#getting a little more confident with dye my hair in this last year

[nerdie-faerie]

My hair hasn't seen a professional since pre-pandemic but who cares its cheaper than therapy to do it yourself

[bby-blu-swirll]

hairdressing | hawks x reader

little short where a long term customer recommends her stylist (you) to a coworker of hers <3

(HELP IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM LOL)

soft rock filled the small space as you swept across the salon floor, making a small pile of your last client's blue hair. you smiled to nobody in particular, taking a deep breath. you really did love your job. it was an art to you, and every person who passed under your hands for a cut or dye felt like a small masterpiece.

you worked out of a small salon in downtown kyushu, on the cutest street corner across from a bakery. it had three stylist chairs in their respective stations, each decorated to their owners' liking. yours had small (f/c) prints along the wall, little butterflies scattered around, and your mirror was lined with some miscellaneous polaroids and string lights. at first they were just for the vibes, but you quickly noticed the majority of your clients finding a significant amount of joy in taking their instagram photos with it.

the other stations had been filled with personality of their own, belonging to your salon co-owners, two lovely people you became quick friends with in cosmetology school. however, one had clocked out for the day hours earlier and the other had no appointments, so the shop was yours to enjoy while you waited out the clock. of the three of you, you were the only one who didn't leave after the last client. you hardly made appointments before 10 am, so if you had some extra time before 6 pm, you would tidy the salon and see if you got any walk ins. if not, you closed at your 8 hour mark. every once in a while though, someone would wander in asking for a quick cut and you were always more than happy to comply.

so now was one of those evenings. your last client, coming in for a fresh trim, had walked out at 5:20. and here you were, just humming along with the music and bobbing your head.

a soft buzzing from the counter tore your attention away from the pile of blue hair you were sweeping and brought it to your phone, with an incoming call. you smiled softly at the icon, a picture of you and rumi from the last time you two had been able to go out together. at this point, it must have been months ago. she was always so busy with hero work now, which you completely understood, it just made you miss the days before she was number 5.

you had gone to the same middle school and stayed connected since. of course she went to a high school to get her hero license, (before you, too, since you met in her last year, and your first) but you wouldn't let that stop you from seeing her on weekends, or stop her from forcing you to help with the classes she didn't understand. in exchange, she let you practice on her hair to help your chances of getting into a better cosmetology school. hell, she even let you dye it once or twice. ever since, you were the only person who's cut her hair, ever.

you put the phone to your ear with a smile. "heyy, hunny bun! what's goin on?"

you heard her playfully scoff through the phone, as if you haven't been calling her that since you were 15.

"hey babes, just had a question for ya." her cheerful tone was unwavering as usual, you could practically hear her confident smile through the phone.

"mkay, shoot."

"are you with a client right now?"

you tucked your phone under your ear with your shoulder, picking up your broom and starting to sweep the pile towards the automatic vacuum in the corner. "mmm, no, my last one left just a few minutes ago, actually." you heard her say something you didn't quite catch, like she was talking to someone she was with. "why? what's up?"

"do you still take walk-ins until 6??" her tone was more eager now. you smiled a bit, wondering what for.

"yyeeaaahh?"

"oooo! okay perfect, then i have someone who desperately needs your help." you could hear annoyed and offended protests come from her line and you couldn't help but stifle a laugh. "oh shut up, you've let it grow too long and you know it! stop acting like a stubborn child." she chuckled slightly before turning her attention back to you. "think you've got time for a quick trim for my friend?"

with a small smile, you turned to the clock on the wall. "yeah, plenty actually. how far away are you guys? should i put up the closed sign in the window in case someone else comes in?"

"nah, don't worry about that. we just got off patrol like four blocks from you. should be five minutes, tops."

you stopped your sweeping and froze, just a bit. "patrol? you mean i'm doing one of your pro hero friends' hair?"

"well you've been doing mine since we were 13, i figured it wouldn't be a big deal." she sounded so casual, which was in character for her, yet still astonishing to you, considering the circumstances.

"i mean yeah, but i know how to do your iconic haircut because i've been doing it for, i don't know, almost 10 years?? not to brag, but i'm probably the only one who can do it just the way you like. but if you bring me some big shot hero and i screw up his 'do, then it's all my fault." you chuckled slightly.

"ahh, don't sweat it y/n. i know you'll do a great job. besides, it's not like i'm bringing you chris hemsworth or something, it's just someone i work with every once in a while. feel free to screw up his 'do as much as you like." her end of the call was suddenly filled with miscellaneous protests and insistent "NO, DON'T DO THAT-"'s, followed by her cackling furiously.

you couldn't help but laugh yourself. "alright, well i'm gonna finish cleaning up from my last appointment. i'll see you in a few, yeah?"

"alright see you then babes."

"buh-bye hunny bun." you hung up, smiling softly, a bit excited for whatever was coming your way.

when the golden bell above your door rang just a few minutes earlier, you were reorganizing your hair colors. as soon as you turned around, you smiled and threw yourself at rumi in a big hug, laughing as she scooped you up and spun you around. it's a habit she'd picked up way back when she first started heavy lifting.

she squealed as she squeezed you, finally setting you down. "agh, i feel like it's been so long since i've seen you!"

you chuckled slightly, rubbing the back of your neck. "yeah, it's almost like that's because it has."

your smile changed into a curious look as you remembered why she was here, looking behind her at the eye-catching scarlet pair of wings on her friend. realization dawned upon you as your eyes met his, golden and piercing, even through his tinted glasses. you huffed a laugh and smirked, cocking your head to the side. he held out a gloved hand for a shake before stopping.

"oh-" he chuckled and bit the middle finger, pulling out his hand and offering it again, flesh and bone this time, for a friendly shake. "hey, i'm-"

"hawks. i'm familiar." you smiled and laughed softly. "call me y/n."

"pleasure to meet you, y/n." the way your name rolled off his tongue made you hesitate for just a moment, biting the inside of your cheek in thought.

"likewise... hey rumi?"

"mhmm?"

"remember when you called me earlier?"

she smiled playfully. "yeah, i think so."

"yeah, and you said, 'iT's nOt LiKe i'M bRiNgiNg ChRiS hEmSwOrTh'?"

"mhm mhm i think i remember that."

"so.. wanna tell me what the number two hero is doing in my salon, oh my God?"

she laughed loudly and patted you on the back. "y/n don't worry, i promise you have nothing to stress about. now i'm gonna pop into the bakey across the street and see if i can get anything before they close, why don't you go ahead and get started?" without waiting for an answer, she was already back in your doorway. "screw him up, yeah?" she winked playfully before closing the door and making her way to the crosswalk outside.

a moment of silence passed as you watched her make her way across the street before hawks spoke up.

"sooo.... please don't screw me up, too badly."

you laughed as you prepped the rinse station for him. "oh no don't worry, you're in perfectly adequate hands."

he let out an amused hum. "i don't know, adequate has to be an understatement, if you're the one doing rumi's hair. she told me you were the one who did her hair and makeup for that magazine she was in a few months back, said you style her for every event too." he shrugged off his jacket and slipped off his glasses, dropping them in one of your lounge chairs.

his easy going tone and relaxed smile had already made you feel more at ease. "yeah... well i mean, i guess i just know her, what looks good and what she likes, you know? we go pretty far back." you chuckled, motioning for him to come take a seat.

"well whatever you end up doing to me, i'm sure it'll look great." his relaxed, almost cocky smirk rested on his face comfortably. though you thought you saw it falter for just a moment when you pressed a hand to his chest to guide him back, neck resting on the edge of the bowl, head leaning into the sink.

"well let's hope so..." you smiled softly as you lowered your voice just a bit. "let me know if the water's too hot..."

he hummed as the warm water poured over his scalp, visibly relaxing. as easy going as he always seemed, it must have been exhausting to always be on guard, looking for trouble. "mm... 's perfect."

you bit the inside of your cheek again, smiling still. he exhaled softly as you massaged the shampoo into his scalp, looking like he was sinking into the chair even more.

"hawks..?"

he opened one eye, looking up at you. "hm?"

"you okay?"

"oh, yeah... sorry," he chuckles faintly. "just, feels good... sorry if that's weird."

"oh! no, ha, not at all."

as you go along with the rest of the wash, conditioning and rinsing, you couldn't help but wonder if he ever got attention like this. as far as the media could tell, he didn't have many personal relationships, and he reacted so easily to your touch, it was like he hadn't relaxed, had personal attention like this in a while.

you moved him to the chair without many words. as you comb through his hair, you look up for just a moment and catch his eyes on yours in the mirror. you continued what you were doing, holding his gaze.

"...what?"

his smile returned with an amused exhale. "nothing, just watching you work."

you returned the expression before turning your attention back to his hair. "okay.. so rumi said you needed a trim, how much exactly am i lopping off?"

"ah, probably an inch, hardly more. it's been getting in my eyes when i'm fighting, which is like skating on thin ice, so..."

you nodded, picking up your sheers. "okay, i get you."

"i usually get it cut every few weeks to keep it manageable, but the guy who was doing that before quit on me."

you tilted your head curiously as you began trimming around his neck. "really? why's that?"

"ah, i ended up having to see him pretty often, guess he kinda got fed up." he laughed lightly.

"every few weeks is already pretty often, why would you need to see him more often than that?"

"i solve issues before they can happen. but i also assist other heroes pretty often, walking into battles that have already started. and sometimes my own situations can still get out of hand. if i get banged up, chances are so does my hair. it's been burnt, ripped out, shaved around head injuries, pretty much anything you can think of."

as he talked, you pulled strands of hair to snip. every once in a while, you would notice small-ish scars buried under his overlapping layers.

"yeah, i think i see what you mean..." you gently run your fingers over one of them, watching carefully as his eyebrows quirk up slightly.

"yeah... anyway, guess the old stylist got tired of fixing me, and ended up quitting a few weeks ago. of course, i'm basically the commission's 'golden boy'," you didn't even have to look up to know his eyes were rolling. "so i guess he was the best in the area. that's why they're looking for someone new now, and why i've been looking just a bit overgrown." he chuckled lightly.

his eyes followed as you picked out your sheers and comb, making your way in front of him. his classic smirk stayed on his face as you leaned in closer.

your voice was low as you bent over just slightly, raising his chair. "sorry, just need to do your front parts quickly..."

"no worries..."

"so... if your image is such an important part of the job, why'd they higherups trust you to someone like me?" you smiled faintly. his eyes fluttered closed as you began to trim the hair falling around them.

"actually, that was mirko's idea. she speaks pretty highly of you, ya know. besides, she thought maybe, if you did a good job, she could convince the commission to hire you to take care of me." he winked playfully. though it was perfectly in line with his personality and was likely a regular habit for him, it still made your stomach drop for a moment. "if you're interested that is. she thought you might be. no pressure, of course."

you moved back behind him as you felt your cheeks heat up, putting down your tools before facing away. "uh huh..."

"wooow, i can see why she's got so much faith in you." his smile was obvious in his voice. when you turned back to face the mirror, you saw him admiring his reflection, hair still slightly damp and falling into his eyes. "i look sexy~"

you laughed and put your hands on his shoulders. "yeah yeah, i haven't even styled it yet."

he chuckled softly turning his head from side to side with a sly grin. "i'm not even sure you need to, sweetheart. you do know best, though."

it was hard to miss the flirty tone in his voice, and harder to ignore now that he was throwing in nicknames, but you were sure it was just his personality. he was a reputation charmer, after all. his ever-lingering smile made you grip your hairdryer just a bit tighter every time you caught his gaze on yours in the mirror.

as you were adjusting his fluffy hair, you noticed the texture was slightly lacking. "hey, your hair is kinda dry..."

he quirked up an eyebrow. "really? that's weird, i take great care of my hair."

"i mean it's not too strange, high winds will definitely do that." you looked around your shelf for a moment before picking up a few products. "i can fix it though."

he watched curiously as you pumped some leave-in conditioner into your palm, rubbing your hands together. as your fingers found their way into his hair, you first saw him relax before you felt him slightly lean into your touch. he sighed contently as you took your time massaging the product into his scalp, not wanting to interrupt how relaxed he looked.

"okay..." you spoke softly, voice low. "you're all done."

you smiled and unbuttoned the cape, watching as his smile grew. "honestly? bang up job, princess. i see why you get such glowing reviews."

you laughed lightly and shrugged. "thank you, but it's really not a big deal." you turned your attention to the shelf of product again. "oh, before i forget-" you picked up a small pink tub and handed it to him. "just use this in place of your conditioner and leave it for like 5 minutes, whenever you shower. should help with the dryness a ton."

he picked up his coat and took the container from you, his fingers lingering on top of yours for just a moment. "thanks... i owe you one." he winked again, and again you felt your stomach drop.

in a matter of perfect timing, rumi finally pushed open the door of your salon again, three little bags and a coffee in hand. "hey, sorry i took so long! i ended up getting something for both of you though!"

she handed you a small bag with your favorite pastry inside, still warm. you thanked her with a warm smile, turning to hawks, who looked less amused.

