#get me a relationship like theirs
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Jayvik and the Hayao Miyazaki treatment. They don't need to kiss or outright say "I love you" the love is just there, whatever type it may be. It is there and it is theirs 🫶
#also that astra plane scene is very ghibli coded.#their relationship is just so special#get a friendship like theirs. Sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. find eachother in different universes#jayvik#arcane jayce#viktor arcane#jayce talis#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane netflix#arcane#arcane s2 spoilers#spoilers#jayvik soulmate shit strikes again#like..you can't deny the fact that they are soulmates#in all timelines in all possibilities#ONLY YOU CAN SHOW ME THIS#fucking rolling on the floor ill
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Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways
Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.
Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.
Me: like maybe I should branch out or something
Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]
Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!
Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS
#mine#not putting this in the mcc*y/tr*k tags bc i am venting not trying to start 💾🐎 [discourse]#but woof. WOOF. i want you to know that if you hate the doc then sp*ck and k*rk would hate YOU#like seeing someone say they're sp*ck or jim coded and then say flagrantly absurd things about mcc*y.......u are garbage coded actually.#sp*ck and k*rk would literally never#i will never understand how so many ppl can ship mcc*y’s besties and then???? hate on mcc*y?????????#i block LIBERALLY so i have a lot of b*nes haters blocked already tbf#i just stumble across one in the wild sometimes alas#that mindset btw is how that counseling fic came about lmao - we were talking about how if sp*rk dated they'd still drag mcc*y EVERYWHERE#romantic or platonic he is THEIRS just like they're HIS. it's a triumvir*te my guy#any two of them hook up they're still making the third stay at their side 24/7 lolllllll#how can you claim to love sp*ck and k*rk and so fundamentally misunderstand them and their relationship with b*nes#genuinely tragique#you are missing out on so much fun#we are not watching the same show lmao <3 leave my doctor alone <3 leave his bfs alone too <3#me: i should let things go / sp*ck: have you instead considered being a petty bitch / me: what / sp*ck: they can get fucked and die mad 🖖#me: ur so right sp*ck / sp*ck: i usually am#guess who literally just found out that if the word is contained w/in a longer tag it now shows up if you search that word!!!!!#that change very well may not be recent but i just found out!!!! anyway. asterisks added.#i give up. tumblr keeps putting this in the fucjing tags. hellsite (full of hatred)#eta: didn't think to make this non-rebloggable earlier but now it is lmao. it's just a vent post y'all <3
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okay something ive been curious about is how people feel about their self harm scars. because mine are really important to me and I honestly feel love for them, and i enjoy when they are visible.
also this includes people who have any kind of permenant mark from self harm. and tbh if you have only self harmed in a way that leaves temporary marks then feel free to answer this too, or if you used to have some but now they aren't visible
#also this is not bc i get a lot of compliments on them#lord knows almost every member of family has said Something about them & my mother made me cry the first time she saw them#but they are important to me and i feel comforted by them#they feel like something very personal & smth thats truly my own#i absolutely do not blame people for having any sort of reaction towards theirs#my cousin has been getting his covered by REALLY fucking sick tattoos n im very happy for him#im just curious bc i dont feel like ive ever seen someone talk about their relationship w their scars in a way that feels similar to mine#m.#self harm tw
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I love charthur but also thinks a lot ab it in a "a guy who's only real (arguably) relationships of any sorts involved him changing or hiding parts of himself and a guy who's probably never been in a long term relationship due to being on his own for twenty-ish(?) years walk into a bar together and try to hold hands" kind of way
#charthur#rdr2#one of the ships ever.... i love when the trust in hardship and kindness n adoration real etc#but also thinking that if they Did have time n hell Wasn't happening around them ab how awkward things could get#as someone who's been largely socially isolate for their life onto to stumble their way into a relationship with a friend of theirs#with said relationship lasting like. a couple of weeks bc neither of us knew what to do n kinda just sat there#feels like its an aspect that could be explored more in the fandom.....#me putting the blorbos into More situations#as a treat
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Sometimes I think Dan and Phil are totally platonic besties and then other times I’m convinced they fuck on the daily. I think they do it on purpose and it’s honestly iconic.
