#genuinely i mean it when i say i dont feel entirely like these people are real people like do you know what i mean

[perilegs]

i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.

I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?

i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...

[faaun]

kind of abt to cry bc i think maybe i'm starting to believe that my friends care for me on the inside of my heart

[novasquadron]

ANYWAY i recently got into tng and am now super obsessed with wesley (just a lil dude!! why does everyone hate him i don't get it!!) and all the Implications and Potential that his character had (and has)

like your father killed on duty, lingering resentment with the man who feels responsible for it, the same man whose words are like gospel to you, who gives you every single opportunity that you shouldn't be given, who was only persuaded to do so by a somewhat higher being who is oh so carefully crafting your life in just the right ways for Something, constantly being brought forward and pushed away, too many parent figures and only one and none, the only meaningful friendships you have are with people twice your age (they will always see you as a child), you do everything for Him, everything for His legacy (your dead father? your captain? they're so closely intermingled and so far apart), you finally reach what everyone knows you're going to do, you get into the best team in the school, you have a best friend (was he something more? do you even remember?), you kill him (it's so much more than that but the black and white is addicting), everyone hates you, He's disappointed in you, how long has it been since you could look your mother in her eyes, you want to die but that would be unfair, how dare you feel guilty, and oh look, the beings who have watched you for your whole life (they knew this would happen) want you to join them. there's never been another choice. the prodigal son always completes his duties.

[anotherpapercut]

I know several people who like LOVE seasons 5-7 (11th doctors run) and think the storylines and moffats writing are brilliant and I don't get it!!! what am I missing??? why does literally every single episode have the exact same stakes: Rory/Amy/the doctor is dead. forever. so dead. but wait!!! what if they aren't!!! why do so many of the explanations for why they're not actually dead feel so rushed like they were added at the last minute!! why does every single queer character act kind of weird and awkward about being queer!! why does the doctor casually say that women are inferior when no one's around!!! what the fuck!! hello!!!

[spikeyjo]

also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks

[floralovebot]

yeah i agree the tiktok community is really mean sometimes

i heard this fun fact about flora being a top student and joked about it a little on a fake jokey tecna flora beef video (the creator said it was a joke between them and their friend so it wasn't really editing beef) but the comment was met with so much... (no hate) reactions because i dared to jokingly say that "ive heard somewhere that flora is smarter than tecna, i wonder if they have beef over their personal learning styles"- which tbh i know sounds kind of silly It Was but someone- the first comment actually was like "you flora stans are always making things up istg" to which i reply "oh i just saw it in the winx power musical and i heard it somewhere :)" and they were like "thats not canon tho" and people were so quick to like defend tecna and lol all caps at my little comment because the very idea that flora and tecna (fictional characters) would have "beef over personal learning styles" when the point was inteligence is kinda subjective. i mean- flora is a botanist and observant like how she noticed the fern in helia's paper. she can revitalize forests as well with convergence magic/her own magic and can speak to nature. ofc tecna is smart too! i mean Super smart and a stratagist- combative skills are great, and knows so much about technology and tecnomagic. but in a different way that Alfea might not value or specialize with their classes (it said she was above average student) it's also a flaw given that she "relies too much on logic" so I just joked that she ""might have beef"" with someone who works differently. (luckily they don't seem to Real beef in canon or said musical which makes me happy good for my stem fairies)

anyway one of the main issues about the drama on that site is like how much people care so much about scaling the characters to the point where it gets Very Opinonated and like ???? (especially Flora where there are two camps who see her as super weak and super strong where i think shes in the middle in s1-4) Often people seem to dislike the belief that Flora is stronger due to her powers being nature which is everywhere. Which I get too. But I'm in the camp that she is a very strong and capable character who the writers wrote her to be weaker alone with the Trix in season 1 because of her personality. but they tone this down we see her strength really grow in the next 3 seasons and she is seen holding her own against other foes. it makes sense because in season 1 most were new students and we see the evolution of her powers. from what I gather she is written to be on the same level as the other Winx in the Nickelodeon era (5-7) and world of winx for the most part, with that fight with her and Icy in 6 being a notable one. overall im not always a fan on how some of the writers handled the "emotional side" of flora, aisha, and musa in some scenes. especially in battle having their temper/emotional side being a slight "deterence" or a flaw. (ie Aisha and Valtor, Aisha and nemesis in wow, and her search for vengance in s4, Musa having the Pixie of manners which ig but I've never seen her as someone with "bad manners") in my opinon it might be better with Musa than the others. like rushing into it while for the others, notably stella and bloom- their emotions is their motivation and source of their power and energy where it is often the others "are more instinctive" sometimes or where they rely on too much on one idea like their ideology (Tecna and flora?? maybe) or they are throwing their caution out and diving in. yet stella and bloom are depicted as clearheaded in the story to me- as in it's not a main flaw for them. what do you think?

