#genuinely scary beginning and genuinely frustrating ending

[oldrudshore]

What are friends for if not moments like these

[im-so-normal-iswear]

Your writing is amazing 🤩

Can I request headcanons where The Big Three hedgehogs (separately) would react with a reader who doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with them; not because of them specifically, but because reader doesn’t want to be in life-threatening trouble all the time. They want to live peacefully, and they can’t have that if they’re dating hedgehogs who are known for attracting danger.

Sonic villains are scary and op. I wouldn’t want to deal with them, even if it meant rejecting the coolest characters in fiction.

Yandere triple s x Reader

Sonic:

Sonic is the embodiment of freedom and excitement, living life on the edge is all he knows. When you tell him you don't want to be in a relationship with him because of the chaos he attracts, he's initially confused.

"What do you mean you don't want excitement in your life?" he asks, his grin faltering. "You're seriously saying you'd rather stay boring and safe than, y'know, live it up with me?"

You explain that it's not about being boring, it's about being genuinely weary snd concerned. Eggman, Metal Sonic, literal GODS, waiting to pop out of the woodwork aren't exactly conducive to a peaceful lifestyle. You want to enjoy life without worrying about explosions, kidnappings, or world ending disasters.

At first, Sonic brushes it off with his usual charm. "C'mon, don't be like that. I'd never let anything happen to you, you know that!" But when you stand firm, his sunny charm starts to crack.

"Are you serious?" His voice lowers, losing its playful edge. "You're really turning me down because of a little danger? You think you're safer without me?"

His words filled with disbelief and growing frustration. How could you not see that he's the guy for you? He protects you better than anyone else could. Sure, Eggman"s schemes are dangerous, but they'd be even more dangerous if he wasn't around to stop them.

As days pass, Sonic'a obsession starts to surface in ways you didn't expect. He's always watching, always. You'll look out the window and catch a fleeting blur of blue, or feel the wind shift as he speeds past. You can't shake the feeling that he's nearby, even when you're alone.

When he finally confronts you again, his tone is far less casual than before. "You don't get it, do you? If you're not with me, you're vulnerable. I can't just leave you out here, waiting for something to happen. It's too dangerous without me."

His logic twists. In his mind, your rejection only proves that you need him more. You dont want to be around him because you dont want to get hurt? He'll give you that wish. Sonic begins isolating you from anything that could "endanger" you. Friends mysteriously cancel plans. Locations you frequent suddenly close down. If you dont want to be happy with him, thats fine, he'll make sure you cant be with anyone. After all, they might "endanger you" too

Shadow:

Shadow doesn't take rejection lightly. When you tell him that you don't want a relationship because of the danger associated with him, his first reaction is silent disbelief. He stares at you, his eyes narrowing as he tries to process what he just heard.

"You think being with me is dangerous?" His voice is cold, almost offended. "I've kept you alive all this time, haven't I? Do you really think anyone else could protect you better than me?"

You try to explain that it's not about him failing to protect you. You just don't want to wake up every day wondering which new villain will target you because of your association with him. Shadow's life is crazy, and just way too "eventful", and you're not cut out for that kind of stress.

For a moment, Shadow seems to consider your words. He's calculating, always analyzing the situation for the most logical solution. But then his own head gets the better of him, and the idea of you rejecting him, for any reason, sends him into a quiet fury.

"So, you think you can live a peaceful life without me?" His tone deceptively calm. "You think you can just walk away and no one will come after you?"

It’s a veiled threat, but there's truth in his words. Shadow's enemies are ruthless, and you even being friends would have already alerted them enough of your presence by now. In his mind, letting you go isn't just reckless, it's cruel. You need him, whether you realize it or not.

Shadow begins to follow you. He's always nearby, watching from the shadows, ensuring you're safe. But his presence isn't comforting. Every time you think you've escaped his grasp, he's there, reminding you that your "peaceful" life is a fantasy.

"You just dont understand, do you? If anything, im the only thing keeping you safe."

And if you still insist on resisting? Shadow's methods become less "gentle". He's not above using force to keep you by his side. In his mind, it's all justified. After all, he's doing this for your own good.

Silver:

Silver is the most emotionally vulnerable of the three. When you tell him you don't want to be in a relationship because of the danger he attracts, his first reaction is heartbreak.

"Wait... what?" His voice cracks, and his wide, teary eyes search your face for any sign that you're joking. "You… you don’t want to be with me? Why...?"

You explain that it's not about him as a person, it's about the constant danger. You're not strong like him. You don't have speed, psychic powers, or any training. You're just a regular mobian trying to survive, and being with him feels like painting a target on your back.

Silver's lip trembles as he tries to process your words. "But... I can protect you. I'd never let anything happen to you, I swear!" His desperation is just saddening. He doesn’t understand why you'd reject him when he's offering to keep you safe.

As the days go on, Silver becomes increasingly obsessive. He can't stop thinking about you, about how wrong it is for you to push him away. He convinces himself that you're just scared and that he needs to prove he can give you the peaceful life you want.

Silver starts "fixing" your life in ways that quickly spiral out of control. He uses his powers to move you away from anything he perceives as a threat. If someone looks at you the wrong way, they trip and fall. If a place feels "unsafe," he blocks your access to it entirely.

When he confronts you again, his tone is a mix of desperation and determination. "I've done everything I can to make things better for you! Don't you see? We can be together. You just have to trust me!"

If you still resist, Silver becomes more unhinged. He's not naturally violent, but his obsession with keeping you safe drives him to extremes. He starts to believe that the only way to protect you is to keep you with him, always.

"I know you're scared" he whispers, holding you close despite your protests. "But I’ll make everything okay. You'll see. You don't have to worry about anything anymore... because I’m here."

[vintagerpg]

New year, new week of gamebooks, mostly! Let us begin with Steve Jackson’s House of Hell (1984) AKA Fighting Fantasy Gamebook 10. Many consider this one of the best in the series and I tend to agree, even though I kind of forget about it when FF faves come up in conversation. Which is crazy, because look at that cover by Ian Miller! How do I forget that exists? What a stupid brain this is sometimes.

My intellectual failings aside, House of Hell is kind of an FF outlier. For one, it’s set in the modern era (and possibly the only FF that does this). For two, there is a Fear mechanic, in which you accumulate points as you encounter scary things and if you hit a certain threshold, you drop dead — this is unique among all the books in the series. For three, you talk quite a lot and fight not very much (and when you do, you’re bad at it because you’re a normie and probably unarmed). Talking to characters who are clearly villains who’d like you dead is actually necessary for your survival and success. And there isn’t really an optimal path through the book. Rather, multiple deaths and playthroughs will inform you of aspects of a greater mystery to solve as you seek to escape the house. And it is extremely hard. Puzzle elements, including many secret passages (I kind of love and hate these, as they make the book very difficult), complicate navigation. I only wound up getting somewhere close to the ideal ending when I started to get very, very frustrated with the construction of the book, and because of that I am still not entirely sure I solved it. That was a couple years back, and I still don’t have the energy to give it another crack.