kind of the best thing is that they are that and everything in between. you can tell they just like being around each other. they've made content together for 15 years and the large majority of it was done in the strictly platonic sense for their audience. and they were still having so much fun with it. we're in the 'we know you know' era now so we get to see flashes of different dynamics they have, but they absolutely have more we Don't get to see bc they're not for us.
they like each other. stupidly fond of each other. spending time together doesn't feel exhausting. they're best friends and each others' harshest critics while being the biggest hypeman and also safe space.
dnp's relationship with us, their audience, always has been and always will be different than any other content creators. part of it is how they accumulated it, but another part is just the massive history we have with them. they Get us. they Know us. they're silly goofy sarcastic guys who love us and hate us sometimes. theyre grateful but careful too. they like to rile us up, just like they do each other. it's a love language, teasing, and we've shown positive responses to it over the years. i like to say that my relationship with dnp is antagonistic sometimes--cause i know they're pushing my buttons on purpose. and ykw? it's fun! it's fun for us and it's fun for them because they have the control. i know anything they let out is cause they chose to let it out because they Know how we are. so yes they absolutely adore messing with us. we're a funny bunch.
#im getting sappy again#the things you mention anon are not mutually exclusive for dnp. which is a lot of the fun of it#like for me personally. why be in a relationship with someone who isnt your best friend. i dont know how they couldnt be your favourite ever#like maybe im projecting but theirs is probably the healthiest depiction of love i have in my life#theres movies and tv but its not real. and yes dnp are produced. and aware. and curate. but theyre not selling a relationship.#sure we perceive it. but its not the goal. the product is the entertainment value of them together cause theyre funny.#whereas almost every relationship ive properly witnessed in my life seems like. a trap. genuinely.#its like well no love isnt actually real its a concept you just. are stuck. for the rest of existence. be happy about it.#and with dnp its like oh like love is actually real. like theres a reason people want to stay together forever.#like people Do get lost in each others eyes. they get a different look on their face that reads i love you#theres people out there who will love every aspect of you and never get enough of you or your time#i am. so far off on a tangent.#anyways love dnp love the cat and mouse game we play together#dnp#c.text#dan and phil#answered
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sorry to say but barty + the rosier twins are in love and i’ve thought about nothing else since yesterday
#barty growing up in a family where love and affection is only for show and for the public image#a quiet and strict home where love only comes if someone important is watching#and then barty stumbling into this other family dynamic with the rosier twins#where they love each other in every concievable way#a sibling dynamic that knows no boundaries when it comes to love and intimacy#but its all behind closed doors#rather than the pretend love and intimacy his father holds above barty for the public eye#instead it’s behind closed doors and no boundaries and theirs and real#barty being so possessive over them because they’re his <3#no one is allowed to know them and see them like he gets to know and see them#they both end up dating barty and people talk and people think it’s weird#but they���ll never KNOW and that’s what important to them#people might talk but they’ll never actually know or understand the way they do#pan and ev don’t consider themselves dating or even in love#they already love each other because they’re twins. in every possible way#they’re already together too because they’re twins. calling it something so mundane as ’dating’ wouldn’t cover it#they’re just a unit and they love each other and want each other and barty love them and they love him <3#the polar opposite of bartys family and stumbling into ev and pans family dynamic#makes me insane#makes me EMOTIONAL#and barty being so protective of it#protective over pan and ev but also protective over all three of them#that’s his family :’) and his loves :’)#i dont even think they tell reg what their relationship turns into#everyone knows barty is dating both of them#and everyone talks#but no one will ever know#reg eventually does think he knows#and has a ’none of my business’ attitude about it#bartyrosiers
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While I was rewatching the first Zexal episodes, I noticed something interesting: aside from stuttering his name the first time they met, Yuma never referred to Astral by his name until episode 6. He only referred to Astral as “ghost”, “spirit”, or “this guy”, or simply “you” when talking directly to him. At the beginning of episode 5 Yuma is saying to Kotori and Testuo that Astral had repeatedly told him the day before to call him Astral. Furthermore, since Kotori and Tetsuo didn't have any idea that Astral had a name, shows that Yuma had never said his name while they were around.
