#genuinely mean it btw. i had so much anxiety over things

[localvoidcat]

still think it's funny that after about a year or so of stressing over labels and asking people for their opinions and trying to decide what percentages applied to me and all that, i got the most relief out of saying "well, fuck if i know, man"

[takendruid]

Apologies for all the ranting I’m about to do. This is the ramblings of an autistic guy who’s been overstimulated by being outside for like 10 hours, and also is running on 6 hours of sleep.

I want to draw Aimi (my oc) and Overhaul, but I’m so tired right now. It’s 10pm (almost 11 actually now, I’ve been writing this for over 30 minutes). I cannot draw them otherwise I will get sucked into drawing for 6 fucking hours.

This is my OC btw, just for quick context.

I want. To draw Aimi and Kai. After Kai and Lady Nagant are arrested. And Kai is so broken,, and has finally (maybe) been able to see his father, and also perhaps apologised in some form to Eri. The heroes know Aimi was close to Kai, and that she’s the only person that’s technically innocent but still kind of complicit in his crimes. But because she’s a sane person who denounced his abuse of a literal child, and left him because of it, (and also because he’s quirkless) the heroes are like “maybe. Maybe this woman can actually help him. Somewhat.”

So they bring Kai to Aimi, and he is a broken man. She is heartbroken by the state of him, and all she wants to do is help him (and hold him, but she doesn’t. She respects his boundaries). The heroes are like “being in prison, and also being physically disabled, kind of broke him? Mentally? So can we entrust you to take care of him and maybe rehabilitate him. He will be on house arrest, and there will be a hero on alert if he ever tries anything. But can we trust him to you?” And Aimi is like “yes. But also. Can I build him prosthetics?? He’s quirkless, so he’s essentially harmless (but stretching the definition)”.

Heroes say yes. She builds him prosthetics.

I just. I want to draw them together so bad.

I don’t know if anyone would care about this, but people seemed to really want to know more about her, and see more of her. I’m gonna draw them again soon. I just,, I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been out all day today, and got 6 hours of sleep.

They mean so much to me. I can’t.

He’s still like,, mad germophobe. And she also has OCD, so she gets it and doesn’t judge him at all for his anxiety over her house being a bit messy. Their anxiety rivals each other, just over different things entirely. But also,, she’s a mechanic, so it’s also kind of hard for her to keep her house entirely clean, because she’s always doing shit and accidentally leaving the house a mess. But Kai gets on her case about it because “it’s dirty” and “it could attract bugs”

Taken try not to project onto every brown-haired OC he ever has challenge: Impossible. (The OCD part, not the amputee part.)

Overhaul cares about her so much in my silly little head, and the reason he could care about her so much is because she’s quirkless and “isn’t infected with hero sickness”. Also because she supported his desire for a quirkless world until he decided to bring a child into the fray, and torture and abuse a child. A YOUNG child. Aimi, reasonably, disagreed with that (as shown above) and left the Shie Hassaikai. He was so goal-focused and tunnel visioned that he immediately dropped the one person he genuinely cared about besides Chrono and his dad, and didn’t realise the consequences of his actions until it was too late and she had gone from his life. But he decided it was fine and a necessary sacrifice in order to move forwards, especially since he had other people to help him. But he missed her so greatly, but never let anyone know. Chrono caught on, but never pushed. All that mattered to Overhaul was his goal of a quirkless world, and then he could have Aimi back, not realising she would have hated him because he had tortured a little girl in order to get there.

These two had meant to much to me years ago, but I ended up leaving them behind since 1) I never gave Aimi a proper design all those years ago, and 2) I fell out of my BNHA hyperfixation. But me and my now ex-friend ended up associating this song with them:

This song is so them, please believe me guys. I swear I’m not insane. Specifically, SPECIFICALLY, this song is from Kai’s perspective

LIKE LOOK AT IT THAT’S SO THEM I’m insane. And tired. God please help me. Someone tell me to go to bed. If anyone read all the way this far and actually cares about my insane ramblings, tell me to go to bed. I’m so tired. But I love Aimi and Kai. I love them so much. They mean so much to me. The fact people have been loving them on here and saying they want more content has reminded me how much these two mean to me. I just needed to scream about them, and maybe someone will care and read all this.

Fun fact, Aimi didn’t used to be an amputee! But she’s always been a mechanic. Like she literally had her own agency at one point (I used to RP with my ex-friend my BNHA OCs, that’s how I got so attached to them). Aimi and Kai also had a kid, but that’s so OOC for Kai, I could never now. It would be so funny if he’s not even asexual, for so many reasons I won’t explain but you guys probably get. He probably is asexual (and he’s probably aromantic as well. I’m not projecting, I swear. Look at that silly man), and also probably very sex repulsed. Now I am projecting, but FUCKING LOOK AT HIM /ref.

Kai and Aimi would kiss on the lips and the lips only. That (autistic) OCD sex-repulsed asexual man would hurl at the thought of tongue being included. Me too, buddy. But also it would probably take a very long time for Kai to get to a point where he’s okay with even kissing on the lips.

Oh my god projecting onto this silly man has somehow helped me mentally disconnect him from my abuser somewhat. Accidental maybe trauma dump time? He looks like my abuser, so that’s mainly why I just abandoned Aimi. Because him looking like my abuser won out over me just loving him because of his character. But me going “yeah he’s autistic. He has OCD. He’s also asexual sex-repulsed, and probably aromantic too but let’s not talk about that” has helped. YAY healing!! It’s funny because my projection here isn’t just me being like “I love you, let me make you like me” my HCs are based on actual source material. I personally don’t fuck with characters being OOC, I like my HCs to be in-character. But that’s just a me thing :3

I need. To shut up now. It’s actually 11pm. But anyway. I’m gonna draw Aimi and Kai soon. Thank you to anyone (if anyone) who read this, reading the insane (not actually. I’m not insane, I’m just autistic and silly and tired) ramblings of me. I’m gonna make a Kaimi playlist because I love them. I’ll probably post it.

[wileys-russo]

hello :) had some more thoughts about blink of an eye (this one is mostly about part 2)

i remember the first time I read this fic; i was super intrigued by the fact that you didn’t mention much about posie in part 1 so the ending for part 1 built a lot of anticipation and questions.

which is why i loved how this fic starts with posie and the reader, it explores their personalities and backstory and establishes their relationship (which btw is very cute, many hugs for posie)

reader carrying posie by her ankles is giving that chris hemsworth meme at the beach

the wedding video is so cute and sweet. i can imagine looking back at old home videos and feeling all warm and fuzzy.

If posie has seen the video multiple times and Ale was there at the wedding as the reader’s date, does that mean posie vaguely recognizes her? theories are theorizing

Hehe alexia’s introduction makes her sound like a mystery movie character, one second, she’s looking over, hiding behind a baseball cap and sunglassess and the next second shes gone, vanished into thin air (dun dun)

aah I think alexia’s anxiety/anger/overemotional reaction sums up her feelings for the main character. i like the way you’ve laid out her thought process and rambling it conveys a lot about her feelings for the reader and the present situation. her interaction with alba and eli is also good insight into their thoughts about the failed proposal

this reaction is very on-brand for the way alexia was setup in part 1. She just rushes into things without much thought, it’s a double-edged sword, it can be a good thing, but it also can backfire from time to time. for example, it didn’t seem like it took a lot of convincing for alexia to seek out the main character, and in part 1 she didn’t think much about the main character’s reaction to the ring before diving in head-first with her proposal.

lets goo Eli supremacy!!!1!!!!! would 100% react the same was as alba did if it were my sister. more snarky/shady alba pls.

I like how you shift POVs to give more and more context to the story, a from the reader’s pov then a bit from Alexia’s pov too. its not an overload of information, it is spaced out and cushioned (I appreciate this because my adhd brain tends to read over long expositions)

more posie and main character plss!! She just seems so chaotic and sweet, I can see her being a menace (in an endearing way)

---

thank you for working super hard on part 4 💪💪💪 appreciate it! Its not always easy to write stuff even when you know what to write... theres still a lot of effort that goes into it (clearly). as always i hope you well and have a good day

AHH NONNY, i apologise it’s taken me days to respond to this but i’m genuinely speechless when people give me such detailed intricate feedback on what they enjoy about my stories!

it gives me butterflies and i apologise if anyone ever sends me a lovely ask i do see and appreciate them all, im just really bad at accepting compliments and i never want it to seem insincere if im just responding to them all with thank you and i overthink it 🥲

that was the idea! i wanted the first part to really delve into the background of just r and ale’s relationship to set it up for how intense the fallout after the failed proposal was for both of them, and then to have that flow into exploring what it was like after that fallout and how they’re both still connected without being technically connected, from both their POV’s in the next bit

the theories are theorising and i won’t confirm or deny but i do love hearing them 🙂‍↕️

alexia has always been a very rationale person on the football pitch but then off of it she really just can’t help but go forth from her heart and not her head, and let the immense wave of emotions associated with r overtake that more calculated and thought out approach she would normally take toward a problem

i love being able to add more detail and depth to all of the personalities of posie and r as we go on, and there’s definitely more of that + the two different POV’s in part 4 which i’ve been working on!!!

thank you AGAIN for such endearing and in depth feedback 🥹

[nymphfette]

btw- I’ve been doing better with my health 💖 autoimmune issues/thyroid issues and pcos all made extremely worse by stress- ptsd and also the other way around. Just a vicious cycle I was in. Still am in but have made a lot of progress since I was first dealing with absolute daily hell that started about a year or so ago.

