#geralt has dad energy

[witchthewriter]

𝐆𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!   

a/n: I watched the new season of The Witcher and somehow Geralt got even hotter??? Anyway, he has dilf energy and I'm in love

Warnings: family abuse, curse previously put on reader

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ        

・He had saved you, and yet, your family still did not want you.

・Geralt found out that it was your own father who cursed you

・A noble family that saw you as less than. And they banished you from their land, not wanting you anywhere near them.

・And when Geralt spoke on your behalf, asking what you were supposed to do, your father shrugged his shoulders and ignored the Witcher.

"You won't even keep y/n on as ... as anything?" The Witcher was disgusted when your father kept on ignoring him. It got to the point where Geralt threw a golden plate just above your father's head and his attention snapped to the white-haired man.

"I could have your head for that." Your father's voice was cold, it was always cold.

"And I could have yours," snarled Geralt, whose eyes were ablaze. But he knew he couldn't do anything about your family. Only about you.

・So, Geralt couldn't leave you to fend for yourself. And he didn't.

・Besides, you had no idea how to look after yourself. You had been a monster, trapped inside a form that was not yours for 7 years

・You were filthy, tired, and utterly defenseless.

・And even though Witcher's weren't known for their grace nor kindness, Geralt was different.

・He took you with him, damning your family for casting you out. Promising that you would rise above what they had done to you.

・But for now, he had to clean you up and ... catch you up on life.

- ✦ -

・Geralt sat you in front of him, Roach slightly grumpy with the extra weight. But once you reached Geralt's destination, he rewarded the steed with extra food

"Thank you, old friend," he whispered into the horses' ear.

・Helping you inside, he had arranged a room that had a bathing chamber

・The water ran hot as Geralt added in oils and different kinds of herbs

・It was an odd situation, yes, helping a stranger clean themselves.

・But Geralt couldn't live with the knowledge of you being left on your own. The possibility of so much danger. Of being taken advantage of.

・Helping you undress was slightly embarrassing, for the both of you. Your body was still getting used to its original form. Your balance was off, and your posture wasn’t very good. Geralt had to keep on correcting it.

・Easing you into the bath, he grabbed a cloth and started gently rubbing the grime from your body. The dirt, sweat and mud that caked your body

・Even when you transformed back into your normal form, the dirt still remained, as did the torn clothes that you had worn before being cursed into a great beast

・Speaking was difficult as well, but it was becoming easier with time. Even though not much had passed.

・The bath was the best thing you had felt in 7 whole goddamn years.

・Hot; like it was ridding you of all the hurt that built over time

・You swished your fingers through the water, delighting in the ripples they made. Such a small happiness. Yet you found glee in small things now. Grateful for a second chance.

・Geralt kept on scrubbing at your skin, using a bristled brush on some areas, careful not to be too rough or stay in one spot for too long

・Next he used this delicious smelling soap. Your knowledge of herbs was next to nothing, due to a lack in education, but you thought it smelt homely, earthly and calming. Lathering it in his hands and massaging it onto your own, you both worked the soap into different areas of your skin

“I’m going to wash your hair now,” he said. Voice soft yet still rough, like he wasn’t used to being kind to others. If that were true, you wondered why he was doing this for you.

“But first we need to brush it,” his eyes squinted at the tangled mess but started on it nonetheless.

・It hurt at first, but you knew Geralt was being as gentle as he could be, but there were so many knots.

“What do you think about cutting it?” You shook your head. Your hair was one of the only things that made you feel … beautiful.

“Ugh, fine. But this is going to take a while.”

・You shrugged your shoulders and happily kept on sitting in the tub, taking over some of the scrubbing, especially your feet, which felt so sensitive.

・Once they were large and clawed, now … they were human

・Your eyes stilled as the water reflected the glow of the candles around the room

・And you sighed. Not in sadness, or pain, or grief. But with the knowledge that you no longer had to be someone that you were not. Whether that was a beast or playing a role in your family that you didn’t want to have to play.

“You alright?” Geralt had made significant process, practically finished with your hair. And he grabbed a bucket and told you to lean back as he poured the water onto your hair.

・Geralt grabbed a different kind of soap and placed it in your hair, massaging and rubbing it, making sure there wasn’t a spot unwashed.

・You weren’t used to the sensation and let out a laugh. It tickled a tiny bit, especially when he rubbed behind your ears

・Unbeknownst to you, Geralt was slightly smiling. He enjoyed seeing you experience some happiness.

・After he had washed your hair a total of three times, he stood back satisfied with your appearance and held out a towel for you to wrap yourself in.

・Helping you out of the bath, he set down a pair of clean clothes on your bed and said he would be back in a few minutes.

・He wanted to give your privacy, while also wanting to check on Roach.

・The clothes were a big pair of brown pants and a long white shirt. They were a fresh pair from the Innkeeper's husband, who had recently passed away. Geralt had paid extra for them.

・After twenty minutes, Geralt came back into the room to find you asleep on the floor. The usual place you slept.

・A place you had slept for 7 years.

・7 years without a bed. Without a blanket or pillows. Nor were you given any sort of comfort.

・A rage so hot spread through Geralt that it practically radiated off of him.

・In that moment he swore you would have a better life, the best he could find … or give you.

[limerental]

ficletvember 2024 - day 6

geraskefer modern au sickfic

A sick Yennefer is predictably horrendously stubborn about admitting to weakness and being cared for by her two partners.

The first sign of something amiss is the almighty sneeze Yen unleashes one evening after dinner, followed by several more in quick succession.

From the family room, Jaskier and little Ciri chorus a bless you, and at the sink, Geralt pauses his washing up to look at her.

“You getting sick?” he asks, and she waves off his concern. Historically, Yennefer doesn't do getting sick. She simply overcomes illness through sheer force of will.

“Allergies,” she assures him, sniffling.

Jaskier refuses to kiss her goodnight when he heads out for his latest gig, making obscure hand signs to ward off the plague. Which is for the best. He does sickness to the most advanced, theatric heights possible. Better he not also fall ill.

Geralt, who only in recent years has been coaxed by his partners not to attempt to crawl away to die at every minor sniffle, does understand Yen's stubborn desire to beat back any small sign of bodily weakness, but he wishes she'd accept that she doesn't have to go it alone anymore.

After everything-- their messy childhoods and turbulent on and off years of hurting each other and their stumble into fostering young Ciri and suddenly becoming something resembling family-- the three of them have made it work. It's peaceful. It's good. There's no reason to push through the pain anymore.

By the morning, Yennefer wakes shivery and flushed, her sleep-groggy voice warped by clogged sinuses.

“Geralt, ‘m fine,” she says as he palms her forehead. Her eyes drift shut against the cool press of his hand.