- the rankings can be intentionally or unintentionally mean spirited as well, if they think all of the fan transformation is pretty and drawn good there isnt so much like mean words but if like they have more mixed opinons you see people write things like "eww" you dont have to like it or have your strong dislike thats a point of critique but mind your words geez. dont need to say eww or like "do i need to say anything." (<worst offender to me) when when i would watch it to see your like geniune "design critiquing" about something from a artist or fandom you like. ngl it kind of takes me back to like old cringe videos when ppl would say these like out of pocket things and used the most intense language over art but not as much so as that sort of thing was so much more extreme and was like an abuse of like power with those people having so many followers. and it seems like they do not get permisson to repost the fan transformations as many artists want you to ask them their policy on sharing/resposting before doing so with credit.

i hope this sort of behavior from those old ragebaiting cringe videos where the fans go to harass artists doesn't resurface with winx fan artists, i dont think it will turn into that. i just find it odd and and kinda sad the intensity of the words being used by the tiktok population tbh. even if people have always been kinda hyperbolic(ish) online it's weird to see everything worded like that like "eww no" to a fan design you dont like? can be unintentionally demotivating and hurtful

response under cut since this is long!

the tecna vs flora thing is Wild !! flora is canonically a straight A student and consistently one of the best students at alfea. tecna is absolutely the Smart One but their specialities lie in different areas. tecna does Not know as much about plants, chemistry, or potion making. just like flora doesn't know as much about technology, engineering, or piloting. they have their individual strengths!! being that mad that someone acknowledges flora's canon intelligence or headcanons that they may have conflict over how they learn is so ? like,,, tecna canonically gets mad at flora's plants being everywhere and that's Part of flora's schooling,, it's not wild to say they may have small arguments from time to time!

and god yes the power scaling is SO bad!! first, who gives a fuck, all of the winx are canonically strong and powerful as shit, we don't need to have a fucking pissing contest about it. but second, it's literally canon that bloom is the strongest! that's not debatable! it's so funny to me when i see people say "oh well she's only the strongest because of the dragon's flame 🙄" like yeah... that's the point... that's part of the plot... Hello??? it's such a funny statement to me like imagine saying something like that about any of the other characters "well aisha is only a water fairy because she's the fairy of waves 🙄" "well sky is only royalty because he's a prince 🙄" like yes good job thank you for stating the obvious! it's so akjdhgk like yes bloom IS the strongest because of the dragon's flame! do you want a cookie for figuring that out alhjdglag

also the "official" ranking of who the strongest winx is changes every season! in the first season, tecna was the strongest. then it was stella. then it changed to flora. iginio changes his mind A Lot and it's often based on popularity and individual character arcs in the season. some tiktok teens have convinced themselves that the whole "flora is the second strongest" thing was Made Up by flora stans just because they don't have five minutes to google it themselves ahdla they also think iginio only said that because flora is his favorite even though he's said multiple times that musa is his favorite winx but yknow! whatever!

i've noticed they also only consider offensive attack magic when considering the power levels,,, like the reasoning anti flora fans have for her being the weakest is just that she uses a lot of defensive magic alkdghl like yeah that's part of her personality? she doesn't like to hurt people, even the trix. it's literally a "flaw" that she has that the winx call her out on because she ends up getting hurt because she refuses to hurt the villains. like,, her being more peaceful is Not an indication of her power level but okay! tecna also uses a lot of defensive spells but no one says anything about her aldhgl like wow they all have different fighting styles! what a surprise!