Oh and I was also diagnosed with agoraphobia. Ive had PTSD for a few years now but the recent health issues obviously made it worse and so I developed agoraphobia :))))) it got so bad, I would barely leave my house (my safe safe) for longer than an HOUR at time, once a day. Couldn’t be on a car ride for longer than 10 minutes without freaking out, hyperventilating, heart beating out of my chest, sweating my ass off and sometimes puking my guts out. I was terrified to get in a car and if I had to go somewhere that I knew was a long car ride (10 mins or more) id have such a hard time. And there were times were I’d be doing alright on a longer ride, like 30 mins and I’d think I was like 20 mins in and there was only 10 more minutes I had to go and I’d look at google maps and see there was 15 minutes instead of 10 minutes…..I’d genuinely lose it. Over 5 extra minutes. Genuinely freak out. It was hell. It was no way to live.

I still am struggling with it but I’ve been trying really hard to get better. Health wise- I have a lot of it under control. I barely have flare up attacks anymore. My hypothyroidism is in check. My pcos symptoms are still a bit haywire but I’m working on that, the priority was the autoimmune and thyroid and the just constant inflammation all over. Everywhere. My wbc is only about 1000 over normal right now which is Iike nothing compared to what it was and is a huge improvement. Medications and supplements I’m on have been a big help along with the autoimmune protocol diet- it’s a VERY strict diet and I did it for a few months and once it helped get things in check, I was able to slowly introduce a more “normal” diet into my life but still keeping away from gluten and added sugars, too much starch and too much dairy.

So yeah my health health has gotten a lot better and I’ll continue to work on it keep it that way. My mental health is better as well- like, now I can go out for like 3 hours a day without losing my mind and can do like 30 minute car rides before I start to have bad panic attacks and agoraphobia attacks. I know that still sounds bad but compared to what it was…… barely could do 10 mins…. 5 mins being the preferred… it’s a huge improvement. Still have bad PTSD/Agoraphobia attacks here and there and My autistic burnout and sensory issues and then like general anxiety is still very high but again, it has been improved and I’m continuing to work on it.

I’ve been given the okay to go back to work but work from home job like I’ve done before. I can’t work outside my home right now without putting all the exposure therapy and DBT and work and etc etc at risk, I’m not ready for that yet, and I agree with my dr. That will come in time.

SO, the past month I’ve been looking for remote/work from home positions and man, I’ve been having a rough time, and before had health issues and stuff and was off work and stuff a year or so ago, I had lots and lots of experience and my resume for the telehealth and benefits customer support field is great. I know I’m a great candidate, have great references and I never ever had an issue finding a job before, let alone getting an interview. I know the past few months I’ve been hearing ppl in my country Canada especially talk about how hard it is to get a job right now and man, they weren’t kidding were they?

It sucks I have a limit on what I can do right now…..and I really want to get back to work not only to help myself and get back into a normal life and routine but also bc financially, the income I receive through disability literally covers my BASE BASE BASE needs and that’s it, and I mean that’s fucking it. Of course im thankful I have that bc when I was waiting for it when I first got really sick, that was not easy. That was hell but it would be nice to have a LITTLE bit of pocket money to be able to buy a couple things for myself now and then, you know? I can’t even get my skincare products for my skincare routine I’ve had for years and years anymore :((( & they weren’t crazy expensive products lmao. All of the products in the routine probably totalled like hmm MAX $80 and I’d only need to replace them like every 3 months??? So yeah lol. & also, it’s fall now and I need a new fall coat and I can’t even go to the thrift store and get like a $30 peacoat (which is what I want lol- I love my peacoats) SO YEAH, I WANT A JOB AGAIN!!! & working in the contact center field for telehealth or benefits, was a decent job. Perfectly suited to my needs and even more so now, so yeah- I hope I’ll be hearing back from someone soon!!!

[frecklystars]

Aww, GAD anon 🥺🥺 I want to selfishly keep your message in my inbox to look back on again, but I want to let you know here that I did read it and I appreciate every word you wrote.

I'm so glad my own message back to you could make you feel better. I do mean it, I am spiritually here with you and supporting you and holding your hand through every single hard thing. Like I said, if you're struggling to sleep because you're anxious, chances are I am definitely awake at the same time as you. 2am, 4am, 7am, hell even 10am, I am most likely still awake. I go many days without sleeping bc, y'know, anxiety lol. or any of the other things you mentioned you struggle with, I struggle with too, you are not alone in those things at all. You can always think to yourself "well hey right now this task is really hard, but at least Keri is also dealing with this right now and she is so proud of me for trying!" because I am! so proud, that is -- of you! for trying! bc I know it is hard as fuck to push yourself to do literally Anything when your brain makes you feel consumed by panic 24/7. you are so strong and I believe you can do this!!!! one day we are both gonna be able to sleep more and eat more and relax more and just, exist without the little monsters in our head feeding on our fear. i got you. we got this 💪✨

And all the things you said about Barbie and Ken ;-; wow. Thank you so much. I really, really, REALLY needed to read that... 😭😭😭 That helped me feel a bit more comforted after... everything that's been happening. I had a really, really heavy trigger hit me recently, and it got to the point where today I woke up and Everything That Has Ever Traumatized Me was the first and only thing in my head, and it just stuck in my brain, wouldn't go away. I was having a reeeeally difficult day bc of it, but then I read your message when it was slow at work, and I started to relax, I just kept reading it over and over and over again and finally I wasn't as shaky, I was starting to get more control of myself ;-; It helps when someone is telling me "hey, logically, here is why your F/Os would not harm you" and yours made me laugh too. You were absolutely 100% correct and the way you phrased it was so funny. Especially what you said about Ken... that was hilarious, made me smile when I was having such a rough day.

And I also appreciate you phrasing it as "hey btw your F/Os are normal people who love in a normal way. whoever is claiming to love you in a way that is harming you is... literally Not Normal. most people are not Like That." and I literally sat there staring out into space for a few long seconds and muttering to myself "my god, they're right. it's literally... not fucking normal for people to behave like the way I have been treated." and tbh that made me feel so much better. My F/Os ARE normal!!! I mean yes some of them are evil wicked murderers or silly silly villains who try to take over the world or they like to set things on fire -- but they're, like... not manipulators who are endlessly dedicated to the bit! and it genuinely helps me SO MUCH when somebody tells me "hey your F/Os would not hurt you, and here are the logical reasons why." I always appreciate when people say "hey they won't hurt you :)" but it doesn't really "click" with me or calm me down as efficiently, because my brain will constantly be asking "yes they SAID they wouldn't hurt me, but... what if they still would ;-;" like I literally just get consumed with what-ifs. but ppl saying "no actually here's some ACTUAL REASONS why these characters would be gentle with you, and how hurting you is out of character for them, here's EXAMPLES" - that does wonders for me, dude.

So!!!! Thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a nice message for me to look back on. And hey, if you ever need to vent about anything, please feel free, my inbox is always open. Sending you lots of hugs and little stars to wish you a good night (or day depending on your timezone)!! 🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨

[rabbitenn]

MATCHUP FOR @al-is-my-pal

hello, hun, and thank you very much for requesting ! your info is super detailed, so thank you for that too, it helped me determine your best match <3 (you seem like a v cool person btw !)

anyway, i really hope this is to your liking and i apologize that it took me a while to be able to get to it !

your idolish7 match is someone who encompasses the bubbly side you show when you’re with your loved ones. similarly to you, he really is a people’s person, wanting to know more about his friends and become closer to them. he is a romantic at heart, and he’s not shy to show it, which means he, like you, often expresses the beauty he finds in the mundane. he is someone who knows what it feels like growing up with not many close friends too, thus he loves fiercely and kindly.

so? do you already have an idea of who i’m talking about? hehe ~ come along, friend, he seems to have a confession to make…

♡ ROKUYA NAGI

Okay, so, I do genuinely believe Nagi is a really good match for you. You mention you struggle with social anxiety and your confidence, and honestly? There’s few people better than Nagi at making others feel appreciated and confident about themselves.

Don’t be fooled by his flashy exterior, because Nagi definitely understands emotions deeply. So when you’re overthinking and mulling things over, he notices right away. With a gentle tone, it is not uncommon for him to take your hands in his, deep sapphire eyes full of reassurance as he prompts you to lean on him.

Nagi also would be amazing at helping you get out of your shell more. His charm is truly magnetic, making you feel like you’re stepping into a magical world every time he encourages you to go out with him to try something new. How could you ever say no to his alluring winks, huh?

In terms of hobbies and interests, you two are pretty similar as well.

And isn’t it nice, to spend the evenings cuddled together, watching anime, while you work on your drawings and his arms are wrapped around you?

—

To anyone else, the bright and sparkly pinks of his room might come off as gaudy.

To you, however, they meant peace. A warm kind of calmness, where worries tended to melt away.

Your boyfriend’s tv is on, the ads previous to the show you await, nothing but white noise as your back rests against his chest.