And that, too, speaks to its enduring appeal. I still think about it, and will probably play it again some day to see what, if anything I’ve missed. Precious few gamebooks keep calling me back like that.

It helps, too, that it’s genuinely spooky in parts! Tim Sell’s illustrations are gruesome in a camp sort of way, full of blood and screaming faces and Satanists (and certain Hammer mainstays). The book was released in the US as House of Hades, because we’re a big bunch of babies, I guess. On the other hand, my UK edition lacks the “scandalous” human sacrifice illustration, so I guess we’re all babies in the end.

[naamahdarling]

Today's medical update, please pardon any weirdness as I am using speech to text, and please excuse how long this is. I put an excellent picture of Fancy at the end for you. Here we go.

The shortest version is that my GP is going to try and centralize this. I have made an appointment for Monday. We are going to start over from the very beginning. New specimens, new cultures, everything.

The long version is kind of wild ride. It's going under a cut

My GP is now telling me that on two of the occasions that I went to Urgent Care or the hospital for a UTI, the records say that I did not actually have one.

This makes no sense whatsoever. I was symptomatic and I could smell it. On both of these occasions, I was told in no uncertain terms that I did have one.

I do not believe I was lied to at either facility. That means the only possibilities are that the testing was done improperly, the results were charted improperly, the records were sent over improperly, or I didn't understand what was being said to me.

At this point, with this absolute clown show that has been unfolding around me, this ridiculous circus where each act is fraught with nonsensical antics even more baffling than the ones before, I am literally unable to come to any conclusions. This is absolutely maddening.

And it's frightening, because there is something wrong, genuinely, and it might be something that they are unable to detect with the methods they are currently using. That's scary for a multitude of reasons, one of which is that they are not going to be willing or able to treat something if they do not think it exists. The other is that it opens the door to the possibility of their being further testing, which makes me violent to even contemplate. I want what is wrong with me to be simple, easy to treat, and relatively benign.

This has been frustrating, and drawn out, and I am sick of it. By itself it isn't enough to completely break me down. It's been almost unbearable when combined with the facts that I have serious concerns about the health of three of my cats, that my father seems to be worsening in his condition, that I have several other medical storylines going concurrently with this one, one of which is extremely stressful and frightening, and that all of this fuckery and running around has caused me to have to cut out most of the very, very few enjoyable and meaningful activities that are present in my life.

It has impacted my ability to be present for my partner, and for my pets, for me to sustain communication and relationships with people who are not my boyfriend or my best friend, and to simply fucking relax.

Also I can't fuck. Like, I know that this is the laugh at horny people website, but that is significant. Receiving not just physical touch but intimate touch is one of the very few ways I have of assorting ownership over my own body at this time.

I feel my identity has shifted from an internally defined "struggling person just going about their business" to an externally defined identity as a patient with a body that is sick and who must now structure their life around the demands of a system that does not care about me in the slightest, even though the providers usually do.

From the outside I know that this doesn't seem that terrible. I've spent the vast majority of this with no pain, and the times I have been in pain haven't crested a 3. If it weren't for the fact that I don't know what it is, it would be relatively trivial!

Unfortunately, because this isn't all I have going on, it's been really fucking things up. I space my appointments out so that I have time to recover between each one. I have PTSD, I have medical trauma, I have emotional reactions after stepping into a medical facility for any reason, and when things go wrong even in a very small way they can be intense. I manage this by allowing myself to have the reaction, experience all of the feelings, and come back to myself. It is a healthy way of doing things. It doesn't work, though, if I'm having to deal with one thing after another and no time in between to recover from it. This is essentially what has been happening to me for 2 months. Appointments, phone calls, messages, fixing mistakes, having to explain my history repeatedly as it gets ever more complicated. There's a lot more to it than just one appointment a week, which is already a lot for me.

I know this is something that chronically ill people deal with all the time, often for years, often for life, but the extent of it is new to me and very difficult to bear. My personality is vanishing under the weight of all of this crap. I do not feel like myself.

So yeah, sorry for rambling so much but this is just been...I don't even have the words to describe it. Nonsensical, but in an unfortunately consequential way. I've been going in circles all this time, apparently.

I don't really expect anybody to read all of this. But if you did, thank you. It means a lot to me. This place, and all of you, function as a sort of pressure relief, and a source of constant, pleasurable entertainment. I know many of you empathize with what I'm going through, and that helps me to feel less alone. That all by itself is so important.

Anyway, here's my cat.

She got to be on the puzzle table and was very smug about it.

[dailytogachako]

Hi...if you don't mind, can I ask something from BNHA? What do you think are Toga and Uraraka’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Since what moment that you start shipping them? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

Hellooo dnana!! I don't mind getting questions, so don't be shy!!!

one thing i've always loved about uraraka is her willingness to help others and also her empathy. she would never hesitate to help anyone, no matter who it was. i also really liked her backstory, and how she was fighting so that her parents wouldn't have to worry about money in the future. it's something admirable.

which is something funny cause to me, one of her weak points is precisely her empathy and your need to help others. she's always thinking about others, doing everything for the others and this becomes a problem when she ends up not thinking about herself. It is very noticeable how much she avoids talking about her feelings, this becomes more visible when toga dies and she goes to cry on the terrace alone, without asking anyone for help how to deal with all this pain.

her need to help others can end up becoming a bad thing when she realizes that she often cannot help others all the time, which ends up becoming frustrating for her and she blames herself for not being able to help even though she does everything she can. and when I say help others, I mean both ways: saving their lives or trying to help them in small things

Now, talking about toga: she's been one of my favorite characters for a long time, I liked how she expressed herself and how she didn't hate heroes at all (at the beginning of the anime). and I love how little by little we saw more of her backstory and understood why she acted that way, because until then many people considered her a "crazy psychopath yandere"

one great thing about toga is simply the fact that she loves, and that's it. I think it's beautiful how she loves everyone who has blood running through their veins, and as if it were her way of saying that everyone can be loved, including her. she's not afraid to express her love and to say that she loves someone (even if it is in her own way). also she was not afraid to try to be herself, even when her parents and old school friends told her she was weird and a demon. It may not have been the "right way", but she tried, she wanted a world where she and her friends from the league of villains could smile. and i think that's beautiful after all.

and her weak point is: not facing the past

toga avoids her past, avoids talking about what happened because it is something sad and scary. this becomes a mistake when we realize that not talking about what happened in the past can influence the present.

In the final arc, before she dies, she finally faces the demons of her past with ochako, and we realize that there is still a lot of stuff stored away, especially hurt. we finally managed to understand that she's not a bad person, she was just lost and wanted to find someone who understood her. and that she never wanted to hurt someone and steal their blood, she wanted to ask but knew that if she did, they would call her a demon.