ALSO YES ohmygod the first time i saw a tiktok rating a fan transformation?? i kid you not, i literally gasped out loud. the fucking rudeness??? i think tiktok fans have this issue where they literally do not humanize other winx fans, especially the artists, so they think it's perfectly okay to not only repost their art but also criticize it. i've actually seen a lot of that kind of art discourse on tiktok where people think "oh if you post it online it's basically up for grabs and anyone can shit on it". like,,, no,,,,, it's literally just common decency to not criticize someone's personal art?? unless they're very explicitly asking for it, you don't get to do that??? and everyone in the comments was Also bashing these poor artists and it's like??? did no one teach you people manners????? it's absolutely not the same thing as criticizing the canon transformations and it's actually so upsetting that these kids think it's okay.

[brunetterightsactivist]

i liked a tarot video earlier tonight on tiktok though. i'm losing.

[historical-fashion-polls]

your blog is great but its a small sliver of the reason why studios will not care about period dress in film. like 9/10 before voting i already can pick which one is leading based on how silhouettes and other things that are consider more goofy to do in modern times. its not your fault and im not upset but i find it interesting even when looking at historical dress we still see it through a lense of modern styles and almost subconsciously probably prefer what looks more familiar. and well when you got hot actresses executives dont want them to actually dress like theyre speeve maxxing in 1896 bc sex sells of something idk

hi there anon,

I've spent most of the morning trying to figure out how to respond to this message, because I genuinely always try to assume that all asks are sent with the best intentions, but to be honest, I'm having a really hard time seeing this as anything but a bad faith reading of the blog

as I've mentioned many times, I run this blog entirely for fun and because people enjoy it. I've always intended it as a place for joy and whimsy where people can play pretend and imagine themselves wearing lovely garments from the past

if you read the notes of the polls and many of the asks that have been sent to the blog, I think you'll find there's actually a great diversity of opinion on garments from every era. many people have mentioned that the blog has even given them a better sense of the trajectory of historical fashion and has helped them improve their skills in dating garments

even if the majority of people almost always do pick the garment that is most resonant with modern sensibilities (which (1) I'm not totally convinced of, and (2) which is rather a subjective judgement anyway), the real goal here is that people have fun and get to enter an imaginative headspace where they can picture themselves wearing the various garments

there is definitely space for a conversation about what historical accuracy actually *means* and where we do and don't see it in media and why that might be the case, but to be honest I have a very hard time seeing how my little for-fun blog has any relevance to or influence over larger cultural tendencies in major media. if anything, people's responses to the polls are an outgrowth of opinions and ideas about historical fashion that are already extant in the cultural space, not something formed independently by the existence of the blog or by the experience of participating in the polls

I'm not sure how else to conclude except to say that I'm sorry that you feel this way about the blog and – at the risk of being too honest – I'm sorry you felt the need to tell me, because this did ruin my day a little 💔

[crypt-void]

Tourettes are so silly until you're watching me spasm on the bed because the muscles in my right arm are screaming at me for laying down on it. Now I have to stretch. STRETCH! GET UP! STRETCH! APPLY PRESSURE! I DONT CARE IF THE ARM IS SORE BECAUSE WE'VE ALREADY APPLIED PRESSURE! MORE!

And I have a sore arm so I can't rest now.

Or like when I was a kid, and one of my tics was that, whenever I tried to lay down, my body would force itself to sit up and stretch out my torso as much as possible making it really hard to sleep.

Oh. Or when I can't stop rolling my stomach even to the point where I start cramping from it and can't do anything but lay in my mom's lap and whine because it fucking hurts.

Oh yeah! Or when I can't stop rolling my shoulders and they begin to ache but again I can't fuckin stop.

These are some of my more extreme tics, but it... Genuinely baffles me how many people treat Tourettes as a joke because all they see is someone making random noises or movements.

Even on that note, do you think that's okay? To laugh at someone who's already embarrassed about something they can't control? Do you think I like snapping my neck to the side as hard as possible? Or clearing my throat over and over again, or having my entire face start ticking for a minute? I have had multiple people (yes multiple!) tell me, to my face, that they want Tourettes. Why??? So you can say curse words randomly and not get in trouble for it? Did you know only about 10% of people with Tourettes have Coprolalia? Or maybe it's so you can just feel different? Okay. Would you tell someone in a wheelchair you wish you couldn't walk? Because that's pretty shitty.