Tablet in hand, you keep adding new shades to your masterpiece, roses and golds merging beautifully, an interlude of spring and summer on your fingertips.

Nagi’s chin rests on your shoulder, his arms circling your waist comfortably, sky hued gaze mesmerized by the movements of your pen.

“Is that Cocona, my girl?” He asks, tender smile on his lips.

You chuckle, hand still expertly adding color to your artwork.

“You always catch on quick when it comes to Cocona, don’t you?” You tease, tilting your face slightly to meet his gaze.

For a few seconds, you feel as if you had been put under his spell. You had always found him unarguably stunning, but something about seeing your boyfriend so at ease right now causes a million golden butterflies to spread their wings in your stomach, a comforting caress to your heart, as they flutter warmly.

You don’t know if he reminds you of distant gilded stars upon snowy skies or of the summer sun sometimes, but you’re completely entranced by his princely features as he smiles.

His lashes flutter closed for an instant, then:

“Well, she is my second favorite, after all.” He says, a knowing glint in his eyes.

You raise an eyebrow.

“Your second favorite? Nagi?” You let out a laugh. “Since when isn’t Cocona your number one?” You question, disbelieving, as you set your drawing supplies aside. “Has a new anime character stolen her spotlight?” You gasp, eager to know who your boyfriend’s talking about.

“Hmm… I wouldn’t say they’re from an anime, though I would certainly watch it if that were the case.” He smiles, expression soft.

“Then who is it? You’ve gotta tell me!” You beg of him, tugging on his sleeve, as you stand on your knees over the couch, excited.

He gives you one of his charismatic smiles, and you swear right now, no portrait you or anyone could ever paint would do Nagi justice.

“I’m looking at her right now.” Your lover announces, leaning a little forward.

Intently, you glance around his room, trying to discern which one of his non-Cocona figurines could be his most beloved.

However, an airy chuckle interrupts your actions.

“My dear, you won’t find her unless you look in a mirror.” The charming idol playfully says, tone brimming with affection, as his slender fingers cradle your cheek.

“Oh.” You breathe out. Heat rises to your cheeks, your chest, though it is not unwelcome.

He smiles sweetly, thumb tracing small circles over your cheekbone.

“That’s right, my darling.” He holds your chin in between his fingers, guiding your gaze to his, as if you weren’t already completely under the Northmarean prince’s charms. “You’re my favorite, always.”

Then, he leans in, hands cupping your face, taking you by surprise at first. A few moments pass, with his lips on yours, as you kiss him back. And even though this isn’t the first time, there was always something that felt like discovering a wrapped gift every time you kissed him.

Sweet and playful, tender, yet brimming with passion; to kiss Rokuya Nagi feels like making a wish upon the northern lights; so magical, laced in mystery despite all the brightness, luring you deeper into the firmament of all the love he holds for you.

By the time Cocona’s opening song starts playing on the tv, your lover’s lips are still on yours.

You have a few more instants, you both know that song by heart, after all.

—

You mention you have a soft and gentle energy, which, to be honest, matches Nagi’s quite well. Yes, he is extroverted, incredibly charming and has a flair for the dramatic, but he loves his friends (and especially you) more than anyone else. He’s always there for everyone, managing to shine a little light when they’re feeling down. That, of course, includes you. But in turn, your kind and considered nature would make him see that someone is really there for him in times of need. By your side, he feels like he can let himself speak about what’s burdening his mind.

In the matter of your more bubbly and silly side that you show when you’re with close friends, Nagi would really be the perfect person to make you embrace it more. He can be very silly himself sometimes (affectionate), so in the moments you’re together, it’s not rare for you to let yourself be more free.

Your willingness to listen to people and learn about them pairs well with Nagi’s demeanor as well. We all know he adores anime and will talk about it with anyone who is okay with listening. So, having chats about his favorites with you, where you’re actually listening to everything he rambles about means the world to him. The sparkles in his gaze and the grin on his lips truly are precious.

In terms of more hobbies of yours, you two have more than just your love for anime in common.

Your love for music and singing is something he shares too, and he’ll be so, so happy to sing songs with you! And if you teach him how to play cello? He falls in love with you even more, if that was possible.

He’d find it so endearing how you love stuffed animals as well, plus he’s totally into the princess, angelcore and soft aesthetics you like!

Also, I can definitely picture you too having tea and some sweet treats while you game together or watch anime.

Regarding what you look for in a s/o, Nagi pretty much meets all the requirements. He’s kindhearted, will listen to you, always, both to the good things and the bad ones; his bright demeanor is enough to make you feel warm, as if things will turn out for the better, the reassuring affectionate words he speaks, making you feel safe every time.

Focusing on your mbti type now, Nagi is an enfp, which can help you (isfj) to develop your creative, dreamy side more. In turn, you, as an isfj, could help him prioritize work when he has to (and sleep, because if you let him, he’d spend the night watching Magical Cocona /lh but /srs).

As a 9w1 enneagram, you’re hardworking and modest, and while still friendly, you know how to be serious when needed, which pairs well with 7w6 (Nagi’s enneagram type) more enthusiastic and adventurous nature (and it goes both ways, you both complement each other).

You, as a libra, are more reflexive, considering various sides and outcomes before acting, whereas gemini (Nagi’s sign) are good conversationalists, smart and with a bit of a dual nature. Both yours and his characteristics make for a pretty solid pairing.

Summing it up, you and Nagi would make a very sweet couple, in my opinion. Both your personalities would get along well together, additionally to him being what you say look for in a partner.

♡ RUNNER UP: IZUMI MITSUKI

Like with Nagi, Mitsuki fits everything you look for in a lover; he undoubtedly has a kind heart, and who wouldn’t feel comfortable next to a sunshine like him? He’s excitable and energetic, without it being overwhelming.

Mitsuki is another great candidate to help you get out of your comfort zone more too. He has a knack for encouraging others, so you feel at easy when you do something new and he’s by your side.

There are moments, however, when he can feel like he’s not enough, and it’s in these instances when he has you to lean on. You try to always be there for others, doing your best to make them happy. And the truth is Mitsuki’s smile is worth everything when he looks at you with tender eyes.

Mitsuki loves idols, especially zero, and since you’re studying music and are into singing, I can easily imagine you two doing karaoke or singing some of zero’s songs (since Mistu is a fan).

He finds your quiet passion and ability to see the beauty in everything very endearing and adorable. He’s so cute when he gets lost in you with a lovestruck smile hehe.

[hardtchill]

For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.

[evakuality]

Matteo - episode ten

This episode!  Honestly it gives me warm fuzzy feelings throughout and I think that’s why even though I have a couple of issues with some of the previous episodes that I just genuinely do love this season so much.  This episode does such a lovely job of bringing everything together and wrapping everything up - though I am left as always wanting more.  So it’s a good thing that we got the Abi special so soon after :D 

Clip one - first I have to say how frustrating the way this is shot is.  There are so many lovely parts that would have made great screenshots if they hadn’t been so blurry.  The one I did is still blurry but I insisted on at least one per clip soooooo there had to be one.  

Anyway.  This clip!!!  I just have a lot of feelings about this clip.  After all the angst and the stress and the misunderstandings and the tension it’s just so incredibly wonderful to see them finally able to connect with no secrets or anything between them.  And the fact that Druck chose to move this moment to this episode is testament, I think, to how well they understood these characters.  Not only would it not have been in character for David to do this earlier, it also wouldn’t have been right for Matteo.  He’s been shown to be disengaged and isolated even from his own life for the whole season (more tbh when we look at him in previous seasons too) and he was just never really ready before now.  And btw, I think that’s why Sara’s ‘you wouldn’t have sex with me so you’re obviously gay’ thing bothers me so much.  People can be not ready for sex and not wanting to be pressured into it doesn’t make you gay!  But anyway, I like this moment and I like that they are so hesitant and gentle with each other.  It takes so long to build up to it from the fairly frantic parts before they get to the bedroom to the recognition, I think, that this is a big deal and that they can and should go slow once they get inside.  It just all feels so perfectly right for these characters.  And then the admission that they’re nervous (and excited apparently) and yet they’re still in the moment together and willing to work through it together.  In a lot of media at this point they would stop (which is a valid choice, don’t get me wrong) and I love that this scene acknowledges that you can be worried and nervous and it’s okay.  If you stay in the moment together then being nervous is okay and it can be part of the experience for you and you can figure out what you want together.  It’s just a really lovely moment and I love that they got to experience this in this way at this point.  The fact that there’s nothing hidden between them really makes it something special imo.  Not to say that other versions where it all happens at a different time and in a different way are wrong at all, but I just go back to how this is the right time and the right way for both of these characters and I love that.