“You're warm.”

“I run hot.”

“You're calling off work.”

“I have clients–”

Geralt steals her phone to text the office, and Yennefer grumblingly stops trying to rise from bed and curls down under the covers, only her hair visible as a dark tangle across the pillows.

With Ciri fed and dressed and off to school, Geralt catches her attempting to shower on her own, listing against the tile wall in a cloud of steam. He helps her wash, careful not to wet her thick curls of hair knowing neither of them have the energy to tackle proper curl maintanece in her present state, then towels her dry, easily lifting her in his arms to carry back to the bedroom.

“It's just a head cold,” she mutters against his crooked arm. “My legs work fine.”

“Sure, Yen,” says Geralt. She dozes off with grumbled protests, and he pulls the blankets high to cover her bare shoulders.

By noon, Jaskier has finally dragged himself out of bed and promptly launches into pulling out all stops on sick people caretaking.

He makes elderberry tea with lemon and honey and serves it on a bed tray accompanied by buttered toast and chicken noodle soup. (Nevermind that Geralt boils the water and butters the toast and warms the soup and brings in the tray to set across Yen's lap.) He draws the blinds closed against the glare of the sun and puts on the least objectionable season of a vapid fantasy show on Netflix and supplies her with several tissue boxes and lights a scented candle.

“I can't smell anything,” Yennefer protests. “The candle’s stupid.”

“It's lilac,” Geralt offers.

“It's for the ambiance,” insists Jaskier. “Lie back and enjoy the stupid candle, you intolerable harpy.”

The day goes on as usual, Geralt occupied with the regular domestic work of a stay at home dad, folding socks and cleaning the kitchen and tidying the living room floor. He stops sometimes to peer through the crack of the bedroom door. Despite Jaskier's earlier moaning about catching her deadly diseases, he's curled close behind Yennefer in bed, an arm around her waist, his lips in her hair.

It warms something in his belly, an achey, fragile feeling.

They've clawed their way here somehow. The three of them.

Several days pass before Yen's back to herself, only a lingering sniffle left of her illness.

Then, one night after dinner, Jaskier sneezes hard and then once more.

Yennefer and Geralt look at one another with shared resignation to their impending doom.

“Oh I fear you must live on without me,” sighs an ailing Jaskier the next morning, burrowed deep in a thick layer of blankets. “I fear it's too late for me to retire to the seaside for my health. Bury me beneath the willows in the garden… Don't weep for me… Goodbye… I have loved you two so dearly… Hang on, Geralt fetch my notebook, I penned my last words ages ago. They're in there somewhere, I'm certain.”

And of course, when it's Geralt's turn to fall ill not long after that, he grits his teeth and puts on a brave face, and gladly lets them care for him.

[sotwk]

we need more of mirion acting like a dad to his brothers and babying legolas, I really love mirion.

OMG ANON I REALLY LOVE MIRION TOO. 😭❤️ And only a small part of it is because he is THIS beautiful:

Fancast: Henry Cavill (Geralt) as Mirion Thranduilion

I really try not to play favorites like a good Momma should, but Mirion was the first of the Thranduilions I created many years ago, and a special love was really poured into his character design.

He is the only one of the Thranduilions to canonically (in the SotWK AU) be married and have children of his own, so he has tremendous Good Dad energy, which stems from also having very strong Good Big Brother energy.

Mirion was such a beloved son and big brother that Thranduil created a title to honor his status as leader and caretaker of his siblings: "Caun-i-Conin" or "Prince of Princes".

When Dol Guldur started to rise and endanger the realm, Mirion served his people so valiantly and devotedly that he was given another title: "Varyando en Eryn Galen" or "Protector of Greenwood".

Sauron/The Necromancer hated Mirion and saw his strength and goodness as a great threat; this led to him being targeted. Sauron also knew how deeply and especially Thranduil loved his first-born, and what better way to hurt the Elvenking than to destroy what he loved best?

Mirion's story gets very angsty towards the end, so for now I prefer to focus on the happiness he brought to his family. I promise to bring you more of his Dad/Big Brother stories in the coming year!

Thank you so much for telling me this, and giving me a chance to gush over my treasured OC! Lots of love to you! :)

[vesemirsexual]

i’m a believer of older brother Remus. like Geralt/Eskel/Lambert all have their stories of “yeah Vesemir can be a dick but that’s our dad” (BEGRUDGINGLY on Lamberts part)

meanwhile Remus has that true oldest sibling energy where a parent hasn’t learned how to parent yet and he’s like. I think I’m tall because he carried me around by an ankle and my bones just stretched. My diet was mainly slightly raw baked potato.

[anonymousblueberry]

RocheCiri is beautiful too

You know what... I was gonna ignore this, because I was going to be mature. But you keep sending me DMs (I'm assuming its you because they're not actually showing up, because that's what happens when you block someone) and you keep being a dick to my friends. So... I wrote you some Ciri/Roche (a pairing, I would like to point out, that I had no issue with... not my jam, but eh)

This is going behind a cut because it does have PiV sex and a large swathe of implied relationships going on here.

So, they're all at Kaer Morhen and it's do or die time. Too much nervous energy and Ciri's gotta fuck it out somewhere. She goes to Ves first… she's pretty sure they've been flirting, but Ves is like, nope, not into the whole sex thing. You're hot, but, nope. What about Hjalmar? And then Ciri has to explain that whole awkward phase of her life where she was going to marry Hjalmar, but that was actually a terrible idea and also Cerys is objectively hotter. And the witchers are all off the table; Geralt’s her dad, Eskel and Lambert are her weird uncles (plus there is some weird shit going on and she's not sure who is currently fucking who, not worth the stress) What about Keira? Ciri just laughs and says no to sorceresses as a whole. Vesemir is just a no from both and the giggle for a minute or so. Same for Ermion, plus Ciri has known him since she was tiny. Which leaves Roche. Ves makes a puking sound. Ciri looks at him. "He's not bad looking. A bit rough around the edges," she says. "Never seen him with anyone." Ves points out. "Most of us reckon he's like me." Ciri scrunches her nose up. "Can't hurt to ask."