Anyways. I didn't mean to turn this into a whole rant. My arm just hurts right now, and I'm tired of trying to find some comradery from my community only to be met with some random dude laughing at a girl having a tic attack. Be nice to those who are different from you.

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I can completely break down the notion that jews do not experience ethnic discrimination within western countries, specifically the USA.

for context I am genetically half jewish and half italian, and since I was born i have been more connected to judaism in a cultural and a religious sense. though its not a huge part of my life like judaism is it's definitely still important.

a lot of people like to argue that jews were once not seen as white and now we are, just like Italians, Greeks, Irish, etc were (at least in the USA) and I can confirm that's total bullshit. I have, not once in my life, been treated badly for being Italian. I have never had someone shame me for my appearance, make fun of my cultural food, threaten me, insult me, insult my father, say they wish I died, harassed me, or any other violent or demeaning acts because im Italian. not once in my entire life has that happened. even living in the rural USA where traditional white supremacy is alive and well that did not happen.

yet I have absolutely been harassed, verbally abused, demeaned, belittled, etc. for being jewish. Ive experienced antisemitism since I was 5 and possibly younger. ive heard holocaust jokes, nose/eye jokes, had swastikas drawn on my things, received death threats, gotten rape threats, been called a murderer, been told I should burn, was told I was poisoning the seas, had people deny my very real trauma, was told that I should've stayed dead (for context I overdosed and had to be resuscitated once), and many more things all because im jewish. these are just instances in which it was specifically mentioned or heavily heavily implied that its because im jewish.

Many of these things happened when theae people didn't even know I'm a practicing jew and some even when I stopped practicing for a couple years. a lot of the time the only reason they had to believe I was jewish was my appearance and yeah sure they were right but what it shows is that appearance alone is enough for people to be antisemitic. you know, if jews weren't ethnically discriminated then why do people target us for having things like large noses and curly hair? or for the foods that we eat? or for anything that isnt directly related to religious practices?

anyway I dont believe for a second that anyone who thinks jews dont experience ethnic discrimination in the USA has ever had a genuine conversation with a jew about antisemitism. 5 year old me did not deserve to feel like he was ugly all for some assholes to say that jews are making all this up.

☆this is part 2 in which I will add important context bc if anyone is gonna overanalyze my argument its me. u can read it if you want its not necessary to understand the post.

like I said I have spent most of my life in rural areas where there are many less jews than in big cities and obvious white supremacy is common. im 100% sure this affected a lot of the antisemitism i received.

I am sephardic, not ashkenazi. most goyim do not have a clue what this means. those who do generally think it means "jewish but spicier and more exotic (aka less american)" which could have contributed to some of the discrimination i faced for not being seen as American enough.

this is my experience not anyone else's! I am not discrediting what other people have gone though regarding any experiences with discrimination

[lukolabrainrot]

I feel like there aren’t many of us sane and reasonable ones left in this fandom. The amount of people, that genuinely think N is with JD boggles my mind. Like sure they are close and she was touchy feely with him, but she didn’t look at him like she looks at L. People are acting like they saw them making out. I am almost 100% sure L and N are together or getting together. I will die on this hill. Just for the sole reason on how her entire family acted when Luke hugged Nicolas mom. There was snapping finger And wiping away tears and big smiles. Then her mom goes back to her seat nodding her head in approval. Her ring, the songs on iG, and her grid is covered in so many picture of L too. she could archive them since their season is done, but no she is adding more. now you can Say the songs dont mean anything nor the pictures since she was her co lead…but you can’t explain away the families reactions or how N and L looked at teach other on the tour. Anyone else agree with me?

💯

Her family's reaction/body language to L meeting N's mom spoke VOLUMES. And N's mom's reaction! AND L's REACTION?!

Like that was a highly anticipated meeting. I wonder whyyyy 🤔😂

And before anyone comes into the comments talking about how some of N's family follows JD on his public account, I just want to say this. Was any of N's family going to follow L on his public account rn? NOOOOOO! PEOPLE WOULD CATCH ON IMMEDIATELY AND FLIP OUT! People are already flipping out that some of her family is following JD currently, AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN DATING Y'ALL.

