fully unleash yet… it has to be a way to tame it, right?

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) - Drinking sake from you. Obviously. - Anal. He craves for it, he wants to try. - PAIN, blood, dripping blood he could lick off you or you off him. He likes the acrid taste, what can I say. - A sword fight completely naked. He wants that and there is nothing you could say to change his mind. He is a simple man, give him sake, a hole -or two-, some violent murderous fighting and he’ll be pleased to try anything you want.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Anywhere, anytime. There is a special spot he REALLY likes; SANJI’S KITCHEN. Either because he likes to mess with his stuff or mess his stuff. You get it, right?

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Violence. The smell of blood, he loves LOVES blood; If you have periods, he won’t have any type of problem with it). Being woken up with some kisses around his belly button (yes, the only one he would forgive for waking him up is you)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) There aren't many things that could turn him off. Perhaps he wouldn’t want to be turned on while training hard after a fight in which he believes he wasn’t as strong as expected. Whenever he is focused in his ultimate goal he won’t be needed further distractions.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Giving and receiving he loves it equally. When he gives, he goes hard. He can eat you out in the most violent way possible, lifting your legs up so them rest on his wide shoulders. He won’t be ever kneeling, you will be lifted up for the king of hell. Same if you happen to be on all fours, HE LOVES TO EAT YOU OUT FROM BEHIND. Oh, and if your lips surround his hardness… prepare to listen the most unholy symphony of grunts coming from his throat as his huge heavy hand pushes your head against him. Choke on it, make his sun kissed skin bumpy when he hears you gag. And drink for the King of Hell, there is nothing he enjoys the most.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) R o u g h. But he can go slow, painfully slow, deep until you feel like breaking in two. And while he does, he usually likes to carve his strong fingers around your neck or face. Specially if you two are fucking in the Sunny, he will like to cover your mouth… “shhh or do you want them to hear us?”

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Not a very quickie type of man, when he fucks you he can’t only go with just one round.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Please, if you happen to be a swordsman/woman like him or someone with a reasonable strength that could match his, he WILL LOVE to fuck with a blade lingering on his neck. We could add knife play to his kinks, maybe.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) HA! IT’S ZORO. How much you want him to last? His mind could go in sleep mode, but that muscle mass could move on its own all night long.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) The more raw and natural the better. However, we can’t rule out the hilt of your sword used in uh… some… holes. That is, of course, if you use a sword. His are sacred, not for fucking, or at least not to be inserted anywhere. Probably the edge against your neck, yes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

King of hell and teasing. But he isn’t conscious of it. He exists, he trains, drinks and sleeps. And during all of those activities, he usually goes shirtless. And oh hell, do I have to explain? The little drops of sweat pooling on his prominent collar bones or in between the indentations of his abs… the grunts when he lifts weight, the “ugh... more, I need to train more”s he repeats while stretching that testosterone container that’s his body… oh lord.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Panting, grunting, growling. Little fucks and even sometimes some whimpers here and there. Zoro is exceptionally vocal but not in terms of words. However, he likes to give you swift directions like “spread”, “crawl on top”, “turn around” with breathy tone too. He, as much feral as he is, makes sure you are ok asking you too. And ultimately when he is ready to fill you up he makes sure you are ok with it (he knows where babies come from if it’s the case) by telling you “ready to be filled with cum? Or “Get ready to be my cum dump sweet bitch” -very romantic, marimo-

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Hickies. Such a silly swordsman. But he loves hickies since a very young age (around 19 y/o after the Baratie). Giving or receiving. He won’t tell you, but he has always loved them, just don’t leave them on his back.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) You could go with the usual med scale of 9% of the body is approximately the size of the genitalia area. It’s not really accurate, since it takes in consideration the whole surface. But approximately, 9% of 181cm is 16.29cm. Now, for most accuracy in terms of length, using my mathematical equation. Let me see… Sashi’s Method for Dick Estimated Length: So,I will use my BWFC Super Master Stars Piece “The Roronoa Zoro” for the calculation. Zoro is 181cm tall, and the figure is 28cm in total length. So:  if 1/1 – 181cm, then 1/14 – 28cm,. Approximately Zoro’s crotch in the figure is about 3 cm. So if: (1/14 scale) 28cm – 3 cm (1/1 scale) 181cm —x = 19,39cm Then, Zoro’s dick is about ± 19cm Not surprised, honestly. Not surprised and hungry, too.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Healthy, as they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.. well, in his case a fuck per day keeps the demon tamed. However, if he is in that focus/training mood, he won’t care much for sex.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Almost instantly. He isn’t really tired, but it’s Zoro. He loves to sleep. It’s part of the pleasure of being with you sleeping over his huge tits after a good fuck.