Roche looks like a fucking rabbit caught in a trap when she propositions him. Looking at Ves, and then over at Geralt, and then around, wildly, hoping for some kind of distraction. But Geralt doesn't care who Ciri sleeps with and Ves just gives him a thumbs up, and, it's not a hardship Ciri is young and pretty and actually that's quite intimidating. But, fuck it. She grins and leads him off to one of the many unused rooms of the keep. "No, no bastards, from this." He says, and she laughs out loud. "The last thing I want. I have charms for that. I swear." There's an awkward dance of to kiss or not, and eventually she lets him, as she pulls the chaperon free from his head and starts trying to strip him. He fumbles with all the belts and buckles she's wearing. He's not getting hard, which is, not unusual for him, but he shushes her complaint when she reaches for his cock, instead hoisting her up on the table and pulling her trousers and smalls down until they catch on her boots. It's not a lot of space, but enough that he can eat her out until her hand is clenching in his hair and she's coming all over his chin. She reverses their positions terrifyingly easily, and pushes him up onto the table, kicking off her boots and trousers, so she's just in her loose shirt. He's most of the way to hard by that point, and clever fingers get him the rest of the way there as she looms over him. When he's thrusting up into her hand she looks down at him. "Can I?" "Wasn't that the point?" "I won't of you don't want it." She starts to pull back. "I do. Just don't get pissy if I can't stay hard. Not you, very much a me thing." There's a rather self deprecating laugh and Ciri tweaks one of his nipples, hard. "I won't, but don't be such a downer." And then she fucks herself down onto him and starts a brutal pace that has him gripping her hips and holding on for dear life. It's hard and fast and he doesn't expect to come from it, doesn't realise he's about to until he almost is, pushing as deep as he can and trying not to grip to hard on her hips and thighs, trying not to buck her off. Everything whites out for a second and when he comes to she's desperately rubbing her clit, obviously so close herself. He slips his hand in by hers and gets two fingers inside her, a few more strokes and she's doubling over him, gasping for breath. "You good?" She asks when she's flopped to the side of him, fingers laced just under her breasts. "Yeah." "Brilliant. Thanks." She sits up and grimaces. "Gross." They both laugh at the awkward noises as she wipes herself down and pulls her clothes back on. He does the same, more slowly, letting her leave first.

She wanders through the halls back to her room, passing Ves on the way. The other woman gives her a questioning look, and Ciri shrugs and smiles.

[artistsfuneral]

I see angst prompts and I am lured in 👀 But maybe with a little twist? I would love 5+13/15 (softe 🥺) or maybe 5+25? 👀🙊

Notes: this is (12/13y.o) kid!Jaskier and – still bad at parenting – Dad!Geralt, Jaskier was about to get kidnapped because no one taught him stranger danger and now he's hurt, Geralt is mad 'cause he's scared [ao3]

---

“What on earth were you thinking?” Geralt yells, almost screams in anger, as he drags the boy away from the tipped over merchant's cart by his arm. The witcher's grip is strong around his small wrist, strong enough to hurt, but Julian is crying uncontrollably and barely able to suck in enough air to breathe – he wouldn't be able to say something even if he wanted to. He can hear his father's voice in his head (his father who used him to pay Geralt without a second thought), yelling at him that boys don't cry, and the shame and hurt mix into a burning ball of fire inside his chest. He tries to, he really does, but Julian can't stop the tears from running down his cheeks, salty on his lips and hot on his quickly reddening skin. It stings where they meet the scratches on his face. He is gasping for air with every breath, sobbing helplessly as he stumbles after Geralt.

“I just can't believe you!” The witcher continues his yelling. He's not even looking at Julian as he leads them to where Roach is standing a bit further away. “That must've been the stupidest thing you've done so far! I leave you alone for one hour – one hour – and not only do you manage to disobey the simplest of orders and walk away from the fountain where I left you, no you somehow think it's an excellent idea to just go with the first person that crosses your path!”

They've almost reached Roach and Julian is desperately trying to wipe away the treacherous tear stains with his free arm but all he manages is to smear streaks of blood across his face. It only makes him want to cry harder. Geralt has never been this angry with him before. He has snapped at Julian many times before, but never really yelled like this. Like his father used to do so often.

Abruptly Geralt lets go of his wrist and Julian almost stumbles against him as the witcher spins around to meet the boy's eyes. “What on earth were you thinking?” He asks again, his voice still angry, horribly bitter and twisted. Julian uses both hands to wipe at his face now in vain, but this way he can hide behind his hands.

“I don't-,” he hiccups, “I don't know.”

“Oh but clearly you were thinking something.”

“I don't- I didn't- He told me he was supposed to bring me to you,” the boy wept.

“Fuck, Julian, every damn child knows not to go with strangers, no matter what lies they tell you! Did your parents fucking teach you nothing?”

“No!” Julian yells back, voice cracking in desperation. “You know they didn't! Geralt, you know they wouldn't let me outside! You know!” He doesn't know why, maybe it's the way Geralt said it, maybe it's the fear that clings to his bones, the horror of what just happened to him because he didn't know better, but he's ashamed when he admits it.

Across from him Geralt suddenly grows very quiet and still. Julian lets out one last sob before he falls to the forest floor like a puppet who's strings got cut. His little outburst has taken the last of his energy. He may not have been stuck in that cart for long, but as soon as he was trapped the merchant had shown his true face. It was an ugly one.

He is tired, bruised black and blue all over, with small cuts across his face and hands where the merchant's rings had come in contact with his skin. It hurt a whole lot, but Geralt yelling at him somehow hurt more. Said one silently kneels down in front of Julian and lets out a tired sounding sigh. Julian doesn't meet his eyes, doesn't want to be yelled at again, but the witcher keeps silent as he carefully takes Julian's small hands in his way bigger ones to stop the boy from rubbing at his face and making it worse. He unclips the waterskin from his belt and carefully pours some over Julian's shaking hands and then drenches the cuff of his shirt to clean the drying blood from the boy's face. Confused about the change in tune, Julian is frozen in place and lets Geralt take care of him without protesting. It takes the witcher an awfully long moment to be able to voice his apology, but when he does it's spoken with so much raw honesty that it makes the boy shudder. “I'm sorry, Julian. Seeing you hurt scared me, which made me angry.”

Julian sniffs and looks up at Geralt with his big blue eyes. “Why?”

The witcher sighs again. He sounds as tired as Julian feels. “I don't like being scared.”

“I don't like being scared, either,” Julian admits quietly and is rewarded with a comforting hand in his hair. “Let's get away from this place,” Geralt says, too aware of how close they're to the vacated cart Julian has been trapped in. He stands up and holds out a hand for the boy to take, which he accepts after hesitating for a short second that makes Geralt all too aware that he's been too rough with the child. Even though he helps him up slowly, Julian hisses in pain from the movement and Geralt grinds down his teeth guilt ridden.

“I can't do much about the bruises with what I have at hand, but can make some tea once we've set up camp,” he tries to sound comforting, but Julian's scrunched up face lets him know that the boy has hoped for something more. What said thing is, he can't tell. Geralt is hardly accustomed to any human company, learning what a child needs from him has been even more difficult to get used to. So he jumps over his own shadow and asks, “Is there something I can do to help with the pain?” and Julian looks at him with his huge blue eyes, puffy and red from crying his heart out, and asks the witcher to carry him.