Clip two - I could probably have written an entire essay on just this clip, I love it so much.  I love that it’s so long and this conversation is allowed so much time to breathe.  And that then we get such a lovely moment with Laura as well.  But let’s look at specifics, shall we?  It means so much that Matteo says that ‘everything’ is good after they’ve had a light, silly, teasing moment.  We see this side of him a lot particularly as s4 progresses but it’s not a side we’ve been allowed to see much in his own season.  But this is who he is or wants to be.  When he’s truly happy he’s being a brat to those he loves, and it’s so wonderful that after all the stress and the worry and the anxiety and the fear and anger etc that he’s been dealing with over the last few weeks, that he can now be his authentic self and be hugged and kissed and loved by someone as he is.  In some ways I think wanting to be accepted for their own authentic self is at the core of both of these boys and so it’s beautiful to see them both getting exactly that in this conversation.  Which of course brings us to the way they discuss David’s transition and his experiences and wishes.  I honestly don’t have the words to explain how much I feel for this section of this clip.  I love that David is comfortable, that he gets to talk about this with someone who does love him as he is.  I love that Matteo has clearly been researching but no big deal is made of it.  I love that we’re allowed to still see the traces of David’s fears and anxieties around this.  I love that he's allowed to be shown feeling something like yearning as he examines Matteo’s body.  I love that he relaxes when he’s told he’s good the way he is.  I love that his experience feels real and authentic.  So most of all I love that he’s played by someone who knows and understands how this would feel for a character like this and is able to be so authentic in his acting.  I am, as always, astonished by how well they managed to cast so many of these roles.  There are things I think could have been done better with the trans storyline, but all in all I’m glad that we got to have the scenes we did between these two when they get to discuss it together.  I just love this whole scene and the acting and the meaning.  And then as if we haven’t already been made all squishy and cosy already, then we get Laura added.  Wonderful Laura who treats Matteo like he’s meant to be there, who has already made breakfast for him and who is loving but firm with her brother.  To be honest, what this part taught me is that we were robbed of more Laura stuff because she’s such a beautiful character and it would have wonderful to see more of her both with David and with the other characters.  And then, as if that wasn’t enough, we get boyfriends sharing clothes casually like it’s no big deal and they’ve been doing it forever.  And the casual leaning on each other.  Just... this whole clip would honestly have made the entire episode by itself but it’s surrounded by other wonderful clips as well.

Clip three - The boys!!  I love this group of kids together.  They just work as a unit and I love that.  I mean, I also love how easily the boy and girl squads blend together in this show but there is something beautiful about each of them as separate entities.  And this scene shows the boys in all their best chaotic glory.  First, I really do love how Matteo is allowed to stall be withdrawn and low energy in this scene.  He’s active and engaged in the conversation, takes pains to talk with the others etc so he’s not disengaged like he has been before.  But he’s also not the Matteo we often see, the one who’s energetic and being a little shit.  Even when David arrives he stays low, slumping all over his boyfriend etc.  I love that it shows your personality doesn’t have to change, you don’t have to stop being introverted etc just because your life is ‘happy’ - he’s still himself, but here he’s a happier version of himself.  And then David.  It’s lovely how the boys just welcome him in.  This is either their first meeting with him as Matteo’s official boyfriend or another very early one (and tbh his body tension etc suggests it is probably the first).  And yet the boys treat him as one of the group, bringing him into the conversation and being their usual stupid selves.  There’s a beautiful peace to the scene even as they range over a number of subjects and characters even feel sad or anxious at times.  It’s still got this really lovely welcoming vibe.  I’d like to say, almost as an aside, that Jonas’s song really is a bit melancholy and yet that’s kind of a good thing?  or at least appropriate.  I talked in the episode 9 part about how bittersweet finishing school can be and this song really fits that feeling.  So it’s ironic that Carlos is the one who most pushes back against it when he was the one who most felt the bittersweet way about the end of exams etc.  But maybe that’s why - he wants the anthem because he’s feeling the most vulnerable.  Also, I know everyone likes to laugh at Matteo and David being all ‘just communicate!!’ but a) they did!  That’s how they got together! and b) right now, they are some of the few people this group knows who have a relationship so perhaps maybe they have the rights of it!

Clip four - I love a supportive boyfriend <33333 The way Matteo tries to calm David by being an idiot on their way to the office and then the way he insists he wants to be there when David says he didn’t have to.  It’s all just so lovely.  For a relatively short moment this whole bit tell us so much about Matteo and how he shows his affection.  I know we’ve seen it before but I do love seeing it in action in such an obvious and determined way.  And the fact that he is supported in turn by the whole group is so precious.  By this point in the week it was starting to become very very bittersweet (there’s that feeling again) as a member of the audience as the season is coming to an end.  So it’s really nice to see everyone there at this time.  And of course, the story itself is coming to a close as well.  We wrap up David’s story (well basically) as we find out that he’s allowed to be graded correctly.  And Amira’s solidarity is precious to me - as another who would face discrimination I love that it’s she who refuses to move for the teacher.  I really do love her.  She’s got some similarities with Sana and yet she has a steel and a way of engaging with the world that is entirely her own.  I love that she got her own season but I’m sad at how parts of it were stolen from her.  I also love that Matteo is perfectly happy to kiss David in public.  I’ve always thought he’s been a more open Isak and more willing to accept and acknowledge his sexuality.  I don’t think that’s necessarily been the biggest issue in his path and I don’t know, this feels like it proves it in a way.  That’s a whole room full of people, including adults, who don’t necessarily know about this relationship and he just goes for it, no hesitation.  

Clip five and six - yeah so I see these as both parts of the same clip and so I’m discussing them together.  This is such a joyous part of the season.  It’s so nice to see them celebrating together and being so happy.  I will admit that in real time it was very overwhelming with all the social media etc but that was also really nice because it felt like such a loss to move away from these characters.  Thank goodness for the Abi special and Amira’s season and all the social media stuff in between.  That was such a fabulous time in the fandom.  But I digress.  As sad as it always makes me, this is such a lovely ending to the season.  That Matteo is able to be so free and open and happy among his friends and that he’s even able to say at the end that he doesn’t know what he wants to do but it’s ok because he’s happy right where he is.  I’m still bothered that we never got any closure on this, we never got to see him move past this.  Which is realistic I’m sure and yet I still want to know.  Other things I’ve thought/wondered about these clips: why is Hans there? Jonas/Anselm’s song is lovely and I always wanted to get a copy but never did.  I’d forgotten the weed stuff so having it come back like this was hilarious.  Red is my favourite colour so this whole part really vibes with me.  I really love the addition of ‘with you’ to the ‘life is now’ because Matteo was so alienated and isolated for so long that it’s nice to see him thinking that ‘with you’ is an integral part of his current contentment.

And that’s that.  I’m all emotional all over again now that I’ve done this so it’s probably good that I’m starting an anniversary rewatch again so soon!  And sometime soon I also want to revisit Amira’s season.  I’ve only watched it properly once so I’m pretty excited to see it again.  I really really miss my og Druck kids.

[mrsackermannx]

Thank you for your reply. You are really kind ily 🥹🥹

Pcos is really hard to deal with. It has fucked me up so bad. From facial hair to hyperpigmented private parts, it has given me everything. I'm so fucking insecure. It's hard not to be😭 I wanna look pretty. My doc gave me heavy meds I was nauseous the whole time I took the tablet. It was hell. Besides i had severse foodpipe ulcers. Now I'm off tablet. I'm just so much so worried about my hair only. I also had to have dandruff!!! Just my life ugh. I had hair down upto my knees. I had to cut it short as it got tangled all the time and it made extra hairloss. Im jsut 18. Haven't even joined university yet. Other girls are pretty ugh. Sorry I jsut ranted. I'm tempted to just shave my head at times. I cry every night lmao.

It is kinda good to know that I'm not alone (although I hope none of us have to grow through this) and thanks for the "don't"s 🫶🫶

Do you have any scalp washing tips btw?

If I touch my head, there's no hair..it's just touching my scalp directly lol bald me

BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF COURSE! I never want my pcos girlies to feel silenced???����😚 first of all….Oh the facial hair has been kicking my ass since i was 15 and im 21 girl 😭😭 but i will say, at 19-20 it peaked for me, i hit rock bottom and i do think that the external stress of uni pushed it but i also thing it’s a genuine like canon event for us pcos girlies, i truly believe that until ur pcos really gets you down, you can’t rise up from it. i was the biggest id ever been, lost all my hair, facial hair was insane!!

i mean this in the best way, because I’ve been there girl, i still am there, i get laser on my face and neck, i wash my hair and like it gives me anxiety just washing my hair and seeing the loss, feeling the loss of density, like you i had hair down my back my whole life and i cut it over a year ago and now it has grown back thicker at least bc mine was all straggly at the worst point😭 i KNOW your pain.