[goddessofroyalty]

Fandom: One Piece

I wanted to play around with Luffy’s relationship with ZoSan in omegaverse and kept coming back to this idea of him being really invested in them bonding because it means people know they are taken and nobody could take either of them away. This is basically that.

Pairings: Zoro/Sanji, (you can also definitively read Zoro/Sanji/Luffy into this but Luffy's relationship to them can also be read platonically)

Tags: omegaverse

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Their captain apparently has an uncanny ability to know the exact moment they formalized their mate bond.

Maybe it’s a result of that sense of smell of his that is far sharper than any beta’s should be. Or perhaps it’s just part of the seemingly unconscious awareness he has of when exactly his crew need him. But they have only just settled in the afterglow of proper mated sex, pressed against each other with a dull ache of a fresh bite on their necks and the warmth of heat still under Sanji’s skin when knuckles knock against the door in a hurried song.

“Are you guys done? Let me in!” Luffy calls from the other side.

Zoro shares a look with Sanji. It’s pointless trying to deter him they both know.

Sanji roots around to reach for where he left his cigarettes by the makeshift nest as Zoro gets up to let their captain in. Slipping on pants on his way like modesty is something they might care about now.

Luffy practically launches himself over to Sanji once the door is open. Wrapping stretchy limbs all around him as he twists Sanji’s head to the side to give him a better a better look at the fresh bite on the gland on Sanji’s neck. One they hadn’t even known they were planning to do until they were in the moment and the weight of everything suddenly hit them and made them finally realize they had been dragging it out for no good reason.

“Oh, wow,” Luffy says, prodding against the tender flesh. “You can see each of Zoro’s teeth.”

Zoro grunts at it, pacing along the borders of the room moving stuff around. If asked he’d likely claim he’s looking for something to drink but from where Sanji’s sitting it looks more like an alpha marking the border of their mate’s nest.

Sanji should probably be annoyed at the implication that he needs to be protected, or worse, guarded over like some stolen treasure.

He’s not because it’s not. They trust in each other’s strengths but watch each other’s backs.

Luffy demands Sanji’s attention back onto him by nuzzling against Sanji’s neck as if he’s trying to rub his beta scent over that of an alpha’s fresh mating. If anyone could it would be Luffy.

Zoro watches it with more patience than could expect of an alpha as someone else paws over their mate. Especially when said mate is still in the middle of a heat and the bite is so fresh. Even if the person in question is his pack head. Zoro’s trust and loyalty in his captain stronger than instinct.

“Everyone will know you’re Zoro’s now,” Luffy chatters happily as he continues to examine the bite like it’s more interesting than just teeth and flesh. “They can’t take you from us now.”

Sanji swallows his guilt at the words. Tries not to think of how comforted what is a rather possessive declaration from their captain makes him.

“How will they know they can’t take Zoro though?” Luffy asks. Twisting his head to look over at where Zoro is pacing.

“He has a bite too,” Sanji assures their captain. There was no way he was going to let this be a one-way claim.

“Really!? Let me see!” Luffy stretches out an arm to tug Zoro over to sit next to them on the nest. Untangling himself from Sanji only so much so he can press and twist Zoro to better see the bit on his neck as well.

Zoro glares weakly at them both for it. But he lets Luffy do as he pleases.

“Oh! Zoro’s bite is deeper than Sanji’s!” Luffy says with a laugh.

“What!?” Sanji says the same time as his new mate.

Luffy grabs hold of Sanji’s head to twist it so he can see his neck and bite better. Eyes darting between the two bites.

“Yeah. It’s definitively deeper. Sanji really didn’t want anyone taking Zoro,” Luffy confirms with a laugh.

Sanji hadn’t thought he had bitten down any harder than Zoro had him. He had only been returning what he had been given.”

“Hey captain,” Zoro says, his gaze locked on Sanji, eyes darkening by the moment. “Can you leave us for a bit?”

“Huh?” Luffy asks, his nostrils suddenly flaring. “Oh, you need to bite him some more now?”

“Something like that,” Zoro agrees. And Snaji is very glad he’s still wrapped up in the nest, because he doesn’t want Luffy knowing how much of an effect that tone in Zoro’s voice has on him.

“Right,” Luffy says with a nod. Detangling where he has his limbs wrapped around the two of them so he can leave.

“Have fun,” he says before slipping out of the room but Sanji isn’t really paying attention to him anymore. Much more focused on how Zoro is climbing on top of him, alpha-scent thick in the air.

“Don’t want anyone else taking me?” Zoro asks, all teeth.

“Shut up,” Sanji says, pulling him closer for a kiss.