I've been shipping them since 2019 (when I started MHA) and i just loved the hero x villain dynamic, it was something cool for me. as the story progressed, I started to like how toga seemed to genuinely like ochako (more than she apparently liked deku) and how uraraka seemed curious about toga, and that she wasn't really afraid of her (which later turned out to be canon)

this shipp is something sweet to me, how ochako sought to know about toga and how she didn't give up until the end. and how toga was so hurt but allowed herself to open up to ochako and talk about what happened. I'm sure if they had a chance... things would have been different.

[solargeist]

I love that you went from the watchers being this mildly terrifying force that doesn’t realize they’re terrifying (and traumatizing Grian) side eyeing that one 3L comic you made about the watchers making it a “game” for Grian (still very much thinking about the “yaaaaay you won!”) to now Oh My Gosh A Tiny Being Can We Adopt Him pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

ehehe i was trying to get my footing !! I think I have a grasp now on how I like writing them now ....

However !! The Watchers still very much traumatize Grian, even though they genuinely do love him, I've said that since the beginning, thats their babeyyyyyyyy Watcher, but still a Watcher nonetheless.

Aethers not exactly excused from this either, she loves him and cares abt him, but shes an angel, she just doesn't understand. She has an issue with..... Toxic positivity ? Shes not very confrontational and doesn't want to have hard conversations with him, its easier to hide things or just comfort him by rubbing his back or hair when hes upset. When Grian asks to visit Evo again early on, she already knows all the players have left, but lets him see for himself anyway. Its like when a kid begs to eat something like cocoa powder, not understanding how bitter it is, so you just let them. So its not a big deal to her, but is to Grian, its the horrifying realization that he is completely alone, all of his friends left, he feels abandoned and betrayed. All good things must come to an end though, she says, nothing lasts forever, except us ! haha !

Not to mention the purposeful sleep deprivation and isolation, the full control over what he eats, where he goes, what he does. Its not very fun being a kid, its hard and no one understands.

Aether didn't originally want to be a parent, nor was she exactly ready for that, so she just did a lot of things that were normal to her, what she went through or what other Watchers had told her. But ! She does care abt him, enough to bend the rules just a tinyyy bittttt sometimes bc ~technically shes allowed to since he's her kid, yes he can go home if he has a headache or eat fish if he asks for it wym.

Theres also Flora, his aunt, she has no interest in kids and sees Grian just as a Watcher in training, this means she's a lot harder on him, but bc he's her sister's kid she doesn't act on this all the time. She also projects her own issues on him, how can you survive or do anything in life if you're not strong ? Here fight this phantom creature you've literally never seen before. Thats as far as their relationship goes, she teaches him to fight. She pets his head sometimes anyway. (kind of like how parents will sometimes force their kids to play sports, or take extra classes, or get frustrated with you over math and you cry over disappointing them)

I don't think the Watchers are intentionally evil, but I don't think they're goofy dumb birds with baby fever either, they're complicated !! There something abt how people who love you can hurt you, and religion can try to save you and it'll doom you instead. (ok they can be a little bit dumb birds sometimes, but they're also righteous angels at the same time)

Its also kinda scary being 25 years old, and then being brought to some place you thought you had equal grounds on, but everyone is taller/stronger and treats you like a child or even a pet, that alone would have some side effects, i imagine.

They're very fun to write abt.

Grian also doesn't often get to see the sun.

[syntheticsystem]

I’ve read a few of your fics, and I really like how you characterize Thrawn and Eli!

In your opinion, what’s your favorite thing about Thranto in general, and what do you think Eli and Thrawn’s favorite things about each other are?

Thank you for making Thranto content, I love it so much 😭

first of all, thank you very much! I've enjoyed writing fic, so it's always wonderful to hear people enjoy reading it too. I'm also glad you like how I characterise them; that's an encouraging comment :)

as for the next part: this is so difficult! and I've gone overboard with my answer, but, after a few days stewing in the back of my mind, here it is!

my favourite thing about thranto:

I don't think I have a single favourite thing, but a constellation of interlinked qualities. its sincerity, its dedication (both personally and professionally), its acceptance, and especially the casual intimacy of it. most of these relate to proximity — and thranto is forced proximity epitomised. they're with one another constantly, in so many different situations. that leaves no room for flattery, dishonesty, pretence. you become habituated to the other person's presence. they evolve into a point of familiarity in your very existence (romantic OR platonic), and that is endlessly intimate. their increasing comfort with one another is, in turn, comforting to me. and, again, platonic or romantic, it's just warming to see a bond of such respect and honest acceptance of who you are. neither requires the other to be anything else.

thrawn's favourite thing about eli:

I think especially at first, his patience. yes, eli has to clamp his mouth shut sometimes, and he can get frustrated at thrawn; but, from the very beginning, he is patient in explaining things to him. this links to another couple qualities: his curiosity and open-mindedness. we see thrawn repeatedly run into people who are unwilling to appreciate the way he engages with art, or who question his motives, intuitions, and strategies. eli's no sheep; he speaks up and questions things, which I think thrawn admires too. BUT he's willing to follow thrawn's logic, even when it seems to twist and turn. willing to trust him when he can't see how it comes together yet. and that's really the most important thing. we can never fully understand another person. it is our continual efforts to try anyway (and understand better, if not completely) that deepen our connection and mark love, in any sense of the word. so I think this willingness to genuinely listen and understand is one of thrawn's favourite things.

eli's favourite thing about thrawn:

earlier on, I think he admires his composure. that also irritates him. we know eli has to actively try to cover up his reactions sometimes, but the way thrawn does it makes it seem so effortless (which, as I said, both infuriates and inspires him). over time, though, the thing he probably loves most, or loves him most for, is the genuine worth he treats eli with. thrawn has always seen eli; never overlooked him, never devalued his thoughts or contributions. therefore, I think it's thrawn's attentiveness towards him, despite being intimidating at first, that eventually becomes eli's favourite thing. especially in the context of the empire, which thrives on impersonal treatment. to have someone to see worth in you where others (including sometimes yourself) don't is something special.

these may be some overly serious (and long) answers, so I apologise if you wanted something a little more silly! I'll end with some lighter contributions: thrawn loves eli's accent, eli loves thrawn's scary red eyes (and that he stops finding them scary while everyone else is still terrified of them), and I love them.

thanks again for both your kind words and the ask!

p.s. loaf you are a disco elysium enjoyer too?! thranto-loving pissf****ts unite >:)

[knightotoc]

The beginning and end of Crosshair's arc each address a separate frustration I've had with Star Wars backpedaling on its own drama.