BUT everybody always told me that the older i get it will level out and trust me it does!! and it did. im 21 and things have settled, we can only go through this process. i promise you, it gets better. my hair is still thinner but it shines and i put love into it!! i oil my scalp every time i wash it, I’ve been doing it for 8 months religiously.

and girl you are pretty!! i used to read the r/pcos thread a lot bc it made me feel less alone and like, i saw a post once venting about how hard it is having so much maintenance, to wake up and have to shave your face, to be conscious, to have to cover hair loss. that constant weight of having to get up and do all these steps that you feel other women don’t. i know the frustration, i have bumps and marks and body hair that makes me sob if I don’t shave it and then I look down in the shower and it hits me. but it’s also okay to pay for the things like laser or waxing, or learning how to wax etc, we have to manage in any way, we are allowed to prioritise and do things that make us feel beautiful bc we deserve it. we have to adapt rather than hoping it might just disappear, and we have to accept it🥺🩷

but diet is huge!! at least try and have a protein heavy breakfast!! 30g of protein is such an important aim, I promise that makes such a difference. definitely try not to have a lot of sugar in the morning. i only drink water or spearmint tea. matcha tea can be good bc it’s better then coffee, but I never drink caffeine because it’s so bad for us pcos girls especially on an empty stomach!! try and eat good fats!! and also integrating exercise!! and also MANAGE STRESS BABE I MEAN IT

but you are still beautiful, effortlessly and with your ways of coping. there is nothing wrong with us!! don’t be sorry for ranting at all, i also wanted to shave my head at the height of my weight loss i had a huge bald spot and it’s still kinda there 😭 i know this shit is REAL

but definitely check in with a doctor if you can get any advice/meds that could help, maybe a birth control pill could help you but again I don’t recommend that due to my own experiences bc it gave me severe acne, migraines and other things but tbf my hair was lucious😜, pcos is a lot of trial and error and seeing what might work for you.

as far as tips go!! look into Indian/arab/ayuverdic routines on TikTok/youtube!!! look up ways to massage your scalp!!!

here are my fave creators !!

@golabbeauty on tiktok for hair loss, hair oiling, diet, she has pcos herself!

@zoeantonia_ tiktok + instagram!! pcos positivity for facial hair, bloating, skin!! she also gives great diet and workout advice and she’s amazing!!

@mila.magnani on tiktok! pcos creator amazing!!!!!!

but i want you to know that you don’t have to start everything now, that you can eat something one creator says not to!! you will find your rhythm with this! steal, twist, tailor everything you hear and see creators doing !! whether it’s making your own mixture of oils for oiling or making some kind of nightly mock tail for your hormones you’ve found!! either way i believe in you and im always here <3333 educate yourself but don’t overwhelm yourself! time is your biggest ally, my heart goes out to you angel <3

[lalalian]

let’s talk students: aethergarde dr (dragon rider school dr)

date: july 21, 2024

In the last poll, Asterias Lancaster is winning by a lot! Let's talk about him today!

pronunciation:

Asterias: (Ass-teer-ee-as)

Lancaster: (Lan-cas-ter)

appearance:

Asterias has long white hair that goes down to his waist. His hair is unique because it's slightly blue; this trait made his family (including like his uncles, aunts, and grandparents) want him to become the heir of the family. More about this later!

His skin is paler than his younger brother's skin (Callisto Lancaster), and he has a sharp gaze. Like his brother, his eyes are a very light shade of blue. Asterias is also known for his height, as he stands at 6'4" at just 15 years old.

Many describe him to have an almost melancholic-like charm, he's the kind of guy that looks like he is always thinking of some sort of artsy... peculiar... idk like... academic... issue. Asterias' scent changes every so often, but when you shift here, his favorite perfume makes him smell like lavender and honey. He has a mole on his chest (like rafayel from love n deepspace.. hehe). Asterias has a sleeper build, so when he's relaxed, his figure is lithe and elegant.

He's one of those guys who has those really elegant, slightly red, slender hands.

Okay like I know these two pics give off a completely diff vibe, but like I genuinely can't choose between the two T-T Idk, I rlly think the 1st one fits his personality, but that second one dude omfgg🥵🥵🥵

In terms of style, he tends to prefer light colored colors. He often wears the typical male noble kind of clothing (in this DR it's considered typical) like suits. He sometimes wears long dresses; he usually likes to wear them to very very formal events (like anything involving visiting royalty). The dresses he wears usually look like something a cleric would wear or have military themes to them. He never wears super flashy dresses, they're all relatively minimalistic and aren't puffy at all; Asterias pretty much always wears boots.

personality:

Asterias is very cold, aloof, blunt, and kinda rude. Asterias only goes by Rias with people he's close to, unlike Miaene, he does actually have some friends despite his unsavory personality 😭😭😭

He's the kind of person that would ignore anyone who he isn't interested in talking to, but will actively (but subtly, he doesn't want to seem desperate) try to get closer to people he's itching to know (do be prepared to deal with this guy btw). I'm not even joking when I say that he will literally not even glance at you if you tried to speak to him (only if he doesn't want to get closer to you), the most he'll do is glare at you-- that is, if he did acknowledge you at all. With his friends he can be quite sarcastic, witty, and protective.

Asterias isn't a fan of being the center of attention... he's very introverted, and finds it draining to be mobbed by the many suitors who want to have a more defined relationship (if yk what i mean).

relationship and status:

Asterias has a very formal relationship with his parents. He sees them simply as his guardians, and doesn't feel much attachment towards them despite being the golden child of the family. He is very heavily favored by his entire family, including his grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The Lancaster family has always chosen the child with slightly light blue hair as the next heir, but a child hasn't had this trait in over 40 yrs. The entire family (besides for Callisto) puts a lot of pressure of Asterias to be the perfect heir; this has made him have quite the fear of his relatives, especially his grandparents. Asterias has social anxiety only at events where a lot of his family attends.

Despite Callisto's sour feelings surrounding his brother, Asterias, Asterias still feels that kinship between him and his younger brother. He will do things to make Callisto's life a little easier, like getting him a better weapon or restocking his supply of healing potions. He knows that Callisto doesn't like him (and the reasons why), but Asterias feels trapped within his own family. He doesn't know what to do to make the situation better, so he just goes along with the demands everyone makes of him.

Asterias' closest friend is Straus. Straus knows about his anxiety, and tries his best to help him out in any way he can, including buying him soothing tonics and making him calming perfumes.

likes and dislikes:

likes:

-doesn't want to admit it, but he's really into fashion

-tea making

-horse riding

-potion making, especially magic infused potions

-dishes with vegetables and fish

-straus' perfumes

dislikes:

-kids, he thinks they're too loud + not hygienic

-the phrases "wow you're so tall" "how did you get so tall?"

-he's not proud of his height, he thinks it's a little annoying to be so tall

-balls and banquets in general

-the burden of being an heir

-his relatives, especially his grandparents

aura:

Asterias' aura is classified as an informal marble. He's dual toned, and boasts an overall bright aura.

#73cbe6

#96ffea

dragon:

Asterias will bond to a white+silver female sky serpent, and will name her Yggdrasil (nickname would be Rassie).

strengths & weaknesses:

strengths:

-very impressive scythe skills

-lots of stamina because of his harsh training

-amazing swordsman

weaknesses:

-martial arts. He needs a weapon to fight.

-terrible with cooperation

fighting style:

Asterias fights with a scythe, but can also fight well with a sword. He prefers fighting with a scythe because he feels like he can fight the way he wants to fight. Asterias' sword is an heirloom only light blue haired heirs have fought with. Major setback for him is martial arts, he wouldn't survive a fight against Teagan LMAO

when you shift here..

Asterias will be a 2nd year at aethergarde academy once you shift here.

wanna know more about my aethergarde academy dr? here's a masterlist with everything I've posted about it!

[saramrisarang]

i read in a reply that people on twitter gave you a hard time over jungkook's song and i wanted to say that you're allowed to have your opinion (i agree with you btw) and that these twitter people often act like they are in a cult and i hope you can ignore them. who sends threats over an opinion on music?? they're insane. i hope you don't feel bad with yourself anymore. you can be an army and still dislike some of their songs, especially such drastically different from their group sound. i know i dislike quite a few and it's totally ok. i can dislike some things the members do and it doesn't mean i don't like bts come on. if you don't like something then you don't like it and people on twitter should keep their opinions to themselves. have a lovely day 🫂

Thank you so much for reaching out and saying this! It does make me feel better to know that there are quite a few people on Tumblr who have these similar opinions. And honestly I'm able to call myself army again because I had a serious moment yesterday where I thought I'd just have to shrivel up and pull away from the fandom because it seemed like everyone hated me and it was not a place where I felt safe or happy which is what BTS and army are to me. Luckily, getting on Tumblr has soothed those fears and anxieties away. I had a very long conversation with @monismochi as well and I've gotten to understand that Twitter really is not the best place to be able to have nuanced discussions sometimes because there is a cult mindset and people resort to death threats very easily without understanding that the person on the other side is also a human being. Instead Tumblr seems like a much more nicer place and there's a lot of discussions and art and quotes that I've been saving since I got back on here last night, I've been having a good time! Genuinely it's been so nice to meet army on here, there is so much love we share for BTS and it's also reassuring to not feel belittled or bullied for having a different opinion? Tumblr is more open to helping people learn rather than jumping on them and attacking them with hatred, so it's very nice. Once again, thank you so much for reaching out to me 🥺💜 You're really so sweet and it made my day to receive your message! I hope you have a great day army and more so an amazing year. I'm sending you good luck and hugs!

[pixelchills]

I’m aware this is kind of inappropriate but I love that Moon explains something as intimate as feeling he lost his virginity under poor circumstances and feeling regret over it and Sun’s response is ‘Do you want to borrow mine?’ I’m picturing Moon sitting there, tear stained and sniffling and trying to process what Sun just asked of him and Sun trying not to cry and trying to read Moon while also fully meaning it, which is a very sweet part of their relationship and makes it seem very genuine. They both seem willing to put effort into helping the other process their trauma as well as processing their own to become better people and I think that shows that their relationship will likely help them both grow, which is incredibly sweet.