"poppy seed muffin?" he scoffed, his playful smirk returning. "you're hilarious."

"ahh, i know i am." rumi laughed lightly and threw her arm around you, still looking at hawks. "nice cut, by the way. told you she could restore your sight." the three of you shared a laugh as she took a swig of her coffee. "anyway, why don't you get out of here? i'll walk y/n home and catch you later, yeah?"

he nodded. "sounds good. hey, y/n, what do i owe you for the fresh cut?"

"oh, don't worry about it. it was just a trim and last month you totally saved my block from getting blown sky high, so we'll call it even." you smiled softly as he pulled out his phone.

"aww c'mon, at lease let me tip you."

you rolled your eyes playfully, deciding to not fight him. "i have a venmo qr code on my mirror if you really feel so inclined, but really, don't worry about it."

he sauntered over to your mirror and scanned it, tapping on his phone as he made his way to your door. "thanks again! i'll get your number from rumi so i can call you up next time i need your help." his flashed his pearly whites one last time as he closed the door behind him.

you turned back to rumi, who had begun to tell you all about everything that's happened since you last sat down together, when a knock sounded from your front window. you looked out to see hawks motioning to his phone and winking one last time before he finally took off.

you smiled and knit your brows in playful confusion until you felt your phone buzz. it was a venmo from hawks, with nothing but a small heart as the note. rumi almost spit out her coffee when she saw it, and your jaw was already on the floor.

this man had just tipped you $200.

***

as it turns out, the next time hawks would "need your help" was sooner rather than later. it was hardly 5 days later when you were walking from the coffee shop across the street to your own salon when your phone rang with an unknown number. you picked it up, expecting one of your clients maybe calling to reschedule or cancel. instead, you were met with the whistling of wind and a familiar smooth talking voice.

"heyyy y/n! it's hawks, i went ahead and got your number from rumi."

"oh-" you almost stopped in the middle of the crosswalk due to your surprise. "hey, what's up? did something come up?"

"nothing bad, no. are you at work yet?"

you smirked as you pulled out the keys from your pocket, trying to find the right one as you got to your door. "just arrived, actually. why?" no response. "hawks?"

as you slipped the key into the slot, you looked down at your phone and saw the call had disconnected. "okay.."

when a sudden rush of scarlet filled your vision, you yelped and almost dropped your coffee. hawks had practically fallen from the sky and landed right next to you, standing close, his cocky grin unwavering.

"oh my God, you scared the hell out of me!" you clutched your chest, laughing and waiting for your soul to come back to your body at the same time.

he chuckled and pulled something from under his coat. "sorry 'bout that sweetheart... would these make up for it?"

he held out a small bouquet of flowers in your favorite color.

"wh- what? why..."

"when you did my hair, i noticed the ones you had on your front counter were dying. i saw these on my way in this morning and they reminded me of you and your shop, thought they would look nice in the place." he smiled as you took them gingerly. "consider it a thank you!"

you opened the salon door with an exasperated smile, feeling it grow wider when he followed you in. "well they're beautiful and i appreciate them, but believe me, the VERY generous tip was more than enough."

you put the flowers in the now empty vase, adjusting them when he got close behind you. your eyes widened as his hand found your lower back, pressing slightly, his breath close to your neck.

"c'mon princess, just let me express my gratitude~"

you didn't realize you were holding your breath until he stepped back and you suddenly let it go. when you turned to face him again, his playful fun smile was back and he looked so casual, you almost wondered if you had imagined whatever the hell that just was.

"anyway, i've gotta be in soon, and i imagine you've gotta get your shop opened up, yeah?"

"ah...yeah.."

"then i'll catch you later. have a good one!" he left with a signature wink before taking off.

whatever that morning was, became a regular thing. every few days he would drop by for a visit for whatever reason- replacing your flowers, bringing you a pastry in the morning, offering to walk you home after work, even though you only lived a half a dozen blocks away.

and with every little reason to see you, came some "harmless" flirting that made your stomach do somersaults.

finally after almost three weeks he had actually come to you for the smallest clean up. while you lightly snipped his ends, he asked if you had considered the position of being his personal groomer. you told him you wanted to think about it more and he told you not to worry about it, but he did have a favor to ask.

in a few days time, he needed to be at an important event. just a hero dinner of sorts, it was meant to be all over the media though, so he needed to dress to impress. after seeing your work with rumi, the commission approved of you making hawks camera ready (upon his request, of course). it just standard hair and makeup, but it was an important job nonetheless.

against the better judgement you'd gained over the last few weeks of dealing with him, you agreed swiftly.

so here you were, outside his door with your cosmetology bag, ready to make up him and rumi.

rumi would take longer for both hair and makeup, so you decided to start with hawks. so she would be coming over later, which left just you. and him. alone. in his penthouse apartment. what could possibly go wrong.

aside front that he answered the door shirtless in sweatpants, nothing. so far.

he stood with one hand on the doorframe, the other on the door itself, towering over you with a sly grin. you had to force your eyes to stay on his face instead of wandering down to his incredibly cut core. you felt your stomach flood with butterflies as the softest flush covered your face, and he didn't take long to notice.

"you've got some good eye contact, sweetheart, i'll give you that."

his smile relaxed a bit as he stepped out of your way, opening the doorway of his apartment to you. you stepped in without mentioning any of whatever the hell just happened, biting the inside of your cheek with a soft smile.

you held up your bag, looking around. "where should i..?"

"ah," he began to move towards his living area, just a couple couches with a chair gathered around a coffee table. he plopped himself down on the soft rug of all places, in front of the table. "figured this might be a good place since, you know, you've got plenty of natural light to work with."

he was right, the entire wall across from his front door was basically made entirely of glass. it left a beautiful view of kyushu outside, with a terrace you imagined would be perfect to watch the sunrise from.

you smiled as you sat across from him, both of you cross-legged. "yeah, it's perfect actually..."

"perfect..." he mumbled to himself. his gaze lingered on you as you pulled out your makeup bag.

"so." you turned to him and scooted a bit closer, reaching a hand towards his face. "do you mind if i..." you hesitated, halting your hand just before your fingers grazed his skin.

he gulped and nodded, confident smirk faded as his pulse picked up. you lightly cradled his jaw and carefully turned his head from side to side.

"well you've got great skin... smooth, not oily, i doubt i'll have to do any base..." your voice was low as you spoke, talking more to yourself than him. he just hardly nodded as you inspected him closely. "i'll give you some highlight and contour though, just for the camera... your eyelashes are stunning..."

he cracked a small smile. "thanks.."

you returned the look and met his eyes. "you're welcome..."

time seemed to still between you for a moment. his eyes flicked to your lips for the shortest instant, you almost missed it. he inhaled deeply before clearing his throat and looking to the side. you sucked in a quick breath as you turned your attention back to your makeup bag, digging out a brush and a couple of small product bottles. you handed him a headband, still not looking at him.

"ah, so..." you took a deep breath before finally facing him. "here, i'll just go in with a thin base just in case. flash photography isn't the most flattering lighting,"

he chuckled softly, deep in his chest, and your heart skipped a beat.

the next few minutes went by with minimal conversation, mostly just you letting him know what you were doing now, and him nodding along or making small sounds of approval. silence otherwise filled the room as you tried to focus on your work, though his eyes constantly wandering over all of you made it slightly difficult.

when you finally made it to his classic eyeliner, you accidentally let your gaze wander to his lips. you pushed aside all your thoughts and impulses and channeled your inner makeup artist.

"hey hawks..."

he opened his eyes as you moved the eyeliner pen away. "hmm?"

"your lips are kinda pale, would it be okay if i put a little stain on them?"

"oh," he bit his lip and furrowed his brow. "yeah for sure, i'm probably a bit dehydrated." his smirk was back, resting on his lips comfortably.

"yeah.." you took another deep breath, trying to keep your face from getting too pink. "the lipstick i've got now should actually work fine, its somewhere in my purse..." you picked up your highlight stick and put your fingers under his chin to turn his head to the side. "i'll get it in a second..."

he hums softly in response. you carefully applied the highlights to all the right places, emphasizing his cheekbones and the tip of his already curved nose. you heard his breath falter, just slightly, when you cupped his face in your hand, using your thumb to blend it out on his cheek. to your surprise, he closed his eyes and leaning into your touch. it was your turn to have trouble breathing, even more so when he placed his hand over your own and looked at you with a piercing gaze. you stopped what you had been doing all together, frozen as he turned his head. he pressed a small kiss to your wrist, then another, his lips lingering for just a second longer this time.

at this point your heart was in your throat trying to process what was happening. when he turned his gaze back to you, everything stopped. his friendly smile was gone, replaced with a fierce look, demanding and intense. neither of you moved for a moment, just stared. your stomach jumped as his eyes moved to take a long look at your lips. the second his gaze met yours again, he pulled on your wrist, practically yanking you into his lap. his hands moved quickly, one pressing against your lower back (a touch you'd actually grown used to form him) and the other cradling the base of your neck.

you could feel his breath on your lips. all you had to do was tilt your chin and you would feel them against yours. his hand on your neck moved up into your hair, looking at you through half lidded eyes.

"can i kiss you?" he practically breathed out his words, softer than a whisper.

you took a deep inhale and closed your eyes. "yes."

you'd hardly gotten the word out before he pressed his lips against yours forcefully, hungrily. his kiss was demanding, like he had been waiting for the longest time to finally get this from you. you tangled your hands in his hair, smirking just a bit. it was soft.

he finally pulled away, keeping close to you. both your faces were flushed deeply, and yours only got worse when you remembered he wasn't wearing a top.

"y/n..." the way your name rolled off his tongue made you shiver. or maybe it was his hand on your back, creeping beneath your shirt.

"hawks-"

"kiego."

your eyes widened as he pressed his lips to your jaw, feathering kisses all the way down towards your neck.

"you... i want you call me kiego."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lil extra &lt;3

rumi showed up just after you had finally started on kiego's hair. as expected, her makeover ended up taking significantly longer, but the three of you didn't mind. by the time you finished curling her gorgeous (but VERY long) hair, it was time for them to go. they both looked spectacular in their dresswear, and you had to struggle to keep your composure helping kiego with his tie. his sly little grin never left his face as you messed with the fabric, trying to remember how, instead of thinking about his lips.

when you had packed up all your stuff and started to get ready to leave, kiego stopped you.

"its already dark out! why don't you just kick back and stay here for a while, yeah? i'll only be gone a few hours. make yourself at home." he had leaned close to your ear, his breath tickling your neck. "besides, we've gotta... talk more, when i get back~"

you agreed quickly, not wanting to seem suspicious in front of rumi. as much as you wanted to tell her, and knew you would soon, you needed to get a few things settled first.

so here you were, sitting in his apartment. even though he was insistent on you making yourself at home, the most you had really done was play some music, use one of his water glasses, and kick back on his couch.

you checked the time again. as far as you could tell, the event had ended just a bit ago. you had checked a few news outlets, seeing some clips already uploaded from the beginning of the evening. almost every one of hawks was him refusing to shut up about the new stylist who had gotten him looking so nice, and furthermore insisting whoever it was, was a secret (for now).

those were your favorites.

in the middle of a clip you were watching of rumi going over her latest fight, you heard keys in the door. you sat up on the couch and watched hawks walk in, a tired smile decorating his face. his jacket was thrown over his arm and his tie was undone, hanging around his neck loosely. the sleeves of his shirt had been rolled up his forearms, exposing a few cord bracelets.

"hey, sweetheart." he kept his gaze on yours as he tossed his jacket to the side, along with his tie. he slowly sauntered towards the couch, unbuttoning the first few buttons on his shirt. "glad you stuck around~"

his tone was flirty, but tired, and it was so attractive.

he settled on the couch almost on top of you, one of his legs between yours as a hand on your chest guided you to lie back.

"hey kiego..." you blushed and smiled as one of his hands found your waist. "how was the dinner?"

he pressed his body against yours, sighing as he relaxed into you. "exhausting... let's talk about it tomorrow."

you chuckled and tangled your hand in his hair, playing with it and massaging his scalp. he pressed lazy kisses to your neck, making you blush harder.

"be my girlfriend... stay over tonight... stay forever..." he said between kisses.

you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, melting into his gentle touch.