The first is the wishy-washiness of the clones' implanted brain chips. The original concept art from Attack of the Clones shows the clones to be victims of brainwashing. The sterile, science-gone-wrong imagery is inspired by Lucas' debut THX-1138, a bleak film with a tenuous and generally confrontational relationship to Star Wars. AotC, with its forbidden romance and evil fetus-growing laboratories, is the SW movie most similar to THX, and also my favorite.

The AotC concept artists went so far as to speculate that the clones did not have souls, an extreme reaction but certainly a dramatic tabula rasa to build characters upon. RotS briefly shows the Jedi's complete trust in the clones and the clones' ruthless betrayal; the explanation for this shocking behavior is implied through a parallel to Anakin, as is everything else in that movie.

But once the darn cartoon had been on cable for a few years, the writers lost faith in the THX reference and Anakin parallel and decided to replace brainwashing/manipulation with a physical Order 66 chip in the clones' brains. The idea that their characters had become too lovable to ever willingly do something so bad is a fundamental misunderstanding of Star Wars, the operatic genre, and human nature.

Season 7, while knocking it out of the park with the Maul stuff, made this brain chip thing even worse by having Ahsoka break Rex's before he had to kill any Jedi. So even though the clones are innocent, the protagonist clone is even more innocent.

And now he's supposed to lead the clones away from the Empire, but why should they follow someone who can't even relate to their fundamental curse? He's like Galahad, the only knight chaste enough to find the Holy Grail, and they're like Bors, who is technically chaste except for that one time he had sex because he got tricked by a magic spell. Thank God for rigid moral hierarchies beyond earthly control!

The only other clones who can't relate to the chip curse are the Bad Batch, since their mutated brains made them immune to it. But while the goodies don't hurt a fly, Crosshair uses his special gift of free will to shoot at a cute little Padawan. And not just any Padawan, but one of the most beloved Jedi to ever do it, the future Kanan Jarrus.

So in a bent around way, Crosshair punches through this annoying loophole the cartoon writers made in one of the movies' darkest scenes. He's not matchy-matchy, but he is still genuinely brainwashed, which makes him the only clone who still follows their original violent vision.

So, the twist at the beginning of Crosshair's arc course-corrects a decision made in a spin-off about the motivations for background characters -- but the end of his arc addresses a much bigger problem, one that affects the greatest scenes and biggest characters in the whole story: amputation.

Luke's spiritual pain from learning the truth about his father is accompanied by the physical pain of amputation. Obi-Wan demonstrates his unexpected badassery through amputation. Luke demonstrates his burgeoning badassery by Force-pulling his lightsaber toward him...shortly followed by amputation. Anakin's repeated carelessness for his weapon and life leads to him stupidly running right into amputation. Kreia proves her twisted devotion by amputation. Cay Qel-Droma becomes dependent on his brother because of amputation. Obi-Wan will not kill Anakin, but he will amputate him.

And these scenes are scary and intense, in the moment. But they do not have consequences. All of these amputees are either alien villains who we never hear from again, or Force-wielders supported by a wealthy institution which instantly provides a perfect prosthetic. Only Kreia runs around with an actual stump, but her signature move is telekinetically spinning three purple lightsabers.

There are several heart-stirring images, such as Anakin's robotic hand holding Padmé's at their wedding, or Luke's hand revealing gizmos instead of blood when he's shot on Jabba's yacht, but these images have more to do with Lucas' problematic theme of "nature > technology" than the theme of disability.

But Crosshair does not have the Force, and he certainly doesn't have the support of any institution. Most dramatically of all, his amputation is not the tragic finale of his battle, but only the penultimate act.

As a fantastically skilled sniper, Crosshair relies more upon his hands than any other SW character I know. His astounding precision is demonstrated most memorably in this scene from an earlier season, in which the music stops to allow his laser fire to ricochet off a spinning disk, down a hallway, and right into his clanker target's head:

This isn't the Force. This isn't believing in something you can't see. This is deliberate!

Throughout the last season, Crosshair has a tremor in his dominant hand which significantly affects his aim. This comes to a terrible head when he misses the shot meant to attach a tracking device to the ship kidnapping his sister Omega (again). After years of doing wrong, he finally wants to do right, and he fails because of his humiliating and unprepared-for disability.

This disability continues throughout the long journey to track her down by their wits, until he is finally captured himself. Just as escape seems close, the Imperials cut off his dominant hand to punish him. In all the other cases of amputation in Star Wars, it takes a guy completely out of the fight. But Crosshair can't afford to lose, yet. He has to keep going.

In the final battle scene, the villain is hand-cuffed to Omega on the other end of a bridge (with no hand rails of course), and Crosshair has to shoot the hand-cuffs off so the badguy can fall without dragging down Omega. Crosshair has to lean his rifle on his brother Hunter's shoulder, balance with his stump, and pull the trigger with his non-dominant hand.

The first Star Wars movie is actually unique among the franchise for having a purely satisfying victory -- the other ones all pile on some tragedy or irony -- but I think that Crosshair's victory is the most satisfying of all.

[explodingchantry]

In your heart shall burn is such a mixed bag. On one side, it's an absolutely iconic quest -- probably THE most iconic quest of DAI, followed by here lies the abyss (though I would argue here lies the abyss is infamous, rather than iconic). And it does a lot of things quite well.

It also just blunders on a lot of things that continue DAI's habit of bland storytelling.

I'm not super fond of the very beginning of the quest - of getting a cutscene with absolutely no say whatsoever, with the not-yet-quizzy sealing the breach with the aid of the mages/templars. It does try to frame this as grand, as impressive, but the fact that there's no gameplay, that you just get to watch the quizzy do something cool.... it's boring. And leaves you with the disappointment of "...that's it?"

Because the breach is built up as a world ending phenomena but you just grab a few dozen mages and a guy who barely knows how to control their mysterious mark and then... poof. it's gone. Sure, it's replaced with a bigger threat -- but I don't know if the excitement of the attack on haven fully washes away the disappointment felt upon sealing the breach so quickly.

The attack on haven itself though is, genuinely, very well done. You feel it as a consequence for your actions: You chose one side, so the other is attacking you. Furthermore it works much better as a window into the future: You see what happens to one side when you don't choose them and thus wonder, "what would've happened to the side I DID choose, if I left them alone?" and it's scary.

Obviously having chosen the mages, it is actually scary seeing the red templars turning into horrors. This is actually well done -- a much better way to show the threat of red lyrium than in hushed whispers ever could do.

The reveal of Corypheus as well, looming on his hill with Samson/Calpernia must've been extremely exciting for those who came to DAI from da2 Legacy as well -- and Legacy does hint at Corypheus' survival too, so it does feel earned for those who understood what Legacy's ending was hinting at.

The gameplay as well, of the attack on Haven, is fun. It reminds me of the battle of Denerim in dao. You do feel like the forces attacking you are overwhelming. I think they could've done more, but it might've been because I'm replaying DAI on medium out of laziness lmfao. And even on medium, you can actually get pretty overwhelmed. Good stuff.

