#geralt tells a story

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Okay so after the mountain breakup Geralt wants to apologize but he’s not sure how too. When he goes home for the winters he’s much more grumpy then usual and his brother and vesmir can smell his angsting. It take them nearly all winter to figure out why Geralt is so sad, but when they do they try and help.

All three of them try to figure out a way to have Geralt apologize. But they are Witchers and treat this in the same way they treat a monster hunt. They also don’t understand humans, and Geralt isn’t really that helpful as Jaskier is so different from humans.

When they finally come up with a decent plan, that has backups of course — “what if he escapes out a window instead of listening to Geralt?”

“Humans don’t jump out of widows lambert, they wouldn’t survive”

“Hmm no Jask jumped out of a three story widow when he heard that Valdo Marx was in the same building.”

“Fuck, we got to block out all the exits”

— Geralt sets out to apologize, and unbeknownst to him Lambert and Eskel follow him. They decide that since Geralt bard is well a bard, Geralt obviously needs to serenade him as he apologizes. (Ye old boombox)

So they buy cheap instruments and lay in wait. When Geralt finally starts to apologize it comes off awkward they jump in and start play horribly. They are both sing two different songs while they play hit cross buns. — “I fucked up and now I’m an angsty bastard without you, please fuck me again.”

“Lambert shut the fuck up, the lyric we agreed too was I’m deathly in love with you and being without you leaves me heart broken and berate” — It’s not really a surprise though lambert only followed to make fun of Geralt, while Eskel is a true romantic at heart.

They end up getting into a fist fight, in front of one mortified Geralt and dying laughing Jaskier. but while they are distracted with fighting each other Geralt pulls Jaskier aside and properly apologizes. It’s a sweet moment and they are both slightly crying — “I know that you may never forgive me, but I wish for you to travel with me again, to be better for you, to you.

“Geralt I forgave you two days after the mountain, I missed you too.” — Coen appears out of nowhere with a flower bouquet and gives it Jaskier and claims it’s from Geralt. He also kisses Jaskier hand before stepping away. Geralt nearly decks him. Jaskier makes a joke about swooning over Coen, so Geralt in a fit of confidence kisses him.

Next winter when Geralt brings Jaskier to the keep, they roast his ass. There isn’t a day that goes by without lambert or Eskel bringing up how angsty Geralt was last winter. Jokes on them they don’t have someone like Jaskier to wake up too.

[eternally-tired-cryptid]

Y'all would not believe the situations I can put ocs in. Rotate them in my brain microwave.

[gothiethefairy]

there should be more blind!jaskier aus, mostly bc the idea of everyone giving geralt shit for abandoning a blind man on top of a dangerous mountain is kinda funny

[witcher-inspiration]

“The first Witcher was an elf” this and “This is really gonna piss Geralt off” that

The first Witcher was in love. With a bard.

[vulpinesaint]

fellas does your girlfriend ever throw so many jars of jam at you that you can tell the flavor by the sound of the smash

[petrenocka]

"X is just a guy" is a popular phrase to throw around these parts when talking about blorbos, but I swear, and I am 100% stone faced serious when I say this, not a single character has ever done it quite like Geralt from The Witcher books.

[thediktatortot]

Now that cool air has fallen upon my land, it's time to start my yearly replay of The Witcher 3.

Come to me my old, slutty, tortured monster hunter.

[roughentumble]

wait oh my god! thinking about a modern pretend marriage au but Geralt has to pretend he and Yen are still married because Ciri got into a really good school but it's very old fashioned so Geralt's hiding the fact he's remarried to Jaskier and shenanigans ensue, esp if Jaskier starts calling Yen and himself sister wives bc it always makes Geralt go

YEEEEEEESSSSSSS

YYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

[littlestsnicket]

time of contempt!yenralt is geralt not trusting yennefer and being too scared of upsetting her to say it and sleeping with her anyway and the way netflix!geralt is different, that would never work.

i don't think the writers aren't fighting yennefer's arc in season 2 nearly as much as they are fighting this other version of geralt. and well... i wish some nuances of character interaction had gone a bit differently in season 2, but the thing that irritates me more than anything else in adaptations is when changes are made and the production backs off on them rather than following through. so whatever. i'm more interested to see what they do than anything else.