"okay.. <3"

DAMN BRO THAT ENDED UP BEING A LOT LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO BE- "little short" YEAH OKAY SHORTY,

5619 words, which is almost 13 full pages in google docs omg-

sorry and you're welcome <33

idk if any of my future writing will be this long but ig we'll see ! at least i can say i'm starting out strong lol

i haven't the foggiest where this idea came from and as of rn i have scarcely any others, so if anybody wants me to write something short or long or whatever to any specific idea my inbox is open for requests !!

sm love 💗💗

[444you]

my fairy beauty routine 🤍. minimalist

my journey with makeup and all things beauty.

as a child i used to be extremely confident. but as i got into middle school and high school, that dimmed a bit. i was definitely less confident. freshman year i wore a full face of makeup, it was thing back then. i absolutely loved it. but as the years passed, i ended up not liking it as much. i didn’t like the feeling of it on my face. i also felt too dependent on it which scared me. now with my hair, i used to wear bright colored sew ins as a child. colorful box braids. all of that. high school i always straightened my hair. now i tend to have it natural or bohemian braids.

hair advice for all types

get hair perfume that matches ur desire scent. i lean towards sweet scents like cupcakes and cookies. so i go for hair perfumes that have the same type. do not put actual perfume on your hair. hair glitter is another. i have this thing where i love to look mystical and fairy like. so if i have my hair straightened, i’ll put some of that in there.

i happened to bleach and dye my hair a lot. atleast back then. so i focus on wearing it natural as much as i can. i don’t really use store bought products. i go the natural route. aloe vera plants is my love. i cut them in three or four giant pieces. put it in lukewarm water, soak it for a few hours to a day. this gets the yellow sap of the plant, please don’t skip that part because it can cause your hair or skin to be itchy. when i’m done, i cut them up into smaller pieces. put it in a container and refrigerate it until i’m ready to use it. now i’ll either do one of two things: dam my hair with water and put the aloe in my hair, let it sit there for a hour or two then rinse it. or i’ll just put it in my hair which i’m in the shower and wash it out immediately. i do that because i also use aloe as a shampoo. another thing i use as a shampoo is the conditioner tubes in hair dye boxes. which i need to stop because i will buy a box of hair dye, throw it away and use the tube 😭. i use that and aloe vera because my hair always comes out its prettiest doing those two and it makes it easy to detangle. i also believe i mentioned this before in my kalogeras post, i use this homemade mask once a week. its a mixture of egg, mayo, and olive oil. this is just what i do to give extra care to my hair due to the heat and bleach damage. however it’s not necessary because i haven’t done it in a few months. and it’s still got healthier with the aloe.

now to makeup

i tend to go for less. i can never find my foundation or concealer shade, if i do. i don’t like the feel of it. same goes for tined mosturizer. so i try to use as less products. when i watched euphoria, i loved the makeup looks. ill use the clinique overnight face mask, it just feels like a soft lotion. it doesn’t do much of a difference either but it makes me feel refreshed. i’ll use the glossier lidstar eyeshadow, it feels very soft almost if it’s a lipstick but softer. i’m not sure if that makes sense but it doesn’t feel like eyeshadow. so i put two or three dots in my inner corner. i use the lily one. it’s like a shimmery lilac. then i use this highlighter from shein called julystar. i applied a little bit so i have to apply a bit more which i like. because i tend to mess up alot. so i’ll put some of that my lids. it doesn’t give much of a difference just a look of glitter on ur lids. then i’ll put a dot on my nose. the higher cheekbones. then any lipgloss is fine. and any mascara. just pick one that visibly makes ur lashes longer than before.

an example:

so almost this except for the liner, foundation, concealer.

now with lotion. i use vanilla cashmere. but i might go ahead and get the cake beauty lotion. i haven’t tried that one but i heard good reviews. i also love sweet scents like that. for perfumes, i go the beauty supply stores. they have the best perfume oils. they last long and they smell better than the expensive ones. the titles are sus tho icl 😭 the best one in my opinion is pink p 🐱 ssy.

[annika-thelostlove]

The art of paper folding - Brian Wilcox x fem!reader

Word count/ 4015

Preview/ But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.

Author note/ its finally completed! Its the most high school romantic idiocy I can put in a oneshot. This is lightly based on my own high school experience. The guy who I thought liked me back really did make me an origami heart. Soon after, he said something super mean to me, and my little 15 yr old heart never forgave him.

Warnings/ super fluffy, and not well edited

Brian is the type of guy in school who always talks shit. It's like he can't help it. Things fall out of his mouth unguarded. He is 17, but he still gets worked up over things like he is still in elementary school. In his new math class in the new year of school, he purposely sits next to the popular girl Sally because he thought it would be fun, but she doesn't tolerate his shit one bit.

But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.

Brian is a guy you've only heard about through another friend because he's "someone's annoying brother that dyes his own hair black cos he thinks it's edgy. He also doesn't wash it often to keep the cheap box colour for longer. Hence, the sticky looking locks. He confidently sticks to wearing black and oversized clothes that hide his 30-pound body." Says the people who talk about him.

So the best course of action is to keep your head down, and don't get involved with either of Brian or Sally.

But then, as the year goes by, whenever Brian is bored at being ignored by Sally, he will turn his greasy head to you and give you a little poke. The first few times sent your nerves up, you were so scared of what he would say to you. Will he say something mean? Point out your pimples? Say your teeth look crooked? That you have a mustache you should shave it? Horrible horrible little scenarios in your mind. But Brian, for the last few months, only asks you funny dumb questions just to avoid actually learning in class. It makes your heart laugh a little in relief.

Brian is sarcastic and complains a lot. He has too many theories and tells stories exclusively comprised of sound effects and explosions made with his mouth. He smells like deep fry oil that you grow to like so much because it reminds you of hashbrowns in the morning. It's gotten pathetic how many things you notice about him. You even love that buck tooth of his making its way out of his little mouth.

Some days, he enjoys telling you how corporations pay commercials to trick people into thinking that you're the bad guy. You listen to him so intently, and the more you do, the things about him begin to make more sense to you.

Brian is not a bad person. Not like what people say. Really, really not. He is actually kind of great.

He's just a little distracted at school, that's all.

You share with him your own little jokes under your breath during class now. And by some miracle, he finds you funny. A fierce blush would bloom up you collar at his laughter.

You hope that it makes him feel special. No one else has really thought of you to be very funny. You've told him some weird things, like: "Last night I had a dream about Dwayne Johnson as a centaur," and he would get detention from laughing too hard.

At times he would still try to get Sallys attention, but most days he spends his time leaving silly doodles at the edge of your notebooks.

🩵🩵🩵🩵

Today, Brian has been folding paper in class again. He watched a YouTube video on how to make an origami heart last week. For whatever reason, he's been so invested in getting it perfect.

He was trying to show off his progress, so he made one in your class. Looking over at Sally's desk, he watched her pack her notebook away, getting ready to leave. Brian then redirects his attention to you. You were still finishing writing your notes down, then packing away your pens.

In a second, he decides to slip the heart shaped paper, between the pages of your notebook without much thought of why. The class then packs up and files out to go home.

💘💘💘💘

You can't believe it, it just can't be.

Brian's heart origami was in your notebook. You had just got home and pulled out your notes, currently staring at the red piece of folded paper. Did he slip it inside? Maybe it was just an accident. It might have fallen. Fallen perfectly, between the pages. That must be it. It didn't mean anything.

You rub your face in confusion. Your heart is not neutral about this at all. Even if it was an innocent mistake. Your heart thumps in the possibility. That maybe. Brian Wilcox gave you this heart on purpose.

But, no. He doesn't see you like that. You're just his friend.

The heart origami sits so innocently on your book, and you picture him making it step by step. His eyes looking up at you, after another doodle he's finished on your book. The way he's smiles, holding back his laughter with shining eyes.

You don't know, but maybe, maybe. Brian could like you…more than as a friend.

The thought echoes around in your quiet bedroom.

🥤🥤🥤🥤

Later when a group project comes up, Brian without hesitation jumps to join a group of boys in the class and leaves you with Sally.

Sally is popular, and very beautiful, but it was the first time you really tried to talk to her. It turns out she's incredibly insightful and a good listener. Its nice for someone to give you their attention like that. Which is funny in a way, it makes you feel kinda special, because Sally doesn't even give Brian the time of day. So in your curiosity, you ask her about that.

"I just hate getting the attention of a class clown, when what I really need is to focus in class" she rolls her eyes as she says it. She takes a glance at Brian's group. "..but I notice that Brian and you have become quite the pair, I think it's pretty cool, Brian is so behaved when he's with you".

Blood rushes to your face. "Oh haha, no, no, were not that close..."

But at that moment, the group of boys with Brian began to get loud and rowdy. They've been loudly debating about the best kind of place to take a date out. They've begun to joke and laugh at how Brian works at Mickeys, mocking him how hilarious it could be for a first date. You saw that he was laughing along with them, but you could see it was irritating him.

"Ohhh noooo! A girl would NEVER ask for another date. Can you imagine making her order at the counter? How embarrassing"

"And then brian asks for the kids' meal?!" laughter from the boys.

"Noooo! Brian would use his employee discounts on the combos! That's just so sad!" More laughter. And it just irked you until you spoke up.

"We'll I think it could be fun for a date?" You say interrupting the loud conversation. It was a numbing silence for a fraction of a second before Brian spoke.

"Well, it's because your standards are low since you can't even seem to find a boyfriend." Came a quick response from Brian's mouth. The boys gasped and blew up with sudden laughter.

Regrets flash across Brian's face instantly when he sees you speechless, with hurt written on your brow, but you're fighting against it. Sally puts her hand on your arm, worried about you. The boys don't seem to notice anything wrong. But Brian notices.

He didn't realize what he said. He was just so annoyed and wanted someone else to be teased instead of him.

You feel hot, and your skin is prickly. That was really mean. It hurt. You weren't so sure why. Because what he said was true. But it hurt because it came from him.

Your thoughts flashed back to the origami heart that you've been keeping in your bedside table, it actually means nothing to him. And all the other hearts that he must have made this week and before. All just folded paper and nothing more.

But you swallow the feeling down somehow and focus back on your partner and the project for the rest of the class.

But that night, in your bed, under the covers, frustrated tears fall into your pillow.

Am I ugly? No one has ever wanted me. No one has ever seen me. Aren't I good enough for anyone?

Brian wouldn't ever see you in that way. You hate it, hate him. Hate yourself. He made you feel like you mattered to him, but you must have made it all up in your head, a boy has never been nice to you until Brian, so you didn't know any better. He won't ever see you that way.

🎒🎒🎒🎒

The next week at school you try to act like you always have, havung a better understanding now that Brian is simply the way he is. So you become a little distant. He notices of course. He's been thinking about what he said over and over. And hates himself, he's never liked saying sorry in all his life. But now he's scared for the first time that he might be losing you if he dosent act. You won't even look at his eyes anymore. Like you find it too painful to do so.

During lunch break, he finds you, he asks, unsure how to converse naturally.

"Hey, how's your project with Sally going?" He says. Then you realize 'he must have never stopped liking Sally even from the start of the year. It was so obvious, why didn't I see it?'

"It's going well, actually. we're almost done. Did you want to tag along bri? We're gonna be at the library after school to finish up." You think maybe you can help him get Sally to see that he's a really nice guy.

Brain seems nervous but says yes straight away. He must really like her, you think.

After school, once you all meet up and finish off studying at the library, you insist on going home first and leave to catch your bus. Brian tries to ask you to hang out longer. But Sally lets you go and wants to speak to brian alone. Sally seems like she has something serious to tell him.

You smile a little in sadness, its working out well, it seems.

📚📚📚📚

Brian Pov

She left me here with sally. Avoiding me again. I watch as her back disappears out the front doors. Then Sally hits me on the arm.

"Ow! What's your problem?"

"You!"

"What did I do to you?"

"Not what you've done to me! But to her!! all year, you've been making googly eyes at her, and the other day, you treat her like crap! You need to fix this and apologize, and then leave her alone if you're only going to hurt her feelings because of your ignorant attitude."

"I don't know what you mean"

"I see everything brian, like how you doodle on her notebooks, and talk quietly to her, how you giggle under your breath at her jokes. You honestly can't be more obvious how you treat her special, but then you turn on her so quickly like that. It's such a dick move. An asshole move"

He puts his face in his hands in shame. "God, I AM an asshole!!" Brian is on the brink of breaking down."Do you think she hates me now? I messed up so badly."

"Tell her you're sorry face to face. Whatever she does to you after that is up to her. Though since we're talking about her, she will probably forgive you. But if you want to finally tell her you like her, this might be your best chance "

Brian blushes red, "w-what, I don't like her like that-"

"Why do you bother lying, brian?"