I like the gameplay element of having to ready the trebuchet as well because it is fucking stressful, having to use one of your limited party members only to man the trebuchet whilst the others fight. It can be a bit frustrating depending on AI behaviours but in general it's actually rewarding.

The facedown with Corypheus itself is pretty good as well -- and the guy's got some raw lines. The voice acting could've done him better I think, but it's well decent. "Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty" is also SO iconic. It does work to bring up dread.

Until it doesn't, lol.

See, I do like the concept of the not-yet-quizzie sacrificng themselves so the rest of haven can get away. I LIKE the concept of them seeing their beacon and deciding to mulan their way out of the confrontation. but.... I hate that it's all in a cutscene. I hate that there's no gameplay element to it. You get like three opportunities to choose your dialogue with Corypheus but then you don't get to actually choose to use the trebuchet. Quizzie does it for you. I never thought I'd say this but even a QTE would be better than this.

I wish this had been gameplay. I wish we got to fight with Corypheus, alone, see that nothing we did damaged him, get beaten, have a cutscene where he can be cool, and have a gameplay element somewhere in there where you get to choose to use the trebuchet. i dont know. it's such a huge mistake in video games to not let the player do the cool things the main character does.

The walk up the mountain in the blizzard could've also been done much better. The concept itself has the potential for a gripping video game moment: you walk, injured, cold, alone, and lost in a sea of snow. You can't see anything. You can't hear anything but wind and faraway wolves. Your character stumbles, and slows. It's great. But you keep getting these little skips, these fade to blacks between areas and animation changes. That kind of takes away from the whole thing, from the feeling of walking for what must've been hours in this state.

It would've hit better if there were no fade to blacks -- if the player genuinely had to just keep walking through this environment for actual minutes. It would ofc need to walk a fine line, because it could risk being boring or making replays more tedious. But I do think it could be done, and be done well. Because as the scene stands, you're left waiting for the next fade to black, rather than dreading when your not-yet-quizzie will finally collapse.

And then the dawn will come scene is just... so... awkward and uncomfortable. It, as well as the not-yet-quizzie BEING crowned quizzie, finding skyhold, which becomes a place of pilgrimmage... I think the game does attempt to make a point of the lack of agency the quizzie has. I do think it does want you to be uncomfortable with being held as herald, as inquisitor, as chosen. There's a few dialogue options that let you express this discomfort, after all. But it falls flat because you as a player also lack control and agency in too many points of the game, as I've already highlighted, and as is everpresent throughout the game. It's just not well done.

It also really feels like DAI is a christian or at least biblical story at its core. There's even some Jesus parallels when mother Giselle tells you the people of haven saw you die and rise again. And then you, their prophet, leads them through a harsh environment to a place of respite and safety like you were Moses or something. Obviously you can only stray so far from christianity when Andrastianism was always meant to be christianity if jesus was jeanne d'arc, but DAI really hits it right on the nose lol

And then of course Skyhold, as well as the cool little ability you get. So to summarise: You gain powerful allies in the mages/templars, you seal the breach, you lose haven... and then gain an impregnable fortress and a cool ability. Sure, the loss of haven can hit hard ,especially with the amount of corpses strewn around. You can even rescue and help named characters you might've grown an attachment to, and you might've grown an attachment to haven itself especially depending on how early you choose to play the quest. But this doesn't change that you gain so much more than you lose.

The stakes rise so impossibly high: You've got an ancient prophet of the old gods, one of the magisters who stepped into the fade physically, one of the harbinger of the blight itself, and apparently he even commands an archdemon. But when Cole mentions the archdemon in the chantry, Cullen shrugs it off. No one reacts. You would only react, and go "oh shit" if you'd played dao, or somehow done your research as a new player. Which new players on their first playthrough wouldn't really do. So this lack of reaction tells you that archdemon is just a fancy name for a dragon rather than a fucking terrifying thing to hear just flying above you in the sky. Hell, in dao you see the archdemon like 3 times before you fight it in denerim because it is that terrifying! It builds up its threat, everyone is scared, it wreaks absolute destruction!

But Haven was already basically done for before the archdemon even came in lol. And even if that wasn't the case, the lack of reaction from Cullen or anyone involved in that cutscene doesn't aid in building up its threat.

In your heart shall burn could've been AMAZING. Instead, it's just pretty good. It could've been an absolute gutpunch, a reality check showing you just how bad of a situation you're in. Instead, you just rise and rise and rise and then you just rise againb. You're untouchable now.

I wish the encounter with Cory left us weaker, somehow. Maybe impaired in some way. Especially with the anchor. I wish it did... SOMETHING other than give us a cool castle. But it doesn't.

In your heart shall burn tries REALLY, really hard -- but it's all these things that just make it stumble over the finish line. It's genuinely a shame.

[x-neurotoxin-x]

do you hate endeavor ?

Yikes. I feel like some ppl are not gonna like my answer for this.

I'm only gonna talk about him as a character for one, because obviously if he was a real person I would hate him because fuck abusers but he's not a real person. He is a fictional character.

I have complicated feelings about Enji. I love the todofam and i think their plot line is honestly the best subplot in the series, but i have complicated feelings about a lot of aspects of it and the todofam members themselves. Enji included.

Endeavor is a complex character. He is, and this shouldn't be a hot take. There's several criticisms i have about how Hori took his character and how his character arc was handled and pretty much took over the todofam plot, im not happy with a lot of aspects, but there's plenty of things I like about Endeavor's character and how he impacts the todofam and their subplot. I like that he's three dimensional-- He isn't just a cardboard cut out "bad dad." He has actual flaws, does/did awful things, made terrible choices, but he also has genuine and realistic traits- he's headstrong, determined, and he has emotions other than just "scary angry asshole" like a lotta domestic abusers are portrayed in media. He feels selfishness, anger, self pity, and frustration, but he also feels remorse, he feels guilt, he feels grief and regret. He's human. That's realistic and honestly an aspect about him that i really like because real people aren't cardboard cutouts and abusers can feel bad and want to change, but it doesnt change what they did or take away their responsibility for it. I don't feel bad for him, and I can't sympathize with him but I see him, if that makes sense? Having him have these feelings of regret, self pity, anger, and guilt all in one makes the family drama so much more fascinating and layered to me because he's written with complex emotions and isn't just an evil ass for the sake of it. The way DV is portrayed in Enji and Rei as well as the rest of the family is really realistic in my opinion. The same with how grooming is portrayed with Enji and Touya, Touya's one of the most relatable victims of grooming and abuse ive seen in a while, and it's done really well.