He's probably too old to be carried around, Geralt thinks to himself as he takes off his swords and kneels down to give Julian the chance to cling to his back. Thin arms wrap around his shoulders and Geralt is quick to hoist the boy up and secure his legs with his arms. He doesn't complain when a cold nose presses against his neck as Julian hides his face from the world and tightens his grip around the witcher.

A few meters away from the two Roach lets out a snort and Geralt squints at her for commenting. He already knows that one piggy back ride won't fix everything and that there's probably a lot he'll have to talk to Julian about, but now is not the time. Not when the boy's tight grip slowly softens as he grows more and more tired, not when Geralt still feels the fear of possibly losing his kid cling to him. “You can sleep now, Julian,” he says instead and carries him through the forest. “Sleep, I'm here.”

🐎. . . 🍃

[angelasscribbles]

Y/N died at home from an overdose of energy drinks. When he gets to school, the others treat him horribly, so he covers his face with a mask and spends all his time studying and practicing wing fighting. He soon becomes the best student and earns Lucifer's respect. An encounter with his mother doesn't go well and he starts calling her a "heartless beast", causing the angel Fencio to become Y/N's mentor. Geralt explains advanced wings fighting techniques to him and

Misselina is worried about him because he's getting too dark and mean. When he finally meets his sister he is excited and sad that daddy is on earth alone from that moment on he is always with her and protects them from trouble. When he finds out that his mother is having a relationship with some demon he is furious that mom is cheating on dad and he definitely rejects her as a mother. In the war with Malbont, he fights with two swords and in the front line. He doesn't even notice that he's wounded. After the battle, he realizes it and, to everyone's horror, passes out in a pool of his own blood. Everyone tries to save him, even Lucifer is shocked, Y/N's mom finally shows the feelings she's been hiding for so long. Y/N almost dies, spends a few months in the hospital, but eventually snaps out of it and becomes an angel even though he was acting like a demon. He'll be a warrior captain and find the strength to forgive his mom.

I posted it here because it's a bit long 🤓

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. You've probably already forgotten about this! 😆

Life has been crazy busy lately.

I am going to decline this ask for several reasons. First is the aforementioned busyness and second is the fact that I just have not had much motivation to write lately. But mostly it's because the ask is quite long and detailed and I don't do well with having to keep to a strict plot. I'm a pantster and the moment I touch this, it would morph into something very different from what you asked. On that same note, I already have a rewrite in process that is very different from this and I don't have the bandwidth for two. It's also very different from my writing style.

That said, I would encourage you to take a crack at writing it. You already have the entire plot mapped out. You've done the first crucial step of having an idea and it could be fun to try your hand at bringing it to life!

Sending you writing inspiration vibes!!!

[sparrowsarus]

So, hear me out.

Geralt adopting Renfri before Stregebor gets his mitts on her, yeah? and through a series of shenanigans, Kaer Morhen ends up with all 60 Black Sun girls. Then all the other schools kind of rally around them and decamp to Kaer Morhen (inexplicifics can be blamed for this) so they train the girls like witchers, and Triss knocks up a way to test whether someone will survive the trials (also inexplicifics), and so Renfri has a giant family who loves her.

And through more mishaps, Geralt ends up with Pavetta as his surprise child, and Dandelion is just..."bro", and Renfri is "cool! new sister!" (I think she would be in her 30s or 40s by then, and Princess Regnant of Creyden, because I do what I want) and all the witchers just go "Classic Geralt!" and move on with their day, and Lambert teaches everyone to swear in six languages, and Yen has 61 daughters and is living her best life.

And Geralt ends up at Cintra anyway, and Calanthe is just "..." as her daughter begs Geralt to teach her new sword tricks and Renfri does one handed vertical pushups, idk.

[witchthewriter]

I've never heard that about cavill, by all accounts and purposes he seems like a pretty chill guy. His acting though, especially in witcher..oh it's good.

Also the 2003 peter pan, along with chitty and narnia are just...my childhood

Also heres the top 15 horror. As you can see I like a lot of different subgenres.

Honestly I've been on tik tok for a long while I saw it somewhere. Look I don't want to dim your love for sir Henry - also I FORGOT ABOUT THE WITCHER HOW COULD I FORGET.

A few months ago I would use The Witcher to help me fall asleep at night. I'm not joking. Geralt makes me feel so safe! He's like a grumpy bear who begrudgingly does good. He has such dad energy though.

NARNIA, OH MY GOD NARNIA. Okay so when the 1st movie came out, I loved it so much. When Lucy says, "I'm the tallest girl in my class!" I literally became obsessed with her, because I too was the tallest girl. So I got a haircut to look like her and called my pets Lucy.

The Lost Boys is SO GOOD. I think it's a cult classic, and Shaun of the Dead? Literally the most funny. Okay if you could only watch 2 movies for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

[burnbrighterthanever]

"You know, if I had an oren for every time I went on an extremely stressful adventure involving a dangerous, stubborn princess with abusive, bigoted parent(s) and a mysterious magical condition that people want to hunt her down for, I would have five orens. Which is not a lot of orens, but it's weird that it's happened five times already."

- Geralt of Rivia, probably.

[akioukun]

The Morning lineup

I like to think Geralt is just T i r e d ™ Dad and can’t get enough sleep ever. He probably falls asleep doing mundane stuff around the house.

Eskel just really, REALLY likes sleep. Hes that bastard who is awake for maybe 8 hours, 10 if you’re lucky and somehow ALWAYS gets everything done that he has to do.

And Lambert just doesn’t sleep and lives off energy drinks and messing with people on the internet. He probably has a night job idk.