"It really isn't- ughh."

Brian quickly rushes after where you left. And found you sitting at the bus shelter, he looks at the digital sign it says your bus arrives in 20 mins

He looks down at you, and you're already looking at him sheepishly. You've been caught.

"Your bus isn't even here till another 20 mins!" Brian almost yells, but he's playfully scolding you like you normally do. You look down and smile. Brian loves that, your little shy grin.

"How did it go with Sally?" You ask hopefully.

"Good. But I don't want to talk about that. I need to tell you some stuff. Uh, the first one is that..I said something the other day. I just-"

"It's okay, I get it, I overreacted-"

"No, you didnt- Wait. It wasn't that. My point is i'm sorry for what i said, I think I hurt you. It's not cool of me. I'm always battling my asshole-ary every day, you know that. But you didn't deserve it. So I'm sorry"

"You are, forgiven." And you give him a small closed lip smile.

"Oh really? Already? Well, and, um, the 2nd thing is. There's something I have to ask you-" Your bus comes and stops loudly in front of them. Brian is flustered. You are conflicted, there's only one bus every hour for this route, you should take this bus. But you want to wait for Brian to finish.

"Um, Brian, think I should take this bus"

"Oh, yeah of course! Tomorrow then!"

"Ok, see ya bri"

As you climb up the door to pay and look back at Brian, the bus then pulls away, and you miss his sad little frown and his green eyes following you as your image fades down the street.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

The next day in class, Brian pulls out another origami heart he worked on last night and slides it over to you. The teacher notices it and warns everyone about passing notes in class. You grab the note and see what it says.

"Good morning beautiful! Plz open me" you frown at being called beautiful. Glancing over at him, he smirks.

Nervous, you open it carefully. Inside it says something that makes her heart race and break at the same time.

"Let's go to Mickeys tonight, it's my treat" then you hear a snickering from a few desks away, it was one of his boys looking over at you.

🍟🍟🍟🍟

You go to Mickeys, you think he's just asked you out as a friend, but he seems to be as nervous as you are, but you dont want to get your hopes up.

After having your meal in awkward silence, he asks you as casually as he can muster.

"So, I was thinking, do you want a second date?"

"Huh? D-date?"

"Y-you know, we went to Mickeys-- like you said! This is like, a date for you"

"…are you..like- just- teasing me? Hahaah…like you're mocking me? You rascal" You laugh nervously, voice trembling all over the place. Trying to hide the sudden emotions that came with realizing what this was all about. He just wanted to humor you.

"Huh? What? No? He laughs. Mickeys is like, your standard right? For like- like a date?"

"Well, no-"

"And-and, I mean I- we hadn't hung out like together yet.. as friends, and like you haven't been on a date before…I thought maybe..i could, be someone you-"

"So you're… helping me?" You laugh comes out jumpy and strange sounding "Oh, wooow,..I um, thanks man. That's just so, thoughtful of you" and you uncharacteristically lean over to punch his arm, you cringe for the fifth time. And he rubs the spot you bumped him.

"But, um, you know I think that maybe we should go on dates with people we actually have feelings for, don't you think? But, thanks for the offer" you shrug and try to laugh it off, but it feels too loud and fake in your ears.

"So no...date?" He looks kind of paler than usual.

You start to gather your trash. "I just realized i need to get home, sorry I can't stay much longer Bri. This was…fun. Bye!" Practically running away.

You don't understand what had just happened. You don't understand Brian at all. Was he that experienced in dating that he could give you a trial of it? That he felt pitty for you?

Your whole body felt hot from embarrassment. And a hard lump has been stuck in your throat ever since you received his little note in class. You practically speed walk all the way home sobbing into your Hoodie.

💛💛💛💛

"Good for you."

"Huh?" Sally is talking to you, Brian is late for your class it seems.

"I got…some tea, from a little bird, or something like that. That you rejected Brian"

"When did I do that?"

"Uh, didn't you go to Mickeys with him the other day?"

"I did." Has he gone and told everyone about it?

"I'm sorry, but I can't pretend that i didn't know. It just happened to be the same day he left a voice message on my phone, and I connected the dots that it was about you. " This made you sad without realizing it. They've been talking?

"Oh, he did?" But you guess it's good that they're getting to know each other.

"Don't look so sad! It wasn't like that, that boy sounded mad over the phone, he was mad at first. Saying stuff on the message like 'you were wrong about everything!' And that 'he was dumb.' But then he just..started crying. Well it sounded like crying. You didn't do that to him?" You stare a Sally perplexed at what it all meant.

"Explain please"

Sally looked at you for a moment and seemed ro realize something then began waving her hands 'no' at you "Ooooooh, wait no, I think you should talk to him about it, i've said too much"

"No, say it please! I'm tired of him playing with me."

"Ughhh, well he..he thought that you liked him, so…and I thought you did too! But then when you clearly don't, which is okay…he's just. It's just sad. He's going through it right now."

"But I don't know why he would be so upset, it's not like he likes me? He likes..someone else."

"You…think so? Huh. Well, I think it's best if you talk to him about this"

"But-"

"It's best if two of you talk"

"No-"

Then, at that moment, Brian walks in late to class and rushes over to his seat between you and Sally.

"You're tardy, Mr Wilcox, which is actually a first. Take your seat."

He acting stiff and can barely look at you.

Normally, you could get his attention and whisper things to him comfortably, but right now, he's so distant that you just decided to message him on your phone.

R U working tonight?

No Thurs

Ok, do u wna study w me n Sally tonight?

No that's ok u guys can just work on ur project together

Oh ok

And that went on for the rest of the lesson. His cold shoulder. Bothered by this you messing him again.

Ur being weird, is this about the other day? I appreciated ur idea, but I just didn't want ppl to confuse our friendship.

Idea?

Yeah like you giving me dating 'experience' without having an actual bf

What?????

She didn't reply after that message out of frustration. Why is he acting like he has no idea what he's been doing to you?

Nevermind Brian

Hey

You know what? I can get a boyfriend anytime if I want.

You hear a sharp gasp quickly after sending your last text. "Hey." He tries to tap your shoulder, but the teacher tells him off right away.

You give him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. He looks over at you desperately for the rest of that week.

🍔🍔🍔🍔

Thursday comes by. You come to visit Mickeys with Warren, a guy you sometimes talk to in your IT class. You told Warren that there's a guy you like and want to see if he would feel anything if he saw you with someone else. It was stupid, you know it. You promised to buy him a Mickeys meal if he helped you.

You and Warren order at the counter, a sullen Brian takes your order, and you still haven't talked to one another since. And it's eating him inside, and now you're here with someone else? He disappeared to the back once your order was placed.

You receive your burgers and sit down at your table to eat. It was a normal, peaceful few moments until Brian came sprinting out of the kitchen to stop you from eating

"NO, no stop!"

"What! Brian, what's wrong??"

"No, just- don't eat that- I-" You stare at him lost for words, shame written on his face.

"I'm sorr- I just thought -" his face was crumbling, and the shame was turning into sadness. His eyes are glassy with emotion. He buried his face in his hands, defeated. "Never mind, it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"Why you won't like me."

Long silence came after what he said, only broken by Warren slowly getting up to walk away and saying that hes gonna use the bathroom. But either of you actually notice.

"…why I 'won't like you?' Why would that matter, Brian? Why? You like someone, that's who that matters."

"YES, I do. And it DOES."

"Huh??"

"I-im an asshole sometimes. But I know that you know that already, so that can't be the reason. And I'm not much to look at, but. But I've never cared if anyone liked how I looked. It never mattered to me so much before. But I wish I was more, like conventionally appealing. But i mean, that can't be why, you're not that kind of person- but is that why? Or, or- no. Or it's simply because I'm me. Because I'm Brian, the type of asshole that defiles a fucking burger???"

"Brian, please, it's hard for me to understand…"

"I put a LOOGIE in your patty"

"Excuse me????" Not the words you were expecting.

"It was meant for him!!"

"Warren?"

"Yes!"

"Are you somehow, jealous??"

"Yes!"

"And why??"

"Because I like you, and you hate me!"

A painful silence fills the restaurant. Looking around, Brian catches his manager, looking at him disapprovingly. But Brian mouths to him, "just resolving an issue"

"Ok, but lower your voice"

Brian sighs, putting his attention back to you. Sitting there still stunned at his confession. "Let me take that burger back. I'll make you a new one"

"No." You make a mad grab at the box, but Brian had the same thought as you. He now had the other side of the box in his hand.

"Give it!"

"Let go, brian"

"What's the problem!?"

You rip it out of his clasp, open the box, and proceed to scuff the burger down your throat.

"What are you doing?? No!! Why did you do that? I had my saliva in that???"

"Do you think I would do that if I didn't like you?"

A hundred emotions pass through Brian's face in the silence that came after that bizarre display.

"You… like me?"

"Was me eating your foul burger not clear enough?"

"Well no. But. You…like me?"

"I have, like always"

"...me?" His eyes are glassy looking at you in something that looks like hope.

But instead of saying anymore to reassure his low self-esteem just how much you think a he's great guy, you start to cry. And you don't have a clue why. Just that you're so happy he finally knows.

"I really like you too. Like always" and just like in a movie, he reaches out with a finger and gently wipes a tear off your cheek.

[differenteagletragedy]

Teen angst Our Life Swap AU! I will never stop!

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Positive."

You looked down at Baxter, then to the box of hair dye in your hands.

"Ok, here goes nothing."

If someone had asked you to describe what your best friend looked like, "black hair" would be near the top of the list. You knew he had an issue with it -- he thought it was grey, not black, and so he saw it as an imperfection. Fourteen-year-olds didn't have grey hair, so it must have meant there was something wrong with him.

There wasn't, you knew that. Baxter's hair may not have been jet black, but it wasn't nearly light enough that anyone would notice. Besides, regardless of hair color, he was the most beautiful person you'd ever seen. You didn't know why the color mattered so much.

But it did. It mattered to him, deeply. And he mattered to you. So you opened the box of dye and started reading the instructions.

He was uncharacteristically silent as you sorted all the little bottles then mixed things together. Sitting on the edge of the tub in the upstairs bathroom at your house, an old towel wrapped over his narrow shoulders, you could tell he was upset about something.

Before you slid on the gloves that came in the box, you took one last opportunity to check in on him.

"You sure you're ok?" you asked.

He nodded, but he wouldn't meet your eyes. That's when you sat down next to him and, after a moment of hesitation, reached over and grabbed his hand. He held it back automatically, giving it a squeeze out of second nature, but when he did look at you, he was confused.

A moment of silence passed. You knew he knew that you knew him well enough to see through this.

Finally, he sighed. His eyes went back down to his lap.

"I'm fine, it's just ... I want something to be different," he said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

He squeezed your hand again then slipped it out of your grasp, folding in on himself, and said, "I don't imagine it will come as a shock that I'm unhappy with certain things in my life."

You nodded. It didn't come as a shock. He didn't get along with his parents, he didn't like his private school and most of his classmates there. The only time he really seemed happy anymore was when he was in the comfort of your home, or really just in the comfort of you.

"I can't change so much," he continued. "I can't make most decisions for myself, I'm at the mercy of my parents which is ..." he looked off and scoffed, "not ideal."

"So what's the hair dye got to do with it?" you asked.

"It'll be one thing fixed. One less thing to think about --"

You cut him off to say, "It doesn't need fixed. Your hair. There's nothing wrong with it."

Baxter smiled at you, but there was a sadness behind it. He looked deeply in your eyes, and you knew that he was desperately trying to see himself the way you saw him -- despite his own self doubts, you'd always made it abundantly clear how wonderful you thought he was. He wanted to see it too, and he tried, but he just couldn't.

His eyes fell, and he said, "I believe I'd still like the black, please."

You took one more moment to look at him before standing up and putting on the gloves. You couldn't reach him today, but you felt confident that someday he'd grow to love himself as much as you did, if by no other means than your own dedication to him.

After going over the directions one more time, you got to work. You'd never dyed anyone's hair before, but it seemed straightforward enough. The two of you stayed silent as you went, working the dark liquid into his locks. It didn't take too long to get a mostly even coating everywhere, and then it was time to wait.

There was some idle chitchat, but he stayed quiet for the most part. It wasn't an easy silence like the kind you normally shared -- you were aching to make him feel better, and the concept of "feeling better" wasn't in the realm of possibility for him at the moment. When the timer you'd set on your phone went off, indicating it was time for a rinse, it was a relief.

After a slightly awkward bit of scrambling, Baxter ended up on his knees, his chest resting on the edge of the tub and his head down near the faucet. You pulled the showerhead down close to him, turned on the water and started spraying it over his hair, which was already clearly a pitch black. You stayed like that, not talking but just pulling him gently where you needed him, until the water ran clear.