I don't really like Enji's redemption/atonement arc, as in I don't like how it was carried out. There's ways it could have gone so much better and more satisfying, but especially towards the end it feels rushed, lazy, and repetitive. Especially given how we've been shown very clearly from the beginning how terrible of a person Enji was and how many horrible things he did to his family- his atonement arc doesn't match up with how he was written in the beginning and doesn't feel consistent. I wish there had been more narrative consequence for him, and i wish hed developed beyond "I'm terrible and im trying to atone" over and over. Half his lines are repeating the same thing again and again without building on it, expanding on it, or on the other end; tearing it down. I blame that on Hori and moreso how rushed he appeared to be towards the end, but it made the whole thing really unsatisfying.

This is a lot of rambling. In short; I actually kinda like Endeavor's character and the impact he's had on the story. I hate the kinda person he is, but he's well written in my opinion.

[theflixdiaryproject]

"I think you're a selfish bowl of bitch sauce" - Meredith McNeil

Clare Shannon (Joey King) was gifted a music box by her hoarding father (Ryan Phillippe). she later discovers that it's a magical music box that grants seven wishes. as she makes wishes for personal gain, strange and deadly events begin to affect her loved ones. she realises the box harbours a sinister power that demands a deadly price for every wish.

read my review below (may contains spoilers):

watched June 16, 2022 on netflix

I honestly don’t know what to think of Wish Upon. I first decided to watch it because I saw a short clip on YouTube, and it seemed intriguing. the idea of a cursed music box granting wishes felt like a fresh take on the horror genre, so I gave it a shot. I love music boxes. they’ve always been fascinating to me. in fact, I have a big collection at home, though most of them are broken now. in Malaysia, we don’t really have a lot of variety in terms of tunes. most of the ones I own just play Für Elise because Malaysians don’t know much about classical music other than Für Elise and honestly, it’s overused. my mum always found my music boxes creepy, especially when I played late at silent night when everyone’s sleeping. watching this movie with her didn’t help at all, and I ended up feeling more unnerved by her than entertained. back to the movie, the music box is definitely creepy. it doesn’t matter what time it plays; there’s something inherently unsettling about it. the premise of the story is exciting, and I felt genuinely intrigued at the beginning. but as the movie progressed, I found it emotionally draining. it’s not terrifying in a traditional sense. it’s more about the unsettling atmosphere and the emotional toll of the events.

one thing that really struck me was the sheer number of deaths in the movie. I’m no stranger to gruesome visuals. I’ve seen my fair share of true crime documentaries, medical dramas, and slasher movies; but there’s something different about the deaths in Wish Upon. maybe it’s the way they happen or the fact that Clare’s wishes seem to trigger them indirectly, but it leaves a heavier impact. what frustrated me the most was Clare’s character development. her personality changes so much throughout the movie, and it’s clear that the more wishes she makes, the more she loses herself. it’s not easy to watch someone’s moral compass deteriorate, even if it’s fictional. this might be why the movie feels more exhausting than entertaining for me. in the end, Wish Upon isn’t a movie I would enthusiastically recommend. it’s an interesting concept, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. it’s emotionally heavy and frustrating to watch, even though it isn’t particularly scary. If you’re into movies that explore the darker sides of human nature, it might be worth a try. for me, though, it’s not one I’d revisit.

final verdict: I think it was okay/watchable

maturity rating: 13+ genre: horror, fantasy duration: 1h 30m (90min) country: Canada, USA language: English screenplay: Barbara Marshall major cast: Joey King, Ryan Phillippe, Ki Hong Lee, Shannon Purser, Sydney Park

[merakiui]

Hooooooooly crap your latest Azul fic is probably the most intense, jaw-dropping roller coaster ride I've ever been on. Like oh my gosh, starting it off with such a suspenseful scene was such a good way of getting the reader's attention- not to mention the spiral as to how it even gets to that point. The in-betweens were so fucking good!

Absolutely obsessed with the way you describe the scenery and the inner turmoil, like it's so poetic and just creates such a delicious imagery!! The fluffiness in the first vow was soooo tooth rottingly sweet- Like holy crap got me giggling and kicking my feet over here. I absolutely adore the way you wrote the mc, especially with how well she was at handling Azul's negativity and self-deprecation at the start. Just the way you're able to make the reader's feel the same way as the mc- I was SEETHING. The amount of times I got so frustrated with Azul- Especially with how he tried to get her to stop working, like dawg, she's doin' it cause she likes it, JUST LET HER HAVE THIS ONE THING

I was so glad when mc called it off when she did, cause ain't no way Azul was talking about some "You don't care for me as much if I'm healthy" LIKE WTF ARE YOU SAYING?? LITERALLY RIPPING MY PILLOW TO SHREDS RN

Aaaaaaa and oh my gosh the way mc just snaps- just says 'fuck it' and just lets everything out was so satisfying yet also so scary cause like- bro's definitely not gonna just accept that. Holy crap the bits of dialogue as he realizes mc was leaving- I can't. I'm not okay. Like the build up?? Like we know what's about to happen, but the way we see his perspective as it's about it happen- My mouth is agape. Eyes bulging out of skull- THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD SCENE!! Actual chills

Ending it on the hospital scene as his mentality just reverts back to how things were before her- Ugh... I can't- I can't function anymore. I have never been gagged so much by fanfic- like the life has been sucked out of me in the best way possible

Definitely will be re-reading, there's no way I could be fine with reading it only once

Such a satisfying conclusion too- like oh my gosh <3

OMG OMG THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA (≧◡≦) ♡

I wanted it to feel like a fic that suffocates you with sadness and emptiness while you're reading it, so opening with the aftermath of the murder felt appropriate! It sets such a haunting mood because you don't quite know why Azul did this or what happened for things to turn out this way (until you read the end of the fic), which only makes it more unsettling the further you read.

:D I'm so happy you enjoyed many aspects of the fic, especially the short-lived fluff in the beginning! I think that was my favorite part to write out of everything (although the hospital scene is a close second). Azul and Reader were so genuinely cute together in that scene. T_T if only it could be like that always...

And I'm especially happy you liked the way I wrote the reader's character here!!!! I wanted her to be more in tune with emotions than Azul is because it felt like a nice contrast to the very out-of-control, emotional Azul. She's honestly such a sweetheart who is just trying her best to be genuinely kind and loving despite the situation. Azul is so frustrating here, so the fact that Reader could remain patient and gentle throughout six entire years of their marriage... It felt satisfying to write her finally snapping at him, so I'm glad that was a scene you could enjoy! I liked switching perspectives partway through as the focus strays from the subject of Reader and her bringing up the divorce to Azul's disturbing behaviors as he begins to lose himself to his fears and insecurities. And then he just shuts off and tragedy ensues. >_< it's heartbreaking and scary and so many other unfortunate things!!!

And the hospital scene oooooo yes yes!!!!! Azul's psychology in this fic is so fascinating to me. He really did mean it when he said the reader was his world, so with her no longer in it his entire existence undergoes this drastic shift and suddenly he's not whole. He's lost a vital part of himself, the part that felt loved and appreciated, and so now he's back to floating through life with this lonesome emptiness and self-hatred. Now the world is small and devoid of color. Now it's just monochrome and cold.