I don't think that being called like that was a bother to Astral initially, (he wasn't even sure that Astral was his name when he crashed on Earth), but, probably, after knowing the name of the place he was from (and that he had a mission to fulfill), he started to have a more strong sense of himself and wanted Yuma (who was the only person who could see him) to call him by his name (and also wanting Yuma's friends to use his name and not calling him “ghost”).
In this scene, Yuma says Astral's name, but he is just repeating what Astral had said to him.
The first time Yuma calls Astral by name properly and directly to him is during episode 6, after Tokunosuke took control of Leviathan Dragon and Astral's condition worsened. And after that, he calls Astral's name two more times, trying to get him to answer.
Astral, instead, tries to use Yuma's name from the start... with poor results.
But in the next episode, when talking to himself, he refers to Yuma with his correct name (while Yuma calls Astral a ghost or similar even when he was talking to himself).
Astral calls Yuma with his correct name for the first time during episode 3, when he tells Yuma to duel against Mr. Ukyo because he has a Number.
It's kind of ironic that it took more than one episode to make Yuma and Astral say the other's name, seeing how the more the show progresses, the more these two end up screaming each other's name.
#if we really want to be precise Yuma also said Astral's name when he presents the next episode (like the title of episode 3)#but let's only count the times he said in the show#I have to say this: I find really funny that the first time Yuma call Astral's name is when Astral is in danger#when I noticed this my first thought was: “Get ready Yuma because this is just the start”#Maybe this is nothing new but I wanted to do a post about it anyway#because I love these two so much#and their relationship is so interesting to me#especially because theirs wasn't an easy start#and that makes what happens later in the series a lot more rewarding#(but I have to say that I loved them from the beginning)#from “this guy” to “my everything”#From Astral's perspective is interesting to notice his initial lack of interest in being called anything but his name#to then repeatedly ask Yuma (and his friends) to call him Astral#It's a step forward on his path to considering himself a person#(and Yuma listened to him and stopped calling him ghost)#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#zexal#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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this is completely out of nowhere but i think i will be old and gray and it will be pkmn gen 79 and i will still be sitting there in my probable rocking chair saying "oh i cant wait until they make a pokemon special anime"
#man................#it would be so cool#but alas#god fucking imagine tho#this is brought to you by im listening to pkspe vocaloid parodies again#ive tried and failed typing parodies so many times it looks fake to me#michi tag#i dont actually know how many gens they could conceivably make in an average lifespan with the rate theyre turning them out#i think 79 is too many#but its for the bit so its fine#anyways the specific video i was listening to was cocohood + another#love that song#original and pksp version#and i got to thinking abt how batshit the rs chapter was and sapphire and ruby specifically#theyre relationship is like that one reddit comment#that was like ur just enabling each other ur perfect never change just dont inflict urselves on anyone else#except they make their issues everyones issues#i used to be really into uh#damn whats the shipname#omg i used to know all the ship names and i do i swear i just forgot theirs?????#it was something real stupid too#FRANTICSHIPPING#back when ship names were like that lmaooo#oh i hope this doesnt get maintagged oops#ANYWAYS i used to be really into them? but as i got older i was like :/#like truly it was mostly bc they were the only canon couple but also rubys like. EVWRYTHING was so irritating like bestie whatee you doing 😭#anyways where was ingoing with this? good question i dont know <3