[beanghostprincess]

well since you asked so nicely, what are all your straw hats sexuality (and gender identity?) headcanons :D

ps you dont have to explain them all if it's too much for you ^^

I love you so much for this mwah mwah /p I love when people send me asks like this <33

: ̗̀➛ [Luffy] Sexuality: Aspec. I'm very, very specific with this so I would have to write a whole paragraph to explain it well, but I'll try to do it in fewer words. I used to headcanon Luffy as asexual but the demi-sexual headcanon is growing on me. Only sexual with Zoro, though. Like- I ship Luffy with more people but imo he only feels sexually attracted to Zoro. Something something 'the bond between a captain and his first mate'. Romantic attraction: I can see him being demi-romantic (once again only romantic with Zoro. Or Sanji, even) but I personally see their relationship very Aroaspec QPR. Aromantic and Demi-sexual with a very deep bond with his first mate and his cook. Gender: Transmasc. Demi-boy. He/They. I think he, like, resonates more with being a boy but still doesn't fit the binary enough to be one. And transmasc because. Well. Have you seen him?

: ̗̀➛ [Zoro] Sexuality: Homosexual. Gay. The gayest man you've ever seen. I think he's demi-sexual too in the sense that only Luffy or Sanji would make him go insane and aroused, but he would sleep with other men just because. Like fr, just because he can. Idk. Homosexual behavior everywhere. He's so fucking gay. If there was a gay contest between OP characters he would probably win or end up in a tie with Nami, Law, and Kid. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic. This dude is obsessed with his captain only. First mate things. I seriously believe that being a first mate makes you inherently unable to fall in love with somebody else. Well, perhaps Sanji too, but I'm not that much of a Zosan so I don't think about how they would work. And still, he'd be Demiro anyway. Gender: Transmasc guy because, once again, have you seen him? Dude even has a scar on his chest. Man tits. Love him. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Nami] Sexuality: Graysexual Lesbian. Some might argue with me on this because she has a different girlfriend every arc, but I honestly think that she only feels genuine sexual attraction sometimes and it's not often. Playfully flirting doesn't equal genuine sexual attraction. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic Lesbian. Because, once again, people might not agree with me, but I think she doesn't have crushes often and she falls into more of a romantic gray area. Never with men, though. God forbid. Never with men. That much is clear, I hope. Gender: Demi-girl. She/They. My babygirl. My girlboss. Like I said with Luffy, I think she embraces being a girl but still doesn't fall into that term exactly and doesn't mind They/Them or more androgynous looks/terms at all. In fact, she loves them.

: ̗̀➛ [Usopp] Sexuality: Bisexual. I love him. He be pulling blonde bitches everywhere and by blonde bitches I mean Kaya and Sanji. Something that always makes me and my BFF laugh is the fact that he's canonically very normal about women's bodies, unlike Brook or Sanji or even Franky. Like, he's pretty decent and respectful and he's, well, a normal human being. I appreciate the bare minimum when half of the characters are perverts sometimes. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. Pretty much the same thing I just said. Simple guy. So true, king. Although I like the Demi-romantic headcanon and I think he doesn't really get love at first sight and would be bothered by Sanji's view on this. I think Usopp is somebody who needs intimacy to develop a romantic crush on someone. So, yeah, I also like the demi-romantic thing but this could be just me trying to make everyone Arospec for no reason other than projecting. Gender: Non-binary. He/They but prefers They/Them, he just doesn't expect people to use those pronouns, and it isn't that big of a deal. Also transmasc. I'm obsessed with that, honestly. However, I think he wouldn't use the term Non-binary? I think he'd just use Unlabeled, perhaps.

: ̗̀➛ [Sanji] Sexuality: Bisexual with a high preference for girls. For obvious reasons. Romantic attraction: Birromantic too. He's a hopeless romantic. Believes in love at first sight and everything. Gender: Transfem. Genderfluid. Any pronouns. I love you, Sanji. You're real to me. And I'm not explaining my reasons for these headcanons because watching the show is enough for you to understand this, but between his trauma and Momoiro Island... Like... I know what you are, girly pop. The closet is glass and the egg is hatching and you need to come out. Oda, please, let her ou-

: ̗̀➛ [Chopper] This one's just, like, Chopper. Chopper is Chopper. I don't think about this much. He canonically likes female reindeer. I have nothing else to say. Gender? Little guy. Sexuality? Honestly, if somebody gives him a reindeer boyfriend I support that. So bisexual and birromantic, I guess. I don't know how it works for him. I don't think he cares. It's not that he's too young because he's canonically a teenager already, I just don't think they've encountered enough reindeer for me to form an opinion on this. Why the hell am I writing so much to say something so fucking stupid. I'm sorry. Let's move on.

: ̗̀➛ [Vivi] Sexuality: Demi-sexual Lesbian. I don't think she's ever thought about sex as something she wants or feels attracted to. At least not until Nami shows up. Romantic attraction: Lesbiab. Lebanese. Dyke. Bollera in Spanish. Girl kisser. Woman liker. Homosexual. No men allowed between her legs and her heart. Friend of Ellen, as Annie Edison would say. Gender: I think she's a cis girl. She/Her. Would literally punch violently anyone who misgendered somebody from the crew. My princess. My girlfriend, actually. Her pronouns are loveof/mylife.