[imkazz]

saiki k is a golden anime.

i finished season 1 just now and. i have feelings. copy pasted from discord as a ranting to @peapodsinspace but i have to recommend the anime now.

i feel like the genre is comedy anime but. there are a lot of dark undertones to it. this is a teenage boy and he has to suffer every single day for powers he doesnt want. it impacts his everyday life and all he wants is to be normal but he doesnt know what normal is despite it being right in his face.

he pushes these people away but they continue coming after him. like real friends. normal friends.

they think of him and like him no matter what he does or acts or anything and. he loves them right back. he does things for them and they try to do things despite the fact that it typically goes wrong or he knows what theyre doing. he doesnt even care that he doesnt get acknowledgement because he doesnt want it.

so like.. i have to mention his friends. kusuo gives them grief constantly. always dissing them, always using their thoughts against them (such as teruhashi and her dislike for kids and bowling). because he can hear them. saiki kusuo not only gets his ideas about them from how they act and what they say, but also by what they think and that is a huge teller because they dont think anyone is listening. this is a private space that kusuo cannot even escape from whether he wants it or not and he is forced to hear and see whatever they think. ive joked about how he is always in gossip but. he literally cannot get out of it because he is such a kind person, that he wants to help.

and he gets to see all sides of them whether they show it or think it. kaidos letter. kaido defending yumeharu. hairos determination. yumeharus dedication. teruhashi and her utility of her own abilities. nendo with his mom and job and how he threw away millions of yen to save a drowning kid. kusuo is always there to see any part of that, and he gets a more in depth experience while choosing friends. should i mention that all those examples are things that kusuo didnt use his powers to observe? they were all things that he used his normal senses to find out or watch or overhear. it is very important to both kusuo himself along with the audience that he didnt use his powers to watch them be themselves and nice in all those situations as a normal teenager.

and i find it important that over time, and these experiences cumulate, that he slowly figures out that these are good, genuine people. sure they can be weird or perverted or cunning, but at the end of the day, they care about him and it only comes out so blatantly when they plan a surprise party specifically for him.

because many of us (hopefully) have wondered. what is inside our friends minds? and saiki has the answer. and he can see that they mean well. he may not understand most people and their emotions, but he knows some basics. and perhaps that could be enough to get him to live normally.

not to mention kuniharu and his convo with kusuo... despite some of the grief i give the man for constantly demanding his son do things for him, he knows his kid well. that convo is totally the pinnacle of their entire relationship, kusuos feelings, his friends.

kusuo mentioned that he doesnt tell his parents about new powers in fear they will demand more things and become lazy but. they care about him and know him. they understand his aversion to friends and know when to help him out or to push him to be around them.

he aided in that surprise birthday party but he also encouraged kusuo to go to his party that his friends threw for him. and he overhears that conversation without his telekinesis. because they actually know him and they all agree upon it. its not as in he is looking into their minds. he hears them through the door.

so he cant come to the conclusion that it was just a private thought that nobody wanted to voice aloud. no, they all agreed upon it. and they all verbally agreed to be nicer. just as his dad had said they would

it was weird seeing saiki kusuo smiling like that because he isnt one to do that and his friends know him well enough to know that (despite the fact kusuo avoids them!!) and they can all agree. they were all very happy to see kusuo smiling but they knew it jsut wasnt right

every time that kuniharu sneaks off to meet with the real saiki k they want, he is always trying to get kusuo to join them as himself

he is always encouraging his son to go hang out with his friends and he is still ready to go along with what kusuo wants. he was probably ready to go back to them after that last convo if kusuo still declined. but his words definitely got to kusuo because there arent that many people in the world who can understand kusuo so well

i know ive made fun of this but everyone around him sees him all wrong in their minds. they see the damsel in distress eyes or the idiot circle eyes. they hear a high pitch and weak voice. but not his parents. kusuos dad actually knows who he is and accepts him and loves him and encourages him to live out his dream of being normal by telling kusuo about what being normal is really like. to have friends who love you and go out of their way to try and make your day. kuniharu has to 'lecture' kusuo in order to get him to understand that the reason he was staying away was not because the classmates were 'bullying' or 'being annoying' from the kindness and love of their own decisions. it was because kusuo was scared of hurting them or disappointing them or even for them to abandon him.

and of course, that is a very common teenage feeling!! the fear of disappointing your friends- of course its normal!! saiki kusuo is a normal kid with not so normal powers attached to him.