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one of the funny shifts I've seen in the Rise fandom is that Usagi was, at least initially when I first joined the fandom a couple years ago, generally understood to be a crossover character being taken from Samari Rabbit and put into the Rise universe (usually for shipping reasons). Nowadays its more common for people to have their 'own version' of Usagi and create a character who's completely separate from the Samari Rabbit guy. It's like if people were like "this is my version of Miles Morales :)" and it's a different guy every single time
#bambi's rambling#i tend to stay out of shipping circles anyway but it's definitely funny to me how usagi really feels like its now just the standard name#that people give to a Rabbit Boy who Exists to Be Shipped with Leo#and he can have any variety of character traits or appearances#like yall those are OCs who happen to share a name at this point#usagi is an existing character with established lore relationships and personality#and from what i know his interactions with the TMNT are usually crossovers between his media and theirs#so he's not a tmnt character so much as a guy who gets pulled into TMNT for fun but has his own story and conflicts going on and whatnot#and you can ignore that if you want its no skin off my teeth lol#its just funny to me how this started off as largely a crossover thing and now its a bunch of characters that are functionally OCs
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I don't really go here, but all the members in The Amazing Digital Circus are in a polyamorous relationship methinks
#yes this includes caine an' bubble cry about it- /lh#i have a disease that makes me hc any group of characters i like as bein' in a polyam relationship wit' eachother-#ok but srsly tho i mainly headcanon this cuz the theory that the circus is a hell of sorts really got to me and idk why-#an' even though things could be better between many of them so far i still ship this cuz the way i see it they're all stuck there-#-but they're stuck there together an' instead of lettin' it get to them all they choose to defy their situation by embracin' eachother#like they prove the whole saying 'hell is people' wrong by embracing the fact that they may not click 100% wit' eachother in every way-#-an' that's ok since at the end of the day they do have one thing in common which is that they're stuck there-#-but they're stuck there together instead of being hopelessly alone wit' their own thoughts or in the basement#plus no relationship is perfect an' sometimes it can be a bit messy jus' like theirs since they may be stuck but they're stuck together#an' i jus' think that's beautiful in a weird poetic way#holy fuck i was ramblin' sm in here does anyone actually read these anyways-#the amazing digital circus#tadc pilot#tadc#tadc pomni#tadc jax#tadc ragatha#tadc caine#tadc gangle#tadc kinger#tadc zooble#tadc bubble#i'm tagging all the ships cuz fuck you lol-#tadc pomni x ragatha#tadc ribbun#tadc royalteeth#tadc caine x pomni#tadc funnybunny#tadc bunnydoll#tadc showtime
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I think doing shipping through and aroace lens makes things complicated but also interesting. I think one reason I don't enjoy straight ships as much is because it's very rare for people write/talk about them with a queerplatonic dynamic. straight romance is so "normalized" in society, it's hard to get any other dynamic out of those ships from other people in conversation or writing. it's mostly always romantic. (especially when "guys and girls can't be *just* friends" is extremely common and has ruined mamy of my own friendships) but I enjoy a handful of a straight ship with that dynamic. it's just way more rare to see talked about than gay ones from my observation. anyway point is, more queerplatonic type ships and stuff please! those aren't explored enough!