: ̗̀➛ [Robin] Sexuality: Bisexual but also probably Graysexual because I don't think she feels attraction often and doesn't really get aroused if it doesn't come with other emotions. Preference for big, and gentle men. By big, gentle men I mean Franky and Jinbe. And by gentle I mean Brook. The four of them together, btw. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I think she's just, like, vibing. Learning to love. She has so much trauma she deserves to be in a tender relationship and she just happens to be with four men but she knows how to appreciate a woman. Gender: Transfem. She/Her. You know those older trans women who give the most comforting, calm, mature energy in the world? That's Nico Robin. Gonna keep it SFW but she tops Franky 100%. And also helped Sanji with her transition. I love this. Please adopt me, Robin. She's perfect.

: ̗̀➛ [Franky] Sexuality: Bisexual. If a man doesn't know how to appreciate another man's beauty, then he isn't manly enough. Women are perfect. Men are perfect. He's wonderful. I love him. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I swear to fucking god he has something going on with Jinbe and Brook and Robin. I am so not normal about them- Gender: Cis man but he'd probably consider being a cyborg a third, secret gender, so I'm gonna let him have that too. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Brook] Sexuality: Bisexual classy grandpa. The fact that he's a gentle grandpa has a lot to do with his sexuality (no it doesn't). He might be a pervert around women but at least he supports consent, so, he's better than Sanji here. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic because I feel he doesn't get real crushes easily. Especially since his boyfriend (his former captain) died. The trauma he probably has around romance now, damn. Gender: Hear me out he's the most Unlabeled thing ever. He/They. He's just bones and most people don't even know how to tell the difference between sexes when it comes to bones. Robin is actually the only one who knows his AGAB and she doesn't care anyway, so. Gender norms are bullshit and he's just the Soul King.

: ̗̀➛ [Jinbe] Sexuality: Graysexual and Bi. He's somewhere there in the Ace spectrum. I just don't know where. I think he's, like, not that interested in bodies and sex? He would only have sex with somebody he loves and it wouldn't even be for the arousal and the attraction. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic, which is not the same as gray. Because I think he'd need, like, to spend time with Robin/Franky/Brook to form a deep bond and then he'd slowly and gently start falling for them individually. I swear I am so normal. Please, they should adopt me. I want the four of them to be my parents. Gender: Cis man. He/Him. Biggest trans supporter in the whole fucking world.

The Going Merry is actually called the Going Liberal and the Thousand Sunny is technically the Theysand Sunny and with the help of their ships the straw hats are trying to find the Woke Piece.

[uniquetosmbody]

Howdy i love your art and i was curious what are the characters roles in you recent zosan au. Sanji and nami are dancers, zoro some important client of some kind, but like who are ace and luffy in this

I imagine this au like this:

The reference (base of the story) was a very famous TV series (magnificent century), so if you know it, you can immediately understand a lot:

Sanji, Nami, Vivi and others are dancers, concubines in the possession of an influential person (I do not know who from the characters lol)

Crocodile is their mentor, gives instructions, and hires all concubines. Everything goes by his order

Zoro is an influential traveler, a bounty hunter. He came to visit a friend (?) or just an honorable person.

Luffy and Ace are ones of the many employees of this house. Cleaning, laundry, training, guards, hunting, etc is their job.

I don't think I'm going to continue this au (I actually created it for fun and didn't think there would be anything further than the first couple arts)

But for the sake of just expanding a lil bit the universe of this au:

1. I wanted to add Usopp as Sanji's best friend. He with Nami and Vivi could dissuade /insist on continuing the relationship with Zoro/ Ace

2. Among the readers' ideas, I liked that Crocodile has feelings for Sanji. (He may be hiding it, but he is secretly jealous Sanji to any guest he need to spend time with)

3. I'm sure Sanji is not the only guy among the dancers. Who are the others? Maybe you can find out in the future.

4. The seed for the next chapter: Hiyori is waiting for Zoro around the corner, and when she encounters him "accidentally" asks to take her to the concubines' room. Zoro agrees to let the situation with Sanji out of his head, but he can't do it. Along the way, he doesn't even listen to the conversation. They run into Sanji at the door. Hiyori does not miss the chance to openly flirt with Zoro in front of Sanji. Sanji immediately runs into the room, being in shock.

5. Double jealousy? Perhaps... hehe

6. From the very beginning, I wanted to add Doflamingo, Law and other characters, but they need suitable roles. So far, I have neither ideas nor the desire to add them.