[weebsinstash]

When I say with my entire being in my heart of hearts that I know with certainty that this-this-this THING right here would do the absolute most unbelievable petty gross obsessive dahmer level shit to you

He's petty he's evil he's got a childlike fascination for seeing what breaks people down and I hate him I hate him I hate him but ALSO what that dick do tho? 🤔

Mahito is the yandere over here doing shit like imprisoning you for his own selfishness and perhaps genuine affection but making you live in absolute deplorable conditions because He's Not Fucking Human And He Doesn't Even Know How To Feed You. He locks you away and disappears for an entire day and comes back with like a single can of wet dog food that he watches you eat from a squatting position like 5 inches away looking at you like Harley Quinn and the egg sandwich. Motherfucker would take all your clothes because he wants to see more of "the natural shape of you" and then doesn't understand why you start shivering. Or he deliberately keeps you like that because he wants to see how long it takes you to crack and beg him for help. He wants to see the depths of your pride as you refuse to grovel, curious of the lengths you'll go, the limits of your body against the chill

This depraved fuck will do dehumanizing little emotional experiments on you where he does shit just because he wants to see how you think and feel and what you'll do and I mean like he'll do SOME REAL SHIT. I'm talking maybe he's stalking you and you can't fight or use cursed techniques and you think he's just like, a human shaped spirit or something who's just a trickster, he's not being violent or getting you alone or anything yet, and then you come home to your apartment one day and he's literally disemboweled your cat on your coffee table and he's playing with pieces of it and says you were giving it more attention than him and sits there pouting as you scream and even tries to like touch you or hold your hand or hug you with. The fucking blood covered hands. like he would be so fucked up on purpose, "awww do you need me to hold you? You're so sensitive but i dont mind :3"

This man out here like "wdym you want me to stay away from you, all I did was kill your cat kill your mom kill your neighbor kill your best friend kill your boss' cousins' landlords' newborn baby BUT WAS THAT REALLY SO BAD 🥺" and does something infinitely worse to scare/coerce you into tolerating his presence

I'm not really uh into body horror or gore but as a side detail I feel like. Uh. There's like a legitimate risk of him actually unintentionally REALLY hurting you and has to use his powers to heal you. Like the one good thing he does is if he were to have you on death's door or like horribly injured he could just. Fix it. He twists a limb in a way he doesn't know it's not supposed to go and breaks it and then puts you back together like a broken toy while ooo'ing and aaa'ing at the way your skin stretches over the grotesque misalignment. Dare I say the horror of "him putting things that are way too big or weirdly shaped in you" also yeah he's one of the things he's putting in you and he's got a really gross like fascination with learning all about that stuff

He's really living just to see how many different ways he can make you cry and how many different emotions he can get you to display, just absolutely dedicated to terrorizing you while also chasing his own internal weird repressed desire for his own sort of belonging. You could be sitting there sobbing and he's either borderline getting off on it or he's standing there MAKING FUN OF YOUR CRIES like deadass even fake crying back to you

And the worst part is he'll do all this fucking shit to you and then the night comes and he'll still be over here like "and you'll let me cuddle you while you sleep right? 👉👈" and he'll be doing that Every. Single. Night. And what are you gonna do, try and kill yourself? Have fun risking accidentally making yourself a Curse and being stuck with him basically FOREVER

[wish-i-were-heather]