#its really hard for me to describe what queer platonic means to me and how i see it and how that applies to ships i enjoy or even irl#i guess one way to explain it is being life partners without the need for romantic/sexual stuff and they dont date other people#dedicated to each other for life and act like partners but arent romantic/sexual about it.#example are cynonari. they adopter collei togther and are dedicated to each other. but theyre very fun as queer platonic relationship#and for straight version theres himeko and welt. a strong pair. work well togther. our train parents. platonic but life partners#partners in this crazy space train adventure that take care of us gremlin kids#and then theres also the queer straight platonic dynamic that's fun as well. 2 queers who form a straight platonic ship#think kafblade. how i like to imagine it is a lesbian and agender-aroace-gay-in-previous-life come together as platonic life partners#playing with this stuff and going outside the normal gender/sexuality box is fun#lee text#lee rambles#ive seen hi3 fans get very loudly upset about hsr fans shipping himeko and welt. but i never see them discussed as queerplatonic!#it could make everyone happy haha. life partners but not the romance. theyre our train parents but they arent a married couple!#disclaimer: ship your own ships. this is only about my ships and how i feel#before identifying as nonbinary i was subjected to the whole “guys and girls cant be just friends” bulshit and lost friends over it#im not even allowed to be friends with people as an aroace if im seem as a binary gender!!!!! it makes me so angry#i think straight shipping as an aroace that enjoys queerplatonic dynamics is a very weird trigger for bad feelings from those experiences😅#but its not why i prefer thos dynamic. the why is just being aroace in general and wanting that kind of relationship if i had a partner#but having a side of straight obsessed people ruining our friendships over their straight obsession feels bad#by straight obsession i mean we cant be friends anymore because they decided they saw me as a binary gender opposite theirs 🙄#and accused me of liking them and said im the one that ruined the relationship#where was i going with this i think im just rambling and info dumping about my brain stuff too much 😅
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David knows just what to say 💕 (even if he has no confidence in the words coming out of his mouth)
#pea art#digital art#my art#oc Asher#oc David#my ocs#ocs#oc#my oc#my characters#original character#original characters#they have such a cute relationship dynamic…… cus it’s like. still a relatively new thing for them#like ‘in universe’ or whatever. they’ve only been together for a few months. so like it’s FRESH#there’s still quite a bit of getting to really know each other. it’s fun to see and draw out#like. I like my more set in stone oc relationships don’t get me wrong. but it’s cool to see theirs develop 🥹#anyways. David likes Asher’s cute fish face#also being able to draw David is a blessing thank god I’m figuring him out. Jesus
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I genuinely feel like I dont have a right at all to complain or talk negative about Japanese fans but like……..the evident cliqueish-ness of honestly what looks like a very unfortunate larger chunk of them ……😮💨
like i gotta be honest the concert was a lot more isolating than it actually already was in itself because of the vibes at least a couple of clusters of fans gave me
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#like there’s a point where the pretty fixed staring or being like….physically distanced by everyone just gets…..unnerving#like the train back was completely fucking packed#except for in the space in front of where i was sitting…..lol#there was room for at least two people to stand if only people had actually consolidated and scrunched#like they had been doing the entire motherfucking way through transit and back#but i guess fuck them they can wait for the next train??? sure that makes sense#like i have never felt MORE uncomfortable and self-conscious being a smap/takuya fan#he’s the only piece that actually matters at the con tho 🫰#i probably should have brought merch but i actually was not crazy about the con’s theming (it’s…giving a bit too parasocial for my taste)#and I didn’t even consider bringing gwtf or next destination merch but i probably should have#but it’s not actually /mine/ so then i would think about how everyone that has theirs maybe probably ACTUALLY went to the concerts#that was another thing tho which is absolutely stupid because the whole point of a con is to SHOW OFF the stuff#but it was actually like……..off putting to me…….#idk maybe it’s cuz i innately have a weird ‘relationship’ with smap/individual members in that they aren’t normal-level interests#it just wasn’t sitting right with me seeing hoards of fans with bags..shirts..hats..all kinds of stuff lol#and it’s so hard NOT to have a defense mechanism like ‘I wonder if that person likes smap or /just/ takuya….’#and ‘did you actually want to come to the concert or mostly/just because you think he’s hot/cool/etc etc?’#esp validating seeing TWO people yawn during the con which was genuinely pretty disgusting/distasteful lmao#like that’s worse than leaving early why are you EVEN HERE#sorry okay i could probably vent more but i actually shouldnt and also i might end up talking in circles but#he was genuinely…………so amazing im eternally grateful that i had the opportunity to see him live#and if there is a smap reunion………..#….i genuinely think smapchat should storm it#be our own ✨clique✨#(but like…actually nice and kind and probably how takuya would want his fans to be ie not thickly-layered judgment [heehee :3])#(im also actually kind of so serious ???)