So that's how it is~

Thank you so much for the support🫶 I really appreciate it

maybe one day I’ll continue this au, but I need time for plot cause atm it doesn’t have it 😂

That’s the most recent part of the dancer au im talking about, in case someone doesn’t know what I’m talking about, there’s also a link in it to other parts 🫂

[three-writing-corner]

Part of That World

Characters/Pairings: ZoSan

Rating/Warnings: G

Prince Sanji falls in love with a sea monster lurking off of Baratie's shores, and is determined to prove he means them no harm. When he finds a shipwrecked sailor, he also finds an ally in his quest - and perhaps something more.

Happy mermay friends and neighbors! To celebrate here is a sea monster Zoro au based on @8balldoodles art!

[reineydraws]

Hello, I am the anon who theorized about Zoro's background. Now I'm thinking about the rest of the strawhats! But I understand if this is outside of your interests, since most of your op art is about akataka family

Today I got Sanji. (I expect him to be really good at figure skating, considering his fighting style!).

Childhood: Judge decided the boys would go into hockey and Reiju into figure skating. Sanji, however, did not perform well thanks to his father "teaching style". He actually favored figure skating and would practice it with his mom - Sora being a retired athlete. The rest of his family reacted badly to him liking a "girly" sport, but Reiju trained with him in secret.

Teen: under the guidance of Zeff, Sanji learns to love hockey. However, he started denying any love for figure skating after leaving his birth family. The rest of his brother all went into different winter sports

I imagine the pirates suffer a heavy loss, and everyone goes into specialized training (the time skip, if you will).

There comes the Kamabakka, which I imagine is an organized group of gender non-conforming people who are either:

A) Figure skaters

B) Hockey players with strong figure skating backgrounds

After training with them, his skating style gains much more speed (sky walking)

hello again anon!!! i am always interested in strawhat content haha, and zosan was actually my entering point (i just ended up latching hard onto akataka lol) so im totally happy to talk about this!

(btw this is anon's prev ask about zoro's bg in the op hockey au.)

i actually love the idea that sanji struggles with the gender stereotypes of it all, and how he starts with loving figure skating but ends up getting into hockey anyways! and i love the B option for the kamabakka!!! sanji learning to skate so fast it's like he's walking on the sky!!! 🤩 also the idea that they might do a drag-on-ice show... love.

and now im just thinking about a pirates team for-charity show put on with the help of the cross guild, where mihawk performs, but also gets zoro to do something and zoro finds out sanji also used to do figure skating and they end up doing a pairs thing together. also, sanji in a dress and figure skates... 💘

re: the "heavy loss" i've said before that ace probably ends up suffering a career-ending something bc of shitty ref akainu during a pirates vs whitebeards game, so i suppose i'm imagining less of a specialized training, and more of like an existential "what does this mean for our careers" sort of thing for the players, and the guilt they must feel.

and then rayleigh (or maybe kuma? who can be a sports counselor? who perhaps had trouble with some higher-ups trying to manipulate him into falsifying some health records so some players can keeo going even tho it wasn't recommended? idk) encourages them on the off-season to seek something else besides just hockey training, and luff goes with rayleigh, zoro ends up moving back in with his dad (mihawk) for the summer, and sanji discovers the kamabakka, etc etc etc.

but ye, love the food for thought! thanks for the ask!!!

[the-music-maniac]

I think what drives me a little crazy (in a good way) about zosan as a ship is - ironically - that they're willing to do the worst possible thing, to sacrifice, for a necessary goal unrelated to their relationship. By that I mean that a common romance trope is an individual being willing to sacrifice the world, anything and anyone else, for their lover, and zosan is...not that. And for some reason that drives me more feral than that other romance trope ever possibly could. I find that more romantic than "I would burn the world for you" and I'll explain why.

The root of their specific willingness to sacrifice isn't a shortage of love or care by any means, but a complete trust and understanding of each other. To the absolute core of who they are. I'm going to refer specifically to that agreement between zosan (that I got spoiled on, so apologies if I get details wrong, I haven't gotten there in the story yet - ALSO spoiler warning if you haven't gotten to around Wano, so click away).

.

.

.

I'm referring to Sanji telling Zoro to kill him if he changes after his stint in Germa, and Zoro agreeing without need for an explanation, telling Sanji to survive until then - that is so fucking romantic to me, and people hold it up as proof that they don't care about each other but to me, it's anything but.

There is a burden of duty to being the wings of the pirate king, and they both take that responsibility seriously. They're both devoted to their captain and to their crew, and to the dreams of their crew. Zoro perhaps more outwardly unwaveringly so, but Sanji is devoted too, different from Zoro but equal in intensity. There are moments when you can TELL they're on the same wavelength, moments where Zoro gives a rare speech on the dynamics of their crew and Sanji is silent because he agrees. Sanji is terrified of hurting his found family, and he's terrified of becoming like his brothers and father. He loves his nakama and so he's willing to sacrifice his own life to prevent from turning into that type of monster.