Make what you want of that ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

[dear-ao3]

do you have any geraskier fic recs?

i in fact do. courtesy of myself and discord:

harrier by @agoodgoddamnshot: E, 31k, complete. jaskier is a witcher who meets geralt on the path, sexy times ensue.

a twist in time: E, 14k, complete. jaskier does not meet geralt in posada when he is supposed to. (mind the tags)

a full blown case of what is known by @crushcandles: E, 11k, complete. the relationship jaskier had over the winter affects his one with geralt. pining.

i will not kiss you by @a-kind-of-merry-war: E, 22k, complete. geralt gets cursed, he can't touch anyone.

the fear of falling apart by @storm-and-starlight: T, 10k, complete. jaskier is a selkie who pines for the ocean.

leaves by @all-hail-the-witcher: G, 2k, complete. geralt and jaskier separate early for the winter. geralt presses leaves to give him in the fall.

silver and steel: E, 78k (series), wip. jaskier’s father father tries to ruin his life by assigning a mysterious cassiline to guard him but the real mystery is why they aren't fucking yet

the god of scraped knees by @andthepeople: M, 8k, complete. jaskier used to be a sorcerer, but he doesn't want to remember what it feels like anymore. 

the courting season: M, 47k, complete. geralt realizes that he is in love with jaskier one winter and he and his brothers research how to court a minor noble, however, jaskier is romantically clueless.

homo homini lupus est (man is wolf to man) by @inexplicifics: T, 7k, complete. more than a year after the dragon hunt, geralt needs rescuing and jaskier might be the only person who can manage it.

the accidental warlord and his pack by @inexplicifics: E, 342k (series), wip. jaskiers family gives him to the white wolf, the warlord of the north. but it is not what jaskier was expecting. 

an exaltation of wolves by @round--robin: E, 124k (series), complete. jaskier comes to kaer morhen and discovers that the other wolves are just as prickly and just as deserving of love as geralt. 

heart exhange by @jaskiersvalley: E, 78k, complete. geralt meets jaskier and he is so different than any other dom he's met before that he decides to push the limits (mind the tags)

lock & key: E, 9k, complete. jaskier suggests a chastity device to make himself a worthy travel companion and gives geralt the key.

julian by @vands38: E, 22k, complete. jaskier is a child prodigy burnout, geralt is a ballet dancer who has had a career altering accident, geralt sees a potential dance partner in jaskier, jaskier wants to get laid.

a horny bard and a confused witcher by @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde: M, 1.1k (series) wip. jaskier uses every single sexual tension inducing phrase and situation he can think of, but geralt just doesn't get it.

fuck indeed by @jaskierswolf: E, 8.7k, complete. jaskier starts an onlyfans account.

mom hugs and ice cream by @avengeful-bunny: T, 2.5k, complete. geralt gets dragged to a pride parade by his brothers, while there he comes across a woman giving out free mom hugs and meets jaskier.

cast a spell for your demon by @kueble: E, 11k (series), wip. geralt is a demon, jaskier travels with him.

time to wonder, do i dare? by @norationalthoughtrequired : M, 28k, complete. geralt owns a bookshop and allows jaskier to play outside. along the way they fall in love.

i dont like most people by @softdarlingjaskier: T, 2k, complete. geralt comes back from a bath upset, jaskier tries to make him feel better. softness ensues.

next to you by @lankygeralt: E, 42k, complete. jaskier is in college and falls in love with his best friend, ciris, dad. 

incubus jaskier by @dat-carovieh: E, 12k (series), wip. jaskier is an incubus who needs sexual energy to survive.

i try so loud to love you. you cannot seem to hear. by @dat-carovieh: E, 18k, complete. jaskier is not shy about his love for geralt, but geralt denys having feelings. pining ensues.

in this realm of blood and sin by @feedingmyinsomnia: E, 24k, complete. an angsty fix it where jaskier makes bad life choices and geralt tries to fix the mess he made. (mind the warnings)

the kink club au by @feedingmyinsomnia: E, 48k (series), wip. a series of one shots (nsfw and sfw) for the geraskier kink club modern au.

may the blood freeze in my veins (let me rot within my grave) by @feedingmyinsomnia: M, 5.4k, complete. geralt gets a contract in lettenhove and meets jaskier, but the contract is causing him trouble.

there's a harshness in your voice and a softness in your hands by @damatris: T, 2.6k, complete. jaskier gets hurt trying to defend geralt.

in your arms (i feel loved) by @damatris: T, 2.8k, complete. five times jaskier hugged geralt and one time geralt hugged jaskier.

the fae went down to touissant by @professorjaskier: G, 5k, complete. a fae claims that she can play the lute better than jaskier can. a devil went down to georgia au.

im only human after all by @ghostinthelibrarywrites: M, 87k, complete. geralt is a vigilante by night and a reporter by day. jaskier is his ex and obsessed with the witcher, geralts vigilante alter ego. but when geralt is blackmailed, jaskier gets involved. 

soulmates by @officerjennie: T, 6k, complete. geralt is on a self loathing streak and jasper is not taking any of his shit. (see warnings)

fingertips by @dapandapod: G, 1k, complete. jaskier is too stressed to sleep and geralt wants to help.

hollow by @dapandapod: M, 9k, complete. jaskier loses his memory of geralt, geralt tries to let him go but they get pulled back to each other.

fair by @comfyswitcherblanketfort: G, 1.5k, complete. geralt and jaskier are in love, decades of mutual pining and accidental love confessions ensue. based on fair by the amazing devil.

sweater weather by @wherethewordsare: E, 4.6k, complete. geralt leaves his hoodie at jaskiers and that's the last push they need to get together.

you're only brave in the moonlight (stay till sunrise) by @yoursummerfrost: E, 29k, complete. jaskier falls in love with his college roommate. a slow burn.

a warm reunion after a cold winter by @elliestormfound: T, 1.2k, complete. geralt and jaskiers first hug after the winter lasted a little longer than usual.

rugby geralt au by @reallooney: T, 68k (series), wip. geralt is captain of the rugby team, jaskier is a music student. they are together, but during one spring semester geralt befalls a series of unfortunate luck, the following fall, the same happens to jaskier. or: the boys take care of each other and its very soft.

i was burning up with fever ( i didnt care how long i lived): G, 4k, complete. jaskier has the flu. geralt, lambert and eskel (mistakenly) think that he's dying.

say yes to the dress au by @all-hail-the-witcher: T, 2k (series), wip. jaskier is a bridal consultant (or randy with the personality of david emmanuel) at kleinfelds. geralt is the mysterious dress designer that rarely makes public appearances. 

[limerental]

ficletober 2022 day twenty - geralt/Regis modern au

On the cusp of Halloween in an idyllic small town, secret monster hunter Geralt is preoccupied by a hunt for a higher vampire but happily makes time for tea with his polite and strange neighbor, Regis.

Aka this has the energy of a typical suburban Halloween movie but stupider

Geralt mumbled an absent word of thanks for the teacup nudged toward him, distracted from the usual pleasantries by the seemingly impossible task ahead of him.

It was nearly Halloween night, his daughter's first solo night trick or treating and thus his first night forced to pretend that he wasn't discretely following behind her gaggle of school friends. He was even more worried about the danger of Ciri potentially spotting him than being assumed a creep stalking pre-teen girls through his idyllic suburban neighborhood.

More pressingly, Geralt had not yet been able to locate the higher vampire responsible for several gorey murders earlier in the week, the culprit having disappeared like smoke. A needle in a damn haystack.

"Careful," said his neighbor from across the street, Regis, who had seen him moping out on the front porch earlier and invited him over for tea. "It's hot."