But can we talk about how Moon apparently lost his virginity to a GIANT BEAVER?!

Lol, yeah, Sunny is trying his best to make Moon feel better XD

Personally, I do not think losing your V-card means that you 'lose' anything. Moon is still somewhat innocent and traumatised and thinks very narrowly about it. He is taking a big step here to overcome that 'I am no longer virgin I shouldn't have sex with you' -mindset.

Moon is soon to realise, that despite 'taking' Sun's virginity, Sun still remains the same: loving and innocent, and losing his V-card to Moon doesn't change him at all, but instead gives their relationship a lot. Things they can enjoy together, a different type of intimate closeness.

I kind of wanted to write their relationship to be very open and as healthy as the cirmustances allow. They talk through things, listen, and try to be there for each other. Something I don't see that often in fanfiction (or even in real life) tbh.

Their relationship is still somewhat very (too much, even) dependant on each other, as seen with Moon saying he 'only wants to be with Sun', and was clearly ready to just close off all the other Animutants in the plex and isolate himself with Sun only. And Sun is immediately in desparate need of Moon as soon as the first glimpses of anxiety hit in.

The healthiness of their relationship is also based on my own current long term relationship. (Today is our first wedding anniversary btw!) My partner is my best friend and we talk through absolutely everything so all problems are solved before they even arise. We've been together over 5 years, living together over 4, and have never had a singe fight about anything.

Also yes, Moon lost his virginity to a giant beaver 😭

[6okuto]

Hihihi !! Do you have any headcanons for felix being a parent? I’m having. Baby fever lol and I think he’d be a cute dilf LMAO

— felix as a dad

note from nia: my eyes r being opened right now i genuinely rushed to do this first. i don't even want kids but hellooo dilf felix what's up what are you doing tonight i am free and single btw. i'm giving this to you guys before the multiple angst reqs you sent in so you see what you Could Have Had. If you chose Happiness.

the amount of time it takes for him to feel ready because he's scared of mirroring escell. that's angst i will not get into but [bonk] he definitely brought up his anxieties with florian for comfort

he reads so many books on parenting. like there's a stack of them, pages noted down and highlighted because he doesn't want to mess this up (please tell him parenting is not a perfect method before he gets grey hairs early smh)

pregnant reader // at your beck and call even if you try to stop him. "felix i can do it myself" "no you can't. and even if you can that doesn't mean you should, you are pregnant" "yeah, i'm pregnant not useless" "don't care. sit down"

he cares about his kids. so much. he will do anything for them (and you) especially for the first few weeks where he'll be the first one up if he hears the baby crying

you need to take a picture of him asleep by the crib.

terrified of them hurting themselves because "they're so small, why are children so small?"

he reads bedtime stories to them

tells them about the starsworn and his epic adventures, a hero to astraea and his children </33

he does the little picking them up and zooming around thing to make them laugh and feel like they're flying

his kid's first word is something along the lines of 'dad'/'dada' and he sends you the most accomplished, awe-struck, nervous yet excited look he has ever had on his face

very fun dad. blanket forts and snowball fights and telling ghost stories with a loud "BOO!" at the end before he grabs and tickles them

but he's also still a menace

he's the dad who sneaks his kids treats while his partner is out, whispering and asking them to promise not to tell because they'll all get in trouble

pulls little pranks on them

pulls pranks on you with them and high-fives afterwards

you know the dad trope of them looking at their partner for their opinion. like "dad can i go out tonight' [cue felix looking at you to see if you agree]

they accidentally swear in front of him for the first time and he chokes a little before just. "🤨 really?"

would be so excited to share his hobbies with his kids once they're old enough. they ask about the taxidermied animals around the house and what he does and his eyes light up like Finally,

him. he. he does little magic tricks to make them laugh

if they (finally) ask to learn how to do magic he's,, slightly scared [cue scene of him setting things on fire]. but also very willing!! he teaches them simple spells at first until they get older

so so supportive of them and what they want to do. won't send them to a magic academy like himself if they don't want to

helps decorate their room however they want. will buy things he thinks might fit in there and even if he's a little off his kids appreciate the sentiment

he keeps all of the drawings and cards or crafts they make. they hand something to him and he's genuinely so happy like "oh?? what's this? i can't believe my kid is already a master at the arts," even though it's some stick men who vaguely resemble your family

probably ends up seeing his kids in the kitchen late at night and it ends up being a secret regular occurrence because neither of them should be up

scylla comes over (wine aunt?!) and tries to embarrass him by telling stories from when they were younger. "has your dad told you about the time when we were younger at the park and he—" "scylla, so help me,"

felix throwing a surprise birthday party for them . i am so sad. he tries to decorate the cake with you and gets so many presents

he wants to make sure they can fend for themselves but know that their dad is only a couple steps behind them if they need help

like yeah respond to our texts and get home at an acceptable time. but if you ever find yourself sneaking out at 2am and you need a ride home, he's going to pick you up and ask if you're alright rather than hound you (I'M SO SAD.)

if someone hurts them in any way he asks if they want him to pull a prank or do some magic. partially to lighten the mood, but also if they said yes..he would. in a heartbeat

he's there for any concert or performance, any competition, every graduation

if you have any of your own cultural celebrations (a debut, quincenera, etc.) he is 100% ready to take part and support it. doesn't want them to feel separated </3

loser (affectionate) cries when he realizes how grown up they are

[pomp-and-circumstance]

Episode 112.

Be still my heart. (AKA shit got real but first we’re going to talk about feelings.)

Jester checks in with Yasha about the death of Mollymauk and the revival of his body, which, in true Jester fashion, turns into her asking Yasha about Beau and her feelings. This was really interesting for me to watch because Jester witnessed Yasha tell everyone in the previous episode that the mirror “would be useful,” but once she insinuates they share a bed, without any kind of sexual vibe, Yasha turns into a flustered, stammering mess. Who better to gently lead Yasha through this than Jester herself, who immediately gets that there’s something deeper going on here than an interest in a one night thing. Her teasing playfulness turns into a beautiful kindness, and she gets to see, for the first time, the woman who fell in love once a long time ago.

There’s a lot of this that feels key for me here, and I haven’t had a lot of coffee this morning, but Imma try and get my thoughts in order anyway. 

Only two people in the Nein know the deep heartache Yasha suffers from losing Zuala: Caduceus and Jester. Jester watched the painful guilt slowly reveal itself from “you’re chosen a mate, but I fell in love with someone else” to “I don’t know where she’s buried, but I have so many flowers to bring her.” She’s watched Yasha suffer over and over again, but here she bears witness to something truly unique - Yasha overwhelmed with the butterflies in the stomach one gets when they really care. On top of all that, Yasha doesn’t know what to do, because of course she doesn’t know what to do. The only other relationship she had in her life had to be in secret. It’s kind of a wonder she’s admitting any of this to Jester in the first place, but that she’s doing so says a lot, and Jester doesn’t miss a moment of that. 

Enthusiastic Cheerleader Laura Bailey engages in some kind hearted teasing that basically oozes with it’s okay, Yasha, this is supposed to be fun energy. The two of them are suddenly teenagers at a sleepover talking about a crush and the best way to leave a note in their locker. “You don’t get nervous easily. If you’re getting flustered, that says something. Maybe I should leave.”

“No no! I don’t feel like I’m ready!”

“Okay! I’ll stay in the room!” (God bless you Jester, and your kindness.)

“... shit, I don’t know what to do!”

Watching Yasha discover that it’s okay to be vocal about these kinds of things is such an adventure. She’s so concerned with overstepping a boundary with Beau, but is too nervous to take a chance and see what that boundary even is, or if it even exists. (”I feel like I shouldn’t know this because it’s not from her, you know?... I just, she-she-she-she-she makes me so nervous.” This same woman tore the wings off Obann’s back.) Watching Jester try to hold back her excitement for her friends is like watching a hyperactive puppy run in the park for the first time. It’s such a complete disaster of a conversation that is so relatable and almost awkward to watch until Yasha opens up and becomes just that much more vulnerable.

“She makes me sweaty and, like, warm and fuzzy at the same time, and then I see her do things and them I’m just like, I want to--I want to kiss her so bad. And then that makes me feel kinda bad.”

I had to stop and think about this for a second because the first thing that came to mind was, of course, some kind of Dope Monk Shit Beau had done in the past that would make Yasha think this, but if she’s so adamant that her role is to protect, I don’t feel like she’d let something like that distract her in the heat of battle. (I may be proven wrong later, who knows, I’m mostly saying I don’t think she’d grab Beau in the middle of the BBEG fight and kiss her or anything.) What I immediately thought of after, though, was the previous episode when Beau was trying to line things out to the Nein about her theories regarding the Nine Eyes. There’s a moment where Beau is being praised, and Yasha with a bit of awe in her voice goes, “That’s a breakthrough.” It’s so simple and so easily missed in the moment. (I believe Beau immediately turns it around on her and says she deserves credit for a point she made, which Yasha immediately deflects and says she didn’t come up with nearly the amount of theories Beau did.) I think Yasha is holding far more than awe in that moment. I think that’s a peek into a moment she wishes she could have kissed her, shown some kind of affection, something, to show how proud she is of Beau.