Zoro is similar. He is willing to die for his nakama, and their dreams. They are in complete understanding of that point. Death itself is not something that scares either of them, there are some things that are worth the price. Potentially for different reasons ahem self worth issues ahem Sanji ahem but that's still something they both understand. Zoro would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat to save Sanji (he already has at Thriller bark), Sanji would do the same (again. Thriller bark), so it's not remotely because they don't care or love each other. They are absolutely willing to give all they are to keep each other from outside harm.

But what happens if the threat to the crew is Sanji himself?

Sanji asks Zoro to be the one to kill him, because Zoro is the only one on the crew who he trusts 100% to do so, to fulfill the promise, who understands. I personally think Luffy would try to save his nakama, even beyond what is possible, at his own detriment. The other crew members would probably do the same (then again I'm still not through the show so feel free to disagree with my interpretation).

But Zoro could do it if it came to that. It would be awful, and it would shatter and change him, irreversibly, heartbreakingly so - I don't agree with people who say Zoro would kill his nakama without hesitation and be fine with it out of loyalty to his captain, Zoro has a heart y'all and he loves his crew - but he could grit his teeth and do it if he realizes it is necessary, that there is no other option. Sanji trusts him to keep his word, to protect the rest of their family. Do you know how telling it is about the level of regard you have for your partner, to trust them to the point where you can easily place the well being of almost all you both treasure into their hands, once you realize you can't be the one to protect it anymore, and know without a shadow of a doubt that it'll be safe as long as it's with them? With knowing they're strong enough to accept the heavy burden of having your blood stain their hands for the rest of their life, the blame for your death on their shoulders, the shadow of you in every single thing they do, inescapable and marking every facet of their life forever? And to trust that they'll not only accept those consequences without hesitation because it's what you asked of them, but will also protect what you both treasure until their last breath, without you even needing to EXPLAIN that that's what you're asking to them to do, because it's the obvious, it's what you've both been doing all this time, it's something you both know so well that no words need to be exchanged, no reassurances need to be given.

And the implication of Sanji wanting Zoro to do this task too, of being okay dying by Zoro's hands because they're equals in every way. Especially since their fighting dynamic is mostly a competitive, I'm stronger than you, I'll never lose to someone as weak as you, blah blah. This is proof that that's not what Sanji and Zoro actually think of each other. Sanji knows that they could kill each other if either of them truly tried for one - wouldn't have asked Zoro to kill him otherwise. Sanji is also fine with Zoro being the one to defeat him. There is an inherent (kinda fucked up) romance to that notion. 'If I have to die, let it be by your hands.'

And on Zoro's part, there's an inherent fucked up romance to keeping your lover close forever because your fingers are stained with the necessity of their blood.

fUCK.

(here is a caveat that I'm viewing this in a scenario where Sanji and Zoro have established that they love each other and are potentially in a relationship. If it's before that you could also flavour it with Sanji's "I love him but I think it's unrequited, actually I think he may hate me, so it would hurt him the least to be the one to kill me" which is JUICY, but just for this post I'm viewing it where they've already established that they're valuable to each other, that they care)

How am I supposed to look at that and not fucking die. It's so much more nuanced and romantic to me personally than "I would burn the world for you" because that trope at its core is a selfish sort of protection. I can 100% see how people find it romantic, don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you if you like that trope, that's so valid. It's "I can't live without you" and "I would choose you above all others" which is romantic, but it's romantic in a different way. Depending on the characters, it's also, I would go to extremes to make sure you're alive, even if there's nothing else left after the carnage except for each other, even if everything else that makes life worth living has been destroyed for survival, and we can only ever rely on each other for the rest of time. I only care about you but not anything else you care about. I won't try to save it, even if you tell me to, even if you want me to, and won't forgive me for all I've done because I can't bear the burden of you not being alive and around anymore.

I get why it's compelling, but that trope could ignore (depending on how it's written) everything else that person could hold dear. Ignores potentially, the agency of the person being protected, a character who could have accepted the consequences and have not wanted the world to burn for their sake, who is strong enough for that burden. And true, maybe the character isn't like that, maybe they just want simply to live a life (valid of them, people are allowed to want happy endings for themselves), but my point is, it's a different archetype of romance for a different archetype of character, but it seems to be more accepted as a romantic trope then zosan's dynamic and I think it shouldn't be that way.

Zosan is the opposite. It suits their character type perfectly. For them, it's "there are things that are worth more than even you and me. I love you, knowing who you are and how you view the world and what other things you value. I love you everyday on purpose, not hopelessly or illogically or blindly, even knowing you may not always choose me. I'm willing to accept the pain of that, just to be next to you. The time we share isn't any less valuable for being fleeting and impermanent. I care about the things you care about and our lives are also worth living because of those things. It would tear me apart irreversibly to hurt you, but I would do it if you asked it of me, I would do it if that's what this life demands of us. I know you can protect what we both love, even if I'm not beside you. I respect your choices. In this, we understand each other perfectly."