Aaaaaaaa I loved writing him in this state of slow, uncertain delirium and the way he panics when the nurses won't answer his questions. I also greatly enjoyed writing him using the phrase "my wife" over and over because Reader is no longer just her own person to him. She's Azul's. His wife. And then there's also the symbolism in Azul killing Reader and knowing that no one else will have her ever again and that, because he got to take her life for himself, it will be no one else's. It's not even Reader's anymore.

Forgive my ramblings!!! I'm just very happy to know you liked the fic and that you will be reading it again!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!! 💖

[shutupineedtothink]

X files mini review/analysis (double feature edition!) 1x20 "Darkness within" + 1x21 "Tooms"

Damn watching these back to back was a wild experience.

Loved the idea of darkness within and the pnw is notably spooky so it worked really well. But also, bugs?? One of the tamer villains in the show and yet this was just on the edge of beliveable, which made it more scary. Also just the vibes were vibing.

And when they got got at the end?? I was genuinely surprised, especially since their MO is usually getting away by the skin of their teeth.

Insane to end it that way with them in quarantine and Scully still passed out and "i told her it would be a nice trip to the forest" and then it ENDS. insane I tell you. I'm sure there's fic that picks up where that left off and I will be searching for it. Also it made me wonder - is there going to be a point where Mulder tries to push Scully away from the x files because he's just dragged her through too much BS. (But hes never going to give it up himself.) We'll see but I wouldn't be surprised.

Now Tooms. Low key surprised they brought him back this early but in real time I suppose this would have aired many months after that original ep, which was only ep 3 or 4 I think. Still, in another Show this villain returns type of episode would be finale material, but not txf. Makes me scared of the actual finale tbh.

Solid suspense and creepiness in this one as with the original. I haaaaate this guy so they did their job for sure. The strip of light they do across his eyes whenever they go yellow feels very classic horror/sci fi, excellent stuff.

Then there's the character work. Honestly a ton to unpack in this ep with our duo, they really went hard on this one.

Ok so Scully getting called into the principals office. I find it very interesting to track her responses and demeanor every time this happens, especially compared to the pilot. She's more invested in the x files, and Mulder, than ever before. Love that she brings up their clearance rate and is like, what more do you want from us?? Except covered in layers of formality and barely contained frustration. Great stuff.

Then our boy at the hearing. Of course he sounds crazy, but she doesn't call him out for it. And because he kind of brings it up first - do you think i would have sounded more believeable if, etc. But truly it's because at this point, she really knows he's right, she just can't say it out loud. But he calls her out for the beauracratic nonsense and damn if he isn't right about that too.

But he's not mean or arrogant about it, nor does he hold onto it. He just says what he needs to say and let's it go. To her, at least. Mulder the man you are.

Ok let's talk the car scene. I'm sure this scene has been talked to death about because it's top tier character/relationship building.

First of all, love the bit where she tries to call him Fox, and he's like no I even made my parents call me Mulder. The subtext is, this is my name to the people close to me. This is the name people I love get to use. That includes you. Later in contrast to this moment, we'll have the supervisor guy specifically call him Fox, and it feels even more disingenuous after this moment in the car. Such a subtle thread and I love it.

Second, she brought him a sandwich and made a liver wurst joke. A++

Ok then the line: Mulder i wouldn't put myself at risk for anyone but you. Yeah baby, that's a banger. And a true testament to where we are now vs the beginning of the season.

Love that he lets that sit for a minute, but then his response was genius (on his part, on the writers part, both). If you got an iced tea in there, it could be love. Obviously a joke, and yet he introduces the idea of love between them, which has never been spoken aloud before now. Bruh I was screaming at my television. But it gets better! She manages to keep a straight face, but then - root beer. And his little "aw damn" laugh in response.

So in like less than 5 minutes we've brought them closer than ever, introduced the idea of love, then backed off as quickly as possible but somehow kept the whole thing cute and light - in the middle of one of the darker episodes of the series so far. Really brilliant stuff. So much fun to watch.

Ok just a couple more things that stood out. Great subversion with Tooms breaking into Mulders house, calling back to him breaking into Scullys house in the first episode (same heating vent even?), but then he frames Mulder instead of attacking him.

I knew that psychiatrist was toast from the jump.

The end at the mall: semi unbelievable that an entire mall went up where that old building used to be in a few months but whatever. The important thing here is i LOVE that Scully immediately thinks she should be the one to go down into the vent or whatever because she's the smaller one, but then he stops her and says you can get the next mutant. It's a little chivalrous, which i do like, but that line shows hes not volunteering bc he doesn't think she can do it, he's volunteering because he wants to. And yeah probably to protect her too and I can't fault him for that.

And finally, death by escalator??? Iconic. Also, Jfc.

Ok that was longer than a mini review but I'm just so impressed with the excellence of this show so far. Can't wait for the finale and to share my overall thoughts on S1!

[topicaltropic]

Close family resolution i fuck w/ since its always been about being doomed. Journey got cut short and only had a beginning and end though.

Oak & stampler family resolution share being haphazard and rushed and both impeded by the fact that the two dads are npcs and cant take a active role the story and relationship required of them. Sparrow and normals conflict about sparrow not being proud of normal shouldnt have been soley focused on normal feeling like he has to prove himself to his father but sparrow realizing the fault is on him for not being proud and grappling with his own self shame that hurts normal. Terry needed to be more proactive in reaching out to scary & continue to reach out even as she pushed him away to prove he wanted a genuine bond with her and it wasnt just surface level niceties.

What the hell was going on w/ lincs family bruvs 😭 first of all despite the other parents all already being majorly snubbed marco got treated especially dirty (2nd only to cassandra) and its especially frustrating when matt arnold mentiones how equally important he is to lincs development but a pivotal scene or moment between them never gets to come to fruition like what the fuck gives. A major part of the wilsons family story arc is taken up far far too much by depicting grants self deprecation to a frankly gratuitous degree and derails the main issue between them which is about trust. Im not as frustrated at the wilson families story because the emphasis were placed more on normal & scarys who had a more cohesive thing going on and my focus is over there for the majority but like i look away from 2 cars who nearly crashed just severely scuffed and see to the side theres a 3rd car completely disassembled and drenched in urine. What happened there.