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Jack raised his arm to brace for impact. “Please don’t—!”
Ennis stopped dead in his tracks. He wondered if that’s what Earl had said, too, before the tire irons had come crashing down. Then he blinked, registered the terror welled up in Jack’s big blue eyes, the red that oozed from Jack’s nose and painted his own fist. A noise like a sob bubbled up from his throat when he knelt to the ground and watched Jack back away from him, expecting another blow.
“Baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, darlin’,” Ennis rambled, pulling Jack close and holding him in his arms. He pulled away to steady his face between his hands, studying the wounded area. Jack was breathing hard through his mouth. His big front teeth were stained red where the blood dribbled past parted lips and pooled at the top gum line. He looked dazed. He closed his eyes when Ennis brought his sleeve up to staunch the bleeding, clearly pained, and when he did Ennis saw the wetness that collected along his dark lashes. He brushed the droplets away with his thumb. Instinctually, Jack leaned into the touch, wanting his comfort from the same man who’d hurt him into needing it at all. The gesture nearly tore another sob out of Ennis’ throat, for he knew well how it had gone when their roles had been reversed all those summers ago; the only time he’d ever hit Jack in his life was now the first. He couldn’t have hated himself more if he tried.
Even after the bleeding had stopped the two continued to sit there like that for a short while, Jack half in Ennis’ lap, head lolling in Ennis' palm, until Ennis could trust his voice enough to speak without breaking.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, running his thumb across Jack’s cheek.
Jack closed his eyes again when he spoke. “’s okay,” he said, though his voice sounded thick and funny, and he knew Jack felt every syllable throb deep within the caverns of his nose. “’m sorry I done what I done.”
Ennis wanted badly to kiss him, even if it would taste like a mouthful of pennies, but knew he could not do so without hurting Jack even further. Instead, he moved to press his lips to Jack’s forehead. Ennis heard his shaky sigh, then felt the familiar weight of forearms on his shoulders and hands clasped tight behind his neck.
#kay's latest chapters on all i know so far had me feeling some type of way about the aspect of violence within ennis and jack's relationship#and i was inspired to explore the circumstances in which the ennis i write would punch jack and how they both would react to that#i havent written the circumstances part out yet but basically this is set in a world where ennis learns about jack and mexico like.#right after it happens basically#i just think that there's something fascinatingly sad about how their ability to hurt is inextricably wound up in their ability to comfort#theirs is a love that is never expressed in words so all they have are actions and even tho they hurt each other theyre the only ones who#can also take that hurt away#my poor inarticulate babies#anyways give kay's fic a read!! getting to read it has been one of the highlights of my year#brokeback mountain#ennis del mar#jack twist#tw violence#still brokeback posting
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#feeling depressed and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m hormonal from my period or having valid issues and concerns#been feeling unfulfilled in my relationship lately for many reasons and so that’s been giving me a rough time#partner has adhd and so do I but theirs is much worse and they’re not on meds for it yet and the dysfunction is causing problems#I want to be understanding but it’s interfering with plans and it’s always on me to change direction for us and figure out something else#at a certain point in life not paying bills because you forgot from adhd is a serious and annoying issue and not a valid excuse anymore#but it’s not my bills or money so what can I say about it#and I want to talk to my bestie and vent but having problems with him too and it feels like he only wants to talk to me if hes bored at work#only wants to hang if it’s convenient or if he wants/needs something from me#so I’ve been feeling used and not really cared for so it’s kind of like what would be the point in trying to call him#I know he won’t answer the phone anyway since most of the time when I call he ignores me so why bother#but then I just don’t have anyone to talk to or get advice from or anything#so I feel very stuck and alone and like I just need to get feelings out but I don’t know how or what to do about it#and all of this is compounded by hormones and mood swings so how much of these problems are real and how much are just my period?#I just don’t know the answer and that makes things even more difficult to deal with#personal
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