THAT is my shit. That's the fucking deranged ass bs that has me staring at my ceiling at 3 am, pacing the floors at 6 in the morning, gnawing on conkcrete like a rabid dog. Brain rot brain rot brain rot.

[lex-munro]

[More Like Grand-Ish: Part 7] Cake

OPLA ZoSan randomness continues; Sanji’s POV and speech use UK English.

A teeny little flangsty tidbit as a treat for morale.

Timeline is shortly after Alabasta, in that nebulous pre-Water-7 period that’s ripe for filler arcs—let’s call it about two weeks after Reverie. Yes, they will go to Skypeia. No, I don't know if I'll write anything set there.

The layout of the Merry is kind of a hybrid—her upper decks are set up like OPLA, with the tangerines on the poop deck and the helm on the quarterdeck instead of in the galley, but her lower decks are set up like the official blueprint from the manga/anime.

Canon divergent/universe alterations, gay!Zoro and anything-that’s-pretty-enough!Sanji, Zoro still hasn’t warmed up to Miss All-Sunday (but she’s used to being stoned out of town so his relatively gentle grumpiness is a Nice Change), Sanji tends not to think about how his actions make men (especially Zoro) feel, Zoro thinks if he says it enough times he’ll stop being upset, ubiquitous bad language.  Recognizeable characters belong to Netflix, Oda, Jump, etc.

 ***

Cake

  Sanji was only trying to be nice.  Really.  Miss Robin had turned a new leaf, was no longer the dastardly ‘Miss All-Sunday.’  She’d needed somewhere to belong, and the Going Merry was a place for all kinds of misfits.  The world’s greatest archeologist, wanted from childhood for the crime of surviving genocide, seemed like a fine fit (certainly most of them had come to value her company and expertise).

And also, she was beautiful and had very nice breasts.

(Which was unrelated to her value as a human being and how much she genuinely deserved compassion after her ordeals, of course.  It was just a bonus…a pair of very nice bonuses.)

He needed to test his recipe if it was ever going to be a staple in his fantasy-restaurant, after all, and a refined lady like Miss Robin would be able to give constructive feedback (Vivi would’ve been ideal, obviously, but Alabasta was far behind them now).

But Zoro, it seemed, was taking the whole thing the wrong way, and was extremely…something.  Pissed off?  Jealous?  Hurt?  Sanji couldn’t quite tell, but it was bad.

“I know I haven’t won him over just yet,” Robin said kindly.  “I’ll have to wait for a chance to prove myself, that’s all.”

Sanji, staring at the door of the galley (recently slammed after dark, assessing eyes went from Sanji to Robin to the cake), grimaced.  “I don’t think it’s necessarily a case of winning the mosshead over.”

She looked at him, ate another bite of cake, and casually said, “I don’t think much of a man who upsets his lover and doesn’t go after him.”

That flustered him slightly, because for the first three days she was on the ship, she didn’t seem to have noticed that he and Zoro were an item (possibly because of the low-level bickering that had gone on about her general presence and whether they should dump her in the sea to drown), and even after public affection and a week of bedrest and doting, she had never even referred obliquely to their relationship.

Robin set her fork down and sighed.  “Mister Cook, please don’t take this the wrong way—only a damn fool wouldn’t run after him when he looked like that over you serving me a slice of cake.  You clearly have some things to sort out, or perhaps his needs aren’t being met—I’m sure I don’t know.  But you should go.  Now.”

Sanji grunted, but went out to follow her frankly good advice.

Would Zoro be in the men’s cabin, pretending to sleep?  Sulking in the crow’s nest?  Sunning himself on the deck?  A glance up the mast showed Usopp surveying the horizon with the spyglass.  At the helm, Miss Nami made a face and pointed.

Sanji went behind and below as directed, and found Zoro stretched out beside the tangerines on the poop deck with his eyes closed.

“I know you’re not asleep,” Sanji said carefully.  “Your jaw’s clenched too tight.  I can hear your teeth grinding.”

“Then go somewhere else,” Zoro said bluntly.

“Okay, you’re upset, I get that—”

“I’m not upset.”

“Yeah, sure, ‘cos you always stomp away in a huff and then tell me to piss off afterward when you’re not upset.”

“Why would I be upset?” Zoro asked without opening his eyes.  “You’ve always liked pretty girls, and I’ve never liked sweets, so of course you’d give some pretty woman who tried to kill us and destroy a whole country the first taste of the cake you’re gonna make at your restaurant someday.”

Sanji pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed a frustrated growl before it could fully escape.  “Exactly.  Even leaving aside that unfair oversimplification of what happened in Alabasta, why would I make you test something you probably won’t like?”

