#getting endlessly frustrated
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put ur fingers in my mouth so i can bite them off
#🍯#still fuckin doin chem#i literally wasnt in lab 4 this i dont know how im supposed 2 answer these fuckin questions abt lab#what am i looking at dude#getting endlessly frustrated#sometimes my profs r rlly chill n helpful#n sometimes they tell me that the lab report questions r still due even tho i have no fuckin idea what lab was abt#ugh#vent#anyway teehee
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i hate grad school so much this shit is so boring and stupid
#just getting endlessly frustrated with the content as well as the classes#i know when im actually at my job and can do the things i want to do this wont feel so bad#plus the info ill be working with will be 8 billion times better than the stupid ass fake case studies i have to do this project based on#and ill be able to ask for better clarification than the vague ass stuff my professor is giving me#but right now i am just stressing myself out bad over this stupid UDL AT assignment because the professor wants me to overaccommodate
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tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.
#i wish guilt wasnt a factor here#i feel bad about not providing content#idk i just#its 7am here and i havent slept quite yet#im really sad right now#like on the verge of tears but theyre not coming#im saving up to get back on hrt but its so fucking goddamn expensive#my hormones are having a fucking hard time balancing themselves i think#like theres a mountain of problems im faced with right now and theyre too real and i just want to burrow into the recesses of my own mind#and like stay there forever#it sucks when the “i feel broken” thing is manifesting in very real ways#when like your mental health issues are causing real tangible problems n shit#ive been too depressed and lacking in motivation to do anything with my life and its put me in a hole i dont feel capable of crawling from#im just#endlessly frustrated at my inability to function#which gets more potent the longer it goes on and the worse things get#blegh when did this become a vent post no thanks#whatever#people have already unfollowed me in the last 2 weeks of inactivity why should i hold myself back from posting this#i feel like im supposed to turn to drugs at this point lol#like thats the logical progression here#shame thats not a thing im willing to do#unless someone links me to a dubious but entirely safe source of adderall or something#amphetamines save me.....#i need sleep#fuck
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I am pro all body hair but i will be so very vocal about bush particularly, and hair on women specifically, because it is still so stigmatized.
With regard to hair in general... how a feature that all adult human bodies display naturally became inherently masculine, i will never fucking understand. It's absurd, full stop.
But the way women are expected to put sharp blades or hot wax near some of the most sensitive skin we have, on a regular basis, just a default run of the mill expectation? That's heinous. It's called more hygienic despite often creating microcuts in the skin, and patently not being more cleanly. People are expected to "tidy up" around bikini lines- again, because hair is dirty??? It's not allowed to be shown because it's vulgar- not to mention the expectation that we wear bathing suits skimpy enough that that's a risk, but, i dont care how skimpy it is. If a man can wear a speedo without shaving anything .....why would a woman have to trim, shave, wax, etc? It disgusts me how much physical maintenance is expected as the bare minimum for women.
And i dont give a fuck if you choose to remove hair from whereever on your body. That's your personal choice and this post is not an invitation to go on about how you just like it better or whatever your reasoning is. Respectfully, whatever. It is undeniable that it is Less socially acceptable to forgo removing hair and a few people saying that it's okay not to do it or even, gasp, talking about why they personally don't, has nothing on the droves of messaging people get that insists women should be hairless.
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ok so knee deep in girls to the front which is incredibly interesting to hold up against dance of days. but the number one thing that keeps itching at my brain is like. I feel like so much of the discussion around riot grrl does a disservice to the fact this community was full of literal teenagers, both from the standpoint of why they were taking the specific actions they were, with what little political power young women are able to wield, but also explains why riot grrl... isn't perfect like god forbid the radical thought i had at seventeen doesn't just start a very public and easily hated youth moment but is also scrutinized and held up forever as The Thing You Believe Now. so much of my personal issue re: riot grrl is with the Canon and the retrospective understanding of the scene and much much less to do with the actual things fermenting in young people's minds/motivating them into taking actionable steps to mitigate unrelenting patriarchy because it's admirable to see young people take those steps.
#it also imo immediately explains the generation gap like many older punk women in dc did not go to riot grrl meetings#even if they went to revolution summer girl style shows and were involved#and like i am frustrated by the way riot grrls cut themselves off from those groups of older punk women#for not having this same line of reasoning regarding gender and a specific feminism#but like thats the same frustration i have for dischord punks for kinda doing the same thing re: older folks#like the connection btw dc and riot grrl is so fascinating bc a lot of the contours of the ideology is similar w/similar trajectory too#i do get endlessly entertained when 19 year olds with zero music history experience complain about ian mackaye in riot grrl docs#like that dude will be in docs for scenes he literally doesnt remember.... he was actually materially involved in riot grrl dc.... so funny#anyway#this is me being charitable before somthing inevitably pisses me off#my posts
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Bdubs!!!!!