So, at the end, when she says “that makes me feel kinda bad,” I don’t think she’s talking about a leftover something with Zuala - though maybe she is, and that’s valid, she’s always going to love Zuala and moving on with grief is painful and hard, even if you’ve told yourself it’s okay to - I think she genuinely doesn’t know what to do, and open affection with someone isn’t something she’s used to doing, but on top of that, I also wonder if it means she doesn’t want to be quiet with Beau, in the sense that she doesn’t want to hide how she feels. She doesn’t want another romance with secrecy, she wants to be able to love loudly, and she might have permission, so to speak, to do that, but that doesn’t mean she knows what to do with it.

Going back to Laura for a second - watching her in this conversation is so interesting because I think she caught Ashley totally unprepared for a conversation like this, which is why parts of it are so awkward and why they’re giggling throughout a portion of it. (I don’t think she did it maliciously, I think she’s being Jester and Jester would be this forthright and Ashley was just like “well shit, here we go!”) Jester is trying to be a wingman in the way only Jester can be, and when it’s clear Yasha’s anxiety comes from nerves, she drops this beautiful nugget that’s got a lot of Jester but a lot of Laura, too:

“Yasha, you can’t feel guilty for how you feel. If she makes you feel happy, that’s a wonderful thing. That’s so rare.”

Laura’s face gets me every time. She’s digging into a deep place here, and she’s doing it gently. Someone made you happy once before, Yasha. You know what this feels like. You have a chance to have it again.

“It is so rare.”

And with three sentences, the entire dynamic of the conversation changes.

Yasha suddenly takes charge of this thing and starts making suggestions to Jester, telling her she feels like she’s been given a lot of confidence, “maybe stay in the room so it doesn’t seem obvious, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight and I’ll figure it out.” Sure doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t know what to do to me. (I mean, it does, but you know what I'm saying.) Then, after being so nervous about knowing something she felt like she should have heard from Beau, Jester assures her “that’s not the vibe I got” and she runs with it. “It’s not? Ok ok.” She’s suddenly got some confidence in this tangle of nerves, but at least she’s going to make an attempt to do something about it.

(Marisha has a face here that kills me, btw, after Jester says Yasha should talk to Beau, and Yasha says yeah, it’s best to talk to the source:

“The source is waiting, babe, I got time.”)

Speaking of Marisha, her facial journey during this poem workshop is an experience best had on your own time. Screenshots can’t do it justice. I’m going to take one image and make it my phone’s background without any context, ‘cause “eyes so blue and hair so shorn on the sides” makes her lose her shit.

(Bonus Taliesin, who can’t even.)

What I didn’t realize, though, is how quickly Beau comes back into the room after this talk between Beau and Jester, which means Ashley has only moments to really push Yasha Nydoorin of Seven Charisma, and like the badass she is, she’s got it totally under control from the first flustered “Hello!”

Because understanding your feelings and coming to terms with them about someone else is one thing. Excecution, however... is something else entirely. And while playing a suave personality that can charm the socks off anyone is fun, going to that place where you stammer and talk too much and nothing makes sense is so much more endearing. It makes the little moments where you get things “right,” so to speak, so much more. And so much more to launch off of, as Yasha immediately caves back into that place when she realizes she reached out and touched the glitter on Beau’s face, oh shit, I don’t know what to do, umm, I’m tired I guess.

(Bonus Laura, who is so proud of Yasha for being bold and basically needs a Beauyasha membership card that reads 0001/2 at this point.)

But keep in mind, this flustered nonsense isn’t just from Yasha, it’s also from Beau, who, while a little tipsy, has zero liquid courage in this moment and is just as much a stammering mess as Yasha herself is. Even more noteable is when Yasha makes a joke about “schnuggling”... Beau is almost ready to take Yasha up on that offer. “I mean, I--” is Marisha’s exact quote before Yasha backpedals and says she’s kidding. (Yet another tiny example of Marisha letting Ashley take the lead, whether it was intentional or not.) Confident Beau who oozed with sexual prowess becoming an actual disaster under the flirtatious radar of Yasha is my favorite thing in the world. That was probably the longest space of time between waking and sleeping for either of them, and Jester got to bare witness to all of their growth in its beautiful, awkward, “oh god, just schnuggle already” glory.

Taliesin is the real MVP here, who said what I’ve been thinking every time I’ve watched highlights of this part, but didn’t know it actually happened until now, “I assume they all take a point of exhaustion because none of them sleep. Just lie there.”

Even Travis, Honorary Beauyasha Membership Card holder number 0001/2, is in on it.

I adore everything about this scene. We all need a little dash of disaster lesbians in our lives. It’s gonna be okay, you two. I promise.

[lotti-lyric]

Hi I just found your blog and I love it! Could I please have a romantic MHA male matchup?💕 (pronouns: she/her) I would be okay with any heroes / villians / students

I’m 22, I’m a Capricorn sun (cancer moon and libra rising) I have brown eyes and bright pink dyed hair - I love art like drawing and painting, art history, and baking!

I HATE bugs and I cry if one is ever near me lol. Other pet peeves: people walking really slow in front of me, people coughing in public without covering up

I’m very empathetic and always trying to lighten the mood and make people happy. I’m very chill and don’t have problems with anyone (unless they’re rude or mean to me or my friends) I can’t stand people who are rude ignorant. I’m super indecisive and need a lot of validation. A quirk someone gave me once was reality warping (kinda like the scarlet witch) and they said I would have like choatic / trickster type vibes (like loki) and that’s my dream quirk.

I’m b l i n d so always wearing my glasses haha also I love having a sense of humor. I also have anxiety and can be way too emotional sometimes. I’m an ENFP & also I love tie dye clothes, makeup, and everything pastel.

Sorry if this is way too much !!! thank you sm :)

charlotte’s interlude!!💗- AHHHH my first request!! hi love, tysm, it means the world!! i’m so glad you like my blog!! 💗😭 you sound like such a fun person oh my GOD!! all matchups and requests are open so feel free to send stuff in!! lots of love, thanks again!! 🌸🦋✨

warnings; food, swearing, anxiety mention, and bugs

i match you with…

Taishiro Toyomitsu (aka Fatgum!!)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

THIS SONG IS YALL ^^

SAID WHAT I SAID

oh my gosh so the first time you guys meet

talk about love at first SIGHT

he’s such a genuine and nice guy so he was LIVING for your empathy!! he saw you helping a stranger who had fallen over

first thing he noticed, def ur glasses!! HE THINKS THEYRE FUCKING ADORABLE OH MY GOD

once you guys are together bestie invest in some contacts bc he’s gonna be wearing those 90% of the time 💀

“Taishi, baby, I need those to SEE-“

“OH RIGHT IM SO SORRY BEAUTIFUL-“

before he even knows you very well, he’s already giving a lot of validation!! he’s always complimenting you on your makeup or your groovy asf tie dye fits!!

one of his biggest fears is that while using your quirk, you’ll get hurt or enter another reality altogether

he just wants to be with you 🥺

YALL GO TO THSOE POTTERY WHERE U PAINT THE LITTLE CERAMICS ALL THE TIME AND HES SO SHIT AT IT BUT DOZENS R ON THE SHELF OF UR APARTMENT

if it’s ok with you, he def appreciates your baking, especially for help with his quirk!! like it tastes fuckin fire and he needs to eat anyways!!

earned the title of the bug slayer!! they’re gone before you can even see them!! if you were to start crying, he would hold you and pet your hair (which he LOVES BTW), just understanding

“I know baby… it’s ok.. I won’t let anything get you!!”

he’s very very supportive and always makes sure you’re comfortable in every situation!!

he’s big on giving you hugs from behind and you guys definitely have “your song” together 🥺

[sleepysnk]

this wasn't requested, but it has been on my mind all night! i decided to give you guys some angst, this will he set in a modern high school au and Eren is the classic bad boy, while reader is the good girl. i'm not gonna share too much, but here ya go! i hope you guys enjoy, this will be manbun Eren btw!

Eren x Fem!Reader: You Don't Need Me

Warnings: angst, some mentions of violence (not to reader), police involvement

(Y/N) giggled as she got into the car with Eren. He was picking her up from her job at the cafe. 

"Hey.. thank you for the ride," she said and looked at him with a smile. 

Eren smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "No problem.. don't ever hesitate to message me when you need one," he said and began to drive the car. 

Eren and (Y/N) had been talking for a pretty long time, the girl who had a crush on the boy since junior year. Now as a senior, she finally got the opportunity to get to know him, with the help of her friend Armin who was friends with Eren. She never thought she would ever get this far in speaking or being this close with him. Eren was always so closed off. 

"You want anything to eat?" he asked and looked at her. 

She sighed. "Not really.. I gotta get home to study for this exam. It's crucial for me," she replied and leaned back in the seat. 

Eren nodded. "Exams are stupid, why let a score determine what you're gonna be in life?" he said, shrugging.

She laughed a bit and looked on her phone. "Easy for you to say, you never are in school," she said. 

He laughed. "Okay, that's true," he replied, glancing over at her.

(Y/N) was the perfect student. 4.0 GPA, was on the dance team, had multiple college scholarships offered, was in AP classes, and had an amazing report card. It was no overstatement to say she was set for greatness in life. 