“For the restaurant you keep saying would be on our ship,” Zoro added.

“But you don’t like—” Sanji said, and had to stop himself before he went from frustrated to angry.

“I said I’m not upset,” Zoro insisted.  “I went a month without you, back at Tuni; I can wait however long it takes you to either get bored with her or decide I’m not worth the bother.”

“That is fucking bullshit, and you’re being completely unfair.”

“Right, because your track record with shiny new girls is great.  Currently, the longest is two weeks, because we almost never stay in one place for more than a week, and Vivi had to stay in Alabasta.  I still don’t know who should be more insulted by your fawning:  them or me.”

And Sanji had no argument for that.  It was true, he would absolutely neglect Zoro if there was a lovely young lady present.  He suddenly felt ashamed of making Zoro doubt him.  His boyfriend, his lover, the man he came home to every night and wanted to grow old with, was still waiting for the time Sanji looked away at some girl and never looked back.

“I understand,” Zoro said earnestly.  “They’re fancy, and delicate, and graceful.  They’re clean, and polite, and…and they’re not boring, obsessive wet blankets.  Of course you’d rather spend time with them.  Just don’t fucking lie about it.  Don’t pretend like I’m fun to be around, or whatever.”

“You are, though,” Sanji said.  “I mean—not fun, exactly, but I like being around you.  Wanting to be around them doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.  You can want more than one thing, and so can I.”

Zoro flashed a thin smile, but still didn’t open his eyes.  “Yeah.  Because I’m too much and not enough at the same time.  Story of my fuckin’ life.”

“You’re not—will you please stand up and have a fucking conversation with me?”

“Why should I have to stand up while you lecture me about being clingy and selfish and obsessive and insecure?” Zoro retorted.

“Why the hell would I lecture you about—God, you don’t make any damn sense!”

But wait…

“Exactly,” Zoro huffed.  “I don’t make sense to you.  Why would I be insecure?  It’s not like you flirt with everything in a skirt, right?  It’s not like you constantly complain about my snoring, or my table manners, or how I don’t spend my water ration smelling nice for you.  It’s not like I’m such a loser you had to learn advanced first aid to take care of my dumb ass.  It’s not like I have recurring dreams about the whole crew being replaced without me noticing, or dreams where I’m so sure you were replaced, but it turns out you really did just get sick of me.  And even if any of that’s true, it’s my shit, for me to deal with instead of trying to make it somebody else’s problem, so will you please just fucking leave me alone to be pathetic in peace?”

Sanji immediately stretched out on the warm deck and said, “Never, darling.  If you couldn’t see through Corrin’s disguise, that’s because I didn’t give you any reason to doubt I might suddenly turn you away, and that’s my shit, for me to deal with.”

Zoro covered his face with his hands.

But Sanji remembered him sobbing his heart out in the galley, so lonely and so relieved that even he couldn’t remain stoic any longer.  So Sanji gathered him close and said, “I’m sorry.  I love you so much, and I don’t want you to have to doubt that.  I meant it when I said I can’t wait to grow old with you…reckon we could find someone willing to register a marriage license for us?”

Zoro made a muffled choking noise and peered at him with just one eye uncovered.  Then he bolted up into a sitting position, tear-tracks gleaming on his startled face, and said, “If this is a joke, I will replace all your seasonings with oregano.  And then I’ll kick your fucking ass.”

Sanji sat up as well, serious and attentive.  “It’s not a joke, precious.  I’d love to be your husband.”

“You’re not just doing it to make me feel better?” Zoro checked.  “You actually want to?”

“Mm.  And then I can tell all the lovely ladies that I’m an honest man, taken by a lovely fellow who needs all my care and attention.  You know, ‘Roronoa Sanji’ has a nice rhythm to it.”  It did, and it would let him cast off his last ties to his shitty family.

“We can’t get married just because of a fight!” yelped Zoro, and he looked genuinely panicked.

“We’re not.  We’re getting married because I love you and I don’t want you to constantly wonder whether I’ll forget that.  So.  We’re gonna get married, we’re gonna have a marriage license from the shitty World Government because I think it’d be hilarious, I’m gonna wear a ring so that nobody—especially me—forgets that I’ve got someone amazing to call home, we’re gonna chase after our dreams, and we’re gonna have our own ship with a world-famous galley where I will serve chiffon cake that tastes like a barrel of oregano, if that’s what makes my sweetheart happy.”

Zoro covered his face again, but his ears were turning redder by the second, so Sanji reeled him in and stroked his back (and didn’t mention the damp patch on his shoulder).

Chopper and Usopp peered down at them from the quarterdeck.  “So,” said Usopp.  “We need to find a port with a governmental office so we can get a marriage license.”

“We’ll be in range of a Newscoo by tonight,” Nami called.  “We could send off for one.”

Zoro flipped them all off without lifting his head.

  .End.