[jeanblack2056]

Me: trying to sleep

My brain: but what about Snow White Jaskier AU?!

So listen... Jaskier is the prince, the queen hates him etc, but he has a favorite past time of sneaking out of the castle to sing with the people - that's where he meets the witcher for the first time - and Geralt continues circling back to the city more often than he should. Then all the stuff with the hunter happens and enter scene Zoltan and his crew! I'm not sure about the cottage but that might as well just be a fancy caravan on their way to Mahakam - Jaskier decides to travel with them and maybe, maybe hopes to meet the witcher again like that. But alas! The queen requests a help of a witch and thus comes the cursed apple and the dwarves who fucking loved the bard (not knowing he was a prince, obviously) put him in a crystal coffin to bury him in a place nice enough for it.

Meanwhile Geralt heard about the prince being dead and chased down the hunter to find out more when he finds out that Jaskier survived and it was the Queen wanting him dead - dramatic chase of the Queen and her mage, he kills them before he finally finds Jaskier in the coffin getting burried in a dandelion field and he cannot bear the idea of never seeing him smile again so he OPENS THE COFFIN, SHEDS A TEAR AND JUST WHISPERS I LOVE YOU because I hate the idea of kissing dead people.

[underpreparedbard]

Any Baldurs Gate 3 Fans Out There?

My latest obsession, aside from the Witcher, is BG3. Particularly Astarion (which I'm sure comes as a shock to absolutely nobody).

If any of you lovely lot are also fans I've made a fan blog where we can talk about the weave and try and pretend like it hasn't reformed our entire personalities!

Come join me @youlickedadeadspider

(I'll still be posting and sharing witchery goodness)

[hanzajesthanza]

i already had the assets on my laptop, so... here are some witcher books... motivational image macros? about later adaptations? or maybe yourself? idk

[dreamofbecoming]

finally watched s3 and i think it’s very funny how jaskier and yennefer both came to see geralt on what was essentially his deathbed and immediately sat down and started crying like “oh my god babe i had the worst day you will not beLIEVE-”

[vulpinesaint]

just gonna fr start posting about what i'm writing on here instead of saying "witcher fanfic" in general. anyway in this chapter the work has VERY quickly turned from "allow ciri to heal from her trauma and open up to people" to "eskel casually out-traumas ciri in the span of a few minutes and leaves her fucking Reeling"

[theladysherlock]

castiel is a dad tho :( father of two :((

My sincerest apologies for not knowing trivia facts about Castiel, a Main Character in a show I have not watched

[thedemonofcat]

Don't get me wrong, I love the fics where Jaskier walks up to witchers and demands attention/protection.

But where are my fics where Geralt plops Jaskier in another witcher's camp with a list of care instructions and a promise to be back in a week?

I love this idea, and the detailed list of steps for taking care of Jaskier is impressive.

1. Make sure Jaskier gets at least three meals a day. Keep snacks handy, or he’ll end up chewing on random plants found along the way.

2. To ensure a better morning, Jaskier prefers sleeping in a tavern bed. If you're staying at one, make sure the bard gets to bed before midnight—watch out for encores.

3. When camping outdoors, give Jaskier the softer pillow for a more restful night.

4. Jaskier thrives on attention and conversation. Engage with him frequently, or he'll sulk. He loves telling stories, even if they're exaggerated—just play along.

5. Keep a close eye on him in crowds. He has a habit of causing trouble or flirting with the wrong people. If he starts a brawl, get him out of there quickly.

6. Don’t let him wander off alone—he has a knack for getting lost or into trouble. Always keep him within sight.

7. Jaskier might be immortal, but it’s best not to test that theory.