"Ok, that should do it," you told him as you turned the water off. You pulled out a fresh towel so he could dry himself off.

He stood up, careful not to look in the mirror just yet as he scrubbed his head with the towel. But you could see everything.

The smoky grey you'd always associated with your best friend was gone, and in its place was a flat black. It was strange, and it didn't look like it belonged: what it looked like was an outward expression of the darkness that had seemed to be taking him over on the inside. You didn't like it.

When he finally put the towel down, took off the one around his shoulders and looked in the mirror, you saw that he didn't like it either. Or, as you suspected was more likely the case, it wasn't the automatic fix he'd hoped it would be for how low he felt.

Bravely, he put on another smile at his reflection, then turned it to you and said, "Well, that's something."

Without thinking, you threw your arms around him in a tight embrace. He was surprised at first, then brought his arms around you to return the hug. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that -- you were too focused on trying to press some warmth into him. Something to fight away the sadness.

"Not that I'm complaining," he eventually said, "but to what do I owe the pleasure?"

You pulled back enough to look at him and blurted out, "I love you."

His eyes widened and he flushed bright pink across his cheeks and up to the tips of his ears. You felt your own face turning hot -- no matter how true the sentiment was, it wasn't one you were ready to share with him.

"You're my best friend," you quickly added. "You're like family. I love you. That's all."

After a pause, the corners of his lips stretched upward. There was a little light in his eyes -- for the first time that afternoon, a smile had reached his eyes.

"I love you too," he said softly, pressing a kiss against your forehead.

He pressed himself back against you, holding you tighter than he had before, and that was fine by you. Maybe someday you'd see that familiar, pretty grey again, and maybe someday you'd be able to tell him the real nature of the love you had for him. But for right now, just in this moment, he was right -- this was something.

[4sk4ltstuck]

WELCOME ^_^ !!

Hello !!! My name is Gamz and this is a shrimple ask blog for my homestuck au!! I plan on developing this au into a mspfa in the future, though this ask blog has no connection to the plot in said future mspfa. This is just for fun as I continue to work on it!!

I am both the only one developing this au and running this ask blog, so please be patient with me!! I can be a little busy sometimes, so if I do not respond in a timely manner then that is why.

YES!!

Magical anons [as long as they dont last an absurdly long time]

Questions as a certain character [like if you were to ask tavros a question as like gamzee or smth for example i think thats fun!!!]

References to actual homestuck [sober gamzee, vriskas constant tweaking, beta kids [which might be added in fhe future....], etc]

Questions to me!! As in the creator

NO.

ANYTHING SEXUAL. THEYRE 13-14.

Ship questions [only if its clear youre trying to force it, idm a general question]

Generally freaky shit

INFO ^_^ !!

Altstuck is short for Alternativestuck. And alternative is referring to different alternative clothing and music styles! Each character has a different style, and does slightly differ in personality from their canon counterparts!!

DESIGNS HERE vvv

All of the beta trolls go to the same school, and live a little closer than they actually do in hs. They are also in their first year of highschool!!

Kind of a modern au :o? the exact time is never stated but nepeta is based off of 2020 alt so take that as you will!!

The only character that I have completely left out of this au is Cronus, as I personally felt uncomfortable with adding him, and Eridan having only child syndrome just felt right.

Speaking of which, the alpha trolls are depicted as the beta trolls' older siblings

SPECIFIC CHARACTER INFO [UNDER THE CUT] vvv

[some do not have as much info as others for the time being as this au is still fairly new!!]

Aradia — Bigender , she / he , pansexual.

She's still dead [along w Terezi being blind, Tavros being in a wheelchair, blah blah blah]

People are aware of her being dead this time, though. Most of the trolls invested in ouija boards to communicate with her [she can still use computers, but she typically chooses not to]

Tavros — male , he / they , bisexual.

Still in the wheelchair

Actually a poser, says he listens to certain music while not ACTUALLY listening to it.

^ he actually listens to things like eminem and weezer though [which btw both are valid troll names?]

His style was mostly influenced by Rufioh, along with his friends shifting styles throughout the months. He finds them cool and wants to make himself look cool to boost his confidence, though its unclear if its working

Moving in with Equius [because of Rufioh and Horuss, they are canon in this, spesifically pre-problems]

Sollux — transmasc , he / they , bisexual.

Doesn't change a whole lot, though he's grown more reserved

Is very aware of how his friends are beginning to change [typically for the worst], and is attempting to steer clear of them

Going through a general down, as he feels intense guilt over the death of Aradia

Karkat — male , he / xe , bisexual.

Dresses "emo," but refuses to acknowledge that he is emo and will get offended if anyone refers to him as such

A bit more stand-offish than normal / more defensive

Closer to Eridan, helps with his relationship problems / writing his love songs

Nepeta — agender , it / she / xe , bisexual.

Uses more internet terminology than usual, and is generally a bit more chronically online

Encouraging Equius to be more bold with his methods of self expression

Kandi maker / good with hair dye

Kanaya — female , she / it , lesbian.

A bit more moody, though its typically just for show to keep up her gothic persona

Made most of the others new clothes, including her own

Terezi — agender , any , pansexual.

Her outfits are usually crazy as fuck, since she wears whatever "tastes the best"

Will write red ink all over its arms and then lick it off, which has left countless ink smears on its skin

Very strange and odd, more than usual. It'd rather be viewed as some sort of creature [like a cryptid] rather than a troll

Vriska — trans girl , she / her , lesbian.

Unlike Eridan, she has already begun socially transitioning, though she feels that she does not belong with the other girls most of the time because she is trans

Also more chronically online, and is active on tumblr [or grublr because i think thats better than bubblr or wtv], but spesifically on the side thats really fucking mean

BIG fan of riot grrrl

Equius — male , he / xe [? questioning] , bisexual

Incredibly awkward, even more than usual as he is adjusting to letting himself be more comfortable in "having fun" as Nepeta puts it

VERY self conscious, both because of his new attire [in fear of judgement] and because hes a zahhak which are all known to be FREAKS /lh

Gamzee — nonbinary , he / it , pansexual.

Actual juggalo hushh hushhhh this is an au

Still consumes sopor, though said sopor worked as a sort of gateway drug for Gamzee and lead him to discovering wtv the alternative equivalent for weed is [strange green foliage ???]

Despite living with Kurloz, Gamzee still rarely sees him and is typically on his own in the hive [since Kurloz is usually with meulin. Yes this is pre-incident]

Has slight beef with Tavros' music taste [w the whole eminem thing bcoz of the icp and eminem beef.......]

Eridan — "male" [questioning / closeted genderfluid] , any [only to karkat] he / him [everyone else] , bisexual.

Very unsure of himself, in the midst of an identity crisis

Somewhat aware of what she wants to be, though is reluctant to let the rest of her friends know about how she feels, both in fear of judgement and how her opinions and views could change the others just because she had them [shout out pesterquest]

Big into midwestern emo, writes her own shitty love songs and dreams of one day starting a band with the rest of her pals [but at the same time she would fucking hate to work with half of her friends in this way]

Feferi — female , she / her , pansexual.

Very excitable, though she dreads being queen more and more with each passing sweep. This isn't because she does not want to be queen, rather she is afraid that she will never be truly ready to handle that kind of responsibility

Tends to stress herself out alot, though she never brings it up to others in fear of bringing everyone's moods down with her venting

Feels like she is undeserving of all the privileges she was given in her life just for being a high blood

XTRA ^_^ !!

First im actually surprised if you read this far

And second, this is my first ask blog ever, so I am still figuring certain things out!! So for the time being, there will be no set-in-stone plot for this ask blog, but this will most likely change in the future as i fully figure things out ╰⁠(⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠╯

Feel free to ask questions, and you shall receive an answer from yours truly Xo3 !!! BAIII (⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡

[voltronisanobsession]

Hey could you write Percy with a fem s/o who’s emo? Like she is seen blasting her headphones with Slipknot and other bands all the time. Also her maybe having split dyed hair too? I think that would be so cool ngl.

Percy with an Emo Reader

Once an emo, always an emo🫡 I really like this, it’s different from the other requests I get😍😍

Hope I did you justice, it’s been a while since I’ve entered emo territory💔 I played my rock playlist just to write this lmao💀💀💀 not proofread

I love this idea SO MUCH

When people see you, they don’t expect you to be dating the one and only Percy jackson

Dressed head to toe in mostly black, wearing a Slipknot band tee while rock and metal music blares out from your headphones is the last thing some people expect to see at camp

So imagine their surprise when they see Percy holding and kissing your hand, sending a cheesy smile your way while you playfully roll your eyes

You guys are just so different from each other that most people wouldn’t guess that you guys are a couple

You’re dressed in dark clothing while Percy has a little more color in his wardrobe. you’re the black cat and he’s the golden retriever in the relationship 😖

But your differences is honestly what makes you both closer!

Percy could honestly care less on what people think of your relationship

He knows that as long as you’re happy doing what you do then he’s definitely happy as well

Though sometimes you might grow a bit self conscious of how you guys look like to others, Percy is quick to get rid of those thoughts with a soft kiss on your cheek

He understands your concerns, understands why you might be a bit more hesitant to be around him while out in public, but he makes sure to not let those fears control your guys relationship

His confidence gives you confidence💔💔

Moving on, when Percy first met you, it was definitely a really cool experience for him

He thought you were the coolest person, and he still thinks so!

You’ve shown him a whole new range of music he never would have thought he would listen to

The loud drums and guitars hurt his ears at first but he soon found himself enjoying the tracks you recommended to him from different bands

Omg you guys totally give each other song recommendations

His personal favorite rock band you’ve shown him so far lowkey might be sleeping with sirens💀🔥🔥

He also likes all the rock band tshirts you have

They’re different from what he would usually wear, so this dude steals some of your shirts

The thing is that he can’t really hide that he steals your shirts so you’ll just randomly see him one day wearing your slipnot shirt, the black a stark contrast against all the orange camp shirts

If you also wear an accessories, just know if something goes missing, Percy is MOST LIKELY wearing it

OMG AND YOUR HAIR

Percy LOVES your hair

Especially if you dye it different colors throughout the year! I feel like dyed hair is automatically more fun to play with, so you know this dude is gonna have fun with your hair

I can imagine him trying to run his fingers through your hair only for it to get stuck a second later, your head pulled back as he keeps trying to get his fingers through it

Since you most likely dye and bleach your hair often, it’s lowkey fried and damaged, so unfortunately running his fingers through your hair might be a little hard💀💀💀💀 and painful💀

Percy might even wanna dye his hair to match with you teehee

You would paint his nails black when you crash in his cabin for a night (he learns to paint his own nails when you’re not around :,D)

Omg you might even draw some heavy eyeliner on him or add black eyeshadow under his eyes because he probably asked you to😭😭

If you have an piercings, whether it be face piercings or body piercings, Percy’s immediately asking if they hurt and to what extent.

“What’s this piercing called? An industrial? Damn, did it hurt?”

“It hurt like a bitch.”

“Oh wow ok, haha not getting that one!😀”

Honestly Percy slowly adds some of your stuff into his life, your band tees becoming a permanent clothing piece in his own closet

And you’re just happy that he’s so interested in your interests, seeing as it’s made such an impact in your life!

A small thought, you would totally get along with Thalia

You both might share some of the same music interests and immediately bond over it

You guys are lowkey besties

Ending this, Percy would totally let you throw him into a mosh pit if you both were to go to a concert together

[blackroseguzzi]

Otherworldly: Part 2

I feel super happy with how this is playing out but as always let me know what you think in the comments!

Summery: A little backstory & plans for world dominations 🌏

Warnings: language, mentions of death & suicide, mentions of mental health issues.

It had been two weeks since the encounter. Two weeks of Kai waking in a sweat, images of your face causing him such sexual tension. God, he had more images of you in his sleep than images of his tour in Iraq.

He really wanted to ask winter for your last name. He had been trying to find you on social media since the moment you left the basement. He had found nothing. Every time Winter would walk through the front door he was always secretly hoping you would follow. He was starting to feel like a water deprived house plant waiting to be fed to the roots with the only thing it survived off of.

“Why am I doing this again?” Winter asked Kai as she stood behind his sitting body, bleaching his shoulder length hair. He had asked her a favor that afternoon. She didn’t think he would be asking her to help dye his hair….blue…of all colors. Was he having a psychotic break, or just taking far too much Adderall?

“I need to stand out to people, for the election,” he replied plainly. She knew that since her parents death her brother had found a new obsession with the lust for power. His mentality that the world should be burned down to rebuild another one was both inspiring and worrisome all at once.