First, the onus of these relationships shouldnt solely be on the teens the transition from adapting gameplay & story from the pc being the parents to child holds a different dynamic but unfortunately isnt either accounted for or good for gameplay and with it stems so many of its problems. This leading to them like getting tired/not caring and the complete lack of passion or investment towards the end of the story for this world & characters is so sad. The blanket statement of i love yous from the dads and it just immediately rolling credits is like damn yall are so done w/ this 😭

[mysleeangel]

is there anything that helps you when you run out of ambien? tbh i think i'm going to end up in a similar situation soon (in my case i haven't been overusing them but my doctor is just never in his office and the other doctors i get put with won't refill it and try to take me off it cold turkey) i hope you can find some way to hang in there, i'm sending kind thoughts your way and hope life gives you a break. wishing you the best 🫂

(I’m sorry this is so long, prepare for the biggest yapfest of 2024)

This is my first time running out, and it was due to my own stupid irresponsibility, so hopefully I shouldn’t deal with this issue again. However, I absolutely hate that your doctors are treating you so badly, it can be dangerous to pull you off of your meds at random especially when you really need it. If im not misreading and you’re taking Ambien as well, cold turkey quitting that stuff, whether it was your choice or not, can be dangerous depending on a few factors such as dose and length of time you’ve been on it. The doctors you are dealing with sound like they’re being incredibly careless with your health and if it’s possible I would see about switching doctors, but that process can be difficult and frustrating so I completely get it if you can’t do that.

If things start to get bad (like you begin having withdrawal symptoms or you start to feel like hurting yourself) and you have the option available near you, I would go to an urgent care or the ER.

I know that isn’t available to everyone though, but in the past four months I’ve been to the er and urgent care at least 15 times. It’s not an exaggeration, I just have been running into health problems that badly that many times in a short period. I’m saying this because it was the only way I could get SOME kind of help in my most desperate times. Maybe they can listen to the issues you’re having and someone might be able to help you get in contact with your doctor. I can’t say for sure what they’d be willing to do though, it’s like a gamble with every healthcare worker. Sometimes they’re really helpful, sometimes they’re indifferent to your situation.

Depending on where you are and what insurance you have, trying to get the help you NEED is like pulling teeth. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it, it’s stressful, scary, and it’s enough to drive you fucking insane. I’m also sorry that I’m not very good at giving advice and for going on a tangent. Despite being on the highest dose, I probably haven’t been on this med for as long as you have, and so therefore i have not dealt with much physical withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just anxiety, rebound insomnia, nausea. Its difficult for me to say exactly what I’m doing to deal with it, a lot of it is me just sitting and watching the clock, biting my nails, stuffing my face with food to deal with more bubbling over anxiety.

As far as I know, I am with certainty getting that prescription filled, so I’m able to find some comfort in knowing that it will happen eventually. For you, it seems that the future of your prescription refill is uncertain right now. I don’t know how you’re getting through any of it, but if I was in your shoes right now I’d probably be handling it very badly. That’s to say, I genuinely think you’re a resilient and strong person who has likely dealt with more than your fair share of problems and stressors. I think you’re going to make it through this, and you will be able to get in contact with your doctor or a doctor willing to listen to you, even if it’s a painstaking, infuriating process.

As for what I’m doing and I’ve been doing for the past week to get through it…I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted with other things and I take some other meds I have so that I’ll eventually get tired.

At night I take two benedryls, six hydroxizine (25mg), half a mirtazapine (15 mg, previously prescribed for insomnia but I stopped taking it after I got prescribed the zolpidem. I still have it so I’m using it to get through these two weeks) and two 10mg meletonin gummies. These are split into two doses, not taken all at once. I take a Benedryl, three hydroxyzine, and a meletonin gummy. Then I take the rest after a few hours, usually closer to 5 am and then I try to sleep. It’s worked so far, the key is to not start flipping out if you can’t fall asleep immediately, which I do a lot.

I’m not sure if you have hydroxyzine on hand, they give that stuff out like candy, but it’s an antihistamine similar to Benedryl and it can make you sleepy. If you don’t have that, 10mg meletonin gummies and Benedryl might help at least a little BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL with how much Benedryl you take. It’s funny to joke about that hatman, but you can seriously die if you’re not careful. I went to the icu last month due to an accidental overdose of Benedryl and hydroxizine, wasn’t in there long but it was ROUGH.

At max, take three, but don’t take more than that in one night if you can help it. And don’t take them all at once. If you feel like they’re not working, give it time. I used to take about six or seven benedryls every night just to maybe catch a little sleep. Tolerance can build on it, so you have to be cautious about how much you’re taking.

I wish I had some better way to help, I’m so sorry for this long ass paragraph, I really hope I was able to answer some questions but please feel free to ask more if you need some clarification or anything else. I’m sorry that your doctors aren’t helping you, I know how fucking awful it is to deal with. I’m sorry if I didn’t make any sense at all but I hope I did, let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help. You’ve got this 🫂💖💖💖💖

[xenosagaepisodeone]

❗️Low effort xenoposting because my coworker went to sleep and i have nothing to do at work right now❗️

"shion and kos-mos' relationship is familial" shouldn't be considered The reading of their relationship as often as it is given that their development in Ep. I is built around actively refuting it. shion begins the series treating kos-mos as her child as a maladaptive means of coping with kevin's death. kevin likened the development of the kos-mos archetype as him and shion having a baby, and shion proactively continues to treat kos-mos this way not to honor his memory, but because she cannot let him go. kevin is alive so long as kos-mos is not allowed to be. she expresses in their opening cutscene together that she doesn't want kos-mos to awaken from the virtual reality training sim they converse in because it would mean that she functionally could no longer be in denial about what kos-mos is - a weapon.

one of shion's core character conflicts in Ep. I is how confused, frustrated, and to some extent, scared of kos-mos' personhood she is (as well as how the kevin variable interferes with overcoming this). shion is someone who relies on control to navigate her relationships because of how deeply unpredictability frightens her; this is best exhibited when its revealed that she keeps realian self destruct codes despite believing in realian rights. she feels an inexplicable affection toward kos-mos and a desire to get closer to her, which runs in direct conflict with her desire to merely possess kos-mos as some kind of inert child-like figure. one of the reasons she freaks out after kos-mos kills virgil because it is the first time she is confronted with the reality that kos-mos is an autonomous force to be reckoned with, not her baby, and kevin is gone. repeatedly from that point, shion is given a choice: she can pursue kos-mos' absolute obedience at the expense of everything that she was created for and all of the lives she was meant to save, or she can learn to support kos-mos on her own terms, and embrace kos-mos as a genuine friend, confidant and partner at the expense of doing away with the inkling of attachment she has to kevin's ghost.

it comes to a head at the end of Ep.I where shion is given the choice to let kos-mos stay behind so everyone can escape albedo's ship- a scene that intentionally calls back to the ending of the first level where shion almost dies by refusing to pull out of the simulation. it's not 1:1 as that cutscene was intended to illustrate that yes, shion is depressed and suicidally devoted to kevin's vision, but in tandem with her character development, the contrast between shion in the beginning and the end of Ep. I is palpable: she wants to live, she has people she wants to protect, and by allowing kos-mos to stay behind, she is also starting to realizing that loving others means respecting and trusting them, even if being unable to secure the outcome of your relationship with them is scary.

space gay people slay