#hermitcraft#bdubs#I love that guy#me and him follow the same artists#i'm a huge fan of concept artists#it's one of my biggest frustrations#I wanna be them#but my skills are severely lacking#he has been singing praises about Feng Zhu for months now and I went “=O what” I've actually watched Feng Zhu long before Bdubs and HC#which I find really cool#and I saw him get Ian Mcque's Mileships#who I referenced for his sky tugboat#*rambles endlessly*
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Gabriel: I promise you I'm going to regain control over Adrien and seize all the Miraculous. Ladybug's, Cat Noir's and the Peacock. As it turns out, Félix had the bright idea of leaving this behind during has last visit. (Hands Tomoe the special high-tech lens Félix dropped during his investigation of the manor in "Risk".)
I realize this is small potatoes in the large scheme of things, but why does Gabriel have that lens in the first place? We see Adrien pick it up TWICE. End of Risk, and beginning of Strike Back.
Admittedly we don't see what he does with it but I had ASSUMED that this was leading somewhere.
Mea culpa, I suppose.
#ml salt#miraculous ladybug#look all I wanted was for Adrien to get the hyper gothic 'my mother's corpse is in our basement' moment that his cousin got#is that too much to ask :(#It is endlessly frustrating to me that real-life adult projects just are and end up being just as shoddy as school group projects.#And for the exact same reasons too! overwork. pressure from superiors. disagreements.#I'm telling you friends illusion DESTROYED
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Saturday afternoon I ran into Gibernau in the paddock. "I heard that tomorrow HRC are having a press conference," he said. "That's right, just after the race," I replied. "You'll say you're staying at Honda, won't you?" he asked. "No, actually. I'll announce I'm moving to Yamaha," I answered. I saw a flash in his eyes. First astonishment, then happiness. I could tell he had done some quick thinking and figured that it would only be good for him. He reckoned that I wouldn't do much on a Yamaha. I could read it on his face, just as I later could read it in the faces of so many other people who doubted me and my choice.
Valentino Rossi in his 2005 autobiography, What if I had never tried it
#brr brr#//#sg15#vale's autobiography is unsurprisingly circumspect about the details of that relationship and how and why it deteriorated#but the little details we get are so interesting#vale always wanted to prove people wrong. endlessly aware of people's expectations of him. always willing to play with them to subvert them#literally he wanted to do 'call an ambulance but not for me' like that's one of his career go-to's. he loves being the comeback kid#it must be endlessly frustrating that he came so close to pulling off the greatest trick of them all and fell just a little bit short#i think you always have to be quite careful with him when you're talking about his 'desire to win' as if it's that straightforward or pure#of course he wants to win but it's also about what he's trying to SAY when he wins. what he's trying to do with it. what's the statement#it's what a lot of the celebrations are about at their core - sending a message. symbiotic relationship b/n victory + expressing identity#leaving to go to yamaha in 2004 was done with the full awareness that a title that year was unlikely. that it might take at least a year#if he stays at honda he sleepwalks to a title. but he just can't do it if he feels like the victory is being claimed + defined by others#ten is just a number. but when nobody thought you could claim it? then it's the most precious number of them all#curse tag#clown tag
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Parents: Don't parent your brother Me: Parent your son
#Vent#Maybe it's cuz I was born in the early 2000's#But like my god the things my brother gets away with#if I tried any of that at his age with my parents I'd be practising hand shakes with the Grim Reaper#God help me if I had dared use the language and attitude he does with my grandparents#Like they say don't parent your brother but also make sure he doesn't go out and make sure he rings us to tell us when he's back from schoo#and make sure he has dinner and that if he goes out his phone is charged and#LIKE IS THIS NOT THE STUFF YOU SHOULD BE DOING??#It's just endlessly frustrating when they tell me to not parent him#and then they ask me to parent him#PICK A LANE AND STICK WITH IT
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Maximus COULD have been boring. sometimes writing a character who is so good and upright and unshakably noble and honorable results in them being bland, uninteresting. but not Maximus
#because there’s also bitterness and rage and frustration and helplessness once he becomes a gladiator#there’s a loyalty so strong it gets him in trouble#there’s guilt over not saving his family quick enough#there’s deadly hopefulness that gets him killed#he always chooses to do the right thing but that’s what makes him interesting#he finds a way to do the right thing because he’s smart and clever and cunning but also just good-hearted deep down#he longs for the simple things#he’s a man of the heart and a man of the earth#i love his goodness so much#i love his sweetness and gentleness as much as i love his fierceness and rage#he’s so deeply characterized and nuanced and complex#just because he’s good doesn’t mean he can’t be complex#i will die on his hill#maximus is the perfect hero#i love him so endlessly and i just. think he’s flawless#that is all#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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Gary I need a diagnosis and medication and money
#you know what's so so endlessly tear-my-hair-out frustrating for me is the fact that even if i had a list of everything i need#to do to get my life in order I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT !!!!!!!!!!! because of my BRAIN !!!!!! there's walls everywhere. x(#no idea if being medicated would actually help me or not but please god id like to try someday. at least just to know for sure#pluto txt
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have there been any official statements on totks timeline bc it sure seems like it's a creation all its own with very little tie in with established mythos at all
#defeating ganondorf could have been so much more fulfilling if he had any of his original motivations or even a mention of demise#but his being established as a power hungry villian at the founsing of Hyrule makes No Sense#he only became a quote unquote villian bc the royal family of hyrule left the gerudo to starve then punished them for becoming thieves#and instead of acknowledging that they made rauru and sonia SOOOO goody sweetie compassionate loving caring etc#and ganondorf is just endlessly cruel and mean and power hungry for no reason#instead of being corrupted by the shattered triforce and curse of demise in an otherwise righteous pursuit of justice#like......... i wanted vindicated & neutral arc ganon and the royal family being held accountabke#i got the exact polar complete opposite#and no postgame to boot when the whole games point is rebuilding. there should be postgame with zelda to rebuild in!!!!#eugh!!!!!!!#now none of the main characters will ever have dialogue beyond we need to kill ganon now!#while mineru and zelda are both trapped in their own purgatories#and dont even get me started on links arm magically coming back at the end i was so excited for a disabled / prosthetic link#eUGgHh#frustrated#totk#spoilers
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have been trying to get support *since monday* on a technical issue on a website i really really absolutely need to access very very urgently and either the call gets disconnected or whatever workaround they suggest *doesn't work* and they won't answer my emails either and this one particular thing can *only* be done online and i'm beyond frustrated at this point lol.