“You really want to go ahead with city councilmen?” Winter questioned him, her eyebrows furrowing. He looked at her through the mirror and he let out a quick laugh.

“This is my calling, Winter. I have bigger plans but I have to start here.” He was methodical in his quest for world domination. He knew the steps he had to climb to get there.

“You know, you need people to help you with this kind of thing. It’s not a one man job,” Winter wasn’t questioning his ability to win this election, and as his sister she would always be his supporter, but she wasn’t as knowledgable in politics as he always had been.

“That’s where I need you my sweet sister. I need you to help me build my village. I need you to think of anyone who has the passion to help me serve as a city’s legislative body.” 
Kai twisted around to face her. He wasn’t stupid. He knew she’d call up her friend who’s pussy was always wet for a good political debate. Her electrifying pussy - It was always on his mind.

“I think I know the perfect person for the job,” Winter spoke quietly. A smirk on her face. Kai smiled back, relief flooding his body knowing that the breath he had been holding in since your last meeting was finally going to be let out.

ONE YEAR LATER:

“ FUCK YOU WORLD! USA USA USA!” Kai screamed at the television. He jumped from the couch, making humping movements on the screen. He turned to Y/N who sat back, her feet on the coffee table and her arms sprawled out over the back of the couch.

“WE DID IT!” He plopped down next to her, and she craved that sheer excitement that Kai demonstrated tonight.

“And I am so glad, imagine if a woman was leading this country?” She huffed, taking a twizzler that lay in your lap and chewing off a bite.

“Unfathomable,” Kai shook his head. “Unless it was you.” He leaned in, kissing her abrasively.

“You always make me feel so Devine,” Y/n took Kai’s hands in hers. She rubbed her thumb across his knuckles.

“Do you know what this means?” He whispered. “We can finally set our plans in motion. Our community… our country is going to be more broken now than ever. This is the moment we’ve been planning for my sweet Tesoro.” He raised her hands up to his mouth, kissing her hands gently.

He had always been openly misogynistic, because most women were inferior to men. Except Y/N. She never cast a shadow of a doubt that Kai would rule the world one day. She taught him so much about the human mind and how manipulation could get you anything you could ever dream of. She had made him more confident than he has ever felt in his entire life. She showed him how to start pounding the pavement. Local politics can be brutal, so she had prepared him, and they were rewarded by getting a deeper insight into government…he needed all the insight he could get for his master plan.

“We still need more,” Y/n stated. She got up from the couch. She twirled the twizzler in her hands. “We need Beverly Hope.” She spun around to face him and Kai looked at her curiously. 
“The reporter who assaulted a pussy grabbing heckler?” He was unsure on why they had needed her.

“We are ready to run…YOU are ready to run. You have me as your angel, watching over your shoulder…Keeping you on track. But we need someone to help us spread the word of your leadership.” Y/n knew that Kai fed off being a dictator. He was just as good at manipulation as she was, but he needed her to bring it out of him, let him know what he was capable of doing and who he was capable of becoming.

When Kai had lead her up to his parents bedroom, she knew that he not only was the most illuminating person she had ever been around, he was also extremely troubled. Opening the door to decay and a delusional action such as preserving your parents in their home after a murder suicide, to rot, could only be executed by someone who was deeply lacking a moral compass. She felt sorry for him, like she had always felt sorry for herself.

She had never had a mother or a father. She also refused to use the term ‘orphan' because it made her sound pathetic and despairing. She bounced from foster homes until she was placed with an older woman. Her name was Melody, and sometimes Melody chained her to a radiator in the basement, along with only feeding her popcorn kernels and curdled milk for weeks. She would sometimes bring home books for Y/N to read if she was in one of her good moods. That’s when Y/N had discovered Political Science. She read ‘The New World Order’ and ‘The Color Law’ front to back and back to front more times than she could count.

Then the bitch had died. Aneurism. Dropped dead as she was making her nightly Ovaltine. Y/n had found her covered in the chocolate malted powder, and she smiled for the first time in a long time. Then she stuffed her in the coat closet and moved out.

She hoped around from a friends house to the next until she could move to college on a full scholarship. She didn’t know if that old hag was still in the closet or not, and she didn’t give a shit either way. She felt sorry that she grew up learning to be vastly different than the people who showed feelings of empathy and remorse towards others. She had accepted the fate of being an extreme intellect with sociopathic tendencies, and that she may never find anyone quite like her- but then she fucked Kai. He fucked her, and their toxic and obsessive romance had been a world wind after that. 
She made sure to always water the rose on Mr & Mrs Anderon’s locked door. Nobody questions a budding rose, but they’ll question a dying one. 
She wanted to make sure that her and Kai always remained a budded, beautiful red rose.

[boopshoops]

🥣

🥰

🏘️

For Jojo, Shishi, and Ezzie (The Twst OCs ;w;) for the OC Ask meme)

Similarly to the last post!! This is color coded: me/narrator as default, blue as Jocia, and green as Ezra

🥣what's your favorite food?

"So this is some sort of interview? Alright then," Jocia gruffly responded, slouching over in her seat upon realizing the question was actually rather simple. She grinned, "Bulgogi's a fav. It's something my sister showed me when we were kids. Apparently she was trying to learn more about our family history or somethin', did a damn lot of research too."

"It's not something I looked much into myself, but I'm a complete sucker for anything barbecued or grilled. I think... Oh yeah, we tried it out on a camping trip. I stole some of hers off her plate," Jocia chuckled, scratching at the back of her head as she reminisced, "I gave her hell during that trip. Wouldn't be surprised if that's why we never did something like that again. Made it up to her later, though."

-

"Ooh! How fun!" The professor exclaimed with a sharp-toothed grin, "Let's see, should I go into detail? I don't see why not. You're supposedly looking into learning more about me after all, little sprout," He cheerfully pondered aloud, politely folding his hands in his lap.

"My favorite dish is Pasta Alla Gricia. It's absolutely divine. With most of the foods I like, they've unfortunately been changing and shifting in ways I'm simply not a fan of with the passage of time. BUT! With this? It's only gotten better since the first time I tried it one hundred years ago! I'll gladly buy you some sometime, little sapling. Oh! Perhaps I can get some for the whole class... Like a day of celebration after one of our competitions! It's important for student's to destress, after all!~" Ezra hummed to himself with a firm nod.

🥰do you think you're attractive?

"Uh..." The woman droned on, crossing her arms over her chest. She offered a casual nod after perusing her own thoughts, "Like, physically? Sure, yeah," She bluntly answered.

"It's not really something I've thought too much of before. I guess looking in the mirror and seeing how far I've come gives me something to be proud of. Especially since I'm... not the best at styling. Everyone else in the family got all that."

"But, hell, I've worked hard on myself. Even if working out and such is more of a chill hobby of mine, I'm still confident in how I'm built. Not to mention I can see little parts of the people around me in myself too, yeah? Like- an old friend of mine regularly helps me dye my hair, and I got my piercings at the same time as my brother. If I didn't like those parts of myself, it feels kinda like a dig on them too. No matter whatcha think anyway, there are gonna be people out there who think you're pretty sick."

"...Eh, I'm not good at getting all sappy."

-

Ezra blinked, his drawing his lips into a line. His brows furrowed, "This is a difficult question to be modest about, isn't it?" He awkwardly chuckled, bringing a hand up to massage his temple.

"Oh, I don't know. I have a lot of things I have to work on, truly. It's quite an ordeal. Not that I'm not proud of my appearance! After all, a lot of it was greatly inspired by my late father."

"...Ah! I forgot to mention- I'm a changeling fae, of course. I'm not the biggest fan of shapeshifting, however, so I try my best to correlate my appearance to my adoptive human family. In that way, I suppose topics such as 'attractiveness' are a bit more complicated to someone like me, dear," He finished, dodging and weaving around the actual question through his rambles.

🏘️where's your happy place?

Jocia brightened up a bit at this, smirking as the answer came easily, "With my siblings," she replied briefly.

"They're fun as hell to be around. We got each other's backs. They're a bunch of little shits sometimes, but we know each other better than anyone else," She paused, "At least... most of us. More of a reason for me to get home, as if I didn't need any more of one already."

-

"My classroom, of course! Oh, it's so fun!" The teacher excitedly replied, eccentrically taking the time to pop up out of his seat and lean over the table, "It's where I spend most of my time! Working with students in bloom, watching their talents grow, listening to my favorite stars sing broadway, tending to my adorable potted plants..." He babbled on endlessly, happily explaining to no end.

"...I haven't been here for very long, that is true, but it has very quickly become my favorite place to be. So much so I often get caught up in things and forget to attend meetings. I suppose me and the other fae individuals here have that in common... I'm working on that, however! Got to make sure my memory is in top condition!"

"Is that it? 'Kay. Be seeing ya."

-

"This was very pleasant! Thank you kindly for inviting me."

Ask Game!

Yuu Shi's responses are here

[pralinesims]

hey hey Evan 🥰 I was wondering if you could tell us more about the sims featured in your latest CC drop? Who are they? What's the lore? I think I remember you posting a little about them before, but I'd love to hear more!! ❤

Ahh, thank you so much for sending this ;_; talking about my characters makes me so happy!

Extensive lore would be too long, so I will just drop some random facts:

The first one is Midnight (actually Milena), the only one out of the 4 shown that I haven't done a small introduction yet on.

Canonically got lip fillers at some point in her life.

She's a depressed waitress and hates her job cause of the many rude customers.

Insecure af. She manages to hide it quite well, but she doesn't come off confident either.

Tries to become an author, but writers block kills all her motivation, even if she did plan out a whole book already.

Second one is my fav influencer boy Aaron:

Eats way too many sweets, but his main excuse is that he's vegan (cause it's no meat, duh).

Whiny. WHINYYY and resentful. He's a kind guy, but if he hates you, he doesn't hesitate to show it.

Wasn't always like that though, earlier in his life he was masking himself, being kind even to undeserving people, cause he was afraid of getting judged. Now he doesn't give a fuck.

Cat daddy, has two at home (one is 8 years old, the other 6).

Third one is my baby Gina:

People usually think that she's an introvert cause her social circle is small, but actually she's quite extroverted. She loves being around people.

Loyal af. She showers you with love and affection if she likes you, and if bridges get burnt, it affects her a bit too much.

Super artsy, also while speaking of being very loving, she crafts a lot of things and gifts them to her beloved ones.

Can't cook for the love of god, and prefers ordering pizza, or going out to eat.

Last but not least, Luca:

By FAR the sweetest and most kind character in my story, his heart is too huge tbh.

Despite that, he's also a hotheaded and impulsive person, but manages to usually control himself just fine.

Cut his whole family out of his life, cause they mostly weren't nice people, and hurt him too much.

Dyes his hair blonde for maaany years to the point that he (almost) can't remember his natural color anymore.

[vanishingstarrs]

box hair dye ( e. kirishima x reader, pro hero era, brief suggestion at the end, established relationship ) ( note: don’t know if this has been done before but kiri + his box dye and having to do this every time his roots start to show to be able to keep up with his established hero persona has been living in my head rent free as of late </3 )

They’d all been warned. Get ahead of yourself, don’t think about the implications and you could be stuck with a name for the entirety of your pro hero career. Eijiro knew that when he chose a name in homage to his idol, Crimson Riot, and though he could never bring himself to regret that decision, he did begin to wonder if it was maybe time for a rebranding.

He stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, his boxed red hair dye in his signature color a mere inches away from where he was gripping the edge of the sink as he contemplated. His time as the Sturdy Hero: Red Riot had helped him through a lot— those moments back in high school, it helped him to impersonate the person he’d yet to become. Now he could safely claim the confidence the name and hair color had only briefly provided back then. He was manly, brave, and heroic…

He remembered you joking once:

“You know… when a girl dyes her hair red it typically means she’s going through something, heartbroken, or maybe just a little hurt.” You’d laughed as you watched him retouch his roots while sat on top the bathroom sink, claiming you just wanted to spend more time with him.

Maybe that’d been him back then too. He had been going through a lot of self doubt; hurt by the fact that he could barely bring himself to stand up to a couple of bullies, much less an actual villain, while claiming to want to be a pro hero one day.

Rebrands weren’t completely unheard of, though they weren’t always accepted with open arms. They were a lot of work; for managers, the merch team, and a lot of fans might refuse to call him by a new name given the years he’s already spent as Red Riot. He sighed.

“You okay?” You walked into the bathroom and jumped up onto the sink like you always did when he did these dyeing sessions. You turned your nose up slightly at the box of bleach and hair dye, that stuff always stunk up a storm in your shared bathroom.