Geralt promptly burned his lip.

"Oof," he said and, too late, blew steam from the rim of the tea cup.

"I told you so," said Regis, folding his hands over his crossed knees. His kitchen was tidy and charming, decorated as though by an eclectic grandmother. All delicate florals on porcelain and lacy, crocheted doilies and framed embroidery of birds and well-used antique kitchen implements. 

The man himself, though not at all resembling a stooped and matronly grandmother, was weirdly suited to the cozy space. He was an older man of ambiguous age, grey-haired with round spectacles, and his long and slender limbs seemed to have more pointed angles than his joints allowed. Today, he wore an oatmeal sweatervest and cream slacks, his crossed leg revealing the chubby bluebirds that flapped in circles around his slouched socks. It was unfairly endearing.

"Sorry," grumbled Geralt. "A little distracted."

"Distracted by what, may I ask?" Regis said with his usual tight-lipped smile. 

"Nothing really," he said. "Just Halloween." 

Not long ago, Geralt would have taken the man's attitude and manner of speaking as a sign of polite but not genuine interest, but he'd accepted that Regis was just a little strange and not just tolerating him for social propriety's sake. 

Most people in this town barely pretended to be polite, after all. He was the unsocial single dad who lived in the old Cintra mansion raising their granddaughter, and rumors still flew about the disappearance of the poor girl's parents, the untimely deaths of her grandparents, and the unrelated stranger who had become her legal guardian. 

Not to mention the other company he kept. The strange woman in black who often spirited the girl away in her hearse-like sedan. The good for nothing roommate whose music was always far too loud. The hooligan fraternity of tough-looking grown men often spotted wrestling and cavorting like juveniles in the yard.

Though it had been years, attitudes rarely changed around here. 

And all of that was without the knowledge that Geralt was a secret monster hunter, his long-term partner a witch, their adopted daughter the subject of an age-old prophecy involving her as of yet untapped limitless power, and his boyfriend a homosexual.

Regis had been the subject of a fair amount of talk himself, having moved in just this spring, an unmarried bachelor living in a big Victorian house alone who seemed uninterested in mingling with the wider community. 

Though he always had time for mingling with Geralt, for which, ordinarily, he was very grateful. 

Today, he had other concerns.

The man's presence was strangely soothing and his home comfortingly nostalgic, though Geralt had rarely spent time in places like this as a boy. He liked Regis and wished he could warn him about the exact nature of the danger lurking in the shadows of this town. 

"Thanks for the tea," said Geralt. "But I've got to get going. Errands to run."

"Ah yes, your annual shindig," said Regis. "I hear it's quite the event."

Shit. Right. In his preoccupation with his hunt for the vampire, he had forgotten his reason for moping on his front porch earlier. Preparations for their yearly haunted house party were in full swing, and party planner and roommate Jaskier had become simply insufferable to be around. There were only so many faux cobwebs a man could be made to rehang at the angle that "felt more authentic, Geralt, come on" before it all became too much.

With Ciri off trick or treating alone this year and then over to a friend's house for the night, there would inevitably be a more adult atmosphere to the festivities. More booze, louder music, more absurd drinking games. As adult as anything could be with Jaskier and his brothers around. 

"Oh, um," he said awkwardly. "You're invited, of course."

"Thank you for the offer," said Regis, "but I have other plans for the evening."

Geralt dearly hoped he didn't feel slighted that he'd forgotten to invite him before now. Regis was a good man, and Geralt grew more fond of him the more they met like this. He knew intimately how few good men there really were in the world.

They sat in a comfortable silence as they finished their tea. Setting aside his teacup, Geralt stood to go. He had very few leads on his hunt, but there had been some whispers of strange activity near  a local abandoned factory that he should probably investigate.

"Listen Regis," he said. "Be careful out there the next few nights. Those murders recently… it's not safe out there."

Regis smiled a strangely-pinched but genuine smile, without teeth.

"You as well, my dear," he said with a soft lisp. "If I were you, I would be careful."

It would be several nights before he recalled those words, boots slipping on a floor slick with blood, watching his polite neighbor tear out the throat of another higher vampire with his glittering fangs, his off-white cashmere sweater drenched in the blood of the creature's latest victim and its own spurts of black ichor.

But in that moment in the cozy kitchen, Geralt simply thanked the man for his thoughtfulness and wondered if after he found and put to rest the elusive higher vampire, the man would like to go out for brunch sometime with the family. Maybe a proper movie date, just him and Regis, if the man was so inclined.

Did he like Westerns? Geralt mused. Maybe romantic comedies? He wasn't fussy about genre really, just liked the thought of sitting quietly beside the man in the dark of the theater, their knees brushing, a simple and uncomplicated closeness.

Anything but horror, of course, he thought mildly. He endured enough horror in his regular occupation and couldn't stomach the thought of more encroaching into his personal life. 

When he told this to Regis long afterward, the vampire laughed and laughed.

[artistsfuneral]

bc i'm the kind of person to get really excited abt 1 thing and 1 thing only, i have the regret to announce that i am still thinking abt your Polaroids and Sunshine fic, so pls bear with me here-- (ik i already poked abt things in the comments of said fic, so double bear w me)

Lambert, upon realising how much Ciri loves Jaskier, jokingly says "like father like daughter" to Geralt, which gets him a glare. When Jaskier is back with them all, he says it to Jaskier, which makes Geralt glare again, and also Jaskier looses it bc "oh god I can't unsee this now" and he then starts pointing out all their common points. Ciri finds it funny

However, when Geralt realised that Ciri was proper obsessed with Jaskier as an artist, it definitely had to hurt, though he's way too selfless to mention it - however, Lambert did try to help by taking part of the Jaskier-related jobs

did Geralt have a "if i ignore it, it can't hurt me" approach, while Lambert had a "it's nice to hear his voice still, even if it's on videos and CDs" approach of things? 🤔

anyway, blbl sorry :') i have decided i'd draw for it too bc i have doodles in my brain but this might take from several days to several weeks, so, in the meantime, too many thoughts abt ur fic that u might not find interesting, and a big thank you for writing it in the first place x)

have a good night :)

Oh I absolutely do not mind that kind of obsession, in fact I am so here for it :D I am honestly a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) with how many people seem to like that fic and how many comments I got, my latest fics didn't do so well so I kind of really needed the hype :)) and I got it <3

I stopped the fic at the point of Jaskier and Geralt meeting again because it's originally supposed to be a Ciri centered fic and as soon as her Dad and Jaskier meet the center shifted to them for obvious reasons, so the whole getting back together happens off camera, so to speak XD

Lambert and Jaskier are definitely two peas in a pot in this fic. They both have the youngest sibling energy and totally vibe wih it. I hinted at it in several ao3 comments, but not only does Lambert constantly tease Ciri with her celebrity Jaskier obsession (lets all remember the glitter hairbrush pls) but also is Jaskier 100% on board for it - he is enthralled that Ciri is a fan of him and his music which thankfully makes everything a whole lot less embarassing for that poor teenager ("You have the glitter brush? I have it too!")