i've done the call center thing myself for a long time and i know it's not their fault and they're as frustrated as i am and have to smile through it all day before going home to have a nervous breakdown, but still i'm having a hard time not having a breakdown on the phone myself by now when i do get through to an actual person.
okay, just needed to vent here because i'm not ever going to be rude to customer service people but i do have to leave this anger somewhere. ^^
feeling like absolute shit today doesn't help.
#i have other things to do with my time and i'm not getting them done and i just want to scream#but yeah i know the person on the other end of the line is most likely having a worse time than i am because#they will actually get yelled at for this thing they can't fix#be nice to call center people. if they could help they would. nobody wants to be treated like shit.#it's still endlessly frustrating#and it's not a good mental health day anyway#i just wanna go back to bed#not a great day so far
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my brain shouting at me my whole life to draw more and write a novel and write and illustrate a graphic novel and get into improv and tattooing and making music and acting: hey what if u got way into fashion design
#it’s endlessly frustrating#but also if I get medicated some day and gain the ability to manage time#could make me incredible lol#god gave me executive dysfunction bc otherwise he knew I’d be too powerful
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question question why do you hate remus so much (also im dumb so if this is the wrong blog im referring to im sorry)
i don’t know which blog you meant to refer to 😂 but i’ll answer this anyway. i don’t hate remus!
i think i treat him quite fairly as to how he is in canon; kind, clever, gentle, manipulative, undependable, deadbeat…
i think he’s a very interesting character. he’s certainly not my favourite or anything but i do like him. i think he’s extremely flawed and fandom tends to SUPREMELY gloss over those flaws because hey you know. you can’t like someone who left one of his best friends to rot in prison for 12 years and walked out on his pregnant wife (you can, btw)
#answered#I like toxic manipulative arse remus. but he deserves to be called out#and the only one who ever does get called out is sirius#which is endlessly frustrating because he’s just. so much better. as a person#remus lupin critical
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sudden realisation that the thing holding my art back is that I never had an anime phase
#going to find a time machine and get my younger self into death note or smth#I have been driving myself insane for the past few years bc I wanna draw characters but all I know how to do is portraits#I’m trying to figure out how I could recreate smth similar now and tragically I think it does just come down to draw more :/#however! I am also going to try using brushes which will be bad for sketchiness and better for lineart bc I might need to force myself here#I just gotta simplify things down to basic shapes how hard can it be#[has been thinking this exact thing for years and it’s not worked]#I am getting better every time I do stuff I’m just not satisfied bc art is frustrating when you know what you want but can’t get there#god it’s 2am I should not be awake rn but I could draw again tonight so I was taking advantage#endlessly frustrated by hair. why is it so awkward. I need to understand hair better how do I do this#i have a feeling it’s bc I’ve not figured out how to apply the shit I figured out abt volume yet#I’m also getting impatient bc I’ve been trying to do a study thing for some art styles but I decided I wanted to draw ocs instead of that#when I hadn’t gotten to the actually important bit which was. making smth new. but I can still do that#and I ended up doing a different style anyway (someone pls stop me rounding everything make me use high opacity square brush for my health)#the Other problem is I never wanna switch brushes. like I want to use one brush for whole drawing bc the extra clicks annoy me#I wonder if there’s a shortcut to swap brushes#anyway I’m gonna stop complaining bc drawing is fun but god I wish I’d drawn some more pokey mans when I was a teenager yknow#ideally younger. would rlly like to not have to actually think to figure this out rn#I’m probably overthinking stuff anyway honestly and I KNOW I’ll get it if I practice enough but goddamn it is hard to practice#especially when my me insists on making the bad things look better by making it more realistic#instead of figuring out why the shapes aren’t working#OKAY IM DONE WITH THIS NOW. GONNA TRY NEW ART THINGS LATER STOP TALKING <3#luke.txt
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