“Yeah, just thinkin’…”

“About…?” You placed your hand atop his and the grip he held on the white marble sink relaxed, his thumb swiped over your knuckles, something he always did whenever you reached for his hand.

“I don’t think I wanna dye my hair anymore— I mean, look at what I’ve done to it, not yet thirty and I’ve already got pretty thin hair, all the bleaching and the styling products… I don’t exactly wanna go bald. Don’t think you’d like it either— wait, are you into bald guys? Because that’s what we might be lookin’ at here in just a few years, babe. Plus… ah, I don’t know, I’ve just kinda been wanting a change anyway.”

You chuckled,“One: you won’t go bald, two: even if you did, I’d still love you. Sure, I love the way you look, but I’m not shallow, I’m with you for what’s in here.” You placed your other hand over his heart,“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever known, you make me laugh like no other, I love being with you. I love you. Red hair, black hair… no hair…” Eijiro and you both laughed at that last part,“I’ll love you regardless.”

“I love you too, doll, and thanks.” He took the dye and the bleach both into his hands and placed them in the cabinet below the sink,“You think my fans will be mad?”

“Nope.” You shook your head and smiled at him,“Why would they? You’re still Red Riot, still the legendary Sturdy Hero that doesn’t hesitate to jump in front of flying bullets.”

He realized then that he didn’t have to change his hero name, it didn’t have to be a big pain for everyone. Sure, his fans might grumble at the fact that he won’t sport his signature red hair anymore, but it was his hair and he wasn’t fond of it anymore. Perhaps he’d just outgrown it, he could always say that. Then what you said hit him and he shrugged,“I don’t know, babe, that’s easy to do when you’re bulletproof.”

“Nuh uh.” Another shake of your head,“Not easy to do, bulletproof or not, you’re brave for all that you do and they’ll say the same even if you no longer keep your hair flaming.”

“Literally! Look how burnt it is!” He tugged the strands down in front of his eyes to look at the ends, he gave a relieved sigh this time as he moved to stand in front of you, hands on your thighs while he smiled at you,“Guess I better go out and grab a couple of boxes of black instead, you need me to bring anything else back?”

“I don’t need anything…” a thought entered your mind as your eyes lingered on the cabinet he’d opened and closed a few mere moments ago, to distract him you offered up an idea,“Hey, why not go to a salon instead? Get it done professionally! Maybe you can get it cut while you’re there, wouldn’t hurt to start fresh and say goodbye to split ends.”

“I have split ends too?!” He dove right back to the mirror, running out of the bathroom with his keys in hand and shoes half slipped into before you could point out everything that was currently wrong with his hair, but not before he stopped mid panic to kiss you goodbye and thank you again for being so reassuring and accepting of everything that he did.

You were his rock, after all.

While he was gone, you took it upon yourself to take out the boxed red hair dye again and endure the stench it left behind as you scarcely thought about what you were doing to your own virgin strands of hair as you put it through the round of bleach (luckily, it only took one as your hair was already pretty light) and then the store bought dye. You were just finishing up with styling your new hair and heading out toward the living room when you heard the door opening and closing and Eijiro’s voice.

“Babe! Come check me out, I look hot!” His back was turned to you as he undid the laces of his shoes,“I think you’ll really like this new haircut—”

You were momentarily distracted by the fact that this was your first time seeing him with his natural hair color, it really made his eyes pop. The very slight undercut was an added bonus, you always found those to look really good. He hadn’t cut too much of his length, just what was necessary in order to grow out new and healthy hair. He truly did look hot.

His jaw was on the floor when you finally made eye contact with him, Eijiro walked up to you and picked up a curled piece of hair to see if it was really red or he’d gone crazy and was seeing things,“Baby… are we okay? Are you going through something and I’ve just been self centered and clueless over here?”

“No!” You laughed at the fact that he still remembered what you’d told him all those years ago the first time you found out his red hair wasn’t actually natural (though you’d always had your suspicions because hello!!!!! Flaming red hair?! Midoriya’s green locks were already a stretch and you only believed that because his mother happened to sport the same do). “We’re great, amazing— I just thought… I don’t know, you were pretty conflicted and this way at least one of us still has the red hair and you won’t miss it too bad… you don’t like it?”

Your heart dropped, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…

“No! I mean— yes!” He quickly corrected himself as he gawked over you, quick to offer his compliments as he took your hand and twirled you slowly while he took it all in, looking one more second away from kneeling at your feet to worship you,“Baby, I love it, I was just surprised, but God, you really can rock anything.”

“Even the bald look?” You teased as he stopped inspecting your hair and brought you in closer by taking hold of your hips.

“Well…”

You smacked his chest playfully as he laughed loud while teasing you for stealing his thunder, bringing your attention back to his new haircut. The whole reason for all of this to begin with.

Now you were the one left with a slack jaw as he sheepishly did a 360 when you demanded to see the back of his head, he was sitting in the salon chair when he remembered your reaction to seeing Bakugo with an undercut and remembered feeling a little jealous.

He’d debated with the hair stylist for fifteen minutes before finally the man next to him turned and told him he could always get over a bad haircut (especially with a girlfriend as supportive as the one he’d been gushing about), but he’d regret it for life if he never even gave it a shot.

Sporting the new style now, he was thankful to his best friend for the inspiration and to the man for butting in when he couldn’t decide which choice to make, even more so when you wasted no time bringing him down for a heated kiss that quickly led to you both using your couch for activities other than sitting down to watch a movie. No care for the fact that your shared bedroom was just right at the end of the hall.

bonus ! titanium ( try and tell me kiri didn’t jam out to this song after ep68, you can’t because he 100% did )

“I’M BULLETPROOF! NOTHING TO LOOSE! FIRE AWAY! FIRE AWAY.”

Both you and Eijiro sung at the top of your lungs as you jumped around your living room later that night when a sudden burst of energy hit you and you did another spontaneous thing by asking (though it was more like telling) him to dance with you, both more than content and not a care in the world as to how your new looks would be received by his fans or your shared group of friends. You had each other, and he’d never be able to thank you enough for everything you did for him.

[belladoesmakeup]

Hi guys,

Today we are chatting about hair, in particular my hair journey and why I went back to brunette from red.

When I was 17-22 (2010-2015) years old I loved colouring my hair with semi-permanent hair colours, at this time I was in my emo stage and of course had to have red / plum hair. My mum said I shouldn't use permanent dye at the time so I only used L'Oreal Casting Creme glosses and they had this gorgeous red colour I used all the time. Unfortunately they discontinued this shade so I stopped colouring my hair for a while and let my brunette colour come back. Though this took a while the colour eventually washed out and I didn't think about it again.

Skip along to 2020, we all know what happened that year and I was bored of my hair colour. Since I knew I was going to be at home for a while I decided to bite the bullet and go bright red! Unlike last time I committed to permanent hair colour which was scary but I knew I would be keeping the red for a long time. I used a Garnier dye called Warm Red and it was a very Hayley Williams hair colour. I loved the hair colour and felt so myself with this colour. I kept this hair colour for 3 years and during 2022 I decided my hair style needed a change so I added bangs! I blame Taylor Swift bringing out RED TV because this convinced me it was time to relive my bangs and fedora hat phase.

Finally in 2023 I grew out my fringe into a slightly awkward side fringe until it was finally long enough to pass off as (curtain) layers which was really cute for a while. I also decided the red hair was too much maintenance to keep up with so I started dying my hair dark brown. Now obviously what I should of done was strip the colour first and then use the brown hair on top but that's too easy so I coloured over it. Though it coloured most of the red I still had a tint of red coming through.

Since my hair was so dead I also cut a few inches off it and it turned into this cute dark brown long bob which I honestly loved! I also started using only brown hair dyes and tried to not colour my hair as often as I was before. When you have red hair you have to colour your hair every 5-6 weeks because of colour fade. Whereas with brown dye I can get away with it longer so it's every month and half to 2 months I colour my hair now since I have a few grey hairs now to cover. Cutting my hair was the best decision because my hair was much healthier and it also helped I was using hair masks to fix my dry, damaged hair.

Now in 2024 my hair has no more red tints going through it and it is so much healthier! I use a hair mask once a week, I wash my hair with Olaplex Detox shampoo once a week with a deep condition and it has made a drastic difference. So moral of the story by all means colour your hair however you want to but make sure you look after it otherwise you will end up with dried damage hair like me. Luckily I changed my hair habits before it's too late and now I love having more natural hair. I feel like now I'm 30 having dark brown hair feels a little more grown up and honestly kinda boosted my confidence a bit. It's ironic but when you've had funky hair colours for so long, a natural hair colour seems just as exciting to try again and they also cause less damage to your hair in the long run.

I would love to know what products you use to protect your hair so let me know in the comments.

Lot's of love,

Bella x x

[tigergirltail]

Past Self

It's been on my mind a lot as part of my Trans Journey, what if I had an opportunity to tell my younger self everything? What if I could gift her that insight and understanding twenty years earlier?

---

The door opens, and a crowd of children of various ages starts to walk in. Looking around at the rest of the gathered adults, I try to gauge their reactions. Some seem excited, others seem to just barely be holding themselves together.

I suppose when you're given a real opportunity to speak with your actual past self, it's hard to know what to say.

Most of the others look like they've chosen their clothes and done their hair to look as familiar as possible to their younger selves. Not me, though. I decided early on that if I was going to do this, I was going to go all out. No more hiding who I am. I had on my favourite purple and black dress, a simple necklace I'd picked out from a thrift store months ago, some elegant shoes with inch-tall heels, black lace fingerless gloves, purple nailpolish, I'd even made sure to do my makeup and refresh my hair dye for the occasion. Full goth witch look. …I should have worn a witch hat.

Gods, I'm going to be fucking unrecognizable to myself.

The first wave of kids have already found their future selves and are heading off to side rooms and sitting areas with them. I take one last steadying breath and look. If I know me, I'll be trying to blend in somewhere near the back of the pack. Unobstructive, anonymous, boring, and safe.

There I am. Bland, plain-coloured clothes, dorky haircut, and the eyes. I'll never forget how empty and dead my eyes used to look. He's standing around, awkwardly looking at people, trying not to have an anxiety attack, probably about ten seconds until he does.

I wait a moment for the crowd around him to disperse, and then I start to approach. Remember, confident, but caring. Don't scare myself off.

"Hey, kiddo. You look a bit lost, are you okay?"

He looks up at me, and pauses. A little surge of awe lights up his eyes. Even at that age I loved the goth look, I just couldn't find it in me to admit it.

"Yeah, uh…" He's struggling to speak. Maybe I overdid it.

"Looking for your future self, right?", I offer.

"Yeah, don't I… Am I…"

I have to brace myself to keep from crying. Of course he thinks his future self is dead. I thought way too much about suicide back then. Gods, didn't anyone think something was WRONG with that??

"I'm sure you're around here somewhere.", I reassure me. "What's your name?"

He hesitates before he answers. I have to suppress the urge to cringe when I hear my deadname cross my own lips.

"That's a good name." It's true, it was a good name. It just wasn't MY name. "It's been a while since I heard it."

That response throws him off. Here we go, now or never. Brace for impact…

"My name's Alexis, and I'm your future self."

Younger me's brain just… stops. He starts looking around, sure that I'm playing a trick on him, but all the other 'futures' have already met up with their pasts. It's just us two left.

"…But you're…"

I smile. Technically, I'm breaking every single letter of the Trans Prime Directive, but none of the 'pasts' will remember this as anything more than a particularly vivid dream.

"Yes, I am. And so are you."

She's standing stock still, struggling to process this. I see her eyes widen, and a little bit of light creep into them. That spark of life trans people get when we awaken. It hit like a truck for me, it must be even harder for her.

"No, I can't… But… But that's impossible!"

I reach out and gently take her hand. "It's… a lot, I know. How about we sit down somewhere and I'll tell you everything?"

She nods. She's gone nonverbal, I can tell. I lead her over to one of the open sitting areas, sit down with her, and try to project an aura of calm. She's staring at me intently, but trying not to look like it. It looks like I'll be taking the lead here.

"So, to answer the obvious question, I'm you in another 25 years, and yes, we're a girl." She's still struggling to process what she's hearing, so I continue. "The way we always felt more comfortable with other girls than with boys… The way we'd always stare just a little too long at a nice dress… The way we'd play with our hair in the mirror and imagine getting it cut to look like Cardcaptor Sakura… All of that meant something, something much bigger."

She's blushing now, burying her face in her hands, trying desperately to stop existing. Gods, I just want to hug her, but there's no way she'll accept being touched right now.

"You aren't going to learn this word for a while yet, but we're transgender. It's something beautiful, and it's a normal part of the grand spectrum of human experiences. There are lots of us out there, even in your time, and you're going to love being one of them."