Then again when Ciri first started talking about super-awsome-mega-cool-singer-Jaskier-the-Bard when she was 12/13 y.o. everyone in their family kind of held their breath and watched how Geralt would react. Being father number 1 he really took it in stride. Like I mentioned in the fic, a lot of bad things had happened to Geralt before so he is not really fond of talking about his past - telling Ciri not to listen to Jaskier's music would have needed a very long in depth explanataion as to why which in return would have probably ended up with Ciri wanting to talk to Jaskier which Geralt at that time was definitely not ready for! So Geralt kept quiet, nodded his head when his daughter asked him for poster number 1 and poster number 2 and CD number x and and and. Geralt who has always been nothing but supportive of Jaskier's dreams had found a way of knowing what his ex was up to without having to google his name (which would have been to hurtful, but hearing "Jaskier is now in Temeria singing for thouands of people in this really big concert hall" from his daughter who is looking at him with a wide smile on her face, makes things a lot more managable) Then again. It was Lambert who chaperoned the infamous 13th birthday party, not Geralt. Things were okay but not great.

The whole thing behind the story is that Geralt put everyone else in his life first. Be it Pavetta for whom he's the best big brother, be it Jaskier whom he lets go to live his dream, be it Ciri who is raised with the utmost care, or even Roach a rescue horse that he spends hours and hours training with to give her a better life. (his family obviously knows this to some extent and they all watch out for him, especially Vesemir and Eskel tho)

And yes, once Geralt and Jaskier are comfortable enough with each other again Lambert definitely teases both Geralt and Ciri aaaallll the time :D

[lilith-of-rivia]

Monster House

Trigger Warnings: Claustrophobia, mentions of self-hatred, self-degrading voice, panic/anxiety attack, mentions of blood and gore.

Summary: after Geralt lashes out at you and leaves you alone in a house, you have an anxiety attack/panic attack.

Word Count: 1,676

Paring: DAD!GeraltXFemaleMinorDAUGHTERReader

Request: Hello! Could you write one where the reader is Geralt's child surprise. Reader is in her teens and gets in trouble. Geralt is pissed and grounds her. Reader cannot leave the house. The reader has developing claustrophobia so no fresh air for a while eventually gets to her. Reader starts to have an anxiety attack but doesn't dare go outside for a quick breath of fresh air. Geralt comes home and tries to calm her down and stuff. Thank youuu!!! 🥺🥺🥺

@theichabbieclub

Thank you for the request, my dear, so sorry for the wait. Hope you like it?

“Geralt! You’re being unreasonable. I didn’t do anything wrong!!” You yelled. Your hair was a mess around your face. Dirt smeared all over with some blood that thankfully didn’t belong to you.

“Did nothing wrong??” Geralt’s face to you, now eye level. He had to bend down to be eye to eye with you. His eyes searched yours. You could see the anger, fear, and concern on his face. Something you had only ever seen, no one else got to see that.

He sighed heavily, his hands rubbing down his tired face. He was attempting to calm himself down, knowing he could sometimes be a bit too harsh with you.

“You deliberately left the house after me. You could’ve gotten killed.”

“-But I didn’t.” He sighed, grabbing your chin in his hand making you look at him.

You did leave the safety of the house, even when he said no. You wanted to come with him. It was only a pack of wolves. Nothing he couldn’t handle and you wanted to help, more than anything. You hated not being able to help him with anything, you could never do anything unless he was by your side. He or Jaskier. It made you feel like a burden.

“You’re right you didn’t. But you could’ve. You’re not to leave this house for three days. You stay in here, read the books Yen gave you. Unless I am by your side you do not step foot past that threshold. Do you understand me?” His voice was deep, stern, mean. You hated it when you got grounded. You sighed deeply, nodding in agreement.

“Good. I’m very disappointed in you Y/N.” He stood again, his back to you. Before you could say anything else he was out the door. You had half a mind to follow him but chose to listen to him. His lingering disappointment still thick in the hot air of the cramped house.

You walked to the corner of the small room, sitting down in the pile of blankets. You grabbed one of the herbal books Yennerfir gave to you and began reading. No matter how many times you reread the same paragraph about mugwort you couldn’t absorb the material. You were getting hotter and hotter, the hot summer sun now at its full peak at noon making the small cabin you were in getting hotter. You grabbed your water canteen and slugged it down. To your disappointment, Geralt had taken his own with him.

“This isn’t a house, it’s a shack. With walls enclosing it around me.” You huffed to yourself. Gathering your hair in your hands you tied it back, hoping it would help. But it did nothing. The room began to feel smaller, tighter. The air getting thicker.

Your mind wandered over Geralt’s words.

“He’s right. I’m such a disappointment. He should’ve left me years ago.” Your hot tears began to stream down your red cheeks. You put your hands on your face, holding it tightly, squeezing it as your eyes shut. You tried to not let these thoughts penetrate your head, but you couldn’t help but feel like you were a burden to Geralt. He constantly had to do things for you. You never did anything for yourself even if you wanted to. No matter how hard you tried you always felt like you were only a burden on him.

Your breathing became ragged and harsh as you cowered into the corner. Your body trembled, the walls around you closing in around you as you watched the floor move up and down like a monster’s mouth.

“If you ever need me; scream my name, I’ll hear you.”

His voice echoed through your head as you moved to the window. You pushed the small glass panel open and sat below it feeling the very soft breeze that came through. Your throat felt like it was closing. Your body shaking more as you cried harder, the thoughts of Geralt not coming back for you.

“GERALT PLEASE COME BACK!!!” Your screams echoed off the walls of the house. Your head in your hands as you cried harder and harder, your throat beginning to hurt.

“Please...please...please...please come back Geralt.” Your head began to get heavy as you laid on the hard floor. The door of the house flew open, but you didn’t have the energy to open your eyes, but you knew it was him. His smell was all too familiar to you. His arms quickly grabbed your limp body pulling you into his chest, his hand quickly grabbed your chin making your face turn to him, your eyes still not opening. You couldn’t.

“Jesus Y/N, your burning up. Did you eat something bad??” His voice was full of panic, it made your heart hurt. All I ever do is cause you pain. Your thoughts were filling your small head, making it harder for you to stop crying.

“The house is eating me.” You crooked out. He quickly lifted you, carrying you quickly out of the house. The fresh air instantly made you take in a breath, your tears subsiding.