can we talk about how emotionally draining it is to be a teenager who's never experienced romantic love? and i dont think people realize that when i say never, i mean never. i've never dated, never had a "talking stage," no one's had a crush on me, no one's ever asked for my number, no one's ever complimented me in that way, no one's ever even looked at me in a way that would remotely imply interest. and honestly it hurts. you see all the people around you experience this and just sit on the sidelines. it's more than just "oh no im single im jealous :(" it genuinely turns into a feeling of what am i doing wrong what did i miss why is everyone experiencing these things that i thought only happened in movies. it's not fair. and i know at the end of the day it's okay, you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend in high school. i know that. just because i can't find a date to the prom doesn't mean i'm gonna be single forever. but it does mean that i must be doing something wrong to have never experienced anything remotely close to romance. the first time i ever "held hands" with a guy was in 9th grade when we had our swing dancing unit in pe. and the thing is that i've also never had a crush. in the 4th grade i convinced myself i liked someone because my friends kept asking who i had a crush on. i didn't actually like him. in 8th grade i convinced myself i liked someone because my mom kept asking who i had a crush on. i didn't actually like him. any "crushes" i've had i realize now are just aesthetic attraction. so im having my first crush now, in high school, and i don't know what to do. my friends are telling me "oh you should tell him you like him you should ask him out" but the problem is i literally don't know how. i've never experienced this. to me, asking someone out is what you do in a tv show. people don't actually do that... right? it just feels so weird. i can tell him i like him, but how? and when? what words do i use? what if he says he doesn't feel the same? what if i make it awkward? i don't know how to "shoot my shot" because i've never had a chance to shoot one before. i'm going into this blind and it's scary and very confusing after my entire life being nothing. i've convinced myself that no boy or girl at my school would like me in that way, so that's why i don't want to confess. if no one has ever liked me before, why would he be any different? ugh i just feel like never having any romantic experience whatsoever is very isolating and i feel like im falling behind and i don't know what im supposed to do or what i'm doing wrong.

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #2: NOT QUITE THERE

(also on spotify!)

b-b-back once again

Round two of the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was track one, Dyad - today is track two, Not Quite There, featuring the incomparable telebasher!

This one's a bit of a dark horse relative to the rest of the album, but it may very well be my personal favorite song on the entire thing so dammit let's Yap

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For the uninitiated, this song pulls heavily from a song off my previous album called Gummyworm, both in vibe and by very directly quoting its synth motif.

Both of these songs deal with two sides of the same emotional coin. I actually don't want to go into too much detail about it - I feel like the lyrics spell things out clearly enough - but I will say this:

When it's all you know, it's easy to believe that a love that isolates you, a love that doesn't respect you, a love that hurts is better than no love at all.

You deserve better. There are always people who genuinely want what's best for you, who want you to feel truly loved. It certainly isn't always easy - it's genuinely good if your interpersonal relationships have a little friction sometimes - but love should make your life brighter.

You deserve a love that's fair.

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The original version of this song was actually intended to be on Bittersweet alongside Gummyworm. The original concept for that album had a whole heady concept involving duality, songs reflecting each other, the two halves basically being reprisals of each other... Ultimately, I'm glad I scrapped that idea, because it was waaaaaay too much for me to manage after a couple years of barely making music. Maybe I'll revisit it someday though?

The drums on this song are sampled from an Instagram post by Louis Cole, where he's doing this crazy one-handed hi-hat blast by holding a drumstick sideways. I'm a drummer and that shit genuinely scares me a little like i dont know how he does half the things he does its fucked BUT. I bring this up because he's one of my biggest inspirations as a musician! I'm really big on jazz in general, in case my love for spicy chords wasn't enough of an indication, but his specific brand of freaky hyperactive bullshit just does it for me.

Seriously, go watch his band KNOWER play their song Overtime. Absolutely insane performances across the board. also Clown Core

This whole song is really just my attempt at matching some of that hectic jazzy energy with my own style of music, so I figured it only made sense to make it another collab with another musician making delightfully frantic jazz bullshit - the legend herself, telebasher! I really am such a massive fan of her work, and I struggle to think of anyone who plays guitar quite like she does. We previously worked together on another Bittersweet track, Asemic Speech, and her guitar work is a major reason why that song is still one of my favorite I've ever released!! She's just built different like listen to this oh my god!!!!

Lastly, since this song was one of the first written for this entire project... it is admittedly a case of me shoehorning the album's leitmotif in after the fact. It's a little forced when it shows up in the backing vocals! But, the choir of vocal synths during the guitar solo served an additional purpose - my own voice doesn't show up on the album again for another four entire songs, and this would've otherwise been the only song on the entire album that didn't feature any vocal synths. Thus did I attempt to bridge the gap, as it were. Hopefully it makes the final product feel more natural!!

Either way, that's all for today's post.... i think.... which means that tomorrow.... we're gonna rot.... for clout