Eren wasn't the best student. The boy never really was in school, he had bad grades, a bad temper, got into trouble with the law, fights, drugs once or twice, and has gotten suspended multiple times. There was almost a time where Eren got into so much trouble that he almost got expelled, thanks to Carla and Grisha, his parents, that didn't happen. 

Thing was, Eren never mentioned any of the bad to (Y/N). As far as the girl knew, Eren was just a simple lazy guy who didn't come to school. He kept her out of that shit, he felt like she didn't need to know. 

"Alright.. we're here" he said and put the car in park. 

(Y/N) gathered her things and looked at him. "Thank you for the ride, it means a lot" she said and smiled at him. 

Eren smiled. "No problem, I'll see you tomorrow? Text me" he replied and gave her a hug. 

She nodded. "See you later" she said and got out of his car. 

Eren waved as she got out, he waited for her to get inside and he drove off. He had to go do something for someone he knew, and he had to do it fast. 

His phone began to ring and he noticed it was the guy. "Hey.. I'm on my way" he said. 

The guy who's name was Porco, sighed. "Good.. you need to hurry your ass up, we have to get this shit in your car and out of here" he said. 

Eren nodded. "Okay, I'll be there soon" he replied and hung up. 

He drove about 15 minutes away and arrived at the place. He sent a text to Porco, and waited for someone to come out. Eren felt nervous, realizing it was now past curfew, cops would be crawling around. Especially at this time of night and where he was. 

He heard a knock on his window and saw a hooded figure, Eren got out and looked at the guy. Porco removed his hoodie. 

"Finally you got here, take it. Hide it and don't show anyone" he said and handed Eren a bag. 

The bag felt heavy and he felt the metal of the handgun through it. "You got it" he said and looked around. 

Porco nodded. "Alright man I believe in you, don't get caught" he said and tapped his arm. 

Eren got back into the car as Porco walked off, he began to drive back to his house. He had to hide this gun as quickly as possible, he heard his phone go off and he noticed (Y/N) texted him. The text made him smile, he knew how much she liked him, she was so cute. 

As Eren was texting back his worst fear was now facing him as the red and blue flashes appeared behind him. 

"Shit!" Eren yelled and looked around for a place to pull over. 

Eren's anxiety shot through the roof. He already had enough issues with the law, he shoved the gun under the passenger seat and hoped for the best. 

The officer knocked on the window. "License and registration please" he said. 

Eren rolled down the window and grabbed his license, he searched the glovebox for the registration and handed it to the officer. 

The officer looked at it. "Eren Jaeger huh? I remember you, you stole alcohol and I found you drinking" he said and laughed a bit. 

He rolled his eyes and shook his leg nervously. "I don't remember you very much" he replied and tried to seem cool. 

"I'm gonna go run your stuff, remain here" the officer said and walked away. 

Eren felt his heart beating in his ears, he wanted to get this over already. He wasn't even sure why he was pulled over, he wasn't even doing anything bad. 

The officer came back and handed him his stuff. "I pulled you over because you were speeding and you were texting and driving. Considering your record, I'm going to have to search the vehicle. You can refuse but-" the officer stopped when he looked in the car seeing a beer bottle. "Sir.. have you been drinking tonight?" he asked. 

Eren furrowed his brows. "No? I'm fine" he replied. 

"There's a beer bottle right there" he said and pointed at it.

Fuck. 

"Eren I'm going to have to ask you to please step out of the vehicle" the officer said and looked at him. 

He sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt. "It's not mine.. I don't know how it got there" he said as he got out. 

"I need backup" the officer said on his radio. "Wait right there on the curb" he added and pointed at the curb. 

Eren sat down on the curb and saw another cop car pull up, the two officers began talking and one of them came over to Eren. 

"Alright so we're going to search your vehicle, we have probable cause. Is there any kind of weapon in your vehicle we should be concerned about? This is when you should be honest" the officer asked. 

Eren looked up. "No.." he replied. 

The officers went to go search Eren's car, he felt anxiety going through him. He silently prayed that they wouldn't find the gun, he felt sick he wanted to throw up on the spot. 

"What do we have here?" the officer said and looked at Eren. He was holding the bag with the gun in it. "You're going to jail tonight," he added. 

Fuck. 

The next day (Y/N) didn't see Eren at school, she was a bit confused, maybe he was skipping again? 

She was sitting in class with her friend Sasha. "He hasn't texted me back at all" (Y/N) said and looked at her. 

Sasha shrugged. "Maybe he's asleep, Eren is always skipping. You know you could ask Mikasa or Armin, they usually know" she said. 

She sighed. "Armin told me he doesn't know anything apparently" she replied. 

Sasha put her hand onto her shoulder. "Just ask Mikasa" she said. 

The bell rang and students began to exit the classroom, (Y/N) made her way down the stairs and saw Mikasa standing with Armin. The two seemed to be talking about something, she just wanted to know where the hell Eren was. 

"Hey Mikasa… have you seen Eren?" (Y/N) asked and nodded. 

Mikasa looked at her and rolled her eyes. "I know where he is, he's so stupid! I'm surprised you're asking, considering you both are so close" she replied. 

(Y/N)'s brows furrowed. "Huh? What do you mean? Eren said he'd come to school" she said and sounded confused. 

The dark-haired girl looked at Armin. "You don't know?" he asked and nodded. 

(Y/N) seemed genuinely confused by what the two were saying. "No.. I don't, guys can you please just tell me?" she replied. 

Mikasa sighed. "Eren is in jail, he got caught with a gun last night. He's so stupid, this is his 3rd time in jail" she said and crossed her arms. 

She felt her body go weak and she dropped her phone to the floor. "He what? N-No.. stop messing around, that's not like Eren" she replied. 

Armin put his hand on her shoulder. "He didn't tell you? (Y/N), this is pretty normal. He always gets involved with the law" he said and looked at her. 

She picked up her phone. "Thanks guys, I'm gonna go.." she said and walked away from them. 

(Y/N) went to the bathroom and began to break down, what the hell was Eren doing with a gun? She never knew Eren had issues with the law, she always assumed he was just a guy who skipped school and had anger issues. Why would he lie to her? What else was he lying about? 

Things on Eren's end weren't better either. He was on bail at the moment, his bail was about $7000. His mom was pissed and so was his dad. Eren fucked up and he knew Porco wasn't going to be happy either, Eren snitched. 

The officer approached the holding cell. "Good news, you just got bailed out" he said and began to unlock the doors. 

Eren stood up and exited the holding cell, he saw his parents standing there. "You all have a good night now" another officer said and nodded. 

The three exited the police station. "Eren what the fuck!? Do you know what the hell you just did?" his mom yelled as he sat in the car. 

Eren rubbed his temples. "Yes mom I'm fully fucking aware!" he replied. 

His dad looked back at him. "We paid $7000 to get you out of here! Why the fuck did you have a gun!? Who the hell gave it to you?" he asked. 

Eren looked around the car. "I can't fucking tell you! Jesus dad, lay off!" he replied. 

His dad scoffed. "You're in deep shit when you get home," he said and turned back to drive. 

The drive home was quiet, Eren got home and went to his room instantly. His phone had multiple messages from Armin, Mikasa, and (Y/N)... shit (Y/N)! What the fuck was he going to do? 

Eren looked at his phone as it pinged again. The message left his anxiety sky-high. 

Porco: YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD MAN.

He rubbed his head and threw his phone. "Fuck.." he said and looked around his room. 

The night was upon him and Eren decided to just leave his house, he couldn't stay here and risk this. He climbed out of the window and began to walk down the street, Eren looked on his phone and put it into his pocket. 

"Eren?" he turned around as he heard the familiar voice of (Y/N). 

Eren stopped in his tracks and walked over to her. "(Y/N).." he said. 

She backed away from him. "I thought you were in jail…" she said and looked down. 

His eyes went wide as he realized the truth had finally come out. "So you know huh?.. (Y/N), know I wasn't lying to you on purpose" he said and tried to reach out to her. 

(Y/N) wiped away a few stray tears. "Eren why the fuck would you lie!?" she asked. 

He looked at her. "(Y/N)... I did it to keep you away from the shit I do" he replied. "I didn't do it for no reason," he added. 

"You're just a punk huh? What a fucking lie, Eren,” she said. 

His anger began to rush through him. "Why the fuck are you crying!? Huh? You don't fucking NEED me (Y/N)! You have a fucking life ahead of you, I don't. I'm bad for YOU, and you fucking know it. You don't have to deal with cops on your ass, or have to worry about if someone is gonna come fucking kill your family. You don't fucking understand! You're just a fucking perfect daddy's girl. You're so fucking NEEDY (Y/N). You don't need someone like me" he yelled. 

She felt tears pour from her eyes. "W-Wait.. Eren, what? What are you talking about?" she asked and furrowed her brows.

"Just stay the fuck away from me! I don't want you! Go live your perfect life, you don't need me. I need to go" Eren said and began to walk off. 

(Y/N) watched as Eren began to run off. "Eren…" she cried as he walked off. 

The feeling of her heart breaking was suffocating her, and Eren felt his tears burning his eyes. She didn't need a guy like Eren, she deserved better.