When I said the word 'beautiful', I saw her peek out from under her hands. She's crying. That's probably a good thing.

"What… What happened to your hair??", she manages to ask between sobs.

I twirl some of the purple strands around with my fingers. "It's my favourite colour!", I answer happily. "I can't remember if it's yours yet…"

She's stopped crying, stopped hiding in her hands, stopped pretending she's not staring. "No, I mean… It's long."

Oh. Right. I smile, and silently laugh a little. "Well… Getting our hair cut sucks, right? So in about five years, you just… stop. You let it grow." I run my hand through it. "It's the first time we ever really feel happy about how we look." I see another little spark in her eyes. She's letting herself imagine. Maybe this will change something after all.

"S-so why are we… Why am I… What was that word? Trans…"

"Transgender?"

She nods.

"Nobody really knows the whys and hows, but basically, you're a girl brain in a boy body."

"But you look so much like a girl!"

"There's medical treatments for it. They can't do everything, but they can do a lot. Most of the rest is just clothing, hair, voice… You know, presentation." She doesn't know, but it's the best explanation I have in me.

"…Needles?" She looks a little nauseous asking.

"…Yeah, sometimes. They need to check my blood to make sure the girl juice is flowing right."

She suddenly gets really quiet. Poor girl still has a debilitating fear of needles. I should change the topic.

"We also have a job! And a romantic partner!"

"…Really?" She sounds more skeptical than curious.

"Yeah! Let me tell you about them…"

We spend the rest of the time we have talking about the life ahead of her. Learning to make costumes… Going to conventions… Getting into tabletop RPGs, meeting new friends, falling in love… Moving out east to find herself… Going to a college she genuinely loves… And the morning she's lying in bed and has that moment of grand revelation - the moment she awakens. The more I tell her, the more there's something in her eyes and voice that wasn't there when she walked in. Hope. Even if this all seems like just a dream to her, that hope might just become real.

It feels too soon when the alarm goes off for the three-minute warning. A temporal connection like this isn't sustainable for much longer. We pick ourselves up and make our way to the exit to part ways. She stops short of the doorway.

"…Promise this is all for real?"

I step forward and pull my past self, the boy I used to pretend to be, into a tight hug.

"I promise, it's real. You're beautiful, and you're brilliant, and you're going to mean so much to so many people."

She buries her face in my shoulder and starts crying again.

"I love you, Alexis.", I tell her. "And I'm going to be there for you."

We pull apart right as the 60-second warning sounds. I watch her leave through the open doorway, but as she turns back, I see something on her face that I could never quite do when I was her.

She smiles.

And in the year of 2001, in a warm bedroom, a teenage girl wakes up crying happy tears, and she doesn't fully understand why.

[gethighithefloor]

Summer is your worst season.

Let’s start with the basics: heat. It’s too damn hot no matter where you go, from the beach to your bed beside the fan, or the river that runs alongside your apartment. The medications that make you sane and functional take away more than your sex drive: they take your body’s own ability to regulate its temperature.

No more days of walking outside in a black hoodie, not a drop of sweat on you. High school seems like a cool, distant memory. Maybe it’s not just the meds, but the climbing temperatures and erratic weather patterns as well. Or both.

But due to this your body always hurts, you’re always sticky with sweat, and phantom pains buzz around your old surgery site. You feel like you can’t walk too much or you’ll pass out from the heat. It saps you of energy and patience, making it second, close first, for losing friends.

What they don’t understand is you teach small children for eight hours a day in unconditional classrooms. Their little bodies radiate heat, especially after recess and their hair is dripping with sweat. This is the season you repeatedly almost pass out, especially when you have your period, and have to stumble to the hallways before collapsing. They don’t understand that after shaping your body into A B C’s and singing and running around, you’re exhausted and at your limit.

Speaking of heat, here’s the next reason: your body. Once thin and light, you’re now at your heaviest, teetering the line between ‘normal weight’ and ‘overweight’ depending on the BMI chart. You’ve exchanged bikinis for one pieces, now big shirts and skirts that are waterproof or that you don’t mind getting salt water on. At least this is the season you eat the least, because food in the heat makes you sick.

Sweat clogs pores and your back is dotted with acne from it. Same under and between your boobs. Bugs are back and bite, leaving you to wonder: fuck are they mites again, or just because I sat in the grass the other day?

You feel like a beached whale dotted with barnacles, bloated and tired and ready to explode. Spill your guts everywhere, in the sand, in the ocean, on onlookers and cars and streets. Dye it all red, like your face after walking home in 90 degree weather.

Last but not least: trauma.

Apparently your body doesn’t give a shit that you spend upwards of $1,000 on therapy a year. The conclusions your brain has reached over 5 years of agonizing conversations and sobbing and screaming and laughing has stopped just there: in your brain. Not even the whole thing, just the reasoning portions.

The body holds trauma like a storage unit that will never get bid upon. February March April May you remain, for the most part, light hearted and reassuring to everyone around you. You might have the same work schedule but your body is cooler and nothing of note has happened in the past that rocks your body with anxiety and deep sorrow.

June comes, and with it a constant nausea, from the heat and your birthday. Despite everyone looking forward to theirs, you almost wish yours would go by like a whisper, barely heard nor recognized. But the child in you screams in delight at birthdays past, with treasure chest cakes and water sprinklers and wrapped presents. The young adult and teenage you curls up in fear and self hate, feeling unworthy of anything, screaming and sobbing when you get $200 from grandma. You thought you’d gotten past it, flaunt fake confidence in front of others and say ‘it’s my birthday and I’m important!’ For a laugh or a smile and eye roll. They think you really feel this way. You don’t. You hate it. You don’t want to get older. You don’t want the attention you don’t deserve.

Being born is not a celebration for you. The gift of life you never asked for and tried so many times to throw away. A wretched, fetid present, a box filled with placenta and umbilical cord crawling with maggots and fat biting flies. The gift of life. What a joke. It’s the responsibility of life. The burden of life. The sometimes-joy of life.

June is when you were kicked out. When your goods were smashed on the blacktop, and your mother screamed to get out of her sight. June is when you packed your life into a backpack and lived out of that for weeks until you found a temporary home in your managers guest room. Than some sofas. Then your first apartment. Your body remembers the fight and flight, even if it’s dull. A blade is still a blade, even if its edge no longer shines and is filled with nicks and cracks. It can still hurt. It still hurts.

It’s an unknowable ache that holds onto you until July, like a tick ripped off but its head remains.

So, summer is your worst season. You were born in it, you were cast away in it. You sweat and bake in it, you bite your skin and slam your head in it. You run along sand and ocean in it. You cover your body in it. You tremble with weakness in it. Fuck summer. Fuck summer. Fuck summer.

You hate summer.

[zariahthewitch]

-Meet My PJO/HOO OC's-

- Zoe Danvers

- Daughter Of Pluto

- 18

- Born in 1897.

- Died from sustained injuries after slaying a Hydra threatening Camp Jupiter. (1918)

- Born in Minneapolis Minnesota.

- Followed Hazel and Nico through the Doors Of Death and came back to life.

- Can control gemstones, metal and the Earth (uses her powers a lot like Earth/Metalbending from ATLA/TLOK), can summon skeletons, speak to Ghosts, shadow travel and has been learning magic from the children of Hecate's Roman counterparts.

- Uses a Stygian Iron Polearm (a type of spear) in combat.

- Is Demisexual.

- She has a visual Impairement so she's considered partly blind. She can see light and color just fine but when things are further away She has trouble seeing small details. She for example when sitting next to someone can see them, their face, nose, mouth, eyebrows, eye indents (even eyes if she's close enough) but she won't be able to see eye colors. As another example if she's standing across the street from a street sign she'll see the signs Height, shape and color but won't be able to read it. Her depth perception also isn't so good.

- She cab read and write Braille fluently.

- She uses a white cane when in New/unfamiliar places.

- She's 5'2.

- Her hobbies are crystal collecting, reading, training for battle, spending time with Nico & Hazel and playing chess.

- She's very kind, caring, smart, protective, brave and hard working.

- Lucia Madrigal

- 15

- Daughter of Ares.

- Is a Mexican American (her mom is a Mexican Imigrant)

- She speaks both Spannish and English fluently.

- She's a aromantic and asexual.

- She's been at Camp Half-Blood for 5 years post The Last Olympian.

- She stays at camp year round.

- Her hobbies are knife collecting, cooking, combat training, reading and gardening with the Demeter kids.

- She breaks into rants of full blown Spannish when she's super angry at someone.

- She's very confident, relaxed, smart (from reading with the Athena kids), surprisingly nice under her tough exterior, determined and protective. She pretends not to care but secretly really does care (like a lot).

- The necklace she wears was a parting gift from her mom.

- She's allergic to Cats.

- She fought in The Battle Of New York on the side of the Olympians.

- She uses a battle axe as a weapon and knives as backups.

- She's the friend who always has at least one deadly object somewhere on their person.

- Sophie Carter.

- 17

- Daughter of Hermes.

- She came to Camp Half-Blood a month before Lucia did.

- She dyes half of her hair blond to stand out just a little bit more.

- She plays pranks with her brothers the Stoll Twins a lot.

- She's the best theif of all of Hermes's living Demigod Children.

- She holds Chiron in high regard and shows him (and Mr. D) a surprisingly high amount of respect and behaves herself when they ask/tell her too.

- Her hobbies are pranking people, climbing trees, building Legos and doing sports like Track and Cross Country.

- She comes only during summer and lives with her mom otherwise.

- The necklace she wears turns into a sword when taken off by yanking the crystal and turns back when the handle is twisted a certain way.

- She's very mischievous, energetic, friendly, protective, mildly sarcastic and clever. She often shows new campers around and keeps a watchful gaze over the younger ones so they stay safe.

- She's straight but is a huge LGBQ+ Ally.

- Her gut instincts is to punch someone if they sneak up behind her. (Connor and Travis stopped doing this after she manged to break their noses)

Feel free to ask them anything if you wanna know more! Just in you asks write For (their name) so they get your message!

<3

@groverapologist

[churchofthpl]

untitled

the shit people were saying to him was funny until it wasn't. i still read through them from time to time because i get a kick out of knowing people laughed at his shit and tried to use pretty boy insultingly - i think about that comment a lot and i still have a theory that it was one of vivian's old friends because vivian was either psychopathic or the most sane person i ever met - and they told him to be more careful broadcasting his mental problems to viewers of a public blog (and i get an ego boost from knowing he was probably getting off on it cause that's the type of guy he always was). i think it stopped being funny when the threats on posts that were very obviously about me - "curly-haired boy with acne-prone skin", etc - began. i told trick as a joke once that i think it were all him on alt accounts but she laughed and said maybe and i haven't talked to trick in almost a year now and i wonder if i would miss her if it wasn't for that.

i haven't talked to vivian, i haven't talked to trick, and my current friends know next nothing of neither of those people. and i miss trick but i do not miss vivian and really, i don't miss trick, but i miss her auburn hair and the way she'd always complain about hair dye being a nightmare to get out, even between three rounds of colour oops, and i miss the suppression of laughter evident on dyl's face when i told him i was in a "situationship" with a teenage girl named patrick-but-i-call-her-trick but i don't miss trick because i've moved on.

and i hate trick, because i spoke of her recently and she goes by another name now but she never truly went by trick unless it was to me so i can call her that to keep her anonymity but i hate her. and miles hates her and kody probably hates her and every other poor kid that she fucked over hates her.

and i think about him writing every post in james' car (and then i think about us holding hands in the back seat of james' car and maybe i do feel a little sick) but then i think of him crying my old name when he wakes up from nightmares about whatever truly happened to him and whatever he lied about and by now i definitely feel sick.

i think about his edgy shitty poetic blog and how he never knew how to write or draw or play an instrument and i think he'll never make it out of lancashire but i also know he will and i, for one, will make it out of birmingham if it is the last thing i do.

and maybe i'll see him in greece one day and by now my hearing has deteriorated to a level where i feel most confident speaking in sign language despite my teenage self being reluctant to learn and i'll wave to him and he'll wave back because neither of us recognise each other's faces but but but i notice the crookedness of his teeth against thin lips and he notices the small circular scars across my face and for a moment we feel as if we might know. we don't. we never have and we never will.

and he'll continue to call me a liar on his blog and ricky will continue to view me as competition and vivian will continue to fear the wrath of an incompetent sixteen-year-old boy and trick will continue to get the urge to text me whenever her dad drives down to birmingham and dyl will continue to convince his mom to take me to gigs and james will continue to exist through quiet evening jokes and anonymous blogspot stalkers will continue to maliciously call him a pretty boy and he never liked me anyway and it will all be okay.