You could hear the splash of water as Geralt walked into the river near the cabin. He kneeled into the water, using his hand to cup cold water pouring it over your face.

“Open your mouth.” You did as he asked and drank the cold water from his hand. Your senses slowly started to return, your eyes opened and the bright sun made them burn. You slowly moved them around the running water. You could feel Gerlt’s fingers stroking your hair behind your ears as he completely sat in the water, no regard for his clothes. You locked eyes and gave him a weak smile.

“What happened?” His voice was softer than before, it was deep, comforting. Made you feel safe, even in the unsafe world you lived in.

“I feel like nothing but a burden...you never trust me to do anything on my own. It's like I’m a leach to you…” you couldn’t look at him, closing your eyes feeling the cold water rush into your back.

“You're not a leach, you're my kid. It's my job to protect you.” your eyes snapped back to his own. For years he never referred to you as his kid, or his daughter. At least not out loud. He treated you like his daughter. He was all you ever had when it came to parents, other than Yennefer.

His hand gently combed your hair from your face, sitting you up fully, your legs submerged in the cool rushing water.

“If something happened to you, if you died I wouldn’t be able to live in this world.” The smile that overtook your face made him roll his eyes playfully.

“You love me.” You cooed in a sing-song voice as you pointed your small finger at his face. He grunted, rolling his eyes.

“Of course I do, kid. I didn't have much meaning in life before I found you.” Your smile only grew as the big bad witcher gushed about his kid.

“Could you actually say it?” You asked, lifting your head slightly as he washed the dirt from his arms, you two slowly separating, leaving a foot between your bodies as you sat in the water.

“Say what?”

“That you love me. You've only ever said it once. But I don't think you meant to then.” Geralt eyebrows furrowed together.

“When?”

“A long time ago, you had gotten badly beaten by a group of banshees. Yen found you and brought you back with her. She had no one else to help, so I had to. I was barely eleven yet. It was scary, you were all… bloody, and cold. Your eyes were stuck open- corps like.” Your eyes were looking all over his body, and the earth around you. The story was never easy for you to remember, but you never forgot it.

“I honestly hate that I remember it so much, I remember watching Yen cry as she tried her best to stitch you back up. She just kept begging and pleading with ever god she thought was listening to her. It was horrible.” Geral's hand gently held yours, his finger softly stroking the back of your hand.

“I didn't forget it though. You woke up the next day, and I've never cried harder.” You said with a soft laugh.

“I hugged you, too tight and it hurt you. And I said I was sorry and I was just happy you didn't die. And you asked me why...I didn't know why you asked that stupid question. So I just said because I loved you. And you said it back. But you haven't sense. And honestly, if I'm your kid, you should say it more often. Because only telling me after you die really fucking sucks.” This time he laughed.

“I love you, Y/N. More than any father could ever love his child.” his arms wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest as you held onto him, a smile ear to ear.

“I love you too, fuck face.” he groaned into your hair as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“I'm like this because of you.” You mumbled and he nodded his head, humming softly.

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Hi Comfy, I loved your last family fic so much. I wonder if you could do something similar but with Vesemir? So. I'm thinking, Vesemir hasn't had a chance to date because hes been too busy bringing up Eskel, Geralt and Lambert. He finally meets his childhood sweetheart, Guxart, and they pick up from where they left off. Only issue is, the witchers aren't too sure about getting a step dad!!!!!

I didn’t forget this babe 😘 however I gotta get up at 3:15 am so we’re gonna hit this one with a headcanon format bc I can crank it out faster.

I HC the boys to be teens (Eskel is 18 and Geralt is probably17- ish and Lambert is 14)

Warnings: mention of the foster system, weed, general teenage shenanigans? 

Ves wants the boys to meet Guxart before they make anything ‘facebook official’ - the boys groan at this. V not cool. Big boomer energy. 

Geralt does the typical ‘middle child bullshit’ and makes plans that he “just can't flake on dad! they need me there or the whole thing will fall apart!” - he’s gonna go snog Jask at the drive-in but don't tell Ves. 

Eskel just sighs and takes a massive bong rip right before Guxart gets there. He knows this is gonna be a shit show. He’s got the ‘oldest kid responsibility’ tho so he’s at least gonna be there. his sense of duty is a lil twisted but he's trying his best

Lambert prepares for WAR

He paces his room fuming, he doe not like new people, nor does he like the idea that his dad gets down. he can't handle it. Geralt and Eskel were the ones to give him The Talk. Thinking about Ves??? having a boyfriend????? oh my god?????

Guxart is old fashioned. He tries to talk sports, which almost works until he reveals he’s a fan of Lambert’s team’s rival. 

He tries doing the whole ‘here I brought candy’ but these boys were from the foster system before Ves adopted them and that just makes them edgy. 

He tries asking about their girlfriends and Lambert just snaps “You’re gay, you shouldn’t assume.” like a dickhead

Eskel is at least amiable, or so Ves thinks. He politely laughs at jokes, nods along to stories, asks interesting questions, until Lambert makes a rude joke and Eskel fucking loses it.

Cat’s out, Responsible Eldest Child TM is baked out of his mind and Ves is furious. 

Guxart goes home a little earlier than planned to “give them family time” - he’s just mildly terrified of the little one. 

Geralt comes home in the middle of them getting yelled at and tries to sneak Jask upstairs and that is its own lecture

In the end, they settle for a second go on neutral turf and Lambert takes a hit beforehand this time, not Eskel. 

Geralt is now ready for battle because of all the exaggerated shit he’d heard from Lambert, but he’s the quiet watching kind so he doesn’t pull anything before he’s sure. 

Guxart mentions he saw a really good musician at an open mic night at the coffee shop - it just so happens to be Jask and Geralt immediately likes him 

“He likes Buttercup’s singing, what asshole could like the sweet things he sings about?” - Lambert smacks him upside the head for this, but mostly because he’s tired of hearing “Buttercup this- Buttercup that” 

Eskel warms up a little talking nerdy shit. 

Lambert is still annoyed but stays civil at least. 

Ves deadass almost cries in the car on the way home because he’s just so relieved that his three little nightmares (whom he loves dearly) didn’t drive someone he thinks he really might love away. 

Lambert kinda feels bad and gives him a hug later, once the other boys had locked themselves away in their room, “Sorry dad. I didn’t think it meant that much to you.” 

Ves squeezes him tight and sighs, “I know. I wouldn’t bring someone home if I thought they weren’t good people.” 

Lambert has that really small voice again from when Ves first brought him in as a foster when he was 8, “I just forget sometimes.”

Cue the tearful father-son bonding moment a-la 90′s family drama

Things go much more smoothly after that